Thank you for defining the difference. I’m an Empath and I hate it. I absorb everyone’s energy and feel the need to jump in and solve their problems. I’m exhausted and won’t do it anymore. To accomplish this, I isolate myself from people. Thankfully, through videos such as this, I can work on this co-dependency.
You are very welcome. If you’re looking for more help to conquer that codependency, you might want to check out my free Masterclass your journey to emotional mastery. It will help you learn how to start taking control of your emotions and keep your boundaries. If you’re interested here’s the link thegreatnessu.com/p/your-journey-to-emotional-mastery
WOW!!!! This is how I like my truth to be delivered ! Thank God I invite the truth and nothing less than that. I am an empath that has worked SO HARD for yearssss to master myself. For many years “ my empathy” sucked the life out of me and I agree !… “ the gift is NOT a gift ! It’s dysfunctional!” After too many relationships with toxic people, some romantic- some friendships, I am ready to look at myself in a way I have never tried before. The good empath VS. the bad narcissist, what a way to stay stuck! Thank you for your delivery. Some of us are ready to truly take our healing to a different level.
I use to be an empath. After suffering severe narcissistic abuse, I was able to identify the source of my empathy. I was raised by narcissistic parents and was taught that other's needs were more important than my own. I am no longer a co dependent. I have stop associating with toxic people in my life. I was so exhausted from being an empath. It has taken me a while to recover. I have started a new life and I'm never going back.
I'm a recovering empath too, on my journey to healing. Upon learning about this horrible human condition called narcissism and socipathic, I had to make radical changes in my life. I had to cut all contact with my sociopathic family including my elderly mother, sisters and their kids. It's run like a cult and they've all been conditioned in their roles as abusers toward me. They can't change but I can! I had to cut contact with most of my friends too. They're all toxic users, yuck. My world got smaller but so much better, safer, peaceful. I have the most beautiful life and I'm so grateful. I seriously need to guard it. Only few trusted get into my world now. When I get out into society I see toxic broken people everywhere. I see a lot of goodness too. I want to be around good people only.
u r an inspiration thank you. hope to get there soon....survived 37 years with a cheater, my mom died at age 9, new mom didn't like us 4 children. Now my children are grown, I'm free....its been 3.5 years....
Becoming an empath was a survival skill, and helped me cope with narcissistic parents and a toxic narc abusive husband. It no longer serves me. It’s exhausting and maladaptive. The only cure for me was to discard toxic people from my life, allow a loving safe partner, and found ways to help others in a healthy way (such as volunteering, etc) No more codependency. I’m still special with great intuition & empathy, without the toxicity of absorbing others! Hang in there empaths! Listen to this video 3-4 times! It’s a hard truth, but will set you free!
This dude too legit, hit the nail on the head. I discovered narcissism a few years back and its been a revelation. I actually developed teeth to bite people back! Before I was the door mat and cared way too much what people thought! NOW I AM STRONG AND TO BE RESPECTED!!!!
I am an empath and I'd like to thank you for this video. I've been slowly realizing how toxic being an empath truly is and this just put it into such an understandable concept for me. Thank you.
I am an Empath and I completely agree with you. It's exhausting. I have been an Empath since I was a child. There are so many short comings. I love being an Empath and I have finally learned to be better to me and not lose myself in others and the emotions and feelings. I deserve to be happy and have successful life. There is also a lot of guilt that is given to them.
This is why I like you. You're honest with compassion, but you don't allow that compassion to compromise your honesty. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you so much Kenny 💙
One "avoidance of truth" I fell for until recently was, "Look at all I give to you." My new response is, Thank you, and take the goodies and run. I owe no one anything, really. It's the hook to keep me playing, avoiding my own helpless thoughts, and I can decline.
@@jodiehamilton8518 if you sign up for my free class I explain how to do that and while I can appreciate you being terrified it’s actually very normal. Most people don’t remember. As they take the healing journey, some might remember certain events they had forgotten. It’s not a necessary requirement to healing. And the only way to get rid of that terrified feeling is to do the work to game of the knowledge, skills, and tools, so that you get your power back.
This is what I've been doing all of my years. Thank you for the light. I long to be real, but am so filled with shame. Now, I can start the journey to healing that shame.
I absolutely hate myself for being an empathetic. I’ve always been that way. It’s caused me so much pain. Honestly, it’s so difficult to get out of being this way. Thank you for sharing this video with us. It’s very enlightening.
So well said, Kenny. You never offend me since i recognize my traumatic childhood, narc/alcoholic parents and how I've become an empath/ co-dependent. Hopefully others will be able to face these realities in order to move forward.
This reminds me how my therapist said how I would make a good therapist because of the complex way I work on emotions when I told her I would never consider because I wouldn't know how to regulate the emotions I am taking from the other person. I never saw it as this gift others tried to tell me it always just feels like a burden.
Id argue not all all who identify at empaths get some thrill out of the other persons pain. I think its more they have been so hurt that they get an emotional release of their own hurts thru helping and delving into another persons pain, because a) they know how it feels. B) some cant stand to think of another person in as much emotional pain as they themselves have endured. (Truly humanitarian) and c) they feel called to help others navigate emotions because they live in the emotional world. They feel sense and breathe emotions. For me im part native american north and south and i use to be even more sensitive to peoples emotions, but now i mainly feel a calling to serve others. Its possible empaths r unhealed for the moment but i do think all people who have been thru trauma are also people with gifts and abilities as well. Youd b surprised. Its not everyones experience, but you can br screwed up by your past and also be incrrdibly courageous, brave, selfless, empathic, and yet have a strong enuf sense of survival instinct that u remain striving even in brokenness, and can truly help others in their emotional darkness. I think some of the best healers for deeper darker pain r those who have been hurt themselves. U probably have one type down but i think empath and highly sensitive persons is more a reclaiming of ability, than mischief to control others, thats the opposite of a true empath and sounds more like a covert sociopath, and who doesnt even want u to recover in the first place.
This was something like I was going to say. He's got so much of a 'selfish' spin on this video... sometimes it is absolutely 'I know pain and I don't want to do that to others' or 'it feels so good to be supportive'. His assumption is the worst motivation in all people... that's how most people function, as self-serving... but not all the time or about all aspects. It's almost coming across as a self reflection of his experience with people like this, but then he is blanketing his experience on all empathaths and assuming that motivation. I used to be bitter and want to lash out. Now, to me, it's not worth it or acceptable to take that out on others. Its up to me to work through healing and regulating without falling into unhealthy cycles. I'm also not here to fix others, only accept them as they are with their flaws (unless their flaws cross boundaries then I leave). We just have to go on our healing journey to get there, I highly believe in what he is saying that a codependent is an empath, but i disagree in that not all empaths are codependent. It takes self awareness and a desire to heal. That heightened sense of emotion doesn't just disappear, but you learn how to regulate it in a healthier way.
I also disagree with him on that point.... If I am sadistic it is usually to my self.... Because of that deep sense of shame and feeling I don't deserve any better(which is as a result of how my narcissistic mother groomed me). So that keeps me stuck in painful situations cause of that voice inside saying I don't deserve better.
I agree. For Christians I call it Christian empath. However amongst other things, we need to pray to have courage regarding boundaries. It can take a long time. 12 years on from having a traumatic experience, I still have this weird feeling that people are inside me, as though I deeply know them, even after only meeting them for 5 minutes. Even now sitting here I can imagine all the people I have met in my life. I regularly pray about it and put it at Christ's Feet. He has reconciled all things to Himself.
I find it hard to see people in pain and not try to comfort or help them. Usually it's not motivated by the need to be in control. On the contrary I'd rather not hear from them again if I sense that they are trying to put me in charge of their happiness after the first time. I guess that's definition of feeling empathy without becoming codrpendent, or as he calls it , an Empath. It's a question of the name you give to that particular type. Some call it being an empath, others call it being codependent, and some call it covert narcissism.
I have had chronic fatigue for 28 years I am the same and understand your life. It’s been tough but. I am willing to do inner work and change to look after me now.
Yes, I was an empath bc of narcissistic abusive parents. I have had to work through this trauma and become myself. I have less triggers now and more boundaries and I’m much happier. So grateful.
Like a canary in the coal mine, an empath has little emotional filter for good or bad emotional energy. It takes great effort to differentiate oneself from the environment.
I spent four months to seek for answers why all my relationships and cooperations turn bad, why all people use me, and why I always end up as a victim ... I am so kind to all people, help them, etc. This is the second video I watched on your channel, and I feel like I am close to see the bigger picture :). Thank you! ❤
I understand being an empath is a toxic trait that’s not normal! Many coming on these utube narcissist videos feel special because talkers are passing on that we are normal better people than the narcissist just to keep us coming back, but we are NOT!! It’s our own tragic childhood at work causing us to attract narcissists. I need to share this video with the masses on narcissism videos!
True. I dont like how they picture perfect themselves/victims of narcs. Usually they are some flaws in your character that allows them coming back. You can not put the entire blame on the opposite side. It may be more blame to put on the other but it is surely not 100%.
Kenny. Holy moly. I've been researching and looking for this info about being "good" from my teen years on, almost a lifetime... 71 now, and still surprised by finding myself "in the wrong place again"... I needed this key to unlock the door to my next lessons. I appreciate you, Kenny. This is not the first time you have enlightened me. Knowing I am responsible for myself was the easy part. Knowing what to do to heal? Not so easy to figure out. You are a diamond, sir. Your personal sharing and attention to detail are of incredible value. I'm off now to learn how to conquer guilt and shame, and discover everything else I can glean in the process. 🌟
@@kennyweiss it was very informative. So many videos out there just sugar coat everything then you end up feeling confused at times because it doesn't really address the elephant in the room. You did.... I've been needing to see this video. I appreciate you taking the time to make it. I'm an empath who is looking to recover.
