I have been a Patron for years but have never commented; tonight I must! I was first drawn to your vlog by your Paris know how but then simply by your honest charm. You are the exact age of my eldest son and , while my husband finds it odd that I support your channel ,he has appreciated all your tips for the many trips we ve taken to Paris these past several years. Truth is, he has never witnessed your charm, wit, kindness and honesty. It ‘s delightful ! Tonight I have to say, bravery is now the thing I admire most about you! The courage it took to make this video is astounding to me and has touched me so. You have traveled a long, arduous journey and knowing you must go through this to move beyond is simply the truth. Keep being strong, brave, honest and kind. It is obvious from your videos that you are in fact truly loved and supported and it s apparent you know that loving yourself is key. Sending you only good wishes and a joyous holiday season!
Jay, I'm in tears. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were. I feel so bad for young Jay, but adult Jay is so much stronger and braver now. Therapy for sure helped you and breaking off contact with such a toxic person was the right thing to do. I feel furious with the way you were treated but just know that you are loved by your RUclips family. We appreciate what you share with us and I wish you only the best! ❤
Oh Jay, there are no words. Your courage, your patience-they are honestly the stuff of fairy tales. Whatever journey you're on, whatever demons you have confronted, you've managed to blow some very authentic magic dust around the world and enlighten us all.
The impact of a narcissist as a parent is overwhelming. I didn’t realize how bad things were until her death four years ago-and the family was set free. We can breathe and dream again. Enjoy the peace of being separated from the source of pain. You deserve your life without that influence (the voice in your head does fade).
I went no contact with a parent over 20 years ago for somewhat similar reasons, and have not regretted it. My life is better and more peaceful. Anyone who gives you pushback on being no contact lives in a privileged bubble where they simply cannot imagine a parent who doesn't have their child's best interest at heart. We also have this this twisted social construct where we are taught that we are supposed to tolerate behavior from people just because we share DNA with them, that we would never tolerate from others. I mean, there are advice columnists and entire genres of movies and memes built on the concept of the nightmare family holiday gathering, right? Good for you for making your own journey to peace. Sending you huge hugs.
i'm only half kidding when i say that people should need a license to become parents. the amount of damage a parent can inflict on their children is immeasurable. bad parents sentence their kids to a lifetime of hurt and pain. in extreme cases they create antisocial adults - survey any prison and see how many of the inmates had healthy childhoods (i'd wager, very few). as you say, thank goodness for your dad and sister and despite your experience (with a lot of hard work), you are productive, creative, thoughtful and kind. thanks for your openness, jay ❤
I say the same, but with zero kidding. Creating and Developing a new human who will live on this Earth is the most important thing we could ever do. And the fact that there are no qualifications, no tests, before we create these new people, is beyond my understanding. Every human is flawed. And flawed humans create more flawed humans... Except for the flawed humans who understand that they probably shouldn't create more flawed humans. (Kudos to myself, and to Jay, and no doubt to many thousands of others.) We hear you, Jay, and we respect you and care about you. 💛💛
Jay, choosing light, love and kindness over rage, fear and hatred, proves exactly how beautiful person you are. We didn't save you - YOU saved yourself, by creating this community of random strangers, believing in you, rooting for you and following you - YOU!, not your Paris stories, but your energy, your personality, your passion, your universe. You matter. You deserve to be loved, but more importantly you deserve to let go and create the person you want to be in your life. That neglected child is so thankful for your brave move, I am sure of it. Sending a big hug, Magdalena
You are a brave man. Brave to share yourself on RUclips. Brave to carry on after your upbringing. Brave to go to therapy and fix your self. Brave to move to another country and thrive. You have accomplished so much. We all see you as the genuinely good person you are. That is why we continue to watch after interest or a visit to Paris. You are worthy and special. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
This resonated so hard with me. My sister and I are going through the process of realising that, what we thought was a “normal” upbringing/youth, is actually coping and trauma. It hurts to see you in pain but I am happy that you know (now) that you are worthy of love… because you are! I can’t help but want to give you a big big hug. Sending you a big virtual hug.
Thank you for sharing Jay. Having a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is beyond painful. It can ruin their children’s lives. I was able to get away from mine by moving away to NYC for a decade. I never liked my mom, even hated her often, and always felt such guilt for it. After a vulnerable time in my life began about 10 years ago I fell victim, for the first time in my life I think, to extreme narcissistic abuse by a romantic partner. At the time I had never heard about narcissistic abuse. After the initial trauma of that, I realized my mother had been my initial narcissistic abuser. I unfortunately cannot go no contact, although I did at first. Due to health issues I am once again dependent on her. For several years now, my main motivation in life has been to get well enough to move to France. My mother and her flying monkeys have destroyed anything from my former life. Your videos help keep me motivated and inspired. I am very grateful for you and the good work you do. Keep it up! You deserve the best. Congratulations on getting your citizenship!
you sir..have reclaimed your life she tried to destroy . You SAVED yourself thru self respect, patience, belief that your dreams were real .and yes you have all the right to your life and dreams. Alll you have bashed. thru. has made you strong. and you love your pup how your mum SHOULD have loved and nurtured you. Its a self healing to your inner child . never let her drama crush your joy
Jay, you are a good, decent and honorable man. Never feel ashamed, belittled, or inadequate for how you feel. I have a sister whom I have been estranged with for 10 years. My advice to you is. If you are content with your relationship with your mother locked up in a box and throwing away the key, then you must do it. Please take care of yourself. Don’t ever let others make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. It’s called gaslighting. And thank you for having the courage to do this.
As a mom, I am SO SORRY that you experienced this pain from your mom. You are an amazing and beautiful person inside and out and should be loved unconditionally just because you are their beautiful child, not because of your beauty or your intelligence. Please feel these "hugs" digitally for the little boy who was so lonely and the accomplished man who is on this channel. I send you mom love (not creepy) from a mom across the pond. I pray that your heart and soul heal and you can feel the love we have for you in this community and among many, many more that you have inspired. ❤️❤️❤️
I had a forked up mom too, and my dad was messed up as well but it was mainly because he was low IQ and disinterested, now he's just senile. With time I found that the pain goes away and we realize that as long as you take good care of yourself, set good boundaries and choose to surround yourself with non abusive people, what happened in your childhood won't even phase you after a while
I'm so proud of you, Jay. It's no surprise that you feel so much peace when visiting Notre Dame, for she is a Mother to all of us. Prayers of peace and continued healing in your journey and blessings for a full life going forward.
I am sending you so much love. Truly. I also had a mother who did not love me, treated my sibling differently, neglected me etc. You are brave and generous for sharing because, even though, I too, have had a lot of therapy before and after going No Contact with my mother, hearing you share made me feel instantly how much you did not deserve all of what you endured...and by extension, neither did I. Thank you for being so brave and generous.
