As a former social worker who did a brief internship in college at an adoption agency working with “resident” birth mothers, this makes me incredibly sad. I was not there long enough to see what was really happening to these girls. Although I don’t believe where you were was where I worked, I’m sure there were ‘standards’ across the board in these housing situations. My heart goes out to you, and I am ashamed that a social worker assigned to you worked so unethically. Your outcome did not have to be this. Thank you for sharing your personal story.
Abby, thank you for sharing your story. My heart is broken for you. I left the type of church you talk about and hope you have found a measure of agency and peace. More than a measure of agency, actually.
😢 I went through such similar circumstances, only it was 45+ years ago. And of course, it was closed adoption. But it breaks my heart that this can still be happening all these years later,in this age of information. This adoption agency and your caseworker and your parents, the wanna-be adopting parents - ALL should have known better!! You were at their mercy, just as I was. I was also in a Southern state and was hidden away until my son was born. I was allowed no phone calls, no mail. My mother called one time a week. My dad never spoke to me. Same thing, no counseling whatsoever from my Social Worker. I still trusted my parents that they knew best. 😢 I also was 17. I was shamed also and begged to keep my son. It took me years to forgive my parents. My mom died in her 60's and never got to meet my son, her first grandchild. 💔 My dad is still alive and in his mid 90's. He and my son began emailing this past year. It is their first time to speak freely to each other. It's been a long, long, painful journey. Your sons' adoptive mother sounds very much like my son's Amom. I was also told how this was " God's will " and that she " prayed him there. " She was furious that I found him and she to this day doesn't know that I know she gave him an ultimatum. He was still a minor ( only barely) but she told him that he needed to decide between her or me - and if he chose me - he had to take his " good name and reputation and GET OUT!! " This, after she told me " we must NEVER make him have to choose." She said if she had known I was going to search for him, she would have packed up everything and moved to China." Wow. Us scary " birth " mothers. I could have been sitting right next to her in church, yet she is the " good " Christian because she's the adoptive mom, right? And I was the BAD person, who didn't even deserve her own child? That's how society still apparently thinks. 🤯 Are we still that stupid?! I'm very glad and grateful that I still have my faith in God after all I've been through. I don't have faith in my fellow Christians by and large when it comes to this topic however. It is STILL painful. I have educated many people over the years and it's also felt like an uphill battle. I love it when those gems of people " get it". When I tell them what happened and they immediately see the trauma of it and how UN Christlike the whole thing is. There was nothing Christ - like about how either one of us were treated. And still ARE treated and thought about by ignorant people. I remind myself that GOD knows the truth!! He didn't knit my son together in the wrong womb, because God doesn't make mistakes!! He gave my son my genetics too, again, which is no accident! He is a lot like me and my family. And he is not like his adoptive family! Thank God! He is very empathetic like I am and a deep thinker. One time his Amom told me he " thinks too much " and that she was trying to " pray that away"!! 😳 I thought " good luck lady, he's got it from me genetically!" 😂 He's still a deep thinker, and we've had many many deep conversations about everything under the sun. He also is a true and kind Christian despite all the circumstances. We are close today. I won't lie. It has been a roller coaster. He had to deal with all the things that adoptees deal with. And I've had to deal with the same thing as you. It never ends. I wish people could get that. It is never over. We never get over our children, our relationships with our children will never be the same as they would have. Had we not been forced, Yes forced, to give them up for adoption. It's a cruel way to live. I could say so much more. But for right now I just want to wish you well and remind you that he WILL grow up and have a mind of his own one day. He is probably empathetic like you are and assertive. He will come to his own conclusions. And, please know that NO ONE can replace you!!! No one!! No one else is his first mommy that loves him so fiercely and was given to YOU ( !! ) by GOD HIMSELF!! And I don't know if you know the story of Solomon in the Bible. But he was said to be the wisest man that ever lived. He had two women brought before him each saying that they were the mother of a child. The way Solomon had them settledthe dispute Was to have them split the child in half and each woman take half of the child. Of Course the real mother cried out no!!! She wanted the child saved!! Solomon declared that this woman was the true mother of the child, by sparing the child's life and allowing the child to go to the other woman. You see, we are that woman. In all honesty. And that's not to brag. It's just a plain truth. And God knows it and you and I know it. We have to keep reminding ourselves, despite what the world wants to tell us. Particularly, and I hate to say this, but particularly Christians too. Christians are NOT perfect as we know. But if we understood the Bible , we could easily see that the ways of adoption practice are FAR from His ways. You didn't deserve how you were / are treated and the same for me. 💔 Because I am a Christian, I do believe God will make all things right one day and give out PERFECT justice. I hold onto that daily. God bless you Abbi. Remember too that now is not forever. He truly will not ever be only theirs. You and your family have what he also needs and wants. ❤️
So grateful for all of your words here. Thank you so much for hearing my story and for sharing yours as well! I am so blessed to hear of your reunion with your son. Yes, I know much turmoil and emotional pain is yet to come. I too believe that my son is an intelligent young man, and that we have a beautiful relationship ahead of us. Again, thank you so much!
