Why Awkward is Awesome with psychologist Ty Tashiro | A Bit of Optimism Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 3 мар 2024
- Awkwardness gets a bad rap, but the trait is often an indicator that someone is extraordinary.
Psychologist and author Ty Tashiro has spent a great deal of time studying (and living!) social awkwardness. He’s fascinated by how the same traits that cause us social embarrassment can also drive exceptional accomplishment.
As a fellow awkward person myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation with Ty about the advantages of being awkward, what the socially fluent can learn from awkward people, and the best way to navigate conversations in loud clubs.
This is… A Bit of Optimism.
For more on Ty and his work check out:
His book: www.tytashiro.com/awkwardbook
His website: tytashiro.com/
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Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together.
Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do.
Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game.
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Website: simonsinek.com/
Live Online Classes: simonsinek.com/classes/
Podcast: apple.co/simonsinek
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Linkedin: / simonsinek
Twitter: / simonsinek
Facebook: / simonsinek
Simon’s books:
The Infinite Game: simonsinek.com/books/the-infi...
Start With Why: simonsinek.com/books/start-wi...
Find Your Why: simonsinek.com/books/find-you...
Leaders Eat Last: simonsinek.com/books/leaders-...
Together is Better: simonsinek.com/books/together...
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#SimonSinek
Hi Simon, you may not remember this story. Airport in Milan, 2018 (I think) Going through the Duty free towards the gates a random guy approaches you and says hi and thank you. It was me. I was sitting in a bench killing a few minutes and I saw you walk by with determination, probably to the boarding gates. With every step you took it was excruciating for me to make up my mind and just say hi. I really wanted to. Until I made up my mind, I ran to you and said hi, and thank you. You replied back with your smile and thank you. That was it. This little interaction depleted all my coins, but believe me, it was so fulfilling. Awkward? maybe, but awesome 🙂
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Those two questions at the end of the interview are standard questions Simon often asks when given the time. The amazing thing to me is how quickly he can take those two answers and present such impactful, positive statements about the individual that can bring them (and the audience) to tears. For an awkward person to be able to do that so well is astounding.
Oh my gosh - two of my favorite brains TOGETHER! I took Ty Tashiro's Interpersonal Relationships class at UMD about 15 years ago and he fully ignited the spark of love I was developing for the subject. Incredible educator. Can't wait to listen to this conversation!
As a Speech Pathologist who works with many individuals and families of socially awkward people, this is a refreshingly honest and useful description and conversation of how broad the range is of social fluency. Thank you! Sharing with everyone!
Observer vs player is a great distinction.
Observers have time to strategize and fixate, while players have to be constantly on their toes.
Simon's situation of being the recipient of questions and compliments is exactly why major leaders are born, as in the ones Ty was referring to.
When people want something from you you get or have leverage.
So it makes complete sense as to why awkard people are a necessity to humanity.
We design the games the players play.
The perspective on awkwardness as a strength is really refreshing. People can leverage what's perceived as awkwardness by using it as a signal for deep focus areas, often leading to innovative ideas. It's about channeling unique traits into a competitive edge in business.
I’m the kind of person who would go and see the awkward person and start a conversation
You make this world a better place. 😊
I have made some wonderful friends who have done that for me. I thank you for your service.
Exactly! When he described people looking for an exit cue, I thought, why?! Why wouldn't you want to make that person feel relevant, valued, and worth engaging with?!
Oh wow.. that was a genuine, honest, from-the-heart conversation. Thank you for sharing this. The world just got an itty-bitty bit better. ❤
I'm not 100% sure but I see lots of correlations between the description of the awkward individual and those with neurodiversity, ADHD/ADD, on the autistic spectrum. And I feel that the awkward individual's survival in the evolutionary process makes sense as they'd have other qualities that make them important for humanity, like their creativity, decision-making, their analysis. With people like that of course a tribe/society is better off!
This was such a joy to watch. You guys are just awesome. Thank you very much!
Simon's podcasts via audio apps provide a brilliant opportunity to learn and grow.
Simon's podcasts via video provide a brilliant opportunity for us to be in the room and have fun 😃
I couldn’t relate to a video more than this… it was a great experience to understand myself, thank you
The best hires, the best achievements, and some of the best relationships in my life have involved socially awkard people. I include myself on the awkward spectrum. Cheers! Great listen.
