"You're normal. You are having a normal response to trauma. You're not stuck like this." I can't hold my tears back because I have been convinced that I am just broken, dysfunctional, needy, over reactive, disposable, incapable of friendships and unreliable. To reframe it that I am having a normal response is such a relief. There is hope.
It is freeing to know I am not just a bad person. I also feel so broken. All the things you list, Lee, I share with you. I have told my little sister what I am going through as I learn what my real problem is. She will help me when I "freeze.". I don't know if that's ok, but I just melt in a puddle of tears in front of her sometimes. She is the only one I can really trust. Thank you, Anna.
I completely agree. Once I started having like full-blown, seemingly life-ending panic attacks... at the end of the whole terroristic ordeal.. my thoughts will gradually boil down to just one word -the essence of all previous thoughts that snowballed and lead me into what feels like a complete and total collapse of my very being, or sense of self - and that word is WORTHLESS. Meaning “You’re worthless.” I feel deeply, profoundly worthless. And even though I am certain I never literally heard this word being screamed in my head or anything like that… It really felt as if that word was being shouted at me repeatedly from somewhere within myself.. Even though if I can recognize this can’t possibly be true when I am clear headed. Worthlessness is = Disposable. Used up. Stupid. Weak. Gullible. Unattractive. “Too much”. Unreliable. Incapable. Defenseless. Helpless. Pointless. Unloveable. Broken. Crazy. Insane. Contemptible. Unmotivated. Someone that deserves how to be treated like trash and forgotten about.. Just... yeah. Most all of these things are things that I have been called by people in my life/accused of being by people in my life… Or they are things that I have felt because of experiences I’ve had with people in my life. The people I have love the most. I love unconditionally to the point where I have ended up sacrificing myself in so many ways, because part of me keeps Wanting to believe that one day all of the sacrifices will be worth it and they will be recognized and I will also be left unconditionally in return but that has not happened. It’s so frightening to even remember what that collapse was like as I’m typing this. I don’t ever want to go back there. It’s only gotten that bad three times.. The environment in which I experienced this was inescapable.. which I’m sure contributed to how far it escalated. And I guess I could have escaped it however… Not if I wanted to keep my job.
I relate completely to what you wrote. I don't know what to say to be helpful to either of us, but I wanted to at least tell you that you are not alone in feeling like this.
Dear Anna, when i was a little girl i always believed in Fairies and Angels who will come to me one day to help me. My aunt once gave me a book as a present for Christmas which was about a protecting angel which had no name. I wrote in this book the name „Anna“ and since 30 years, my angels name is Anna. 💕
The idea of a Guardian Angel was taught to me by my mother. As a young child (6-9 years old) she asked me to think about it and give it a name. I immediately came up with the name “Michael”. She must’ve known that I needed to develop a relationship with that Angel.
CPTSD can cause secondary structural dissociation: trauma splitting. Where as a child to cope with unbearable feelings, the system split emotional parts (EPs). These can be triggered later in life (emotional dysregulation). Instead of feeling like a bad person for overreacting emotionally and rejecting that split EP part of your system, and wondering why no matter how much intellectual work you do to try learn how to better cope in situations that trigger you, the thing is, its an emotional wound. And so you have to meet that part of yourself with compassion, accept and nurture it, see the wounded child part of you, validate it. And then try observe that part when it comes up, and slowly talk inwardly to that part of you when triggered, give it inwardly the comfort or love it needs. And then slowly, it can integrate. That's what helped me :)
I am 45, have a score of 8 out of 10. I don't enjoy therapy. I find a lot of times some professionals have become bored with what they do. I have struggled for as long as I can remember. Thanks to all ur due diligence in ur research I am learning alot and trying to do a mental reset to help heal myself and those I have injured as well. Thank you and ur spouse, for devoting ur valuable time to this desperately needed info. Cheers!
Really tough to deal with as a male. Complicates dating because most women I’ve known expect us to lead. Creates a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Thank you for uploading this. I struggle with communication and often find it better for someone else to explain.
@@hsanchezisidora Is it like you can't bring yourself to make a big enough deal out of it? Do you get the sense that other people get their problems attended to only because they bitch and complain incessantly?
This is so true, it's so hard as a man. I've spent decades trying to mask trauma through religion and spirituality but this year it got to a point where Pandora's box opened and the last 3 to 4 months have been hell. Grateful for these videos.
All those. I'm feeling my auto immune is my body attacking itself because I have held everything inside for all my life because I was told to suck it up, don't cry etc. I still hold everything inside. Great info confirming what I felt in my gut all my life. Thank you!
Thank you. I'm a therapist who has CPTSD and work with folks who do as well. I appreciate the way you talk about it here, including the evolving research. The ACE questionnaire is part of my intake paperwork too. Thank you for creating this content 🙏
I felt tense hearing you describe all the symptoms because I never hear it come from someone’s mouth that I resonated to deeply with. I’ve heard of PTSD but it didn’t quite match, but with CPTSD, everything matches with what I’ve been putting out in my life. Thank you for your deep and meaningful work Anna! You are an Earth Angel 💚
It took me nearly 60 years to discover this - just as cPTSD emerged. It has been an extremely hard journey, the 'hard life' my late father forecast for me. I sincerely hope fewer and fewer people have to suffer this way. 🙏
I am glad that ACEs have been pin pointed and that cptsd is becoming more widely know. I live on a reservation and it's a hard place to grow up. My own home life wasn't to bad compared to what the majority of my friends were going through on a daily basis. Historical trauma resulted in very damaged family systems on Native American Reservations. Where damaged parents were creating more damaged parents, and damaged kids were damaging other kids. Hopefully with the mental health knowledge of ACEs this can become a time of healing ongoing generational wounds. Person by person and step by step. This information gives me hope.. and gives the saying "be the change you wish to see in the world" a deeper meaning. Thank you Anna for healing and sharing your experience and knowledge.
Have been binge watching, sent links to friends... my dog died a few days ago and I've been walking around in circles, unable to focus or work... because of YOU, I know now I'm DEREGULATED! Thank you from the bottom to the top of my heart and mind for giving this a name. I'm not crazy :) xo
Thank you so much for your videos. I'm crying just watching this. So thankful because therapy is financially out of reach for me. I've been desperately looking for help trying to understand why all this is happening to me now, as I am 61 yrs old.
Yes online there is DBT w a woman who teaches it all for free. Other great online communities,ive done online mental health communities on Compassion for self,and meditation...lots of choices.@marianmartin9441
For nearly 30 years I suppressed everything, so much that I had like zero emotions. Although I had a very loving wife, I could not really show her any effection, I did not know how. I also had extreme trust issues. Once I started dealing with this, I completely fell apart. My previously non-existent emotions now just overwhelmed me. I am still working through this and especially still struggling with trust issues.
I just came across this video yesterday. I've always had severe depression, and never understood why. Being raised by a violent, bipolar mother and an emotionally checked-out father, I finally have discovered what I have. Thank you.
The things I am hearing you say about the symptoms and the results of those symptoms manifesting in our lives is bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you for this content. I will continue to try and learn from you. I get a strong feeling that you understand some things about this subject more than anyone else I have heard speak in regards to CPTSD. Though I am embarrassed to even comment, I am cautiously optimistic and want to thank you. So, thank you!
I am the firstborn child. Three of my siblings died in infancy before I was four years old. My mother had emotional isdues of her own and did not handle grief in a healthy way. I was subjected to hysterical meltdowns and random physical punishment. My parents thought I was too young to understand and be affected by the deaths, and I'm not sure my father knew what was going on at home after that. Would that cause CPTSD? I think so, because I did not live up to my potential, and I suffer from chronic anxiety. A therapist recently tried to treat me with EMDR, where I would have to dig up old traumatic experiences like my mother having a screaming fit and throwing our toys. I was told to experience the emotion while stimulus was applied to my thumbs in order to bring the memory to the rational side of my brsin where I could process it. The problem was that I had already processed any incident that I could remember and all the therapy did was dredge up old pain. It did not help me with the anxiety one bit. I consider myself lucky despite the fact that I didn't set the world on fire. I managed to have a relationship and marrage that has lasted 54 years so far, a son that I had despite severe phobias about being a parent, and now grandchildren whom I adore. My therapy is rescuing animals and giving them the secure life I craved in my childhood. At least learning about CPTSD has let me forgive myself for my failings and for still being a hypervigilant, anxious person.