@@EpicWarDog you know I can totally relate to that. When I realized this career was my gift and what I was meant to do part of my mission statement was I wanted a platform where I talked about the root cause and I focused on the things nobody else wanted to talk about because if you don’t talk about them, people can’t heal. You have to deal with these deep, dark issues And I just didn’t see anyone doing it and I know in my own life I couldn’t find recovery or peace or happiness, because I couldn’t find anyone who is willing to talk about the root causes in a very blunt direct way. So I decided to step into that void and try and do my best in a perfectly imperfect way to talk about all of these things.
this make me cry, I found I already lost ability to cry.... my whole life unbelievable miserable and living in the hell because of this horrible Empathy, all because I am scapegoat of huge Narcissists family
You clearly point out the need for a new term to replace the word, Empath. Being nice in order to hurt someone, isn’t being nice. It’s a form of Gaslighting.
Empaths are high-functioning psychotics. They exist with an "idea of reference." Everything is about them. They feel something, and read it into the other person. Everyone is a potential crystal ball to read into (the empath's inner story-telling). Think of the old Mr. Mgoo cartoons. That wasn't about eyesight, it was about someone going around projecting their reality onto reality. Finding correlations to what he was feeling.
The majority of psychologists have issues and neuroses. I was able to see that a couple of times snd many are narcissists with zero empathy oftentimes joking about patients in the coffee breaks! Some psychologists choose the profession the shield themselves from the real world and at tge same time exercising power. The power that they didn't have as a child. But this is commonly found in other career groups like the Cops, firefighters, lawyers, teachers, etc. power legitimization
This might be the best video on empaths and the direct relation to narcissism. Ppl got to stop putting titles on themselves permanently. Puts your mind in a box and your soul in a jail cell
it is the hardest way to live. I used to be exhausted at work all the time because I couldn't say no to helping others, I took over and fixed all the issues all the time. I am retired now, and I feel so much better. I did it while raising the kids too. I spoiled them. Made sure they always had the next big thing, the cars, clothes etc. I spoil my husband; he is used to me doing everything. Now I set boundaries more, say no most times to ppl and I do not take any crap from anyone. As soon as I feel put upon, I halt everything and verbalize my feelings or walk away. I have cut off some relationships from my past that were not healthy, and I feel a lot better but not completely healed from this. Dad was abusive he hit, he terrorized when he was home, he had out of control rage. Mom was enabler and empath but a sweet sweet soul. I miss her very much. I think without her I would have run away younger instead of waiting till I was 16. I am caring for my narc parent in their old age....what does that tell you? With God's help, I'll get through this too. Life is good and you have to create the world you want and that is best for you. Blessings for sharing your knowledge.
I'm an empath and had to learn about boundaries. From a very good counselor .Where I start and others end.Still at times get a bit lost especially with destructive people like narcissists. But I'm very much better than I used to be. I had my boundaries destroyed as a child.
Bless you. Yes it is also boundaries for me. But even they can be difficult to get right. Sometimes we help too much, sometimes not enough. Hence why forgiveness is so important. We all sin and make mistakes but love and forgiveness cover over such things.
Balancing being empathic and having empathy is hard in any case and relationship. Family, romantic, friendship, work and society. It's draining... I'm working hard on healing from codependency. But I'm moving forward... Balance and boundaries ❤️ Great advice! Thank you!
So true my life has been narcissistically abusive relationships teaching me why "empath" is just the other side of the same coin. It hasn't been easy but starting to break through over the past few years. Your book "Your Journey to Success" is really giving me another push along the road. Thank you!
I'm happy to help. How far into the book have you gotten? Also, if you don't mind me asking, what have you learned about yourself in the process of reading it?
I'm 35 and have always felt very different and often think I'm just incredibly kind and loving with everyone, and often feel too moved from others, and this video was very eye opening. Our society makes it sound like it's always positive being an "Empath" but it's feel so exhausting feeling SO much all the time. I'll probably wind up listening to this more then once.
I totally get that! I've known some very kind people who unfortunately are also very expecting of others to do things. Sure, they are beautiful people but there are parts to everyone that aren't too pretty. I know for myself personally I'm in no means perfect-but I think the most important thing is that I realize my faults and what I need to work on to grow more as a person. I think this is important for everyone. :-)@@OnlyOneName
This is exactly what people who identify as empaths need to hear. It's not some hero-like, wise state of being that you tell people about proudly. It's painful and awful and like you said, it's dysfunctional. I recently realised I may have been an empath as a child due to childhood trauma. I would take on all of my parents' moods, and that of others around me which was toxic and unhealthy for me as a child. You hit the nail on the head when you said you were hyperaware. That was me all my life. I felt like this growing up and I was unable to shut out a lot of the noise. Luckily I got some help a few years ago, it's taken years (diagnosed with depression and anxiety as well) but I'm on medication that works for me now and I will be off them soon. I still feel aware of others and situations and I still need time alone away from people, but it's improved a lot.
Well said! I’m a energy healer and a empath. The strong points has helped me in my healing work to help others but from the point of having empathy for their situation. So the truth will set one free. I have vowed to not continue to be a wounded healer. And help from an empowered place. Love your videos. 🌺🥰🙏🏽
Wow, I wish I had seen this years ago. I am a severe codependent and I need to restore my sense of self. Actually I’ve never had that. Thank you for making this
Uf! What a great video, I needed to hear this. Helps me a lot in being in touch with reality. I haven't heard this before and it gives me another perspective.
I’m grateful to run across you. In order for me to define what was going on with me, I did label myself as an empath. My mood would shift even as I passed an unknown car on the road. I could get on any horse and know immediately what kind of ride I was in for. I could feel a chaotic person walk into the room even when my back was turned. I’d feel it and look around to see where it was coming from and I knew this person was chaotic from past behavior so I know that I am an empath. And it’s very useful when it doesn’t take over. I hate being chaotic or angry just because a carrier entered the room. I want to be who I am. So I do the cognitive work and I do the EMDR and I work on my boundaries. The EMDR has smoothed down the instantaneous triggers that destroyed my ability to be sane, make eye contact, talk in my normal voice. 5 years of EMDR, mixed with cognitive learning. I also have a job as a caregiver to the elderly. The policies of the company have really made a difference in my ability to make and keep boundaries. I can let the company be my backbone and I can be nice about it. I just have to remember not to mix any of my own desire to do more than I’m supposed to because that’s an invite to be exploited. I’ve done a lot of work. I can be a leader and I’ve noticed that the people around me are different. I have power over the narcissists just by diverting the conversation, or by leaving if I sense that anything I say will only make it worse. That’s where being an empath comes in handy. I walk in the room and immediately turn around and leave, I get on a horse and immediately get off. But then I laugh when I see the narcissists avoiding me. I find it much easier to be honest without divulging what’s going on inside me. I got my highly codependent neighbor to quit trying to infect me with her cynicism and taking over my decisions when she went into caregiver mode. It is funny to watch people shift. I shift as I walk down the hall between clients because I want to give them what they need, but when I leave, they stay there and I go home and be myself. At least I know who I am now AND that I can choose who I want to be. That’s a big AND. Power I didn’t have before. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to be ready to shove off the oppression. But I guess it takes damn near dying from the constant terror and it’s effects on my body. I’m 62 now. I was finally ready at 57. And I was like 50 before I knew my dad’s eyes are blue. But now I can laugh at him to his face when he gets stupid towards me because he’s not able to trigger me anymore. But there is one more evil than that, who scared even my dad, who I’m not sure I can ever be strong enough to speak to ever again. He can manipulate whole groups of people and they can’t even see it.
The lies we believe and the truth that sets us free Love your understanding and process thank you! I'll probably have to listen a few times and make notes wow so wonderful to get to the root of things!
Thank you so much. This video is so enlightening. I’ve always known myself to be an empath. I attracted narcissists my whole life, which only made me trust less and isolate more. I’ve gone no contact with the narcissists, but I thought I was just stuck being an empath and always alone. How incredibly hopeful to know I can evolve past it. It’s true what you said in another video, that it’s a form of narcissism, in that it keeps me feeling superior to others (“I feel more than others”).I want to be equal with others, in healthy relationships, empathetic but not an empath. So grateful for your videos. God bless you
One of your best videos! I've been told I just dont have the resources to help people and that's why i dont help people. Totally ridiculous! I just choose not to make other people's problems my own.
Thank you! You are right. Under this kindness is surviving skill from childhood. And living with no right to say "no!" to others, its absolute draining. Then you get the passive agressive rage inside. I cant take it! Im tired fulfilling others willings and beeing nice to them while they use it, it is so convinient to let others to do what I dont want. So youre right this lifestyle is devastating.
Thank you so much, it's very important to hear this. I'm an empath. It's very difficult, it's like living without a skin. I'm on a way of healing and I started with realizing the problem first.
At LAST! Someone speaking the truth. Codependency is rife on here. Perpetuation of the myth that being an empath is a gift when it’s actually a tag for dysfunctional behaviour. I salute you for addressing this issue.
