Imagine the gullibility of the people that believed that BS, he would of not had access to the account and to believe that they only text is moronic, husband and wife don't live together? whatever, so many holes a sensible human with a brain between their ears would know it is BS.
Wasn’t his son, it was just some sick child his wife brought into the marriage and which he finally got rid off without lifting a finger (the last part is an imagination of how he might have felt at the time)
Third story: I'm a nanny, and OP DEFINITELY did the right thing. Like wow. She claims not to know much about kids, but has the right instincts that she should seriously consider a career as a caregiver (up to her of course, I'm just complimenting as a professional). Some women just aren't able to breastfeed. That's why formula was invented so babies unable to get breastmilk can get fed. The cousin shouldn't have pushed so hard, ignoring the health of the mother or the baby. There's no one-size fits all style of parenting. In end, one has to do what's best for child's health and happiness, and OP knew right away.
Amen! Sometimes people only think of the baby while totally ignoring the mom's health. Some women just can't produce enough milk. Its really common. Before formula was invented, women would use animal milk or the baby would simply starve to death. Formula is a gift! EDIT: I forgot about wet nurses!
RN here. While breastfeeding is usually recommended, it is not in any way the only way. The health of the mother and the baby are primary. If the mother isn't able to produce breastmilk formula is absolutely a viable option.
I breast fed my son fully till he was 6m and then in the mornings till he was weened at a year. However, I was only able to produce milk till my daughter was 6m and had to move to formula until she was on milk and food. They are both perfectly healthy children to this day. There was an episode on "Call the Midwife" where they were starting to introduce formula as an option for mothers to supplement their milk with. The younger midwives were open to the idea while one of the older ones was stuck on "breast is best". One of the new mothers trying to go with the motto literally tried until she was bleeding but was refusing formula cause she was supposed to be the source for her baby. Fun show, I recommend it.
I'm glad to see these comments. As I was listening I was horrified. I don't remember the exact statistics, but the infant mortality rate before formula was frighteningly high. I wish more people understand this fact. Women like the SIL had a very hight mortality rate, too. Formula literally saves babies and adults. Good for OP to go with her instincts.
Me too. He's a heartless monster to spend a sick person's money like that right after they died. He would get less if he spent his own money but someone else's money that's not around. I have a feel that he thought that since they weren't around anymore, it was free to use or something like that. And if so, I feel so angry just typing this.
Third story: definitely NTA. Having a baby (or babies) doesn't make you an expert and Rachel pressuring SIL to only breastfeed when clearly SIL is struggling is downright cruel.
Everyone seems to be treating Rachel like she was a lactation consultant when she was just a mom. I'm a mom who has breastfed 4 babies, but I know I don't know everything about breastfeeding. That SIL needed intervention of some type and OP cared enough to see that.
I don’t get why people are so crazy over breastfeeding! If it comes easily and naturally then do it! If you are struggling to live and it’s hindering you and the baby then supplement. It doesn’t have to be every feeding or forever. Why are people so crazy
It's really common and perfectly okay for breastfeeding women to supplement their milk with formula. The breastfeeding 100% no matter what crowd or very toxic and literally cause the death of babies.
@Nicole Volcy There’s a kind of antibodies that are passed along through milk, boosts up the baby’s immune system a little while it’s still learning what germs to attack. Weird, but true. So breastfeeding can be a *bit* better that way, but it’s not such a big deal that formula isn’t an option.
My mom couldn't breastfeed and she raised me on only formula and I turned out fine. I'm smart and healthy. She tried everything to breastfeed me but she just couldn't produce any milk no matter what she did. And the great thing is, nobody pressured her or shamed her for using formula. Because I would have starved to death otherwise. I can only roll my eyes when people preach about breastfeeding being the best. If that were true, wouldn't I be somehow lesser as a person than people who were breastfed? But I'm not lol I'm perfectly normal.
The last story's OP has been so Gaslighted by her Family-in-Law it's alarming. Said it often and saying it again : If you suddenly look bad because someone told others the truth, they did not make you look bad, you are just bad.
@@notsosuperhero267 I think SIL was in on it. Her message makes me think the response they were expecting was for her to confront MIL alone so they could ambush her and then play the victim to husband and cause a divorce.
The last story: OP had every right to show the text to her husband. Even if it didn't concern his mother, you should always be able to share stuff that upsets you with your SO.
Yeah, a good rule to live by might be not to send anyone anything that would end your bond with their SO if they heard about it. Unless you don't care about said bond.
I heard this story before, one commenter said it's entirely possible the MIL accidentally took a double dose of insulin, drunk texted the DIL (symptom of extremely low blood sugar), then could have died in the night if her son hadn't confronted her. She's still an AH though.
Mother-In-law faced consequences for the first time and doesn't like it. Welcome to the Karma Café - there are no menus; you just get what you deserve.
Also, unless our blood sugar is too low or too high, us diabetes don't just faint like that. The MIL being diabetic had nothing to do with what happened.
This 18 year old has a good head on her shoulders. As a physician I can confirm BABIES NEED TO EAT, and sometimes the mother can't produce enough milk or breastfeed at all. There is quality formula out there and that's a lifesaver for many families. People need to chill.
No but for real, when I was born a nurse shamed my mom for not breast feeding me even though she "has big boobs and a lot of milk" (that isn't how it works and it was kinda weird she thought that as a nurse and a woman.) My mom got tired of this and showed her the double split nipples she got during the traumatic birth experience that wouldn't let her breastfeed at the moment even if she wanted to, and that shut the nurse up. People need to not be so judgy to begin with when it comes to things like this
Yes, so true. I had a choice to either starve my son or give him formula, because of no milk. For whatever reason. I had a friend whose newborn ended up in hospital because of near starvation. She was in a similar situation as the mother in the story, and was too bullied by fanatic breastfeeders in her family. Hate extremists with a passion.
My stepmom and cousin were in similar situations because they felt like they were forced to breastfeed instead of just giving formula. In the end their kids were given formula and my half-sister is now 20 while my cousin's kids are doing fine as well.
I couldn't care less if a person like her has a chronic disease - if they're adults, they have no excuse. They only have themselves to blame if they don't think through what they say and do before they suffer the consequences of it. Victim blaming and refusing to hold someone accountable for what they started is a plague on modern society and human values, and it's something we must fight with tooth and nail so that that kind of toxicity isn't normalized.
I wonder if she's been bad mouthing her to other family members for years and whether they've even seen that vitriolic text she sent. Because I certainly wouldn't side with my mum if she spoke to my SIL like that. They are just enabling her abuse
@@RagehungerPlus diabetes isn't that big a deal its just a medical condition lots of people regularly manage, they are making it out like she's got cancer ?
That story about the manager - it’s so dangerous to give out a schedule to anyone. You don’t know who’s calling to ask - it could be a complete stranger with dark intentions, or someone known to OP who wants to cause harm. Don’t blame them for quitting
Definitely. Would’ve given the manager more buttholes. Creepy men would come in our restaurant all the time asking for our schedules (of all the young females which was me, my best friend, and her sister) and whoever they were asking about would be the one hiding while the other covers and says they don’t know.
Agreed, my old employer doesn't even give schedules or whether or not someone works at a location AT ALL to ANYONE, let alone reference info. Other employers who DO want references have to jump through so many hoops.
The third story is classic delusions at their finest. People like those (not OP) in the third story are so corrupted to the core by delusions and the idiotic concept that they can do no wrong, that they will warp their civilized sense of human reason into a rotten mess that causes them to become narcissistic and pathetic. TAKE, RESPONSIBILITY, FOR, YOUR, ACTIONS!! Its NOT HARD, you LOSE NOTHING, I'm tired of seeing stories of people so out of touch with actual reality that they cant just admit fault for the tiniest things!
Right? I mean I understand that there’s things breast milk can do (when your child is sick your body produces certain things in your milk to literally help them get better) which formula can’t do. In a lot of ways breast milk is better for your child but that doesn’t mean formula is bad or will harm your child in any way, unless your child is lactose intolerant but in that case there’s lactose free formula. My family often uses a mix of both formula and breast milk depending on if we can’t pump that day or if our milk dries up faster than normal and every single one of my family members who was on formula is perfectly healthy. If breast milk was literally the only way then medical professionals wouldn’t, in some cases, encourage parents to use it. I can only picture what her sister in law looked like and honestly if I saw my sister in law in that state I’d be scared for her and I’d do anything to help her even if that meant spending my last few dollars on a can of formula because family takes care of each other and clearly NO ONE in ops family was doing that. So yeah I’d have to say as well that op is 100000000% not the butthole
@@speedythewerewolf5788 This. This comment right here. Seriously what do those people think happened 200 years ago-before baby formula-to the babies of mothers that weren't able to breastfeed for whatever reason? They got their food from sunlight? No! Those poor infants died of starvation and malnutrition, and their mothers, those poor women, had to watch it happen! Not truly able to do a thing about it! The fuck they think formula was invented for!? People got tired of watching babies starve!
I dont understand why OPs husband is avoiding her if he’s the one who disowned his mother in order to defend her??? Does he think his mother did wrong or not???
@@altheaudaku5932 My guess is he's trying to avoid conflict and being bashed by his side of the family since they were all blaming OP for all this, which I don't blame him for it.
