Every musician deals with this...
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- Опубликовано: 11 июн 2024
- Sometimes even when things go right, you feel drained and empty, and that's ok. I had a great show at LPR with my band, but in the week that followed I didn't feel great. Wanted to share.
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0:00 Intro
1:27 Show prep
5:26 Tale of Sisyphus
7:33 Tempering the Emotional Rollercoaster
8:45...but I want to ride the roller coaster!
Songs we played that are showed in the video (only Run Away With Me has a recording, sorry, these arrangements will eventually be recorded for real!)
3:41 Rather Be
4:26 Don't Start Now
6:56 Here Comes the Boy x Castaways
9:10 Only Girl in the World
10:36 Run Away with Me
Jazzschool is...
Adam Neely - arrangements/bass
Jae Soto - featured vocalist
Matina daSilva - featured vocalist
Kate Steinberg - featured vocalist
Michael Sarian - Trumpet
Allison Philips - Trumpet
Jessica Stanley - Flugabone
Billy Duffy - Trombone
Zac Zinger - Alto Sax/Shakuhachi
Brian Plautz - Tenor Sax
Jared Yee - Tenor Sax
Josh Plotner - Bari Sax/Flute
Josh Bailey (other Josh) - Durms
Shubh Saran - Guitar 1
Tyreek Jackson - Guitar A
Eitan Kenner - Keys
(⌐■_■)
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Peace,
Adam
It's nice to hear an alternative to the strategy of detaching from your emotions. I'm glad the show was so good! That can't be undone!
Ahem but if one is a man it's like, human nature to detach from our emotions tho aMiRiTe? Lul (joking.)
yo Ben... I just wanna tell you that many years ago we played some back-to-back shows together in Prov and Boston (Bored with Four / Bent Knee). I was totally blown away by Bent Knee but that's not the part I remember most:
I was driving you and Justice Cow somewhere close by after we played @ Firehouse 13. The car ride was pretty quiet and we all sort of had that empty and tired post-show feeling Adam was talking about. Well, a few minutes into the ride you decide to break the silence by randomly muttering "...imagine if they called it JaPANTS instead of JaPAN." After about 2 seconds of silence we all burst into laughter. No idea why but that moment has always stuck with me. When I saw you pop up on RUclips a while back I was just thrilled. I'm not surprised so many people love your work.
@@andrewfbrown this is such a Ben Levin move
It's funny, because the emotion of the performance is the release for me and results in a period of mental freedom afterwards that causes me to create more as it fades in order to not be dragged down by life's burdens, whereas for Adam and seemingly yourself, the performance is tension that causes that.
When I have such emotions, I kind of step back and tell myself it’s okay not to be convinced by them, but still acknowledge them and wonder about them. And realize how phenomenal they AND the act of being aware of them are.
Some more stuff that I didn't get a chance to fillm/put into the script.
1. This style of video of an essay/vlog with musical vignettes is a fun one for me to edit, but I'm not entirely sure I got the right...I dunno...vibe in the edit. I'm showing you me having fun onstage, but I'm talking about my feelings afterward the gig. I didn't film myself feeling sad or empty after the show, so the visual medium of RUclips will might give strange dissonance between words and music. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but maybe a...thing to think about.
2. Friend of the channel Cathryn Frazier-Neely (my mom) calls this feeling that's burnout but not burnout "re-entry" - you're re-entering your normal life, and it takes time to readjust. I like the term, and I would use it more often, but people have a better frame of reference for "burnout" and "emptiness," so I used those in this video.
3. Consider supporting me on Patreon, and join the Patreon discord! I normally have like a call-to-action thing at the end of my videos, but I thought this one was nice to have absolutely nothing and just let it end the way it ended.
www.patreon.com/adamneely
good video
re entry sounds like astronauts coming back from outer space. there's gotta be a profound difference between here and there. and that makes the comparison apt imo
Obviously everyone's their own biggest critic, but I thought the edit flowed well personally. It shows the contrast between how things appear and how they can feel inside. Great video as always Adam!
I think the video of the show gives a wonderful visual representation of your nostalgia of the build-up and final execution of the project.
1. It's not like you're depressed, but the moments you're recording yourself in your studio feels like a representation of the moment you're down, or at least the moments of calm
2. Try imagine what Brazilians feel after a year-long-planned carnival: it's not like that because right after one's finished they start planning the next - what's next is real but we as a society keep working toward the carnival in permanent-state
3. One day hopefully 😭😭
"Nothing matters" sounds nihilistic, but it can be pretty liberating, too
It _is_ nihilistic, but nihilism isn't inherently a bad thing. At times, being a little nihilistic can help put things into perspective and, like you said, it can be pretty liberating.
@@Zappygunshot you are like 40 words away from quoting Nietzsche
Yeah if something bad happens that thought can be comforting
This is true. It's okay to think that nothing matters to feel liberated, while still believing that life has a purpose. Its not really nihilistic
@@Zappygunshot If nothing matters, then EVERYTHING matters.... to someone. That's what I decided long ago
Sisyphus learned to enjoy the trip down the mountain and watching the unpredictable unique path the boulder took on its journey
"'All of the negative feelings of a job well done"' - No better way to put it. Thank you Adam Neely.