Yes, be in the here... What is going on? And observe and let go what doesn't belong to us. I need a loooot of sleep, restricting contact with people and mindfulness. I'm at the point that when people say I'm nice, I run!
You have upset me…by telling me the truth lol Seriously though, for the last few years I’ve considered myself an empath and over those few years unbeknownst to me I have been taking the steps to undo that by healing from my past childhood traumas. So I’m very pleasantly thankful to hear your thoughts and perspectives on me lol I have a lot of work to do and I’m very happy and excited to know I’ve been doing the work to heal. I’ve watched many of your videos and I cannot thank you enough for helping me understand what I mess I was and still am and now knowing I’m on the right path to a better me. I truly hated me and strived to find the memory of the happy I enjoyed before it all went wrong and I started down the road to self destruction. I’m 16 years sober. I few years in I realized why and what caused it all. My life up until I was seven was a happy life until my whole world changed forever with my parents divorce. Everything I knew was gone in an instant. All my friends, family, home and room were gone and I was literally on my own. Once I realized that traumatic event was the start I started working to fix me. I will always be a work in progress but I’m a peaceful and happy work in progress now 😊
Great video! Flipped some switches on for me. I’ve never identified as “an empath” but I have identified as “empathic”. But it’s been a blurry line for me honestly. I can see how I’ve not had as-solid of a sense of self as needed in my own relations that led to narcissistic abuse. Thanks for the wisdom. 🙏🏼
What an interesting analysis! I've never heard the term empath defined this way. For many of us, this description of our childhood trauma is pure truth. Thank you so much for your input and insight.
What's worse is for yrs I've known why I am the way I am , just can't validate why , guess gotta trust yourself .I'm 46 broken but I'm in here somewhere
One of your videos about narcissists helped me a lot: I realised how I willingly gave up my good habits and blamed the other person (narc). Time to take responsibility for my own life.
God driven Empaths 🙏 Rock. Decernment from God is the KEY 🔑 🙏 You may absorb but YOU choose whether to keep it or let go. Depend on others if needed but Codependant on no one but God. There are Healthy healed Empaths and those who are not, yet healed.
Thank you for the clarification. An empath is a severe codependent and it's not healthy. I'm happy to begin my healing journey to be able to demonstrate empathy with proper boundaries!
THIS IS TRUE,,,severely dysfunctional,,,think about it how can feeling someone's emotions not be dysfunctional..Look for the practitioner not the theorist.I truly believe the most fit therapist to help you is someone who has gone through the same trauma that you have.
I consider myself an empath… I absorb other peoples pain, anger, joy, etc. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family & I’m married to a narcissist. I get triggered very easily, therefore, avoid being in a crowd & prefer one on one interactions. I can lose my temper with one simple comment that I disagree with. I’ve been trying to curb the impulse to react & have seen some improvement. Your explanation of why it’s bad being an empath did hurt a little but I can see your point of view, in fact, I immediately identified with your explanation of how we develop into this character as a means of survival. I find it very sad to know just how flawed a human being I am. Learning this makes me even more embarrassed about myself.
And I never have one bit of a problem sticking around anyone toxic or that is a rotten person, or bad company. I'd think twice about never seeing someone again.
Why after 25 years of seeing a therapist on a weekly basis am I only hearing this & not by them? I am blown away with this info. It is making much sense to me & realize there is much work a head for me. I will start with all those books. Thank you!
You are very welcome. As my mentor said to me, Kenny, a therapist learns, how to diagnose and prescribe. They do not learn how to heal. It’s incumbent upon a therapist to do a tremendous amount of study after they get their degree. Some choose to, and some don’t. Thank God for me, he did all of that, studying. I chose to make learning how to help people heal my focus, and even though my mentor did a tremendous amount of studying, I know share things with him he never learned. We have a wonderful, reciprocal relationship.
Your explanation on being an empath is a real eye opener, out of watching many videos on this subject yours reaches the spot, it resonates to the core like no other. Thank you.
I'm doing a letter to my dad. He died about 14 years ago and I have not missed him nor shed a tear for him since his funeral. Today doing the letter I started crying immediately. I haven't finished the letter but what I am finding is that I miss my dad. I actually miss him and have loving feelings for him. He was a victim and now I can see that every relationship I have had, or most of them, I have been the victim. So sad. I know he was terribly hurt as a child and into adulthood. He had to quit school to help put his siblings through school. He was in the fields working at 7 years old. I don't know when he had to quit school. My dad felt that he was the black sheep of the family all his life. I guess that is the way I have felt too. I saw myself as the black sheep and scape goat, the unloved one. It is good to realize these things and learn how to give up the victim mentality. --- and away we go...
@@melindasmith3713 I totally understand. I guess that thought crossed my mind when my dad was alive too. I wish I was further along with my emotional healing. I live with guilt and shame even though I function very well on a daily basis. I guess I don't feel worthy of love. It still hurts. I wish you the best in getting emotionally healed.
@@sandrazawada5316 I'm married raised 2 great kids independent, my husband hates my daughter , for not being his . Uses my son for dumb shit , like change my password . Hits me , says its my fault I bruise easy .. imim here to be used . He sends nasty texts from work , like omg who can text all day from work . Wanted me to be a stay at home wife , then runs me down ! You can't get a job! You are the problem . He's got himself . I'm so done trying to save him . He cut off sex once I wanted it! He loved making me do it . 25 plus yrs . My dad was the user of me also . Crazy ain't nothing wrong with me , I just carry shame . I'm not them. I'm inside .he'll make my life miserable he told me yrs ago . He punches a time clock and then is was always done . Why did I even try ? Shame I repeat I'm not him
My husband passed I want devoce. He is great . He texted me , I'm happy. 2 days this week I need kissing lessons then I'm the problem. Oh if only 27 yrs new . I'm good I can get him gone . I deserve better . His lunch meatloaf , steak and rice, egg salad and a salad . More than I eat in a day . Omg I'm bad . Not . I want devoice. I'm house wife . Lol he never watched our kids
I watched so many videos on both issues and nobody linked these as this guy here. They really are the same, but I needed someone to tell this truth. One can be so blind for her own shadows. I always felt like I was compelled to stay kind, like a sort of mask I had to wear. As a child, I had no choice. I had to bury my feeling inside, to dispose of them, started to second guess myself to adjust to others opinions, became a people pleaser and got praises how calm and kind I was. Now, at 50, I still have trouble feeling anger and expressing it. As a child I was laughed at and ridiculed or beaten if I got angry, so there is a wall of shame before I get there. I so often wonder where the people get the entitlement from to get angry with others. Cause nobody could display anger if they won't feel entitled to.
Empath is a self aggrandizing internet term usually used by people suffering from codependency and sometimes BPD that were abused by a narcissist. It’s a way of not looking at your part in the situation. You didn’t deserve to be abused , but you need … have .. to identify How you ended up in the situation you did or you will never heal .. it’ll keep happening. There will be another narcissist. In order to break that trauma bond , I had to take a long hard look in the mirror… that’s when healing begins
I needed to hear this. Thank you. Having read codependent no more this year and feeling completely lost in what to do about realizing my codependency and deep shame, I will check out the books you mentioned. Thank you!
Yes unfortunately that book is very in adequate when it comes to teaching you about codependence. I highly encourage you to pick up your melodies facing codependence it is a much better book and you’ll have a much deeper understanding of what to do and how to recover. When you’re ready to recover my online Masterclasses Teachable for codependence recovery so I would encourage you to do that when you’re ready to heal
This is the 2nd video I watch that shocks me with facts that are so mindblowing they shake my existance😂my jaw drops because of how personally your topics affect my life.Thank you very much for making those videos accessible for people who need them.Especially that video about explaining narcissists.
This was my grandmother and mother and also me. There is a disgusting energy in this. The last time I was in a relationship, I became my ex. I got worse and worse. I wished life hadn't been like this, that this had been me. I disappear. I become the other. But I've been working on myself for a long time now. To be in myself. Even when energies strike. Have I stayed in myself. But this I started with as a little girl. Play along so I don't have to be exposed to violence. But started to get a hold of myself. Because when the energy came, I met myself. My little self. Didn't enter the other. But there is hard work behind it. Get to know me now.
Thank you for this insight. Yep, people do wear that empath label as a badge of honor and courage. IN MY OWN EXPERIENCE, it is usually "announced" - as if someone gave them a treasured title "my daughter is an empath" or "people tell me all the time that i'm an empath". After my initial internal shudder, I just ignore it. But it's as if the folks who find it necessary to tell me this expect to be told how wonderfully selfless, helpless, and buffeted they are against the world's cruelty. And that it's OKAY; a privilege even. I learned long ago - before I had even heard the word 'empath' that i was excruciatingly hyper-aware of everything going on around me; even across the room; and even while I was involved in something else. That is crippling because it completely removed my ability to experience my own present moments. I can say with certainty that you are allowing yourself to be robbed of living and feeling your own life. It's hideous; not some red badge of courage. I have worked hard to block out "what isn't mine" because that is the only way to know yourself and live your life on your own terms. You are so right; we cannot know our true selves when we are are absorbing others' selves. Nowadays, when someone tells me they believe I am an empath, I state plainly: "no i'm not." These days I work toward being a compassionate human instead.
Boy I was actually taking notes on this video! It hits home and I don’t want to be an empath with shame anymore. I know that I will never have another narcissist around me, but I don’t want someone to have to tolerate my emotional problems either! Yikes! I am isolating because I don’t trust myself anymore. I get overwhelmed by other peoples motives with me and the friendship doesn’t seem right.
