What does your sexual comfort zone look like? (Mine varies. OR Mine is always the same.) Also, for methods of communication, don't discount the old tried and tested method of writing a physical letter by hand, so steamy and lewd that it would send the recipients parents into an embarrased panic if found by mistake ;)
If our protection failed, what’s your comfort level with becoming a parent? I think this question is important because even though failure rate is low it still happens and the partners need to be on the same page about what to do. This is assuming a heterosexual relationship. I don’t know that it applies to everyone but it’s important to me.
About the relation status it's good to ask if they are with some one(s), are they breaking established rules with that person to be with you.
4 года назад+4
Wow! Great video! Congratulations! I think even if you are starting a regular relationship, some exploratory questions you mention are great. However, you say that communication is key, and I do agree! But saying that is not enough, the same as saying "if you are sad, don't be sad" is not enough to help someone who is sad. There is a whoooole path to make. Otherwise it will be so easy! Before continuing, I'm not sure whether you treated already this fundamental level of communication, which is good. If you did it already, please let me know. If not, new topic and here more! There are also at least two levels for that communication: 1. The basic level: when you are well with that person, and you don't want to risk that good mood. Or you don't want to incommode that person, but you don't know how to start... Some tips, list and suggestions for that will be great. 2. Some people have specific issues, like Autistic/Asperger. You can see what I mean in an extreme (not all are at that level) here: ruclips.net/video/0-YLP3CRiUM/видео.html Maybe you can chat with Sam and get some ideas, or even make a video-collaboration, it can be wonderful! For guys' point of view, you can try with Dan: ruclips.net/video/wOlT4IqKBoI/видео.html Well, I'm sorry to give you more homework (if you didn't treat this before), but I'm sure this can help many people. Again many thanks and keep going that well!
This tends to come from my BDSM background, but I like to ask people "What do like/what turns you on?" and "what do you want/are interested in?". Because sometimes just because it gets you all hot and bothered to be called "daddy" doesn't mean you want to get called "daddy" today. XP
@@hannahwitton "What protection should we use...?Condom...? Facemask...? Fullbody quarantine suit with adequate cleasing procedures prior and after contact...?"
Also it’s important to KEEP asking these questions even in a long-term relationship, we evolve and change and you’re gonna want different things at different times!
Wow...my mind...I really had to laugh after reading this comment because I imagined a couple talking and one of them is asking these questions (like a check up) and then there comes the question of the relationship status and the other partner is just sitting there like: ... what?! we've been married for 2 years what are you talking about
Big question to ask someone, as an autistic person: What are your hobbies/interests? Honestly, before getting to know somebody. I can’t picture myself just having casual relationships. Autistics tend to seek fewer, but deeper relationships. So I’d want a romantic and sexual partner to share some common ground with me.
Good advice, especially about communication being key and no judgement. - The first girl I ever slept with (she was reasonably experienced) told me that. It's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever had. - Another she taught me was the the football card/traffic light system. This is basically a safe word. Red obviously means "Stop!", yellow/amber means "I'm not sure/comfortable about this can we back off a bit?" And green means "Oh yes! More please!" Hopefully you'll never have to use Red, Yellow should be enough, but it's useful to have it there just in case. - When it comes to consent remember that people can change their minds. I've known girls who were keen to start with and then had a change of heart (usually due to feeling guilty because they were already in a relationship). And others who didn't want to go too far at the beginning, but then later decided they did (Yay!). - Remember communication isn't just about talking, it's also reading tone and body language. Do they tense up, flinch, fidget or close/hunch up their body? This is usually a sign they're uncomfortable. Our instinct is to curl up in the fetal position if nervous/threatened, etc. Or do they open up their body/press closer? Usually a positive sign that you're making them feel good. Also girls tend to make little noises of pleasure (sighs, whimpers, groan, moans, etc) when you're making them feel good, which as well as being a good indicator that you are doing things she likes is also really sexy too! If you're not sure, ask! e.g. Is that o.k? Do you like that? Does that feel good, etc. Just don't make it twenty questions. Being interogated or being asked "Is that o.k constantly isn't a turn on. - Finding out the other persons level of experience can be useful too. In my experience as a rule of thumb people with less experience tend to be more vanilla/conservative in their sexual tastes and those who have had a number of partners may be a little more adventurous as they may be curious to try something new. Again make it clear you're not judging. You don't have to ask exact numbers just a rough indication. If they seem nervous there's a good chance they're not very experienced. Some people may have had an active sex life, but only with one or two long term partners, so being with someone new can still be a big deal for them. - For guys try not to be a selfish lover by just concentrating on your own satisfaction. Personally I love making the other person feel good and I've yet to come across a girl who didn't want to return the favour after I've done that. - Asking someone about their fantasies, best/worst sexual experience or if there's something they've never done but are curious to try/explore is a great way to learn someone's preferences and you can let them know yours in the same way. Initially they may be a little worried about what you'll think of them so make it clear you won't judge them, using a little gentle humour and telling the odd personal anecdote yourself can encourage people to open up. And if it's not something you want to do just say so and regarding your own fantasies, etc make sure they know you don't expect them to indulge them unless they want to. - Personally I try to have an open mind as to whether it will be a casual relationship or something more. Expect nothing, hope for everything! In my experience people are most likely to get hurt when they have different expectations, with one person thinking it's the start of a serious romantic relationship and the other believing it's just a bit of drunken fun. This goes double if it's someone you see on a daily basis e.g. housemate, close work colleague, etc, so make sure you're on the same wave length.
