Hey Jared, I’m one of your exjw subscribers. I really appreciate your content as a whole. Your candid thoughts you share in this video really resonate with me and how I’ve felt at times in my life. I even had the same idea as you about only being able to be pure by surgery or something like that. I remember the hopelessness. I hope you hang on to hope. The best journeys to self discovery start with pain and hard questions. I’m having a great journey now and I believe you will too! Hang in there. It gets better.
I hear you. In the 70’s when it was even more rigid than today, I was JW. I had no idea as a lady, how to cover my knees, even had a “sister” measure the length of skirt before I could be deemed worthy for door-to-door work. Even then, I couldn’t understand how knobby knees could turn on a “worldly”, but thems were the rules! I thought, why would god make knees if we have to be ashamed of them, why couldn’t he joint us like the animals then? So I learned to hate and fear my KNEES!!! Yes, glad I’m out of that stupidity, yet to those just going into it, it’s their Passage and one day they’ll look back at it before they enter a new phase of human Passages. Now I just say, “Whatever”. Or, “I don’t know”. And therein lies the freedom.
lol tbh as a JW I never actually learned anything about other religions, their doctrines were dirty info after all. I probably wasn’t prohibited from learning about it, but I definitely didn’t feel encouraged to. I have found the rest of this channel very fuckin informative, I feel lot more educated when talking to theists now, not necessarily their theology, but how their worship looks and why they might value it.
@@christinesotelo7655a lot of other commenter here are still victims of this silly abuse. It was definitely a horror story! Extreme abuse onto a teenager! It's horrendous. By the way I must ask (it sounds predatory I know, but isn't. How did that Nobby knee thing work at beaches or pools when you believed? I don't get that at all.
@@derekmaverick5986nope. You're not allowed to look outside of the "organization" about anything, especially other religions. At best you'll be scolded, at worst (or even better) you'll be disfellowshipped. Hell, you could be disfellowshipped just for viewing these videos. I assume you want out? I also assume you're too young to be out on your own. Your best bet is to act like you're shooting for an Oscar. Put on a show. Even go out in service. Then, when you're able, just walk away. When I was 17 I was a landscaper. To better protect my face from the cold I started growing a beard. The presiding overseer came up to me immediately after the meeting one Sunday and scolded me. That unto itself wasn't proper protocol. When I asked where the Bible said we weren't to grow a beard, he got aggressive. But, he never pointed to the scriptures. I wasn't allowed to go out in service because of that, so I went home and looked it up. There is no scriptural basis for that rule. And that was when I realized it was a man made rule. Then I realized there were a lot of non-bible based rules. And then it hit me, it was all made up. I started missing meetings, occasionally go out in service, then eventually just the memorial. No one, not even my "friends", ever came to see how I was. It's been 25 years, and still no one has ever contacted me. Now I know what I did would be considered ghosting. You fade away, and they forget you exist. It's easier on you too. As you also slowly erase them from your life. If you grew up in it, entering normal society can be rough. Holidays and birthdays still bother me a bit 19 years of marriage in. But, hanging with people I like, marry someone I love rather than out of convenience, and doing things without worrying about fearing retribution from a non-existent God is true paradise. You don't have to become an alcoholic, drug addicted, or a nymphomaniac or anything. Just be you, and be free.
Why are you guys talking about the JWs... Don't you know it's the Troof? 🤣🤣🤣 Everyday I find reasons to be thankful I'm out of that mess. Hopefully you are all doing well.
Hey there, just recently found your channel. I'm an evangelical Christian who absolutely still believes in the truth of Jesus and clings to Scripture- but I share a lot of your feelings and criticisms of the church overall. This video was so thought provoking for me. As a recovering porn addict myself, I've been through the shaming from yourself and others, I've felt the hopelessness and defeat, and I've been utterly devastated by how much "just try harder" doesn't work. And I have prayed many times that fear of the aftermath would keep me from doing horrible things. And I do deeply desire (for my own sake and my future wife's, but also out of a desire for holiness) to live in purity and not give into the desires of my flesh. Jesus does call us to self-denial after all. But what I realize- and what so many others seem to fail to understand- is that God has not called us to pursue purity in our own power. We're all too weak to uphold God's standard, and that's the point. Is it WAY easier said than done to "let go and let God" and surrender to His guidance? FRICK YES, and most cliches don't help anyway. But I know that it is He who works in me both to will and to work according to His good pleasure. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I get it brother. I have also done so much that I am so ashamed of, and repeated offenses because I've failed to remember the aftermath- but the understanding that Jesus has been so kind and gracious and forgiving to me and that His mercy offers me a clean slate, and my deep desire to not just do the right things but to deeply and truly love and adore and enjoy Him... THAT'S what keeps me going. And He hasn't failed me yet. Not necessarily trying to evangelize you at the moment, although I admit I would rejoice greatly if you did return. But I just wanted to comment and thank you for entering into conversations that the Church often silences or shies away from and for making us think and reflect. Your content is much appreciated.
Wow your story so sad and very eye opening! I was in the Charismatic movement for years as well, but for me I left it and became more focused on the Bible. I got married at 19 and my husband was 20. We have been married for almost 22 years now. I pray one day you will find healing from what all of us in that movement experienced and I am truly sorry you experienced all of that!
Jared, I want to say thank you for sharing your videos with us. I'm a Christian, and I admire your openness and thoughtfulness toward religion. You are so brave for talking about this. You seem like a cool cat. Are you on Goodreads? If so, I would like to add you as a friend on there. Keep your head up, man.
Jared, I feel like we walked the same path, at two separate times, in two separate places. Everything you shared, nearly verbatim, I have experienced/thought. I too left it all behind, because the experiences I lived caused me to hate it. Hearing your story brought so much of it back up to the surface - reminding me of the pain and confusion it all caused me, and why I walked away from it all. People with our background don’t want to be evangelized. Ever. So I share this not to evangelize you man, but because I found beauty again - the beauty I always sought but never obtained. I recently converted to Eastern Orthodoxy and Christ has been healing my soul - something I prayed for and sought as a hyper-charismatic but never received. I appreciate you sharing and articulating your story. It has helped me and has reminded me of why I am where I am now. Much love man. Hope you have a Merry Christmas with your family/friends. -Mike D
25:38 Sorry man but you're wrong. There are good men and women out there who will stay faithful to their spouses for their entire lives. Don't lose the good that does still exist in humanity.
@27 min in… he says he’s not confident in himself. He feels tortured to SR and hold in, he’s afraid, Christians aren’t afraid. He said he’s never met any Christian who are pure. He doesn’t believe any Christian is thriving. I’m someone who deleted almost all social media, about to delete RUclips but not to deem myself more spiritual or any sort. But because I don’t see the world the same anymore, a lot things are a waste of time and I do believe with God , all things are possible.
Faith is an unreliable method. Even you agree with this as there are so many contradictory faiths then clearly it can't be true. Nor can you have a personal truth! Which is contradictory to others who claim a personal truth. Truth doesn't work that way, ever. That's not my personal faith truth! It's just the truth, faith is an unreliable method. Similar to guesses, hopes, horror stories, emotions such as fear or love. None of these are a reliable method to believe in any truth. As truth of something, anything existing or in some claimed supernatural place or any place, clearly requires evidence and or reason to believe it's true. Unless you have an unreasonable non evidence based 'personal' relationship truth, which would be a silly belief.
I didn't grow up religious at all, never went to any church or mosque, although our family visited a temple for fun once. My kids are obviously the same, never being religious ever. As such we devoted our days enjoying our own company especially outings on Sundays. Churches always looked awkward to me. Uncomfortable cold kinda spooky places with their big gates and temples. I really have no idea why anyone goes there. It looks like people attending an 1800s event. Um there are better places nowadays.
@@deion312 But isn't their God supposedly everywhere? There's no logic. Socially it's outdated. Religiously it doesn't make sense to go to a building that l presume is just a big room. Kids would likely not like it. Kinda like visiting an old museum. And modern ones look out of place. Plus which claimed God? Obviously this era will end and (maybe) another God name will be the norm. Kinda feels a waste.
As someone who went to the Brownsville Revival I can identify with a lot of this. I also was in the Christian Music scene and played a festival with ‘For Today’. Great video brother. God bless you
Bro that Jimmy Swaggart clip really gets me every time. Jared, your content never fails to make me shed a tear. I'm so sorry that you went through all of this. I'm praying for you man. I hope you find a place where you can belong while waiting for belief to come again. Dude, I wish we could hang out and talk. You have a place at my table anytime.
I grew up Pentecostal, UPCI specifically. The parts about sex and sexuality brought back some intense memories. Sex was almost treated like a curse word, to the point where some of the kids in youth group would refer to it as the "s-word." It made it seem like this thing to be feared and avoided, and it negatively impacted most of the dating lives of us as teens. I would refuse to think of any of the girls I liked in a sexual way and was caught completely off guard when they confided that they actually wanted sex. I didn't want to give them "temptation," as the gangly awkward playboy I was at 16, so I ran. I didn't pursue any relationships. It doesn't make any sense in hindsight. I remember being disillusioned when I found out most of my friends weren't as severe in their convictions as I was, and ended up not talking to any of them anymore. (This was the right thing to do, but for the wrong reasons.) Sex in Pentecostal circles is only ever spoken of in a negative light, and it reinforces the sexist idea that women only do sex as a favor for men, or as a way to get power. It's what I thought for the longest time. I was told growing up that women would throw themselves at me if I'm not on my guard at all times, and I had to be prepared for that. The worst part was when I inevitably discovered porn, and I asked for advice on dealing with temptation, and all I was told was to give it to God and leave it at the altar and trust in God with everything I had. I had and have no idea what that means, and it gave me nothing but confusion when I would pray and say all those platitudes and still want to watch porn afterwards. There was no practical advice. There was no magic word to save myself. I'm still a Christian, Catholic now. But I have a lot of resentment for the way I was taught about sex growing up. The part that I resent the most is that I can't fully renounce my old church, because I was just like them not too long ago. I don't know what I've carried with me.
I was brought up Catholic. Sex was taboo. I recall being in third grade and boys being told that the Virgin Mary (no one knew what Virgin meant) was the only girlfriend they could have and for girls, Jesus as a boyfriend. We had no idea what those nuns were talking about. When we got older, being seventeen and on the edge of getting married, no one would explain sex. It just wasn’t talked about. No one knew anything, despite urges and feelings “down there”. If we did anything we didn’t know, it was a mortal sin and we’d end up in hell forever if we didn’t run to a confessional priest before we died, to confess what we didn’t know how to talk about because we weren’t sure if that was really IT. Then the priest would end up having to drag words out of us that made him sound like a pervert. Catholic, Pentecostal, Jehovah’s Witness-all denying the progress and process and passages of human BEING. sad.
My current church emphasizes how God (creator of the universe) also created sex. It was never meant to be taboo, it’s meant to be a beautiful thing in the right setting, and I wish different cultures (including my own) didn’t treat it as taboo. Because, as I’m hearing, you can’t suddenly switch that thinking off once you get married.
