As teachers we are often forced by fearful administrators and vocal parents to act in a way that we know is not in the best interests of students or society. We have what we have now as a result.
As a teacher and a coach, I completely agree. This past lacrosse season I actually had two juniors in high school who went home and complained to their parents that I was mean to them by pulling them out of a practice drill and correct them. They were also in absolute tears. Basically these children are uncoachable and possibly unemployable in their future. And I stopped coaching them and they didn’t realize and their parents didn’t realize what they were actually doing to their child.
But is industrial schooling in the best interests of young people in the first place? In reality, one-size-fits-all, labor-intensive schooling has always been at the forefront of causing all this damage.
@@meganbaker9116 I agree but what is the solution? - I have rarely heard about a good solution. Oh I know, but it’s expensive, people constantly complain about taxes that pay for schools, corporations, constantly fight against being taxed and drive the quality of schools down by refusing to pay taxes, such as Nike, and usually threaten to move if they don’t get tax break, or go to right to work states that caused “a race to the bottom” and gut communities who therefore don’t have revenues to fix their infrastructure and maintain quality schools. I believe the solution is to have some sort of a balance system of revenue collection and I don’t care what you call it that fund quality schools. The other thing that needs to be fixed is the concentration of extreme poverty and extreme wealth. Because when people currently talk about quality schools, they generally mean those schools that are in areas that are , high metal class the high class and when they talk about poor schools, they literally mean the social economic make up of that community. With substantial funding increases, you could replace, as you say, the industrial model of education, with a more individualized way of teaching. Currently, that is the buzzword in education and has been for the last 20 years.: that is individualized education, plans and differentiation which in classrooms of 25 to 45 kids is impossible. If we truly want to replace the industrialized model, then class sizes need to be dramatically, reduced, more alternative classes, and subject matters need to be offered, which means hiring many more teachers, which is gonna cost a lot of money, but I look at it as a conservative principle of investing in our future. There has been talk about the school to prison pipeline, and this is a result of that industrial model and the concentration of poverty. This is not an investment in our future, and we can choose to invest in schools or invest in prison. I don’t know what the exact numbers are but when there are some states that are spending between four and $10,000 per student And they’re spending $40,000 per inmate that shows that we don’t really care about our communities and we definitely don’t care about children or their future.
Beginning around 2012, during the “no child left behind” delusion, I was expected to make sure all my public high school science students passed my class whether they had tried to learn anything or not. I knew then that we as a country were heading for trouble.
My immediate reaction when I first heard the title of that legislation was, "No one can be left behind if no one goes anywhere at all--can't be stranded if the train never leaves the station...!"
Because of that Policy my coworkers 19 yr old son graduated highschool last year still unable to read or write . Robert had him file as disabled because he knows his son can’t even sign his own name on job applications . And no , his son is not special needs , he’s just a normal kid that got ignored in class because he was shy .
@@RumpleGold sorry to hear that. I pushed back against those policies which in my opinion hurt kids by being too willing to accept / create excuses and pass them on.
@@gangsta8929 getting in the weeds here. You can’t force a horse to drink. Sometimes kids / parents want you / the teacher / coach to learn and practice and play the game for them. Responsibilities belong to the individual. Lastly, public schools need competition. Parents need to have realistic choices / financial / vouchers.
I never thought I’d be appreciative to have suffered such a crap childhood at a school with lots of mean kids. It sucked so much when I was going through it, but now I literally never think about it and hardly remember anything.
But you would have been better off not going through that? Because negative struggle doesn't really build character all too much, unless it's a positive challenge?
@@anti1trainingThank you for pushing back on this macho shithead attitude. There is a middle ground between treating children like fragile morons on the one hand and saying “Yeah! Sink or swim!!” on the other. They both lack intelligence while demonstrating how ego-driven adults are.
I so agree with Haidt's views about how we sheltered kids in the 90s to the point of rendering them unable to cope with life. I gave my kids more freedom than most parents did and was chastised several times by well-meaning "good samaritans" claiming to know what was better for my kids than I did. I recognized even then that the over-protection of kids had reached fever pitch and I wasn't going to cave! My daughter had a friend who was not allowed to cross the street onto the next block near her house until she was 13! I knew it was important to give my kids some agency, little by little, with increasing opportunities to make critical decisions as they matured. They thank me for it today.
@@shanecrump7932 They thought they were protecting you. Kids have to make their own decisions, make some mistakes, even fail a few times. That's how we learn!
@@tinyshepherdess7710 exactly. That’s why I hold zero resentment against them. They did the best job they knew how raising me and I appreciate it immensely. I also don’t have kids so I’m really in no position to judge someone’s parenting as long as they aren’t abusing their kids. I have also made some terrible life decisions and my little sister is 10x more successful than I am, so I have to accept responsibility for my part in my life outcomes.
@@shanecrump7932”My parents did their best” is the mantra of people who don’t want to see the reality of how their parents behaved. My siblings embrace it despite our parents almost killing me. Denial, denial, denial….
I remember being told, "There are occasions when seeking forgiveness is better than seeking permission." Too much has changed since those immortal words were spoken. We must keep pushing back or too much of our humanity will be lost.
Love the concept of dads saving America! The video footage about Dads on Duty in a Louisiana school made me cry. It's time to stand up for the essential role that dads play. And I'm a huge fan of Jonathan Haidt.
It’s a battle between right and wrong. Let’s have a civil conversations to test what is which. Those that bully people trying to have civil conversations have rarely been known to be on the right side of history.
When I was little, we were left to our own devices often. We organized our own softball, baseball, and other games/sports, we explored the woods on our own, we created our own entertainment, rode bikes a considerable distance from home, etc. during all of this, when we encountered problems, we solved them. No adult intervened. As a result, we learned problem-solving, cooperation, consequences, ingenuity and creativity, equity, etc. - all valuable skills to help us build the confidence we needed to face the challenges of adulthood. I taught in a college for 30 years and towards the end of my career, my students would come to class and dump all their problems on me. I would ask them, “How do you plan to solve that problem?” and they were always shocked that I expected them to come up with a solution. Kids did become more fragile because the adults in their life overprotected them and did everything for them. That just creates a handicap because kids can’t do things for themselves. They lack the skills, experience and confidence and too often, even the will to do so.
Yep that was my childhood too. Nowadays that is called "free range" and such a parenting style is looked down upon because, supposedly, it puts kids in such horrible danger. When I was a kid, it was normal. I don't think the world is any more dangerous now than it was then! There are more dangers online than outside. I had run-ins with creeps in the "olden days", and sure I got in over my head a time or two, but I eventually learned how to steer clear and stay out of trouble.
You should write down your experience. I’m collecting stories like yours if you’re inclined to contribute. If kids never hear such stories they’ll never know that what we’re doing today is bizarre and deeply unnatural.
As a mental health clinician working at a graduate school, I'm so glad I found Dr. Haidt. I feel very solitary on campus because I would literally be black listed if I expressed alignment with any of Dr. Haidt's views. In a system that celebrates trigger warnings, avoiding any and all language that could offend, and supports oppresor/ victim mindsets, I will be called racist of I expressed any concern about what this fragile mindset is doing to our society.
I work as a supervisor in a mental health facility. I can’t tell you how many grievances are filled in a month against staff for basically hurting their feelings. I often see memes regarding GenX being tough people because we weren’t coddled. In fact quite the opposite. Everything is a trigger now. There has to be a happy medium instead. For myself, when a client yells at me for something, I don’t fall to pieces. Some of that comes with age but I grew up in a time that’s kids were seen and not heard.
I actually heard a Gen Z describe his father's stellar work ethic as "the result of emotional baggage". I was shocked. I've always felt that my work ethic gives me a sense of self esteem that helps me to OVERCOME emotional baggage. I love knowing that I've earned what I have. I love knowing I've done something well. I love learning new skills. I love using those skills to benefit others. What's wrong with any of that? Where are people getting these ideas?
Being reminded that we have an internal locus of control is definitely the key! If I have control over my life, then I can gauge the risks I want to take, based on the consequences of success or failure. Good stuff!
@@Hajde_budalla remind yourself that you have control over your life. Even over things you seemingly have no control over, you still control your perception of it and emotions around it. Being a victim means you have external locus of control. This also means being optimistic rather than pessimistic.
