My husband got obsessed with wanting to fling!!! When he saw the movie hall pass and horrible bosses. He was sick in his head trying to convince me...then he kicked me out and gave me a note that read..." I need some time alone to sort my thoughts...but I want my wife to come back in 3 months." I left because he got a health diagnosis but as soon as I left he went out and party then he got arrested and called me for help!
Boundaries and honest communication is everything. This video is right on target. EVERYONE needs to watch this! If people would actually follow his advice it would save so many relationships.
Thank you Pastor Jimmie no one can outsmart God. I am grateful that me and my husband has set boundaries and it's has increased the love that we have for each other. Thank you for giving great godly wisdom to us
You aren't the only one. I am single and have been following them and watching their tv shows and now clips through RUclips for so long. I was once married but was a toxic relationship. This ministry help me a lot to open up my eyes in to the many things were wrong and I didn't pay attention then. Now I feel free of all it and raised up the bar. Everything they speak is so true! I love their openness when talking about different subjects.
This has been an issue in my marriage. We have a very unique situation. My wife is on staff at our church and our son has autism and cannot go to church. Which means I have to stay home on Sundays to watch him but my wife has to attend church because thats her job. About 2 years ago my wife started staying after church to talk to people longer than usual. Instead of staying after an hour she was staying after for 2,3 and even one time 4 hours to talk to people. She had just made friends with three single brothers that are all around her age and I found out she was staying after to talk to them each Sunday. She says it was also with a group of people including her girl friends but I then found out that these three single brothers were texting her every night. Literally 7 days a week. I confronted her in a very loving way and told her there needed to be some boundaries. Thankfully she responded well. The boundaries we set were that she would come home from church every Sunday 1 hour after service ended. The other boundary was that she had to limit texting to twice a week with these siblings and that it had to be a group text not one on one. She agreed to these boundaries. But recently when I asked her if she was limiting the text messaging to twice a week like we had agreed, she responded by saying "I don't know because I don't count how many times I text people each week." I trust my wife but I still have some concerns. She is the children pastor at our church and recently these same three single brothers started volunteering with her in children ministry. They also give her gifts occasionally (CD's, toys for our son and even cash.). Seems a bit inappropriate to me.
Check her phone and social media if she has any. My ex was talking to someone for months and I had no clue until she started acting funny and being distant. If you have a gut feeling you better trust it because the gut is usually spot on!
Wow, that's crossing the line what she is doing as a married woman. And I'm saying this as a woman. Accepting gifts from men that are "friends" is definitely not okay let alone texting three brothers. Weird.
I'd bet if you got a babysitter and decided to join her little party after church you would see her being super weird interacting with those men. This is because she is used to being more flirty with them or talking about subjects she knows would raise an eyebrow if you heard them. She would also be scared that one of those men decided to act the way they normally do with her (and she invites) but she would NEVER be cool with it in front of her husband. Better yet, it would be great to get a babysitter and observe their interactions from a distance when she doesn't know you are watching. But in any event, you have enough information to know that your wife is crossing major boundaries and should already be confronted.
I found out last night my wife has multiple Friends of the opposite sex, she has been lying to me for almost 2 years about contacting two of her ex-boyfriends and the conversations were extremely inappropriate, for the last five years I stood in the face of abuse from My Wife , yes she has struck me on many of occasions and has cut me once,and I had enough ,counseling didn't work for us because she refused to be vulnerable and tell the truth now that I have found out about these things I must gather the courage to move forward for me and the sake of my children. This video speaks to me me, God bless.
Troy , thank you for reaching out and explaining to me that you don't take the kind words or prayers lightly. its very important to me that all of us in the Body of Christ support each other during times of attacks from the enemy of our Faith. If you would like to pray together and be encouraged by the Word of God please let me know. When anyone in the Body of Christ hurts we all hurt. Jesus has provided us peace through His Word. Jeremiah 29:11-14 Amplified Bible (AMP) 11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you. 13 Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and I will [free you and] gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’ my prayer for you.. In Jesus Name!!
K Charles AMEN brother, peace and blessings to you 🙏, I've already read this message several times and will keep it close to my heart for strength and guidance, thank you.
This is wisdom here. It's humbling to realize the best of us are vulnerable to being in the wrong place at the wrong time and stumbling into sexual sin.
At my work they started implementing lunches between manager and direct report regardless of sex to try to build a bigger connection. I understand what they are trying to achieve, I believe it was meant innocently. But my personal rule is there must be three of us together so I always take at least two of my reports at a time. Enjoyed this video! As always Jimmy and Karen share good stuff.
So true, thank you for being committed to the truth about what a Godly marriage should look like. I agree the enemy totally wants spouses to fail and the family dynamic to be destroyed! I commit all of my life and love to my wife, even my phone and laptop. 🙌🏻
Also can be too personal even with others around...I agree with this, but think that meeting but getting too personal of conversation is a problem as well...people around or not.
Great video , its better to be safe . The enemy is always out there. It happens to people and then they regret it.. People say it won't happen to them but you never know.. Years ago before I was saved, one of my Husbands acquaintances stopped by.. they tried so hard to get with me sexually that day.. I said no way I'm committed and I told my spouse about it.. and he told the guy not to come over anymore till he got off work..
I like that idea that if you must be on social media you and your spouse need to get a "couples page" rather than individual accounts for the higher transparency it affords.
Couples page? My husband is banned from using FB n insta. I don't give a shit for his relatives and friends. He doesn't need to know about other peoples lives.
I agree with everything said I just found it funny he made sure to add that the woman who was inappropriate with him was "attractive". Wouldn't matter if she wasn't but made me chuckle.
