Married 9 years. What I know for certain…men who want to be there, will be there. You will never have to question your value, or your relationship. Something I learned: Until we heal ourselves from whatever attracted us to that wrong person, those traits will keep showing up with a different face.
You are looking great. I am so proud of you. As someone who was married for 22years, its so obvious when a guy is emotionally unavailable. But sometimes we ladies refuse to acknowledge the red flag. We have to value ourselves enough not to let unavailable men keep you on a string. Cut that string and keep it moving. Well-done Breeny.
@@yzma6142 The BIGGEST red flag I ignored is relating to this video. My exhisband although a very nice person did not chase me. He liked me but he never went out of his way to really chase me. I was the one who told him of all the benefits he would have to be married to me. So after a few weeks he proposed, we got married and we had children. We lasted 20 yrs but the relationship was always skewered towards me being the peacemaker, the one working to keep our happy equilibrium etc. He was never bad or violent but he was never passionate about anything either. So in the end my marriage felt like a "functioning but vacuum project". I left and we divorced. Now I'm with a man who is the one doing most of the chasing and the dynamic is so very different and just more fulfilling. Long story, I may make a video about it one day. Never chase or lock down a man if he is not chasing you back.
I’ve literally dated emotionally unavailable men for the past two years 😯😯😯😯 that’s why I’m taking a year off from dating, so I can wholeheartedly focus on developing a healthy, balanced relationship with myself, I can learn how to identify trauma bonding, manipulation, or any other negative, toxic, relationship dynamic without sacrificing my soul and inner peace.
Same, I thought I'd broken my streak of emotionally unavailable men but just left a 10 month relationship with an addict! I definitely want a year off of dating and hopefully a year of celibacy too! With my bpd it's hard to manage my impulsivity and libido sometimes but I need to make a change if I wanna heal my heart and stand on my own two feet. These men don't deserve our hearts and our bodies honestly 😭
Dated an emotionally unavailable narc for 5 months and I will never do that again. It took me 2+ years to get over it because I lost myself completely trying to earn his affection and desire. Which never happened.
I really understand you. I was dating a man like that for 3 months and now it's been 2 years and I still can't stop thinking about him. There are always these thoughts that "maybe he's changed now" or "maybe It was just a wrong time" etc.
@lena I know exactly how you feel. But trust me, Breeny has said it before and she is so right, the right person will be the right person for you anytime. The right person wrong time is still the wrong person for you. I thought I met someone like that but didn't fully accept that he wasn't for me until I stopped having feelings for him. I'm so grateful for Breeny's wisdom because it's given me the strength 💪 and tools 🛡 🗡 to protect myself from men that like to take advantage of vulnerable women and from men who just aren't for me. Don't doubt yourself queen ✨ if it's too hard to understand or figure out than they're not the one for you mama.
@@missyg9778 thank you so much! 💖 You're 100% right. This is why I come back to Breeny's videos even after a long time to remind myself that I deserve so much more. And also to know that there are many wonderful women like us who've been through the same and are still wearing their crowns and not giving up 👑 💅
Trying to help a broken man, you might get cut on the broken pieces. He must heal before entering a new relationship. Thanks for this wisdom Breeny well said ‼️🎯‼️💯‼️
We are all broken, we attract a reflection. Sometimes we are also emotionally unavailable and attract partners that are also emotionally unavailable so that we feel like we’re trying to open up and we can put it on another person. But we are tracked broken because we are broken. We can’t judge other people for their brokenness we all will need to heal, we just have to make sure we don’t put ourselves in a position to constantly attract unhealthy relationships. Sometimes we are codependent on that unhealthy relationship or are trauma. Makes us attract the familiar feelings of abandonment and rejection.
@@faithinthejourney6409 Nope. You are not who you attract. You are who you entertain. Big difference. I’m very attractive and many men express interest. Some of them are dusty and for other reasons don’t make the cut. I am not dusty AT ALL.
You look so different sister❤ At this point, I’m not even thinking of entertaining any man anymore. Now they have to go through God to get to me. I’m at a point where I am entertaining God, myself and my career.
Sure that happens but a lot of these men really have issues (that they're not doing anything to fix) and you can see it in other areas of their life. No matter how great a woman is, or how much he claims to like her, a man w poor character will not change for her. He may just put on a better show at the beginning.
This isn't really true. You can be the perfect person and if you meet someone at the wrong time in life, completely sabotage that relationship. Idky we tell ourselves these painful, black and white truths that some how puts the blame on us. It's not about you, but where that person is in their life.
@@Rossi.K it’s not putting the blame on anyone. Not everyone will be for you and you won’t be for everyone. The timing lie is a myth. It’s either you are his dream girl or you aren’t.
@@afrolatinabeauty9502 I just don’t know one person who is emotionally unavailable to one person and completely emotionally available to another. that takes hard work and therapy to overcome that.. Had i not did therapy, I would have definitely self sabotage the new relationship i’m in. A person isn’t going to magically heal those issues for you, no matter how perfect they are.
A lot of the time men tell women the truth by showing us how they feel with their actions. That’s all we really need. The minute that you start acting out of character when “dating”, it’s time to call it a day ❤️
@@Whoeverwhateverwhenever like if you’re typically a happy person but now you’re incredibly anxious, always over thinking, felling insecure or not good enough, feeling like you have to preform and be “better” to get the results you need from the person.
I met a man who within two weeks was telling me, "I'm terrified because this connection is too good." "If I'm not ready, I'll get ready." He was big on proclamations. I realized quickly that this is the way of an emotionally unavailable man. He will encourage a woman to feel deeply and participate in the chemical rush, while also letting on to the fact that he's afraid. The fear will come up in many ways. He may get colder after intimacy, may take offense to your boundaries, may encourage speeding up the pace or get frustrated about your pace. But his message will seem out of line with reality. Reality is: this is a person who DOES NOT KNOW YOU. Your ego will be tempted to believe that he actually sees your value. Do not give in. He will make a mess with his unavailability down the line because responsibility is actually his greatest fear and that comes online when you reciprocate his feelings and share in his fantasy.
Imagine if us women were emotionally unavailable and as savage as all these hurt men are. Or if we had our guard up the way they do, We would probably have all guys chasing us and all over us. The law of attraction is a real thing. A man will have one bad relationship experience and never love again where's a woman can be hurt so many times and still reset and try again. That pisses me off.
Women are like this.. men just don't speak out about it often. Some of the most savage experiences I've had came from women and friendships.. Men go through the same thing, trust
I think it also depends on the person. I'm a woman who for the most part is emotionally unavailable, but I don't make guys in my life bear the brunt of that. I usually let them know indirectly at the beginning of anything, and distance myself before I hurt anyone's feelings. However, I recently became very into an unemotionally available guy. And I believe that women & men manifest this habit in different ways because I didn't really notice the signs at first. I've cut all ties now, and I'm resolved to being alone until I sort myself out, my friends are enough for me now.
Girl preach! Just got out of a marriage like this. As soon as I told him I wasn’t having sex until it’s an overflow of emotional connection things got crystal clear. Constant disappointment and taking advantage of your empathy…if it weren’t for information like this we’d stay confused for way longer. Thank you!
An emotionally unavailable man is a man that does not want you and does not see you as his wife period.He is only there for sex. If you are wondering if he really likes or loves you then he does not. When a man wants you, you will know and he will put all effort into pursuing you.
Some men don’t want commitment with anyone. They will say and do what they need to say and do to get what they want in the moment, take everything they can from that person and then move on to the next. It’s manipulation. There are women who do it too. I personally feel that people who are this reckless with the hearts of others will eventually get their just desserts. They play around until their looks and their luck run out and people see through their superficial facade…
I feel like most people are emotionally unavailable in this modern world, we have become very selfish and self centred as a society. Not saying there aren't well balanced people out there but it takes a little more patience and perseverance to find them 🙉
Agreed! There are a lot of emotionally unavailable men and women are becoming emotionally unavailable due to their experiences. The only way to get out of thjs trap is heal.
I was attracted to this kind of man because that’s how my father was. I’ve been healing from my trauma caused by my dad, and learning to fall in love with GOD, and myself.
I cried while watching this because my relationship with an emotionally unavailable man ended not too long ago. I still feel drained and empty. I gave sooo much and got nothing in return. I was everything he needed me to be but he couldn’t be there for me. Apparently, I was a ‘burden’. I was asking for too much. I’m now trying to heal and move on. I’m tired of getting hurt like this though. It’s so exhausting. Thank you Breeny. I really really needed this video❤
Remember, you’re never asking for too much. You’re asking the wrong person ❤ there’s hundreds of people who would LOVE to do the things for you that you deserve, you just have to keep your standard and be patient ❤ you got this, I went through the same thing and became the best version of myself after that
@@victoriasmith2813 trust me sister, a lot of us women are experiencing the same thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we learn and grow from our choices in life. You're a queen that deserves a king....( not a peasant ) 🙏☺❤
Ended my engagement one week ago because of these same reasons. I’m now grieving the plans I had for our future. I know the pain of staying is worse then what I’m feeling right now😢. Taking things one day at a time.
