I have learned so much from your beautiful podcast. I now realise that I am in this marriage on my own. I am a believer and my husband isn't . He is the abuser, I realise that he has made me into one too. He is 83 and I'm 74 and he is ever going to change because he doesn't want to. I am, again, trying to find my peace with my Heavenly Father and trying to find my peace and place in this world again. We have been married for nearly 60 yrs and I never left as I have a strong belief that things could improve, but know they never would. I have always been too afraid to leave, I have never had the experience of being self reliant financially. What a mess... My choices, false hope, damaged husband from his childhood who is too scared to change. Now he has Alzheimers and I can't leave. But because of this he has lost his grip over me so I am starting to heal. Sounds horrible, but it's true. Thank goodness for my lifelong faith is all I can say...
May God bless you and allow you to eventually find peace in your life when he’s gone. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but I genuinely hope you have the time to enjoy life without being abused and controlled by money. Hugs 🤗
I absolutely love these podcasts and they shed a lot of light and validation on narcissistic abuse. Just wish there was a little more understanding that these victims do not just "choose" to give up their boundaries overnight. This is a slow, insidious process where they do not know that they actually are doing that. If the victim applied these boundaries from the beginning - they wouldnt be listening to this podcast or needing this kind of help. And to claim, "I can 'NEVER" be manipulated" is a very slippery slope. The smartest, brightest, most intelligent and even people who KNOW about narcissism have been manipulated. Trust me.
Dr. Hawkins, Thank you for your reply. Women who are emotionally and mentally abused live in a cloud of guilt & confusion, as their spirit is dismantled slowly over time. The videos you offer here bring clarity to the dynamics of toxic relationships and offer a bright light of hope in the darkness. The truth sets people free. Thank you all for providing godly wisdom on this platform.
Some insight on the hyper vigilance from experience is that the woman is now not only trying to find and repair the disconnection but also uncover a reason that will justify her departure.
By good reason for departure, I don’t mean that she doesn’t already have reason, I mean rather than that being hard to explain emotional abuse, she wants a more easily explained reason- infidelity, deception, etc.
Extremely helpful podcast. The understanding of scripture is powerful. The giving up Control in the 12 steps is definitely a spiritual awakening! Don’t stop the understanding and wisdom.
This is the best podcast ever from a Biblical perspective.It really helped my so much.Now, I know what I did is the right thing.I had to walk away and pray he will wake up but if not I need to be free.It hurts so much but I know God is in this with me.Much appreciated❤
Glad you found it helpful. More episodes are coming soon! For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
Very well said! Do not change your identity because of an unhealthy relationship. Take care of yourself. Be healthy in your relationship with God. He will make things right! She is soooo right! Great advice! The best advice from the many I have heard!
Thank You for part 1 and part 2. Both of you have been very helpful. I've listened to both episodes more than once and will likely come back to listen again. Sharmen speaks with amazing clarity.
This podcast was so helpful to me. It reassured me I’m moving in the right direction to get myself healthier as well as better understand how to communicate with my narc husband if and when I’m ready. Thank you!
My teacher emotionally and verbally abused me by calling me abnormal because I got angry at him because classes were very irregular, and another teacher called me mentally deranged and harassed me sexually. Despite all of that, people put the blame on ME saying that I pushed them to treat me that way because I "disrespected the elders". I learned how to express my feelings constructively and never blamed a person but despite the healthy ways I tried expressing myself, they still abused me and called me disrespectful. Can you tell me what respect for your elders means? I think this word is misused a lot no matter what I do I am called disrespectful but these same people don't seem to notice their own disrespectful behavior.
You have to trust and know self. Learn all you can to feel very confident inside that you are good. I totally understand because I am hated upon eyesight by many. And that’s them, and on them. But it’s hard to stomach on the daily.
14:25 what do you do if you are trying to get to the bottom of things and asking good questions but they turn on you and say they don’t like the psychological stuff you’re trying to do? When all you are trying to do is understand them and make a connection. Thank you.
In our practice, when an attempt to make a connection is met with criticism and defensiveness, we work on understanding what is driving the defensive behaviors and work to break through those walls. It's not something that couples can usually work through on their own.
