3 REASONS YOU SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- Today I'm talking about why you shouldn't be getting married.
Yes, marriage is a wonderful thing but only if you have the right things in place.
Let's talk about the uncomfortable.
If you have other relationship topics that you would like me to discuss let me know in the comment section.
Dela Xx
#relationships #marriageadvice #dating
The real problem with marriages today is that people don't have the intelligence to "kill the noise". Individuals who are married allow everything and everyone (outside their marriage) to dictate how they should think and feel. Social media is a big culprit in distracting people from focusing on their marriage and the needs of their spouse.
I agree.
Parents should sit their children down and give them dating and marriage counselling from puberty age
Often parents themselves lack the skills and knowledge.
@@brownbabygirl very true...
I agree
Back in the day Ghanaians would get marriage advice from elders
I don't thjnk most parents are qualified to give that advice.
too many people get married out of loneliness, money, or sex.... these alone will never substain a relationship
and fear
@@marthacmd
Then why get marry if not for any of the things you mentioned? Do you mean marry only if you feel and deep love for the person?
Very true.
Yeah.
Some not coping being by themselves . This I wonder if they even feel anything for the girl.
Its empty that. I would rather feel something. Lol Am too into depth than superficiality
You are so correct Dela! Love is NOT the reason to get married.
Useful info
Had failed marriage too
Putting it like that can see why mine failed because I did get married for all the 3 reasons not to get married 🤣
1. Strictly for love - tick
2. Social pressures - tick (being African: its when are you getting married? 😂)
3. To fill a void in my life - tick (did not recognise it was due to trauma at the time)
Wanted someone to complete me too
Most have been superficial at the time because my love was based on looks = Ludus - flirtatious love 😉😂
We learn from our mistakes
Thanks
Thank you for being so honest. That’s very difficult for some people to do. Just know you are not on your own. I have been there too. 💛
I find that: So many people (especially those who claim a religious affiliation) take what is a sacrament of marriage, drag that into single - hookup culture then wonder why their relationships aren’t successful. And secular marriage fails because there is rarely anything at the heart of it, beyond the desires of two people... or three or four...
I feel two is better than one: 2 Incomes in a household is a plus! & each support each other & have the convenience for your significant other picking up things @ the store for you when you can't get out of the house, & vice versa
👏🏾 👏🏾 tipping my 🧢 Dela .
Great video... married 30 something years, I can truly say Good talk..👏🏾 👏🏾
Sanity is number #1 #SELF
Thank you 🙏🏾 😊
Great video Dela and you look really nice today, not that you don't always look nice but today you look extra nice. Maybe it is growth and happiness
Thank you 🙏🏾💛
A long time ago, most of the ladies in my mum's tribe would be kidnapped to be married. There was no love there... but somehow it grew and I am here.
I believe love is a verb not a noun. The concept of love in the African way has changed because of shall I say propaganda of exposure to social media.
Marriage should have a purpose, a meaning, a goal it works toward. I feel we have lost the way of the ancients and I don't mean the kidnaps😊, I mean the goal.
What we need to focus on as we take on a westernised lifestyle is what is the goal we are working toward?
I just found out you are divorced. I was very shocked, I pray for you and yours all the best.
Dela, It’s great seeing you in this element. You are definitely growing. To sit here before us and exude strength and vulnerability to share your story and give a different perspective from your personal experiences and shed light on it, takes great courage. You share not just for yourself but for others by giving them insight to their circumstances and foresight to avoid future conflicts or pitfalls when it comes to relationships, partnerships, courtships, marriage etc. Because ultimately how we sail our ships will determine the outcome of its destiny. We embark on these ships in the beginning and all seem so lovely at first but as the sceneries began to change (the not so lovely ones) we fine ourselves shifting in the winds of change on a course of diversion to port ourselves and disembark before the ships begin to sink too deep to avoid a calamity.