I got married thinking this would change, believed false promises that his . You should be really proud of yourself! You may get doubts if she/he breadcrumbs but I guarantee you its The grieving process is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do; especially if your ex repeatedly did this or made excuses for his behaviour (I am assuming) - The doubts will come in but ultimately imagine 20/30 years of this?! The pain of staying will always be worse because long term your self esteem will suffer. You have inspired and reminded me to take it one day at a time. You’re grieving the plans of false promises. And you deserve - anyone does- better than that.
That part about being a safe place to a man really resonated. I had someone I cared about a lot and the more I tried to be there, the worse he treated me. Shhiiiddd you gotta be your own peace!! 🥰
This is not an emotionally available man but a man who considers you a placeholder and not his dream girl …. Trust me when a man considers you his dream girl he will try again and again no matter how emotionally unavailable he may be , he will try to work through his emotional unavailability
Not necessarily. I’ve noticed emotionally unavailable men (aka dismissive avoidants) tend to chase who doesn’t want them. Sure they may be giving them their all but it’s only bc they don’t want them. It’s safe
Watching this video with my aunt and we are both screaaaaaaaming! All i can say is sis....you are doing the Lord's work. Thank u for another great upload.
I cut contact with a person because he wouldn't want to meet in 4 weeks after our first date, only good morning texts and "we should travel together". On weekends he would text at night how tired he is and goodnight. That's what unavailable is, and that guy isn't really into you, just keeps you as the last option.
GIRL. I just saw this video at the perfect time thankyou! I was just dealing with a man that had pretty much ALL the qualities of an emotionally unavailable man you describe. He was love bombing me within the first day, telling me he thought I was the one and that I was the perfect one for him and he’s never been with a woman like me and how he “doesn’t deserve” me, even planning trips with me within the next day of us hanging out and everything! He was even telling me about his toxic ex and how he was so hurt and traumatized by her and everything, now I know that it was just trauma dumping to get us to bond. 2 weeks go by and all of a sudden he’s canceled plans on me not ONCE, not TWICE, but 3 TIMES in the span of 2 days. I reach out to ask him what’s wrong and he tells me that it’s about his ex (🙄) and how she still has the key to his apartment???? Long story short, he starts telling me he was pushing me away and canceling plans to “protect me” so that he can “deal with her” and then he’ll “get back to me” essentially telling me to wait for him and basically telling on himself that he wasn’t at all ready for me. Even went to say that he was scared because we were developing feelings and he didn’t want to be attached fast. Can’t believe I was almost stupid enough to believe it, THANKYOU FOR THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for making this video, he’s now blocked and deleted in the name of God! 🥹😂
Lol yes oftentimes emotionally unavailable behavior is linked to him having feelings to someone from his past. He went back to the familiar toxicity and dysfunction that he’s used to. She probably sniffed around and found out he was into someone new and decided to play mind games and nip y’all in the bud. 99% of the time these situations NEVER work out, so they’re both just wasting their time but you’ll be too busy with an upgrade to be bothered about it.
Emotionally unavailable men are usually highly abusive. You want to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! And do it fast ! Don't let him catch up to you. He will destroy you. He wants to hold you HOSTAGE. Leave quickly. Don't announce it. Just go.
as women we also have to ask ourselves why we were attracted to emotional unavailability in the first place. a lot of the times you’d be surprised to find out it’s because we are emotionally unavailable as well in other areas in our lives.
@@lareina9071 respectfully, i have to disagree. if that were the case, there would be a lot more women leaving the minute red flags show up, but there are still many women sticking around emotionally unavailable men because they think they can change them. it might not to apply to you, which is great that means you’re above that, but it definitely exists.
That’s true. At least for me. For 2 years I was soooo enamored of my emotionally unavailable ex that I was neglecting most of my friendships and even my family. It was like I was addicted to him. 🤦🏿♀️
@@abenagyampo i’ve been there too sis, you’re not alone, so i understand. and this is exactly what i’m trying to say, people act like it’s not a thing but it really is. i hope you’re in a much better space now sis ❤️
100% correct you attract who you are. There's great learning in who we attract shows us where we reject, abandon, ignore ourselves. Pedestaling others means you neglect yourself for others.its a complex understanding but it's not even bout men it's about what is familar to you from childhood.... wounds unmet needs get repeated until you heal and change it. Break the pattern. Good luck💙🤎
sometime we confused emotional unavailability with a man just not liking you or wanting you enough. trust some men will be emotionally available when he meets the women he truly wants...
Nah men are mostly emotionally unavailable and that switch isn't gonna just turn on. But if they're not man enough to treat any woman with basic consideration and respect, then they aren't decent. 😅
Breeny, As of 6.39pm this evening, I was literally laying down, frozen, crying about this, its now just gone 10pm. I was crying because I let it happen to me again, I was there for someone emotionally in a relationship long term despite going through my own stuff-and they were not there for me when I needed them the most tonight. I don’t need a man to provide money, Housing, clothes,bills etc - and I finally thought he would be there for me emotionally -after 3 years of this-And he left me crying on the phone and hung up. No response after. I’m embarrassed to write this and post it but if it helps anyone to feel that they’re not worthless, they deserve better and helps them realise to not waste 3 years of their life for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you- then I’m keeping it up! I had just checked to see if you had uploaded any videos about 3/4 days ago but you hadn’t… Then, as I’m crying this evening I log onto RUclips… And your videos in my feed ! ❤️ I feel blessed it was about the exact subject I’m going through🙏🏽 Thank you for making me feel less alone, realising I should be cared about but also making me realise I can’t keep doing this and I need to take accountability for my own actions in allowing this to happen to me in my long-term relationship. Repeatedly. Its on me.
Sis I'm so sorry and I hope you find the strength you need at this point. Something like this was about to happen to me, he was taking me out on dates, yaddi yadda, going the whole nine yards. It was amazing then after three months, I summoned up the courage to ask him where this was going, and he said he hadn't healed and all this other stuff, i told him that I understand and that was it, i packed myself and left. I have worked too much on myself for some unserious person to take me for a ride. Absolutely not!!!! so next time ladies, please be upfront after 3 months, its better y'all break up after three months than three years.
Well said and well done@@Tebony2 I would also add - stopping dating exclusively men that have not claimed the relationship and made their intentions clear. Keeping options open and building a rooaster of suitors will help keeping your discernement on and limit disappointment when confronted with reality. - not being physically intimate with men that have not pass the test of emotional availability/safety/reliability and commitment in tangible consistent actions. This also contributes to keeping your discernement on and bounce back faster if he happens to not be the one. All the best !
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m going through the same thing. You do deserve better and I hope you find the courage to leave and realize there’s better out there for you. For us🫂
You are a strong woman to leave. You worth so much. Look for support through your family and friends I would even encourage to pray God is listening even if you don’t believe but it always brings me peace.
When we give everything to someone that cannot even show up for us, that is emotional neglect. We should never ever accept this treatment. This is basic decency and respect. These people do not deserve any of this time or energy. They need to take their dusty energy and work on themselves.
You teaching girl! Their heart is somewhere else, point blank period that’s all you need to know to walk away. Do not attempt to find it. Be sober minded, always.
So tired of meeting emotionally unavailable men. The last one ripped my heart out earlier this year. Now I am focusing on me and living life to the fullest. Celebrating all closed doors.
Being emotionnaly unavailable is some kind of mental illness. It comes from trauma and abandonnement during childhood. Those men are not criminals. They are sick people who need help.
True. 10 years relationship for me, felt even lonelier than staying single. I was the "burden", the "stress" and my feelings were "dramas". Totally frustrated, left him for good and never look back.
Excellent and very detailed video! Excellent reminder about : trauma dumping, taking, breadcrumbs, gaslighting and the feeing of the relationship being wably. It should be taught in schools! I would also add - stopping dating exclusively men that have not claimed the relationship and made their intentions clear. Keeping options open and building a rooaster of suitors will help keeping your discernement on and limit disappointment when confronted with reality. - not being physically intimate with men that have not pass the test of emotional availability/safety/reliability and commitment in tangible consistent actions. This also contributes to keeping your discernement on and bounce back faster if he happens to not be the one. All the best !
This is the most well done summary of emotionally unavailable people and how they can really damage you! It took me a good deal of time to come to the major conclusion that you can't draw water from an empty well! Just leave it be and enjoy your fun, emotional life!
20:13 Please don’t sleep with these men… it will hurt them more. Be wise girls, by the 4th date you can really analyze and reflect if the man is emotionally available. An unavailable man will be inconsistent and will have difficulties to reach the 4th week because of all the excuses and lack of emotional support.
this video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. i just ended things with a guy I’ve been talking to since March for these EXACT REASONS!! the only thing is, I didn’t know it was because he was emotionally unavailable, but everyyy one of your points was who he was. my mind is blown. thank you for this confirmation ❤️❤️❤️
Entertaining an emotionally unavailable man destroys you (speaking from experience… I’m still recovering months later). Great video Breeny - and you look amazing x
I've postponed watching this video since it came out bc I knew I would hit too close to home and didn't want to accept the harsh truth that I've been wasting the last 6 months dating an unavailable man, but now I'm ready to let him go and I'm here to get all the strength I need to do it.