All I had to contend with was mild PC and "multiculturalism" back in the late 90s at Penn State. There was nothing like this. It's a strange 180 in mindset.
me and another mom friend were talking about how parents without knowing conterbute to this mindset. making our children “weak” without even realizing it. and after our long talk watching our kids playing in the park it suddenly hit us! we do it in away because we cant afford for our kids to get hurt! we dont want them getting hurt because we both have other kids and no family to leave them with in case something happened. slowly we are now trying to do better about it and teach them to do everything without fear of getting hurt
Thanks for sharing this conversation. As a parent, it’s so difficult to find the right balance on this. And of course, there are dangers that we really do need to protect them from. Being aware that it can go too far is the most important thing. - John
This is why sports become so important to boys and girls, but we have made those into safety zones as well with a pay to play system as opposed to the old days of going down to the park and playing a pickup game with no adult supervision. Essentially there is always adult supervision and that is the fundamental flaw in child rearing today in America.
We are teaching that no one is allowed to be offended. We teach that if someone says or does ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable, to any degree, that person is doing something bad and must be stopped. If your kid is a little overweight and you go to try on clothes, and you ask the attendant to bring a size L for your child, but instead, the attendant brings a size L and a size XL, then the phone gets pulled out, the attendant gets recorded and the video gets posted on RUclips showing everyone that the child was a victim of fat shaming. The attendant gets fired and sponsors are pulling out of the store. That is not far from what happens. We are teaching victimhood. We need to look at the word that started all this. Tolerance. But tolerance only went one way. No one is allowed to be offended. The pronoun war is about being offended. There is no tolerance the other way. Someone calls you a name, someone calls you fat, someone calls you her, brush it off. The person who brushes it off will grow up right. Teach the difference between intentional and non intentional. The person bringing you the XL is trying to help you choose what fits best. The person calling you "her" doesn't know you, therefore can't call you "they". Teach the kids empathy. Teach them that being offended has many stages. But right now, people are losing Careers for insane things. We are losing.
People these days self sensor too much and sometimes struggle with words, walking on eggshells trying hard not to offend anyone. When I notice people having this issue with me, I tell them not worry, if they manage to offend me somehow, I'd probably end up thanking them for it. In the rare occasion I feel offended, I have this weird urge to try to understand just why I felt that way. After finding the answer, usually it comes down to a few options: - I'm having an attribution bias and should probably just keep my cool and figure out what's actually going on; - I'm caring too much about opinions of people of no consequence and I'd be wasting my time overthinking that ; - I just heard a very uncomfortable bit of truth and I should either make peace with this flaw I found on myself or take action to fix it.
Being told your fat is a great motivator to lose weight. As is looking in the mirror and wheezing while climbing 4 stairs. Truth hurts but not as much as having your toes amputated from the Willford Brimley disease.
I mean if you nurture understanding and the idea of agreeing to disagree and trying to understand rather then get aggressive about ideas that you don't agree with it. Seriously don't know how many people I come across that get hostile and throw hate around like it's so easy for them too hate rather then reserving hate for something truly deserving of getting hate.
Yes exactly I remember hearing a story that a University of Florida had a 24/7 hotline for people who were offended by others wearing a Halloween costume that they didn’t like. These people were in college not kindergarten if they can’t handle someone wearing a Halloween costume then what’s going to happen when they are faced with a real challenge????? It is a recipe for failure in their life 🥺😥😳🙄😞.
Lol you think this is an airtight argument for debate team or something-- but you're not saying what the costume was. What if it was blackface? I would PREFER that my children have the courage and independent thought to condemn a costume that celebrates the legacy of slavery, or that subtly celebrates amnesia about historical crimes against others in our country. Your attitude goes precisely against this spirit of togetherness that the video claims to champion-- if we are solving problems and able to dialogue together, we don't intentionally offend others-- we are secure enough to take their point of view seriously. That's not fragility-- it takes courage and tolerance. This video and all these sycophants licking its ass are crypto-fascist hokum.
Not all parents are raising their children to be weak. Some are raising their children to be strong. Many parents aren’t raising their children at all; the streets are raising their children. The weak will fall prey to the strong.
Hey Dad, I encountered this subject yesterday with a few other dads who shared alarming rates of kids taken off the soccer field with cramps. We discussed whether it was "the jab" or overtraining with coaches. I suggested that our victim culture coupled with an aversion to responsibility could lead to this phenomena (Sarno's Tension Myositis Syndrome) which I treat quite often. As an aside, my left leaning girlfriend is moving right because of your channel. We have watched a few episodes and your tactful and open mindedness appeal to her. Thank you. I couldn't do it without you.
Whatever happened to “breathe through it”? You don’t die from cramps. Those kids getting off the field are being robbed of feeling good about themselves. “Yes Johnny you didn’t score a goal but you stayed in the game even when you didn’t feel good and helped your team”
To all the parents doing their best! I detest the use of the word “weak”. Also let’s not forget we are all fragile. Still, some Excellent points made here! I was raised by traumatized parents and a Christian church to fear everything and that made things exceptionally difficult for me. Thank goodness I rebelled and got to watch 3 older siblings rebel. I
I think it's a bit of both, parents have been getting increasingly more protective of their children to the point that kids don't play outside much. But also, there's been something seriously wrong with all this sensitivity training among adults. A few of my thoughest friends became incredibly fragile a little after turning 30 years old and I still don't understand just what caused all this. It's like their confidence shattered and they became extremely reliant on external support and validation to avoid second guessing themselves at every tiny decision they had to make and not feel overwhelmed at the tiniest obstacle they find in their path.
@@gcolombellibut don’t you think that’s where the problem is? The toughness? We define toughness as not being vulnerable then hide and ignore our emotions and live behind the tough man mask. Then after many years break apart. I think as men we should learn other values aside of just being tough.
Don't matter, the world has your child more than you. THERE FOR your teachings & tradition aren't in them. . We must work to feed and keep a roof.. I'm a single mom and it's horrible 😞
I've been sharing Jonathan Haidt with anyone who would listen (and some who plug their ears) ever since the publishing of The Happiness Hypothesis, and I'm pleased to see that others are presenting his research and conclusions.
I don’t know. At least half of the ideas resonate somewhat with me but I gotta say..the “sticks and stones” thing is so exasperating. It’s frustrating because it pre-supposes that people are raised with a solid enough foundation to overcome verbal abuse, which is very much not the case. If you were raised having cigarettes put out on you, and you already have a voice in your head telling you your garbage, when somebody insults you at school you’re supposed to just get over it? It’s just going to feed into confirmation bias, you’re going to gravitate to the negative feedback, not work on yourself, and engage in a cycle of self-harm. I’ve seen it time and time and time again. Words DO hurt, and I’m not a “beta” for saying that. Words can swing governments, topple giant corporations, and rile a population up to overthrow tyrannical rulers. And we are worried about being punched by some 9 year old more? It just makes no sense man. Shrugging it off is a great tool for those of us who have the confidence to do so, and I agree you should always just overcome it and agree to disagree, but again, not all of us have had that confidence instilled in us. It’s easy to blame millennials and zoomers, but what about their parents?
Exactly, I have diagnosed PTSD from what my father did to me as a child and it didn't make me stronger, it made me a shattered wreck of a person, and being homeless for most of 2020 didn't make me tougher for surviving, it just meant I had to sleep curled up in a parking lot and taught me never to trust anyone, ever. This "tough times, tough men" mentality is always pushed by the softest, weakest, pastiest people who've never had to go through a single tough day in their lives who couldn't cope with what I have to deal with before breakfast.
@@unknownuser3926 Suffering will not make everyone tougher/stronger/better, but these idiots in the video seem to genuinely think that for whatever reason. No functioning brain havin asses. I’m bipolar, special Ed all through my childhood years with speech therapy, and I can think more than them. Fucking why?
@@unknownuser3926 If you're old enough to remember the original "sticks and stones" quote, it's what your parent told you to say to the bully kids. Nobody including Jonathan Haidt would claim that you can grow up emotionally stronger and mentall healthier when you don't have a nurturing home environment. But you DO need to be able to stand strong against people outside your tribe who are hitting on you, verbally or otherwise.
People are always going to be out there who are bad parents or bad or nasty folks. Trying to shelter from the inevitable just like trying to avoid all germs will cause great harm eventually to an individual and to our society and our freedom.
Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you and I'm rubber and your glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. That's what I was taught in elementary school.