This that you've shared means a lot to me. It throws shine on deep fears and assure me that it will be alright in a realistic way. I feel all of the pain there is in your words and the calm of stability too. Not being able to use my potential has haunted me for years and everyone points it out from time to time to make it worse but that's not the most important thing in life... And knowing that you were able to find home and make home gives me deep calm and hope for my future. I'm 25 and I hope to live a long life that seems really hard right now. Hugs and love thanks for sharing
I just wanted to say thank you. You have given me so much information and when I began watching these videos it kinda was like a slap in the face to wake up. If I may say, I have been working through my trauma since last summer, before I turned 30. Between 6 to 29 I have been in survival mode, or what I like to call, power saving mode. Once I started to finally realize I was also struggling incredibly hard from brain fog, i decided it's time for me to heal, that's when I started taking meds to help with the anxiety and depression, to help alleviate some of the symptoms. I quit drinking and smoking and have been clean for almost 5 years. I am completely changing my diet and exercise currently, it's been a process, but a good one.. I have struggled with anxiety since I can remember, I just didn't know what to call it as a child. I have been so DETERMINED to heal. My hope that it would get better is what has kept me hanging on all these years.
I have been intelligent shamed my whole childhood, so I forced my learning disabled brain to learn! I’ve been a little ill lately and when my sister in law questioned my intelligence I got uptight, I responded curtly. I hate being triggered because I feel terribly guilty if I respond in a rude manner! 🥵 I know it triggered my PTSD and I’m working on changing my direction of thought! Awareness helps a lot!!!🙏🙏🙏🥰🥰🥰
WOW Anna. Finally everything I've had struggled with is explained and why. This gives me SO much hope. This is so far my life's biggest epiphany.... Thank you!
Thanks for explaining this… I’ve worked hard on myself for the last 15 years so I could be a better parent. I have drip fed my husband bits and pieces and it’s taken him many years to start to understand why I behave or react to certain situations, and now I understand what’s been holding me back from what I could have achieved. Nevertheless, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. For this reason, my focus is on helping our youth. Love your video & look forward to watching more ❤️🙏
I found your channel recently, and I was brought up as child in a household in which each of the 10 abusive/adverse ways of raising a child were experienced. Now as an adult I am seeking different ways of acceptance, unlearning, and learning new ways to heal and grow. Your channel is amazing for educating others and uplifting those who are doing the work to better themselves. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your own personal knowledge in this field as well as personal experiences.
The ACE study is a start for sure and, while having a higher number is sure to increase risk for bad symptoms, i think it's important to remember and verbalize that these adverse symptoms resulting from trauma can still occur with a relatively low ACE score and even without really obviously traumatic abuse or neglect happening at home. And, as you said, people respond differently to the same event, so I don't think the ACE study necessarily does a very good job at measuring the more subtle and common childhood trauma. People who've experienced less obvious trauma still suffer as a result and deserve help. I'd recommend The Personal Development School and The Holistic Psychologist - and this channel, too, of course.
Also it can lead people to feel that because they score low therefore their mental health problems are all their fault. That was the conclusion I came to because I was a heroin addict and always thought I was just basically worthless because I didn't have any of these in my childhood, that I was just deficient. Actually my mother was severely neglected and she tried her best but had no idea how to connect with me or my sister. Although she appeared to be fine, we both developed serious problems. I didn't realise this until I went into therapy at middle age.
We were diagnosed with PTSD at age 12 but couldn’t remember much of our past trauma. At age 32 we discovered we are an OSDD system ( dissociative disorder) and actually have cPTSD. For all the years in between we could not find proper diagnosis and treatment. We were often turned away and considered “to complex”. Funny now how that little “c” makes SUCH a big difference in our identity! Thank you for sharing your wisdom , knowledge and understanding with the world! 🌈
throughout my teen years i had a problem with no name. mom said i was irrational, that it was just menstrual hormones. i wondered if it was depression or anxiety, but neither fit quite right. years later i've learned that my mom is a covert narcissist and she gave me c-ptsd. moving out with my dad has been a huge step in the right direction! :)
Thank you so much for this video. I have been at my wits end just trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. Finding your channel has given me such clarity on what I may actually be battling with. There is now hope for healing. ❤️
Hi Anna.. Hi everyone thats here for the same reasons I am. Im from Ireland.. I've been following for a while but I'm starting back here at the begining... But i always do backwards stuff so I'm starting on the first video... I am currently in weekly psychotherapy, 19 months now. I finally know whats going on with myself. I am 47. Thank you Anna. This is me .. all me...Im currently in a very dark place. Im plucking forgotten traumas from my memory. And personal stuff in relationships are very stressful right now. Im in a crisis at present. Everything you say "is me". Im glad I'm here. 🙏❤️ Thank you again Anna 🙏 for using your hurt to help heal others 🙏
I came across your video signs of cptsd.....by fluke.....and after I watched it....I couldnt believe it. U answered a life long question for me and for people that have said to me. ..." what s wrong with you". I never knew....I thought it was depression....maybe bipolar...manic....adhd......feeling crazier the more I thought about it. I am sure this is what I have struggled with all my life....but am scared to say it is for sure ....in case I am wrong. I will continue to watch your videos and get more knowledge on the subject. Is it odd to say Im glad I might have cpstd.......but if it has a name u can begin to make your life better. Thanks
That's exactly right -- once you have a name for it, you can begin to understand it and change your life. Sending you so much support and encouragement. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I think that a forgotten cause of CPTSD is things that can happen to a young child in school and even pre-school, like bullying and emotional abuse, including gaslighting, from teachers. This happened to me from a very young age to I was about 12. I was even told by my class teacher that I was to weird to make any friends and a particular classmate loved to tell me, right in my face, how bad and wrong everything was with me. Instead of berating these kids, the adults punished me for crying, which of course for a kid is a normal reaction to being harrassed. Today I am 32 and I have never had any real friends, romantic relationships or proper jobs and I still live with my parents (however I have not doing that all the time) . I have managed to go to university and I loved it, but have not yet been able to make something more with that. My parents have always been loving and suporting, which I think is the reason I survived, but also the reason I never before have considered being a victim of childhood trauma. Besides heavy drug abuses, I have almost every classic symthom of CPTSD, most notably an extremely strong beleif that everything in my life is predestined to go completely wrong and that I am not allowed to be happy, because that is dangerous and only lead to more misery. I told my therapist all these and she supports my theory.
You are welcome to check out our little tribe which has a lot of members who have struggled with making connections too. They are meeting and relating all the time via zoom :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com -Cara@TeamFairy
I too grew up in a loving and supportive home with my mom and sister, so I did not know that something was really wrong until now at 27. I was bullied at school by teachers and classmates, and endured physical and emotional abuse a few times as a child whenever I visited my dad.
Had a therapist years ago say it was ptsd but then others who said NO, you are normal. Now I really know and I love a label because it helps me know what I am faced with. I have had so many odd illnesses and cancer which NO family member on either side ever had! Now I know my ‘demon’ and I can now make my plan of healing. YOU are simply AMAZING and we are grateful for your generous spirit.
I think I'm overweight because I'm too afraid to be in a relationship and that I would hurt someone even though I would never dream of doing what happened to me to someone else.......
It's a coping mechanism and can be a form of self mutilation. You deserve better and your body deserves better. Nutrition and mood go together (there's a great dw documentary here on RUclips about food and the brain). You can find/regain control through eating well instead of turning to food, instant gratification with unhealthy foods and binge eating, to block out the trauma.
I just found you, the how to regulate emotions, and I am in the process of watching and informing myself more. My childhood was crappy, and I have exhibited many of the symptoms of CPTSD since childhood, and more intensely the last 20 years. Thank you for your information. I have been on a healing path for 10 or so years, with much progress the last 5. Thank you again.