14:03 yes I had to do this 20 years ago in front of my church the pastor said that I had sinned against the church and he said all kinds of stuff it was so horrible and people treated me awful I was pregnant and they bugged and bugged ,e to give it up for adoption but I did t and I kept her she is 19 in college lol sorry for going on who knows if anyone reads it
Jared, I think you should consider writing a book. You’re a descriptive raconteur and I know many people could relate to your experiences (regardless of religious background)
Just discovered your channel and I absolutely love it. My experience is similar years but not as traumatic. I started off as a Southern Baptist because my mother and dad were Southern Baptist. Until I left for college, I was basically attending church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday night with some occasional other events thrown in. time I reached college age I had had enough. One memory for me was an argument my father and I had over my staying home to watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. He told me I was choosing Satan over Jesus. I didn’t think much more about religion until 10 years later when my daughter was born. I started shopping around and attended all sorts of churches. I ended up settling on the Episcopal Church mainly because of the beautiful liturgy. As faith would have it a few years later, they dumped the 1928 prayer book. I wandered in the wilderness and stumbled upon the Reformed Episcopal Church. Again, 1928 prayer book. I was a happy camper until I move to the northeast. No Reformed Episcopal Church where I live. I tried the Episcopal Church, but it is too far off the rails for me. So here I am, 76, and unaffiliated. I’m fine with that. Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Jared. This was hard to hear; I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to share. Thanks for being so open. Your humility and vulnerability really helps me look at aspects of my life in ways I never have before, and I know I’m not the only one. Stress less and God bless.
Howdy. I’m a theologically conservative Baptist (I believe in evolution and just science in general, so I’m not a fundamentalist), and this is a problem. This is the first video I’ve seen of you (sir? Jared? Helio? I’ll call you sir since you are older than me). I have never seen you before, and you have gained my respect so much. I can visibly see the pain that this causes you, and I EMPATHIZE (not sympathize [had to look it up to make sure]) with the p stuff (can I say that on YT?). I tend to see this scandal stuff unfortunately in communities that want to beat it out of you. The church I went to used to be one of the very oppressively fundamentalist in the 70s, 80s, 90s (our current Pastor SEEMS to have been the reason this started to reverse, but I am not sure on that, since it feels to much like a touchy subject to really ask all that much). Whenever my aunts and cousins (that are old enough to be my aunts), got pregnant, they were called down in the middle of the altar and shamed. And resulting from a lot of the shaming (among other things in the church) a lot of my family left the church not wanting to have anything to do with God. Very sad. I appreciated this video so much sir, and I wanted to know that I feel for you, and that I want to make sure that you are heard. Soli Deo Gloria, Anderson Crowell PS, I am subbed to you now, because you deserve it.
I don't know how to articulate how utterly brilliant and moving this video was! I found you recently as I have been on a journey to deconstruct from 39 years of fundamental Christian upbringing. You express yourself with such kindness, authenticity, and brilliant insight. Thank you so much for allowing us a glimpse into your experiences.
Wow! 88 year old, on the other side of the world. (NZ) You are where I was 60 years ago. Been there. Done that That was the most powerful sermon I have ever heard. Thank you for baring your Soul. ❤
I hate the fact that I’ve been waiting a long time for something to come out on Dr. Brown…Before my deconversion, I didn’t watch too many of his videos, but when I did, they always brought me a feeling of theological joy/fulfillment. Especially where he confronted the black herbrew Israelites, being someone who is white and once subscribed to that way of thinking for a time. This phrase has come to my mind recently. Where the light shines a shadow always follows…Another banger video tho dude. A lot unspoken things that you’re bringing to the table that a whole lot of people of faith just take a blind eye to. Edit: I’m proud of you dude. To hear your story as well, you’ve come a long way. And if that isn’t something to be proud of. Idk what is. We are only human. We overcome and adapt. Yet we try our best every day. Just as we did with Christ. Even though the world around us gets crazier by the day. Just for our selves we try our best to do good, even if it lead to something bad. Selflessly selfish.
A lot of reasons given for why people leave Christianity apply to me as well. Especially that we are told that if we live according to a certain standard that we will have a great marriage, great relationships and near perfect children. That is a big part of why I left Evangelicalism. But then later on I discovered Orthodox Christianity and also discovered that from the start, the original church never told anyone any of those things but rather "In this world you will have troubles". Rather than examples of faith resulting in a healthy happy life, I saw saints who were saints because they endured hardships that were never fixed or healed in this lifetime.
This has been so well said and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your brutal honesty. If I can offer a picture of hope, my wife and I both were committed small group leaders in our church all about the purity culture… then I shattered her heart with my own confession of pornography. But she still loved me better than I deserved. Now we both left the church together after my own deconstruction followed by her own, and were still together. Our love transcended the belief system we thought gave it meaning. The key is not to find a person you’ll never disappoint, they don’t exist. You want a person who will love you honestly enough in spite of your failings as you do for them. That is totally possible outside of religion.
As a Christian I must say that you are very honest and I like that about you. You are absolutely spot on even about the blame game and pointing of fingers amongst denominations.
Everything you said was almost exactly my experience with purity culture. Then I had a bishop tell me I was taking it all too seriously, to the detriment of the rest of my life. I was angry with him, and later with God, and I rebelled. God picked up the pieces in the aftermath and made something better. He will do that for you too.
As a former intern/staff at the International House of Prayer | Mike Bickle for years, I deeply identified with this video. The intensity culture is so unusual, it's rare to find people who understand it. Also appreciate your candor and thoughts on the destructiveness of intense holiness/purity culture: I know my thoughts on it from a female perspective but so rarely hear any articulation from a male perspective.
Wow, what a journey that was. I grew up secular and could never personally understand that kind of experience with faith. Thanks for the gift of sharing with us. I'm new to your content, and really appreciate your perspective.
considering his takeaways from the whole experience, i don't think he had much experience with faith as he does with just be molded and mentored in a cult-like environment
The way you speak so honest about your emotions and experiences… its so vulnerable. My biggest Respect. This gives me so much strength. And if there is a God, I truly hope he blesses you forever.
Damn. Not ending with, "Go to church," on this video says so much while saying nothing at all. The complexities of religion are so overwhelming. I appreciate Jared's candor and frank approach to discussing religion-- blemishes and all. For some people like me, those are the discussions I'm interested in hearing. Thank you for having the tough discussions at the expense of your own vulnerability, man.
Jared: I so appreciate your candor, especially in such a public space. My heart goes out to you. True fact: I've been married 48 years and have never cheated on my wife. We married at 20 and 21 years old and people thought we were crazy (we met in Bible School). She went into nursing and I into the ministry. We have four kids and five grandkids and, as Jean Valjean says in Les Miz, they are "the best of my life". If I could speak to your old high school audience, here's what I'd say: "the struggle to aim for a high standard is - in itself - holy. Your relationship with yourself, including your body, is holy. Respect yourself. Aim high. Do your best. Embrace your humanity and learn about how to live with yourself, your desires, your goals. It's a study. There's always more to learn. Let every experience - success or failure - become your teacher". Something like that. Be at peace, Jared. I appreciate you.
Or don't, as its his choice right? Unless you are against his choice? Outrageous. Maybe he could have multiple married women as flings, that would be OK too of course? If that's what he wants. Wait you aren't against what he may want I hope! As long as it's consenting adults. It sounds as though you may have some outdated belief. He could have 1000 relationships with consenting men if he wants. That's OK too of course right?
I was born again at the Brownsville revival in 1998. Was a Christian for 25 years and have been an atheist for over a year now. I’m very sorry to hear how you feel regarding your sexuality. I’m going through a divorce after entering marriage as a virgin during height of purity culture. I get how daunting it can feel to navigate what it should look like now and if it’s possible to be truly free and happy in that area. The fact that you even care and are willing to ponder/ask questions of yourself, shows that you will get to a good place to find meaningful ways to use your body properly and figure how what works for you. Wishing you all the best and always enjoy your videos (and music too!).
I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months or so and after seeing this video I am in awe of the similarity of our experience. I was very into christian metal in my late teenage years, and when I stumbled upon your videos and hearing you reference your own music I thought to myself after listening "Man I'd bet money that this guy loves Oh Sleeper.", and now I feel so vindicated after watching this video. I was enrolled in a very similar program for a semester, School of Urban Ministry or SUM, and we also had a missions trip to Mardi Gras, and I am sure your experience was as equally as wild as mine. Seeing your videos and the way that you wrestle with your faith so openly is both very refreshing and reassuring, it is refreshing for the sense of honesty you display and it is reassuring for the peace you have while wrestling with such a deep aspect of human existence. I've long since left the faith and I still deal with these questions and feelings on almost a weekly basis. Your videos are such a positive force for atheists and believers alike and I hope that you continue to make such awesome content.
I was waiting for you to make a video on that mess. I looked up to Dr. Brown so much. I know I need to put my faith in Jesus never failing me, not man. God bless brother.
Hey man, I don’t know how to reconcile my hope as a Christian with your belief system, but i do want to encourage you to not give up the hope of having a family As a husband and father, i can tell you, you will fail i definitely have But ive also had my greatest triumphs and joys as a husband and father Expect that you will have to humble yourself, say sorry when you mess up, ask for forgiveness… but don’t give up on the race before you run it just because you don’t think you can finish, being a husband and dad is one of the few things we get on this side of eternity that can bring purpose to our lives I love your channel my friend, your sincerity and thoughtfulness are evident in your communication I sincerely hope to see a video about your adventures as a husband and father in a couple years I hope this isn’t too awkward, but Father, i pray for Jared, I ask that you give him the courage to not give up hope on being a husband and a father I ask that you encourage him and help him find a woman who he can be honest and open with, who will love him and forgive him when he makes mistakes A person that can look past his failures and help him be the best version of himself. Thank you for your grace and mercy In Jesus name Amen
I don't even know what to say, I'm truly speechless. Terrifyingly and exhilaratingly existential on a level I have almost never seen before. I commend you sir. Truly one of the best things I have had the pleasure of watching, and I say that as a newly reconstructed Christian. I hope that one day, you find the Divine once again sir
Another ex-jehovah's witness subscriber here that found your channel when you did the videos on the Watchtower. I didn't grow up as a Jehovah's Witness so I also have the added benefit of experiencing other Christian religions and seeing the differences between them and the Jehovah's Witnesses. I'd never belonged to a religion that talks so much about sex at their meetings and study groups. My friends that grew up as JW's did not realize that fact because they had been around it all their lives, I was 15 when my family joined. Lots of us who went through puberty as JW's were messed up about sexuality. Enough guilty feelings to last a lifetime. I've been an atheist for over 16 years after going on my own journey of reading, research, and self discovery after leaving the JW's at 23. Thank you for your content. I enjoy the research you do on a church or denomination and your loving approach to their beliefs. I started my atheist journey as an angry atheist, but after so many years I've mellowed out and "to each their own" is my approach to most people. Take care and have a great day!
Atheism (just not accepting the theist's baseless claim of a God) is a thing due to the harm religion causes. That's why aFairiests or aSanta-ists aren't a thing.
As an exfundamental trans woman, what I can say is as I have moved my sense of self from external need to conform to an internal sense of self where I can live with my body and mind in alignment, I’ve been able to express the kind of morality I always wanted as a Christian and I’m actually able to live as a whole person Regardless of whatever you think about trans people, the decision to not care about other people’s opinions and live as myself is the best thing I’ve ever done, and (for the sake of argument) even if I am mentally ill, transition is the only thing that has had any positive impact on my mental wellbeing If you don’t want to take just one anecdote, there is good academic support that transition saves lives and increases the wellbeing of trans people
Youre not a "whole person" living in Gender confusion. There is no such thing as "trans person." God created you to be the gender you were born. Youve rejected that plan. Also you cant call yourself a Christian if you're not following the nature that God created. My best friend was caught up in Gender confusion as a teen and planned to have a sex change. But with Gods help and good counseling he got out of that and is a happy man today. God can do the same thing for you. Jesus died to resolve the confusion that youre embracing today by calling yourself "trans". There is no such thing.
