Let’s Talk About the Orthodox Singles Struggle
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- Опубликовано: 6 июн 2024
- Meet Rivka Heisler. She's one of 12 kids. Has a great career in the healthcare space and she currently lives in Baltimore. She happens to be single.
In this week's episode, Rivka discusses the challenge of "being single". The worst things people can say. And an insight into the proper way to go about supporting someone who hasn't yet met their partner.
Contact Rivka Here:
IG: rivka_heisl...
LI: www.linkedin.com/in/rivka-hei...
FB: share/aEh7vp...
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Time Stamps:
00:00 - Intro
1:09 - Who is Rivka Heisler?
4:32 - Rivka’s Dating Journey and Frustrations
9;37 - The Role of Weight in Dating
12:05 - Watching Everyone Around You Getting Married
15:20 - Changing the Stigma Around Jewish Singles
16:10 - AskTomer
19:18 - Being Single Doesn’t Make You Less Worthy
24:50 - The Challenges of Holiday Time with Family
31:33 - BitBean
33:35 - Do Singles Play the Victim?
35:16 - Where Does the Pressure to Get Married Come From?
38:30 - Still Having Faith and Trust in G-d During Singlehood
40:14 - What is Rivka’s Favorite Mitzvah?
42:03 - Twillory
42:43 - Who Rivka Would Like to Meet from the Past
43:35 - The Worst and Best Advice Rivkas Received
45:00 - A Story that Gives Rivka Strength
49:55 - Outro
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✬ IN MEMORY OF ✬
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This episode is in memory of:
• Shimon Dovid ben Yaakov Shloima
• Miriam Sarah bas Yaakov Moshe
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#jewishpodcast #jewish #beingsingle #jewishtradition
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Super impressive, any guy would be lucky to have you.
Ty!
Rivka! Went to high school with you and still remember that you were always so positive and nice to everyone!
Your honesty and openness is amazing!
Hi Rivka! Good to hear from you!
No better compliment!
I admire this woman. I can relate to her. Very open and very honest.
Rivka!!!!! So proud of you! Thank you for sharing the reality of so many. You represented us so well. Your strength gives me strength ❤
Esther!!!!!! Thank you for being such a supportive friend, through the thick and the thin.
May Hashem send you your husband very soon. Amen
Amen! Thank you Eitan for the listen!
Amen.
It's a real shame that people lack so much tact and sense, that we need a whole long interview like this just to tell people to think before talking.
Rivka you are gorgeous and you made me happy inside each time you smiled , thanks for this amazing discussion 😍
Rivka, seeing you pop up in my feed totally made my day!! It takes a lot of courage to share your thoughts on a personal topic like this in such an honest and candid way. Thank you for representing us ❤
And thank you, Living Lchaim for having Rivka on! Would love to see Living L’Chaim do more interviews with people in the frum community whose voices are not usually amplified.
Thanks for being so vulnerable and speaking on behalf of so many others. You are an incredible person!
Such a genuine, vibrant person! Thank you for sharing of your journey and perspective.
What a powerful, real segment with an amazing woman. Thank you.
Hi Joan! Thank you for the listen:)
Yes! Rivkah speaks for so many of us! ❤❤❤ You are amazing and thank you for representing us.
Leandra!!!! Thank you for being here ♥♥♥
This made my evening. Rivka is such a lovely, open hearted, articulate and charming woman..no matter what topic was on the table she would be a great guest.I wish I could meet her in person, one to one... I bet she is a g special friend to the lucky people who fit in to the friend category in her life.
"I praise You,for I am fearfully and wonderfully made"psalms 139
1. The interviewer is great.
2. Rivkah is great, courageous and a lovely person.
3. Hashem is in charge of shidduchim. The 'advice' people give is to make themselves feel better. Every person, married or not, hopefully would want to be the best version of themselves, regarding health, finances, emotional maturity etc, etc. For every person not married with x,y or z challenge, there is someone with the same challenge who got married.
4. Also, people saying for sure it's going to happen: actually they don't know that. Marriage is not a prize for being a fantastic person. There are people who pass away, still single. Of course, we may as well think positively, but that's the truth. Again people mouth platitudes to make themselves feel better.
