My ex said he felt free to be himself without me and good about not having to tell me where he was when he broke up with me: he said he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. My ex said he wants to be single at least until he has finished uni next year to live the uni life he has dreamt of living and he doesn’t want to give me false hope on getting back together even after uni. Yet he says he loves me and wished that the relationship worked. Clay what do I do? I’m in love with this boy and he doesn’t sound like he wants to get back together with me ever !
What if they say, “ I miss you and will always have love for you but I don’t think we can salvage this. I need to be alone. I’m not good for a relationship right now.”
Love and affection has it's levels. After the breakup, people's emotions are kinda "clogged". Fixing the emotional "clog" may not be the answer, but it is how we inspire that person to cultivate and grow their affection by bringing the best version of ourselves in every interactions. :-)
My ex girlfriend said all that utter rubbish,she was seeing her old boyfriend behind my back whilst we were together,and when we split she said that she still loved me but did not want to be in a relationship with any man but yet she is back with her old boyfriend,it was all utter lies,so just move on and never believe a word they say because it will more than likely be a total Lie,harsh but true,stay well and safe.
First of all, thank you on your advices, Mr. Clay! She told me this last night, and she was telling me that I maybe should find another girl to try to commit, and that she is feeling some guilt because of the break up, etc. And she said that she shutted down all of emotions she had when her close relative died, etc. Plus, she said that we are still an option, but in some distant future, like a year or two in the future. We had a really good time together last night. I wish I could afford your course, to get her back. I never loved any girl, like I love her.
my ex and i are constantly joking and laughing while we are together lately! i am doing my best to build the emotional connection and think/act more aligned with “we will see where things go” and it seems like he is opening up more. i spent the night at his place and he left for work early in the morning and told me to “sleep in and leave whenever you need” and kissed me on my forehead then refilled my glass of water (he knows i NEED water while i sleep and i had all my water during the night). he is texting me A LOT more too
Yesterday I met up with my ex and Ask him whether we still have chance or no. He said “maybe we still, but I don’t know. Meanwhile, don’t wait for me because I have no Idea how long it’s gonna take (to change)” he said he’s insecure because i already have a job while he doesn’t he also said that when we were together I angry all the time, and liked to sabotage his friendship. I told him that I am willing to change together. But he said he can’t.
there could still be a lot of things that may happen in between the time right now and the time when you both will decide to get back together. Just focus on the present moment and the quality of your connection. if you are willing to change, show that not just to him but in your life in general. Let your ex pace himself when it comes to making changes for himself. Sometimes it takes emotional and mental readiness and level of self-awareness to have that personal change. All the best.
I really needed this video. I've been following your program for some time Clay, and have been stuck mostly in Riding the Dragon for some months now. My ex tends to definitely shift around a lot. But things have been going very positively between us over the course of the last few months. Admittedly, I now realize that I may have been getting slightly impatient for things to move forward. I haven't said any of this to him, in fact I've told my ex I genuinely understand his reasons for not wanting a relationship right now. There was a lot of confusion in the past, but we've come to an understanding now that the fact that we're long distance is holding him back, and he's in the process of joining the Marines. This video helped me realize that he's probably feeling a lot of confusion or pressure, thinking about where things will go between us in the future. Because I certainly have, and we both have even experienced outside pressure from our group of friends. To put a label on what we are to each other, because they see us as a couple. And he's not ready for that right now. But this video has reeled me back into the present, and has eased a lot of my growing anxiety. I will be sure to keep that in mind going forward, thank you!
Me and my ex broke up three months ago, I accepted the break up, let her get her things when she wanted them, went no contact, she reached out a few times we spoke but when I asked to meet up nothing, it’s happened three times, she’s left all lines of communication open, it’s been three weeks now since Ive herd from her? I’m like left in limbo?
Clay Andrews it was positive, we were laughing and I asked to meet for coffee first time second and third for food, I get the vibe when I move towards her she moves away
he shows and tells me he loves/misses me but whenever i asked about our status (not always) he would say “i’m not sure” or “i don’t want commitment right now”. It’s making me confused to what to do next :( I don’t know what to act around him sometimes. Please help meeeeee 😞
Hi Kim, it seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase, where he still needs to figure out what he feels and where to put you in his life. Focus on the quality of your connection by using the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach and be patient. Build a strong foundation and not just labels. :-)
What want know is, how did you learn all of this knowledge you have? I feel like if I knew everything you know, I could have a great relationship with my ex bf. Your videos help me a LOT, but as I get progress with my ex, I run into problems I didn’t foresee that I didn’t do right, but then I seek more videos, and in hindsight, I’m like darn your right, I should have done things the way you suggested. I just wish I could absorb everything you know, so that I don’t keep making mistakes, I don’t want to loose him, he’s a great guy my ex!
Hi thetruthfree, All of these came from personal experiences and from other people's experiences. :-) You don't have to be a perfect individual to have a healthy relationship. It is important to work on your Awareness, Acceptance, Empathy, Communication Skills, and Composure. These are the skills that we advocate and the basic tools in one's journey. We call these the Advanced Relational Skills. :-)
Thanks for your reply Clay! I’m on a tight budget, that being the reason I haven’t taken the course yet, but I will see what I can do, my relationship means the world to me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it’s a true blessing.
No pressure, thetruthfree . Our videos are here to help you, especially that we have more than hundreds that might answer different questions that you might have in mind. :-)
This video was great for my situation. Just last night my ex told me she just wants to be alone despite still wanting to interact with me, spend time with me, etc. Thanks for the insight Clay!
Clay, I need your help, my ex broke up with me because we were arguing and we both said some things we didn't mean. I immediately concluded that it happened because we haven't seen each other for a long time, it's always like that when we haven't been together for a long time. Now we didn’t see each other when due to isolation, we had an earthquake so we were both even more stressed. I came to the probable conclusion, and that is that this is all temporary, because it’s hard for her now and it happened. She is sensitive as a person. Is it possible for me to be in a relationship with my ex again? What do you think?
What if they don’t want a relationship with anyone? My ex said he thought he would be happier single, so I’m thinking it’s not just me. I think he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone.