An ACE score of 9 is pretty heavy. Thank goodness my sexuality was unharmed! I think this would have made unalive myself. I am very proud of myself, because i am not a drug addict or unemployed or physically abusive or dead (like i wanted a few times). I do work a crappy job, i have digestion issues especially with lactose and i am overweight. And i am a really bad case of hangry😅. I cut all contact with family after finding out, that i am a Bastard and i found a wonderful new family as well as a partner with secure attachment 💖. I am so thankful for the people in my life right now ❤️ they give me so much hope ✨
Along with learning about Childhood Emotional Neglect it is life changing to understand these normal and understandable symptoms that were brushed over or framed as something wrong with me.
Seizures. Another thing I've discovered with CPTSD which I've been diagnosed with is that those that are susceptible to seizures can develop epilepsy. This is what has occurred to me. When I'm going through extreme emotion I shove things down inside. I feel all the things that she mentions
I am in my sixties and have had therapy in the past several times, none of these therapists helped me. I was then left with the internal guilt and the external judgement of family members and even the therapists themselves. I am glad to hear that things are changing, but I feel it is too late for me, so much of my life was spent in pain over this.
Keep trying to invest your time and energy into the positive aspects of life. Meditation has helped me cope. Love your “self”! Own your truth instead of it owning you. Learning is a life long activity. Let’s learn to HEAL! ❤️
@@dianeyoung8068 You are most welcome. 🥰 I’m 59 and expect to be on a healing journey for the rest of my day(s). I’m actually starting to become grateful for the challenges that have given me insight and some resolution. We need to break this cycle!
Thank you. Love my wife dearly but struggle being affectionate the way she needs me to. So much of what you say resonates and brings hope. EMDR has done miracles but my fight/flight / hyper vigilance has stolen WAY to much! Excited for the next step in healing...
I love your channel Anna and tell many of my clients to watch it. I share your frustration with how mental health services approach cPTSD - bandaids, stigma, re-traumatising treatment, and just a whole lot of well meaning but useless or even harmful treatment. Education of clients and professionals is key!! So thank you, from a MH professional who is listening.
It is like fighting dysregulation in your brain. Watching your friends and colleagues always getting ahead. Why does God do this? I am so messed up in my brain. I overreact and always self sabotage because of complex PTSD. I had it all happen to me. From war, to physical abuse, abandonment by parents and so on.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will. Thank you. It is our mindset and relearning good habits. Example, do I help others because I am afraid of rejection, want to be loved and admired, or is it genuine? What is empathy? Is it the need to be loved? I have many questions and lately have been questioning all of intentions?
Please don’t try to live up to other people’s ideals. You set yourself up that way. There will always be people who appear to be more successful. Re-examine what success means to you. Find joy wherever you’re able and stay true to your deepest values. Love yourself enough to put in the effort to heal. Meditation has been very helpful for me. You might find another method that helps you. I will pray that you find your unadulterated resolutions. It’s not easy, but have faith that you can do it! One step at a time. You can learn about SO many ways to heal ... try them and see what speaks to you. ❤️🙏 In light and love.
For the first time in my life I am hearing someone who has thoughts like mine when it comes to needing to deal with myself and how I'm feeling now...not what happened then so much... It's like a revelation, like I'm not the only one who's having these thoughts and challenges, feeling stuck and apart from the world...
My mother has been a drug addict my whole life and sent me to school when I was 7 with 2 black eyes. My father has never been in the picture. I went thru foster homes, group homes, psych wards, mental, physical and sexual abuse all as a child. Then got diagnosed with ptsd after the military. Now I know that I have complex ptsd after finding your videos. Thank you for sheding light on this for me. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 26 and now I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. I'm going to watch all your videos and see if it helps. Thank you
Thank you for making these videos. I feel like you're talking to me. I took the ACE test and had a low score, so I didn't think my behaviors and thoughts could be classified as CPTSD at first. This video helped me understand that I likely suffer from this. Your statement about your dad dying when you were 15 helped me to further convince myself that yes, I went through a lot of trauma as I was growing up. My dad died when I was 14, after many years being very ill from emphysema. Until now, I never thought of this as being traumatic to me. Never thought about how that injured me and carried over into my adulthood. I always thought my mother's treatment of me was a big part of my adult psychopathy , but didnt understand any of it. I'm 59 and watching your videos. They speak loudly to me and I'm hopeful that I can heal. Thank you for putting a name to this and for describing it in a way that I can understand, and hopefully address it and heal.
The first CPTSD reaction I remember occurred when I was about 7 years old. The last one was two years ago. Both involved the same kind of threat and the experience was exactly the same but separated by almost 50 years. I need to commit to doing the daily practice twice a day. Depriving myself of that is self-defeating.
Just finding out about this. Really freeing to me. I always dismissed the idea I could have ptsd because when I went through everything, I felt nothing. Didn't know that was a sign. I'm pissed about how long I was treated like I was angry and crazy. Sometimes I honestly think that messed me up the most. Appreciate these videos. I don't want to get my hopes up here, but maybe all these years later I at least have a starting point.
Thank you for your videos. They are insightful and for once I feel like I can offer myself sympathy and compassion, knowing that the problematic traits I had were not entirely of my own doing, and more importantly, that there is a way out. You are my fairy indeed 🧚
I just been assessed by a psychartric nurse and recieved a letter about it. Based on what I told her, she said some situations are causing flashbacks, anxiety as well as other issues including the very low mood. I am actually seeing a psychologist next week. I went to doctors due to concerns of psychogenic death signs.
I had a very traumatic childhood, in my present life i've been going through a very hard experiences but this current one it threw me to the ground, I had in the past the strength to "fix" my emotions by myself but this time i asked for HELP, i can't take control about my emotions anymore 🥺😭💔
Damn, 9/10. I'm such an ACE. Somehow I tend not to even think about what happened at home... I seem indifferent about it, even to myself. I healed greatly but I'm still struggling so much.. I'm glad I've found your channel! You're saying things I couldn't get anywhere. Like that's not just my emotions, it's also my brain. Like... wow, it's not entirely my fault...
I struggle the most with how poorly other people live their lives...especially when strangers think they need to give me advice based on their personal beliefs and not facts.
@@rubytuesday7653 I try but fail at that miserably. It's mostly online strangers, in real life I am almost never spoken to in the way I seem to be online (because I state my opinions in such a black n white manner and I just happen to be 6'5" and in very good physical shape which tends to keep the mouthy one's at bay, an advantage that disappears online in our pervasive troll culture that doesn't award point blank honesty).
Hi, you talk so clearly, its easy to undertand and comprehend when you talk. I love your videoes. I feel like, is it possible that adhd diagnosed early in childhood is a cover-up for attachment disorder ? this is coming up for me when listening to your videoes. I have been studying attachment theory and practising safe attachment years after becoming a mom. got help when i became a mom,luckily.And the past 5 years attachtment theroy has been my main focus to understand completely,i^ve been obsessed watching many great Dr.`s content out there,and reading books. Beacuse my ADHD and aspberger feels more like CPTSD, and this is wonderful to become aware of, its not my genes and theres something to do to heal and get more functional. I actually feel now i can see a light in the end of the tunnel with my struggles. After almost 39 years ,i`m finally getting it and undertstand clearly and see clearly why i am that i am.And i always knew this from the day i got my diagnose as a child in 1991, and was forced to take ritalin. I always felt this is wrong, i feel so blessed to finding your channel dear Crappy Childhood Fairy. You have boosted my healing. Thank you
I had a "season" of trauma when I was a kid, and cumulatively, the series of (unfortunate!) events were traumatic. I was not abused by my parents, who were imperfect, but both were reasonably well meaning. My mom had some emotional problems, but wanted to be better, and my dad was a very decent, kindly, loving father. My trauma was from about a year to a year and a half of events during my childhood, but no: I don't have PTSD from childhood abuse. When I am in a setting with C-PTSD people, I generally offer support, and don't put my own situation out there to compare, since I don't have the history of abuse. I'm basically trying to decide whether to say that I have C-PTSD, since that is usually about abuse, although it did take place during my childhood and it made a difference in it.
