Are you kidding that's not a profound or smart or articulate thing to say it's just a fact that a 5 year old could say about being sad, not special and NOT poetry, wow what has the world come to? Once Shakespeare was the poet and now everyone is.
For the past few weeks i've felt happier than i've every felt and I dont whether its because im laughing so much or because i break down into tears each time
*My depression doesn't ask for much, but when it does, it's asking for something I cannot give. It's just me asking for something I cannot give* that hit me hard right there.
I love how she keeps making parallels between physical illness and mental illness and alluding to how you just have to mask your depression with a "real" health issue because people . just. don't. understand.
The thing about depression is when you first get it you're sad. Miserable. And after a while it stops and there's nothing left. You're just numb. And then you'll get sad again. And it's like a toxic relationship because you know it's bad but it feels like if you don't feel sad you don't feel anything. And hurting is better than feeling nothing at all.
This is probably the most accurate description of depression I've ever heard. Everything feels like the end of the world because it might as well be, and you forget what it feels like to be truly happy. The last time I was truly happy, I was drunk.
The Wal-Mart parking lot....the parking lot of the Emergency Room..because if I can't breathe and I'm drowning they'll be able to help me breathe there
I don’t know where depression dumped the old me, but from the little that I can feel, it’s cold and unsympathetic. And I know the real me is trying to get back, but everyone thinks this fake me is the real one.
I love reading the comments and just seeing what lines hit people the most, you can tell we all feel the same thing so differently but it is all still pain.
Samara Schellings hang in there. you’ll find your way. i posted this 2 years ago. i forgot i even did, so i’m kinda weirded out lol i just woke up to the notification of your comment and the others asking me if i’m okay now. i’m in a completely new and fresh season in my life... reading my comment took me exactly back to the black hole i lived in 2 years ago. between then and now, i left the abusive asshole i was with, went back to school and just completed the year with a 4.0, and everyday i’m learning to love myself better than the day before. i’m taking it as a sign and testament from the most High that not only does it get better, but eventually YOU WILL be okay.
I almost burst into tears listening to this. Jesus, I love and hate when someone so accurately describes the torment that is depression. Maybe one day we won't have to deal with this. Until then, cheers.
This week I sat in an auto zone parking lot and cried for ten minutes because I couldn’t change a head light, which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me? Like, haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&ms at 11:30 in the morning IN BED or, I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep half way through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes. My headlight went out and my first thought was “seems right.” I couldn’t change it myself because I’d have to take off the whole bumper or something and I thought “of course” or “I wish I was dead.” Being this kind of sad is funny that way, no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it’s all the end of the world or might as well be, my brain is dramatic like that. Depression is a silent film, a monologue shot underwater, depression is sulking because I won’t talk to it anymore, by which I mean ABOUT it. There are some days I am so sad I don’t remember what it’s like not to be, like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you’re so sure you’ll never breathe through your nose again and I’m so sure I’ll never feel joy again. Except when you have a cold you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to get well soon, and there is a whole soup genre dedicated your well-being. I can’t call in “sad” to work. I can’t go to the grocery store and go to the “sad aisle” which would have like already stale popcorn and tea which your best friend swears is good for you. So sometimes all I can do is laugh, if I don’t, there might be nothing left. There’s a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platt river, and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it’s become a permanent imprint in my thigh. I’m here because I’ve been sad since graduation, not this one the one before that, or maybe I have a bad cold, or maybe it’s both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes. If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back. I’m so tired of talking about my depression as someone else, a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance, afraid of what it might want from me. My depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke, it’s just me asking for something I cannot give. I ask to come back to my body and it’s only me saying no. When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking me where I’ve gone. I”m driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves I will not know, just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me “there is no place for me here.”
I've watched this several times and it never gets less powerful. Depression is a fierce demon to battle, but as long as you are still here there will always be a place for you here
There are so many lines in this poem that struck a chord with me I can't even quote them all. This poem is brilliant, and sad, and something I wish I didn't relate to as much as I do.
Jane Justice Doe the poem is a well articulated poetic expression about depression-I didn't cry listening to it, but this what you just said 'because everyone is so glad about me getting better' made me bawl my eyes out. I'm so sorry that you have to effect something you don't really feel, in order to protect how others feel. My thoughts are with you.
goldifoxxx1 Thank you so much. It always makes me so much better when people remind me I'm not alone. Thank you so very much. To all of you, really. Thank you.