My situation is different from other ppl. We are not together right now because of his work. He works 8 hours a day and we have a time difference of 7 hours(LDR). I hope it will change when he is going to college. We still talk and we are exclusive but with out the gf/bf titles. For now I will wait for him cause he is worth it :)
Hi! Do you have any update? I had ldr for 4 years and break up happened, it’s been several months and my ex tells me that they do feel something for me but don’t want ldr anymore :(
Girl, I take back what I said 2 years ago. He was actually dating someone else and just wanted me to chase after him. If you are not worth the long distance then don’t chase after him. He told you more then once that he doesn’t want you. Find someone better
Your videos are so helpful and amazing! Can you please create a video on ‘What to do if they don’t they want to be friends’, so if they say that they don’t think being a friends is a good idea (even after you’ve had some time apart). They respond to texts/msgs etc but they don’t want to speak on the phone/meet up/be friends. Thank you.
@Clay Andrew's After a 4 year relationship and engagement on Dec 26 2020. I did 2 months no contact and broke it Sept 3 2021. I contacted him he says he's not dating..no rebound..not interested in any casual sex situations ..but doesn't want a relationship either. What does that mean and how should I go about it? I still want him back. He's 53 years old.
Clay I hope you can respond to this comment. I’ve been following your content for awhile. Yesterday I was texting my ex after we’ve had a few positive interactions. Things have been going really well. She seemed to be flirty with me and she can’t keep her hands off me. At the moment, she’s extremely busy with school and work but she still finds time within her busy schedule to make time to spend with me. She even tells me that she knows spending time with me is going to be so much fun. She absolute enjoys spending time with me. I figured it was the right time to ask her if she had considered getting back together and she told me that she hadn’t thought about it simply because she has so much on her plate and that she was enjoying our friendship. Before I asked her that I had also joked that I had an eye on another girl and she said she was really happy for me. She’s very strong on her faith and has never given me a reason to believe she would lie to me and not give me the honest truth. She told me she did not want a relationship right now and that it had nothing to do with me. She also told me she thought I was very handsome and good looking and that that was never in question. For now she told me she had adapted herself to being my friend. I told her that if we got back together, the mistakes I made that led to the breakup wouldn’t be repeated and she seemed to genuinely believe that. I just don’t know if I’m wasting my time hoping to get back together with her or if I should just move on. I love this girl and I can’t think of moving on. She also did say she considers me her best friend. Normally she cuts her exes out of her life. I told her that I wanted more than friendship and she did tell me she really would think about those things.
@@cathalwalker3308 for me, nothing positive came out of any of that. Haven’t talked to her since the day after Christmas. But, I’m better for it now. We broke up in late September and I stuck around a little and I wish I hadn’t. But now I’ve got a date with a cute girl for next Tuesday and another date with a girl sometime next week. So you can say I’m happy without her.
@@jeremyanderson3615 My girlfriend broke up with me in january and we are still seeing each other nearly everyday and texting. She still says she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me right now so I don't know what to do. I want to get back with her
@@cathalwalker3308 unless you guys were having sex, I’d say she was just using you for validation. That’s what happened to me. I’m not saying don’t get her back, but you might be blocking yourself from someone better
Hi Clay! What if he said that I hope that there's still chance in the future. Because I really you. Do you think he will come back? Should I wait for him? What should I do? We were in a long distance relationship before. We talked already and his work is his priority. That's why he said that let's live in the moment. But still hoping a chance for the future. Im so confused what does it mean?
It seems like he is still open for any possibility in the future. but being in the present moment will define whatever outcome it may be in the future. Will you be willing to wait for him and start to work on the areas that you feel you need to work on as a couple?
@@ClayAndrews Yes I am willing. but how long should i wait? We dont talk ti each other for a month now. Do you think there's still chance even its a ldr break up?
I haven’t heard from my ex in months, we don’t interact with each other and when we have he’s always been the one to reach out to me, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me or anyone and felt like he wasn’t good enough for me but since we broke up I have stuck with no contact I have never been the one to reach out to him so I’m confused where we stand. Does no contact at all mean no reconciliation?
Met up with my ex several times after a bad breakup. She broke up with me. Each time we have met I have been getting more mixed signals. Last time she said she doesn't want to be with anyone now but if she would it would be with me. She also said she still cares about me and fancies me and as we were walking along grabbed my rear. I said what was that all about? She said just reminding myself of what it feels like. I felt she was flirting with me. She then went to a festival with her friends recently and we didnt see each other this weekend and when she came back she's gone the complete opposite and seemed to have pulled away again. I'm very, very confused, any advice Clay would be much appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Geroge, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon stage. Where she can show some mixed signals and would have the tendency to be confused with what she feels towards you and the relationship. I would recommend that you focus on acceptance and understanding. This is an opportunity for you to apply the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach. All the best.
@@ClayAndrews Thanks Clay for the fast reply, I think you are absolutely right as my ex asked me today to come over and stay as her parents are visiting and they would like to see me again. Def some serious mixed messages. I will take your advice. Starting to think you are prob the best coach out there. 😊
@@georgebyron468 hi can you please help? My ex just did the same thing, he doesn’t want a relationship but he said if he wanted someone it would be.. what did u do to get ur ex back? What should I do?
I think it's suicide to still have feelings for them, while they are focusing on themselves with the possibility of them dating other people. I asked my ex last Wednesday what she wanted from us because after 2 weeks of NC she reached out like 5x. Her response was she's focusing on herself, just doing her. Then she's gonna follow up with "what do you want?" Clay could you answer why she would've asked me that again because she knows how I feel. Smdh
Hey clay, got to hang out with my ex twice, went really well. Held hands and connected. I called her and told her I liked her and wanted to see where she was at. She said she feels nothing romantic for me. I think I revealed my feelings too fast. How do I recover from this? Thanks .
My ex said they want to be civil and friends and see where that goes, and also that he isn’t sure he wants a relationship with me “right now”. And that he would like to talk still and that 6 years of care doesn’t just go away. He said to me not to think he hadn’t been thinking about me or to take it the wrong way but he needs to learn a lot about himself. (He cheated on me, initially wanted to work things out, we had disagreements on how he could make it up to me, I said I was done but in all actuality still wanted to figure out other solutions, he found out I still wanted to try and he still left as he seemed to decide he was done as well). After the breakup we talked some over text and he said he still has feelings for me just so I know but he thinks it’s the best for both of us and he never came close to deserving me. Very complicated and confusing situation. Any thoughts on what he wants? I know he obviously wants space and needs it but wondering why he won’t fight for us or how to get him to?