Breeny, I have been watching your videos since 2020 trying to find the motivation and strength to leave relationships that make me question my selfworth and stop dating men who use me for their own benefit, these videos I had on repeat for TWO YEARS finally made me open my eyes and Im finally free❤ the bar is no longer in hell, and I havent felt better about myself in a very very long time. Life feels so peaceful and I can expect great things for myself in the future so THANK YOU❤️❤️
Breeny Breeny Breeny!! This is why when I went to the UK in 2020, I made sure I saw you at one of ur events because you SPEAK FACTS. For one, the whole "be his peace" please preach to the choir!!! When men tell me that, I immediately get turned off and inside I'm rolling my eyes and saying "PLEASE STFU" 🤣🤣 Bc it really is BS. Meanwhile, they stress us out. Be our peace and we'll match it. 🤷🏻♀️ Secondly " No one's ever too busy" THANK YOU!!!!!! Agree agree agree! Idc what you have going on in your life, people make time for who and what they want to make time for. Period! Another bs thing men love to say. I myself have been with so many emotionally unavailable men, and it's given me alot of heartbreak, anxiety and depression. I've learned to not waste any of my time anymore on men who show me that theyre arent emotionally available. It took time and hardships but I'm done with that. Thanks for this video. I adore you!!!!! ❤️🙏🏻
I’ve been married to one for 16 years and goodness knows I’ve lost myself so much I don’t even know who I am. I keep using the economy as an excuse I’m scared of the unknown but I gotta go. Seems like I’ll never experience life waiting for him to get a clue. What a loss for him cause I loved him like no other.
I'm in the same boat, 5 years wasted in this toxic mess and I want out! I have enough money to pay rent but I'm scared because rent is so high and I'll be leaving my security blanket but my mental health can't take no more
Wow, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I literally just ended things with a guy i was speaking to as he claimed to have feelings for me, yet he could not give me what I needed in regards to his time, effort etc. i was never going to wait around for him to change. But after ending things, I went straight to Google to find out if I was analysing his behaviour too deeply, and Google made me believe that my attachment type was “anxiously secure” 🙂 Watching this video has made me realise that I am NOT anxiously secure, I have a very secure attachment type, it’s just that the individual that I was dealing with was not emotionally available for me In the way that I wanted him to be, and that’s okay. Next!
Love this video! I dated a specific unavailable man yesrs ago and he is exactly everything you described. The crazy thing was he knew he was emotionally unavailable and knew i was not happy but he would beg me time and time again to be available for him. And beg me to give him more chances to do pretty much nothing. I got off that roller coaster 3 years ago.
I used to be soooo emotionally available and got hurt by men using my vulnerability against me. Now, if I am brutally honest with myself, I am the one emotionally unavailable, crazy afraid to be played and hurt again. At least I am aware of it! It's a healing process that I am grateful to be in. I truly believe that once I find that equilibrium between being way too emotionally available and not at all, I'll be a magnet to a man who is standing in that sweet spot too. ✨
We are emotionally unavailable to our own selves. And choosing a man who is unavailable because it also protects us from having to be truly intimate with a man.
True. We should stop pointing the finger. Ask yourself- why am I attracted to this emotionally unavailable person? Why am I still tolerating bread cumbing? Why am trying to convince him otherwise? Why am I doing all the investments? Point the finger to yourself, it's harder but that's how you do the work
I’m just mad that this video doesn’t have 1 million views, yet. Every young woman should hear this at least one time if I had heard this sooner, I would’ve avoided a lot of mistakes in my life.
Out of all the emotionally unavailable videos I’ve watched this is the most spot on! Like FR! Every single thing is true. I dated an emotionally unavailable man for two months and it was two months too long. I felt drained for those two months. It’s been a month and I am still recovering. I’m so focused on myself and my future but he left a terrible taste in my mouth! This video is spot on sis! Thank you and have a wonderful day you beautiful beautiful soul ❤
Love this topic! _Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl_ is an awesome resource on this. It helped me see that there was a level of emotional unavailability in me that kept me attracting emotionally unavailable men. I was used to being the fixer, always saw the relationship through rose-colored glasses and was completely fine with long-distance relationships. This book and the follow up _The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship_ were game changers in helping me see my own patterns in relationships. Highly recommend 👌🏾
@Flagirl1985 yes! I'd say it's helped me break the pattern. I'm quicker to notice what it is about a person that intrigues me in an unhealthy way and I'm quicker to shut it down. It's definitely a process of rewiring and being attracted to healthy characteristics that formally may have been considered "boring" or not "exciting." For me, being around like-minded people who are on similar journeys of personal growth and healing has made a huge difference, as those who are not tend to stick out and are immediate turnoffs
I literally so glad I feel validated for the way I was treated in my past relationship. I would bring up issues and he would shred them up and tell me that he has been thru worse. Building myself back up is a challenge but we are working at it. Emotionally unavailable men also don’t have any hobbies besides working out or video games.
I'm starting my healing journey by prioritizing how I am feeling and getting more in tune with myself. Loving and accepting every part of my being. And not taking in anything less because I am way more deserving than that. I am a smart, capable woman who is not defined by only beauty, but by my authenticity. I will no longer be dating emotionally unavailable men or men who are toxic. My 2022 was hectic and chaotic for me, due to an ending I've had with man who was the biggest red flag. But now that I am only reflecting through mistakes in my past, it will help me evolve and become the best version of myself.
Men will do the most to get you. But once they get you they get comfortable and don’t put the effort into the relationship anymore while wanting you to do the most. No. You will get all these excuses making it seem like there is a good reason for their unavailability, E.g. working and chasing money… but your partner and family is just as important and worth putting effort into. At the end of the day, your family will be what you need when all is said and done… not all these other material things.
True, he used all the efforts and time for everything else even cooking was more important than talking to resolve issues in our relationship, I had to swallow all my feelings inside and I was sick of it. Can't imagine I was with him on/off for more than 10 years, that relationship destroyed me and my self esteem, which is already weak due to my family issues.
Wow, Couldn’t been a better time to drop this video.. Just went through something the other day with an emotionally unavailable men & to be honest was getting down on myself hard, I’m glad I watched this video so I have more of an understanding that’s it’s not me.. it’s him! Thank you Breeny ❤✨
She’s not describing someone I’m dating….she’s describing my HUSBAND…soon to be ex because of some of the very reasons she talked about! 💔😢😔 I was afraid to listen to this when it popped up in my feed, but I’m glad I did because it confirms my decision.
I feel you. Been there done that, sending you love and courage, walk away and never look back. Being in this kind of relationship is even lonelier than being single anyway.
"Know your worth and than add tax"... I swear emotionally unavailable men cannot meet the requirements it takes for our love and time 🍵🐸🥰🥰😘 One more time, "know your worth and then add tax"~ og breezy lee xxx
7:17 this is so true! I’ve been there in my last relationship and I even felt confused like what’s going on? Why there’s so much inconsistency, broken promises, distance etc. and the answer is emotional unavailability ❌ and they truly can’t give you what you need!! It’s a no goer. Thanks for sharing such valuable info with us! ❤
Wow, this video was such an eye opener! I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago and all these things sounded like him to a T. I was so frustrated and hurt in the relationship, constantly blaming myself and thinking something was wrong with me 😅 but turns out he's just emotionally unavailable. Still hurts, but I know I did the best I could in the relationship.
I always come back to breeny to wake up from trash men, yesterday the guy I've been dating for a month tried to hit me because he said he was jealous I ran away from him. Thank you breeny because I have followed you for quite a while and you made me know what's good for me. PS: this guy was perfect until yesterday and I broke up with him via text message because I was too scared he'll beat me
OMG. What a timing. Just kicked out of my life the most unavailable man a month ago. 2 years of madness. That fool has asked me to meet in a club a month ago at night and he flaked on me. He did even showed up. This was it for me. Bye bye. Thank you Breeny.
I just got out of a 3 year relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. Now he’s with another woman long distance because it’s more convenient for his avoidant ways. I was screaming “f*** yea, right!?” In the car while listening to this. This is all correct! 😂❤
You look amazing.😍😍 I dated emotionally unavailable men for years. Then I realized I was also emotionally unavailable as well. It was easy for me to hide behind chasing them.
Girl!!! I needed to hear this. I literally just ended things with an emotionally unavailable man, and you described everything so perfectly!!! I feel sad, but I love and respect myself more and deserve so much more.
Breeny, I wish this video was released months ago before I invested my time and love into an emotionally unavailable man… it broke me and I’m still healing from it but I learned the lessons from it. I’m not settling for breadcrumbs anymore.
Your video made me cry because I'm going through a "mini break-up" as well from an emotionally unavailable man who totally played me and depleted me of everything I had. Your words are so comforting and I finally feel validated. Thank you for all the advice Breeny... you are helping so many of us!!
Thank you for this Breeny! I actually dated a man that had all of these behaviours. Worst experience ever. I felt lead by God to leave thankfully I did. Best decision ever ❤
Girl you are the truth, extremely gifted. All these signs I've seen in this man I was dating recently. He was so cold and hard on the inside. He constantly spoke about his horrible relationship with his parents. His only care was about making money.