Dear sweet man - how fortunate we are to have you in our lives. Wishing you good life in firm belief you have capacity to heal and be fulfilled xx : - )
Yes, you ARE worthy of love. You are so worthy. Thank you for this incredibly brave video. I know. I understand. I lost both of my brothers to suicide because of a similar situation, and the only reason I am still here is because, like you, I went no contact. They didn’t, and now I no longer have them. I’m glad you chose the better option of walking away from your situation and choosing to seek wellness and safety. It’s difficult and seems to be always not without outside judgment, but you did the right thing. Sending you wishes of peace and love.
💯 a narcissist, selfish and probably felt like she never had anything for herself. Not everyone should have children, especially if they clearly have no intention to show love and affection. I hope your dad was able to provide you with some of these basic necessities in nurturing you during your childhood. ❤ you’re not alone and people have walked this path in life. Next is how you move onward and open yourself up to love. Good luck Jay! You got this! ❤😊
Jay, I have always admired your honesty and uniqueness. Being the child of a narcissist is hard and unfair. You have helped in more ways than you know. You are enough, you are appreciated, you are loved.
I came here to say how brave you are to have made so honest and raw a video, but I see that many others have already done that. What also occurs to me is that by posting this, you may have helped to save lives of others who are still struggling with this torment. You are modeling the way out. You are giving hope by your honest and emotional testimony that it can get better with time, the right kind of help, and the support of others. Consider yourself hugged.
As a Mom, I want to say how proud I am of you. For choosing yourself and putting the hard work in. The only thanks any of us need is you living your happy, hard, intense, crazy, wonderful, challenging best life. And we are here to cheer you on, warts and all. Wishing you and your pup all the best this holiday season.
I am so sorry you had to go through this. My parents were so wonderful and I wish I told them everyday how great they were--I thought everyone's family was like mine. The older I get the more I understand how special they were. I feel terrible for you. You're an amazing man: to go through this and come out such a great guy. Thank you for sharing such a difficult story. Big hugs, my friend.
Dearest Jay. Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves too. Your vulnerability can be a gift to others. How badass is that? Thank you for being all-around awesome you!!! I see you. I value you. I believe in you. And you are so worthy and loved. 💜
I can't thank you enough for sharing this part of your history. I've followed your channel for many years, and I knew part of the backstory, but, this brought a lot of that home. I've read many of the more glowing comments, and I can't agree with them more. This was a brave step, but, you know that you have people following your videos that truly admire what you have created and the way that you engage with the world. You have taken adversity and made something beautiful from it. You've made a purpose for yourself and the people on your "team." You've put Paris into a lot of our pockets, but, you've done more than that, much more. Romantic relationships can be difficult, but, someday you'll find that particular someone, and life will bloom. Tchinn, Tchinn! I'll raise a wee dram to your health, success, and fortune on the road to love.
Man, my heart goes out to you. Nobody should have to endure that. You're very strong to have come through it because that takes real inner strength. You seem locked onto the right track and you give a lot of strength to others. I don't know you but I really feel I do and believe me when I tell you I'm full of admiration for you.
This is a very courageous video. This level of honesty is amazing. Thank you for sharing. In watching this I realize how lucky I was with my own mother. I hope you conquer the demons, and I think you will.
Jay I understand your past more than u know, the programs that run in the background of our lives until we are wake up to our greatness, and love for self. You are so brave for creating this vlog! You have inspired me to take more chances and to put myself out there to strive for a better world with more love and kindness ❤
Thank you! And, out of this sharing, I'm sure you have helped someone else who is struggling. May your life continue to just get better and better, one day at a time and with the help of those who love and care for you. Get out there and enjoy this holiday season, you deserve to. 🤗🎄🎉
Jay, two things, from the bottom of my heart: 1. thank you for sharing, for being so vulnerable; 2. I'm glad, for you, that you walked away; you did the right thing.
I cannot begin to express how your courage and vulnerability reached into my soul today. I am 66 and carry the neglect, abuse and horrors of my childhood to this day. I too did not have the love of a mother. When she died when I was 22 I thought I was free. But the legacy of an abusive parent lives on. Almost like it is branded on the soul. I often call children like us the walking wounded. Thank you for the testament to survival - to healthy survival.
You are a great man. YOU control your narrative from here on I started following you, bought your book for a visit (wonderful) to France. Now i know why the universe brought me. I had a narcissistic mom, mentally ill before it was diagnosable...and a violent, abusive Dad. Dad passed, mom is 91 and I now help her. I didn't "heal" until my 50s, but your statement at 25:37 made me comment because I said that easily thousands of times. There IS another side. Think about the people you touch NOW...TODAY, which would have been impossible without that childhood. Love you!!
Jay, I am so sorry you went through this. One would think mothers would love you unconditionally, and it saddens me to hear sad stories from different people. However, I am so happy you have turned out to be the great man and human being you are. You have many people that love you and value you. I also have my own issues, which are very different from yours, but they are present. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs.
Wow....I so respect the brave soul in you to talk about this. My husband has much in common with you and has been migraine sufferer since 12 yrs old. During our 42 yrs of marriage one cannot even count the days he was in bed. But the other common element was having a mother who never praised him only criticized and was outright mean (including to me when I came around). Taking out the death of her husband on her son, as if cancer can be caused by your child. Very glad therapy has brought you to this place and am thankful for your dad and your sister.
Jay, I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve struggled as a young man. It’s so sad to know that someone who is so warm and friendly in his videos has gone through things like that. But you’re such a strong person to fight this past, to be able to look into the depth of it. And to be so brave to tell this story here. I really admire it. You need to know that you deserve all the kindness and love that you get and will get. I’m wishing you to heal all of your wounds and to get all the greatest things on your way. Thank you for sharing these personal pages of yours. And thank you for all the light that I get from your videos 💫
So courageous and full of grace Jay, this is going to help so many people. As a daughter of a narcissistic father, I relate so much to what you have been through, I feel you and indeed it is an ongoing process of healing. Sending so much love.
Been following along for years with the visits home, mom dates, and other stuff, so of course I was a little curious when you’d mention quickly some of the things you were feeling about your mom the last couple years. I’ve always had a lot of questions in my mind about it but of course respected your privacy. I started watching for Paris content but stay for the monologues which always make me reflect on myself and my own experiences. This was brave and much appreciated.
My husband found your channel years ago and we watched for the Paris content, but over time, I became invested in your life story especially as I am someone who has struggled with depression and ADHD. My grandmother is a narcissist and my mom and I lived with her and my grandfather for the first 8 years of my life. In you talking about your mom here and there, I recognized a narcissist. Unfortunately or fortunately for me, I am undoubtedly my grandmother’s favorite which shielded me from so many things. I am continuously impressed by your vulnerability, especially as an American man, in sharing your mental health and financial struggles. It’s so amazingly refreshing and is doing so much good in the world. You are changing the world by talking about these things publicly and sharing your stories! You are shedding light and helping to normalize these topics! You are very supported and loved by your RUclips community!
