You should check your life path number with numerology as well. A life path 9 is the humanitarian which is very altruistic as well and I think it’s no coincidence I am an empath and life path 9. Just another way to really understanding yourself if you are on any type of spiritual journey
A psychologist who has a understanding of a higher intelligence working in the universe through divine grace for the betterment of all creation, a rare thing. well done.
Right?! What a breath of fresh air. Just so happens some of the narcissists I'm healing from are the appointed corrupt mental health professionals who when I mention anything beyond the physical, like even just with the word 'universe,' diagnose me as delusional. ! ! Yea you might laugh cuz that's entirely ridiculous, and I can laugh at it now, but there's seriously a whole network of abusive people working within the UK system who control people in this way. When the vultures closed in on me with this strategy of discrediting and silencing, I'd withered unto myself. But now I can slay the dragons!
Live Life me too, and I was left for dead literally three times in my life. No more! I put myself first now it’s so easy as I’ve learnt and I still have a heart for others but in a much healthier way.
I'm 39 and I can honestly say it took until recently (within the last few months) for me to sincerely be able to say I love being and empath. all my life I felt like I was a born door mat. I wasnt good enough to receive love only to give it..I felt cursed and sad all the time. I couldn't understand why my feelings couldnt turn off. and why no one around me cared about Anything as much as I did. I felt there was no one else like me. I'm so grateful for where I am now!!
I hated it as well, especially in my childhood and teens, usually it's how it goes you giving to much power away till you balance it I Lost my parents as child so I wasn't aware of the giving and taking has to have a balance. But not regrets it made me stronger without losing the value of being an Empath. Best Regards, N
It took me 3 years to drift from the proud helper to the co-dependent. The awakening after narcissist abuse can bring empaths back to the “authentic altruist”. This is all very interesting. Thank you 🙏🏽
being an empath is a gift...never stop loving...we are the salt of the earth....there is nothing wrong with us....its just that we are at the opposite end of the spectrum from a narcissist... our mortal enemy..... narc wants to steal our love and concern for fellow beings by exploiting and destroying the empathy we possess
True daniel, but: opposites attract..??! Empathy is also a continuum, an empath with no boundaries attracts narcissists who like to 'steal' empathy....
Very true.. i love being a “giver” how blessed we are to be able to. Most cant even understand the authentic helping because ppl they know are so self absorbed. The person bring helped is blown away because they cant even share w anyone. Caveat is for every empath there is “10 takers in the waiting”
so true it used to physically hurt me to say no to people my heart would ache I felt a slave to it but after much reflection and soul searching and realizing that I could choose to help or not and either is ok it was not my job to save the world as much as it was my job to save myself and my sanity
No, is the hardest word for us to learn to say. Took me a long time to figure that out. That people will still be ok if I said it. I idenify with what you said!😄💖
My mother recognized my empathic nature when I was very young. While it may not be "gold star" child rearing; she would tell me to "shut those a$$holes off" if she noticed I was having a hard time in a situation. She was also kind enough to teach me that I was not required to help each person that came into my life or space. She was a true blessing to me during the awkward stages and when I became more mature.
You were quite lucky to have someone that gave you that advice, despite her other shortcomings. Had anyone given me the least bit of awareness in that area it would have allowed me to avoid so much hardship. Good for you.
I am definitely the authentic altruist but I am also 11 years into a spiritual awakening and it has taken me a lot of accountability, self work and healing to get hear because I began at the codependent level and spent much of my life in that loop, until thankfully, I woke up and could see my part in my unhappiness.
Believe you are worth loving. Give love and kindness to yourself. Get in touch with your feelings. Give yourself validation of your feelings. Recognise and honour your boundaries. Believe that your needs are just as important as everyone else's. Know and believe that YOU have the right to set your own agenda. Know and believe that you have the right to say "no". Tell your inner critic to shut up. Tell it it's a liar, and nobody asked it for it's opinion. Start telling yourself the truth, and slowly dismantle the gaslighting-structures erected over so many years. Know and believe that you are precious. Know and believe that your life is valuable. Know and believe that your love is valuable. Just a start. This is what I have road-tested with success.
Remember you are in human form encountering primal concerns and that what you truly are trumps all that is impermanent, like personalities. Its your love and compassion that is disabling you and enabling your partner within yourself. Because they are unconscious, you are filling in the gap with yourself. A noble beautuful soul you are and i understand however there comes a time when you must listen to that little voice within that urges you to let go and let God, in whichever way you see Great Spirit
Mindfulness and MBCT has helped me find my way back to self-awareness and more and more self-love. And then giving from this inner state....is a total different story. I am still learning!💝💫
You will get there...but remember it’s still a struggle to maintain sometimes. Got to stay aware and keep on your toes. This video reminded me how easy I can sometimes slip from altruistic to proud. Expecting gratitude and seeing none can be off putting and hurtful. I take a deep breath and remember that our creator has us ALL in his heart. One day...it’s possible this person’s heart will recall the kindness given and be moved to be kind. It’s ok if they don’t show gratitude. If I am always expecting something in return...even gratitude...I am missing the point of love. I know that sometimes I even forget to be grateful to our creator for so many things... every once in a while. But the act of kindness will embed itself inside your spirit. Love for the person is still there and one can only hope that your acts of kindness will one day move the other person in a positive way. ~Peace and love ❤️
Great video. I went through all stages from codependency to altruistic. It was by identifying myself as codependent (and the lack of self love that caused me to be that way) and then I grew to love myself enough to set healthy boundaries. I’m love life with myself now and love being alone. I know I’m not healthy enough to attract a healthy relationship yet, but I’m getting there with the help of great information like this video. Thank you.
Wow, typically when I watch psychology videos, I don't expect or even want any intermix with spirituality. But truly, I feel that is what is missing in the mainstream understanding and treatment. Psychology approaches tend to be very one dimensional, and focusing on symptoms, diagnosis and then talk therapy/ medication administration to control symptoms. But as I was watching the first part, you included the aspects about the high functioning empath's understanding of giving without expectation, awareness of the shadow side, moving beyond five senses, etc, and it really struck me that these aspects of the journey was so crucial to becoming authentically empowered/ gaining mental strength and clarity as an empath. Detaching from the ego side of giving is what empaths should strive for, as these things can have very painful outcomes. It's taken me years to develop these understandings. Going from being atheistic to developing a stronger spiritual connection to universal intelligence. Letting go of outcome and the ego aspects of desire to help has been critical. Thank you for this video sir.
I belive that if you are fully capable of understanding youre own darkness you reach a point were you are also able to see the darkness in others. If you can be aware of the shadow in others and in youreself only then can you start to have communication on a truthfull level with assertiveness, only feeding the ”good wolf” in others and in youreself. I also belive that in order to succeed towards this goal one must first get comfortable with being with himself, only then can you start to see what you are dependent upon. This can be a fearfull experience witch feels very scary at first. Feel the pain and move past this fear by being awere of it, study it and pay attention to it from a place of awereness, just observe and take note!
@@RileyElite11 The good wolf is from the (Native American?) metaphor - everyone has 2 wolves inside, 1 good and 1 bad. Which one wins? The one you feed. Poster is being metaphorical.
Awareness, clarity on the subjects, then Conscious Application of Thought - rather than Ego Minde Reating to situations - Keys to achieving the points you mentioned - insightful and Well said -
Dr. Saad has helped revive so many lives❤️ in every video I learn something new about myself❤️ Naturally I’m a proud helper which is a magnet for Narcissist. Narcissist are so insecure in their mind that they cannot take the fact someone is taking away their attention thought it’s unintentional. Out of my findings i’d say, don’t fight a narc it’s a vicious cycle and I have wasted 6 years of my prime lifetime. Just walk away and live your life. Now I have set myself into a spiritual path to spread awareness and help victims of Narcissism revive in their life. May god protect us from such demonic humans. Amen❤️
Wow! I'm so glad I found you and your teaching! I can see how I was co-dependent as a child and young adult - a very difficult time- not at all understanding what I was going through. This caused me to suppress my gift - later as I grew in maturity, I was that 'proud helper' and still am, but as I'm understanding myself, my gift and my call better, I'm definitely on the path to the authentic altruist. What a long, strange trip it's been! Thank you again for your clear teaching! You are truly doing the world a great service!
The only way to help others is to put on your oxygen mask first so they can see how it's done and be prompted to act for themselves. Sometimes a (figurative) slap in the face is the kindest thing you can do for another person. Recognizing when doing nothing outwardly while holding loving thoughts for another is the best thing for everyone is a huge step to recovery. Thanks for taking on this vital issue!
Help others are your own and others' sources of happiness. Don't expect any returns and you can just give happily and forget it. The Universe will return the favor for the loving energy you gave and return when you need them.
Yes I agree, that is what happened to me. Fortunately I was intouch with spirit and I could see the situation, although I was clueless as to what a narc was, I was able to leave as soon as was possible, it took a couple of attempts, but I did it. Not unscathed though, it has taken 4 years to start to feel some kind of sanity.
I have just recently learned not to act on the need to help fix/heal (the body) of others, unless asked for help. My covert narcissist, soon to be ex, hubby actually went into a bit of a tantrum/ rage ( not against me- just the air around him) when he was lightly hurt as i didn't automatically run to fix the injury, which i normally would do. It was difficult to sit back and observe as the pattern has been to immediately help. He never has to ask for help, and of course he didn't this time but his verbal frustration was highly obvious. I am departing from this relationship since i'm tired of being invisible and labeled as " paranoid" It feels so free to give myself permission not to have to fix everything that's broken. I have shared so much healing information with those around me but yet nobody seems to value it. I left them the too to take care of themselves, it's their choice not to learn, so i leave guilt free.
It's like many Empaths are a living walking talking battery for people, situations and things to all use to charge off of. Then the empath is left drained which leads to illness and dysfunction. Each empath needs to learn to recharge themselves in a way that is not sucking the life/energy out of anyone.
Recharge by prayer. Get 'filled up' therefore renewed, re-energized, restored. Then he/she can think of steps to be constructive with what he/she has learned and taken in.
I have found myself in each level starting many (30-40) yrs ago up to present day. Years ago, I met people who refused to be helped, or men who didn't or couldn't receive love. Out of this pain, i learned not to expect them to, and when to stop trying. Over time, I learned not to try to help anyone who didnt want to be and not to always expect acceptance . They could take what i offered or leave it. However, I only learned i was an empath in the past 2 yrs. A PT, an empath herself, declared I was one & suggested a book about surviving as one. It did not give me the clarity i am finding in just 3 your videos I've seen so far. Thank you so much for recording them.