I love when they said if awkward people could just skip the first 5 minutes of a conversation they'd be good. Yes. It's nice to know I'm not alone. As a teacher, I've had to work through the awkward, but I still feel it on a pretty regular basis.
I hate cocktail parties for this reason. Give me a personal chat really getting to know someone over a cup of coffee - you can keep the cocktail party chit chat. All day. intp
I see parties or other gatherings as an opportunity for several one-on-one conversations in the same day. Just divide up the space around you, ignore all the noise, and have a conversation with someone you've never spoken to before. If you still have coins left, do it again.
As someone who, since they were a child, had horrible bouts of socially awkward occurrences, I found my 'niche' through learning languages and reading as much as I can about the origin of the language alongside the history of said places.
Reason being, that I discovered on my own, was simply an input in which to connect on a personal level with any one individual I am communicating with and establishing some type of framework to understand a persons ethnic background, and where they come from socially and culturally, but then gradually over time dig deeper to learn and understand that person more on a personal level devoid of their culture and where they fit in within/outside their community.
I’m the same way- I struggle with small talk and keeping a conversation going- my brain goes to mush. Glad to know I’m not alone! 🥰
I join your attitude
Same here. I struggle with small talk and am awkward.
Awkward but you're still a good looking dude.
It goes a long way.
I had a total belly laugh. Thank you both for an outstanding dialogue! I totally relate ! They say we teach what we most need to learn and I used my awkwardness , leaning in to the obsessive traits to understand relationships. I now use that comprehension and teach interpersonal development to others for personal and professional success. This video helped me to see myself through a different lens. And I watched right to the end of this awkward conversation 😅 what does that say about me? 😂
Wow! Thank you. I see a lot of crossover between awkwardness and neurodiverity in this conversation. I certainly had to study people to understand how they did the things! I discovered that as a shy person, if I asked another person a question and listened, they would open up. And I still notice and befriend the awkward types, standing on the edge.
Awesome video! As a socially fluent type of fella, i really loved hearing this and getting to know the other side a little bit. You both are absolutely awesome and great, thank you for this awesome video
Loved the conversation.. was an absolute delight
Thank you so much for this podcast. It was a wonderful unique podcast and it gives a sense of positivity to all the socially awkward people who are often misunderstood. It's so good to connect to the same breed- YES, WE EXIST AND WE SURVIVED EVOLUTION (loved that punchline).
Thanks guys….. I loved this as awkward I do so well to the point where I am totally laughing at myself as I unwittingly master this skill. I now love this about me 🎉
Loved this podcast!! I would say that awkward people are focussed on the problems in front of them, which leads to creativity and innovation. Good leaders ask “How can I remove the barriers so that you can be your most authentic self?”
The most enjoyable podcast I've ever watched of yours, because I am also awkward 😊
Socially fluent here, but constantly intrigued with psychology ☺️
Really interesting points on awkwardness by Ty and Simon!
Likewise, it's interesting to think about how schools and education can either help or hinder our social skills.
At Pear Tree School, we work actively on this with our students. We believe that overcoming awkwardness is about guiding them on how to interact socially, whether they're introverts or extroverts. As Simon points out, extroverts can act quite bizarrely because they can't 'temper' their enthusiasm to fit to their counterparts.
Our approach at Pear Tree is about balance and personal growth. For example, we use project-based learning which naturally brings kids together to solve problems, share ideas, and communicate in a bunch of different scenarios. This kind of learning means that both introverts or extroverts get a chance to shine in their own ways.
It's a work in progress, but we're seeing how creating a supportive environment where students can practice social skills in real-time really makes a difference. It turns awkward moments into opportunities for growth.
This is sooo cool! I felt this way my whole life and I am not alone!
I don’t remember it being mentioned out loud in the video, but I think it is important to note that awkwardness is a symptom, not a cause of being heavily analytical. This is good news, because an awkward person can refine their social skills without fear of losing their skills as a thinker.
Hello everyone, good viewing🐼..
Wouldn't that be just the worse thing ever. Get a chance to chat with Simon or Ty at a social gathering. Stand saying nothing, looking around, until one of you says "OK" and walks away. What a missed opportunity! Somthing similar has happened to me with the person who first mentioned Simon's name to me (and ironically had an autistic mentee). I so regret not fighting my natural reticence.
