There's one detail about the first story people seems to have forgotten. OP's kid was still wet when she arrived, which mean her SIL and SIL's husband didn't even clean and change the kid. They left him in pee covered clothes. That's disgusting and definitively child abuse.
very good point - this wasn't addressed in the story and it's worse to leave the kid wet all that time. proves her point her in laws are horrible parents.
@Chris G they could still wash the clothes and give a bath/shower to him. And they have children themselves. They could lend some of their clothes, even if they're too big. There was way to clean him and not let him in his dirty wet clothes.
For the first one: Let us not forget that those two put a 4 yo in an hour and a half long time out for MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE. That’s straight up abuse.
Yep, Mike's non-disabled sister had accidents in kindergarten when she was ordered to wait. Teachers getting major trouble for doing this. A timeout for Nancy 4 year old is 5 minutes. This was straight up abuse. Did best friend this is borderline divorce territory. Because the stepfather put the child in abusive situation.
My step mom was like that, I was at her home only during holidays, but this is the kind of shit that she would do to me almost every day. The result, all my life I've had nightmares were she's yelling at me and punishing me for no reason, those nightmares started to stop only in early adulthood. I haven't seen her in 5-6 years, but she is the one person with who I have 0 social restraint, if I ever see her again, there will be insults flying. So yeah, I can comfirm from experience that this story IS abuse, if I was OP, I would never let those people approach my kid again and probably divorce the husband if he doesn't realize how he fked up and sticks to his guns.
In the first story I'm baffled that the husband says "You're not taking responsibility for your actions" like it wasn't a bad move to dump his stepchild with his sister and BIL.
Such is the way of the delusionals, they never see civilized reason and they will always fight to push their actions as the fault of others. I’m telling you it MUST be a violent disease. One that targets 9/10 people who take responsibility for their actions, because there’s no excuse to refuse ownership of your actions, especially minor ones!
Says him, he's not taking responsibility as a father to take care of the kid, he still has the gall to berate OP about "taking responsibility"? No no no, he is in no position to talk about responsibility after what he just did. What a f-cking hypocrite. For all I know, I bet his "emergency" is just an excuse to go chill with his friends.
2nd story: He's cheating on her. There is no therapist that goes over an hour. No one gets daily therapy. Slamming the lid shut severs the connection with the app that the therapist is using. And he gets nearly violent when confronted. Dump him. He's actually not in love anymore because he doesn't even feel remotely bad for acting this way.
i get daily therapy and it’s 5 hours, but it’s intensive and meant for people who are on the verge of being hospitalised for a long time (minimum 3 months), so unless the guy is an extremely mentally ill dude, there’s no way
From my experience, high risk patients ie. (suicidal patients) get sessions twice a week every month and when the therapist decides the patient is getting better they lower to once a week, then once every two weeks. Not to mention that therapy (for me at least) last roughly 30 mins or at the latest 40 mins. No way he could have 2-3 hours everyday! Unless he is a high risk patient which seems unlikely.
I agree she does have more right than the friend especially 4 YEARS of accommodating her husband by not going anywhere... Sounds like spousal abuse to me. I wonder if she ever gets to hang out with her adult friends if any.
@@CidVeldoril That still doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to go. OP's husband is an asshole and clearly trying to isolate OP from her friends and family.
@@mask938 Nothing "clearly" about this. We don't even know the relationship of OP and her brother. Might be that hubby and brother hang around all the time and are best friends, while OP and her brother are more like "Christmas card relatives". I have seen that happen IRL.
@@CidVeldoril Even if OP and her brother aren’t super close, that doesn’t make her any less worthy of going to her own brother’s wedding. Also, the fact that she hasn’t gone out in 4 years is concerning.
Fun fact: holding urine in for too long can result in a bladder infection. Those parents outright endangered OP’s child with their absurdly long time out and refusing to let him use the bathroom.
Funnier fact: Holding urine in for too long can not only result in a bladder infection but if you do it for as long and as often as I did (we're talking one or two piss per day) your bladder can swell to the point where it'll put pressure on your spine and push nerves out in between your spinal segments. I had to get surgery to fix it at 13 which included a week of 100% bed rest in the hospital (i wasn't allowed to sit up until day 6), another week of bed rest and light motion at home and yet another week of light movement and exercise at home (which we forgot about oops) So yeah. Pee regularly. You don't want to end up like me and have "the bladder of an 75-year old man with prostate issues" at age 12-13
I watched Star Wars 7 in theaters and refused to go to the bathroom til it was over.... My whole lower body was in pain and I felt like a penguin. It took two or more minutes to force it out, like constipation but for the bladder.
i actually remembering reading a story on planet dolan where op was hospitalized because his teacher wouldn't let him use the bathroom and his bladder was infected if i remembered correctly
90 minute timeout for a 4 YEAR OLD??? The max you do for that age is 10 minutes to calm down! Longer is torture! And you NEVER deny a child the use of the bathroom, especially that young! Note: I'm a nanny, and yes, typically one minute per the child's age is justifiable for timeout, though some parents will have different, though not necessarily harmful, methods of timeout. I just said max 10 minutes because that was about how long my timeouts would take as a kid. It was obviously effective as I didn't misbehave enough to get grounded when I got older.
My hubby and I do the 1 minute per year, however, based on the suggestion of a parenting book once our daughter was 4 if she was having a meltdown, screaming, crying etc etc we waited till she stopped, then set the timer (she was well aware of this rule change) This is because time outs in my house is time in their rooms to seperate parent and child, so each had time to calm down. If she's still screaming at 4 minutes, she isn't calm. This has been different for our middle child turning 4, as he's autistic and his emotional regulation isn't the same as hers was at that age, not just because he's autistic of course, different kids need slightly different boundaries. Each of my children is individual and needs to be treated as such, while keeping the rules fair for everyone.
Did you ever have a situation where a child learned that when they do something wrong, they just go to the time-out spot themselves? I mean, they learn to punish themselves, instead of learning to stop doing bad stuff. Asking for a friend...
Right? My nieces are 7 and 4 and get 5 minute time outs. Mostly to calm down. And they always have time out next to the bathroom, so they can go if they need to. 90 minutes is unconscionable.
@@fallen535_online One of my nieces did that for awhile. She knew she messed up and headed to the timeout chair. One time she said, "I need to take a break." We cracked up. Very well behaved now.
2nd: OP's partner is absolutely cheating, there's no reason OP shouldn't have access to their own damn bedroom. 3rd: Holy shit, that is absolutely an abusive husband in the making. Forget cheating, he's testing OP's boundaries to see what he can trample over, and isolating his partner from their family.
Really it must be cheating it can't be addiction as some one who has been clean for 8 years those are the signs of someone who is ashamed of what they are doing which could be cheating or again addiction
You are SO right. people need to learn to recognize these signs more. it's so obvious that whatever the hell these "relationships" (if you can even call this unhealthy crap that) are not safe or healthy, and neither of those people's partners are being honest with anything.
No. Something much worse that much "Therapy" for even an emotionally and mentally frazzled person does sound odd but if you substitute therapist with cult inductee yeah this makes perfect sense. The wife sounds like a controlling jackass which will help to push him further away, and before she knows it he's shaved head and is living on a pistachio farm in Ojai.
Brother’s wedding: every argument he made was insanely hypocritical. She could’ve literally parroted everything he said right back to him and she would’ve been winning the argument bc THATS HER BROTHER
The “online therapist” story reminds me of when a friend got hooked on online gambling, he’d stay in his room and use watching tv series as an excuse but would be extremely secretive about them, until we found out that he’d been playing for months and was in severe debt
90 minutes of timeout is awful, especially for a child with ADHD. I have ADHD myself and being forced to sit still with no sort of sensory stimulation feels like absolute torture, it's among some of the worst things I've experienced. Forcing a child with ADHD to stay in one place for *an hour and a half* without a bathroom break is unbelievably cruel and OP had every right to be mad.
We can even even remove the ADHD part and it's not getting any better. OP reeally need to rethink about this marriage. There's a giant red flag hanging above that part of the family.
I completely agree. It's definitely abusive. Especially for an hour and a half, I thought I had misheard and then remembered, this child is a four year old and they're doing this to him. It's disgusting. Also, much lighter note, I love your pfp :D Ianto Jones is the best aaaah
I have ADHD and even I can’t sit still that long. Too many things would start happening and I’d immediately get up. I also volunteer to care for the children at my church, even we don’t make them sit that long during the service. They sit for maybe five or ten minutes. Usually they’ll get toys or something. Something small to mess with. It’s just, I don’t know, restricting when a child with ADHD is made to sit for longer than needed.
100% agree with you, even without the ADHD in the mix it would still be child abuse and honestly it makes me scared for SIL’s kids, because if her and her husband have no issue doing this to someone else’s kid then what else would they have no issue doing to their own. As a completely irrelevant side note I adore your profile picture, Ianto is my absolute favorite, and I really wish they hadn’t killed him off.
final story, he's an abuser. I'd bet money on this. There's so many telltale signs, such as isolating his spouse, Gaslighting, putting himself on a pedestal,-- I am a little bit scared for OP because this could devolve in so many directions.
As someone who has been abused before, there were many red flags here. “You should know better than what your friends tell you” is getting ready for gaslighting. Keeping her from her brother like that is setting her up for isolation. These were flags that I missed and it was scary. I really hope the OP in that last story is okay and safe.
She has more reasons to attend than he did. Brother trumps friend. His trying so hard for her to stay home made me wonder what he is hoping to do while there?
@@MrBeevee5 I disagree, are you new here?... like half the stories here are "do this and this and this for me because we're FAMILY", family doesn't mean good relationship and op didn't state the nature of her relationship with her brother while she did mention that her husband is his best friend. BUT, since her husband has the problem with the babysitter he should be the one staying and only for that reason.. Also i'm pretty sure r/slash completely missed the shot with the cheating assumption. Bottom line, op 0/5, husband 3/5 and r/slash 1/5 assholes. (rslash for automatically assume cheating)
@@haimmaik While I can understand your reasoning, Beve is right. Op said it herself that this one event was special to her so she put up a fight to go. If they weren't on neutral or good terms, the brother wouldn't have invited her nor would Op be fighting this hard. She is his SISTER while her husband is his FRIEND. Out of the two of these, Op absolutely takes priority to go because this is a family event to celebrate her brother's special day.
The first story is definitely child abuse. OP is no the AH. The sister-in-law, brother-in-law and husband are definitely the AHs. Sounds like they need to have a huge talk and OP might want to reconsider the relationship.
Yeah, and the fact that the husband won’t let OP come home until she apologizes, when HE and the in-laws are the ones who owe the son an apology, I would ask that husband for a divorce.
