Navigating Grief & Loss | The Hoeflinger Podcast 5
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- In this episode, Brian, Cindy, Kevin, and Christie Hoeflinger share their experience of their son and brother, Brian's, tragic death and its aftermath. They explore the complex and nuanced facets of grief, sharing candidly about the challenges they've faced, the strategies they've employed to cope, and the profound lesson they've learned along the way.
Through their collective narratives, they aim to offer solace, insight, and guidance to those who may be grappling with their own experiences of loss or grief.
Please reach out to your local suicide and crisis lifeline if you are struggling.
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When my Momma passed away, I could NOT say “she died” for an entire year. My brain wouldn’t allow that phrase out. That was 7 years ago. ❤
I don’t usually comment, but this was raw and emotional. Sorry for your loss and thank you for being so open about this tragedy.
Agreed. They’re definitely a brave family
Lost my daughter then my husband - it has been 4 years and I’ll never be “over it” but I am working to make peace with it. Prolonged grief is now a diagnosis in the DSM.
What a powerful podcast. Having lost a child I fully felt and understood every emotion that you discussed. I know this can’t be easy for you, but are helping others by sharing your journey with complete honesty and emotion. By God’s grace I have found peace and I wish the same for you and your family🙏🙏
God bless you
My daughter graduated in 2013 and I looked back after this seeing how many things she has accomplished and how proud I am of her and that you didn’t get to see Brian grow. She made a lot of mistakes like 18 year olds do and by the grace of God she made it through. Blessings to you and your family 🙏🏻
I like your comment, but as I heard someone say years ago, it is not by the grace of God that your daughter is living while their son has passed. This person said...doesn't God love everyone?. If you look at it from the perspective that we all will die one day, God has nothing to do with it. It's a part of life. Peace out❤.
Three high school senior girls had a terrible one-car accident this Friday night in my neighborhood. One girl died & she was the daughter of a local doctor. The similarities between your story & theirs are profound. Our community is devastated, which I know you can understand. I am so sorry for your loss 🙏
We are so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your community 💙
Thank you all for the words of support and encouragement. Hopefully us talking about our loss and how we dealt with it helps someone else out there. ❤
Your family is incredible and such a breath of fresh air. Thank you for opening your hearts and sharing this deepest of all grief with us.
God bless each of you.
Your son is a smart young man. Yes, you must keep living, you are living.
I don’t usually make comments, but it was very emotional to watch this podcast. A heart breaking experience. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing this. God bless you guys.
Thank you for sharing, we appreciate it! Our hope is that we can help at least one other person by sharing our experiences
Deepest sympathy from Sandringham Melbourne Australia I can relate to this desperately sad situation. Please accept my deepest sympathy ... you are very brave to do this.... my youngest son was involved in a motorcycle accident in Greece... we had to take him to London independent Hospital ... and eventually accompanied by a Doctor back to Australia ..... thankfully he survived .
Thank you for sharing Brian’s story. And your family’s grieving process. I’m truly sorry your family had to go through this. Grieving is a pain that you can’t just point to and see a physical bruise. Or, taking an ibuprofen for the pain. It’s an overwhelming pain that affects ever part of your body. Witnessing my bother loss his 2 yrs son was so heart breaking. I would wish I could take some of his pain away.
At a very young age Brian new humility, the importance sticking up for the underdog, gathering people together to spread love and joy. Dr. Cindy, said he always showed the same face to everyone. She new Brian was on earth for a short time. Brian was a massager from God. 52:01
My daughter Veronica died in a car crash at the age of 17! I can fully understand and relate to what you have shared about the death of your beloved son. To say she's dead was difficult for me too. ❤ 😢 ❤
❤️🙏
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. My son died at the age of 21 in 2003 and I can relate to all of this. It is interesting to see the difference between what parents go through and what the siblings go through. As a parent grieving the loss of a child it is so difficult to see what the siblings are feeling and going through and at the same time be emotionally available for them. Thankfully, time does help us to heal and cope but I find the loss is always there. Losing a child and sibling changes a family significantly and forever. Yes, the individual family members can get through the grief to feel love, joy and happiness again but for my family at least there is always the sadness that part of us is missing. I absolutely can be wrong but I see that sadness in this video too. I find it comforting and important to talk about and remember him. Recognizing that the sadness means they lived, were loved beyond measure and are missed everyday helps me. Thanks again for putting yourselves out there many will find your perspectives very helpful.
