Q&A From What It's Like To Live When You Don't Want To Video
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2024
- Hi, my friends. Here's the Q&A video I promised at the end of the last video I made about mental illness. Please know that I can't speak for everyone and not everything I say will apply to everyone with mental illness. But I'm hoping that I can help folks better understand, at least a little bit, what it's like to live with chronic major depression. Thank you so much for taking the time to watch this video.
Please note, I have edited out a part of the video that was originally there. I was angrily responding to someone's comment, and it ended up not feeling right to leave it in. I didn't want to end on a negative note like that. I hope you understand. ❤️
The video this video is in response to is here: • What It's Like to Live...
A good video to get started with Dr. Sapolsky is here: • 1. Introduction to Hum...
Faking being happy is exhausting.
Yes! Even faking normal can take everything I've got.
Yesssss!!! Soooo absolutely exhausting!!!!
you know it. I don't know how people can be "up" all the time.
So exhausting 😢
Debbie downer, I hear it coming out of my mouth all of the time… Especially now…. I try to correct myself and try to correct myself… that’s exhausting.
They use to say I was to much of a dreamer and optimistic to a fault!! Ha, not anymore…🤷♀️
Thank you for talking about it - worst part of mental illness is feeling like you are alone when in reality you are far from alone.
I never ever tell anyone how awful/horrible I feel everyday!! People judge!!
🥲💔
@@cristleheart4266 people can read me like a book. It's so horrible.
@@pristinabread 💔🥲❤️
As a fellow mental health warrior… let me say how very eloquently you articulate the struggles and thought processes. Thank you! You are amazing in all your humanness 🩷🙏🏻🌸🩷
I totally agree.
You are SO right about us being 'touch starved'. I always say that so many of my day-to-day woes would be greatly subsided with just a long, genuine warm hug.
You are so right❤
True. I'm fortunate to live around horses and dogs, who are happy to join in long, loving hugs. My sister's and mother-in-law's hugs are the best, but I don't see them nearly as often as I need human contact. So I accept furry contact as a substitute. Several times, horses and dogs have saved me from suicide.
Girl, please don’t give up on SSI and/or SSDI, even though you were initially denied, especially if you’re over 50 (I don’t know how old you are, but I’m 59). They usually deny in the beginning, but try again. A disability attorney can help you and guide you through the process. I’ve been on SSDI and off it, now back on it again. You don’t have to pay the attorney up front. Their part comes from your settlement. Keep trying girl, even if it takes time, even if you eventually go before a judge. Don’t give up because you will get it.
This is true!😅
Yes, I know someone who went through this. They deny everyone. You have to get an attorney. They will take their % but it is so worth it.
Tammy Lynn is still here, Birdie! I hope you know how much you are valued. Your channel means a lot to so many of us because we can relate. I'm glad you're here. Just keep being you.
🙏 AMEN 🙏
Birdie is so very authentic!
Thank you Birdie for your words of wisdom!!! I just turned 70 and find it hard to carry on especially with other health problems and struggling finwncially with little support from anyone!! It is very hard--take care❤❤
Birdie, you are an astonishing communicator. This is your superpower!❤️💐
When you said “just keep swimming” my throat and chest clogged up with tears. It’s what I tell my daughter so many times. “Just keep swimming”. Dory 🐟❤
“I don’t want to be that life long pain to the people I love”. But to exit is then being a life long pain. It’s such a box . I hate the box. But I love you❤
Yessss… truth!!
Every person on the planet should be required to watch this video!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
Birdie..oh, you are SO not alone! My depression (I'm on meds) is "somewhat" controlled. But still, there are days when I just want to be ALONE, and, stay in my bed all day... ZERO motivation. Anxiety has been a harder struggle. Yes, I have meds for it (just one), but, my social anxiety is getting worse as I get older. I avoid social situations as much as possible, being an introvert to begin with. It is truly debilitating at times. TBH, I was a tiny bit disappointed when you said you were agnostic, but, I won't stop watching...to each their own. ENOUGH people are judging everyone else, after all. I think that, if my son didn't live downstairs with his fiancee and my six year-old grandson, I'd probably NEVER leave the house. I do crawl into my shell at times, yes. People think I fell off the planet. It's HARD, Birdie. But, you do bring us joy and hope, too! I try to be proactive with regard to my mental health. I'm glad RUclips has been a good thing for you. I'm no longer a sexual creature anymore, either, btw. I have had suicidal thoughts many times. My first cousin ended her life at just 57. Well, I'm rambling. TYSM for speaking candidly on a subject so often still stigmatized. ((Hugs)) Rosemarie 🩷
Are you saying that people unsubscribed because of the agnostic video? I'm shocked! 😮
@@LovinLife344I believe that's what Birdie said earlier in the video. That's why I said it wasn't going to stop me from watching, despite my personal beliefs.
