Jschlatt Discovers how Jesus' Foreskin was Stolen

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  • Опубликовано: 21 май 2022
  • Streams ► / schlatt
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Комментарии • 146

  • @Awesomewithaz
    @Awesomewithaz 2 года назад +1912

    I once stole a holy relic in a game of crusader kings 2. I lost a hand and killed an elderly man for it and it turned out to be Jesus' Foreskin.

    • @joa4443
      @joa4443 2 года назад +67

      I did not expect to see a CK2 under schlatt video...

    • @abessa6993
      @abessa6993 2 года назад

      Real shame they didn't bring the foreskin over to CK3

    • @floodtheswamp5481
      @floodtheswamp5481 2 года назад +8

      @@joa4443 yeah lmao

    • @whitehownkey4460
      @whitehownkey4460 2 года назад +12

      This is cannon

    • @Ryu1ify
      @Ryu1ify 2 года назад +1

      Worth

  • @carwyn3691
    @carwyn3691 2 года назад +941

    Wasn't there a medieval scientist that said Saturn's rings were the Holy Foreskin that ascended

    • @aydinbiber7616
      @aydinbiber7616 2 года назад +82

      Yup. To be fair a lot of people have said weird shit. Just gotta be unlucky enough for it to be documented.

    • @lycaptain
      @lycaptain 2 года назад +10

      ascended??

    • @jemmykanga2311
      @jemmykanga2311 2 года назад +9

      @@lycaptain Ascended.

    • @isuckedsatanoffforaciggare4563
      @isuckedsatanoffforaciggare4563 2 года назад

      **Jesus's dick rose on third day**

    • @fotisk-sg2sh
      @fotisk-sg2sh 2 года назад

      "What's that around the planet saturn?"
      "Probably Jesus's Cock skin not gonna lie man"

  • @Raii._.00
    @Raii._.00 2 года назад +913

    "How the fuck did you lose it?"
    Its called Christian magic.

    • @Zaay446
      @Zaay446 2 года назад +8

      lose*

    • @Raii._.00
      @Raii._.00 2 года назад +10

      @@Zaay446 Thanks for the ..fix?
      English is not my first language😅

    • @Zaay446
      @Zaay446 2 года назад +6

      @@Raii._.00 good for you, english is my first langauge and i still suck ass at it lol

    • @Raii._.00
      @Raii._.00 2 года назад +6

      @@Zaay446 Polish is my first my first language, and believe me, our schools and teachers sucks-

    • @SirDankleberry
      @SirDankleberry 2 года назад

      Loose foreskin.

  • @matthewthefunnyman2788
    @matthewthefunnyman2788 2 года назад +140

    The infographic show can be genuinely terrifying to watch out of context with stuff like this

  • @ExplodingSteve
    @ExplodingSteve 2 года назад +368

    We all know “Schlatt” was the one who st-

    • @Mal_wcue
      @Mal_wcue 2 года назад +11

      ole it (:

    • @lord_duckian9521
      @lord_duckian9521 2 года назад +37

      the pope had him taken out before he could finish, we'll never know what he was trying to say

    • @lockerbuddy2039
      @lockerbuddy2039 2 года назад +5

      Jeez. Shit man, i Can't believe someone stole it. i Hope someone knows who did it. Like... if Anyone knows, They should Tell us right now.

    • @itsjustjeff5642
      @itsjustjeff5642 2 года назад +1

      @@Mal_wcue *ate*

    • @desmondcoppin591
      @desmondcoppin591 2 года назад +2

      That’s why the pope is there

  • @itselajo
    @itselajo 2 года назад +66

    What a great notification to come up on my phone

  • @revkun
    @revkun 2 года назад +316

    I love how invested he is in this topic o mean I don’t blame him how do you loose that shit

    • @late3305
      @late3305 8 месяцев назад +1

      YOOO NICE PFP!!!!

  • @abaddonarts1129
    @abaddonarts1129 2 года назад +132

    We don't even need the whole build-up, just the confused exclamation of "If you're the Catholic Church..." Is an amazing start to a joke

  • @cic1470
    @cic1470 2 года назад +49

    This is quite literally the plot of Steel Ball Run

    • @jeremiahbennett3004
      @jeremiahbennett3004 2 года назад +10

      Ah yes, the true final holy corpse part

    • @ItsChevnotJeff
      @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад +3

      Jojolands eyes of heaven final corpse part

    • @TheMightyPenrak
      @TheMightyPenrak 10 месяцев назад

      Jojofags when they learn of the historical christian relics: "holy shit that's literally steal ball run!!!!"

  • @shadowfox2084
    @shadowfox2084 2 года назад +16

    It went missing in 1983, but it may have been found in 1999... After all, what other relic could drive a man to commit such indescribable horrors.