I am thankful to have come across your podcast. My mother passed December 2022 and the process of grieving is still ongoing. Hearing about your grief 10 years after it happened, I realized that grieving has no timeline 😢.
I lost my Mother, Father, Grandmother and Brother within 24 months. I totally 'Relate' to this!
So sorry. More trauma than anyone should have to handle ❤️❤️🙏
I have only just seen this. what a lovely family - sending love from UK. I noticed this was made on 2nd September 2023, the very day my husband of 47 years died. ❤
My condolences, again. This reminds me of when my niece died in 2013. She died in a car accident, and she was 7 months pregnant. She was distraught at the wheel and wanted to get to a friend's house and was speeding. The last person she spoke to was my sister 30 minutes before her car crashed. Her injury was a broken neck, the baby did not survive. We have never been the same. My sister lost her husband 3 years prior to that. Lots of loss. We are practicing Catholics, if it wasn't for God and our Faith I'm not sure where we would be at this point. Keep the Faith & keep strong. 🙏🏻
Thank you all for doing this talk. This must have been so difficult for you and your family. What a wonderful and humble family you are. I lost my husband , 62 yrs old to cancer last year. We were married 40 years and he was my everything. This helps.
We are sorry for your loss. And glad that this helped in even a small way.
So sorry you lost your husband
I know I am way late to this video but it came up as I was scrolling YT while not able to sleep. My husband has stage 4 melanoma that has spread to his lungs and brain. He has had a craniotomy to remove one of the tumors, radiation and immunotherapy and is doing very well right now. We are at almost a year out but it is the night before scan day and I can never sleep the night before. Hearing you guys talk about the loss of your son just struck me. As I said, my husband is doing very well but I still dread treatment days. I am always a nervous wreck. When your wife was talking about the gratitude journal, I really got that. My counselor told me at the beginning of this journey that I needed to find 3 things to be grateful for or this journey may break me. It is not easy some days but I really try to do it because it does make a difference. Thank you for your videos.
Wow, thank you for sharing. I hope your husband’s scans went well and everything keeps going well ❤
I have 5 younger brothers and I lost my brother Nigel at age 21 to Neuroblastoma after a 7 yr battle with cancer in 2005. I'm now 43 and have lived twice as long as he was on this earth. Listening to this podcast was emotional and raw. I cried for all of you. I am so sorry for your loss. The pain you all have experienced and are continuing to experience was palpable. Thank you for being so brave as a family and as individuals and for sharing your stories.
We are so sorry for your loss as well. The pain of loss definitely stays with you the rest of your days
When my dad died, it was 5am on Sunday the 26th March 2017. I know this because at that exact moment, I sat up in bed, opened my eyes and felt a cold shiver go down my spine. I didn't know it then, but I believe it was my dad's spirit leaving his body.
I went back to bed and woke up to my brother pounding on my front door. I took one look, knowing what he was going to tell me, and said "When?".
He answered 5am and I smiled and said..."Yeah I know."
Heart breaking emotions 💔 All we could do was support your family each and every day. Brian's memory will always be held close to all our hearts 😘
In 2015, we went through about 15 family & friend funerals, it was a very hard year.😢
This is awful. I feel so sorry.
Thank you
I feel this was so important. Every person has a loss or an event that has grief attached. Personally listening to your families reactions validates my reactions as "normal" . I also am reminded that grief can get compounded over and over again throughout life therefore effecting daily emotions and never realize it. Oh we all need to talk about our emotions like this instead of remaining silent. thank you for sharing.