I totally agree with you!! Commitment is really important in any relationship most marriage. And thas why i dont have friends of the opposite sex i protect myself and always have protect my marriage. I was 1 of those marriage that adultery started by facebook. Husband started just by talking tot he opposite sex i found out on our 9th anniversary in Thanksgiving i was soo devastated. Light always overcome darkness and i was greatful to fins truth even if it hurt me. Social media is not bad , what is bad its how people used it.. I still love my husband but it feels and our marriage its destroyed by this tool of social media. The devil brought temptation and he accepted💔 i forgave him but he kept doing it he thought its not wrong to have friends of the opposite.. I believe in restoration and im letting go God work in my husband and if its his will he will restored my broken marriage
Melissa Ayala I watched this video alone while our boys napped yesterday & then watched it again with my Husband when he returned from work because though we are in a much better place now, this word is an awesome reminder for us. Found myself back today but to scroll the comment section, I couldn't tell you why lol but your comment not only stood out... my heart ached for you as I read what you've shared. Don't ask me how sis but I know all too well the hurt, disappointment & loss of Trust that you are experiencing. There is good news though, a bright side to that dark space... IF only you choose to Believe in & Seek our Savior for such a Blessing. Pray for your Husband's heart, relentlessly. Request of God that he receives His understanding & no longer desire to lean unto his own understanding. Most importantly, pray for the matters of your own heart. Yes, I did advise so. Lol ... Not because I am accusing you, your actions of being the problem, fault or reason for his but to prevent a hardness of heart & bitterness from taking root towards your Husband. Stay before the Lord concerning self so that though he may be in error, you are not as well. Remember that you have your own personal relationship with Christ & as His daughter He cares significantly about your well being. Pray for self so that you continue to be an example of God's Love in the face of this adversity. LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS. Have Faith. 😉 I love you sis, God Bless. ❤
Melissa Ayala my heart goes out to you. I was in the same situation but found out after our 24th anniversary. It had lasted 9 months and I was absolutely devastated. It happened through texts and meeting her at her job. He did stop seeing her otherwise I would not have stayed. My heart still hurts at the thought if knowing how easily he was drawn to her- how Satan set the trap and my husband fell for it without any consideration of my children or I. Thankfully he is remorseful now and I have forgiven him but satan likes to throw it back in my face- as she lives painfully close by and I have to see her house daily with the chance of seeing her. I pray constantly for God to continue to heal and restore us. If you can find the book ' Every Marriage Restored ' it's a good read. May God open your husband's eyes to the truth and bring you both healing as well.
Fact of the matter is . If it makes you feel uncomfortable there's a good reason for it. Listen to your gut trust your heart. Benifit of the doubt is an evil lie.
I'm glad I'm single, life is challenging enough. This gives me a headache thinking about it. I'd rather stay single and avoid all the trouble if possible.
I am so glad that I saw this video because it has simply confirmed alot of what I said in the past and present about Male and Female friendships. This video hits the nail on the head! 🔨 I hate that those couples you mentioned ended up in divorce, but on the other hand I don't feel bad, because that just goes to show how God's Word is still very valid even beyond B.C times & HE keeps stating how what's done in the Dark WILL ALWAYS come to LIGHT! And it does! And how coincidental was is that in regards to the one couple in particular that ends up cheating on Social Media only to find out it was them flirting with one another all along, what a true eye-opener from God himself! God bless them. I hope they learned a very valuable lesson from such a shake up situation. I am taking heed to this video because it's the truth! And when I marry I'm learning ahead of time to never hide things like this from your partner/spouse.
Thank you for this. Thank you for taking the time to offer a Christian Elders wisdom. This is an absolutely huge huge huge topic which so many people gloss over or just wing it and wind up with the relationships very damaged and full of Discord
I totally agree Jimmy. I found out a few months ago that my husband had talking to a lady and meeting up with her when I was at work. When I first found out I didn't accused him, I just asked is anything going on? Then I gave him the look that I knew more then he was telling me. So he said look at my phone investigate, your not going to find nothing. But I did, now I been fighting to keep it together.
I have been praying. Thank you for video... I live 1 door over from my boyfriend. I’m 50/ he’s 60yrs old. He just went to the Fl Keys to see childhood friends in a reunion setting. Who all stay in touch, on Facebook, which I don’t have... He car pooled down there, and he told me initially a few guys names, a female friend and maybe her husband and kids(maybe). Well none of the guys at all couldn’t make the trip , and “Stephanie” came from California without her family. I found out one day before she came down here, of all the CHANGES! (I was invited, and declined the invite due to issues with my Crohn’s disease right now.) He drove down to the Keys with her for 4 days and all the other reunion people(15-16) rented a huge house and they all stayed together. A big party. They got back, and now she’s staying with my boyfriend for 3 more days. Because she booked her flight, and “Doesn’t have the money to change it, and THEIR JUST FRIENDS.” So, he takes her to the beach every day, while he works, and tonight their going for his “guy time” once a week... I don’t even go to that. I was told by him “this is normal, and I’m jealous and insecure, and it’s MY PROBLEM NOT HIS.” 🤯 THIS ISN’T NORMAL TO ME AT ALL. We’ve been dating 2 years and I’ve never heard of this woman. I’m very upset, don’t understand his rationale. I just want to know if I’m crazy?
You're not crazy. Your boyfriend has overstepped the relationship boundaries with this other woman/disrespected you....she,too overstepped the boundaries. They've both disrespected you.
NO, because that opposite sex "friend" will be an instant temptation go to person when problems arise in a marriage. I can already see it a mile away. To make my future spouse feel secure I would not want to have any opposite sex friends in the picture at all except her.
My husband cheated with his married coworker. He and Maureen took trips (without my knowledge), had dinners in town or out of town (without my knowledge),etc. When I found out about my husband's affair I went into his phone. SHE WAS PLANNING 3 INTERNATIONAL TRIPS FOR THEM. This is what I found out on Day One of my family vacation.
I never lock my phone till my husband asked me to do it for safety.. But we know each other's passwords to everything. We have issues, but not trusting each other to cheat, is Not one of them...
I never go to lunch with a male colleague alone. If there is a group, that’s fine but never alone. I always keep my office door open. I do not speak to male friends online. That said, I do have male friends. Some are from my teen years and other from college or work but I do not share intimate info with them. I know their wives. There is nothing going on and there never was. My former fiancé had an old girlfriend that he lived with and was still friends with. His family invited her to all family events. It made me so uncomfortable. She had a new man with whom she lived and they had a child. There were no children between this woman and my fiancé. They also worked together, had lunch together every day, and she watched his dog when he came to see me. He also continued relationships with women who he called friends with benefits. He told me that he planned to invite all of these women to our wedding and would invite them to our home after we were married. He made us go on double dates with his old girlfriend and her new man. It was weird. He told her everything that went on in our relationship. I told him I was very uncomfortable. He said I would have to get used to it. He ended breaking up with me because he didn’t want an instant family but he also thought I was too controlling about his women friends. I am very glad we broke up. He also had a habit of flirting with women in front of me. I am so much better off without him. I have never cheated on anyone ever. I expect the same from a man. Why is it so difficult?
This is an excellent video and a very informative video with great advice. I definitely 100% agree how people need to be extremely careful when it comes to opposite sex friends when married. I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have opposite sex friends, and I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have close friends of the opposite sex, but married people shouldn't have friendships of the opposite sex that are "too close", and married people shouldn't put themselves in tempting situations with opposite sex friends that can easily lead to an affair. A lot of times when people have affairs, they say things like "I didn't mean for it to happen; it just happened". Those kinds of things happen when people put themselves in tempting situations that can easily lead to an affair. It's very important to have reasonable safeguards in marriage to help prevent things like adultery from occurring. Without reasonable safeguards in marriage, it's extremely easy for an affair to take place. Examples of good reasonable safeguards to have in marriage are avoiding having opposite friendships that are "too close", not spending too much time alone with someone of the opposite sex, not having an opposite sex friend over your house when you're home alone, and not going over an opposite sex friend's house when they are home alone. If a married man has a female friend who is having marriage problems, and the female friend wants to talk to the married man about her marriage problems, it's best for the female friend to talk to the married man and his wife together or a married man and a trusted friend together about the marriage problems instead of the female friend and married man together alone talking about the marriage problems because when a woman is having marriage problems, she's extremely vulnerable for committing adultery. When a married man and female friend are alone together talking about marriage problems, it can easily cause the female friend to feel like she's falling in love with another man, it can easily lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment, etc, which can cause an affair to occur. I do think if a man has a platonic female best friend and the man gets married, the man can still be friends with that woman, but their friendship won't be the same as it was before due to being married, and the man can't be best friends with that woman anymore since when a man gets married, the man's wife is the man's best friend.