For anyone who is hard of hearing or just wants the words, here you go: This week, I sat in an AutoZone parking lot and cried for 10 minutes straight, because I couldn't change a headlight. Which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me. Like, "haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&m's at 11:30 in the morning, in bed. Or, I've watched the Pilot of Gossip Girl 10 times in the past 2 weeks because I keep falling asleep half-way through, because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes. My headlight went out, my first thought was "seems right." I couldn't change it by myself because I'd have to take off the whole bumper or something. I thought "of course" or "I wish I was dead." Being this kind of sad is funny that way. No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience; it's all the end of the world or might as well be. My brain is dramatic like that. Depression is a silent film; a monolouge shot underwater. Depression is sulking because I won't talk to it anymore, by which, I mean about it. There are some days when I am so sad, I don't remember what it's like not to be. Like, when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose, and you're so sure that you'll never breathe through your nose again; and I'm so sure I will never feel joy again. Except, when you have a cold, you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to "get well soon" and then there's a whole soup genre dedicated to your well being. I can't call in sad to work; can't go to the grocery store and go to the "sad aisle", which should only have like already stale popcorn and tea your bestfriend swears is good for you. So, sometimes all I can do is laugh. If I don't, there might be nothing left. There's a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platte River and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often, it's become a permanent imprint in my thigh. I'm here because I've been sad since graduation; not this one, the one before that or maybe I have a bad cold or maybe it's both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes. If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal, at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back. I'm so tired of talking about my depression as someone else. A ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance. Afraid of what it might want from me. My depression doesn't ask for much, but when it does, it's something I cannot give and that's the joke. It's just me asking for something I cannot give. I ask to come back to my body and it's only me saying "no". When people ask me how I am, they might as well be asking where I've gone. I'm driving down a dirt road, no headlights. When it curves, I will not know; just drive on into the field. My own voice playing on the radio, telling me there is no place for me here.
"Sometimes all I can do is laugh. If I don't there might be nothing left." My heart is beating so fast after watching this and that part hit hard and made me cry. Sometimes I use my humor to quiet the pain that I'm hiding in the inside.
I remember I came across this poem when it was uploaded, and to this day, I still cry when I watch it, because every single line just hits a different type of emotion that I can't put into words myself, but I can relate to. pointless year update: hearing "my depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke" is hard, even though I don't have depression, it reminds me of the way I've convinced myself that I am below everyone else, that I'm stupid, unattractive no matter how much effort I put into the clothes I wear or despite attempting to find the most flattering glasses to hide my big nose, that I have no confidence, I'm a loser and I'm awkward and that's why I don't get to go out with my friends, and I'm a burden at work and uni because I make countless dumb mistakes while the people around me do completely fine
I thought this was so beautiful that I teared up because I've been there. I get there over and over again at times and it's terrifying to wake up and you're just hit with this wave of depression and no one seems to understand what it's like. The raw emotion you hear in her voice is heartbreaking and the people who disliked this video are idiots because they seemed to miss the meaning behind her words.
I used to relate to this so much. I recently realised how long I was depressed. I remember really hating my self in 5th grade I was either 10-11. I'm 16 now. Wish I could go back in time and just cuddle my old self and tell her that she's loved and she's precious and that everything turns out great.
AMAZING. Poems like this one speak to so many people. Like me. They give us a voice. They put feelings that were once indescribable into words. Thank you.
I didn't want to laugh at this. I wanted to be sad. But it's just so fucking real, that it becomes funny. It becomes this defense that I can't control. I see myself in the mirror and I can't do anything but shut my eyes. And when I laugh I close my eyes. And I cry. And sometimes that's the best way.
The accuracy of this poem is scary as hell... Every time I think I am getting better, depression pulls me back and kicks me in the gut as a quick reminder. This poem has power, a power that brought me to tears. It is truly amazing!
Yes! First time someone said I was depressed, I was 5. 20 years later… still fighting this battle that seems to never end. I feel like I’m getting better, then the rug gets jerked out from under me and I am back in this dark pit wondering how I can go from functioning like a somewhat regular person to not having the energy to get out of bed overnight. I want this roller coaster to end.
hearing this poem like a ritual, coming back to this like coming back to home after another depressed day, this poem is so special to me, there are too many lines where i relate and i didnt plane to comment, i always read through the comment section and feel like commenting-all these months i didnt, but today reading them again i felt an oblication to, after all i feel the same.
