Given all of the experiences you've had, I'm actually impressed that you were able to find a way out of the cynicism and detachment of it all. I struggle to feel the desire to pursue relationships precisely for the reasons you mentioned, but I had a positive experience just recently and found myself teary-eyed because I completely forgot I felt genuine happiness from them.
So like, have you considered the laundromat? I hear people really love being approached there. In full seriousness though, I think the big thing a lot of online dating advice doesn't account for is that basically everyone in a long term relationship has broken at least a few of the "important rules" the internet thinks is very important. They should be seen more like guidelines that work for some people but not as well for others because of that.
It's honestly so hard to date when you have no common interests with most people. I just don't want to deal with the Neurotypical social world when I come home from masking all day at work... But I still want an intimate partner of some sort... I have had some surprisingly successful relationships with NT women who are hyper extraverted. Our conversations are just me listening to them talk mostly. But they always end up feeling emotionally rejected in the end, because no matter how hard I try, I just can't make myself give a fuck about most things.
I feel like most people mask to a certain degree. I’m neurotypical, but goddamn am I pretending to be “normal” and content around people. I can relate to disliking being around people at work who act happy go lucky though. It just comes off unnatural and forced imo
Glad to see you come around, and re-open this topic, as i enjoy your content greatly, but the original video on this topic always rubbed me the wrong way personally. In my case, autism and upbringing definitely pre-conditioned me to make bad choices without even realizing why, or how during a long set of years when it came to relationships, which was both a learning experience, but naturally a painful ordeal, as it usually is when you start to look into that mirror and find it staring back at you. For me the hardest part, was definitely both; accepting that how people feel or don't feel about you is out of your control to a large extent, and you have to respect that as much as it may pain you, but also that as a person, you deserve to love yourself, and should not have to postrate yourself or pretend you are someone you aren't, just in the hope of feeling loved. I think that regardless of if we are truly loved or not by a person, in a romantic manner that fills us, we can't close ourselves to the posibility of eventually finding someone with whom we can feel true kinship, regardless of how many times we fail in the process. After all, if you don't keep trying, you'll just give up without putting up an honest try for your own sake. I consider myself a loving person, so i don't want to stop being warm to people i may appreciate or even love in a romantic manner just because i'm scared of rejection, or because things may seem hopeless at times.
It’s funny- my old band used to rehearse underneath a swinger’s club and I felt infinitely more welcome hanging out up there with the naked weirdos that I ever have with normal people at a normal bar.
@@jordanowen42 yeah, I think it's because they are more authentic. They are literally putting it all out on display and thus, don't have much to hide.
If a man is even relatively smart he can formulate his own strategy for meeting women, one that is sensitive to the details of his own life. He doesn't need to listen to someone on the internet providing generic and ultimately self-serving advice. I suppose that advice might be useful to think about, but ultimately he should me making the decision.
After 2016, I stopped dating for over four years because I had a very unhealthy relationship with relationships. I believed people only wanted to date me for sex, and I love sex, but I also for example love roller coasters. I would love to spend a few hours every couple of weeks going to an amusement park and riding roller coasters. I don't want to ride a roller coaster every single day. This would lead to most of my relationships being almost exclusively about sex, and me believing that people exclusively only wanted me for sex and nothing else, so I not only stopped dating but also deliberately made efforts to make myself less physically desirable, which I now deeply regret. The right person and being able to co-operate with that person can make all the difference in the world, but man, do I ever appreciate it when people don't want to put in the effort of trying with hundreds of incompatible partners just at the hope of maybe finding one.
I have learned and accepted that expectations are merely resentments under construction. I stopped focusing so much on other people, my expectations of them, and most importantly... what they think about me. I was a people pleaser... and this type of thinking had me inflicting tremendous pain upon myself. It played a big part in making my drug addiction and alcoholism much worse also. I had to change my thinking and behavior to create a better life. I've learned to let go and let God, stop trying to foolishly control everything, (which would always end up in disaster). Now im working on totally surrendering my will, and my life to the God of my understanding. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jordan. Love you bro
Defiant hope is based. Protect that hope and remember that your fighting that good fight.
Om really happy for you for coming around on this one. You look like you are in a better place and I can get behind that.