Thanks for watching! There is no "normal" just what you experience and your normal
My mom had a stroke 7 years ago, the whole experience was surreal. I was there for it all but wasn’t. It’s a mental state,, a protection mechanism, shock. , . Then numbness. We as human beings separate from reality, I remember saying to the Doctors,” please save her, I am not ready for her to die.” It didn’t sound like anything I would say, the room was quiet and no one replied. As I look back it doesn’t seem real. She survived and is now 86, I am convinced life happens to us and the only control we have is how we react to what occurs.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your son will always be with you and God willing you will be reunited with him when it’s your time to go. We are currently grieving the loss of our loved one. Feeling guilty for being alive when I would gladly give up my life to let them live. It’s painful, if you love intensely you will grieve intensely. Everything you are saying in this video we are going through now, it is spot on. By chance I am a UNC grad and also taught there as professor, your son will always be a Tarheel and he knows it:)
Yes what a shock it is to loose your child and sibling. Iam so very sorry for your loss. My son 37 passed in 2020. Totally unexpected. I feel your pain.🙏😊
Thank you for sharing and for genuinely putting yourselves out there to help others! I loved when you described Brian as a fun, loud and corralling person, & during this podcast there were times emotions were deep at those moments your dogs distracted you all and made you chuckle & regather your thoughts…made me wonder in those moments throughout the podcast was Brian in the room with you guys❤ As a nurse, I tell my patients you experience a loss to remember
“YOU are stronger than yesterday, let YOUR strength help you start each day grateful!” Keep moving forward, your videos & podcast are helping others!!!!
Thanks for sharing 💙
Hoeflingers, I can relate to you. Almost a year after Brian’s death, I lost my nurse from a car accident! She was 24. My sincere condolences to you all!
That I have to admit is your best video so far! You have all been amazing inspirations to many people, especially teens, when it comes to staying away from drinking and driving.
I am so sorry for your loss. An unexpected loss of a young person, especially a child has to be the absolute worse. I appreciate your family telling your story.
Thank you for your testimony. My daughter passed two years ago and I still remember vividly the first couple of weeks of grief.
Thank you for your vulnerability. You are helping so many understand their grief. I’m so sorry for your tremendous loss.
You guys are really amazing for sharing. And your insights are very eye opening.
Thanks 💙
❤❤❤ Archie is the angel who came to put a blanket to give you peace and love
Conversations like this are vital. I wish I could talk like this with my daughter about the passing of my son. Roberto passed away in 2017 at age 23, when his motorbike collided with a van traveling at “20 mph”. He was pronounced DOA. I got to the scene 30 minutes later. I still have so many questions about if he would have lived would it have been in a vegetive state or had a miraculous recovery. I feel the parent pain through the screen.
I literally sobbed while listening to your story. It reminded me of when I lost my cousin. Till this moment, I still do not believe he is dead and I know he isn't but deep asleep. May God always give you all the strength. Brian is asleep and the memories of him will still live on! Thank you for sharing.
Love your podcasts ❤.
Thank you for being able to talk about the tragedy in your family. May God give you peace and strength in your lives.🇨🇦
Sorry for your loss. God bless. ❤🇨🇦 And thank you for sharing.
Thank y’all for sharing. Part of the grief process is talking about the loss. I admire you all. Prayers 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Bless you all for opening up about your precious son and grieving your child ❤
My condolences to you all. Thank You all for sharing.
Calvin said it correctly, " u have to let yourself be happy and not let it destroy u"
Great pod. You will help so many people by sharing this
This helped me so very much thank you. Every person helped me in things you said. Thank you for helping me,in every way. ❤️ 😊
Wow. I cried through this whole thing. God bless you guys. So sorry this happened.
Your a Good Family. GOOD PARENTS. Sorry for your loss. Son/ Brother.
Thank you to the Hoeflinger family for sharing your story. You are all so brave and so strong. Grief is definitely a process and it never goes away.
Nothing ever prepares us for the death of a loved one- whether it’s sudden or a terminal illness. My Dad passed away from a terminal illness in 2013. Just like each of you were sharing and discussing the outpouring of love and support from friends and family, it was the same for us. We had so many relatives and friends who came to his wake and his funeral. So many cards, flowers, condolences from so many people.
I ended up having a heart attack from broken heart syndrome 4 months after my Dad passed. My Mom did such a beautiful job of arranging his wake, his funeral, his burial, and the luncheon. It was such a great tribute to our father. Once everything was over I did all I could to hold on to the memories of the wake/funeral/burial because I was so afraid I would forget it and I’d forget my Dad. I carried all of that anxiety for the next 4 months and never shared my feelings with anyone. Then finally I realized I had to get it all out so I told my husband that I had a hole in my heart that I didn’t know if it would ever heal. My husband said to me, “Debbie, your Dad was much more of a dad to me than my Dad ever was. I miss him, too.” That was such a relief. So now I am starting to really process all of it and 2 days later I have a heart attack.
