I don’t know about other people, but I find it so exhausting to play games, playing hard to get and so forth. I would like to be myself and be appreciated for being a giver. I don’t mind repetitiveness, stability. What is boring for some, having a ready meal at the end of the day, good old cuddles in the evening, doing stuff together and sharing a vision… give it to me every day and I’ll never be bored. But no. It seems that you need to behave like a narcissistic monster in order to be respected by others… Am I the only one who finds it so EXHAUSTING, I wonder..
find a healthy man, who grew up in a dysfunctional family. Do you remember the people back in the days? They want their daughter to marry someone not a product of a broken family because they know the possibilities of dating a broken man
I was in an abusive, toxic relationship for 5 years. I hid behind every excuse to stay. I left today with my kid. I'm in my car listening to this just because I needed to understand what a normal relationship should look like. I was taken for granted for 5 years. Wow. I hope I dont go back this time. Send good vibes my way plz.
Hahahaha 'if you cook him a dinner and he does not say thank you, popcorn it is for dinner next time' Love that haha! Really a great example to keep in mind
My husband had demanded dinner on several occasions and acted like a complete ass with attitude and all the fixings so guess what I did nothing absolutely nothing I made dinner for the kids and myself and it was only enough for us three I did not make him pack his lunches in the morning as I used to pack them every morning and all he would do is scream and yell about his socks what he could not find and how he hated to go to work he disrupted the whole morning for 16 years well sadly to say I’m still in this relationship but now I have made a stance
Lesson: When you play hard to get, you FORCE him to work for it. This creates the sense that his efforts are required. But once he gets you, there's no FORCE anymore, what do you think will happen? However, when you don't play hard to get, but you don't make it easy either, you ALLOW him to work for it. This creates the sense that his efforts are appreciated, although not "needed" by you because you can do without him. So the real lessons are: 1) 5:10 Be able to do without him. You must believe that you are enough for yourself. 2) 6:50 Want him, but don't need him. 3) 8:35 ALLOW him to work for it. Don't take away all the obstacles to make it easy for him to love you. Many times, the obstacles/stakes/risks are what made the relationship desirable to begin with. 4) 3:00 Show him your standards. Don't overcompensate and don't take any BS! Make him less important when, and stop giving what, he takes for granted. 5) 7:10 When you get him, don't suddenly make your life revolve around him. Still maintain your independence. Thanks Brian!!!
i don’t understand still even if i express my standards and boundaries yet we still make love yet he’s still wishy washy but i’m not showing that it’s phasing me what the hell am i doing wrong if i’m not showing neediness but still nothing’s changing
This is so true. The less you need him, the more he will chase you. Need him but trust him that he loves you. Be positive and remind yourself that you are enough. Real man always comeback when he knows he’s woman has true intentions to him. I believe in LOVE.
I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy. when I stopped taking initiative in the relationship, when I practiced staying busy with my own life, I realized he never took the initiatives too and ultimately we ended up parting ways. Now I feel I was the only who was holding up in that relationship. 😑😒
A friend's Mum said: "if he loves you more than you love him, he treats you like a princess. If you love him more than he loves you, he treats you like dirt". (Thus she summed up my 35+ years' dating experience: seems true to me!).
This hit home. I made my relationship to easy, I removed every obstacle so he didn't have a reason to do anything. It became a very one sided relationship. I didn't realize I was doing this until it was to late.
Please forgive yourself. We've all been there. You learn the lesson and then you must move on and think about positive things and you will find someone else
Yep, I FEEL You in This Comment. married 22 Year's and Didn't DO A Whole Lot of Things, except Trash, mow grass and, We Would Mostly GO, TO Taco bell or shall I Say, Toxic Hell And GET Divorced AND Still With him for Another 9 Years Divorced AND LEAVES ME IN His Apartment and Left ME MOVING, Cause of HECK, I Don't know Why and Still DON'T Know WHY, but did SAY, That he Learned FROM THE BEST, when HE SAID MY Name, And OH MY GOD ,and I paid for Divorce AND TELL ME, That We Shouldn't have GOT Divorced After 4 YEARS LATER, But wouldn't talk about Divorce or And Doesn't EVEN SHOW UP IN Divorce Court EITHER. Well 31 Years of MY Life Gone but Thank You Jesus for being Blessed with A GOD Forbearing Man and Will Go TO Church and Communication AND WE ARE BALANCED. Happy AS A LARK AFTER 2 MONTHS with MY MAN, Àdrian, TY Babe, you are Awesome as Crude Oil Engineer Driller for Shell Corporation. I AM SO BLESSED 🥰, Everyday BALANCED with MY HUNNY BUNNY 🐰😘❤️💞🐰 AND MY KING from HIS QUEEN, Loving Myself First and Have Love and DESERVE 💕, Love, NOT Because You Cook, Clean ETC, In a Relationship of WIFE DOING Everything, GO FIGURE. SORRY ABOUT YOUR LUCK IN The Future Being a DIRTY Greasie HAIR BUMB, Just Like You SAID YOU WAS Earlier IN Marriage. OMG 😳. TY 😘❤️💞😘🤗 Àdrian My Royalty Family From Whales, England and Always Wanted To go TO Whales England or Sheffield, TO get Another Pewter Tall MUG
I did it all wrong by giving too much and he started becoming extremely passive aggressive and disrespectful when he didn’t get his way! I stopped it all and had to reintroduce myself and now we are starting over again after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids. Giving your all is not always the best, it’s called codependency! Codependent no more 🥰
I left a relationship where HE did very little rowing ... so I ended it . I felt very undervalued and unappreciated . It was a learning curve ... now I’m with a chap who moves heaven and earth to be with me ... I don’t make it easy for exactly that purpose x it does strengthen my identity , my accomplishment ... I love this new empowered me .
Lauryn Hill taught me this with her song (Doo Wop - that thing) “plus when you give it so easily you ain’t even fooling him. If you did it then, then you’d probably do it again” “don’t be a hard rock when you really are gem, baby girl respect is just the minimum…”
I don't believe people fight for love anymore, if your to busy, they walk, if your to needy, they walk, its a no win situation. There is no such thing as a man being truly in love. They have to many options.
Exactly. They don't know what love is. People make it seem like if you aren't traveling around the world then you need to replace your spouse. We marry for love. They don't see the difference between a covenant, sacred before God and a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. If your happiness and ability to stay in a marriage is dependent on whether or not you get to travel, you might as well just stay at the boyfriend and girlfriend level (unless you marry a person who emphasizes everything but love, too) because marriage is about love and companionship. This is not 'self-knowledge' because it originates from God's word. Therefore its God's knowledge. God's ways are not mans ways.. God made Eve to be Adam's companion. His focus was on making sure Adam was not alone. All of the other stuff is extra. Paul said it is good to be content in whatever state you are in. That means happy. If you can't be happy with the love itself, of course you are not going to appreciate your spouse. If a person who marries you makes you feel like you are never good enough, they don't love you. They may say you don't cook enough, but then when you cook, it doesn't taste good enough (even if it truly does). They may say you need to work, but then when you work, it won't be the right amount of income. If you get the right amount of income, then you need to lose weight. Once you lose weight, then you need to fix your attitude. Once you fix your attitude, then you need to find a hobby. Once you find a hobby, then you need a purpose. Once you have a purpose, then you're getting old and need to look younger. People like this are never satisfied because they truly aren't in love with you. Companionship has nothing to do with all of the other things mentioned above. So if you find someone placing an emphasis on the other things, they want pride, trophy, luxury, not love and companionship. To be honest, unless you are that trophy, they likely aren't going to fight for you. But even if they enjoy their life with the trophy they want after they've moved on, they will eventually pay the price for breaking the covenant they had with you. And to be frank, most of the time that trophy won't be enough because there is always not just a few other women that can surpass the trophy in every area (good and bad), but millions more who are way beyond her, many of which he will eventually come in contact with. This is why Paul said its better to not even marry. You could potentially marry one of those people who will keep you distracted as you try to fulfill their commands while they play God. They will never be happy with you even when you meet all of their expectations because they're always looking for the next best thing instead of cherishing the moments you both create uniquely together in even the trivial things in life as husband and wife. That's the companionship, not all the bells and whistles.