5. A friend who got married at the age of 35 said the way she was treated before and after her wedding was night and day. Suddenly she was a person and part of society.
6. Most people can't begin to fathom the pain of being a frum single not by choice. For other people it is painful too, but being a frum single is a special kind of hell.
As a guy also struggling with being single, I really appreciate this comment. Btw, I know this guy from NY who ranted a lot about how often he was rejected too easily by many of the girls.
B"H He finally married at 51 to a 39 year old girl from LA. I just hope I don't have to wait as long as he did 😬
Rivka you’re awesome just the way you are and seem like a strong and independent woman. I can relate to your journey in the orthodox dating world. I didn’t get married until I was 32, and ended up finding my husband online b’H. My younger siblings got married and had babies before me, and so did a few of my nieces and nephews, which was hard for me, but I’m so grateful for my husband and that I got married when I did. Like you, I had done a lot of growth in my emunah and maturing in my single life. I also had tons of terrible dates and some really negative experiences with some shadchanim and am so sorry you went through that too. Praying you find your special someone really soon at the right time for you. 🙏
Thank you so much for taking the time and space to share this, and for your kind words.
She's gorgeous and shouldn't take too much notice of the attitude she gets from the community,they can't help themselves...it's all over the place! The singles get this,divorcees,the childless,proffessionals,widows.... Really anyone who doesn't fit the (constantly shrinking) tiny little box we like to stick our people into🤔And ps.Thanks for saying it,many of us wna skip yomtov🤫
RIvka, this is so brave and honest. Always good to hear how you are doing -- you are such an amazing person! I miss all the Heislers, and you especially.
This woman is a #1 catch: incredibly intelligent, graceful, assertive. She is happy being single. And if she meets a great guy that she likes, I hope they get married.
Brave. Now you know that I listned until the end.
Wow!!! Rivka is one of a kind! This subject is definitely a difficult one, and all the more so for a girl to discuss publicly for a variety of reasons. You truly are an "inspiration to the nation"!
I listened to the end. She is very BRAVE. I got married as an older single too. Not easy. Wishing her all the success and blessing in her life!
Thank you so much for your kind words!
Love your energy❤️ Thanks for being open and being an inspiration.
Wow!! Im humbled by your openness and candid conversation. Sending ❤
Thank you for the listen, authenticity is the way to go!
Amazing podcast appreciate your vulnerability!! Brave. Of course I watched the whole thing!!
Thank You Inspiration for the Nation for highlighting awareness and sensitivity for the topic!
What real, sincere convo! No pretensions..so rare these days. Keep on keeping on!
This girl is very well spoken.
Thank you for your honesty. It is enlightening. Re liking yourself, I agree with 'fake it till you make it' . Also knowing that G-d puts you here for a reason helps me. Every person and every creation has a mission...
Brave! Yasher koach Rivka and very inspiring and informative! Way to go locking in the Ravens! Much hatzlacha!
Brave. This was so encouraging and informative! Thank y'all!
Thank you for sharing your story Rivka!! I resonated with alot of what you shared ❤
Appreciate your comment Natalie, thanks for your kind words.
Such an inspiration! Loved seeing you on here!!! 😍
Rivka, that was one of the most beautiful interviews I listened to. Your responses were so honest, thoughtful, and intelligent. I am so inspired by your commitment to living a full, happy, and productive life as a single woman. May Hashem help your husband find you so soon and may you experience joy and happiness through a healthy and loving marriage!
I met Rivka a few years ago and her energy was so positive and real that it drew me in. She’s intelligent, well-spoken, but also uniquely fun. I’m so happy she did this interview because no one talks about this and she’s just the right person to do it. Forthright, but kind. Yep. Rivka! I’ll be texting you as soon as I post this comment.
SO great to see your name pop up:) Thank you for the listen!
An articulate, charismatic, charming woman! Very much enjoyed hearing her views and thoughts.
Thank you for your kind words.
Rivka.... Great podcast... So glad that I found this on Facebook!
Hi Debbie! Love seeing your name pop up here, hugssss!