About the husband forcing OP to not attend her brother's wedding, when he said:"what's more important, a wedding or your kid's safety?" I was like "WELL GENIUS, WHY DON'T YOU STAY HOME??"
Rslash bringing up his discovery about pee, makes me reaffirm my notion that things that are obvious to me as a healthcare professional are not always obvious to non health care professionals. 😅🤣
Hubby from story 3 almost sounds like an abuser-in-the-making trying to isolate a victim. 4 years is a crazy long time to go without outings sans children, and hubby's gaslighting her too.
I am a stay at home homeschooling husband/daddy. My wife gets to go out weekly with her girlfriends to do lunch and shopping. I haven't had a day or two away from the kids in about 4 years either. She's not good with the kids though. She's short tempered and has little patience with their silliness, so I have to act as a buffer between them and her. I enjoy our children a lot, and consider them to be my best friends, as I don't get out enough to see other people. Most other stay at home parents, especially homeschoolers are moms and usually being religious, they don't want to interact with homeschool dads. So I'm stuck. Alone, aside from my 10yo and 7yo boys company. Am I in an abusive relationship/situation?
@@PushingThroughThePain depends. does your wife wants go on a week long trip here and there and leaving you alone with your children while gaslighting and coerce you?
@@PushingThroughThePain depends, do you want to do other things ? are you suffering mentally because of this ? If yes, then you should have a talk to your wife about it. Sit with her to discuss about finding a solution to make you feel better, maybe set a few hours of the week where she takes care of the kids and you do whatever you want. They are 7 and 10 yo, at this age the adult is mostly here for safety, they can keep busy by themselves for 2-3 hours once a week with very little need for adult intervention. If your wife doesn't want to come to an agreement that helps you be happier, then yes, in that case, this is an abusive relationship.
As someone who has two therapists, I see the one in one week the other the next week. I can't imagine the mentally and emotionally draining task of three to four hours a day I have them on Friday because if I would have to work even a day after, I couldn't do my job right. As someone who has been in a mental hospital, you don't see your therapist that much, you see them for an hour every other day, with group sessions in between, all the rest is art, or relaxing, sports and stuff like that. I don't believe that man is in therapy, that's not possible. He wouldn't function right.
"In 2015, the United Nations General Assembly declared sanitation a universal human right." Meaning they literally refused the kid's basic human rights.
The last one feels like emotional abuse. He's closed her off from any support and is in control of the financial situation; classical abuser tactics. It's been 4 years since she went out and "you know you can't trust want your friends tell you". So many red flags on that one.
Tbh the story sounds like a form of being able to control op and to limit what op can do and who op can see. It looks like the guy is trying cause a rift between op and her family to further isolate her.....
"That's my best friend's wedding!" "Um, hello? HE'S MY BROTHER!" Also the husband in that story has some serious trauma and trust issues that he needs to work with if he's THAT paranoid about babysitters.
@@akl2k7 the story said his brother was left mentally handicapped because of an accident involving a babysitter, so I am inclined to believe his trauma is real, if he's using it as an excuse to be cheap he might be a solid 5/5er
There's no way that guy is doing "therapy" and getting so upset like that. He's either cheating, watching porn or doing something else shady. Nobody acts like that if they're not doing something that they're not supposed to be doing. I feel bad that this woman is so naive that she doesn't see how the guy is trash & she should find someone else who doesn't treat her like crap.
As for the last one, tell your brother only one of you can go and which would he rather have attend. If he chooses your husband then hire a sitter while he's gone and have fun. Idk why you don't have a sitter when he's away on business. Marriage works both ways not just his way. Stop letting him call all the shots. You say you haven't been out in like 4 years. Why not? Doesn't he ever stay home and take care of his kids while you run out? If not something is definitely wrong here.
True, I think he doesnt want a wife, he just wants a mindless sex toy and live-in nanny, cuz from that story any1 can tell he doesnt give a fck about hid wifes mental health
Could be both. He wants it so he can go out and do whatever he wants, and refusing to allow babysitters means the wife will be tied down with the kids. So that would give him plenty of time to cheat, but also if he gets his way it means he'll keep making demands like that.
@@Star_Joker Don't know about that, but I do know it's possible for your bladder to burst, as a Chinese man unfortunately found out after not using the bathroom before going to sleep.
Yeah, that guy is NOT having "therapy". I've had over 20 different therapists for many different reasons, and the comment left by a therapist was spot on. No therapist is gonna do 3-4 hour sessions every day. That's ludicrous. *He's without a doubt lying to OP.*
@@MeteoraZero I don’t mean to be rude but it’s really none of anyone’s business to know why they need that many therapists. To answer, I won’t speak for them but I’ve also had over 20 therapists and it’s from moving a lot as well as some people just not being a good fit.
Agreed. I've had three therapists and even when I was in the worst place never saw any of them that amount of time. Mostly, it was an hour session every two weeks, and weekly when I was at my absolute worst. It would be unethical for a therapist to ask for or allow that much time 'on the couch' - as the therapist in the comments noted, people need time between sessions to process and have a life outside therapy, and also to enact and practise behaviours and decisions discussed during sessions. If the person is always 'in session' then how can they move forward, using the support, lessons, and healing done during therapy? p.s. I hope too, that you are OK, and send good-energy, healing thoughts to you.
I really wish OP mentioned what "emergency" the husband had in the first story. My brain immediately went to him cheating. ETA: every man in this is cheating except for RSlash.
WHO THE HECK THINKS A 90 MINUTE TIMEOUT IS REASONABLE?!?! And denying a 4 yr old bathroom access?! I would be cutting them off for child abuse and neglect!
Story 1: Step one: *Divorce* Last story: He needs to give them a damn break, they watch over the kids everyday while you go out and work. That is *op's* brother. Their husband is an idiot.
This should be more of a section of Reddit where the real question is "Should I get a divorce?" Which, looking at the red flags their partner has given, is a resounding hell yes.
@@LaineMann I can only see two things that he could be doing for hours locked inside his room with a laptop if she hasn't catch him with the pants down. Either he is having meetings with some kind of secret cult group who doesn't allow outsiders to hear what they are talking... Or he is cheating 😆
About the therapist perspective story, another possibility which was also pointed out in the comments of the original post I believe, is that he has gotten a gambling addiction. That would explain slamming the laptop shut, not wanting OP to see the screen, and not having any obvious signs of watching porn.
Agreed, I thought 'hidden addiction' as well - whether its gambling, gaming, chatrooms, or something, its something that's taking over his life. No licensed therapist would be having sessions that long, or that frequent, and the bill for such frequent blocks of time would be extortionate.
Gotta say rSlash, I love the 2 minute dad rant at the start of the video. Normally I skip through commentary to just get to the stories but it was so passionate.
For the last story, I feel like even if the husband isn't cheating, he sounds abusive. Like he makes the rules and she has no say. She hasn't been out in four years? Why isn't he supporting her emotional well being?
Yes true but let me ask you this was she even invited to the wedding cause we don't have all the facts and if she wasn't then her going would cause chaos at the wedding and I am sure nobody wants that.
Whether she was invited or not does not address the issue that HE doesn't want babysitters for any reason and therefore SHE hasn't been out in four years? Raising kids is difficult and tiring and every parent needs a break now and then. The fact that he just expects her to always be the one caring for the kids and basically gives commands instead of compromising is abusive sounding. To top it off, she was invited as was mentioned at least twice in the story.
A 90 minute timeout!? 15-20 minutes MAX is PLENTY! 90 minutes of sitting still and staring at a corner?? For a child???(let alone with ADHD??) That's literal torture.
I WISH I was as eager about therapy sessions as THAT guy is Holy crap I would burst out crying and throw a tantrum if therapy sessions were that frequent
i'd say either gambling, having video chats with a lover or he's addicted to watching cams which can get expensive like paying a therapist for hours. also even with 2 therapists one after another.. a session is usually 45min to an hour..
I think it's also possible he just wants some "me" not for cheating/porn but time away from responsibilities/others to relax and do what he wants to do and not have to explain it and sound more like the butt. When kids play games when they should be doing school work, their reaction is to always close the screen, or in this case the laptop.
90 minutes is a cruelly long time out. I always thought it was a minute for each year of the child’s age. So he should have been out for 4 minutes. 5 at the most. The husband and BIL are both major a-holes. And the husband in the second story is totally chatting with a cam-girl, or something along those lines
To me cheating would be too obvious. Also, why be stupid enough to conduct his act in the bedroom? OP could easily catch him just by quietly opening the door. The same could be said if the husband was doing something shady. But then again, we have seen some incredibly stupid people on R/AITA.
@@songohan3321 like the person who blamed their child for their divorce and wonder if they're the bad guy... This is could totally be cheating, its obvious but not if you're in the room. Addiction could be a good idea but again wouldnt that be too obvious too? Like, feeding your addiction in a bedroom you share with someone? That just seems to risky. So in both cases the husband is shady and idiotic.
I disagree with the last one he isn't cheating he's abusive. I agree with the rating for the husband. I've seen many shows (crime ones mainly) and what he's doing is abuse. I've had friends who have been in bad households and it sounds similar to what they've overheard from their parents (the phrases and stuff ). So yeah he isn't cheating at all.
If my husband say I can’t go to my brother’s wedding because I have to watch the kids. It would probably be a deal breaker for me. Even if he is close to my brother then I am. I would see have more of a right to be at the wedding as we share the same blood. And no matter how distant we are from each other I will always be there for him.
Also seems like he's trying to keep her isolated, which is a red flag. She did state she rarely goes out because she always has to bring the kids with her. So that means no going to friends without kids either.
I remember when I was in sixth form, someone asked to go to the bathroom and the teacher went "look, your old enough to go come and go from the class responsibly at this point. You don't need to ask me" ... and from that moment onwards its seemed incredible that anyone ever made us ask at all. I have been in a very similar situation to the child where an adult wouldn't listen to me and I wet myself. Its cruel and humiliating, but in this case, they really set the kid up to fail. If a kid wets themself in your care, you're the one who fcked up and should be offering the apologies not expecting them.
It should honestly be illegal for schools to restrict kids from moving in and out of the classrooms. Not just for bathroom breaks, for any reason. Teachers are not prison wardens, so long as the kids are safe on school grounds and not blowing shit up or doing other stupid things kids do it's no business of anyone else's what they're doing. Some would argue this would just allow kids to walk out of class and neglect their education but I would argue that the kids who really want nothing to do with school are going to find a way out with or without restricting bathrooms, and if a teacher isn't good enough at their job to hold the attention of their class then they're just another example of how awful the US (and other countries, since you say sixth form) education system is.
