The mental and physical load of solo motherhood
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2023
- I think the mental and physical load of motherhood is something that is not talked about enough, regardless of if you are a single parent or not. In this video I show you a day in my life trying to get on top of things, and how I'm trying to find the right balance for me to prevent overwhelm.
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AWE, I had NO idea Precious Stars was going out of business! I 100% would've participated in that sale! It feels weird that you're not going to have that site anymore! I used to love checking the new fabric patterns that I wanted! Congratulations on moving forward and doing so with excitement for what lies ahead! This is an exciting time for you!😊
Since the beginning of time, we have known we can't do this alone, even if we are in a home solo. I'm so glad you have your parents right now.
As a mom of four I think your parents have been more help than my husband 😮
I just pretty much said the same thing husband’s aren’t really that helpful!
Time for a new husband
This!! Her parents are amazing
Many years ago it was common for families to live in one house. Including parents, grandparentsand and even great grandparents. There was always someone there to ask for help. Things are so isolating now. There's no wonder stay at home parents feel so alone and overwhelmed.
I’m not a single parent but my husband works until 10pm most nights so it’s me and 3 kids under 5 all day and it’s me who does all the housework. It’s EXHAUSTING and I understand. I’m watching this while tidying my house - thanks for the company and motivation, ha! ❤
Same here, hubby works pretty much 7am - 7pm then helps me put kids to bed and quickly eats something and back to his work until almost midnight. I have 0 help. No grandparents who would take our kids for a few hours and I could clean or do anything by myself. That would be a dream!! 😆
But at least you aren't exhausted from being on holiday! 😢
@@hanbobanable haha good point 😆
@@hanbobanablea holiday is a luxury I can’t afford unfortunately haha
I agree I’m not solo either but sometimes I feel like it! I have 2 under 2 and am a SAHM. I do all housework & cooking and my partner runs a construction business while also pursuing other entrepreneurial things in realestate (leaves before I wake & home by dinner time). I do bath time and getting them ready for bed & am also the one with the baby all night too. I can’t just let the house go to shambles for a day if feel like it because it’s not just me on my own. Obviously though not having all the financial responsibility is a big difference so am very grateful for that… but yeah motherhood is a tough gig 😅
I'm procrastinating like crazy today, this is perfect timing, thank you. Always enjoy your videos!
Top tips for going dairy free are when you are cooking/baking to just replace butter with margarine, and milk with almond milk. The quantities can stay the same and it keeps things much more similar than using coconut oil which is a standard recommendation but requires calculating new quantities if you don't want everything super oily!
I always appreciate how realistic your videos are. Highly relatable!
I've found it really helpful to have a list of "closing tasks" I do every night before bed without fail. The tasks that if I don't do them I hate myself the next day - full up formula pots, fill the milk prep, sterilise bottles, hang out baby clothes washing, brush teeth. Everything else is a bonus. It sounds like you already do this with your 15 mins a day. It's so hard to keep on top of it isn't it, and I'm not pumping! All we can do is keep on keeping on, doing what we can. And remembering of course that housework is never 'complete' - it's a cycle that goes on forever ❤ sending solidarity, your house looks lush x
Random unsolicited advice so please ignore if irrelevant since I can't ask first on yt comments, but I wonder if you've considered a dehumidifier for near where you dry the washing? They can help it dry so much quicker! Plus have the benefit of preventing condensation in the room. We got a Meaco Low Energy one last year and it's been fabulous. Obv there are some running and purchase costs and they make background noise but we love ours.
Such a lovely and helpful video, you really are a joy to watch!! 🙂
I'm a mom too. Staying on top of the house work can feel so difficult and overwhelming! Every night I try to fill up the dishwasher after my baby's gone to bed no matter how tired I am. And clean the catbox and round up all the garbage and get it out. Half the time I don't even remember to put the clean laundry away it just sits in the bin for days sometimes lol. Not to mention washing baby bottles and baby teething toys and all that.
I didn't realise you had stopped Precious Stars. I have purchased your Sparkle range of pantyliners/pads in the past and love them! I was planning on buying some more, although the ones I already have are in great condition. Wishing you all the best in your new business ventures.
I struggle with housework as well, and I don't have a little one running around. Moms are superheroes.
You are very lucky to have grandparents nearby who are willing and able to baby sit!
The miracle I witnessed in the vlog? You spoke to a human at HMRC 😮
When I was a student I actually lived near the HMRC office local to me, and as I didn’t have a phone I chanced it and went in person. Unbelievably they spoke to me and sorted it out. They employed real people in the nineties!
I was wondering why you were getting rid of your stash in the freezer when you said/showed that at the beginning!
It's so hard to not have dairy! Way to go with this! Good luck and I TRULY hope that this helps him!
I have a partner, and he is not a horrible person, but he does what society expects of fathers. So he is not much help, I have told him about the mental and physical load and he just simply doesn't understand or is very empathetic.