Embrace the cycle.
I feel like it is the same feeling as having your friends leave after they came to spend the day at your house (especially as a child). It's like the sudden realization that you emerged from a good moment and it becomes a good memory. I feel like this conversion can be a painful process.
Anyway, thanks for the video, I think it's fantastic food for thought :O
Adam Neely felt like what Joe felt during the movie "Soul"
The anticipation during the performance, then after the performance, you feel empty
Who's Joe?
@@LageRUclips dont make me...
@@LageRUclips don't think it don't say it don't think don't say it dON'T THINK IT DON'T SAY IT
@@LageRUclips don’t say mama don’t say mama don’t say mama don’t say mama don’t say mama…..Joe mamaaaaaaaa…damnit
@@cautionninjas ahhhhhhhhh
Our vocalist called it "the pleasant feeling of emptiness" after we had two gigs in one day. First of which went kinda meh and was cut a bit short, but the second, which wasn't even planned originally, went pretty well and we managed to play the whole set and still had time for an encore
I guess to me this feeling signifies that it went as well as iy could've go
Learning to feel positively about it might be the single best attitude one can have. After all, it's an undeniable part of doing something huge. And it opens up a lot of mental room for reflection :)
I once heard an evolutionary perspective of something along the lines of "emotions have a purpose. perhaps the purpose of sadness is to provide a time of drawing away and doing less, of self reflection, etc." I feel that contextualizing the post-show blues in this way has helped me see them in a more positive/healthy way. These are necessary things to recenter myself after the intense project i've just been through.
That's interesting. A certain public intellectual figure recently deposited that the only good thing he's learned in all the years in his field is that 'meaning' might be 'real'; a biological drive that orientates and guides us not only through time, but also socially. If we 'serve' multiple masters (masters meaning ambitions, compassion, goals etc., the meaningful attributes of our lives) temporally and socially, then our sense of meaning... Becomes. It exists, it comes to fruition.
He underlines that this is a big deal, if true, because it's perhaps the only true opposition to the killer arguement that is nihilism (interestingly seen in this video where the groups reaction to this emotion is "nothing matters").
If this concept is to be taken seriously, perhaps this feeling described in the video is indicating he has to diversify is 'masters'. To put it simply, if you dedicate your existence, even if momentarily but intensely to ONE thing, this depressive feeling is the logical conclusion.
This rings so true to me . . .good post.
@@voodoodolll super interesting stuff
@@voodoodolll Have you watch John Vervaeke's Meaning Crisis series?
That is sort of the moral of “Inside out”.
When does Adam Neely's Jazz Band come to DC?
Going to try to sit in?
I second this!
I agree
Oh so LegalEagle is an Adam Neely fan? This is awesome
What about Chicago??
I totally get this. My band played once to a crowd of 3,500 people. It was literally insane. Probably the best performance of all of our lives. I felt like an actual rock star. Afterwards, I had guys coming up to me BEGGING me to give them bass lessons. The next weekend, we were in front of 200-300 people. It felt like the world had ended in comparison.
I think the movie “soul” represents that “emptiness after achievement” really well
I always described this feeling as "emotional exhaustion". I think it is also a common trigger for substance abuse in a lot of performers. Good to hear someone talk about dealing with this on an emotionally-mature level.
🤔 That would make sense about triggering other behaviors to replicate the big rush. In a BDSM dynamic, there would be a prescribed “after-care” for this drop from the heights of euphoria.
Both of your comments are tied pretty neatly to how our bodies work. As far as I’ve understood from reading authors like Sapolski, emotional lows always follow emotional highs, it’s just how usually our hormones work. Accepting that state, caring after yourself (treating to favourite food, watching good show, enjoying the company of trusted people) and not going into “I don’t feel good, maybe I did something wrong or poorly” is suggested as a good way of living through that state peacefully.
It sounds like you dont do drugs no offense. Many people today, start their drug habits as teenagers. I've seen it first hand, musicians who abuse drugs care more about being high than music. If you're a drunk when you play, you're a drunk when you don't.
Exactly.....I usually have to be alone after an epic performance.......I'm almost sick.......but feel great at the same time.
@@thechessclub8527 I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. It's true, if you're using, you're using. But I'm talking about triggers for people who may be trying to get it together. Coming off stage is a BIG comedown, and if you are sober (or even just trying to moderate), you gotta have a plan ahead of time of how you are going deal with that big emotional/spiritual hit.
My high school choir teacher always spoke about this phenomenon after we had a concert. She called it "post show depression" and her ways of helping us deal with it was to spend a day in class reconnecting with each other and just hanging out. She also told us to get lots of sleep but generally, surrounding yourself with people who are experiencing a similar thing helps a lot.
Hey, I might borrow this strategy! Thanks for sharing it!
@@fheering no problem! Hope it helps!