I'd love to see more of these types of conversations portrayed in the media. Gimme people talking about what turns them on and setting boundaries and having healthy and consensual relationships, PLEASE !
1: When did you last have an sti check up? 2: What protection shall we use? 3: What turns you on, what do you lust after, hot and bothered? Do they need to be relaxed or do they wanna be jumped on the moment they walk in the door? 4: What do they like doing, what do they like being done to them? Describing what you want to do, dirty talk? 5: What don't they like? 6: What your relationship status? 7: Is this casual? 8: Are you sleeping with anyone else?
@@victoriadorgu3207 No one deserves to be cheated on but no one deserves to have their privacy breached either. What you're describing is HIGHLY illegal and incredibly unethical. If you're at the point in a marriage where you feel the urge to hire a hacker, you don't need the hacked information to know that the relationship is over and you should get divorced. Illegally obtained information isn't valid in court either. Please seek help, this is very disturbing behaviour if it's real but honestly I suspect it's a spam ad
In my experience, many ppl (especially cis guys) get offended when asked if they have recently been tested and/or are reluctant to get tested/treated : HUGE RED FLAG
Particularly in an early and/or casual encounter checking in with someone's mental state is super important. If someone is intoxicated or emotionally compromised in some way, sex is probably not the best idea at that time. This is true in other encounters as well obviously, but the answer is likely easier to discern if you already know your partner well.
On the 'casual' question, I would add that if you have a strong preference either way, then rather than wording it as a question I would say it as a statement of fact. Ei, "I am just looking for a casual arrangement right now, are you okay with that?" Just tends to stop issues before they arise.
So Phie I met a Mexican girl and though i had made it clear that my itinarary was going to take me to Guatemala, on our final evening she beat me up, seriously.
A huge reason my boyfriend and I are together was starting off as friends with benefits and remaining honest about other people we were having sex with and what we didn't like, etc. My previous partners were too shy or uncomfortable to talk about sex before, during, or after which to me is a red flag. Communication and vulnerability are key. One thing we always have now is trust because of how honest we were when we didn't need to be at the start
could you ask instead, How serious is this? so that the other then isn't asking in relation to serious or not serious but rather a spectrum they can define and you can then redefine to come to an agreement?
maybe asking what they are looking for from this or what they are expecting afterwards is better because it let's the other person decide how they want to choose to answer. i find asking a question with casual or serious usually primes them to answer similarly or scares them away. a neutral question might be easier to ask and easier to answer
I think a lot of people feel like this would kill the mood. I'm a very affirmation positive person myself, especially when I domme "are you okay with this?" is always a good question
@@haroldhenderson2824 Yes agreed. For me it extra so. But I guess my comment was meant to mean that some people don't think like you or I. Some people think asking is unsexy as "just wanting it to all happen naturally and animalistically" is considered sexy.
Depends how you ask the questions. If you make it a gestapo interrogation or ask every few moments "is this o.k?" then it's a turn off. Try making it part of a general chat, it can be fun and flirty. Use a bit of gentle humour. Sharing some intimate anecdotes, descriptions of fantasies, things you haven't tried but are curious about, best/worst experiences can be a good way to get closer, flirt or just have a good laugh.
speleokeir I see “The Piano” is on your play list. A really sensual movie. Anyhoo , i’m responding to “ Gestapo” I don’t know how it happened, but a woman i had just met responded to something i said ( i don’t know what)for maybe she had farted and was admitting to it.by putting hands up. She was laughing. So i told her to face the wall and put her hands on it. When she’d done that i told her to “spread em lady”which she did. I continued the game by patting her down. As she was giggling and me wondering what i could get away with. I lifted her skirt at the back and examined the exterior of her panties which she accommodated by spreading her legs further apart. Thats when Her friend came in, but later she came to where i was sleeping on the roof and got into my sleeping bag. I guess this was a success for spontaneity.
Hannah: "My friend Eva Bloom who is a sex researcher from Canada was on my podcast talking about her masters..." Me: *Holy shit!* Hannah: "...thesis." Me: "Oh..."
Re: the idea of structured list of questions on a clipboard, BDSM yes/no/maybe checklists are basically that. And yes, as an anxious person who loves organization, it’s both calming and sexy lol.
You hit the nail on the head, Hannah. Communication is everything! Recently learned a painful lesson what can happen when there’s poor communication. Sexting is great and can be a lot of fun but nothing beats face to face talks
Re: #2 "What protection shall we use?" Assuming a coupling where a pregnancy could feasibly result (by which I pretty much mean cis-male with testes and cis-female with uterus, no matter what contraception is used), "Do you know what you preferred course of action would be if 'we' got pregnant?". For some cis-woman that's an automatic "abort!" (I speak from experience), for others they just couldn't even consider an abortion, so it would be go through with it and be a parent, or adopt out. Then there are mental health issues, possibly other medical issues making a pregnancy inadvisable. Do NOT assume, no matter how many methods are "in use" that contraception is a sure thing. A vasectomy can spontaneously reverse (although chances of this are related to how much of the vas deferens is removed, leave too much and the ends can reconnect). I''ve not yet done any research to see if 'fallopian tube tying' has analagous failure modes. If you're someone who just REALLY can't deal with a pregnancy and parenthood, you need to either be sure the other person's preferences will support that, or be an adult and just don't have sex with that person.