@@rivkaheisler2906 Was hoping to see you over Pesach, but it sounds like you will not be coming to St. Louis Park.... Wishing you a Chag Pesach Sameach v'Kasher. (Be in touch when you DO come to MN
Brave. Rivka thank you for being a shining light! You are incredible.
Great episode!! ❤❤
Brave! Yashir Koach Rivka. Go, be happy. You're making the world a better place in your own way. I respect your self-respect.
Powerful podcast. Very uplifting.😊❤
I have to say, Rivka, you are a really pretty person! Outside and the inside shines through! Whatever you were saying about weight, you are stunning and you should know it!
Side note- thank you for speaking up about this tabo topic that I never imagined a single girl in our community would speak publicly about this and I really appreciate that you came out in the open and talk about the struggles single girls face, just because they do not have a Sheitel on their head
RIVKA is a GEM ! May HASHEM _BLESSSSS_ her w/ ALLLLLL The Bessssst !!!!!
Great Job - thanks for sharing
Thank you rivka for your honesty
You’re so pretty, beautiful facial features and you do good work. Keep your standards and don’t think like an “employee” but rather the interviewer, like an owner looking for those who help you run your ”business”. G-d bless you.
Beautiful and intelligent. Great catch!
I got married at 32, younger siblings had kids before i got married. Wishing you the same.
Brave. Really love this energy.
What a legend!!! A true inspiration!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words, also just a regular person here sharing my story:)
Thank you Rivka ❤
Rivka - great interview
The new studio is very nice!
I am in the middle of this courageous podcast and would have liked to comment on LinkedIn, where I saw its mention, but can't. We all need to learn sensitivity. I don't like to be blindsided and "protected" by events that might affect me. I prefer to be prepared so I have time to process and yes, retain my dignity. As far as "one closer", I believe that is true. We may not know the How, the Which Shadchan and the WHO, but we do know that each shidduch brings us one closer to our heartfelt goal. I'll b'ezer Hashem continue listening. There is a crisis in shidduchim and young women are bearing the brunt; so most of us know someones OR are experiencing it personally or parentally. Shabbat Shalom for Shabbos HaGodol.
I am not Jewish.
Born in Japan and use to multi culture and so interested in all teaching
I found a Jewish channels and following do to interest
Actually, was taking to Catholic school in Japan
Because of my family thought I have a better chance of getting less picked on
Oh, that wasn’t the truth and even in private high school in Japan, I was picked on
But because I was in Japan, I learned Tezuka Osamu comic books.
To learn more interesting interracial stufff of ww2. Jewish culture May of never seen….
If it’s not translated yet, I would like to translate the book of his books of About Ww2
It’s amazing and good teaching
And I want to learn more
This is little different then listening to rabbi speak amazing things but I enjoyed this do
to being single for very long and.
Have not married
I am going to be honest at this moment that I have not watched almost an hour of this digital time and heavily ADHD, but I’m going to finish and learning more about culture the same kind of culture that day will teach and a child to know good and bad so let’s see what happens in the future but I’m just so glad to find this
you will find love. best of luck from America.
@@Rudenbehr thank you! I’m actually in America in Cali
Was born to Japanese mom and South American 🇺🇸. I say that
Because there is still so much difference between northern America and southern America He died before I got to know him when I was 2 when he went home for two week for his fathers funeral
My poor mom but I was lucky to be raised in Japan
Born and raised in Japan, but been here since the early nineties was lucky enough to come do to my Japanese grandparents did well after ww2
And even with all male figures dead in 78 we did good as all female growing up
Grew up teenage to 30’s in WA
More. I live I get to learn
Getting older but I do feel my love is out there still.
Had few relationships but hope I didn’t miss him
I find single time is growing time. Use it to better yourself as a person. There is ALWAYS hope, don't let the frustration keep you back. Use this time for yourself. Wishing you lots of luck!
You are an amazing person. You go girl.
Very inspiring podcast! Thank you Rivka for the vulnerability, may you find the right lucky husband soon!
Aymennnnnnnnnnnnn to that. Thanks for the listen.
Rivka is awesome! An inspiration
Brave! Beautiful episode - very inspiring and learned alot!