You aren’t focused on the right target. 1. He must be the masculine type 2. The man must love you more than you love him 3. Don’t be desperate and put yourself above everything Edit: don’t look for unconditional love in relationships with men or friends; you need to have those boundaries set up because if you don’t, they will walk all over you and take you for granted. Get a pet to love unconditionally
It's not about game playing but about not being clingy or too needy. We women need to be independent and to love ourselves. Your advice is 100 % right.
I don’t like men who play hard to get. I like men who pursue me tenaciously. I’m hard to get by nature. I’m high value. I have to see you in action for some years and know your character, before I commit to you. In order for me to love you, I’ve gotta trust you. I will only begin to trust you when I see that you can trust yourself in expressing your vulnerability. Pull out all the steps. Consistently show me progressive love. And I will do the same for you.
My mother advised me to marry a man who truly loves you. It’s better for a man to love you more than you love him. That’s an assurance he will treat you well.
@@spring7250 For real. I was in an abusive relationship for years that started off with him loving me so much he couldn't think of a life without me. I'm still struggling to get over the mental and emotional damage and regain my confidence.
He seems to expect me to pursue him. He’s failing on so many levels.I have communicated how it makes me feel…in a kind way. He still hasn’t changed. It’s long distance relationship but we’ve known each other for six years. When we saw each other two weeks ago he was all about us. And now that he’s back home he’s not really making an effort but yet texting me good morning beautiful. I’m tired of men thinking that that’s enough. I value myself more than that. And I deserve better. So I am the one who has backed off and decided to start dating again. I know I deserve somebody that doesn’t have to think twice about loving me or caring about me. Guys don’t seem to see the importance of this anymore. I refuse to be an option to anyone!!!
Same here, I wish I had left years ago from that relationship but I finally walked away and now he blames me for everything bad that happens in his life but I know I made the right decision by walking away. I'm glad you did too.
5:15 WOW I needed this today! Almost immediately when I stopped being “needy” and changed my tone aka lack there of, he’s all “want hugs” “I got you flowers today” “want to go out tonight?” 🤔🤔🤔
It was my mistake, I was taken for granted, and moreover not only he didn't say thank you to me but started gaslighting me that I'm not giving him ENOUGH!!! I am much happy with myself now, you should love yourself at first sight , firstly. When you don't love yourself people treat you like you're dust under their boots. Thank you, Brian 👏👏🔥💞
Very good, my dear! I’m glad you see your worth! I get very pleased to see strong women stand up for themselves by walking away and leaving the manipulative jerk alone!
You just summed up a year of therapy after 30 years od people pleasing due to having been abandoned as a baby. Your videos are amazing and I’ll treasure your words. Thank you, take care
Excellent advice, once again. Your explanations are concise and direct, with humourous, silly analogies. I've followed your strategies. They work for dating. I stopped doing more, while he did less. I didn't get upset or complain, nor let resentment build. I just acted fast, and stepped back. He has consequently stepped forward.
@SamElle thats why you are here to learn..listen to brian teaching..learn that you deserve the best in any relationship..it seems hard because most times you meet douchebags but trust me there are goodguys outthere...Focus on being a wise young woman,you will attract the right man..from your age you are still very young,never make having a relationship your topmost priority ur great achievement..you have so many years ahead of you bu God's grace..Invest in wisdom and knowledge,improve yourself on all levels mentally,physically,spiritually(know your identity in the one who created true,God)otherwise and watch your life attract the right people like a magnet.
We girls have to learn from an early age to love ourselves , know what we want , learn healthy boundaries, not bend for the needs of a man . the right men will come along and love us just the way we are . ( But these are easier said and done most especially when we grew up not getting the healthy love from our own family)
This is brilliant and so helpful. I’ve always wondered how to get the balance of ‘playing hard to get’ and being in love. It’s not playing hard to get at all, it’s just growing myself and leading a fulfilling life and letting him want to be a part of that. Thank you Geert. ❤️
That was me. Just sitting there always speaking my mind standing my ground and looking back things got worse. He got so Lazy, overwhelmed and Fearful. That he let so many things and people come between us. Instead of talking to me. I lost him months before he actually left. But what I should have done was to shut up, fall back and enjoy my Life, give him space and to Fall back. But I kept rowing. And believe me...it costs.
Shortly, we should never give on our own life and happiness and make someone the center of our happiness. Instead care of our precious life and allow things to happen naturally. Then only what is good for you will come, relationships will evolve and balance is restored :)
If the connection is really there, it doesn't take games to keep it alive. - though this is really good information for those relationships where the connection is not strong enough to sustain a lasting level of respect for each other.
Thank you for your content. Sadly, he has the need to be right, be unaccountable and incapable of seeing things from another's perspective in real time. Using your advice, I quit taking it personally and focused on my value to me. Consequently the last time this happened, I calmly walked out of his home with no anger but with a definitive statement that I do not need this "situation". When I did not reflect his behaviour, owned my own value for three days, he doubled down on his therapy commitment, has altered his alcohol intake immensely and offered to go to couples counseling. It is the way of fighting for our relationship a/k/a "couple-bubble" that allowed him another chance with me. Brian Nox, your calm demeanor, logical approach and considerable insight has helped me a great deal. I am a happy subscriber grateful for your presence in my life.
You're right. Everything you said is very true and I think that the more we start to love somebody the more we love to be with that person and sometimes we make the mistake of just becoming too available because we just love that feeling we get when we're with that person so we tend to spend way too much time and that actually makes a man value you less .I think that it's important for us to have a balance between having our own time and time with our partner.