Wow. Just Wow. Shaking my head in awe and respect. You embody strength; you might not realize it, but you do. These 29 minutes will help a lot of people. Wow.
I've been hanging around for many years. I have always said to my wife that you had a great weight on you. Points where you were pretty manic worried me. If you can't talk openly about it, it still has immense power. I'm glad you are starting to take the weight off your head. Thank you for sharing.
And not for nothing: I've, for one, never pitied you. I was always amazed by your courage to go out and do the things you do and accomplish the things you have already accomplished. This video was just another facet of that courage. Give Cooper a good cuddle!
Jay, you are SO kind and generous and deserving of ALL the love. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story with us. Sending you so much love xo
I am grateful for this beautiful share Jay. You're so loved here, and I hope I can tell you that without screens in between one day. Continue to shine your light, my dear.
I hope what i'm about to say comes across in the right manner. Nowhere is it written in stone that a parent has to love their children. Through therapy you begin to understand this. All you can do is have your own children and not repeat the mistakes made in your upbringing. And keep your children away from specific parents so that they don't inflict the same harm to your children.
Jay, you are so, so loved/beloved by us fans. Thank you for sharing this facet of your life with us. We all have our demons, and we all have our battles. It helps to know that we're all not suffering alone, even though it feels like it. You bring so much joy and inspiration to the world in the way you live, and through the goals you've achieved. I'm very, very proud of you.
Thank you. Thank you for being you and being authentic. You are worthy. I'm happy just to be an unknown blob on the other side of the camera for so many years.
Sadly, I feel like there are very few people who have healthy childhoods. There are a lot of damaged people walking around out there and bringing children into the world and then the children are just witnesses to their parents f-ed up pathologies. I wasn't physically abused, but I can relate to a lot of the examples you gave. I had what I needed - food, shelter - but I didn't get the kind of love and support and encouragement I needed. In my opinion and experience, we cope with it all until mid-life and then it all starts bubbling to the surface because you're looking at your life and wondering how you got here and it makes you mad when you realize the patterns and mistrust and how you deal with others is a result of things that were out of your control. You were just an innocent little kid who needed love, but you lived in a house always filled with tension and strife. You're doing the work and it takes a while and a lot of tears to get to the other side. I don't know that it ever gets "healed" but at least once you accept that your mother was just a damaged woman who took her pain out on you - you can move forward without as much pain. Thanks for sharing. You're not alone. Wishing you peace.
Proud of you for sharing this as so many of us have suffered through the hands of a narcissistic mother. It takes guts and courage to tell your story. I’ve gone no contact now with my own mother for the last 4 years and feel the freest I’ve ever felt and giving myself the space to reparent myself has been life giving. Kudos to us.
Jay, as an on-and-off patron and subscriber since 2018, watching this beautiful and raw share is testament to all the work you’ve done. My story with my mom is very similar-went no contact three years ago, so this video was super validating for me. It takes a long time to come out of the fog, and the journey can be incredibly lonely. Thank you for allowing us to witness this moment. ❤
I understand your problem all too well. I wasn't able to see all the damage that was done until both my parents until they died a few years back. It took me years of therapy and a great and thoughtful relationship with my partner to finally start getting through all the mental trauma. Good on you for realising it while your still young!
Game sees game. Thank you for being brave and sharing a part of your story. So grateful you’ve been an incredibly resilient person and have turned these experiences into something beautiful.
You so touched my heart. We understand. We love you. You are very special. I love your show. I''ve tried to meet you in Paris! You were too busy. I'm so sad that you and other children have suffered with horrid mothers. It's a broken world since the Garden. Please don't leave Jesus because of "Christians" who are evil. God has a special purpose for you and loves you and you helped me heal a little tonight. Thank you for sharing so honestly. xxoo
Jay ---I wasn't sure I could watch this video due to my own childhood but I totally understand. I had a saying that I told myself which was "When there is no one in the world to save you ---You save yourself!!! That is what I had to do. My own Mother passed away tragically during the birth of my little sister. I was 2 1/2 yo. My Dad then went on in a couple of years to marry a woman who he knew did not want us girls. This woman abused me verbally, emotionally, physically for years & my Dad never stood up for me. Even as an adult the abuse continued in her way but also from her daughter my half sister. My Dad died at 84 yo 7 years ago & at 58 yo I told her exactly what I thought of her & cut her & my half sister out of my life. Best decision I ever made & like you my friends & therapy at times in my life made me realize I didn't have to keep taking this. I don't know the reason I had to go thru this or why couldn't I have that happy little girl childhood or why you had to go it but I do know you are worthy to have a great life & people in your life who love you for just being you. Take care of You ---Anita in Ohio
Wow! I’ve been following your story for a couple of years now and couldn’t put the puzzle pieces together. Thanks for bravely sharing your continuing struggle and big hugs!
I found your YT page in 2019 for my trip to Paris with my sisters. Even after I digested all your Paris Vlogs, I have continued to watch your videos to this day because of YOU. Jay, you are amazing at sharing stories, your humor, your tone, your tenacity, is so warm and welcoming. I haven't been back to France in years and yet I am still eating up your content because I just like hearing what you have to say. And FTR My Paris trip with my sisters was SO amazing thanks to your guidance, information and perspective. I watched this video twice and was so still because you are sharing something so intimate and showing your vulnerabilities. Wow. Each time at the end I said out loud "WE LOVE YOU, JAY". Thank your for sharing with us.
I’ve been a subscriber for a very long time. We even met in 2019 which was my first solo trip to Paris. You were the reason why I went! I used your guide and had the best time. In a lot of ways, I’ve always felt a connection to you and it is like you said a trauma bond. “Game recognizes game” I to, have a poisoned well of a parent who didn’t show me love like I needed. Spending so much time wondering why can lead to a lot of scary thoughts. But since going mildly no contact my life has been so peaceful and so much of that weight lifted. I hope you know how special you are to this community and in general. You deserve all the success, all the love, and everything that is good in life. Please remember that.
I've had to cut off my mom for similar reasons. I recognized that after overextending myself for years and years, I was waiting for her to see me or at least have some level of respect towards me as her child. I no longer have the capacity to try and empathize with someone who only treats me with contempt at every turn. My whole life life is still ahead of me, while she's out there wishing the worst for me so I'd have to depend on her again.