Thank you for this comment. I have a daughter with this in quite sure and she was well loved. But see my comment I just posted for the details. But there is a way to have a pretty “normal” childhood but a series of events outside parent’s control just bury and overwhelm them. I have a theory the ones who suffer are the “easy” kids who don’t ask for much. The parents are just grateful for the undemanding child and later realize they should have paid attention despite not being asked for their attention.
lately i've been looking into autism because i present many signs but i don't recall any of these signs during childhood. i excluded bpd because that also starts during childhood, and my childhood was really good. honestly, the only thing i left out for a long time is c-ptsd. i always tend to ignore those years of my life from 16 to 21 when i basically had to witness my father getting taken away slowly and inevitably by dementia (he died at 59). during the last years of his illness i was attending college and my mother and I were basically his only caregivers. i don't have any clear memory of those years but a few, mainly involving his crisis and a constant feeling of impending doom over my head. i never saw a therapist, never even talked about it with anyone, not even my mother.... and now, at 28, i think it's finally catching up to me. in c-ptsd videos, people always talk about trauma during childhood so i feel i'm not "entitled" to thinking i have c-ptsd cause i wasn't a child. but all the signs are there, and i'm tired
I don’t have a many ACEs but I have what might be termed a tricky background. Fundamentalism and a lot of toxicity surrounding that that I think was probably as damaging
just one of the reasons for my C-PTSD is my relationship with my sister. bullying, sly psychological and emotional abuse, on and on. As family, I don't see this ending until one of us dies! lol!
I cannot fathom why CPTSD is not in the 2022 DSM 5-TR! Those of us who have suffered it, myself included, absolutely know it's "a thing"! My heart has screamed about this for years. Sufferers have been made to accept a myriad of diagnoses- Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, etc. etc.- which tends to enforce a self-perception of being "broken" or "shattered beyond repair". Get onboard APA, pleeeeeease! Much suffering occurs not only by a single traumatic event only as in PTSD, but can be the result of unrelenting psychic stress from unmitigated minor/big traumas, family drama, poverty, personal losses, neglect, etc. as a child ( or adult). CPTSD needs formal acknowledgment! The DSM isn't a panacea, but it sure is a good place to start in validating person's real-life experiences.
I became a visual artist at 40 and started writing children picture story book about a Princess from a flower whose parent had left her in a raflesia flower . I have published 3 books and continuing to write the 4th book....I am unsure if i had healed my childhood traumas? My parent are still alive and I still recall incidents which had hurt me during my childhood life. I m struggling at times and had seeked help . However in my country Malaysia , mental health is not taken seriously and being overlooked. I am keeping my focus on my story writing and art and believing in my dreams ....i just need to set boundaries .....over ans over
Thank you Anna fot your informative videos .. I keep learning about my wounds ...and how much it had caused pain , and still recovering....God Bless You ..ameen
my therapist has called me masochist... but jesus that feels hurtful... I might have c ptsd. I am scared of getting a diagnosis because I dont want to take medication (I tried it 2 years ago and fucked me up waaay worse) so I don't know...I am hoping to move out soon and start a new job and hopefully, I will be able to deal better with my "masochism"
If it can really fix the problem I'll buy in. I was adopted into a dysfunctional family and I keep asking myself if having a family at all was worth everything I ended up going through.
Those are the questions that drive us nuts because we just can't know. But this program is about looking ahead! I hope you'll join us! bit.ly/CCF-Membership -Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for your channel, I find your information very thorough a d certainly helpful. It took me a long time to connect my negative behaviors to cots during. A lot othis was denial on my part. It was terrifying to explore it. I’ve been in classic therapy for years, however most therapists focus on the current behaviors rather than delve into the past. Many don’t treat the CPTSD. Some actually can exacerbate the trauma. I once had a therapisttell me to just have some “grit “ to get through a major brain injury I had after surgery for a brain tumor 😳
I used to tell myself that's what I needed -- some grit. Now I'm coming to realize thats not really true. I have had therapy experiences at 3 separate stages of life that didn't make anything worse but they really didn't resolve my issues around trauma either! Now I'm finding out that talking about trauma, typically, doesn't resolve it.
My wife won’t let me share your videos with her. She told me I’m just making excuses for my behavior. I’m just supposed to snap out of it. Stop living in the past. (I didn’t know about most of my past for 38 years) I’m 40 now. And start acting right. I’m on my own with no direction to go.
When people have been through hell because of our behavior, this is how they set boundaries -- clumsy, but needed. For us, it's amazing news -- an answer, hope. For them, what's needed is CHANGE. They need to see a change in those trauma-driven behaviors. I recommend quietly working with all your heart to heal. You have access to my free course. I hope you'll try it.
Thank you for making this perfect summary of what exactly CPTSD is.
I love your channel and videos, keep up the amazing work!
Thank you very much!
You're a blessing!
Thank you ❤️
"You're normal. You are having a normal response to trauma. You're not stuck like this." I can't hold my tears back because I have been convinced that I am just broken, dysfunctional, needy, over reactive, disposable, incapable of friendships and unreliable. To reframe it that I am having a normal response is such a relief. There is hope.
So glad to hear you feel that way :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
🤗🤗🤗
It is freeing to know I am not just a bad person. I also feel so broken. All the things you list, Lee, I share with you. I have told my little sister what I am going through as I learn what my real problem is. She will help me when I "freeze.". I don't know if that's ok, but I just melt in a puddle of tears in front of her sometimes. She is the only one I can really trust. Thank you, Anna.
I completely agree. Once I started having like full-blown, seemingly life-ending panic attacks... at the end of the whole terroristic ordeal.. my thoughts will gradually boil down to just one word -the essence of all previous thoughts that snowballed and lead me into what feels like a complete and total collapse of my very being, or sense of self - and that word is WORTHLESS. Meaning “You’re worthless.” I feel deeply, profoundly worthless. And even though I am certain I never literally heard this word being screamed in my head or anything like that… It really felt as if that word was being shouted at me repeatedly from somewhere within myself.. Even though if I can recognize this can’t possibly be true when I am clear headed. Worthlessness is = Disposable. Used up. Stupid. Weak. Gullible. Unattractive. “Too much”. Unreliable. Incapable. Defenseless. Helpless. Pointless. Unloveable. Broken. Crazy. Insane. Contemptible. Unmotivated. Someone that deserves how to be treated like trash and forgotten about.. Just... yeah. Most all of these things are things that I have been called by people in my life/accused of being by people in my life… Or they are things that I have felt because of experiences I’ve had with people in my life. The people I have love the most. I love unconditionally to the point where I have ended up sacrificing myself in so many ways, because part of me keeps
Wanting to believe that one day all of the sacrifices will be worth it and they will be recognized and I will also be left unconditionally in return but that has not happened. It’s so frightening to even remember what that collapse was like as I’m typing this. I don’t ever want to go back there. It’s only gotten that bad three times.. The environment in which I experienced this was inescapable.. which I’m sure contributed to how far it escalated. And I guess I could have escaped it however… Not if I wanted to keep my job.
I relate completely to what you wrote. I don't know what to say to be helpful to either of us, but I wanted to at least tell you that you are not alone in feeling like this.
It's like you are at war in your own head.....
It does feel like that
-Cara@TeamFairy
Constantly.
This is how I explained it to my husband.
yes
Imagine two wars at the same, with a real one outside. With regular missile strikes etc. My life sometimes feels like some crazy experiment.
Dear Anna, when i was a little girl i always believed in Fairies and Angels who will come to me one day to help me. My aunt once gave me a book as a present for Christmas which was about a protecting angel which had no name. I wrote in this book the name „Anna“ and since 30 years, my angels name is Anna. 💕
💕💕💕
how lovely 💛
@ca_wi that is so sweet 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
The idea of a Guardian Angel was taught to me by my mother. As a young child (6-9 years old) she asked me to think about it and give it a name. I immediately came up with the name “Michael”. She must’ve known that I needed to develop a relationship with that Angel.