Before my last relationship I did make sure we discussed: 1) Contraception 2) In case of pregnancy 3) STI check status (including discussion of warts caused by HPV variants) 4) Consent, not just in the context of being sure we were both up for it, but also "if you *NEED* something to stop are you confident you will say so, and not just let things continue?". Other questions covered by this video came up more naturally over time, in the flow of the relationship.
As a sexual health educator on semi lockdown since all the schools are closed, this is a great list! I am going to so use these tips during my next presentation
what i think is quite a good question to ask as well is: what level and also what kind of consent do you want to practise? i think theres more than just talking to make sure someone wants you to do something, also, some people might want to be asked about small details while others prefer to go with the flow and say no anytime they dont like something.
I just wanted to point out how much Ms. Witton loves making videos. She's having fun and singing. I just love her vibe. I can feel it thro this video!!♀️🙈
Wow misheard part near the end there and was very confused 😂 when you said your tone wasn't very sexy it kind of ran on from the list of questions and I heard "I know my TOE might not be very sexy right now, but I'm sure you could make it sexy"
Rutabaga! They are a cross b/t cabbage & turnips. According to Wikipedia, “rutabaga” comes from Swedish dialectal word “rotabagge” - “rot” (root) + “bagge” (lump, bunch).
This is all so valid and correct and everyone should listen but the idea of having a one night stand with someone and they snap on the latex gloves like they're a fucking dentist would make me run a mile in the opposite direction, fast 😂
It's also important to think about your answers to these questions, I've finally got partners that would actually care about what I liked and realised that I didn't actually know what to say.
100% ask if they’ve been tested and not if they have any STIs to get a direct and honest answer. I once asked and had the reply ‘I’m clean/I don’t have anything’ but made it clear that if they haven’t been tested and they’ve been sexually active they cannot know that for sure
Great video as always Hannah! Also, when someone asks when you last got tested, BE HONEST. I’ve had the experience of someone lying and the repercussions of that are not nice. 😭
Recently blurted out the "what is this" to a guy I've been seeing where it feels like theres something there but they live in a different city. Got basically a confirmation that it's exclusive but that we'd talk more at another point. Now with corona virus I won't see them for a while 😔
Seeing your video just made my day, I’m so glad I have your uploads to look forward to as I’m stuck at home and away from friends for several weeks!!! 💕
Great content as always Hannah. Some really useful tips. Maybe in future videos you could cover stuff like, how to break the ice? Or, something closer to my heart, good aftercare tips after you have had sex with someone
Die Steckrübe wird auch Kohlrübe, Butterrübe, Erdkohlrabi, Unterkohlrabi, Bodenkohlrabi, Runke, Runkelrübe und in Norddeutschland gelegentlich noch Wruke genannt.
Can you do a video of you reacting to sex and relationship scenes in movies? Like Friends with Benefits or like The Notebook or any other movie that has sex/relationships (there's a lot of them). I think this would be really interesting
You are Very Right Communicate. 💯💯Always. People that dont are Sick. I always Communicate and im Willing to. We Always should be Willing to do it too. In anything.
I’ve also decided that if my sexual partner can’t communicate like this, I don’t want to have sex with them... it’s meant I’ve ended things sooner than I’d like but I’ve been safe and comfortable and if someone can’t respect that, then they’re not worth it 👏🏻👏🏻💕
Yep. Girls always tell me how easy I am to talk to, both friends and lovers. It always makes me sad how many girls tell me they can't talk to their boyfriends and my first thought is: "Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't talk to?" A lot of blokes are really crap at communicating, but it's pretty simple. All I do is ask the other person a bit about themselves, listen(!), show an interest and I try not to judge. Using a bit of gentle humour, especially poking fun at myself and telling a few personal anecdotes often helps the other person to open up too.
I feel it is also really important to establish whether you agree on what you would want to do if you were to conceive (if applicable, obviously - no contraceptive is 100%)... Particularly if you are embarking on a relationship with someone. This is a very sensitive topic, and if you disagree, it is likely that the person who loses the argument is going to harbour feelings of resentment and/or regret, which will likely doom the relationship anyway.
Could you make a video about telling your sexual partner it's your first time? (I'm sorry if there's already a video about it) For example: -If and why it should be said -How to bring it up in a sexy way -How to define what you have done and haven't done before, without it being an enumeration I personally wouldn't want my sexual partner to think that they have to be extra careful or reserved, or that it will make me super attached etc. I know what I want and I'm not afraid to tell 'em, I've waited long enough, god damn! :p
These are also questions you should think about more often, it sometimes can be hard for people to think in the moment. Or some people are not sure what they like or don't like or what forms of protection there are.
Fun story: I wanted casual sex, he did too but hadn't slept with anyone in 4 years so was nervous about that situation. 3 years later we're getting married soon and I'm 13 weeks pregnant 👍
Communication is VITAL to have a healthy relationship. 1. When was the last time you had an STI/STD check up? 2. What protection shall we use? 3. What turns you on? 4. What do you like doing? What do you enjoy being done to you? (Describe the style of dirty talk you want) 5. What do you not like doing? 6. What is your relationship status? 7. Is this casual? 8. Are you sleeping with anyone else?
I ask these questions! I have no problem asking them, although I usually end up not mentioning what they might not like, I think I'll add that in for sure because I've had to say no in the middle of sex to something else that I don't want and it seemed that they were a little disappointed but too bad. I'd asked what they like to do beforehand and they didn't give a full answer it seems. I may link this video to future partners so they can understand why I ask these questions. Also, I love planning sex because you can do a lot of teasing and building up of anticipation leading up to it.
