Is It Weird That I Have No Dating Experience? | Matthew Hussey
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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How much control do we actually have over our love lives?
Some people seem to only be single for five minutes before magically finding a committed and available partner, while some of us spend years kissing frogs, getting ghosted, and wondering why we’re so unlucky in love.
Sound familiar? Well, maybe that’s the issue. When it comes to finding love, most people overlook the significant role that “story” plays . . . specifically, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves in love.
You may think you know where I’m headed with this, but I think I might surprise you . . . In fact, the #1 way to break a pattern doesn’t lie in confidence or even beliefs . . . and it’s so easy to do, you’ll want to try it on your next date.
P.S. What are some of the stories you’ve told yourself in the past? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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I had my first boyfriend at age 33, so there is no right age to reach a certain relationship milestone. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity!
@Jan West Great question! Looking back, I used to be painfully shy and introverted as a child and into adulthood which hindered my social skills and ability to connect with the opposite sex. Instead of flirting with boys I was attracted to, my nervous energy would make me avoid them out of my lifelong fear of rejection. It also didn’t help that my biological father was absent my entire life which led to lifelong limited beliefs of having to work hard to be worthy of a man’s love or that men can’t be trusted. Last year, I really stepped out of my comfort zone with the encouragement from friends to keep asking my ex out on dates which led to our short-lived relationship but it was something I finally got to experience and learn from as a 33-year-old
@@whiteRaven9475 Not so sure that is 100% true 100% of the time lol
@Jan West I see what you’re saying. The current ratio of college-educated women to college-educated men also tips in favor of the men as well, so guys kind of have more options than women right now
I’m 29 and never been ingo relationship. Not my priority before, used to read romantic novels have high standard. Just started dating last year. Been to dates just never work out. Im Old fashioned and traditional, waiting till marriage before something happens. Never found the right one yet. Until then , I will stick to my standards. If someone respects and genuinely love me, then he can wait. Not really easy, but I know my worth. Sometimes thinking maybe I will just be single forever 🤣
Last sentence Looks like stoic quote. Love it!
Nothing it's weird in love! As Matthew said, it's just our path! I am 36 still unmarried, no kids, no dating since 2020... but that's fine, that's my path, the right person will come! I rather pick well than change too many! Anyway, in love there is no such thing as 'normality', it's 'normal' only what is right for us! Have a blessed Sunday everyone! xx
Im 44 and i agree :)
Exactly. 😌
Mihaela, I felt like reaching out to you. I'm a Ukrainian and I must tell you that we are in the exact same boat... I'm 36 still unmarried, no kids, no dating since 2020. And we've watched the same Matt's video on the same day. How weird is that? 😅😅😅 You look gorgeous and deserve to be treated like a queen. Your king has been looking for you!💃🤩🤩❤️❤️
I am 33 years old. Single, never had any relationship. I am content with being single and I am happy that I still have chance to find someone and make the right choice. 😉
Same here. I'm 35, and ended an awful and abusive relationship mid June 2021, never married and no kids. It was difficult the first 3 months, it felt like a failure finding a person that didn't want you to succeed and that treated you like trash but still telling you "I love you", so I realized about it and had to leave it behind overcoming that fact and the fear I was going to be single again. But here I am having peace back, I want to love again but this time re learning to love myself first, trying to meet people as much as this "pandemic" situation allows and most important not wasting my time on something that doesn't deserve it.
This is what I have been needing to hear and have someone talk about for so long. I have only had one real boyfriend close to my thirties. I felt behind because a lot of people I knew have already dated, and had children. I kept wondering if their was something wrong with me. Now I'm coming to just enjoy being me and creating my own life.... good luck to all searching for another and their great love, the love of themself.
I'm 35 and my first boyfriend was at age 25, it lasted 3 years and had an awful break-up. I guess I felt I committed to that relationship because I felt behind, the recovery was hard, but suddenly at age 31 when I wasn't expecting it felt in love with someone I thought I knew so well but it turned out he was abusive and narcissist and had to make the choice to leave it, it was painful and I felt like a failure but I realized this our time to learn from our mistakes, working on shaping our dreams and knowing that a relationship is not the whole universe. Just tell you try to pick well and not from the feeling that we are "too old". It's great to know that we are not the only one like sometimes it feels like. Blessings! ❤️🙏
When people find out you've never had a boyfriend, they either say "oh", don't care or are shocked beyond belief. The thing I've always said is that I haven't found someone that I'd really want to commit to, and there's always a chance of meeting someone new. It's not a race, is life, and I plan to enjoy it with or without someone until they do or do not arrive 🤷🏻♀
I just hate people who judge others for things that aren’t even 100% their fault
We have different experiences and it’s sad that too many of us feel judged and criticized if we have a different experience when it comes to this topic
I didn’t have my first serious boyfriend until recently. I’m 32. Was single my whole life before that. There’s no right age in finding a relationship. Just live your life and everything will eventually fall into place. ☺️
When you say serious relationship are you saying that you dated someone else before you met him? You don't expect women to be single that long compared to men because women always have guys pursuing them or hitting on them but men never have the luxury of women coming after them
Cut the crap! Women always have guys approaching them? Are you kidding me? Is it what mean really believe? We have you guys staring at us but nobody every says anything.
How did you meet and get to know each other
So true.. They stare to my soul but they dont even come talk to me..@@luckystone2293
@@nobodysperfect06 Women at times are not lucky and they find their Ronn Moss later on in life. All women seek Chad and not all women will find him. July 2024, USA PS All women need to lower their standards.