I'm going to expand on what I put before . . . NO! Because that opposite sex "friend" will become the shoulder to cry on when things hit a rough patch in the marriage and then the devil will open up all the doors to infidelity and an affair. You're playing with fire by having "friends" of the opposite sex in the confines of marriage. I don't care if this approach sounds old school or if haters try and say to me that "you're just an abusive, insecure, jealous, controlling, manipulative person for doing this. Don't you trust your wife?" You bet I do, but I also know that very rarely does a man stay "friends" with a woman who he doesn't have feelings for. And worse of all I can't help but feel those opposite sex "friends" are just waiting in the wings licking their chops for their turns just hoping your marriage will fail. So you bet I see any of these opposite sex "friends" in the confines of a marriage as a threat. I'm about to hit my 30s and still waiting for God's timing to bless me with the wife he has in store for me in His time, but I for one will be making sure I have no other friends of the opposite sex in the picture at all except her. Can't risk any temptations like this. A Christian marriage needs to be guarded/defended like your life depends on it because it literally does. And that means sacrificing existing friendships with the opposite sex so the devil can't tempt you with infidelty and having an affair. Sadly most of my millennial generation doesn't seem to understand this concept.
This business environment that places men and women alone in vulnerable scenarios speaks volumes about the reality that most organizations couldn't care less about relational integrity. Sadly, these same organizations are the first to demand 'social justice' and get on board with every politically correct agenda of the times.
Thank you so much for this Video. And please Talk about Leaders in church, how to behave to a Woman, and when they Hugg, Not to Push their little Prince on The Woman, and acting AS If that is normal. And Nobody Helping...
I am trying to locate the video where one of the Trinity pastors talked about men who work out of town and what that does to the relationship. Any ideas?
With all due respect, you kept saying "attractive woman", well, 'not so attractive' people fool around too, js lol Great video though and I agree. And I'm so thankful that my Husband doesn't hide his phone from me and we share our computer. 🙏
What about when your job requires you to be alone in a room or vehicle occasionally with someone of the opposite sex? It’s not by choice and awkward for everyone...but unavoidable.
thank you for your video it is encouraging i am a Christian but my spouse is not & he is having an emotional affair with his sister in law & im in pain & trying to communicate to him its wrong & your videos are validating me & my feelings & thank you. faith
No!!! My husband demand he could...said I was jelous...me I told him it's all about doors... don't trust yourself...5 years later he has cheated on me over 4 times and keeps friending women on Facebook...all while blocking me...but when people tell me I feel like a fool
Naked Eye- I hope you’re doing better 🙏🏽Prayers said! My boyfriend is letting his childhood female friend sleep at his house for 3 days... btw, he’s stayed in touch with on FACEBOOK🙄for 15 years
@@hollywarehouse7938 oh boy...that is the way it starts. They say what's wrong with you ? There is no sexual intention. Mine would say I can have as many female friends as I want to...it doesn't mean I will sleep with them. Then you marry and they hide the conversations. He told me it is non of your business what I tell them because They were my friends before I married you.
A Christian woman is seeing another man and doing it flagrantly in front of her husband. Nothing is being hidden. This is not a hypothetical situation; I know this couple. In her view, since there's no adultery and the relationship is not physical, Scripture does not forbid this sort of relationship. I believe her that it is not physical, but the infatuation is clear and strong. She invites the man to their house or meets with him in the church building; since she needs the husband present to feel legit, he ends up feeling like he's chaperoning her emotional affair. The relationship is growing deeper month after month. This is in my church and anyone with eyes could see it. Should he leave the house when he comes over? Love to hear responses from Christians.
@@janefarrer2868 the HUSBAND should deal with this situation asap! No self respecting man would put up with that crap!! and no self respecting wife would put up with her husband doing that either. Why get a pastor involved? who does the bible say is the head of the family?? The husband should put his wife in check immediately
This is really good advice, regardless of what book a person ascribes their faith to General good rules for humanity, living with a pure soul and in harmony with the divine consciousness of the universe ( many of whom people call God ) I believe all faiths can come together under these kinds of good principles and practices for having a truthfull union and friendship
My wife told me that she have some guy friends she would hangout with them .. which i said okey.. but 4 to 5 months later she started spending more and more time with her guy friends and started coming home by 1am.. and have me blocked.. when she come home she would gasslight me and make me feel the wrong one. That you don't allow me to have guy friends. She have 4 5 guy friends.. one day she texted at 11.40 pm telling me that she is watching a movie with him and when she come home she still make me feel bad. And manipulates me that you are too controlling. It is possible for a man and women to be just friends and watch movies together without being sexual. . And that was driving me crazy.. and she manipulated me all this time.. we are now divorce.. i gave her ultimatum that you choose your friends or me . And she was sad about this thst i make her choose between me and her 4 5 guy friends.
When I see/read these kinds of commentaries I have internal conflict. Firstly because as a single women it's extremely difficult to build friendships with both married & single people. The married women seem to have an underlying paranoia & singles a sense of competition, and married men are uneasy about it how their interactions are perceived, while single men seem to view any interest as romantic/sexual even when it's not. Secondly it makes marriage unappealing as it makes me question if it's possible to genuinely trust someone to keep their commitment, or to deal with an irrational jealous spouse. On top of that churches then become socially awkward & preoccupied with marriage & promiscuity, rather than the church being brother's and sister's in Christ. Churches really need to take a serious look at how & why this impacts singles leaving the church. (And divorced people too, I'd say those who are divorced are viewed with even more suspicion, as if they're out to find a new spouse). They also need to address gossip on this issue, rarely do I see pastors admonish people for gossip!
@@sandrass560 not really. This sounds like the ramblings of a woman who is mad she can not have her cake and eat it too. She want's what generally doesn't exist, platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Sure you can have hundreds of acquaintances of the opposite sex, but if you are attempting to establish a deep relationship, one or the other almost always develops feelings. If she gets married I hope she understands this because if she is out there trying to become friends with men, her husband will likely have a problem with it because he knows the danger it can cause.