I didn't know they still had maternity homes. I am 73, and I was in maternity in the 60s run by the Salvation Army. They were so kind their were several girls there, before birth control and, of course abortion. We could go out as often as we wanted, and we did have chores. But I work outside the home. I lost the baby at 8 months. She was still born. We did go to their church inside the home. I did not have the same experience we were a bunch of young girls at the time they had smoking room, we would play cards. I didnt speak to my family very often but it was fine I really didnt want to. It was the first time I had made any connection with black woman I grew up in a all white neighborhood with an all white school. It was an eye opener I loved these woman race made no difference we were all in the same condition. The father of my baby was in in the service on the way to Vietnam. No one was anything but good to me.
I’m grateful for you that your experience wasn’t abusive. Unfortunately, most of us who have been sent to maternity homes have had an incredibly different experience. I suggest the book “the girls who went away” by Ann Fessler if your curious to hear the history of maternity homes. Ann interviewed 100 women who were sent away in the writing of that book. One point I can relate to you about, I met girls from all backgrounds and experiences. I’d been raised in a white world as well and I was lived with girls of all ethnicities at the home. I am grateful to have met the girls I lived with there. I also wish I’d never been sent there at the same time. 🧡
I am so sorry you had to go through this Abbi and clearly this was handled the wrong way. You are strong and I am proud of both yourself & Nathan for getting married and pushing through despite all odds speaks volumes about who you are individually and together. This is not a true representation of what is in the word of God or his will so I hope this has not deterred a relationship with our creator through man’s foolish freewill abusing their own power against you. My heart is grieved by what you had to go through and I pray you draw closer to the one who can mend your hurting heart and guide you and see through 🕊
I am an adoptee and my parents gave me up and ended up getting married afterwards They did not stay married but I understand the trauma bond Here's what I want you to know You belong to your son You belong to him, you are his biological mother. He has someone looking out for him a guardian angel You know how you go through adolescence or teenage years. And sometimes you feel so alone? He's going to know that he always has someone in the world who houses back in a lot or what As an adopteee, your biological parents belong to you they are yours No one can take them away from you no one can change it Naturally these adoptive parents want to Pretend that you don't exist but it's not going to work Everything's working out perfectly for them. But they don't understand that he has I need to know that his mother loves him. And he needs to know that you are sorry. You gave him up and you are here for him Shame on them if they try to take that away from him. That is a priceless gift They don't want you to exist. And they don't want the history to be what it is, but it can't be changed Trust me that they will come a day when he wants to know you I would probably Not talk about it a whole lot with your kids. Because they're always gonna feel like this person was missing and so they weren't enough Just let them know that you love them. And they are certainly enough. But there's always a little piece of your heart that's going to be missing as long as he's away I do love that you fought for him. And I know that you consider him your son and he is, but careful with strong words here.im sure they read this. You don't have to do A thing He has an entire other family. And I know how that feels. Because I have a biological brother and sister one hundred percent This it will be hard for his adoptive Parents, but at the end of the day, They're going to figure out that this is not about them. And if they are reading this I just wanted to tell you that you cannot take his mother away from him Not the mother who carried him Not the blood family that is one hundred percent his There is never too much love You can never have too many people who love you He will be able to love everyone trust me But you cannot wish this biological mother away There is no clean slate he came from somewhere else Please try to honor that And Abbi, out of your love for him, honor his wishes. He might want very limited contact. True love sometimes means letting go. No one wants to be in a tug of war. I bet he will want ALL of you, but his parents will always be his parents. And his first mother will always be his precious gift
I have listened to you all the way. You were so mistreated by your family and that antique maternity joke. I would have rebelled the moment my son was born. This is cruel.