Ex-Husband: *"I'm gonna sue you for stealing our deceased son's money!!"* Husband: *"Lol, OP is gonna defend me because she's my wife, you can't do shit! XD"* OP: *"Sure, go ahead and sue him."* Husband: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
If I was OP: Don’t worry about him, you took it right out of my bank account, you better hope I don’t press charges for you stealing money straight from my pocket. And this goes without saying but we are getting a divorce.
I am just wondering what it is that made OP and her ex divorce Although I will add that stress if cancer could have played a part in that as we do not know how long ago the divorce was nor do we know how long the kid had cancer for.
People seem to ignore that spouses or children don't have to defend you or support you if you are clearly in the wrong. Heck, there are some situations where people should never support their spouse (eg molestation/rape, though that's grounds for divorce per adultery right there. Also, murder).
i re-read it and like, the current husband wasnt even mention to putting in the fund... he a fucking thief and it was for a child. a sick child. fucking gross, dump em and find something new
Third story: Baby formula and milk are nutritionally the same, so what's REALLY going on here is a control issue. OP literally saved their SIL and their niece, so rock solid 0/5 buttholes from me.
There are some benefits to breast milk in terms of boosting immune system and lessen the risk for allergies. But since the baby actually needs to eat in order to get that, any food is better than no food.
The benefits of breastmilk: boosts the immune system and is readily available with no fuss The benefits of formula: guaranteed correct nutritional value and can be fed by anyone. Breastfeeding is great if you can, formula is great if you can't. And moms mental health is a VERY valid reason to feed formula.
@@charamia9402 But she's able to breastfeed (just not enough or something like that idk) and for the rest she can feed the baby formula so.. the immune system boosting effect from the breastmilk (even if it's not 100%) is there 🤷🏻♀️
Exactly and that manager would be responsible if OP is hurt or harassed or killed because the manager don't understand what is the implications of that.
@@1985toyotacamry I want to know if op found out who her stalker is, also how long have they been doing this? The way the manager said it, it sounded like at least a week or so. Isn't that also against privacy laws? In the UK we can't give out personal information ourselves nevermind other members of staff. That women is mind numbingly dumb!
Last Story: "...should have confronted MIL alone" Yes, let's tell the tired, post-delivery mother to confront the openly-hostile woman that's going to "pretend to accept" that OP is her grandchild's mother. I'm sure nothing bad would _ever_ come from that!
OP would likely ended up in the hospital of that confrontation out of stress, which is understandable as OP is a new mom and already is feeling unwell. In any case, MIL needs a reality check. As for the husband, my string gut feeling is he's just as stressed about this as OP after disowning his mother. Probably needs time to heal and understand she did this to herself not OP. Hopefully things work out, especially with how harassing the family is
@@johngennaria7081 That, and I'm also guessing that OP's husband is avoiding OP just to avoid being bashed by the rest of his family since they were all blaming OP for this whole thing and it really feels like they believe that OP is a mistress and had manipulated her husband into turning against his mother.
Globe-trotting golfer: The husband can make all the excuses under the sun but the money was not his to take. By some stretch, he might be right in that what his now wife put into the fund was also his but in no universe could he claim any right to the portion deposited by the father of the dead child (the ex-husband) and he's right to sue the bugger - 10 out of 5 b-holes for the husband.
I can relate so much to the breastfeeding one. The best way to feed a baby is to feed the baby. Breast milk or formula is ok. There’s so much guilt when a mom can’t breast feed and it’s ridiculous
💯 agree. I had eclampsia was extremely sick and couldn’t produce enough milk. I had to substitute. Mothers should be supported no matter how they choose to supplement. I’m extremely thankful for the wonderful support I received from nursing staff.
@@every1needstacos801 being a new mom is hard enough. I don’t know why other moms feel the need to mom shame over formula. My daughter had a tied tongue, that mixed with my milk not coming in was just a recipe for disaster. I felt so bad when I decided to formula feed but it turned out to be what was best for my baby and I
@@every1needstacos801 Pumping extra can sometimes help make more milk, but there are women who just struggle. There are cultures and indigenous groups that even to this day have other women who aren't expecting hand express for months or do things to also have milk to help breastfeed the new baby. (Yes, that's possible. Some adoptive mothers work to encourage milk to breastfeed adopted babies). Or, you have a super slow flow. Uni-breastfeeding is also a thing. The breast is best community can be so toxic. I had to bottle feed my second for a few days because he wasn't latching well. Does fine now, but some people even hate bottle feeding breast milk. smh
I am a mom of five I did my best to breast feed and my first two babies where fed brest milk most of the time for nearly a year my second set was way worse I went 48 hours straight without sleep and with two children who where crying constantly because of hunger so I gave them formula and it saved them so much agony. My first set that where fed brest milk has one Boy who is in Advanced classes while his twin is Autistic. My second set who was formula fed has one Advanced child and one who is a cancer surviver and who is borderline on the spectrum. My last child had all the luck and got the right amount of everything and she is absolutely average. So what I gave them didn't matter in the end. All that matters is that kids don't go hunger when options are available.
The husband in the last one made the right call. When you marry someone, you're putting them above every other person on Earth, no exceptions. Anyone that treats your spouse like that has no right to be in your life. I don't care if it's your mom or the damn Pope. In fact, he should disown every single person that takes his mother's side in this.
@@nightrain4749 Could be that he either thought the things his mom said were so absurd he didn't realize she'd needed it, or he's protecting her from it as much as he can, including not letting her get caught in his destructive wake.
Never mind that this statement is in direct contradiction to the first story. Would the right thing to do in story 1 be to stand beside the thieving husband over the ex? You might be right in this case, but in the real world, nothing is, or should be, unconditional.
I have listened and followed your posts for quite a while now. This one really pissed me off. The story about the husband who took money for a golf trip was absolutely disgusting and despicable. The next story made me furious - as a mum who myself was unable to breastfeed and knows how it feels to have every man and his dog trying to stick their two cents in. Then the last story.., WTF? You hit the jackpot with these stories lol.
I think the last poster's husband is just stressed out from the situation and just needs a bit of space. After how he stood up for OP, I think he's earned that.
The manager ABSOLUTELY DID commit a crime. It's illegal to give out your PERSONAL INFORMATION [which includes your work schedule] to someone. I, myself, will tell my parents when I work and such. Just so I'm given the opportunity to have a ride to and from work.
I could be thinking of another story, but I'm pretty sure OP said in the comments of that post that she was dealing with a stalker around the time of this incident and the manager knew about it. Which makes it worse because the manager actively endangered her employee and didn't even show any remorse when she was told it wasn't her dad who called.
Funny how golfing in another country is his way of grieving. He does seems like the type who would cheat on OP because she is grieving and blame it on her.
And Funny how he thinks stealing money from a dead child it's ok. He's lucky OP's ex husband is not the type of person to sent that piece of shit of a human to the hospital and use that money for medical bills.
@@johnnyhuntrero6870 I would have used that money for something like funeral, headstone all of that stuff then also use the money to put little toys near the headstone that he liked. My nan always gets cars and dolphins. Honestly op and the ex husband could have used that own money for a holiday which they both would 100% would have deserved of course after they have had their time to grieve. I hope they screw that guy over for every last penny he's got.
Third story: new mothers need all the help they can get!!!! OP is NOT the asshole for assisting a mother in post partem depression. OP was well in their rights to help a family member who clearly needed it!! They were showing a true form of love and selflessness that's rare to find. 0/5 assholes.
That wasn't ppd, she was being mentally and physically tortured by her toxic sister. Forced sleep deprivation, gaslighting and brainwashing are literally torture tactics and exactly what the sister was doing to that poor woman. Even the strongest person would hit their breaking point after that much torture, and her crying with relief from just getting the tiniest bit of real support from op and then being able to step back and evaluate her situation after finally getting respite to then see how toxic everyone else was being is heartbreaking in a good way. Op did a wonderful thing for that woman and should be praised not shamed for stepping in when she did
Taking the money without discussing it with his wife first is just a symptom of the disrespect OP's husband has towards her. Divorce is in order, and I'm sure this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I'm guessing he regularly goes out with his buddies on his wife's birthday, etc.
Second story: The manager should have hesitated to give out the worker's schedule simply because the worker's father could simply ask her. I'm not entirely sure about the legalities involved, but it's unwise and ill-mannered at best.
If the story is based in Europe somewhere, that action is a SEVERE GDPR data breach. Consequences for such an action are usually a fine where it severely hurts a business's budget (Usually £1.75mil in the UK or €1.8mil in EU countries or 4% of the company's annual global turnover). The company would most likely suffer reputational damages if the press got wind of what happened. The company would also potentially face litigation efforts by individuals or groups involved (possible lawsuits and such like). Company directors often face backlash if the company does not do anything in response to allegations of a GDPR data breach. The OP has a very good case to sue them AND bring this to local news agencies. The company (or rather the manager) doesn't have a leg to stand on and would be best to offer a LARGE settlement amount (think in the £500000 or £1mil range) to avoid even more consequences (that is if the press didn't get a whiff of what was happening).