Grandiose, exactly. I cannot thank you enough for your videos. They are educational, clear, succinct, and given altruistically ( and yes, I see the pun/irony). Thank you for being authentic and not a person seeking likes or fame. All my best to you.
I really like how you explain the authentic altruistic empath. I am an empath and have come up thru these ranks. I like being an empath but worry sometimes that I am losing my 'empathability' bc I dont feel the need any longer to give so much to others if I dont want to. This clarifies it to me in such a way that I can reconcile the two parts in my heart now.
Claudia Hirsemann Empathathic burnout. Happens when we’ve been drained out trying to save everyone else but ourselves.
5 лет назад
this comment section " I /me am empath and no one understand me. the world always use me up for it" "I like or dislike this" " I feel this or that" .... empaths . who admit readily to others.. are commonly I find within a demographic of 29-55 year old women who are usually divorced or separated and claim to have been always. abused.. but.. being around it while growing up I know that people who tell other people this readily are looking for attention and sympathy and codependence and constant validation.. .. and when you do them slightly wrong.... they go from "empathic" to ... complete narcassitc Reeee in .5 comments or less most empaths dont know or understand that they are... and most would not care. going around telling random people ... and Def wouldn't talk in that way "I I I I I me my" sorry it doesn't logically coincide
I understand you. For years i made individuals my project, i had to save them. Then i got in such a bad way i saw i had to save myself first. Then i moved into what was i doing trying to save others. At times i get sad for not being so giving as i was, but how i am now is far more healthy. I was holding myself back and ended up resenting who i had invested in, so it wasnt honest giving. I just didnt yet know how to save myself
NOW I SEE...I have been this way my entire life. I think that is why as a Veteran coming home from war I worked with infants. It was my own personal therapy. My heart is often far spread. I am learning that I DESERVE LOVE BACK....
Moving beyond my 5 senses. I am so grateful to the lord for helping me stay the course until reaching this healthy level! 🙏. I agree (also) that you helped me here TONIGHT to see that I am finally here! Closer than ever before! BLESSED! Been tough. But so blessed! Thank you.
I was an unconscious proud helper for years until a fated encounter with narcissism took me down to co-dependency, until I finally fought my way out and back and I guess now I am what is called the authentic altruist. I finally realized the lies I was unconsciously telling myself, and how I (as one person put it) contributed to my own unhappiness. There is a lot less spiritual grandiosity in the healthy state.
Thank you Abdul you're the man. This is EXACTLY what I need. I'm sure I understand everything you said and I can't wait for you to expand on this topic some more because I've lived most of my life going between the blue and the red trying to get to the green, and I've been there before, but never known how to stay there. There's probably something to do with trauma bonding going on there. If I'm not mistaken, the "Authentic Altruist" can be considered a mentally healthy individual (providing they have boundaries and don't let people break them), with no need to seek any kind of help to change their behavior. Please correct me if I'm wrong. The way you put it on a scale like that makes it all so clear how things relate to each other and how you're susceptible to slip and slide up and down it depending on your current circumstances if you're not aware of how this all works. I feel like the more knowledge you possess, the more you can control where you sit on this spectrum, without it you're kind of a sitting duck. Abdul your videos have been some of the most practical for my healing journey, you're so generously giving us something that so many of us desperately need. I truly appreciate your generosity to give so much of your time and incredibly valuable insight for free.
Underrated video - if you are here and you identify with these levels or have not yet made it past the co-dependent - it's doable and the freedom is wonderful.
this is the absolute truth i've been through all three of these stages. and he's right it does take a lot of work, but its the best feeling in the world to be what's considered "the Authentic Altruist" now. because its like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and all of my why questions were answered.
Thank you. Showing this continuum was more informative than many long videos I have watched. It put things in perspective. Made me realize where I am and what I need to do to move to a healthier place.
Great information. Thank you. The timing was perfect for me. It helped me visually understand the painful feelings I've had concerning some friendships I have. I can see myself sliding along the scale wildly and it leads me to a very confused, sad, and lonely place. I know I can feel and do better for my own well being. Being an 'impath' is a gift and also quite a burdon. Its a constant struggle to be sensitive AND need other humans in your life. I get good, solid, thinking points from your videos. Thanks again.
I also feel the same. I have now isolated myself from all friends. Didn't know what narcissism was until just recently but every best friend I have ever had fits the criteria. So I guess that is who I attract. Now I must figure out why and try to fix it.
I absolutely love being A “functioning empath” i’ve always known I was different and this video has brought a lot of light and Excellent information to my growth And journey. I’m feeling blessed to have seen this video thank you!!! Sending everyone light love blessings and positive energy💚🌻🙏🏾☀️
This knocks it out of the ballpark for me.Both parents were Narcissist. I had a very sharp therapist who put me in a Shame reduction workshop and told me with continued help I could get better and trust me I have been putting in work.Over 30 years now I am still here.Thank God for you
Thank you. Your kindness is pervasive throughout your videos. As an empath with Complex PTSD, DID and a narcissistic mother, I deeply appreciate your empathy, fortitude, persistence, and, again, your kindness.
How could you not be an Empath withPTSD..🤔 Having a narcissistic mother?.. Me the same 😒. But thank God there is life after that... Wish you strength you have all the good opponents to succeed. Your blessed with an eye for beauty
I am an authentic altruist...but you made me aware of it..thankyou..and I thank Source for guiding me through you...to feel very grateful for being an empath..
@ And exactly how else are they supposed to relay personal experiences without the use of "I"? or is being an empath mean that they are not allowed to express their own personal experiences?
@ if you understood what being an empath meant, then you would get that it is very important, especially as an empath, to know your own needs. one of them is telling others about your own experiences.
I would agree with Carl on this one, alot of narrsasistic people claim to be empaths. To Claim to be on the highest end is almost bonafide guru status. I dont think many people are even close to the end one as hardly anyone practices spirituality on a serious level. I know people that Claim they are spiritualists but they still do things like eat meat or have regular intoxication of drugs and spirits. The easiest way to attempt to judge someone in my opinion is to observe their behavior rather than listen to the words. Most people bs and as the majority of people watching this is probably some kind of empath then you know what i mean, God will let you know within the heart if the person is right or not. Empaths are really good at spotting or shall i say feeling when you are being lied to so use that as your indicator.
@@trollnation7164 very in tune to spot others motives I agree, yet to be a spiritualist or high level empath heyoka etc, doesn’t mean you are perfect or can’t eat meat etc. that’s mans twist on what a spiritualist looks like, should or shouldn’t do, that gets dangerous.. actions of these types, are purely in the fruit of their love labor....labor of 💕 love
So enlightening thanks! I'm somewhere towards the authentic altruist. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives and help people heal even if I don't get credit. I was raised Christian so it was drummed into me to emulate Christ, although I feel I never got the message that I should take care of myself too (major lack in my upbringing). I thought no boundaries shows Christian love. Now I know it's not emphasised perhaps because its assumed that all people are inherently selfish and will always make themselves top priority. I was emotionally neglected as a child and my parents' motto was that parents never bend to the will of their child ("I won't be manipulated by you!"), to ignore a child's negative emotions (even common parenting advice today!), to teach us independence by forcing us to do everything ourselves. I felt deeply unloved and worthless, created a deep need to be perfect - to show I am worthy. My mom must have suffered from abuse as she really struggles to connect with people, she was like a matron to me. I learnt to ignore my negative feelings too. Their other mantra was "positive thinking"/"choose your attitude"/"it's all in your head". I was mildly depressed for years as a child and didn't even realise it. Anxiety plagued me since leaving school, massively fuelled by a narcissistic m-in-law, who put me through hell for 17 years with no validation or acceptance, minimisation, triangulation, manipulation etc. My strong counter will probably saved me from attempting to get her approval through admiration (although I was always decent and respectful to her). I finally got out of that a year ago, thanks to learning about emotional intelligence (Gottman institute is excellent), to be aware and value my every emotion without judgement, guilt or condemnation, narcissism (your channel is superb!) and their inner world (I was naive to believe that everyone is mostly good and means well - I was in denial for years that a person could choose to be malicious and vindictive), learning about true and false selves and lots of reflection and adjustment of my world views. Thanks again Dr Saad for spreading knowledge. I've shared my story with a few friends that have kickstarted their journey to healing.
Thank you for bringing God into this video. I pray often for Him to help me to think in healthier ways. Your videos are very insightful, thank you for making them.
@Wade Haden apparently you're highly IMMATURE and it shows! So since nothing made you, you're life is meaningless, and nothing you say matters, who cares what YOU think!! LOL.... SUCH AN IDIOT! (I bet you're called idiot all the time, youre used to it by now I'm sure!!) 🌞
Very grateful for a physcologist like you that helps us understand ourselves and doesn't just ignore our sensitivity or say it's social anxiety and paranoia which is what I've been told in the past ❤️❤️
Very very true, speaking of the shadow work! Awareness prevents us from investing into what we should not and preventing the burn out. In that we give others freedom as the freedom to ourselves. Releases needs of the ego!
Codependent, married 15 years to an Abusive NPD. I’m starting to see it, but I’m in denial because I’d rather it be all my problems than his. I’m running into issues because I’m detaching and observing and the more I do this, the more I see the manipulation. This person loves me and has been faithful (awful, but consistent). I can’t stop feeling his emotional stuff and knowing it’s from his abusive childhood and stepping into the thought that what he does seems to be automatic and subconscious. I can’t stop feeling for his plight but the anger is also starting to pour out. I’m In therapy but wonder if I’ll ever escape all this. I have managed to develop some care & self/care for myself. Thank you for your time and expertise.
Thank you so much, Abdul. I have been following your videos for months now and have received so much understanding of being an Empath. I am so much more aware of my motives when I choose to help someone. I am also learning to say no without becoming angry.
Even when we can't help or shouldn't get involved . We can still nurture good wishes in our hearts . With that strength and insight that we build , we help others , and ourselves .
I hope Abdul reads this. I think it is possible that a person who is sensitive or empathic can have their gift intensified by trauma. That has been my experience. From tender to ouch.
Thank you so much - your videos have changed my attitude towards the narcissists I’ve encountered. I no longer feel betrayed, rather I feel I understand them and hope they seek help.
Wow, i am so glad i came across this! Thank you. I see myself in every one of those. Now i am primarily on the healthy side. You answered a few questions i have been struggling with.