Damn. I've been performing for 25 years at this point and this is the first time I've ever seen or heard this discussed. I thought it was just me that woke up the day after a big performance and felt completely deflated. Thank you so much for sharing this one Adam.
Man, that’s just a thought every musician has but no one talks about, even between colleagues. You nailed it adam, thank you!
cmon, its not EVERY musician...
a lot of musicians (like me) just feels the opposite: happiness and HUGE relief that the effort went well and it's over.
This is the exact thing that 'Soul' hit on after the big show that he finally made it to when the main character is standing in front of the venue. (There were obvious parallels to the story and life too). "That's it" That part hit me.
underrated movie!
I really didn't care for that part of the movie, I don't like the conclusion the movie was dragging me to after that event. It felt really dismissive, like the lesson is supposed to be "shooting your shot is stupid if you can't already enjoy the simple pleasure of a fall evening" or some mile-wide, inch-deep stuff like that. Like let him enjoy the gig, he can still do all the other denouement shit without going "is that all there iiiiiiis"
Like, lol, homeboy shoulda watched this video before he got on stage that night
@@TypingHazard interesting, I’ve never thought of it like shooting your shot is stupid if you can’t enjoy the simplicities. I always took Soul as teaching Joe that his real life and purpose doesn’t begin with the Dorothea Williams show, but it has already begun by simply existing and enjoying other facets of life and that’s okay.
Although now that you mention it, it would have been nice to see him at the end of the film accept these gigs as a major part of his life that gives him purpose AND balance that with moving on after a gig to enjoying other stuff that makes him happy. There’s definitely some nuance there, but yeah Adam sums these feelings up perfectly
@@mariahclinkscales I viewed it more as a tale of getting so caught up in your "purpose" giving you happiness that you don't learn to be happy where you are. Joe's life is a binary of success: He either is a professional jazz musician or he is a failure. Life has a lot more nuance than that, and thinking that way is a recipe for misery. He meets so many people that "failed" in chasing their dreams, but they stumbled right into another opportunity, they adapted, and they found that they could thrive just as well, if not better than if they had just gotten what they wanted. I said to myself that everything pointed to how great of a teacher he was, not because of the garbage "Those who can, do, those who can't, teach" attitude, but because he genuinely inspired and encouraged growth as musicians in his most passionate students.
I don't think him making gigs a regular part of his life would have helped the ending unless he also embraced the other aspects of his life as well. Like I said, I really wanted him to embrace that mentor role, which he seemed to start to enjoy with 22. They left it kind of open, but I assume that's what he decided to do when he was returned to his life. Ultimately, I don't know that it matters, because the point was enjoying the journey, not living for the destination. We could both be right, wrong, or somewhere in-between, and I kind of like that.
@@thatonewriter8043 oh yes, you’re definitely right about him being a very inspiring teacher. That was a great aspect of the story that adds more to his character and his growth when he realized his power to inspire. Great explanation and I totally agree with what you ended with! It was an amazing film and pretty cool to hear that different people take away different things from it!
This is a very inspiring video, thanks for talking about this. I have dealt with the grey myself a lot, and found the only way to let it go faster is to bury the high properly.
I'm surprised this doesn't link to your response vid, which i scrolled down here looking for... ruclips.net/video/_uIQ_KAC7w0/видео.html
@@VynceMontgomery Thanks you! I did not want to feel like imposing, so I refrained from posting the link.
.... impeccable manners :-) love it. PS really enjoyed your answer video to Adam's Video.
I have to remind myself that the after-party is never as good as the show ;-)
I love your videos, man. idk why I was surprised to see you here, but it made my day
Thanks for making this one. I needed to hear it. 🤘
same here. playing gigs, having a big presentation, organizing a festival, basically everything that needs dedication and passion... afterwards I often feel empty and useless. good to hear how others deal with this.
My hypothesis is that what we call “perfectionist types” when they are involved in creating they expect a reward on the part of the human race. If someone creates a drinkable water system in the desert they will see the factual reward in the form of many generations to come. With art the river is invisible. The nourishing still takes part. But it is an invisible river. People transit silently through the artist’s work. An artist duty is to drink too from what he creates. Its not “the date of the show” what gives it meaning. Is that it is new.
The rest is an illusion of wanting to cruise on that opus. Keep doing the new. The new is the meaning.
Thank you for your comment, the silent river idea is quite nourishing itself
that was very poetic and wel-expressed 😍👏👏
@@bairbrediamond thank you so much. I hope everyone keeps creating creativity.