Great advice and they are things that I have been doing for years. Of course I haven’t slept and what times and I’ve been successful but such is life in the states. Many women think a guy is weird for asking so many questions.
I know you are right about some women. I personally have lost patience with what I see as immature behavior. Adults need to be capable of having frank conversations about sex. My advice is to not have sex with women who act immature when you attempt to have an open conversation about sex, health, and consent.
1. Communication is not only about words. Body language and tone of voice are other important apects. We often hear that we shouldn't critizise by saying "You always...", but rather "I feel ... when ..." etc. I would argue that even if your words are well thougt-out it is equaly bad to put them forward with an annoyed or angry tone in your voice. Yes, perhaps even worse, I would say. 2. I wish that that other aspects of a relationship could be dealt with in the same way. Why is it so often easier to communicate well about sex than about emotional conflicts in a long-term relationship?
Always Communication is The Key. It has To be Done in any relationship. Just got out of a Relationship Because of No commucation which isnt Good Bad Communication There Will be Nothing No relationship. every one Needs to communicate and correctly Properly calmly the Right. Way. Its very Necessary Yes👍
I find it good to bring up the question if there are things that they are physically not able to do. Due to pain or other conditions, and also if they are ok with things maybe not working out because of the problems i have. If someone asks this question you can also search for alternatives beforhand if penetrative sex is not on the table.
All those questions are basically common sense. And you do need to know beforehand. It is your life that is on the line here after all. And that of your partner. And yeah, you can pinch those questions in a convo any time. They do not need to be in that exact order and some of them come up during a convo anyways. And guys, you do not need to let the girls do all the talking, you can strike up those questions as well. Makes the girls even comfier when they notice he is concerned not just for his but for her safety as well.
Important things! What about the questions you could discuss with someone you have already been having sex with for a while, questions that can improve the sex? That could be a cool video I think
Kinda reminds me of The Kiss Quotient bc the lady brought in a checklist for the bedroom and the guy with her was confused but a little turned on (i think)
Hey Hannah, what are your thoughts on the herpes blood test? Do you think they are accurate enough? Should you have it done as part of an sti check up?
4 года назад+8
How about... So, do you wanna keep it casual, or can you see this going somewhere else?
I find it funny how often I am watching videos like this and thinking to myself "yeah, I learned how much better it was to do that when I started looking at BDSM" because all that was just standard. Maybe that's why kinky people have more satisfying sex lives?
Comunication is key!!! What conversations would you want to have before sleeping with someone? Comment below!
What does your sexual comfort zone look like? (Mine varies. OR Mine is always the same.)
Also, for methods of communication, don't discount the old tried and tested method of writing a physical letter by hand, so steamy and lewd that it would send the recipients parents into an embarrased panic if found by mistake ;)
If our protection failed, what’s your comfort level with becoming a parent? I think this question is important because even though failure rate is low it still happens and the partners need to be on the same page about what to do. This is assuming a heterosexual relationship. I don’t know that it applies to everyone but it’s important to me.
About the relation status it's good to ask if they are with some one(s), are they breaking established rules with that person to be with you.
Wow! Great video! Congratulations!
I think even if you are starting a regular relationship, some exploratory questions you mention are great. However, you say that communication is key, and I do agree! But saying that is not enough, the same as saying "if you are sad, don't be sad" is not enough to help someone who is sad. There is a whoooole path to make. Otherwise it will be so easy!
Before continuing, I'm not sure whether you treated already this fundamental level of communication, which is good. If you did it already, please let me know. If not, new topic and here more!
There are also at least two levels for that communication:
1. The basic level: when you are well with that person, and you don't want to risk that good mood. Or you don't want to incommode that person, but you don't know how to start... Some tips, list and suggestions for that will be great.
2. Some people have specific issues, like Autistic/Asperger. You can see what I mean in an extreme (not all are at that level) here: ruclips.net/video/0-YLP3CRiUM/видео.html Maybe you can chat with Sam and get some ideas, or even make a video-collaboration, it can be wonderful! For guys' point of view, you can try with Dan: ruclips.net/video/wOlT4IqKBoI/видео.html
Well, I'm sorry to give you more homework (if you didn't treat this before), but I'm sure this can help many people.
Again many thanks and keep going that well!
This tends to come from my BDSM background, but I like to ask people "What do like/what turns you on?" and "what do you want/are interested in?". Because sometimes just because it gets you all hot and bothered to be called "daddy" doesn't mean you want to get called "daddy" today. XP
“Do you have coronavirus?”
yes, perhaps "have you had a fever or cough in the last 14 days?" might be a good question.
Or "do you like cyber sex?"
@@hannahwitton "What protection should we use...?Condom...? Facemask...? Fullbody quarantine suit with adequate cleasing procedures prior and after contact...?"
i dont think so.
The Heroes' Workbench you’re a genius 🤣
Hahahahahhahahahahaha
Me asking my wife if she’s in a relationship
Also it’s important to KEEP asking these questions even in a long-term relationship, we evolve and change and you’re gonna want different things at different times!
Wow...my mind...I really had to laugh after reading this comment because I imagined a couple talking and one of them is asking these questions (like a check up) and then there comes the question of the relationship status and the other partner is just sitting there like: ... what?! we've been married for 2 years what are you talking about
"Fake it 'til you make it - that advice does not apply to orgasms" I laughed way more than I should have
glad it tickled you!
My autism needed this. So much difficult, many tricky.
Much trickies and many difficults.