I always had standing permission to just quietly go and use the lav. I'd still let the teacher know if I'm not back in 5, something's wrong, send help.
For the last story I find it less likely that the husband is cheating and more likely that the husband is trying to isolate the wife so he can control her more easily down the line. Might be a low key abusive/manipulative situation.
Fun fact, in Austria (Europe) it is against the law to forbid a person (whether child or adult) to go to the toilet and legal action can be taken in the event of an "accident".
My parents were very concerned about hiring sitters because they never knew how reliable they were. It was always blind luck whether you got someone who was genuinely a good parent-ish figure or someone who'd use the house as a free party while neglecting the kids. So they made sacrifices and always swapped between them who'd stay at home and who'd go out to run errands. It was never solely my mom or solely my dad watching me (until I was old enough to stay at home alone) I understand the 4th story paranoia over sitters, but then the dad should stay home so the mom can go out
@@ZombieSazza Ikr. WHYS OP STILL WITH THAT MAN CHILD!? He clearly needs other people to take care of his son and talks about responsibility. Also with the therapy.. Totally cheating, op should leave his sad pathetic excuse of a human.
"that's my best friend's wedding you're asking me for skip for christ's sake!" ....dude. do you not realize that's your wife's **brother's** wedding you're asking her to skip???
And what if she wasn't invited who cares if it's her brother's wedding if her going would cause trouble my friend didn't invite his sister cause all she does is start a fight so again if she wasn't invited then who cares but if she was the we should care.
That last story also shows that guy is isolating and controlling which is a red flag for an abuser. I know, I've been there and learned these lessons the hard way. I hope I'm wrong, but I've never seen good come of this behavior. Good luck and stay safe.
The first story is horrible. 90 minutes is already insane for any kid (in my opinion). The way that the kinder people in my family have done it has always been the minute per age. And if the kid needed to go to the bathroom, the kid is allowed to with permission (which is always granted... by the nicer family members).
No trauma, he just has a stressful job... this is why it's good this woman isn't a therapist. However, if he's doing hours PLURAL long sessions he's not talking to a therapist. Also, work in the human services field, no paid professional is spending hours a day with a single client, never going to happen. It's draining enough to hold team meetings or individual sessions for an hour, 3 or more hours a day several days in a row would not be approved by ANY employer. NOT EVEN ONLINE THERAPY>
I recall in first grade, my teacher refused to let me use the bathroom. I could have held it 2 hours until recess, but in that moment I chose not to. So I stood there and pissed myself with a big evil grin on my face. By my first-grade logic, several other kids in class had wet themselves in the past, so I wouldn't be the only one, and I saw the commotion it created for the teacher having to frantically call their parents to get a change of clothes. Then she had to have a long talk with the class about how we don't make fun of people for that, accidents happen, etc. I wanted to put her through that again. That was my very first "Eh, fuck it" moment, and making her explain the situation and why I was to blame and "But... but... he did it deliberately" while I played innocent was one of the proudest moments of my childhood. Embarrassment was 2/10, Satisfaction 10/10. Worth it. I do regret that my grandmother had to drive across town to come pick me up from school, I hadn't considered the impact on her. But aside form that, worth it. I was an obnoxious little shit.
for the second story: the shutting laptop thing is a huge red flag that the dude is probably cheating plus after reading a couple other replies a therapy session, even with two therapists, won't total 3-4 hours
The wedding story: OP is an adult woman, she should go whether he wants her to or not. Call a babysitter, go in seperate cars, divorce that ass when you get back, simple as that.
For the last story, I didn't think about the cheating possibility until Rslash pointed it out, but it actually makes so much more sense than taking the story at face value
2:57 Coming from someone who grew up with adhd, the sister’s behavior was unacceptable. Not only did they punish him for something he had little to no control over, they basically refused his bodily autonomy and forced him to piss himself. That kind of sadistic, un-empathetic, humiliating parenting literally how you make serial killers. There’s no reason they should get away with that. Guardians and teachers often mistreat or traumatize kids with learning disabilities without being held accountable, if op apologizes it sets an idea that their behavior is okay. I’ve dealt with(while not as extreme) a ton of things similar to that growing up, even going so far as my parents having to threaten lawsuit after mistreatment in middle school. So coming from someone who knows what it’s like; If you let it go, then you might as well be the one hurting your kid. It doesn’t ever stop there, and even if op and the other adults involved move on, I can promise you the kid won’t for a long time.
I attended therapy every month, the sessions last 1 hour (SOMETIMES there's an extra 5-10 minutes when you're in the middle of a deep conversation or breakthrough)
Your stomach is not connected to the bladder in any way, neither are the intestine. Yes, your red blood cells mainly do four services for your body. 1)They give oxygen from the lungs to every living cell in your body. 2) They remove spent oxygen and bring it back to your lungs to exhale out of the body. 3) They deliver fuel from the intestine to every cell in your body. 4) They also remove the waste from cells and drops it off in the kidneys. Fourth Story: Husband's trauma shouldn't be every one else's trauma, or use as an excuse to trap OP at home, permanently. I suggest OP not have any more kids with this guy if she's ever going to go to any events ever again. Is he ashamed of having her with him at outings? The groom to be is OP's own brother, and that trumps her husband's friendship with him. I wouldn't know how to fix this esp since bro lives far away, but husband needs to pull his head out of his ass. His view is unrealistic! He's the asshole, not OP.
When I was six, I really needed the toilet but my teacher refused. I was doing that jumpy fidgety thing you do when you desperately need to go to the toilet, and my teacher said “the more you dance around like that, the more I think you’re just faking needing the toilet” (something along those lines) I ended up wetting myself. Preventing young children from using the toilet when they really need to is so stupid
My stepdaughter is six currently and started kindergarten this year, I told her if she needs to go to the bathroom and the teacher says no, just go and tell the teacher to call me if she has a problem with it
I like how the first husband just glossed over the fact that this entire thing was his fault in the first place. It was his job to watch his stepson, he pawned him off to his sister and her husband clearly without telling them about the child's condition, but for some reason he never addresses his own involvement in the situation. Everyone should be pissed off at him, not each other
Nah, it's pretty safe to also be pissed off at his crappy sister and her crappy husband. If they really think a 4-year-old can hold in pee for 90 minutes, they got a screw loose. Hell, my dad can't even hold it in for that long.
“That’s my best friend’s wedding you’re asking me to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?” Well. That’s her brother’s wedding your asking HER to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?
RSlash, I don't think you're understanding. My mom's a professional therapist, and it actually violates client confidentiality laws for family members of the therapist or client to see the therapist or client, unless there's an exception on the client's part (usually the client being a minor and consenting for their parents to meet the therapist). It's INCREDIBLY illegal, and could lead to prison time for the therapist.
Yeye; And kidney stones actually happen because the minerals that where cleansed from your blood start to solidify, that's actually why you're not supposed to hold your pee for too long cause it can lead to kidney stones. ✨Science✨ is so fun!!
Last story: NTA, the husband sounds like an entitled sexist. The husband is the man's best friend. OP is the man's SISTER. Edit: changed brother to sister
Even when I was at my worst mentally and thankfully had NHS funded therapy the most I had was 2 1hr sessions in a week, but even then there were a few days between sessions to process things.
@@CidVeldoril funny that you’re going to every reply section and commenting to defend him. Care to elaborate on your tiresome points? It’s very strange that you’re so hellbent on defending his authority to go to the wedding, when that’s HER BROTHER and all he did was gaslight the shit outta her. His reasoning was super flawed too, all the points he used were exactly what he was doing - yet you clearly see no problem with this with how much you keep defending this shit. Try to backpedal from all the replies you made on other comments, I’ll wait. I want to see what you have to say for this bs you’ve displayed - even when she obviously has just as much of a right as he does, if not more. Just because he ‘may’ be a best man does NOT mean that he deserves to be there more than the sister. Best mans and bridesmaids are very close friends of the bride and groom, not necessarily family members unless the bride/groom really really consider them to be their best friend. In this case then hypothetically using YOUR example, I could say that maybe OP could be a bridesmaid - then what? Your argument falls flat because there aren’t even solid points, that’s all it is. A hypothetical scenario. She could be way closer to her brother right? Spending her whole childhood life with him it’s more likely, just because they’re best friends doesn’t mean she’s automatically less important.
@@goofyrat2938 Dude, this was almost a year ago, do you really think I remember the whole story without listening to the episode or browsing Reddit for comments and updates again? From reading my comment though I still think I'm right and you're wrong. Have a nice day. :)
@@CidVeldoril that just shows me that you haven’t changed in 5 months and your reasoning is still horrible. Also.. how is 5 months almost a year to you?? You just proved my point, bye 👋
@@goofyrat2938 It shows "11 months" next to my comment, just as it shows "18 minutes" next to yours. Might be that this is showing incorrectly, I don't know. I've watched so many of these videos that I can't be bothered. Why exactly are you batting for the inconsiderate wifey though?
*Regarding the therapy story:* I 100% don’t think that man is having “therapy” I think he’s doing something he doesn’t want his wife knowing about like online sessions with a findom/femdom, camgirl, or something else in that realm, because let’s be real she said he has no real trauma, the therapist said 3-4hrs every day isn’t normal & if it truly was therapy he would probably not be so secretive or defensive about it especially when it comes to his wife, he’s doing something he has to hide from her, something shady, if I was his wife I’d try to find out ASAP what’s going on because in all honesty you don’t wanna be married to someone who’s constantly hiding shit from you & being an asshole. There’s a big difference between privacy & being a sneaky fuck.
The only thing I disagree with here is the "no real trauma" statement. Everyone has trauma and deals with it differently. Even without trauma that doesn't mean you don't need a therapist. Depression is a mental health disorder that can surface without trauma, and there are others. I personally started having fairly major depression issues when I was 12, with no real trauma. I have not gotten help for it, even though over the last 13 years I have definitely had trauma add to it.
@@TrekkerMoto I agree that no real trauma can hide an issue, depression is often hiding in those who have their "life together". However, even when I had suffered major trauma I only went to therapy 2-3x a week for an hour each.
Husband in the first story dumped his responsibility onto his relatives and they, in turn, literally torture the child. Those three adults are behaving more like four-year-olds than the four-year-old. Husband in the wedding story is a controlling a-hole. This poor woman has been stuck at home for four years. When does she get a break? And who the heck does he think he is for not allowing her to attend HER brother's wedding? Oh, yeah--HE'S in control, that's who. Lady, run, run like the wind and take your kids with you. The wedding is perfect timing and destination and you'd be running straight back to your family.