This is how my Husband had multiple affairs. He thought it was always OK to have alone and friend time with females. And then told me that I was too jealous. If any men out there are reading this, if you want a wife, treat as a gift, if you want gilrfeinds then don't have a wife. Period.
@@Grokford Have boundaries. Go out in a group. Invite your partner to join you and your opposite sex friends. It's not difficult. Or stay single and hang out in someone's friendzone.
@@bluevelvet2 Uhhh no. Sure, spend time with your spouse, socialize together, that's good and healthy; but it's healthy to have individual relationships. If you can not be trusted to be out of your partner's sight for any length of time then the relationship is already damaged. I'm bisexual I'm not going to stay in an isolation box when I'm not with my partner. That's insane Doing this with only half the human population is only mildly less absurd. That's the sort of atomizing anti-social behavior that leaves adults lonely and with no one to turn to. A healthy couple is able to have different interests and social circles without it becoming a rift. And I do have boundaries, if someone demands that I abandon my friendships to protect their ego then I'm not having it. I also have the boundary that I don't let people who don't know me tell me what to do without telling them what I think about it. And I think it makes you sound like a judgy moral busy body and a bit of an asshole. So do with that what you like.
@@Grokford lol i had a feeling you would be a bisexual western female from your verbiage. gay people are the exception, not the rule, good for you for being the exception but it doesn't apply to the majority of the world which is heterosexual. Opposite sex needs boundaries for most people. So do with that what you like :)
When I was 37 years old and single my pastor said that was dangerous to have me in the church. He said that a few women had mentioned my name as a nice guy during counseling sessions. There were so many bad marriages in the church that having a nice guy like me would cause trouble. I always worked with lots of women and somehow I knew women well. Women just love talking to me. I pay attention in what they say, I give good advise, and I just care. I told the pastor that I knew the boundaries but he said that the women didn't care about the boundaries. When I go to parties the guys get together to talk about sports. I am always talking with the women about things they enjoy talking about.
yeah, you are a problem and you know it but you are pretending to be naive to what you are doing. Dude, stay away from married women. You know what you are doing....
No, it's really not. People are either going to cheat or they aren't, demanding full access to everything they think and do is not a panacea to adultery,
My bf was living with his best friend and his wife. My instincts scream out that he cheated with her. I just feel so weird around them and the way he treats me especially when she's around screams out loud at me. He just says im delusional and that im jealous and insecure. I care more then anyone and hope when im gone he realises he fucked me aroumd and not my so called insecurities and jealousy.
What I don't understand is, why is it, in this day in age, women get a pass? Even in the Christian community. Why doesn't pastors preach on this topic? It's in the statistics. Look it up. It doesn't make sense. And if a husband tries to even mention the hurt, he is shunned for even being hurt. Just saying.
you are not the only one who notices that churches cater to women these days (and for several decades). Many men are leaving the churches because they see men being held to biblical standards BUT every excuse is given to women and ANY bible passages that hold women accountable are either ignored or called "outdated or sexist". And because of this, men start thinking there is no reason for them to be a biblical man if women are not expected to be a biblical woman.
Waoo sir my husband pratically lives in a different country for 3years and abuses me when ever I try to phone him is that a sign his faithful or am just a cussing him?
Why would my fiancé keep his phone password secret from me? He always has to unlock it every time around me when he gets on his phone. I asked him why he kept it locked and he said he had information on it he didn’t want anyone else to get to. I don’t think there should be any secrets between a man and woman who are married or engaged to get married
Cynthia, we are so sorry to hear of this. Please feel free to check out out marriage coaching anytime at xomarriage.com under the "marriage help" tab. We are praying for you!
@@XOMarriage He handed over his phone without asking and gave me the password without asking also. Your prayers are quick and powerful. There are a few areas that need to be clarified before any marriage takes place though to assure that God will always be glorified in everything and divorce does not glorify Him. I will check out the help tab and also consider the counseling. I believe marriage mirrors God and of course, the enemy hates it but not everything is an attack or the enemy's fault. There must be accountability,
The phone is a large part of our lives, telling your partner(whom you're not even married to) that he can't have privacy on his phone is tantamount to saying that he can't ever be by himself.
@@Grokford I have read many of your comments and you REALLY sound like a cheater who is trying to gaslight everyone else to not look behind the curtain. Feel sorry for whoever is in a relationship with you
How do I confront this issue with my girlfriend? We are very serious and have a great relationship but she has some male friends that she often hangs out with just them two. She texts them as well. I just know it would be wrong if I had female friends and that wouldn't be fair to her but I don't want to confront her on this issue, as I love her and don't want to ruin her friendships. It feels like I'm being emotionally abusive by making her choose between her male friends and me and I don't want to do this. Please Help!!!!
First off, you are NOT being "emotionally abusive" for wanting healthy boundaries in your relationship. You just need to bring up these boundaries and let her make the decision if she is comfortable with them. If not, there is the door. No abuse necessary, just expectations for the relationship to continue.
I would advise not making demands but expressing how it makes you feel or the concerns that you have. Relationship security is what matters not the amount of contact with friends.
@@Grokford and what if she keeps behaving this way? then what? This is the problem with your approach, many women will not respect your boundaries until you make it clear that there are consequences if they don't respect the boundaries. I have learned the hard way that most people will treat you as poorly as you let them.
I can't stand it when a business pushes men n women to travel and/or go out drinking and entertainment together.
Use to work at a hotel and the business men would travel with their wife and sometimes their kids
My husband got obsessed with wanting to fling!!! When he saw the movie hall pass and horrible bosses. He was sick in his head trying to convince me...then he kicked me out and gave me a note that read..." I need some time alone to sort my thoughts...but I want my wife to come back in 3 months." I left because he got a health diagnosis but as soon as I left he went out and party then he got arrested and called me for help!
I have banned my husband from working at cogender workplaces.
People in these workplace situations need to put their foot down and take a stand if they are worth their salt.
You would think that this is just good ole common sense....but sadly it's not common. Great video!
Lol right..grown adults have to still be taught whats inappropriate and whats right. Im tired of trying to argue morals into anyone
Boundaries and honest communication is everything. This video is right on target. EVERYONE needs to watch this! If people would actually follow his advice it would save so many relationships.
Thank you Pastor Jimmie no one can outsmart God. I am grateful that me and my husband has set boundaries and it's has increased the love that we have for each other. Thank you for giving great godly wisdom to us
Can you share what boundaries that you have agreed together?
I wonder if I'm the only unmarried person that watches these videos. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to get married before I feel so equipped.
No you are not the only one. I'm unmarried also and I love watching these videos.