Although I see what you mean, I don't necessarily agree. This feeling isn't unique to small artists, and it's not impossible to imagine how even the biggest international artists might feel that way too. And they aren't an invisible river. This also reminds me of the depression that follows a really good party. It might be just a psychological thing where once you reach something you were striving for, there's a feeling of emptiness that reflects the fact that there is nothing left to strive for. It's almost like the journey itself is more enjoyable and motivating than the end result. The bigger the achievement, the bigger the emptiness is because bigger goals give our lives more meaning (they are more important to us). But again, it's the journey itself that gives us meaning, not the climax. Once that journey is done, some of meaning from our lives is removed. There's a period of time after achievement, where our body doesn't know what to do next until we reorient ourselves and find a new journey to partake in
The emptiness that you’re describing is something I’ve definitely experienced as well, and not just in regards to a musical performance. I do some disaster relief volunteering from time to time, and sometimes that will last for a while week. While you’re there it’s great, as you’re coming together with people who have the same attitude and drive for the most part, and it helps to quickly foster a sense of community. When it’s over however, it can be hard to go back to “everyday” life. In my experience you sort of feel detached and empty for a while, but eventually those feelings start to fade. The group I volunteer with is actually very good at helping people to deal with this, and they have people whose only job is to check in and see how people are doing after their volunteering is over. Apparently this is something similar to what veterans may experience when they return home, though I’m sure there are some differences as well. Thank you for making this video, it’s definitely nice to hear other people talking about it.
I just experienced the same feeling, even though my gig was much smaller. It was my first time playing solo keytar and singing microtonal pop songs. I'd practiced intensely every day for months to get this new thing together. And it was over in 45 minutes. Drinks at the bar, lots of hugs and back patting. Then the day is over, and I'm back in the real world a line cook in the same venue the next day. Thank you for this. You may have saved my soul a little bit.
Yo I checked out some of your stuff and it's awesome!
if you haven't watched Soul i would recommend it, it proposes a very interesting philosophy that's relevant to your situation and feelings.
@@WiresDawson I love soul. I thought it was gonna end bad though and it didn't!
@@lydianlights thanks. It all started because of Mr. Neely
@@lydianlights so did I thanks to this comment! For real if anyone else is reading this go take a listen!
"All the negative feelings of a job well done." That's sure an evocative way of putting it.
I am returning home by train, after a whole year of quite successful touring in Poland with various bands. Of course I am depressed and feel empty as you described it. Your video fell into my hands at the perfect moment. This is an immediate remedy for my state of mind. Thank you so much for your support!
Well said Adam. I always compare it to the end of a thrilling movie, where you get so invested in the characters that seeing the credits roll makes you feel a strange emptiness, like you lost something close to you.
I think musicians give of themselves (emotions, energy) during the performance and that's why they feel empty afterwards. Where does all that energy go? The audience soaks that all up and they take it back with them to their neighborhood/world and they share it. Thank you, Adam, for sharing yourself with all of us; we and the world are all better for it.
It's even worse if you're an introvert.
this actually comes at a good time for me. the feeling of emptiness i feel everytime i finish making an album or even get done with major exams is heavy and seeing that it isn't just me makes me feel better. i hope you're feeling better now and that you have a good time!
EDIT: this was written before i watched the video but sigma grindset coming from neely is fucking funny for some reason lol
Adam, I just completed one of my first theatre shows "in the pit" and thought of your Berklee recital video. I felt so empty, even though people were telling me how great I did. Glad to watch a part 2 and glad I'm not alone in this feeling.
We ALL feel this. It's part of the job. You will feel this all your performing career. Congrats on the your first show!
After producing an artist project, which is generally about a month's worth of work in my particular corner of the industry, upon turning the project in, there's at least 48 hours that I am rendered an emotional, useless wreck. I've always called it "project postpartum".
Was going to mention something to this effect, a sort of analogy to the postpartum depression of "birthing" a project after so long in "gestation".
I have to drive 3+ hours home immediately after doing shows in NYC, and that's a lot of "alone time", lost in one's own downward spiraling thoughts...
But the real trouble comes if you never snap back from it. I've been in a state of "musical anhedonia" for a few years now. I still go through the motions, because people count on me, and can still execute the "craft" of it, but I can't even listen to other music at this point.
Thanks for talking about this, Adam.
I used to be an event organiser and I would experience a come down after every event. The best word to describe the emotion I felt is grief. It may just be me, but the grief I felt after every event was grief for the time that I had lost and the energy I had invested. You can't that time back and your soul knows it.
“Con Drop.” 💔
9:36 I actaully got goose bumps when Kate sang this part here! like actaully wtf your amazing !!!!!
we have our focus on the destination/climax, but its the journey that gets us there that is most important. This is why perhaps for many, paradise is considered the ultimate goal and life is the journey to get us there.
Love this! I just played my first paid gig, background music in a coffee shop, and once I got home I had a real "now what?" moment. I'd been focusing all my practice time on preparing for it and once it was over I felt like I lost all goals and motivation.
It's a super-amplified version of finishing the show you've been binging for a couple weeks and don't know what to watch next.
This
Hit the nail on the head with this
I can relate to this each week as a church musician. Sunday morning is non-stop mental juggling of everything from the technology, to singers, playing, ensuring everyone has what they need, then actually practicing and leading the music, all happening from 6AM till the moment after the music is complete before the sermon. I walk out the back door of the sanctuary and almost collapse onto the couch, drink some coffee and take 15 minutes to mentally reset before re-entering. And if something went wrong, all of the physical anxiety and sweat and headache that I have to shake off won't really for several hours. And when it comes to Easter/Christmas and special programs, those can be so incredibly stressful as the bar of people's expectations are so high for it to be beautiful and perfect that afterwards its basically a crash/burn and fall into bed, having gotten little joy from the experience itself while everyone else says how great it was. Not a complaint, that's just how it is and I roll with it. But like you said, you have to feel it during and I allow myself to process the crash in a healthy manner and rest up afterwards.