I cut an emotionally unavailable person off after almost 1 month! I saw the red flags quickly and made the decision to end it early... I refuse to accept anything less!
Thank you Breeny. I really needed this. I’m young 23 and just had a difficult relationship I cry right now as I write this because I feel like this was my confirmation. I ended a year and a half relationship yesterday with a guy that’s way over twice my age but I loved him. I had been having these thoughts and revelations within this past week with everything you said and I thought I could fix him because of his trauma. Turns out I couldn’t and I thought I was going crazy having these feelings and thoughts. I helped him with everything bills , expenses everything he was going through and work problems everything . It’s hurts like hell I cry so much I’ve I cried all day because it hurts but knowing that it’s not me and that other people encounter this it helps to know. It hurts like hell and I truly loved him but I had to make a decision that my mind came first.
Breeny, thank you for being along the journey of self love, you have helped me these last two years learn to look within and self heal. I'm living my best soft life 🫰🏻
Breeny i honestly thank god for you ability to articulate this. This has hit in so many ways. I keep wasting time on unavailable men and I’m done with it. I thought I was the issue for a second. My self love journey will be amplified going forward. Thank you
When you are not his "one" his first choice..... I think treatment is totally different. Relationships reflect back to you. The inner work must come first.
Before you even get to date There's lots of internal work that's fully your responsibility to be done, and that's good news cause there's something you can do bout who you are attracting now. Gotta change your self identity. Your relationship with yourself has to be amazing first. Self love is key.
This video is GOLD. Thank you so much. One thing I would add is that another sign of emotionally unavailability is substance use, whether that's hard drugs or weed or heavy drinking. If they can't be with themselves, they cannot truly be with you! And also you will not come first, their fix will 🤷🏻♀️
Welcome back GORGEOUS! You definitely don’t look like what you been through!! ❤ missed listening to you! OMG! You just basically describe someone I been talking to for 5 weeks. I cut him off, he calls and says, “hi stranger” 🤡 ….. Glad I didn’t invest to much time or energy. Love you Breeny! ❤
When this video dropped I wasn't ready to hear it. I didn't watch it even though I knew it was the truth. Now I'm done with that situation and ready to listen to my big sis Breeny who has never told me lies. 👏🏾👏🏾 Ready to hear all of it so I don't make foolish decisions next time around.
11:45 12:24 15:18 exactly this! You are so deprived that you have to settle for the breadcrumbs 18:12 you will drive yourself crazy trying to 18:30 intimacy ain't sex. Intimacy is when you can see into each other 20:45 that not intimacy that trauma dumping 21:13 that's intimacy 21:41 they can't take accountability that why we can't correct them he can't handle it 23:24 their communication will reflect that. 24:54 26:10 they don't want you to egt too close to them and start asking the right questions. That's why he has been avoiding my question 26:20 27:36 28:49 not a rich relationship 30:00 they will drain you of everything you need in thus life to function and get things done. 30:57 I have been used to crumbs damn. 34:01
Had this situationship with a coworker who i now recognize was an emotionally unavailable man thanks to this video. You never miss a beat girl! 🙏 I even had panick attacks when i was around him, he would make me so anxious but still i didn't listen to my body. Eventually things grew apart between us and now i'm thankful i dodged a bullet!
@Breeny this video was much needed! I noticed I was dating emotionally unavailable men. Moving forward no more. It's very detrimental dating men that are emotionally unavailable
Girl woooooow!!! This was so good and spot on with a situation I WAS dealing with, he has been cut off but everything you said was spot on this was gem! Thank you
The emotionally unavailable man I was seeing kept saying he was scared. He had to focus on his exam (which is valid because a lot was depending on it) but making an effort to communicate was becoming a burden to him. He didn’t run to me, he ran away from me. It was always about him. What works for him. Where he wants to go. What he wants to do. What he wants. His timing. He would project onto me by putting down my accomplishments. When I called him out, he started saying he isn’t malicious and lacked any sense of accountability. It was great when we would see each other in person but completely detached when we were apart. Definitely an avoidant attachment and I was becoming an anxious attachment person again. Legit, lost my mind when things ended. And it took a lot of prayer and therapy to get myself back on track. I guess what I wanted to say is thank you Breeny for this. It was very validating. ❤
I was with the most confusing emotionally unavailable man. He could be so so good to me then randomly so emotionally distant.. then he’d come back with love again. He would help my family, cook for me constantly, be there for me if I had life issues, if I called him he’d do literally anything I asked for, feed me before he’d feed himself, he supported me and my dreams, etc. but when it came to me speaking to him about our issues, it would turn into a huge fight. Then say “be my peace” lmao mf I’m trying. Be my peace, damn. 🤣
Same here. Because he is emotionally unavailable not financially or physically unavailable lol, so only when it comes to emotional things or relationship issues, he wants to avoid them at all cost. All are dramas to him, you will become his stress and burden unless you shut your mouth and swallow your feelings. He can be a good friend but not a good lover / husband due to lack of emotional understanding and connection. Staying in this kind of relationship feel lonelier than staying single. If you don't want to live like a robot the rest of your life, then leave.
This absolutely resonates with me, I was in a relationship with someone like this, I had no idea at the time. I was hospitalized in a different state and he refused to come when I absolutely needed him 😢 never again
I'm sorry you have been through this. Never let how this man treated you lower your self esteem, you are worthy and deserve so much better. Sending you love and courage ❤
you described my ex perfectly. he was not healed from his first love and i had to take that on and got burned for it in the end. i’m going to heal and learn to love myself again!
I turned 20 2 months ago and you are legit the older sister or aunty I’ve never knew I needed but so so glad I have! Thank you Breeny for your content! It really saves me from myself sometimes! I can be very self destructive.. I love you and your content! You’re beautiful! Thankful for all you do!
PLEASE BEWARE OF SCAMMERS REPLYING TO COMMENTS ABOUT A GIVEAWAY.
UNLESS YOU SEE THIS PROFILE POST ANYTHING ITS A SCAM! ALSO I DONT HAVE TELEGRAM!!
Omg thank you girl I was hoping you'd realise this!!!
BRRRRREEEEE, you are talking about me !! Omg I thought I was crazy. The question is why do we attract them
Married 9 years. What I know for certain…men who want to be there, will be there. You will never have to question your value, or your relationship. Something I learned: Until we heal ourselves from whatever attracted us to that wrong person, those traits will keep showing up with a different face.
Wow
Bam!!!
How do we identify the issues that attracted us to that wrong person within ourselves? I’m Such a loving person but attract the wrong people
You said a mouth full and it’s very true
@@Ckretunique girlll
Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man Can Be Exhausting 😩 This Type of Man Will Drain You & Eventually Break You.
will literally ruin your life
You are looking great. I am so proud of you. As someone who was married for 22years, its so obvious when a guy is emotionally unavailable. But sometimes we ladies refuse to acknowledge the red flag. We have to value ourselves enough not to let unavailable men keep you on a string. Cut that string and keep it moving. Well-done Breeny.
what were the red flags you think you ignored?
@@yzma6142 The BIGGEST red flag I ignored is relating to this video. My exhisband although a very nice person did not chase me. He liked me but he never went out of his way to really chase me. I was the one who told him of all the benefits he would have to be married to me. So after a few weeks he proposed, we got married and we had children. We lasted 20 yrs but the relationship was always skewered towards me being the peacemaker, the one working to keep our happy equilibrium etc. He was never bad or violent but he was never passionate about anything either. So in the end my marriage felt like a "functioning but vacuum project". I left and we divorced. Now I'm with a man who is the one doing most of the chasing and the dynamic is so very different and just more fulfilling. Long story, I may make a video about it one day. Never chase or lock down a man if he is not chasing you back.
@@theblessedblackwoman thank you so much for letting us know and sharing* your experience for the benefit of learning, God bless
Question: are these guys we are dating are in fact emotionally unavailable or are they this way only with us?
What does emotionally unavailable mean??
Exactly! Stop forcing Men to be in a Relationship. If he says he doesn't want a Relationship. Move on!! Looking GREAT Breeny!
These men will pretend to want a relationship & still ghost you lol
@@anonamous6320 women do the exact same shit.
@@anonamous6320 I know because women are perfect 🤭
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@@anonamous6320 Your not in a Relationship until you've met him MOM! 😉
These broken men really should be going for counselling to get to the route of the problem instead of dating. By dating they only create more problems
exactly
I’ve literally dated emotionally unavailable men for the past two years 😯😯😯😯 that’s why I’m taking a year off from dating, so I can wholeheartedly focus on developing a healthy, balanced relationship with myself, I can learn how to identify trauma bonding, manipulation, or any other negative, toxic, relationship dynamic without sacrificing my soul and inner peace.
Yessss!!! 👏🏻❤️
Girl me tooo✨🤍 I’m starting therapy to help me out and I’m just working in silence.