PTSD used to be called shell shock and people suffering from it were severely maligned. Thank you for what you’re doing, Anna.
CPTSD can cause secondary structural dissociation: trauma splitting. Where as a child to cope with unbearable feelings, the system split emotional parts (EPs). These can be triggered later in life (emotional dysregulation). Instead of feeling like a bad person for overreacting emotionally and rejecting that split EP part of your system, and wondering why no matter how much intellectual work you do to try learn how to better cope in situations that trigger you, the thing is, its an emotional wound. And so you have to meet that part of yourself with compassion, accept and nurture it, see the wounded child part of you, validate it. And then try observe that part when it comes up, and slowly talk inwardly to that part of you when triggered, give it inwardly the comfort or love it needs. And then slowly, it can integrate. That's what helped me :)
Thank you so much for sharing.
Appreciate this ❤
the fear of not being able to deal...that to me sums it all up
Yup, can be paralyzing, we understand
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am 45, have a score of 8 out of 10. I don't enjoy therapy. I find a lot of times some professionals have become bored with what they do. I have struggled for as long as I can remember. Thanks to all ur due diligence in ur research I am learning alot and trying to do a mental reset to help heal myself and those I have injured as well. Thank you and ur spouse, for devoting ur valuable time to this desperately needed info. Cheers!
Appreciate your comments!
-Cara@TeamFairy
You’re not necessarily supposed to enjoy therapy.
Really tough to deal with as a male. Complicates dating because most women I’ve known expect us to lead. Creates a lot of unnecessary anxiety.
Thank you for uploading this. I struggle with communication and often find it better for someone else to explain.
Yes, several viewers have said they share videos with loved ones in order to be understood.
Same, when I try to explain things it comes out like its nothing too serious and people think im not having any problems :(
@@hsanchezisidora Is it like you can't bring yourself to make a big enough deal out of it? Do you get the sense that other people get their problems attended to only because they bitch and complain incessantly?
This is so true, it's so hard as a man. I've spent decades trying to mask trauma through religion and spirituality but this year it got to a point where Pandora's box opened and the last 3 to 4 months have been hell. Grateful for these videos.
@@hsanchezisidorayes it's hard to convey how hard things are. I don't think anyone in my life knows just how bad things were when I was at my worst.
All those. I'm feeling my auto immune is my body attacking itself because I have held everything inside for all my life because I was told to suck it up, don't cry etc. I still hold everything inside. Great info confirming what I felt in my gut all my life. Thank you!
Reassuring when we realize we aren't all alone with this :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think I got hidradenitis suppurtivs because of childhood stress, I also had gynocomastia which was a result of constantly high cortisol levels
Being constantly bullied in school should be on the list too
That's a biggie for me too
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is
Being bullied in high-school tore me apart, broke down my self esteem and confidence
I experienced both domestic child abuse and was bullied in school and neighborhood. I was convinced that the whole world is against me.
Thank you. I'm a therapist who has CPTSD and work with folks who do as well. I appreciate the way you talk about it here, including the evolving research. The ACE questionnaire is part of my intake paperwork too. Thank you for creating this content 🙏
I'm so glad you're here!
I felt tense hearing you describe all the symptoms because I never hear it come from someone’s mouth that I resonated to deeply with. I’ve heard of PTSD but it didn’t quite match, but with CPTSD, everything matches with what I’ve been putting out in my life. Thank you for your deep and meaningful work Anna! You are an Earth Angel 💚
So glad you found the channel! -Calista@TeamFairy
It took me nearly 60 years to discover this - just as cPTSD emerged.
It has been an extremely hard journey, the 'hard life' my late father forecast for me. I sincerely hope fewer and fewer people have to suffer this way. 🙏
I am glad that ACEs have been pin pointed and that cptsd is becoming more widely know. I live on a reservation and it's a hard place to grow up. My own home life wasn't to bad compared to what the majority of my friends were going through on a daily basis. Historical trauma resulted in very damaged family systems on Native American Reservations. Where damaged parents were creating more damaged parents, and damaged kids were damaging other kids. Hopefully with the mental health knowledge of ACEs this can become a time of healing ongoing generational wounds. Person by person and step by step. This information gives me hope.. and gives the saying "be the change you wish to see in the world" a deeper meaning. Thank you Anna for healing and sharing your experience and knowledge.
❤️
Have been binge watching, sent links to friends... my dog died a few days ago and I've been walking around in circles, unable to focus or work... because of YOU, I know now I'm DEREGULATED! Thank you from the bottom to the top of my heart and mind for giving this a name. I'm not crazy :) xo
Thank you so much for your videos. I'm crying just watching this. So thankful because therapy is financially out of reach for me. I've been desperately looking for help trying to understand why all this is happening to me now, as I am 61 yrs old.
CJ Walker., me too. Do you think there is help for us?
Yes online there is DBT w a woman who teaches it all for free.
Other great online communities,ive done online mental health communities on Compassion for self,and meditation...lots of choices.@marianmartin9441
12 step recovery is very affordable. Often close by, too.
You are healing a lot of people with your videos. Thank you.
For nearly 30 years I suppressed everything, so much that I had like zero emotions. Although I had a very loving wife, I could not really show her any effection, I did not know how. I also had extreme trust issues. Once I started dealing with this, I completely fell apart. My previously non-existent emotions now just overwhelmed me. I am still working through this and especially still struggling with trust issues.
I just came across this video yesterday. I've always had severe depression, and never understood why. Being raised by a violent, bipolar mother and an emotionally checked-out father, I finally have discovered what I have. Thank you.
The things I am hearing you say about the symptoms and the results of those symptoms manifesting in our lives is bringing tears to my eyes.
Thank you for this content. I will continue to try and learn from you. I get a strong feeling that you understand some things about this subject more than anyone else I have heard speak in regards to CPTSD.
Though I am embarrassed to even comment, I am cautiously optimistic and want to thank you.
So, thank you!
We really appreciate that you took that brave step and commented! Thank you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am the firstborn child. Three of my siblings died in infancy before I was four years old. My mother had emotional isdues of her own and did not handle grief in a healthy way. I was subjected to hysterical meltdowns and random physical punishment. My parents thought I was too young to understand and be affected by the deaths, and I'm not sure my father knew what was going on at home after that. Would that cause CPTSD? I think so, because I did not live up to my potential, and I suffer from chronic anxiety.
A therapist recently tried to treat me with EMDR, where I would have to dig up old traumatic experiences like my mother having a screaming fit and throwing our toys. I was told to experience the emotion while stimulus was applied to my thumbs in order to bring the memory to the rational side of my brsin where I could process it. The problem was that I had already processed any incident that I could remember and all the therapy did was dredge up old pain. It did not help me with the anxiety one bit.
I consider myself lucky despite the fact that I didn't set the world on fire. I managed to have a relationship and marrage that has lasted 54 years so far, a son that I had despite severe phobias about being a parent, and now grandchildren whom I adore. My therapy is rescuing animals and giving them the secure life I craved in my childhood. At least learning about CPTSD has let me forgive myself for my failings and for still being a hypervigilant, anxious person.
Well done! It sounds like you have found some peace in the storm. Thank you for sharing :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I only lost one sibling in childhood. I'm amazed you have come as far as you have.
I would think that caused you CPTSD. Wow, that sounds horrible. I think you have done a wonderful job of finding healing and doing good in the world.
Thank you for sharing.
This that you've shared means a lot to me. It throws shine on deep fears and assure me that it will be alright in a realistic way. I feel all of the pain there is in your words and the calm of stability too. Not being able to use my potential has haunted me for years and everyone points it out from time to time to make it worse but that's not the most important thing in life... And knowing that you were able to find home and make home gives me deep calm and hope for my future. I'm 25 and I hope to live a long life that seems really hard right now. Hugs and love thanks for sharing
I just wanted to say thank you. You have given me so much information and when I began watching these videos it kinda was like a slap in the face to wake up. If I may say, I have been working through my trauma since last summer, before I turned 30. Between 6 to 29 I have been in survival mode, or what I like to call, power saving mode. Once I started to finally realize I was also struggling incredibly hard from brain fog, i decided it's time for me to heal, that's when I started taking meds to help with the anxiety and depression, to help alleviate some of the symptoms. I quit drinking and smoking and have been clean for almost 5 years. I am completely changing my diet and exercise currently, it's been a process, but a good one.. I have struggled with anxiety since I can remember, I just didn't know what to call it as a child. I have been so DETERMINED to heal. My hope that it would get better is what has kept me hanging on all these years.