Detaching from the emotion does not mean not feeling the emotion but to be aware that they are temporary ... to accept the high and the low as part of the same motion. Exactly what you said...embrace the emptiness as much as the "highness", while not be dragged by both. To be a rock in the middle of the stormy ocean.
I've had this "burnout" after multiple gigs and theatrical shows, so I'm so glad to see a video about this feeling. The biggest one I can remember is my high school band playing our prom after practicing for MONTHS ahead of time to give our peers and closest friends a great show, and it was amazing. But after that it was just... over. Luckily, I had a play production coming up to work towards, but the emotional drainage was still there. This video came at the perfect time for me as I'm applying to colleges and trying to get the most out of my high school experiences whilst fighting that empty feeling described in this video.
Thank you Adam. The clips from the show sounded great, and I'm glad to hear someone I look up to talking about this.
It's like scene drop or con drop, I think. Back when I was performing regularly, the band would spend the day after a show laying around, eating whatever we wanted, watching cartoons or old movies, whatever, to give ourselves a day to recuperate. Not sure if that's what's best for everybody, but it worked for us. Also, 30 people walking into a diner at 330am is therapeutic by itself.
btw I was at LPR for this show and the one person who blew me away more than anyone else was Kate Steinberg. She's just got that infectious energy, where she can get the crowd going while being, and this is the important bit, completely real and sincere. Hope she has a long, glorious career.
Yes, the drop followed by respective aftercare.
I love wallowing in that melancholy and exhaustion after a performance. It’s a very centering feeling for me, not a negative emotion.
I'm finishing up a story that's taken me over a year (and almost 100k words) to write--like, "on the last three chapters" finishing up--and I needed to hear this too. I'm feeling a grief, not wanting to stop writing *this story*, not wanting to let the characters and scenario go... but I have to let them go, and go on to the next thing. which, ironically? amusingly? is part of what the story itself was about...
I attended this, and honestly it was just fantastic. It’s clear that you put insane levels of effort into this. Keep doing what you’re doing man.
Goddamn I really want a recording of that Only Girl in the World arrangement, that's so fire
Actually what I want is a whole jazzschool album, but we can start small haha
I 'member and I agree
yeah that breakdown(?) i was like holy crap
I love the overall sound of the drop-tuned distorted guitar and bass growling underneath the brass section, it's sick as hell.
Would pay large sums of money for a jazzschool album, don't start now sounded awesome too
i couldn't agree more
The great thing about art is the artifacts (recordings, paintings, architecture) that remind us the feelings of climbing up.
This is a really illuminating video, thanks for making it Adam
I just finished an undergraduate thesis, a massive musical work that took a year to realize something that's been in my brain since high school. For the past week I've been having... Certain thoughts, and it isn't until watching this video that I realize why. Thank you for always talking about the important issues like this, even just being able to identify something is the first step to actually tackling it.
Well, now I just have to figure out what's next.
Post-show hangover is incredibly real for me. The best thing I’ve found to do for myself is take time in the lead up to the show to sort of decompress and just process the sort of feverish excitement that you get. You’re gonna have the lead up and the let down, that’s just how our life as performers goes. Sometimes the best way to mitigate the worst extremes is to be self-conscious and sit with the emotions you’re feeling. I’m with Adam that you shouldn’t try to try to stop yourself feeling the highs or the lows, because even if you could… there’d be nothing left
Thank you, Adam. I always felt alone in this, and it’s comforting and validating to hear your perspective on it. I’m very grateful!
This couldn't have come at a better time for me. Thanks Adam, thanks for being so transparent and uplifting. keep being awesome!
This personally reminds me of finishing an anime, book, or series that was really good. That loss of looking forward to watching the next episode, or, in this case, being excited to work on the project. You suddenly lose something that gave your day something to look forward to. Maybe it's a big part of why we always want to make a new, bigger, and better project.
"What goes up must come down... but you can always throw the ball up again." -Adam Neely, 2021. Words to live by.
On a more fun note, I am loving this new cap look. Also there were so many good moments in that show. Djent remixes of pop, the octave pedal vamp on Castaways, all those 4:3 basslines... man it's so great that you can always throw the ball up again.
This put into words something I've been feeling/dealing with ever since I started making music but never fully understood, so in a way watching this was healing for me. Phenomenal video, can't wait to see/hear more of your work!
It's nice to hear that the greats like Adam feel the same depressive emotions after finishing a project. It's reassuring to a smaller musician like myself. Adam you're awesome dude!
Dear Adam, after finishing my looong PhD, I also felt empty.