Me too I’m learning to love myself and enjoy my singleness more and more each and everyday while I leveling up in life 😊
Same Girl. I've just come out of an emotionally toxic relationship and I need a break 😭
Same, I thought I'd broken my streak of emotionally unavailable men but just left a 10 month relationship with an addict! I definitely want a year off of dating and hopefully a year of celibacy too! With my bpd it's hard to manage my impulsivity and libido sometimes but I need to make a change if I wanna heal my heart and stand on my own two feet. These men don't deserve our hearts and our bodies honestly 😭
Dated an emotionally unavailable narc for 5 months and I will never do that again. It took me 2+ years to get over it because I lost myself completely trying to earn his affection and desire. Which never happened.
I really understand you. I was dating a man like that for 3 months and now it's been 2 years and I still can't stop thinking about him. There are always these thoughts that "maybe he's changed now" or "maybe It was just a wrong time" etc.
@lena I know exactly how you feel. But trust me, Breeny has said it before and she is so right, the right person will be the right person for you anytime. The right person wrong time is still the wrong person for you. I thought I met someone like that but didn't fully accept that he wasn't for me until I stopped having feelings for him. I'm so grateful for Breeny's wisdom because it's given me the strength 💪 and tools 🛡 🗡 to protect myself from men that like to take advantage of vulnerable women and from men who just aren't for me. Don't doubt yourself queen ✨ if it's too hard to understand or figure out than they're not the one for you mama.
@@missyg9778 thank you so much! 💖 You're 100% right. This is why I come back to Breeny's videos even after a long time to remind myself that I deserve so much more. And also to know that there are many wonderful women like us who've been through the same and are still wearing their crowns and not giving up 👑 💅
Wow same
Trying to help a broken man, you might get cut on the broken pieces. He must heal before entering a new relationship. Thanks for this wisdom Breeny well said ‼️🎯‼️💯‼️
We are all broken, we attract a reflection. Sometimes we are also emotionally unavailable and attract partners that are also emotionally unavailable so that we feel like we’re trying to open up and we can put it on another person. But we are tracked broken because we are broken. We can’t judge other people for their brokenness we all will need to heal, we just have to make sure we don’t put ourselves in a position to constantly attract unhealthy relationships. Sometimes we are codependent on that unhealthy relationship or are trauma. Makes us attract the familiar feelings of abandonment and rejection.
@@faithinthejourney6409 no ma’am we are not blaming women for emotionally unavailable men. This whole attract what you are thing is not true
@@faithinthejourney6409 Nope. You are not who you attract. You are who you entertain. Big difference. I’m very attractive and many men express interest. Some of them are dusty and for other reasons don’t make the cut. I am not dusty AT ALL.
@@shalalala868 💯! You are only what you choose to deal with.
You look so different sister❤
At this point, I’m not even thinking of entertaining any man anymore. Now they have to go through God to get to me. I’m at a point where I am entertaining God, myself and my career.
I was thinking the same she looks really different!! Great video nonetheless 💕
It's the worst thing when you really like someone who is emotionally unavailable, but the only thing you can do is walk away.
Most people aren’t emotionally unavailable they just don’t like you. Men move for the women they realky want
Sure that happens but a lot of these men really have issues (that they're not doing anything to fix) and you can see it in other areas of their life. No matter how great a woman is, or how much he claims to like her, a man w poor character will not change for her. He may just put on a better show at the beginning.
This isn't really true. You can be the perfect person and if you meet someone at the wrong time in life, completely sabotage that relationship. Idky we tell ourselves these painful, black and white truths that some how puts the blame on us. It's not about you, but where that person is in their life.
@@Rossi.K it’s not putting the blame on anyone. Not everyone will be for you and you won’t be for everyone. The timing lie is a myth. It’s either you are his dream girl or you aren’t.
The same with calling every ex for "narsissist". No, he wasnt necessarily a narsissist, he just didn't love you.
@@afrolatinabeauty9502 I just don’t know one person who is emotionally unavailable to one person and completely emotionally available to another. that takes hard work and therapy to overcome that.. Had i not did therapy, I would have definitely self sabotage the new relationship i’m in. A person isn’t going to magically heal those issues for you, no matter how perfect they are.
A lot of the time men tell women the truth by showing us how they feel with their actions. That’s all we really need. The minute that you start acting out of character when “dating”, it’s time to call it a day ❤️
Out of character? Examples? 🙂
@@Whoeverwhateverwhenever like if you’re typically a happy person but now you’re incredibly anxious, always over thinking, felling insecure or not good enough, feeling like you have to preform and be “better” to get the results you need from the person.
I love it… When you act out of character!!!
I met a man who within two weeks was telling me, "I'm terrified because this connection is too good." "If I'm not ready, I'll get ready." He was big on proclamations. I realized quickly that this is the way of an emotionally unavailable man. He will encourage a woman to feel deeply and participate in the chemical rush, while also letting on to the fact that he's afraid. The fear will come up in many ways. He may get colder after intimacy, may take offense to your boundaries, may encourage speeding up the pace or get frustrated about your pace. But his message will seem out of line with reality. Reality is: this is a person who DOES NOT KNOW YOU. Your ego will be tempted to believe that he actually sees your value. Do not give in. He will make a mess with his unavailability down the line because responsibility is actually his greatest fear and that comes online when you reciprocate his feelings and share in his fantasy.
"The wrong person will bring the absolute worst in you". That hits hard and literally opened my eyes. Great video !
Imagine if us women were emotionally unavailable and as savage as all these hurt men are. Or if we had our guard up the way they do, We would probably have all guys chasing us and all over us. The law of attraction is a real thing.
A man will have one bad relationship experience and never love again where's a woman can be hurt so many times and still reset and try again. That pisses me off.
Women ARE emotionally unavailable and savage. Also I've been in a lot of bad relationships and I'm still trying.
Women are like this.. men just don't speak out about it often. Some of the most savage experiences I've had came from women and friendships.. Men go through the same thing, trust
@@Rossi.K just going thru this and listen wheb a woman decides to be savage And emotionally unavailable it’s just as bad Honestly
I think it also depends on the person. I'm a woman who for the most part is emotionally unavailable, but I don't make guys in my life bear the brunt of that. I usually let them know indirectly at the beginning of anything, and distance myself before I hurt anyone's feelings. However, I recently became very into an unemotionally available guy. And I believe that women & men manifest this habit in different ways because I didn't really notice the signs at first. I've cut all ties now, and I'm resolved to being alone until I sort myself out, my friends are enough for me now.
go watch 500 days of summer
Girl preach! Just got out of a marriage like this. As soon as I told him I wasn’t having sex until it’s an overflow of emotional connection things got crystal clear. Constant disappointment and taking advantage of your empathy…if it weren’t for information like this we’d stay confused for way longer. Thank you!
How are you doing now that the relationship is over
An emotionally unavailable man is a man that does not want you and does not see you as his wife period.He is only there for sex. If you are wondering if he really likes or loves you then he does not. When a man wants you, you will know and he will put all effort into pursuing you.
Sadly that no longer applies because there are many men that put in effort but still don’t really like the girl they just need her for now.
Some men don’t want commitment with anyone. They will say and do what they need to say and do to get what they want in the moment, take everything they can from that person and then move on to the next. It’s manipulation. There are women who do it too. I personally feel that people who are this reckless with the hearts of others will eventually get their just desserts. They play around until their looks and their luck run out and people see through their superficial facade…
I feel like most people are emotionally unavailable in this modern world, we have become very selfish and self centred as a society. Not saying there aren't well balanced people out there but it takes a little more patience and perseverance to find them 🙉
Agreed! There are a lot of emotionally unavailable men and women are becoming emotionally unavailable due to their experiences. The only way to get out of thjs trap is heal.
I was attracted to this kind of man because that’s how my father was. I’ve been healing from my trauma caused by my dad, and learning to fall in love with GOD, and myself.
@@rawminimalist9043 yeah same.
Uh oh
This hit me hard! So so true
I cried while watching this because my relationship with an emotionally unavailable man ended not too long ago. I still feel drained and empty. I gave sooo much and got nothing in return. I was everything he needed me to be but he couldn’t be there for me. Apparently, I was a ‘burden’. I was asking for too much.
I’m now trying to heal and move on. I’m tired of getting hurt like this though. It’s so exhausting.
Thank you Breeny. I really really needed this video❤
Remember, you’re never asking for too much. You’re asking the wrong person ❤ there’s hundreds of people who would LOVE to do the things for you that you deserve, you just have to keep your standard and be patient ❤ you got this, I went through the same thing and became the best version of myself after that
@@daniellesharaak115 Thank you so much Danielle. I needed to hear this.
We’re on the same boat girl. Sending you love and healing vibes ❤️🩹
@@victoriasmith2813 trust me sister, a lot of us women are experiencing the same thing. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we learn and grow from our choices in life. You're a queen that deserves a king....( not a peasant ) 🙏☺❤
heartbreaking... but at least you don't have to live with that for the rest of your life...
Ended my engagement one week ago because of these same reasons. I’m now grieving the plans I had for our future. I know the pain of staying is worse then what I’m feeling right now😢. Taking things one day at a time.