Given all of the experiences you've had, I'm actually impressed that you were able to find a way out of the cynicism and detachment of it all. I struggle to feel the desire to pursue relationships precisely for the reasons you mentioned, but I had a positive experience just recently and found myself teary-eyed because I completely forgot I felt genuine happiness from them.
Same
So like, have you considered the laundromat? I hear people really love being approached there.
In full seriousness though, I think the big thing a lot of online dating advice doesn't account for is that basically everyone in a long term relationship has broken at least a few of the "important rules" the internet thinks is very important. They should be seen more like guidelines that work for some people but not as well for others because of that.
It's honestly so hard to date when you have no common interests with most people. I just don't want to deal with the Neurotypical social world when I come home from masking all day at work... But I still want an intimate partner of some sort...
I have had some surprisingly successful relationships with NT women who are hyper extraverted. Our conversations are just me listening to them talk mostly. But they always end up feeling emotionally rejected in the end, because no matter how hard I try, I just can't make myself give a fuck about most things.
I feel like most people mask to a certain degree. I’m neurotypical, but goddamn am I pretending to be “normal” and content around people.
I can relate to disliking being around people at work who act happy go lucky though. It just comes off unnatural and forced imo
Glad to see you come around, and re-open this topic, as i enjoy your content greatly, but the original video on this topic always rubbed me the wrong way personally.
In my case, autism and upbringing definitely pre-conditioned me to make bad choices without even realizing why, or how during a long set of years when it came to relationships, which was both a learning experience, but naturally a painful ordeal, as it usually is when you start to look into that mirror and find it staring back at you.
For me the hardest part, was definitely both; accepting that how people feel or don't feel about you is out of your control to a large extent, and you have to respect that as much as it may pain you, but also that as a person, you deserve to love yourself, and should not have to postrate yourself or pretend you are someone you aren't, just in the hope of feeling loved.
I think that regardless of if we are truly loved or not by a person, in a romantic manner that fills us, we can't close ourselves to the posibility of eventually finding someone with whom we can feel true kinship, regardless of how many times we fail in the process. After all, if you don't keep trying, you'll just give up without putting up an honest try for your own sake.
I consider myself a loving person, so i don't want to stop being warm to people i may appreciate or even love in a romantic manner just because i'm scared of rejection, or because things may seem hopeless at times.
I went clubbing for the first time in my life and have never felt more out of place or awkward in my life... lol
It’s funny- my old band used to rehearse underneath a swinger’s club and I felt infinitely more welcome hanging out up there with the naked weirdos that I ever have with normal people at a normal bar.
@@jordanowen42 yeah, I think it's because they are more authentic. They are literally putting it all out on display and thus, don't have much to hide.
It’s pretty awkward if you’re sober honestly.
I feel awkward at most bars/clubs and I’m not neurodivergent.
@@HiGlowie could depend on if you are an introvert.
Live and let live. People will have different opinions, you can't change that. What you do have power over is how you react...
If a man is even relatively smart he can formulate his own strategy for meeting women, one that is sensitive to the details of his own life. He doesn't need to listen to someone on the internet providing generic and ultimately self-serving advice. I suppose that advice might be useful to think about, but ultimately he should me making the decision.
After 2016, I stopped dating for over four years because I had a very unhealthy relationship with relationships. I believed people only wanted to date me for sex, and I love sex, but I also for example love roller coasters. I would love to spend a few hours every couple of weeks going to an amusement park and riding roller coasters. I don't want to ride a roller coaster every single day.
This would lead to most of my relationships being almost exclusively about sex, and me believing that people exclusively only wanted me for sex and nothing else, so I not only stopped dating but also deliberately made efforts to make myself less physically desirable, which I now deeply regret.
The right person and being able to co-operate with that person can make all the difference in the world, but man, do I ever appreciate it when people don't want to put in the effort of trying with hundreds of incompatible partners just at the hope of maybe finding one.
And then in 2021 I started dating again, and what a wild experience that all was.
❤
I have learned and accepted that expectations are merely resentments under construction. I stopped focusing so much on other people, my expectations of them, and most importantly... what they think about me. I was a people pleaser... and this type of thinking had me inflicting tremendous pain upon myself. It played a big part in making my drug addiction and alcoholism much worse also. I had to change my thinking and behavior to create a better life. I've learned to let go and let God, stop trying to foolishly control everything, (which would always end up in disaster). Now im working on totally surrendering my will, and my life to the God of my understanding. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jordan. Love you bro