Am watching this as a divorced 31 year old frum woman with a kid. ❤
Gonna do Pesach alone. Unlike you, nobody invites me
Well that is their loss then!
Know that you are special, and you are loved.
I know the feeling unfortunately
Divorced (F not M!) + child = stigmatized in our community. It’s awful. I feel you♥️
You ARE a role model for MISS EMUNAH AND BITACHON. Regular people, like you, who just open up and talk about their regular struggles, that really are hard, is so helpful for all of us. It doesn't help to only hear from people who had incredibly unique life stories and their unique way of building up from huge breakdowns in their life, it's hard to relate to those stories. Your life is something very relatable. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for taking the time to share your feedback, appreciate you being here.
I know how she feels all too well, I also come from a very family centric culture and there are expectations within the culture that you are supposed adhere to and if you don't, then you are looked at like there is something wrong with you. I don't like that mentatlity. I think women should be left to figure out what works best for them with out cultural expecations of put on them. I loved Rivka's take and her outlook, I wish more women had her confidence.
Rik you are the bomb!
Takes one to know one! Thank you Tov!
She is right in this point. Hiding the going steady till a single finds out only means that you think she will feel bad and that creates the single to feel bad
A VERY BRAVE young woman Rivka is‼️ 🙏❤️🔥🙏 Wonderful parents she has as well for not pushing her into marriage, no matter what…🙏🥰🙏
Inspirational!
Thanks Steve
FYI. There is a Kiruv place in Rockville, MD called Jewish Rockville Outreach Center . People all levels of observance go there. People sleep either in the building or in the Rabbi's house which is around the corner. They have all meals, Orthodox services, strictly kosher, classes, a library, etc. This is Judith Lowitz again. Rockville is one hour South of Baltimore.
Brave.
Great episode!
@Rivka, thank you for sharing ❤
Btw, i went to HS with Ch&N-just for some frame of reference/Jewish geography
Love some BYD Jewish Geography action!
@@rivkaheisler2906 yup, it's been a while we for sure met at some occasions... I like being anonymous here, but I'll try to send regards thru another "channel"
BEAUTIFUL! Wow.
Rivka reminds me of another Rivka I met. She was a wife, mother and school principal. She had a very caring personality and people loved her. I am sure Rivka Heisler will find her prince someday. I understand what she says about wedding season. It is much easier (and cheaper) to just stay at home and relax on the weekend.
Rivka, just finished listening to your interview, you are amazing and deserve all of Hashem’s blessings! ❤
Thank you for your kind words!
I agree about the social skills class.
As a single in my 30s i can relate 2 important yet unfortunate realities within our community: 1. We get more looked at better in the non jewish world. More help, status, self identity etc.... which encourages us to keep being us while looking forward to get married Iyh 2. Seder by ourselves IS HARD (lonely wise and nebach by the community wise) but sometimes way lot better then being with a group of people and you just feel so alone or dont fit in
But that keeps the marginalization going. We have to normalize having a Seder or a Shabbos by ourselves if we want to. Don’t let them dictate or decide what’s Nebuch. Lol personally I can’t be without my peaceful quiet Shabbos and I find it a chore to go out (but I’m an introvert so there’s that). But anyway for the non-introverts out there: it’s not nebuch to make Shabbos alone! Who said so. IMHO it’s important to take the power and autonomy and not just be like I am a single person so “less than” or “other”. No. But to be happy in our singledom & if and when that changes that’s great. If not, still fulfilled. I have arguments with people who went OTD on this hill. It’s sad. We as a community have a *long* way to go in supporting our singles!
@@ns2110theonly so true and definitely agree! I'm an introvert as well and its frowned upon (today the more extrovert and airy, no interal self you are, you are looked upon better within the community) yet I'm being true to myself and that's something that cant ever be taken away! I therefore decided to create a channel based on beliefs as a single and not so common looked upon values to spread more positivity and understanding within us singles and humanity as a whole.
@@sharingchabadinspiration always stay true to yourself! It’s worrisome that a personality standard of airy externalism (or any one personality type) is considered the norm… One of the many effects of social media that has seeped into our community…work to be done… Hatzlacha with your channel
@@ns2110theonly that's definitely correct. We must stay true to ourselves and let our souls shine forth for that's what's true value that lasts forever! Thanks for your inspiring words and wishing you success in spreading to all you encounter, the true you!