Thank you. I’ve been healing from non supportive parents and hearing you has helped confirm my healing too. The journey brings you though and to new and different things. You’ve been a part of our journey in leaving the US and hopefully eventually ending in Paris.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jay, it took so much courage. I am so sorry that you experienced this. I started following you last year while planning a trip to Paris, but what I have gained since then has far exceeded that. Your willingness to be vulnerable is admirable (and courageous, as Brené Brown would say), and I am so glad that you are coming to realize how valuable you are. Thank you again
Jay- You've been through a lot & you are coming out the other side which is amazing. I know someone w.a narcisstic parent & have watched the toxic relationship over the past 40 yrs and it is simply traumatic. You did the right thing by cutting off contact. It's essential for your well being now & in the future❤
Wow! It takes so much courage to come out and admit to yourself let alone publicly the abuse you endured as a child. This shows a great level of maturity and that you are crossing the tunnel of fire and are coming out on the other side. I believe you did well in cutting off all contact with your mother. There's a saying I believe is at the core of disengaging from abusive relationships: "Stop Watering the Bad Seeds." You are almost there. Keep going. The day you realize that you are a marvelous human being, that your life is a miracle, and a great gift, and you start counting your blessings that's when you will Love Yourself from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are the only one who has the power to love yourself entirely and unconditionally. Bravo Jay!! Thank you so much for sharing your soul with us. Wishing you the warmth of self love! Your RUclips family loves you.
i just want to give you a big hug. I'm very proud of you for getting therapy and taking care of yourself. You have persevered through so much and are an amazing man! You deserve love and know you are lovable.
Thank you Jay. ❤ That abuse is torture and you are bravely and amazingly loving yourself out of the brain patterns from it. I suffered the same and it takes multiple moments to recover! thank you for the authentic encouragement to continue to heal. You are a gifted artist and beautiful person. Courage toujours.
As always; thank you! ❤ For making me and probably a lot of people feel seen. This is a really common experience and we need to talk about it. We are not alone. You are not alone. I send you the biggest hug. You're doing great. Let's all hug our friends and loved ones extra tight next time we see them.
Such a brave and touching conversation. You are an amazing human. The fact that you shared your story and trauma in hopes that you may help someone, is a testament to how you not only survived, but thrived. ❤❤❤
Thank you for being so strong and vulnerable. This shows the positive, difficult journey, you’re on. I’ve been watching you for many years, because you’re such a good person and inspiring. You’ve followed your dreams, in creative ways, and it’s been difficult. I remember your trips back home, and something seemed a bit off about the family dynamic. It was presented as happy and lovely, but it felt muted. The parts with your dad, sister, and grandmother seemed truly bright spots. I didn’t think more about it. So, I’ve been interested, since you said you cut your mother out. I also remember she went to live in assisted living. I’m not a therapist, but I worked with abused children in my 1st jobs after college. I was a child psychology major and child abuse, abuser and abused was particularly interesting and important. Neglect and psychological abuse is the worst! There’s a system that can break a child’s spirit and negatively affect how they engage in the world and how these beautiful little people grow. It takes a lot of strength to endure that. No wonder your brain hurt. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! I’m so glad you’re dismantling and healing from this. Big psychic hugs to you!
Sending a hug. Bloody hell. I'm 55 and at this minute at my 89 yr old parents' for necessary reasons. Still dealing. Nowhere near the degree of what you survived, but yup, totally feel you. What a beautiful human you have constructed yourself into. May the present and future be more gentle and allow so much joy to exist in your life.
Ah Jay 🥹 sobbed through this one. My heart goes out to you. ❤️🩹 I’m thankful you have a wonderful therapist who has been able to validate everything for you and guide you through. ( and Dad, Sister and Friends). You’re so brave and strong for sharing so openly. Thank you! Recognised myself in there a bit. 😢 Love from “the amorphous RUclips blob“ following along always from my lounge room in Australia 💛💚❤️
This is the bravest thing I've ever seen. Bravo to you for being able to talk about what you've been through. You do not owe us any explanations. I have not been through what you have and wish I knew the right things to say. Know that we care about you and want you to be happy. I'm so glad you are doing what you need to to get there. Give Coper a big hug for me.
Cutting a parent out of your life can be hard. My so-called father didn't care about me for about 20 years and even stopped paying child support at one point. Then he wrote me a message on Facebook out of nowhere and tried to manipulate me into believing that my mum was the bad person. I never replied to him and just blocked them. Like two years ago (I'm in my mid thirties now) I got back in contact with my aunts and uncles (my fathers siblings). Some of them totally get why I'm not interested in ever talking to my father, but some of them aren't and tried to talk me into talking with him because he's my father and "you have to talk to your parents"! It's sad that there are people out there who don't get that you don't have to talk to your parents when they never treated you well.
The lifelong effects of being raised by a narcissistic parent isn't really understood sadly by most people. It's unthinkable to those from "normal" families or with healthy parents. Childhood trauma causes a number of issues, but on thing which is insidious it gets us used to being abused and sets us up for potentially abusive bosses, romantic partners, etc... as adults. As someone who was raised by a narcissistic father and an enabler or possibly BPD mother I'm still effected by childhood trauma at nearly 40 years old and have problems trusting other people. I escaped at 23 years old after graduating from college to NYC and lived there for 6 years there before I completely burnt out, became depressed, anxious and my CPTSD was triggered by a romantic breakup. Moved back home unfortunately due to not being able to navigate life and have confidence to be able handle what life throws my way like everyone else who were given support by their parents growing up and given the tools to become an adult... one of my biggest regrets. Seeing how much worse they are both getting as they get older, struggling to move back out again and planning to go low contact, give my inner child what it never got and move to the EU (being American, the US is a country that celebrates and rewards narcissism and sociopathy. After 2020 it became very apparent there are other countries which treat people better and have more sustainable cultural values.) I have to remind myself there are genuinely good people out there who I can make into my non biological family.
I have been a Patron for years but have never commented; tonight I must! I was first drawn to your vlog by your Paris know how but then simply by your honest charm. You are the exact age of my eldest son and , while my husband finds it odd that I support your channel ,he has appreciated all your tips for the many trips we ve taken to Paris these past several years. Truth is, he has never witnessed your charm, wit, kindness and honesty. It ‘s delightful ! Tonight I have to say, bravery is now the thing I admire most about you! The courage it took to make this video is astounding to me and has touched me so. You have traveled a long, arduous journey and knowing you must go through this to move beyond is simply the truth. Keep being strong, brave, honest and kind. It is obvious from your videos that you are in fact truly loved and supported and it s apparent you know that loving yourself is key. Sending you only good wishes and a joyous holiday season!
Thank you for such a beautiful, thoughtful, and I think, very accurate comment!
@@agyos Ditto❣️
Jay, I'm in tears. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were. I feel so bad for young Jay, but adult Jay is so much stronger and braver now. Therapy for sure helped you and breaking off contact with such a toxic person was the right thing to do. I feel furious with the way you were treated but just know that you are loved by your RUclips family. We appreciate what you share with us and I wish you only the best! ❤
Oh Jay, there are no words. Your courage, your patience-they are honestly the stuff of fairy tales. Whatever journey you're on, whatever demons you have confronted, you've managed to blow some very authentic magic dust around the world and enlighten us all.