I just want to add that, in the first story, current husband litterally blamed the sick dead child's illness for not being the reason why he was able to bond. Like...what? There was other ways to bond, but I guess this is more, in my mind, extremely emotionally and negatively manipulative to make his wife feel bad for something she has 0 control over, and it sounds like blame shifting for even suggesting that this prevented him from doing anything, and then piggy backing into his "grief" argument by spending money that wasn't his without his wife's knowledge, or even considering asking her if he could. Seems to me that current hubby would have potentially found a way to blame ex husband rather than ce forth, or hoped that he would never be discovered. What a vile individual!
Quit on the spot story; I'm gonna say this once for those in the back - IT'S ILLEGAL to give out employee information to people who do NOT work there!!!!!!!
3:28 I'm actually suprised that OP went for his ex husband's wishes to sue, this knob gobbler thinks he's entitled to money that actually belongs to OP and her ex, and he's so delusional, there are many ways to grieve but I don't think spending what I can only describe as blood money to go only pretty expensive golf trip on another country, it's almost (and bear with me on this) as if he doesn't really care about his stepson
@@nondisclosure3920 Easy, power got to the manager's head. Probably a bone-headed scheme to "convince" OP to work longer hours without pay, cause the stalker can't touch you if you're on the clock, right?
I have to say the 3rd story resonated with me bc I tried so hard to make breastfeeding work and it felt like a huge failure as well as the fact I was new to being a parent and felt I couldn't do anything right. It was so hard for me to admit I couldn't and go from breastfeeding to supplementing to full formula fed. My child is over 2 now and formula did just as good in hindsight
My mom fed my brother and I formula. I think he sucked too hard and I wouldn’t latch on. 🤷🏻♀️ If I ever had children and unable to breastfeed, I wouldn’t sweat it.
To the 1st story it sounds like an ex husband number 2 in the making. As for the 2nd story, OP's boss pretty much did a violation of privacy. As a manager she should know that and and they always told us at my job that's my job that if anybody calls for information other than ourselves they're not allowed loud to give out information (I work in a government facility).
Absolutely correct both 1&2. I work for the government as well and if someone calls for information we say “We cannot confirm or deny this person works here”.
How did the husband even get the money. This is so crazy that my BS alarm is ringing. I don't know but I truly hope that story is fake how do you even marry someone so evil or the father being such a scumbag
Third story: some babies (like me) are actually allergic to/get sick from their mothers breast milk, and this requires formula. So the family didn’t care about the baby or sister in law, just their screwed up “tradition”
6:29 I'm not 100% on this but I think giving another person work schedule is illegal as it's an unethical conflict of interest, and could get you fired, also I'm pretty sure a GM not a shift manager is allowed to give out that information (within reason)
@@Neokogirl okey maybe not everyone job, but definitely jobs that are privatized, government, union, etc. But even so if someone called or came into work asking for my work schedule, I'd be cautious as well, because anyone can come in and claim they're the freaking prime minister and your boss would probably believe them
Last Story: OP did NOT ruin the relationship of her husband and his mother...the MOTHER IN LAW is the one that ruined her and her son's relationship by sending this long winded, abusive text to OP. I mean anyone would show this text to their significant other if their mother would send them a text like that..
Not only did she disrespect and berate her daughter-in-law over nothing, she lied about her son as well. Her getting disowned was definitely warranted.
That manager had no right to give out her schedule. I've had experience of things that happened to co-workers after people found out where they were. Two people were harassed by their exs at work and a third was robbed when someone gave out that this co-worker was in the store.
The Story with the baby? Definitely NTA, she did exactly the right thing. She saw that the SIL suffered and stepped up. It was the best thing she could do, sure breastfeading is great but if it does not work then formula is the next best thing.
Giving out personal info of an employee or coworker, even if it's to a family member that you recognize, is illegal where I live unless that coworker is present and consents.
Third story, OP you may have saved that babies life. That baby could have starved while that poor woman's family tortured her. My son became malnourished at around 9 months due to my milk suddenly drying up and he needed a feeding tube, it scared me to death. I'm formula feeding my last baby once she's born and I breastfed my first two babies with no issue. Things happen
First story: I didn't think rslash was laughing like "hahah lol" and more like "this situation is so fucked up that it made me laugh or I will lose my shit"
5:40 It is very common now and a tactic used for stalkers or strangers who wish to do harm to pose as someone you know and ask for a work schedule of said person so they can cause harm. Be careful y’all!
I'm a mum of a 3 year old and suffered with low supply. It broke my heart to use formula because everything that could have gone wrong with the birth went wrong. It doesn't help that "breast is best" is taught in birthing and feeding classes. So it was really hard. That SIL that was pressuring the new mum to keep going with the breastfeeding despite obviously things not going well is a complete AH. I even hate those mums that say "just keep nursing/pumping" or "you need to eat oats/drink gatorade" or other stuff like that. Low supply is a real thing. That not being talked about and investogated and accepted by medical professionals really hurts mums and their babies. Otherwise the boob nuts will keep with their toxic behaviour and endangering lives.
Historically, babies would regularly die because before formula was invented women would tap out of milk commonly. When formula was made it literally saved babies lives and continues to do so, and yet people saying breast is best ignore that for stupid entitled reasons.
The most disapointing aspect is that people believe everything without any critical thought, like how did the current husband get access to the savings account set up between his wife and ex husband? Also the only contact the wife has with her husband is text messages? Sory but my BS alarm goes off and my disappointment level of Rslash is going up, he used to not go for the too far out and too many questions unanswered stuff, but lately he has thrown that out the window, click chasing due to his first born I guess.
14:02 girl if my parents sent anything along the lines of WTFTW to my future wife, and how they treated her dog, I'd graystone as well, but I wouldn't tell them, and if they ask why I've been ignoring then I'd simply say "you tell me, I've seen the text you went my wife, and showed me just how awful you are, goodbye"
my older sibling had a baby last january and she tried to breastfeed but it was just too taxing, she wasn’t even as bad as the woman in the story and she breastfed for 3 months, then she decided to go on formula and my niece is fine, she’s 11 months old now and she hit all her milestones either right on time or early, she’s even said her first word last month, breastfeeding is better but it’s not better enough to sacrifice your mental and physical health
The op in the third story saved her SIL from a full post partum breakdown, at least op's brother is now helping with the baby now so SIL can have a break
Ya he was having "dumb boy brain" because his wife was being forced to walk around topless 24/7 but once his sister stepped in it cleared his head for a few moments and that's all he needed to step up
4:56 I know that laugh, it's the same laugh my dad has, rSlash isn't laughing because of how funny it is (it isn't) he's laughing as how ridiculous it is, I even had that laugh with my cousin when he stole a charge stand from me, I was pissed, and I was angry laughing because he tried to justify it by saying how unfortunate he was, to which I said "dude if you need something from us, ask and maybe will help, don't just steal shit from our house!"
Mom of 3 exclusively breastfed babies here, on the story of the breastfeeding cousin. Okay no sides, just facts. Number 1, women look rough after birth and what is known as the 4th trimester. They cry all the time because their hormones are wild. Not like a singular tear, full on whaling. They also get no sleep, so they are exhausted on top of it. If the mother chooses to breastfeed, you need that breastfeeding consultant from the hospital. You can contact them anytime after you leave the hospital as well. That being said, a fed baby is best. If you want a break and give baby formula, don't feel bad about it! If you want to pump and only give your breastmilk out of a bottle, do it! If you want your baby to strictly have the breast, that's fine. And if you don't want to breastfeed at all and do all formula, that is okay too! That cousin forcing the mother to try and feed all day, that's just torture. First babies are hard. If you're not sure what to do, your pediatrician can give you advice that's non bias. YOU get to choose what is best for your baby. Not your family. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
I agree with OP, and I feel for SIL. I couldn't breastfeed and fed my son formula because he couldn't latch on to eat the sweet booby milk. So I completely sympathize with SIL. No, OP, you are NOT the A**Hole. ✌🏼✌🏽✌🏿
"You need to mind your own business" Do you not see how miserable SIL is? Do you not see her baby is malnourished? "Doesn't matter. You need to let us guilt trip her for not being able to produce milk"
I was really lucky enough to have such great coworkers when I worked for a gas station company. I had a really creepy guy [he had been in jail because he didn't take his schio meds] calling the store and asking me when I worked and such. I was okay with trying to be his friend [before I learned that he'd gone to jail], but he had literally told me that I wouldn't want to be his friend because he's a "loser." Like, NOPE. I put myself down everyday, but I will be friends with ANYONE who has a decent personality.
I'm grieving the loss of a child i claimed His medical condition kept us from getting to know each other.. oh might as well help myself to his money cause that's fcking make sense.
The text from the MIL, just the malignant narcissism oozing from it. I would disown someone if they sent a text like that to my spouse/significant other. Few things on AITA shock me, but reading/listening to that text shook me.
Where I work, we don’t give any information out about employees to ANYONE. If they name the staff member, we tell that staff member: “so and so is calling about x”. Then they can take the call or decline. Everything out is just “they’re unavailable” no matter where they are or what they’re doing
With the last story I think it’s likely that the husband is just embarrassed or, blames himself for lifting it get to the point that he did, that he just didn’t know what to say.