Not even bordering on, that *is* cruel and straight up child abuse. Imo a time-out longer than five minutes for a 4 year old toddler is just pointless and pretty counterproductive 🤷 Isn't the point of a time-out supposed to be to get the child to take a breather during an outburst so they'll be able to listen to their parent telling them a behaviour is not acceptable? After such a long time a small child isn't going to remember what the reason was for the time-out, and it's just torture at that point. That story was just awful :(
@@leojennings2438 90 minutes is just too long. Like do they really expect a literal toddler to hold it in for 30 minutes? Someone call CPS on these monsters... Their children must be depressed and traumatized.
I don't know if the husband in the last story is cheating - maybe he is, maybe he isn't - but he's definitely intentionally isolating his wife. Even if he does have trauma regarding a babysitter, that's something he needs to work through in therapy, find trusted family or friends or professionals to help out, it doesn't mean he gets to force his wife to never the leave the house.
"Well you see, the boys wanted me to go out fishing with em and I couldn't just refuse! You know they rely on me to crack stupid jokes and not catch anything!"
@@tylerclark1979 Arguably, not easily one with ADHD, if you want to do any fishing at all and not chase after them, stop them from splashing in the water, or talking loudly. Asking them to sit quietly, not move, and go fishing might as well be time out to some kids.
I’ve literally heard of employees peeing their pants because they were denied access to a bathroom for more than 30 to 45 minutes to think that a four-year-old could hold their bladder for 90 minutes is absolutely ridiculous nausea four-year-old ever be in a time out standing up for 90 minutes. That’s child abuse!
As soon I heard he thinks a regular child can hold their pee for 90 min I knew they were bullshiting. That's literally impossible unless you have a body that can biologically made for that.
Around 1990 when I was a pretty young kid (elementary school, first or second grade or so) I vividly remember one cold winter's day in PE (physical education class) when I had to sit for the whole class against a wall with the kids who were in the timeout corner because I had a doctor's note saying I had a bladder infection. I had to pee really badly so asked to go to the bathroom and the head PE coach yelled at me that no, I couldn't go because I was bad. I didn't know what she was talking about but went to go hide in the corner with the others and eventually the coach's assistance came up to me because I was sitting funny and asked what was wrong. I said it was cold and I asked to go to the bathroom an hour ago but the coach said I was a problem child, and she lost it on the lady. She helped me up to take me inside but I had already peed my pants and the rest came out as I stood so my long sweatpants were completely soaked. She was apologizing to me nonstop for an hour and groveled to my parents when they came to get me so I could go home and change clothes. Hope that came to bite the coach harder than I think it did. I was teased for the rest of the year.
Well, if I had a sister and she was dating my or married to my best friend, that might be tricky. He'd be the best man at the wedding, so not having him there would kinda throw shit at the fan. Also we don't get told what kind of relationship OP has with her brother. For all we know they are currently on "Christmas card terms".
Why do I have the feeling the husband with the “therapists “ is not actually doing therapy but cheating like who the hell just shuts ur lab too on a therapy session when someone comes in right?
Especially cause since it's on a laptop, 7 out of 10 it's gonna disconnect the call and you'll have to call back. And seeing as I've seen a thousand of therapists in my life, I'm sure the therapist would try getting the husband to be more open with his spouse over the issues they speak of in session. So yeaaahhhhh.
Yes and therapists would be understanding that the partner of their patient may have sometimes left something in the shared bedroom. Then it will just be “oh good morning/afternoon OP” and OP would maybe wave to the cam as a greeting with a good morning/afternoon wish back at them and something like “sorry you two just needed my pads real quick, go on”. That is how a healthy little interaction could go.I think a therapist would be aware of their patient having a partner and be totally fine with them sometimes walking in for that pad or a sweater because they suddenly feel chilly or something along those lines. That’s natural and all therapists will be understanding to that stuff.
Leaving a four year old standing around in pee-soaking clothing until they're picked up (presumably hours later) is unacceptable - a person cannot do that and still say with a straight face that they're providing adequate care. That's irrespective of how they came to soil themselves, but to have blocked them going to the loo properly is straight up ridiculous and only compounds the neglect. Let them wait for a long, long time in that apology - its hard to be sorry for anything other than their own lack of care. Also, calling a parent up in the middle of a funeral for the kid wetting themselves is not a reasonable emergency, in my opinion, unless the carer is completely inept they should be able to deal with this.
Waiting an hour and a half to pee would end up with anyone pissing themselves, essentially a child, who denys a child the use of the restroom, could’ve went right back to timeout
There's one detail about the first story people seems to have forgotten. OP's kid was still wet when she arrived, which mean her SIL and SIL's husband didn't even clean and change the kid. They left him in pee covered clothes. That's disgusting and definitively child abuse.
I’m surprised that OP didn’t flip out because someone disciplined her kid without telling her.
very good point - this wasn't addressed in the story and it's worse to leave the kid wet all that time. proves her point her in laws are horrible parents.
@Gamer Girl they do though...
Oh shit I didn't even think about that. Omfg that's horrible
@Chris G they could still wash the clothes and give a bath/shower to him. And they have children themselves. They could lend some of their clothes, even if they're too big. There was way to clean him and not let him in his dirty wet clothes.
For the first one: Let us not forget that those two put a 4 yo in an hour and a half long time out for MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE. That’s straight up abuse.
yeah i think op should call cps if they do that to another persons kid, god knows what they do to their own kid/kids
Yep, Mike's non-disabled sister had accidents in kindergarten when she was ordered to wait. Teachers getting major trouble for doing this. A timeout for Nancy 4 year old is 5 minutes. This was straight up abuse.
Did best friend this is borderline divorce territory. Because the stepfather put the child in abusive situation.
Some people just hate kids. Disgusting.
My step mom was like that, I was at her home only during holidays, but this is the kind of shit that she would do to me almost every day. The result, all my life I've had nightmares were she's yelling at me and punishing me for no reason, those nightmares started to stop only in early adulthood. I haven't seen her in 5-6 years, but she is the one person with who I have 0 social restraint, if I ever see her again, there will be insults flying.
So yeah, I can comfirm from experience that this story IS abuse, if I was OP, I would never let those people approach my kid again and probably divorce the husband if he doesn't realize how he fked up and sticks to his guns.
Seriously! I mean as a society we don’t even make high schoolers sit still for more than 50mins at a time. 90 is absolutely insane!
In the first story I'm baffled that the husband says "You're not taking responsibility for your actions" like it wasn't a bad move to dump his stepchild with his sister and BIL.
Such is the way of the delusionals, they never see civilized reason and they will always fight to push their actions as the fault of others. I’m telling you it MUST be a violent disease. One that targets 9/10 people who take responsibility for their actions, because there’s no excuse to refuse ownership of your actions, especially minor ones!
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 It's called projection, plain and simple, and you are absolutely right.
op should dump him with his sister and bil
Says him, he's not taking responsibility as a father to take care of the kid, he still has the gall to berate OP about "taking responsibility"? No no no, he is in no position to talk about responsibility after what he just did. What a f-cking hypocrite.
For all I know, I bet his "emergency" is just an excuse to go chill with his friends.
5 out of five buttholes is still extreme. Especially since he could have died. Depends on what emergency was.
2nd story: He's cheating on her. There is no therapist that goes over an hour. No one gets daily therapy. Slamming the lid shut severs the connection with the app that the therapist is using. And he gets nearly violent when confronted. Dump him. He's actually not in love anymore because he doesn't even feel remotely bad for acting this way.
or gambling or something shady
i get daily therapy and it’s 5 hours, but it’s intensive and meant for people who are on the verge of being hospitalised for a long time (minimum 3 months), so unless the guy is an extremely mentally ill dude, there’s no way
From my experience, high risk patients ie. (suicidal patients) get sessions twice a week every month and when the therapist decides the patient is getting better they lower to once a week, then once every two weeks. Not to mention that therapy (for me at least) last roughly 30 mins or at the latest 40 mins. No way he could have 2-3 hours everyday! Unless he is a high risk patient which seems unlikely.
Yeah. I mean, wanting privacy for therapy is reasonable, and the virtual stuff is tough, but that is tooooooooo sketchy.
😖😖 I've seen this on so many channels for so long even this week...but no update 😩😭
That wedding story is ridiculous. “That’s my best friend’s wedding” yeah it’s her BROTHER’s, if anything she has MORE of a right to go than you do
Yes and no. If that friendship level is mutual, he'd be best man or something? Best friends are often more close than siblings. At least with guys.
I agree she does have more right than the friend especially 4 YEARS of accommodating her husband by not going anywhere... Sounds like spousal abuse to me. I wonder if she ever gets to hang out with her adult friends if any.
@@CidVeldoril That still doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to go. OP's husband is an asshole and clearly trying to isolate OP from her friends and family.
@@mask938 Nothing "clearly" about this. We don't even know the relationship of OP and her brother. Might be that hubby and brother hang around all the time and are best friends, while OP and her brother are more like "Christmas card relatives". I have seen that happen IRL.
@@CidVeldoril Even if OP and her brother aren’t super close, that doesn’t make her any less worthy of going to her own brother’s wedding. Also, the fact that she hasn’t gone out in 4 years is concerning.
Fun fact: holding urine in for too long can result in a bladder infection. Those parents outright endangered OP’s child with their absurdly long time out and refusing to let him use the bathroom.
Funnier fact: Holding urine in for too long can not only result in a bladder infection but if you do it for as long and as often as I did (we're talking one or two piss per day) your bladder can swell to the point where it'll put pressure on your spine and push nerves out in between your spinal segments.
I had to get surgery to fix it at 13 which included a week of 100% bed rest in the hospital (i wasn't allowed to sit up until day 6), another week of bed rest and light motion at home and yet another week of light movement and exercise at home (which we forgot about oops)
So yeah. Pee regularly. You don't want to end up like me and have "the bladder of an 75-year old man with prostate issues" at age 12-13
@@GamerGrovyle bro the forgetting part is sooooo relatable lmao
@@GamerGrovyle Tycho Brahe one of the smartest and richest men to have ever lived died from holding his pee for too long at a party
I watched Star Wars 7 in theaters and refused to go to the bathroom til it was over.... My whole lower body was in pain and I felt like a penguin. It took two or more minutes to force it out, like constipation but for the bladder.
i actually remembering reading a story on planet dolan where op was hospitalized because his teacher wouldn't let him use the bathroom and his bladder was infected if i remembered correctly
90 minute timeout for a 4 YEAR OLD??? The max you do for that age is 10 minutes to calm down! Longer is torture! And you NEVER deny a child the use of the bathroom, especially that young!
