I'm enjoying these occasional reply videos as I regrettably don't often go back to read through the comments on your videos, so it's nice to hear the thoughtful views and experiences of your viewers.
In principle early diagnosis is much better than late diagnosis. The only concern I have - and it can be a big one - is when others misinterpret the diagnosis and believe that autists are not capable of certain tasks and inadvertently lead them into underachievement. For example some teachers may have low expectations of an autistic pupil. Of course the diagnosis needs to influence teaching and an autistic pupil must not be treated exactly the same as neurotypical counterparts (e.g. forced to work in groups or rebuked for not mixing with other kids) but taking account of a diagnosis but does not mean being limited by it.
I suspect that if a study was done on those people who have rarely or never had an intimate / romantic relationship autists would be the dominant group. As you suggest an initial big problem is indicating and recognising attraction - and doing it in a sufficiently subtle way that it doesn't put the other person off. That is difficult enough but probably even harder is then sustaining such a relationship. To give an analogy there isn't much use being able to start the car if you can then only drive it a few yards. One of the problems I think autists have is being able to maintain other people's interest - sometimes they can attract interest and get on well with others for short periods but intimate relationships (and many friendships) involve being with someone for hours at a time and sometimes living with them. This is often where autists' relationships break down after an initially promising start. As you also say autists often find it difficult to adjust to a more intense or intimate relationship. Even if the other person is very interested and appealing the autist can just find the change in routine and distraction from the earlier lifestyle too difficult to take and this drains their interest and commitment in the relationship. Therefore I think such relationships for autists who are deeply affected by their condition are very hard to get off the ground. Those autists who have a lot more success finding partners may be less impacted by autism (or maybe have some other condition). To end on a personal note I've only had two relationships which even involved regular dates and even these were often awkward and stop-start. In both cases there was maybe the possibility of a proper relationship but I made mistakes and the relationships soon ran into the ground. Both were a long time ago and I would be surprised if another opportunity came my way but I am reconciled to that - I know I haven't got the skills to make such a relationship. Even if one suddenly came along and the potential partner was a great person and very accommodating I would just find the transition too difficult. Single life often seems the simplest way forward though it isn't ideal.
I'm enjoying these occasional reply videos as I regrettably don't often go back to read through the comments on your videos, so it's nice to hear the thoughtful views and experiences of your viewers.
I would echo that - the response videos are very good.
In principle early diagnosis is much better than late diagnosis. The only concern I have - and it can be a big one - is when others misinterpret the diagnosis and believe that autists are not capable of certain tasks and inadvertently lead them into underachievement. For example some teachers may have low expectations of an autistic pupil. Of course the diagnosis needs to influence teaching and an autistic pupil must not be treated exactly the same as neurotypical counterparts (e.g. forced to work in groups or rebuked for not mixing with other kids) but taking account of a diagnosis but does not mean being limited by it.
I suspect that if a study was done on those people who have rarely or never had an intimate / romantic relationship autists would be the dominant group. As you suggest an initial big problem is indicating and recognising attraction - and doing it in a sufficiently subtle way that it doesn't put the other person off. That is difficult enough but probably even harder is then sustaining such a relationship. To give an analogy there isn't much use being able to start the car if you can then only drive it a few yards. One of the problems I think autists have is being able to maintain other people's interest - sometimes they can attract interest and get on well with others for short periods but intimate relationships (and many friendships) involve being with someone for hours at a time and sometimes living with them. This is often where autists' relationships break down after an initially promising start.
As you also say autists often find it difficult to adjust to a more intense or intimate relationship. Even if the other person is very interested and appealing the autist can just find the change in routine and distraction from the earlier lifestyle too difficult to take and this drains their interest and commitment in the relationship. Therefore I think such relationships for autists who are deeply affected by their condition are very hard to get off the ground. Those autists who have a lot more success finding partners may be less impacted by autism (or maybe have some other condition).
To end on a personal note I've only had two relationships which even involved regular dates and even these were often awkward and stop-start. In both cases there was maybe the possibility of a proper relationship but I made mistakes and the relationships soon ran into the ground. Both were a long time ago and I would be surprised if another opportunity came my way but I am reconciled to that - I know I haven't got the skills to make such a relationship. Even if one suddenly came along and the potential partner was a great person and very accommodating I would just find the transition too difficult. Single life often seems the simplest way forward though it isn't ideal.