Clay Andrews Also his mom passed this last year and really had him coping in unhealthy ways, he also said during the breakup he felt like I wasn’t there enough when she died. He said also over text two weeks ago his love became harder to feel for me because of our problems surrounding that and some other reoccurring issues we had. This was after saying he still had feelings for me. I am confused if he still loves me or if it is overpowered by his grief and confusion
Hi , so my ex broke up with me but isnt happy with her life, she still love me and maybe in the future we would get back together , I know i shouldnt be pushing the relationship label but I miss her. She is told me she talking with other guys but dont want anything but fun. what should I do?
Hei Clay! :) first i want to say thanks for the videoes, and the hardest part is ofc my ex. He dumpt me for 1,5 month ago, i feel like he dont want to contackt me so i did after 1,5 Month. We havent spoke in this time. I ask how he was and asked him if he maby want to meet up, he said yes we can. But he also said that we need to be cleare that this is not a reallationship.. Now im heartbroken and im not shore if i should see him, im scared that this will Hurt me more, shuld i talk to him about my feelings or just stay away.?
2 of my exes are experiencing hurt feelings from the Past break up. One ex needs to build up an emotional foundation. One ex is backed up in the law of consistency. Bring attention to the present but I want a future. I thought 2 exes were The One for me in the Past. Not sure of if they saw me as the One in the Past. How do I know if either one of them has an emotional connection to me still?
Hey Clay, i really like the advice you give out. In my situation my ex husband and i lived together 6 years. He broke up me said that we werent the couple that would be together after our kids grew up. We have four. And soon after some days he said he needs me in everyway but doesnt actually commit. Weve started getting along more since ive backed up and dont reach out anymore. We do have accasional sex which he initiates (sometimes basic sometimes passionate at that), also cuddles me sometimes.then goes back to friendzoning me and when hes at work theirs no sign of him.. no calls no messages. Still talks to me about finances and about his day and stuff but he wont go into the emotional talk much, he actually said in one accasion that i shouldnt ask that, and that his bOdy language should speek for him.but his mixed signals are soo confusing. I am super confused as to what is going on his head? Any insight you may have for me?
HI Lupe, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase where he shows both hot and cold behavior and even mixed messages. The best way to handle the situation is to focus on positive interactions. Prioritize emotional context over the content of what ex say or do. :-)
I broke no contact and she didn’t expect me to reach out and that I moved on… she Dias she for sure doesn’t want a relationship and that we should move on
Hey clay me and my girlfriend have been broken up for a month in a half i have been spending time with her for a week now she starting to open more and more every day but she reminds me after that she is not trying to get my hopes up and tells to move on but when i ask her would she like for to move on she gets a little irritated then tells me its ok. When i touch her like putting my hand on lap or try to hold her hand she would pull away now she is fine with it but then tells me she dosent want me to get my hopes up or get the wrong idea. But then i tell her if i make her feel unconfortable she dosent have to see me just to ignore me. But she doesnt want that. Im confused what does she want from me? Oh and im loving your video your giving helpful information..
Hey Lalelei, I understand that what you are going through can be a bit confusing. It seems like your ex is in a Test Drive phase where she may be open to communicate but she still needs to adjust on your current dynamics. At the same time, her hesitations and emotional confusion may come across like hot and cold treatment. All the best.
Thanks fo responding to my message. I almost didn't get to send it because I was at the restaurant working haha. Anyways it's a family business. Just her, her mom, me and one other worker. We were together in a relationship and working there before. That's not an issue. I her family likes me and we(me and my ex) get along great. Always have. So that's not an issue. When it comes to work we hardly if ever let our relationship effect work. What you said about her basically having me as an employee and not get back with me is something I definitely thought about. My biggest concern is if I do this I need to know I have a shot with getting her back. I That's really the only issue. I personally wanted to help out more anyways so this is a great opportunity. I also wanted to work side by side with her since we work great together. She offered to pay me more than my main job and she said me and her would get to work together at night. I plan to talk to her more about it because it was a surprise offer. So I didn't focus 100% on what she said when she said this stuff. She also showed me a pic of her nieces who she was real close with when we dated. I loved seeing her niece's too even if I'm not family. They were her world. Her an her sisters not close now so she don't see them. She recently got a pic from her brother of the girls and it broke her heart. She told me she wanted me to see the pic and warned me I may be happy or cry. I basically did both. Because oddly enough I too seen the older pic she took wit them that same morning when we dated. So it was like wow I was thinking of them and here hours later you show me how much they've grown. To me this was a big deal since she shared something real important to her with me. I would like to know your thoughts if you have any. Just incase it might help you remember me from previous videos. I'm the guy from last week who was going on the date to the movies for a 2nd time wit his ex. We didn't go this Monday so we going Sunday instead. She also invited me to go zip lining which when we were together I told her I'd never do that and she asked the same day she made this offer to me and I said I'll go. I figured I'll try it since if it's too dangerous I can skip that part and so safer stuff. I'm more open minded than when we dated. She likes that change of me. Which would explain why she also been saying"we should" alot more.
Hey thanks for the superchat in the other video by the way... Okay, so based on what you're saying, it sounds like you and your ex have a really strong connection already. I would guess that the two of you are probably close to really exploring the possibility of getting back together. If that is the case, then potentially taking this job is much less risky. I would actually talk to your ex about this though. This is a valid concern that you have and if she is aware of what may be holding you back, it may help her to understand your hesitation.
My fiancé of 3 years end it our relationship she said she was fed up with everything and she doesn’t want a relationship at this moment. She said she cares about me and appreciates me but that she doesn’t love me anymore. I’m still in love with her should I wait for her eventually she would realized a lot of things but she doesn’t tells me she misses or anything of that nature. We really had a great time together we had our ups and downs but there was more good then bad. What are your thoughts about this. Thank you. We been together since 2016
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. But how was your communication between you and her? There might be some needs or concerns that was not fully communicated during the relationship.