Pathological empathy is a coping mechanism that a child developed unconsciously to survive a hostile/unsafe living environment while growing up. As with most coping mechanisms, this form of coping, while necessary and good during childhood to survive became pathological in adult life, when one has to be able to give and receive in a healthy way with other adults. So-called empaths were never taught this by their caregivers in childhood, instead were rewarded for helping others (often at the expense of oneself). As with all other coping mechanisms that prove to be unhealthy in adult life, one has to find ways to replace this coping behavior with others that are more appropriate, healthy and balanced. Hope that helps.
The kindness is there to cover up the desire to act out, which would bring on shame. Best explanation ever! I was a saint of a child. Sweetest girl ever. When I was only a child, I vowed that I will devote my life to saving my mother from her pain. By the time I was 13, I wore all black and listened to death metal. Makes sense now. Still love the music by the way. I feel deep relief each time I listen to it. (Death’s “Lack of Comprehension” not only safely expressed my inner rage through music but also the lyrics are absolutely profound and on point).
Wow this opened my eyes . , my childhood trauma was my Dad , as much as I loved him he could affect my day . He had half a stomach due to an accident so he ate little and often . This meant he got hungry very quickly which made him a bear with a sore arse . So he would shout and ball at my siblings like it was our fault . How do you explain to a kid that it’s not their fault . He could be very impatient and if you didn’t grasp what he wanted you to do he would look at you stupid or shout at you . I was scared of him and he made me nervous so I didn’t understand what he wanted . He said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . I grew up nervous , anxious and eager to please . I got into business with narcissists and between them I had left one trauma for another . They both emotionally drained me . They are both dead now , I am 60 and live with my partner. I take a day at a time because I am struggling to accept that I can put me first and have a good life . I am getting there slowing but he’s right I do have a lot of anger , frustration and negativity bubbling under the surface . He just might be the answer to get it out .
Thank you, Sir. I am severely sadistic and manipulative towards people to hide my own shame. I keep justifying it endlessly and hopelessly. U put me out of my misery. I have kept every single person who insulted me in the loop to torment them with kindness. Hopefully I can start my life now. Thank you again. Your talk made sense to me only because I am at a point where I was pondering why I am unable to live my life. My whole life revolved around killing the jealous people who made me feel shame with kindness. I am ready to accept it and move on and letting them win. Can’t thank you enough for the awakening.
It seems to me claiming the identity of an empath is both a defense (the constant gauging of emotional states of others in order to form a possible defense, as in "kindness" response) and also dissociative, if I am understanding it aright. I am overcome with grief for the child I was who was so traumatized that this is part of the persona I took on. It is hard to accept that I will be recovering from this the rest of my life. Yet the alternative is ineffably untenable.
I almost broke a couple of people’s heads for telling me I am overly caring and giving. I was like, yea, How to overcome the bloody dysfunction? Thanks for blatantly telling my subconscious evil nature. People around me where educating me with co dependence and how I was validate myself by giving power to others. I was like, yes, I am dysfunctional help me with that. Heart in heart I knew I was being evil in a stealthy way but couldn’t tell why. People telling we all make mistakes didn’t help me in facing shame. Calling me evil does.
In psychology, i was told by an expert and author on narcissism, exists a category for people who are called hyper sensitives (somr others would call them super empaths) and are that by nature, regardless of being abused or not. It is their true nature, and so they can use it for being healers, mediums, psychics, etc..They too are hypersensitove to all energy around them, but not necessarily enter into any codependence. They are different from people who are empathic, they are much more empathic, but not in a toxic way. Which doesnt mean that none of them would/could enter into codependence, some do, but it is not the usual case, because they also perceive/sense/feel red flags straight off, for example the body reacts with nausea even to the presence of a narcissist.
I am a codependent in recovery. It took me all of my twenties to realize it. I had to walk away from an extremely disordered person to realize what was unhealthy about me. I'd been carrying pain around within me for years. I didn't start off with empath qualities I realized, my personality was a trauma response. I had actually been an extrovert to be frank. The healthier I get the more extroverted I become.
WOW! Thank-You! I had just shared a post on the facebook about being an empath and added my 2 cents. Just yesterday and stumbled across your video today. You explained it so well and I can see it in myself...yes there is much rage in me and it used to make me feel ashamed....but there was so much emotional abuse. Bio father alcoholic, mother major major co-dependent enabler, covert narc...don't get me started on the EX, or the bobfather, step dad! My whole life giving to the bottomless pits! "Can't complain about people sucking the life out of you, if you keep giving them the straw!" I ain't giving them the straw no more! I am learning to tune into my own feelings and emotions more than I tune into others. Actually, I now look at it as invading their privacy! Thanks again! Much Love Big Heart Hugs Thank-You for being you and helping to educate and empower others too!
Thank you very much for this valuable information. I am and empath and now I finally understand what an empath really is and think of how I can become completely independent. I think you help a lot of people with your videos. Keep up the good work!😊
I am an empathic person and can be to a fault. I have felt for quite some time that is isn’t fully a strength, though I don’t feel I lose my sense of self, or feel it makes me better than others. In fact, I have always bristled when people have said it’s a strength. It doesn’t always feel like a strength and, yes, I agree it has to do with a traumatic upbringing. Yes, I did learn to read others to save my life,…I agree and relate, but I have never felt weaker as I will always understand who I am and why. I am glad to have seen this. I am aware of all of these things but I have never been afraid of holding onto myself. My pain made me more emphatic and made me the kind person I became, but I don’t feel it a weakness, or a strength. I have never been “cruel” to anyone who didn’t provoke it. It’s not mean to stand up against someone who wrongs you. No one should have my light if they throw me nothing but shade. I think that’s normal. I have felt all the things I have needed to. I am glad to see this as I have a better understanding that I am not so much an empath but empathic. I am happy to know I balance this better than I thought. Yes, immaturity likely is an issue, but I embrace that about myself and know when and how to be an adult. Balancing this is absolutely challenging and I have been working in this. Glad to see I am on the right track.
So true codependency is the enabling that I've repeatedly did as poor coping skills 😢 When it boomerangs 🪃 we wonder why why why and listening to Kenny's videos one day it was like Wow I finally understand the 'why'
As a child I had to and learn to feel any change in emotions of my alcoholic father or my narcissric mother I think it is right that it could be a base to become an emapth or codependent or HSP.
Thanks. A month of my mind breaking trying to understand ethe empath in my life and why she has been so cruel. She uses kindness like a weapon. It nearly broke my mind. I feel like I have been through the abyss. All this youtube content about empaths, super empaths, narcs, covert narcs, empaths destroy narcs, supernova... The self questioning, am I a narc? Have I lost my mind? How does kindness gut me like it has? .... Its because its manipulation.... And I saw that, and that she doesnt see that... And my world broke. I understand now.
Thank you for defining the difference. I’m an Empath and I hate it. I absorb everyone’s energy and feel the need to jump in and solve their problems. I’m exhausted and won’t do it anymore. To accomplish this, I isolate myself from people. Thankfully, through videos such as this, I can work on this co-dependency.
You are very welcome. If you’re looking for more help to conquer that codependency, you might want to check out my free Masterclass your journey to emotional mastery.
It will help you learn how to start taking control of your emotions and keep your boundaries. If you’re interested here’s the link
thegreatnessu.com/p/your-journey-to-emotional-mastery
me too, totally same
Same here.
WOW!!!! This is how I like my truth to be delivered !
Thank God I invite the truth and nothing less than that.
I am an empath that has worked SO HARD for yearssss to master myself. For many years “ my empathy” sucked the life out of me and I agree !… “ the gift is NOT a gift ! It’s dysfunctional!”
After too many relationships with toxic people, some romantic- some friendships, I am ready to look at myself in a way I have never tried before. The good empath VS. the bad narcissist, what a way to stay stuck!
Thank you for your delivery. Some of us are ready to truly take our healing to a different level.
I'm a empath You described me 100%
I use to be an empath. After suffering severe narcissistic abuse, I was able to identify the source of my empathy. I was raised by narcissistic parents and was taught that other's needs were more important than my own. I am no longer a co dependent. I have stop associating with toxic people in my life. I was so exhausted from being an empath. It has taken me a while to recover. I have started a new life and I'm never going back.
I'm a recovering empath too, on my journey to healing. Upon learning about this horrible human condition called narcissism and socipathic, I had to make radical changes in my life. I had to cut all contact with my sociopathic family including my elderly mother, sisters and their kids. It's run like a cult and they've all been conditioned in their roles as abusers toward me. They can't change but I can! I had to cut contact with most of my friends too. They're all toxic users, yuck. My world got smaller but so much better, safer, peaceful. I have the most beautiful life and I'm so grateful. I seriously need to guard it. Only few trusted get into my world now. When I get out into society I see toxic broken people everywhere. I see a lot of goodness too. I want to be around good people only.
Good for you !! (both)
u r an inspiration thank you. hope to get there soon....survived 37 years with a cheater, my mom died at age 9, new mom didn't like us 4 children. Now my children are grown, I'm free....its been 3.5 years....
You can be an empath and not be a narcissist. ❤
@@targetshades2320 You mean not a codependent?
Becoming an empath was a survival skill, and helped me cope with narcissistic parents and a toxic narc abusive husband. It no longer serves me. It’s exhausting and maladaptive. The only cure for me was to discard toxic people from my life, allow a loving safe partner, and found ways to help others in a healthy way (such as volunteering, etc) No more codependency. I’m still special with great intuition & empathy, without the toxicity of absorbing others! Hang in there empaths! Listen to this video 3-4 times! It’s a hard truth, but will set you free!