I'm glad this video allowed me and many others to express our vulnerability
I'm 29 and never been in a committed relationship, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to say 'I love you' to a partner
I'm a bit sad I feel emotionally detached because of past experiences and also present responsibilities
I still watch your videos because they helped me learn a lot about human relationships regardless if I'm dating or not
Thank you Matthew
I am the same as you.
I am very happy with my life, if I find someone great, if not, it's still great 🙃🙂
Same here! Literally!! Good to know I’m not the only one! Whoo!
its no big deal the grass isnt greener on the other side its just ego mind f*cking you over in to thinking other wise
I'll be 38 in a few months and I have very little experience in this department compare to others around me. There are times I feel horrible and times I feel empowered in life. What I care about is to dare, to strive to improve, to fight for what I want as much as I can. I've been doing that for the past 2 years and I've changed sooo much in my life for the better. Matthew helps soo much, keep fighting, keep searching to improve, keep fighting for your happiness .
Not weird. I am 47 last relationship was 13 years ago, haven't had a date since. Take your time get to know you and like Mathew says don't compare yourself to others. Mathew's right we all have a different story and we can change our narrative xx
I prefer being single to being together just to avoid being single, clearly. But it’s hitting me harder and harder that people around me don’t respect me, because i’m single. People don’t respect my boundaries, my work, my time. If I have a polite conversation with a stranger, they get angry that i’m not interested in them sexually, way too often.
Them getting angry is about their immaturity and lack of insight its not about you
single is not desperation
well fuсk them?
@@makeitcount2985 No, they find her hot, but she does not want to date anyone. She may BE wanting someone hot in the end. He won't come at all. It may be too late for her, but still she dreams of Chad. July8 2024, USA
@@Jay-ef2ii Men and women dont look for the same thing when they date , men rate looks top of the list , women arent the same. Stop applying mens dating values to women because the two arent the same.
I am 23 year old guy. Never had girlfriend or any romantic relationship. I feel like i am missing something big in my life!! While looking others being in relationships..Needed this video👍
You're not missing anything.
U jus hav FOMO that's it
I'm 33 and same as you. See you in 10 years. Hopefully you can keep single and don't give in to toxic women. Wait for your true partner that worth your time.
You keep on focussing on your film making...de Ja vu was scary!!!!
@@bingowings113 u watched😅,thanks😊
I’m 30 and I’ve never had a boyfriend 😂 I’ve had almost boyfriends but they all broke my heart. So here I am 30, single & not even mingling. I’ve tried to go out meet new people, tried being set up, but nope nothing works out so I’m just done. I don’t even care anymore. If it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be I can’t force it.
I don't think she should give up on yourself like that. That are 7 million people in this world. They can't all be jerks.
@@collegegymgains1012 Whoever I like never likes me back..it hurts my self esteem and I can’t hurt anymore.
It's more shocking to hear of a woman still being single by a certain age compared to a guy, still single as in, never dated anyone or never had a relationship before, since women don't have to be the ones to pursue a guy
@@nobodysperfect06 well then I must be an ugly woman because I don’t get pursued and when I do it’s by men I’m not attracted to at all. And when I lower my standards I still get played. Got any solutions??
How is it more shocking then? If naturally women are passive then if men never approach them it seems only logical that they are more likely to be single?
“The gateway to new beliefs is curiosity”, I love this quote
I love it! It's exactly what I need to hear right now. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I have some much shame around that part of myself and feeling undesirable comparing to my peers. This message is much need today. Thanks for making this video!
All these comments have made me wonder if there’s a lot more people with this story than we admit. I’m in the same boat: (early 30s and never been in a relationship) but it doesn’t bother me like it did in my 20s. I wish we didn’t live with the ideals that are considered “normal” because they are the reason we feel like we’ve failed somehow. I’m telling anyone who needs to hear this: there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s something wrong with society’s expectations. So love your life and be happy!
I’m 28, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m not going to lie, it’s frustrating at times. I have a physical disability, and even though I’ve never played the violin for myself in any way because of it, it definitely has made dating more challenging. I’ve heard multiple times from guys that “I’m great, and they would totally ask me out, but…”. The “but” hurts because it’s something I literally have no control over. To be honest, I feel pretty defeated at this point.
I have a disability too, I wasn't borned with it but it has been the result of the progression of a degenerative illness. I understand how you feel, but the right man will not say you that "but" that annoys you... he will just not care and will try to help you with everything that is in his hands... just ask God to put him in your way. God bless you! ✝️🙏
what type of physical disability?
I’m 25, considered pretty, but I’m so insecure and never been in romantic relationship
@@Annastylez are you saying you're a woman who's 25 and never had a boyfriend?
Matthew...you don't know how many times I wished to ask you this question but didn't have the courage. I'm 32 and never dated. I have a huge fear of dating, or physical intimacy of any kind...and though I shouldn't, I feel so so ashamed of being in this position. I keep imagining that any guy I do try to date, would run away upon finding out how behind I am in this department. Hearing you answer without even flinching...that made my day
I'm 26, I've never been on a date, never had a real girlfriend and I exist haha. Can anyone trust this? Don't know, should I feel proud or ashamed as half my age guys are not alone on this day
@Gratiela Same Here 32. I am going on the path which makes me happy. But sometimes I felt low or am not eligible like that all. Single life is not valued, recognized by others. It's good Matthew spoke about this topic. Nice to meet you in the comments same vibe
Same here! 31 and fine with dating but for some reason physical intimacy scares me so I've been too scared to go there - and if I have kissed etc it's always been awful. I've had therapy for two years to try and get over it and now feel that I will have to just be brave and honest with whoever I next date and see what happens - but I know it will be a terrifying experience! I'm not sure why I am the way I am and have always wished that I was "normal" like most people who seem to have relationships so easily 😔
@@YouThinkYouKnow definitely not ashamed!! You're simply yourself and follow your path in life. But if having a partner is something that you with, I encourage you (I know it's hard so I can only hope you can do it) to start as soon as possible...as it gets harder with every year. Rooting for you to be happy no matter what you choose to do!