Nichelle Ollivierre Oh great 😁
You aren't the only one. I am single and have been following them and watching their tv shows and now clips through RUclips for so long. I was once married but was a toxic relationship. This ministry help me a lot to open up my eyes in to the many things were wrong and I didn't pay attention then. Now I feel free of all it and raised up the bar. Everything they speak is so true! I love their openness when talking about different subjects.
izzy Izzy
Hi Izzy,
My son is 27 yrs. Old and is looking for a Godly woman.
Here the same...These videos are very good for all people..For singles it's so good to be prepared for a godly successful marriage.
This has been an issue in my marriage. We have a very unique situation. My wife is on staff at our church and our son has autism and cannot go to church. Which means I have to stay home on Sundays to watch him but my wife has to attend church because thats her job. About 2 years ago my wife started staying after church to talk to people longer than usual. Instead of staying after an hour she was staying after for 2,3 and even one time 4 hours to talk to people. She had just made friends with three single brothers that are all around her age and I found out she was staying after to talk to them each Sunday. She says it was also with a group of people including her girl friends but I then found out that these three single brothers were texting her every night. Literally 7 days a week. I confronted her in a very loving way and told her there needed to be some boundaries. Thankfully she responded well. The boundaries we set were that she would come home from church every Sunday 1 hour after service ended. The other boundary was that she had to limit texting to twice a week with these siblings and that it had to be a group text not one on one. She agreed to these boundaries. But recently when I asked her if she was limiting the text messaging to twice a week like we had agreed, she responded by saying "I don't know because I don't count how many times I text people each week." I trust my wife but I still have some concerns. She is the children pastor at our church and recently these same three single brothers started volunteering with her in children ministry. They also give her gifts occasionally (CD's, toys for our son and even cash.). Seems a bit inappropriate to me.
Check her phone and social media if she has any. My ex was talking to someone for months and I had no clue until she started acting funny and being distant. If you have a gut feeling you better trust it because the gut is usually spot on!
She's cheating. Has been since she texted the first one.
Wow, that's crossing the line what she is doing as a married woman. And I'm saying this as a woman. Accepting gifts from men that are "friends" is definitely not okay let alone texting three brothers. Weird.
I'd bet if you got a babysitter and decided to join her little party after church you would see her being super weird interacting with those men. This is because she is used to being more flirty with them or talking about subjects she knows would raise an eyebrow if you heard them. She would also be scared that one of those men decided to act the way they normally do with her (and she invites) but she would NEVER be cool with it in front of her husband.
Better yet, it would be great to get a babysitter and observe their interactions from a distance when she doesn't know you are watching.
But in any event, you have enough information to know that your wife is crossing major boundaries and should already be confronted.
YES!!!!!!!! SO GOOD AND NEEDED TO BE SAID! FINALLY!
I found out last night my wife has multiple Friends of the opposite sex, she has been lying to me for almost 2 years about contacting two of her ex-boyfriends and the conversations were extremely inappropriate, for the last five years I stood in the face of abuse from My Wife , yes she has struck me on many of occasions and has cut me once,and I had enough ,counseling didn't work for us because she refused to be vulnerable and tell the truth now that I have found out about these things I must gather the courage to move forward for me and the sake of my children. This video speaks to me me, God bless.
Praying for your God's peace and strength to be with you during this time. In Jesus Name!! God bless you!!
K Charles thanks brother for the kind words and the prayers, I don't take them lightly.
Troy , thank you for reaching out and explaining to me that you don't take the kind words or prayers lightly. its very important to me that all of us in the Body of Christ support each other during times of attacks from the enemy of our Faith. If you would like to pray together and be encouraged by the Word of God please let me know. When anyone in the Body of Christ hurts we all hurt. Jesus has provided us peace through His Word.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 Amplified Bible (AMP)
11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you. 13 Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and I will [free you and] gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ says the Lord, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’ my prayer for you.. In Jesus Name!!
K Charles AMEN brother, peace and blessings to you 🙏, I've already read this message several times and will keep it close to my heart for strength and guidance, thank you.
Oh no. May God guide in the right direction and according to His will. Please seek direction from God before moving forward.
As a Muslim I 100% agree with our Christian brother’s teachings. Prevention is always better than the cure, keep up your good work
This is wisdom here. It's humbling to realize the best of us are vulnerable to being in the wrong place at the wrong time and stumbling into sexual sin.
Sometimes it's not even sexual but emotional for these situations.
Thank you sir for this valuable information. Accountability is extremely important. God wants us to protect ourselves and each other.
At my work they started implementing lunches between manager and direct report regardless of sex to try to build a bigger connection. I understand what they are trying to achieve, I believe it was meant innocently. But my personal rule is there must be three of us together so I always take at least two of my reports at a time. Enjoyed this video! As always Jimmy and Karen share good stuff.
So true, thank you for being committed to the truth about what a Godly marriage should look like. I agree the enemy totally wants spouses to fail and the family dynamic to be destroyed! I commit all of my life and love to my wife, even my phone and laptop. 🙌🏻
Also can be too personal even with others around...I agree with this, but think that meeting but getting too personal of conversation is a problem as well...people around or not.
Great video , its better to be safe . The enemy is always out there. It happens to people and then they regret it.. People say it won't happen to them but you never know.. Years ago before I was saved, one of my Husbands acquaintances stopped by.. they tried so hard to get with me sexually that day.. I said no way I'm committed and I told my spouse about it.. and he told the guy not to come over anymore till he got off work..
I love Jimmy Evans so much and this message is right on key I've said this forever. But my wife seems to disagree
Mr. Jimmy you are an honorable man. The way you are conducting yourself in a Godly manner!
I like that idea that if you must be on social media you and your spouse need to get a "couples page" rather than individual accounts for the higher transparency it affords.
I thought the same thing! I honestly thought it was such a smart idea!
Couples page? My husband is banned from using FB n insta. I don't give a shit for his relatives and friends. He doesn't need to know about other peoples lives.
I agree with everything said I just found it funny he made sure to add that the woman who was inappropriate with him was "attractive". Wouldn't matter if she wasn't but made me chuckle.
I could not agree more! Thank you for posting this. Everyone should watch this. Protect your relationships.
I totally agree with you!! Commitment is really important in any relationship most marriage. And thas why i dont have friends of the opposite sex i protect myself and always have protect my marriage. I was 1 of those marriage that adultery started by facebook. Husband started just by talking tot he opposite sex i found out on our 9th anniversary in Thanksgiving i was soo devastated. Light always overcome darkness and i was greatful to fins truth even if it hurt me. Social media is not bad , what is bad its how people used it.. I still love my husband but it feels and our marriage its destroyed by this tool of social media. The devil brought temptation and he accepted💔 i forgave him but he kept doing it he thought its not wrong to have friends of the opposite.. I believe in restoration and im letting go God work in my husband and if its his will he will restored my broken marriage
Melissa Ayala I watched this video alone while our boys napped yesterday & then watched it again with my Husband when he returned from work because though we are in a much better place now, this word is an awesome reminder for us.