We can have an open discussion and share our stories but for those that do have deeper issues may need to consult a professional if inclined to. But to everyone reading this …Self Love is the ultimate. Peace, love and light.
💯 I agree. I share as much as I can but yes sometimes you need professional help too 😊 Self love always
Della you have given me the words to convey over to my partner of 22 years , I have been trying to break up with him for years and lately ( this week ) I have been telling him that I just can’t put my finger on it but I don’t feel that the relationship is what I want , ( he is a narcissist in many ways ) but what I got as a response is a barrage of what I’ve done for you and bla bla bla , and that I’m foolish ( he is 13 years older) when we got together I was 25 years old and a single mother he took on my eldest daughter and although the road was rocky at first , they have become closer than ever , we also have 4 children together as well , so I have a total of 5 children and he has many more with other women ( long story not for the comments section lol ) .
I’ve been expressing to him that although I love him my love has changed especially after enduring a lot of disappointment and heartache . What you have highlighted on this video is exactly how I feel “love just ain’t enough “ and the reasons why it’s not enough for a marriage! After so many years being patient and waiting for him to do the right thing for us and our relationship , he finally now wants to get married and I’m like “nah , I don’t think that is what I want “ so the current situation is very intense ( I have gone along to get along , for my own insecurities , he is not fully to blame) ! I’ve been a mum since I was 16 years old , I had relationships before I met my current partner but none that stuck so when I met him I was in the mindset of want a family and I didn’t want any other children without being married but it didn’t work out that way , I had many children with this man some died and I stayed all for the the promise of marriage, I have realised over time that I am shrinking more and more into myself and I used to be someone very outgoing and confident but I’ve felt my value diminish over time so now it’s time for me to start living and getting to know me 😊.
I will be sharing this video with him so he can see that I’m not crazy for wanting to walk away finally from a relationship I feel has no more future because the love for me has changed . I am very scared to step into the u known but I feel I have to or there will be no other time . Thanks for this content it is very much needed and appreciated.
Good luck. Wishing you all the best
Oh wow. Yes sometimes you must acknowledge that you need to put you first. Being a mum so young, I can’t even imagine. I’m glad you have found a place of peace for yourself. Although I don’t condone Willy nilly break ups sometimes when you know some thing is not for you, it’s just not for you. I wish you all the luck in the world. Go and do something for you and be happy ❤️
In my humble opinion, which I don't know anything about being married for years. I've only had one relationship that lasted 2 years. Other than that, I've been single. All the women in my family have been married 20 and 40 years. They think I'm gay, because I still haven't gotten married or in a relationship, lol.
In my opinion, people rush into things without developing a friendship and people want to change the other person rather than just accepting them for who they are and that will take time to see, just who they truly are.
😂😂😂. That’s it right there, you have to accept the person for who they are not try to change them.
@chantellcommentary254,,,,
I totally agree with your comment about society learning to understand and accept individuals choices, rather than dictating and branding people for not following the crowd ( what society expects of you ),,,,
,,,,,,,
People just jump into marriages simply because of various reasons without thoroughly studying themselves whether or not marriage is invented ( meant ) for them,,,,,
,,,,,,
I personally, in my mid-age, never thought for once of getting married, FOR I KNOW MY SELF PERFECTLY,
MARRIAGE IS NOT SOMETHING FOR ME,,,,,
,,,,,,
I HAVE DELIBERATELY CHOSEN PEACE, FREEDOM AND SINGLE LIFESTYLE OVER IMPRISONMENT WITH SOMEONE CALLED MARRIED PARTNER,,,,,
,,,,,,
Marriage is definitely not invented for everyone,
,,,,
Very good information and I think also our kids should know too, we have to sit down and talk to our kids also!