@@SakthiC yup...single life (and more so for women) feels like a disease at times. But maybe if we manage to change our perspective...we can be happy ☺️
I am 49 years old and I've never married. I've never had long relationships. That's my story. My experience. I've stopped comparing my life with others. Sometimes I believe I will find a great love but sometimes I don't. Maybe I am late bloomer, who knows? :) I have a really good life and now I am recovering from a surgery. Health is really the base.
Im 44 and i go by the saying: "can't put a star into a box"
Just enjoy life, dont put pressure on yourself,
You're your bestfriend.
In 20 years youll look back at yourself and will think.. "wow i sure did respect mySelf when i refused to give into peer pressure! Idont regret a thing bc i love myself"
xoxo
Waited for this video! Thank you for talking about this. I'm 23 years old and never had a boyfriend. Because I focused more on school and being creative. Also I was really shy when I was younger. Now I sometimes feel sad because friends experience these things like five years ago. But I will remember myself that because I didn't focus on boys, I gained other things in life! Always look on the bright side :)
So you was a virgin until 23?
37 and recently divorced, had endless numerous relationships in my life starting from early 20’s. Am I a better or happier person than those who stay single or haven’t dated in a long time? I don’t think so.
Knowing yourself and the path you’re on is the key and most importantly, growing to be able to embrace that moment when it arrives. All my failed relationships were trying to teach me something which I really didn’t understand until the divorce. Now I get it thankfully. Matthew’s video and podcasts were very helpful.
Be happy with yourself, and happy things will come to you.
Love this video, the comment section makes you feel not alone anymore! And I am 30 and never had a boyfriend so if anyone is reading the comment section to find people that are going through the same path then here is that comment you are looking for
Thank you I needed this ❤️❤️
@@desireeluciano no problem, glad it could help ❤️❤️
I am 30 too.. but never had real boyfriend. Ive been always sad about this…most of guys just want to have fun with me 😢 it’s really hard to find boyfriend.. all the guys gave me sexual trauma :( even though, i was smart and pretty. Thank you i feel like i am not alone.
@@s.l.j8640 you're welcome, i hope it helped a little, i know your comment helped me so thanks ❤️
Im 25 and never had a boyfirend I always picked em f boys who didnt even get to date me cuz they either "played" me (metting others girls at the same time) when we were just gettin to know eachother or cause I stopped it myself before it even stareted seeing them being all arrogant . I grew up with older brothers and I know all of their tricks, I understand when they just want to have a one night stand. Me being a romantic doesnt help nor does my borthers and mother's nagging..
i'm 29, and never had a relationship. Was feeling like a failure today and boom this video popped up.
a woman who is 29 and never had a boyfriend? last thing you would expect
@@initiatorhater0688 why?
@@PollyLove92 most of society finds it more shocking to hear of a woman reaching a certain age compared to a guy and still being single, still single as in, never dated anyone, because women are the gender that gets pursued and hit on, asked out
@@initiatorhater0688 29 and never had a bf either.. mind you I’m pretty but no guys ever court me
@@amarjotsingh8455 a woman who is 29 and never had a boyfriend? the last thing you would expect to happen to a woman
I’m struggling in this department and when we don’t connect with anybody is easy to get discouraged 🙄 I guess we should keep going 😄
It’s my journey, I’AM the main character of MY life, working on being the best version of myself for myself first, the rest will follow. There is no such a thing as “normality”what does that mean? At the end of the day being complete within is the way, not waiting after someone to feel that’s way. Being align with yourself will help you to attract similar energies. This journey is a marathon not a sprint, enjoy the ups and learn from the downs. Happy Sunday everyone.
I’m 39 and never been in a serious relationship. I’ve been on dates but have been hurt or guys just want a quick thing with me. One person I did like for ages and went on a date him (sort of) then ghosted me after. It made me feel like that even the perfect guy will leave and never be loved. Also I’ve been trying to heal from past trauma involving people treating me badly. This video has made me feel better that it doesn’t matter and our on path is unique. People think I’m an odd ball for being single for so long but I’d rather that than settle for someone just to fit in. What does worry me is that for us woman we have borrowed time with having children, that scares me the most. But I’m letting what will be will be. But I’m trying to get out there and start dating again to see what is right for me and experience the mistakes
As a 38 year old who's never had a girlfriend, this gives me hope. Really glad I watched this
A good-looking guy like you has never had a gf? I find that hard to believe. I'm the same age and also never had a gf either.
You’re not alone I’m 24 never been in a relationship and don’t have kids you gave me hope
I'm 25 and still waiting for the perfect man.
Wow, this is a first. I'm 38 and never have either...it always so painfully seems like I'm the only one on Earth my age who has never been on a date their entire life and had a girlfriend. It is so nice to know I'm not.
@@XThirdEyeX I feel the same about my age as well. It feels terrible seeing even teens dating these days. Btw I am a 21 year old guy and I never had a girlfriend either. I did have crush on 2 girls in my college recently. One is 19 and the other one is 20 or 21 but they both rejected me. I am using 3 dating apps but barely get any matches. Most of my matches who were in the 18-24 age range either give rude replies or just ghost me. Today I got matched by an 18 year old girl on one of the dating app and she too is a college student but her replies were kinda rude and she suddenly stopped replying after a small chat. Idk whether I will be lucky with her or not. Few days ago, I got matched by a 23 year old girl who was even worse than this and she too ghosted me.