Truth! It took me six months of introspection and meditation and spiritual awakening (thank you universe!) to learn that after meeting a so called unhealthy pathological empath person here...luckily he wasn’t a narcissist...I see him and I see I can’t be him. He was not so lucky, his ex wife was a narcissist...for seven years he went down. I cannot let myself be him, it’s a downward spiral...I love him and I still do but I can’t allow myself to go down like that. The key is in fact unconditional love, give without expecting receiving in return. And only give what you can give. You come first, self-love is key...thanks for sharing. And please...please stick to the truth, fear is just illusion, you can cross that line of fear and love yourself. Today!
These are wonderful videos. Thank you ! I think parenting moves us along this continuum over our lifetime -- an infant is quite narcissistic in its way, and we are locked into the giving role by nature. As the child develops, young parents become proud givers, as along with this responsibility comes dignity and a sense of importance. In an extended family this continues through the grandparent years. Then when we enter old age and our children have become grandparents themselves, we are unneeded within the family dynamic, and must become genuine altruists, or else our hearts will break and die. I am 76, live in the light God, and am free as the birds at my winter bird feeder.
I think we all have narcissism to a degree, it is a survival instinct. It depends on our introduction into this world and who are ours carers and our spiritual development that determines the outcome
“...love them out of their pathologies...” is spot on. I think this series is a great idea, it can feel very limiting to be given a label - and I know that in my own journey of better self awareness I found the concept of this continuum (described in a similar way) very helpful. There’s a tendency at the more unhealthy end to think - well, this is who I am (or even: this is who other people force me to be - if you’re really at the depths of co-dependency) - to feel stuck there, when in fact you always have the choice to progress to a more autonomous, authentic way of being.
I was at the pathological unhealthy spectrum with narc parents and especially going worse in a relationship w/ a narcissist. Very codependent wow omg. It’s so true i used to view the world like this. I needed this. I feel like im between healthy and average. I’m slowly working my way back to healthy. Thank you so much 🙏✨
I've been bouncing back and forth from the codependent to the proud helper over the last couple of years, but now that I have these tools here I know what the next step is. Thanks again Abdul, your doing gods work.
Looks like i am not the only one who has been all three. Narcissistic parents set us up to behave this way and we take our codependent behavior into adulthood. My sister was a social worker and a classic no 3. At the expense of her own well being. Through the study of Buddhism I was able to under stand the boundaries an empath needs not to get overwhelmed by other people's agenda and still remain true to the altruistic self. Thanks for this video.
The last one is not about just one person. As an educated and authentic empath you give love and compassion to many people but still can put healthy boundaries.
I have learned and grown from this channel more than any other channel. I have to go back through the videos to watch all the time to get healthy. I am the proud helper I believe- I am working on becoming on the authentic altruist. I am learning about my role and actions that keep me in the proud helper stage. This is the best channel!.
I had a similar awakening over the last five to ten years, Angie. I have one warning for you: when you reestablish and strengthen boundaries and create the necessary distance needed for your healing, do not be surprised if your spouse suddenly escalates negatively or discards you altogether. It’s what happens when the narcissist realizes that you can now clearly identify what they are, the tactics that they are using, and begin to protect yourself so that they can no longer drain you. Just be ready. . . and realize that you are worth saving no matter what.
more people need to see this. Saw this video last when being in co-dependent stage and it was because of the relationship with the narcissist and acknowledging ones own shadow through own spiritual work that helps you descend further. dont be afraid to look inside.
Yes; I can say that I've been all 3 for sure. One advantage of being Empath is being a human lie detector. I can read a person in minutes flat based on what I feel from them. I'm very uncomfortable in the company of people that live a lie or pretend to be what they are not. I tend to seek out those that are real to themselves and have say it like it is mentality. I can relax in that environment better.
I don't think I understand.... I don't have any pride in being an empath. I find it to be a burden most times. And I don't get along with narcissists....
Then maybe you're watching the wrong video? This one is about a specific type of person in a specific situation. If you're life is wonderful, and you don't have harmful narcissists in your life, then this video has nothing to do with you.
@swarnajit tongbram No she can still be an empath. I don't understand the saltyness of the replies? I too do not take much pride in being an empath. I do have a friend or two who are narcissists, but I am fully aware of who they are and my relationship with them. Perhaps she is nearer the Authentic Altruist maybe that is why the replies were so salty? or maybe she just lacks the awareness to know she is a proud helper?
I met the narcissist. And that quote keep your friends close and enemies closer. Almost killed me. Never again am I listening to others be4 listening to myself
As a young empath who is still in school, it is very hard at times to appreciate my sensitivity, but it is truly a gift, because I can help people better and it helps me learn lessons we all can learn for the better.
I was definitely in the third category with my ex and now I seem to have now swung to the opposite side of over self-protection where my hackles go up when some says 'can you do me a favour' before even hearing what that favour is!
Spot on..., I'm so glad I'll never allow anyone to take advantage of me again, because I've done the work! It was difficult, but I'm worth it. I am now on a higher plain of spiritual awareness that I didn't think was possible. I want to surround myself with like people..., they're out there. God & music forever.
👍THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting these videos. You are helping me immensely. I can’t not be the empath that I am. I know that now. By taking in more knowledge to understand about who I am as an empath is helping me learn how to take care of myself. 💞
It took me a few years to learn to give and let go. " i can not care more about you than you do of yourself" seemed to help me learn to help and the rest is in the hands of the receiver. ❤
I have been on all three or six of these levels, got out recently of a sociopathic relationship that had been the downward spiral,if I had not of gotten out I would literally be dead
When I see or think of someone in pain the left side of my head tingles. And I'm so darn sensitive. After my husband died I moved back in my childhood home leaving only a few times a month to go to the store at 3am. No social media, no friends, but I found I'm happiest this way. I appreciate this video and just subscribed, so thank you.
Thank you! Very well explained. Though I don't like the term "empaths", often used by targets of abuse or so called spiritual coaches. So called "empaths" for my opinion they are people with heart, empathy and compassion that are hypervigilant due to growing up in a dysfunctional family or being with a cluster B. It's absolutely true....in contact with a cluster b your positive traits and helpfulness get's exploited...and you move easily in this spectrum towards the co- depent side. In society is widly expected and seen as"normal" to act as a co-dependent enabler if you are a woman.
Iamicequeenice - somebody with a personality disorder. To the Cluster B personality disorders belongs: borderline, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, anti social personality disorder
Karen regarding society's perspective on women being co-dependent care givers...it's not just accepted, unfortunately it's *expected* something needs to change ♡
Karen, I appreciate your comment too. Personally, I don't get caught up so much in a name...even my own..."I don't care what you call me, as long as you call me" 😁 It's the "characteristics of" that I'm interested in...and why I appreciate you factoring in being hyper-vigilant. It's an aspect of me that I've learned to value. Before I was critical of my watchful/questioning/overall mistrust of some ppl. Learning about malignant cluster B's has made me more in alignment because I now know I had a valid, instinctual reason to not be so trusting. This with learning to temper and manage my empathy for others has helped me feel much more in control of my life. Thx 😉
I literally try not to make eye contact with people because I will read them and instantly align my spirit to them. I can't stop it. I wish I could. These videos are helpful and empowering...but I just wish I would stop. I don't want to stop caring, or loving...just the reading people, feeling people. Thank you for the only helpful videos I have found. God bless.
I like seeing this aspect of “The Empath”... I would like more clarification and perhaps, identification of triggers that seem to “snap” reality back for the empath. Example: I identify with the traits of the empath...but it’s really the dysfunction that I see as an outcome of my choices, that brings me back toward the middle, that I would say is more healthy. It usually is denoted by a rather sudden return of my more “relatively narcissistic” traits and also means I’m in a survival mode. I know I’ve allowed my boundaries to be crossed, and now I must reassert them, usually by cutting off or being cutoff by another. I don’t ever see the other person as being a perpetrator against me...I see my lack of or weak boundaries as being the thing needing adjustment. What are the triggers that empaths may experience that help them to realize they have gone to far. I would like to set boundaries, without jeopardizing relationships.
All i can say is WOW,i personally have been a codependant empath but left the situation knowing that ppl cannot and will not change unless they truly want to,i spent 3 years with a narcissistic mentally unstable man who i let completely change me and manipulate me to be what he wanted me to be,realizing i had lost myself and that he was never going to change i left him,it was 1 if the best decisions ive made in my life,long story short i am the proad helper working towards the assured altruistic,its been a very difficult road but i know i am on the right path,the dr is absolutely right that without spiritual guidance i/we cannot obtain the power and perserverance that any true empath desires and needs,not only to live the best life we can live for ourselves but to fullfill our purpose on the planet,ty so much DR for this video,you are a blessing!To all my fellow empaths i send you all the positivity i can to have the best day/days you can with the gift you have been bestowed with.namaste.❤💙💚💛💜🖤🤗
Written by Canadian Air Force veteran. Only figured out recently I'm a Sigma INFJ person. Also highly EMPATHIC -- which has HURT me badly. Last two ladies I Loved were both NARCISSISTIC and just used me. I'm 74 year's old but still in good shape,and being a total Spiritual optimist have faith in the future.. Dr. SAIID has helped me tremendously Thank you DOCTOR. Keep up the tremendous work your doing.
Thank you so very much for explaining the psychological patterns of behaviour without denying the spiritual component, which for me is the central platform for my altruistic empathy. I see my altruistic empathy at it's most basic as the symbiosis seen in all creation ("No man is an island"), and ultimately as learning to express unselfish love which demands self-scrutiny as to motive; so that I am reminded to learn to "treat others the way you would like to be treated." No payback, praise nor recognition needed. It's the right thing to do and doesn't need the world's approval. You've really outshone all the others on these narcissist/empathy videos and I thank you again for your humble, intelligent and gifted insights.