Rosemarie you my friend are not alone.
I am now 51 & don’t want to leave the house or have any interaction with anyone outside.
My neighbor will catch me outside & say
“Where’ve you been I haven’t seen you?” Lol
My mind hears
“Why does she care ? She must be keeping tabs on me”
My ❤ says
“I’d love to be friends but you’d start to expect more of me & then I’d ghost you.”
You are very wise, your ability to communicate your pains, the pain of others, your ability to share your life, experiences… this makes you quite the treasure.
You’ll do well, my friend. ♥️
'Walk a mile in my shoes' sure resonates with me, and teaches me not to judge anyone in the world
I’m so tired pretending things are ok and the ones that I tell it’s not ok they just leave.
I fell 2.5 years ago and now have a traumatic brain injury but “not” bad enough in the world’s view. I lost everything I love. I can’t work and this has made my depression 10x worse. I was a work horse. They tell me to mourn my old life. BS. I’m alone 90% of the time. Flying would be the best thing for me but I stay for my dog. Then I found you. You are a ray of sunshine in the darkness. You make me laugh and feel seen. I’m so grateful for you. Ladybug says thank you also🧚🏼♂️
I so hope you spend time in the presence of those horses in your avatar! I've suffered through a brain injury that wrecked my career too. The horses and dogs and cats in my life are one of the most soothing medications I know. I had a special connection with a dog and two horses, who saved me from suicide on several occasions.
Stay strong, friend. You are enough.
Dearest Birdy, having suffered from depression and cptsd I can say from my heart the three most important things that can be said:
I love you
I believe in you.
I hear you
Much love to you, Birdy. Your words are so real.
Tears for Fears, "Mad World": 'i find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had.' i believe you....but am not always generous enough to believe MYSELF. love you Birdie. LOVE all the wounded wing, AND the flight into the storm AND the rainbow. 🐦🐦🐦❤❤❤
To people who don't have mental illness, but watched this video anyway: there is a reason Birdie became teary-eyed and emotional when she was thanking you at the end of the video. I became teary and emotional there too. You are a rare gem and we "spiral brains" are so grateful for you! ❤
I have been suffering from depression since I was a teenager. I have the same symptoms and they are so hard for healthy people to understand.
Amen Birdie ❤
Mental health patient here
My inner wounded lil girl heard you 😊and she wants to thank you
🙏🏻
Hi friend. From the little I know about you, I love you. I can't even name all the things I love about you, your attitude, your caring, your looks, everything. I think we would be friends if we were together. I'm 78, but age doesn't matter for friendship. My 102 yr old aunt was one of my best friends! I wish for you contentment and love.
I have found that many people who claim to be godly are the most judgmental intolerant beings I have ever met (they are typically hypocritical). If people leave your channel because you aren’t faking a godly life - that is for the best. The rest of us who care about the part of you who is kind, spiritual and accepting - we are your real people. I am grateful you put a description to the days I cannot lift my feet.
It could be some atheists that left also. 🤔🤔🤔❣️
So since you did mention the agnostic video scare, I want to say something about how worried I was for you. As a former evangelical, I am so triggered by preachy people giving pat “answers” like, “all you need is JESUS”. In 46 years of attending different churches, I never felt loved because I couldn’t be a congruent (honest) person. Now, I will take one honest “heathen” over a whole church of pretenders. So, please wannabe preachers, listen to dear Birdie, “love without judgement”…and “believe her”, believe me-let us be who we are…we are beautiful just as we are. To feel accepted is a great gift. Thanks.
Exactly This Jesus(for those that believe in him) couldn't be bothered eradicating Leprosy before he took off on some weird time schedule to suit himself. He cured some Lepers but took off before dealing with the whole problem. He pissed off as though he didn't know what to do about it and stayed away for two thousand years so far, watching Lepers get their faces and limbs slowly eaten off. Leprosy under microscope has a coded dna sequence, just like humans do, so whatever creator is responsible for this living hell, knows his disgusting bacteria eats people alive.
This! You expressed this so well! Thank you for giving great words to personal thoughts I also was having, but struggling to express!
The agnostic video really deeply spoke to me. Not everybody is for everybody. And that's okay. But, for goodness sake, respect others and their beliefs, especially when they are clearly stating them as personal beliefs without judgement of others and with acknowledgement that others have different beliefs that she explicitly extends respect to in the freaking video!
The title of the video was clear, so it's not like someone was tricked into watching, and she didn't pressure others to believe as she did.
She was just talking about her spiritual journey so far, really.