"We start to believe that's just reality." Hearing that sent me into tears. I just assume any guy I go on a date with or show interest in, that simply nothing will come out of it. I just assume the date will be a fail or the guy isn't what I expect to be. It's sad thats how I look at a relationship and dating in todays world.
I had my first boyfriend at 25. My choice, I had people interested, but they weren't worthy of me and my time. Wait your turn, the right one will come along. You'll know when you find the one. In the meantime cut out all the time wasters and people that don't inline with your values and outlooks. No point wasting any time with average people.
i assume he was the one who asked you out, hit on you
27. Never had a relationship currently in therapy learning how to let go of trauma/pain. This makes me feel LESS embarrassed🌚
I’m turning 27 and in therapy for the same thing hoping I can start to date once I feel more acceptance of myself and healing from the past
I started therapy around that age. 10 years later I'm in the same place. But with a few more breakdowns under my belt
I’m 26 and I know for a damn fact the reason I don’t date or pursue women is because of my parents shitty marriage they’ve been married 38 years and refuse to leave eachother because they have a business
The toxicity has messed me up more then they know
@@desireeluciano are you saying that you have never dated?
I had my first serious boyfriend when I just turned 25. I could have many before, but I did not like the ones approached me. maybe I went to 2-3 date with one of them. That is it as dating history. Honestly no regrets, don't even remember being embarrassed when I told this to my BF who actually, liked it:) we married a year later. i just accepted being all my life a late bloomer in everything
Wow! I'm making a comment without my son knowing ☺️because he just graduated college a computer scientist he did little to no dating due to the classes he had was so strenuous and I was always worried whether or not he's going to make time for a relationship and he tells me don't worry Mom that will all come I have to work on me first I do understand him and I sympathize with his dedication to his craft he's my only son and I just only wish he could share all of his accomplishments with someone special you know this is just a mom talking you know how we are always worried about our children I also totally agree with what you're saying have a great day☺️
Same! I had my first boyfriend at age 26. He was 24 and I was his 2nd girlfriend. We’ve been married 4 years now:)
This is so true. I’m 31 and I’ve never been in a relationship and it really has become such an ingrained part of my identity…I want to be married eventually
Its surprising that you are a woman and have never been in a relationship especially at 31. I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend before and yet to get my first kiss. After 3 rejections recently, I did ask out my childhood friend who is 21 year old now turning 22 soon by messaging her on Instagram and she did reply yeah ok but she isn't that active on the app so she took almost a month to reply to it and now again she hasn't been online for weeks and still yet to reply about when we can meet but I am still waiting. But since 28th May 2023, I have been chatting with another girl on Instagram who used to be in the same school as me but we didn't know each other in school days. Now she is 19 year old and is in 1st year of college and I am in last year of college and we chat daily about pretty much everything and we send each other virtual hugs too and I think I started liking her too but so far it still looks like she just sees me as a friend as the chats doesn't get very flirty yet and we have been chatting for almost a month. We are also in different colleges but her college is very near to my home. I do wanna ask her out but my childhood friend didn't reject me too and I like both of them.
Great content Matt! I totally get how you said that “just believing” can be misinterpreted, because it is too broad of a statement. Getting curious about new experiences provides an opportunity for personal growth and new perspectives. Oftentimes the tough experiences are the ones that bring you the most growth, positive or negative. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is a great way to push yourself into the life that you want. You will never know if you like something or someone without giving it a chance to see if it’s right for you or find appreciation, based on preset expectations. Invite into your life what possibility(As Aladdin would say, “A whole new world.”) has to offer.
It's so difficult to find someone the right person I am 39 year old I've never had a boyfriend since. Now my priority my mom to support everything what she needs I'm working as a caregiver. I could wish one day have a right guy came in to my life 🙏💞
Same as me, but I'm 41. I've been thinking that I also should give myself an opportunity... And make some little time for me, instead of helping my mother 24/7.
I think I deserve to feel what a woman feels with a man at least once before I die. I don't care if said man breaks my heart. I just want the experience.
A woman who's never had a boyfriend and she's in her 40s?@@molotochi
My first serious relationship was not until my early 30s. Add in that I made some mistakes early on. I am married now later on in life. Best piece of advice be happy with your self and build some great friendships; this will help you be a great wife. Also, alcohol is a limiting factor; being intoxicated is not worth it; learn to be yourself and no need to try to be what others want you to be. I wished I learned all these lessons.
Thanks for making this video. I'm nearly 37, never married, no kids and have only had one relationship from 25 to 30 and after my relationship with my only boyfriend fell apart, I just haven't met the right guy since then. I'm also Jewish and chaste and a lot of guys I encounter don't want to live a chaste/abstinent lifestyle. I have focused on hobbies, my friends, adopted a new cat and just trusting the universe will bring me someone when the time is right. Also, time spent alone has allowed me to grow over the past several years.
Same here chaste and would like to keep it till wedding. Almost all mocks me with this belief but I dont want to give every bits of my soul to different guys. This is just me personally. Guys run fast when I told them this, some will justify their own belief and persuade me, mock me for being too old school and some will try to be nice at first and eventually unfolds theur true intention. Well its hard, it gets sad sometimes but I am firm to what I want and will stick to it no matter how hopeless it can be.
Having a partner is great but when things go south being single is the greatest, I'll leave it at that. 🥰
Just turned 27 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. Everyone else i know is in relationships or married but honestly I’m doing just fine. I’ve come to accept that maybe i might be alone forever but as long as i find something meaningful in life, then I’ll be ok. For me its God, and there’s also great interests for me to learn and enjoy. Relationships are nice only with the best person, so instead I’d rather take my time, really.