This is so true and I didn't even know this was a thing! I tend to give my ALL to someone I love and will sacrifice my comfort and wants for making others happy. I felt like my needs weren't met. He would ignore me and rather play video games or hang out with his guy friends. I though perhaps I was being too clingy so I backed waaaay off. I always initated text messages and said good morning and ask how he was but he never responded until late in the day. So I decided not to text at all. I purposefully ignored and gave a time limit of when to respond instead of IMMEDIATELY. And he is now actually paying attention to me! It confused me so much. Then I realized he was taking all my love and sacrifices for granted. It was when I became distant did he fear losing me. I just hope this isn't a constant thing :/
My ex tried to fight for me though until it became obsessive 😩I’m glad you’ve done this. As there is a huge difference between doing it out of love and out of obsession. You are the god of dating ❤️
Fight for you and convince you, till he knows youre totally in love with him. When he notices your in love, thats when he starts to take you for granted and think they wont lose you without putting any effort 💔
I am totally guilty of being the one who made him my everything. Lack of attention would kill me. I confessed my feelings to him and now I am being taken for granted. I am very unsure of what's going on. Not that I am a demanding or a needy girl, all I wanted was him to take out at least 5 minutes a day to talk to me. Or if asking him where the relationship is heading towards sounds demanding - then perhaps I might be one. Clearly I am being undervalued now, and if this continues to be the same I am left with no option but to leave him. I like him a lot but I cannot stand to be with someone who doesn't value me, who isn't afraid of losing me. Edit - Well... easier said than done. I always knew I had to break up but Goddddd it was always so hard. It always felt like cutting a piece of myself forever. And so I could never do it, until this month. 15th of September, I broke up with him. It was quite hard for me in the beginning but now, 15 days later, I find myself in a much much better position. I still think of him and it still makes me feel a bit upset, but I'm glad I didn't enter into the depressed mode. I guess I move on pretty soon and that's a great gift. I'm glad I stepped out of such a relationship, which would never keep me happy and fulfilled. I hope you all girls don't take so much time like I did and end the bullshit if it doesn't make you happy and keeps you worried, thinking and confused all the times! It's just not meant to be. PICK UP THOSE GODDAMN RED FLAG LADIES, THEY ARE DROPPING THEM FOR A REASON. Don't keep ignoring them and fooling yourself. Ps - This was my first serious relationship, and his nth casual one. Update (10 months post breaking up just in case it makes you feel any better lol because I understand how terrible it feels to be in such a toxic relationship and to move on) - I know I said earlier that I was moving on pretty fast but lol nooooo. It took me some good 5 months to come out of that zone, to actually stop feeling bad about all that went wrong. And all those 5 months, let me tell you, I was at my lowest, hit the rock bottom. I was at my worst, alone, and sort of depressed. I was in dark, but you know what? I was positive. I knew good times and bad times do not stay forever. I was inside a dark tunnel and although I couldn't see the light, I knew all I needed to do was take baby steps, one step at a time and the tunnel was definitely going to end someday. Ladies, right now I'm in the best state of my life. The experience has changed the entire trajectory of my life. Never been this happy, this internally satisfied, this positive, this spiritual in my entire lifetime. And so you know what, the experience only strengthens my belief in the fact that - "Everything happens for good". You always know what the right thing to do is. All it takes is a little courage in that moment. Please trust your instincts, and most importantly - act on it. Women have a strong 6th sense and you already know where this entire thing is heading towards. You take the charge of your emotions, your feelings. Don't let them control you, dominate you. Take the situation in your control. If they truly love you, they fear losing you. Otherwise it's just one of those 'to be doomed right from the beginning' relationships (just like mine). Also do not fear not being able to fall in love again. Don't romanticize the idea of "I once truly loved someone and now won't be able to love anyone anymore" just like they do in those movies, books and songs. Be open to everything that comes to you. When you are at peace with yourself, when you are in love with yourself, the right thing will definitely come to you at the right time, and the negative ones will automatically get rejected. There is no such thing as one true love, or the one and only. You'll fall in love again and again. And everytime that you fall in love, it will only get more intense, more pure, maturer than the earlier one. It gets better with every experience. So be grateful to everything that comes into your life, and for everything that goes out of your life. Nothing will be there forever. I do think about him sometimes, but I don't miss him anymore. I don't feel bad anymore. I am grateful for everything that had happened. Not that I am letting him enter into my life again lol (once gone is gone forever), but I don't hold any grudges anymore. I am at peace, and this is really blissful. Update - 4th October 2022 This man came back into my life again, in April 2021 (probably right after my last update lol). I was wrong about having moved on lol (and so fucking embarrassed right now but I'll anyway share 🙈😂) I hadn't. And I let him in, again. Biggest mistake. He fucked me over again. 9 months later in November, he breaks up. 3 months after breaking up, March 2022 - he comes back. 3 days later, he says he's changed his mind. I was so fucking done with him I had to write him a harsh letter and block him from everywhere, changed my city. He fucked me real bad lol. Went through everything again that I was feeling 2 years back, even worse this time. Started smoking, alcohol, hoed round mindlessly, went to astrologers, therapy and what not. I was 19 when I had met him and I'm 22 now. Still dealing with everything but at least I've left no doors open lol. I loved him way too much, I would never have been able to leave him even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness and needs just to be with him. I'm glad he did it, and kept doing it again and again until he left me with no option but to shut him away from everywhere. This time, I promise, I truly am in a better place. :) Update - December 2023 - We got in touch again, went on and off for the entire year. I am disgusted at this guy. He is never going to change, he is going to remain the same forever. This time I am changing my phone number for good. I don't want him to contact me ever again in this lifetime.
Let him know your feelings in a calm manner and ask him how he’s feeling because you don’t want to waste any time. If he doesn’t make consistent efforts, please walk away. No need in staying some where you are not appreciated and don’t waste your valuable time waiting around! That’s where women mess up and the man is no dummy in that aspect. He knows she’s waiting on him. If he doesn’t make you feel loved and cherished, step away. It may hurt for a while but your worth and happiness is way more important then him dragging you along! Stand up for yourself and don’t ever allow a man to waste your time. EVER! Please, love yourself because when you do, you will walk away from crap no matter how bad it hurts!
LCD P absolutely!!! I wasted 2 years on a guy that didn’t value me, was unsure of where our relationship was going, wasn’t afraid of losing me, kept me a secret from his adult children, never spend significant occasions or holidays with me, no gifts except once, and gaslighted me whenever I stood up for myself... this can totally crush your self esteem... walk away with what ever dignity you have left... you will heal if you put yourself first
Yes but you have to value yourself. Don’t depend and wait on a guy who has to value you because what happens if he won’t? Guys will treat you how you treat yourself. Your heart will know when enough is enough and you will have to put your foot down.
Was in such relations. Now after brake up and time went I see how toxic relations that was thinking that I could finish all that crap much earlier. Well it's a lesson but now I see much clearly what it was and can finally value myself
Such great advice. I’m in a new relationship and I am leaning back and letting go of the Need for the relationship to work out. The amazing thing that happens is that the man leans in and makes more of an effort. As he does this, he creates more value for me to him. Men want to work for their women. Once I truly got that and quit trying to control situations, it got So much easier. Thanks Brian! Your info is pure gold!
At the end of the day we all must live out our destiny We have much less control than we like to imagine we have If we are to have a loving partner, it will come If not, it will not Rather than “looking for love”. Express love If Life finds you worthy love will find you Enjoy each day for the beauty it brings It passes so very quickly
It just seems like it comes down to having self worth and self value. Realizing that you are worth being valued and valuing yourself. And surrounding yourself with a community and things in life that support that belief.
I do have my own life and do not need him to validate me. I do, however, need him to be respectful, present and emotionally mature. That should be present already...I am not interested in grooming someone that has no basic decency. Why are we approaching men as if they are little boys and we are the wise mothers to guide them?
Thank you so much! Especially one sentence was eye-openening "no it is not ok to confirm last minute". I´m a super laid back person, but realized that being so laid back (if I´m free I don´t mind being spontanenous) will often make him take you for granted. So just because I`m relaxed with my friends when it comes to meeting up, I will change that in my dating-life! If you have more examples like that, I would love to hear it.
Thank you so much! I love your sense of humor and presentation!! 😄 I'm definitely guilty of removing the obstacles, I realize this now and I've started rowing. I'm glad I found your channel because these insights are valuable. Finding that balance. Thanks! 🙂
My ex would ignore me, fight about stupid things, be selfish, lie Plus he kept promising marriage. I finally realized I deserve better! And I got the big answer that I was questioning as I broke up with him. His only response was, "I see"! So there ya go! Lol
I did this already. The thing is if he loves you and you let them know you are not planning to stay if he's only giving you the bare minimum efforts it will wake him up, he will keep thinking about it and will get scared of the idea of losing you. Then they will fight for you. Honestly, this is a case to case basis depends on how he value your worth. Some men knows exactly your worth but will still try to take advantage of you. Weird.