I got married thinking this would change, believed false promises that his . You should be really proud of yourself! You may get doubts if she/he breadcrumbs but I guarantee you its
The grieving process is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do; especially if your ex repeatedly did this or made excuses for his behaviour (I am assuming) -
The doubts will come in but ultimately imagine 20/30 years of this?! The pain of staying will always be worse because long term your self esteem will suffer. You have inspired and reminded me to take it one day at a time. You’re grieving the plans of false promises. And you deserve - anyone does- better than that.
I did the same thing ... We had a lucky escape sis. Run and don't look back!
Awwwwnnnn boo! Keeping you in my prayers. I know that wasn’t easy
He must crazy letting you go your beutiful
You got this ❤
That part about being a safe place to a man really resonated. I had someone I cared about a lot and the more I tried to be there, the worse he treated me. Shhiiiddd you gotta be your own peace!! 🥰
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This is not an emotionally available man but a man who considers you a placeholder and not his dream girl …. Trust me when a man considers you his dream girl he will try again and again no matter how emotionally unavailable he may be , he will try to work through his emotional unavailability
Not necessarily. I’ve noticed emotionally unavailable men (aka dismissive avoidants) tend to chase who doesn’t want them. Sure they may be giving them their all but it’s only bc they don’t want them. It’s safe
Watching this video with my aunt and we are both screaaaaaaaming! All i can say is sis....you are doing the Lord's work. Thank u for another great upload.
❗️‘That’s not intimacy, that’s offloading’ -Breeny Lee
I cut contact with a person because he wouldn't want to meet in 4 weeks after our first date, only good morning texts and "we should travel together". On weekends he would text at night how tired he is and goodnight. That's what unavailable is, and that guy isn't really into you, just keeps you as the last option.
@@anonamous6320 it’s just an excuse to keep me around. Also I can fly to Sweden for 7€, that can everyone afford.
@@anonamous6320 do you rethink he has any intention in traveling he probably texts many girls
Lucky escape I'd say
@@anonamous6320 you really believe her travel to see her he probably talks to lots of girls
@@flyandshy00 forreal girl i even drew a picture of this guy and was nice to him but h still managed to block and ghhost me
GIRL. I just saw this video at the perfect time thankyou! I was just dealing with a man that had pretty much ALL the qualities of an emotionally unavailable man you describe. He was love bombing me within the first day, telling me he thought I was the one and that I was the perfect one for him and he’s never been with a woman like me and how he “doesn’t deserve” me, even planning trips with me within the next day of us hanging out and everything! He was even telling me about his toxic ex and how he was so hurt and traumatized by her and everything, now I know that it was just trauma dumping to get us to bond. 2 weeks go by and all of a sudden he’s canceled plans on me not ONCE, not TWICE, but 3 TIMES in the span of 2 days. I reach out to ask him what’s wrong and he tells me that it’s about his ex (🙄) and how she still has the key to his apartment???? Long story short, he starts telling me he was pushing me away and canceling plans to “protect me” so that he can “deal with her” and then he’ll “get back to me” essentially telling me to wait for him and basically telling on himself that he wasn’t at all ready for me. Even went to say that he was scared because we were developing feelings and he didn’t want to be attached fast. Can’t believe I was almost stupid enough to believe it, THANKYOU FOR THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for making this video, he’s now blocked and deleted in the name of God! 🥹😂
Girllll what a crazy story, he a clownnnn
Lol yes oftentimes emotionally unavailable behavior is linked to him having feelings to someone from his past. He went back to the familiar toxicity and dysfunction that he’s used to. She probably sniffed around and found out he was into someone new and decided to play mind games and nip y’all in the bud. 99% of the time these situations NEVER work out, so they’re both just wasting their time but you’ll be too busy with an upgrade to be bothered about it.
He was trying to triangulate you with that ex. It’s done to make you insecure & push you to compete for his love. I’m sure you know the game.
God. exhausting.
run
Emotionally unavailable men are usually highly abusive.
You want to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
And do it fast !
Don't let him catch up to you. He will destroy you. He wants to hold you HOSTAGE. Leave quickly.
Don't announce it. Just go.
you're so right they're abusive
true and I ghost him three days now. I'm fucking done
as women we also have to ask ourselves why we were attracted to emotional unavailability in the first place. a lot of the times you’d be surprised to find out it’s because we are emotionally unavailable as well in other areas in our lives.
We aren’t attracted to them. There’s just a lot of them.
@@lareina9071 respectfully, i have to disagree. if that were the case, there would be a lot more women leaving the minute red flags show up, but there are still many women sticking around emotionally unavailable men because they think they can change them. it might not to apply to you, which is great that means you’re above that, but it definitely exists.
That’s true. At least for me. For 2 years I was soooo enamored of my emotionally unavailable ex that I was neglecting most of my friendships and even my family. It was like I was addicted to him. 🤦🏿♀️
@@abenagyampo i’ve been there too sis, you’re not alone, so i understand. and this is exactly what i’m trying to say, people act like it’s not a thing but it really is. i hope you’re in a much better space now sis ❤️
100% correct you attract who you are. There's great learning in who we attract shows us where we reject, abandon, ignore ourselves. Pedestaling others means you neglect yourself for others.its a complex understanding but it's not even bout men it's about what is familar to you from childhood.... wounds unmet needs get repeated until you heal and change it. Break the pattern. Good luck💙🤎
sometime we confused emotional unavailability with a man just not liking you or wanting you enough. trust some men will be emotionally available when he meets the women he truly wants...
Nah men are mostly emotionally unavailable and that switch isn't gonna just turn on. But if they're not man enough to treat any woman with basic consideration and respect, then they aren't decent. 😅
Breeny you are 100% CORRECT!! I will never get involved with another emotionally unavailable man..ever again. It’s exhausting
Breeny, As of 6.39pm this evening, I was literally laying down, frozen, crying about this, its now just gone 10pm.
I was crying because I let it happen to me again, I was there for someone emotionally in a relationship long term despite going through my own stuff-and they were not there for me when I needed them the most tonight.
I don’t need a man to provide money, Housing, clothes,bills etc - and I finally thought he would be there for me emotionally -after 3 years of this-And he left me crying on the phone and hung up. No response after.
I’m embarrassed to write this and post it but if it helps anyone to feel that they’re not worthless, they deserve better and helps them realise to not waste 3 years of their life for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you- then I’m keeping it up!
I had just checked to see if you had uploaded any videos about 3/4 days ago but you hadn’t… Then, as I’m crying this evening I log onto RUclips… And your videos in my feed ! ❤️ I feel blessed it was about the exact subject I’m going through🙏🏽
Thank you for making me feel less alone, realising I should be cared about but also making me realise I can’t keep doing this and I need to take accountability for my own actions in allowing this to happen to me in my long-term relationship. Repeatedly. Its on me.
Sis I'm so sorry and I hope you find the strength you need at this point. Something like this was about to happen to me, he was taking me out on dates, yaddi yadda, going the whole nine yards. It was amazing then after three months, I summoned up the courage to ask him where this was going, and he said he hadn't healed and all this other stuff, i told him that I understand and that was it, i packed myself and left. I have worked too much on myself for some unserious person to take me for a ride. Absolutely not!!!! so next time ladies, please be upfront after 3 months, its better y'all break up after three months than three years.
Well said and well done@@Tebony2 I would also add
- stopping dating exclusively men that have not claimed the relationship and made their intentions clear. Keeping options open and building a rooaster of suitors will help keeping your discernement on and limit disappointment when confronted with reality.
- not being physically intimate with men that have not pass the test of emotional availability/safety/reliability and commitment in tangible consistent actions. This also contributes to keeping your discernement on and bounce back faster if he happens to not be the one.
All the best !
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m going through the same thing. You do deserve better and I hope you find the courage to leave and realize there’s better out there for you. For us🫂
You are a strong woman to leave. You worth so much. Look for support through your family and friends I would even encourage to pray God is listening even if you don’t believe but it always brings me peace.
When we give everything to someone that cannot even show up for us, that is emotional neglect. We should never ever accept this treatment. This is basic decency and respect. These people do not deserve any of this time or energy. They need to take their dusty energy and work on themselves.
You teaching girl! Their heart is somewhere else, point blank period that’s all you need to know to walk away. Do not attempt to find it. Be sober minded, always.
So tired of meeting emotionally unavailable men. The last one ripped my heart out earlier this year. Now I am focusing on me and living life to the fullest. Celebrating all closed doors.
Being emotionnaly unavailable is some kind of mental illness. It comes from trauma and abandonnement during childhood. Those men are not criminals. They are sick people who need help.
True. 10 years relationship for me, felt even lonelier than staying single. I was the "burden", the "stress" and my feelings were "dramas". Totally frustrated, left him for good and never look back.
Excellent and very detailed video! Excellent reminder about : trauma dumping, taking, breadcrumbs, gaslighting and the feeing of the relationship being wably. It should be taught in schools!
I would also add
- stopping dating exclusively men that have not claimed the relationship and made their intentions clear. Keeping options open and building a rooaster of suitors will help keeping your discernement on and limit disappointment when confronted with reality.
- not being physically intimate with men that have not pass the test of emotional availability/safety/reliability and commitment in tangible consistent actions. This also contributes to keeping your discernement on and bounce back faster if he happens to not be the one.
All the best !