Found myself back today but to scroll the comment section, I couldn't tell you why lol but your comment not only stood out... my heart ached for you as I read what you've shared. Don't ask me how sis but I know all too well the hurt, disappointment & loss of Trust that you are experiencing.
There is good news though, a bright side to that dark space... IF only you choose to Believe in & Seek our Savior for such a Blessing. Pray for your Husband's heart, relentlessly. Request of God that he receives His understanding & no longer desire to lean unto his own understanding. Most importantly, pray for the matters of your own heart. Yes, I did advise so. Lol
... Not because I am accusing you, your actions of being the problem, fault or reason for his but to prevent a hardness of heart & bitterness from taking root towards your Husband. Stay before the Lord concerning self so that though he may be in error, you are not as well. Remember that you have your own personal relationship with Christ & as His daughter He cares significantly about your well being.
Pray for self so that you continue to be an example of God's Love in the face of this adversity. LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS. Have Faith. 😉
I love you sis, God Bless. ❤
Melissa Ayala my heart goes out to you. I was in the same situation but found out after our 24th anniversary. It had lasted 9 months and I was absolutely devastated. It happened through texts and meeting her at her job. He did stop seeing her otherwise I would not have stayed. My heart still hurts at the thought if knowing how easily he was drawn to her- how Satan set the trap and my husband fell for it without any consideration of my children or I.
Thankfully he is remorseful now and I have forgiven him but satan likes to throw it back in my face- as she lives painfully close by and I have to see her house daily with the chance of seeing her.
I pray constantly for God to continue to heal and restore us.
If you can find the book ' Every Marriage Restored ' it's a good read. May God open your husband's eyes to the truth and bring you both healing as well.
M W - I understand perfectly. God bless you and I hope soon she moves out your neighborhood
Wow the level of respect that you are presenting in relationships is excellent
Fact of the matter is . If it makes you feel uncomfortable there's a good reason for it. Listen to your gut trust your heart. Benifit of the doubt is an evil lie.
I'm glad I'm single, life is challenging enough. This gives me a headache thinking about it. I'd rather stay single and avoid all the trouble if possible.
I am so glad that I saw this video because it has simply confirmed alot of what I said in the past and present about Male and Female friendships. This video hits the nail on the head! 🔨 I hate that those couples you mentioned ended up in divorce, but on the other hand I don't feel bad, because that just goes to show how God's Word is still very valid even beyond B.C times & HE keeps stating how what's done in the Dark WILL ALWAYS come to LIGHT! And it does! And how coincidental was is that in regards to the one couple in particular that ends up cheating on Social Media only to find out it was them flirting with one another all along, what a true eye-opener from God himself! God bless them. I hope they learned a very valuable lesson from such a shake up situation. I am taking heed to this video because it's the truth! And when I marry I'm learning ahead of time to never hide things like this from your partner/spouse.
I love your boundaries....I agree totally. People have lost their morals and character.... Those drinking can barely remember what happened last night
Honest Approach Mr. Jimmy Evans
Thank you for this. Thank you for taking the time to offer a Christian Elders wisdom. This is an absolutely huge huge huge topic which so many people gloss over or just wing it and wind up with the relationships very damaged and full of Discord
I totally agree Jimmy. I found out a few months ago that my husband had talking to a lady and meeting up with her when I was at work. When I first found out I didn't accused him, I just asked is anything going on? Then I gave him the look that I knew more then he was telling me. So he said look at my phone investigate, your not going to find nothing. But I did, now I been fighting to keep it together.
I have been praying. Thank you for video...
I live 1 door over from my boyfriend. I’m 50/ he’s 60yrs old.
He just went to the Fl Keys to see childhood friends in a reunion setting. Who all stay in touch, on Facebook, which I don’t have...
He car pooled down there, and he told me initially a few guys names, a female friend and maybe her husband and kids(maybe).
Well none of the guys at all couldn’t make the trip , and “Stephanie” came from California without her family. I found out one day before she came down here, of all the CHANGES!
(I was invited, and declined the invite due to issues with my Crohn’s disease right now.)
He drove down to the Keys with her for 4 days and all the other reunion people(15-16) rented a huge house and they all stayed together. A big party.
They got back, and now she’s staying with my boyfriend for 3 more days. Because she booked her flight, and “Doesn’t have the money to change it, and THEIR JUST FRIENDS.”
So, he takes her to the beach every day, while he works, and tonight their going for his “guy time” once a week... I don’t even go to that.
I was told by him “this is normal, and I’m jealous and insecure, and it’s MY PROBLEM NOT HIS.”
🤯
THIS ISN’T NORMAL TO ME AT ALL.
We’ve been dating 2 years and I’ve never heard of this woman. I’m very upset, don’t understand his rationale.
I just want to know if I’m crazy?
You're not crazy.
Your boyfriend has overstepped the relationship boundaries with this other woman/disrespected you....she,too overstepped the boundaries.
They've both disrespected you.
That story is like the pina colada song, but with a sad ending.
Wise counsel!
NO, because that opposite sex "friend" will be an instant temptation go to person when problems arise in a marriage. I can already see it a mile away. To make my future spouse feel secure I would not want to have any opposite sex friends in the picture at all except her.
I agree. This is a dangerous situation for married people or engaged people who need to know these boundaries
Thanks for this feedback, Cynthia!
@@XOMarriage I have seen too many people fall in this very area, and sadly the whole family is affected. Thank you for these broadcasts
My husband cheated with his married coworker. He and Maureen took trips (without my knowledge), had dinners in town or out of town (without my knowledge),etc. When I found out about my husband's affair I went into his phone. SHE WAS PLANNING 3 INTERNATIONAL TRIPS FOR THEM. This is what I found out on Day One of my family vacation.
Preach it, Pastor. Don't put yourself in the situation.
I never lock my phone till my husband asked me to do it for safety.. But we know each other's passwords to everything. We have issues, but not trusting each other to cheat, is Not one of them...
I never go to lunch with a male colleague alone. If there is a group, that’s fine but never alone. I always keep my office door open. I do not speak to male friends online. That said, I do have male friends. Some are from my teen years and other from college or work but I do not share intimate info with them. I know their wives. There is nothing going on and there never was.
My former fiancé had an old girlfriend that he lived with and was still friends with. His family invited her to all family events. It made me so uncomfortable. She had a new man with whom she lived and they had a child. There were no children between this woman and my fiancé. They also worked together, had lunch together every day, and she watched his dog when he came to see me. He also continued relationships with women who he called friends with benefits. He told me that he planned to invite all of these women to our wedding and would invite them to our home after we were married. He made us go on double dates with his old girlfriend and her new man. It was weird. He told her everything that went on in our relationship. I told him I was very uncomfortable. He said I would have to get used to it. He ended breaking up with me because he didn’t want an instant family but he also thought I was too controlling about his women friends. I am very glad we broke up.