I completely understand how you feel. I find housework also incredibly difficult, it takes longer and with my ADHD I get completely overwhelmed. If it gets really bad, I phone my mom and she comes and helps me out. If it were not for my mom I would be worse off. My child is now 15 months old and she can sometimes play by herself long enough for me to do the dishwasher. I am glad you have a great support system because solo parents, single parents, and partnered parents all need help. I am a stay at home mom and everyone expects me to do everything even when I teach my private music students.
I think it’s sad that husband’s aren’t that helpful mine was the same!
What does society expect of fathers? To be not understanding or empathetic is not what is expected of fathers IMO. Try just giving him the task of looking after the little one on his own Im sure he would change his mind - at least it would give him some understanding of what a task it is. It is often experiencing the reality that gives understanding and empathy.
@colinchick2692 oh I have and he didn't last very long. He gave her back with in 30minutes. It didn't change much, he just said "she likes you better, so I just can't help"
Loved this! Feel the same a lot of the time!
the thing is most mothers do that all anyway, man or not. So you are not missing out on anything not having one.
My husband works many many unsociable hours and long hours so the majority of the childcare for my 3 children is done by me as well as keeping the house. I also work 3 days too so I completely understand the struggle! Xx
Oh, I love the idea of a naming ceremony, never thought of non-religious options but that's a great idea!
We're in the process of moving out of state. My husband had to go to the new state while I stayed home with my 10 month old twins and two dogs. We have no family where I am, so I'm quite literally on my own. I had to do my last week of work remotely before I could be a stay at home mom. I'm going on 10 days, but who's counting? Lol. I only have three weeks left to solo parent and get this house packed up for the move.
In my culture, we do naming ceremonies! Definitely want to do that with my son.
i was surprised when i heard you don't really consider yourself religious anymore. is that something you'd like to talk about or share more of? i totally understand it's a personal and also sensitive subject, that not everyone wants to let others in on, so no pressure :)
I’m glad you have your parents to help you. I have to say most women would say having their husbands around actually they’re not that helpful!! My husband would get home from work we would eat dinner and then he would fall asleep watching TV! I got a part time job in the evening/weekends when she was 2 to force Him to take care of her and give me some time with other adults and get a break! He complained about me working so it was a double edged sword and once the store closed I didn’t go back to work until just a couple of weeks ago now that she’s 13 and can let herself in and be by her self for a bit!
Thank you for this video. I am in too much pain today to do much else except go to the loo, take my medicine, and get food to eat, but i am going to try and see what work i can do from bed.
Edit: those pads and panty liners would make your local council or homeless shelter very happy.
I’m a stay at home mother. I have a two year old and three year old. I have soon to be a newborn in less then 4 weeks. Trying to get ready for the new baby plus the two me and my husband already have plus doing the house work is so overwhelming.
Hallo from Greece. I hope you had a good holiday and didn't get too much affected by the crazy weather😂
I feel the pain of having to start your milk stash over because of allergies! It's such a slog to get it back after starting over especially as someone who doesn't respond well to a pump. Sending support as you figure out allergy stuff/ cutting dairy.
Can you clarify KIT days for me. I was under the impression that YT is your job so how does that work in terms of being a KIT day. I'm asking cos I write blogs and I was under the impression this was my job but can I do this and claim Mat Pay?
You are amazing Briony you were Always so independent, self-relient and entrepreneurial. Now with solo Parenting on top of it , you are absolutely inspiring . Thanks for Always opening up with us.
I am 36 and never had a.boyfriend, Always Wanted to be a mum, and tseeing you going down a journey I Considered myself is really inspiring
Maybe hand the pads out to the homeless women :-)
Homeless women would have to wash them.
@@KatieJane31very easily in a bathroom sink...
@@breannalynn1038that’s not sanitary
@@KatieJane31sanitation is relative. I know tons of homeless women who would love these. 🤷🏽♀️
Ok maybe the homeless people are different where you live lol. But disease and infection can easily be created by not cleaning your pads good enough. What homeless woman wants a vaginal infection on top of all the other issues she has?!
U could donate the pads to a woman's center or something like that 😊
No one has clean houses with kids we all have washing backing up and a constant stream of dishes so your doing great mama ❤ i write this as im sat side eyeing the pile of toys that need cleaning away and the vaccum needs running round before the school run but my cuppa is hot and the house is quiet 😂 i literally cant see the carpet though 🫣
I've been helping my bf's family care for his little brother this week as he has a cold which I've now got and I really enjoyed this video. Feel more calm and competent.
I feel tired of course but my pain is worse if I lay about, and stay in pajamas for some reason, but thank god for my rolling stool. We brought over their washing that would fit in the car because their dryer is broken and thankfully that is suited to breaks. I like to 'earn' my breaks as I find them more enjoyable and it's 8 am and I already took out the composting, put a load on, put the dishes to soak and took the trash to the curb.