Yes, very very important to share the information with our children
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife or husband you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Lol this is too true
Dela, I will disagree that at 24 you were too young for marriage. You were fully ripped for marriage and though you might felt you wasn't ready but your beautiful kids came out of it and is a blessing. There is no set way to prepare or measure how marriage will work out. Before you go into marriage you have to understand that it is no way perfect and both have to work it to make it perfect and certian areas you might have to compromise. Set Before and after expections through communication is key. Love is the last thing that comes after you guys work out all the bugs in the marriage. Also remember the consequences of thinking you are not ready for marriage. Women has a ticking time clock if you are wishing to have kids. Men has endless time to wait, but men also has to understand we dont live longer on earth. Women do. Parents are also responsible to teach all they know to their children at an early age about relationships and marriage. That is something I myself will be teaching my two daughters. Treat marriage as a business proposition and love will find it's way in.
I agree with that last line. It really is like a business proposition. Love will come in time.
men have a ticking tine clock too. A high number of men vecone impotent as they get older, also their sperms count reduces and their sperm quality reduces aswell.
@kehindeemiabata4032 You are talking about a minority cases less than 1 percent. For women cases of child bearing , is a natural order that as they hit 30 years and up 90 percent chance of losing eggs and birth deficulties. Go ask the doctors. You can't dispute the facts
In Africa 24 is too young . You are in university at this age. Maturity is about 28 and above and A man must be age of 30 and above
@princessprincess7708 I remember women was getting married in Africa at the age of 16 years. In Japan if a women is not married by age 20 years. It is a red flag for the Japanese men. That is why there are plenty late 20 something and early 30s singles cuz the men don't want them and they don't even care how successful they are. I spent 6 months in Japan and witness that in 2009.
Ok sis i can understand you but you have to also realise that as humans, God gave us only free will to make our own choices in life but didn't give us the power to make the right choices for ourselves so please it wasn't a mistake for you to marry at 24 or 25. Since we're living an imperfect life, there will be always an advantage and disadvantage of everything example like marriage you are talking about. But i agree with your this three reasons too
When you are old a lone without understanding partner. That is the big challenges in life.
Men die earlier before women so what now？men do t live forever common sense should tell you that.
Dela l know you said this video is not actually related to your marriage, but then whenever you use your relationship as an example in the video, all l can analyze is the usual finger pointing and the refusal to accepting accountability on your end.
How did you arrive at this assumption?
@@moretodela cause believe it or not, l have been watching your videos for a long time and ever since your relationship with the homie Kwame ended, when ever you post something about relationships, it's always been finger pointing on your part, and zero accountability, nothing personal, just want to draw your attention.
Interesting…sometimes there’s no point in trying to defend yourself. Ok.
@billy that’s a stretch. She doesn’t even reference her relationship that much
Loving your growth and self introspection! Kudos to you Dela. You have a new glow😉
Thank you 😊
Love this!
Hi Dela! Excellent points you made. I truly enjoyed watching! Coming to gh for the 2nd time soon. Wish to meet you. 😊
Keep doing you 😉. Blessings 🙏
But love goes well with respect and understanding
Absolutely
Ummm, the hair! So gorgeous! What are the hair tips sis?!
Thank you. I don’t really have any. I’m so lazy with my hair lol
Summary:
1. Do not get married for love
2. Do not get married because it's the done thing
3. Do not get married because you lack in an area/someone to complete you
I must commend you for your deep insight! Having said that, the other and biggest reason why marriages fail is that God, the originator is left out of them in two ways: Doing the things married people do before marriage.; that clouds out good judgment and even worse, drives away God’s holy spirit. And 2. Selfishness.
love is not substainable.... relationships are about survival.... loyalty not love will carrry the relationship
I respectfully disagree...love is sustainable, but you have to work at it...express it by doing things that you know makes your partner happy...it should be part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth.
If you gonna give advise learn how to spell its sustainable not substainable.smh
"Good, job. "Dela.😀.
Sooooo...more children will be born outside of a protective family without the chance of fathering. Marriage is usually the legal basis for family formation and order in society.
It’s such a shame I have to repeat it so many times. I’m not anti marriage. I pray that someday I will meet Mr Right and we will form our own family.