Note: I'm a nanny, and yes, typically one minute per the child's age is justifiable for timeout, though some parents will have different, though not necessarily harmful, methods of timeout. I just said max 10 minutes because that was about how long my timeouts would take as a kid. It was obviously effective as I didn't misbehave enough to get grounded when I got older.
My hubby and I do the 1 minute per year, however, based on the suggestion of a parenting book once our daughter was 4 if she was having a meltdown, screaming, crying etc etc we waited till she stopped, then set the timer (she was well aware of this rule change)
This is because time outs in my house is time in their rooms to seperate parent and child, so each had time to calm down. If she's still screaming at 4 minutes, she isn't calm.
This has been different for our middle child turning 4, as he's autistic and his emotional regulation isn't the same as hers was at that age, not just because he's autistic of course, different kids need slightly different boundaries. Each of my children is individual and needs to be treated as such, while keeping the rules fair for everyone.
Did you ever have a situation where a child learned that when they do something wrong, they just go to the time-out spot themselves? I mean, they learn to punish themselves, instead of learning to stop doing bad stuff. Asking for a friend...
Right? My nieces are 7 and 4 and get 5 minute time outs. Mostly to calm down. And they always have time out next to the bathroom, so they can go if they need to. 90 minutes is unconscionable.
@@fallen535_online One of my nieces did that for awhile. She knew she messed up and headed to the timeout chair. One time she said, "I need to take a break." We cracked up. Very well behaved now.
ALSO, HE HAS ADHD!
2nd: OP's partner is absolutely cheating, there's no reason OP shouldn't have access to their own damn bedroom.
3rd: Holy shit, that is absolutely an abusive husband in the making. Forget cheating, he's testing OP's boundaries to see what he can trample over, and isolating his partner from their family.
Really it must be cheating it can't be addiction as some one who has been clean for 8 years those are the signs of someone who is ashamed of what they are doing which could be cheating or again addiction
You are SO right. people need to learn to recognize these signs more. it's so obvious that whatever the hell these "relationships" (if you can even call this unhealthy crap that) are not safe or healthy, and neither of those people's partners are being honest with anything.
Came from the podcast just to read the comments about these stories
it's camgirls
No. Something much worse that much "Therapy" for even an emotionally and mentally frazzled person does sound odd but if you substitute therapist with cult inductee yeah this makes perfect sense. The wife sounds like a controlling jackass which will help to push him further away, and before she knows it he's shaved head and is living on a pistachio farm in Ojai.
Brother’s wedding: every argument he made was insanely hypocritical. She could’ve literally parroted everything he said right back to him and she would’ve been winning the argument bc THATS HER BROTHER
The “online therapist” story reminds me of when a friend got hooked on online gambling, he’d stay in his room and use watching tv series as an excuse but would be extremely secretive about them, until we found out that he’d been playing for months and was in severe debt
90 minutes of timeout is awful, especially for a child with ADHD. I have ADHD myself and being forced to sit still with no sort of sensory stimulation feels like absolute torture, it's among some of the worst things I've experienced. Forcing a child with ADHD to stay in one place for *an hour and a half* without a bathroom break is unbelievably cruel and OP had every right to be mad.
We can even even remove the ADHD part and it's not getting any better.
OP reeally need to rethink about this marriage. There's a giant red flag hanging above that part of the family.
I completely agree. It's definitely abusive. Especially for an hour and a half, I thought I had misheard and then remembered, this child is a four year old and they're doing this to him. It's disgusting.
Also, much lighter note, I love your pfp :D Ianto Jones is the best aaaah
I have ADHD and even I can’t sit still that long. Too many things would start happening and I’d immediately get up. I also volunteer to care for the children at my church, even we don’t make them sit that long during the service. They sit for maybe five or ten minutes. Usually they’ll get toys or something. Something small to mess with. It’s just, I don’t know, restricting when a child with ADHD is made to sit for longer than needed.
100% agree with you, even without the ADHD in the mix it would still be child abuse and honestly it makes me scared for SIL’s kids, because if her and her husband have no issue doing this to someone else’s kid then what else would they have no issue doing to their own. As a completely irrelevant side note I adore your profile picture, Ianto is my absolute favorite, and I really wish they hadn’t killed him off.
Omg thank you Logically Blue! I have ADHD as well and cringed on this story!
final story, he's an abuser. I'd bet money on this. There's so many telltale signs, such as isolating his spouse, Gaslighting, putting himself on a pedestal,-- I am a little bit scared for OP because this could devolve in so many directions.
I commented the same. I'm worried he's also financially controlling and has her locked in. I hope she's okay and stays safe.
As someone who has been abused before, there were many red flags here. “You should know better than what your friends tell you” is getting ready for gaslighting. Keeping her from her brother like that is setting her up for isolation. These were flags that I missed and it was scary. I really hope the OP in that last story is okay and safe.
She has more reasons to attend than he did. Brother trumps friend. His trying so hard for her to stay home made me wonder what he is hoping to do while there?
@@MrBeevee5 I disagree, are you new here?... like half the stories here are "do this and this and this for me because we're FAMILY", family doesn't mean good relationship and op didn't state the nature of her relationship with her brother while she did mention that her husband is his best friend.
BUT, since her husband has the problem with the babysitter he should be the one staying and only for that reason..
Also i'm pretty sure r/slash completely missed the shot with the cheating assumption.
Bottom line, op 0/5, husband 3/5 and r/slash 1/5 assholes. (rslash for automatically assume cheating)
@@haimmaik While I can understand your reasoning, Beve is right. Op said it herself that this one event was special to her so she put up a fight to go. If they weren't on neutral or good terms, the brother wouldn't have invited her nor would Op be fighting this hard. She is his SISTER while her husband is his FRIEND. Out of the two of these, Op absolutely takes priority to go because this is a family event to celebrate her brother's special day.
The first story is definitely child abuse. OP is no the AH. The sister-in-law, brother-in-law and husband are definitely the AHs. Sounds like they need to have a huge talk and OP might want to reconsider the relationship.
Yeah, and the fact that the husband won’t let OP come home until she apologizes, when HE and the in-laws are the ones who owe the son an apology, I would ask that husband for a divorce.
AH Attack Helicopter?
About the husband forcing OP to not attend her brother's wedding, when he said:"what's more important, a wedding or your kid's safety?" I was like "WELL GENIUS, WHY DON'T YOU STAY HOME??"
Rslash bringing up his discovery about pee, makes me reaffirm my notion that things that are obvious to me as a healthcare professional are not always obvious to non health care professionals. 😅🤣
and it really surprises me a lot. 😅
Hubby from story 3 almost sounds like an abuser-in-the-making trying to isolate a victim. 4 years is a crazy long time to go without outings sans children, and hubby's gaslighting her too.
I was thinking the same. He's trying to keep her isolated and also not working so no money to run with either
I am a stay at home homeschooling husband/daddy. My wife gets to go out weekly with her girlfriends to do lunch and shopping. I haven't had a day or two away from the kids in about 4 years either. She's not good with the kids though. She's short tempered and has little patience with their silliness, so I have to act as a buffer between them and her.
I enjoy our children a lot, and consider them to be my best friends, as I don't get out enough to see other people. Most other stay at home parents, especially homeschoolers are moms and usually being religious, they don't want to interact with homeschool dads. So I'm stuck. Alone, aside from my 10yo and 7yo boys company.
Am I in an abusive relationship/situation?
@@PushingThroughThePain You need a therapist and a sit down with your wife perhaps even couple's counseling.
@@PushingThroughThePain depends. does your wife wants go on a week long trip here and there and leaving you alone with your children while gaslighting and coerce you?
@@PushingThroughThePain depends, do you want to do other things ? are you suffering mentally because of this ?
If yes, then you should have a talk to your wife about it. Sit with her to discuss about finding a solution to make you feel better, maybe set a few hours of the week where she takes care of the kids and you do whatever you want. They are 7 and 10 yo, at this age the adult is mostly here for safety, they can keep busy by themselves for 2-3 hours once a week with very little need for adult intervention.
If your wife doesn't want to come to an agreement that helps you be happier, then yes, in that case, this is an abusive relationship.
As someone who has two therapists, I see the one in one week the other the next week. I can't imagine the mentally and emotionally draining task of three to four hours a day I have them on Friday because if I would have to work even a day after, I couldn't do my job right. As someone who has been in a mental hospital, you don't see your therapist that much, you see them for an hour every other day, with group sessions in between, all the rest is art, or relaxing, sports and stuff like that. I don't believe that man is in therapy, that's not possible. He wouldn't function right.
A therapist would never agree to sessions like he is having, you need time to reflect and decompress. Husband is straight up hiding something.
Yeah I heard 4 hours and I thought WHAT?! There's is absolutely no way thats healthy or doable for either party
After being in therapy myself and married to a clinical social worker for 13 years I smelled the BS from that story from a mile away.
I get once a week, for one hour. Its against university policy to get more than that unless youre having a breakdown.
He’s masturbating
There… I said it. Thing is, if he’s doing that for 4 hours a day, he might actually need therapy
"In 2015, the United Nations General Assembly declared sanitation a universal human right." Meaning they literally refused the kid's basic human rights.
So they commited a crime against humanity.
@@GTSE2005 Which means they just won a trip to The Hague.
The last one feels like emotional abuse. He's closed her off from any support and is in control of the financial situation; classical abuser tactics. It's been 4 years since she went out and "you know you can't trust want your friends tell you". So many red flags on that one.
The husband in "therapy", I'm 100% sure he's cheating. Also, the lady with the husband that wouldn't let her go to the wedding, is probably cheating.
He’s probably on OF
Husband goes to wedding and makes me stay at home with the kids: Simple: either you both go, or you both stay with the kids.
This is a case where "family" IS the trump card. OP's brother should be expecting her for the wedding at least as much as her husband.
Tbh the story sounds like a form of being able to control op and to limit what op can do and who op can see. It looks like the guy is trying cause a rift between op and her family to further isolate her.....
It also sounds like it's taking place in a Muslim dominated country. I could understand the thinking in that case.
Took the thought right out of my head smmfh... something is VERY fishy about this guy
i find it amusing that every argument he put forward could be used right back at him
First story: OP should divorce this whole husband, he doesn't deserve to breath the same air as her and her son.
Who tf gives a kid a 90 minute timeout? And then, who doesn't side with OP? Ditch the trash husband.
@@starguardlux2874 Break out the divorce papers and lawyers
all these stories would make call a lawyer
"That's my best friend's wedding!" "Um, hello? HE'S MY BROTHER!" Also the husband in that story has some serious trauma and trust issues that he needs to work with if he's THAT paranoid about babysitters.