The impact of a narcissist as a parent is overwhelming. I didn’t realize how bad things were until her death four years ago-and the family was set free. We can breathe and dream again. Enjoy the peace of being separated from the source of pain. You deserve your life without that influence (the voice in your head does fade).
I went no contact with a parent over 20 years ago for somewhat similar reasons, and have not regretted it. My life is better and more peaceful. Anyone who gives you pushback on being no contact lives in a privileged bubble where they simply cannot imagine a parent who doesn't have their child's best interest at heart. We also have this this twisted social construct where we are taught that we are supposed to tolerate behavior from people just because we share DNA with them, that we would never tolerate from others. I mean, there are advice columnists and entire genres of movies and memes built on the concept of the nightmare family holiday gathering, right? Good for you for making your own journey to peace. Sending you huge hugs.
This 1000%
i'm only half kidding when i say that people should need a license to become parents. the amount of damage a parent can inflict on their children is immeasurable. bad parents sentence their kids to a lifetime of hurt and pain. in extreme cases they create antisocial adults - survey any prison and see how many of the inmates had healthy childhoods (i'd wager, very few). as you say, thank goodness for your dad and sister and despite your experience (with a lot of hard work), you are productive, creative, thoughtful and kind. thanks for your openness, jay ❤
I say the same,
but with zero kidding.
Creating and Developing a new human who will live on this Earth is the most important thing we could ever do.
And the fact that there are no qualifications, no tests, before we create these new people, is beyond my understanding.
Every human is flawed.
And flawed humans create more flawed humans... Except for the flawed humans who understand that they probably shouldn't create more flawed humans. (Kudos to myself, and to Jay, and no doubt to many thousands of others.)
We hear you, Jay, and we respect you and care about you. 💛💛
I agree: having children is too easy.
Jay,
choosing light, love and kindness over rage, fear and hatred, proves exactly how beautiful person you are. We didn't save you - YOU saved yourself, by creating this community of random strangers, believing in you, rooting for you and following you - YOU!, not your Paris stories, but your energy, your personality, your passion, your universe.
You matter. You deserve to be loved, but more importantly you deserve to let go and create the person you want to be in your life. That neglected child is so thankful for your brave move, I am sure of it.
Sending a big hug,
Magdalena
You are a brave man. Brave to share yourself on RUclips. Brave to carry on after your upbringing. Brave to go to therapy and fix your self. Brave to move to another country and thrive. You have accomplished so much. We all see you as the genuinely good person you are. That is why we continue to watch after interest or a visit to Paris. You are worthy and special. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
This resonated so hard with me. My sister and I are going through the process of realising that, what we thought was a “normal” upbringing/youth, is actually coping and trauma.
It hurts to see you in pain but I am happy that you know (now) that you are worthy of love… because you are!
I can’t help but want to give you a big big hug. Sending you a big virtual hug.
Thank you for sharing Jay. Having a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is beyond painful. It can ruin their children’s lives. I was able to get away from mine by moving away to NYC for a decade. I never liked my mom, even hated her often, and always felt such guilt for it. After a vulnerable time in my life began about 10 years ago I fell victim, for the first time in my life I think, to extreme narcissistic abuse by a romantic partner. At the time I had never heard about narcissistic abuse. After the initial trauma of that, I realized my mother had been my initial narcissistic abuser. I unfortunately cannot go no contact, although I did at first. Due to health issues I am once again dependent on her. For several years now, my main motivation in life has been to get well enough to move to France. My mother and her flying monkeys have destroyed anything from my former life. Your videos help keep me motivated and inspired. I am very grateful for you and the good work you do. Keep it up! You deserve the best. Congratulations on getting your citizenship!
May you continue to open “boxes” of love!! You deserve them. Thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us. ❤️
Thank you!
You’re worthy of love!! Thank you for sharing, you have a friend listening and supporting over in Canada :)
you sir..have reclaimed your life she tried to destroy . You SAVED yourself thru self respect, patience, belief that your dreams were real .and yes you have all the right to your life and dreams. Alll you have bashed. thru. has made you strong. and you love your pup how your mum SHOULD have loved and nurtured you. Its a self healing to your inner child . never let her drama crush your joy
Jay, you are a good, decent and honorable man. Never feel ashamed, belittled, or inadequate for how you feel. I have a sister whom I have been estranged with for 10 years. My advice to you is. If you are content with your relationship with your mother locked up in a box and throwing away the key, then you must do it. Please take care of yourself. Don’t ever let others make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. It’s called gaslighting. And thank you for having the courage to do this.
As a mom, I am SO SORRY that you experienced this pain from your mom. You are an amazing and beautiful person inside and out and should be loved unconditionally just because you are their beautiful child, not because of your beauty or your intelligence. Please feel these "hugs" digitally for the little boy who was so lonely and the accomplished man who is on this channel. I send you mom love (not creepy) from a mom across the pond. I pray that your heart and soul heal and you can feel the love we have for you in this community and among many, many more that you have inspired. ❤️❤️❤️
I had a forked up mom too, and my dad was messed up as well but it was mainly because he was low IQ and disinterested, now he's just senile. With time I found that the pain goes away and we realize that as long as you take good care of yourself, set good boundaries and choose to surround yourself with non abusive people, what happened in your childhood won't even phase you after a while
Jay. Having a mother who disappeared from my life 37 years ago. I understand how you feel. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so proud of you, Jay. It's no surprise that you feel so much peace when visiting Notre Dame, for she is a Mother to all of us. Prayers of peace and continued healing in your journey and blessings for a full life going forward.
I am sending you so much love. Truly. I also had a mother who did not love me, treated my sibling differently, neglected me etc. You are brave and generous for sharing because, even though, I too, have had a lot of therapy before and after going No Contact with my mother, hearing you share made me feel instantly how much you did not deserve all of what you endured...and by extension, neither did I. Thank you for being so brave and generous.
...and you are absolutely seen and valued.
I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug.
Dear sweet man - how fortunate we are to have you in our lives. Wishing you good life in firm belief you have capacity to heal and be fulfilled xx : - )
Yes, you ARE worthy of love. You are so worthy. Thank you for this incredibly brave video. I know. I understand. I lost both of my brothers to suicide because of a similar situation, and the only reason I am still here is because, like you, I went no contact. They didn’t, and now I no longer have them. I’m glad you chose the better option of walking away from your situation and choosing to seek wellness and safety. It’s difficult and seems to be always not without outside judgment, but you did the right thing. Sending you wishes of peace and love.
I'm so sorry, Dear. 💛💛
💯 a narcissist, selfish and probably felt like she never had anything for herself. Not everyone should have children, especially if they clearly have no intention to show love and affection.
I hope your dad was able to provide you with some of these basic necessities in nurturing you during your childhood.
❤ you’re not alone and people have walked this path in life.