The fact that the manager in the second story only apologized AFTER she realized she'd be inconvenienced shows what kind of person she is. Did she not think it was weird OP's "father" called 5 times? Even if it was actually OP's dad there could be a no contact order in place. She really messed up and her first reaction was to be annoyed with OP because the manager is a selfish person.
I wonder how your daughter when shes older to your impressions my guess is that she will say something like "mommy why are there weird voices in the basement"
That second story. That manager should not give away people's schedules. I had a friend who had a very very messy breakup to the point of getting stalked. And if he had called and a manager gave away the schedule for her I wouldn't blame her.
As someone who also had problems breastfeeding, can confirm that OP did exactly the right thing in the third story. Thankfully I was surrounded by family who cared about my health and my baby's health more than the mystical powers of breast milk. ( Not saying it's not great for babies but ffs a well fed and healthy baby is the goal no matter how you got there)
Second Story: GDPR non compliance. Giving a stalker info he needs for a possible kidnapping or worse. She can sue for a ton of money. Why do ppl never consult lawyers in those cases.
@@Ikajo I think so. I guess it'll depend where the story is. If in America, well... I dunno, but it'd break some laws for sure. If it was in Europe, oh boy, that manager would be going down. VERY large fines for GDPR non-compliance, so that manager would be either in prison for not paying that fine, or be near bankrupt because of the fine.
The second story: it’s a rule for all places of work to not give out someone’s schedule. Even if it’s not it’s common sense! I went through training for all of my jobs on not to give schedules & what to do if someone tries
The formula story. I’m a breastfeeding mom, in fact I’m in the middle of weaning my last baby right now, so I was so ready during the first part of this story to rip OP a new one, that you never buy formula for a struggling mom unless they ask, etc. But that poor MOM. Seriously, what the FUCK is wrong with that family?? I’d be shocked, but unfortunately I have personal experience with being left to suffer and die so long as I was able to still provide food for my kids, so I know how much mothers can be neglected, especially right after giving birth. OP may have saved a life here, and I’m not even using hyperbole. That mom sounds like she was on the verge of a breakdown, and post-partum depression is no joke. Sure, breast is best, but a baby needs a HEALTHY, HAPPY, and FUNCTIONAL MOTHER above all! Fucking FED is best! Give the kid formula and let the mom shower! Fuck, i am so sorry for that mom. My heart just breaks. Good job OP.
Reminder to everyone in the breastfeeding vs formula story: Fed is best! My younger sister and I were both formula fed and surprise surprise we are just fine as fully grown adults. Some people need to get their heads out their asses and realize that we’re no longer in the dark ages and have advancements such as formula to move past those problems that can happen
I was guilted INTO formula for my first one BUT it helped me realize that honestly, I'd rather have my sanity and a healthy baby than my pride intact. I am all about breastfeeding and have given it my ALL with each of them but also did not feel guilty if I had to make a bottle every so often.
After listening so many reddit stories for long time , now I really can't trust anyone and always think they have other motive. It's really makes me to trust people wisely and talk to people carefully and always watch for loophole and keep everything as evidence.. 😅 . I think this is how this I get more mature
What that manager did was illegal. It is against federal law to even openly acknowledge a given employee is working there with any amount of specificity -- sometimes, to acknowledge it *at all*. OP has grounds to sue.
The breastfeeding story really got to me. That poor mother. I've been there. Baby not gaining weight, crying all the time, feeling guilty because I can't make milk for some reason. It's the most natural thing in the world, right? But when you can't do it, oh the pain. That OP was so kind to help her and lessen her guilt. I hope they're all doing well now.
I love how quick that manager went from condescending to apologetic after OP quit. It's the exact reason why so many people are quiting their jobs now, it's the only power employees have against bad managers and people have never used it since it could result in financial ruin. It's only now with a safety net that people can actually have a semblance of control over their own lives.
Another indicator in the first story for the „having an affair“ part: OP said that he went to the „golfing trip“ to a country he recently been before. Idk about y‘all but this seems a bit suspicious. Either way he likes to put things into a hole
My sister has 3 wonderful children, I absolutely adore my nieces and nephew. She couldn’t breast feed my nephew, her youngest, and it drove her insane, it really broke her heart, but thankfully she fully understood using formula is literally not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with needing to use formula. She was heartbroken because she loved the bonding experience, but her body just wasn’t able to produce enough milk, so we all made sure to support her, let her know she was doing amazingly, and helped where we possibly could. He’s 3 now, and guess what? He’s super healthy and happy, he’s a loving lad, and it’s not caused him any harm, he’s as healthy as his siblings! I’m upset folk ignored OPs SIL clear decline in healthy and happiness, they instead butted in, ignored her very clear needs, and were happy to see her child starve?!?
I am losing track of how many times Rslash says “I have no evidence and I don’t like to speculate when I have nothing to go on but I think your partner is cheating on you”
As a childhood can certainly survivor and a striving pediatric oncologist, the first story almost made me cry. It is sickening to see a man use the funds to treat his child with cancer for a golfing trip. It is cases like this that always push me further, strengthening my urge to fight; untill every child is well.
Imagine using your son’s emergency fund money for a golfing trip…
Whoa, didn't expect to see you here
The husband went truly beyond our expectations
Imagine the gullibility of the people that believed that BS, he would of not had access to the account and to believe that they only text is moronic, husband and wife don't live together? whatever, so many holes a sensible human with a brain between their ears would know it is BS.
That’s not only a lawsuit, but grounds for a divorce.
Wasn’t his son, it was just some sick child his wife brought into the marriage and which he finally got rid off without lifting a finger (the last part is an imagination of how he might have felt at the time)
Third story: I'm a nanny, and OP DEFINITELY did the right thing. Like wow. She claims not to know much about kids, but has the right instincts that she should seriously consider a career as a caregiver (up to her of course, I'm just complimenting as a professional).
Some women just aren't able to breastfeed. That's why formula was invented so babies unable to get breastmilk can get fed. The cousin shouldn't have pushed so hard, ignoring the health of the mother or the baby.
There's no one-size fits all style of parenting. In end, one has to do what's best for child's health and happiness, and OP knew right away.
Amen! Sometimes people only think of the baby while totally ignoring the mom's health. Some women just can't produce enough milk. Its really common. Before formula was invented, women would use animal milk or the baby would simply starve to death. Formula is a gift! EDIT: I forgot about wet nurses!
RN here. While breastfeeding is usually recommended, it is not in any way the only way. The health of the mother and the baby are primary. If the mother isn't able to produce breastmilk formula is absolutely a viable option.
The 'Breastfeeding only! Never baby formula! Baby formula is poison!" fanatics are the vegans of the new mother world.
I breast fed my son fully till he was 6m and then in the mornings till he was weened at a year. However, I was only able to produce milk till my daughter was 6m and had to move to formula until she was on milk and food. They are both perfectly healthy children to this day.
There was an episode on "Call the Midwife" where they were starting to introduce formula as an option for mothers to supplement their milk with. The younger midwives were open to the idea while one of the older ones was stuck on "breast is best". One of the new mothers trying to go with the motto literally tried until she was bleeding but was refusing formula cause she was supposed to be the source for her baby. Fun show, I recommend it.
I'm glad to see these comments. As I was listening I was horrified. I don't remember the exact statistics, but the infant mortality rate before formula was frighteningly high. I wish more people understand this fact. Women like the SIL had a very hight mortality rate, too. Formula literally saves babies and adults. Good for OP to go with her instincts.
OMG that first OP’s husband…. He’s lucky OP’s ex _only_ wanted to sue him. I hope OP divorces him
Me too. He's a heartless monster to spend a sick person's money like that right after they died. He would get less if he spent his own money but someone else's money that's not around. I have a feel that he thought that since they weren't around anymore, it was free to use or something like that. And if so, I feel so angry just typing this.
Yeah I’m just stuck on why the fuck would she marry someone who dosent even like her child….that pretty messed up. Fuck that husband tho
@@Ricky-ox7ip in that case she would have apologized instead of fighting with her son. She's just an asshole.
Yeah it's sure brave/reckless to steal from a dead child. Grieving parents that just lost their only child could sure do a lot worse than sue.
I wanna know what made op divorce op ex
Third story: definitely NTA. Having a baby (or babies) doesn't make you an expert and Rachel pressuring SIL to only breastfeed when clearly SIL is struggling is downright cruel.
Everyone seems to be treating Rachel like she was a lactation consultant when she was just a mom. I'm a mom who has breastfed 4 babies, but I know I don't know everything about breastfeeding. That SIL needed intervention of some type and OP cared enough to see that.
I don’t get why people are so crazy over breastfeeding! If it comes easily and naturally then do it! If you are struggling to live and it’s hindering you and the baby then supplement. It doesn’t have to be every feeding or forever. Why are people so crazy
It's really common and perfectly okay for breastfeeding women to supplement their milk with formula. The breastfeeding 100% no matter what crowd or very toxic and literally cause the death of babies.
@Nicole Volcy
There’s a kind of antibodies that are passed along through milk, boosts up the baby’s immune system a little while it’s still learning what germs to attack. Weird, but true. So breastfeeding can be a *bit* better that way, but it’s not such a big deal that formula isn’t an option.