It sounds like you were most likely asking the RIGHT questions and therefore you were getting too close to their most carefully concealed and protected vulnerabilities. The questions likely felt threatening to them because they triggered their fear of being exposed. For most people it feels good to have someone asking those questions because we WANT to be seen and we WANT our vulnerabilities to be known and understood and cared about, but most of us don't have shame at our cores. We aren't ashamed of who we are and we don't believe who we are is something that needs to be hidden and masked at all costs. When you believe yourself to be something shameful and wrong and unlovable, it becomes your most closely guarded secret. Feeling it might be uncovered and your unworthiness could be discovered, it invokes terror. So if someone is asking questions that poke too closely, you're going to be met with heavy defenses to back you away.
My husband is emotionally cheating on me with other women. I don’t think he will treat his mistresses any better. He is emotionally lazy. He has to be with the woman his parents choose for him. He does not even have a choice in who he wants to be with. His parents are so controlling and won’t let him be a man. They make excuses for his bad behavior.
I find it odd, in this interview that I’m the free agency we have and our relationship with god, it is mentioned that “god” is a “he.” In an interview about relationships and our holding our power. And now we are into the biblical side, so I’m out. But thanks for some of the insight I found in the interview. Make it a great day!
I don't think God has a gender either but there is still good to glean. i try not to get wrapped up in other people's details, their seeing God in their own image. Don't miss the forest for the trees
My partner of 10 years leaned into the influence of his covert NPD mother when we moved up near her. I left. Biblically “a man is to leave his mother and cleave to his wife”. Not the opposite.
codependency was church guided and it feels unfair to label women who set themselves aside to follow what conservative church leaders' teaching on the WORD as behaving as Christ is victim blaming. I was very independent until I was in a Christian marriage and I prayed and turned it over to Christ and waited on HIM. Christian marriages were taught as only to be dissolved by infidelity and many strong women have set themselves into the waiting mode to do it Christ's way. So wrong to victim blame spouses who have lived by the WORD. We did decide, we followed God's approach and now that God is unveiling more on health we get accused of being codependent. What an unjust reward~!
Yeah, I have issues with being told to 'man up'. According to whose definition of what it means to be a man ? There's a plethora of things I'm working on presently, maturing up, and individuating seems to be part of the package. It's also a daily struggle to maintain a simple morning routine and have to continually trust Christ with many things thrown at me presently. In the midst of all this, and more, and because I'm not yet where I desire to be, if someone bluntly tells me to 'man up', I'd probably break and throw the water I'm drinking in their face.
the wisdom you are talking about has been labeled as feminism by the church in the past. Why not address the source of these occurrences and not those trying to follow the Word? Shame on the Christian counselors who blame the victim following the teachings of the Christian leaders of the near past as if she did not know who she was but yielded to Godly leadership teaching of unconditional love and bearing one another's burdens.!!!!!
Put aside unfairly labeling Christian wives as immature. It takes a lot of fortitude to follow Christ while under Christian leadership and Biblical teachings to stay in the marriage because there has been no identification of infidelity. Shaming because` you now have more knowledge is traumatizing!!~!
This podcast was so helpful to me. It reassured me I’m moving in the right direction to get myself healthier as well as better understand how to communicate with my narc husband if and when I’m ready. Thank you!
Glad you found it helpful. Here's another video you may find helpful on how to move forward with your own healing regardless of where your spouse is on their journey: ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
I have learned so much from your beautiful podcast. I now realise that I am in this marriage on my own. I am a believer and my husband isn't . He is the abuser, I realise that he has made me into one too. He is 83 and I'm 74 and he is ever going to change because he doesn't want to. I am, again, trying to find my peace with my Heavenly Father and trying to find my peace and place in this world again. We have been married for nearly 60 yrs and I never left as I have a strong belief that things could improve, but know they never would. I have always been too afraid to leave, I have never had the experience of being self reliant financially. What a mess... My choices, false hope, damaged husband from his childhood who is too scared to change. Now he has Alzheimers and I can't leave. But because of this he has lost his grip over me so I am starting to heal. Sounds horrible, but it's true. Thank goodness for my lifelong faith is all I can say...
May God bless you and allow you to eventually find peace in your life when he’s gone. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but I genuinely hope you have the time to enjoy life without being abused and controlled by money. Hugs 🤗
Sharmen is a BEAUTIFUL soul. What a gift she is. 🌟
I absolutely love these podcasts and they shed a lot of light and validation on narcissistic abuse. Just wish there was a little more understanding that these victims do not just "choose" to give up their boundaries overnight. This is a slow, insidious process where they do not know that they actually are doing that. If the victim applied these boundaries from the beginning - they wouldnt be listening to this podcast or needing this kind of help. And to claim, "I can 'NEVER" be manipulated" is a very slippery slope. The smartest, brightest, most intelligent and even people who KNOW about narcissism have been manipulated. Trust me.