Must be nice to never waver in one's spiritual beliefs, but many of us do not ever experience that level of unwavering spiritual certainty at any point in our lives.
Birdie, while that video was obviously unappealing for some, it deeply spoke to others. I think it's a defining video for your channel as it quickly helps many people decide whether your channel is right for them or not. And that's not a bad thing at all.
I am a Preacher's daughter. Imagine growing up and finding out in your 30s that you were in a "cult" your entire life! That is how brainwashed they made us all. Now I would classify myself as more Spiritual but I still avoid the subject of religion whenever I can. My parents are still avid in their beliefs and opinions and yet all 6 of their kids want nothing to do with it anymore. I met more Hipocrits in church than I ever did anywhere else. It has soured my taste for ever wanting to look for another place/group of "worship".
Hugs . You are enough. Hugs
Thank you so much. ❤️
Birdie, that was such a great video.
You are an incredible speaker. I can see you traveling around and speaking at schools and other venues where you could speak on topics like this one.
Your first hand experiences are so powerful when they are shared with others who have a mental illness and those who love someone with a mental illness.
You bring so much clarity to the subject of mental illness.
You are loved and you are a beautiful human being, even if YOU don't believe it. The world is a better place with you in it.
Love you! 💙✌️🌻
I agree! You’re talking about a very sensitive topic, and you do it with the poise of a professional speaker with decades of experience!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for doing these videos. I'm sure others are with me when I say....this helps so much and validates what we go through. I'm right there with you and everyone in the comments. I am all the things and do all the things associated with mental illness. Birdie, we are so thankful for you! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
BIRDIE ❤ I have missed you chicklet and I’m so happy you are making a few bucks on youtube. When I first started watching you had under 500 subs! Look how your channel has grown! ❤ It is awesome it really is! 😊 You are perfectly imperfect and that’s why we all love you ❤
Birdie, I'm so sorry that that ignorant, judgemental person came into your feed. People like that are projecting. What the complain about is often wrong with themselves. Any attention, even if it's bad attention, is a need for people like that one. I used to be angry at people like that, but I've realized that they are so insecure that I don't give them free rent in my head.
Your voice is so uplifting. People who suffer are often such givers, but it is critical to nurture ourselves. I wanted to thank you for being so open and sharing about your struggle. There are so many here that love you, and I send you healing energy and strength to deal with the ignorant ones that slip in. Big healing hugs. 💙🦋
I am glad that what ever pushed you into making these videos I am grateful I found your posts! You lift up my spirits somehow! THANK YOU! 🤠
I totally understand what you go thru. It's one day at a time, one second at a time ❤
THANK YOU! You're not just some lady on RUclips. You are a messenger from God! Now, if I can just get that taunting, negative voice, blaming myself out of my head. I miss my daughter so much.
Birdie, thank you for saying all the words that I have struggled to find for the last 55 plus years. It is exhausting pretending that everything is okay all the time. I love you you have a beautiful soul. ❤❤❤
You are one of the most incredible people I know. Your heart is so BIG and LOVING and your brain is so very INTELLIGENT. you are a gift to the rest of us. I love you so very much (but not in a weird way). Don't understand why more people can't be as compassionate as you. You are good people!!!! I hope someday we can meet. You make me a better person!
Birdie. I’m so sorry if you lost viewers for the agnostic video because it really spoke to me!! I think you have definitely found “ your job”. Your videos have been so helpful to me for the last six months. I have loving people in my life but somehow knowing that a stranger feels things the way I do is just so validating. I just spent the day with my daughter. I took her for a pedicure for her 30th birthday and I woke up so scared that I wasn’t going to be able to do it but I did and I know someone like you will know what a big accomplishment for that was. Thank you
Birdie, I sigh a big sigh of relief every time I see your videos. I have some good news. I have been getting a little bit better since I have been watching your videos. I am still severely depressed but I now do not have such overwhelming bouts of heaviness. You have brought a little light to my soul. Thank you for everything you are doing. You are making a difference Birdie. Keep on going! We need someone like you who can get through to all of us.🩷
I'm so glad to hear this! I hope things just get lighter and lighter!! ❤️❤️❤️
You are truly a life saver. Ill keep swimming for now. Thank you. I hear you, I accept you with love.
Girl - preach it! You hit every nail on the head. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 😊
Very well said, gently put yet the concern you emote is a warm blanket on a cold shivering emotional wound.
Oh sweet Birdie,
You are perfect just the way you are…and where you are, driving whatever gets you from point A to point B! Keep being yourself bc so many of us desperately need the sunshine you bring into our lives.
Birdie, you are loved by so many❤.
I agree with you 💯.