Excellent work, you are doing great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have been intelligent shamed my whole childhood, so I forced my learning disabled brain to learn!
I’ve been a little ill lately and when my sister in law questioned my intelligence I got uptight, I responded curtly.
I hate being triggered because I feel terribly guilty if I respond in a rude manner!
🥵
I know it triggered my PTSD and I’m working on changing my direction of thought!
Awareness helps a lot!!!🙏🙏🙏🥰🥰🥰
I'm finally coming to grips with the fact that my abuse wasn't my fault..... It's been a long time believing otherwise...
That's an important step
-Cara@TeamFairy
I used to think I was a hypochondriac...thank you for reminding me that I am not.
Keep watching, glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
WOW Anna. Finally everything I've had struggled with is explained and why. This gives me SO much hope. This is so far my life's biggest epiphany.... Thank you!
Thanks for explaining this… I’ve worked hard on myself for the last 15 years so I could be a better parent. I have drip fed my husband bits and pieces and it’s taken him many years to start to understand why I behave or react to certain situations, and now I understand what’s been holding me back from what I could have achieved. Nevertheless, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. For this reason, my focus is on helping our youth. Love your video & look forward to watching more ❤️🙏
I found your channel recently, and I was brought up as child in a household in which each of the 10 abusive/adverse ways of raising a child were experienced. Now as an adult I am seeking different ways of acceptance, unlearning, and learning new ways to heal and grow. Your channel is amazing for educating others and uplifting those who are doing the work to better themselves. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your own personal knowledge in this field as well as personal experiences.
The ACE study is a start for sure and, while having a higher number is sure to increase risk for bad symptoms, i think it's important to remember and verbalize that these adverse symptoms resulting from trauma can still occur with a relatively low ACE score and even without really obviously traumatic abuse or neglect happening at home. And, as you said, people respond differently to the same event, so I don't think the ACE study necessarily does a very good job at measuring the more subtle and common childhood trauma. People who've experienced less obvious trauma still suffer as a result and deserve help. I'd recommend The Personal Development School and The Holistic Psychologist - and this channel, too, of course.
Yes, the ACE is a popular standard but you are right that the low score is not always an accurate reflection of traumatic events
-Cara@TeamFairy
Dear Anna! Verbalizing is soooo important for me. I'm now 58 and so glad to have found yr yt-channel. Gaerti the barefoot gardener 👩🌾
Also it can lead people to feel that because they score low therefore their mental health problems are all their fault. That was the conclusion I came to because I was a heroin addict and always thought I was just basically worthless because I didn't have any of these in my childhood, that I was just deficient. Actually my mother was severely neglected and she tried her best but had no idea how to connect with me or my sister. Although she appeared to be fine, we both developed serious problems. I didn't realise this until I went into therapy at middle age.
We were diagnosed with PTSD at age 12 but couldn’t remember much of our past trauma. At age 32 we discovered we are an OSDD system ( dissociative disorder) and actually have cPTSD. For all the years in between we could not find proper diagnosis and treatment. We were often turned away and considered “to complex”. Funny now how that little “c” makes SUCH a big difference in our identity! Thank you for sharing your wisdom , knowledge and understanding with the world! 🌈
of cause i couldn't just have ptsd i have to have the best one 😭
Only the best :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
throughout my teen years i had a problem with no name. mom said i was irrational, that it was just menstrual hormones. i wondered if it was depression or anxiety, but neither fit quite right. years later i've learned that my mom is a covert narcissist and she gave me c-ptsd. moving out with my dad has been a huge step in the right direction! :)
Thank you so much for this video. I have been at my wits end just trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. Finding your channel has given me such clarity on what I may actually be battling with. There is now hope for healing. ❤️
I'm glad you've got that new hope!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hi Anna.. Hi everyone thats here for the same reasons I am. Im from Ireland.. I've been following for a while but I'm starting back here at the begining... But i always do backwards stuff so I'm starting on the first video... I am currently in weekly psychotherapy, 19 months now. I finally know whats going on with myself. I am 47. Thank you Anna. This is me .. all me...Im currently in a very dark place. Im plucking forgotten traumas from my memory. And personal stuff in relationships are very stressful right now. Im in a crisis at present. Everything you say "is me". Im glad I'm here. 🙏❤️ Thank you again Anna 🙏 for using your hurt to help heal others 🙏
I'm glad you're here! I hope you'll give a try to my techniques. They can be very calming.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you Anna . I sure will 🙏
The moment when you knew you had c ptsd and getting diagnosed then coming across your channel and everything makes sence !❤
Thanks for commenting! Glad you're here! Julie@TeamFairy
BTW: Anna's Daily Practice bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
I came across your video signs of cptsd.....by fluke.....and after I watched it....I couldnt believe it. U answered a life long question for me and for people that have said to me. ..." what s wrong with you". I never knew....I thought it was depression....maybe bipolar...manic....adhd......feeling crazier the more I thought about it. I am sure this is what I have struggled with all my life....but am scared to say it is for sure ....in case I am wrong. I will continue to watch your videos and get more knowledge on the subject. Is it odd to say Im glad I might have cpstd.......but if it has a name u can begin to make your life better. Thanks
That's exactly right -- once you have a name for it, you can begin to understand it and change your life. Sending you so much support and encouragement. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I think that a forgotten cause of CPTSD is things that can happen to a young child in school and even pre-school, like bullying and emotional abuse, including gaslighting, from teachers. This happened to me from a very young age to I was about 12. I was even told by my class teacher that I was to weird to make any friends and a particular classmate loved to tell me, right in my face, how bad and wrong everything was with me. Instead of berating these kids, the adults punished me for crying, which of course for a kid is a normal reaction to being harrassed. Today I am 32 and I have never had any real friends, romantic relationships or proper jobs and I still live with my parents (however I have not doing that all the time) . I have managed to go to university and I loved it, but have not yet been able to make something more with that. My parents have always been loving and suporting, which I think is the reason I survived, but also the reason I never before have considered being a victim of childhood trauma. Besides heavy drug abuses, I have almost every classic symthom of CPTSD, most notably an extremely strong beleif that everything in my life is predestined to go completely wrong and that I am not allowed to be happy, because that is dangerous and only lead to more misery. I told my therapist all these and she supports my theory.
You are welcome to check out our little tribe which has a lot of members who have struggled with making connections too. They are meeting and relating all the time via zoom :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
I too grew up in a loving and supportive home with my mom and sister, so I did not know that something was really wrong until now at 27. I was bullied at school by teachers and classmates, and endured physical and emotional abuse a few times as a child whenever I visited my dad.
I am struggling all my life with death of my father when I was 12. I can't overcome lot of things untill today.
Had a therapist years ago say it was ptsd but then others who said NO, you are normal. Now I really know and I love a label because it helps me know what I am faced with. I have had so many odd illnesses and cancer which NO family member on either side ever had! Now I know my ‘demon’ and I can now make my plan of healing. YOU are simply AMAZING and we are grateful for your generous spirit.
You save lives... Thank you for being brave enough to create your course and videos.
Thank you.
I think I'm overweight because I'm too afraid to be in a relationship and that I would hurt someone even though I would never dream of doing what happened to me to someone else.......
It's a coping mechanism and can be a form of self mutilation. You deserve better and your body deserves better. Nutrition and mood go together (there's a great dw documentary here on RUclips about food and the brain). You can find/regain control through eating well instead of turning to food, instant gratification with unhealthy foods and binge eating, to block out the trauma.
@Thomas_Barnard I know you wouldn't
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much. I think you've just saved my life. Sharing with my recovery community, I think this will save theirs as well.