My mom couldn't breastfeed and she raised me on only formula and I turned out fine. I'm smart and healthy. She tried everything to breastfeed me but she just couldn't produce any milk no matter what she did. And the great thing is, nobody pressured her or shamed her for using formula. Because I would have starved to death otherwise. I can only roll my eyes when people preach about breastfeeding being the best. If that were true, wouldn't I be somehow lesser as a person than people who were breastfed? But I'm not lol I'm perfectly normal.
The last story's OP has been so Gaslighted by her Family-in-Law it's alarming.
Said it often and saying it again : If you suddenly look bad because someone told others the truth, they did not make you look bad, you are just bad.
The family members probably dont even know what the mother sent. They probably think its something minor because the mon told them as such
I think our guy went a little too easy on her
@@notsosuperhero267 I think SIL was in on it. Her message makes me think the response they were expecting was for her to confront MIL alone so they could ambush her and then play the victim to husband and cause a divorce.
The last story: OP had every right to show the text to her husband. Even if it didn't concern his mother, you should always be able to share stuff that upsets you with your SO.
Yeah, a good rule to live by might be not to send anyone anything that would end your bond with their SO if they heard about it. Unless you don't care about said bond.
I heard this story before, one commenter said it's entirely possible the MIL accidentally took a double dose of insulin, drunk texted the DIL (symptom of extremely low blood sugar), then could have died in the night if her son hadn't confronted her. She's still an AH though.
damn straight
Mother-In-law faced consequences for the first time and doesn't like it. Welcome to the Karma Café - there are no menus; you just get what you deserve.
Also, unless our blood sugar is too low or too high, us diabetes don't just faint like that. The MIL being diabetic had nothing to do with what happened.
This 18 year old has a good head on her shoulders. As a physician I can confirm BABIES NEED TO EAT, and sometimes the mother can't produce enough milk or breastfeed at all. There is quality formula out there and that's a lifesaver for many families. People need to chill.
People need to finally understand that not all bodies are the same.. it doesn't only mean how they look, but also how they function.
No but for real, when I was born a nurse shamed my mom for not breast feeding me even though she "has big boobs and a lot of milk" (that isn't how it works and it was kinda weird she thought that as a nurse and a woman.) My mom got tired of this and showed her the double split nipples she got during the traumatic birth experience that wouldn't let her breastfeed at the moment even if she wanted to, and that shut the nurse up. People need to not be so judgy to begin with when it comes to things like this
As a father of twins I can say that giving formula is no big deal. My sons are now 7 years old and very healthy.
Yes, so true. I had a choice to either starve my son or give him formula, because of no milk. For whatever reason. I had a friend whose newborn ended up in hospital because of near starvation. She was in a similar situation as the mother in the story, and was too bullied by fanatic breastfeeders in her family. Hate extremists with a passion.
My stepmom and cousin were in similar situations because they felt like they were forced to breastfeed instead of just giving formula. In the end their kids were given formula and my half-sister is now 20 while my cousin's kids are doing fine as well.
Last story: SHE CHAINS UP THE DOG?? Also tried to make OP believe her husband is cheating on her. Like, what?? What a horrible woman
I couldn't care less if a person like her has a chronic disease - if they're adults, they have no excuse. They only have themselves to blame if they don't think through what they say and do before they suffer the consequences of it. Victim blaming and refusing to hold someone accountable for what they started is a plague on modern society and human values, and it's something we must fight with tooth and nail so that that kind of toxicity isn't normalized.
I wonder if she's been bad mouthing her to other family members for years and whether they've even seen that vitriolic text she sent. Because I certainly wouldn't side with my mum if she spoke to my SIL like that. They are just enabling her abuse
@@nondisclosure3920 Yeah, and it really feels like they all believe that OP was manipulating her husband into turning against his mother.
@@RagehungerPlus diabetes isn't that big a deal its just a medical condition lots of people regularly manage, they are making it out like she's got cancer ?
I would have had divorce papers already drafted and waiting for him the minute he came back into the country
I would've been mad about him leaving the country in general at a time like that but oooooof that's disgusting
F*cking-A Bubba!
Better change the lock before he came back
That story about the manager - it’s so dangerous to give out a schedule to anyone. You don’t know who’s calling to ask - it could be a complete stranger with dark intentions, or someone known to OP who wants to cause harm. Don’t blame them for quitting
Definitely. Would’ve given the manager more buttholes. Creepy men would come in our restaurant all the time asking for our schedules (of all the young females which was me, my best friend, and her sister) and whoever they were asking about would be the one hiding while the other covers and says they don’t know.
At this point, quitting might be what keeps her safe from who ever was asking for her schedule in the first place
Agreed, my old employer doesn't even give schedules or whether or not someone works at a location AT ALL to ANYONE, let alone reference info. Other employers who DO want references have to jump through so many hoops.
Third story: NTA, OP sounds like a good person. She showed genuine sympathy and concern for her SIL even though literally everyone didn't.
The third story is classic delusions at their finest. People like those (not OP) in the third story are so corrupted to the core by delusions and the idiotic concept that they can do no wrong, that they will warp their civilized sense of human reason into a rotten mess that causes them to become narcissistic and pathetic. TAKE, RESPONSIBILITY, FOR, YOUR, ACTIONS!! Its NOT HARD, you LOSE NOTHING, I'm tired of seeing stories of people so out of touch with actual reality that they cant just admit fault for the tiniest things!
Really, also it's so important to keep support up for the mom postpartum. It can get dark and deep into depression and/or anxiety
Right? I mean I understand that there’s things breast milk can do (when your child is sick your body produces certain things in your milk to literally help them get better) which formula can’t do. In a lot of ways breast milk is better for your child but that doesn’t mean formula is bad or will harm your child in any way, unless your child is lactose intolerant but in that case there’s lactose free formula. My family often uses a mix of both formula and breast milk depending on if we can’t pump that day or if our milk dries up faster than normal and every single one of my family members who was on formula is perfectly healthy. If breast milk was literally the only way then medical professionals wouldn’t, in some cases, encourage parents to use it. I can only picture what her sister in law looked like and honestly if I saw my sister in law in that state I’d be scared for her and I’d do anything to help her even if that meant spending my last few dollars on a can of formula because family takes care of each other and clearly NO ONE in ops family was doing that. So yeah I’d have to say as well that op is 100000000% not the butthole
lets say it, FED IS BEST. doesnt matter where it comes from. Well, make sure it's safe for consumption lol
@@speedythewerewolf5788 This. This comment right here. Seriously what do those people think happened 200 years ago-before baby formula-to the babies of mothers that weren't able to breastfeed for whatever reason? They got their food from sunlight? No! Those poor infants died of starvation and malnutrition, and their mothers, those poor women, had to watch it happen! Not truly able to do a thing about it! The fuck they think formula was invented for!? People got tired of watching babies starve!
Story 4: You know what OP did? She *exposed* her husband's mother's true colors to him. She deserved to be disowned
End of story. Plus, OP was sick as she was a new mom, which can happen. MIL was just too pompous to understand why out of hatred
I dont understand why OPs husband is avoiding her if he’s the one who disowned his mother in order to defend her??? Does he think his mother did wrong or not???
@@ItsMeBarnaby He could've heard what his family is saying and is starting to believe it???? Weird theory, but a theory none the less
Honestly, it really seems like the family believes that OP had manipulated her husband into betraying his mother.
@@altheaudaku5932 My guess is he's trying to avoid conflict and being bashed by his side of the family since they were all blaming OP for all this, which I don't blame him for it.
Ex-Husband: *"I'm gonna sue you for stealing our deceased son's money!!"*
Husband: *"Lol, OP is gonna defend me because she's my wife, you can't do shit! XD"*
OP: *"Sure, go ahead and sue him."*
Husband: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
If I was OP: Don’t worry about him, you took it right out of my bank account, you better hope I don’t press charges for you stealing money straight from my pocket. And this goes without saying but we are getting a divorce.
The ex husband didn't actually need OP's support to sue, but I'm sure it will help
I am just wondering what it is that made OP and her ex divorce
Although I will add that stress if cancer could have played a part in that as we do not know how long ago the divorce was nor do we know how long the kid had cancer for.
People seem to ignore that spouses or children don't have to defend you or support you if you are clearly in the wrong. Heck, there are some situations where people should never support their spouse (eg molestation/rape, though that's grounds for divorce per adultery right there. Also, murder).
i re-read it and like, the current husband wasnt even mention to putting in the fund... he a fucking thief and it was for a child. a sick child. fucking gross, dump em and find something new
Third story: Baby formula and milk are nutritionally the same, so what's REALLY going on here is a control issue. OP literally saved their SIL and their niece, so rock solid 0/5 buttholes from me.
In cases like this I think there should be a negative butthole rating given for the OP. sm
There are some benefits to breast milk in terms of boosting immune system and lessen the risk for allergies. But since the baby actually needs to eat in order to get that, any food is better than no food.
Exactly.
The benefits of breastmilk: boosts the immune system and is readily available with no fuss
The benefits of formula: guaranteed correct nutritional value and can be fed by anyone.
Breastfeeding is great if you can, formula is great if you can't. And moms mental health is a VERY valid reason to feed formula.