I really appreciate the candid nature of the videos of yours that I’ve seen. It surprised me how much I related to the struggles and worries you described in this video. I too considered a similar, drastic solution for my own situation (it still comes to mind from time to time), and, at least for now, I stay single because I’m not confident that I wouldn’t do something heinous and ruin the lives of people I love.
Man that ending hit home hard. Thanks for sharing all that. I wish i saw something like this when i was deep in the frey. I was certainly given a dream and instructions that were not compatible.
@@ora_et_labora1095 in my developed country nobody says pray. If the news reporters said that, they'd likely be sacked. Whilst we are a free country, we respect all people irrespective of their background. Therefore who exactly are we praying to? Therefore it was dropped. Except quoting American news. Common responses are: Thinking of the loved ones or family. Condolences, or wonder at their achievements. Never praying words on public news. Private religious news (barely exists, really it doesn't exist) can say bless and prayers etc, so it's not outlawed. However those shows (few and far btween) are highly discriminative against other religions and non religions. So you can understand they are frowned upon. Your words (colloquial or said with good intentions) tends to be looked upon as outdated and wrong, by the community. Therefore I think of it as in bad taste, and so would others. Clearly a cultural (not free speach) issue.
@@kimsland999 I'm not in the US, and in my country, it's also outdated and wrong. But at the same time, it's the same society that wouldn't let your child get a tattoo but thinks it's okay to sterilize them. So, I usually don't go by what the community thinks is in bad taste or not and will continue to pray (and say Merry Christmas, celebrate Easter, fast, give food to homeless people, forgive and love people and rock my big ass cross tattoo). Thanks for the info though!
Hey Heliocentric, Change a few details and I have a similar story. Here is the difference, I embrace the grace that Doc rejected. God is a loving father and good shepherd. Psalm 103:13-15 13 The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. 14 For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. 15 Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve come to the conclusion that charismaniacs have one goal, and that’s to make everyone keep trying, keep working, go deeper, go higher, come up higher, get closer, do better, be better(ugh) There’s no reaching the top because there is always the next level to go up farther. Of course we’ve all felt like colossal failures. The game is rigged (I’m still a believer, but my faith is in God now, and EVERY MAN IS A LIAR. )
This was a beautiful video. I grew up Lutheran in Australia but always wanted (and still want to) convert to Catholicism. I have had the same thoughts you’ve had about getting rid of the problem. Your video spoke to me so deeply words cannot express how it’s affected me. Thank you so much for being so open and honest, and for your fantastic videos.
Great video once again. The ending especially resonates with me. I simultaneously want a spouse, yet I'm so afraid of moral failing, of cheating on them (not that I would rn, but who knows in 10 years?), that I would rather be single. I am glad I joined the Orthodox Church, especially one with a priest that is non judgemental and has such a healthy attitude towards sex. Completely changed my paradigm on sex and sin. That's not to say the church broadly doesn't have issues with purity culture, I'm sure it does. But I still have a lot of baggage from my conservative evangelical days
i felt your pain all the way through the "masturbation" part, as an exjw born in, purity culture was very strong in our community too, i remember going through most of the steps you described, including stop watching pornography and masturbating, it was painful, useless, didn't make me any better on a moral and ethical level, didn't make me holier, and added more suffering to all the other issues i was already going through as a teenager who's trapped in a cult. It's not just sexuality that has definitely been compromised, it's the doctrine as a whole that makes me feel like my childhood and teenage era are gone, ruined, and will never come back. Purity culture is a scourge for mental health in religious groups, also for men, thank you for bringing up the topic and for your openness and honesty.
FYI, a successful orchiectomy would not necessarily deter your libido. It has the potential to, but as it turns out, the presence or absence of balls does not determine how your hormones work
31:36 in God’s defense Jared . He did answer this terrible man’s prayer in a just and righteous way. Thank you for being vulnerable my friend. In Christ love to you. 🙏🏼
This was one of the most honest conversations. I grew up a practicing atheist, and quite frankly, I was drowning in my sexual sin. All kinds of sin. I was always drawn to the name of Jesus when I would hear it. I grew up in Southern California and Would switch the radio to Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel and his preaching drew me in. Anyway, I got radically saved at 23 years old (already pregnant and the dad was scary and left me a single mom for 10 years) so I did not grow up in any church culture that made me suppress anything. But I am raising sons. My son from those days is a 24-year-old and in the armed services. He is doing well. And I am raising a nine-year-old boy. Lol! I really love to hear your perspective because I definitely know one thing…. I am called to be a loving parent that shows my child the love of Christ, but only God can make him Born Again and change his heart. My older son got a Born Again mother who didn’t understand in a doctrine, but definitely had faith and lived a pure life. I had No sex for his childhood because I didn’t want to. I literally love Jesus that much. He rescued me! I was the lady in the Bible that was crying and washing his feet with her hair. So I don’t know what my sons have to go through but, I pray that they will desperately need him. I pray that they will see that sex or anything else does not even compare to abiding and walking with the king. I don’t understand how all this works! I really don’t! I hate our culture and think it maybe was easier 100 years ago without the Internet for young men to be pure. It’s pushed in y’all‘s face constantly. I was a sexual degenerate completely before he saved me, but I was drowning in it. The rescue was from darkness to light. I called out to him many nights, so broken and in pain. Knowing that these guys did not satisfy. They would always leave. Humans can’t satisfy the deepest longing in our hearts. Marriage is a blessing in this temporary realm. But we have to love Jesus more than our spouse. More than our own life. More than our mother and father. And once we do that sin becomes less. We can’t preach moralism. We have to preach forgiveness of sin and faith in Christ. And let him handle the moralism.
Jared- I’m always so grateful for your emotional self-awareness and your intellectual honesty. It’s funny, biographically, we are very different. I grew up a hardcore atheist and became a Christian in adulthood- I’m an Episcopalian now, so that’s even more difference, lol. Despite having so little in common on these facts and disagreeing with a lot of the bigger conclusions you come to about fundamental questions, I still am able to see myself in you. Not sure why, I just can. We’re both people earnestly trying to be better people. The contrition in your eyes and in your voice are things that I wish I saw in more of my fellows. God bless and keep up the good work
I too enjoyed my days in Charismatic movement, but wonder how it interacts with undiagnosed bipolar mania & grandiose thinking. Yes the exuberance and freedom are great, but does it become complicated with undiagnosed mania?
Jeez, as an atheist you exude more Christ like vibes than most religious types. I consider you a deep well. I honor your journey to truth and a willingness to wrestle with this subject. Wow wow wow. Thanks for posting. I am changed because of it. I am one of those that thought if I could encourage my kids to a level of purity -I could spare them being molested by an uncle, penetrated by a brother and raped repeatedly by a boyfriend. (My story) I am so sorry my generations’ response to its sexual brokenness has brought such a devastating outcome as your story clearly shows.
I grew up Southern Baptist and had the True Love Waits program drilled into me multiple times as a teenager. I left the church and “deconstructed” over a decade ago, but the way the church demonized anything sexual will forever live somewhere in the back of my mind, unfortunately.
wrong, I go to an SBC church and it was never demonized. Some younger people misinterpret what’s being said. Unfortunately, pop culture gets to define what the church allegedly said .
Man, I’ve been in the same boat about being single rather than risking harm (to myself or by my hand). It’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a long while too - You aren’t alone.
Purity culture is orthodox Jewish life. My husband I waited until marriage and he's obsessed with me 😂 and we are thriving. God is our focus and He gives us the strength to be faithful to Him and one another.
Thank you for your grace and how elegantly you discuss this topic. I think the misguidance here is that the way to avoid sexual sin is not by thinking about repercussions for self or but mustering enough strength to resist, but instead to focus on how Gods way is best and that His way is the better way not a depriving way. We overcome not but mustering strength but by relying on His strength. I pray you are able to receive His forgiveness. ❤️
This is one of the most realistic takes I've seen. I remember my fallout aged 30F divorced with limited access to my kids having been betrayed by a cruel 'christian' husband. I was a saved evangelical all about the revival and holy spirit etc. After a few years of agony I decided to go atheist and started researching it. I too concluded it was impossible to live a genuine Christian life and the god I worshipped must be a fantasy. I've come through the grace of God to have a biblical faith and I'm obsessed with the Word and with Jesus Himself. But I just can't go to a church, it seems hollow and contrived. I always counsel my son it's infinitely better to live as an honest decent atheist than the farce that calls itself christianity today or other false religions. You can have peace in this life and use your reasoning to live well. However there is judgment following death which is why we need a redeemer, a high priest whose blood can bring us to the holy place... Heb 9:27.
I was wondering what your thoughts are on eventual decline of entire sanctification as a concept in pentecostal circles. I have been going to Church of the Nazarene churches and Assembly of God churches through the last 12 years and it seems that every pastor I have met has given up on the idea that you can attain sinless perfection in this life. I have recently been attending Lutheran and Anglican churches recently and there seems to be an assumption that everyone sins with the confession and absolution portion. I also know that the puritans thought they could achieve sinless perfection and the confession and absolution was part of the reason they Split from the Anglicans. I have been United Church of Christs churches and based what I know about them they no longer hold to this doctrine. Do you think that there is a tendency to give up on sinless perfection as time goes on and a movement becomes more established? And do you think that Brownsville and Bethel movements will eventually give up on sinless perfection and radical sexual purity that comes with it in the future?
I love your videos. Having been a Catholic, a JW, an agnostic, a Science of Mind Dudette, a Scientology (almost but it was ridiculous, in my opinion, more than any others), a Born Again, an Evangelical, a Charismatic Spirit-filled Christian...I’m glad to say I’m just a “Just Jesus” person now; I don’t force myself to preach or share or study or go door-to-door. I think, therefore I am...just me. What Ive learned through all the years of life is that humans go through Passages. We’re not stagnant beings, but whippets of energy (picture a fallen electrical wire whipping around on the ground. It’s live. You’d dare not get near it. It’s something ELSE’s energy until it’s turned off). We’re kinda like that. It runs its course then we think again and become someone else toward our destinations. Passages. So many of them. Anyway, you’re effective in your investigations and speaking and for now, again, you’ve found your niche. Excellent videos and you are appreciated. ❤
@ thank you. Briefly: born “in” Catholic with twelve years of nuns. At fourteen, got into simple agnosticism but hell still scared me. Early 20’s got into JWs because they denied hell but realized they WERE hell. Got “removed”. Became a Born Again Christian with a tiny church I adored and loved Jesus (still do). Husband had gone after JWs and my little church folded up. Went to a big corporate church with Evangelists, couldn’t keep up, went to Pentecostal but tongues and seizures didn’t seem right. Met second husband who was into Science of Mind and insisted I had to attend those. We divorced years later over the exhaustion of religions, I was heart broken and saw an ad in a paper about how this thing called Scientology put relationships back together. Played with tin soldiers at a child’s student-desk in a big warehouse with other unintelligent beings who didn’t know they had inner aliens, ended up confessing to my ex-husband why I was a “bad” wife as I talked into a tin can with string linked to HIS tin can with string, it changed nothing at all, we got divorced, I cleaned churches for the Seventh Day Adventists after I ran away to a different State (and they were very good to me), came back to my home-State and have been fine ever since I stayed away from churches, KHs, religious people, and men! 🥴
The number of people I know who have cheated…. Religious and not…. Definitely many religious… everyone says it’s unthinkable but it’s all around us, you’re so right.