My ex wanted to meet up and talk. So we talked and she kept on hugging me and said I missed you. She also said she doesn’t want a relationship right now because it’s not healthy. Any advice?
Sounds like your ex is still at the Test Drive Phase. Focus on building positive connection. Remember, it is a process that you and your ex will go through. We have to be patient. But that's a good start to grow the dynamics organically.
If they legitimately do not have time for you, is that something that you are okay with? Could it be that they believe that a relationship is more time and energy than it actually is with you? Could it be that you are bringing yourself to interacting with them that would lead them to believe that it would be a huge drain on their time? Is there any way you could show them that it doesn't have to be this way?
Hi Clay, my ex recently ended things with me because she says she’s not ready for a relationship. She says I pushed exclusivity too soon (2 months in) and now she feels it’s too much pressure. That I should have let her come to that decision on her own. That she doesn’t want all the expectations after 6 months of dating. Now she’s making me feel as if I’m so wrong for wanting what I want. I want it to work but why would I chase someone who doesn’t want me. She keeps saying she loves me and I’m the only person she wants but it’s not the right time. I’m getting to a point where I am just angry and feel cheated. I want it to work but I feel like I deserve more
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Melissa. It seems like your ex is confused emotionally with what she really wants in a relationship, while you, on the other hand, is already clear with your decision. You don't have to let her actions affect you as sometimes people tend to project their frustrations and confusion to others. What is important is that you know what you want and is clear with your personal values. All the best.
I was trying to slowly interact with my ex on a friends basis to build a foundation so to speak and now she’s mad at me for some miscommunication and now she’s done with me. I’m so stressed out
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Davidx. If you feel that the process is taking a toll on you, try to step back for a while to gain you positive energies back. Your well being is important as well as much as it is to get your ex back. that is where self-care would come in. All the best.
Yeah right never believe an ex when they say that. Let me read between the lines for you guys. They want a relationship just not with you. Sad but true.
Hi Chris, we cover the mixed signals in the 5 stages of getting back together video. When it comes to red flags, not all red flags are all the same. The best way to do that is to make an assess to see if your personal values is still aligned to the person that you are trying to get back with.
My ex and I broke up due to me walking away and not wanting to do couples therapy to fix our communication issues. During our break I took the time to go to therapy, take up hobbies, do volunteering and work on my business/career. My ex reached out to me about 1 month after no contact and she was strongly sexually attracted to me and we had a positive conversation. She wanted to meet up but I decided not to so no one would get hurt. We then poured our emotions out to each other and they decided to allow time apart from each other to heal. We went another month no contact and reconnected around Christmas. I shared some of the things I've been doing to self-improve and we had another heart felt conversation. She admitted that some men were interested since she put herself out there and I too advised that some women were interested in me. Since I technically broke it off with her and I was on dating apps, she got upset over this. I admitted I was on there out of boredom and I wasn't looking for anything. This basically ended the communication sourly. We went no contact until the New Year since I shared a personal family update on social media and she reached out to me. We kept in contact for about 2 weeks and I pushed to meet up with her but she expressed she wasn't ready for that since she's still getting over the break up. She also told me she did some thinking about us and that she believed we won't be a good fit long term compatibility wise. She advised that I can't fully give her what she wants in a relationship. We went no contact for a few weeks and had brief conversation and she stated she still has feelings for me but doesn't want to be friends but also doesn't want a relationship. I'm choosing to no longer contact her until she decides to reach out again with something substantial towards us meeting and being more open with each other. I understand I hurt her and she's okay to work through that pain and take the time to feel herself again before being open to having me come into her life (if ever), but I'm fine with that possibility never occurring. She still has me on her social media, watches my stories and kept some of our pictures up on her social media still. I don't really read too much into this since I don't go on her page anymore. I'm seeing someone else and so far its been great. If my ex reaches out to me, I'll tell them I'm seeing someone new just so I don't waste her time.
Hi Clay, my ex reached out to me after 2 months of NC, but his not ready for relationship with me. We talking very often asking how's my day. Saying good morning and good night. Which is so weird. He wants us to start like beginners more as friends. Is it good idea to be friend with him?
It can be a factor but not always an assurance. Time and space will allow people to reassess the relationship and as to where to put the person in their life.
@@ClayAndrews this one ex asked for Time and Space in 2007 and we tried to rekindle about 4 times off and on for years. He has been acting hot and cold,hate and love,confused and afraid towards me. Not sure of Where to go from here with him?
There could be a lot of reasons why they date. the fact that they are single, it is something that we can't have full control of as they are entitled to meet other people.
So I cheated and left her bc I tough the grass was greener but I realized I all ways loved her . We have 4 kids , I want to get her back she lets me sleep in her house bc of the kids but she has been with another guy should I still try to get her back I love her I do
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My ex said he felt free to be himself without me and good about not having to tell me where he was when he broke up with me: he said he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. My ex said he wants to be single at least until he has finished uni next year to live the uni life he has dreamt of living and he doesn’t want to give me false hope on getting back together even after uni. Yet he says he loves me and wished that the relationship worked. Clay what do I do? I’m in love with this boy and he doesn’t sound like he wants to get back together with me ever !
Any update from him?
Update please...
Yes i would also like an update
Any updates ?
What if they say, “ I miss you and will always have love for you but I don’t think we can salvage this. I need to be alone. I’m not good for a relationship right now.”
Love and affection has it's levels. After the breakup, people's emotions are kinda "clogged". Fixing the emotional "clog" may not be the answer, but it is how we inspire that person to cultivate and grow their affection by bringing the best version of ourselves in every interactions. :-)
Any update?
Same here. He called me yesterday saying all that. Time to move on. ¡
My ex girlfriend said all that utter rubbish,she was seeing her old boyfriend behind my back whilst we were together,and when we split she said that she still loved me but did not want to be in a relationship with any man but yet she is back with her old boyfriend,it was all utter lies,so just move on and never believe a word they say because it will more than likely be a total Lie,harsh but true,stay well and safe.