However, as someone who climbs the winding steps of a (Medieval) round tower, from the upper floor (i.e., my PhD floor) I could see further.
Since the horizon was wider, I noticed how little I know, and how many things I could learn and do, only because of being in that place.
The finishing of a project is a new start!
Did they give you that hat when you graduated?
Same here. I felt so empty after my PhD.
God, I can't wait to feel that emptiness. I am so full of my PhD haha
@@Gusativo I feel your pain, my friend :) You can do it!
But can you ever *not* expand into that? 😉
"I know so little" can mean two opposite things. It can tell you that your ignorance is a problem or that the pursuit of ever-greater knowledge is a problem.
And if you can entertain both views, it might lead to something... interesting. 😉
man, that Don’t Start Now cover was SO hype.
True! I love that we're entering an era off "jazz" that has so much energy
@@Thesierrashow feels like metal jazz to me
@@giovanni21mas djazz
Such a brilliant video. I feel the same types of cycles in my profession and try to embrace them. Love your music and your videos, Adam, thank you for what you do.
Thanks for this video Adam, this topic really transcends music, whether it be school, a relationship, a job, a long week, a tough project, it applies everywhere. Truly inspiring message
On a different scale, I recently dealt with this. After two months of planning, arranging, rehearsing, delegating, communicating, etc, all in support of a holiday concert with an incredible 35-member concert band, I felt this emptiness where all the stress so recently was. Thank you for putting this into words and into a vlog, Adam!
Another way to interpret the Sisyphus myth is that the boulder gave him purpose, and so he didn't want to get the boulder to the top, he didn't want to be finished...you know, it's the journey not the destination that we should derive happiness from, etc.
Respect!!!
Talking of ones feelings is not something that is generally done - but it should be!
Thanks for the video Adam! Been really struggling with this for a while... Thanks man
I just put on my first show as a bandleader at Berklee, and between rewatching your old video on your Berklee senior recital and this video coming out at just the right time, it puts a lot of these feelings I've had into words and makes me feel I'm not alone. Thanks, Adam :)
Having been a musician and performer for almost a decade, and even when I moved into the corporate space, I always associated that crash as a symptom of imposter syndrome. It was hard for me to reconcile what the audience claimed was a good performance (or presentation) versus how much better I thought it could have gone, and knowing each and every note I missed or could have played (or presented) better. It's exhausting, and sometimes , depressing. But over time I learned to kinda shrug it off or bury it, worked on the negative, and learned to enjoy the positives. To me, what your professor meant was to be aware of the emotions and properly contextually where each emotion is coming from, and work on each emotion where it can be worked on. Sisyphus making it to the top is achieving perfection. There's no such this as perfection in music or performing or , I guess, in corporate life. Which is why we love it so much. Thanks for sharing that reality you've experienced.
So nice to hear someone express this. I've always felt it after shows but never knew how to articulate it! Thank you for sharing.
This is so relevant to me. I just finished writing a novel and I'm stuck with this weird empty, anticlimactic feeling now that it's done.
As a music student in finals week, I need this.
Very thought provoking! Definitely know the feeling...
On another note, that version of Don't Start Now NEEDS to be recorded ;D !!
This is so true-not just for music but for any major projects in life in general. Thank you for this video!
So glad you deal with this. Its the main reason so many musicians end up taking uppers (to maintain the high)... then taking downers as they can't come down from too many uppers... on & on till addiction and maybe even death. It's a real problem and I've lost too many of my idols to it. Thank you, Adam.
I felt this way after a show I played last weekend, and that was only in front of about 20 people or so. I think a big part of it is also the stage my band is at. We just formed over the last year and haven't played in front of people too many times. A lot of our show is original music written mostly by myself and my guitarist so there's even more of my heart and soul that's being put into it. I guess it's kinda like a sensation of vulnerability. What helps me is to have another show or project to start working on. Keep up the good work Adam, I love your channel!
"Drop", and/or malaise.
Personally, without lows we can't have highs, the contrast gives emotional perspective; also if life is all dull, then we become overly sensitive to ridiculously minor things rather than balanced. Another factor in this though is schedule, if there's another performance around the corner, there's work to be done, little time to wallow.
What an excellent put together clip. I loved this! You verbalised exactly how I feel after a gig goes brilliantly.
Adam, your videos have brought me musical inspiration since I was in high school. Years lates and you still always have the most relevant and insightful words.
I think a lot of people, musician or not, needed this video right now.
This is some real stuff. I haven't done any big musical projects but I know the feeling of working towards something and just feeling empty afterwards. It's like, "what I did should have meant more to me." And I thought it did until I actually did it...
Long-ish related story: one night we had a substitute bass player in one of my bands, and he had some kind of old unresolved (friendly) dispute with one of the sax players. He used to say he'd have liked to just smear a good old pie in his face. So I thought why not, they're going to play together just for one night so let's put an end to the dispute AND have a surreal side show :D
I secretly arranged a cream pie for the middle of the concert, when I announced the situation to the audience and presented the bass player with the pie, which he smeared on the sax player's face to everybody's amused astonishment. At the end of the show he told me that he was sad because he'd been excited for years at the thought and expectation of getting revenge and how satisfying it would have been, and I had taken it all away.