This is the most well done summary of emotionally unavailable people and how they can really damage you! It took me a good deal of time to come to the major conclusion that you can't draw water from an empty well! Just leave it be and enjoy your fun, emotional life!
20:13 Please don’t sleep with these men… it will hurt them more. Be wise girls, by the 4th date you can really analyze and reflect if the man is emotionally available. An unavailable man will be inconsistent and will have difficulties to reach the 4th week because of all the excuses and lack of emotional support.
this video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. i just ended things with a guy I’ve been talking to since March for these EXACT REASONS!! the only thing is, I didn’t know it was because he was emotionally unavailable, but everyyy one of your points was who he was. my mind is blown. thank you for this confirmation ❤️❤️❤️
Entertaining an emotionally unavailable man destroys you (speaking from experience… I’m still recovering months later). Great video Breeny - and you look amazing x
Exactly, makes you questioning yourself and thinks that you are not worthy and it ain't true.
I've postponed watching this video since it came out bc I knew I would hit too close to home and didn't want to accept the harsh truth that I've been wasting the last 6 months dating an unavailable man, but now I'm ready to let him go and I'm here to get all the strength I need to do it.
Breeny, I have been watching your videos since 2020 trying to find the motivation and strength to leave relationships that make me question my selfworth and stop dating men who use me for their own benefit, these videos I had on repeat for TWO YEARS finally made me open my eyes and Im finally free❤ the bar is no longer in hell, and I havent felt better about myself in a very very long time. Life feels so peaceful and I can expect great things for myself in the future so THANK YOU❤️❤️
Breeny Breeny Breeny!! This is why when I went to the UK in 2020, I made sure I saw you at one of ur events because you SPEAK FACTS. For one, the whole "be his peace" please preach to the choir!!! When men tell me that, I immediately get turned off and inside I'm rolling my eyes and saying "PLEASE STFU" 🤣🤣 Bc it really is BS. Meanwhile, they stress us out. Be our peace and we'll match it. 🤷🏻♀️ Secondly " No one's ever too busy" THANK YOU!!!!!! Agree agree agree! Idc what you have going on in your life, people make time for who and what they want to make time for. Period! Another bs thing men love to say. I myself have been with so many emotionally unavailable men, and it's given me alot of heartbreak, anxiety and depression. I've learned to not waste any of my time anymore on men who show me that theyre arent emotionally available. It took time and hardships but I'm done with that. Thanks for this video. I adore you!!!!! ❤️🙏🏻
I’ve been married to one for 16 years and goodness knows I’ve lost myself so much I don’t even know who I am. I keep using the economy as an excuse I’m scared of the unknown but I gotta go. Seems like I’ll never experience life waiting for him to get a clue. What a loss for him cause I loved him like no other.
I'm in the same boat, 5 years wasted in this toxic mess and I want out! I have enough money to pay rent but I'm scared because rent is so high and I'll be leaving my security blanket but my mental health can't take no more
Wow, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I literally just ended things with a guy i was speaking to as he claimed to have feelings for me, yet he could not give me what I needed in regards to his time, effort etc. i was never going to wait around for him to change. But after ending things, I went straight to Google to find out if I was analysing his behaviour too deeply, and Google made me believe that my attachment type was “anxiously secure” 🙂
Watching this video has made me realise that I am NOT anxiously secure, I have a very secure attachment type, it’s just that the individual that I was dealing with was not emotionally available for me In the way that I wanted him to be, and that’s okay. Next!
"When you try and help a broken man, you will cut your fingers on the broken pieces" Word💯
Love this video! I dated a specific unavailable man yesrs ago and he is exactly everything you described. The crazy thing was he knew he was emotionally unavailable and knew i was not happy but he would beg me time and time again to be available for him. And beg me to give him more chances to do pretty much nothing. I got off that roller coaster 3 years ago.
I used to be soooo emotionally available and got hurt by men using my vulnerability against me. Now, if I am brutally honest with myself, I am the one emotionally unavailable, crazy afraid to be played and hurt again. At least I am aware of it! It's a healing process that I am grateful to be in. I truly believe that once I find that equilibrium between being way too emotionally available and not at all, I'll be a magnet to a man who is standing in that sweet spot too. ✨
When we date emotionally unavailable men, we are emotionally unavailable ourselves.
bingo!
Explain
We are emotionally unavailable to our own selves. And choosing a man who is unavailable because it also protects us from having to be truly intimate with a man.
That's not true.
True. We should stop pointing the finger. Ask yourself- why am I attracted to this emotionally unavailable person? Why am I still tolerating bread cumbing? Why am trying to convince him otherwise? Why am I doing all the investments? Point the finger to yourself, it's harder but that's how you do the work
I’m just mad that this video doesn’t have 1 million views, yet. Every young woman should hear this at least one time if I had heard this sooner, I would’ve avoided a lot of mistakes in my life.
Congratulations 🎊✨ You’ve been selected in my draw. (👆Please send me a message on Telegram x ,so that I can send you your prize).
Out of all the emotionally unavailable videos I’ve watched this is the most spot on! Like FR! Every single thing is true. I dated an emotionally unavailable man for two months and it was two months too long. I felt drained for those two months. It’s been a month and I am still recovering. I’m so focused on myself and my future but he left a terrible taste in my mouth! This video is spot on sis! Thank you and have a wonderful day you beautiful beautiful soul ❤
Love this topic! _Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl_ is an awesome resource on this. It helped me see that there was a level of emotional unavailability in me that kept me attracting emotionally unavailable men. I was used to being the fixer, always saw the relationship through rose-colored glasses and was completely fine with long-distance relationships. This book and the follow up _The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship_ were game changers in helping me see my own patterns in relationships. Highly recommend 👌🏾
@@lf3554 yup! Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend have great books on boundaries as well, also on determining who's a safe person
@Flagirl1985 yes! I'd say it's helped me break the pattern. I'm quicker to notice what it is about a person that intrigues me in an unhealthy way and I'm quicker to shut it down. It's definitely a process of rewiring and being attracted to healthy characteristics that formally may have been considered "boring" or not "exciting." For me, being around like-minded people who are on similar journeys of personal growth and healing has made a huge difference, as those who are not tend to stick out and are immediate turnoffs
I literally so glad I feel validated for the way I was treated in my past relationship. I would bring up issues and he would shred them up and tell me that he has been thru worse. Building myself back up is a challenge but we are working at it. Emotionally unavailable men also don’t have any hobbies besides working out or video games.
I'm starting my healing journey by prioritizing how I am feeling and getting more in tune with myself. Loving and accepting every part of my being. And not taking in anything less because I am way more deserving than that. I am a smart, capable woman who is not defined by only beauty, but by my authenticity. I will no longer be dating emotionally unavailable men or men who are toxic. My 2022 was hectic and chaotic for me, due to an ending I've had with man who was the biggest red flag. But now that I am only reflecting through mistakes in my past, it will help me evolve and become the best version of myself.
Men will do the most to get you. But once they get you they get comfortable and don’t put the effort into the relationship anymore while wanting you to do the most. No. You will get all these excuses making it seem like there is a good reason for their unavailability, E.g. working and chasing money… but your partner and family is just as important and worth putting effort into. At the end of the day, your family will be what you need when all is said and done… not all these other material things.
True, he used all the efforts and time for everything else even cooking was more important than talking to resolve issues in our relationship, I had to swallow all my feelings inside and I was sick of it. Can't imagine I was with him on/off for more than 10 years, that relationship destroyed me and my self esteem, which is already weak due to my family issues.
Wow, Couldn’t been a better time to drop this video.. Just went through something the other day with an emotionally unavailable men & to be honest was getting down on myself hard, I’m glad I watched this video so I have more of an understanding that’s it’s not me.. it’s him! Thank you Breeny ❤✨
She’s not describing someone I’m dating….she’s describing my HUSBAND…soon to be ex because of some of the very reasons she talked about! 💔😢😔 I was afraid to listen to this when it popped up in my feed, but I’m glad I did because it confirms my decision.
I feel you. Been there done that, sending you love and courage, walk away and never look back. Being in this kind of relationship is even lonelier than being single anyway.
"Know your worth and than add tax"...
I swear emotionally unavailable men cannot meet the requirements it takes for our love and time 🍵🐸🥰🥰😘
One more time, "know your worth and then add tax"~ og breezy lee xxx
This video couldn’t have came at such a perfect time. This is exactly what I’m experiencing, I’m starting to loose myself through the process.
7:17 this is so true! I’ve been there in my last relationship and I even felt confused like what’s going on? Why there’s so much inconsistency, broken promises, distance etc. and the answer is emotional unavailability ❌ and they truly can’t give you what you need!! It’s a no goer.
Thanks for sharing such valuable info with us! ❤
Wow, this video was such an eye opener! I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago and all these things sounded like him to a T. I was so frustrated and hurt in the relationship, constantly blaming myself and thinking something was wrong with me 😅 but turns out he's just emotionally unavailable. Still hurts, but I know I did the best I could in the relationship.
I always come back to breeny to wake up from trash men, yesterday the guy I've been dating for a month tried to hit me because he said he was jealous I ran away from him.
Thank you breeny because I have followed you for quite a while and you made me know what's good for me.