@@charamia9402 But she's able to breastfeed (just not enough or something like that idk) and for the rest she can feed the baby formula so.. the immune system boosting effect from the breastmilk (even if it's not 100%) is there 🤷🏻♀️
Story 2: This! Is! How! Women! Get! Killed! How does that manager know that guy isn’t some insane stalker who wants to do something to OP?
Exactly and that manager would be responsible if OP is hurt or harassed or killed because the manager don't understand what is the implications of that.
It's even worse when you find out she indeed was dealing with a stalker at the time and the manager even KNEW about it.
@@fadedotexe5888 what the actual f**k? That manager is insane and dangerous.
💯💯💯💯💯
@@1985toyotacamry I want to know if op found out who her stalker is, also how long have they been doing this? The way the manager said it, it sounded like at least a week or so. Isn't that also against privacy laws? In the UK we can't give out personal information ourselves nevermind other members of staff. That women is mind numbingly dumb!
Last Story:
"...should have confronted MIL alone"
Yes, let's tell the tired, post-delivery mother to confront the openly-hostile woman that's going to "pretend to accept" that OP is her grandchild's mother.
I'm sure nothing bad would _ever_ come from that!
OP would likely ended up in the hospital of that confrontation out of stress, which is understandable as OP is a new mom and already is feeling unwell. In any case, MIL needs a reality check. As for the husband, my string gut feeling is he's just as stressed about this as OP after disowning his mother. Probably needs time to heal and understand she did this to herself not OP. Hopefully things work out, especially with how harassing the family is
@@johngennaria7081 That, and I'm also guessing that OP's husband is avoiding OP just to avoid being bashed by the rest of his family since they were all blaming OP for this whole thing and it really feels like they believe that OP is a mistress and had manipulated her husband into turning against his mother.
Globe-trotting golfer: The husband can make all the excuses under the sun but the money was not his to take. By some stretch, he might be right in that what his now wife put into the fund was also his but in no universe could he claim any right to the portion deposited by the father of the dead child (the ex-husband) and he's right to sue the bugger - 10 out of 5 b-holes for the husband.
Extreme
When the husband in the 1st story claimed overwhelming grief and sorrow, I unintentionally and audibly gagged in disgust
Ok
I can relate so much to the breastfeeding one. The best way to feed a baby is to feed the baby. Breast milk or formula is ok. There’s so much guilt when a mom can’t breast feed and it’s ridiculous
💯 agree. I had eclampsia was extremely sick and couldn’t produce enough milk. I had to substitute. Mothers should be supported no matter how they choose to supplement. I’m extremely thankful for the wonderful support I received from nursing staff.
@@every1needstacos801 being a new mom is hard enough. I don’t know why other moms feel the need to mom shame over formula. My daughter had a tied tongue, that mixed with my milk not coming in was just a recipe for disaster. I felt so bad when I decided to formula feed but it turned out to be what was best for my baby and I
@@every1needstacos801 Pumping extra can sometimes help make more milk, but there are women who just struggle. There are cultures and indigenous groups that even to this day have other women who aren't expecting hand express for months or do things to also have milk to help breastfeed the new baby. (Yes, that's possible. Some adoptive mothers work to encourage milk to breastfeed adopted babies).
Or, you have a super slow flow. Uni-breastfeeding is also a thing. The breast is best community can be so toxic. I had to bottle feed my second for a few days because he wasn't latching well. Does fine now, but some people even hate bottle feeding breast milk. smh
I am a mom of five I did my best to breast feed and my first two babies where fed brest milk most of the time for nearly a year my second set was way worse I went 48 hours straight without sleep and with two children who where crying constantly because of hunger so I gave them formula and it saved them so much agony. My first set that where fed brest milk has one Boy who is in Advanced classes while his twin is Autistic. My second set who was formula fed has one Advanced child and one who is a cancer surviver and who is borderline on the spectrum. My last child had all the luck and got the right amount of everything and she is absolutely average. So what I gave them didn't matter in the end. All that matters is that kids don't go hunger when options are available.
@@bonniekeyworth3123 you sound like a good mom. I hope your kids are doing well
The husband in the last one made the right call. When you marry someone, you're putting them above every other person on Earth, no exceptions. Anyone that treats your spouse like that has no right to be in your life. I don't care if it's your mom or the damn Pope. In fact, he should disown every single person that takes his mother's side in this.
I really wished he reassured her though, cause she obviously needs some support and she said he's avoiding her
@@nightrain4749 Could be that he either thought the things his mom said were so absurd he didn't realize she'd needed it, or he's protecting her from it as much as he can, including not letting her get caught in his destructive wake.
Never mind that this statement is in direct contradiction to the first story.
Would the right thing to do in story 1 be to stand beside the thieving husband over the ex?
You might be right in this case, but in the real world, nothing is, or should be, unconditional.
I have listened and followed your posts for quite a while now. This one really pissed me off. The story about the husband who took money for a golf trip was absolutely disgusting and despicable. The next story made me furious - as a mum who myself was unable to breastfeed and knows how it feels to have every man and his dog trying to stick their two cents in. Then the last story.., WTF? You hit the jackpot with these stories lol.
Divorce now
I think the last poster's husband is just stressed out from the situation and just needs a bit of space. After how he stood up for OP, I think he's earned that.
Agreed. What he did takes guts. No doubt it took a lot out of him to discover that his mother is vile and to pull this. He just needs time.
Second story: I have a feeling that the manager may have committed a crime by giving OP's personal information to that random stranger.
The manager ABSOLUTELY DID commit a crime. It's illegal to give out your PERSONAL INFORMATION [which includes your work schedule] to someone.
I, myself, will tell my parents when I work and such. Just so I'm given the opportunity to have a ride to and from work.
I could be thinking of another story, but I'm pretty sure OP said in the comments of that post that she was dealing with a stalker around the time of this incident and the manager knew about it. Which makes it worse because the manager actively endangered her employee and didn't even show any remorse when she was told it wasn't her dad who called.
@@bluecarnallove7851 I think it's safe to say that OP should report the manager
Yeah, that's extremely dangerous. What if that stranger was a stalker? Now that person knows when op will be off and can do who knows what?
This is the kind of thing that makes HR go into full panic mode. The Kinda of panic where A LOT of people get fired.
2.5 for Rachael? Nah man. She put the health of a newborn and the mental health of the real mother at risk.
4/5 from me.
5/5 for me to Rachel and the husband. They both could have died... What if she attempted to take her life?? Damn I really got mad with this one!
@@DianaWanMa I get your reasoning, but I think for 5/5 it needs to be deliberate. There needs to be malice involved to push it that far.
Funny how golfing in another country is his way of grieving. He does seems like the type who would cheat on OP because she is grieving and blame it on her.
Honestly he seems the psychopath type
And Funny how he thinks stealing money from a dead child it's ok. He's lucky OP's ex husband is not the type of person to sent that piece of shit of a human to the hospital and use that money for medical bills.
@@johnnyhuntrero6870 I would have used that money for something like funeral, headstone all of that stuff then also use the money to put little toys near the headstone that he liked. My nan always gets cars and dolphins. Honestly op and the ex husband could have used that own money for a holiday which they both would 100% would have deserved of course after they have had their time to grieve. I hope they screw that guy over for every last penny he's got.
He was probably gonna be sleeping around with random women in that other country, I’d bet money on it.
@@hamishstewart5324 100% agreed
Third story: new mothers need all the help they can get!!!! OP is NOT the asshole for assisting a mother in post partem depression. OP was well in their rights to help a family member who clearly needed it!! They were showing a true form of love and selflessness that's rare to find. 0/5 assholes.
That wasn't ppd, she was being mentally and physically tortured by her toxic sister. Forced sleep deprivation, gaslighting and brainwashing are literally torture tactics and exactly what the sister was doing to that poor woman. Even the strongest person would hit their breaking point after that much torture, and her crying with relief from just getting the tiniest bit of real support from op and then being able to step back and evaluate her situation after finally getting respite to then see how toxic everyone else was being is heartbreaking in a good way. Op did a wonderful thing for that woman and should be praised not shamed for stepping in when she did
Taking the money without discussing it with his wife first is just a symptom of the disrespect OP's husband has towards her. Divorce is in order, and I'm sure this isn't the first time something like this has happened. I'm guessing he regularly goes out with his buddies on his wife's birthday, etc.
Second story: The manager should have hesitated to give out the worker's schedule simply because the worker's father could simply ask her. I'm not entirely sure about the legalities involved, but it's unwise and ill-mannered at best.
If the story is based in Europe somewhere, that action is a SEVERE GDPR data breach. Consequences for such an action are usually a fine where it severely hurts a business's budget (Usually £1.75mil in the UK or €1.8mil in EU countries or 4% of the company's annual global turnover). The company would most likely suffer reputational damages if the press got wind of what happened. The company would also potentially face litigation efforts by individuals or groups involved (possible lawsuits and such like). Company directors often face backlash if the company does not do anything in response to allegations of a GDPR data breach.
The OP has a very good case to sue them AND bring this to local news agencies. The company (or rather the manager) doesn't have a leg to stand on and would be best to offer a LARGE settlement amount (think in the £500000 or £1mil range) to avoid even more consequences (that is if the press didn't get a whiff of what was happening).