I personally never thought of "letting go" as pushing down the emotional curve, but rather, being willing to experience joy _whilst aware that it is fleeting._ Which seems to be similar to what you're describing here. Just thought that was curious :)
The only thing that really gets me in this post-presentation valley these days is playing D&D, especially when I'm in the big chair. And since I am miraculously blessed with a group that plays almost every week, I've had _a lot_ of practice handling this. Once you know that the withdrawal is coming, you just... lean into it. Take a day or two off, let your brain float back to neutral gear and then get back to thinking about the next session. So, yeah, despite being two very different forms of expression, there's a lot in common here!
I agree, its not about NOT feeling the highs and lows. Its about understanding that both of them are fleeting and should be embraced and learned from while you are experiencing them. I have had better luck thinking about is as "non-grasping" instead of "letting go". Don't try to make those feelings stay, because you can't, enjoy the good when they are there and accept the bad, while knowing it won't always be like this.
Exactly. You must give yourself the time to live the down in a constructive way.
This is something that society does not let you do often. This and the fact that people truly believe that they should never be down no mater how high and fulfilling what they just lived make them feel. We don't value the importance of being down.
I felt depressed for weeks after tour. It was really strange having a wild intense experience of show after show and then returning to the hum drum of office work and co-workers eagerly asking about how it went and you can’t really explain or relate. It’s nice to be able to talk to your bandmates about this stuff -brings you closer for sure. Thanks for making a video on this Adam
For me the solution is to have several things that I get really excited about doing - so outside of classical music I do running, art and my (casual) folk band. What you describe also happens after a big race too, you can run amazingly well and get a massive PB then feel quite empty once back home and the endorphins have gone, but having several 'irons in the fire' means I can escape it by getting into practice for a gig or painting or another project that's sufficiently different.
This happens to me almost every gig. Thanks for sharing adam!!
Adam, that feeling of emptiness after a lot of stress is very normal - even if you had a lot of fun. What you feel is a Dopamin crash. It's the same what a drug addict feels, when he doesn't get his next kick. Only it's less severe (usually). A common reaction on this feeling is to get more Dopamin. You do more things you like. Dopamin is commonly refered as the pleasure hormon. But that's actually wrong. It's the neurotransmitter, which is responsible for motivation and which makes you put effort into something. It's the stuff that brings you out of bed. Only one anticipation is enough that your body secretes the stuff. But Dopamin is also the precursor of Adrenalin, Norepinephrin, Cortisol and others. Adrenalin is a stress hormon, which activates your body and controlls your organs. Which is good at day time. But bad at night time - bad for good sleep. Norepinephrin is swcreted in your brain and is responsible for fear and flight. Can be good if you are in danger and bad if you are depressed. And Cortisol is responsible for inflamation and immune reactions. Can also be good, when you are sick and bad if you are not - allergies. So if you have to much Dopamin in your body at the wrong time of day, your body doesn't know how to regulate properly. It shuts down the Dopamin secretion and you go into depression. Adrenalin is usually wasted when you have it. And your body has to deal with to much Norepinephrin and Cortisol. You become depressed. You feel emptiness.
So it's actually a trap. If you only keep going and do not let the Dopamin in your brain and body get back in balance, you postpone the dopamin crash. If you continue with that you can get into real trouble, once you reach a burnout. Your body only tries to get the rest it needs. So take a rest more often. Get a good biorythm. Let your body regulate itself. Try meditation, naps or breaks where you do nothing (not even look at the phone). Sport can help as well. That's very important for your mental health.
There is a really good talk between Dr. Anna Lembke and Dr. Andrew Huberman about this topic here on youtube. I recommend you listen to it. It can help you - I hope.
Good luck, man.
Well said.
It's really important to remember that these are real chemicals that our body has to work with.
Good stuff Huberman is an awesome dude.
I absolutely love the songs in the performances in this vid. PLEASE do make those recordings, I need them in my life!!
Thanks for making this video Adam, I'm really glad you talked about this subject (and I always love the gig-vlog flavour clips too)
Thanks for sharing Adam, i can totally relate!
i wanna point out however that the Buddhist (and probably the Yoda) approach to detachment is not exactly the same as rejecting one's emotions. rather, it is neither rejecting, nor craving for them. it means to feel them with full presence of mind, however pleasant or unpleasant they might be. and this is pretty much what you said at the end... ;)
I second this. It's a common misinterpretation. The idea is not to detach from your feelings or even discount them. Feel them, yes *and* be ready to ask 'What's Next?'. Being IN the moment, means making room for EVERY moment, in its time: envisioning the gig, planning the gig, rehearsing for the gig, DOING the gig, the re-entry, and then being open for the What's Next. Getting hung up at any step is not healthy. This guy on your channel said a while back, 'Ever onwards and upwards.'
As an aspiring author, I struggled with the exact same feelings upon finishing my first novel. It was already a physical challenge, since I’d only written short stories up to that point, but it was also a great mental challenge.