Thank you for your comments and for mentioning to Repeat the lesson that Kenny has shared. Once usually isn't enough.
Thank you for mentioning repeating Kenny's lesson, once isn't enough.
Well said. "Empath" ~ those who are delusional & believe they're special but are actually very damaged insecure & emotionally immature people.
Yes, I’ve read comments on other channels, where many wear it like a badge of honour, as if they were psychic or something, being super sensitive.
This dude too legit, hit the nail on the head. I discovered narcissism a few years back and its been a revelation. I actually developed teeth to bite people back! Before I was the door mat and cared way too much what people thought! NOW I AM STRONG AND TO BE RESPECTED!!!!
How did you do it ? Im still struggling with it
I am an empath and I'd like to thank you for this video. I've been slowly realizing how toxic being an empath truly is and this just put it into such an understandable concept for me. Thank you.
You are so welcome
I am an Empath and I completely agree with you. It's exhausting. I have been an Empath since I was a child. There are so many short comings. I love being an Empath and I have finally learned to be better to me and not lose myself in others and the emotions and feelings. I deserve to be happy and have successful life. There is also a lot of guilt that is given to them.
This is why I like you. You're honest with compassion, but you don't allow that compassion to compromise your honesty. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you so much Kenny 💙
6:28 “What makes us weak is the avoidance of truth!” Wow I love this quote. Thanks so much for your videos, I find them deeply helpful.
You are very welcome. Glad they are helping you 😁
One "avoidance of truth" I fell for until recently was, "Look at all I give to you." My new response is, Thank you, and take the goodies and run. I owe no one anything, really. It's the hook to keep me playing, avoiding my own helpless thoughts, and I can decline.
@@kennyweiss I’m blown away right now!! How do I heal something I don’t remember?? And why don’t I remember? That’s terrifying! 😱🤭😢
@@jodiehamilton8518 if you sign up for my free class I explain how to do that and while I can appreciate you being terrified it’s actually very normal. Most people don’t remember. As they take the healing journey, some might remember certain events they had forgotten.
It’s not a necessary requirement to healing. And the only way to get rid of that terrified feeling is to do the work to game of the knowledge, skills, and tools, so that you get your power back.
This is what I've been doing all of my years. Thank you for the light. I long to be real, but am so filled with shame. Now, I can start the journey to healing that shame.
I'm floored. This is extremely eye opening. I have empathy and i'm an empath. And I do admit my co-dependency issues. Thank you for this eye opener!!
I absolutely hate myself for being an empathetic. I’ve always been that way. It’s caused me so much pain. Honestly, it’s so difficult to get out of being this way. Thank you for sharing this video with us. It’s very enlightening.
So well said, Kenny. You never offend me since i recognize my traumatic childhood, narc/alcoholic parents and how I've become an empath/ co-dependent. Hopefully others will be able to face these realities in order to move forward.
We must be soulmates because I had a very similar childhood. Mother a Narc and father a alcoholic
'Empath' became a buzzword to redefine co-dependency and neuroticism.
Yep, your right,ive been in recovery for 14 years,ive had to learn to be in my own skin!!
I agree.
Bingo
Many are covert narcissists.
Not always. Intuitive and empathetic people are born this way, but opposites attract, so you might find yourself in a ying/yang dynamic.
This reminds me how my therapist said how I would make a good therapist because of the complex way I work on emotions when I told her I would never consider because I wouldn't know how to regulate the emotions I am taking from the other person. I never saw it as this gift others tried to tell me it always just feels like a burden.
Good move!. We need to think of our own health first 👍👌. And to keep people who are unable to self regulate/sooth the fuck out of our lives
Id argue not all all who identify at empaths get some thrill out of the other persons pain. I think its more they have been so hurt that they get an emotional release of their own hurts thru helping and delving into another persons pain, because a) they know how it feels. B) some cant stand to think of another person in as much emotional pain as they themselves have endured. (Truly humanitarian) and c) they feel called to help others navigate emotions because they live in the emotional world. They feel sense and breathe emotions. For me im part native american north and south and i use to be even more sensitive to peoples emotions, but now i mainly feel a calling to serve others. Its possible empaths r unhealed for the moment but i do think all people who have been thru trauma are also people with gifts and abilities as well. Youd b surprised. Its not everyones experience, but you can br screwed up by your past and also be incrrdibly courageous, brave, selfless, empathic, and yet have a strong enuf sense of survival instinct that u remain striving even in brokenness, and can truly help others in their emotional darkness. I think some of the best healers for deeper darker pain r those who have been hurt themselves. U probably have one type down but i think empath and highly sensitive persons is more a reclaiming of ability, than mischief to control others, thats the opposite of a true empath and sounds more like a covert sociopath, and who doesnt even want u to recover in the first place.
This was something like I was going to say. He's got so much of a 'selfish' spin on this video... sometimes it is absolutely 'I know pain and I don't want to do that to others' or 'it feels so good to be supportive'. His assumption is the worst motivation in all people... that's how most people function, as self-serving... but not all the time or about all aspects. It's almost coming across as a self reflection of his experience with people like this, but then he is blanketing his experience on all empathaths and assuming that motivation. I used to be bitter and want to lash out. Now, to me, it's not worth it or acceptable to take that out on others. Its up to me to work through healing and regulating without falling into unhealthy cycles. I'm also not here to fix others, only accept them as they are with their flaws (unless their flaws cross boundaries then I leave). We just have to go on our healing journey to get there, I highly believe in what he is saying that a codependent is an empath, but i disagree in that not all empaths are codependent. It takes self awareness and a desire to heal. That heightened sense of emotion doesn't just disappear, but you learn how to regulate it in a healthier way.
I also disagree with him on that point.... If I am sadistic it is usually to my self.... Because of that deep sense of shame and feeling I don't deserve any better(which is as a result of how my narcissistic mother groomed me). So that keeps me stuck in painful situations cause of that voice inside saying I don't deserve better.
I think a key distinction is how conscious/aware we are.
I agree. For Christians I call it Christian empath. However amongst other things, we need to pray to have courage regarding boundaries. It can take a long time. 12 years on from having a traumatic experience, I still have this weird feeling that people are inside me, as though I deeply know them, even after only meeting them for 5 minutes. Even now sitting here I can imagine all the people I have met in my life. I regularly pray about it and put it at Christ's Feet. He has reconciled all things to Himself.
I find it hard to see people in pain and not try to comfort or help them. Usually it's not motivated by the need to be in control. On the contrary I'd rather not hear from them again if I sense that they are trying to put me in charge of their happiness after the first time. I guess that's definition of feeling empathy without becoming codrpendent, or as he calls it , an Empath. It's a question of the name you give to that particular type. Some call it being an empath, others call it being codependent, and some call it covert narcissism.
I've dealt with what has been classified as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 40 years.This explains a lot.
I have had chronic fatigue for 28 years I am the same and understand your life. It’s been tough but. I am willing to do inner work and change to look after me now.
Yes, I was an empath bc of narcissistic abusive parents. I have had to work through this trauma and become myself. I have less triggers now and more boundaries and I’m much happier. So grateful.
Like a canary in the coal mine, an empath has little emotional filter for good or bad emotional energy. It takes great effort to differentiate oneself from the environment.
That’s me poor filter for good or bad friends someone else always lets me know before I think about it myself it’s sad when you think about it
And let’s not even talk relationships I’ve been a literal carpet
Coercive and manipulative. Sadistic. Right on❤Empathy was a disability and codependency is incredibly dysfunctional. Isolate. Devastating.
I spent four months to seek for answers why all my relationships and cooperations turn bad, why all people use me, and why I always end up as a victim ... I am so kind to all people, help them, etc. This is the second video I watched on your channel, and I feel like I am close to see the bigger picture :). Thank you! ❤
I understand being an empath is a toxic trait that’s not normal! Many coming on these utube narcissist videos feel special because talkers are passing on that we are normal better people than the narcissist just to keep us coming back, but we are NOT!! It’s our own tragic childhood at work causing us to attract narcissists.
I need to share this video with the masses on narcissism videos!
so true,
True. I dont like how they picture perfect themselves/victims of narcs. Usually they are some flaws in your character that allows them coming back. You can not put the entire blame on the opposite side. It may be more blame to put on the other but it is surely not 100%.
Kenny. Holy moly. I've been researching and looking for this info about being "good" from my teen years on, almost a lifetime... 71 now, and still surprised by finding myself "in the wrong place again"... I needed this key to unlock the door to my next lessons.
I appreciate you, Kenny. This is not the first time you have enlightened me. Knowing I am responsible for myself was the easy part. Knowing what to do to heal? Not so easy to figure out. You are a diamond, sir. Your personal sharing and attention to detail are of incredible value.
I'm off now to learn how to conquer guilt and shame, and discover everything else I can glean in the process. 🌟
Amen 🙏 Sister
Why this is by far the best video the most descriptive one that I have watched. You have just put it in such a perfect way. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
@@kennyweiss it was very informative. So many videos out there just sugar coat everything then you end up feeling confused at times because it doesn't really address the elephant in the room. You did.... I've been needing to see this video. I appreciate you taking the time to make it. I'm an empath who is looking to recover.