😮 you guys are truly an amazing family individually and together i’ve been watching your videos and quite addicted to them. Neuroscience has been on my mind for a while, and when I watch your videos, I feel excited to learn new things to throw myself out there but you’re right you cannot buy Health you cannot buy happiness I always think of what Paul McCartney said I could buy my wife an entire island, but I could not cure her cancer that eventually took her life and the idea of keeping a gratitude is a must for someone like me. I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you for sharing. you are amazing people and I look forward to more podcast in the future
Thank you 💙
You’re an amazing family. Sending love ❤
Thank you so much!
I feel so bad for all of you loosing Brian. I am at a loss in the way you found out he had been injured. Am surprised the first hospital didn’t call you or why the police didn’t come to the house. I feel so bad you had to call to the hospitals.
Thank you Doctor and to your family as well. God bless you all.
Thank you for sharing this. 🤍🙏
We hope it was helpful
Thank you for sharing your story of the tragedy of your son Brian. My heart aches for you all, especially Cindy as a mothers’s love is one of a kind for her baby. He gave love and was loved and that’s what transcends time. You all are incredible people doing great acts in Brian’s name. Much love to your beautiful family. 🤍
Just admired the way that the whole family interacted with each other so humble ... with the topic so many people avoid to mention it.❤
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. ❤ I’m very sorry about your loss of Brian.
Could you please talk more about the talks you give to students?? Have students told you they changed their minds about drinking and driving? ❤❤❤❤
We will definitely discuss this in the near future
God bless you and your family
I needed to watch in two parts. Thank you for sharing. So true about an individual pace and labels! X
Try to position mic so it's not on any one of your faces.
Thanks for this heart wrenching story of what happened to your son.
My almost 5 yr old died shortly after open heart surgery to correct a VSD. The patch gave her a heart attack. Her lungs were degenerated since they waited till she was almost 5 to do the repair. My heartfelt condolences to your whole family for the loss of your son.
So sorry about your loss 💙 and we have been learning and working on getting better audio
I was meant to come across this video today. Thank you so much for truly talking about the aftermath! Watched to the very end. Hugs to mom and dad.
Your son sounds like he was an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
Thank you for sharing your hearts and experiences and your family as it helps ease my grief walk
Im so much sorry about this ، that hurts ❤
I have two alienation teen daughters. I promise not all grief can be navigated or healed.
I am so happy to have found this podcast. Your dad has the most gentle, kind spirit. I saw him first speaking about his work as a neurosurgeon and I was drawn to him and then to hear of the tragedy that your family went through. I am so very sorry, you will always be in my prayers. I cannot even imagine the pain that you must be going through daily even though life goes on. I understand that but it’s a different life. I just wanted to say something to you. I really never do respond to anything that I see on social media I am A I guess you color the stalker L O L but I was drawn to your family. I want you to know that I will pray for you. God bless you as you try to help others.
I've lost my daughter and husband then many years later I lost my second husband. My mom dad sister many friends . Because of my faith i believe what the Bible tells me. My loved ones are having the greatest time ever. They are in heaven . With God the Holy Spirit Jesus. Streets made of gold. Mansions. They will be at my feast to get me home with all my loved ones. I'm excited to have something so awesome coming up in my life. Yea they went before me but I'm coming. I don't have all the answers but i know they have great joy there is no tears in heaven no pain no sickness. Praise God this I know for sure.
Thank you all.
What the son said at 30:15
The word ‘dead’ shouldn’t be ever uttered by a parent about their child.
You can’t understand what they’ve been through, and even if you could, it’s not your buisness. Grow up
@@MypronounIsKing ok. Let’s think about it. Think about it like this. The word dead should never have to be said by a parent about their child. Do you get it ? It’s a word that is so devastating that no parent should ever have to go through it. Does that make sense ? Or do I have to grow up still ? When you read something try and actually try and look at the words and the meanings behind them. It really does help. Stay in school. 👍🏻
It might hurt but dying is part of life and we need to honor it and not ignore it.
It's a final and difficult word.
I enjoyed this podcast but the sound is terrible. can't watch the whole thing with computor to ear