Jared, my man, first off, yes, I agree with your hopes and your sentiments for this community. These things are never pretty, and they deserve our love and concern. But oy vey, my man, I'm sorry for you too. There is a lot that I can wish was different for you, and I'm sure you would as well at some level. But you are where you are and I'm thankful for your honesty and vulnerability in this moment about these things. We don't talk often enough about how broken by purity culture straight guys can be. The harms to women and the LGBT are so much more obvious, and maybe in some ways more severe too, but your pain is real and your concern about yourself is understandable. I guess if I have any advice as a gay guy and ex-JW it would be that communication in a relationship is key. If you are ever going to find that woman you fall head over heels for in enough of a way to contemplate never stepping outside those bounds, you want to know what her needs and limits are, and you want her to know, from a pretty early point, just how you feel about this stuff--how afraid you are and all. I also want you to know that if you never find that one person, it is ok. Some people never do for a whole host of reasons. That doesn't mean whatever sex life you have throughout your life can't be a beautiful thing. It may be different than you ever imagined but still be beautiful and worthy in its own right. The final thing I'm going to say is, irrespective of your ability to find a wife, you would make a great Dad. Your compassion and fervor and concern for others are all clear proof of that. Even if you never become a bio dad or adopt or anything, I'd encourage you to find what time you can to impact the lives of young kids around you. I'm sure you'd find it fulfilling and reassuring and the kids would be lucky to have you around. All my best, good sir. We love you here and again, I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability. Tim
Just watched the last minutes of the video and... damn. I really struggle with what to say about this. That's pretty messed up. I thought that's a caricature of american fundamentalism and purity culture. Where does this idiocy come from? Glad I did not have to go through that. I genuinely hope that you can recover from those spiritual wounds. For what it's worth, you're included in my prayers. All the best.
Thank you for sharing. My wife and I waited till marriage to have sex and it didn’t feel like it helped. I’ve said it before but after we knew we were likely going to be married, I wish we had sex, because it feels to me it’s only made it more difficult now that we’re married. I “won” purity culture and it didn’t feel like it helped me at all, and has only led to pain in marriage. Similar to you, I also had thoughts of castrating the thing that leads me to “sin”, and it led to a full blown gender/identity crisis last year, all this while being married. Sexuality/purity feels like it did nothing to help and has only made sex harder when it was all supposed to make sex within marriage way better. So again, thank you for sharing, I definitely resonate with some of what you have experienced.
Sexual purity by threat and fear is like placing a box over that part of our being that will not die and will grow no matter what you do. The plant will grow out of every open space but underneath the box, the plant is pale, contorted, and twisted. The sex drive is powerful enough to withstand famine, disease, and war; little boys should not be forced to mutilate themselves to be something they are not. Thankfully, I learned to reject the worship of purity that is twisted. I am glad my wife and I never slept with anyone else, but trusting in purity is death. Thankfulness is the cure. Thankfulness for sex and all of its glorious oddities that keep it grounded to earth.
I agree. The Protestant Hyper purity culture is super unhealthy. The idea isn't to be perfect. It's to be looking for marriage. There's a great place for all that sex drive. 🥳
No. Marriage is a concept that began for the appropriation of inheritances, property, and ownership of goods and bloodline. What person has really been joyful in marriages forced upon them? Even with choice, once infatuation passes and you begin to grow and desire autonomy and change into other human passages, I think that people BECOME so personally traumatized that the marriage wasn’t a forever deal as religious upbringing made it to be, that marriage itself becomes the “sin”, because people don’t know how to handle (were never taught) the real FACTS of life: people develop, change, question, explore...plus you have to deal with your mate’s jealousy, insecurities, their own desires to “become” or “escape”...no, marriage is a religious institution, Catholicism propagating for the growth of the Church through having many babies.
Dude its wild you live in the charlotte nc area. I live in the rock hill area. Hoping i run into you one day so i can pick your brain! Reformed Christian here. I obviously disagree with a lot of the stuff you say but your definitely my favorite atheist. Much love dude. Hope you find Jesus!
The kind of guilt your experiencing is something I've also experienced, though to a lesser extent. It's also the kind of guilt my former friend that I mentioned in a previous comment on your videos experienced, and something we discussed about. He had found it interesting that, between me, him, and this friend of ours who we both had a crush on and had dated in the past, that we had been raised up and gotten into that kind of religious fervor that led to those heavy feelings of guilt about sex, but our friend who never really experienced it had a more healthy and less guilt-ridden relationship with it. It's an interesting thing in how the specific religious upbringings lead to certain habits of mind, including guilt. Not sure exactly what else to say, guess just wanted to say I relate. Have a good day dude, and hope life continues to be good to you. God bless.
Not surprised this happens. Am surprised that this time it was Dr. Michael Brown. You got very personal in this one and I know how it feels to be afraid of intimacy because of purity culture. Thanks for sharing.
Greetings Jared. First of all I've been watching your content for a few months now and wanted to say thank you so much for being one of the most honest and genuine people I've encountered on this platform. Knowing people like you exist truly makes me worry less about the future of humanity. And I know you don't know me but I wanted to be hopefully one of many voices to reassure you that those traits will also make you an amazing husband and/or father one day should you go that route. I know fears of possible future transgressions on our own part can be a rather daunting barrier for entry into any committed relationship, but if you stay humble and own it when you fall short I think that's all the world can ever ask of anyone. So my hope and prayer for you is that you one day find someone you care so much for that it overpowers any fear of failure and you thereby discover the joy that is sharing every aspect of life with the person that completes you. But even if that never happens as long as you keep seeking truth with humility and as much grace as you can muster like it you have been it is definitely a life worth living IMHO. Keep up the good work!
Hey it was great hearing about the Brownsville Revival again…I grew up in the Assembly of God and went to North Central University in Minneapolis from 2002 to 2005. I even had friends Brownsville School of Evangelism from 1999 to 2002. I had no idea that fire school of ministry ever existed. Like you I!m an Athiest. I
I want you to know that you can't arrive at a happy healthy marriage by willpower and theology. Its a tandem discovery that needs lots of grace. All the more if you're recovering from abstinance culture. You just figure it out through experience and communication. You're a solid dude. You'll throw everything in if/when the time comes, and that's more than most do. Worry not Jared, Tomorrow will worry about itself.
Do you have a video showing the progression of you walking away from your faith? I’d love to get a big picture of your story but not sure if you’ve already made a video about it?? Thanks!
I absolutely love your candor. I can see you hold a lot of respect still for your ex-religious institutions and that’s commendable (I don’t hold such respect for mine). One of the driving forces for my leaving Pentecostalism was my sexuality and hearing how you described your experience resisting your urges gave me flashbacks to how I would repress my urges and just be miserable when I would fail. Almost word for word.
Jared, your story is heartbreaking. I am in awe of your honesty as well. I'd like to suggest another channel that you may find interesting, and you may benefit from as well. It's called Chewed Gum, and it centers on recovery from purity culture. There are several hosts who rotate through, but the primary hosts in particular (Promise and Alyssa) are able to relate to your story and would absolutely give you good advice. I wish you all the best!
Wow, this was very open and raw. I hope whatever path you take is the right one for you and your sexuality. I know lots of monogamous couples, I know lots of ethical non monogamous folks. Good parents in both camps. Anyway I appreciate your work and I genuinely wish you all good things.
While purity culture harms women at a disproportionately higher rate, it definitely harms men too and it's nice to hear that perspective (since most men won't fess up to it). Thanks for the inside look into Fire... I used to live right down the street from it and was endlessly curious and knew some people who went, but never got that honest of a description of it.
Just discovered your channel, thank you for your level-headed and compassionate approach. And on another note coming from someone who did not “fap” from 2009-2018-i believe you 🙃
I'm a former Jehovah's Witness, and like you, I was incredibly devout during my teens and early 20s. I also drew the same parallels regarding the scripture telling us to cast out our right eye if it's causing us to sin. I remember praying to god multiple times while crying asking that he please remove all sexual desires from me permanently. I was a teenager with everpresent sexual urges who, unlike you, was never able to "win the battle" against porn and masturbation. Although I've been an ex-JW for 20 years, I'm still affected by the indoctrination and all the years I spent training my brain to react negatively towards sex and intimacy. The good news is that most ex-JWs I know have been successful in moving past it and have moved on to healthy relationships. It just takes a lot of work, work that I did not put in. Please don't make the same mistake I did. I'm a huge fan of your content. Keep up the great work!
Funny thing is, when you meet someone that you would agree they could be with someone else if they need to, because you love them that much, "cheating" becomes impossible. Then, you ask what sort of person could come along and interfere with my family?! Cause me to lose the love and respect of them, in-laws, etc. That person doesn't exist. Then, you have children and her body changes, you'll find that is now the body type you desire. It's wild and you have nothing to fear. ❤
@kimsland999 before I met my wife, I was deep into Polyamory. We have things like "compersion," relationship agreements, and what I found the most important agreement was to always be kind. And this, because it only involves one person, is obtainable. Putting aside all the complications and work involved in relationships with multiple partners, the most implossible was managing people's feelings outside the relationship, like friends and family. I cannot imagine having to build bonds/trust, with let's say, a father-in-law / or similar. It also strained my relationships with long-term friends. Long story short, when I met my wife it was a value proposition. I received the same emotional gratification from one that I got from five. But, I still believe in the principle of agreements and kindness, and if you are truly open with your significant other, "cheating" as a concept, loses all meaning.
Heliocentric lore is getting pretty deep - I may need to start a wiki soon
Hey Jared, I’m one of your exjw subscribers. I really appreciate your content as a whole. Your candid thoughts you share in this video really resonate with me and how I’ve felt at times in my life. I even had the same idea as you about only being able to be pure by surgery or something like that. I remember the hopelessness. I hope you hang on to hope. The best journeys to self discovery start with pain and hard questions. I’m having a great journey now and I believe you will too! Hang in there. It gets better.
I hear you. In the 70’s when it was even more rigid than today, I was JW. I had no idea as a lady, how to cover my knees, even had a “sister” measure the length of skirt before I could be deemed worthy for door-to-door work. Even then, I couldn’t understand how knobby knees could turn on a “worldly”, but thems were the rules! I thought, why would god make knees if we have to be ashamed of them, why couldn’t he joint us like the animals then? So I learned to hate and fear my KNEES!!! Yes, glad I’m out of that stupidity, yet to those just going into it, it’s their Passage and one day they’ll look back at it before they enter a new phase of human Passages. Now I just say, “Whatever”. Or, “I don’t know”. And therein lies the freedom.
lol tbh as a JW I never actually learned anything about other religions, their doctrines were dirty info after all. I probably wasn’t prohibited from learning about it, but I definitely didn’t feel encouraged to. I have found the rest of this channel very fuckin informative, I feel lot more educated when talking to theists now, not necessarily their theology, but how their worship looks and why they might value it.
@@christinesotelo7655a lot of other commenter here are still victims of this silly abuse.
It was definitely a horror story!
Extreme abuse onto a teenager! It's horrendous.
By the way I must ask (it sounds predatory I know, but isn't.
How did that Nobby knee thing work at beaches or pools when you believed?
I don't get that at all.
@@derekmaverick5986nope. You're not allowed to look outside of the "organization" about anything, especially other religions. At best you'll be scolded, at worst (or even better) you'll be disfellowshipped. Hell, you could be disfellowshipped just for viewing these videos.
I assume you want out? I also assume you're too young to be out on your own. Your best bet is to act like you're shooting for an Oscar. Put on a show. Even go out in service. Then, when you're able, just walk away.