"sometimes all i can do is laugh, if i don't there might be nothing left" goddamn i can't count the amount of times i've said this. powerful. powerful. powerful. sobbing as of right now
People who are ignorant, cruel or abusive towards you may have never truly experienced those depths of despair, utter hopelessness and numbness and to be honest, I'm glad that they didn't have to go through this gut wrenching pain.
As someone who suffers from both mental illnesses and physical, this poem his very close to home, especially as there are lines that relate to my physical illness as well as my mental. The line about her body not looking after her as it should run straight to my core...❤ I've lost touch with Button, it was nice to return to this channel to such a great performance 😊
“No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience” You have no idea how much of a relief it was to hear that, I always get so upset at inconsequential things and I know it’s irrational and I know I’m blowing it out of proportion so I just push down the feelings and go about my day, ignoring the pain swelling up in my chest and I’m *so* glad I’m not the only one
i always seem to come back to this poem, it just comforts me and makes me feel a little bit better while dealing with my depression. thank you reagan x
I already know I'm going to be watching this poem over and over again. I've never related so closely to a poem, thank you Reagan for putting this feeling into words♥
Still keep coming back to this poem, years later… feeling seen and understood by someone who doesn’t even know i exist is another kind of love, and also sadness. This poem will never not be in my mind. Thank you, I didn’t ask for this poem but it gave me hope that I’m not alone
All my friends and I have different levels of depression. We cope with it in different ways. Some of us are stoned and drunk as soon as they think no one can see them, others, like me, just internalize and shove down all emotion until we break down, reset and the cycle starts again. This is the most accurate description I have ever seen.
Thank you for finding the words I lack.. I cried so hard at that. My friends know I have depressions and still, for them I am the most humorous person there is. Joking, laughing, all the time especially if I want to cry. "There is no place for me here" is a sentence on repeat in my head every time I am sad..
During this whole thing i thought, *Wow..i didn't think ANYONE could explain how i felt..how i feel. But this is EXACTLY how i feel, it's almost like my mind has been put into words*
"Sometimes all i can do is laugh"I can relate . People are always sure im okay because i always seem happy, but really i dont want anyone to see how much i just am not happy. I would rather everyone think i was ok than have them wondering and thinking they're the reason i'm not.
0:30-0:54 i love this part. the last 2 years i've been coming back every depression episode i've had just to listen to that part and cry. i've never related to anything this much. my heart breaks everytime i listen to that.
'Taking care of a body that doesn't take care of me back'. As someone who ended up with constant muscle pain as a result of constant stress/worry, I feel this so hard. Despite my body being in constant pain, I still have to be nice to it and feed it and wash it, or else it'll hurt me more. But when I do something I want to do or enjoy doing, like baking one god damn cake or going for a nice walk with my dog, my body will punish me with even more pain. And I still have to take care of it...
I feel like I have depression but I don't let it in, and it's tiring, but I won't let this happen, but sometimes you just can't help it. But remember this. you are loved.
Okay, so I used to listen to this all the time, and I very much related to the part where she says I wish I was dead on a minor inconvenience, AND LISTENING TO IT AGAIN I REALIZED I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, AND I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!
she was my poetry coach, so much love and respect for her. Reagan is such an admirable person and i'm so glad I got to spend one amazing year being inspired by her.
Lyrics: This week I sat in an auto zone parking lot and cried for ten minutes because I couldn't change a head light, which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me? Like, haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&ms at 11: 30 in the morning IN BED or, I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep half way through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes. My headlight went out and my first thought was "seems right." I couldn't change it myself because I'd have to take off the whole bumper or something and I thought "of course" or "I wish I was dead."Being this kind of sad is funny that way, no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it's all the end of the world or might as well be, my brain is dramatic like that. Depression is a silent film, a monologue shot underwater, depression is sulking because I won't talk to it anymore, by which I mean ABOUT it. There are some days I am so sad I don't remember what it's like not to be, like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you're so sure you'll never breathe through your nose again and I'm so sure I'll never feel joy again. Except when you have a cold you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to get well soon, and there is a whole soup genre dedicated your well-being.I can't call in "sad" to work. I can't go to the grocery store and go to the "sad aisle" which would have like already stale popcorn and tea which your best friend swears is good for you. So sometimes all I can do is laugh, if I don't, there might be nothing left. There's a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platt river, and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it's become a permanent imprint in my thigh. I'm here because I've been sad since graduation, not this one the one before that, or maybe I have a bad cold, or maybe it's both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes. If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back.I'm so tired of talking about my depression as someone else, a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance, afraid of what it might want from me. My depression doesn't ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that's the joke, it's just me asking for something I cannot give.I ask to come back to my body and it's only me saying no. When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking me where I've gone. I"m driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves I will not know, just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me "there is no place for me here."