That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing this good news.
This can help PTSD that occurred in adulthood also. That's what I'm dealing with
I just found you, the how to regulate emotions, and I am in the process of watching and informing myself more. My childhood was crappy, and I have exhibited many of the symptoms of CPTSD since childhood, and more intensely the last 20 years. Thank you for your information. I have been on a healing path for 10 or so years, with much progress the last 5. Thank you again.
So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
An ACE score of 9 is pretty heavy. Thank goodness my sexuality was unharmed! I think this would have made unalive myself. I am very proud of myself, because i am not a drug addict or unemployed or physically abusive or dead (like i wanted a few times). I do work a crappy job, i have digestion issues especially with lactose and i am overweight. And i am a really bad case of hangry😅. I cut all contact with family after finding out, that i am a Bastard and i found a wonderful new family as well as a partner with secure attachment 💖. I am so thankful for the people in my life right now ❤️ they give me so much hope ✨
You are winning!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Along with learning about Childhood Emotional Neglect it is life changing to understand these normal and understandable symptoms that were brushed over or framed as something wrong with me.
So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
What a sorely needed, non-"professional" voice - thank you. Resonates deeply.
Seizures. Another thing I've discovered with CPTSD which I've been diagnosed with is that those that are susceptible to seizures can develop epilepsy. This is what has occurred to me. When I'm going through extreme emotion I shove things down inside. I feel all the things that she mentions
I am in my sixties and have had therapy in the past several times, none of these therapists helped me. I was then left with the internal guilt and the external judgement of family members and even the therapists themselves. I am glad to hear that things are changing, but I feel it is too late for me, so much of my life was spent in pain over this.
Keep trying to invest your time and energy into the positive aspects of life. Meditation has helped me cope. Love your “self”! Own your truth instead of it owning you. Learning is a life long activity. Let’s learn to HEAL! ❤️
Yes, meditation is a good tool. Thank you for your Kindness Rhonda. Taking responsibility for our healing is very important.
@@dianeyoung8068 You are most welcome. 🥰 I’m 59 and expect to be on a healing journey for the rest of my day(s). I’m actually starting to become grateful for the challenges that have given me insight and some resolution. We need to break this cycle!
@@rhondasmith7413 Gratitude is so simple and and with it comes some contentment.
I think this is the most accurate definition of my life...thank you.
Cool!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I find my new hobby of Model Car and Truck building helpful with my CPTSD symptoms...
Cool :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Because it occupies your mind in the now. Mindfulness at work. 🙏
Thank you. Love my wife dearly but struggle being affectionate the way she needs me to. So much of what you say resonates and brings hope. EMDR has done miracles but my fight/flight / hyper vigilance has stolen WAY to much! Excited for the next step in healing...
I took the ACE test. I am a 9 according to it but think I'm closer to a 7. I need to heal. Thank you for making these videos.
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This really defines so much of what I'm in treatment for. God bless u
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I love your channel Anna and tell many of my clients to watch it. I share your frustration with how mental health services approach cPTSD - bandaids, stigma, re-traumatising treatment, and just a whole lot of well meaning but useless or even harmful treatment. Education of clients and professionals is key!! So thank you, from a MH professional who is listening.
Thank you!
It is like fighting dysregulation in your brain. Watching your friends and colleagues always getting ahead. Why does God do this? I am so messed up in my brain. I overreact and always self sabotage because of complex PTSD. I had it all happen to me. From war, to physical abuse, abandonment by parents and so on.
We know how you feel, we hope you'll reach out for help, we have a lot of support to offer :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will. Thank you. It is our mindset and relearning good habits. Example, do I help others because I am afraid of rejection, want to be loved and admired, or is it genuine? What is empathy? Is it the need to be loved? I have many questions and lately have been questioning all of intentions?
Please don’t try to live up to other people’s ideals. You set yourself up that way. There will always be people who appear to be more successful. Re-examine what success means to you. Find joy wherever you’re able and stay true to your deepest values. Love yourself enough to put in the effort to heal. Meditation has been very helpful for me. You might find another method that helps you. I will pray that you find your unadulterated resolutions. It’s not easy, but have faith that you can do it! One step at a time. You can learn about SO many ways to heal ... try them and see what speaks to you. ❤️🙏 In light and love.
Amazing, I pray your channel continues to grow & reach so many people
For the first time in my life I am hearing someone who has thoughts like mine when it comes to needing to deal with myself and how I'm feeling now...not what happened then so much... It's like a revelation, like I'm not the only one who's having these thoughts and challenges, feeling stuck and apart from the world...
My mother has been a drug addict my whole life and sent me to school when I was 7 with 2 black eyes. My father has never been in the picture. I went thru foster homes, group homes, psych wards, mental, physical and sexual abuse all as a child. Then got diagnosed with ptsd after the military. Now I know that I have complex ptsd after finding your videos. Thank you for sheding light on this for me. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 26 and now I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. I'm going to watch all your videos and see if it helps. Thank you
Thank you for making these videos. I feel like you're talking to me. I took the ACE test and had a low score, so I didn't think my behaviors and thoughts could be classified as CPTSD at first. This video helped me understand that I likely suffer from this. Your statement about your dad dying when you were 15 helped me to further convince myself that yes, I went through a lot of trauma as I was growing up. My dad died when I was 14, after many years being very ill from emphysema. Until now, I never thought of this as being traumatic to me. Never thought about how that injured me and carried over into my adulthood. I always thought my mother's treatment of me was a big part of my adult psychopathy , but didnt understand any of it. I'm 59 and watching your videos. They speak loudly to me and I'm hopeful that I can heal. Thank you for putting a name to this and for describing it in a way that I can understand, and hopefully address it and heal.
I'm glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Prospective parents need to watch this video. So as to not let it happen!
If only!!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The first CPTSD reaction I remember occurred when I was about 7 years old. The last one was two years ago. Both involved the same kind of threat and the experience was exactly the same but separated by almost 50 years. I need to commit to doing the daily practice twice a day. Depriving myself of that is self-defeating.
Do it and join Anna on a Daily Practice call :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Just finding out about this. Really freeing to me. I always dismissed the idea I could have ptsd because when I went through everything, I felt nothing. Didn't know that was a sign. I'm pissed about how long I was treated like I was angry and crazy. Sometimes I honestly think that messed me up the most. Appreciate these videos. I don't want to get my hopes up here, but maybe all these years later I at least have a starting point.
Welcome to this channel! There's lot of hope here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow. 01:50 to 02:05. All of the above. Consistent yet unpredictable. For essentially the first 21 yrs of my life.
I am so happy to have found your channel.
This explains everything !!
Welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for your videos. They are insightful and for once I feel like I can offer myself sympathy and compassion, knowing that the problematic traits I had were not entirely of my own doing, and more importantly, that there is a way out. You are my fairy indeed 🧚
Thank you for watching and for your comment. Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
I just been assessed by a psychartric nurse and recieved a letter about it. Based on what I told her, she said some situations are causing flashbacks, anxiety as well as other issues including the very low mood. I am actually seeing a psychologist next week. I went to doctors due to concerns of psychogenic death signs.
Also the ACE score is around 8.
We are glad you are getting the help you need
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had a very traumatic childhood, in my present life i've been going through a very hard experiences but this current one it threw me to the ground, I had in the past the strength to "fix" my emotions by myself but this time i asked for HELP, i can't take control about my emotions anymore 🥺😭💔
Wow. I wish you were my therapist. I feel like your videos actually understand my trauma 😢
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank a Higher Power for you. Yes yes and yes.
You are awesome and your information is so valuable. Just one little thing, please turn down the music in the background,
Perhaps headphones will be helpful? I have difficulty in social situations with background noise. I can’t hear enough to interact appropriately.
THANK YOU from all of my heart.
Thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy
Damn, 9/10. I'm such an ACE. Somehow I tend not to even think about what happened at home... I seem indifferent about it, even to myself. I healed greatly but I'm still struggling so much.. I'm glad I've found your channel! You're saying things I couldn't get anywhere. Like that's not just my emotions, it's also my brain. Like... wow, it's not entirely my fault...