When I was 17 I was a landscaper. To better protect my face from the cold I started growing a beard. The presiding overseer came up to me immediately after the meeting one Sunday and scolded me. That unto itself wasn't proper protocol. When I asked where the Bible said we weren't to grow a beard, he got aggressive. But, he never pointed to the scriptures. I wasn't allowed to go out in service because of that, so I went home and looked it up. There is no scriptural basis for that rule. And that was when I realized it was a man made rule. Then I realized there were a lot of non-bible based rules. And then it hit me, it was all made up. I started missing meetings, occasionally go out in service, then eventually just the memorial. No one, not even my "friends", ever came to see how I was. It's been 25 years, and still no one has ever contacted me. Now I know what I did would be considered ghosting. You fade away, and they forget you exist. It's easier on you too. As you also slowly erase them from your life.
If you grew up in it, entering normal society can be rough. Holidays and birthdays still bother me a bit 19 years of marriage in. But, hanging with people I like, marry someone I love rather than out of convenience, and doing things without worrying about fearing retribution from a non-existent God is true paradise. You don't have to become an alcoholic, drug addicted, or a nymphomaniac or anything. Just be you, and be free.
Why are you guys talking about the JWs... Don't you know it's the Troof? 🤣🤣🤣 Everyday I find reasons to be thankful I'm out of that mess. Hopefully you are all doing well.
Hey there, just recently found your channel. I'm an evangelical Christian who absolutely still believes in the truth of Jesus and clings to Scripture- but I share a lot of your feelings and criticisms of the church overall. This video was so thought provoking for me. As a recovering porn addict myself, I've been through the shaming from yourself and others, I've felt the hopelessness and defeat, and I've been utterly devastated by how much "just try harder" doesn't work. And I have prayed many times that fear of the aftermath would keep me from doing horrible things. And I do deeply desire (for my own sake and my future wife's, but also out of a desire for holiness) to live in purity and not give into the desires of my flesh. Jesus does call us to self-denial after all. But what I realize- and what so many others seem to fail to understand- is that God has not called us to pursue purity in our own power. We're all too weak to uphold God's standard, and that's the point. Is it WAY easier said than done to "let go and let God" and surrender to His guidance? FRICK YES, and most cliches don't help anyway. But I know that it is He who works in me both to will and to work according to His good pleasure.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I get it brother. I have also done so much that I am so ashamed of, and repeated offenses because I've failed to remember the aftermath- but the understanding that Jesus has been so kind and gracious and forgiving to me and that His mercy offers me a clean slate, and my deep desire to not just do the right things but to deeply and truly love and adore and enjoy Him... THAT'S what keeps me going. And He hasn't failed me yet.
Not necessarily trying to evangelize you at the moment, although I admit I would rejoice greatly if you did return. But I just wanted to comment and thank you for entering into conversations that the Church often silences or shies away from and for making us think and reflect. Your content is much appreciated.
amen, brother!
Wow your story so sad and very eye opening! I was in the Charismatic movement for years as well, but for me I left it and became more focused on the Bible. I got married at 19 and my husband was 20. We have been married for almost 22 years now. I pray one day you will find healing from what all of us in that movement experienced and I am truly sorry you experienced all of that!
As a Christian I really do love your content. I am so sorry you have been so hurt by the hyper charismatic movement. My heart goes out to you.
But… you’re all like that.
What a shame! Dude's been flexing his biceps all the time and no one here to complement him on that. Congrats brother
Intense religious conversation with a side of eye candy is what I'm here for, thanks for this comment. Lmao.
Jared, I want to say thank you for sharing your videos with us. I'm a Christian, and I admire your openness and thoughtfulness toward religion. You are so brave for talking about this. You seem like a cool cat. Are you on Goodreads? If so, I would like to add you as a friend on there. Keep your head up, man.
Same I’m a Christian and I love his channel
As a Christian myself, I’m appreciating his honesty
Deconstructed, attempting to recontruct Christian here, and I also love this channel!
My people. I love these takes because they’re most of my thoughts
Jared,
I feel like we walked the same path, at two separate times, in two separate places. Everything you shared, nearly verbatim, I have experienced/thought. I too left it all behind, because the experiences I lived caused me to hate it. Hearing your story brought so much of it back up to the surface - reminding me of the pain and confusion it all caused me, and why I walked away from it all.
People with our background don’t want to be evangelized. Ever. So I share this not to evangelize you man, but because I found beauty again - the beauty I always sought but never obtained. I recently converted to Eastern Orthodoxy and Christ has been healing my soul - something I prayed for and sought as a hyper-charismatic but never received.
I appreciate you sharing and articulating your story. It has helped me and has reminded me of why I am where I am now.
Much love man. Hope you have a Merry Christmas with your family/friends.
-Mike D
Went to a Pentecostal youth group through high school. Those were confusing times for me. I appreciate your honesty.
25:38 Sorry man but you're wrong. There are good men and women out there who will stay faithful to their spouses for their entire lives. Don't lose the good that does still exist in humanity.
I’m not saying that don’t exist. They are the exception, though. Most will cheat.
@@philzosityLook at our culture, our world, most are bound to cheat because of their lack of discipline in things of God and God himself.
@27 min in… he says he’s not confident in himself.
He feels tortured to SR and hold in, he’s afraid, Christians aren’t afraid. He said he’s never met any Christian who are pure. He doesn’t believe any Christian is thriving.
I’m someone who deleted almost all social media, about to delete RUclips but not to deem myself more spiritual or any sort. But because I don’t see the world the same anymore, a lot things are a waste of time and I do believe with God , all things are possible.
I grew up Pentecostal and am now baptist. I went through an agnostic phase but am now more secure in my faith.
Faith is an unreliable method.
Even you agree with this as there are so many contradictory faiths then clearly it can't be true.
Nor can you have a personal truth! Which is contradictory to others who claim a personal truth. Truth doesn't work that way, ever.
That's not my personal faith truth!
It's just the truth, faith is an unreliable method. Similar to guesses, hopes, horror stories, emotions such as fear or love. None of these are a reliable method to believe in any truth.
As truth of something, anything existing or in some claimed supernatural place or any place, clearly requires evidence and or reason to believe it's true.
Unless you have an unreasonable non evidence based 'personal' relationship truth, which would be a silly belief.
Yeah I grew up United Pentecostal and actually just left it like 6 months ago I have been just going to a non denominational church
I didn't grow up religious at all, never went to any church or mosque, although our family visited a temple for fun once.
My kids are obviously the same, never being religious ever. As such we devoted our days enjoying our own company especially outings on Sundays.
Churches always looked awkward to me. Uncomfortable cold kinda spooky places with their big gates and temples.
I really have no idea why anyone goes there. It looks like people attending an 1800s event. Um there are better places nowadays.
@ people go to church to worship God with other believers
@@deion312 But isn't their God supposedly everywhere?
There's no logic.
Socially it's outdated.
Religiously it doesn't make sense to go to a building that l presume is just a big room.
Kids would likely not like it. Kinda like visiting an old museum. And modern ones look out of place.
Plus which claimed God? Obviously this era will end and (maybe) another God name will be the norm.
Kinda feels a waste.
As someone who went to the Brownsville Revival I can identify with a lot of this.
I also was in the Christian Music scene and played a festival with ‘For Today’.
Great video brother. God bless you
Bro that Jimmy Swaggart clip really gets me every time.
Jared, your content never fails to make me shed a tear. I'm so sorry that you went through all of this. I'm praying for you man. I hope you find a place where you can belong while waiting for belief to come again. Dude, I wish we could hang out and talk. You have a place at my table anytime.
such a vulnerable and empathetic analysis. It's much appreciated and very thought-provoking. Thank you man
I grew up Pentecostal, UPCI specifically. The parts about sex and sexuality brought back some intense memories. Sex was almost treated like a curse word, to the point where some of the kids in youth group would refer to it as the "s-word." It made it seem like this thing to be feared and avoided, and it negatively impacted most of the dating lives of us as teens. I would refuse to think of any of the girls I liked in a sexual way and was caught completely off guard when they confided that they actually wanted sex. I didn't want to give them "temptation," as the gangly awkward playboy I was at 16, so I ran. I didn't pursue any relationships. It doesn't make any sense in hindsight. I remember being disillusioned when I found out most of my friends weren't as severe in their convictions as I was, and ended up not talking to any of them anymore. (This was the right thing to do, but for the wrong reasons.)
Sex in Pentecostal circles is only ever spoken of in a negative light, and it reinforces the sexist idea that women only do sex as a favor for men, or as a way to get power. It's what I thought for the longest time. I was told growing up that women would throw themselves at me if I'm not on my guard at all times, and I had to be prepared for that.
The worst part was when I inevitably discovered porn, and I asked for advice on dealing with temptation, and all I was told was to give it to God and leave it at the altar and trust in God with everything I had. I had and have no idea what that means, and it gave me nothing but confusion when I would pray and say all those platitudes and still want to watch porn afterwards. There was no practical advice. There was no magic word to save myself.
I'm still a Christian, Catholic now. But I have a lot of resentment for the way I was taught about sex growing up. The part that I resent the most is that I can't fully renounce my old church, because I was just like them not too long ago. I don't know what I've carried with me.
I was brought up Catholic. Sex was taboo. I recall being in third grade and boys being told that the Virgin Mary (no one knew what Virgin meant) was the only girlfriend they could have and for girls, Jesus as a boyfriend. We had no idea what those nuns were talking about. When we got older, being seventeen and on the edge of getting married, no one would explain sex. It just wasn’t talked about. No one knew anything, despite urges and feelings “down there”. If we did anything we didn’t know, it was a mortal sin and we’d end up in hell forever if we didn’t run to a confessional priest before we died, to confess what we didn’t know how to talk about because we weren’t sure if that was really IT. Then the priest would end up having to drag words out of us that made him sound like a pervert. Catholic, Pentecostal, Jehovah’s Witness-all denying the progress and process and passages of human BEING. sad.
Catholicism is just as bad as Protestantism in this area, even worse in some circles.
well UPCI is a heretical church, they're Sabellians and huge legalists
My current church emphasizes how God (creator of the universe) also created sex. It was never meant to be taboo, it’s meant to be a beautiful thing in the right setting, and I wish different cultures (including my own) didn’t treat it as taboo. Because, as I’m hearing, you can’t suddenly switch that thinking off once you get married.
You’re a rare and precious kind of human. Thank you for sharing this.
14:03 yes I had to do this 20 years ago in front of my church the pastor said that I had sinned against the church and he said all kinds of stuff it was so horrible and people treated me awful I was pregnant and they bugged and bugged ,e to give it up for adoption but I did t and I kept her she is 19 in college lol sorry for going on who knows if anyone reads it
Thanks!
Jared, I think you should consider writing a book. You’re a descriptive raconteur and I know many people could relate to your experiences (regardless of religious background)
I second this.
I third this
7 years!! Well done! I think my all-time record, growing up in a similar paradigm, was three weeks.
Just discovered your channel and I absolutely love it. My experience is similar years but not as traumatic. I started off as a Southern Baptist because my mother and dad were Southern Baptist. Until I left for college, I was basically attending church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday night with some occasional other events thrown in. time I reached college age I had had enough. One memory for me was an argument my father and I had over my staying home to watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. He told me I was choosing Satan over Jesus.
I didn’t think much more about religion until 10 years later when my daughter was born. I started shopping around and attended all sorts of churches. I ended up settling on the Episcopal Church mainly because of the beautiful liturgy. As faith would have it a few years later, they dumped the 1928 prayer book. I wandered in the wilderness and stumbled upon the Reformed Episcopal Church. Again, 1928 prayer book. I was a happy camper until I move to the northeast. No Reformed Episcopal Church where I live. I tried the Episcopal Church, but it is too far off the rails for me. So here I am, 76, and unaffiliated. I’m fine with that.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Jared. This was hard to hear; I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to share. Thanks for being so open. Your humility and vulnerability really helps me look at aspects of my life in ways I never have before, and I know I’m not the only one. Stress less and God bless.