Brian thankyou so much ❤️💕 for such an eye opener.I really needed it I am amongst those women who had built her whole life around him and my joy and fulfilment came from him.Since I was always available I have never been valued by him and has been disrespected in public by him time and again Anyhow this was all because of me because I always acted as the needy one in the relationship It has really given me a great insight . It's a high time after 30 yrs of my marriage to wake up and sip the coffee I have to instill in myself that I am enough for myself and create a prosperous and joyous life for self I have been a home maker till now but your talk has given me the confidence to move ahead I have listened to your videos 3-4 times and may be more in future to get it set on my mind
This is incredible advice and I'm very grateful for THIS today. I've dedicated my life to a man that doesn't meet me halfway for too long. He tells me I'm delusional and that I'm not seeing/feeling what I am. I'm going to try to take care of myself and completely cut him out for a while. I've been sad for too long
What a great man you are, thank you lots. It is very appreciated from people like me to be able to watch and gain valuable knowledge like this. Thank you, may I find the perfect man for me and may god bless you and may you live a long and blessed happy life.
@@undergrace1808 Maybe friends can be your support system in that regard? Family too? Make new friends online? I'm sorry about your condition, and I hope you feel better soon and he realises what he has before it is too late for him.
Regarding lockdown... I'm in Melbourne, we can't go 5 kms from our houses and I'm working from home but I'm having a great time! I've got a new excercise routine I've been experimenting with the best strategies to lose weight and I've found the right one so I'm kicking goals. I'm educating myself using RUclips clips and realising my value. I've discovered that I am enough so I've gone no contact with my disrespectful alcoholic partner. He took me for granted and I'm realising now that I allowed that. I'm monitoring myself-talk and not letting me 'beat myself up'. I've not been this happy or relaxed in years. This is possible in lockdown!
My husband of 12 years is not a bad guy and I'm not a bad woman. We are divorcing. I require way more attentiveness and most days I need proof that even cares/respects/loves/needs me and I will never get that from him bc he doesn't feel those ways about himself. He will never treasure me while is battling SEVERE self hatred/guilt/unresolved physical and emotional abuse before we even met. He has to heal himself for a while, but I refuse to keep putting myself dead last on his to do list. He is like an elephant on my chest every single morning and my bones are snapping. He has serious health problems as well which is why he is here, (and had to dump his gf of years when I found out about her) bc he loves me as his nurse, but not his wife but too selfish to let go. I have to focus on me now, and I have and I am feeling pretty good about it
I think I'm gonna totally act on that. My date (for one year) doesn't even feel the need to label our relationship. Maybe he'll feel the need to, when I'm not coming over for the weekend if he asks after Wednesday. If he doesn't secure time with me at the beginning of the week, I'll have my weekend booked. May it be girls night, another date or simply doing something to advance my career.
Its been a year and he doesn’t feel the need to call up a Relationship, Remember if he has the milk why he would need to buy the cow ? He is playing with you and probably he is waiting for another date to start a relationship with al the labels , it’s been too long of waiting I think you are totally able to meet other guys and have boyfriend . YES leave him and I recommend to block him from social media right away. Do not hurt yourself in any way overthinking of this situation with him.
@@acr29 there were always reasons for it (long distance, he's ten years older than me, I didn't want a bf during my exams). But you are right, I have to stop giving him boyfriend-benefits. I'm emotionally detached enough now but I think it would be rude to just block him.
I can be guilty of this, I'm having to dial my feelings back because I know it will make him complacent. It's really hard because guys, in my experience, go full throttle when they first meet u, then when they know 'they have u', they suddenly dial completely back. It's a game, a dance, one I've lost before,this time I'm not going to, because this time I believe he really is the one
Thankyou for this video. There were a lot of things i was doing wrong and a lot of it makes sense now. having your own identity is SOOOOO important, and i really appreciate this.
Thank you for your advice I can’t lost my identity anymore maybe he never feel same like me never love me. I'm not playing a game as him did so I painful.
You are so right. I was so easy for my ex as a result he really took me for granted. I also felt not valuable cheap for him. These was all my feelings.
I don’t know about other people, but I find it so exhausting to play games, playing hard to get and so forth. I would like to be myself and be appreciated for being a giver. I don’t mind repetitiveness, stability. What is boring for some, having a ready meal at the end of the day, good old cuddles in the evening, doing stuff together and sharing a vision… give it to me every day and I’ll never be bored. But no. It seems that you need to behave like a narcissistic monster in order to be respected by others… Am I the only one who finds it so EXHAUSTING, I wonder..
With you on this ❤️
I agree with you . You are not the only one on this. I dont like and i dont want to calculate especially in my own relationship.
find a healthy man, who grew up in a dysfunctional family. Do you remember the people back in the days? They want their daughter to marry someone not a product of a broken family because they know the possibilities of dating a broken man
I am with you!
Girl same !! I don't want to be in a world where you constantly must play games to get basic stuffs
I was in an abusive, toxic relationship for 5 years. I hid behind every excuse to stay. I left today with my kid. I'm in my car listening to this just because I needed to understand what a normal relationship should look like. I was taken for granted for 5 years. Wow. I hope I dont go back this time. Send good vibes my way plz.
Hope you're doing better
I hope you’re safe, prospering. and healing
@@Lilsweetings in the process of moving on but no one wants to see me be happy
@@januarybabystay strong !! You'll shine brighter without him weighing you down !✨
Hugs 🤗
At the end of the day ladies, wherever a man is, is where he wants to be.
Very true
Absolutely
Soooo true 💯✅
It's in his own bed with or without you next to him! 😅😒
Preach
Hahahaha 'if you cook him a dinner and he does not say thank you, popcorn it is for dinner next time'
Love that haha! Really a great example to keep in mind
My husband had demanded dinner on several occasions and acted like a complete ass with attitude and all the fixings so guess what I did nothing absolutely nothing I made dinner for the kids and myself and it was only enough for us three I did not make him pack his lunches in the morning as I used to pack them every morning and all he would do is scream and yell about his socks what he could not find and how he hated to go to work he disrupted the whole morning for 16 years well sadly to say I’m still in this relationship but now I have made a stance
Dear I don't do popcorn..I do NOTHING AT ALL...
Dear dump him
I don't like the pressure of cooking for a man. Why don't they cook as well.
Lesson: When you play hard to get, you FORCE him to work for it. This creates the sense that his efforts are required. But once he gets you, there's no FORCE anymore, what do you think will happen?
However, when you don't play hard to get, but you don't make it easy either, you ALLOW him to work for it. This creates the sense that his efforts are appreciated, although not "needed" by you because you can do without him.
So the real lessons are:
1) 5:10 Be able to do without him. You must believe that you are enough for yourself.
2) 6:50 Want him, but don't need him.
3) 8:35 ALLOW him to work for it. Don't take away all the obstacles to make it easy for him to love you. Many times, the obstacles/stakes/risks are what made the relationship desirable to begin with.
4) 3:00 Show him your standards. Don't overcompensate and don't take any BS! Make him less important when, and stop giving what, he takes for granted.
5) 7:10 When you get him, don't suddenly make your life revolve around him. Still maintain your independence.
Thanks Brian!!!
👍💯
Thank you for the summary!!
@@jajans328 very very well Said ,
Thanks KemZi! 👌
i don’t understand still even if i express my standards and boundaries yet we still make love yet he’s still wishy washy but i’m not showing that it’s phasing me what the hell am i doing wrong if i’m not showing neediness but still nothing’s changing
This is so true. The less you need him, the more he will chase you. Need him but trust him that he loves you. Be positive and remind yourself that you are enough. Real man always comeback when he knows he’s woman has true intentions to him. I believe in LOVE.
That works for me ! 😇
Rachelle that is true 👍
I love the way you explained it!! Amazing and so true
I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy. when I stopped taking initiative in the relationship, when I practiced staying busy with my own life, I realized he never took the initiatives too and ultimately we ended up parting ways. Now I feel I was the only who was holding up in that relationship. 😑😒
i don't believe in love..
At the end of the day, if our love is not reciprocated, or our needs not even acknowledged for them to step up, we should learn to let go.
My mom once said: " do not marry a man that you love ,marry the one who loves you" women can learn how to love
You win the internet with that.