👌Wow extremely beneficial👏🥰Trying to find out why I as a maybe socially fluent person that I watch and feel drawn to the „Awkward“ humans to like find their toaster details 😅and I kind of feel like come on let’s get the tools 🛠️ to open together this toaster and see what we find. And the Awkward duo 😂made me laugh in fact I had to laugh several times during your podcast. And I am ready to learn and figure out the social barriers from the Awkward others to see them work on their empathy skills 🙏and let us be socially great teams. Thanks for sharing this.
After learning that I'm not the only person born with a natural curiosity makes me feel less weird.
I am not so sure that you are that awkward 😅 I really enjoy this talk. And it is helpful to understand my awkwardness and other's
Hi. I’m awkward and glad to be in great company.
Small talk, or the lack thereof, is the first or most obvious sign of akwardness! I’ve alway struggled with that, hence my akwardness 😊
I am thinking of Oppenheimer - current movie… As a trained scientist, I’ve always struggled at conferences, connecting with fellow researchers etc…
Same thing with me, I just sit back and listen.
🙋it takes time to feel comfortable with yourself and don't play scenario from awkward social rules😜
Superrrb Awesome Fantastic video
I enjoyed the discussion but I disagree with the bit about kids not being awkward. I’m an awkward person, parent and grandparent and I have coached kids T-ball and soccer from under 7 to under 13 and there are absolutely kids that experience awkwardness from a very young age. My grandson who is 6 will often stand back and not easily jump into sport activities instead choosing to observe to understand the interaction better but if you leave him alone in a room for 5 minutes and you have accidentally left out a screwdriver then you can expect to come back to some appliance being disassembled.
It’s really awkward 😅
Fascinating insight into things I'd never considered. I've known plenty of awkward people and struggle with how to help them feel more comfortable (which you ALMOST addressed, but...not). Maybe it's not my role...that was kind of my take away...so if you have advice...I'm interested. But it also made me wonder...I don't think I'd describe my discomfort as awkward...I just hate small talk. I want to get to real or move on. I'd never thought of it as a strategy, but if I feel obliged to attend a large gathering, I'm likely to plan a short stay or ask if I can practice my amateur photography skills so I have something interesting to do.
Great ....
Ackward is relative to me. If someone talks my ear off I just pull away and find peaceful scenery and seat by myself. To them maybe I act ackward but to me he/ she might be ackward so it’s relative.
Also, when you dwell less in the superficial stuff, naturally rather wander through or about what lies beyond, below, within, interconnectedness etc, it's not only light bulbs that spark up easier. Maybe that way easily recognising deeper connections below the seemingly awkward world often goes hand in hand with a more natural ability to establish deeper interpersonal connections? Albeit maybe often awkwardly so. 🎉
Maybe those with these (now) awkward characteristics would also have tended to fulfil more obvious social functions/ trades in past times. With them going hand in hand. Where they rather were part of the "jobprifile" so to say. The rest of the social interface would then likely be rather inherited or acquired in apprenticeship and be carried in by how society approached them. I guess that in general the ways in which we approach others has become much more egal over time.
Enfp, Intp, Infj, Entj, Infp...Being awkward, nope, Just different personanities. XD
29:48 ❤
Simon! you are so adorable! I would love to meet you in person some day. Maybe the universe will give me that gift at some point.
Shyness isn't exclusive to introversion🤣 i believe awkward has a negative connotation. Quirky is a good descriptor. The willingness to express interest is much different from the standard awareness of things lolz. Going against the current sticks out.
Let's stay awkward, guys.
I'm socially awkward.
If this crowded world is with full of find out ? Ever new ? My Loost find for ? Loossing and loossing findings for ? My struggles and satisfaction point after loost and find out out of any body's share butt only of your only and will be with you and your needs becomes your satisfaction peace and inner pleasures have with you" independent satisfaction of personal environment and it's influence with satisfied with my person's must"
... Why don't you call it by it's name? Is it so stigmatized? 🥺
Just interupting. With everyting to say.
Well that was awkward
lol
You are expecting me to share this ?,
Taking lessons from Aaron?
Letting it go …is what we do …sooner rather than later 👼🙂👼🧡
We love oil and bitcoins
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person grateful and a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person grateful and a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️
Socially fluent here, very self aware, but also very people aware, so we need to teach the socially fluent people to be more considerate of the awkward people, notice them, walk up to them with a smashing ‘pick up (a conversation) line’! Very easy for a socially fluent person and it will make the awkward person feel grateful and you never know, maybe a friend for life 🤷🏻♀️