Abbi didn't have to rebel. She lived in NC and had every legal right to keep her child. She CHOOSE to give him to the couple that have loved and raised him for the past 16 years. She wanted to go back to the cushy life of her parents home but they said she could not bring a baby. Her parents DID NOT mistreat her, Abbi cruelly PRIORITIZED herself over her child.
@@greekgirl9897 you seem to be related to the situation and come across with a lot of ANGER. I feel sad for you. Abbi didn’t have ACCESS to choices, that’s what cruel unsupportive parents do to their children. You are gaslighting and victim blaming. Go away with your unkindness, it is neither needed nor warranted here!!!! I SUPPORT ABBI!!!!!!
Why did your parents send you away. They weren’t the ones who were pregnant. I’m sure you would be happy growing new life, not made to feel ashamed. It seems your parents are like ‘what would the neighbours say’. I would be happy for my daughters no matter what the age. I never criticised my girls when they had babies. You don’t have to do everything your parents say. You need to tell them it is your life, not theres. It is great you can talk about your feelings to us.
Who made the decision to give your son up for adoption. It should have you of course, but both your parents seemed to be in.control. It seems everyone was for the adoption and not letting you any information. That is a form of abuse. Well to me it is abuse by your parents.
I have so many thoughts and feelings of anger and outrage and heart break for you and your husband and son....as a believer who was saved by a Jesus it angers me and breaks my heart to hear of the religious abuse and control used over you guys by your own family. And the place you were kept as well is equally infuriating! I literally cannot even begin to adequately describe the thoughts I have about all this
It’s too late though, the damage is done. Which is why this is such a travesty. She made it clear she wanted her son, but a profit, a huge one was at stake. They took advantage of her, and what happened to her, is shameful in my opinion.
Abbi is from North Carolina and at 17 years old, unless she had some kind of drug or criminal troubles, she had every legal right to KEEP her child. As you listen to her it becomes obvious that she only wanted to keep her baby if her mother was going to take care of them. Abbi DID NOT WANT to be RESPONSIBLE for HERSELF and HER SON. If you watch the "Open Adoption" video you will see that all of this happened 16 years ago and she has spent all of that time torturing and traumatizing not only "her" son's family but the family she made within two years of choosing adoption.
It’s very obvious you have not walked the walk that Abbi has, and you don’t understand the coercion and brainwashing that goes on in such a situation. If you dont know of legal recourse as a locked away teen, how would you know to ask about it. You haven’t been under the circumstances of mind control that Abbi was living under. And it’s quite unkind to basically call her a liar. She explains herself thoroughly, yet you know better than she does about what happened? I’m embarrassed for you. This is her story about her life experience with HER pregnancy and HER SON. Your opinion about the truth doesn’t change it.
17yo kids don't generally know their rights (frankly, many adults don't either), particularly if they are secluded from the world and kept uninformed by the authority figures in their lives. Assigning those motives to her in direct contradiction of what she's expressing is in bad faith and says much more about you than it does her. Anyone who reads what you have to say will recognize that you have to resort to character assassination because you can't deny what she is saying and therefore must try to delegitimize it.
As a former social worker who did a brief internship in college at an adoption agency working with “resident” birth mothers, this makes me incredibly sad. I was not there long enough to see what was really happening to these girls. Although I don’t believe where you were was where I worked, I’m sure there were ‘standards’ across the board in these housing situations. My heart goes out to you, and I am ashamed that a social worker assigned to you worked so unethically. Your outcome did not have to be this. Thank you for sharing your personal story.