Facts. My mum says the exact same thing
I wish I could love the one who loves me.
A friend's Mum said: "if he loves you more than you love him, he treats you like a princess. If you love him more than he loves you, he treats you like dirt". (Thus she summed up my 35+ years' dating experience: seems true to me!).
@@quesiaa6067 same
This hit home. I made my relationship to easy, I removed every obstacle so he didn't have a reason to do anything. It became a very one sided relationship. I didn't realize I was doing this until it was to late.
Same.
Please forgive yourself. We've all been there. You learn the lesson and then you must move on and think about positive things and you will find someone else
Same
Yep, I FEEL You in This Comment. married 22 Year's and Didn't DO A Whole Lot of Things, except Trash, mow grass and, We Would Mostly GO, TO Taco bell or shall I Say, Toxic Hell And GET Divorced AND Still With him for Another 9 Years Divorced AND LEAVES ME IN His Apartment and Left ME MOVING, Cause of HECK, I Don't know Why and Still DON'T Know WHY, but did SAY, That he Learned FROM THE BEST, when HE SAID MY Name, And OH MY GOD ,and I paid for Divorce AND TELL ME, That We Shouldn't have GOT Divorced After 4 YEARS LATER, But wouldn't talk about Divorce or And Doesn't EVEN SHOW UP IN Divorce Court EITHER. Well 31 Years of MY Life Gone but Thank You Jesus for being Blessed with A GOD Forbearing Man and Will Go TO Church and Communication AND WE ARE BALANCED. Happy AS A LARK AFTER 2 MONTHS with MY MAN, Àdrian, TY Babe, you are Awesome as Crude Oil Engineer Driller for Shell Corporation. I AM SO BLESSED 🥰, Everyday BALANCED with MY HUNNY BUNNY 🐰😘❤️💞🐰 AND MY KING from HIS QUEEN, Loving Myself First and Have Love and DESERVE 💕, Love, NOT Because You Cook, Clean ETC, In a Relationship of WIFE DOING Everything, GO FIGURE. SORRY ABOUT YOUR LUCK IN The Future Being a DIRTY Greasie HAIR BUMB, Just Like You SAID YOU WAS Earlier IN Marriage. OMG 😳. TY 😘❤️💞😘🤗 Àdrian My Royalty Family From Whales, England and Always Wanted To go TO Whales England or Sheffield, TO get Another Pewter Tall MUG
Same
I did it all wrong by giving too much and he started becoming extremely passive aggressive and disrespectful when he didn’t get his way! I stopped it all and had to reintroduce myself and now we are starting over again after 5 years of marriage and 3 kids. Giving your all is not always the best, it’s called codependency! Codependent no more 🥰
I'm in the same situation....how did you reintroduce yourself....please help...I want to set things straight
I left a relationship where HE did very little rowing ... so I ended it . I felt very undervalued and unappreciated . It was a learning curve ... now I’m with a chap who moves heaven and earth to be with me ... I don’t make it easy for exactly that purpose x it does strengthen my identity , my accomplishment ... I love this new empowered me .
So your empowerment is dependant on your partner?
@@CarolineAnandSiddiqui You literally missed the whole point of her comment.
What did you do differently?
Caroline her empowerment is independent of her partner
Thats Great. Im happy for you 😊
Lauryn Hill taught me this with her song (Doo Wop - that thing) “plus when you give it so easily you ain’t even fooling him. If you did it then, then you’d probably do it again” “don’t be a hard rock when you really are gem, baby girl respect is just the minimum…”
People don't appreciate you until you're gone
That is not always true
True 😥
Real💯💯
True
Amen!
I don't believe people fight for love anymore, if your to busy, they walk, if your to needy, they walk, its a no win situation. There is no such thing as a man being truly in love. They have to many options.
Exactly. They don't know what love is. People make it seem like if you aren't traveling around the world then you need to replace your spouse. We marry for love. They don't see the difference between a covenant, sacred before God and a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. If your happiness and ability to stay in a marriage is dependent on whether or not you get to travel, you might as well just stay at the boyfriend and girlfriend level (unless you marry a person who emphasizes everything but love, too) because marriage is about love and companionship.
This is not 'self-knowledge' because it originates from God's word. Therefore its God's knowledge. God's ways are not mans ways.. God made Eve to be Adam's companion. His focus was on making sure Adam was not alone. All of the other stuff is extra.
Paul said it is good to be content in whatever state you are in. That means happy. If you can't be happy with the love itself, of course you are not going to appreciate your spouse.
If a person who marries you makes you feel like you are never good enough, they don't love you. They may say you don't cook enough, but then when you cook, it doesn't taste good enough (even if it truly does). They may say you need to work, but then when you work, it won't be the right amount of income. If you get the right amount of income, then you need to lose weight. Once you lose weight, then you need to fix your attitude. Once you fix your attitude, then you need to find a hobby. Once you find a hobby, then you need a purpose. Once you have a purpose, then you're getting old and need to look younger. People like this are never satisfied because they truly aren't in love with you. Companionship has nothing to do with all of the other things mentioned above. So if you find someone placing an emphasis on the other things, they want pride, trophy, luxury, not love and companionship.
To be honest, unless you are that trophy, they likely aren't going to fight for you. But even if they enjoy their life with the trophy they want after they've moved on, they will eventually pay the price for breaking the covenant they had with you. And to be frank, most of the time that trophy won't be enough because there is always not just a few other women that can surpass the trophy in every area (good and bad), but millions more who are way beyond her, many of which he will eventually come in contact with.
This is why Paul said its better to not even marry. You could potentially marry one of those people who will keep you distracted as you try to fulfill their commands while they play God. They will never be happy with you even when you meet all of their expectations because they're always looking for the next best thing instead of cherishing the moments you both create uniquely together in even the trivial things in life as husband and wife. That's the companionship, not all the bells and whistles.
You aren’t focused on the right target. 1. He must be the masculine type
2. The man must love you more than you love him
3. Don’t be desperate and put yourself above everything
Edit: don’t look for unconditional love in relationships with men or friends; you need to have those boundaries set up because if you don’t, they will walk all over you and take you for granted. Get a pet to love unconditionally
Damn straight and when they can have more then one, lets be honest why wouldnt they 🤨
*too
Leesly B Thats why I’m settling for a dog. The whole man thing is just too tiring!
It's not about game playing but about not being clingy or too needy.
We women need to be independent and to love ourselves.
Your advice is 100 % right.
I don’t like men who play hard to get. I like men who pursue me tenaciously. I’m hard to get by nature. I’m high value. I have to see you in action for some years and know your character, before I commit to you. In order for me to love you, I’ve gotta trust you. I will only begin to trust you when I see that you can trust yourself in expressing your vulnerability. Pull out all the steps. Consistently show me progressive love. And I will do the same for you.
Yessss 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼 don’t pursue these men. Those who are actually interested in you will pursue you. The egg doesn’t chase the Sperm, right?
How can a man play hard to get? You expect me to chase you? Never
Katerina I think you must be having successful relationships
I totally agree of all you say .
Are you taurus by any chance?
My mother advised me to marry a man who truly loves you. It’s better for a man to love you more than you love him. That’s an assurance he will treat you well.
I thought the man I married, loved me very much but later I realised he was playing a role so you never know if someone really loves you.
@@spring7250 For real. I was in an abusive relationship for years that started off with him loving me so much he couldn't think of a life without me. I'm still struggling to get over the mental and emotional damage and regain my confidence.
Yeah the same thing my mom said
I had this. I left him. I was treated well but I have to love someone.
If only you knew if they truly loved you. Many men are very good at hiding things and you think they love you but it eventually comes out they didn’t.
Does anyone else love how simple and effortless Brian makes dating ♥️🙏🏼
So apt
Yes!!