@@sharingchabadinspiration Ameyn right back at ya! ♥️
And how about we all work hard to find a good worthy well spoken articulate guy for Rivka .
All about that:)
It's so crazy, because every single person I know is just like any other married person I know. It's just yad hashem in our life, giving or with-holding whatever it is we desire. It's not an imperfection in us that is causing the lack of something we want.
I feel your pain , your hurt and most of all your intense loneliness. There are no words, tears are flowing down my face reflecting the dried up tears that you never shed…..may g-d remove your pain and give you a companion that will love you and heal all all the wounds inflicted on you through this painful and long challenge.
Resumes are the stupidest thing. They basically want to know how much money your family has. Also, asking for references. Of course people are going to only put down people who will say nice things.
Brave! ❤❤❤❤ u Rivka!!!
Brave. Amazing
U GO GIRL!
I get it. I am alone with no Jewish family of any sort. It is really hard to have it put in your face. I usually sit alone on all holidays as people don't invite 99 percent of the time. It is very hard indeed.
“How would she support her husband?”
Does that mean financially?
Or is the question in context of helping him establish a good & productive family together?
She immediately went to discussing how she had been supporting herself for years.
BTW, I really appreciate her openness in discussing what is obviously a difficult subject for her.
Lotsa courage & maturity.
@@stevent8314 Thanks for taking the time to listen, in answer to your question, the Shadchan was asking how I would financially support a husband without a full fledged career. She was assuming what lifestyle I was looking for without bothering to ask.
Apparently the shadchan is unaware that according to Jewish law it is the husband who has to support his wife, not the contrary.
@@markbr5898 there are learning boys, or still in grad school, just starting out, etc…the realities….
@@ns2110theonly If they both agree that she will be the main earner, well and good, but I am not sure whether that changes the fact that ultimately the responsibility falls on him.
I'm a widow and want to skip yom tov too! Have plenty offers from children, but I like things my own way!
agree about the social skills class
Beautiful person inside and out. Thank you Rivka for making all of us feel heard. We are with you!! May you merit to be married to your true soulmate this year bh!!
Aymennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn:)
I'm a guy and totally relate to everything u said about the system
Hello. I work as an RN in Baltimore, MD. Is it possible to contact you? Thx very much. Great interview.
I totally agree with her. I’ve been there, had a shadchan who I just sat down with tell me that I needed to lose weight. I was 19 and it was very hurtful. Fast forward I am a shadchan myself and am continuously shocked by some of the things my colleagues say :/
I agree. No one wants to be thought of as a mitzvah project when invited.
Kol hakovod to you. You have developed yourself to your potential. You would be an asset to a man who will appreciate you.
BRAVE
He who found a wife has found a good thing. You are a good thing, and you will be found ❤
You are so beautiful IN and OUT! You will soon meet your Mazal! I am certain of it! Much love❤️
BRAVE. Only those who have been in her position can really understand her. It is really not easy to be the one different in a very socially structured community. After a time you get tired of being on someone else house for Shabbat meals, being alone on all events and being forced to always sit with women (if you are a woman) or men (if you are a man). Judaism is for families. it is very hard to live as a jew when single for a long time.
Rivka is a woman, not a girl, just because she is single. K. Rivka, you are awesome!
Amen!!
I agree with other peoples' comments that someone would be lucky to be your husband.
Brave!!!
I’m not Jewish, this talk popped up on my list. Maybe because I’m single 🤔. I relate so much. My 20’s I was definitely not ready to marry and have kids! 30’s were rough because society’s timeline is running out. I’m 40s now and I’m confident, I know who I am and would not settle for anyone who isn’t worthy of ME. Living your life now is exactly right. Along this beautiful happy path if Hashem blesses us with a husband it would be an additional blessing! This beautiful lady is graceful, intelligent and knows herself!
Classy lady
Brave
People ask me the stupidest questions . Like, do you even want to get married, etc
She’s beautiful, kind and intelligent. She will meet a wonderful man!