Abby, thank you for sharing your story. My heart is broken for you. I left the type of church you talk about and hope you have found a measure of agency and peace. More than a measure of agency, actually.
I love you little sister and am here to listen and support you indefinitely❤
😢 I went through such similar circumstances, only it was 45+ years ago. And of course, it was closed adoption. But it breaks my heart that this can still be happening all these years later,in this age of information. This adoption agency and your caseworker and your parents, the wanna-be adopting parents - ALL should have known better!! You were at their mercy, just as I was. I was also in a Southern state and was hidden away until my son was born. I was allowed no phone calls, no mail. My mother called one time a week. My dad never spoke to me. Same thing, no counseling whatsoever from my Social Worker. I still trusted my parents that they knew best. 😢 I also was 17. I was shamed also and begged to keep my son. It took me years to forgive my parents. My mom died in her 60's and never got to meet my son, her first grandchild. 💔 My dad is still alive and in his mid 90's. He and my son began emailing this past year. It is their first time to speak freely to each other. It's been a long, long, painful journey. Your sons' adoptive mother sounds very much like my son's Amom. I
was also told how this was " God's will " and that she " prayed him there. " She was furious that I found him and she to this day doesn't know that I know she gave him an ultimatum. He was still a minor ( only barely) but she told him that he needed to decide between her or me - and if he chose me - he had to take his " good name and reputation and GET OUT!! " This, after she told me " we must NEVER make him have to choose." She said if she had known I was going to search for him, she would have packed up everything and moved to China." Wow. Us scary " birth " mothers. I could have been sitting right next to her in church, yet she is the " good " Christian because she's the adoptive mom, right? And I was the BAD person, who didn't even deserve her own child? That's how society still apparently thinks. 🤯 Are we still that stupid?! I'm very glad and grateful that I still have my faith in God after all I've been through. I don't have faith in my fellow Christians by and large when it comes to this topic however. It is STILL painful. I have educated many people over the years and it's also felt like an uphill battle. I love it when those gems of people " get it". When I tell them what happened and they immediately see the trauma of it and how UN Christlike the whole thing is. There was nothing Christ - like about how either one of us were treated. And still ARE treated and thought about by ignorant people. I remind myself that GOD knows the truth!! He didn't knit my son together in the wrong womb, because God doesn't make mistakes!! He gave my son my genetics too, again, which is no accident! He is a lot like me and my family. And he is not like his adoptive family! Thank God! He is very empathetic like I am and a deep thinker. One time his Amom told me he " thinks too much " and that she was trying to " pray that away"!! 😳 I thought " good luck lady, he's got it from me genetically!" 😂 He's still a deep thinker, and we've had many many deep conversations about everything under the sun. He also is a true and kind Christian despite all the circumstances. We are close today. I won't lie. It has been a roller coaster. He had to deal with all the things that adoptees deal with. And I've had to deal with the same thing as you. It never ends. I wish people could get that. It is never over. We never get over our children, our relationships with our children will never be the same as they would have. Had we not been forced, Yes forced, to give them up for adoption. It's a cruel way to live. I could say so much more. But for right now I just want to wish you well and remind you that he WILL grow up and have a mind of his own one day. He is probably empathetic like you are and assertive. He will come to his own conclusions. And, please know that NO ONE can replace you!!! No one!! No one else is his first mommy that loves him so fiercely and was given to YOU ( !! ) by GOD HIMSELF!! And I don't know if you know the story of Solomon in the Bible. But he was said to be the wisest man that ever lived. He had two women brought before him each saying that they were the mother of a child. The way Solomon had them settledthe dispute Was to have them split the child in half and each woman take half of the child. Of Course the real mother cried out no!!! She wanted the child saved!! Solomon declared that this woman was the true mother of the child, by sparing the child's life and allowing the child to go to the other woman. You see, we are that woman. In all honesty. And that's not to brag. It's just a plain truth. And God knows it and you and I know it. We have to keep reminding ourselves, despite what the world wants to tell us. Particularly, and I hate to say this, but particularly Christians too. Christians are NOT perfect as we know. But if we understood the Bible , we could easily see that the ways of adoption practice are FAR from His ways. You didn't deserve how you were / are treated and the same for me. 💔 Because I am a Christian, I do believe God will make all things right one day and give out PERFECT justice. I hold onto that daily. God bless you Abbi. Remember too that now is not forever. He truly will not ever be only theirs. You and your family have what he also needs and wants. ❤️
I'm sorry to hear that you and your son went through that, Elizabeth!