That's assuming he's actually paranoid about babysitters and not just trying to pawn all the work onto his wife and not have to pay for childcare.
@@akl2k7 the story said his brother was left mentally handicapped because of an accident involving a babysitter, so I am inclined to believe his trauma is real, if he's using it as an excuse to be cheap he might be a solid 5/5er
He should talk to that other boyfriends therapist, lmao.
There's no way that guy is doing "therapy" and getting so upset like that. He's either cheating, watching porn or doing something else shady. Nobody acts like that if they're not doing something that they're not supposed to be doing. I feel bad that this woman is so naive that she doesn't see how the guy is trash & she should find someone else who doesn't treat her like crap.
Online gambling, maybe?
As for the last one, tell your brother only one of you can go and which would he rather have attend. If he chooses your husband then hire a sitter while he's gone and have fun. Idk why you don't have a sitter when he's away on business. Marriage works both ways not just his way. Stop letting him call all the shots. You say you haven't been out in like 4 years. Why not? Doesn't he ever stay home and take care of his kids while you run out? If not something is definitely wrong here.
Final story: I really don't think he's a cheater. He's an abuser. He wants to control and isolate her.
True, I think he doesnt want a wife, he just wants a mindless sex toy and live-in nanny, cuz from that story any1 can tell he doesnt give a fck about hid wifes mental health
Yes I also think that's more likely. Could be both I suppose...
He can be both
Even if it's not abuse it manipulative and narcissistic
Could be both. He wants it so he can go out and do whatever he wants, and refusing to allow babysitters means the wife will be tied down with the kids. So that would give him plenty of time to cheat, but also if he gets his way it means he'll keep making demands like that.
Forcing ANYONE to hold in a bathroom break can hurt them.
100% and it can lead to bad medical issues in the future if it occurs too often
Doesn't it screw up your kidneys, or something?
@@Star_Joker Bladder.
Look up a guy called Tycho Brahe. He held it in out of politeness and it killed him.
@@Star_Joker Don't know about that, but I do know it's possible for your bladder to burst, as a Chinese man unfortunately found out after not using the bathroom before going to sleep.
Yeah, that guy is NOT having "therapy". I've had over 20 different therapists for many different reasons, and the comment left by a therapist was spot on. No therapist is gonna do 3-4 hour sessions every day. That's ludicrous. *He's without a doubt lying to OP.*
Jesus 20 therapists? I don't wanna ask how much you've been through
That's a lot of therapists? What happened?
@@MeteoraZero I don’t mean to be rude but it’s really none of anyone’s business to know why they need that many therapists. To answer, I won’t speak for them but I’ve also had over 20 therapists and it’s from moving a lot as well as some people just not being a good fit.
@@the_puppeteer2136 ^
Agreed.
I've had three therapists and even when I was in the worst place never saw any of them that amount of time. Mostly, it was an hour session every two weeks, and weekly when I was at my absolute worst.
It would be unethical for a therapist to ask for or allow that much time 'on the couch' - as the therapist in the comments noted, people need time between sessions to process and have a life outside therapy, and also to enact and practise behaviours and decisions discussed during sessions. If the person is always 'in session' then how can they move forward, using the support, lessons, and healing done during therapy?
p.s. I hope too, that you are OK, and send good-energy, healing thoughts to you.
His excitement with the new knowledge of how urine is created is absolutely precious
I was a bit surprised to be honest. I learned about that in school.
I really wish OP mentioned what "emergency" the husband had in the first story. My brain immediately went to him cheating.
ETA: every man in this is cheating except for RSlash.
rslash's the only faithful husband here. he's also the only good father here also, pretty much everyone else (in terms of husbands) are crappy parents
WHO THE HECK THINKS A 90 MINUTE TIMEOUT IS REASONABLE?!?! And denying a 4 yr old bathroom access?! I would be cutting them off for child abuse and neglect!
People who regret having and don't want to deal with their kids.
I think many people said it before. Some kids deserve parents, but some parents don't deserve kids.
Chill out bro it’s just a story .
@@TKUA11 Just because "it's just a story" doesn't make it any less infuriating.
@@NEPAAlchey Dude, I straight up hate kids and even I wouldn’t do this.
I’d file these under “r/MyHusbandIsADouchebagAndINeedToGetADivorce”.
Or wife. One wife did okay a guy who almost killed their baby. 🤷🏽♀️
More like r/MySpouseIsADouchebagAndINeedToGetADivorce
It really can go both ways
@@costaricansportsfan5390 agreed. Time to move on! There's 3 billion men out there much better than him.
Last story: Speaking as a nanny, if he's so worried, a lot of the nanny sites offer background checks.
That only helps if the nanny has been CAUGHT committing a crime, other than that it doesnt give much info
@@aaroncousins4750 that’s not even aLITTLE bit true lol
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 oh is it not? Please TELL me how it actually works then
@@aaroncousins4750 as OP said it duh sheesh
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 so in other words, you dont know
In regards to the last story: If that’s his best friend then how come he isn’t in the wedding party?
Story 1:
Step one: *Divorce*
Last story: He needs to give them a damn break, they watch over the kids everyday while you go out and work. That is *op's* brother. Their husband is an idiot.
This should be more of a section of Reddit where the real question is "Should I get a divorce?"
Which, looking at the red flags their partner has given, is a resounding hell yes.
There is no way that guy is doing therapy. The OP should really look for what her husband is doing.
I’d install a camera in the bedroom without telling him
Oh, I’m sure he’s doing “therapy.”
Yeah. If she actually thinks he’s having therapy then I have a lovely bridge I’d like to sell her. He’s not doing therapy, HE’S CHEATING.
@@qdllc yea, emotional therapy 😉
@@LaineMann I can only see two things that he could be doing for hours locked inside his room with a laptop if she hasn't catch him with the pants down. Either he is having meetings with some kind of secret cult group who doesn't allow outsiders to hear what they are talking... Or he is cheating 😆
About the therapist perspective story, another possibility which was also pointed out in the comments of the original post I believe, is that he has gotten a gambling addiction. That would explain slamming the laptop shut, not wanting OP to see the screen, and not having any obvious signs of watching porn.
That’s what I thought too.
same
Agreed, I thought 'hidden addiction' as well - whether its gambling, gaming, chatrooms, or something, its something that's taking over his life. No licensed therapist would be having sessions that long, or that frequent, and the bill for such frequent blocks of time would be extortionate.
"What did super nanny say?" I was thinking that exact same thing.
Gotta say rSlash, I love the 2 minute dad rant at the start of the video. Normally I skip through commentary to just get to the stories but it was so passionate.
The husband in the last story comes off as a really abusive person - every word uttered by him is straight up gaslighting 👀
unpopular opinion: the gave him the information wrong
@@ItsBillyXbox tf is this supposed to mean?
For the last story, I feel like even if the husband isn't cheating, he sounds abusive. Like he makes the rules and she has no say. She hasn't been out in four years? Why isn't he supporting her emotional well being?
Yes true but let me ask you this was she even invited to the wedding cause we don't have all the facts and if she wasn't then her going would cause chaos at the wedding and I am sure nobody wants that.
@@Geathsrighthand she was
she says they both were invited in the story
Whether she was invited or not does not address the issue that HE doesn't want babysitters for any reason and therefore SHE hasn't been out in four years? Raising kids is difficult and tiring and every parent needs a break now and then. The fact that he just expects her to always be the one caring for the kids and basically gives commands instead of compromising is abusive sounding. To top it off, she was invited as was mentioned at least twice in the story.
He could be abusive AND a cheating asshole.
But yeah, this screams “social isolation” and she needs to gtfo.
@@Geathsrighthand it's the wife's BROTHER'S wedding. are you nuts???
Did I hear that first story correct, did SIL’s husband really think a 4 year old can hold their bladder for an hour and 30 minutes?
That's beyond delusional of them
Yup
I read that Reddit post like three weeks and month ago I forgot and OP said that the SIL does it to her kids for even more hours
And it’s reasonable
A grown adult can’t even hold his/hers pee in for that long so I don’t even know wtf they where thinking
A 90 minute timeout!? 15-20 minutes MAX is PLENTY! 90 minutes of sitting still and staring at a corner?? For a child???(let alone with ADHD??) That's literal torture.
I WISH I was as eager about therapy sessions as THAT guy is Holy crap I would burst out crying and throw a tantrum if therapy sessions were that frequent
In the Sketchy Therapy story, the husband is 100% having an affair. It is the only explanation.
Affair or maybe gambling
Yeah she needs to get a black light and sweep through the laptop and the chair for any “evidence”
i'd say either gambling, having video chats with a lover or he's addicted to watching cams which can get expensive like paying a therapist for hours. also even with 2 therapists one after another.. a session is usually 45min to an hour..
I think it's also possible he just wants some "me" not for cheating/porn but time away from responsibilities/others to relax and do what he wants to do and not have to explain it and sound more like the butt. When kids play games when they should be doing school work, their reaction is to always close the screen, or in this case the laptop.
@@rveach02nah this is way too sketchy for him to just be wanting alone time. He’s becoming a neglectful husband and father(?) because of it.
90 minutes is a cruelly long time out. I always thought it was a minute for each year of the child’s age. So he should have been out for 4 minutes. 5 at the most. The husband and BIL are both major a-holes.
And the husband in the second story is totally chatting with a cam-girl, or something along those lines
No more than number of minutes per age
This. A 90 minute time out is insane, what?? That would be cruel to an adult, let alone a 4 year old kid!
After 15 minutes (let alone 90) the kid won't even remember what he was punished for!
i thought the same thing. Like: 90 minutes is an hour and a half. Apparently one can hold off the bathroom for an hour?
not only its just cruel, you should never deny access to peeing esp for a child
thats awful
I need an update on the four hour therapy story. It really does sound like he’s cheating or doing some incredibly shady shit
To me cheating would be too obvious. Also, why be stupid enough to conduct his act in the bedroom? OP could easily catch him just by quietly opening the door. The same could be said if the husband was doing something shady. But then again, we have seen some incredibly stupid people on R/AITA.
Sadly there is no Update to the post
I'm thinking: gambling addiction.
@@augustaseptemberova5664 my thoughts exactly
@@songohan3321 like the person who blamed their child for their divorce and wonder if they're the bad guy... This is could totally be cheating, its obvious but not if you're in the room. Addiction could be a good idea but again wouldnt that be too obvious too? Like, feeding your addiction in a bedroom you share with someone? That just seems to risky. So in both cases the husband is shady and idiotic.
3-4 hours of "therapy", which he shuts down the laptop on presumably his psychologist the moment somone walks in?