  • @trunkit8749
    @trunkit8749 2 года назад +50

    With today’s technology, that foreskin means that we have the ability to see Jesus’s DNA and make a clone.

    • @Nautilus472
      @Nautilus472 Год назад +2

      Holy shit

    • @thumtak_
      @thumtak_ Год назад

      Would be true, but he never existed

    • @blackdude4298
      @blackdude4298 Год назад +3

      @Lucky A
      Please do not bring religious beliefs here

    • @thumtak_
      @thumtak_ Год назад

      @@blackdude4298 im not the commenter talking about jesus

    • @blackdude4298
      @blackdude4298 Год назад +1

      @@thumtak_ there is no need to say jesus does not exist

  • @chongo9734
    @chongo9734 2 года назад +36

    Legend has it if you eat it you ascend straight to heaven

    • @anythingandevery1249
      @anythingandevery1249 2 года назад +6

      Chew on it like a piece of beef jerky

    • @ItsChevnotJeff
      @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад

      Nah, that's his heart, and even then it's served as a piece of wafer to save your soul, if you eat this one, you just turn Asexual

  • @kukaracila2152
    @kukaracila2152 2 года назад +11

    The one part of Holy Corpse we don’t mention…

    • @smallishwhale5377
      @smallishwhale5377 2 года назад +1

      It gives whoever absorbs it all the abilities of the saint's corpse

  • @scorpio1644
    @scorpio1644 2 года назад +153

    Easy to lose shit when you're hoarding so many other stolen treasures. Probably buried under stuff like the Arc of the Covenant.

    • @bman296
      @bman296 2 года назад +10

      Or the dead sea scrolls

  • @dufaultboi697
    @dufaultboi697 2 года назад +15

    Wtf did I just watch

  • @53freeman58
    @53freeman58 2 года назад +18

    At the time, they performed brit milah, not brit periah, so it not all of the holy prepuce was removed.

    • @53freeman58
      @53freeman58 2 года назад +3

      The Catholic 15th century Council of Florence also denounced circumcision.

    • @lockerbuddy2039
      @lockerbuddy2039 2 года назад

      They used a giant 14 mile high wooden pillar to remove it.

    • @archerymidnight3422
      @archerymidnight3422 2 года назад

      Is that the one where the rabbi drinks the blood

    • @jonahs92
      @jonahs92 2 года назад +1

      @@53freeman58 Based

  • @vusgamer
    @vusgamer 2 года назад +7

    What if they just ate the thing like the Victorians used to eat agyptian mummys

  • @ItsChevnotJeff
    @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад +7

    I remember watching a documentary of this(yes, it exists) and I told my mom about it, feeling all religious and proud of myself, until she told me what a foreskin actually was, and I realised I was watching how Jesus' pp wrapper got passed around simply because it belonged to him

  • @Rytonic69
    @Rytonic69 2 года назад +3

    Let's see, phone, wallet, keys, fore... uh oh

  • @Au79Bricks
    @Au79Bricks Год назад +2

    That would be one hell of a birthday gift.

    • @ItsChevnotJeff
      @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад

      "Hey, grandma, I got you Jesus' foreskin for your anniversary!"

  • @AiMusic9232
    @AiMusic9232 2 года назад +16

    Bro get that shit in a dna test

    • @salvadorhenriquez4091
      @salvadorhenriquez4091 2 года назад +3

      For real, but we need to remember, it may not be in the hand of the Vatican

    • @Soodlenoup3781
      @Soodlenoup3781 2 года назад +3

      But they “lost it”

    • @GAMER123GAMING
      @GAMER123GAMING 2 года назад

      its literally nearly 2 thousand years old

    • @GAMER123GAMING
      @GAMER123GAMING 2 года назад +1

      its probs just some motherfuckin dust now

    • @dopaminecloud
      @dopaminecloud 2 года назад +1

      @@GAMER123GAMING mummies are a fair bit older

  • @Raxacoricofallapatorius
    @Raxacoricofallapatorius 2 года назад +75

    I feel like "Schlatt" isn't telling us as much as "he" knows... perhaps "his" robbery of it caused the incident which occurred in 1999...

  • @andrei1996
    @andrei1996 2 года назад +14

    hello world

    • @Mal_wcue
      @Mal_wcue 2 года назад +1

      Hello

    • @orlandolaurentiu731
      @orlandolaurentiu731 2 года назад +4

      Compressed 223200 bytes to 114940...
      Writing at 0x00010000... (12%)
      Writing at 0x00014000... (25%)
      Failed to execute script esptool
      Error opening serial port 'COM5'

  • @RathOX
    @RathOX 2 года назад +16

    its imaginory

  • @rin3491
    @rin3491 2 года назад +3

    Everyone looking for the arc and the holy grail yet we had the skin of Jesus is 1983????