Simplified
He seems to expect me to pursue him. He’s failing on so many levels.I have communicated how it makes me feel…in a kind way. He still hasn’t changed. It’s long distance relationship but we’ve known each other for six years. When we saw each other two weeks ago he was all about us. And now that he’s back home he’s not really making an effort but yet texting me good morning beautiful. I’m tired of men thinking that that’s enough. I value myself more than that. And I deserve better. So I am the one who has backed off and decided to start dating again. I know I deserve somebody that doesn’t have to think twice about loving me or caring about me. Guys don’t seem to see the importance of this anymore. I refuse to be an option to anyone!!!
Been with someone for a few years and I HAD To get two jobs I HAD to work hard. I left and I am on my own now and I am much happier.
Lady Bird, how come you had to work so hard if you don't mind me asking?
@@peacelovejoyandhappiness She's suggesting he put bare minimum in the relationship financially
SAME
Same here, I wish I had left years ago from that relationship but I finally walked away and now he blames me for everything bad that happens in his life but I know I made the right decision by walking away. I'm glad you did too.
pikachu 1 I’m glad you did too
5:15 WOW I needed this today! Almost immediately when I stopped being “needy” and changed my tone aka lack there of, he’s all “want hugs” “I got you flowers today” “want to go out tonight?” 🤔🤔🤔
It was my mistake, I was taken for granted, and moreover not only he didn't say thank you to me but started gaslighting me that I'm not giving him ENOUGH!!! I am much happy with myself now, you should love yourself at first sight , firstly. When you don't love yourself people treat you like you're dust under their boots. Thank you, Brian 👏👏🔥💞
So so true that..wonderful insight
Very trueeee
@@madhusweetprof thank you 🤗
@@ΜαριαΜρ thank you 🌹
Very good, my dear! I’m glad you see your worth! I get very pleased to see strong women stand up for themselves by walking away and leaving the manipulative jerk alone!
You just summed up a year of therapy after 30 years od people pleasing due to having been abandoned as a baby. Your videos are amazing and I’ll treasure your words. Thank you, take care
Excellent advice, once again. Your explanations are concise and direct, with humourous, silly analogies. I've followed your strategies. They work for dating. I stopped doing more, while he did less. I didn't get upset or complain, nor let resentment build. I just acted fast, and stepped back. He has consequently stepped forward.
its so hard to date in my 20s!! i feel like guys are constantly playing games
@@SamElle i can totally relate! I'm 22 btw
@SamElle thats why you are here to learn..listen to brian teaching..learn that you deserve the best in any relationship..it seems hard because most times you meet douchebags but trust me there are goodguys outthere...Focus on being a wise young woman,you will attract the right man..from your age you are still very young,never make having a relationship your topmost priority ur great achievement..you have so many years ahead of you bu God's grace..Invest in wisdom and knowledge,improve yourself on all levels mentally,physically,spiritually(know your identity in the one who created true,God)otherwise and watch your life attract the right people like a magnet.
We girls have to learn from an early age to love ourselves , know what we want , learn healthy boundaries, not bend for the needs of a man . the right men will come along and love us just the way we are . ( But these are easier said and done most especially when we grew up not getting the healthy love from our own family)
Amen girl. I agree.
You teach us to be the best version of ourselves. Thank you
Yes, I agree.
This is brilliant and so helpful. I’ve always wondered how to get the balance of ‘playing hard to get’ and being in love. It’s not playing hard to get at all, it’s just growing myself and leading a fulfilling life and letting him want to be a part of that. Thank you Geert. ❤️
That was me. Just sitting there always speaking my mind standing my ground and looking back things got worse. He got so Lazy, overwhelmed and Fearful. That he let so many things and people come between us. Instead of talking to me. I lost him months before he actually left. But what I should have done was to shut up, fall back and enjoy my Life, give him space and to Fall back. But I kept rowing. And believe me...it costs.
so True.....i made it too easy for him. Lesson well learned. Thank you Brian :)
he has helped me with my love life!
Shortly, we should never give on our own life and happiness and make someone the center of our happiness. Instead care of our precious life and allow things to happen naturally. Then only what is good for you will come, relationships will evolve and balance is restored :)
"Popcorn for dinner" enjoy your sense of humour Lol.
What if they like popcorn for dinner? I’m screwed 🤣
I love this guy! I love his sense of humor and his down to earth, wisdom and advice. Thank you for what you do.
I do too! Is he Irish? I love his sense of humor. Very nice-looking too!
"Don't make it too easy, allow u him to work hard." in short, don't rush, let it work out a more natural way as much as possible. 👍👍👍
If the connection is really there, it doesn't take games to keep it alive. - though this is really good information for those relationships where the connection is not strong enough to sustain a lasting level of respect for each other.
Thank you for your content. Sadly, he has the need to be right, be unaccountable and incapable of seeing things from another's perspective in real time. Using your advice, I quit taking it personally and focused on my value to me. Consequently the last time this happened, I calmly walked out of his home with no anger but with a definitive statement that I do not need this "situation". When I did not reflect his behaviour, owned my own value for three days, he doubled down on his therapy commitment, has altered his alcohol intake immensely and offered to go to couples counseling. It is the way of fighting for our relationship a/k/a "couple-bubble" that allowed him another chance with me. Brian Nox, your calm demeanor, logical approach and considerable insight has helped me a great deal. I am a happy subscriber grateful for your presence in my life.
You're right. Everything you said is very true and I think that the more we start to love somebody the more we love to be with that person and sometimes we make the mistake of just becoming too available because we just love that feeling we get when we're with that person so we tend to spend way too much time and that actually makes a man value you less .I think that it's important for us to have a balance between having our own time and time with our partner.
Very true if a woman is confident to walk away from the relationship anytime the guy gets scared
This is so true and I didn't even know this was a thing!
I tend to give my ALL to someone I love and will sacrifice my comfort and wants for making others happy. I felt like my needs weren't met. He would ignore me and rather play video games or hang out with his guy friends. I though perhaps I was being too clingy so I backed waaaay off. I always initated text messages and said good morning and ask how he was but he never responded until late in the day. So I decided not to text at all. I purposefully ignored and gave a time limit of when to respond instead of IMMEDIATELY. And he is now actually paying attention to me! It confused me so much. Then I realized he was taking all my love and sacrifices for granted. It was when I became distant did he fear losing me. I just hope this isn't a constant thing :/
You literally described me. When I got married I literally felt like I gave up my identity, now I must reclaim the strong independent woman I am.
Same 😢
Me too thats how I’m feeling right now
My ex tried to fight for me though until it became obsessive 😩I’m glad you’ve done this. As there is a huge difference between doing it out of love and out of obsession. You are the god of dating ❤️
Fight for you and convince you, till he knows youre totally in love with him. When he notices your in love, thats when he starts to take you for granted and think they wont lose you without putting any effort 💔
Than that man doesn't worth it!
Trueeeeeee. Well it's time I stop rowing my side of the boat
Exactly!
Yes facing the similar thing right now .
I am totally guilty of being the one who made him my everything. Lack of attention would kill me. I confessed my feelings to him and now I am being taken for granted. I am very unsure of what's going on. Not that I am a demanding or a needy girl, all I wanted was him to take out at least 5 minutes a day to talk to me. Or if asking him where the relationship is heading towards sounds demanding - then perhaps I might be one. Clearly I am being undervalued now, and if this continues to be the same I am left with no option but to leave him. I like him a lot but I cannot stand to be with someone who doesn't value me, who isn't afraid of losing me.