@@saracole7623 All of the above
yes yes yes
Big question to ask someone, as an autistic person:
What are your hobbies/interests? Honestly, before getting to know somebody. I can’t picture myself just having casual relationships. Autistics tend to seek fewer, but deeper relationships. So I’d want a romantic and sexual partner to share some common ground with me.
Good advice, especially about communication being key and no judgement.
- The first girl I ever slept with (she was reasonably experienced) told me that. It's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever had.
- Another she taught me was the the football card/traffic light system. This is basically a safe word. Red obviously means "Stop!", yellow/amber means "I'm not sure/comfortable about this can we back off a bit?" And green means "Oh yes! More please!" Hopefully you'll never have to use Red, Yellow should be enough, but it's useful to have it there just in case.
- When it comes to consent remember that people can change their minds. I've known girls who were keen to start with and then had a change of heart (usually due to feeling guilty because they were already in a relationship). And others who didn't want to go too far at the beginning, but then later decided they did (Yay!).
- Remember communication isn't just about talking, it's also reading tone and body language. Do they tense up, flinch, fidget or close/hunch up their body? This is usually a sign they're uncomfortable. Our instinct is to curl up in the fetal position if nervous/threatened, etc. Or do they open up their body/press closer? Usually a positive sign that you're making them feel good. Also girls tend to make little noises of pleasure (sighs, whimpers, groan, moans, etc) when you're making them feel good, which as well as being a good indicator that you are doing things she likes is also really sexy too! If you're not sure, ask! e.g. Is that o.k? Do you like that? Does that feel good, etc. Just don't make it twenty questions. Being interogated or being asked "Is that o.k constantly isn't a turn on.
- Finding out the other persons level of experience can be useful too. In my experience as a rule of thumb people with less experience tend to be more vanilla/conservative in their sexual tastes and those who have had a number of partners may be a little more adventurous as they may be curious to try something new. Again make it clear you're not judging. You don't have to ask exact numbers just a rough indication. If they seem nervous there's a good chance they're not very experienced. Some people may have had an active sex life, but only with one or two long term partners, so being with someone new can still be a big deal for them.
- For guys try not to be a selfish lover by just concentrating on your own satisfaction. Personally I love making the other person feel good and I've yet to come across a girl who didn't want to return the favour after I've done that.
- Asking someone about their fantasies, best/worst sexual experience or if there's something they've never done but are curious to try/explore is a great way to learn someone's preferences and you can let them know yours in the same way. Initially they may be a little worried about what you'll think of them so make it clear you won't judge them, using a little gentle humour and telling the odd personal anecdote yourself can encourage people to open up. And if it's not something you want to do just say so and regarding your own fantasies, etc make sure they know you don't expect them to indulge them unless they want to.
- Personally I try to have an open mind as to whether it will be a casual relationship or something more. Expect nothing, hope for everything! In my experience people are most likely to get hurt when they have different expectations, with one person thinking it's the start of a serious romantic relationship and the other believing it's just a bit of drunken fun. This goes double if it's someone you see on a daily basis e.g. housemate, close work colleague, etc, so make sure you're on the same wave length.
I'll be keeping these in mind. thanks
I'd love to see more of these types of conversations portrayed in the media. Gimme people talking about what turns them on and setting boundaries and having healthy and consensual relationships, PLEASE !
Yes please!
1: When did you last have an sti check up?
2: What protection shall we use?
3: What turns you on, what do you lust after, hot and bothered? Do they need to be relaxed or do they wanna be jumped on the moment they walk in the door?
4: What do they like doing, what do they like being done to them? Describing what you want to do, dirty talk?
5: What don't they like?
6: What your relationship status?
7: Is this casual?
8: Are you sleeping with anyone else?
Omfg thank you SO much, you deserve a medal 👏🏼
To Q1 - Follow up by asking for the results or if they have or have had an STI/STD
A1: I got my STI checked at the Subaru dealership last month.
@@victoriadorgu3207 No one deserves to be cheated on but no one deserves to have their privacy breached either. What you're describing is HIGHLY illegal and incredibly unethical. If you're at the point in a marriage where you feel the urge to hire a hacker, you don't need the hacked information to know that the relationship is over and you should get divorced. Illegally obtained information isn't valid in court either. Please seek help, this is very disturbing behaviour if it's real but honestly I suspect it's a spam ad
@@elelem358 dont bother, it's a bot, I've seen it before
In my experience, many ppl (especially cis guys) get offended when asked if they have recently been tested and/or are reluctant to get tested/treated : HUGE RED FLAG
Happened to me today, Now i feel like I'm wrong for asking:(
@@ocp5062 You are definitely not wrong for asking. Your health and theirs are at risk.
Definitely would get tested for guaranteed clunge!
@@D.B_COOPER_1 I'll get tested when the 20 days window time has happened :)
Javi Octavia Paulina you are absolutely not wrong for asking at all
Particularly in an early and/or casual encounter checking in with someone's mental state is super important. If someone is intoxicated or emotionally compromised in some way, sex is probably not the best idea at that time. This is true in other encounters as well obviously, but the answer is likely easier to discern if you already know your partner well.
Q3 in Lucifer character: What is it that you most desire? This is how I pictured it lol
I prefer “what are you looking for?” over “is this casual?”
Christine Frank
Neither is good. “ this is a date lets see what we have in common”. Find out the dislikes first.
On the 'casual' question, I would add that if you have a strong preference either way, then rather than wording it as a question I would say it as a statement of fact. Ei, "I am just looking for a casual arrangement right now, are you okay with that?"
