Leaving Russia in Search of a New Life

Dasha Kan ( / dasha.kan ) was born in Ufa (Urals), Russia. Growing up, she spent a lot of time with her grandparents. Dasha fell in love with rock climbing at age nine and won four world youth championships in speed climbing. She moved to Tyumen, Siberia to go to University and continued training with her coach at a local gym. Dasha received a Bachelor's Degree in Engineering and Geology but soon got into organizing events, working for sport agencies. Before leaving Russia, she was based out of Moscow.
Today Dasha is twenty-three years old and we met in Rodellar, Spain through my friend Ciara. While doing yoga in the sun, she began telling me the story of how she had recently left Russia. And on our drive back to Cornudella the next day our talk continued. While trying to process the intense stories Dasha was sharing, I couldn’t help but wonder whether she would be open to recording with me. I was hesitant to ask, but knew I would regret it if I didn’t. She instantly said yes. “I would love to. Thank you for giving me a voice.”
Not too long after the war had started, international companies pulled out of Russia. The snowboarding competition Dasha was helping organize was postponed until further notice. She lost her job. In the meantime, people who were speaking up against the war on Instagram or going to demonstrations were being arrested for acting as “foreign agents”. Dasha’s desire to leave Russia grew, but she also knew that this would mean abandoning her country and becoming a traitor to those who supported Putin. “This regime that Putin built is really insane. It works and people are scared. And they are not safe, so they can’t really do anything. But I couldn't stay in the country with so many crazy people around, like zombies, brainwashed,” she says. “You try not to talk about political stuff with those you know support the war, because you don’t want to lose your friends. But then when everybody knows your opinion you get separated. It felt very wrong to be inside the country that started the war.”
After jumping through many logistical loops in order to be allowed to leave Russia, Dasha finally made it over the border to Estonia on April 4th, 2022. She felt great relief, but was also terrified. “I found myself at a point where I didn’t understand what I was feeling honestly,” she says.
The support of the climbing community has played a huge role in her transition to Europe. “I was getting a lot of support from everywhere in the world and I was actually shocked about this because I’m Russian and it’s my country that started the war and is killing innocent people”. Some of her closest climbing friends who have helped her through this transition are from Ukraine. Despite the war, their bonds are stronger than ever. “The paradox of war is that the ugliest experiences can bring the most beautiful things to your life, human connection beyond all else,” Dasha explains.
The gratitude she feels toward the climbing community is immense. Yet again, this particular group of people that many of us call family, amazes me with the love, support and immediate feeling of home it offers. And we climbers know, moving on rock is much more to us than just a sport. It is therapy, it is a way back home. “If I find myself climbing well on the wall again, I will find myself again as a human, not just as a climber. Climbing will help me find the pieces of myself that I have lost”, Dasha shares. But it is hard to let go of the deep seated guilt and shame she feels. “Every day I am working on this and try to detach myself from the blame and shame my country brought.”