I want to cry because I've never heard anything more accurate but either I've cried so much that I'm out of tears or my body just doesn't care anymore.
Ok, I'm a little happy that my sadness, and depression is not this debilitating, but I can feel every word you said. Everyone just has to understand that we are not cut from the same cloth...we are all different in our own ways. But one thing that is for sure is...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
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"There are some days I'm so sad that I don't remember what it's like not to be" HOLY ME
Me as well
Aetedal Odeh I cried there ..
Are you kidding that's not a profound or smart or articulate thing to say it's just a fact that a 5 year old could say about being sad, not special and NOT poetry, wow what has the world come to? Once Shakespeare was the poet and now everyone is.
Murofly I agree, it’s the least remarkable/most vague part of the entire poem, therefore the most relatable, therefore top comment
This makes me cry knowing that o can relate to
"Being sad is a god damn joke sometimes"
Oh so true. This is my new favorite poem, thank you.
madilynn rayman Don't take the lords name in vain.
mysterious writer 199 Not everyone believes in god tf
@@mysteriouswriter1993they didnt.. Reagan Meyers did, in the poem... thats the video.
Same
Wow, this is your favourite poem? That is DEPRESSING.
"sometimes all i can do is laugh if i don't there may be nothing left"
I could really relate.
I have memes! Nah just kidding if I don't laugh or smile, the dark void will just take my existence.
And the question here is not "are you pretending to be happy" rather "how long do you keep pretending that you're happy?"
For the past few weeks i've felt happier than i've every felt and I dont whether its because im laughing so much or because i break down into tears each time
Can relate
*My depression doesn't ask for much, but when it does, it's asking for something I cannot give. It's just me asking for something I cannot give* that hit me hard right there.
Same here lol. I immediately started bawling as soon as I heard this line
Aramazd Khabayan i was just on that part
emily duslak same
yess
pls try bach flower remedy Rescue.
"I can't call in sad to work" 😩
That's the problem right there.
That's so true. I wish I could :(
Me too.
Grace Emily I can't call school and excuse me for me not feeling mentally well
so true
I love how she keeps making parallels between physical illness and mental illness and alluding to how you just have to mask your depression with a "real" health issue because people . just. don't. understand.
Shit =(
What if...
Deffo me
Preach
Yaasssss 😭😭😭😭
I love everyone who can relate to this poem a little too much
Richelle Silva me too
Richelle Silva ❤️
Richelle Silva ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Richelle Silva awe I love you too
We love you too.
The thing about depression is when you first get it you're sad. Miserable. And after a while it stops and there's nothing left. You're just numb. And then you'll get sad again. And it's like a toxic relationship because you know it's bad but it feels like if you don't feel sad you don't feel anything. And hurting is better than feeling nothing at all.
Thats when a pencil sharpener isn't just a pencil sharpener anymore
Fuck... YES. That's on point.
And sometimes the physical pain is the only way to remind yourself that you’re still alive...
Savannah Glover I'm scared that always will be only way.
I hate that I relate
"Depression is like a monologue under water."
That part is relatable and so beautiful.
This is probably the most accurate description of depression I've ever heard. Everything feels like the end of the world because it might as well be, and you forget what it feels like to be truly happy. The last time I was truly happy, I was drunk.
asseater007 your comment. Yessssss
asseater007 it's ben so long I don't think I've ever ben truly happy
asseater007 exactly, always trying to recapture the pure happiness we felt as children, although some people don't even have happy childhoods
asseater007 last time i was truly happy was when i got high.
Hard same. I'm drunk now :/
" When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking where I've gone." no truer words have ever been spoken.
The Wal-Mart parking lot....the parking lot of the Emergency Room..because if I can't breathe and I'm drowning they'll be able to help me breathe there
I don’t know where depression dumped the old me, but from the little that I can feel, it’s cold and unsympathetic. And I know the real me is trying to get back, but everyone thinks this fake me is the real one.
That part....
This❤
I love reading the comments and just seeing what lines hit people the most, you can tell we all feel the same thing so differently but it is all still pain.
This comment made me smile through my tears
the scariest part is thinking that you'll never be okay.
I can’t remember what happy is all I know is what I am now
does it get better though ?