First of all, thank you on your advices, Mr. Clay! She told me this last night, and she was telling me that I maybe should find another girl to try to commit, and that she is feeling some guilt because of the break up, etc. And she said that she shutted down all of emotions she had when her close relative died, etc. Plus, she said that we are still an option, but in some distant future, like a year or two in the future. We had a really good time together last night. I wish I could afford your course, to get her back. I never loved any girl, like I love her.
What happened bro
update?????????
my ex and i are constantly joking and laughing while we are together lately! i am doing my best to build the emotional connection and think/act more aligned with “we will see where things go” and it seems like he is opening up more. i spent the night at his place and he left for work early in the morning and told me to “sleep in and leave whenever you need” and kissed me on my forehead then refilled my glass of water (he knows i NEED water while i sleep and i had all my water during the night). he is texting me A LOT more too
Yesterday I met up with my ex and Ask him whether we still have chance or no. He said “maybe we still, but I don’t know. Meanwhile, don’t wait for me because I have no Idea how long it’s gonna take (to change)” he said he’s insecure because i already have a job while he doesn’t he also said that when we were together I angry all the time, and liked to sabotage his friendship.
I told him that I am willing to change together. But he said he can’t.
there could still be a lot of things that may happen in between the time right now and the time when you both will decide to get back together. Just focus on the present moment and the quality of your connection. if you are willing to change, show that not just to him but in your life in general. Let your ex pace himself when it comes to making changes for himself. Sometimes it takes emotional and mental readiness and level of self-awareness to have that personal change. All the best.
I really needed this video. I've been following your program for some time Clay, and have been stuck mostly in Riding the Dragon for some months now. My ex tends to definitely shift around a lot. But things have been going very positively between us over the course of the last few months. Admittedly, I now realize that I may have been getting slightly impatient for things to move forward. I haven't said any of this to him, in fact I've told my ex I genuinely understand his reasons for not wanting a relationship right now. There was a lot of confusion in the past, but we've come to an understanding now that the fact that we're long distance is holding him back, and he's in the process of joining the Marines. This video helped me realize that he's probably feeling a lot of confusion or pressure, thinking about where things will go between us in the future. Because I certainly have, and we both have even experienced outside pressure from our group of friends. To put a label on what we are to each other, because they see us as a couple. And he's not ready for that right now.
But this video has reeled me back into the present, and has eased a lot of my growing anxiety. I will be sure to keep that in mind going forward, thank you!
Thanks for the kind words. I can tell that you have a very strong sense of empathy, and I think that will carry you a long way.
Me and my ex broke up three months ago, I accepted the break up, let her get her things when she wanted them, went no contact, she reached out a few times we spoke but when I asked to meet up nothing, it’s happened three times, she’s left all lines of communication open, it’s been three weeks now since Ive herd from her? I’m like left in limbo?
What did you talk about when you were in contact? How did you ask her to meet up? Was there rapport first or did you ask her out straight away?
Clay Andrews it was positive, we were laughing and I asked to meet for coffee first time second and third for food, I get the vibe when I move towards her she moves away
@@justamannothingmore1999 same place your in
Such a shame your videos doesn’t have more views and subs
sabrina gonzalez I love your positivity ❤️❤️
That's totally fine, Tommy. Maybe some had not discovered our channel yet. :-)
he shows and tells me he loves/misses me but whenever i asked about our status (not always) he would say “i’m not sure” or “i don’t want commitment right now”. It’s making me confused to what to do next :( I don’t know what to act around him sometimes. Please help meeeeee 😞
Hi Kim, it seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase, where he still needs to figure out what he feels and where to put you in his life. Focus on the quality of your connection by using the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach and be patient. Build a strong foundation and not just labels. :-)
Hi Clay, in these kinds of situation, which of your programs do you think fits best between ESP and CC? Thanks
What want know is, how did you learn all of this knowledge you have? I feel like if I knew everything you know, I could have a great relationship with my ex bf. Your videos help me a LOT, but as I get progress with my ex, I run into problems I didn’t foresee that I didn’t do right, but then I seek more videos, and in hindsight, I’m like darn your right, I should have done things the way you suggested. I just wish I could absorb everything you know, so that I don’t keep making mistakes, I don’t want to loose him, he’s a great guy my ex!
Hi thetruthfree, All of these came from personal experiences and from other people's experiences. :-) You don't have to be a perfect individual to have a healthy relationship. It is important to work on your Awareness, Acceptance, Empathy, Communication Skills, and Composure. These are the skills that we advocate and the basic tools in one's journey. We call these the Advanced Relational Skills. :-)
Thanks for your reply Clay! I’m on a tight budget, that being the reason I haven’t taken the course yet, but I will see what I can do, my relationship means the world to me. Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it’s a true blessing.
No pressure, thetruthfree . Our videos are here to help you, especially that we have more than hundreds that might answer different questions that you might have in mind. :-)
This video was great for my situation. Just last night my ex told me she just wants to be alone despite still wanting to interact with me, spend time with me, etc. Thanks for the insight Clay!
You're welcome, Drake. Glad that this particular video had related to what you are going through recently. :-)
Clay, I need your help, my ex broke up with me because we were arguing and we both said some things we didn't mean. I immediately concluded that it happened because we haven't seen each other for a long time, it's always like that when we haven't been together for a long time. Now we didn’t see each other when due to isolation, we had an earthquake so we were both even more stressed. I came to the probable conclusion, and that is that this is all temporary, because it’s hard for her now and it happened. She is sensitive as a person. Is it possible for me to be in a relationship with my ex again? What do you think?
What if they don’t want a relationship with anyone? My ex said he thought he would be happier single, so I’m thinking it’s not just me. I think he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone.
My situation is different from other ppl. We are not together right now because of his work. He works 8 hours a day and we have a time difference of 7 hours(LDR). I hope it will change when he is going to college. We still talk and we are exclusive but with out the gf/bf titles. For now I will wait for him cause he is worth it :)
Hi! Do you have any update? I had ldr for 4 years and break up happened, it’s been several months and my ex tells me that they do feel something for me but don’t want ldr anymore :(
Girl, I take back what I said 2 years ago. He was actually dating someone else and just wanted me to chase after him. If you are not worth the long distance then don’t chase after him. He told you more then once that he doesn’t want you. Find someone better
Your videos are so helpful and amazing! Can you please create a video on ‘What to do if they don’t they want to be friends’, so if they say that they don’t think being a friends is a good idea (even after you’ve had some time apart). They respond to texts/msgs etc but they don’t want to speak on the phone/meet up/be friends. Thank you.