Birdie, your authentic self and your authentic voice is so calming, so loving, so compassionate. Keep speaking to the people. We all need this. ♥️. I have Anxiety, complex PTSD, panic disorder and depression. My depression is not as bad, but I have it. Your voice, your words, your kindness helps!! My big sister had debilitating depression. She was on meds. She spent 30 days in the hospital. She never recovered. Later in life she had heart problems and told no one! After spending 8 days in the hospital for pneumonia ( so she said)- she lived for 6 months. She died of cardiac arrest at age 57. It is our belief she was ready to go and just lived those 6 months loving on her loved ones. There was a cure for her heart- she didn’t want it. She did it her way. It was devastating. It’s been 10 years and I haven’t fully recovered from that loss. She was my “wisdom mom”. I’m saying all of this, your words help. ♥️♥️ Thank you XOXO
Birdie, you are me...I am you. What you go through, I do as well. I finally surrendered to all that I am and all that I'm not. It was so exhausting carrying around the burden of "I'm not good enough because I can't do what normal people can do." That's it, I just surrendered. I have become happier since doing that. I lean into the things I am good at, and I have found joy. I'm hoping that you will do the same because we are special and we matter. Sending you positive and healing vibes! Love you sister♡
You're right that it helps for people in our lives to hear it from somebody outside, so thanks for being so articulate and for doing these videos. (And for risking, and having to read, the clueless, infuriating judgements and advice from the "perfect people.")
Childhood trauma, not safe in school, scary parents, lots of trauma behind those front doors. More than yall think. Nature vs Nurtur =
Awesomely described
I can relate to so much of what you said. My point of view on suicide is that I think the people in my life are the selfish ones, expecting me to live with this torment to make them happy. At the same time I also feel like they are only upset about my unsuccessful attempt because that’s how they’re supposed to act. That doing anything different would make them look like monsters. They do not realize their part in this.
I also had bad moments as a mom & now my daughter no longer speaks to me. These things just make my mental health journey almost insurmountable. I just anxiously await that traumatic health issue, like a heart attack or cancer. No one hates someone dying of cancer or from a heart attack. In the meantime, I just go through the motions of daily life and pray it will end soon. Thanks for your thoughts, makes me feel less alone.
Perfectly well articulated, thank you so much! It reminds me of the difference between how some people support their family member/friend through physical illness v's how they support them through mental illness. Usually in the case of physical illness, as the persons health declines, support increases. They are surrounded by support in all the forms that help them feel loved and cared for. In the case of declining or sustained severe mental health issues, very often support decreases over time and judgement increases. Birdie's videos provide wonderful insight to all people who are willing to understand how to support someone with depression.
Also! I feel ya! My family abandoned me for “not getting my life in order, and reminding me of how insufficient I am”. I wish they knew how horrible it feels!
We need to be the person that we needed to someone in need. I do that the best I can.
I remember so many times driving home from work and thinking, all it would take is me driving off the road and all this pain will be gone. The one thing that stopped me every time was knowing I’d be leaving my girls behind. Then when my daughter was in high school, she was having a very hard time. We were trying all these different medications for what we thought was depression, but it induced horrible anxiety, and she had all these other things, quirks really that were anxiety provoking for her and that looking back years later we realized she was probably on the autism spectrum. But at the time as a teenager in the throws of periods and sisters that didn’t understand her and a mom that was trying so hard to get her help because I myself had suffered with depression my entire life, she counted out close to 60 tylenol pills and proceeded to take every one of them. She had stayed home that day and I left early from work so I could take her to her afternoon therapy appt. She seemed happy go lucky when I got home and we drove to her appt. I was sitting in that waiting room while she spoke with her therapist, when the therapist came out and said you must come talk to your daughter now. She has something to tell you. I went back, she immediately told me what she had done, and I got her in the car and drove like a bat out of hell, the 5 miles, I swear 80 miles an hour to the ER. They told me she was within just an hour or two of destroying her liver. It was good that I sped to get her to the ER. Thankfully, we were in time. She didn’t kill her liver. She got the help she needed after a stint in the hospital. I however, started having panic attacks at the most inopportune times. On phone calls at work, in traffic, in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. Today, she’s happy, healthy, and working on her master’s in data science. She’s held a job, put herself through school, and is smart as a whip! She still has issues with anxiety, and she takes meds, and found ways to cope with things that cause her anxiety (covid was really bad for her anxiety), but she’s here with us and I’m thankful for that. Birdie, I’m sad that you experienced your aunt’s suicide, but at the same time, I’m glad that you felt what it was like to lose a beloved person and that it has helped save you. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I so enjoy your videos and when I saw this one today, I immediately smiled and said yay! You explain depression very well. I’m sorry you lost people from your agnostic video. I for one loved that video because it kind of defined me right now in my life. Don’t worry, you will get more followers who will see you for the beautiful, funny, smart, person you really are and you will keep trucking along. So glad you are making money from RUclips!! Big hugs from Colorado!