*sadness noises* it got better :)
Dorkaholic i am okay :)
Samara Schellings hang in there. you’ll find your way. i posted this 2 years ago. i forgot i even did, so i’m kinda weirded out lol i just woke up to the notification of your comment and the others asking me if i’m okay now. i’m in a completely new and fresh season in my life... reading my comment took me exactly back to the black hole i lived in 2 years ago. between then and now, i left the abusive asshole i was with, went back to school and just completed the year with a 4.0, and everyday i’m learning to love myself better than the day before. i’m taking it as a sign and testament from the most High that not only does it get better, but eventually YOU WILL be okay.
"Take care of this terrible body that doesn't take care of me back."
Hit me hard, goosebumps.
Same here.
"I can't call sad into work."
I feel this so hard.
You know when you find something that explains what you've been trying to put into words for so long? This is it.
fully agreed. especially the line, 'when people ask me how I am they may as well ask me where i've gone"
I love the line where she talks about her depression as if it's someone else
"Being this kind of sad is funny that way. No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience"
can't stop these tears from falling, because it is way too deep
I know how that is everyday I am close to crying but I stay strong and when I do I am hiding a part of me that makes me.
cheer up
"My own voice telling me on the radio, there is no place for me here"
Off all the lines in her poem, this one hurt the most...
I almost burst into tears listening to this. Jesus, I love and hate when someone so accurately describes the torment that is depression.
Maybe one day we won't have to deal with this. Until then, cheers.
Richard Nava amen. .or the statements that we are crazy
It will.... And there’s only ONE thing/ PERSON who CAN AND WILL HEAL us and it’s the eight word you just mentioned
But I wish that was a moment, instead it is life.
Cheers
"If I get out, I have to be a person again." I felt that man
“Take care of this terrible body that doesn’t take care of me back” that is such a good way of describing it
This gave me chills in the first 30 seconds. Too real.
Lexie Jordan same
"Depression is a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the Seance. Afraid of what it might want from me."
Holy. Shit.
This week I sat in an auto zone parking lot and cried for ten minutes because I couldn’t change a head light, which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me? Like, haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&ms at 11:30 in the morning IN BED or, I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep half way through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes.
My headlight went out and my first thought was “seems right.” I couldn’t change it myself because I’d have to take off the whole bumper or something and I thought “of course” or “I wish I was dead.” Being this kind of sad is funny that way, no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it’s all the end of the world or might as well be, my brain is dramatic like that.
Depression is a silent film, a monologue shot underwater, depression is sulking because I won’t talk to it anymore, by which I mean ABOUT it. There are some days I am so sad I don’t remember what it’s like not to be, like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you’re so sure you’ll never breathe through your nose again and I’m so sure I’ll never feel joy again.
Except when you have a cold you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to get well soon, and there is a whole soup genre dedicated your well-being. I can’t call in “sad” to work. I can’t go to the grocery store and go to the “sad aisle” which would have like already stale popcorn and tea which your best friend swears is good for you.
So sometimes all I can do is laugh, if I don’t, there might be nothing left. There’s a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platt river, and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it’s become a permanent imprint in my thigh.
I’m here because I’ve been sad since graduation, not this one the one before that, or maybe I have a bad cold, or maybe it’s both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes.
If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back. I’m so tired of talking about my depression as someone else, a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance, afraid of what it might want from me.
My depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke, it’s just me asking for something I cannot give. I ask to come back to my body and it’s only me saying no.
When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking me where I’ve gone. I”m driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves I will not know, just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me “there is no place for me here.”
Maggie Seng thank you
Thank you, it's easier to read this than to concentrate to the video
Thank you, I always check if there is captions first and if not I will scroll to the comments and attempt to look for some, so thank you
Thank you, my friend needed this but couldn't watch the video, just tysm
When people like ask me how I am, they may as well be asking where I've gone. 👏👏😢
Toshi J Best line, its a odd way of saying what she saying but yet so relative
Watching this while you feel like you're getting worse is calming
Coming back to it while feeling better is familiar
"No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it's all the end of the world, or it might as well be" *snaps*
"no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience. it's all the end of the world or might as well be" yup
"Im driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves, I will not know" always hits me so hard
I've watched this several times and it never gets less powerful. Depression is a fierce demon to battle, but as long as you are still here there will always be a place for you here
There are so many lines in this poem that struck a chord with me I can't even quote them all. This poem is brilliant, and sad, and something I wish I didn't relate to as much as I do.