@Clay Andrew's After a 4 year relationship and engagement on Dec 26 2020. I did 2 months no contact and broke it Sept 3 2021. I contacted him he says he's not dating..no rebound..not interested in any casual sex situations ..but doesn't want a relationship either. What does that mean and how should I go about it? I still want him back. He's 53 years old.
Clay I hope you can respond to this comment. I’ve been following your content for awhile.
Yesterday I was texting my ex after we’ve had a few positive interactions. Things have been going really well. She seemed to be flirty with me and she can’t keep her hands off me. At the moment, she’s extremely busy with school and work but she still finds time within her busy schedule to make time to spend with me. She even tells me that she knows spending time with me is going to be so much fun. She absolute enjoys spending time with me. I figured it was the right time to ask her if she had considered getting back together and she told me that she hadn’t thought about it simply because she has so much on her plate and that she was enjoying our friendship. Before I asked her that I had also joked that I had an eye on another girl and she said she was really happy for me. She’s very strong on her faith and has never given me a reason to believe she would lie to me and not give me the honest truth.
She told me she did not want a relationship right now and that it had nothing to do with me. She also told me she thought I was very handsome and good looking and that that was never in question. For now she told me she had adapted herself to being my friend. I told her that if we got back together, the mistakes I made that led to the breakup wouldn’t be repeated and she seemed to genuinely believe that. I just don’t know if I’m wasting my time hoping to get back together with her or if I should just move on. I love this girl and I can’t think of moving on.
She also did say she considers me her best friend. Normally she cuts her exes out of her life. I told her that I wanted more than friendship and she did tell me she really would think about those things.
I’m in the same boat right now man. What happened with you in the end ?
@@cathalwalker3308 for me, nothing positive came out of any of that. Haven’t talked to her since the day after Christmas. But, I’m better for it now. We broke up in late September and I stuck around a little and I wish I hadn’t. But now I’ve got a date with a cute girl for next Tuesday and another date with a girl sometime next week. So you can say I’m happy without her.
@@jeremyanderson3615 My girlfriend broke up with me in january and we are still seeing each other nearly everyday and texting. She still says she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me right now so I don't know what to do. I want to get back with her
@@cathalwalker3308 unless you guys were having sex, I’d say she was just using you for validation. That’s what happened to me. I’m not saying don’t get her back, but you might be blocking yourself from someone better
Hi Clay! What if he said that I hope that there's still chance in the future. Because I really you. Do you think he will come back? Should I wait for him? What should I do? We were in a long distance relationship before.
We talked already and his work is his priority. That's why he said that let's live in the moment. But still hoping a chance for the future. Im so confused what does it mean?
It seems like he is still open for any possibility in the future. but being in the present moment will define whatever outcome it may be in the future. Will you be willing to wait for him and start to work on the areas that you feel you need to work on as a couple?
@@ClayAndrews Yes I am willing. but how long should i wait? We dont talk ti each other for a month now. Do you think there's still chance even its a ldr break up?
I haven’t heard from my ex in months, we don’t interact with each other and when we have he’s always been the one to reach out to me, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me or anyone and felt like he wasn’t good enough for me but since we broke up I have stuck with no contact I have never been the one to reach out to him so I’m confused where we stand. Does no contact at all mean no reconciliation?
Met up with my ex several times after a bad breakup. She broke up with me. Each time we have met I have been getting more mixed signals. Last time she said she doesn't want to be with anyone now but if she would it would be with me. She also said she still cares about me and fancies me and as we were walking along grabbed my rear. I said what was that all about? She said just reminding myself of what it feels like. I felt she was flirting with me. She then went to a festival with her friends recently and we didnt see each other this weekend and when she came back she's gone the complete opposite and seemed to have pulled away again. I'm very, very confused, any advice Clay would be much appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Geroge, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon stage. Where she can show some mixed signals and would have the tendency to be confused with what she feels towards you and the relationship. I would recommend that you focus on acceptance and understanding. This is an opportunity for you to apply the Advanced Relational Skills that we teach. All the best.
@@ClayAndrews Thanks Clay for the fast reply, I think you are absolutely right as my ex asked me today to come over and stay as her parents are visiting and they would like to see me again. Def some serious mixed messages. I will take your advice. Starting to think you are prob the best coach out there. 😊
Thanks for the compliment, George. :-)
@@ClayAndrews I'm back with my ex. Thank you so much for posting your wisdom. Without them I don't think I could have done it. 🙂
@@georgebyron468 hi can you please help? My ex just did the same thing, he doesn’t want a relationship but he said if he wanted someone it would be.. what did u do to get ur ex back? What should I do?
I think it's suicide to still have feelings for them, while they are focusing on themselves with the possibility of them dating other people. I asked my ex last Wednesday what she wanted from us because after 2 weeks of NC she reached out like 5x. Her response was she's focusing on herself, just doing her. Then she's gonna follow up with "what do you want?"
Clay could you answer why she would've asked me that again because she knows how I feel. Smdh
It’s so confusing
Hey clay, got to hang out with my ex twice, went really well. Held hands and connected. I called her and told her I liked her and wanted to see where she was at. She said she feels nothing romantic for me. I think I revealed my feelings too fast. How do I recover from this? Thanks .
Is tnere a way to personally this guy even if its a paid call im fine paying
My ex said they want to be civil and friends and see where that goes, and also that he isn’t sure he wants a relationship with me “right now”. And that he would like to talk still and that 6 years of care doesn’t just go away. He said to me not to think he hadn’t been thinking about me or to take it the wrong way but he needs to learn a lot about himself. (He cheated on me, initially wanted to work things out, we had disagreements on how he could make it up to me, I said I was done but in all actuality still wanted to figure out other solutions, he found out I still wanted to try and he still left as he seemed to decide he was done as well). After the breakup we talked some over text and he said he still has feelings for me just so I know but he thinks it’s the best for both of us and he never came close to deserving me. Very complicated and confusing situation. Any thoughts on what he wants? I know he obviously wants space and needs it but wondering why he won’t fight for us or how to get him to?