Some days I would get really into it, I’d feel great about what I was doing and where everything was going, and I would ride that high. I thought, “This could be huge. This WILL be huge.” Other days, especially towards the end when things got complicated, I’d find myself dealing with bouts of depression. I’d put so much time and effort into this piece of work, and all I could think was, “What if nobody reads this? What if all of this is for nothing? Does this just suck?”
Thankfully, I did finish it. I took a well-deserved break after that before I started working on more short story ideas that had come to me while writing the novel. Not really the same as the “burnout” you described, but I absolutely identified with it and it was so nice to hear those feelings articulated so well.
Thank you, Adam.
Very often we are hamsterwheeling even when we think we're not.
Systemic neglect of resolving the pressure-imposers.
One of the very few things I like about the RUclips experience and such, and I like it even though it kinds sucks, is when you put your best into a masterpiece and it gets almost no views, but another time you do some crude, stupid shit because you're fed up and burned out and it goes viral.
And then your mind starts telling you that it just shouldn't be like that. There are so many things you want to improve about it, make it good, or scrap the whole thing, and yet you keep it published because of how many views it gets, which is another teaser fact for spiritual liberation.
Those are the actual golden experiences. Those that makes up pause, ponder, stop us in our tracks, unbalance us.
"There are more things between Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." - Actually, you'd be shocked what stuff is going on in front of your nose. You'd have to go silly and look cross-eyed to start the journey of discovery.
Definitely feel this. It happens after getting offstage or finishing composing for a film - it’s like a ‘that’s that. What do we do now?’ Feeling.
well done, neely, well done. respect. ty for that you do, and here's hopin u keep doin it
I just finished a college jazz gig, everything you said hits home to me, there’s always a low after that high of being on stage
I'm going through an extremely tough breakup right now.
This video strangely helped a lot.
Thanks :)
I needed this, thanks Adam 😊
Thank you for this video, Adam. I recently finished my senior recital and I felt so depressed when it was over. I think many creatives feel this way after a big project. I saw Adam Savage share similar feelings and how he starts small projects to help self-soothe after bigger ones.
I think it's also useful to view this "emptiness" as something that serves an important function, namely forcing you to think about what to do next. If we all just revelled in eternal happiness after a good event we would never get anything done
I know the feeling…. Interesting that you put this out explaining emotions like this. I’ve been going through this feeling for 3 months now with work and my music playing. 😵💫 some days I just don’t want to play my bass anymore.
Glad I’m not the only one feeling this. Thanks Adam
Revisiting this video because I just finished a big project, felt euphoric for about an hour, and then nothing but emptiness. I think we must learn to love life ordinarily, and have a stable healthy routine that allows us to grow steadily, because we can’t rely on the highs no matter how high. That said, we should chase our dreams, just be prepared to keep moving on and find new ways to learn new things, because the question of “What now?” will always pop up, and you’re never done until the day you die and you’re satisfied with all that you have accomplished. Thanks Adam
Thank you so much for posting this. Very relatable for anyone who has to deal with the aftermath of the stresscitement of gigs. 👍
i’m an outdoor adventure trip leader and have a similar thing we call “post trip depression”. Since it’s such an emotionally powerful experience it also drains you and all that time spent doing whatever thing is now over.
I experience this albeit on a smaller scale every time I release a song. I’ll put it out, and all the excitement I had dies in the span of 10 minutes and I just feel kind of dead for a couple days.
Just keep doing what you feel man, keep going. The real deal is not the end of a track, but the track it self! You rock!
Thanks for posting this. Sounds like playing music is just like a real job.
It completely echoes in my mind for me in this time, I just feel that I need to bounce again after what I did.
I completely agree with your "solution", my way to mitigate is to think of the whole cycle, as I feel as an outcast, cause we as artist are outcasts ☺️
Super interesting topic! also dude at 1:15 is so sick
Thank you for making this video and reflecting so honestly on what you feel and how you deal with it. I agree with you: I do believe all musicians, nay all performers deal with this. When I have the luxury, I like to relax the day after a big performance and only pick up my flute if I feel like. If I do pick up my flute the next day and don't have a specific upcoming performance to practice for, I just play whatever I like, mostly improvising. Congratulations! I'm sorry I missed your show.
I get it, to a point.
I put as a more generic statement: The anticipation of 'the thing' makes you feel better than 'the thing'. That might be a gig, or a new gadget, or a new relationship. You work incredibly hard to make it happen and you know it's going to be the best thing ever. Then it happens and even if it happens without any problems, you'll still not feel quite as good as you thought you would when you were stressed out in the preparation period. The work you put in before the show and behind the scenes ends up being the most rewarding part of the process.
When it comes to gigs, I never really got the post-gig low because I always felt there was something I should build upon or do better. Plus, after my best gigs we always ALWAYS had a massive party afterwards and so the trajectory of the night carried on up. The low that happened the next day was indistinguishable from the hangover, but the videos of us playing and having a great time on stage are still real.