Every generation has over protective parents. Now a days we have regulations to keep people safe. "Tough love" and getting a little hurt, isnt the same as neglect. And yes words can traumatize you. Discrimination and bullyiny come to mind
It’s a very different world. I’m only 42 but I was brought up “old school”. Now kids would sue you if you do something they don’t like. The world has become very weak. You see it in Sports, Professional enterprises. Everyone gets a bail out now and a trophy for doing nothing. Everyone becomes “viral” or “famous” for doing something stupid on social media. Don’t know the end results but it sure doesn’t feel like anything good will come out of this. All an illusion 🎉😅
The normal course of adulthood includes: confrontation problem-solving and emotional responsibility to own up to your mistakes. Bubble wrapping a kid does a disservice to everyone in our society. When did being non threateningly confrontational become taboo?
There's a workbook called 30 Days Without Social Media by Harper Daniels that I really like. We have to be so careful with social...more like hypnotical...media today.
It’s funny this reminds me of a what is now a very funny overreaction on my part at the time. I was riding my bike and I twisted my ankle, I told my parents I hurt my ankle and they told me I’d be fine in a few weeks and so I walked around with an annoying limp. And after a few weeks I was walking normal again. Now I’m smarter and tougher for it, when I twist my ankle I just walk it off and after an hour or so if walking and sitting I’m back to normal. Im grateful my parents both sheltered me but made sure I grew stronger as I grew up, and letting me make mistakes to learn.
🤣 Rather than, "Time heals all wounds," a therapist told a loved one of mine, "Time wounds all heals." TOTALLY different meaning today. Time wounds all 🦶🐍.
Great stuff, Haidt has had a similar impact on me and I am so glad my discovery of his work so closely coincided with my entry into the dad club. Question: What is the source of the video of Haidt discussing the “Coddling of the American Mind” in what appears to be a college lecture hall?
As a Gen Z parent of 3 children all born between 2019-2022 I am relatively harsh with my kids. I’m intentionally raising them more similarly to how my grandparents raised my parents. My grandparents are still alive to this day and are a part of the silent generation. My parents are Gen X. From what I’ve learned and seen, is that me and my siblings have the most issues. We all have terrible anxiety and struggle to stick up for ourselves, and we are all hyper sensitive. I’ve become less so over the years having put myself in harsher situations than my siblings. My parents were gentle parents. However, my parents also have anxiety but do not have the same issues with coping and over coming challenges and I think that’s because my grandparents were part of the “don’t cry toughen up” parenting style. I want to raise my kids to be more like my parents and less like me and my siblings, so I’m taking my grandparents parenting style and modifying it. I will always be there for my kids, and I do guide them in talking about and recognizing their feelings; I want them to have the emotional self awareness but I also do not cave to their feelings and I will tell them when they need to just suck it up. So far (in my particular my oldest) is a tough cookie with an in charge personality but a good heart and always trying to help or take care of others. So so far the method I’m doing seems to be working.
I delt with bullys at school so different then others did ! I became their bully, i didnt need a grown up to powder puff anything! No coddlers allowd !
I've noticed the excessive asking for permission in younger people when they are ordering at a deli. They will say, "Can I get half a pound of ham?" or "Can I get 1/4 pound of Swiss cheese?" instead of saying, "I would like..." I find this way ordering very annoying. The deli wants to sell its products - one does not need to ask permission to buy them.
The same with speaking to children. You shouldn’t say “can you pick up your toys now, please?” Instead: “pick up your toys, I’ll be back in 10 minutes to check.”
I was a bullied kid, but the idea that we could just make the bullies not exist, would have been silly. I definitely could have used more support from my parents (they really didn't know what to do) and help in realizing that it really wasn't about me. But the idea that the world would ever be free of bullies or that there was some (unenforceable) "right" to never encounter them would have been absurd. The only way to ensure that would have been for my parents to hover around me all the time, and never let me out of their sight. That is, exactly what parents are being expected to do in the US today. People who buy into it raising their kids in soft-walled prisons, and those who let their kids grow up "free range" like I did, now face legal threats. That has to be rolled back somehow.
The more gentle weve been, the more fragile they've become. At some point, they have to learn to scrape their knees and carry on, preferably before they get jobs.
But at the same time, the question and concept much be asked, but do you think our elders were raised too rough & mental development is just as intricate in the developmental process as physical development? A wound on the inside is a wound that you can’t receive medicine for too heal, unlike a wound on the outside of the body that you can heal easier. I feel a bunch of older adults are incapable of being vulnerable and tapping into their emotions. They were raised on the specific gender roles and boys had to be men, and girls must be women and it is possible it could have stunted their growth while trying to develop and are incapable of feeling certain emotions so they are always walled off to other people and can never really connect on an intimate level because of so? I think that is dis-advantageous to society for people to not be able to grow emotionally and for the, to stay hard all the time because that’s what their stoic father told him to do when he was little.
TBH, something about the view to like ratio tells me these guys are paying for hate, but they don't care, because obviously the book sells itself to enough ppl to make money to pay for the add and put some in their pocket, but the whole idea and purpose behind this concept is nonsensical in abstraction. It is seriously geared torwards people who like to think about a psychologucal arguement that makes no sense without specific examples and isn't really worth putting anything into, because as the old saying goes: " If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it." No one can create a uniform rule of thumb code of conduct that everyone should always follow in the respect that is being presented in video... There's always been extreme cases of coddleing where the relationship between the parent and child is unhealthy and has detrimental effects to the development of the child and some really bad and weird stuff happens as a result... but hopefully you are not insane and do weird stuff with your kid... 😆 It reminds of the munchhousen's by proxy lady... and there is the opposite end of the spectrum, which is basically abuse and neglect... You don't everything for your kid, but it's good to make sure they have a good chance at making it and to not screw them over... That's it...some people got to act like they have to be an asshole, but that doesn't make the relationship better. people who have kids that are extremely skilled at an art form or intellectually basically make sure thier kid is extremely supported in everyway from a very young age. It doesn't just happen randomly... there fore there is actually an arguement that coddling and sheltering can totally work out. That's my take.
Mmmm, mixing up two conceptual tracks - I had the benefit of a lot of rough existence in my upbringing. Even so, being treated very poorly in school is a pain that I fight every hour- the experience is so deeply engraved in my soul that I must constantly struggle with my sense of worth , thereby wasting a lot of energy and effort. Such an endeavor always leaves me behind, struggling to catch up. No one, however, would consider me a whiner… I have tons of initiative and a ‘let’s figure it out’ view on everything. What I might have been if my soul didn’t constantly ache from ridicule received at a time when I could not understand or ignore it. So yeah, let’s be tougher AND have enough sense and self respect to be kind.
When I was a child I was roller skating with my mom in the early 2000s, and fell on my face while my helmet and pads took most of the impact. I was roller skating with my mom towards Dairy Queen for an ice cream, the same Dairy Queen that I had my first ice cream when I was a baby. So yes kids are too sensitive and glued to the screen. While I get scratches or bruises from the ground and just walked it off without complaining about the first aid kit. It was before the internet was viral and easily accessible, while I had a Game Boy and independently played on my own.
Verbal abuse can cause a Lifetime of problems however sometimes saying we can heal from It is enough to have a belief to look for options or see them when they present themselves.
Authority & Accountability is the hardest concept for an individual to grasp because even though you have free will, you have limitations due to structural circumstances set by those who have come before. After all, without guidance from & the curriculum gained & refined by those who have come before, we are infact & simply another species of ape. Not all people can swim but people can swim.
I used to let our 6-7 year old boys have pocketknives! In the 2000’s that was considered a horrible parenting move! My boys are leaders and problem solvers now. But the social pressure was really intense! I always found it funny no pocket knives but unrestrained access to the internet! Lol
With all do respect ! Learn to never allow anyone to get the better of you and get you out of your mind set or get you angry or upset with words. Just learn to navigate through the situation and give back with a smart ass comment along with a smile. This world we live in is amazing but it has its troubles heart aches pain and struggles for everyone nobody is exempt from the good or bad but Handel your self always!! Don’t let others handle you
@@IvySnowFillyVideos i had the childhood some would be envy of and some might call a nightmare just not at the same time. Life is how you choose to perceive it ! I was 23 by the time I buried my two brothers my mother and my father it was a hard to take in and except every day I miss them ! I found the love of my life after I was able to live with the loss and that woman gave us 2 Boys and I have a family again and I don’t take it for granted but again life is life it’s full of the lowest of lows and if your open you can get the highest of highs! It’s YOUR LIFE be happy always or at Least fight for it 😉
But this raises the question: what's the balance between being firm and being an actual parent? As someone who grew up in an unstable household, I am of the belief that the things I've experienced have made me stronger, more empathetic to those who've gone through similar, and ultimately have taught me valuable life lessons. But that's no excuse for a father to hit their kid in the stomach for saying Jesus Christ, or to ignore your kid when they yell for you or cry in fear, or to constantly cheat them, under the pretense that you're teaching them that "life isn't fair". The goal of parents shouldn't be to put your child through what you had or worse, or to teach them the awful things that the world has to give, but to provide them a better life than the one you had yourself, and to teach them that life is about working as hard as you can until the next happy moment. But ultimately, there isn't 2 reactions to growing up with an unstable household. They will first become broken before they grow strong. Give these kids you speak about time, you'd be foolish to expect immediate results. In time, they will learn from the life lessons that they may or may not have been taught, and they will develop their own morals.