So grateful for all of your words here. Thank you so much for hearing my story and for sharing yours as well! I am so blessed to hear of your reunion with your son. Yes, I know much turmoil and emotional pain is yet to come. I too believe that my son is an intelligent young man, and that we have a beautiful relationship ahead of us. Again, thank you so much!
I didn't know they still had maternity homes. I am 73, and I was in maternity in the 60s run by the Salvation Army. They were so kind their were several girls there, before birth control and, of course abortion. We could go out as often as we wanted, and we did have chores. But I work outside the home. I lost the baby at 8 months. She was still born. We did go to their church inside the home. I did not have the same experience we were a bunch of young girls at the time they had smoking room, we would play cards. I didnt speak to my family very often but it was fine I really didnt want to. It was the first time I had made any connection with black woman I grew up in a all white neighborhood with an all white school. It was an eye opener I loved these woman race made no difference we were all in the same condition. The father of my baby was in in the service on the way to Vietnam. No one was anything but good to me.
I’m grateful for you that your experience wasn’t abusive. Unfortunately, most of us who have been sent to maternity homes have had an incredibly different experience. I suggest the book “the girls who went away” by Ann Fessler if your curious to hear the history of maternity homes. Ann interviewed 100 women who were sent away in the writing of that book. One point I can relate to you about, I met girls from all backgrounds and experiences. I’d been raised in a white world as well and I was lived with girls of all ethnicities at the home. I am grateful to have met the girls I lived with there. I also wish I’d never been sent there at the same time. 🧡
You wonder did they tell you the truth about your baby? In those days did they even let you see the baby?
Thank you for sharing your story! You are a true warrior and please don’t ever stop sharing!
I am so sorry you had to go through this Abbi and clearly this was handled the wrong way.
You are strong and I am proud of both yourself & Nathan for getting married and pushing through despite all odds speaks volumes about who you are individually and together.
This is not a true representation of what is in the word of God or his will so I hope this has not deterred a relationship with our creator through man’s foolish freewill abusing their own power against you.
My heart is grieved by what you had to go through and I pray you draw closer to the one who can mend your hurting heart and guide you and see through 🕊
I am an adoptee and my parents gave me up and ended up getting married afterwards
They did not stay married but I understand the trauma bond
Here's what I want you to know
You belong to your son
You belong to him, you are his biological mother. He has someone looking out for him a guardian angel
You know how you go through adolescence or teenage years. And sometimes you feel so alone? He's going to know that he always has someone in the world who houses back in a lot or what
As an adopteee, your biological parents belong to you they are yours
No one can take them away from you no one can change it
Naturally these adoptive parents want to Pretend that you don't exist but it's not going to work
Everything's working out perfectly for them. But they don't understand that he has I need to know that his mother loves him. And he needs to know that you are sorry. You gave him up and you are here for him
Shame on them if they try to take that away from him. That is a priceless gift
They don't want you to exist. And they don't want the history to be what it is, but it can't be changed
Trust me that they will come a day when he wants to know you
I would probably Not talk about it a whole lot with your kids. Because they're always gonna feel like this person was missing and so they weren't enough
Just let them know that you love them. And they are certainly enough. But there's always a little piece of your heart that's going to be missing as long as he's away
I do love that you fought for him. And I know that you consider him your son and he is, but careful with strong words here.im sure they read this.
You don't have to do A thing
He has an entire other family. And I know how that feels. Because I have a biological brother and sister one hundred percent
This it will be hard for his adoptive Parents, but at the end of the day, They're going to figure out that this is not about them.