Same here. I am about to be 28 and still never had a girlfriend and most others i know around my age already have relationships or married. Even my younger brother had his relationship. I also experienced a heart break last year that someone i loved had loved someone else and she got pregnant with him too. She was also about to marry him too. I have a few bestfriends who had the same problem too.
Jaan I couldn't agree with you more
I'm 32 never had boyfriend, no kids, living with my mam and I'm happy.
I have been ‘dating myself’ for the past 32 years 😆 and have been loving it. I am very independent, love doing things on my own or with my friends.
Sure there are times when I sometimes get lonely, especially in lockdown for 2 years here in Australia i was completely alone with my dog, but I managed fine.
I have had a few dates here and there, but never anything serious. I think it’s much more important being happy as you are, and live and explore the world on your own for a while before finding ‘love’. I am a firm believer of ‘if its meant to be, its meant to be’. Definitely am not in a rush for a relationship, but when it does come a long at least I know that I am also completely happy living and being in my own company. 😊
I love your comment!!
Thank you for this video! I believe we are all lovable, but sometimes we want to be with someone just to forget about ourselves and our needs. What I have found true for myself, is that when I most crave to be with someone else, it's the time when I need the most to be on my own. Sometimes, we need to be honest about who we are at the moment, and take care of our needs so that we can be the partner, friend, family member we want to find ❤ As Jim Rohn stated once: we don't search for success, we attract it by becoming... Attractive! (I believe it was something like that). Love to all of you!
Fully agree with being curious and getting out of the pattern. What to do when we stop going for the usual emotionally unavailable men but still no interested “emotionally available” ones appear? I feel like in our 30s all the mentally healthy men are already married and unavailable.
No, they just don’t want to deal with women’s lies and constant bullshit.
I’m 28 and single for the last 5 years my job, my mother’s death from liver cancer as gotten in the way of any form of meaningful relationship in my life taking place. Currently I’m just living life on my terms and focusing on my self and if a lady comes along that would be great.
Lol 😂 I am 47 never had a one and I am grateful to that; after seeing couples cheating on each other. I am glad that I don’t jump in multiple beds with multiple guys whether he is a husband or a bf.
Matt you literally amaze me with just how many phenomenal videos you keep making with such substance in them…I def can relate to the part you said about believing our patterns are our reality especially since I’m 31 years old and have never had any relationship last longer than 2 months. I’ve always dubbed it a curse of mine & have started truly believing that love does not exist for me because something is definitely wrong with me. Writing this out I’m realizing this only perpetuates the problem even more because then I don’t even want to pursue dating for the fear that once someone finds out who I really am they’ll leave. Thank you for always being the voice of reason and please keep up the life changing work you do❤️
I am a two time domestic violence survivor and while I have had “boyfriends” I have never had a healthy relationship. I am 30. It’s mind bending to believe, however I am starting from scratch, creating boundaries, and healing emotionally. There is so much to celebrate in life, there is someone healthy out there for all of us, I believe that to be true
You're dropping advice in this one that we can use in any area of life, not just dating. 🙌🏾
You're looking cute.
Don't ask why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself why you are allowing it to happen.
I’m 33 and never had a boyfriend and only just went on my first date last year !
I will definitely try to not wear it or make it sound like a big deal……
It's more shocking to hear of a woman being single this long compared to a guy because women don't have to pursue or take the lead like men do
@@nobodysperfect06 that is correct
@@nobodysperfect06 in a way that makes it worse cause then you aren’t in control and your just waiting and hoping someone will want to Pursue you one day
Honestly, no. I'm a divorce lawyer. After what I see in my office on the daily, I thank God pretty much every day that I'm single. People forget that once the 1 year "unicorns and rainbows" phase is over, real life kicks in.
Does some of the stuff you hear from your clients reduce you to tears? Is divorce even more painful than most people realize? I am a guy who does not like to have his emotions messed with in any way.
I truly appreciate your comment. It was a reality check, and made me look on the bright side.
@@bambooforrests there's a lot of crying in my office but generally I don't get that emotionally invested. I'm very grateful t9 be single. I think a lot of people end up in bad relationships because they are so hell bent on being in one that they don't think things through properly.
It's weird I was talking to my mum today and I said 'I don't know why in past relationships I'm ok with being treated like crap?' My mum said 'I was the same'.........strange....I'm believing God will bring me my last true love when he knows I'm ready....💛
Tbh I think I have a fairly unique experience. I'm 29 almost 30 and have never had a bf, and this guy who I'm seeing just turned 28 and he's never had a gf. We decided to be exclusive already, but still not technically official. We've known each other for 2 years already but we met at the wrong time and it wasn't until last week we really started talking to each other and now we're really connecting and bonding and opening up to each other. So we're two people who are older and have our lives more or less situated, but neither of us have experience with relationships. In a way, though, I think it's sweet that we'd be learning together, but it's also very scary cause a lot can go wrong and neither have the experience to know how to deal with it.
I wish both of you nothing but the best, and even though you both are nervous, I hope that both of you will have positive experiences with each other.
I am 37, never dated, and don't have my life together. There is always someone who is struggling more than you.
I believe "it's better to be on the shelf than in the wrong cupboard" 🤩
I’ m 39, divorced, no kids, no dating since 2014. I realized that I need time to heal from my past relationship and jumping into a new relationship is not a solution. I would say I’ve overcome my past and enjoy my own company. I just want to say never hold on your past & move on.