Edit - Well... easier said than done. I always knew I had to break up but Goddddd it was always so hard. It always felt like cutting a piece of myself forever. And so I could never do it, until this month. 15th of September, I broke up with him. It was quite hard for me in the beginning but now, 15 days later, I find myself in a much much better position. I still think of him and it still makes me feel a bit upset, but I'm glad I didn't enter into the depressed mode. I guess I move on pretty soon and that's a great gift. I'm glad I stepped out of such a relationship, which would never keep me happy and fulfilled. I hope you all girls don't take so much time like I did and end the bullshit if it doesn't make you happy and keeps you worried, thinking and confused all the times! It's just not meant to be. PICK UP THOSE GODDAMN RED FLAG LADIES, THEY ARE DROPPING THEM FOR A REASON. Don't keep ignoring them and fooling yourself.
Ps - This was my first serious relationship, and his nth casual one.
Update (10 months post breaking up just in case it makes you feel any better lol because I understand how terrible it feels to be in such a toxic relationship and to move on) - I know I said earlier that I was moving on pretty fast but lol nooooo. It took me some good 5 months to come out of that zone, to actually stop feeling bad about all that went wrong. And all those 5 months, let me tell you, I was at my lowest, hit the rock bottom. I was at my worst, alone, and sort of depressed.
I was in dark, but you know what? I was positive. I knew good times and bad times do not stay forever. I was inside a dark tunnel and although I couldn't see the light, I knew all I needed to do was take baby steps, one step at a time and the tunnel was definitely going to end someday.
Ladies, right now I'm in the best state of my life. The experience has changed the entire trajectory of my life. Never been this happy, this internally satisfied, this positive, this spiritual in my entire lifetime. And so you know what, the experience only strengthens my belief in the fact that - "Everything happens for good".
You always know what the right thing to do is. All it takes is a little courage in that moment. Please trust your instincts, and most importantly - act on it. Women have a strong 6th sense and you already know where this entire thing is heading towards. You take the charge of your emotions, your feelings. Don't let them control you, dominate you. Take the situation in your control. If they truly love you, they fear losing you. Otherwise it's just one of those 'to be doomed right from the beginning' relationships (just like mine).
Also do not fear not being able to fall in love again. Don't romanticize the idea of "I once truly loved someone and now won't be able to love anyone anymore" just like they do in those movies, books and songs. Be open to everything that comes to you. When you are at peace with yourself, when you are in love with yourself, the right thing will definitely come to you at the right time, and the negative ones will automatically get rejected. There is no such thing as one true love, or the one and only. You'll fall in love again and again. And everytime that you fall in love, it will only get more intense, more pure, maturer than the earlier one. It gets better with every experience. So be grateful to everything that comes into your life, and for everything that goes out of your life. Nothing will be there forever.
I do think about him sometimes, but I don't miss him anymore. I don't feel bad anymore. I am grateful for everything that had happened. Not that I am letting him enter into my life again lol (once gone is gone forever), but I don't hold any grudges anymore. I am at peace, and this is really blissful.
Update - 4th October 2022
This man came back into my life again, in April 2021 (probably right after my last update lol). I was wrong about having moved on lol (and so fucking embarrassed right now but I'll anyway share 🙈😂) I hadn't. And I let him in, again. Biggest mistake. He fucked me over again. 9 months later in November, he breaks up. 3 months after breaking up, March 2022 - he comes back. 3 days later, he says he's changed his mind. I was so fucking done with him I had to write him a harsh letter and block him from everywhere, changed my city. He fucked me real bad lol. Went through everything again that I was feeling 2 years back, even worse this time. Started smoking, alcohol, hoed round mindlessly, went to astrologers, therapy and what not. I was 19 when I had met him and I'm 22 now. Still dealing with everything but at least I've left no doors open lol. I loved him way too much, I would never have been able to leave him even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness and needs just to be with him. I'm glad he did it, and kept doing it again and again until he left me with no option but to shut him away from everywhere. This time, I promise, I truly am in a better place. :)
Update - December 2023 - We got in touch again, went on and off for the entire year. I am disgusted at this guy. He is never going to change, he is going to remain the same forever. This time I am changing my phone number for good. I don't want him to contact me ever again in this lifetime.
Let him know your feelings in a calm manner and ask him how he’s feeling because you don’t want to waste any time. If he doesn’t make consistent efforts, please walk away. No need in staying some where you are not appreciated and don’t waste your valuable time waiting around! That’s where women mess up and the man is no dummy in that aspect. He knows she’s waiting on him. If he doesn’t make you feel loved and cherished, step away. It may hurt for a while but your worth and happiness is way more important then him dragging you along! Stand up for yourself and don’t ever allow a man to waste your time. EVER! Please, love yourself because when you do, you will walk away from crap no matter how bad it hurts!
LCD P absolutely!!! I wasted 2 years on a guy that didn’t value me, was unsure of where our relationship was going, wasn’t afraid of losing me, kept me a secret from his adult children, never spend significant occasions or holidays with me, no gifts except once, and gaslighted me whenever I stood up for myself... this can totally crush your self esteem... walk away with what ever dignity you have left... you will heal if you put yourself first
Yes but you have to value yourself. Don’t depend and wait on a guy who has to value you because what happens if he won’t? Guys will treat you how you treat yourself. Your heart will know when enough is enough and you will have to put your foot down.
Was in such relations. Now after brake up and time went I see how toxic relations that was thinking that I could finish all that crap much earlier. Well it's a lesson but now I see much clearly what it was and can finally value myself
How to quit in a realtionship?
Such great advice. I’m in a new relationship and I am leaning back and letting go of the Need for the relationship to work out. The amazing thing that happens is that the man leans in and makes more of an effort. As he does this, he creates more value for me to him. Men want to work for their women. Once I truly got that and quit trying to control situations, it got So much easier. Thanks Brian! Your info is pure gold!
Nice move hehe
At the end of the day we all must live out our destiny
We have much less control than we like to imagine we have
If we are to have a loving partner, it will come
If not, it will not
Rather than “looking for love”. Express love
If Life finds you worthy love will find you
Enjoy each day for the beauty it brings
It passes so very quickly
This is literally the most liberating and amazing insight ever ... thank you for changing my life ❤️
It just seems like it comes down to having self worth and self value. Realizing that you are worth being valued and valuing yourself. And surrounding yourself with a community and things in life that support that belief.
I do have my own life and do not need him to validate me. I do, however, need him to be respectful, present and emotionally mature. That should be present already...I am not interested in grooming someone that has no basic decency. Why are we approaching men as if they are little boys and we are the wise mothers to guide them?
Exactly how I feel
We need to be careful about feeding narcissism
THIS HITS HOME!!!!!
Move on
Because so many are so immature and spoiled these days … and women think they just have to accept what comes along.
Thank you so much! Especially one sentence was eye-openening "no it is not ok to confirm last minute". I´m a super laid back person, but realized that being so laid back (if I´m free I don´t mind being spontanenous) will often make him take you for granted. So just because I`m relaxed with my friends when it comes to meeting up, I will change that in my dating-life! If you have more examples like that, I would love to hear it.
God bless your mother! I like your real name better ...much love and sopport!
My parents is divorce, but I hope , and I will make a better family with my future husband
You will. I am confident of that.
@Anastasia Mustika: wow what a beautiful name u have dear 💕 kudos to you and ur positive thought 👏 hope for the best, best of luck to you 🙏🤝👍
I was born without a father my whole life and always hoped it wouldn't happen to my kids but now, it happens to my son too ... his father left him 😔💔
@@ninac2266 be strong dear ❤️✨
Me too, let's hope the best for the best of us and even for those who are trying their best and deserve it.
Ya voice is so nice Brian and you are a godsend I love all your advice
its so so helpful in navigating the dating world
Thank you for the tips Brian. It helped me
I learned so much from you Brian, and some good reminders for things I already knew. Married 34 yrs and doing too much of the rowing! Thank you!❤️
This is the best teaching I have ever heard. Learning this late. our parents didn’t teach us about it in adult life.