Next is how you move onward and open yourself up to love. Good luck Jay! You got this! ❤😊
Jay, I have always admired your honesty and uniqueness. Being the child of a narcissist is hard and unfair. You have helped in more ways than you know. You are enough, you are appreciated, you are loved.
Thank you for sharing, Jay. I don't know what say...please let me give you a virtual hug. Take care.❤
Brother, you are not alone...
I came here to say how brave you are to have made so honest and raw a video, but I see that many others have already done that. What also occurs to me is that by posting this, you may have helped to save lives of others who are still struggling with this torment. You are modeling the way out. You are giving hope by your honest and emotional testimony that it can get better with time, the right kind of help, and the support of others. Consider yourself hugged.
As a Mom, I want to say how proud I am of you. For choosing yourself and putting the hard work in. The only thanks any of us need is you living your happy, hard, intense, crazy, wonderful, challenging best life. And we are here to cheer you on, warts and all. Wishing you and your pup all the best this holiday season.
Borderline in tears listening to your story man. I had no idea. You are super brave for sharing so honestly.
I’m just happy that you’re living and thriving and slaying along with being a great parent to Cooper.
I am so sorry you had to go through this. My parents were so wonderful and I wish I told them everyday how great they were--I thought everyone's family was like mine. The older I get the more I understand how special they were. I feel terrible for you. You're an amazing man: to go through this and come out such a great guy. Thank you for sharing such a difficult story. Big hugs, my friend.
I neglected to say how grateful I am you are here. Bless you Jay. Comments from your virtual family have touched my heart as well.
Grateful for you, Jay. This is an incredibly moving video. Sending hugs. 🤗
Thank you for being you and sharing your life with that. Giving a million virtual hugs !
Dearest Jay. Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves too. Your vulnerability can be a gift to others. How badass is that? Thank you for being all-around awesome you!!! I see you. I value you. I believe in you. And you are so worthy and loved. 💜
I can't thank you enough for sharing this part of your history. I've followed your channel for many years, and I knew part of the backstory, but, this brought a lot of that home. I've read many of the more glowing comments, and I can't agree with them more. This was a brave step, but, you know that you have people following your videos that truly admire what you have created and the way that you engage with the world. You have taken adversity and made something beautiful from it. You've made a purpose for yourself and the people on your "team." You've put Paris into a lot of our pockets, but, you've done more than that, much more.
Romantic relationships can be difficult, but, someday you'll find that particular someone, and life will bloom.
Tchinn, Tchinn! I'll raise a wee dram to your health, success, and fortune on the road to love.
Man, my heart goes out to you. Nobody should have to endure that. You're very strong to have come through it because that takes real inner strength. You seem locked onto the right track and you give a lot of strength to others. I don't know you but I really feel I do and believe me when I tell you I'm full of admiration for you.
This is a very courageous video. This level of honesty is amazing. Thank you for sharing. In watching this I realize how lucky I was with my own mother. I hope you conquer the demons, and I think you will.
Jay I understand your past more than u know, the programs that run in the background of our lives until we are wake up to our greatness, and love for self. You are so brave for creating this vlog! You have inspired me to take more chances and to put myself out there to strive for a better world with more love and kindness ❤
This is helping me. This has value. I hope it's helping you.
🙏🏻❤️ You're amazing, Jay. You are where you are because you didn't give up and kept moving forward 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you! And, out of this sharing, I'm sure you have helped someone else who is struggling. May your life continue to just get better and better, one day at a time and with the help of those who love and care for you. Get out there and enjoy this holiday season, you deserve to. 🤗🎄🎉
Jay, two things, from the bottom of my heart: 1. thank you for sharing, for being so vulnerable; 2. I'm glad, for you, that you walked away; you did the right thing.
Your generosity in sharing is a true act of kindness
I cannot begin to express how your courage and vulnerability reached into my soul today. I am 66 and carry the neglect, abuse and horrors of my childhood to this day. I too did not have the love of a mother. When she died when I was 22 I thought I was free. But the legacy of an abusive parent lives on. Almost like it is branded on the soul. I often call children like us the walking wounded. Thank you for the testament to survival - to healthy survival.
SO PROUD OF YOU, Jay, for being so strong and brave, and for making such a beautiful life for yourself. GREATLY APPRECIATE YOU!
You are a great man. YOU control your narrative from here on
I started following you, bought your book for a visit (wonderful) to France. Now i know why the universe brought me.
I had a narcissistic mom, mentally ill before it was diagnosable...and a violent, abusive Dad. Dad passed, mom is 91 and I now help her. I didn't "heal" until my 50s, but your statement at 25:37 made me comment because I said that easily thousands of times.
There IS another side. Think about the people you touch NOW...TODAY, which would have been impossible without that childhood.
Love you!!
Takes guts to speak about hard times, but you did it and now stronger for it 😎
You are seen, Jay, and you are a wonderful, inspiring young man. Thank you for your courage❤
Jay, I am so sorry you went through this. One would think mothers would love you unconditionally, and it saddens me to hear sad stories from different people. However, I am so happy you have turned out to be the great man and human being you are. You have many people that love you and value you. I also have my own issues, which are very different from yours, but they are present. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs.
Wow....I so respect the brave soul in you to talk about this. My husband has much in common with you and has been migraine sufferer since 12 yrs old. During our 42 yrs of marriage one cannot even count the days he was in bed. But the other common element was having a mother who never praised him only criticized and was outright mean (including to me when I came around). Taking out the death of her husband on her son, as if cancer can be caused by your child. Very glad therapy has brought you to this place and am thankful for your dad and your sister.
Thank you for being you! You are more of a blessing to your viewers than you know. Keep moving forward - you have a host of angels supporting you🤗
Jay, I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve struggled as a young man. It’s so sad to know that someone who is so warm and friendly in his videos has gone through things like that. But you’re such a strong person to fight this past, to be able to look into the depth of it. And to be so brave to tell this story here. I really admire it.
You need to know that you deserve all the kindness and love that you get and will get. I’m wishing you to heal all of your wounds and to get all the greatest things on your way.
Thank you for sharing these personal pages of yours. And thank you for all the light that I get from your videos 💫
So courageous and full of grace Jay, this is going to help so many people. As a daughter of a narcissistic father, I relate so much to what you have been through, I feel you and indeed it is an ongoing process of healing. Sending so much love.
Been following along for years with the visits home, mom dates, and other stuff, so of course I was a little curious when you’d mention quickly some of the things you were feeling about your mom the last couple years. I’ve always had a lot of questions in my mind about it but of course respected your privacy. I started watching for Paris content but stay for the monologues which always make me reflect on myself and my own experiences. This was brave and much appreciated.
This is heroic to share. Heroic. I admire you so much.