Just tends to stop issues before they arise.
So Phie
I met a Mexican girl and though i had made it clear that my itinarary was going to take me to Guatemala, on our final evening she beat me up, seriously.
A huge reason my boyfriend and I are together was starting off as friends with benefits and remaining honest about other people we were having sex with and what we didn't like, etc. My previous partners were too shy or uncomfortable to talk about sex before, during, or after which to me is a red flag. Communication and vulnerability are key. One thing we always have now is trust because of how honest we were when we didn't need to be at the start
could you ask instead, How serious is this? so that the other then isn't asking in relation to serious or not serious but rather a spectrum they can define and you can then redefine to come to an agreement?
This is great! I think this applies to relationships too, when people get together, this is a good tool to have both/all on the same page.
maybe asking what they are looking for from this or what they are expecting afterwards is better because it let's the other person decide how they want to choose to answer. i find asking a question with casual or serious usually primes them to answer similarly or scares them away. a neutral question might be easier to ask and easier to answer
Oh no
Noyemi Lakho
Start casual (keeping it light) its too soon for the deep-snd.
I think a lot of people feel like this would kill the mood. I'm a very affirmation positive person myself, especially when I domme "are you okay with this?" is always a good question
If it "kills the mood", they aren't that interested in you. Leave them, don't screw them.
@@haroldhenderson2824 Yes agreed. For me it extra so. But I guess my comment was meant to mean that some people don't think like you or I. Some people think asking is unsexy as "just wanting it to all happen naturally and animalistically" is considered sexy.
Depends how you ask the questions. If you make it a gestapo interrogation or ask every few moments "is this o.k?" then it's a turn off. Try making it part of a general chat, it can be fun and flirty. Use a bit of gentle humour. Sharing some intimate anecdotes, descriptions of fantasies, things you haven't tried but are curious about, best/worst experiences can be a good way to get closer, flirt or just have a good laugh.
speleokeir
I see “The Piano” is on your play list. A really sensual movie.
Anyhoo , i’m responding to “ Gestapo”
I don’t know how it happened, but a woman i had just met responded to something i said ( i don’t know what)for maybe she had farted and was admitting to it.by putting hands up. She was laughing. So i told her to face the wall and put her hands on it. When she’d done that i told her to “spread em lady”which she did. I continued the game by patting her down. As she was giggling and me wondering what i could get away with. I lifted her skirt at the back and examined the exterior of her panties which she accommodated by spreading her legs further apart. Thats when Her friend came in, but later she came to where i was sleeping on the roof and got into my sleeping bag.
I guess this was a success for spontaneity.
@Sam Yepp a lot of people are. I think this idea of sexiness being one that doesn't often comes form media that tends not to depict that stuff
Hannah: "My friend Eva Bloom who is a sex researcher from Canada was on my podcast talking about her masters..."
Me: *Holy shit!*
Hannah: "...thesis."
Me: "Oh..."
😂
Me, a sex-repulsed asexual: amazing video 10/10
Fr I ain't never gonna use these questions, but it's still interesting to watch these videos lmao oop
thank you! I always hope that these videos are interesting to anyone, regardless if they actually apply to everyone.
A fellow ace here, but not sex-repulsed, so useful! Sometimes I engage in sexual activities for other reasons and this is great :)
Was just about to comment the same thing!
💜💜
Stay curious! 😁
9. Are there any medical issues that should be discussed?
Jody Beaver as a person with vulvodynia this is importantttt
+
10.Is there any point to this ?
also if they get really defensive about being asked about STI’s that’s probably a red flag
The Amy Santiago vibes are strong with this one 😂
I too text my s.o. “hey wanna bone”
BOOONE!
Hi Katie
@@FaisalKhan-os7bv 😂
@@ClaireYunFarronXIII Hi
@@ClaireYunFarronXIII what happened
I'm so proud of myself. I asked every question to my one night stand before watching this video. Wish me luck for monday😋😂🎉
I'm a huge believer of communication with comprehension
Re: the idea of structured list of questions on a clipboard, BDSM yes/no/maybe checklists are basically that. And yes, as an anxious person who loves organization, it’s both calming and sexy lol.
You hit the nail on the head, Hannah. Communication is everything! Recently learned a painful lesson what can happen when there’s poor communication. Sexting is great and can be a lot of fun but nothing beats face to face talks
Re: #2 "What protection shall we use?"
Assuming a coupling where a pregnancy could feasibly result (by which I pretty much mean cis-male with testes and cis-female with uterus, no matter what contraception is used), "Do you know what you preferred course of action would be if 'we' got pregnant?". For some cis-woman that's an automatic "abort!" (I speak from experience), for others they just couldn't even consider an abortion, so it would be go through with it and be a parent, or adopt out. Then there are mental health issues, possibly other medical issues making a pregnancy inadvisable.
Do NOT assume, no matter how many methods are "in use" that contraception is a sure thing. A vasectomy can spontaneously reverse (although chances of this are related to how much of the vas deferens is removed, leave too much and the ends can reconnect). I''ve not yet done any research to see if 'fallopian tube tying' has analagous failure modes.
If you're someone who just REALLY can't deal with a pregnancy and parenthood, you need to either be sure the other person's preferences will support that, or be an adult and just don't have sex with that person.
Before my last relationship I did make sure we discussed:
1) Contraception
2) In case of pregnancy
3) STI check status (including discussion of warts caused by HPV variants)
4) Consent, not just in the context of being sure we were both up for it, but also "if you *NEED* something to stop are you confident you will say so, and not just let things continue?".