Yeah, I call cheating
I disagree with the last one he isn't cheating he's abusive. I agree with the rating for the husband. I've seen many shows (crime ones mainly) and what he's doing is abuse. I've had friends who have been in bad households and it sounds similar to what they've overheard from their parents (the phrases and stuff ). So yeah he isn't cheating at all.
If my husband say I can’t go to my brother’s wedding because I have to watch the kids. It would probably be a deal breaker for me. Even if he is close to my brother then I am. I would see have more of a right to be at the wedding as we share the same blood. And no matter how distant we are from each other I will always be there for him.
Also seems like he's trying to keep her isolated, which is a red flag. She did state she rarely goes out because she always has to bring the kids with her. So that means no going to friends without kids either.
"You're asking me to miss my own brother's wedding for christ sake, are you kidding me?"
I remember when I was in sixth form, someone asked to go to the bathroom and the teacher went "look, your old enough to go come and go from the class responsibly at this point. You don't need to ask me" ... and from that moment onwards its seemed incredible that anyone ever made us ask at all.
I have been in a very similar situation to the child where an adult wouldn't listen to me and I wet myself. Its cruel and humiliating, but in this case, they really set the kid up to fail. If a kid wets themself in your care, you're the one who fcked up and should be offering the apologies not expecting them.
It should honestly be illegal for schools to restrict kids from moving in and out of the classrooms. Not just for bathroom breaks, for any reason. Teachers are not prison wardens, so long as the kids are safe on school grounds and not blowing shit up or doing other stupid things kids do it's no business of anyone else's what they're doing. Some would argue this would just allow kids to walk out of class and neglect their education but I would argue that the kids who really want nothing to do with school are going to find a way out with or without restricting bathrooms, and if a teacher isn't good enough at their job to hold the attention of their class then they're just another example of how awful the US (and other countries, since you say sixth form) education system is.
I always had standing permission to just quietly go and use the lav. I'd still let the teacher know if I'm not back in 5, something's wrong, send help.
For the last story I find it less likely that the husband is cheating and more likely that the husband is trying to isolate the wife so he can control her more easily down the line. Might be a low key abusive/manipulative situation.
Yeah, OP's husband is definitely testing what boundaries he can trample over.
The way she talks about him as well. Like ok, he's a great and involved father, so why can't you attend a thing once in four years?
@@grooorglaserdeth8823 because he's the one whos selfish. It's projection.
Not even that low key, frankly
Also the way he gaslights her by saying she’d be abandoning the kids to party when he’s doing the exact. same. thing.
Fun fact, in Austria (Europe) it is against the law to forbid a person (whether child or adult) to go to the toilet and legal action can be taken in the event of an "accident".
My parents were very concerned about hiring sitters because they never knew how reliable they were. It was always blind luck whether you got someone who was genuinely a good parent-ish figure or someone who'd use the house as a free party while neglecting the kids. So they made sacrifices and always swapped between them who'd stay at home and who'd go out to run errands. It was never solely my mom or solely my dad watching me (until I was old enough to stay at home alone)
I understand the 4th story paranoia over sitters, but then the dad should stay home so the mom can go out
First story-OP needs to hire a divorce lawyer first thing. The husband should be ashamed of himself.
Literally all of these stories need divorce lawyers, because godDAMN these stories actually make me angry
@@ZombieSazza Ikr. WHYS OP STILL WITH THAT MAN CHILD!? He clearly needs other people to take care of his son and talks about responsibility. Also with the therapy.. Totally cheating, op should leave his sad pathetic excuse of a human.
"that's my best friend's wedding you're asking me for skip for christ's sake!" ....dude. do you not realize that's your wife's **brother's** wedding you're asking her to skip???
And what if she wasn't invited who cares if it's her brother's wedding if her going would cause trouble my friend didn't invite his sister cause all she does is start a fight so again if she wasn't invited then who cares but if she was the we should care.
@@Geathsrighthand But she WAS invited.
That last story also shows that guy is isolating and controlling which is a red flag for an abuser.
I know, I've been there and learned these lessons the hard way. I hope I'm wrong, but I've never seen good come of this behavior. Good luck and stay safe.
The first story is horrible. 90 minutes is already insane for any kid (in my opinion). The way that the kinder people in my family have done it has always been the minute per age. And if the kid needed to go to the bathroom, the kid is allowed to with permission (which is always granted... by the nicer family members).
No trauma, he just has a stressful job... this is why it's good this woman isn't a therapist. However, if he's doing hours PLURAL long sessions he's not talking to a therapist. Also, work in the human services field, no paid professional is spending hours a day with a single client, never going to happen. It's draining enough to hold team meetings or individual sessions for an hour, 3 or more hours a day several days in a row would not be approved by ANY employer. NOT EVEN ONLINE THERAPY>
I recall in first grade, my teacher refused to let me use the bathroom.
I could have held it 2 hours until recess, but in that moment I chose not to. So I stood there and pissed myself with a big evil grin on my face. By my first-grade logic, several other kids in class had wet themselves in the past, so I wouldn't be the only one, and I saw the commotion it created for the teacher having to frantically call their parents to get a change of clothes. Then she had to have a long talk with the class about how we don't make fun of people for that, accidents happen, etc. I wanted to put her through that again. That was my very first "Eh, fuck it" moment, and making her explain the situation and why I was to blame and "But... but... he did it deliberately" while I played innocent was one of the proudest moments of my childhood. Embarrassment was 2/10, Satisfaction 10/10. Worth it. I do regret that my grandmother had to drive across town to come pick me up from school, I hadn't considered the impact on her. But aside form that, worth it. I was an obnoxious little shit.
for the second story: the shutting laptop thing is a huge red flag that the dude is probably cheating
plus after reading a couple other replies a therapy session, even with two therapists, won't total 3-4 hours
So I guess the idea of an addiction never entered you mind even through they have the same signs
It sounds like cheating or a pr0n addiction.
It’s gotta cheating . I’ve never heard of anyone watching porn for longer than 20 minutes and not busting 🥜
@@ardhanarisvara333 or a gambling addition
Its most likely cheating or a drug/gambling addiction
I doubt its porn tho, because hed be tired, and red, and all messed up
The wedding story: OP is an adult woman, she should go whether he wants her to or not. Call a babysitter, go in seperate cars, divorce that ass when you get back, simple as that.
The fact that him going to his friend's wedding is more important to him than her going to her brother's wedding is off-putting.
For the last story, I didn't think about the cheating possibility until Rslash pointed it out, but it actually makes so much more sense than taking the story at face value
2:57
Coming from someone who grew up with adhd, the sister’s behavior was unacceptable. Not only did they punish him for something he had little to no control over, they basically refused his bodily autonomy and forced him to piss himself. That kind of sadistic, un-empathetic, humiliating parenting literally how you make serial killers. There’s no reason they should get away with that. Guardians and teachers often mistreat or traumatize kids with learning disabilities without being held accountable, if op apologizes it sets an idea that their behavior is okay.
I’ve dealt with(while not as extreme) a ton of things similar to that growing up, even going so far as my parents having to threaten lawsuit after mistreatment in middle school. So coming from someone who knows what it’s like; If you let it go, then you might as well be the one hurting your kid. It doesn’t ever stop there, and even if op and the other adults involved move on, I can promise you the kid won’t for a long time.
You’re not peeing purified blood, you’re peeing the waste left over from the purified blood
he did say "sort of" so like purified blood but not really, but sort of.
Husband: *"Go apologize to my sister!"*
OP: *"In your dreams."*
Husband: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
Are these comments meant to be funny?
@@AbsoluteHysteria If it isn't funny for you, I suggest you go look elsewhere.
Let me guess what the ‘emergency’ was in the first story, going out with his friends or watching a film/game with his friends
No American football (that brown un even ball game I'm from UK btw)
@@Frbsah15 ye that’s why I put game cus I don’t know what the country is and I’m from the uk so don’t know if it’s rugby, football or ‘football’
I attended therapy every month, the sessions last 1 hour (SOMETIMES there's an extra 5-10 minutes when you're in the middle of a deep conversation or breakthrough)
Your stomach is not connected to the bladder in any way, neither are the intestine. Yes, your red blood cells mainly do four services for your body.
1)They give oxygen from the lungs to every living cell in your body.
2) They remove spent oxygen and bring it back to your lungs to exhale out of the body.
3) They deliver fuel from the intestine to every cell in your body.
4) They also remove the waste from cells and drops it off in the kidneys.
Fourth Story: Husband's trauma shouldn't be every one else's trauma, or use as an excuse to trap OP at home, permanently.
I suggest OP not have any more kids with this guy if she's ever going to go to any events ever again. Is he ashamed of having her with him at outings?
The groom to be is OP's own brother, and that trumps her husband's friendship with him. I wouldn't know how to fix this esp since bro lives far away, but husband needs to pull his head out of his ass. His view is unrealistic! He's the asshole, not OP.
When I was six, I really needed the toilet but my teacher refused. I was doing that jumpy fidgety thing you do when you desperately need to go to the toilet, and my teacher said “the more you dance around like that, the more I think you’re just faking needing the toilet” (something along those lines)
I ended up wetting myself. Preventing young children from using the toilet when they really need to is so stupid
My stepdaughter is six currently and started kindergarten this year, I told her if she needs to go to the bathroom and the teacher says no, just go and tell the teacher to call me if she has a problem with it
I like how the first husband just glossed over the fact that this entire thing was his fault in the first place.
It was his job to watch his stepson, he pawned him off to his sister and her husband clearly without telling them about the child's condition, but for some reason he never addresses his own involvement in the situation. Everyone should be pissed off at him, not each other
Nah, it's pretty safe to also be pissed off at his crappy sister and her crappy husband. If they really think a 4-year-old can hold in pee for 90 minutes, they got a screw loose. Hell, my dad can't even hold it in for that long.
“That’s my best friend’s wedding you’re asking me to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?”
Well.
That’s her brother’s wedding your asking HER to skip for Christ’s sake, are you kidding me?
RSlash, I don't think you're understanding. My mom's a professional therapist, and it actually violates client confidentiality laws for family members of the therapist or client to see the therapist or client, unless there's an exception on the client's part (usually the client being a minor and consenting for their parents to meet the therapist). It's INCREDIBLY illegal, and could lead to prison time for the therapist.
The last story is insane. She needs to get tf out. Fast.
I can sum up all these stories with a single sentence: Time for a divorce.
More accurately, pee is the bucket of dirty water after your blood was cleaned!