I think he feels guilty about what he did and he is afraid of hurting you again.
Clay Andrews thank you very much this helps a lot. Any idea how to encourage him to realize the good we still could have in a relationship?
Clay Andrews Also his mom passed this last year and really had him coping in unhealthy ways, he also said during the breakup he felt like I wasn’t there enough when she died. He said also over text two weeks ago his love became harder to feel for me because of our problems surrounding that and some other reoccurring issues we had. This was after saying he still had feelings for me. I am confused if he still loves me or if it is overpowered by his grief and confusion
Please Clay how do I start to make this better? You’re the only coach who’s answered me :(
Hi , so my ex broke up with me but isnt happy with her life, she still love me and maybe in the future we would get back together , I know i shouldnt be pushing the relationship label but I miss her. She is told me she talking with other guys but dont want anything but fun. what should I do?
Hei Clay! :) first i want to say thanks for the videoes, and the hardest part is ofc my ex. He dumpt me for 1,5 month ago, i feel like he dont want to contackt me so i did after 1,5 Month. We havent spoke in this time. I ask how he was and asked him if he maby want to meet up, he said yes we can. But he also said that we need to be cleare that this is not a reallationship.. Now im heartbroken and im not shore if i should see him, im scared that this will Hurt me more, shuld i talk to him about my feelings or just stay away.?
what does it mean if she says she doesnt want a relationship but we need to have a phone call to come back from this?
He says that hes too busy rn, yet we talk everyday, tells me he loves me but isnt future about his future and whether lr not ill be in it.
Sounds like he's going through a period of transition in his life. That must be very confusing and stressful for both of you.
2 of my exes are experiencing hurt feelings from the Past break up. One ex needs to build up an emotional foundation. One ex is backed up in the law of consistency. Bring attention to the present but I want a future. I thought 2 exes were The One for me in the Past. Not sure of if they saw me as the One in the Past. How do I know if either one of them has an emotional connection to me still?
Hey Clay, i really like the advice you give out. In my situation my ex husband and i lived together 6 years. He broke up me said that we werent the couple that would be together after our kids grew up. We have four. And soon after some days he said he needs me in everyway but doesnt actually commit. Weve started getting along more since ive backed up and dont reach out anymore. We do have accasional sex which he initiates (sometimes basic sometimes passionate at that), also cuddles me sometimes.then goes back to friendzoning me and when hes at work theirs no sign of him.. no calls no messages. Still talks to me about finances and about his day and stuff but he wont go into the emotional talk much, he actually said in one accasion that i shouldnt ask that, and that his bOdy language should speek for him.but his mixed signals are soo confusing. I am super confused as to what is going on his head? Any insight you may have for me?
HI Lupe, It seems like your ex is at the Riding the Dragon phase where he shows both hot and cold behavior and even mixed messages. The best way to handle the situation is to focus on positive interactions. Prioritize emotional context over the content of what ex say or do. :-)
I broke no contact and she didn’t expect me to reach out and that I moved on… she Dias she for sure doesn’t want a relationship and that we should move on
Hey clay me and my girlfriend have been broken up for a month in a half i have been spending time with her for a week now she starting to open more and more every day but she reminds me after that she is not trying to get my hopes up and tells to move on but when i ask her would she like for to move on she gets a little irritated then tells me its ok. When i touch her like putting my hand on lap or try to hold her hand she would pull away now she is fine with it but then tells me she dosent want me to get my hopes up or get the wrong idea. But then i tell her if i make her feel unconfortable she dosent have to see me just to ignore me. But she doesnt want that. Im confused what does she want from me? Oh and im loving your video your giving helpful information..
Hey Lalelei, I understand that what you are going through can be a bit confusing. It seems like your ex is in a Test Drive phase where she may be open to communicate but she still needs to adjust on your current dynamics. At the same time, her hesitations and emotional confusion may come across like hot and cold treatment. All the best.
Any updates ?
Thanks fo responding to my message. I almost didn't get to send it because I was at the restaurant working haha. Anyways it's a family business. Just her, her mom, me and one other worker. We were together in a relationship and working there before. That's not an issue. I her family likes me and we(me and my ex) get along great. Always have. So that's not an issue. When it comes to work we hardly if ever let our relationship effect work. What you said about her basically having me as an employee and not get back with me is something I definitely thought about. My biggest concern is if I do this I need to know I have a shot with getting her back. I That's really the only issue. I personally wanted to help out more anyways so this is a great opportunity. I also wanted to work side by side with her since we work great together. She offered to pay me more than my main job and she said me and her would get to work together at night. I plan to talk to her more about it because it was a surprise offer. So I didn't focus 100% on what she said when she said this stuff.
She also showed me a pic of her nieces who she was real close with when we dated. I loved seeing her niece's too even if I'm not family. They were her world. Her an her sisters not close now so she don't see them. She recently got a pic from her brother of the girls and it broke her heart. She told me she wanted me to see the pic and warned me I may be happy or cry. I basically did both. Because oddly enough I too seen the older pic she took wit them that same morning when we dated. So it was like wow I was thinking of them and here hours later you show me how much they've grown. To me this was a big deal since she shared something real important to her with me. I would like to know your thoughts if you have any.
Just incase it might help you remember me from previous videos. I'm the guy from last week who was going on the date to the movies for a 2nd time wit his ex. We didn't go this Monday so we going Sunday instead.
She also invited me to go zip lining which when we were together I told her I'd never do that and she asked the same day she made this offer to me and I said I'll go. I figured I'll try it since if it's too dangerous I can skip that part and so safer stuff. I'm more open minded than when we dated. She likes that change of me. Which would explain why she also been saying"we should" alot more.
Hey thanks for the superchat in the other video by the way... Okay, so based on what you're saying, it sounds like you and your ex have a really strong connection already. I would guess that the two of you are probably close to really exploring the possibility of getting back together. If that is the case, then potentially taking this job is much less risky. I would actually talk to your ex about this though. This is a valid concern that you have and if she is aware of what may be holding you back, it may help her to understand your hesitation.