Other questions covered by this video came up more naturally over time, in the flow of the relationship.
As a sexual health educator on semi lockdown since all the schools are closed, this is a great list! I am going to so use these tips during my next presentation
I saved this to my watch later list for when I do pick up the courage and start dating/download the apps etc...
what i think is quite a good question to ask as well is: what level and also what kind of consent do you want to practise? i think theres more than just talking to make sure someone wants you to do something, also, some people might want to be asked about small details while others prefer to go with the flow and say no anytime they dont like something.
Lese Ratte
You cant say NO with your mouth full. Which is why you need a sign to call the game over.
Omg this is the earliest I’ve been, 22 seconds ago! And a video that will be really useful! Thank you Hannah! I’ve wanted something like this!
My biggest turn on is whenever effective communication is talked about so keep up the good work!!!
"if someone got a clipboard out I'd be like.. HELLO!"
Big mood!!!! 😂
I just wanted to point out how much Ms. Witton loves making videos. She's having fun and singing. I just love her vibe. I can feel it thro this video!!♀️🙈
Wow misheard part near the end there and was very confused 😂 when you said your tone wasn't very sexy it kind of ran on from the list of questions and I heard "I know my TOE might not be very sexy right now, but I'm sure you could make it sexy"
That is what I heard. Only realised that it wasn't upon reading your comment. 🤦🏻♀️
Awesome video! Communication is always so important and it's something that is often lacking in relationships!
Commonly the main cause to why relationships break down.
Rutabaga! They are a cross b/t cabbage & turnips. According to Wikipedia, “rutabaga” comes from Swedish dialectal word “rotabagge” - “rot” (root) + “bagge” (lump, bunch).
This is all so valid and correct and everyone should listen but the idea of having a one night stand with someone and they snap on the latex gloves like they're a fucking dentist would make me run a mile in the opposite direction, fast 😂
"obviously my tone isn't very sexy" …. au contraire.
It's also important to think about your answers to these questions, I've finally got partners that would actually care about what I liked and realised that I didn't actually know what to say.
100% ask if they’ve been tested and not if they have any STIs to get a direct and honest answer. I once asked and had the reply ‘I’m clean/I don’t have anything’ but made it clear that if they haven’t been tested and they’ve been sexually active they cannot know that for sure
Great video as always Hannah! Also, when someone asks when you last got tested, BE HONEST. I’ve had the experience of someone lying and the repercussions of that are not nice. 😭
At least in my country, what the lying shitstain did (knowingly lying about an STI and infecting someone else) would fall under felony assault.
@@SonsOfLorgar
That's really interesting, I never knew it could be classed as that. Thank you.
This is one of your best videos!
Recently blurted out the "what is this" to a guy I've been seeing where it feels like theres something there but they live in a different city. Got basically a confirmation that it's exclusive but that we'd talk more at another point. Now with corona virus I won't see them for a while 😔
Great piece Hannah. Thanks.
Rutabaga!! Your the best. Always love your content 😉
GOD BLESS U SIS
Seeing your video just made my day, I’m so glad I have your uploads to look forward to as I’m stuck at home and away from friends for several weeks!!! 💕
Such a great video
anytime I watch with the sound off my brain still knows to read the captions in hannah's english accent
Just watch this video together, hearing you out and pause after one question - talk about it - have a drink, good food and enjoy the conversation 😋😋
Great video
Great content as always Hannah. Some really useful tips. Maybe in future videos you could cover stuff like, how to break the ice? Or, something closer to my heart, good aftercare tips after you have had sex with someone
Hannah seriously you save me 🙌
Die Steckrübe wird auch Kohlrübe, Butterrübe, Erdkohlrabi, Unterkohlrabi, Bodenkohlrabi, Runke, Runkelrübe und in Norddeutschland gelegentlich noch Wruke genannt.
I discovered swede recently and it's my favourite vegetable now. I'm absolutely obsessed 😭
hannah you look ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL in this video
thank you!
Can you do a video of you reacting to sex and relationship scenes in movies? Like Friends with Benefits or like The Notebook or any other movie that has sex/relationships (there's a lot of them). I think this would be really interesting
You are Very Right Communicate. 💯💯Always. People that dont are Sick. I always Communicate and im Willing to. We Always should be Willing to do it too. In anything.
It's nice to be asked what I want and what I'm looking for. Such a turn on!
ha - that's my 2nd biggest turn-off. different strokes...
I have recently stumbled upon your channel and I’m hooked big fan your are incredible
I’ve also decided that if my sexual partner can’t communicate like this, I don’t want to have sex with them... it’s meant I’ve ended things sooner than I’d like but I’ve been safe and comfortable and if someone can’t respect that, then they’re not worth it 👏🏻👏🏻💕
Yep. Girls always tell me how easy I am to talk to, both friends and lovers. It always makes me sad how many girls tell me they can't talk to their boyfriends and my first thought is: "Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't talk to?"
A lot of blokes are really crap at communicating, but it's pretty simple. All I do is ask the other person a bit about themselves, listen(!), show an interest and I try not to judge. Using a bit of gentle humour, especially poking fun at myself and telling a few personal anecdotes often helps the other person to open up too.
my bf was like "hey when am I gonna meet your parents" and that's when I knew it was serious lol
Hi Medline
I feel it is also really important to establish whether you agree on what you would want to do if you were to conceive (if applicable, obviously - no contraceptive is 100%)... Particularly if you are embarking on a relationship with someone. This is a very sensitive topic, and if you disagree, it is likely that the person who loses the argument is going to harbour feelings of resentment and/or regret, which will likely doom the relationship anyway.