@@EpicWarDog you know I can totally relate to that. When I realized this career was my gift and what I was meant to do part of my mission statement was I wanted a platform where I talked about the root cause and I focused on the things nobody else wanted to talk about because if you don’t talk about them, people can’t heal. You have to deal with these deep, dark issues And I just didn’t see anyone doing it and I know in my own life I couldn’t find recovery or peace or happiness, because I couldn’t find anyone who is willing to talk about the root causes in a very blunt direct way. So I decided to step into that void and try and do my best in a perfectly imperfect way to talk about all of these things.
I already figured this one out. Empath is someone with very little personal boundaries with others.
this make me cry, I found I already lost ability to cry.... my whole life unbelievable miserable and living in the hell because of this horrible Empathy, all because I am scapegoat of huge Narcissists family
You clearly point out the need for a new term to replace the word, Empath. Being nice in order to hurt someone, isn’t being nice. It’s a form of Gaslighting.
Empaths are high-functioning psychotics. They exist with an "idea of reference." Everything is about them. They feel something, and read it into the other person. Everyone is a potential crystal ball to read into (the empath's inner story-telling). Think of the old Mr. Mgoo cartoons. That wasn't about eyesight, it was about someone going around projecting their reality onto reality. Finding correlations to what he was feeling.
The majority of psychologists have issues and neuroses. I was able to see that a couple of times snd many are narcissists with zero empathy oftentimes joking about patients in the coffee breaks! Some psychologists choose the profession the shield themselves from the real world and at tge same time exercising power. The power that they didn't have as a child. But this is commonly found in other career groups like the Cops, firefighters, lawyers, teachers, etc. power legitimization
This might be the best video on empaths and the direct relation to narcissism. Ppl got to stop putting titles on themselves permanently. Puts your mind in a box and your soul in a jail cell
it is the hardest way to live. I used to be exhausted at work all the time because I couldn't say no to helping others, I took over and fixed all the issues all the time. I am retired now, and I feel so much better. I did it while raising the kids too. I spoiled them. Made sure they always had the next big thing, the cars, clothes etc. I spoil my husband; he is used to me doing everything. Now I set boundaries more, say no most times to ppl and I do not take any crap from anyone. As soon as I feel put upon, I halt everything and verbalize my feelings or walk away. I have cut off some relationships from my past that were not healthy, and I feel a lot better but not completely healed from this. Dad was abusive he hit, he terrorized when he was home, he had out of control rage. Mom was enabler and empath but a sweet sweet soul. I miss her very much. I think without her I would have run away younger instead of waiting till I was 16. I am caring for my narc parent in their old age....what does that tell you? With God's help, I'll get through this too. Life is good and you have to create the world you want and that is best for you. Blessings for sharing your knowledge.
Wow! This makes so much sense to me! And I do feel that rage under the “kindness” that I feel I must provide to everyone. Thank you for this. 💕
Absolutely!!
I'm an empath and had to learn about boundaries. From a very good counselor .Where I start and others end.Still at times get a bit lost especially with destructive people like narcissists.
But I'm very much better than I used to be.
I had my boundaries destroyed as a child.
Bless you. Yes it is also boundaries for me. But even they can be difficult to get right. Sometimes we help too much, sometimes not enough. Hence why forgiveness is so important. We all sin and make mistakes but love and forgiveness cover over such things.
Finally, somebody offers some real truth. Thank you so much. No one was ever going to tell me any of this.
Balancing being empathic and having empathy is hard in any case and relationship. Family, romantic, friendship, work and society. It's draining... I'm working hard on healing from codependency. But I'm moving forward... Balance and boundaries ❤️ Great advice! Thank you!
me too
So true my life has been narcissistically abusive relationships teaching me why "empath" is just the other side of the same coin. It hasn't been easy but starting to break through over the past few years. Your book "Your Journey to Success" is really giving me another push along the road. Thank you!
I'm happy to help. How far into the book have you gotten? Also, if you don't mind me asking, what have you learned about yourself in the process of reading it?
I'm 35 and have always felt very different and often think I'm just incredibly kind and loving with everyone, and often feel too moved from others, and this video was very eye opening. Our society makes it sound like it's always positive being an "Empath" but it's feel so exhausting feeling SO much all the time. I'll probably wind up listening to this more then once.
I've noticed that those who say it's positive are the same people who don't want you to stop giving, because they are the takers.
I totally get that! I've known some very kind people who unfortunately are also very expecting of others to do things. Sure, they are beautiful people but there are parts to everyone that aren't too pretty. I know for myself personally I'm in no means perfect-but I think the most important thing is that I realize my faults and what I need to work on to grow more as a person. I think this is important for everyone. :-)@@OnlyOneName
This is exactly what people who identify as empaths need to hear. It's not some hero-like, wise state of being that you tell people about proudly. It's painful and awful and like you said, it's dysfunctional. I recently realised I may have been an empath as a child due to childhood trauma. I would take on all of my parents' moods, and that of others around me which was toxic and unhealthy for me as a child. You hit the nail on the head when you said you were hyperaware. That was me all my life. I felt like this growing up and I was unable to shut out a lot of the noise. Luckily I got some help a few years ago, it's taken years (diagnosed with depression and anxiety as well) but I'm on medication that works for me now and I will be off them soon. I still feel aware of others and situations and I still need time alone away from people, but it's improved a lot.
Well said! I’m a energy healer and a empath. The strong points has helped me in my healing work to help others but from the point of having empathy for their situation. So the truth will set one free. I have vowed to not continue to be a wounded healer. And help from an empowered place. Love your videos. 🌺🥰🙏🏽
Good for you 👏👏
I’m an empath for myself now. Tuning into me, self-care, and self-love is where I choose to expend my energy.
This man is preaching. So spot on.
40 years of age, I love to hear it isn't just me. Boy, it took so long to find someone that knows. Thanks, and god bless
Wow, I wish I had seen this years ago. I am a severe codependent and I need to restore my sense of self. Actually I’ve never had that. Thank you for making this
Uf! What a great video, I needed to hear this. Helps me a lot in being in touch with reality. I haven't heard this before and it gives me another perspective.
I’m grateful to run across you. In order for me to define what was going on with me, I did label myself as an empath. My mood would shift even as I passed an unknown car on the road. I could get on any horse and know immediately what kind of ride I was in for. I could feel a chaotic person walk into the room even when my back was turned. I’d feel it and look around to see where it was coming from and I knew this person was chaotic from past behavior so I know that I am an empath. And it’s very useful when it doesn’t take over. I hate being chaotic or angry just because a carrier entered the room. I want to be who I am. So I do the cognitive work and I do the EMDR and I work on my boundaries. The EMDR has smoothed down the instantaneous triggers that destroyed my ability to be sane, make eye contact, talk in my normal voice. 5 years of EMDR, mixed with cognitive learning. I also have a job as a caregiver to the elderly. The policies of the company have really made a difference in my ability to make and keep boundaries. I can let the company be my backbone and I can be nice about it. I just have to remember not to mix any of my own desire to do more than I’m supposed to because that’s an invite to be exploited. I’ve done a lot of work. I can be a leader and I’ve noticed that the people around me are different. I have power over the narcissists just by diverting the conversation, or by leaving if I sense that anything I say will only make it worse. That’s where being an empath comes in handy. I walk in the room and immediately turn around and leave, I get on a horse and immediately get off. But then I laugh when I see the narcissists avoiding me. I find it much easier to be honest without divulging what’s going on inside me. I got my highly codependent neighbor to quit trying to infect me with her cynicism and taking over my decisions when she went into caregiver mode. It is funny to watch people shift. I shift as I walk down the hall between clients because I want to give them what they need, but when I leave, they stay there and I go home and be myself. At least I know who I am now AND that I can choose who I want to be. That’s a big AND. Power I didn’t have before. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to be ready to shove off the oppression. But I guess it takes damn near dying from the constant terror and it’s effects on my body. I’m 62 now. I was finally ready at 57. And I was like 50 before I knew my dad’s eyes are blue. But now I can laugh at him to his face when he gets stupid towards me because he’s not able to trigger me anymore. But there is one more evil than that, who scared even my dad, who I’m not sure I can ever be strong enough to speak to ever again. He can manipulate whole groups of people and they can’t even see it.
The lies we believe and the truth that sets us free
Love your understanding and process thank you!
I'll probably have to listen a few times and make notes wow so wonderful to get to the root of things!
deep root is Fear and Shame
Thank you so much. This video is so enlightening. I’ve always known myself to be an empath. I attracted narcissists my whole life, which only made me trust less and isolate more. I’ve gone no contact with the narcissists, but I thought I was just stuck being an empath and always alone. How incredibly hopeful to know I can evolve past it. It’s true what you said in another video, that it’s a form of narcissism, in that it keeps me feeling superior to others (“I feel more than others”).I want to be equal with others, in healthy relationships, empathetic but not an empath. So grateful for your videos. God bless you
One of your best videos! I've been told I just dont have the resources to help people and that's why i dont help people. Totally ridiculous! I just choose not to make other people's problems my own.
The best part is treating anyone that just can't deal to absence.This is Kindness for all involved.
Thank you! You are right. Under this kindness is surviving skill from childhood. And living with no right to say "no!" to others, its absolute draining. Then you get the passive agressive rage inside. I cant take it! Im tired fulfilling others willings and beeing nice to them while they use it, it is so convinient to let others to do what I dont want. So youre right this lifestyle is devastating.
Thank you so much, it's very important to hear this. I'm an empath. It's very difficult, it's like living without a skin. I'm on a way of healing and I started with realizing the problem first.