He also had a habit of flirting with women in front of me. I am so much better off without him. I have never cheated on anyone ever. I expect the same from a man. Why is it so difficult?
The story you shared about the couple from the UK is so interesting. I was laughing so hard, but it's sad that it happened like that
Years ago I read a book called Hedges, I forget the author. Spoke of similar things.
Amen.
This is an excellent video and a very informative video with great advice. I definitely 100% agree how people need to be extremely careful when it comes to opposite sex friends when married. I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have opposite sex friends, and I don't think it's a sin for a married person to have close friends of the opposite sex, but married people shouldn't have friendships of the opposite sex that are "too close", and married people shouldn't put themselves in tempting situations with opposite sex friends that can easily lead to an affair. A lot of times when people have affairs, they say things like "I didn't mean for it to happen; it just happened". Those kinds of things happen when people put themselves in tempting situations that can easily lead to an affair.
It's very important to have reasonable safeguards in marriage to help prevent things like adultery from occurring. Without reasonable safeguards in marriage, it's extremely easy for an affair to take place. Examples of good reasonable safeguards to have in marriage are avoiding having opposite friendships that are "too close", not spending too much time alone with someone of the opposite sex, not having an opposite sex friend over your house when you're home alone, and not going over an opposite sex friend's house when they are home alone.
If a married man has a female friend who is having marriage problems, and the female friend wants to talk to the married man about her marriage problems, it's best for the female friend to talk to the married man and his wife together or a married man and a trusted friend together about the marriage problems instead of the female friend and married man together alone talking about the marriage problems because when a woman is having marriage problems, she's extremely vulnerable for committing adultery. When a married man and female friend are alone together talking about marriage problems, it can easily cause the female friend to feel like she's falling in love with another man, it can easily lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment, etc, which can cause an affair to occur.
I do think if a man has a platonic female best friend and the man gets married, the man can still be friends with that woman, but their friendship won't be the same as it was before due to being married, and the man can't be best friends with that woman anymore since when a man gets married, the man's wife is the man's best friend.
Thank you for this message and for the words of wisdom! Couldn't agree with you more!
I love how straight forward you are!! Bologna!! 😂 great chat!!!!
Good Christian man. I like your video. Best one I've watched thanks
I'm going to expand on what I put before . . . NO! Because that opposite sex "friend" will become the shoulder to cry on when things hit a rough patch in the marriage and then the devil will open up all the doors to infidelity and an affair. You're playing with fire by having "friends" of the opposite sex in the confines of marriage. I don't care if this approach sounds old school or if haters try and say to me that "you're just an abusive, insecure, jealous, controlling, manipulative person for doing this. Don't you trust your wife?" You bet I do, but I also know that very rarely does a man stay "friends" with a woman who he doesn't have feelings for. And worse of all I can't help but feel those opposite sex "friends" are just waiting in the wings licking their chops for their turns just hoping your marriage will fail. So you bet I see any of these opposite sex "friends" in the confines of a marriage as a threat. I'm about to hit my 30s and still waiting for God's timing to bless me with the wife he has in store for me in His time, but I for one will be making sure I have no other friends of the opposite sex in the picture at all except her. Can't risk any temptations like this. A Christian marriage needs to be guarded/defended like your life depends on it because it literally does. And that means sacrificing existing friendships with the opposite sex so the devil can't tempt you with infidelty and having an affair. Sadly most of my millennial generation doesn't seem to understand this concept.
Completely agree! God bless you for sharing.
This is why I have no problem with no fraternizing rules at work.
Thank you.
I agree I have men always saying and doing things that are way inappropriate
This business environment that places men and women alone in vulnerable scenarios speaks volumes about the reality that most organizations couldn't care less about relational integrity. Sadly, these same organizations are the first to demand 'social justice' and get on board with every politically correct agenda of the times.
Awesome video. We are not above temptation!
This is so good. Thank you for this !!!
Thank you so much for this Video.
And please Talk about Leaders in church, how to behave to a Woman, and when they Hugg, Not to Push their little Prince on The Woman, and acting AS If that is normal. And Nobody Helping...
Boundaries are essentially needed since dawn of time, the temptations should end
I am trying to locate the video where one of the Trinity pastors talked about men who work out of town and what that does to the relationship. Any ideas?
Amen
Preach on jimmy!
Yes!! Yes!!!!
With all due respect, you kept saying "attractive woman", well, 'not so attractive' people fool around too, js lol Great video though and I agree. And I'm so thankful that my Husband doesn't hide his phone from me and we share our computer. 🙏
😂 That's so true.
What about when your job requires you to be alone in a room or vehicle occasionally with someone of the opposite sex? It’s not by choice and awkward for everyone...but unavoidable.
That’s a great question. That’s why boundaries and communication are very important, at work and in your personal life.
Thank you for this important message. 🙏🏻
we can have friends with opposite sex but there is boundaries.YOU ARE A TRUE MAN OF GOD.
Boundaries and communication with your significant other. Respecting your long term relationship and/ or marriage is extremely important.
Yes you can
thank you for your video it is encouraging i am a Christian but my spouse is not & he is having an emotional affair with his sister in law & im in pain & trying to communicate to him its wrong & your videos are validating me & my feelings & thank you. faith
No!!! My husband demand he could...said I was jelous...me I told him it's all about doors... don't trust yourself...5 years later he has cheated on me over 4 times and keeps friending women on Facebook...all while blocking me...but when people tell me I feel like a fool
Naked Eye- I hope you’re doing better 🙏🏽Prayers said! My boyfriend is letting his childhood female friend sleep at his house for 3 days... btw, he’s stayed in touch with on FACEBOOK🙄for 15 years
@@hollywarehouse7938 oh boy...that is the way it starts. They say what's wrong with you ? There is no sexual intention. Mine would say I can have as many female friends as I want to...it doesn't mean I will sleep with them. Then you marry and they hide the conversations. He told me it is non of your business what I tell them because They were my friends before I married you.
At 56 I believe it really comes down to being on the same page with your mate 👍💜🙏 Get it all straight before you marry 😁
Absolutely, both sides need to have respect for their relationship
Brilliant
Agreed!
Blessed me good!
Jimmy, you da man
You're soo wise mister. and your teachings are close to islam.
100 % amen
A Christian woman is seeing another man and doing it flagrantly in front of her husband. Nothing is being hidden. This is not a hypothetical situation; I know this couple. In her view, since there's no adultery and the relationship is not physical, Scripture does not forbid this sort of relationship. I believe her that it is not physical, but the infatuation is clear and strong. She invites the man to their house or meets with him in the church building; since she needs the husband present to feel legit, he ends up feeling like he's chaperoning her emotional affair. The relationship is growing deeper month after month. This is in my church and anyone with eyes could see it. Should he leave the house when he comes over? Love to hear responses from Christians.