Look at you Birdie! So honest and vulnerable. You shared so much and opened your heart. We are here for you, we love you, you are never alone… what an inspiration ❤
So happy you are here and glad you get paid from Utube.
Birdie, you help me when you talk straight like this. I'm a friggin proponent of straight up just saying it. You're doing that. Your reflections of your experiences DO help others. Even if I'm the only one benefitting, bless you! I feel heard, listening to you.
My road is different, yet we have some similarities. Please, regardless of any negative comments, please just keep being you. I can't be the only one watching that benefits. OH!! I LOOOOVE it when you sing your stuff!
Elmo posted on twitter once asking how people were doing. It turned into a thread of how hurt people are feeling. Partly it helps knowing others feel the same, but also how horrible that we all feel some level of bad.
Birdie, you are such a beautiful person inside & out! Keep being brave & vulnerable because this world so, so desperately needs you❤️
We have missed you.💕
I've missed you, too. ❤️❤️❤️
Birdie, I am so glad I found your channel back when you were just starting out. Watching you work through & share all of your struggles with such almost brutal honesty has been so inspiring. I didn't know that I could genuinely care about or want to spend time with someone I have never even met until I watched you. I know you don’t like to be touched, but sending you HUGE virtual hugs my friend.
❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks for giving voice to this for those of us who lost theirs over the years.
This is so profoundly said. Thank you
My depression is situational I believe. After a lifetime of emotional/narcissistic abuse, first from my mother than for 18 years from my xhusband. The thing that really did it was I become legally blind in 2017, and all my girlfriends turned their backs on me. I know the door swings both ways and I tried reaching out, but no return phone calls no text messages ( with technology I can read them) it's like I fell off the face of the earth. Therapists, well one helped tremendously one hurt tremendously. I'm a little gun shy. I just let myself have bad days now. I am on disability and I get lonely but I have food and shelter so I'm good. My dogs give me joy. But a friend is something I pray for. Will you be my friend? Absolutely no judgment here. I just don't believe in it. I want a friend that has my back and I have hers. That's all. And no abuse. Can't do it anymore.
You just found her. For real. How do we get in touch with one another?
I’m in to ladies I need a friend o
I had the same past you had! It sounds like we had the same outcome too! I have an autoimmune disease ( coincidence even my own body attacks me!?) I am very poor as well, and the disease I have is physically debilitating. I just don’t know how I will continue to go on! A friend is what I need too!
So many people watching make sure to hit the subscribe button and the thumbs up. Love you Berdie sending a big squeeze from BC Canada.
nothing is fun for me, ever and what you said about the fatigue ...100% relatable. I appreciate your honesty and sharing your experiences. IDK what to say exactly, but I'm with you!
I know that you have said before that you did beadwork. I have been beading for around 35 years. People used to tell me that working with those little sead beads would drive them crazy. I would respond that that was how I kept my sanity, with the repetition of movement. I would have to keep my mind on the patterns and counting of beads, which would help keep my mind away from dark thoughts. My eye sight isn’t so good these days so the beadwork is difficult, but I’ve moved to crocheting and knitting where I can find the same calmness the beading would bring. Hopefully, your beading, or any craft helps you.
I crochet for this very reason. Sending you so much love 💜
Don't forget about Epigenetics - we all inherit the traumas our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, etc, lived thru... not just whar we've been thru ourselves.
Yes, science is the key. We can learn better at RUclips University than the training most 'therapists" are getting. Talking about it is good medicine, thank you again!
We are more people than you know who are going through this but wont admit to it - because we think that everybody else has it all figured out.
Wr are many that are waking up to the fact that the society that we have created needs to change - we need eachother - love is the energy that is smashing us open - thank you Birdie for your courage to talk about this subject. I wont call it mental illness - I choose to call it mental health that is telling us that we have had enough of living lives based on things that do make sense and are meaningless. We need eachother and we need to admit that we feel lost lonely, depressed - wanting to check out- we have had enough - there are other ways to live - your gift to the world Birdie is courage, eloquence in your being and communication and your willingness to show us how to wake up. You are the healthy one !
Thank you🙏
I am so impressed with your ability to put your thoughts and experiences into perfect, well understood metaphors that anyone can understand and relate too on some level. I have a family member who I admittedly judged very harshly because I didn't understand. I feel horrible for the way I treated them because of my lack of knowledge. I want to thank you so very much for both videos that you have made about this topic. You have truly changed my mind and my heart Completely! I will never be the same person. I am Forever changed, thanks to you!