PS: this guy was perfect until yesterday and I broke up with him via text message because I was too scared he'll beat me
one thing bout breeny lee.. she is going to PREACH 👏🏽 i’m only 25 but I learn so much from you. THANK YOU 🙏🏽
OMG. What a timing. Just kicked out of my life the most unavailable man a month ago. 2 years of madness. That fool has asked me to meet in a club a month ago at night and he flaked on me. He did even showed up. This was it for me. Bye bye. Thank you Breeny.
I just got out of a 3 year relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. Now he’s with another woman long distance because it’s more convenient for his avoidant ways. I was screaming “f*** yea, right!?” In the car while listening to this. This is all correct! 😂❤
When I tell you this video was right on time !!!!!!! i got rid of 3 in one week. I’m through !!!!. I deserve more. These boys be bugging.
You look amazing.😍😍
I dated emotionally unavailable men for years. Then I realized I was also emotionally unavailable as well. It was easy for me to hide behind chasing them.
Love the weight loss on you Sis!! Absolutely gorgeous before and after!!
Girl!!! I needed to hear this. I literally just ended things with an emotionally unavailable man, and you described everything so perfectly!!! I feel sad, but I love and respect myself more and deserve so much more.
Breeny, I wish this video was released months ago before I invested my time and love into an emotionally unavailable man… it broke me and I’m still healing from it but I learned the lessons from it. I’m not settling for breadcrumbs anymore.
Your video made me cry because I'm going through a "mini break-up" as well from an emotionally unavailable man who totally played me and depleted me of everything I had. Your words are so comforting and I finally feel validated. Thank you for all the advice Breeny... you are helping so many of us!!
Thank you for this Breeny! I actually dated a man that had all of these behaviours. Worst experience ever. I felt lead by God to leave thankfully I did. Best decision ever ❤
Girl you are the truth, extremely gifted. All these signs I've seen in this man I was dating recently. He was so cold and hard on the inside. He constantly spoke about his horrible relationship with his parents. His only care was about making money.
Yea, they tend to focus on things they can more easily control and master like making money or sex.
I cut an emotionally unavailable person off after almost 1 month! I saw the red flags quickly and made the decision to end it early... I refuse to accept anything less!
Thank you Breeny. I really needed this. I’m young 23 and just had a difficult relationship
I cry right now as I write this because I feel like this was my confirmation.
I ended a year and a half relationship yesterday with a guy that’s way over twice my age but I loved him. I had been having these thoughts and revelations within this past week with everything you said and I thought I could fix him because of his trauma. Turns out I couldn’t and I thought I was going crazy having these feelings and thoughts. I helped him with everything bills , expenses everything he was going through and work problems everything . It’s hurts like hell I cry so much I’ve I cried all day because it hurts but knowing that it’s not me and that other people encounter this it helps to know. It hurts like hell and I truly loved him but I had to make a decision that my mind came first.
Stay strong! No matter how you feel don't go back. Things will never change. Your emotions will be up and down for a while but stay busy.
He was way too old to not be able to pay his own bills. Men need to be providers.
SO GOOD 👏🏻 I married an emotional unavailable man… it made me the neediest, emptiest “wife”. Ladies beware!!!
Breeny, thank you for being along the journey of self love, you have helped me these last two years learn to look within and self heal. I'm living my best soft life 🫰🏻
Breeny i honestly thank god for you ability to articulate this. This has hit in so many ways. I keep wasting time on unavailable men and I’m done with it. I thought I was the issue for a second. My self love journey will be amplified going forward. Thank you
When you are not his "one" his first choice..... I think treatment is totally different. Relationships reflect back to you. The inner work must come first.
Before you even get to date There's lots of internal work that's fully your responsibility to be done, and that's good news cause there's something you can do bout who you are attracting now. Gotta change your self identity. Your relationship with yourself has to be amazing first. Self love is key.
I agree 100% because I have been the "emotionally unavailable" one when I don't truly value the man.
I can’t even express how much I needed this today. It’s as if you and I have been speaking recently. Thank you so much. 💗
Breeney, you're making time for people who don't deserve it! You're way more precious than you think
This video is GOLD. Thank you so much. One thing I would add is that another sign of emotionally unavailability is substance use, whether that's hard drugs or weed or heavy drinking. If they can't be with themselves, they cannot truly be with you! And also you will not come first, their fix will 🤷🏻♀️
I want my life to be up up up because I’ve been down down down for years
You will get there eventually… keep your head up girl
It’s coming!
Welcome back GORGEOUS! You definitely don’t look like what you been through!! ❤ missed listening to you! OMG! You just basically describe someone I been talking to for 5 weeks. I cut him off, he calls and says, “hi stranger” 🤡 ….. Glad I didn’t invest to much time or energy. Love you Breeny! ❤
Well said Breeny! Too often we women fail to see some red flags and we just jump head first into these types of relationships
When this video dropped I wasn't ready to hear it. I didn't watch it even though I knew it was the truth.
Now I'm done with that situation and ready to listen to my big sis Breeny who has never told me lies. 👏🏾👏🏾
Ready to hear all of it so I don't make foolish decisions next time around.
Honestly one of the best videos you've ever made
11:45
12:24
15:18 exactly this! You are so deprived that you have to settle for the breadcrumbs
18:12 you will drive yourself crazy trying to
18:30 intimacy ain't sex. Intimacy is when you can see into each other
20:45 that not intimacy that trauma dumping
21:13 that's intimacy
21:41 they can't take accountability that why we can't correct them he can't handle it
23:24 their communication will reflect that.
24:54
26:10 they don't want you to egt too close to them and start asking the right questions. That's why he has been avoiding my question
26:20
27:36
28:49 not a rich relationship
30:00 they will drain you of everything you need in thus life to function and get things done.
30:57 I have been used to crumbs damn.
34:01
Had this situationship with a coworker who i now recognize was an emotionally unavailable man thanks to this video. You never miss a beat girl! 🙏 I even had panick attacks when i was around him, he would make me so anxious but still i didn't listen to my body. Eventually things grew apart between us and now i'm thankful i dodged a bullet!
Congratulations 🎊✨ You’ve been selected in my draw. (👆Please send me a message on Telegram x ,so that I can send you your prize).
@Breeny this video was much needed! I noticed I was dating emotionally unavailable men. Moving forward no more. It's very detrimental dating men that are emotionally unavailable
That's an amazing saying, "when times are hard prices go up, they don't come down" ❤️🙏🏽😍
Girl woooooow!!! This was so good and spot on with a situation I WAS dealing with, he has been cut off but everything you said was spot on this was gem! Thank you
That short clip when the man talks about not having the capacity took me out. I just love how you blend everything together sis.
Wacth Rc Blake he talks about them not having the capacity it's called you can't fix them.
The emotionally unavailable man I was seeing kept saying he was scared. He had to focus on his exam (which is valid because a lot was depending on it) but making an effort to communicate was becoming a burden to him. He didn’t run to me, he ran away from me. It was always about him. What works for him. Where he wants to go. What he wants to do. What he wants. His timing. He would project onto me by putting down my accomplishments. When I called him out, he started saying he isn’t malicious and lacked any sense of accountability. It was great when we would see each other in person but completely detached when we were apart. Definitely an avoidant attachment and I was becoming an anxious attachment person again.
Legit, lost my mind when things ended. And it took a lot of prayer and therapy to get myself back on track. I guess what I wanted to say is thank you Breeny for this. It was very validating. ❤
I was with the most confusing emotionally unavailable man. He could be so so good to me then randomly so emotionally distant.. then he’d come back with love again.
He would help my family, cook for me constantly, be there for me if I had life issues, if I called him he’d do literally anything I asked for, feed me before he’d feed himself, he supported me and my dreams, etc. but when it came to me speaking to him about our issues, it would turn into a huge fight.
Then say “be my peace” lmao mf I’m trying. Be my peace, damn. 🤣
Same here. Because he is emotionally unavailable not financially or physically unavailable lol, so only when it comes to emotional things or relationship issues, he wants to avoid them at all cost. All are dramas to him, you will become his stress and burden unless you shut your mouth and swallow your feelings. He can be a good friend but not a good lover / husband due to lack of emotional understanding and connection. Staying in this kind of relationship feel lonelier than staying single. If you don't want to live like a robot the rest of your life, then leave.
This absolutely resonates with me, I was in a relationship with someone like this, I had no idea at the time. I was hospitalized in a different state and he refused to come when I absolutely needed him 😢 never again
Dang. Ice cold.
I'm sorry you have been through this. Never let how this man treated you lower your self esteem, you are worthy and deserve so much better. Sending you love and courage ❤
you described my ex perfectly. he was not healed from his first love and i had to take that on and got burned for it in the end.
i’m going to heal and learn to love myself again!
I turned 20 2 months ago and you are legit the older sister or aunty I’ve never knew I needed but so so glad I have! Thank you Breeny for your content! It really saves me from myself sometimes! I can be very self destructive.. I love you and your content! You’re beautiful! Thankful for all you do!
Congratulations Breeny over 700K, Lady Your Level Is Up 🎉🎉🎉💃💃💃🎉🎉🎉