I relate to this more than I'd care to say. and I'm terrified to say this because eveveryone is so glad about me getting better...
We can do it.
Ida Thank you
Jane Justice Doe 💚
Jane Justice Doe the poem is a well articulated poetic expression about depression-I didn't cry listening to it, but this what you just said 'because everyone is so glad about me getting better' made me bawl my eyes out. I'm so sorry that you have to effect something you don't really feel, in order to protect how others feel. My thoughts are with you.
goldifoxxx1 Thank you so much. It always makes me so much better when people remind me I'm not alone. Thank you so very much. To all of you, really. Thank you.
"I ask to come back to my body, and it's only me saying no." Hit different.
For anyone who is hard of hearing or just wants the words, here you go:
This week, I sat in an AutoZone parking lot and cried for 10 minutes straight, because I couldn't change a headlight. Which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me. Like, "haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&m's at 11:30 in the morning, in bed. Or, I've watched the Pilot of Gossip Girl 10 times in the past 2 weeks because I keep falling asleep half-way through, because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes. My headlight went out, my first thought was "seems right." I couldn't change it by myself because I'd have to take off the whole bumper or something. I thought "of course" or "I wish I was dead." Being this kind of sad is funny that way. No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience; it's all the end of the world or might as well be. My brain is dramatic like that. Depression is a silent film; a monolouge shot underwater. Depression is sulking because I won't talk to it anymore, by which, I mean about it. There are some days when I am so sad, I don't remember what it's like not to be. Like, when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose, and you're so sure that you'll never breathe through your nose again; and I'm so sure I will never feel joy again. Except, when you have a cold, you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to "get well soon" and then there's a whole soup genre dedicated to your well being. I can't call in sad to work; can't go to the grocery store and go to the "sad aisle", which should only have like already stale popcorn and tea your bestfriend swears is good for you. So, sometimes all I can do is laugh. If I don't, there might be nothing left. There's a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platte River and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often, it's become a permanent imprint in my thigh. I'm here because I've been sad since graduation; not this one, the one before that or maybe I have a bad cold or maybe it's both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes. If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal, at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back. I'm so tired of talking about my depression as someone else. A ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance. Afraid of what it might want from me. My depression doesn't ask for much, but when it does, it's something I cannot give and that's the joke. It's just me asking for something I cannot give. I ask to come back to my body and it's only me saying "no". When people ask me how I am, they might as well be asking where I've gone. I'm driving down a dirt road, no headlights. When it curves, I will not know; just drive on into the field. My own voice playing on the radio, telling me there is no place for me here.
"Sometimes all I can do is laugh. If I don't there might be nothing left." My heart is beating so fast after watching this and that part hit hard and made me cry. Sometimes I use my humor to quiet the pain that I'm hiding in the inside.
I remember I came across this poem when it was uploaded, and to this day, I still cry when I watch it, because every single line just hits a different type of emotion that I can't put into words myself, but I can relate to.
pointless year update: hearing "my depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke" is hard, even though I don't have depression, it reminds me of the way I've convinced myself that I am below everyone else, that I'm stupid, unattractive no matter how much effort I put into the clothes I wear or despite attempting to find the most flattering glasses to hide my big nose, that I have no confidence, I'm a loser and I'm awkward and that's why I don't get to go out with my friends, and I'm a burden at work and uni because I make countless dumb mistakes while the people around me do completely fine
I thought this was so beautiful that I teared up because I've been there. I get there over and over again at times and it's terrifying to wake up and you're just hit with this wave of depression and no one seems to understand what it's like. The raw emotion you hear in her voice is heartbreaking and the people who disliked this video are idiots because they seemed to miss the meaning behind her words.
I can’t explain how much I felt that “depression is a silent film” I can’t explain it it just speaks to me.
I used to relate to this so much. I recently realised how long I was depressed. I remember really hating my self in 5th grade I was either 10-11. I'm 16 now.
Wish I could go back in time and just cuddle my old self and tell her that she's loved and she's precious and that everything turns out great.
"my own voice playing on the radio telling me there is no place for me here", that hit me so hard :")
AMAZING. Poems like this one speak to so many people. Like me. They give us a voice. They put feelings that were once indescribable into words. Thank you.
Oh my god. This just made me realise how important poetry is.
i love her voice
"I have to take care of this terrible body, that refuses to take care of me back" damn!