My husband found your channel years ago and we watched for the Paris content, but over time, I became invested in your life story especially as I am someone who has struggled with depression and ADHD. My grandmother is a narcissist and my mom and I lived with her and my grandfather for the first 8 years of my life. In you talking about your mom here and there, I recognized a narcissist. Unfortunately or fortunately for me, I am undoubtedly my grandmother’s favorite which shielded me from so many things. I am continuously impressed by your vulnerability, especially as an American man, in sharing your mental health and financial struggles. It’s so amazingly refreshing and is doing so much good in the world. You are changing the world by talking about these things publicly and sharing your stories! You are shedding light and helping to normalize these topics! You are very supported and loved by your RUclips community!
Wow. Just Wow.
Shaking my head in awe and respect.
You embody strength; you might not realize it, but you do. These 29 minutes will help a lot of people.
Wow.
I've been hanging around for many years. I have always said to my wife that you had a great weight on you. Points where you were pretty manic worried me. If you can't talk openly about it, it still has immense power. I'm glad you are starting to take the weight off your head. Thank you for sharing.
And not for nothing: I've, for one, never pitied you. I was always amazed by your courage to go out and do the things you do and accomplish the things you have already accomplished. This video was just another facet of that courage.
Give Cooper a good cuddle!
Jay, you are SO kind and generous and deserving of ALL the love. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story with us. Sending you so much love xo
I am grateful for this beautiful share Jay. You're so loved here, and I hope I can tell you that without screens in between one day. Continue to shine your light, my dear.
Jay ive been watching you since september 2018. thank you for sharing your story with us and staying with us. we love you
Really happy I get to share it with you! 🥂
Thank you for sharing. You are very courageous for opening up. Wish you the best on your healing journey. Your RUclips fam is here for you 🤗
I hope what i'm about to say comes across in the right manner. Nowhere is it written in stone that a parent has to love their children. Through therapy you begin to understand this. All you can do is have your own children and not repeat the mistakes made in your upbringing. And keep your children away from specific parents so that they don't inflict the same harm to your children.
Jay- thank you. My mother is a narcissistic personality. I totally relate. ❤ big hug from Scotland x
Jay, you are so, so loved/beloved by us fans. Thank you for sharing this facet of your life with us. We all have our demons, and we all have our battles. It helps to know that we're all not suffering alone, even though it feels like it. You bring so much joy and inspiration to the world in the way you live, and through the goals you've achieved. I'm very, very proud of you.
Thank you. Thank you for being you and being authentic. You are worthy. I'm happy just to be an unknown blob on the other side of the camera for so many years.
Sadly, I feel like there are very few people who have healthy childhoods. There are a lot of damaged people walking around out there and bringing children into the world and then the children are just witnesses to their parents f-ed up pathologies. I wasn't physically abused, but I can relate to a lot of the examples you gave. I had what I needed - food, shelter - but I didn't get the kind of love and support and encouragement I needed. In my opinion and experience, we cope with it all until mid-life and then it all starts bubbling to the surface because you're looking at your life and wondering how you got here and it makes you mad when you realize the patterns and mistrust and how you deal with others is a result of things that were out of your control. You were just an innocent little kid who needed love, but you lived in a house always filled with tension and strife. You're doing the work and it takes a while and a lot of tears to get to the other side. I don't know that it ever gets "healed" but at least once you accept that your mother was just a damaged woman who took her pain out on you - you can move forward without as much pain. Thanks for sharing. You're not alone. Wishing you peace.
Thank you for sharing your difficult story. You deserve to be loved and I’m sorry you didn’t get that growing up. Peace to your heart.
Proud of you for sharing this as so many of us have suffered through the hands of a narcissistic mother. It takes guts and courage to tell your story. I’ve gone no contact now with my own mother for the last 4 years and feel the freest I’ve ever felt and giving myself the space to reparent myself has been life giving. Kudos to us.
Jay, as an on-and-off patron and subscriber since 2018, watching this beautiful and raw share is testament to all the work you’ve done. My story with my mom is very similar-went no contact three years ago, so this video was super validating for me. It takes a long time to come out of the fog, and the journey can be incredibly lonely. Thank you for allowing us to witness this moment. ❤
I understand your problem all too well. I wasn't able to see all the damage that was done until both my parents until they died a few years back. It took me years of therapy and a great and thoughtful relationship with my partner to finally start getting through all the mental trauma. Good on you for realising it while your still young!
Thank you so much for sharing all of this Jay, very powerful and moving…you are an inspiration♥️
Game sees game. Thank you for being brave and sharing a part of your story. So grateful you’ve been an incredibly resilient person and have turned these experiences into something beautiful.
You so touched my heart. We understand. We love you. You are very special. I love your show. I''ve tried to meet you in Paris! You were too busy. I'm so sad that you and other children have suffered with horrid mothers. It's a broken world since the Garden. Please don't leave Jesus because of "Christians" who are evil. God has a special purpose for you and loves you and you helped me heal a little tonight. Thank you for sharing so honestly. xxoo
Jay ---I wasn't sure I could watch this video due to my own childhood but I totally understand. I had a saying that I told myself which was "When there is no one in the world to save you ---You save yourself!!! That is what I had to do. My own Mother passed away tragically during the birth of my little sister. I was 2 1/2 yo. My Dad then went on in a couple of years to marry a woman who he knew did not want us girls. This woman abused me verbally, emotionally, physically for years & my Dad never stood up for me. Even as an adult the abuse continued in her way but also from her daughter my half sister. My Dad died at 84 yo 7 years ago & at 58 yo I told her exactly what I thought of her & cut her & my half sister out of my life. Best decision I ever made & like you my friends & therapy at times in my life made me realize I didn't have to keep taking this. I don't know the reason I had to go thru this or why couldn't I have that happy little girl childhood or why you had to go it but I do know you are worthy to have a great life & people in your life who love you for just being you. Take care of You ---Anita in Ohio
Wow! I’ve been following your story for a couple of years now and couldn’t put the puzzle pieces together. Thanks for bravely sharing your continuing struggle and big hugs!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It was hard to see you so upset, but I hope it was one more step in your healing journey.
I found your YT page in 2019 for my trip to Paris with my sisters. Even after I digested all your Paris Vlogs, I have continued to watch your videos to this day because of YOU. Jay, you are amazing at sharing stories, your humor, your tone, your tenacity, is so warm and welcoming. I haven't been back to France in years and yet I am still eating up your content because I just like hearing what you have to say. And FTR My Paris trip with my sisters was SO amazing thanks to your guidance, information and perspective.
I watched this video twice and was so still because you are sharing something so intimate and showing your vulnerabilities. Wow. Each time at the end I said out loud "WE LOVE YOU, JAY". Thank your for sharing with us.
I’ve been a subscriber for a very long time. We even met in 2019 which was my first solo trip to Paris. You were the reason why I went! I used your guide and had the best time. In a lot of ways, I’ve always felt a connection to you and it is like you said a trauma bond. “Game recognizes game” I to, have a poisoned well of a parent who didn’t show me love like I needed. Spending so much time wondering why can lead to a lot of scary thoughts. But since going mildly no contact my life has been so peaceful and so much of that weight lifted. I hope you know how special you are to this community and in general. You deserve all the success, all the love, and everything that is good in life. Please remember that.