  • @liamk3451
    @liamk3451 2 года назад +6

    "are you sure about this johnny?"
    "gyro! i need to get the last corpse part!"

  • @GrassesOn97
    @GrassesOn97 2 года назад

    The answer to your question, “Schlatt,” is: incompetence

  • @Nope-en9bo
    @Nope-en9bo 2 года назад +3

    Some pope probably dined on it already and covered it up.

  • @ahmetsezginn
    @ahmetsezginn 2 года назад +1

    my bad guys

  • @Moonstriker2514
    @Moonstriker2514 2 года назад

    The chat is killing me

  • @pankoperek3116
    @pankoperek3116 2 года назад +5

    Did his foreskin grow back after the resurection?

    • @ItsChevnotJeff
      @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад +2

      The real question we should all be pondering

  • @adonisparts1343
    @adonisparts1343 2 года назад +1

    Classic cathoboolicks

  • @TheSalmoneer
    @TheSalmoneer 2 года назад

    Thy forbidden fajita.

  • @dylanchristman978
    @dylanchristman978 2 года назад +1

    He went 😃😀☹🙁

  • @skyforce8003
    @skyforce8003 2 года назад +1

    This information got me banned from a discord server

  • @klystron2010
    @klystron2010 2 года назад +1

    did the foreskin regenerate when jesus respawned?

  • @Plaugonic
    @Plaugonic 2 года назад +1

    Schlatt took it in 1999

  • @flaviobalderdash8003
    @flaviobalderdash8003 2 года назад

    Hey heh Foreskin..heh heh slacking heh

  • @jakelajoie6879
    @jakelajoie6879 Год назад

    They gave it back. Along with a sewing kit

  • @charfree6888
    @charfree6888 2 года назад

    Did you know that Wolverine is uncircumcised?

  • @starbomb64
    @starbomb64 2 года назад

    someone ate it :)

  • @SCVMCVNT
    @SCVMCVNT 11 месяцев назад

    beef jerky

  • @XAspectRatioX
    @XAspectRatioX 2 года назад

    Ok now hear me out, what if you ate it

  • @mann_man8556
    @mann_man8556 2 года назад +4

    Why do they have it in the first place?

  • @howdydobuckeroo1204
    @howdydobuckeroo1204 2 года назад

    Relatable

  • @mollymoia1755
    @mollymoia1755 2 года назад

    What if someone already ate it 😩

  • @sapphirewingthefurrycritic985
    @sapphirewingthefurrycritic985 Год назад

    I can understand the Saints having their remains as reliquaries but this is really weird and gross.

  • @mrusername5
    @mrusername5 3 месяца назад

    JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run

  • @lilpenpusher
    @lilpenpusher 2 года назад

    *how do you lose it thrice

  • @mr.commonsense
    @mr.commonsense 2 года назад

    That’s Christians for you

  • @zenerstorm95
    @zenerstorm95 2 года назад

    It's flesh, right? So wouldn't it have just withered into dust after just over 2000 years?

    • @ItsChevnotJeff
      @ItsChevnotJeff Год назад +1

      This is Jesus we are talking about, the dude who literally disappeared from his tomb with no trace, reappeared to his disciples, calmed a storm, defeated a 100 ghosts, and told a fig tree to f off and die, which it did
      I think we were just bored and decided to keep this one piece preserved somehow

  • @VovoWoahwoah
    @VovoWoahwoah 2 года назад

    I have it

  • @jackfearow
    @jackfearow 2 года назад

    There are other ways it can disappear 😋

  • @bucky822
    @bucky822 2 года назад

    the pope ate it

    • @mahfoudseraf5995
      @mahfoudseraf5995 Год назад

      Pope chewed on Jesus foreskin, knida sus if you ask me

  • @Tomoko_Kuroki888
    @Tomoko_Kuroki888 2 года назад +1

    Religion is wild

  • @jonahs92
    @jonahs92 2 года назад

    #EndMGM

  • @jasonlee6326
    @jasonlee6326 2 года назад

    Someone got hungry

  • @Waffles4903
    @Waffles4903 Год назад

    What?

  • @gay...1565
    @gay...1565 2 года назад

    I think that's gay

  • @thecanadianguy1662
    @thecanadianguy1662 2 года назад +1

    What’s been with the lazy streams recently, like in 2 months there have been like 4 streams and all react stuff

  • @lapislazuli6160
    @lapislazuli6160 2 года назад +1

    5th

  • @HTV315
    @HTV315 2 года назад +1

    I’m Baptist Since you know I’m in the south HOT HUMID JESUS LOVING MAN

  • @LeGloomySoul
    @LeGloomySoul 2 года назад

    I guess you can say it was a miracle for that to happen. Am I right?
    What?