I'm 46 single for 10 years at least, people say get out there online dating. Online dating can be dangerous expensive and possibly desperate. If it's meant 2b that's the way it is, better to be OK with yourself than someone who may screw you over.
My experience with online dating is that most men are just looking for an*l s*x. A waste of time and energy
I have no dating experience. Everyone around me kept treating me like trash. Family and fake friends. It almost killed that I've never experienced love. I tried to commit suicide 3 times in my life because of this. I'm still trying, still improving. I'll get there.
same :-( its tough.
I really needed to hear this. I'm 29 and have never had a boyfriend and always felt that there was something wrong with me. Its so beautifully said that we have growth spurts in life at different times and I will admit I have focus points that I find it hard to get past and I so frustrated with myself. listening to this has reminded myself to be kinder to myself and be curious! Life isn't fun if you aren't curious!
Shocking for a woman to end up alone or single like this but not so much for a guy
I love being alone, I'm not emotionally available to try to be in a relationship. But that's not a problem, I feel fine, the problem is this backwards society not accepting it and trash talking me. That's when you start feeling bad for living life the way you want to, feeling bad that you're happy.
Lately youtube has been recommending me videos on being single as if the algorithm lord is trying to comfort me for being single since birth.
Dear Matthew, I love the message in this video. What irks me is that in another video you debate the importance of timing and experience in dating, and you opted for experience to not end up in a pupil-teacher situation. For me it's a mixed message and I don't know what to do with it.
I’ve never had one and I’m in my 30s. I legit feel doomed. I want kids and a hubby and I’m only getting older😭😭
I'm 41 and have never had a boyfriend. I'm not sad or embarrassed about it. I've NEVER put myself out there, so the result is not surprising. I've had crushes before, so I'm not completely against falling in love. I'm actually at a point in life where I'm really happy and stable. And possibly for the first time ever, I do want to be in a romantic relationship (with someone in particular). Hopefully I still have at least another 40 years on this earth and I'd love to have him by my side.
I was 23 when I came back to my country, and never had a real boyfriend before. I never thought that it will be a big deal till that. All of my date asked me if I lived with someone together, and I was honest about not having anything till. I was surprised because I thought that will be a kind of advantage, that I was not "overused" (as in my country people slutshameing woman), but it was not that way. They all said that it will be huge mistake to pick me, because I have no experience in relationship at all. None of them wanted to see me ever again!
I have also been rejected because of my lack of experience 😔
I feel weird and embarrass telling people that I have none at all . It is so embarrassing 🙈
How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
At first I was scared that I might be single for ever, but now I sleep in peace I’m not stressing out if someone is cheating on me, maybe someday I’ll meet someone and if not that’s okay to.
OMG....Yes yes yes yes, Each person journey is different!!!!!!!!!! We do gravitate towards what we know!
Does anyone have advice on how to answer questions like “when was your last serious relationship “ or “how long was your longest relationship” from guys on dates? Not having had one I always feel awkward and judged when this question is asked. Especially when I am interested in that guy, I am very much afraid to start explaining that I’ve never had and why I never had (up til now I still don’t know). I am afraid they will just leave.
Just be open about it. Tell them you don't have a lot of experience, but you look forward to getting to know them better. At 2nd or 3rd date get into detail about "Hey so, I haven't dated anyone before." You will do great and y'all can learn together.
They would judge you anyway... I was 23 when I came back to my country, and never had a real boyfriend before. All of my date asked me if I lived with someone together, and I was honest about not having anything till. I was surprised because i thought that will be a kind advantage, that I was not "overused" (as in my country names slutshame), but it was not that way. They all said that it will be huge mistake to pick me, because I have no experience in relationship at all. None of them wanted to see me ever again!
Honest opinion. If you're good looking (8 and above) and haven't had a relationship then most guys would think that's weird and a bit of a red flag.
Essentially you have to be confident about it and accept that they may find it weird/judge, but that's okay. There's probably things about them that you'll judge too. Its not the end of the world, if they're worthwhile they'll still want to get to know you. And I know it's easier said than done, but you have to get so comfortable remaining single for who knows how long, that you don't fear if a guy leaves because of it! Then you won't dread the question.
Also knowing the reason why you've been single for as long as you have been could help us formulate a better response to this question 🤗
@@thehealingfairee a long time ago, a former friend of mine has told me that it would be very difficult for me to find someone due to my nationality/ethnicity (I am a child of immigrants and also immigrated by myself in my twenties to another country for my career). At that time I refused to believe it, now a decade later I started to feel like that might be true and it is heartbreaking. Especially since I always get along well with people and have good friendships. It is sad when guys especially online start to fade away when they get to know where I’m from.
I’m 31 and never had a boyfriend. It’s frustating. And one of the worst parts is when guys say, how are you still single?!? How?!? Because you guys have your fun and run away. I’m tired and I think I’ll never find love
I really appreciate your effort to help women!
I wanted to ask you whether it would be possible to make some videos about how to keep the sparke and the love alive in the long term relationship?
I am a 52 year-old and never have been in a relationship. Diagnosed with Aspergers and INTJ, Just don't know how to socially connect to others intuitively. The 'rules' have been read to me over and over again but my inherent nature doesn't respond. Still hate that others call this a 'confidence' issue.
I assume you are a guy or human male
I think I kinda needed to hear this today.