Great video. Thank you. When I feel someone needs help, I give the assistance and thankfully I have nothing invested in whether or not they appreciate the outcome. I'm not the one they have to answer to
This is so astute and discerning thank you so much. I remember channelling a message about this, which said: “It takes great heart to step in to help another, but great wisdom to know when to step back and not deny them their opportunity to grow” I think it does come down to emotional intelligence, self-reflection in seeing and learning from past experiences and life’s feedback. Also respect for others and their choices and boundaries. If we lack these ingredients, it’s easy to be drawn into the self-appointed healer, and set upon a journey of validating oneself by helping another. We can become unaware of our own projections - where directly helping another is unconsciously and indirectly helping ourself (to heal). As with all gifts, the flip-side can be a curse, if that gift is not used responsibly and consciously with an open heart, remaining detached from the outcome, I had to learn these lessons myself as most empaths do. It’s such a valuable, fascinating and beautiful journey or learning grace and wisdom and self-love. Our ability to love another is equal to our capacity to receive love... and it does all come down to love so the journey must begin with ourselves and (very lovingly) seeing our own projections, and then keep checking in to reflect and grow. Thankfully I never experienced the pathological empath that makes a project out of people and their problems... this extreme can actually suck energy from people rather than help them. I have seen very wounded empaths do this, all with such good intention but their motivations remain unconscious. I really love this video, thanks so much for your wisdom and sharing ❤️🙏🏽
Love your videos. As a buddhist, I have conflated the notion of practicing being a selfless giver (called, 'Bodhisattva') with being an empath, functioning to the middle-RHS of your scale. Gradually, I have become aware that I am a people-pleaser, have an attachment to being liked, a strong aversion to being disliked. I had a fear that i was never doing enough at work. I would run to my boss and give him updates. Always with this underlying sense of anxiety and un-ease. Fear of making mistakes mixed in. I only realised this, when, due to my buddhist purification practice, i began to stop feeling the need to do this. I also had a nasty relationship with a covert narcissist for a few years. When i was in the relationship, i couldn't see my behavioural patterns. But, little by little, i became aware of my empath traits, which locked the relationship solidly into place. She was totally emotionally unavailable. It's interesting. As a reaction to a new level of self-awareness, around this toxic relationship pattern, i got into MGTOW. The 'red-pill' rage of realising that i was constantly being manipulated and used is the thread that runs through this idealology. I found that, once i became more aware of my empath behaviour, my mind kind of over-compensated. The hidden anger and resentments came to the surface. I felt angry at women and at the needy qualities that men possess. Also, I started projecting onto other men the faults of being a 'Beta male', nice-guy. I'm still projecting this. But, it's declining a bit now. True altruism comes when the underlying hidden selfish motivations for giving that masquerade as altruism start to fall away. Giving then comes naturally with wisdom. Co-Dependency and enabling behaviours then fall away. The root cause of all these complex, subtle mindsets, from the point of view of the Buddha, is attachment. Attachment lurks under most of our actions. It seems from the false sense of self that we experience. If we can cause this attachment to decline, our innate wisdom shines through and we become free.
I've been in and out of these 3. Mostly the 2nd and 3rd. Back and forth until God helped me with my walk and finally landed in the 1st one. Narcissist father, sister and ex husband. I end up an empath. My mother was very nurturing. Awareness I was an empath. I didn't know they had a word for it. The internet has been a wealth of information. I would never have known any of why I feel the way I do around people if not for videos like this. Thank you
Thank you so much for your great work here, Abdul. This topic is complicated for me. I've been a caregiver for over 20 years for my mother, who just died at 102. She was orphaned as a child, and I guess I cared for her to an extreme extent, not only because of that, but she was so worth my every sacrifice to my own life. During her lifetime, she was so completely selfless and caring for others. I'm the youngest of a family who are all getting old, and I'm unmarried. I have no children, so I guess some people think I'm "free" for the taking! Take a guess at what is happening. I'm suddenly very popular with all of the aging relatives, who never gave me the time of day when I was a child or in my teens. I haven't heard anyone talk about this problem of attracting these aging needy people, but they do feel predatory to me. Care to do a video on this? I am still a caring person, but not for every needy person who is getting in line.
Jeanog This is very familiar to me. I was the go to person and caretaker. I am 71 years old now, and am into self-care. I am no longer at the beck and call of others. And, it is ok for me to say no.
Thank you, Liz Ryan. It's time for YOU now! That's what I wish my aging relatives would realize, but they seem to believe it's in my nature to be a caregiver, and that I'll be NEEDING to continue to do it for others.
OMG. I was definitely codependent in my marriage to NPD sufferer. I am working so hard to get back to normal. I definitely manifested serious illness, including cancer directly over my heart chakra. Love your videos. I have recommended them several times.
You are spot on. The narcissist is the hardest to deal with. They heal us in away. That's my battle. Thank you for this video. It's a grand father clock.
As a man it was hard being an empath in my youth....feeling the emotions of my parents...teachers...friends...etc. But as I got older and a tad bit wiser...it is awesome...although i feel like i live life in defense mode...and i often choose to stay to myself unless i get that internal burn...to act.
I am an elementary teacher. When I was 5 and in kindergarten, I gave my gloves to a child who did not have any. My mom said,. "That was very sweet of you, but now you do not have any gloves. We were poor. I think this is the first evidence of my empathy, I always see people mistreating their children in public. I don't want to see it. I have asked God not to subject me to this, but it keeps happening. I often ask, Is there anything I can do to help? This usually appears to cause the parent to stop and get themselves together. I know I cannot save all children, but I don't need this in my life. I feel good knowing I have stopped this, but it weighs heavy on me. What to do?
It hurts me too. I try to share, in my circle of influence, the importance of parenting properly before age 6. Like so many people don't know reading to a baby is beneficial even though the baby cannot understand yet... So I do comment often on posts, or do a Live, or shave things about early childhood development. As far as seeing someone yanking their child around in public... that is a case by case situation. I know it hurts, I cringe (being abused myself). Sometimes my hubby and I just ask parent where something is or some distraction. Depends. Have to be careful these days. I used to speak up more. People are too defensive & you could get shot now! 🙏🏻 We pray.
Charlotte Sego Be true to yourself, and do your best within your own capacity at the appropriate time required (if not urgently, depending on the situation). I feel the pains of others I wish I could be more callous but it’s not in my nature to, and so like you, you’d likely feel a disconnect within yourself when you’re being inauthentic. But it doesn’t mean we have to go overboard because sometimes some people really don’t need our help or they really just want us to understand and listen, and recognize where they’re coming from, and to them that’s more than enough.
Empathy its a beautiful hurt. It is a genuine human characteristic that fosters the potential of incredible change, not only to the individuals involved, but society as a whole.
WOW... I am so thankful to have found this video. For so long I have been so confused as to why so many people even strangers would be drawn to me and begin telling me their whole life story. I could never leave the conversation without pouring back love and positivity into them. Depending on the severity of the topic discussed I would make it a point to keep in touch feeling as if I HAD to be their support system. Same with friends and family. I realize I am such a Proud Helper it's eye opening to learn and understand. I always called it my "super hero complex " feeling like I could save everyone that I thought needed me and feeling so insulted or irritated when I spent so much of my energy pouring into them only for them to continue their destructive ways. I could feel my ego and was definitely aware but never knew how to look at things differently. This video has truly been necessary for me! I am always trying to better myself and now I feel hopeful knowing I can work towards being an authentic altruist.. truly genuine in my help and not letting the result affect the way I treat people.. amazing..thank you so much!
I'm so pleased to find a doctor who understands the spiritual reasoning behind the actions of the empath. I'm not sure what his faith is , but to me as a Christian everything he says resonates as truth . Thank you again Dr Abdul. I'm searching out your videos. I believe God led me to them , knowing I wanted to understand why time and again I was drawn into abusive relationship s with men and women. I didn't know the word narcissist until the last few weeks. K
I am so thankful that this video was done. I have wondered for the past several months what the differences are between "helping" others and being a "co-dependent". I for years have been in the co-dependent postions which I have tried for the past several years to break free from. SInce it was in my childhood orgin to be such, it was so easy to slip back into as an adult in recovery & being asked to be a sponsor in 12 step program. I am again so thankful for this video to help me gain insights to stop this co-dependent behavior.
I know this from experience in my body and soul. And I have definitily been a co dependent to many times. So happy for the gift to have this model so I can put words on it. It really will help me to at least be an proud helper.
Who else spent most of their life not knowing there was actually a name for this?
Me.
You should check your life path number with numerology as well. A life path 9 is the humanitarian which is very altruistic as well and I think it’s no coincidence I am an empath and life path 9. Just another way to really understanding yourself if you are on any type of spiritual journey
My entire life I was labeled as “weird” and believed it for so long I had no idea what was wrong w me and why I was so different but now I know why!
Yup, me too!
Yeah... Seems I have naturally found my way to being an authentic altruist. However, The road leading there has been insane and painful!
A psychologist who has a understanding of a higher intelligence working in the universe through divine grace for the betterment of all creation, a rare thing. well done.
+ Duncan JamesBarker - Totally agree and I’m grateful I found his channel. 💞
I am grateful too, Well done Duncan for putting into words.
Absolutely! I'm amazed that I discovered someone talking about this.
Right?! What a breath of fresh air. Just so happens some of the narcissists I'm healing from are the appointed corrupt mental health professionals who when I mention anything beyond the physical, like even just with the word 'universe,' diagnose me as delusional. ! ! Yea you might laugh cuz that's entirely ridiculous, and I can laugh at it now, but there's seriously a whole network of abusive people working within the UK system who control people in this way. When the vultures closed in on me with this strategy of discrediting and silencing, I'd withered unto myself. But now I can slay the dragons!
So true!
I hate being an empath, for years I could see everybody else’s emotional needs except my own. I gave so much of my energy away I became seriously ill.
Live Life me too, and I was left for dead literally three times in my life.
No more!
I put myself first now it’s so easy as I’ve learnt and I still have a heart for others but in a much healthier way.
me too..these videos are helping so much
I'm 39 and I can honestly say it took until recently (within the last few months) for me to sincerely be able to say I love being and empath. all my life I felt like I was a born door mat. I wasnt good enough to receive love only to give it..I felt cursed and sad all the time. I couldn't understand why my feelings couldnt turn off. and why no one around me cared about Anything as much as I did. I felt there was no one else like me. I'm so grateful for where I am now!!
Cordelia Chamorro Same here
I hated it as well, especially in my childhood and teens, usually it's how it goes you giving to much power away till you balance it
I Lost my parents as child so I wasn't aware of the giving and taking has to have a balance.
But not regrets it made me stronger without losing the value of being an Empath.
Best Regards, N
It took me 3 years to drift from the proud helper to the co-dependent. The awakening after narcissist abuse can bring empaths back to the “authentic altruist”. This is all very interesting. Thank you 🙏🏽
Indeed: I feel like I'm rediscovering myself
YES! AMEN
being an empath is a gift...never stop loving...we are the salt of the earth....there is nothing wrong with us....its just that we are at the opposite end of the spectrum from a narcissist... our mortal enemy..... narc wants to steal our love and concern for fellow beings by exploiting and destroying the empathy we possess
daniel kumar TRUTH
True daniel, but: opposites attract..??! Empathy is also a continuum, an empath with no boundaries attracts narcissists who like to 'steal' empathy....