You are a beacon of light and I hope you realize the positive impact you’ve made on people.
Jay, i see you, i hear you, and i feel you. I wish you all the best ❤
I've had to cut off my mom for similar reasons. I recognized that after overextending myself for years and years, I was waiting for her to see me or at least have some level of respect towards me as her child. I no longer have the capacity to try and empathize with someone who only treats me with contempt at every turn. My whole life life is still ahead of me, while she's out there wishing the worst for me so I'd have to depend on her again.
Very brave to talk so openly about this. I wish you a lot of love and happiness going forward!
Thank you. I’ve been healing from non supportive parents and hearing you has helped confirm my healing too. The journey brings you though and to new and different things. You’ve been a part of our journey in leaving the US and hopefully eventually ending in Paris.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jay, it took so much courage. I am so sorry that you experienced this. I started following you last year while planning a trip to Paris, but what I have gained since then has far exceeded that. Your willingness to be vulnerable is admirable (and courageous, as Brené Brown would say), and I am so glad that you are coming to realize how valuable you are. Thank you again
Jay- You've been through a lot & you are coming out the other side which is amazing. I know someone w.a narcisstic parent & have watched the toxic relationship over the past 40 yrs and it is simply traumatic. You did the right thing by cutting off contact. It's essential for your well being now & in the future❤
Wow! It takes so much courage to come out and admit to yourself let alone publicly the abuse you endured as a child. This shows a great level of maturity and that you are crossing the tunnel of fire and are coming out on the other side. I believe you did well in cutting off all contact with your mother. There's a saying I believe is at the core of disengaging from abusive relationships: "Stop Watering the Bad Seeds." You are almost there. Keep going. The day you realize that you are a marvelous human being, that your life is a miracle, and a great gift, and you start counting your blessings that's when you will Love Yourself from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are the only one who has the power to love yourself entirely and unconditionally. Bravo Jay!! Thank you so much for sharing your soul with us. Wishing you the warmth of self love! Your RUclips family loves you.
i just want to give you a big hug. I'm very proud of you for getting therapy and taking care of yourself. You have persevered through so much and are an amazing man! You deserve love and know you are lovable.
Thank you Jay. ❤
That abuse is torture and you are bravely and amazingly loving yourself out of the brain patterns from it.
I suffered the same and it takes multiple moments to recover! thank you for the authentic encouragement to continue to heal.
You are a gifted artist and beautiful person. Courage toujours.
As always; thank you! ❤ For making me and probably a lot of people feel seen. This is a really common experience and we need to talk about it.
We are not alone. You are not alone.
I send you the biggest hug.
You're doing great.
Let's all hug our friends and loved ones extra tight next time we see them.
Such a brave and touching conversation. You are an amazing human. The fact that you shared your story and trauma in hopes that you may help someone, is a testament to how you not only survived, but thrived. ❤❤❤
Thank you for being so strong and vulnerable. This shows the positive, difficult journey, you’re on. I’ve been watching you for many years, because you’re such a good person and inspiring. You’ve followed your dreams, in creative ways, and it’s been difficult.
I remember your trips back home, and something seemed a bit off about the family dynamic. It was presented as happy and lovely, but it felt muted. The parts with your dad, sister, and grandmother seemed truly bright spots. I didn’t think more about it. So, I’ve been interested, since you said you cut your mother out. I also remember she went to live in assisted living. I’m not a therapist, but I worked with abused children in my 1st jobs after college. I was a child psychology major and child abuse, abuser and abused was particularly interesting and important. Neglect and psychological abuse is the worst! There’s a system that can break a child’s spirit and negatively affect how they engage in the world and how these beautiful little people grow. It takes a lot of strength to endure that. No wonder your brain hurt. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! I’m so glad you’re dismantling and healing from this. Big psychic hugs to you!
Wishing you peace and love Jay ❤🙏
Sending a hug. Bloody hell. I'm 55 and at this minute at my 89 yr old parents' for necessary reasons. Still dealing. Nowhere near the degree of what you survived, but yup, totally feel you. What a beautiful human you have constructed yourself into. May the present and future be more gentle and allow so much joy to exist in your life.
Ah Jay 🥹 sobbed through this one. My heart goes out to you. ❤️🩹 I’m thankful you have a wonderful therapist who has been able to validate everything for you and guide you through. ( and Dad, Sister and Friends). You’re so brave and strong for sharing so openly. Thank you! Recognised myself in there a bit. 😢 Love from “the amorphous RUclips blob“ following along always from my lounge room in Australia 💛💚❤️
This is the bravest thing I've ever seen. Bravo to you for being able to talk about what you've been through. You do not owe us any explanations. I have not been through what you have and wish I knew the right things to say. Know that we care about you and want you to be happy. I'm so glad you are doing what you need to to get there. Give Coper a big hug for me.
Be proud of all the hard work you have done Jay. You can put people out of your life without putting them out of your heart.
Cutting a parent out of your life can be hard. My so-called father didn't care about me for about 20 years and even stopped paying child support at one point. Then he wrote me a message on Facebook out of nowhere and tried to manipulate me into believing that my mum was the bad person. I never replied to him and just blocked them. Like two years ago (I'm in my mid thirties now) I got back in contact with my aunts and uncles (my fathers siblings). Some of them totally get why I'm not interested in ever talking to my father, but some of them aren't and tried to talk me into talking with him because he's my father and "you have to talk to your parents"! It's sad that there are people out there who don't get that you don't have to talk to your parents when they never treated you well.
The lifelong effects of being raised by a narcissistic parent isn't really understood sadly by most people. It's unthinkable to those from "normal" families or with healthy parents. Childhood trauma causes a number of issues, but on thing which is insidious it gets us used to being abused and sets us up for potentially abusive bosses, romantic partners, etc... as adults. As someone who was raised by a narcissistic father and an enabler or possibly BPD mother I'm still effected by childhood trauma at nearly 40 years old and have problems trusting other people.
I escaped at 23 years old after graduating from college to NYC and lived there for 6 years there before I completely burnt out, became depressed, anxious and my CPTSD was triggered by a romantic breakup. Moved back home unfortunately due to not being able to navigate life and have confidence to be able handle what life throws my way like everyone else who were given support by their parents growing up and given the tools to become an adult... one of my biggest regrets.
Seeing how much worse they are both getting as they get older, struggling to move back out again and planning to go low contact, give my inner child what it never got and move to the EU (being American, the US is a country that celebrates and rewards narcissism and sociopathy. After 2020 it became very apparent there are other countries which treat people better and have more sustainable cultural values.) I have to remind myself there are genuinely good people out there who I can make into my non biological family.
Thank you Jay.Huge courage to share this.Thank you