I think I will work on the washing with my bf until noonish and then go do some mending while chatting and bring my rolling stool to sort out the pantry. I pet their cat yesterday after she took her dinner nap and I am hoping she will not disappear so I can do so again, it really cheered me up. She even let me pick her up for a snuggle pet and she is the sort prone to disliking that.
I still have 1 of your little purple wet bags from years ago all the way in Canada.
I don't have social media accounts however, I would've purchased more. I first purchased from you years ago. I love your pantiliners & wet bags. You can donate the remaining to Centers, Shelters, & Schools. Gift to Family & Friends or sale them.
It’s hard for 2 people to raise a child, so I can only imagine how hard it is with just one. I’m sure you’ll figure it out though. Good luck.
Is there a reason you prefer air drying your laundry vs using the dryer? Just curious.
In England/Europe it's much less common to have a dryer. Also a dryer wears down clothing
Getting started is hard, yes. I have been rollinh around in bed for hours and just managed to get myself some breakfast.
I just got pregnant... So guess whos going to go through your preg/parenting videos?? :D
If u have any panty liners left I’d like to buy a pack of them if possible?? I don’t need periods pads as I had a hysterectomy 10 yrs bac at the age of 27 due to cancer… Anyhow let me know how best to contact u away from here plz xxxx
Brie its totally normal to be overwhelmed as a mom😊 it is a hell lot some times.
I was 5 years a solo mom and I can relate so much with you❤
It is important to have helpers, no one can and schould raise a kid on their own. The cleaning Lady is a good start. But you need to get yourself some time in a day just for you. Maybe go out for an hour walking, do sports or something you feel refreshed afterwards.
So you do not see the state of your flat😅 especially when Owen is a little bit older.
The hardest part is the first year, because you're sleepdeprived. The second is more handling the tandrums 😂 but just count to ten breath and everything will be fine. The flat will always be a bit chaotic with kids, thats also normal.
Also I found Mel Robbins, she helped me so much to stopped procrastinating as much as possible and it is simple and easy to use.
Wish you and your family all the best🤗
anything you don't wanna sell, you could donate. i'm sure loads of people out there would be happy to receive some :)
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
Also I wish I had known this - you can use breast milk to make into soap. I too had to through all mine away as baby wouldn’t take a bottle, gutted!
Pro Tip: write down the time you pumped. Evening milk has melatonin while Morning milk has [name of chemical escapes me] that energizes Baby.
Wow so many comments saying husbands arent helpful makes me so sad for the people posting them 😢😢😢 sounds like you need ee husband's!!! My husband works rediculous hours but when he is home takes over from me because he knows i have been through it all day and sometimea night without him.
If you’re not tied to selling the remaining stock, it may be something nice to give to a women’s shelter or homelessness service?
You need to buy laundry dryer! It will change your life! :)
It is very expensive to have a dryer - a dehumidifier is the way to go IMO
I would give the pantiliners away as gifts for the holidays to the female population in your friendship and family.
I found this video a little odd as you are saying its harder being a solo parent as there is nobody else to share the load with, but Oryn is with your parents. It doesn't really seem super representative of solo motherhood..?
Would you feel differently if she’d said Oryn was at a childminder or nursery for the day? Her parents don’t live with her or help her daily, just provide a day of childcare similar to a nursery or childminder while she is working
No I wouldn't feel differently, that's not affordable for many. She is not your standard "solo mum" regardless - she's not trying to get these chores done whilst simultaneously caring for her son, which i would have expected from that kind of intro
@@hanbobanable I wouldn't get into a conversation with this idiot above. They had a dig at me too. I fully agree with you, I parent solo more than her and I'm married 😂
@@naomielisabeth1580 😂
@@naomielisabeth1580not sure why asking a honest question in reply to comment makes me an idiot but okay…
Good on you for not getting him baptised. As someone who made the choice to have the amazing experience of being baptised as an adult, I would hate to have had that decision taken away from me.
Agreed. I am not religious and feel like religion is a joy that cognitively aware people who can consent are allowed to enjoy. Babies? Babies can't consent and can barely think beyond Milkies and "aRe yOu sAfe? I hAvE nEeDs!"
I agree. I grew up anglican and a lot of people in the UK will have their babies baptised in the local anglican church and then never come back. The wording of the aglican baptism ceremony is that the parents and godparents make a promise to bring the child up to be a christian. It feels quite disrespectful to me to go through that ceremony just for the "tradition" if you don't genuinely believe in any of the wording of the ceremony.
I think a humanist naming ceremony is much more apropriate if that's a closer match to Bryony's beliefs. It makes a lot of sense to want to have a ritual to welcome and name a new baby, just do one that actually fits with your beliefs and culture. As you say the child has the option to be baptised as an adult if that is what they want, and have that be a ritual that is meaningful for them.
What's your son disability?
Hey I’m a solo mum from the uk, would love to join a group x
Could really do with some girly support 😊
Hey there from NYC! Um, can mom give us the recipe? 🧁