So glad my country don't say God bless nonsense.
Howdy.
I’m a theologically conservative Baptist (I believe in evolution and just science in general, so I’m not a fundamentalist), and this is a problem.
This is the first video I’ve seen of you (sir? Jared? Helio? I’ll call you sir since you are older than me). I have never seen you before, and you have gained my respect so much. I can visibly see the pain that this causes you, and I EMPATHIZE (not sympathize [had to look it up to make sure]) with the p stuff (can I say that on YT?). I tend to see this scandal stuff unfortunately in communities that want to beat it out of you.
The church I went to used to be one of the very oppressively fundamentalist in the 70s, 80s, 90s (our current Pastor SEEMS to have been the reason this started to reverse, but I am not sure on that, since it feels to much like a touchy subject to really ask all that much). Whenever my aunts and cousins (that are old enough to be my aunts), got pregnant, they were called down in the middle of the altar and shamed. And resulting from a lot of the shaming (among other things in the church) a lot of my family left the church not wanting to have anything to do with God. Very sad.
I appreciated this video so much sir, and I wanted to know that I feel for you, and that I want to make sure that you are heard.
Soli Deo Gloria,
Anderson Crowell
PS, I am subbed to you now, because you deserve it.
I don't know how to articulate how utterly brilliant and moving this video was! I found you recently as I have been on a journey to deconstruct from 39 years of fundamental Christian upbringing. You express yourself with such kindness, authenticity, and brilliant insight. Thank you so much for allowing us a glimpse into your experiences.
Wow!
88 year old, on the other side of the world. (NZ)
You are where I was 60 years ago.
Been there. Done that
That was the most powerful sermon I have ever heard.
Thank you for baring your Soul. ❤
This comment is so cool to me. Hope you’re doing well in NZ!
I hate the fact that I’ve been waiting a long time for something to come out on Dr. Brown…Before my deconversion, I didn’t watch too many of his videos, but when I did, they always brought me a feeling of theological joy/fulfillment. Especially where he confronted the black herbrew Israelites, being someone who is white and once subscribed to that way of thinking for a time. This phrase has come to my mind recently. Where the light shines a shadow always follows…Another banger video tho dude. A lot unspoken things that you’re bringing to the table that a whole lot of people of faith
just take a blind eye to.
Edit: I’m proud of you dude. To hear your story as well, you’ve come a long way. And if that isn’t something to be proud of. Idk what is. We are only human. We overcome and adapt. Yet we try our best every day. Just as we did with Christ. Even though the world around us gets crazier by the day. Just for our selves we try our best to do good, even if it lead to something bad. Selflessly selfish.
I appreciate your honesty. I am a christian and I do agree with a lot of what you have said. I pray for understanding for both of us.
A lot of reasons given for why people leave Christianity apply to me as well. Especially that we are told that if we live according to a certain standard that we will have a great marriage, great relationships and near perfect children. That is a big part of why I left Evangelicalism. But then later on I discovered Orthodox Christianity and also discovered that from the start, the original church never told anyone any of those things but rather "In this world you will have troubles". Rather than examples of faith resulting in a healthy happy life, I saw saints who were saints because they endured hardships that were never fixed or healed in this lifetime.
This has been so well said and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your brutal honesty. If I can offer a picture of hope, my wife and I both were committed small group leaders in our church all about the purity culture… then I shattered her heart with my own confession of pornography. But she still loved me better than I deserved. Now we both left the church together after my own deconstruction followed by her own, and were still together. Our love transcended the belief system we thought gave it meaning. The key is not to find a person you’ll never disappoint, they don’t exist. You want a person who will love you honestly enough in spite of your failings as you do for them. That is totally possible outside of religion.
As a Christian I must say that you are very honest and I like that about you. You are absolutely spot on even about the blame game and pointing of fingers amongst denominations.
thank you for being so honest and vulnerable.
Everything you said was almost exactly my experience with purity culture.
Then I had a bishop tell me I was taking it all too seriously, to the detriment of the rest of my life. I was angry with him, and later with God, and I rebelled.
God picked up the pieces in the aftermath and made something better. He will do that for you too.
As a former intern/staff at the International House of Prayer | Mike Bickle for years, I deeply identified with this video. The intensity culture is so unusual, it's rare to find people who understand it. Also appreciate your candor and thoughts on the destructiveness of intense holiness/purity culture: I know my thoughts on it from a female perspective but so rarely hear any articulation from a male perspective.
if you don't mind me asking where are you faith-wise?
@@annahserke1283Hopefully zero faith since it's clearly an unreliable method!
I actually thought it was more males, however you're about the 4th female abuse story I've read here.
@@annahserke1283 Good?
Wow, what a journey that was. I grew up secular and could never personally understand that kind of experience with faith. Thanks for the gift of sharing with us. I'm new to your content, and really appreciate your perspective.
considering his takeaways from the whole experience, i don't think he had much experience with faith as he does with just be molded and mentored in a cult-like environment
The way you speak so honest about your emotions and experiences… its so vulnerable. My biggest Respect. This gives me so much strength. And if there is a God, I truly hope he blesses you forever.
Damn. Not ending with, "Go to church," on this video says so much while saying nothing at all. The complexities of religion are so overwhelming. I appreciate Jared's candor and frank approach to discussing religion-- blemishes and all. For some people like me, those are the discussions I'm interested in hearing. Thank you for having the tough discussions at the expense of your own vulnerability, man.
Yes it's a good 1st step. We'll 2nd as he removed believing in a claimed monster God.
Jared: I so appreciate your candor, especially in such a public space. My heart goes out to you. True fact: I've been married 48 years and have never cheated on my wife. We married at 20 and 21 years old and people thought we were crazy (we met in Bible School). She went into nursing and I into the ministry. We have four kids and five grandkids and, as Jean Valjean says in Les Miz, they are "the best of my life". If I could speak to your old high school audience, here's what I'd say: "the struggle to aim for a high standard is - in itself - holy. Your relationship with yourself, including your body, is holy. Respect yourself. Aim high. Do your best. Embrace your humanity and learn about how to live with yourself, your desires, your goals. It's a study. There's always more to learn. Let every experience - success or failure - become your teacher". Something like that. Be at peace, Jared. I appreciate you.
Or don't, as its his choice right?
Unless you are against his choice? Outrageous.
Maybe he could have multiple married women as flings, that would be OK too of course? If that's what he wants.
Wait you aren't against what he may want I hope! As long as it's consenting adults.
It sounds as though you may have some outdated belief.
He could have 1000 relationships with consenting men if he wants. That's OK too of course right?
I was born again at the Brownsville revival in 1998. Was a Christian for 25 years and have been an atheist for over a year now. I’m very sorry to hear how you feel regarding your sexuality. I’m going through a divorce after entering marriage as a virgin during height of purity culture. I get how daunting it can feel to navigate what it should look like now and if it’s possible to be truly free and happy in that area. The fact that you even care and are willing to ponder/ask questions of yourself, shows that you will get to a good place to find meaningful ways to use your body properly and figure how what works for you. Wishing you all the best and always enjoy your videos (and music too!).
So you knew Christ?
And now you don't know him that you once knew?
Strange!
Or maybe he realized it wasnt really everything it was supposed to be and he decided to just be free lol
Atheist or Agnostic?
@@danielmann5427 Strange indeed…that I believed such bullshit for so many years.
@@nate8932 I’m a woman 😁… and absolutely, realized through study that it was mythology.
I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months or so and after seeing this video I am in awe of the similarity of our experience. I was very into christian metal in my late teenage years, and when I stumbled upon your videos and hearing you reference your own music I thought to myself after listening "Man I'd bet money that this guy loves Oh Sleeper.", and now I feel so vindicated after watching this video. I was enrolled in a very similar program for a semester, School of Urban Ministry or SUM, and we also had a missions trip to Mardi Gras, and I am sure your experience was as equally as wild as mine. Seeing your videos and the way that you wrestle with your faith so openly is both very refreshing and reassuring, it is refreshing for the sense of honesty you display and it is reassuring for the peace you have while wrestling with such a deep aspect of human existence. I've long since left the faith and I still deal with these questions and feelings on almost a weekly basis. Your videos are such a positive force for atheists and believers alike and I hope that you continue to make such awesome content.
I was waiting for you to make a video on that mess. I looked up to Dr. Brown so much. I know I need to put my faith in Jesus never failing me, not man. God bless brother.
wow, that was intense. Keep these videos up Jared, very thought-provoking stuff.
Hey man,
I don’t know how to reconcile my hope as a Christian with your belief system, but i do want to encourage you to not give up the hope of having a family
As a husband and father, i can tell you, you will fail
i definitely have
But ive also had my greatest triumphs and joys as a husband and father
Expect that you will have to humble yourself, say sorry when you mess up, ask for forgiveness… but don’t give up on the race before you run it just because you don’t think you can finish, being a husband and dad is one of the few things we get on this side of eternity that can bring purpose to our lives
I love your channel my friend, your sincerity and thoughtfulness are evident in your communication
I sincerely hope to see a video about your adventures as a husband and father in a couple years
I hope this isn’t too awkward, but
Father, i pray for Jared,
I ask that you give him the courage to not give up hope on being a husband and a father
I ask that you encourage him and help him find a woman who he can be honest and open with, who will love him and forgive him when he makes mistakes
A person that can look past his failures and help him be the best version of himself.
Thank you for your grace and mercy
In Jesus name
Amen
After reading this title I’m both excited and concerned!
I don't even know what to say, I'm truly speechless. Terrifyingly and exhilaratingly existential on a level I have almost never seen before. I commend you sir. Truly one of the best things I have had the pleasure of watching, and I say that as a newly reconstructed Christian. I hope that one day, you find the Divine once again sir
What is a Reconstructed Christian?
@@christinesotelo7655 Probably a Christian who deconstructed their faith but came back
@@christinesotelo7655 lost my faith (deconstructed) and regained it (reconstructed)
@@christinesotelo7655 someone who deconstructed and built their faith back up again i assume
Another ex-jehovah's witness subscriber here that found your channel when you did the videos on the Watchtower. I didn't grow up as a Jehovah's Witness so I also have the added benefit of experiencing other Christian religions and seeing the differences between them and the Jehovah's Witnesses. I'd never belonged to a religion that talks so much about sex at their meetings and study groups. My friends that grew up as JW's did not realize that fact because they had been around it all their lives, I was 15 when my family joined. Lots of us who went through puberty as JW's were messed up about sexuality. Enough guilty feelings to last a lifetime.
I've been an atheist for over 16 years after going on my own journey of reading, research, and self discovery after leaving the JW's at 23. Thank you for your content. I enjoy the research you do on a church or denomination and your loving approach to their beliefs. I started my atheist journey as an angry atheist, but after so many years I've mellowed out and "to each their own" is my approach to most people. Take care and have a great day!
Atheism (just not accepting the theist's baseless claim of a God) is a thing due to the harm religion causes. That's why aFairiests or aSanta-ists aren't a thing.
1:28 Garrett ❤
Hey Jared, you are such a great and special person! Thank you for all of your content! I found your channel just at the right time ❤❤
As an exfundamental trans woman, what I can say is as I have moved my sense of self from external need to conform to an internal sense of self where I can live with my body and mind in alignment, I’ve been able to express the kind of morality I always wanted as a Christian and I’m actually able to live as a whole person
Regardless of whatever you think about trans people, the decision to not care about other people’s opinions and live as myself is the best thing I’ve ever done, and (for the sake of argument) even if I am mentally ill, transition is the only thing that has had any positive impact on my mental wellbeing
If you don’t want to take just one anecdote, there is good academic support that transition saves lives and increases the wellbeing of trans people
fellow exfundie trans woman here, and I resonate with you in that transitioning has also enabled me to live a more integrated moral life
Youre not a "whole person" living in Gender confusion. There is no such thing as "trans person." God created you to be the gender you were born. Youve rejected that plan. Also you cant call yourself a Christian if you're not following the nature that God created.