I appreciate the time that it took you to type this post. My parents were also reared in unstable households. They responded by becoming empathetic, strong and hardworking. I received unconditional love, but I was not coddled.
You missed a key component. Give them a better life. Prepare them for life. Prepare them for being an adult. Give them a better life by teaching them how to avoid things that will make their life harder. That and understand that kids learn mostly by mimicking what they see. Who they see. Set examples and prepare them for a better life than your own. Giving them more stuff and making them do nothing for it is not making their lives better.
There is such a thing as evil ppl - Evil people are beholden to the ideologies that destroy them from within. What’s worse; is when they project it outwards, rather than change their minds and live a righteous life.
Get them involved in wrestling at a young age. It’ll toughen them up get them in shape. there is no participation trophies in wrestling it’s win or lose. Just like life.❤
You need to go talk to Ron DeSantis and the parents in Florida. They don't want their kids learning about a gay parent or racism because it "might make them feel bad"
First "goats" have "kids", we have "children"! Yes! We are raising our children too fragile! It started in the 60's and 70's by giving our children all of the "things" we never had and thought that would help them advance in life better, it didn't it spoiled them! Then we did everything for them and everybody got a trophy whether they were good or bad at what the trophy was for...
It’s amazing … how uninformed kids are today. High schools are diploma mills. I had occasion to see an 11th grader use phone calculator to find 10% of $75.00.They can’t write either and forget vocabulary. I checked Pisa scores and was not shocked to see how were low on the education totem pole.
I have diagnosed PTSD from what my father did to me as a child and it didn't make me stronger, it made me a shattered wreck of a person, and being homeless for most of 2020 didn't make me tougher for surviving, it just meant I had to sleep curled up in a parking lot. This "tough times, tough men" mentality is always pushed by the softest, weakest, pastiest people who've never had to go through a single tough day in their lives who couldn't cope with what I have to deal with before breakfast
Tough times thing didn’t account for people’s spirit being broken. That’s so hard to bounce back from. I did everything in my life to be better than my dad. Stick it up his ass . A proverbial chip on my shoulder. Hate is great fuel as is revenge. Eventually, I forgave him, I understood he was who he was and I needed to be better than him and better for myself. Only saying this because I don’t know your situation, but I’m familiar with the larger struggles that you have to overcome and you have to find your own way forward. But keep score all the time and start with the smallest win possible. Accept it , and go look for another. You’ll stack them up and your attitude should change in this case. Good luck ! Take a win Dude good luck seriously!
@@coachduke9323 thats actually very healthy.. Some hold that hate until he dies and until their own death... Which is horrendous for ones healing... So yah you definitely aren't your father.. Can tell
Making 100k/yr is below the poverty level in some californian cities. Nothing else matters if post boomer generations dont make enough money to support themselves. Having a family, getting married, buying a house, a car, vacations, they all get postponed indefenately. Younger generations are going to give up if this trend continues.
Do you people envision a future world where we still have to go to work every day? The problem is that you people keep trying to prepare a kids for a future that doesn’t exist
ah yes humans are cups and immune systems... social systems aren't the same as biological systems lmfao. Also immune systems depend on the person. Social systems can be changed, adapted. This is such an ignorant take. He basically is saying that we shouldn't criticize social systems, just "toughen" up and ignore issues.
Yeah this video and org is undeniably funded by the architects of those social systems aka: oil billionaires. “Lol don’t criticize the way things are right now just keep your head down and work until you die :)”
Did you just spent the whole video trying to deny the existence of psychological damage because to say that words cause no permanent damage is pure ignorance
It doesn’t! But that isn’t the case individually. Men don’t suffer brain damage when yelled at. That’s why basic training is important for recruits to be screamed at and taught that getting screamed at is not going to provoke you . Make you act reactive not responsive. But some kids just get bested down verbally and it’s a problem. Trauma? By definition no ! But that adherence to an old definition is waning quickly.
You're missing the balance and are going into an extreme yourself. Giving a child a plastic cup is essential so they don't get hurt. When you as the parent NOTICE they are not clumsy anymore, you can start letting them try using a glass. Too early means getting hurt, and too late could potentially cause a phobia. Words hurt people like crazy. You ever heard people say they don't feel like they're "enough"? This is because they were torn down with WORDS as kids. Not protecting them from disrespect doesn't teach resilience, it enables trauma, which makes them WEAK. Now, you can teach them the proper way of how to deal inside with the emotional pain that comes with put downs in order to make them strong, but subjecting them to more put downs makes them weak. And permission is important, but taking initiative to do things on your own, is much different than asking for permission for something that doesn't belong to you or you know will result in consequences if you break the rules. So the premise on this is wrong. You meant, "take initiative". Safety is important, but being safe in general is different from being "safe" emotionally. One is being caring for yourself and everyone around you, and one is not truly saftey, its actually fear, and we have to be careful not to accidentally instill fear of emotional vulnerability. Many parents teach that because they are fearful of vulnerability themselves. The emotionally vulnerability to try something new on their own for example even though it could go wrong. This doesn't have to involve breaking laws or being a rebel. You definitely got it right with the lesson on not seeing people as good and evil. That was awesome. The issue with that is there are many forces at play in this world that like to instill this mentality in adults so they are easy to manipulate. You see a lot of that all over the place in politics as an example. On all sides. So thats something that we as ADULTS must still be careful to not accidentally adopt such a mentality.
![GEEK TIMË [OFFICIAL AUDIO]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ry-6RvkH880/mqdefault.jpg)
As teachers we are often forced by fearful administrators and vocal parents to act in a way that we know is not in the best interests of students or society. We have what we have now as a result.
As a teacher and a coach, I completely agree. This past lacrosse season I actually had two juniors in high school who went home and complained to their parents that I was mean to them by pulling them out of a practice drill and correct them. They were also in absolute tears. Basically these children are uncoachable and possibly unemployable in their future. And I stopped coaching them and they didn’t realize and their parents didn’t realize what they were actually doing to their child.
But is industrial schooling in the best interests of young people in the first place? In reality, one-size-fits-all, labor-intensive schooling has always been at the forefront of causing all this damage.
@@meganbaker9116 I agree but what is the solution? - I have rarely heard about a good solution.
Oh I know, but it’s expensive, people constantly complain about taxes that pay for schools, corporations, constantly fight against being taxed and drive the quality of schools down by refusing to pay taxes, such as Nike, and usually threaten to move if they don’t get tax break, or go to right to work states that caused “a race to the bottom” and gut communities who therefore don’t have revenues to fix their infrastructure and maintain quality schools.
I believe the solution is to have some sort of a balance system of revenue collection and I don’t care what you call it that fund quality schools. The other thing that needs to be fixed is the concentration of extreme poverty and extreme wealth. Because when people currently talk about quality schools, they generally mean those schools that are in areas that are , high metal class the high class and when they talk about poor schools, they literally mean the social economic make up of that community.
With substantial funding increases, you could replace, as you say, the industrial model of education, with a more individualized way of teaching. Currently, that is the buzzword in education and has been for the last 20 years.: that is individualized education, plans and differentiation which in classrooms of 25 to 45 kids is impossible. If we truly want to replace the industrialized model, then class sizes need to be dramatically, reduced, more alternative classes, and subject matters need to be offered, which means hiring many more teachers, which is gonna cost a lot of money, but I look at it as a conservative principle of investing in our future.
There has been talk about the school to prison pipeline, and this is a result of that industrial model and the concentration of poverty. This is not an investment in our future, and we can choose to invest in schools or invest in prison. I don’t know what the exact numbers are but when there are some states that are spending between four and $10,000 per student And they’re spending $40,000 per inmate that shows that we don’t really care about our communities and we definitely don’t care about children or their future.
Absolutely
Same...I have parents in my class that admit they don't push their child to do something if she says no! What??!!!! 🤯
To all the dads doing their best: Thank you.
Beginning around 2012, during the “no child left behind” delusion, I was expected to make sure all my public high school science students passed my class whether they had tried to learn anything or not. I knew then that we as a country were heading for trouble.