A narc see an empath's nature as a weakness which it is if you are not self aware. A narc will go for the jugular.
Robyn We are not weak but strong everything about a narc thinking pattern is in reverse 🙏
Very true.. i love being a “giver” how blessed we are to be able to. Most cant even understand the authentic helping because ppl they know are so self absorbed. The person bring helped is blown away because they cant even share w anyone. Caveat is for every empath there is “10 takers in the waiting”
so true it used to physically hurt me to say no to people my heart would ache I felt a slave to it but after much reflection and soul searching and realizing that I could choose to help or not and either is ok it was not my job to save the world as much as it was my job to save myself and my sanity
Serenity I couldn't have said it better myself!! I absolutely felt like a slave to it. so much so..that I felt cursed.
I in recent yrs just started saying no
No, is the hardest word for us to learn to say. Took me a long time to figure that out. That people will still be ok if I said it. I idenify with what you said!😄💖
This is too real. Very true
Serenity Serenity souls don’t exist
My mother recognized my empathic nature when I was very young. While it may not be "gold star" child rearing; she would tell me to "shut those a$$holes off" if she noticed I was having a hard time in a situation. She was also kind enough to teach me that I was not required to help each person that came into my life or space. She was a true blessing to me during the awkward stages and when I became more mature.
She sounds like a good life mentor, and one who showed you that people have healthy boundaries, and she respected yours.
I'm glad that you had her.
You were quite lucky to have someone that gave you that advice, despite her other shortcomings. Had anyone given me the least bit of awareness in that area it would have allowed me to avoid so much hardship. Good for you.
@@sstolarik me too , Nobody told me the whole life
Your mother blessed your life with her approach to helping you learn how to protect yourself 🙏💕
I am definitely the authentic altruist but I am also 11 years into a spiritual awakening and it has taken me a lot of accountability, self work and healing to get hear because I began at the codependent level and spent much of my life in that loop, until thankfully, I woke up and could see my part in my unhappiness.
What has helped you the most in this journey? Asking from the place of a co-dependant wasting away my life on a narc :(
Believe you are worth loving.
Give love and kindness to yourself.
Get in touch with your feelings.
Give yourself validation of your feelings.
Recognise and honour your boundaries.
Believe that your needs are just as important as everyone else's.
Know and believe that YOU have the right to set your own agenda.
Know and believe that you have the right to say "no".
Tell your inner critic to shut up. Tell it it's a liar, and nobody asked it for it's opinion.
Start telling yourself the truth, and slowly dismantle the gaslighting-structures erected over so many years.
Know and believe that you are precious.
Know and believe that your life is valuable.
Know and believe that your love is valuable.
Just a start. This is what I have road-tested with success.
Remember you are in human form encountering primal concerns and that what you truly are trumps all that is impermanent, like personalities. Its your love and compassion that is disabling you and enabling your partner within yourself. Because they are unconscious, you are filling in the gap with yourself. A noble beautuful soul you are and i understand however there comes a time when you must listen to that little voice within that urges you to let go and let God, in whichever way you see Great Spirit
Mindfulness and MBCT has helped me find my way back to self-awareness and more and more self-love. And then giving from this inner state....is a total different story. I am still learning!💝💫
I am also on this path. :-) Good luck, friend.
“Not attached to the outcome of giving.” I wish I could get there, great video
Rebekah Brown This was for me to remember. I read your comment as soon as he began saying it
You will get there...but remember it’s still a struggle to maintain sometimes. Got to stay aware and keep on your toes. This video reminded me how easy I can sometimes slip from altruistic to proud.
Expecting gratitude and seeing none can be off putting and hurtful. I take a deep breath and remember that our creator has us ALL in his heart. One day...it’s possible this person’s heart will recall the kindness given and be moved to be kind. It’s ok if they don’t show gratitude. If I am always expecting something in return...even gratitude...I am missing the point of love.
I know that sometimes I even forget to be grateful to our creator for so many things... every once in a while. But the act of kindness will embed itself inside your spirit. Love for the person is still there and one can only hope that your acts of kindness will one day move the other person in a positive way.
~Peace and love ❤️
The boundaries issue again.
@@comfeefort Yes. A simple "Thank you" is enough. Besides, it's good manners...
This guy gets the height of my respect, the most direct and knowledgeable man i have encountered. Continued success my friend and god be with you.
Great video. I went through all stages from codependency to altruistic. It was by identifying myself as codependent (and the lack of self love that caused me to be that way) and then I grew to love myself enough to set healthy boundaries. I’m love life with myself now and love being alone. I know I’m not healthy enough to attract a healthy relationship yet, but I’m getting there with the help of great information like this video. Thank you.
me too
No. 1. Do your best; leave the rest.
Wow, typically when I watch psychology videos, I don't expect or even want any intermix with spirituality. But truly, I feel that is what is missing in the mainstream understanding and treatment. Psychology approaches tend to be very one dimensional, and focusing on symptoms, diagnosis and then talk therapy/ medication administration to control symptoms. But as I was watching the first part, you included the aspects about the high functioning empath's understanding of giving without expectation, awareness of the shadow side, moving beyond five senses, etc, and it really struck me that these aspects of the journey was so crucial to becoming authentically empowered/ gaining mental strength and clarity as an empath. Detaching from the ego side of giving is what empaths should strive for, as these things can have very painful outcomes.
It's taken me years to develop these understandings. Going from being atheistic to developing a stronger spiritual connection to universal intelligence. Letting go of outcome and the ego aspects of desire to help has been critical.
Thank you for this video sir.
I belive that if you are fully capable of understanding youre own darkness you reach a point were you are also able to see the darkness in others. If you can be aware of the shadow in others and in youreself only then can you start to have communication on a truthfull level with assertiveness, only feeding the ”good wolf” in others and in youreself. I also belive that in order to succeed towards this goal one must first get comfortable with being with himself, only then can you start to see what you are dependent upon. This can be a fearfull experience witch feels very scary at first. Feel the pain and move past this fear by being awere of it, study it and pay attention to it from a place of awereness, just observe and take note!
CEO what do you mean by shadow and “”good wolf”
@@RileyElite11 The good wolf is from the (Native American?) metaphor - everyone has 2 wolves inside, 1 good and 1 bad. Which one wins? The one you feed.
Poster is being metaphorical.
CEO well said / explained 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Awareness, clarity on the subjects, then Conscious Application of Thought - rather than Ego Minde Reating to situations - Keys to achieving the points you mentioned - insightful and
Well said -
CEO
Thank you
Dr. Saad has helped revive so many lives❤️ in every video I learn something new about myself❤️
Naturally I’m a proud helper which is a magnet for Narcissist. Narcissist are so insecure in their mind that they cannot take the fact someone is taking away their attention thought it’s unintentional.
Out of my findings i’d say, don’t fight a narc it’s a vicious cycle and I have wasted 6 years of my prime lifetime. Just walk away and live your life. Now I have set myself into a spiritual path to spread awareness and help victims of Narcissism revive in their life. May god protect us from such demonic humans. Amen❤️
Wow! I'm so glad I found you and your teaching! I can see how I was co-dependent as a child and young adult - a very difficult time- not at all understanding what I was going through. This caused me to suppress my gift - later as I grew in maturity, I was that 'proud helper' and still am, but as I'm understanding myself, my gift and my call better, I'm definitely on the path to the authentic altruist. What a long, strange trip it's been!
Thank you again for your clear teaching! You are truly doing the world a great service!
The only way to help others is to put on your oxygen mask first so they can see how it's done and be prompted to act for themselves. Sometimes a (figurative) slap in the face is the kindest thing you can do for another person. Recognizing when doing nothing outwardly while holding loving thoughts for another is the best thing for everyone is a huge step to recovery. Thanks for taking on this vital issue!
Sarah Jensen h
Help others are your own and others' sources of happiness. Don't expect any returns and you can just give happily and forget it. The Universe will return the favor for the loving energy you gave and return when you need them.
Yes I agree, that is what happened to me. Fortunately I was intouch with spirit and I could see the situation, although I was clueless as to what a narc was, I was able to leave as soon as was possible, it took a couple of attempts, but I did it. Not unscathed though, it has taken 4 years to start to feel some kind of sanity.
Seems to be similar traits to covert narcissists and co-dependents.
I have just recently learned not to act on the need to help fix/heal (the body) of others, unless asked for help. My covert narcissist, soon to be ex, hubby actually went into a bit of a tantrum/ rage ( not against me- just the air around him) when he was lightly hurt as i didn't automatically run to fix the injury, which i normally would do.
It was difficult to sit back and observe as the pattern has been to immediately help. He never has to ask for help, and of course he didn't this time but his verbal frustration was highly obvious.
I am departing from this relationship since i'm tired of being invisible and labeled as " paranoid"
It feels so free to give myself permission not to have to fix everything that's broken. I have shared so much healing information with those around me but yet nobody seems to value it. I left them the too to take care of themselves, it's their choice not to learn, so i leave guilt free.
It's like many Empaths are a living walking talking battery for people, situations and things to all use to charge off of.
Then the empath is left drained which leads to illness and dysfunction.
Each empath needs to learn to recharge themselves in a way that is not sucking the life/energy out of anyone.
Recharge by prayer. Get 'filled up' therefore renewed, re-energized, restored. Then he/she can think of steps to be constructive with what he/she has learned and taken in.
It's a spiritual energy and I think it's easy to recharge just by spending some time alone with God and nature.
I have found myself in each level starting many (30-40) yrs ago up to present day. Years ago, I met people who refused to be helped, or men who didn't or couldn't receive love. Out of this pain, i learned not to expect them to, and when to stop trying. Over time, I learned not to try to help anyone who didnt want to be and not to always expect acceptance . They could take what i offered or leave it. However, I only learned i was an empath in the past 2 yrs. A PT, an empath herself, declared I was one & suggested a book about surviving as one. It did not give me the clarity i am finding in just 3 your videos I've seen so far. Thank you so much for recording them.
Grandiose, exactly. I cannot thank you enough for your videos. They are educational, clear, succinct, and given altruistically ( and yes, I see the pun/irony). Thank you for being authentic and not a person seeking likes or fame. All my best to you.