You are So very loved by so many❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is such an amazing comment! You couldn't know before you knew. And now you know, and I had a small hand in that, and I'm so grateful for that! Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
I greatly appreciate and applaud you for your transparency and authenticity! It's refreshing to know there are others like me out there and that we are OK being who we are, despite our struggles. We need voices like yours! Mental health is a real concern in any facet of life. The struggles are real. We are with you. We love you. We care about you.
Thanks for being brave enough to talk about mental illness. I would think that almost everyone suffers or deals with some type of mental illness at some time or another in their life. Some go through a few months, some go through several years, while some live their entire lives with mental illness. I believe that recognizing you have mental illness is the key to making things better.
As Walter Swan has said, " Always Be Kind, Have A Good Attitude and Never Give Up".
my son in law is mentally ill. He has been in my family for 15 years now. I have learned something more every year. it has taken me this long to grasp, and get where his brain is coming from. Your videos have helped. Very much. I wish I found you 15 yrs ago. what a struggle to understand this. and I am not saying i completely understand. But I know I have made progress and I only feel empathy and understanding toward him. But thank you. You are well spoken and sincere. I hope you are able to keep up this good good advice and your lifestyle that seems to be working for you. ❤
I've found jus staying busy ( home ) house work lil project my hobbies and cooking I love cooking really helps me though my depression I crochet and donate hats scarfs blankets hippie bags to homeless and churches in my area I love the thought that even at my lows something a lil as a hat for someone in need I gave a lil love 💕💝
A really interesting, honest and superbly articulated video. 💙👍🇬🇧
my kids are the reason I am alive....I live for them!
Sending you love without judgement Birdie!
I have ADHD as well. I struggle a lot with being judged. Even just being perceived can sometimes feel like a burden on my mental state. I find myself feeling disappointed in myself by the end of most days because it seems I am never really able to achieve all of the things I set out to accomllish, even if they are small. It's a daily battle.
I admire you and your ability to introspect. Your raw honesty is simultaneously refreshing and sobering in a way that is very *real*. That level of honesty and oppenness is something I strive for on my own journey away from fear and towards true acceptance.
Its nighttime where I am right now. The world is quiet, save the soft chirps of the crickets outside. I feel so much more at peace when the world around me is still and quiet. Ill be sending some of that peace your way ❤
I’m almost 54 and have had depression for most of my life. Tried so many meds, at least 20 different ones but the side effects are terrible. I appreciate you talking about your experiences and wish more people could talk about their mental health. I ❤ you and your channel!
Oh Dearest Birdie, I love you so much! Thank you for being you. I believe you, I hear you, I see you. Thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Birdie, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. To me, you are an amazing person. You definitely did something right to raise an amazing daughter, who understands you, and will probably understand others as she goes through her adult years. Living and traveling in your van may not be ideal for everyone, but, I feel, that it is working for you. You can make your own schedules each day without obligations and routine!! You don’t have to start work at 7am, take your lunch break and eat at 11:30 am…..( you get the picture). Be you every single day, if you’re having a down day, do something creative, I would LOVE to see your beading and how it is done. Sending you a hug 🤗 to save for when you need it!! 🤗 🤗 Thank you for your channel and your amazing and entertaining videos! Have fun and enjoy the life you are creating!
Birdie….You are an angel that walks among us. 💙 Love your heart! 💙
You are amazing to speak about this with such clarity. It hurts my heart to realize why you know so much. Love you and no judgment.
Two things “they” say:
1. Move a muscle, change a thought.
2. Nothing can make someone feel better than helping someone else. I know it’s not that simple, but volunteering might be a bit helpful?
Also, third thing, we love you.
I feel like the purpose of life is to help each other through. Sometimes I feel stronger, sometimes you feel stronger. And we lean on each other and we extend a hand and we help each other to get through. ❤
I thought that volunteering would be something my spouse could do. Until the first day she had to call to tell them she couldn't come in. It put her right back down deep into that deep hole she took years to find her way out of. For some people that may be possible, but for those with chronic drug-resistant major depressive disorder it's not generally achievable. Our self-worth is so tied up in what we can do that when what we can't do once again makes us fail (in our own view) it's devastating.
I thought volunteering would help me as well however I lack boundaries & constantly seek approval from others.
Volunteering became a “job.” It’s too much for me.
I end up being resentful & feeling used.
@@eileenfeltes3570that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing.