Great point. Yes
Dr. Hawkins, Thank you for your reply. Women who are emotionally and mentally abused live in a cloud of guilt & confusion, as their spirit is dismantled slowly over time. The videos you offer here bring clarity to the dynamics of toxic relationships and offer a bright light of hope in the darkness. The truth sets people free. Thank you all for providing godly wisdom on this platform.
Thank you for your feedback and glad you found it helpful!
Thank you Sharmen for all you do for recovery
I can relate as a man to the assessment about escaping to my job when the going gets rough.
Some insight on the hyper vigilance from experience is that the woman is now not only trying to find and repair the disconnection but also uncover a reason that will justify her departure.
By good reason for departure, I don’t mean that she doesn’t already have reason, I mean rather than that being hard to explain emotional abuse, she wants a more easily explained reason- infidelity, deception, etc.
Goodness your comment prompted me to check on a friend I have!
@@Claire5020GENsuch great comments you have left here!
I accept the pain and the lesson that brought me closer to Jesus
That’s really good . Those words speak strength.💌
Extremely helpful podcast. The understanding of scripture is powerful. The giving up Control in the 12 steps is definitely a spiritual awakening! Don’t stop the understanding and wisdom.
This is the best podcast ever from a Biblical perspective.It really helped my so much.Now, I know what I did is the right thing.I had to walk away and pray he will wake up but if not I need to be free.It hurts so much but I know God is in this with me.Much appreciated❤
Liars will continue to lie and manipulate
Amazing conversation, thank you! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
These podcasts are SO good. Please keep them coming!!!
Glad you found it helpful. More episodes are coming soon! For more related content, subscribe to our channel or sign up for our newsletter to get helpful tips and advice delivered directly to your Inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
@@drdavidbhawkins I just signed up for the list but just so you know i got a warning saying the mailing list isn’t active!
This was just so helpful thank you 🙏🏻
Very well said! Do not change your identity because of an unhealthy relationship. Take care of yourself. Be healthy in your relationship with God. He will make things right! She is soooo right! Great advice! The best advice from the many I have heard!
Thank You for part 1 and part 2. Both of you have been very helpful. I've listened to both episodes more than once and will likely come back to listen again. Sharmen speaks with amazing clarity.
Thank you for your feedback! We're so glad you found it helpful.
You two are amazing, I couldn't have found these pod casts at a better time❤
Oh my goodness, I can relate. sat there while the two of them talk about playing golf.
Divorce is tough. Even tougher as a Christian. I'm thankful for videos like this. I love helping people along with their recovery.
This was SO helpful and answered so many questions that I have. I’m going to immediately listen again. Thank you so much!
This podcast was so helpful to me. It reassured me I’m moving in the right direction to get myself healthier as well as better understand how to communicate with my narc husband if and when I’m ready. Thank you!
Thanks for your feedback! Glad it was helpful
My teacher emotionally and verbally abused me by calling me abnormal because I got angry at him because classes were very irregular, and another teacher called me mentally deranged and harassed me sexually. Despite all of that, people put the blame on ME saying that I pushed them to treat me that way because I "disrespected the elders". I learned how to express my feelings constructively and never blamed a person but despite the healthy ways I tried expressing myself, they still abused me and called me disrespectful. Can you tell me what respect for your elders means? I think this word is misused a lot no matter what I do I am called disrespectful but these same people don't seem to notice their own disrespectful behavior.
You have to trust and know self. Learn all you can to feel very confident inside that you are good.
I totally understand because I am hated upon eyesight by many. And that’s them, and on them. But it’s hard to stomach on the daily.
So good! Thank you both
Glad you found it helpful.
As a hetrosexual black American male the female Dr. Is spot on
problem....many of us never had our own agency so we can't give it up
That is so well said, thank you for bringing that up.
14:25 what do you do if you are trying to get to the bottom of things and asking good questions but they turn on you and say they don’t like the psychological stuff you’re trying to do? When all you are trying to do is understand them and make a connection. Thank you.
In our practice, when an attempt to make a connection is met with criticism and defensiveness, we work on understanding what is driving the defensive behaviors and work to break through those walls. It's not something that couples can usually work through on their own.