I just want to add that, in the first story, current husband litterally blamed the sick dead child's illness for not being the reason why he was able to bond.
Like...what?
There was other ways to bond, but I guess this is more, in my mind, extremely emotionally and negatively manipulative to make his wife feel bad for something she has 0 control over, and it sounds like blame shifting for even suggesting that this prevented him from doing anything, and then piggy backing into his "grief" argument by spending money that wasn't his without his wife's knowledge, or even considering asking her if he could.
Seems to me that current hubby would have potentially found a way to blame ex husband rather than ce forth, or hoped that he would never be discovered.
What a vile individual!
Quit on the spot story; I'm gonna say this once for those in the back - IT'S ILLEGAL to give out employee information to people who do NOT work there!!!!!!!
3:28 I'm actually suprised that OP went for his ex husband's wishes to sue, this knob gobbler thinks he's entitled to money that actually belongs to OP and her ex, and he's so delusional, there are many ways to grieve but I don't think spending what I can only describe as blood money to go only pretty expensive golf trip on another country, it's almost (and bear with me on this) as if he doesn't really care about his stepson
Thats because it sounds like he doesn't care at all
Op literally said in the story that her husband didn’t care about him as he made absolutely no effort to be his step parent
Second story : No. She gave out your personal schedule... How did she not get how bad that is for women
For anyone really. The person asking for it could be trying to rob the person who the schedule is supposed to be for or worse
Someone in another thread said the op confirmed that she had a stalker at the time, and said manager knew. What is wrong with some people?
@@nondisclosure3920 Easy, power got to the manager's head. Probably a bone-headed scheme to "convince" OP to work longer hours without pay, cause the stalker can't touch you if you're on the clock, right?
My “current” husband goes on a golf trip at a time like that?? Sounds like she may be in search of her NEXT ex husband, lol. 🙄😡🤣
I have to say the 3rd story resonated with me bc I tried so hard to make breastfeeding work and it felt like a huge failure as well as the fact I was new to being a parent and felt I couldn't do anything right. It was so hard for me to admit I couldn't and go from breastfeeding to supplementing to full formula fed.
My child is over 2 now and formula did just as good in hindsight
My mom fed my brother and I formula. I think he sucked too hard and I wouldn’t latch on. 🤷🏻♀️ If I ever had children and unable to breastfeed, I wouldn’t sweat it.
To the 1st story it sounds like an ex husband number 2 in the making.
As for the 2nd story, OP's boss pretty much did a violation of privacy. As a manager she should know that and and they always told us at my job that's my job that if anybody calls for information other than ourselves they're not allowed loud to give out information (I work in a government facility).
Absolutely correct both 1&2. I work for the government as well and if someone calls for information we say “We cannot confirm or deny this person works here”.
How did the husband even get the money. This is so crazy that my BS alarm is ringing. I don't know but I truly hope that story is fake how do you even marry someone so evil or the father being such a scumbag
I am wondering what ex husband 1 did to have a divorce
Third story: some babies (like me) are actually allergic to/get sick from their mothers breast milk, and this requires formula. So the family didn’t care about the baby or sister in law, just their screwed up “tradition”
6:29 I'm not 100% on this but I think giving another person work schedule is illegal as it's an unethical conflict of interest, and could get you fired, also I'm pretty sure a GM not a shift manager is allowed to give out that information (within reason)
idk about all jobs but I do know the last one I worked it was a big no no and something you could get in trouble for doing.
@@Neokogirl okey maybe not everyone job, but definitely jobs that are privatized, government, union, etc. But even so if someone called or came into work asking for my work schedule, I'd be cautious as well, because anyone can come in and claim they're the freaking prime minister and your boss would probably believe them
Last Story: OP did NOT ruin the relationship of her husband and his mother...the MOTHER IN LAW is the one that ruined her and her son's relationship by sending this long winded, abusive text to OP. I mean anyone would show this text to their significant other if their mother would send them a text like that..
"I don't like what you do and by the way I mistreat your dog." Fine you can dislike me but don't abuse my pet!
At that point I would had gone full John Wick...mil or no mil.
Not only did she disrespect and berate her daughter-in-law over nothing, she lied about her son as well. Her getting disowned was definitely warranted.
That manager had no right to give out her schedule. I've had experience of things that happened to co-workers after people found out where they were. Two people were harassed by their exs at work and a third was robbed when someone gave out that this co-worker was in the store.
The Story with the baby? Definitely NTA, she did exactly the right thing. She saw that the SIL suffered and stepped up. It was the best thing she could do, sure breastfeading is great but if it does not work then formula is the next best thing.
That first story. 5/5 is too generous. It should be 1000/5
Giving out personal info of an employee or coworker, even if it's to a family member that you recognize, is illegal where I live unless that coworker is present and consents.
Third story, OP you may have saved that babies life. That baby could have starved while that poor woman's family tortured her.
My son became malnourished at around 9 months due to my milk suddenly drying up and he needed a feeding tube, it scared me to death. I'm formula feeding my last baby once she's born and I breastfed my first two babies with no issue.
Things happen
No! It's NOT the woman's poor family. Its her IN LAW'S family!!!
@@QuietChaos1996 That's even worse :/
First story: I didn't think rslash was laughing like "hahah lol" and more like "this situation is so fucked up that it made me laugh or I will lose my shit"
The latter
Rslash: _deep breath_
Me: Oh boy. Here we go.
5:40
It is very common now and a tactic used for stalkers or strangers who wish to do harm to pose as someone you know and ask for a work schedule of said person so they can cause harm. Be careful y’all!
I'm a mum of a 3 year old and suffered with low supply. It broke my heart to use formula because everything that could have gone wrong with the birth went wrong. It doesn't help that "breast is best" is taught in birthing and feeding classes. So it was really hard. That SIL that was pressuring the new mum to keep going with the breastfeeding despite obviously things not going well is a complete AH. I even hate those mums that say "just keep nursing/pumping" or "you need to eat oats/drink gatorade" or other stuff like that. Low supply is a real thing. That not being talked about and investogated and accepted by medical professionals really hurts mums and their babies. Otherwise the boob nuts will keep with their toxic behaviour and endangering lives.
i have been told that while "breast is best" IF its an option, if its not formula is GOOD ENOUGH. A starving child s worse.
Historically, babies would regularly die because before formula was invented women would tap out of milk commonly.
When formula was made it literally saved babies lives and continues to do so, and yet people saying breast is best ignore that for stupid entitled reasons.
The story of the girl quitting: I’m pretty sure she can sue her manager, she just gave out information to a possible stalker.
Stories like the first story is why I stop frequenting R/AITA lately. Going to that subreddit everyday is bad for your health.
Just when you think you've seen the worst, humanity continues to prove you wrong.
The most disapointing aspect is that people believe everything without any critical thought, like how did the current husband get access to the savings account set up between his wife and ex husband? Also the only contact the wife has with her husband is text messages? Sory but my BS alarm goes off and my disappointment level of Rslash is going up, he used to not go for the too far out and too many questions unanswered stuff, but lately he has thrown that out the window, click chasing due to his first born I guess.
This is the reason I stopped watching videos about Karens . Really hurts my mental health .
@@Right-Is-Right Gotta pay for that baby formula somehow. That stuff is expensive.
Stories there is guaranteed to make your blood boil.
14:02 girl if my parents sent anything along the lines of WTFTW to my future wife, and how they treated her dog, I'd graystone as well, but I wouldn't tell them, and if they ask why I've been ignoring then I'd simply say "you tell me, I've seen the text you went my wife, and showed me just how awful you are, goodbye"
my older sibling had a baby last january and she tried to breastfeed but it was just too taxing, she wasn’t even as bad as the woman in the story and she breastfed for 3 months, then she decided to go on formula and my niece is fine, she’s 11 months old now and she hit all her milestones either right on time or early, she’s even said her first word last month, breastfeeding is better but it’s not better enough to sacrifice your mental and physical health
Fed is best with babies
Retail OP absolutely should have quit - she needs to be nowhere near the store when that potential stalker knows she's supposed to be!
When R Slash takes a deep breath and says "okay.. okay".. you *know* it's going to be emotional.
It's the calm before the 5/5 buttholes
The op in the third story saved her SIL from a full post partum breakdown, at least op's brother is now helping with the baby now so SIL can have a break
Ya he was having "dumb boy brain" because his wife was being forced to walk around topless 24/7 but once his sister stepped in it cleared his head for a few moments and that's all he needed to step up
4:56 I know that laugh, it's the same laugh my dad has, rSlash isn't laughing because of how funny it is (it isn't) he's laughing as how ridiculous it is, I even had that laugh with my cousin when he stole a charge stand from me, I was pissed, and I was angry laughing because he tried to justify it by saying how unfortunate he was, to which I said "dude if you need something from us, ask and maybe will help, don't just steal shit from our house!"