I am aware that maybe things have not lined up for me to find that new person I could spend my life with, but sometimes, I have days every so often where I wonder 'am I not pretty enough?', 'am i too old-fashioned?', or 'am i just too inexperienced?'. I'm 34 yrs old(gonna be 35 soon), no kids and a bit inexperienced with dating. I just came out of a relationship in late 2019 and moved back home in 2020, after a literal decade of being with my ex. Sadly, things fell apart, it got really bad and I couldn't see that we just weren't compatible and had far too many conflicting and personal issues that clashed. I have been working on myself since, but after a brief time dating a new boyfriend, it didn't work out and It seems I started to feel down, especially since I've never been on a date before (never even got to that point with the recent one). I'm glad I found this video cuz I think it will help me ease my anxiety and concerns over being so inexperienced and such. I still believe one day, that one guy will come along and I will be able to try again.
Thank you for posting this video. Recently, I have been struggling with this due to societal expectations. Whenever I am steadily dating someone, the topic of past relationships ultimately is brought up and they always ask me: Why a women like you has been single for so long? At that point, it becomes something to be ashamed about. ☹️
You are a blessing to this world.
Soothing and sobering as usual. Your advice is so precious, Matthew! Thank you for sharing!
As a 29F who has a lot of dating experience and have been the one to date toxic men and now dating someone with little experience, everyone has their stuff as he said. It can be a self steam issue, but what is not mentioned here is trauma. My dad passed young and my mom has serious NPD. It took me awhile to see and break the trauma cycle. I have CPTSD, and I am just now learning and still need to talk in therapy this week about how stability feels a bit boring, which is common for people with trauma. I also needed therapy to learn to communicate because I never had that growing up & am also autistic on top of that. The guy that I am dating with little experience is the most nice, empathetic, sweet and caring person. If we ever had any sort of communication issues I know he’d be willing to go to therapy and work on it & that says more than dating someone who has experience and wouldn’t ever do that.
But the most important thing is to always keep growing as a person. Figure out how you want your future to look like and become that person.
Great content Matthew! This video makes me rethink my unusual "lack of dating" experience in my life! I am a 64-year-old white male, fit and trim, married once in the 1980"s for a few years then divorced and have no children. I read all the comments and I see I am not alone, no pun intended! I grew up in a US military family, kept moving whenever my father was reassigned, new schools, new churches, new friends constantly. Would meet a nice girl then move away. I don't remember ever having an actual girlfriend during my school years, having female and male friends of course, but then moving to a different state. All four years of high school were in different schools, ending in the Lakehurst NJ area in 1977. I enlisted in US military, had a 20-year career aircraft maintenance moving from state to state and overseas repairing military aircraft. Then a 25-year career working civilian airliners and now retired. Never dating anyone during that time except my now ex-wife. My other strange thing is that I have never smoked a cigarette and I don't drink or do drugs, might be due to my family was nonsmoking and drinking and the strict drug and alcohol testing during my working years. I date in a nightclub or ordering wine would be a challenge. I now like a nice glass of wine with a fine meal at a restaurant but that is all the drinking I would do. This video has me learning about how and why I have no dating experience! Another video might help with how I can make small but effective changes here and there to start dating again. Maybe I need to just get out there and start dating tell her my story perhaps?
I thought I was going to get married with my first bf, I was with him for 8 years… all my friends were single during those days.. now all are married and I am the single with 37 years old which feels scary sometimes
Same age and lonelier day by day
What is it like to be in a relationship? I don't even know what to expect
Me either. I'm not social. I don't like crowds. I'm not touchy feely. I don't like being anywhere for long periods of time. I don't like being in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people. All of that is part of dating. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs and I've never met a guy that was single and doesn't do at least one or two of those things. I also never want kids or a husband so dating is otherwise a waste of time for me but I do wonder what the experience is like. I don't feel lonely either. I work full time so I don't need any man's money to buy me things either.
@kaylawaters2691 I definitely know what you mean... there are very few ppl that I actually like, that I feel comfortable around... others just drain my energy completely...
Matt just said, “We’re all weird in our own special way.”
But how do you get to know what to do? I'm so behind and want to be normal at dating. Im 34 and dating gets harder the older you are.
27, constantly reminded by my family how weird I am for never having had a girlfriend. It affects my mental health a great deal. Auxilio.
I am a guy who turned 22 just 6 days ago and I never had a girlfriend before and never been kissed. Its been bothering me a lot now. I had crush on 2 girls in my college few months ago. One was 19(turned 20 last month) and another was 20 or 21 and both rejected me. I use dating apps but hardly get matches. Last week I was matched by 2 girls. One was 18 turning 19 in Feb and she unmatched me for no reason whereas another was 21 and she too ended up ghosting and unmatching me. Yesterday I was matched with this 20 year old girl who unmatched me after I told her that my hobby is singing and that was strange. I also follow some girls on Instagram whom I knew in high school and they are all 20-22 year olds too and only like 2 of them chat with me.
@@manosijroy8282I'm on a similar boat except I'm 23. Best thing is to work on yourself. Our time will come.
same and im 28
I’ve never had a serious long term girlfriend. If I tell a girl this she runs in the opposite direct. it’s kind of self perpetuating. I would love to meet a girl that is untarnished by passed bad relationships. It’s hard to find. I’m just working on myself to become undeniable. If you are this girl then you are a gem. You just need to find the right guy.
Pretty much every guy I know is calling it quits. I hit 30 and just stopped trying. I'll never date again.
Like most men who wanted relationships, it's just not worth it anymore.