You are very special woman… I know that you are telling the truth because I am also a depressed person and have always been there at some level. I love to listen to you express these things so bravely. You are obviously quite intelligent. In some ways I believe that the intelligence makes this even more difficult at times. I was depressed as a child…I had no idea what it was but my first major depressive episode was at the age of 11. I had another in my 20s and the worst in my 30s. My heavy dips are brought on by grief. Long story short…I believe you and I truly care for you. One thing that I’m quite aware of in myself and in you is that the pain that we have gone through has given us some compassion that might not be attained any other way. I was luckier in some ways because I grew up pushing myself through some things that I was barely capable of because of my illness. I got an advanced degree and had a career that made getting therapy possible. I had summers off. I could find flexibility in my career so that I could lock myself away and cry when I was suffering badly. What many people don’t understand is that depression makes you feel physically ill at times, usually in the morning. During the severe points I felt like I was losing my self completely. Because my depression was up and down I functioned quite well during my dysthymia. But the deep depressions were so scary and my brain told me how worthless I was. That is when I began to understand suicide. Like you, I would never do that because I know that it would hurt my child the most. Also, like you, I know that my depression hurt my daughter in ways that she will always feel. It is so complicated, part brain, part events that happen, part personality maybe…I’ve tried to figure it all out many times, but my brain can be a punishing tool. I have found that my depression has gotten much better as I age. I’m 70 now and I realize that I’m destined to deal with it forever, but I’m totally fine with being mildly depressed. I have coping skills that do work for me, mostly having to do with giving what I can give, including money, talent, making the world better, being kind to others, and trying not to judge. I am far from perfect. I do think that you and I could have great conversations. Maybe someday. I’m thrilled that you get some money from You Tube. You deserve that. Your bravery and love shine.
I've been in the bottom of that well. I had 2 unaliving myself attempts in the 1990s. I've had 2 very close loved ones successfully unalive themselves. This is something that I've been VERY Close too. I clawed and climbed and slipped back down to the bottom to start clawing and climbing again. After years of trying so many different things and clawing some more I finally saw the top of that well. I clawed and climbed some more and I finally climbed out. I lived my life the way I want, all the time just teetering along those thin wall edges! I can no longer work now after years of doing the job I loved. People tell me that I'm depressed because I mostly sit around (and try my best to do activities)(I do have psoriatic arthritis and physically cannot do what I used to) I just tell them, this isn't depressed! I know what depressed is! I am still teetering along the edge of that wall at the top of the well, and try very hard not to fall back in. I know I could trip or slip and end up at the bottom again! I'm Blessed (or lucky, if you'd like) that I've been able to stay out of the well all these years. I pray that I can continue to stay on the edge. Love you Birdie ❣️❣️🥰💞
Thanks for putting out your videos, Birdie. I really appreciate them
Have a little faith in your ability to handle whatever’s coming down the road. Believe that you have the strength and resourcefulness required to tackle whatever challenges come your way. And know that you always have the capacity to make the best of anything. Even if you didn’t want it or ask for it, even if seems scary or hard or unfair, you can make something good of any loss or hardship. _You can learn from it, grow from it, help others through it, and maybe even thrive because of it._ The future is unknown, but you can know this for sure: *Whatever’s coming, you got this!* 💜🕊🤗
Thank you for your videos. This one explained me exactly. I feel like such a burden to my children. Love you Birdie.
I have to sleep when I have a low thought so I can reset. We are a tribe now Birdie, thanks to you and hopefully we can all stick together 😊
I absolutely love that you’re making money off this channel. I’ll try to remember to watch the ads right through! ❤️
Oh Birdie, keep taking one step at a time, one day at a time, keep smiling, and know you are not alone or the only person who struggles, we are here for you! We only get one shot, make it count that suits you not the expectations of others! Keep smiling, keep posting!
I love you...I'm giving you the biggest hug...thank you for taking me on your journey. I enjoy every minute of it!
Thank you so much for talking with us about this. I am morbidly obese so have had low self esteem issues most of my life and do not like being around people. I do not have the mental health issues that you and others have but I emphasize with you. Love you and really enjoy your videos. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I love you Birdie, I believe you Birdie. Mental illness is part of the human experience. Girl we could have a conversation. I have been dealing with mental illness since as long as I can remember, I am 66 now. The haters and those that do not understand will never get it, they should be happy about that. Blessed be.
Good to see you Birdie💛. Sending hugs and prayers 🙏🏻🙏🏻
I have been where you were at that moment. I have even tried suicide 2 times and homeless on the streets, and my pets were in foster care . All I wanted was a house even a shack where my pets could be with me, running water,and ac.
Well I am now in an older mobile home on a ranch with a garden. It took a pastor to offer me a job and a shack to fix up .
I have now get SSDI/ widow pay. I am going to get help on meds. I wake up everyday blessed to be alive.