I didn't want to laugh at this. I wanted to be sad. But it's just so fucking real, that it becomes funny. It becomes this defense that I can't control. I see myself in the mirror and I can't do anything but shut my eyes. And when I laugh I close my eyes. And I cry. And sometimes that's the best way.
Mm
I laugh at sad things bc it’s sad idk about you but to me I think it’s a psychological reaction
Heidi Acelien ok there was no point on commenting if you were just gonna say mm
"It's all the end of the world or might as well be" AHHHHH!
The accuracy of this poem is scary as hell... Every time I think I am getting better, depression pulls me back and kicks me in the gut as a quick reminder. This poem has power, a power that brought me to tears. It is truly amazing!
Yes! First time someone said I was depressed, I was 5. 20 years later… still fighting this battle that seems to never end. I feel like I’m getting better, then the rug gets jerked out from under me and I am back in this dark pit wondering how I can go from functioning like a somewhat regular person to not having the energy to get out of bed overnight. I want this roller coaster to end.
I don't have depression, but this got me into tears because it let's me see even just a peek of what my friend is going through right now.
“It’s all the end of the world or might as well be my is dramatic like that” all the time !
i am sitting on the floor of my shower right now. crying.
So i decidet to watch poetry slams to push me up.
and now i foud this.
thank you
hearing this poem like a ritual, coming back to this like coming back to home after another depressed day, this poem is so special to me, there are too many lines where i relate and i didnt plane to comment, i always read through the comment section and feel like commenting-all these months i didnt, but today reading them again i felt an oblication to, after all i feel the same.
I'm back here yet again :)
back at it:))
3 years later and this is still relevant. Thank you Reagan for this poem. I miss seeing you for slam poetry club ❤
You're so welcome!
"All I can do is laugh.... If I don't there might be nothing left" that got me ..
“All i can do is laugh, because if i don’t then there’s nothing left” that hit to close to home
"sometimes all i can do is laugh, if i don't there might be nothing left"
goddamn i can't count the amount of times i've said this. powerful. powerful. powerful. sobbing as of right now
People who are ignorant, cruel or abusive towards you may have never truly experienced those depths of despair, utter hopelessness and numbness and to be honest, I'm glad that they didn't have to go through this gut wrenching pain.
“Sometimes I talk to the voice in my head to avoid the thoughts of how I’m alone”
“No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience” that is so true
As someone who suffers from both mental illnesses and physical, this poem his very close to home, especially as there are lines that relate to my physical illness as well as my mental. The line about her body not looking after her as it should run straight to my core...❤
I've lost touch with Button, it was nice to return to this channel to such a great performance 😊
"There is no place for me here" that rings to true for me.
“No inconvenience is a minor inconvenience”
You have no idea how much of a relief it was to hear that, I always get so upset at inconsequential things and I know it’s irrational and I know I’m blowing it out of proportion so I just push down the feelings and go about my day, ignoring the pain swelling up in my chest and I’m *so* glad I’m not the only one
In tears, completely encapsulates what it truly feels like to have depression. Thank you for your brave words!
i always seem to come back to this poem, it just comforts me and makes me feel a little bit better while dealing with my depression. thank you reagan x
I already know I'm going to be watching this poem over and over again. I've never related so closely to a poem, thank you Reagan for putting this feeling into words♥
Still keep coming back to this poem, years later… feeling seen and understood by someone who doesn’t even know i exist is another kind of love, and also sadness. This poem will never not be in my mind. Thank you, I didn’t ask for this poem but it gave me hope that I’m not alone
I can't even handle how good this is.
Chills. Literal chills.
These poems are the only thing left for me. I feel lost and alone
Rebecca Monk so do I....
All my friends and I have different levels of depression. We cope with it in different ways. Some of us are stoned and drunk as soon as they think no one can see them, others, like me, just internalize and shove down all emotion until we break down, reset and the cycle starts again. This is the most accurate description I have ever seen.
"My own voice playing on the radio telling me there is no place for me here..." *leaves*
Oh my... 10/10.
Felt that in my soul. God bless her. Beautifully done.
gosh i love slam poetry. and she really just describes depression so well
Thank you for finding the words I lack.. I cried so hard at that. My friends know I have depressions and still, for them I am the most humorous person there is. Joking, laughing, all the time especially if I want to cry.
"There is no place for me here" is a sentence on repeat in my head every time I am sad..