Thanks for this, it has awakened my elegance femininity and I will stop fighting for someone who doesn't value me
Thank you so much! I love your sense of humor and presentation!! 😄 I'm definitely guilty of removing the obstacles, I realize this now and I've started rowing. I'm glad I found your channel because these insights are valuable. Finding that balance. Thanks! 🙂
"I am about to go polish my horse...." love Brian's humour and his advice is not to be sniffed at either.
You are 100% right about the obstacle aspect. That's true. Thanks for explaining and making me cautious cos I feel like I've fallen a victim
The catchy oneliner.. You don't need him. U want him..indeed a huge difference
Yes, love yourself and everything else works itself out.
Allow him to work for it 😉
popcorn it is then :))) thank you for giving our power back :)
Lol ikr what popcorn for dinner
My ex would ignore me, fight about stupid things, be selfish, lie
Plus he kept promising marriage.
I finally realized I deserve better!
And I got the big answer that I was questioning as I broke up with him.
His only response was, "I see"!
So there ya go! Lol
I love how you infuse humor on all your videos. You are absolutely brilliant! ❤
I did this already. The thing is if he loves you and you let them know you are not planning to stay if he's only giving you the bare minimum efforts it will wake him up, he will keep thinking about it and will get scared of the idea of losing you. Then they will fight for you. Honestly, this is a case to case basis depends on how he value your worth. Some men knows exactly your worth but will still try to take advantage of you. Weird.
You are absolutely amazing at reminding us of who we are and being direct. Thank you for your work. 💗
Brian thankyou so much ❤️💕 for such an eye opener.I really needed it
I am amongst those women who had built her whole life around him and my joy and fulfilment came from him.Since I was always available I have never been valued by him and has been disrespected in public by him time and again
Anyhow this was all because of me because I always acted as the needy one in the relationship
It has really given me a great insight . It's a high time after 30 yrs of my marriage to wake up and sip the coffee
I have to instill in myself that I am enough for myself and create a prosperous and joyous life for self
I have been a home maker till now but your talk has given me the confidence to move ahead
I have listened to your videos 3-4 times and may be more in future to get it set on my mind
Perfect timing 👏👏👏 exactly what I needed to hear today😊 thank you 🙏
EXCELLENT advice! I wish I had seen it 17 years ago.😢
Its fun watching you explain things, you make me laugh, giggle, and be priceless! Thanks Brian, u r awesome 🙂
I am glad I told him to stop texting me after telling me he wants to focuson more important things in his life. 😂😂
The bus had left
Wooh! He wants to concentrate on more important things in life.? Run girl
Like "Bye boy"
I will do the same cause these guys have similar dailogues😆😆😆
This is incredible advice and I'm very grateful for THIS today. I've dedicated my life to a man that doesn't meet me halfway for too long. He tells me I'm delusional and that I'm not seeing/feeling what I am. I'm going to try to take care of myself and completely cut him out for a while. I've been sad for too long
He is a good prince if he fights for his princess. ☺️
What a great man you are, thank you lots. It is very appreciated from people like me to be able to watch and gain valuable knowledge like this. Thank you, may I find the perfect man for me and may god bless you and may you live a long and blessed happy life.
I needed this. Thank you. Wish I had heard it years ago when I was stupid.
Me too.
I love your teaching. I learned a lot. thank you.
This is hard to accomplish during a lockdown. All my interest and hobbies are cancelled 😭
Leila Dixon yup, add breast cancer and several surgeries where I need a support system and he's the only one.
@@undergrace1808 Maybe friends can be your support system in that regard? Family too? Make new friends online?
I'm sorry about your condition, and I hope you feel better soon and he realises what he has before it is too late for him.
focus inward
Aurora Pearl 🙏 thank you
Regarding lockdown... I'm in Melbourne, we can't go 5 kms from our houses and I'm working from home but I'm having a great time! I've got a new excercise routine I've been experimenting with the best strategies to lose weight and I've found the right one so I'm kicking goals. I'm educating myself using RUclips clips and realising my value. I've discovered that I am enough so I've gone no contact with my disrespectful alcoholic partner. He took me for granted and I'm realising now that I allowed that. I'm monitoring myself-talk and not letting me 'beat myself up'. I've not been this happy or relaxed in years. This is possible in lockdown!
You are brilliant. This is what im doing right now...you literally described my situation. Thank u for your advice.
Preach! Brian, Preach!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
My husband of 12 years is not a bad guy and I'm not a bad woman. We are divorcing. I require way more attentiveness and most days I need proof that even cares/respects/loves/needs me and I will never get that from him bc he doesn't feel those ways about himself. He will never treasure me while is battling SEVERE self hatred/guilt/unresolved physical and emotional abuse before we even met.
He has to heal himself for a while, but I refuse to keep putting myself dead last on his to do list. He is like an elephant on my chest every single morning and my bones are snapping. He has serious health problems as well which is why he is here, (and had to dump his gf of years when I found out about her) bc he loves me as his nurse, but not his wife but too selfish to let go.
I have to focus on me now, and I have and I am feeling pretty good about it
I think I'm gonna totally act on that. My date (for one year) doesn't even feel the need to label our relationship. Maybe he'll feel the need to, when I'm not coming over for the weekend if he asks after Wednesday. If he doesn't secure time with me at the beginning of the week, I'll have my weekend booked. May it be girls night, another date or simply doing something to advance my career.
Please do this.
In the future all of this should happen at the beginning of the union. Best wishes.
Keep us updated. 👍🏻😊
Its been a year and he doesn’t feel the need to call up a Relationship, Remember if he has the milk why he would need to buy the cow ? He is playing with you and probably he is waiting for another date to start a relationship with al the labels , it’s been too long of waiting I think you are totally able to meet other guys and have boyfriend . YES leave him and I recommend to block him from social media right away. Do not hurt yourself in any way overthinking of this situation with him.
@@acr29 there were always reasons for it (long distance, he's ten years older than me, I didn't want a bf during my exams). But you are right, I have to stop giving him boyfriend-benefits. I'm emotionally detached enough now but I think it would be rude to just block him.
I like what you said about wanting but not needing. Having your own life, hobbies, enjoyment ect...
This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you very much and I am sharing 💜💞
I feel relieved after listening to this video. Thank you very much.
I can be guilty of this, I'm having to dial my feelings back because I know it will make him complacent. It's really hard because guys, in my experience, go full throttle when they first meet u, then when they know 'they have u', they suddenly dial completely back. It's a game, a dance, one I've lost before,this time I'm not going to, because this time I believe he really is the one
Love his helpful words, the approach too speaks to me.
Brian, I can't imagine anyone not valuing you!!!
O God!!! I needed this… you have no idea how much you helped me…. Thank you so much 😢
You're such a saviour!!❣️
dating god
Thankyou for this video.
There were a lot of things i was doing wrong and a lot of it makes sense now. having your own identity is SOOOOO important, and i really appreciate this.
"I'm about to go wax my horse" priceless :-)
I appreciate the reminder on protecting my own value.
Thank you for your advice I can’t lost my identity anymore maybe he never feel same like me never love me. I'm not playing a game as him did so I painful.
I like your sense of humour so much, and thank you for so much inspiration.
Brian thank you, for making me understand, that was wonderful, , I will get your books soon
Thank you . I have watched several of your videos. They confirm what I already know but don't want to admit.
Yes, I am finally leading my OWN life.
Thanks a lot Brian Nox I needed this. Have a lovely Life
I love the way you get straight into your videos. New subscriber and really appreciate your work.
You are so right. I was so easy for my ex as a result he really took me for granted. I also felt not valuable cheap for him. These was all my feelings.