So I live in South Texas where plenty of public housing that is empty, or homes rent around 500.-700 a month. Affordable. My next step is chickens. I have a little land on the ranch. My pets are with me, plus a few stray cats that came with the house .
I am alive. But only thing missing is friends. I don't trust people to tell my personal secrets to because I did once and the woman throws it in my face when she has a temper tantrum, and tells me to just get over it with depression.
lol haha. I remember your massage. You had me in the floor laughing so hard 😂😂😂
I appreciate you SO much! I love how you fearlessly tackle the topics that many shy away from. I'll share this with you - 14 years ago I got divorced and my son was a junior in high school. My daughter was already married and on her own. This phase in my life nearly crippled me and I was....on.....the.....verge! I wanted out of that misery every second of my existence. The one thing that saved me were my children. All I could think about was how would they handle that devastation and how would it impact their lives? I couldn't inflict that pain on them. So, I kept swimming and happy I did because my kids are now living great lives, and we have an awesome relationship. I am struggling with new obstacles now, but I think I have some tools that get me through, and I think I will always keep swimming. Thank you! xo
Birdie.I love you, I believe you and I don't care what other people think.(now)I hit my lowest point at 44yrs of age. I'm 63now...and free from depression (now)i went to depression school...20 or so middle aged people in a room at the hospital. Group therapy big time. We are all unique and how and when we get depressed is unique,too. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience in this real crazy world..❤️😍😂🙏
Thanks for being kind to yourself. We love you soooo much ❤️❤️✨🌺 this message is such a blessing and a balm to the people it reaches.
I'm glad you let that out now we can just let it go. These people don't deserve an ounce of your time or a drop of your energy. You go girl.
My heart is broken for you Birdie. I’m so sorry for all of your struggles and especially for the unkind comments by those who do not understand. I really think you are brave when you post videos like this to honestly address these enormous conflicts you fight every day *knowing* you are going to get rude and ignorant comments. I don’t struggle to the degree you do--but struggle I do. I wouldn’t have the courage to put myself out there like you do knowing the consequences. Mean people. Yuck. 😢 I’m in my 7th year of therapy/meds and maybe the most helpful things I’ve learned from my therapist is this:
Work on being around others,try not to isolate yourself. And look for a source of light every day. A conversation. Nature. Music. A treat. Anything at all that brings you a bit of joy.
I know from personal experience it’s hard. But I really try to do these 2 things on hard days especially. It does help me. Also, journaling can help too. I don’t know if you have tried that but putting the words down is cathartic. You are such a smart, kind soul and I admire you so much. Thanks for sharing your journey with us! If you ever are in Utah (Salt Lake or surrounding areas) please let me take you to lunch! I’d love that so much. Hope you have a beautiful week ahead!!! ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for doing this video❤ as a person that struggles with depression and anxiety this video has meant a lot to me😊
You are a beautiful human being, Birdie. You have such a lovely way of speaking and explaining things.
Thank you for being here. I believe you…
I believe you. 💞
I kinda know what you are going thru, my sister is clinically depressed,,,, and just now , again, pulling herself out of the well.
We love you lady, I have watched you since your very first video,,,loved you then,,,and love you now ❤
The Impossible Puzzle is a perfect analogy.
My heart aches for you. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Prozac took cRe of it so then i was diagnosed with sad. But its nothing close to what you are going through. Anger was my main symptom. Sending you hugs and know i can love you without judgement.
Phyllis, thank you for sharing your Anger! i vacillate between Anger and hysterical laughter at the RIDICULOUS life we lead. it might not help (or it might) but I a put aside an hour every day to FEEL whatever i am feeling. not to pretend, not to "eat it away", not to medicate, RUclips, exercise, video game, BUT to FEEL whatever i am feeling. for me, it has helped....but it ain't gonna stop the "____" (whatever that is!)
Birdie, thank you for being here, and sharing your story💝. Thank you for helping others know they are not alone💖. Thank you for being brave, funny, kind, considerate, and compassionate🦋💓💞
I have had a horrible childhood like I've said to you before, and I have been drawn to your videos, because your the only on that I've seen that really is honest, I go to work every day and just live day by day and I'm 52 I have realized that I don't have much time left with some of my conditions that I have... and I would love to just be by myself and be happy. But I get so much fatigue it's crazy! I look forward to seeing your videos help me so much ❤
Love without judgment. So much! You put words to my feelings. I’m about to give up trying to be ok.
But my family needs me. I’m the glue. They do love me. I just want to be ok.
I honestly wish I could take a solo trip to try to sort myself out, with no distractions. I don’t know if it would help, lol.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you! ❤
Birdie you are so needed in this world. I believe everthing you said today.
Thank you for your excellent explanation of what goes on in someones head. And how we can help. ❤❤❤