Agree
The heading/topic is a lil misleading, could've been ...Not getting into marriage with just the reasons you stated. There are other many more reasons both for and against marriage. Marriage is unique, there's no one formula. Wat worked or works for you may not work for the other. Its not an easy task. It requures lotta sacrifices on both ends....it can never be perfect.
So go into marriage with an open mind/heart/sense etc.
Always expect the unexpected.
Separately you look gorgeous Dela 😍👑
Thank you 😊
I disagree with some of the things you said but I respect your opinion and view
That’s ok this isn’t a dictatorship 😊
Good video…you speak facts!
Dela you are doing a great work I like the way you are free minded keep it up
Thank you 😊
Three reasons why you should get married. Children, money and frustration
Stability.
Affection.
Foundation.
... home.
Wow, you divorced? Sorry to hear. My gosh, after hubby built those beautiful homes you divorced. What timing!
It’s not quite as clear cut as that. I paid for what I have.
For me I find it really difficult to even being touched romantically by someone I do not feel in love with.
Also I find it difficult to let a man with such a bad heart lack of humanity to touch me.
And Any with weird beliefs .
And the ones telling me not to dress like you today.
And the one who does not support my passion.
Not humorous too serious .
Liars.
Not genuine.
The ones who does not take my side when me and my friends disagree or fall out.
The ones who wont hold my hand in public.
And so many things.
They have to be in touch with our creator too. Lol
The ones who do not protect me. Like do not kiss such prostitute you could bring sex diseases at home.
Love should not be blind. Love should wear eyeglasses . My mom always told me but did not listen lol
Great advice
😂 I nearly got married once but I didnt As He only wanted to get married to stay in UK at the time. Those were the days😂😊
😂😂😂😂 good thing you recognised in time
I agree with you Dela!!
Dela, Love is the taproot of marriage, without Love, there would be no marriage.
Without marriage, one can not fully understand, the real purpose of life. Marriage is an institution set up by God, the foundation is one man, one woman.
Genesis chapter 2, verse 18...Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone,
I will make him a helper suitable for him."
Genesis chapter 2, verse 21... God caused a deep sleep upon the man, and he slept;
then He took one of his ribs, and close up the flesh at that place, verse 22,
And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He has taken from the man,
and brought her to the man.
And the man said, "this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.
" Verse 24 For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh,
Love should definitely be in there somewhere but you need to have your senses about you too. You can’t marry just for love alone.
Dela many africans married ,because of religion .they take vows because church pastors told them, or money, poverty in the family.
What I didn’t even know you got a divorce see how long it’s been since I’ve watched one of your blogs. OMG had no idea I missed out a lot.
Lol yeah I’ve been busy 😂
You look really nice today Ms Dela
Awww thank you 😊
@@moretodela you are welcome Dela
Dela you look stunning
lol, dunno, timing, let's heal ❤
you're glowing already who's that new guy 🙃
😂😂😂
Facts ✌🏾👏🏾👍🏾
oh wow your look is stunning. keep it. ditch the rip jeans
Lol thank you. I don’t wanna set the bar to high for myself 🤣🤣🤣🤣
The human machine was created to exist in two parts male and female. The two were made for each other. No matter how you put it, you will still need a man. It’s just a matter of time.
You would think RUclipsrs understand certain topics should be avoided at all cost....the nerve 🤣😂🤣😂
Validation
I bet you are still married. You’ve four kids, focus on your kids and finish raising them. And making money. You need to lighten up regardless of who you’re married too.
Errrm I’m going through a divorce. Everything I do is with my children in mind.
You can live with you partner and not get married oh yes. Sometime you just want to be alone no partner, no kids.dela they might drag you for saying that girl.
Lol I know right! There are so many ways to do life though. We need to stop restricting ourselves
Only selfish people can stay in marriage.
Dela you showing legs 😅
Just small 🤣🤣🤣