During this whole thing i thought, *Wow..i didn't think ANYONE could explain how i felt..how i feel. But this is EXACTLY how i feel, it's almost like my mind has been put into words*
Update: still feel like this.
i am crying too much while listening to this
"Sometimes all i can do is laugh"I can relate . People are always sure im okay because i always seem happy, but really i dont want anyone to see how much i just am not happy. I would rather everyone think i was ok than have them wondering and thinking they're the reason i'm not.
0:30-0:54 i love this part. the last 2 years i've been coming back every depression episode i've had just to listen to that part and cry. i've never related to anything this much. my heart breaks everytime i listen to that.
“Take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back.” FELT
i cried because it’s hard to find the right words for how i feel, and this so accurately described a lot of it. thank you.
"I've been sad since graduation, not this one the last one" hits me hard everytime
This is the best description of depression, if only everyone could understand it like this. Maybe then people would take it seriously
the tea part, so fucking true.
Kittyoongi would you mind explaining that part to me?
The drink you spilled all over me often people who dont have depression tell people who do to drink tea... as if it helps.
Dru Pozek yeah, I was guessing that was the meaning, but I wasn't sure. Thanks for explaining!
'Taking care of a body that doesn't take care of me back'.
As someone who ended up with constant muscle pain as a result of constant stress/worry, I feel this so hard. Despite my body being in constant pain, I still have to be nice to it and feed it and wash it, or else it'll hurt me more. But when I do something I want to do or enjoy doing, like baking one god damn cake or going for a nice walk with my dog, my body will punish me with even more pain. And I still have to take care of it...
TRUTH!!!! THIS POEM SAID EVERYTHING!!
It’s 2024 and I’m still crying over this video, as beautiful as depression can get ❤
I feel like I have depression but I don't let it in, and it's tiring, but I won't let this happen, but sometimes you just can't help it. But remember this. you are loved.
Okay, so I used to listen to this all the time, and I very much related to the part where she says I wish I was dead on a minor inconvenience, AND LISTENING TO IT AGAIN I REALIZED I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, AND I AM VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!
this poem hit me so hard i'm crying
she was my poetry coach, so much love and respect for her. Reagan is such an admirable person and i'm so glad I got to spend one amazing year being inspired by her.
Lyrics:
This week I sat in an auto zone parking lot and cried for ten minutes because I couldn't change a head light, which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me? Like, haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&ms at 11: 30 in the morning IN BED or, I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep half way through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes.
My headlight went out and my first thought was "seems right." I couldn't change it myself because I'd have to take off the whole bumper or something and I thought "of course" or "I wish I was dead."Being this kind of sad is funny that way, no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it's all the end of the world or might as well be, my brain is dramatic like that.
Depression is a silent film, a monologue shot underwater, depression is sulking because I won't talk to it anymore, by which I mean ABOUT it. There are some days I am so sad I don't remember what it's like not to be, like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you're so sure you'll never breathe through your nose again and I'm so sure I'll never feel joy again.
Except when you have a cold you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to get well soon, and there is a whole soup genre dedicated your well-being.I can't call in "sad" to work. I can't go to the grocery store and go to the "sad aisle" which would have like already stale popcorn and tea which your best friend swears is good for you.
So sometimes all I can do is laugh, if I don't, there might be nothing left. There's a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platt river, and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it's become a permanent imprint in my thigh.
I'm here because I've been sad since graduation, not this one the one before that, or maybe I have a bad cold, or maybe it's both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes.
If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back.I'm so tired of talking about my depression as someone else, a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance, afraid of what it might want from me.
My depression doesn't ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that's the joke, it's just me asking for something I cannot give.I ask to come back to my body and it's only me saying no.
When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking me where I've gone. I"m driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves I will not know, just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me "there is no place for me here."
Most of us just say " I'm fine " and cry about it later on but
she's so brave to say all of her problems without bursting out crying, I adore her
I can relate to this sooo damn much.. more than I probably should while I pretend to get better but am laying awake night for night..
I want to cry because I've never heard anything more accurate but either I've cried so much that I'm out of tears or my body just doesn't care anymore.
"The cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes"
Sometimes I come to this poem when I’ve been hurting.. it makes me cry over and over again. To feel understood is enough somedays.
I love this poem too much
This made me cry. So relatable.
This made me feel so not alone. Thank you.
Ok, I'm a little happy that my sadness, and depression is not this debilitating, but I can feel every word you said. Everyone just has to understand that we are not cut from the same cloth...we are all different in our own ways. But one thing that is for sure is...YOU ARE WORTH IT!!