Me Me
I really like how you explain the authentic altruistic empath. I am an empath and have come up thru these ranks. I like being an empath but worry sometimes that I am losing my 'empathability' bc I dont feel the need any longer to give so much to others if I dont want to. This clarifies it to me in such a way that I can reconcile the two parts in my heart now.
Claudia Hirsemann You are most likely just sensing when you need to hold onto your energy. Xx
Ditto
Claudia Hirsemann
Empathathic burnout. Happens when we’ve been drained out trying to save everyone else but ourselves.
this comment section " I /me am empath and no one understand me. the world always use me up for it" "I like or dislike this" " I feel this or that"
.... empaths . who admit readily to others.. are commonly I find within a demographic of 29-55 year old women who are usually divorced or separated and claim to have been always. abused.. but.. being around it while growing up I know that people who tell other people this readily are looking for attention and sympathy and codependence and constant validation.. .. and when you do them slightly wrong.... they go from "empathic" to ... complete narcassitc Reeee in .5 comments or less
most empaths dont know or understand that they are... and most would not care. going around telling random people ... and Def wouldn't talk in that way "I I I I I me my" sorry it doesn't logically coincide
I understand you. For years i made individuals my project, i had to save them. Then i got in such a bad way i saw i had to save myself first. Then i moved into what was i doing trying to save others. At times i get sad for not being so giving as i was, but how i am now is far more healthy. I was holding myself back and ended up resenting who i had invested in, so it wasnt honest giving. I just didnt yet know how to save myself
NOW I SEE...I have been this way my entire life. I think that is why as a Veteran coming home from war I worked with infants. It was my own personal therapy. My heart is often far spread. I am learning that I DESERVE LOVE BACK....
Moving beyond my 5 senses. I am so grateful to the lord for helping me stay the course until reaching this healthy level! 🙏. I agree (also) that you helped me here TONIGHT to see that I am finally here! Closer than ever before! BLESSED! Been tough. But so blessed! Thank you.
The movement between categories. YES! I will forever watch those videos too! Thank you
I was an unconscious proud helper for years until a fated encounter with narcissism took me down to co-dependency, until I finally fought my way out and back and I guess now I am what is called the authentic altruist. I finally realized the lies I was unconsciously telling myself, and how I (as one person put it) contributed to my own unhappiness. There is a lot less spiritual grandiosity in the healthy state.
Thank you Abdul you're the man. This is EXACTLY what I need. I'm sure I understand everything you said and I can't wait for you to expand on this topic some more because I've lived most of my life going between the blue and the red trying to get to the green, and I've been there before, but never known how to stay there. There's probably something to do with trauma bonding going on there.
If I'm not mistaken, the "Authentic Altruist" can be considered a mentally healthy individual (providing they have boundaries and don't let people break them), with no need to seek any kind of help to change their behavior. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
The way you put it on a scale like that makes it all so clear how things relate to each other and how you're susceptible to slip and slide up and down it depending on your current circumstances if you're not aware of how this all works. I feel like the more knowledge you possess, the more you can control where you sit on this spectrum, without it you're kind of a sitting duck.
Abdul your videos have been some of the most practical for my healing journey, you're so generously giving us something that so many of us desperately need. I truly appreciate your generosity to give so much of your time and incredibly valuable insight for free.
Underrated video - if you are here and you identify with these levels or have not yet made it past the co-dependent - it's doable and the freedom is wonderful.
this is the absolute truth i've been through all three of these stages. and he's right it does take a lot of work, but its the best feeling in the world to be what's considered "the Authentic Altruist" now. because its like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and all of my why questions were answered.
Thank you. Showing this continuum was more informative than many long videos I have watched. It put things in perspective. Made me realize where I am and what I need to do to move to a healthier place.
Great information. Thank you. The timing was perfect for me. It helped me visually understand the painful feelings I've had concerning some friendships I have. I can see myself sliding along the scale wildly and it leads me to a very confused, sad, and lonely place. I know I can feel and do better for my own well being. Being an 'impath' is a gift and also quite a burdon. Its a constant struggle to be sensitive AND need other humans in your life. I get good, solid, thinking points from your videos. Thanks again.
RS I feel the same. I’m learning a lot!
I also feel the same. I have now isolated myself from all friends. Didn't know what narcissism was until just recently but every best friend I have ever had fits the criteria. So I guess that is who I attract. Now I must figure out why and try to fix it.
This should be required viewing for adults who know they are empaths.
I absolutely love being A “functioning empath” i’ve always known I was different and this video has brought a lot of light and Excellent information to my growth And journey. I’m feeling blessed to have seen this video thank you!!! Sending everyone light love blessings and positive energy💚🌻🙏🏾☀️
This knocks it out of the ballpark for me.Both parents were Narcissist. I had a very sharp therapist who put me in a Shame reduction workshop and told me with continued help I could get better and trust me I have been putting in work.Over 30 years now I am still here.Thank God for you
Thank you. Your kindness is pervasive throughout your videos. As an empath with Complex PTSD, DID and a narcissistic mother, I deeply appreciate your empathy, fortitude, persistence, and, again, your kindness.
How could you not be an Empath withPTSD..🤔 Having a narcissistic mother?.. Me the same 😒. But thank God there is life after that... Wish you strength you have all the good opponents to succeed. Your blessed with an eye for beauty
I have studied psychology for 15 years. All I do is read, your information is probably the best I have ever seen.
Sincere gratitude.
I am an authentic altruist...but you made me aware of it..thankyou..and I thank Source for guiding me through you...to feel very grateful for being an empath..
@ And exactly how else are they supposed to relay personal experiences without the use of "I"? or is being an empath mean that they are not allowed to express their own personal experiences?
@ if you understood what being an empath meant, then you would get that it is very important, especially as an empath, to know your own needs. one of them is telling others about your own experiences.
I would agree with Carl on this one, alot of narrsasistic people claim to be empaths. To Claim to be on the highest end is almost bonafide guru status. I dont think many people are even close to the end one as hardly anyone practices spirituality on a serious level. I know people that Claim they are spiritualists but they still do things like eat meat or have regular intoxication of drugs and spirits. The easiest way to attempt to judge someone in my opinion is to observe their behavior rather than listen to the words. Most people bs and as the majority of people watching this is probably some kind of empath then you know what i mean, God will let you know within the heart if the person is right or not. Empaths are really good at spotting or shall i say feeling when you are being lied to so use that as your indicator.
@@trollnation7164 very in tune to spot others motives I agree, yet to be a spiritualist or high level empath heyoka etc, doesn’t mean you are perfect or can’t eat meat etc. that’s mans twist on what a spiritualist looks like, should or shouldn’t do, that gets dangerous.. actions of these types, are purely in the fruit of their love labor....labor of 💕 love
So enlightening thanks! I'm somewhere towards the authentic altruist. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives and help people heal even if I don't get credit. I was raised Christian so it was drummed into me to emulate Christ, although I feel I never got the message that I should take care of myself too (major lack in my upbringing). I thought no boundaries shows Christian love. Now I know it's not emphasised perhaps because its assumed that all people are inherently selfish and will always make themselves top priority. I was emotionally neglected as a child and my parents' motto was that parents never bend to the will of their child ("I won't be manipulated by you!"), to ignore a child's negative emotions (even common parenting advice today!), to teach us independence by forcing us to do everything ourselves. I felt deeply unloved and worthless, created a deep need to be perfect - to show I am worthy. My mom must have suffered from abuse as she really struggles to connect with people, she was like a matron to me. I learnt to ignore my negative feelings too. Their other mantra was "positive thinking"/"choose your attitude"/"it's all in your head". I was mildly depressed for years as a child and didn't even realise it. Anxiety plagued me since leaving school, massively fuelled by a narcissistic m-in-law, who put me through hell for 17 years with no validation or acceptance, minimisation, triangulation, manipulation etc. My strong counter will probably saved me from attempting to get her approval through admiration (although I was always decent and respectful to her). I finally got out of that a year ago, thanks to learning about emotional intelligence (Gottman institute is excellent), to be aware and value my every emotion without judgement, guilt or condemnation, narcissism (your channel is superb!) and their inner world (I was naive to believe that everyone is mostly good and means well - I was in denial for years that a person could choose to be malicious and vindictive), learning about true and false selves and lots of reflection and adjustment of my world views. Thanks again Dr Saad for spreading knowledge. I've shared my story with a few friends that have kickstarted their journey to healing.
This is the best explanation I've heard on this topic. Thank you!
Cobbleshoes Elfwood I agree...
Empathy without boundaries is self destruction. Self care is a standard we must adhere to. 😊
Thank you for bringing God into this video. I pray often for Him to help me to think in healthier ways. Your videos are very insightful, thank you for making them.
@Wade Haden
apparently you're highly IMMATURE and it shows! So since nothing made you, you're life is meaningless, and nothing you say matters, who cares what YOU think!! LOL.... SUCH AN IDIOT!
(I bet you're called idiot all the time, youre used to it by now I'm sure!!) 🌞
Very grateful for a physcologist like you that helps us understand ourselves and doesn't just ignore our sensitivity or say it's social anxiety and paranoia which is what I've been told in the past ❤️❤️
Very very true, speaking of the shadow work! Awareness prevents us from investing into what we should not and preventing the burn out. In that we give others freedom as the freedom to ourselves. Releases needs of the ego!
Codependent, married 15 years to an Abusive NPD. I’m starting to see it, but I’m in denial because I’d rather it be all my problems than his. I’m running into issues because I’m detaching and observing and the more I do this, the more I see the manipulation. This person loves me and has been faithful (awful, but consistent). I can’t stop feeling his emotional stuff and knowing it’s from his abusive childhood and stepping into the thought that what he does seems to be automatic and subconscious. I can’t stop feeling for his plight but the anger is also starting to pour out. I’m In therapy but wonder if I’ll ever escape all this. I have managed to develop some care & self/care for myself. Thank you for your time and expertise.
You think they love you???!!! Wow......
@Siobhan Fogarty yes it IS that simple! Grow a pair and love yourself enough to live your own life. Simple.
Thank you so much, Abdul. I have been following your videos for months now and have received so much understanding of being an Empath. I am so much more aware of my motives when I choose to help someone. I am also learning to say no without becoming angry.
Even when we can't help or shouldn't get involved . We can still nurture good wishes in our hearts . With that strength and insight that we build , we help others , and ourselves .
I hope Abdul reads this. I think it is possible that a person who is sensitive or empathic can have their gift intensified by trauma. That has been my experience. From tender to ouch.