I’m 21, female, and uncontrollably lonely. I feel that I am not worthy of love. I feel that there has to be something wrong with me. I feel that people aren’t capable of loving someone like me. Why am I so hard to love? These comments make me feel better, but I still just don’t understand
I feel the same way like you but I am a 22 year old guy who never had a girlfriend, never even hugged or kissed a girl before. I got unmatched by 2 girls( one is 19 and another is 21) recently on dating apps after I asked them out even though we had a decent chat. I also asked out 2 girls on Instagram who were in the same school as me and we had been chatting on Instagram but both blocked me and one of them who is 19 turning 20 in August even agreed to meet up but still blocked me few days later. I also asked out my childhood friend who is 21 turning 22 after 4 months but she isn't that active on Instagram so she still didn't reply or even see my message yet so I am losing hope about meeting her too but still waiting for her reply. Even my inbox on Instagram is dead because no girls are chatting with me and some of them who used to chat with me have ghosted and blocked me for no reason like yesterday a girl on insta who is somewhere in the 19-21 age range blocked me for no reason at all just after I wrote her hey whats up even though we had a decent chat the previous day.
I know a girl who was 26yrs Old Turning 27 that never had a Boyfriend. She was realy Beautiful inside and out when i saw her i thought a girl like her must be in a Relationship. But she told me she is Single never had a Boyfriend and also went once on a Date in her life . So as we get friends i encourage her to meet People just go for a Date not expecting that she will get Married in a Year, then she said i don't have anyone to go for a Date because guys are not Aproaching me🤷♀️ online Dating 6yrs Ago wasn't that Inn and she also not liking it & even if she also has this friendly Aura aside of being Pretty its very Rare that when we go out Guys are flirting or Noticing her so she also Develop this thought that she might be Ugly. We she finaly Starts Dating ofcurse she never Dated before her Chioces of Men was very Poor because she didn't know how a good Men or Guy Behave it was a long Journey for her to find the right one and Mathew is again right on what he said on this video
It is not even my fault. My delusional parents are part of a very dark malicious religious cult as long as I could remember. I was raised in this cult. They stole more than a decade from my life until a few years ago when I was lucky enough to run away from them and their life style. Considering what they put me through for all those years messed up my conscious, wellbeing, and psychology; I don’t and won’t regret this decision.
In that cult, I got systematically abused in many ways: physically, sexually, emotionally, and psychologically.
I started going to therapy on December of 2020. But here I am, at age of 24, with 0 romantic or sexual experience with my female peers.
This is so incredible. Maybe the best of Matthew’s videos I’ve seen.
Curiosity is wise recommendation for challenging our beliefs to try something different and break patterns we don’t want.
do not settle for anything but deep spiritual love....do not settle for less than that....divorce is a horrible thing
Nothing is weird on your own personal path through life! Long marriage behind me, I married very young. After that I actually found ME. I haven't really dated for over 10yrs. I enjoy my own company.....yes I have friends who I meet up with. If someone walks into my life then great. So I'm not saying no to another relationship. I'm just enjoying my life at the moment!
I’m 29 still single. Just started dating last year, already losing hope of the guys out there
Thanks Matthew, this was worth a fifty counseling sessions 🙏
I was on my way to finally meet people but then stupid covid and stupid lockdowns and stupid restrictions made so difficult for me . But I keep getting notices that other people including a cousin are finding love and getting married, so everyone but me is happy ever after 😤😬😡🤬
I'm a guy and didn't have my first kiss until I was 25. Although, I do have social anxiety.
Thank you Matthew! This one really hit home!
Am 26 and I have never been in any committed relationship. And again a relationship for 5months. I don't really know much about relationship thing. But I believe God will make a way
I’m 40, no dates before 18, only 1 6 yr relationship from 18 - 24. Single since then, by choice initially & then circumstances. Now struggling to bring myself to get out there & date. Been asking myself ‘am I weird’?
Being 26, while finishing university, it was hard until recently to not feel love related pressure because : 1. All of my high school friends of the same age got married or got their first kid(s) while I was doing a master's degree in a field that passionates me and 2. Because my mom keeps telling me that staying alone at my age is not a life (even though I still do not feel ready for love and feel happy with only one good friend at my side). And yet, everytime I tried to socialize at parties, I was always stuck in the corner, humorously discussing philosophy with the host's cat while the other people of my age were either drinking too much alcohol, bragging about something, doing small talk (which I hate) or dancing to bad music. Then my mom keeps telling me that this is how the "real world" is, that I should walk over my "ego?" and pretend to be like them to better integrate myself... Yep, this is the same mom that used to teach me about integrity and to be proud of how unique I was when I was a kid...
Luckily, my grandma recently taught me how to love myself just the way I am. She told me that, in the late 60s, she only got her first boyfriend at 30 years old (my grandpa, who was then only 27) and never cared about what others thought of her because she had worked so hard during her early adulthood to keep being happy that she wouldn't let anybody else rob her own joy and freedom. So she did all the things she wanted in her own way at the end. And when she reminds me of my accomplishments (like going to university or currently writing a novel while being on my way to obtain a well-paid job), when she said she was so proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes. After that, for the first time of my life, my shoulders felt lighter and I discovered the first steps toward self-love and self-confidence.
So no matter if you feel like a late bloomer, it's not because your accomplishments or love life comes later in life that you're a failure to society. Just be you and try to be kind (only to those who deserve it please, do not be a doormat to those who don't deserve it). Life is not an olympic sprint, do not rush yourself into anything you don't even want in the first place and, if you want to slow down a bit just a moment to enjoy your current life or know yourself even better, just do it (in a responsible way please, do not bankrupt yourself or do something on a whim you would later regret). What you do in life may be one thing, how you do it is even more important. And if some people keep pressuring you to reach the same stage (whether love or accomplishments) as them when you do not feel ready yet or are not interested, it is YOUR life, your own exciting unique path, full of possibilities and decorated by your own special touch.
Anyway, take care y'all, and keep the peace and love (including inner peace and self-love) intact !!!
Seeing the title suddenly made me question about me not even having a boyfriend after 28 years of existence. 😂