My immediate reaction when I first heard the title of that legislation was, "No one can be left behind if no one goes anywhere at all--can't be stranded if the train never leaves the station...!"
Because of that Policy my coworkers 19 yr old son graduated highschool last year still unable to read or write . Robert had him file as disabled because he knows his son can’t even sign his own name on job applications . And no , his son is not special needs , he’s just a normal kid that got ignored in class because he was shy .
@@RumpleGold sorry to hear that. I pushed back against those policies which in my opinion hurt kids by being too willing to accept / create excuses and pass them on.
Yea imagine wanting kids to do well in school. What monsters!
@@gangsta8929 getting in the weeds here. You can’t force a horse to drink. Sometimes kids / parents want you / the teacher / coach to learn and practice and play the game for them. Responsibilities belong to the individual. Lastly, public schools need competition. Parents need to have realistic choices / financial / vouchers.
I never thought I’d be appreciative to have suffered such a crap childhood at a school with lots of mean kids. It sucked so much when I was going through it, but now I literally never think about it and hardly remember anything.
But you would have been better off not going through that? Because negative struggle doesn't really build character all too much, unless it's a positive challenge?
@@anti1trainingThank you for pushing back on this macho shithead attitude. There is a middle ground between treating children like fragile morons on the one hand and saying “Yeah! Sink or swim!!” on the other. They both lack intelligence while demonstrating how ego-driven adults are.
@@anti1training Many believe children exist to suffer and our job is to make sure it happens.
@@meganbaker9116 that's a bully 😢
@@IvySnowFillyVideos That’s mainstream parenting and schooling.
I so agree with Haidt's views about how we sheltered kids in the 90s to the point of rendering them unable to cope with life. I gave my kids more freedom than most parents did and was chastised several times by well-meaning "good samaritans" claiming to know what was better for my kids than I did. I recognized even then that the over-protection of kids had reached fever pitch and I wasn't going to cave! My daughter had a friend who was not allowed to cross the street onto the next block near her house until she was 13! I knew it was important to give my kids some agency, little by little, with increasing opportunities to make critical decisions as they matured. They thank me for it today.
I’m 40 now and honestly wish my parents had been more like that. Of course I dont resent them. They were just doing their best.
@@shanecrump7932 They thought they were protecting you. Kids have to make their own decisions, make some mistakes, even fail a few times. That's how we learn!
@@tinyshepherdess7710 exactly. That’s why I hold zero resentment against them. They did the best job they knew how raising me and I appreciate it immensely. I also don’t have kids so I’m really in no position to judge someone’s parenting as long as they aren’t abusing their kids. I have also made some terrible life decisions and my little sister is 10x more successful than I am, so I have to accept responsibility for my part in my life outcomes.
@@shanecrump7932”My parents did their best” is the mantra of people who don’t want to see the reality of how their parents behaved. My siblings embrace it despite our parents almost killing me. Denial, denial, denial….
I remember being told, "There are occasions when seeking forgiveness is better than seeking permission." Too much has changed since those immortal words were spoken. We must keep pushing back or too much of our humanity will be lost.
Love the concept of dads saving America! The video footage about Dads on Duty in a Louisiana school made me cry. It's time to stand up for the essential role that dads play. And I'm a huge fan of Jonathan Haidt.
😅😅
Hear! Hear!
This is , a Battle of good vs evil. This really is.
It’s a battle between right and wrong. Let’s have a civil conversations to test what is which. Those that bully people trying to have civil conversations have rarely been known to be on the right side of history.
Agreed 100%. Good vs evil.
When I was little, we were left to our own devices often. We organized our own softball, baseball, and other games/sports, we explored the woods on our own, we created our own entertainment, rode bikes a considerable distance from home, etc. during all of this, when we encountered problems, we solved them. No adult intervened. As a result, we learned problem-solving, cooperation, consequences, ingenuity and creativity, equity, etc. - all valuable skills to help us build the confidence we needed to face the challenges of adulthood. I taught in a college for 30 years and towards the end of my career, my students would come to class and dump all their problems on me. I would ask them, “How do you plan to solve that problem?” and they were always shocked that I expected them to come up with a solution. Kids did become more fragile because the adults in their life overprotected them and did everything for them. That just creates a handicap because kids can’t do things for themselves. They lack the skills, experience and confidence and too often, even the will to do so.
Yep that was my childhood too. Nowadays that is called "free range" and such a parenting style is looked down upon because, supposedly, it puts kids in such horrible danger. When I was a kid, it was normal. I don't think the world is any more dangerous now than it was then! There are more dangers online than outside. I had run-ins with creeps in the "olden days", and sure I got in over my head a time or two, but I eventually learned how to steer clear and stay out of trouble.
You should write down your experience. I’m collecting stories like yours if you’re inclined to contribute. If kids never hear such stories they’ll never know that what we’re doing today is bizarre and deeply unnatural.
As a mental health clinician working at a graduate school, I'm so glad I found Dr. Haidt. I feel very solitary on campus because I would literally be black listed if I expressed alignment with any of Dr. Haidt's views. In a system that celebrates trigger warnings, avoiding any and all language that could offend, and supports oppresor/ victim mindsets, I will be called racist of I expressed any concern about what this fragile mindset is doing to our society.
I work as a supervisor in a mental health facility. I can’t tell you how many grievances are filled in a month against staff for basically hurting their feelings. I often see memes regarding GenX being tough people because we weren’t coddled. In fact quite the opposite. Everything is a trigger now. There has to be a happy medium instead. For myself, when a client yells at me for something, I don’t fall to pieces. Some of that comes with age but I grew up in a time that’s kids were seen and not heard.
@@carlaaxelson6338 balance is key.
Nothing is more fragile than your egos
I needed that last little comment of hope from Haidt. Lots of work to do, but it can be done.
Kids need to be raised with good work ethics. Having good work ethics is essential in order to live a successful life
Absolutely 💯
I actually heard a Gen Z describe his father's stellar work ethic as "the result of emotional baggage". I was shocked. I've always felt that my work ethic gives me a sense of self esteem that helps me to OVERCOME emotional baggage. I love knowing that I've earned what I have. I love knowing I've done something well. I love learning new skills. I love using those skills to benefit others. What's wrong with any of that? Where are people getting these ideas?
Being reminded that we have an internal locus of control is definitely the key! If I have control over my life, then I can gauge the risks I want to take, based on the consequences of success or failure. Good stuff!
Ok how do you find the internal locus?
@@Hajde_budalla remind yourself that you have control over your life. Even over things you seemingly have no control over, you still control your perception of it and emotions around it. Being a victim means you have external locus of control. This also means being optimistic rather than pessimistic.
I highly recommend the book. I started seeing this "coddling" back when I first went to University in 2008 and it's seemed to only gotten worse.
All I had to contend with was mild PC and "multiculturalism" back in the late 90s at Penn State. There was nothing like this. It's a strange 180 in mindset.
Ditto! (except for the University in '08 part)
The only ones being coddled are conservative brats who think they're entitled to every goddamn thing. Y'all need a real whippin.
It is awesome that he was awake enough to see what’s happening. Please wake up more to see this isn’t organic. It is by design.
Love Jonathan Haidt! The Righteous Mind significantly impacted my view of human nature and the world
me and another mom friend were talking about how parents without knowing conterbute to this mindset. making our children “weak” without even realizing it. and after our long talk watching our kids playing in the park it suddenly hit us! we do it in away because we cant afford for our kids to get hurt! we dont want them getting hurt because we both have other kids and no family to leave them with in case something happened. slowly we are now trying to do better about it and teach them to do everything without fear of getting hurt
Thanks for sharing this conversation. As a parent, it’s so difficult to find the right balance on this. And of course, there are dangers that we really do need to protect them from. Being aware that it can go too far is the most important thing. - John
This is why sports become so important to boys and girls, but we have made those into safety zones as well with a pay to play system as opposed to the old days of going down to the park and playing a pickup game with no adult supervision. Essentially there is always adult supervision and that is the fundamental flaw in child rearing today in America.
We are teaching that no one is allowed to be offended. We teach that if someone says or does ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable, to any degree, that person is doing something bad and must be stopped.
If your kid is a little overweight and you go to try on clothes, and you ask the attendant to bring a size L for your child, but instead, the attendant brings a size L and a size XL, then the phone gets pulled out, the attendant gets recorded and the video gets posted on RUclips showing everyone that the child was a victim of fat shaming. The attendant gets fired and sponsors are pulling out of the store.