You get legal advise and educate yourself on NPD GOD BLESS YOU.
It sounds like you were most likely asking the RIGHT questions and therefore you were getting too close to their most carefully concealed and protected vulnerabilities. The questions likely felt threatening to them because they triggered their fear of being exposed.
For most people it feels good to have someone asking those questions because we WANT to be seen and we WANT our vulnerabilities to be known and understood and cared about, but most of us don't have shame at our cores. We aren't ashamed of who we are and we don't believe who we are is something that needs to be hidden and masked at all costs.
When you believe yourself to be something shameful and wrong and unlovable, it becomes your most closely guarded secret. Feeling it might be uncovered and your unworthiness could be discovered, it invokes terror. So if someone is asking questions that poke too closely, you're going to be met with heavy defenses to back you away.
This is so helpful. Thank you
My husband is emotionally cheating on me with other women. I don’t think he will treat his mistresses any better. He is emotionally lazy. He has to be with the woman his parents choose for him. He does not even have a choice in who he wants to be with. His parents are so controlling and won’t let him be a man. They make excuses for his bad behavior.
Love the sinner and not the sin and have boundaries
Thank you !
Glad you found it helpful! Please subscribe to our channel for more related content.
So true ,if you in a relationship with a person who are not grounded in God,you will not seen it by our partner.....thank you so much
R
I’m not on the same page about codependency! Her opinion my opinion I guess.
Me too.
Me too
I didn’t ever feel safe from his flirting and sexual abuse
My X has Medicare and I’m a VA Veteran without help
I find it odd, in this interview that I’m the free agency we have and our relationship with god, it is mentioned that “god” is a “he.” In an interview about relationships and our holding our power. And now we are into the biblical side, so I’m out. But thanks for some of the insight I found in the interview. Make it a great day!
I don't think God has a gender either but there is still good to glean. i try not to get wrapped up in other people's details, their seeing God in their own image. Don't miss the forest for the trees
My partner of 10 years leaned into the influence of his covert NPD mother when we moved up near her. I left. Biblically “a man is to leave his mother and cleave to his wife”. Not the opposite.
It's not always men (like you said). Women too, in my case its my dad's wife
Yes, absolutely. Here's a video specifically on female narcissists: 5 Traits of Female Narcissists
ruclips.net/video/HksJxJyqpdw/видео.html
codependency was church guided and it feels unfair to label women who set themselves aside to follow what conservative church leaders' teaching on the WORD as behaving as Christ is victim blaming. I was very independent until I was in a Christian marriage and I prayed and turned it over to Christ and waited on HIM. Christian marriages were taught as only to be dissolved by infidelity and many strong women have set themselves into the waiting mode to do it Christ's way. So wrong to victim blame spouses who have lived by the WORD. We did decide, we followed God's approach and now that God is unveiling more on health we get accused of being codependent. What an unjust reward~!
My family will not understand s they are not Christians
Jesus is my new and only husband now
Yeah, I have issues with being told to 'man up'. According to whose definition of what it means to be a man ? There's a plethora of things I'm working on presently, maturing up, and individuating seems to be part of the package. It's also a daily struggle to maintain a simple morning routine and have to continually trust Christ with many things thrown at me presently. In the midst of all this, and more, and because I'm not yet where I desire to be, if someone bluntly tells me to 'man up', I'd probably break and throw the water I'm drinking in their face.
Pornography addicts can’t have God in heir life
Only Jesus can help now
the wisdom you are talking about has been labeled as feminism by the church in the past. Why not address the source of these occurrences and not those trying to follow the Word? Shame on the Christian counselors who blame the victim following the teachings of the Christian leaders of the near past as if she did not know who she was but yielded to Godly leadership teaching of unconditional love and bearing one another's burdens.!!!!!
Some men don’t care. I have Jesus and FF and “Think Differently Academy” that helps abuse victims in Christian communities
Put aside unfairly labeling Christian wives as immature. It takes a lot of fortitude to follow Christ while under Christian leadership and Biblical teachings to stay in the marriage because there has been no identification of infidelity. Shaming because` you now have more knowledge is traumatizing!!~!
This podcast was so helpful to me. It reassured me I’m moving in the right direction to get myself healthier as well as better understand how to communicate with my narc husband if and when I’m ready. Thank you!
Glad you found it helpful. Here's another video you may find helpful on how to move forward with your own healing regardless of where your spouse is on their journey: ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html