My best friend was caught up in Gender confusion as a teen and planned to have a sex change. But with Gods help and good counseling he got out of that and is a happy man today. God can do the same thing for you. Jesus died to resolve the confusion that youre embracing today by calling yourself "trans". There is no such thing.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Even among devout Christians there are so few people living as you did, so your thoughts are really valuable
Thank you for being so open and transparent man, all the best to you
I really appreciate the candid nature of the videos of yours that I’ve seen. It surprised me how much I related to the struggles and worries you described in this video.
I too considered a similar, drastic solution for my own situation (it still comes to mind from time to time), and, at least for now, I stay single because I’m not confident that I wouldn’t do something heinous and ruin the lives of people I love.
Man that ending hit home hard. Thanks for sharing all that. I wish i saw something like this when i was deep in the frey. I was certainly given a dream and instructions that were not compatible.
This was very sincere and vulnerable brother. Praying for you.
And tinsel dust to you.
We are the same.
@ thank you for the concern
@@ora_et_labora1095 in my developed country nobody says pray.
If the news reporters said that, they'd likely be sacked.
Whilst we are a free country, we respect all people irrespective of their background.
Therefore who exactly are we praying to?
Therefore it was dropped. Except quoting American news.
Common responses are:
Thinking of the loved ones or family.
Condolences, or wonder at their achievements.
Never praying words on public news.
Private religious news (barely exists, really it doesn't exist) can say bless and prayers etc, so it's not outlawed.
However those shows (few and far btween) are highly discriminative against other religions and non religions. So you can understand they are frowned upon.
Your words (colloquial or said with good intentions) tends to be looked upon as outdated and wrong, by the community.
Therefore I think of it as in bad taste, and so would others.
Clearly a cultural (not free speach) issue.
@@kimsland999I’ll pray for you, too.
@@kimsland999 I'm not in the US, and in my country, it's also outdated and wrong. But at the same time, it's the same society that wouldn't let your child get a tattoo but thinks it's okay to sterilize them. So, I usually don't go by what the community thinks is in bad taste or not and will continue to pray (and say Merry Christmas, celebrate Easter, fast, give food to homeless people, forgive and love people and rock my big ass cross tattoo). Thanks for the info though!
Thank you Jared! I really appreciate you and this video.
heartfull thanks for your honesty man. You Really moved me.
Hey Heliocentric,
Change a few details and I have a similar story. Here is the difference, I embrace the grace that Doc rejected. God is a loving father and good shepherd.
Psalm 103:13-15
13 The Lord is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
14 For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.
15 Our days on earth are like grass;
like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
I can’t speak for everyone but I’ve come to the conclusion that charismaniacs have one goal, and that’s to make everyone keep trying, keep working, go deeper, go higher, come up higher, get closer, do better, be better(ugh) There’s no reaching the top because there is always the next level to go up farther. Of course we’ve all felt like colossal failures. The game is rigged
(I’m still a believer, but my faith is in God now, and EVERY MAN IS A LIAR. )
Matthew 11:28
This was a beautiful video. I grew up Lutheran in Australia but always wanted (and still want to) convert to Catholicism. I have had the same thoughts you’ve had about getting rid of the problem. Your video spoke to me so deeply words cannot express how it’s affected me. Thank you so much for being so open and honest, and for your fantastic videos.
Great video once again. The ending especially resonates with me. I simultaneously want a spouse, yet I'm so afraid of moral failing, of cheating on them (not that I would rn, but who knows in 10 years?), that I would rather be single.
I am glad I joined the Orthodox Church, especially one with a priest that is non judgemental and has such a healthy attitude towards sex. Completely changed my paradigm on sex and sin. That's not to say the church broadly doesn't have issues with purity culture, I'm sure it does. But I still have a lot of baggage from my conservative evangelical days
I’m so sorry you went through this…I’m praying that the failure of others won’t continue to harm you🙏
I'm so sorry they did this to you. You are amazing. I'm an agnostic who likes religion and I love your videos!!❤
i felt your pain all the way through the "masturbation" part, as an exjw born in, purity culture was very strong in our community too, i remember going through most of the steps you described, including stop watching pornography and masturbating, it was painful, useless, didn't make me any better on a moral and ethical level, didn't make me holier, and added more suffering to all the other issues i was already going through as a teenager who's trapped in a cult. It's not just sexuality that has definitely been compromised, it's the doctrine as a whole that makes me feel like my childhood and teenage era are gone, ruined, and will never come back. Purity culture is a scourge for mental health in religious groups, also for men, thank you for bringing up the topic and for your openness and honesty.
FYI, a successful orchiectomy would not necessarily deter your libido. It has the potential to, but as it turns out, the presence or absence of balls does not determine how your hormones work
It’s all in the brain.
31:36 in God’s defense Jared . He did answer this terrible man’s prayer in a just and righteous way. Thank you for being vulnerable my friend. In Christ love to you. 🙏🏼
31:36 @ruslan
This was one of the most honest conversations. I grew up a practicing atheist, and quite frankly, I was drowning in my sexual sin. All kinds of sin. I was always drawn to the name of Jesus when I would hear it. I grew up in Southern California and Would switch the radio to Chuck Smith from Calvary Chapel and his preaching drew me in. Anyway, I got radically saved at 23 years old (already pregnant and the dad was scary and left me a single mom for 10 years) so I did not grow up in any church culture that made me suppress anything.
But I am raising sons. My son from those days is a 24-year-old and in the armed services. He is doing well. And I am raising a nine-year-old boy. Lol! I really love to hear your perspective because I definitely know one thing….
I am called to be a loving parent that shows my child the love of Christ, but only God can make him Born Again and change his heart. My older son got a Born Again mother who didn’t understand in a doctrine, but definitely had faith and lived a pure life. I had No sex for his childhood because I didn’t want to. I literally love Jesus that much. He rescued me! I was the lady in the Bible that was crying and washing his feet with her hair.
So I don’t know what my sons have to go through but, I pray that they will desperately need him. I pray that they will see that sex or anything else does not even compare to abiding and walking with the king. I don’t understand how all this works! I really don’t! I hate our culture and think it maybe was easier 100 years ago without the Internet for young men to be pure. It’s pushed in y’all‘s face constantly. I was a sexual degenerate completely before he saved me, but I was drowning in it. The rescue was from darkness to light. I called out to him many nights, so broken and in pain. Knowing that these guys did not satisfy. They would always leave. Humans can’t satisfy the deepest longing in our hearts. Marriage is a blessing in this temporary realm. But we have to love Jesus more than our spouse. More than our own life. More than our mother and father. And once we do that sin becomes less. We can’t preach moralism. We have to preach forgiveness of sin and faith in Christ. And let him handle the moralism.
Jared- I’m always so grateful for your emotional self-awareness and your intellectual honesty. It’s funny, biographically, we are very different. I grew up a hardcore atheist and became a Christian in adulthood- I’m an Episcopalian now, so that’s even more difference, lol. Despite having so little in common on these facts and disagreeing with a lot of the bigger conclusions you come to about fundamental questions, I still am able to see myself in you. Not sure why, I just can. We’re both people earnestly trying to be better people. The contrition in your eyes and in your voice are things that I wish I saw in more of my fellows.
God bless and keep up the good work
Jared I'm so fascinated by your spiritual journey as an ex evangelist myself. I hope you can share more. This was raw, thank you.
I too enjoyed my days in Charismatic movement, but wonder how it interacts with undiagnosed bipolar mania & grandiose thinking. Yes the exuberance and freedom are great, but does it become complicated with undiagnosed mania?
Unfortunately, I can very much relate and feel quite the same way.
Jeez, as an atheist you exude more Christ like vibes than most religious types. I consider you a deep well. I honor your journey to truth and a willingness to wrestle with this subject. Wow wow wow. Thanks for posting. I am changed because of it. I am one of those that thought if I could encourage my kids to a level of purity -I could spare them being molested by an uncle, penetrated by a brother and raped repeatedly by a boyfriend. (My story) I am so sorry my generations’ response to its sexual brokenness has brought such a devastating outcome as your story clearly shows.
I grew up Southern Baptist and had the True Love Waits program drilled into me multiple times as a teenager. I left the church and “deconstructed” over a decade ago, but the way the church demonized anything sexual will forever live somewhere in the back of my mind, unfortunately.
wrong, I go to an SBC church and it was never demonized. Some younger people misinterpret what’s being said. Unfortunately, pop culture gets to define what the church allegedly said .
Man, I’ve been in the same boat about being single rather than risking harm (to myself or by my hand). It’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a long while too - You aren’t alone.
Purity culture is orthodox Jewish life. My husband I waited until marriage and he's obsessed with me 😂 and we are thriving. God is our focus and He gives us the strength to be faithful to Him and one another.
You're an orthodox Jew?
Thank you for your grace and how elegantly you discuss this topic. I think the misguidance here is that the way to avoid sexual sin is not by thinking about repercussions for self or but mustering enough strength to resist, but instead to focus on how Gods way is best and that His way is the better way not a depriving way. We overcome not but mustering strength but by relying on His strength.
I pray you are able to receive His forgiveness. ❤️
This is one of the most realistic takes I've seen. I remember my fallout aged 30F divorced with limited access to my kids having been betrayed by a cruel 'christian' husband. I was a saved evangelical all about the revival and holy spirit etc. After a few years of agony I decided to go atheist and started researching it. I too concluded it was impossible to live a genuine Christian life and the god I worshipped must be a fantasy. I've come through the grace of God to have a biblical faith and I'm obsessed with the Word and with Jesus Himself. But I just can't go to a church, it seems hollow and contrived. I always counsel my son it's infinitely better to live as an honest decent atheist than the farce that calls itself christianity today or other false religions. You can have peace in this life and use your reasoning to live well. However there is judgment following death which is why we need a redeemer, a high priest whose blood can bring us to the holy place... Heb 9:27.
I was wondering what your thoughts are on eventual decline of entire sanctification as a concept in pentecostal circles. I have been going to Church of the Nazarene churches and Assembly of God churches through the last 12 years and it seems that every pastor I have met has given up on the idea that you can attain sinless perfection in this life. I have recently been attending Lutheran and Anglican churches recently and there seems to be an assumption that everyone sins with the confession and absolution portion. I also know that the puritans thought they could achieve sinless perfection and the confession and absolution was part of the reason they Split from the Anglicans. I have been United Church of Christs churches and based what I know about them they no longer hold to this doctrine. Do you think that there is a tendency to give up on sinless perfection as time goes on and a movement becomes more established? And do you think that Brownsville and Bethel movements will eventually give up on sinless perfection and radical sexual purity that comes with it in the future?
Bro I was alr binge watching your channel today, love this video and love seeing your thought process! God bless
I love your videos. Having been a Catholic, a JW, an agnostic, a Science of Mind Dudette, a Scientology (almost but it was ridiculous, in my opinion, more than any others), a Born Again, an Evangelical, a Charismatic Spirit-filled Christian...I’m glad to say I’m just a “Just Jesus” person now; I don’t force myself to preach or share or study or go door-to-door. I think, therefore I am...just me. What Ive learned through all the years of life is that humans go through Passages. We’re not stagnant beings, but whippets of energy (picture a fallen electrical wire whipping around on the ground. It’s live. You’d dare not get near it. It’s something ELSE’s energy until it’s turned off). We’re kinda like that. It runs its course then we think again and become someone else toward our destinations. Passages. So many of them. Anyway, you’re effective in your investigations and speaking and for now, again, you’ve found your niche. Excellent videos and you are appreciated. ❤
Would love to hear your "testimony". To go from JW to Science of MInd to Evangelical? Wow what a pilgrimage.