Mom of 3 exclusively breastfed babies here, on the story of the breastfeeding cousin. Okay no sides, just facts. Number 1, women look rough after birth and what is known as the 4th trimester. They cry all the time because their hormones are wild. Not like a singular tear, full on whaling. They also get no sleep, so they are exhausted on top of it. If the mother chooses to breastfeed, you need that breastfeeding consultant from the hospital. You can contact them anytime after you leave the hospital as well. That being said, a fed baby is best. If you want a break and give baby formula, don't feel bad about it! If you want to pump and only give your breastmilk out of a bottle, do it! If you want your baby to strictly have the breast, that's fine. And if you don't want to breastfeed at all and do all formula, that is okay too! That cousin forcing the mother to try and feed all day, that's just torture. First babies are hard. If you're not sure what to do, your pediatrician can give you advice that's non bias. YOU get to choose what is best for your baby. Not your family. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
You know it’s an awful story when RSlash sighs before commenting
That, and when he doesn't censor swear words
I agree with OP, and I feel for SIL. I couldn't breastfeed and fed my son formula because he couldn't latch on to eat the sweet booby milk. So I completely sympathize with SIL. No, OP, you are NOT the A**Hole. ✌🏼✌🏽✌🏿
child: *dies*
father: ... chile, anyways-
"You need to mind your own business"
Do you not see how miserable SIL is? Do you not see her baby is malnourished?
"Doesn't matter. You need to let us guilt trip her for not being able to produce milk"
Exactly!!!
The story about giving the schedule away has happened to me. They of course gave it to my stalker.
I was really lucky enough to have such great coworkers when I worked for a gas station company.
I had a really creepy guy [he had been in jail because he didn't take his schio meds] calling the store and asking me when I worked and such. I was okay with trying to be his friend [before I learned that he'd gone to jail], but he had literally told me that I wouldn't want to be his friend because he's a "loser." Like, NOPE.
I put myself down everyday, but I will be friends with ANYONE who has a decent personality.
That first story, I was like, "You call THAT grieving?! WTF?!"
I'm grieving the loss of a child i claimed His medical condition kept us from getting to know each other.. oh might as well help myself to his money cause that's fcking make sense.
The text from the MIL, just the malignant narcissism oozing from it.
I would disown someone if they sent a text like that to my spouse/significant other.
Few things on AITA shock me, but reading/listening to that text shook me.
I definitely know im going to be rewatching his video again for another 3 months
Where I work, we don’t give any information out about employees to ANYONE. If they name the staff member, we tell that staff member: “so and so is calling about x”. Then they can take the call or decline. Everything out is just “they’re unavailable” no matter where they are or what they’re doing
With the last story I think it’s likely that the husband is just embarrassed or, blames himself for lifting it get to the point that he did, that he just didn’t know what to say.
I can believe that.
The fact that the manager in the second story only apologized AFTER she realized she'd be inconvenienced shows what kind of person she is. Did she not think it was weird OP's "father" called 5 times? Even if it was actually OP's dad there could be a no contact order in place. She really messed up and her first reaction was to be annoyed with OP because the manager is a selfish person.
I wonder how your daughter when shes older to your impressions my guess is that she will say something like "mommy why are there weird voices in the basement"
That second story. That manager should not give away people's schedules. I had a friend who had a very very messy breakup to the point of getting stalked. And if he had called and a manager gave away the schedule for her I wouldn't blame her.
As someone who also had problems breastfeeding, can confirm that OP did exactly the right thing in the third story. Thankfully I was surrounded by family who cared about my health and my baby's health more than the mystical powers of breast milk. ( Not saying it's not great for babies but ffs a well fed and healthy baby is the goal no matter how you got there)
5:17 that "toot doodoo doodoo" bit is hilarious
One thing that will bring parents together whether they are still together or not, is when their children are involved.
Second Story: GDPR non compliance. Giving a stalker info he needs for a possible kidnapping or worse.
She can sue for a ton of money.
Why do ppl never consult lawyers in those cases.
I think GDPR is only within Europe
@@Ikajo I think so. I guess it'll depend where the story is. If in America, well... I dunno, but it'd break some laws for sure. If it was in Europe, oh boy, that manager would be going down. VERY large fines for GDPR non-compliance, so that manager would be either in prison for not paying that fine, or be near bankrupt because of the fine.
@@DrYeet2704 You can't really quit on the spot in Europe, though. There is usually a period of two weeks before you can leave.
The second story: it’s a rule for all places of work to not give out someone’s schedule. Even if it’s not it’s common sense! I went through training for all of my jobs on not to give schedules & what to do if someone tries
As someone who was literally made manager of my store a week ago, I'm learning valuable life lessons today.
Story 1: The husband stole the son's emergency fund for a golf trip? This is what a supervillain would do. Steal from children!
Funny enough a lot of super villains would still draw the line at that. So OP's husband is worse than Lex Luthor
The formula story. I’m a breastfeeding mom, in fact I’m in the middle of weaning my last baby right now, so I was so ready during the first part of this story to rip OP a new one, that you never buy formula for a struggling mom unless they ask, etc. But that poor MOM. Seriously, what the FUCK is wrong with that family?? I’d be shocked, but unfortunately I have personal experience with being left to suffer and die so long as I was able to still provide food for my kids, so I know how much mothers can be neglected, especially right after giving birth. OP may have saved a life here, and I’m not even using hyperbole. That mom sounds like she was on the verge of a breakdown, and post-partum depression is no joke. Sure, breast is best, but a baby needs a HEALTHY, HAPPY, and FUNCTIONAL MOTHER above all! Fucking FED is best! Give the kid formula and let the mom shower! Fuck, i am so sorry for that mom. My heart just breaks. Good job OP.
Reminder to everyone in the breastfeeding vs formula story: Fed is best! My younger sister and I were both formula fed and surprise surprise we are just fine as fully grown adults. Some people need to get their heads out their asses and realize that we’re no longer in the dark ages and have advancements such as formula to move past those problems that can happen
That manager should get fired. It's literally illegal to give anyone other than the employee their schedule.
I was guilted INTO formula for my first one BUT it helped me realize that honestly, I'd rather have my sanity and a healthy baby than my pride intact. I am all about breastfeeding and have given it my ALL with each of them but also did not feel guilty if I had to make a bottle every so often.
I spent that first story imagining Judge Judy’s response and how she’d eviscerate that husband.
After listening so many reddit stories for long time , now I really can't trust anyone and always think they have other motive.
It's really makes me to trust people wisely and talk to people carefully and always watch for loophole and keep everything as evidence.. 😅 .
I think this is how this I get more mature
"AITA For showing the husband that his mom sent me and causing his mom to be disowned" for a second I thought I had a stroke 😂
Even if the child is dead that money is not to be touched not by you especially.
What that manager did was illegal. It is against federal law to even openly acknowledge a given employee is working there with any amount of specificity -- sometimes, to acknowledge it *at all*. OP has grounds to sue.
The breastfeeding story really got to me. That poor mother. I've been there. Baby not gaining weight, crying all the time, feeling guilty because I can't make milk for some reason. It's the most natural thing in the world, right? But when you can't do it, oh the pain. That OP was so kind to help her and lessen her guilt. I hope they're all doing well now.
I love how quick that manager went from condescending to apologetic after OP quit. It's the exact reason why so many people are quiting their jobs now, it's the only power employees have against bad managers and people have never used it since it could result in financial ruin. It's only now with a safety net that people can actually have a semblance of control over their own lives.
“Fed is best.” 🖤 I’ve done both. I’ve breastfed one child and the other could never latch. Both are happy, and healthy. 🖤
First story: the only thing OP's current husband is grieving is the loss if his human decency, assuming he ever had any
Another indicator in the first story for the „having an affair“ part: OP said that he went to the „golfing trip“ to a country he recently been before. Idk about y‘all but this seems a bit suspicious. Either way he likes to put things into a hole
OMG that third story, I would have done the exact same thing. It's way, way more important that the baby eat.
My sister has 3 wonderful children, I absolutely adore my nieces and nephew. She couldn’t breast feed my nephew, her youngest, and it drove her insane, it really broke her heart, but thankfully she fully understood using formula is literally not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with needing to use formula. She was heartbroken because she loved the bonding experience, but her body just wasn’t able to produce enough milk, so we all made sure to support her, let her know she was doing amazingly, and helped where we possibly could. He’s 3 now, and guess what? He’s super healthy and happy, he’s a loving lad, and it’s not caused him any harm, he’s as healthy as his siblings!
I’m upset folk ignored OPs SIL clear decline in healthy and happiness, they instead butted in, ignored her very clear needs, and were happy to see her child starve?!?
I am losing track of how many times Rslash says “I have no evidence and I don’t like to speculate when I have nothing to go on but I think your partner is cheating on you”
The fact the woman in the first story married to someone who dosent even like her child……..wow 😬
man, if there is something that grind my gears is when people think that just because someone have a disease this person cant be wrong
Day 368 of telling him he's making everyone day better
You slipped a day
Have a good day Jeff
@@justumme7403 well I’ve seen him do it every day
to the MIL texts story my exact response to the family would have been "oops oh well" and then go back to comfort my husband
Getting ready to start my day and this just makes it better. Thanks 😊
I hope you have a good day today :)
@@bushratabassum6944 you too 😊
As a childhood can certainly survivor and a striving pediatric oncologist, the first story almost made me cry. It is sickening to see a man use the funds to treat his child with cancer for a golfing trip. It is cases like this that always push me further, strengthening my urge to fight; untill every child is well.