And if they are reading this I just wanted to tell you that you cannot take his mother away from him
Not the mother who carried him
Not the blood family that is one hundred percent his
There is never too much love
You can never have too many people who love you
He will be able to love everyone trust me
But you cannot wish this biological mother away
There is no clean slate he came from somewhere else
Please try to honor that
And Abbi, out of your love for him, honor his wishes. He might want very limited contact. True love sometimes means letting go.
No one wants to be in a tug of war.
I bet he will want ALL of you, but his parents will always be his parents. And his first mother will always be his precious gift
I have listened to you all the way. You were so mistreated by your family and that antique maternity joke. I would have rebelled the moment my son was born. This is cruel.
Abbi didn't have to rebel. She lived in NC and had every legal right to keep her child. She CHOOSE to give him to the couple that have loved and raised him for the past 16 years. She wanted to go back to the cushy life of her parents home but they said she could not bring a baby. Her parents DID NOT mistreat her, Abbi cruelly PRIORITIZED herself over her child.
Greek girl, you have issues. Abbi speaks for herself. Your opinions of her life are just that. Your rudeness is unacceptable.
@@greekgirl9897 you seem to be related to the situation and come across with a lot of ANGER. I feel sad for you. Abbi didn’t have ACCESS to choices, that’s what cruel unsupportive parents do to their children. You are gaslighting and victim blaming. Go away with your unkindness, it is neither needed nor warranted here!!!! I SUPPORT ABBI!!!!!!
@@greekgirl9897please God I pray you have no children 🙏🏼💔
@@crystalhoskins928I know her comments are terrible. It does seem like this account is connecting to this….
This is legal? My mind is BLOWN.
Why did your parents send you away. They weren’t the ones who were pregnant. I’m sure you would be happy growing new life, not made to feel ashamed. It seems your parents are like ‘what would the neighbours say’. I would be happy for my daughters no matter what the age. I never criticised my girls when they had babies. You don’t have to do everything your parents say. You need to tell them it is your life, not theres. It is great you can talk about your feelings to us.
Who made the decision to give your son up for adoption. It should have you of course, but both your parents seemed to be in.control. It seems everyone was for the adoption and not letting you any information. That is a form of abuse. Well to me it is abuse by your parents.
I am with you on that one, Colleen.
Of course it was.
How many more kids were you able to have?
I have so many thoughts and feelings of anger and outrage and heart break for you and your husband and son....as a believer who was saved by a Jesus it angers me and breaks my heart to hear of the religious abuse and control used over you guys by your own family. And the place you were kept as well is equally infuriating! I literally cannot even begin to adequately describe the thoughts I have about all this
Yours was an illegal adoption because there was no informed consent and you signed under duress!
It’s too late though, the damage is done. Which is why this is such a travesty. She made it clear she wanted her son, but a profit, a huge one was at stake. They took advantage of her, and what happened to her, is shameful in my opinion.
Abbi is from North Carolina and at 17 years old, unless she had some kind of drug or criminal troubles, she had every legal right to KEEP her child. As you listen to her it becomes obvious that she only wanted to keep her baby if her mother was going to take care of them. Abbi DID NOT WANT to be RESPONSIBLE for HERSELF and HER SON. If you watch the "Open Adoption" video you will see that all of this happened 16 years ago and she has spent all of that time torturing and traumatizing not only "her" son's family but the family she made within two years of choosing adoption.
It’s very obvious you have not walked the walk that Abbi has, and you don’t understand the coercion and brainwashing that goes on in such a situation. If you dont know of legal recourse as a locked away teen, how would you know to ask about it. You haven’t been under the circumstances of mind control that Abbi was living under. And it’s quite unkind to basically call her a liar. She explains herself thoroughly, yet you know better than she does about what happened? I’m embarrassed for you. This is her story about her life experience with HER pregnancy and HER SON. Your opinion about the truth doesn’t change it.
17yo kids don't generally know their rights (frankly, many adults don't either), particularly if they are secluded from the world and kept uninformed by the authority figures in their lives. Assigning those motives to her in direct contradiction of what she's expressing is in bad faith and says much more about you than it does her. Anyone who reads what you have to say will recognize that you have to resort to character assassination because you can't deny what she is saying and therefore must try to delegitimize it.