Ken Ross thank you for mentioning. That was my experience to
Yeah! I noticed that too the more trauma I endor the more my gifts intensifies...strange
Ken Ross, it is known in traditional shamanic cultures that a shaman is almost always wounded in some way.
Ken Ross I was meant to see this... I believe this is how my the awakening started. No I am highly more aware
Is Jesus an empath?
Thank you so much - your videos have changed my attitude towards the narcissists I’ve encountered. I no longer feel betrayed, rather I feel I understand them and hope they seek help.
Wow, i am so glad i came across this! Thank you.
I see myself in every one of those. Now i am primarily on the healthy side. You answered a few questions i have been struggling with.
Truth! It took me six months of introspection and meditation and spiritual awakening (thank you universe!) to learn that after meeting a so called unhealthy pathological empath person here...luckily he wasn’t a narcissist...I see him and I see I can’t be him. He was not so lucky, his ex wife was a narcissist...for seven years he went down. I cannot let myself be him, it’s a downward spiral...I love him and I still do but I can’t allow myself to go down like that. The key is in fact unconditional love, give without expecting receiving in return. And only give what you can give. You come first, self-love is key...thanks for sharing. And please...please stick to the truth, fear is just illusion, you can cross that line of fear and love yourself. Today!
These are wonderful videos. Thank you ! I think parenting moves us along this continuum over our lifetime -- an infant is quite narcissistic in its way, and we are locked into the giving role by nature. As the child develops, young parents become proud givers, as along with this responsibility comes dignity and a sense of importance. In an extended family this continues through the grandparent years. Then when we enter old age and our children have become grandparents themselves, we are unneeded within the family dynamic, and must become genuine altruists, or else our hearts will break and die. I am 76, live in the light God, and am free as the birds at my winter bird feeder.
I think we all have narcissism to a degree, it is a survival instinct. It depends on our introduction into this world and who are ours carers and our spiritual development that determines the outcome
“...love them out of their pathologies...” is spot on.
I think this series is a great idea, it can feel very limiting to be given a label - and I know that in my own journey of better self awareness I found the concept of this continuum (described in a similar way) very helpful. There’s a tendency at the more unhealthy end to think - well, this is who I am (or even: this is who other people force me to be - if you’re really at the depths of co-dependency) - to feel stuck there, when in fact you always have the choice to progress to a more autonomous, authentic way of being.
I am learning a lot from your video as an Empath and Codependent. thank you
Desy m
I was at the pathological unhealthy spectrum with narc parents and especially going worse in a relationship w/ a narcissist. Very codependent wow omg. It’s so true i used to view the world like this. I needed this. I feel like im between healthy and average. I’m slowly working my way back to healthy. Thank you so much 🙏✨
I love this. I always had this feeling there was a level to empaths
I've been bouncing back and forth from the codependent to the proud helper over the last couple of years, but now that I have these tools here I know what the next step is. Thanks again Abdul, your doing gods work.
I have been all three. Love your videos
C Mickie I am the proud helper, but it's not helping my career to keep going... I need to improve...
Me too...I guess it´s a level of inner development. As an educated empath you never can be into Co-Dependency.
Looks like i am not the only one who has been all three. Narcissistic parents set us up to behave this way and we take our codependent behavior into adulthood. My sister was a social worker and a classic no 3. At the expense of her own well being. Through the study of Buddhism I was able to under stand the boundaries an empath needs not to get overwhelmed by other people's agenda and still remain true to the altruistic self. Thanks for this video.
if you have been at all three how did the last one end and are you still with that person?
The last one is not about just one person. As an educated and authentic empath you give love and compassion to many people but still can put healthy boundaries.
I have learned and grown from this channel more than any other channel. I have to go back through the videos to watch all the time to get healthy. I am the proud helper I believe- I am working on becoming on the authentic altruist. I am learning about my role and actions that keep me in the proud helper stage. This is the best channel!.
I am 52 and just discovering that I am an empath that had been married to a narcissist for 26 years. Thank you doctor...
I had a similar awakening over the last five to ten years, Angie. I have one warning for you: when you reestablish and strengthen boundaries and create the necessary distance needed for your healing, do not be surprised if your spouse suddenly escalates negatively or discards you altogether. It’s what happens when the narcissist realizes that you can now clearly identify what they are, the tactics that they are using, and begin to protect yourself so that they can no longer drain you. Just be ready. . . and realize that you are worth saving no matter what.
more people need to see this. Saw this video last when being in co-dependent stage and it was because of the relationship with the narcissist and acknowledging ones own shadow through own spiritual work that helps you descend further. dont be afraid to look inside.
Yes; I can say that I've been all 3 for sure. One advantage of being Empath is being a human lie detector. I can read a person in minutes flat based on what I feel from them. I'm very uncomfortable in the company of people that live a lie or pretend to be what they are not. I tend to seek out those that are real to themselves and have say it like it is mentality. I can relax in that environment better.
I watched this after being told I may be an empath. Bells started ringing by the before the first minute had passed. Thank you for the guidance!
I don't think I understand.... I don't have any pride in being an empath. I find it to be a burden most times. And I don't get along with narcissists....
Then maybe you're watching the wrong video? This one is about a specific type of person in a specific situation. If you're life is wonderful, and you don't have harmful narcissists in your life, then this video has nothing to do with you.
@@titianarasputin aoooch😀
@swarnajit tongbram No she can still be an empath. I don't understand the saltyness of the replies? I too do not take much pride in being an empath. I do have a friend or two who are narcissists, but I am fully aware of who they are and my relationship with them. Perhaps she is nearer the Authentic Altruist maybe that is why the replies were so salty? or maybe she just lacks the awareness to know she is a proud helper?
@@titianarasputin your response clearly shows you're not an empath.
I met the narcissist. And that quote keep your friends close and enemies closer. Almost killed me. Never again am I listening to others be4 listening to myself
As a young empath who is still in school, it is very hard at times to appreciate my sensitivity, but it is truly a gift, because I can help people better and it helps me learn lessons we all can learn for the better.
I was definitely in the third category with my ex and now I seem to have now swung to the opposite side of over self-protection where my hackles go up when some says 'can you do me a favour' before even hearing what that favour is!
Oh my this is me.
Spot on..., I'm so glad I'll never allow anyone to take advantage of me again, because I've done the work!
It was difficult, but I'm worth it. I am now on a higher plain of spiritual awareness that I didn't think was possible. I want to surround myself with like people..., they're out there. God & music forever.
👍THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting these videos. You are helping me immensely. I can’t not be the empath that I am. I know that now. By taking in more knowledge to understand about who I am as an empath is helping me learn how to take care of myself. 💞
It took me a few years to learn to give and let go. " i can not care more about you than you do of yourself" seemed to help me learn to help and the rest is in the hands of the receiver. ❤
I have been on all three or six of these levels, got out recently of a sociopathic relationship that had been the downward spiral,if I had not of gotten out I would literally be dead
TRUE TRUE TRUE so why do we feel the need to fix and help ???? I attract weird people all the time because I feel their hearts pain.
When I see or think of someone in pain the left side of my head tingles. And I'm so darn sensitive. After my husband died I moved back in my childhood home leaving only a few times a month to go to the store at 3am. No social media, no friends, but I found I'm happiest this way. I appreciate this video and just subscribed, so thank you.
Your video took the "magic" out of what I thought us empaths are. Blanket puller!
I'm an altruistic empath (after years of depression, support groups & counseling); I am now a happy altruistic empath! I love this video. :)
Thank you! Very well explained.
Though I don't like the term "empaths", often used by targets of abuse or so called spiritual coaches. So called "empaths" for my opinion they are people with heart, empathy and compassion that are hypervigilant due to growing up in a dysfunctional family or being with a cluster B.
It's absolutely true....in contact with a cluster b your positive traits and helpfulness get's exploited...and you move easily in this spectrum towards the co- depent side. In society is widly expected and seen as"normal" to act as a co-dependent enabler if you are a woman.
Karen what is a Cluster B?
Iamicequeenice - somebody with a personality disorder. To the Cluster B personality disorders belongs: borderline, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy, anti social personality disorder
Karen regarding society's perspective on women being co-dependent care givers...it's not just accepted, unfortunately
it's *expected*
something needs to change ♡
I appreciate your comment, thank you for sharing.
Karen, I appreciate your comment too. Personally, I don't get caught up so much in a name...even my own..."I don't care what you call me, as long as you call me" 😁 It's the "characteristics of" that I'm interested in...and why I appreciate you factoring in being hyper-vigilant. It's an aspect of me that I've learned to value. Before I was critical of my watchful/questioning/overall mistrust of some ppl. Learning about malignant cluster B's has made me more in alignment because I now know I had a valid, instinctual reason to not be so trusting. This with learning to temper and manage my empathy for others has helped me feel much more in control of my life. Thx 😉
I recently discovered I am an empath. I thank you for your work in bringing this to our attention so we can feel a place we belong.
Thank you Abdul for another excellent video. It really help to get some clarification on the continuum of empath. Nicely done, Thanks
I literally try not to make eye contact with people because I will read them and instantly align my spirit to them. I can't stop it. I wish I could. These videos are helpful and empowering...but I just wish I would stop. I don't want to stop caring, or loving...just the reading people, feeling people. Thank you for the only helpful videos I have found. God bless.
I like seeing this aspect of “The Empath”... I would like more clarification and perhaps, identification of triggers that seem to “snap” reality back for the empath. Example: I identify with the traits of the empath...but it’s really the dysfunction that I see as an outcome of my choices, that brings me back toward the middle, that I would say is more healthy. It usually is denoted by a rather sudden return of my more “relatively narcissistic” traits and also means I’m in a survival mode. I know I’ve allowed my boundaries to be crossed, and now I must reassert them, usually by cutting off or being cutoff by another. I don’t ever see the other person as being a perpetrator against me...I see my lack of or weak boundaries as being the thing needing adjustment. What are the triggers that empaths may experience that help them to realize they have gone to far. I would like to set boundaries, without jeopardizing relationships.
All i can say is WOW,i personally have been a codependant empath but left the situation knowing that ppl cannot and will not change unless they truly want to,i spent 3 years with a narcissistic mentally unstable man who i let completely change me and manipulate me to be what he wanted me to be,realizing i had lost myself and that he was never going to change i left him,it was 1 if the best decisions ive made in my life,long story short i am the proad helper working towards the assured altruistic,its been a very difficult road but i know i am on the right path,the dr is absolutely right that without spiritual guidance i/we cannot obtain the power and perserverance that any true empath desires and needs,not only to live the best life we can live for ourselves but to fullfill our purpose on the planet,ty so much DR for this video,you are a blessing!To all my fellow empaths i send you all the positivity i can to have the best day/days you can with the gift you have been bestowed with.namaste.❤💙💚💛💜🖤🤗
This is scary and hard to look at but I'm ready.