That is not far from what happens.
We are teaching victimhood.
We need to look at the word that started all this. Tolerance. But tolerance only went one way. No one is allowed to be offended. The pronoun war is about being offended. There is no tolerance the other way.
Someone calls you a name, someone calls you fat, someone calls you her, brush it off. The person who brushes it off will grow up right. Teach the difference between intentional and non intentional.
The person bringing you the XL is trying to help you choose what fits best. The person calling you "her" doesn't know you, therefore can't call you "they".
Teach the kids empathy. Teach them that being offended has many stages. But right now, people are losing Careers for insane things.
We are losing.
People these days self sensor too much and sometimes struggle with words, walking on eggshells trying hard not to offend anyone. When I notice people having this issue with me, I tell them not worry, if they manage to offend me somehow, I'd probably end up thanking them for it.
In the rare occasion I feel offended, I have this weird urge to try to understand just why I felt that way. After finding the answer, usually it comes down to a few options:
- I'm having an attribution bias and should probably just keep my cool and figure out what's actually going on;
- I'm caring too much about opinions of people of no consequence and I'd be wasting my time overthinking that ;
- I just heard a very uncomfortable bit of truth and I should either make peace with this flaw I found on myself or take action to fix it.
Being told your fat is a great motivator to lose weight. As is looking in the mirror and wheezing while climbing 4 stairs. Truth hurts but not as much as having your toes amputated from the Willford Brimley disease.
I mean if you nurture understanding and the idea of agreeing to disagree and trying to understand rather then get aggressive about ideas that you don't agree with it. Seriously don't know how many people I come across that get hostile and throw hate around like it's so easy for them too hate rather then reserving hate for something truly deserving of getting hate.
Yes exactly I remember hearing a story that a University of Florida had a 24/7 hotline for people who were offended by others wearing a Halloween costume that they didn’t like. These people were in college not kindergarten if they can’t handle someone wearing a Halloween costume then what’s going to happen when they are faced with a real challenge????? It is a recipe for failure in their life 🥺😥😳🙄😞.
Lol you think this is an airtight argument for debate team or something-- but you're not saying what the costume was. What if it was blackface? I would PREFER that my children have the courage and independent thought to condemn a costume that celebrates the legacy of slavery, or that subtly celebrates amnesia about historical crimes against others in our country. Your attitude goes precisely against this spirit of togetherness that the video claims to champion-- if we are solving problems and able to dialogue together, we don't intentionally offend others-- we are secure enough to take their point of view seriously. That's not fragility-- it takes courage and tolerance. This video and all these sycophants licking its ass are crypto-fascist hokum.
Not all parents are raising their children to be weak. Some are raising their children to be strong. Many parents aren’t raising their children at all; the streets are raising their children. The weak will fall prey to the strong.
Hey Dad, I encountered this subject yesterday with a few other dads who shared alarming rates of kids taken off the soccer field with cramps. We discussed whether it was "the jab" or overtraining with coaches. I suggested that our victim culture coupled with an aversion to responsibility could lead to this phenomena (Sarno's Tension Myositis Syndrome) which I treat quite often.
As an aside, my left leaning girlfriend is moving right because of your channel. We have watched a few episodes and your tactful and open mindedness appeal to her. Thank you. I couldn't do it without you.
Whatever happened to “breathe through it”? You don’t die from cramps. Those kids getting off the field are being robbed of feeling good about themselves. “Yes Johnny you didn’t score a goal but you stayed in the game even when you didn’t feel good and helped your team”
Excellent!
To all the parents doing their best! I detest the use of the word “weak”. Also let’s not forget we are all fragile. Still, some Excellent points made here! I was raised by traumatized parents and a Christian church to fear everything and that made things exceptionally difficult for me. Thank goodness I rebelled and got to watch 3 older siblings rebel. I
no, we're not raising fragile kids
y'all have just become fragile adults
good grief 🤦♀️
Touché
I think it's a bit of both, parents have been getting increasingly more protective of their children to the point that kids don't play outside much.
But also, there's been something seriously wrong with all this sensitivity training among adults. A few of my thoughest friends became incredibly fragile a little after turning 30 years old and I still don't understand just what caused all this. It's like their confidence shattered and they became extremely reliant on external support and validation to avoid second guessing themselves at every tiny decision they had to make and not feel overwhelmed at the tiniest obstacle they find in their path.
@@gcolombellibut don’t you think that’s where the problem is? The toughness? We define toughness as not being vulnerable then hide and ignore our emotions and live behind the tough man mask. Then after many years break apart. I think as men we should learn other values aside of just being tough.
I’m just glad during these times my two children are grown. It’s going to require some very good practice and programs to find a fix
Don't matter, the world has your child more than you. THERE FOR your teachings & tradition aren't in them. . We must work to feed and keep a roof.. I'm a single mom and it's horrible 😞
I've been sharing Jonathan Haidt with anyone who would listen (and some who plug their ears) ever since the publishing of The Happiness Hypothesis, and I'm pleased to see that others are presenting his research and conclusions.
They would have hated my dad, while he was protective he also made us ( two older brothers) get dirty and make mistakes and learn from them
How did you turn out.
Thank you!
Za moich czasów dziecko spędzało większość czasu na dworze, do tej pory pamiętam bitwy stoczone z innymi chłopakami na osiedlu, gry w chowanego itp.
Tak no wlasznie. Ja z Kanady ale Polskie Korzenia
mam 17 lat i pamiętam jak jako dziecko bawiłem się na dworze z innymi i jeździłem na rowerze
I don’t know. At least half of the ideas resonate somewhat with me but I gotta say..the “sticks and stones” thing is so exasperating.
It’s frustrating because it pre-supposes that people are raised with a solid enough foundation to overcome verbal abuse, which is very much not the case. If you were raised having cigarettes put out on you, and you already have a voice in your head telling you your garbage, when somebody insults you at school you’re supposed to just get over it? It’s just going to feed into confirmation bias, you’re going to gravitate to the negative feedback, not work on yourself, and engage in a cycle of self-harm. I’ve seen it time and time and time again.
Words DO hurt, and I’m not a “beta” for saying that. Words can swing governments, topple giant corporations, and rile a population up to overthrow tyrannical rulers. And we are worried about being punched by some 9 year old more? It just makes no sense man. Shrugging it off is a great tool for those of us who have the confidence to do so, and I agree you should always just overcome it and agree to disagree, but again, not all of us have had that confidence instilled in us. It’s easy to blame millennials and zoomers, but what about their parents?
Exactly, I have diagnosed PTSD from what my father did to me as a child and it didn't make me stronger, it made me a shattered wreck of a person, and being homeless for most of 2020 didn't make me tougher for surviving, it just meant I had to sleep curled up in a parking lot and taught me never to trust anyone, ever.
This "tough times, tough men" mentality is always pushed by the softest, weakest, pastiest people who've never had to go through a single tough day in their lives who couldn't cope with what I have to deal with before breakfast.
@@unknownuser3926 Suffering will not make everyone tougher/stronger/better, but these idiots in the video seem to genuinely think that for whatever reason. No functioning brain havin asses. I’m bipolar, special Ed all through my childhood years with speech therapy, and I can think more than them. Fucking why?
@@unknownuser3926 If you're old enough to remember the original "sticks and stones" quote, it's what your parent told you to say to the bully kids. Nobody including Jonathan Haidt would claim that you can grow up emotionally stronger and mentall healthier when you don't have a nurturing home environment. But you DO need to be able to stand strong against people outside your tribe who are hitting on you, verbally or otherwise.
People are always going to be out there who are bad parents or bad or nasty folks. Trying to shelter from the inevitable just like trying to avoid all germs will cause great harm eventually to an individual and to our society and our freedom.
Your using exceptions, and not the rule
Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you and I'm rubber and your glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. That's what I was taught in elementary school.
Every generation has over protective parents. Now a days we have regulations to keep people safe. "Tough love" and getting a little hurt, isnt the same as neglect.
And yes words can traumatize you. Discrimination and bullyiny come to mind
If there was an ever a prequel of George Orwell’s dystopian book 1984, this is definitely how it could’ve been written.
Great video, John 👍
Lots of things changed rapidly in 2013. All of the sudden, young people refused to work and they get upset so quickly.
YESS. More people should see this.
It’s a very different world. I’m only 42 but I was brought up “old school”. Now kids would sue you if you do something they don’t like. The world has become very weak. You see it in Sports, Professional enterprises. Everyone gets a bail out now and a trophy for doing nothing. Everyone becomes “viral” or “famous” for doing something stupid on social media. Don’t know the end results but it sure doesn’t feel like anything good will come out of this. All an illusion 🎉😅
The normal course of adulthood includes: confrontation problem-solving and emotional responsibility to own up to your mistakes.