It isn't your fault! I'm so glad you found the channel, we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I struggle the most with how poorly other people live their lives...especially when strangers think they need to give me advice based on their personal beliefs and not facts.
@@rubytuesday7653 I try but fail at that miserably. It's mostly online strangers, in real life I am almost never spoken to in the way I seem to be online (because I state my opinions in such a black n white manner and I just happen to be 6'5" and in very good physical shape which tends to keep the mouthy one's at bay, an advantage that disappears online in our pervasive troll culture that doesn't award point blank honesty).
I just want to say that it seems you've been through a lot and I feel for you, I hope it's better in your life these days. Best wishes
Hi, you talk so clearly, its easy to undertand and comprehend when you talk. I love your videoes.
I feel like, is it possible that adhd diagnosed early in childhood is a cover-up for attachment disorder ? this is coming up for me when listening to your videoes. I have been studying attachment theory and practising safe attachment years after becoming a mom. got help when i became a mom,luckily.And the past 5 years attachtment theroy has been my main focus to understand completely,i^ve been obsessed watching many great Dr.`s content out there,and reading books. Beacuse my ADHD and aspberger feels more like CPTSD, and this is wonderful to become aware of, its not my genes and theres something to do to heal and get more functional. I actually feel now i can see a light in the end of the tunnel with my struggles. After almost 39 years ,i`m finally getting it and undertstand clearly and see clearly why i am that i am.And i always knew this from the day i got my diagnose as a child in 1991, and was forced to take ritalin. I always felt this is wrong, i feel so blessed to finding your channel dear Crappy Childhood Fairy. You have boosted my healing. Thank you
I had a "season" of trauma when I was a kid, and cumulatively, the series of (unfortunate!) events were traumatic. I was not abused by my parents, who were imperfect, but both were reasonably well meaning. My mom had some emotional problems, but wanted to be better, and my dad was a very decent, kindly, loving father. My trauma was from about a year to a year and a half of events during my childhood, but no: I don't have PTSD from childhood abuse. When I am in a setting with C-PTSD people, I generally offer support, and don't put my own situation out there to compare, since I don't have the history of abuse. I'm basically trying to decide whether to say that I have C-PTSD, since that is usually about abuse, although it did take place during my childhood and it made a difference in it.
Thank you for this comment. I have a daughter with this in quite sure and she was well loved. But see my comment I just posted for the details. But there is a way to have a pretty “normal” childhood but a series of events outside parent’s control just bury and overwhelm them. I have a theory the ones who suffer are the “easy” kids who don’t ask for much. The parents are just grateful for the undemanding child and later realize they should have paid attention despite not being asked for their attention.
Love 💕😘💕😘 your channel Anna hope to join your group, have you done a video on how to regain ones confidence having survived CPTSD
I need to share this everywhere. Thank you, Anna 🙏
Please do!
lately i've been looking into autism because i present many signs but i don't recall any of these signs during childhood. i excluded bpd because that also starts during childhood, and my childhood was really good. honestly, the only thing i left out for a long time is c-ptsd. i always tend to ignore those years of my life from 16 to 21 when i basically had to witness my father getting taken away slowly and inevitably by dementia (he died at 59). during the last years of his illness i was attending college and my mother and I were basically his only caregivers. i don't have any clear memory of those years but a few, mainly involving his crisis and a constant feeling of impending doom over my head. i never saw a therapist, never even talked about it with anyone, not even my mother.... and now, at 28, i think it's finally catching up to me. in c-ptsd videos, people always talk about trauma during childhood so i feel i'm not "entitled" to thinking i have c-ptsd cause i wasn't a child. but all the signs are there, and i'm tired
Excellent delivery with warmth!
Appreciate you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don’t have a many ACEs but I have what might be termed a tricky background. Fundamentalism and a lot of toxicity surrounding that that I think was probably as damaging
ACE misses some things, if you qualify you know it even if the ACE does not reflect it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this seriously I get told I’m over reacting or that I’m hopeless
just one of the reasons for my C-PTSD is my relationship with my sister. bullying, sly psychological and emotional abuse, on and on. As family, I don't see this ending until one of us dies! lol!
I cannot fathom why CPTSD is not in the 2022 DSM 5-TR! Those of us who have suffered it, myself included, absolutely know it's "a thing"! My heart has screamed about this for years. Sufferers have been made to accept a myriad of diagnoses- Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, etc. etc.- which tends to enforce a self-perception of being "broken" or "shattered beyond repair". Get onboard APA, pleeeeeease! Much suffering occurs not only by a single traumatic event only as in PTSD, but can be the result of unrelenting psychic stress from unmitigated minor/big traumas, family drama, poverty, personal losses, neglect, etc. as a child ( or adult). CPTSD needs formal acknowledgment! The DSM isn't a panacea, but it sure is a good place to start in validating person's real-life experiences.
Very validating. 💗
Glad you think so!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you Ana ❤❤❤❤ what a wonderful mission you are carrying on blessings 🙏🏽 😊🤗
Invaluable !! Thankyou
Thanks for being here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I became a visual artist at 40 and started writing children picture story book about a Princess from a flower whose parent had left her in a raflesia flower . I have published 3 books and continuing to write the 4th book....I am unsure if i had healed my childhood traumas?
My parent are still alive and I still recall incidents which had hurt me during my childhood life. I m struggling at times and had seeked help . However in my country Malaysia , mental health is not taken seriously and being overlooked. I am keeping my focus on my story writing and art and believing in my dreams ....i just need to set boundaries .....over ans over
Thank you Anna fot your informative videos ..
I keep learning about my wounds ...and how much it had caused pain , and still recovering....God Bless You ..ameen
my therapist has called me masochist... but jesus that feels hurtful... I might have c ptsd. I am scared of getting a diagnosis because I dont want to take medication (I tried it 2 years ago and fucked me up waaay worse) so I don't know...I am hoping to move out soon and start a new job and hopefully, I will be able to deal better with my "masochism"
You don't have to take meds just because you have a diagnosis. You can say no thank you. I'm sorry that shit therapist has hurt you.
Love this so much and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
If it can really fix the problem I'll buy in. I was adopted into a dysfunctional family and I keep asking myself if having a family at all was worth everything I ended up going through.
Those are the questions that drive us nuts because we just can't know. But this program is about looking ahead! I hope you'll join us! bit.ly/CCF-Membership
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for your channel, I find your information very thorough a d certainly helpful.
It took me a long time to connect my negative behaviors to cots during. A lot othis was denial on my part. It was terrifying to explore it. I’ve been in classic therapy for years, however most therapists focus on the current behaviors rather than delve into the past.
Many don’t treat the CPTSD. Some actually can exacerbate the trauma. I once had a therapisttell me to just have some “grit “ to get through a major brain injury I had after surgery for a brain tumor 😳
Ouch! Not helpful at all
-Cara@TeamFairy
I used to tell myself that's what I needed -- some grit. Now I'm coming to realize thats not really true. I have had therapy experiences at 3 separate stages of life that didn't make anything worse but they really didn't resolve my issues around trauma either! Now I'm finding out that talking about trauma, typically, doesn't resolve it.
So glad I found you today... you got a subscriber in me :-)
Welcome!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thankyou. I just found your videos and they are greatly appreciated ❤
Welcome to the channel! Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
My wife won’t let me share your videos with her. She told me I’m just making excuses for my behavior. I’m just supposed to snap out of it. Stop living in the past. (I didn’t know about most of my past for 38 years) I’m 40 now. And start acting right. I’m on my own with no direction to go.
When people have been through hell because of our behavior, this is how they set boundaries -- clumsy, but needed. For us, it's amazing news -- an answer, hope. For them, what's needed is CHANGE. They need to see a change in those trauma-driven behaviors. I recommend quietly working with all your heart to heal. You have access to my free course. I hope you'll try it.
thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience - i use your videos quite a lot and have recommended them to friends - much appreciated as always
Awesome, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank u, very nice explaination.many face such situation in life
Thank you!