@ thank you. Briefly: born “in” Catholic with twelve years of nuns. At fourteen, got into simple agnosticism but hell still scared me. Early 20’s got into JWs because they denied hell but realized they WERE hell. Got “removed”. Became a Born Again Christian with a tiny church I adored and loved Jesus (still do). Husband had gone after JWs and my little church folded up. Went to a big corporate church with Evangelists, couldn’t keep up, went to Pentecostal but tongues and seizures didn’t seem right. Met second husband who was into Science of Mind and insisted I had to attend those. We divorced years later over the exhaustion of religions, I was heart broken and saw an ad in a paper about how this thing called Scientology put relationships back together. Played with tin soldiers at a child’s student-desk in a big warehouse with other unintelligent beings who didn’t know they had inner aliens, ended up confessing to my ex-husband why I was a “bad” wife as I talked into a tin can with string linked to HIS tin can with string, it changed nothing at all, we got divorced, I cleaned churches for the Seventh Day Adventists after I ran away to a different State (and they were very good to me), came back to my home-State and have been fine ever since I stayed away from churches, KHs, religious people, and men! 🥴
Hello to the confused members of the financially independent retired early community.
The number of people I know who have cheated…. Religious and not…. Definitely many religious… everyone says it’s unthinkable but it’s all around us, you’re so right.
Jared, my man, first off, yes, I agree with your hopes and your sentiments for this community. These things are never pretty, and they deserve our love and concern.
But oy vey, my man, I'm sorry for you too. There is a lot that I can wish was different for you, and I'm sure you would as well at some level. But you are where you are and I'm thankful for your honesty and vulnerability in this moment about these things. We don't talk often enough about how broken by purity culture straight guys can be. The harms to women and the LGBT are so much more obvious, and maybe in some ways more severe too, but your pain is real and your concern about yourself is understandable.
I guess if I have any advice as a gay guy and ex-JW it would be that communication in a relationship is key. If you are ever going to find that woman you fall head over heels for in enough of a way to contemplate never stepping outside those bounds, you want to know what her needs and limits are, and you want her to know, from a pretty early point, just how you feel about this stuff--how afraid you are and all.
I also want you to know that if you never find that one person, it is ok. Some people never do for a whole host of reasons. That doesn't mean whatever sex life you have throughout your life can't be a beautiful thing. It may be different than you ever imagined but still be beautiful and worthy in its own right.
The final thing I'm going to say is, irrespective of your ability to find a wife, you would make a great Dad. Your compassion and fervor and concern for others are all clear proof of that. Even if you never become a bio dad or adopt or anything, I'd encourage you to find what time you can to impact the lives of young kids around you. I'm sure you'd find it fulfilling and reassuring and the kids would be lucky to have you around.
All my best, good sir. We love you here and again, I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability.
Tim
Just watched the last minutes of the video and... damn. I really struggle with what to say about this. That's pretty messed up. I thought that's a caricature of american fundamentalism and purity culture. Where does this idiocy come from? Glad I did not have to go through that. I genuinely hope that you can recover from those spiritual wounds. For what it's worth, you're included in my prayers. All the best.
Thank you for sharing.
My wife and I waited till marriage to have sex and it didn’t feel like it helped. I’ve said it before but after we knew we were likely going to be married, I wish we had sex, because it feels to me it’s only made it more difficult now that we’re married. I “won” purity culture and it didn’t feel like it helped me at all, and has only led to pain in marriage.
Similar to you, I also had thoughts of castrating the thing that leads me to “sin”, and it led to a full blown gender/identity crisis last year, all this while being married.
Sexuality/purity feels like it did nothing to help and has only made sex harder when it was all supposed to make sex within marriage way better.
So again, thank you for sharing, I definitely resonate with some of what you have experienced.
Sex really begins in the mind. No thoughts, no arousal.
Sexual purity by threat and fear is like placing a box over that part of our being that will not die and will grow no matter what you do. The plant will grow out of every open space but underneath the box, the plant is pale, contorted, and twisted. The sex drive is powerful enough to withstand famine, disease, and war; little boys should not be forced to mutilate themselves to be something they are not. Thankfully, I learned to reject the worship of purity that is twisted. I am glad my wife and I never slept with anyone else, but trusting in purity is death. Thankfulness is the cure. Thankfulness for sex and all of its glorious oddities that keep it grounded to earth.
I agree. The Protestant Hyper purity culture is super unhealthy. The idea isn't to be perfect. It's to be looking for marriage. There's a great place for all that sex drive. 🥳
No. Marriage is a concept that began for the appropriation of inheritances, property, and ownership of goods and bloodline. What person has really been joyful in marriages forced upon them? Even with choice, once infatuation passes and you begin to grow and desire autonomy and change into other human passages, I think that people BECOME so personally traumatized that the marriage wasn’t a forever deal as religious upbringing made it to be, that marriage itself becomes the “sin”, because people don’t know how to handle (were never taught) the real FACTS of life: people develop, change, question, explore...plus you have to deal with your mate’s jealousy, insecurities, their own desires to “become” or “escape”...no, marriage is a religious institution, Catholicism propagating for the growth of the Church through having many babies.
That's certainly better than Protestant purity culture, but what if you have all that sex drive and can't find a spouse?
@@christinesotelo7655 derp
I would really like to hear your hot takes on purity culture
Dude its wild you live in the charlotte nc area. I live in the rock hill area. Hoping i run into you one day so i can pick your brain! Reformed Christian here. I obviously disagree with a lot of the stuff you say but your definitely my favorite atheist. Much love dude. Hope you find Jesus!
Thank you for always getting vulnerable. This was truly emotional. Thank you!
The kind of guilt your experiencing is something I've also experienced, though to a lesser extent. It's also the kind of guilt my former friend that I mentioned in a previous comment on your videos experienced, and something we discussed about. He had found it interesting that, between me, him, and this friend of ours who we both had a crush on and had dated in the past, that we had been raised up and gotten into that kind of religious fervor that led to those heavy feelings of guilt about sex, but our friend who never really experienced it had a more healthy and less guilt-ridden relationship with it. It's an interesting thing in how the specific religious upbringings lead to certain habits of mind, including guilt.
Not sure exactly what else to say, guess just wanted to say I relate. Have a good day dude, and hope life continues to be good to you. God bless.
Not surprised this happens. Am surprised that this time it was Dr. Michael Brown. You got very personal in this one and I know how it feels to be afraid of intimacy because of purity culture. Thanks for sharing.
Greetings Jared. First of all I've been watching your content for a few months now and wanted to say thank you so much for being one of the most honest and genuine people I've encountered on this platform. Knowing people like you exist truly makes me worry less about the future of humanity. And I know you don't know me but I wanted to be hopefully one of many voices to reassure you that those traits will also make you an amazing husband and/or father one day should you go that route.
I know fears of possible future transgressions on our own part can be a rather daunting barrier for entry into any committed relationship, but if you stay humble and own it when you fall short I think that's all the world can ever ask of anyone. So my hope and prayer for you is that you one day find someone you care so much for that it overpowers any fear of failure and you thereby discover the joy that is sharing every aspect of life with the person that completes you. But even if that never happens as long as you keep seeking truth with humility and as much grace as you can muster like it you have been it is definitely a life worth living IMHO. Keep up the good work!
Hey it was great hearing about the Brownsville Revival again…I grew up in the Assembly of God and went to North Central University in Minneapolis from 2002 to 2005. I even had friends Brownsville School of Evangelism from 1999 to 2002. I had no idea that fire school of ministry ever existed. Like you I!m an Athiest. I
I want you to know that you can't arrive at a happy healthy marriage by willpower and theology. Its a tandem discovery that needs lots of grace. All the more if you're recovering from abstinance culture. You just figure it out through experience and communication.
You're a solid dude. You'll throw everything in if/when the time comes, and that's more than most do. Worry not Jared, Tomorrow will worry about itself.
Do you have a video showing the progression of you walking away from your faith? I’d love to get a big picture of your story but not sure if you’ve already made a video about it?? Thanks!
Happy Christmas.
I absolutely love your candor. I can see you hold a lot of respect still for your ex-religious institutions and that’s commendable (I don’t hold such respect for mine). One of the driving forces for my leaving Pentecostalism was my sexuality and hearing how you described your experience resisting your urges gave me flashbacks to how I would repress my urges and just be miserable when I would fail. Almost word for word.
I was struggling and searching for the words but you said everything I wanted to say. Thanks!
Jared, your story is heartbreaking. I am in awe of your honesty as well. I'd like to suggest another channel that you may find interesting, and you may benefit from as well. It's called Chewed Gum, and it centers on recovery from purity culture. There are several hosts who rotate through, but the primary hosts in particular (Promise and Alyssa) are able to relate to your story and would absolutely give you good advice. I wish you all the best!
Wow, this was very open and raw. I hope whatever path you take is the right one for you and your sexuality. I know lots of monogamous couples, I know lots of ethical non monogamous folks. Good parents in both camps. Anyway I appreciate your work and I genuinely wish you all good things.
While purity culture harms women at a disproportionately higher rate, it definitely harms men too and it's nice to hear that perspective (since most men won't fess up to it). Thanks for the inside look into Fire... I used to live right down the street from it and was endlessly curious and knew some people who went, but never got that honest of a description of it.
Just discovered your channel, thank you for your level-headed and compassionate approach. And on another note coming from someone who did not “fap” from 2009-2018-i believe you 🙃
I'm a former Jehovah's Witness, and like you, I was incredibly devout during my teens and early 20s. I also drew the same parallels regarding the scripture telling us to cast out our right eye if it's causing us to sin. I remember praying to god multiple times while crying asking that he please remove all sexual desires from me permanently. I was a teenager with everpresent sexual urges who, unlike you, was never able to "win the battle" against porn and masturbation.
Although I've been an ex-JW for 20 years, I'm still affected by the indoctrination and all the years I spent training my brain to react negatively towards sex and intimacy. The good news is that most ex-JWs I know have been successful in moving past it and have moved on to healthy relationships. It just takes a lot of work, work that I did not put in. Please don't make the same mistake I did.
I'm a huge fan of your content. Keep up the great work!
Funny thing is, when you meet someone that you would agree they could be with someone else if they need to, because you love them that much, "cheating" becomes impossible. Then, you ask what sort of person could come along and interfere with my family?! Cause me to lose the love and respect of them, in-laws, etc. That person doesn't exist. Then, you have children and her body changes, you'll find that is now the body type you desire. It's wild and you have nothing to fear. ❤
Except having someone on the side of course.
@kimsland999 before I met my wife, I was deep into Polyamory. We have things like "compersion," relationship agreements, and what I found the most important agreement was to always be kind. And this, because it only involves one person, is obtainable.
Putting aside all the complications and work involved in relationships with multiple partners, the most implossible was managing people's feelings outside the relationship, like friends and family.
I cannot imagine having to build bonds/trust, with let's say, a father-in-law / or similar. It also strained my relationships with long-term friends. Long story short, when I met my wife it was a value proposition. I received the same emotional gratification from one that I got from five. But, I still believe in the principle of agreements and kindness, and if you are truly open with your significant other, "cheating" as a concept, loses all meaning.