@@ClayAndrews no problem and alright sounds good to me. I'll find my way of doing that.
Damn you're good! 😊
Thank you, Tammi. :-)
My fiancé of 3 years end it our relationship she said she was fed up with everything and she doesn’t want a relationship at this moment. She said she cares about me and appreciates me but that she doesn’t love me anymore. I’m still in love with her should I wait for her eventually she would realized a lot of things but she doesn’t tells me she misses or anything of that nature. We really had a great time together we had our ups and downs but there was more good then bad. What are your thoughts about this. Thank you. We been together since 2016
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. But how was your communication between you and her? There might be some needs or concerns that was not fully communicated during the relationship.
The news letter link doesn't work for me.
My ex wanted to meet up and talk. So we talked and she kept on hugging me and said I missed you. She also said she doesn’t want a relationship right now because it’s not healthy. Any advice?
Sounds like your ex is still at the Test Drive Phase. Focus on building positive connection. Remember, it is a process that you and your ex will go through. We have to be patient. But that's a good start to grow the dynamics organically.
What if this "no time for a relationship" is the reason that they gave you for dumping you?
If they legitimately do not have time for you, is that something that you are okay with? Could it be that they believe that a relationship is more time and energy than it actually is with you? Could it be that you are bringing yourself to interacting with them that would lead them to believe that it would be a huge drain on their time? Is there any way you could show them that it doesn't have to be this way?
Hi Clay, my ex recently ended things with me because she says she’s not ready for a relationship. She says I pushed exclusivity too soon (2 months in) and now she feels it’s too much pressure. That I should have let her come to that decision on her own. That she doesn’t want all the expectations after 6 months of dating. Now she’s making me feel as if I’m so wrong for wanting what I want. I want it to work but why would I chase someone who doesn’t want me. She keeps saying she loves me and I’m the only person she wants but it’s not the right time. I’m getting to a point where I am just angry and feel cheated. I want it to work but I feel like I deserve more
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Melissa. It seems like your ex is confused emotionally with what she really wants in a relationship, while you, on the other hand, is already clear with your decision. You don't have to let her actions affect you as sometimes people tend to project their frustrations and confusion to others. What is important is that you know what you want and is clear with your personal values. All the best.
What if he says he's not interested in anyone
My ex says she doesn’t know what she wants right now,and she says treat her like friend for now
update?
I was trying to slowly interact with my ex on a friends basis to build a foundation so to speak and now she’s mad at me for some miscommunication and now she’s done with me. I’m so stressed out
I'm sorry to hear about what happened, Davidx. If you feel that the process is taking a toll on you, try to step back for a while to gain you positive energies back. Your well being is important as well as much as it is to get your ex back. that is where self-care would come in. All the best.
Yeah right never believe an ex when they say that. Let me read between the lines for you guys. They want a relationship just not with you. Sad but true.
You should do a video Clay on red flags she’s not worth it.
You should also do a video Clay on Mixed Signals From Your Ex.
Hi Chris, we cover the mixed signals in the 5 stages of getting back together video. When it comes to red flags, not all red flags are all the same. The best way to do that is to make an assess to see if your personal values is still aligned to the person that you are trying to get back with.
My ex and I broke up due to me walking away and not wanting to do couples therapy to fix our communication issues. During our break I took the time to go to therapy, take up hobbies, do volunteering and work on my business/career. My ex reached out to me about 1 month after no contact and she was strongly sexually attracted to me and we had a positive conversation. She wanted to meet up but I decided not to so no one would get hurt. We then poured our emotions out to each other and they decided to allow time apart from each other to heal.
We went another month no contact and reconnected around Christmas. I shared some of the things I've been doing to self-improve and we had another heart felt conversation. She admitted that some men were interested since she put herself out there and I too advised that some women were interested in me. Since I technically broke it off with her and I was on dating apps, she got upset over this. I admitted I was on there out of boredom and I wasn't looking for anything. This basically ended the communication sourly.
We went no contact until the New Year since I shared a personal family update on social media and she reached out to me. We kept in contact for about 2 weeks and I pushed to meet up with her but she expressed she wasn't ready for that since she's still getting over the break up. She also told me she did some thinking about us and that she believed we won't be a good fit long term compatibility wise. She advised that I can't fully give her what she wants in a relationship.
We went no contact for a few weeks and had brief conversation and she stated she still has feelings for me but doesn't want to be friends but also doesn't want a relationship. I'm choosing to no longer contact her until she decides to reach out again with something substantial towards us meeting and being more open with each other. I understand I hurt her and she's okay to work through that pain and take the time to feel herself again before being open to having me come into her life (if ever), but I'm fine with that possibility never occurring.
She still has me on her social media, watches my stories and kept some of our pictures up on her social media still. I don't really read too much into this since I don't go on her page anymore. I'm seeing someone else and so far its been great. If my ex reaches out to me, I'll tell them I'm seeing someone new just so I don't waste her time.
Did she reach out ?
Hi Clay, my ex reached out to me after 2 months of NC, but his not ready for relationship with me. We talking very often asking how's my day. Saying good morning and good night. Which is so weird. He wants us to start like beginners more as friends. Is it good idea to be friend with him?
Can Time and Space and no contact bring 2 people back together?
It can be a factor but not always an assurance. Time and space will allow people to reassess the relationship and as to where to put the person in their life.
@@ClayAndrews this one ex asked for Time and Space in 2007 and we tried to rekindle about 4 times off and on for years. He has been acting hot and cold,hate and love,confused and afraid towards me. Not sure of Where to go from here with him?
But what if they also want to date other people?!?
There could be a lot of reasons why they date. the fact that they are single, it is something that we can't have full control of as they are entitled to meet other people.
My ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick is a hot mess Clay.
So I cheated and left her bc I tough the grass was greener but I realized I all ways loved her . We have 4 kids , I want to get her back she lets me sleep in her house bc of the kids but she has been with another guy should I still try to get her back I love her I do
Any updates ?
My ex has too many kids for me 😂💀 😂
Hey Sabrina, Will that be a dealbreaker for you? :-)
@@ClayAndrews my ex said that our journey is not over what does he mean
Lol 😂