At LAST! Someone speaking the truth. Codependency is rife on here. Perpetuation of the myth that being an empath is a gift when it’s actually a tag for dysfunctional behaviour. I salute you for addressing this issue.
agreed.....I am so sick of the 'power' grabbing....
Thank you for showing the difference! While growing up I used to be an empath but lately noticed losing it. This is so useful!
You’re welcome 😁
I get it, I see your point BUT, AS WE HEAL & REALIZE WHAT we are,we can become EMPOWERED and learn how to OBSERVE instead of ABSORB!!!
Beautifully said. That is the whole message of the video. To heal our pain so we can move from being absorbed to becoming an observer. 👏
Yes, be in the here... What is going on? And observe and let go what doesn't belong to us. I need a loooot of sleep, restricting contact with people and mindfulness. I'm at the point that when people say I'm nice, I run!
You have upset me…by telling me the truth lol
Seriously though, for the last few years I’ve considered myself an empath and over those few years unbeknownst to me I have been taking the steps to undo that by healing from my past childhood traumas. So I’m very pleasantly thankful to hear your thoughts and perspectives on me lol I have a lot of work to do and I’m very happy and excited to know I’ve been doing the work to heal. I’ve watched many of your videos and I cannot thank you enough for helping me understand what I mess I was and still am and now knowing I’m on the right path to a better me. I truly hated me and strived to find the memory of the happy I enjoyed before it all went wrong and I started down the road to self destruction. I’m 16 years sober. I few years in I realized why and what caused it all. My life up until I was seven was a happy life until my whole world changed forever with my parents divorce. Everything I knew was gone in an instant. All my friends, family, home and room were gone and I was literally on my own. Once I realized that traumatic event was the start I started working to fix me. I will always be a work in progress but I’m a peaceful and happy work in progress now 😊
Great video! Flipped some switches on for me. I’ve never identified as “an empath” but I have identified as “empathic”. But it’s been a blurry line for me honestly. I can see how I’ve not had as-solid of a sense of self as needed in my own relations that led to narcissistic abuse. Thanks for the wisdom. 🙏🏼
wow never even seen those two words next to each other... amazing
What an interesting analysis! I've never heard the term empath defined this way. For many of us, this description of our childhood trauma is pure truth. Thank you so much for your input and insight.
You’re so welcome 😁
What's worse is for yrs I've known why I am the way I am , just can't validate why , guess gotta trust yourself .I'm 46 broken but I'm in here somewhere
One of your videos about narcissists helped me a lot: I realised how I willingly gave up my good habits and blamed the other person (narc). Time to take responsibility for my own life.
God driven Empaths 🙏 Rock. Decernment from God is the KEY 🔑 🙏 You may absorb but YOU choose whether to keep it or let go. Depend on others if needed but Codependant on no one but God. There are Healthy healed Empaths and those who are not, yet healed.
Thank you for the clarification. An empath is a severe codependent and it's not healthy.
I'm happy to begin my healing journey to be able to demonstrate empathy with proper boundaries!
THIS IS TRUE,,,severely dysfunctional,,,think about it how can feeling someone's emotions not be dysfunctional..Look for the practitioner not the theorist.I truly believe the most fit therapist to help you is someone who has gone through the same trauma that you have.
I agree!
I consider myself an empath… I absorb other peoples pain, anger, joy, etc. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family & I’m married to a narcissist. I get triggered very easily, therefore, avoid being in a crowd & prefer one on one interactions. I can lose my temper with one simple comment that I disagree with. I’ve been trying to curb the impulse to react & have seen some improvement. Your explanation of why it’s bad being an empath did hurt a little but I can see your point of view, in fact, I immediately identified with your explanation of how we develop into this character as a means of survival. I find it very sad to know just how flawed a human being I am. Learning this makes me even more embarrassed about myself.
And I never have one bit of a problem sticking around anyone toxic or that is a rotten person, or bad company. I'd think twice about never seeing someone again.
It's such a relief to have someone tell the truth.
Why after 25 years of seeing a therapist on a weekly basis am I only hearing this & not by them? I am blown away with this info. It is making much sense to me & realize there is much work a head for me. I will start with all those books. Thank you!
You are very welcome.
As my mentor said to me, Kenny, a therapist learns, how to diagnose and prescribe. They do not learn how to heal. It’s incumbent upon a therapist to do a tremendous amount of study after they get their degree. Some choose to, and some don’t. Thank God for me, he did all of that, studying.
I chose to make learning how to help people heal my focus, and even though my mentor did a tremendous amount of studying, I know share things with him he never learned.
We have a wonderful, reciprocal relationship.
As an empath. You are 100% right about all of it. I actually hate how I am.
Your explanation on being an empath is a real eye opener, out of watching many videos on this subject yours reaches the spot, it resonates to the core like no other. Thank you.
Kenny thank you very much . I am an empath and I am suffering years because of this . I really want to change my life
I'm doing a letter to my dad. He died about 14 years ago and I have not missed him nor shed a tear for him since his funeral. Today doing the letter I started crying immediately. I haven't finished the letter but what I am finding is that I miss my dad. I actually miss him and have loving feelings for him. He was a victim and now I can see that every relationship I have had, or most of them, I have been the victim. So sad. I know he was terribly hurt as a child and into adulthood. He had to quit school to help put his siblings through school. He was in the fields working at 7 years old. I don't know when he had to quit school. My dad felt that he was the black sheep of the family all his life. I guess that is the way I have felt too. I saw myself as the black sheep and scape goat, the unloved one. It is good to realize these things and learn how to give up the victim mentality. --- and away we go...
I can't wait till my dad dies , I won't attend nothing .
@@melindasmith3713 I totally understand. I guess that thought crossed my mind when my dad was alive too. I wish I was further along with my emotional healing. I live with guilt and shame even though I function very well on a daily basis. I guess I don't feel worthy of love. It still hurts. I wish you the best in getting emotionally healed.
@@sandrazawada5316 I'm married raised 2 great kids independent, my husband hates my daughter , for not being his . Uses my son for dumb shit , like change my password . Hits me , says its my fault I bruise easy .. imim here to be used . He sends nasty texts from work , like omg who can text all day from work . Wanted me to be a stay at home wife , then runs me down ! You can't get a job! You are the problem . He's got himself . I'm so done trying to save him . He cut off sex once I wanted it! He loved making me do it . 25 plus yrs . My dad was the user of me also . Crazy ain't nothing wrong with me , I just carry shame . I'm not them. I'm inside .he'll make my life miserable he told me yrs ago . He punches a time clock and then is was always done . Why did I even try ? Shame I repeat I'm not him
My husband passed I want devoce. He is great . He texted me , I'm happy. 2 days this week I need kissing lessons then I'm the problem. Oh if only 27 yrs new . I'm good I can get him gone . I deserve better . His lunch meatloaf , steak and rice, egg salad and a salad . More than I eat in a day . Omg I'm bad . Not . I want devoice. I'm house wife . Lol he never watched our kids
You are the most insightful person I have heard talk about narcissism and co dependency. You are the true expert. Being an empath is a death sentence.
I watched so many videos on both issues and nobody linked these as this guy here. They really are the same, but I needed someone to tell this truth. One can be so blind for her own shadows.
I always felt like I was compelled to stay kind, like a sort of mask I had to wear. As a child, I had no choice. I had to bury my feeling inside, to dispose of them, started to second guess myself to adjust to others opinions, became a people pleaser and got praises how calm and kind I was.
Now, at 50, I still have trouble feeling anger and expressing it. As a child I was laughed at and ridiculed or beaten if I got angry, so there is a wall of shame before I get there.
I so often wonder where the people get the entitlement from to get angry with others.
Cause nobody could display anger if they won't feel entitled to.
Empath is a self aggrandizing internet term usually used by people suffering from codependency and sometimes BPD that were abused by a narcissist. It’s a way of not looking at your part in the situation. You didn’t deserve to be abused , but you need … have .. to identify How you ended up in the situation you did or you will never heal .. it’ll keep happening. There will be another narcissist. In order to break that trauma bond , I had to take a long hard look in the mirror… that’s when healing begins
I needed to hear this. Thank you. Having read codependent no more this year and feeling completely lost in what to do about realizing my codependency and deep shame, I will check out the books you mentioned. Thank you!
Yes unfortunately that book is very in adequate when it comes to teaching you about codependence. I highly encourage you to pick up your melodies facing codependence it is a much better book and you’ll have a much deeper understanding of what to do and how to recover. When you’re ready to recover my online Masterclasses Teachable for codependence recovery so I would encourage you to do that when you’re ready to heal
OMG THIS IS SUCH AN EYE OPENER..IM 32 .. EMPATH..Addict FOR 15 YEARS.. NEVER WORKED A DAY IN LIFE..ALWAYS ASSOCIATED WITH NARCS..
This is the 2nd video I watch that shocks me with facts that are so mindblowing they shake my existance😂my jaw drops because of how personally your topics affect my life.Thank you very much for making those videos accessible for people who need them.Especially that video about explaining narcissists.
Glad you enjoyed
This was my grandmother and mother and also me. There is a disgusting energy in this. The last time I was in a relationship, I became my ex. I got worse and worse. I wished life hadn't been like this, that this had been me. I disappear. I become the other. But I've been working on myself for a long time now. To be in myself. Even when energies strike. Have I stayed in myself. But this I started with as a little girl. Play along so I don't have to be exposed to violence. But started to get a hold of myself. Because when the energy came, I met myself. My little self. Didn't enter the other. But there is hard work behind it. Get to know me now.