Could you make a video about telling your sexual partner it's your first time? (I'm sorry if there's already a video about it)
For example:
-If and why it should be said
-How to bring it up in a sexy way
-How to define what you have done and haven't done before, without it being an enumeration
I personally wouldn't want my sexual partner to think that they have to be extra careful or reserved, or that it will make me super attached etc. I know what I want and I'm not afraid to tell 'em, I've waited long enough, god damn! :p
These are also questions you should think about more often, it sometimes can be hard for people to think in the moment. Or some people are not sure what they like or don't like or what forms of protection there are.
Fun story: I wanted casual sex, he did too but hadn't slept with anyone in 4 years so was nervous about that situation. 3 years later we're getting married soon and I'm 13 weeks pregnant 👍
We communicated!
I can't really talk face to face about sexual stuff (shyyyy) but I'm pretty fine with text and it works just fine with my bf
Communication is VITAL to have a healthy relationship.
1. When was the last time you had an STI/STD check up?
2. What protection shall we use?
3. What turns you on?
4. What do you like doing? What do you enjoy being done to you? (Describe the style of dirty talk you want)
5. What do you not like doing?
6. What is your relationship status?
7. Is this casual?
8. Are you sleeping with anyone else?
I ask these questions! I have no problem asking them, although I usually end up not mentioning what they might not like, I think I'll add that in for sure because I've had to say no in the middle of sex to something else that I don't want and it seemed that they were a little disappointed but too bad. I'd asked what they like to do beforehand and they didn't give a full answer it seems. I may link this video to future partners so they can understand why I ask these questions.
Also, I love planning sex because you can do a lot of teasing and building up of anticipation leading up to it.
This is an amazing video
Great advice and they are things that I have been doing for years. Of course I haven’t slept and what times and I’ve been successful but such is life in the states. Many women think a guy is weird for asking so many questions.
I know you are right about some women. I personally have lost patience with what I see as immature behavior. Adults need to be capable of having frank conversations about sex. My advice is to not have sex with women who act immature when you attempt to have an open conversation about sex, health, and consent.
1. Communication is not only about words. Body language and tone of voice are other important apects. We often hear that we shouldn't critizise by saying "You always...", but rather "I feel ... when ..." etc. I would argue that even if your words are well thougt-out it is equaly bad to put them forward with an annoyed or angry tone in your voice. Yes, perhaps even worse, I would say.
2. I wish that that other aspects of a relationship could be dealt with in the same way. Why is it so often easier to communicate well about sex than about emotional conflicts in a long-term relationship?
Recently single and this has helped so much!! Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
This may have come at the perfect moment
You go girl!
Always Communication is The Key. It has To be Done in any relationship. Just got out of a Relationship Because of No commucation which isnt Good Bad Communication There Will be Nothing No relationship. every one Needs to communicate and correctly Properly calmly the Right. Way. Its very Necessary Yes👍
Love that Hannah and I both have a checklist kink XD
I find it good to bring up the question if there are things that they are physically not able to do. Due to pain or other conditions, and also if they are ok with things maybe not working out because of the problems i have. If someone asks this question you can also search for alternatives beforhand if penetrative sex is not on the table.
Rutabaga!
But also, really great video with some awesome ideas and questions!
All those questions are basically common sense. And you do need to know beforehand. It is your life that is on the line here after all. And that of your partner. And yeah, you can pinch those questions in a convo any time. They do not need to be in that exact order and some of them come up during a convo anyways. And guys, you do not need to let the girls do all the talking, you can strike up those questions as well. Makes the girls even comfier when they notice he is concerned not just for his but for her safety as well.
Important things! What about the questions you could discuss with someone you have already been having sex with for a while, questions that can improve the sex? That could be a cool video I think
Rutabaga, Swede. Love your content!
No one:
Literally no one:
Hannah's Instagram Community: RUTABAGA, SWEDE!😂
hahahah I love it
What is it all about the rutabaga swede, I don't get it..? (I don't use Instagram)
Narnendil Me neither.
i heard from someone, and it stuck with me, that if you can't talk about it then u probs shouldnt be doing it
some solid advice
This is making me so sad bc I have a partner back at university and I can’t see her until after COVID
me, an ace person who has little to no interest in having sex with anyone: yes i will watch this video. ???????????? ok
Love it love it love it
Just commenting to confuse people who are here after it's published 😼 also SWEDE
Checklists turn me on too! 😍... Also SWEDE!
Kinda reminds me of The Kiss Quotient bc the lady brought in a checklist for the bedroom and the guy with her was confused but a little turned on (i think)
i love you, this video is great
Love this video! Thank you, it's excellent that you make sex such a natural thing to talk about and discuss, makes it much better and healthier!
I think asking ‘how casual is this for you’ or ‘where do you think this might go’ might work depending on context.
Hi there. Great video! SWEDE!!!!
I hate to say this, but most of these have tended to be things that go through your heads the following morning when you both have raging hangovers...
Lovely earings!
Hey Hannah, what are your thoughts on the herpes blood test? Do you think they are accurate enough? Should you have it done as part of an sti check up?
How about... So, do you wanna keep it casual, or can you see this going somewhere else?
I find it funny how often I am watching videos like this and thinking to myself "yeah, I learned how much better it was to do that when I started looking at BDSM" because all that was just standard. Maybe that's why kinky people have more satisfying sex lives?