True
It’s like dialysis but naturally
@@TKUA11 wow it's almost like dialysis is a recreation of a kidney :p
Yeye; And kidney stones actually happen because the minerals that where cleansed from your blood start to solidify, that's actually why you're not supposed to hold your pee for too long cause it can lead to kidney stones. ✨Science✨ is so fun!!
@@queenoffrance6397 wait so if I always go immediately I’ll never have kidney stones??
Last story: NTA, the husband sounds like an entitled sexist. The husband is the man's best friend. OP is the man's SISTER.
Edit: changed brother to sister
Sister*
He sounds like a total emotional abuser.
yeah this plus if the husband is guy's best friend why isn't he best man
I strongly urge OP to tell the husband she wants to meet his "therapist"...
Even when I was at my worst mentally and thankfully had NHS funded therapy the most I had was 2 1hr sessions in a week, but even then there were a few days between sessions to process things.
Isn’t the husband also making HER brothers wedding the hill HE wants to die on?
Perhaps. Although if the best friend thing is mutual, it is possible he is the best man, which is kind of a big thing for the wedding.
@@CidVeldoril funny that you’re going to every reply section and commenting to defend him. Care to elaborate on your tiresome points? It’s very strange that you’re so hellbent on defending his authority to go to the wedding, when that’s HER BROTHER and all he did was gaslight the shit outta her. His reasoning was super flawed too, all the points he used were exactly what he was doing - yet you clearly see no problem with this with how much you keep defending this shit. Try to backpedal from all the replies you made on other comments, I’ll wait. I want to see what you have to say for this bs you’ve displayed - even when she obviously has just as much of a right as he does, if not more. Just because he ‘may’ be a best man does NOT mean that he deserves to be there more than the sister. Best mans and bridesmaids are very close friends of the bride and groom, not necessarily family members unless the bride/groom really really consider them to be their best friend. In this case then hypothetically using YOUR example, I could say that maybe OP could be a bridesmaid - then what? Your argument falls flat because there aren’t even solid points, that’s all it is. A hypothetical scenario. She could be way closer to her brother right? Spending her whole childhood life with him it’s more likely, just because they’re best friends doesn’t mean she’s automatically less important.
@@goofyrat2938 Dude, this was almost a year ago, do you really think I remember the whole story without listening to the episode or browsing Reddit for comments and updates again? From reading my comment though I still think I'm right and you're wrong. Have a nice day. :)
@@CidVeldoril that just shows me that you haven’t changed in 5 months and your reasoning is still horrible. Also.. how is 5 months almost a year to you?? You just proved my point, bye 👋
@@goofyrat2938 It shows "11 months" next to my comment, just as it shows "18 minutes" next to yours. Might be that this is showing incorrectly, I don't know. I've watched so many of these videos that I can't be bothered. Why exactly are you batting for the inconsiderate wifey though?
Red Flag City with that first story. OP needs a divorce.
Red white and blue flag, America!!
@@TKUA11 you mean France?
@@TKUA11 But Red Flag + Blue flag =/= Red and white striped flag with a blue square in top left with 50 stars on it though
@@GiordanDiodato
Or Russia
Or North Korea
Or Thailand
Or Cuba
Or Liberia
Or Chile
Or……..
*Regarding the therapy story:*
I 100% don’t think that man is having “therapy” I think he’s doing something he doesn’t want his wife knowing about like online sessions with a findom/femdom, camgirl, or something else in that realm, because let’s be real she said he has no real trauma, the therapist said 3-4hrs every day isn’t normal & if it truly was therapy he would probably not be so secretive or defensive about it especially when it comes to his wife, he’s doing something he has to hide from her, something shady, if I was his wife I’d try to find out ASAP what’s going on because in all honesty you don’t wanna be married to someone who’s constantly hiding shit from you & being an asshole. There’s a big difference between privacy & being a sneaky fuck.
The only thing I disagree with here is the "no real trauma" statement. Everyone has trauma and deals with it differently. Even without trauma that doesn't mean you don't need a therapist. Depression is a mental health disorder that can surface without trauma, and there are others. I personally started having fairly major depression issues when I was 12, with no real trauma. I have not gotten help for it, even though over the last 13 years I have definitely had trauma add to it.
@@TrekkerMoto I agree that no real trauma can hide an issue, depression is often hiding in those who have their "life together". However, even when I had suffered major trauma I only went to therapy 2-3x a week for an hour each.
He's not in therapy. Check charges to your bank/credit card. Anyone slamming his laptop before you can see he's hiding something
2nd story: "therapists" sounds like the husband is having an affair or talking to other people online.
Husband in the first story dumped his responsibility onto his relatives and they, in turn, literally torture the child. Those three adults are behaving more like four-year-olds than the four-year-old.
Husband in the wedding story is a controlling a-hole. This poor woman has been stuck at home for four years. When does she get a break? And who the heck does he think he is for not allowing her to attend HER brother's wedding? Oh, yeah--HE'S in control, that's who. Lady, run, run like the wind and take your kids with you. The wedding is perfect timing and destination and you'd be running straight back to your family.
@Gaming with me Graeme Kelly *groan, yeah the cops. Oh Lordy.
That first story, she really needs to find out just what her husband was doing while he pawned his kid off on his sil.
In my house timeout was 15 minutes. 90 is straight up bordering on child cruelty
Not even bordering on, that *is* cruel and straight up child abuse. Imo a time-out longer than five minutes for a 4 year old toddler is just pointless and pretty counterproductive 🤷 Isn't the point of a time-out supposed to be to get the child to take a breather during an outburst so they'll be able to listen to their parent telling them a behaviour is not acceptable? After such a long time a small child isn't going to remember what the reason was for the time-out, and it's just torture at that point. That story was just awful :(
@@ルシラムス exactly. My family have always used 15 minutes because it allows time to calm down but any more than that is excessive imo
@@leojennings2438 90 minutes is just too long. Like do they really expect a literal toddler to hold it in for 30 minutes? Someone call CPS on these monsters... Their children must be depressed and traumatized.
90 minute time out?! What the fuck?! That’s not time out that’s putting a kid in a spot to ignore them
I don't know if the husband in the last story is cheating - maybe he is, maybe he isn't - but he's definitely intentionally isolating his wife. Even if he does have trauma regarding a babysitter, that's something he needs to work through in therapy, find trusted family or friends or professionals to help out, it doesn't mean he gets to force his wife to never the leave the house.
That last one royally pissed me off. It's HER brother. She has every right to go as much as he does, if not more.
In the first story it would be interesting to know what was the "emergency" of the stepdad
"Well you see, the boys wanted me to go out fishing with em and I couldn't just refuse! You know they rely on me to crack stupid jokes and not catch anything!"
@@GamerGrovyle you could literally take a four year old fishing though.
@@tylerclark1979 Arguably, not easily one with ADHD, if you want to do any fishing at all and not chase after them, stop them from splashing in the water, or talking loudly. Asking them to sit quietly, not move, and go fishing might as well be time out to some kids.
@@Spyrika i have adhd.
@@tylerclark1979 OK. What's your point?
Who wants to bet the first story’s husband’s emergency was an affair.
I will take that action but my money is on Cult.
50 dollars on fanduel sportsbook
a chicken on gambling addiction
I’ve literally heard of employees peeing their pants because they were denied access to a bathroom for more than 30 to 45 minutes to think that a four-year-old could hold their bladder for 90 minutes is absolutely ridiculous nausea four-year-old ever be in a time out standing up for 90 minutes. That’s child abuse!
As soon I heard he thinks a regular child can hold their pee for 90 min I knew they were bullshiting. That's literally impossible unless you have a body that can biologically made for that.
Around 1990 when I was a pretty young kid (elementary school, first or second grade or so) I vividly remember one cold winter's day in PE (physical education class) when I had to sit for the whole class against a wall with the kids who were in the timeout corner because I had a doctor's note saying I had a bladder infection. I had to pee really badly so asked to go to the bathroom and the head PE coach yelled at me that no, I couldn't go because I was bad.
I didn't know what she was talking about but went to go hide in the corner with the others and eventually the coach's assistance came up to me because I was sitting funny and asked what was wrong. I said it was cold and I asked to go to the bathroom an hour ago but the coach said I was a problem child, and she lost it on the lady. She helped me up to take me inside but I had already peed my pants and the rest came out as I stood so my long sweatpants were completely soaked. She was apologizing to me nonstop for an hour and groveled to my parents when they came to get me so I could go home and change clothes.
Hope that came to bite the coach harder than I think it did. I was teased for the rest of the year.
For the last story, I genuinely would rather have my sibling attend my wedding and no one else than have them miss.
Well, if I had a sister and she was dating my or married to my best friend, that might be tricky. He'd be the best man at the wedding, so not having him there would kinda throw shit at the fan. Also we don't get told what kind of relationship OP has with her brother. For all we know they are currently on "Christmas card terms".
If the husband doesn’t want a babysitter then HE can stay home while OP go’s to the wedding
hold on, wait, he can't though, because op is the woman, so she can't go anywhere /s
Why do I have the feeling the husband with the “therapists “ is not actually doing therapy but cheating like who the hell just shuts ur lab too on a therapy session when someone comes in right?
Especially cause since it's on a laptop, 7 out of 10 it's gonna disconnect the call and you'll have to call back.
And seeing as I've seen a thousand of therapists in my life, I'm sure the therapist would try getting the husband to be more open with his spouse over the issues they speak of in session. So yeaaahhhhh.
Yes and therapists would be understanding that the partner of their patient may have sometimes left something in the shared bedroom. Then it will just be “oh good morning/afternoon OP” and OP would maybe wave to the cam as a greeting with a good morning/afternoon wish back at them and something like “sorry you two just needed my pads real quick, go on”. That is how a healthy little interaction could go.I think a therapist would be aware of their patient having a partner and be totally fine with them sometimes walking in for that pad or a sweater because they suddenly feel chilly or something along those lines. That’s natural and all therapists will be understanding to that stuff.
Or it can be addiction to gambling,porn hell even gaming but know it must be cheating.
Leaving a four year old standing around in pee-soaking clothing until they're picked up (presumably hours later) is unacceptable - a person cannot do that and still say with a straight face that they're providing adequate care. That's irrespective of how they came to soil themselves, but to have blocked them going to the loo properly is straight up ridiculous and only compounds the neglect. Let them wait for a long, long time in that apology - its hard to be sorry for anything other than their own lack of care. Also, calling a parent up in the middle of a funeral for the kid wetting themselves is not a reasonable emergency, in my opinion, unless the carer is completely inept they should be able to deal with this.
Waiting an hour and a half to pee would end up with anyone pissing themselves, essentially a child, who denys a child the use of the restroom, could’ve went right back to timeout