Thank you for this insight. Yep, people do wear that empath label as a badge of honor and courage. IN MY OWN EXPERIENCE, it is usually "announced" - as if someone gave them a treasured title "my daughter is an empath" or "people tell me all the time that i'm an empath". After my initial internal shudder, I just ignore it. But it's as if the folks who find it necessary to tell me this expect to be told how wonderfully selfless, helpless, and buffeted they are against the world's cruelty. And that it's OKAY; a privilege even. I learned long ago - before I had even heard the word 'empath' that i was excruciatingly hyper-aware of everything going on around me; even across the room; and even while I was involved in something else. That is crippling because it completely removed my ability to experience my own present moments. I can say with certainty that you are allowing yourself to be robbed of living and feeling your own life. It's hideous; not some red badge of courage. I have worked hard to block out "what isn't mine" because that is the only way to know yourself and live your life on your own terms. You are so right; we cannot know our true selves when we are are absorbing others' selves. Nowadays, when someone tells me they believe I am an empath, I state plainly: "no i'm not." These days I work toward being a compassionate human instead.
I never labeled myself . But knew something was wrong g with me .
Boy I was actually taking notes on this video! It hits home and I don’t want to be an empath with shame anymore. I know that I will never have another narcissist around me, but I don’t want someone to have to tolerate my emotional problems either! Yikes! I am isolating because I don’t trust myself anymore. I get overwhelmed by other peoples motives with me and the friendship doesn’t seem right.
Pathological empathy is a coping mechanism that a child developed unconsciously to survive a hostile/unsafe living environment while growing up. As with most coping mechanisms, this form of coping, while necessary and good during childhood to survive became pathological in adult life, when one has to be able to give and receive in a healthy way with other adults. So-called empaths were never taught this by their caregivers in childhood, instead were rewarded for helping others (often at the expense of oneself). As with all other coping mechanisms that prove to be unhealthy in adult life, one has to find ways to replace this coping behavior with others that are more appropriate, healthy and balanced. Hope that helps.
The kindness is there to cover up the desire to act out, which would bring on shame. Best explanation ever! I was a saint of a child. Sweetest girl ever. When I was only a child, I vowed that I will devote my life to saving my mother from her pain. By the time I was 13, I wore all black and listened to death metal. Makes sense now. Still love the music by the way. I feel deep relief each time I listen to it. (Death’s “Lack of Comprehension” not only safely expressed my inner rage through music but also the lyrics are absolutely profound and on point).
Wow this opened my eyes . , my childhood trauma was my Dad , as much as I loved him he could affect my day . He had half a stomach due to an accident so he ate little and often . This meant he got hungry very quickly which made him a bear with a sore arse . So he would shout and ball at my siblings like it was our fault . How do you explain to a kid that it’s not their fault . He could be very impatient and if you didn’t grasp what he wanted you to do he would look at you stupid or shout at you . I was scared of him and he made me nervous so I didn’t understand what he wanted . He said if there was a wrong way to do something I would find it . I grew up nervous , anxious and eager to please . I got into business with narcissists and between them I had left one trauma for another . They both emotionally drained me . They are both dead now , I am 60 and live with my partner. I take a day at a time because I am struggling to accept that I can put me first and have a good life . I am getting there slowing but he’s right I do have a lot of anger , frustration and negativity bubbling under the surface . He just might be the answer to get it out .
Thank you, Sir. I am severely sadistic and manipulative towards people to hide my own shame. I keep justifying it endlessly and hopelessly. U put me out of my misery. I have kept every single person who insulted me in the loop to torment them with kindness. Hopefully I can start my life now. Thank you again. Your talk made sense to me only because I am at a point where I was pondering why I am unable to live my life. My whole life revolved around killing the jealous people who made me feel shame with kindness. I am ready to accept it and move on and letting them win. Can’t thank you enough for the awakening.
It seems to me claiming the identity of an empath is both a defense (the constant gauging of emotional states of others in order to form a possible defense, as in "kindness" response) and also dissociative, if I am understanding it aright. I am overcome with grief for the child I was who was so traumatized that this is part of the persona I took on.
It is hard to accept that I will be recovering from this the rest of my life. Yet the alternative is ineffably untenable.
That’s a very good summation
I almost broke a couple of people’s heads for telling me I am overly caring and giving. I was like, yea, How to overcome the bloody dysfunction? Thanks for blatantly telling my subconscious evil nature. People around me where educating me with co dependence and how I was validate myself by giving power to others. I was like, yes, I am dysfunctional help me with that. Heart in heart I knew I was being evil in a stealthy way but couldn’t tell why. People telling we all make mistakes didn’t help me in facing shame. Calling me evil does.
In psychology, i was told by an expert and author on narcissism, exists a category for people who are called hyper sensitives (somr others would call them super empaths) and are that by nature, regardless of being abused or not. It is their true nature, and so they can use it for being healers, mediums, psychics, etc..They too are hypersensitove to all energy around them, but not necessarily enter into any codependence. They are different from people who are empathic, they are much more empathic, but not in a toxic way. Which doesnt mean that none of them would/could enter into codependence, some do, but it is not the usual case, because they also perceive/sense/feel red flags straight off, for example the body reacts with nausea even to the presence of a narcissist.
I thought I was nice because i don’t want others to ever hurt the way I’ve been
I am a codependent in recovery. It took me all of my twenties to realize it. I had to walk away from an extremely disordered person to realize what was unhealthy about me. I'd been carrying pain around within me for years. I didn't start off with empath qualities I realized, my personality was a trauma response. I had actually been an extrovert to be frank. The healthier I get the more extroverted I become.
30 years I suffered from this condition. . I was everyone's emotional doornat. Well, it ends today!!!! 🎉
Thank you for yrs I couldn't belive introversion was real , it was taught .
WOW! Thank-You! I had just shared a post on the facebook about being an empath and added my 2 cents. Just yesterday and stumbled across your video today. You explained it so well and I can see it in myself...yes there is much rage in me and it used to make me feel ashamed....but there was so much emotional abuse. Bio father alcoholic, mother major major co-dependent enabler, covert narc...don't get me started on the EX, or the bobfather, step dad! My whole life giving to the bottomless pits! "Can't complain about people sucking the life out of you, if you keep giving them the straw!" I ain't giving them the straw no more! I am learning to tune into my own feelings and emotions more than I tune into others. Actually, I now look at it as invading their privacy! Thanks again! Much Love Big Heart Hugs Thank-You for being you and helping to educate and empower others too!
Thank you very much for this valuable information. I am and empath and now I finally understand what an empath really is and think of how I can become completely independent. I think you help a lot of people with your videos. Keep up the good work!😊
Glad it was helpful!
I am an empathic person and can be to a fault. I have felt for quite some time that is isn’t fully a strength, though I don’t feel I lose my sense of self, or feel it makes me better than others. In fact, I have always bristled when people have said it’s a strength. It doesn’t always feel like a strength and, yes, I agree it has to do with a traumatic upbringing. Yes, I did learn to read others to save my life,…I agree and relate, but I have never felt weaker as I will always understand who I am and why. I am glad to have seen this. I am aware of all of these things but I have never been afraid of holding onto myself. My pain made me more emphatic and made me the kind person I became, but I don’t feel it a weakness, or a strength. I have never been “cruel” to anyone who didn’t provoke it. It’s not mean to stand up against someone who wrongs you. No one should have my light if they throw me nothing but shade. I think that’s normal. I have felt all the things I have needed to. I am glad to see this as I have a better understanding that I am not so much an empath but empathic. I am happy to know I balance this better than I thought. Yes, immaturity likely is an issue, but I embrace that about myself and know when and how to be an adult. Balancing this is absolutely challenging and I have been working in this. Glad to see I am on the right track.
I'm learning and Identifying with you.
I do not like being an empath
Dear Heavenly Father, remove the bondage to self, so that I can do your will.
Amen
Needed to hear this AGAIN! Thank you! ❤
Thank you!!!!!!!
Yes!!!!!!!!!!! Finally someone telling the truth about "empaths" 🎉
this video was a true eye opener....
Kindness is not the problem, lack of boundaries, enabling toxic behavior, and not being genuine is the problem.
So true codependency is the enabling that I've repeatedly did as poor coping skills 😢
When it boomerangs 🪃 we wonder why why why and listening to Kenny's videos one day it was like Wow I finally understand the 'why'
As a child I had to and learn to feel any change in emotions of my alcoholic father or my narcissric mother I think it is right that it could be a base to become an emapth or codependent or HSP.
you're completely necessary to this world thanks for the great work blessed be your life and ur family
Oh man thank you. I am an empath… i feel very bad now. I thought it was a good thing to be. Thank you.
You are welcome. In no way am I trying to make anyone feel bad, just here to educate and help :) Thanks for keeping an open mind and listening!
Thanks. A month of my mind breaking trying to understand ethe empath in my life and why she has been so cruel. She uses kindness like a weapon. It nearly broke my mind. I feel like I have been through the abyss. All this youtube content about empaths, super empaths, narcs, covert narcs, empaths destroy narcs, supernova... The self questioning, am I a narc? Have I lost my mind? How does kindness gut me like it has?
.... Its because its manipulation.... And I saw that, and that she doesnt see that... And my world broke.
I understand now.
This is the most helpful talk I have ever heard. Explains so much. I never really understood co dependency. This is some powerful truth.