Written by Canadian Air Force veteran. Only figured out recently I'm a Sigma INFJ person.
Also highly EMPATHIC -- which has HURT me badly.
Last two ladies I Loved were both NARCISSISTIC and just used me.
I'm 74 year's old but still in good shape,and being a total Spiritual optimist have faith in the future..
Dr. SAIID has helped me tremendously
Thank you DOCTOR.
Keep up the tremendous work your doing.
Thanks for this clarification. I can see myself and my friends in these categories.
Me too!
Thank you so very much for explaining the psychological patterns of behaviour without denying the spiritual component, which for me is the central platform for my altruistic empathy. I see my altruistic empathy at it's most basic as the symbiosis seen in all creation ("No man is an island"), and ultimately as learning to express unselfish love which demands self-scrutiny as to motive; so that I am reminded to learn to "treat others the way you would like to be treated." No payback, praise nor recognition needed. It's the right thing to do and doesn't need the world's approval. You've really outshone all the others on these narcissist/empathy videos and I thank you again for your humble, intelligent and gifted insights.
Great video. Thank you. When I feel someone needs help, I give the assistance and thankfully I have nothing invested in whether or not they appreciate the outcome. I'm not the one they have to answer to
This is so astute and discerning thank you so much.
I remember channelling a message about this, which said:
“It takes great heart to step in to help another, but great wisdom to know when to step back and not deny them their opportunity to grow”
I think it does come down to emotional intelligence, self-reflection in seeing and learning from past experiences and life’s feedback. Also respect for others and their choices and boundaries.
If we lack these ingredients, it’s easy to be drawn into the self-appointed healer, and set upon a journey of validating oneself by helping another. We can become unaware of our own projections - where directly helping another is unconsciously and indirectly helping ourself (to heal).
As with all gifts, the flip-side can be a curse, if that gift is not used responsibly and consciously with an open heart, remaining detached from the outcome,
I had to learn these lessons myself as most empaths do. It’s such a valuable, fascinating and beautiful journey or learning grace and wisdom and self-love. Our ability to love another is equal to our capacity to receive love... and it does all come down to love so the journey must begin with ourselves and (very lovingly) seeing our own projections, and then keep checking in to reflect and grow.
Thankfully I never experienced the pathological empath that makes a project out of people and their problems... this extreme can actually suck energy from people rather than help them. I have seen very wounded empaths do this, all with such good intention but their motivations remain unconscious.
I really love this video, thanks so much for your wisdom and sharing ❤️🙏🏽
Love your videos.
As a buddhist, I have conflated the notion of practicing being a selfless giver (called, 'Bodhisattva') with being an empath, functioning to the middle-RHS of your scale. Gradually, I have become aware that I am a people-pleaser, have an attachment to being liked, a strong aversion to being disliked. I had a fear that i was never doing enough at work. I would run to my boss and give him updates. Always with this underlying sense of anxiety and un-ease. Fear of making mistakes mixed in. I only realised this, when, due to my buddhist purification practice, i began to stop feeling the need to do this.
I also had a nasty relationship with a covert narcissist for a few years. When i was in the relationship, i couldn't see my behavioural patterns. But, little by little, i became aware of my empath traits, which locked the relationship solidly into place. She was totally emotionally unavailable. It's interesting. As a reaction to a new level of self-awareness, around this toxic relationship pattern, i got into MGTOW. The 'red-pill' rage of realising that i was constantly being manipulated and used is the thread that runs through this idealology. I found that, once i became more aware of my empath behaviour, my mind kind of over-compensated. The hidden anger and resentments came to the surface. I felt angry at women and at the needy qualities that men possess. Also, I started projecting onto other men the faults of being a 'Beta male', nice-guy. I'm still projecting this. But, it's declining a bit now.
True altruism comes when the underlying hidden selfish motivations for giving that masquerade as altruism start to fall away. Giving then comes naturally with wisdom. Co-Dependency and enabling behaviours then fall away.
The root cause of all these complex, subtle mindsets, from the point of view of the Buddha, is attachment. Attachment lurks under most of our actions. It seems from the false sense of self that we experience. If we can cause this attachment to decline, our innate wisdom shines through and we become free.
I've been in and out of these 3. Mostly the 2nd and 3rd. Back and forth until God helped me with my walk and finally landed in the 1st one.
Narcissist father, sister and ex husband. I end up an empath. My mother was very nurturing.
Awareness I was an empath. I didn't know they had a word for it. The internet has been a wealth of information. I would never have known any of why I feel the way I do around people if not for videos like this. Thank you
Thank you so much for your great work here, Abdul. This topic is complicated for me. I've been a caregiver for over 20 years for my mother, who just died at 102. She was orphaned as a child, and I guess I cared for her to an extreme extent, not only because of that, but she was so worth my every sacrifice to my own life. During her lifetime, she was so completely selfless and caring for others. I'm the youngest of a family who are all getting old, and I'm unmarried. I have no children, so I guess some people think I'm "free" for the taking! Take a guess at what is happening. I'm suddenly very popular with all of the aging relatives, who never gave me the time of day when I was a child or in my teens. I haven't heard anyone talk about this problem of attracting these aging needy people, but they do feel predatory to me. Care to do a video on this? I am still a caring person, but not for every needy person who is getting in line.
Jeanog This is very familiar to me. I was the go to person and caretaker. I am 71 years old now, and am into self-care. I am no longer at the beck and call of others. And, it is ok for me to say no.
Thank you, Liz Ryan. It's time for YOU now! That's what I wish my aging relatives would realize, but they seem to believe it's in my nature to be a caregiver, and that I'll be NEEDING to continue to do it for others.
Free dom, Thanks for that! I agree - I should relocate!!
what a nightmare... boundaries boundaries boundaries
Good for you. Stand your ground and keep the boundaries high. You are self aware, so many aren't
OMG. I was definitely codependent in my marriage to NPD sufferer. I am working so hard to get back to normal. I definitely manifested serious illness, including cancer directly over my heart chakra. Love your videos. I have recommended them several times.
Looking forward to this series. All i have watched have been well done and helpful. Thanks!
You are spot on. The narcissist is the hardest to deal with. They heal us in away. That's my battle. Thank you for this video. It's a grand father clock.
As a man it was hard being an empath in my youth....feeling the emotions of my parents...teachers...friends...etc.
But as I got older and a tad bit wiser...it is awesome...although i feel like i live life in defense mode...and i often choose to stay to myself unless i get that internal burn...to act.
Thank you i was getting sickof myself not being able to stop helping people.i Was tired of getting hurt.yet i could not stop
I am an elementary teacher. When I was 5 and in kindergarten, I gave my gloves to a child who did not have any. My mom said,. "That was very sweet of you, but now you do not have any gloves. We were poor. I think this is the first evidence of my empathy, I always see people mistreating their children in public. I don't want to see it. I have asked God not to subject me to this, but it keeps happening. I often ask, Is there anything I can do to help? This usually appears to cause the parent to stop and get themselves together. I know I cannot save all children, but I don't need this in my life. I feel good knowing I have stopped this, but it weighs heavy on me. What to do?
It hurts me too. I try to share, in my circle of influence, the importance of parenting properly before age 6. Like so many people don't know reading to a baby is beneficial even though the baby cannot understand yet... So I do comment often on posts, or do a Live, or shave things about early childhood development.
As far as seeing someone yanking their child around in public... that is a case by case situation. I know it hurts, I cringe (being abused myself). Sometimes my hubby and I just ask parent where something is or some distraction. Depends. Have to be careful these days. I used to speak up more. People are too defensive & you could get shot now!
🙏🏻 We pray.
Charlotte Sego
Be true to yourself, and do your best within your own capacity at the appropriate time required (if not urgently, depending on the situation).
I feel the pains of others I wish I could be more callous but it’s not in my nature to, and so like you, you’d likely feel a disconnect within yourself when you’re being inauthentic. But it doesn’t mean we have to go overboard because sometimes some people really don’t need our help or they really just want us to understand and listen, and recognize where they’re coming from, and to them that’s more than enough.
I really get this. I call in angelic support for those around or for a parent struggling. It always seems to immediately settle the situation.
Empathy its a beautiful hurt. It is a genuine human characteristic that fosters the potential of incredible change, not only to the individuals involved, but society as a whole.
This was brilliant and really helpful. Thank you.
WOW... I am so thankful to have found this video. For so long I have been so confused as to why so many people even strangers would be drawn to me and begin telling me their whole life story. I could never leave the conversation without pouring back love and positivity into them. Depending on the severity of the topic discussed I would make it a point to keep in touch feeling as if I HAD to be their support system. Same with friends and family. I realize I am such a Proud Helper it's eye opening to learn and understand. I always called it my "super hero complex " feeling like I could save everyone that I thought needed me and feeling so insulted or irritated when I spent so much of my energy pouring into them only for them to continue their destructive ways. I could feel my ego and was definitely aware but never knew how to look at things differently. This video has truly been necessary for me! I am always trying to better myself and now I feel hopeful knowing I can work towards being an authentic altruist.. truly genuine in my help and not letting the result affect the way I treat people.. amazing..thank you so much!
This is excellent. Thank you!
I'm so pleased to find a doctor who understands the spiritual reasoning behind the actions of the empath. I'm not sure what his faith is , but to me as a Christian everything he says resonates as truth . Thank you again Dr Abdul. I'm searching out your videos. I believe God led me to them , knowing I wanted to understand why time and again I was drawn into abusive relationship s with men and women. I didn't know the word narcissist until the last few weeks. K
Brilliant video, thank you for making it and sharing your knowledge, experience and wisdom with us, and so well explained too! 👏☺
I am so thankful that this video was done. I have wondered for the past several months what the differences are between "helping" others and being a "co-dependent". I for years have been in the co-dependent postions which I have tried for the past several years to break free from. SInce it was in my childhood orgin to be such, it was so easy to slip back into as an adult in recovery & being asked to be a sponsor in 12 step program. I am again so thankful for this video to help me gain insights to stop this co-dependent behavior.
This is a very informative, well explained video. Thank you!
I know this from experience in my body and soul. And I have definitily been a co dependent to many times. So happy for the gift to have this model so I can put words on it. It really will help me to at least be an proud helper.