Bubble wrapping a kid does a disservice to everyone in our society. When did being non threateningly confrontational become taboo?
Fantastic message!
Pain is weakness leaving the body
There’s a song lyric from The Mars Volta that goes, “what am I without the bruises?” It’s always stuck with me
There's a workbook called 30 Days Without Social Media by Harper Daniels that I really like. We have to be so careful with social...more like hypnotical...media today.
This kind of talk has been going on for over 100 years.
It’s funny this reminds me of a what is now a very funny overreaction on my part at the time. I was riding my bike and I twisted my ankle, I told my parents I hurt my ankle and they told me I’d be fine in a few weeks and so I walked around with an annoying limp. And after a few weeks I was walking normal again.
Now I’m smarter and tougher for it, when I twist my ankle I just walk it off and after an hour or so if walking and sitting I’m back to normal. Im grateful my parents both sheltered me but made sure I grew stronger as I grew up, and letting me make mistakes to learn.
🤣 Rather than, "Time heals all wounds," a therapist told a loved one of mine, "Time wounds all heals."
TOTALLY different meaning today. Time wounds all 🦶🐍.
Great stuff, Haidt has had a similar impact on me and I am so glad my discovery of his work so closely coincided with my entry into the dad club.
Question: What is the source of the video of Haidt discussing the “Coddling of the American Mind” in what appears to be a college lecture hall?
That’s our footage. We shot a long interview with him in New York. He’s just the best!
It is always easier to say you are sorry than to get permission in advance.
As a Gen Z parent of 3 children all born between 2019-2022
I am relatively harsh with my kids. I’m intentionally raising them more similarly to how my grandparents raised my parents. My grandparents are still alive to this day and are a part of the silent generation. My parents are Gen X. From what I’ve learned and seen, is that me and my siblings have the most issues. We all have terrible anxiety and struggle to stick up for ourselves, and we are all hyper sensitive. I’ve become less so over the years having put myself in harsher situations than my siblings. My parents were gentle parents. However, my parents also have anxiety but do not have the same issues with coping and over coming challenges and I think that’s because my grandparents were part of the “don’t cry toughen up” parenting style. I want to raise my kids to be more like my parents and less like me and my siblings, so I’m taking my grandparents parenting style and modifying it. I will always be there for my kids, and I do guide them in talking about and recognizing their feelings; I want them to have the emotional self awareness but I also do not cave to their feelings and I will tell them when they need to just suck it up. So far (in my particular my oldest) is a tough cookie with an in charge personality but a good heart and always trying to help or take care of others. So so far the method I’m doing seems to be working.
The death of discussion 😢
A fair report of Haidt’s work.
I delt with bullys at school so different then others did ! I became their bully, i didnt need a grown up to powder puff anything! No coddlers allowd !
I've noticed the excessive asking for permission in younger people when they are ordering at a deli. They will say, "Can I get half a pound of ham?" or "Can I get 1/4 pound of Swiss cheese?" instead of saying, "I would like..." I find this way ordering very annoying. The deli wants to sell its products - one does not need to ask permission to buy them.
The same with speaking to children. You shouldn’t say “can you pick up your toys now, please?” Instead: “pick up your toys, I’ll be back in 10 minutes to check.”
Yup.
So overdue & relevant!
I was a bullied kid, but the idea that we could just make the bullies not exist, would have been silly. I definitely could have used more support from my parents (they really didn't know what to do) and help in realizing that it really wasn't about me. But the idea that the world would ever be free of bullies or that there was some (unenforceable) "right" to never encounter them would have been absurd. The only way to ensure that would have been for my parents to hover around me all the time, and never let me out of their sight.
That is, exactly what parents are being expected to do in the US today. People who buy into it raising their kids in soft-walled prisons, and those who let their kids grow up "free range" like I did, now face legal threats. That has to be rolled back somehow.
short answer: yes.
Yup. We need to push back on the cult of safety.
I’m gonna push back against the cult of safety by breaking into your house 🤘
The more gentle weve been, the more fragile they've become. At some point, they have to learn to scrape their knees and carry on, preferably before they get jobs.
Meanwhile " the happiness hypothesis " is actually his best book imo
I’m glad that we used Karate as a reference for what it is to be going into a challenge act
I taught my eight year old daughter today about the original sticks and Stones sang, & also about Nietzsche.
Here is a great book Go Free.
Hate crime??! These children need an awakening!
Remember, safety third.
😂
But at the same time, the question and concept much be asked, but do you think our elders were raised too rough & mental development is just as intricate in the developmental process as physical development? A wound on the inside is a wound that you can’t receive medicine for too heal, unlike a wound on the outside of the body that you can heal easier. I feel a bunch of older adults are incapable of being vulnerable and tapping into their emotions. They were raised on the specific gender roles and boys had to be men, and girls must be women and it is possible it could have stunted their growth while trying to develop and are incapable of feeling certain emotions so they are always walled off to other people and can never really connect on an intimate level because of so? I think that is dis-advantageous to society for people to not be able to grow emotionally and for the, to stay hard all the time because that’s what their stoic father told him to do when he was little.
fabulous ideas! Looking forward to discussing these with my husband and friends! Might even check out the book :) Thanks!
TBH, something about the view to like ratio tells me these guys are paying for hate, but they don't care, because obviously the book sells itself to enough ppl to make money to pay for the add and put some in their pocket, but the whole idea and purpose behind this concept is nonsensical in abstraction. It is seriously geared torwards people who like to think about a psychologucal arguement that makes no sense without specific examples and isn't really worth putting anything into, because as the old saying goes: " If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it." No one can create a uniform rule of thumb code of conduct that everyone should always follow in the respect that is being presented in video... There's always been extreme cases of coddleing where the relationship between the parent and child is unhealthy and has detrimental effects to the development of the child and some really bad and weird stuff happens as a result... but hopefully you are not insane and do weird stuff with your kid... 😆 It reminds of the munchhousen's by proxy lady... and there is the opposite end of the spectrum, which is basically abuse and neglect... You don't everything for your kid, but it's good to make sure they have a good chance at making it and to not screw them over... That's it...some people got to act like they have to be an asshole, but that doesn't make the relationship better. people who have kids that are extremely skilled at an art form or intellectually basically make sure thier kid is extremely supported in everyway from a very young age. It doesn't just happen randomly... there fore there is actually an arguement that coddling and sheltering can totally work out. That's my take.
Mmmm, mixing up two conceptual tracks - I had the benefit of a lot of rough existence in my upbringing.
Even so, being treated very poorly in school is a pain that I fight every hour- the experience is so deeply engraved in my soul that I must constantly struggle with my sense of worth , thereby wasting a lot of energy and effort. Such an endeavor always leaves me behind, struggling to catch up. No one, however, would consider me a whiner… I have tons of initiative and a ‘let’s figure it out’ view on everything.
What I might have been if my soul didn’t constantly ache from ridicule received at a time when I could not understand or ignore it. So yeah, let’s be tougher AND have enough sense and self respect to be kind.
When I was a child I was roller skating with my mom in the early 2000s, and fell on my face while my helmet and pads took most of the impact. I was roller skating with my mom towards Dairy Queen for an ice cream, the same Dairy Queen that I had my first ice cream when I was a baby. So yes kids are too sensitive and glued to the screen. While I get scratches or bruises from the ground and just walked it off without complaining about the first aid kit. It was before the internet was viral and easily accessible, while I had a Game Boy and independently played on my own.
we rollerskated 40 years before helmets and pads , we milked cows to make ice cream .
Yes truth
In one short sentence I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK IN THE SOVIET UNION. And I hate this " new " America. With a passion.
This is all true, if you have a stable environment to grow up, but it's different if you already experienced trauma in childhood at home.
Yes, having no stable home makes it more difficult, but not less true. Therapy is hard work and not everyone is cut out for it.
Verbal abuse can cause a
Lifetime of problems however sometimes saying we can heal from
It is enough to have a belief to look for options or see them when they present themselves.
Authority & Accountability is the hardest concept for an individual to grasp because even though you have free will, you have limitations due to structural circumstances set by those who have come before. After all, without guidance from & the curriculum gained & refined by those who have come before, we are infact & simply another species of ape. Not all people can swim but people can swim.
well done :) keep up the good work
I remember a line from Captain Kirk in Star Trek V: "I hold on to my pain...it makes me what I am".
The Safety one hit home, I’m a helicopter mom and would rather they miss out than potentially get hurt. Need to work that!
Allan Bloom saw this coming, and wrote "The Closing of The American Mind" in the 1980s.
I used to let our 6-7 year old boys have pocketknives! In the 2000’s that was considered a horrible parenting move! My boys are leaders and problem solvers now. But the social pressure was really intense! I always found it funny no pocket knives but unrestrained access to the internet! Lol
Words DO TRAUMATIZE people. Words can be abusive & hateful-look at history. Words should be chosen wisely.
With all do respect ! Learn to never allow anyone to get the better of you and get you out of your mind set or get you angry or upset with words. Just learn to navigate through the situation and give back with a smart ass comment along with a smile. This world we live in is amazing but it has its troubles heart aches pain and struggles for everyone nobody is exempt from the good or bad but Handel your self always!! Don’t let others handle you
@@brandonjones2856 were you raised in a violent abusive household?
@@IvySnowFillyVideos i had the childhood some would be envy of and some might call a nightmare just not at the same time. Life is how you choose to perceive it ! I was 23 by the time I buried my two brothers my mother and my father it was a hard to take in and except every day I miss them ! I found the love of my life after I was able to live with the loss and that woman gave us 2 Boys and I have a family again and I don’t take it for granted but again life is life it’s full of the lowest of lows and if your open you can get the highest of highs! It’s YOUR LIFE be happy always or at Least fight for it 😉
But this raises the question: what's the balance between being firm and being an actual parent? As someone who grew up in an unstable household, I am of the belief that the things I've experienced have made me stronger, more empathetic to those who've gone through similar, and ultimately have taught me valuable life lessons. But that's no excuse for a father to hit their kid in the stomach for saying Jesus Christ, or to ignore your kid when they yell for you or cry in fear, or to constantly cheat them, under the pretense that you're teaching them that "life isn't fair". The goal of parents shouldn't be to put your child through what you had or worse, or to teach them the awful things that the world has to give, but to provide them a better life than the one you had yourself, and to teach them that life is about working as hard as you can until the next happy moment. But ultimately, there isn't 2 reactions to growing up with an unstable household. They will first become broken before they grow strong. Give these kids you speak about time, you'd be foolish to expect immediate results. In time, they will learn from the life lessons that they may or may not have been taught, and they will develop their own morals.
Whoops, that was an essay and a half😅
I appreciate the time that it took you to type this post. My parents were also reared in unstable households. They responded by becoming empathetic, strong and hardworking. I received unconditional love, but I was not coddled.
You missed a key component. Give them a better life. Prepare them for life. Prepare them for being an adult. Give them a better life by teaching them how to avoid things that will make their life harder.
That and understand that kids learn mostly by mimicking what they see. Who they see. Set examples and prepare them for a better life than your own.
Giving them more stuff and making them do nothing for it is not making their lives better.
There is such a thing as evil ppl - Evil people are beholden to the ideologies that destroy them from within. What’s worse; is when they project it outwards, rather than change their minds and live a righteous life.
Get them involved in wrestling at a young age. It’ll toughen them up get them in shape. there is no participation trophies in wrestling it’s win or lose. Just like life.❤
You need to go talk to Ron DeSantis and the parents in Florida. They don't want their kids learning about a gay parent or racism because it "might make them feel bad"
Fragility and resiliency. Sticks and stones name calling will not hurt me.
First "goats" have "kids", we have "children"! Yes! We are raising our children too fragile! It started in the 60's and 70's by giving our children all of the "things" we never had and thought that would help them advance in life better, it didn't it spoiled them! Then we did everything for them and everybody got a trophy whether they were good or bad at what the trophy was for...
Fragile people raising fragile kids.
I knew when Dodgeball was banned from schools we were headed for trouble. Lol.
It’s amazing … how uninformed kids are today. High schools are diploma mills. I had occasion to see an 11th grader use phone calculator to find 10% of $75.00.They can’t write either and forget vocabulary. I checked Pisa scores and was not shocked to see how were low on the education totem pole.
Car seats actually do exactly nothing unless they are installed perfectly, and most are not installed perfectly
I have diagnosed PTSD from what my father did to me as a child and it didn't make me stronger, it made me a shattered wreck of a person, and being homeless for most of 2020 didn't make me tougher for surviving, it just meant I had to sleep curled up in a parking lot.
This "tough times, tough men" mentality is always pushed by the softest, weakest, pastiest people who've never had to go through a single tough day in their lives who couldn't cope with what I have to deal with before breakfast
I mean...... you're still around so it has to count for something.
@@tracphonevirtualmagazine Oh fucking wow, really? Really.
Called balance.. This is what that's about... Too soft.. Bad.. To hard, really damaging
Tough times thing didn’t account for people’s spirit being broken. That’s so hard to bounce back from. I did everything in my life to be better than my dad. Stick it up his ass . A proverbial chip on my shoulder. Hate is great fuel as is revenge.
Eventually, I forgave him, I understood he was who he was and I needed to be better than him and better for myself. Only saying this because I don’t know your situation, but I’m familiar with the larger struggles that you have to overcome and you have to find your own way forward. But keep score all the time and start with the smallest win possible. Accept it , and go look for another. You’ll stack them up and your attitude should change in this case. Good luck ! Take a win
Dude good luck seriously!
@@coachduke9323 thats actually very healthy.. Some hold that hate until he dies and until their own death... Which is horrendous for ones healing... So yah you definitely aren't your father.. Can tell
Making 100k/yr is below the poverty level in some californian cities. Nothing else matters if post boomer generations dont make enough money to support themselves. Having a family, getting married, buying a house, a car, vacations, they all get postponed indefenately. Younger generations are going to give up if this trend continues.
We need more people like Jonathan Haidt. Great video. Very well produced. Hope it gets the views it deserves.
Do you people envision a future world where we still have to go to work every day? The problem is that you people keep trying to prepare a kids for a future that doesn’t exist
ah yes humans are cups and immune systems... social systems aren't the same as biological systems lmfao. Also immune systems depend on the person. Social systems can be changed, adapted. This is such an ignorant take.
He basically is saying that we shouldn't criticize social systems, just "toughen" up and ignore issues.
Yeah this video and org is undeniably funded by the architects of those social systems aka: oil billionaires. “Lol don’t criticize the way things are right now just keep your head down and work until you die :)”
You made so much profound sense I must subscribe ps Gen X here heehee
Thanks!! We are Gen X... the forgotten, sane generation.
@@DadSavesAmerica welcome 🤗
Did you just spent the whole video trying to deny the existence of psychological damage because to say that words cause no permanent damage is pure ignorance
It doesn’t! But that isn’t the case individually. Men don’t suffer brain damage when yelled at. That’s why basic training is important for recruits to be screamed at and taught that getting screamed at is not going to provoke you . Make you act reactive not responsive.
But some kids just get bested down verbally and it’s a problem. Trauma? By definition no ! But that adherence to an old definition is waning quickly.
There’s no such thing as fragile children. Just incompetent parents.
You're missing the balance and are going into an extreme yourself.
Giving a child a plastic cup is essential so they don't get hurt. When you as the parent NOTICE they are not clumsy anymore, you can start letting them try using a glass. Too early means getting hurt, and too late could potentially cause a phobia.
Words hurt people like crazy. You ever heard people say they don't feel like they're "enough"? This is because they were torn down with WORDS as kids. Not protecting them from disrespect doesn't teach resilience, it enables trauma, which makes them WEAK. Now, you can teach them the proper way of how to deal inside with the emotional pain that comes with put downs in order to make them strong, but subjecting them to more put downs makes them weak.
And permission is important, but taking initiative to do things on your own, is much different than asking for permission for something that doesn't belong to you or you know will result in consequences if you break the rules. So the premise on this is wrong. You meant, "take initiative".
Safety is important, but being safe in general is different from being "safe" emotionally. One is being caring for yourself and everyone around you, and one is not truly saftey, its actually fear, and we have to be careful not to accidentally instill fear of emotional vulnerability. Many parents teach that because they are fearful of vulnerability themselves. The emotionally vulnerability to try something new on their own for example even though it could go wrong. This doesn't have to involve breaking laws or being a rebel.
You definitely got it right with the lesson on not seeing people as good and evil. That was awesome. The issue with that is there are many forces at play in this world that like to instill this mentality in adults so they are easy to manipulate. You see a lot of that all over the place in politics as an example. On all sides. So thats something that we as ADULTS must still be careful to not accidentally adopt such a mentality.