"Should he leave the house when he comes over?" WTF? Its his fucking house??
Corner: The pastor and church elders should deal with this situation asap.
@@janefarrer2868 the HUSBAND should deal with this situation asap! No self respecting man would put up with that crap!! and no self respecting wife would put up with her husband doing that either. Why get a pastor involved? who does the bible say is the head of the family?? The husband should put his wife in check immediately
This is really good advice, regardless of what book a person ascribes their faith to
General good rules for humanity, living with a pure soul and in harmony with the divine consciousness of the universe ( many of whom people call God )
I believe all faiths can come together under these kinds of good principles and practices for having a truthfull union and friendship
My wife told me that she have some guy friends she would hangout with them .. which i said okey.. but 4 to 5 months later she started spending more and more time with her guy friends and started coming home by 1am.. and have me blocked.. when she come home she would gasslight me and make me feel the wrong one. That you don't allow me to have guy friends.
She have 4 5 guy friends.. one day she texted at 11.40 pm telling me that she is watching a movie with him and when she come home she still make me feel bad. And manipulates me that you are too controlling. It is possible for a man and women to be just friends and watch movies together without being sexual. . And that was driving me crazy.. and she manipulated me all this time.. we are now divorce.. i gave her ultimatum that you choose your friends or me . And she was sad about this thst i make her choose between me and her 4 5 guy friends.
god bless jimmy!!!
Nope! I don't even have Facebook or Instagram or any other social media where I can get private msgs
What if your husband talks badly or makes you look bad in front of his sisters on WhatsApp or in person by not standing up for me or supporting me?
Agreed! Amen.
New subscriber..... Thank you MOG..
Thank you 🙏
Social media does have a dark side.
I pray for my husband to be this kind of man.
When I see/read these kinds of commentaries I have internal conflict.
Firstly because as a single women it's extremely difficult to build friendships with both married & single people. The married women seem to have an underlying paranoia & singles a sense of competition, and married men are uneasy about it how their interactions are perceived, while single men seem to view any interest as romantic/sexual even when it's not.
Secondly it makes marriage unappealing as it makes me question if it's possible to genuinely trust someone to keep their commitment, or to deal with an irrational jealous spouse.
On top of that churches then become socially awkward & preoccupied with marriage & promiscuity, rather than the church being brother's and sister's in Christ.
Churches really need to take a serious look at how & why this impacts singles leaving the church. (And divorced people too, I'd say those who are divorced are viewed with even more suspicion, as if they're out to find a new spouse). They also need to address gossip on this issue, rarely do I see pastors admonish people for gossip!
This is such a beautiful comment.
@@sandrass560 not really. This sounds like the ramblings of a woman who is mad she can not have her cake and eat it too. She want's what generally doesn't exist, platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Sure you can have hundreds of acquaintances of the opposite sex, but if you are attempting to establish a deep relationship, one or the other almost always develops feelings.
If she gets married I hope she understands this because if she is out there trying to become friends with men, her husband will likely have a problem with it because he knows the danger it can cause.
This is how my Husband had multiple affairs. He thought it was always OK to have alone and friend time with females. And then told me that I was too jealous. If any men out there are reading this, if you want a wife, treat as a gift, if you want gilrfeinds then don't have a wife. Period.
Vanessa - we are so sorry to hear of the pain you have faced. We are so honored to receive your story. Please reach out anytime!
Just because he was a manipulative asshole does not mean that it's right to ask people to give up their friends for you.
@@Grokford Have boundaries. Go out in a group. Invite your partner to join you and your opposite sex friends. It's not difficult. Or stay single and hang out in someone's friendzone.
@@bluevelvet2
Uhhh no.
Sure, spend time with your spouse, socialize together, that's good and healthy; but it's healthy to have individual relationships.
If you can not be trusted to be out of your partner's sight for any length of time then the relationship is already damaged.
I'm bisexual I'm not going to stay in an isolation box when I'm not with my partner. That's insane
Doing this with only half the human population is only mildly less absurd. That's the sort of atomizing anti-social behavior that leaves adults lonely and with no one to turn to.
A healthy couple is able to have different interests and social circles without it becoming a rift.
And I do have boundaries, if someone demands that I abandon my friendships to protect their ego then I'm not having it.
I also have the boundary that I don't let people who don't know me tell me what to do without telling them what I think about it.
And I think it makes you sound like a judgy moral busy body and a bit of an asshole.
So do with that what you like.
@@Grokford lol i had a feeling you would be a bisexual western female from your verbiage. gay people are the exception, not the rule, good for you for being the exception but it doesn't apply to the majority of the world which is heterosexual. Opposite sex needs boundaries for most people. So do with that what you like :)
Amen!
smart man
I know of two great guys who were fired after false accusations of sexual harassment.
When I was 37 years old and single my pastor said that was dangerous to have me in the church. He said that a few women had mentioned my name as a nice guy during counseling sessions. There were so many bad marriages in the church that having a nice guy like me would cause trouble. I always worked with lots of women and somehow I knew women well. Women just love talking to me. I pay attention in what they say, I give good advise, and I just care. I told the pastor that I knew the boundaries but he said that the women didn't care about the boundaries. When I go to parties the guys get together to talk about sports. I am always talking with the women about things they enjoy talking about.
yeah, you are a problem and you know it but you are pretending to be naive to what you are doing. Dude, stay away from married women. You know what you are doing....
Thank you, this is so important information yes all of us are capable of falling.
I wish all men felt that way. Some spouses fail to share their cell password and/ or email passcode and that is a red flag.
No, it's really not.
People are either going to cheat or they aren't, demanding full access to everything they think and do is not a panacea to adultery,
💯 True
Wonder if that applies to pastor and wife's of the men of their church.
My bf was living with his best friend and his wife. My instincts scream out that he cheated with her. I just feel so weird around them and the way he treats me especially when she's around screams out loud at me. He just says im delusional and that im jealous and insecure. I care more then anyone and hope when im gone he realises he fucked me aroumd and not my so called insecurities and jealousy.
What I don't understand is, why is it, in this day in age, women get a pass? Even in the Christian community. Why doesn't pastors preach on this topic? It's in the statistics. Look it up. It doesn't make sense. And if a husband tries to even mention the hurt, he is shunned for even being hurt. Just saying.
you are not the only one who notices that churches cater to women these days (and for several decades). Many men are leaving the churches because they see men being held to biblical standards BUT every excuse is given to women and ANY bible passages that hold women accountable are either ignored or called "outdated or sexist". And because of this, men start thinking there is no reason for them to be a biblical man if women are not expected to be a biblical woman.
amen 🙏
What about if the friend is gay or lesbian ??
not even then because many gay people are BI.
Waoo sir my husband pratically lives in a different country for 3years and abuses me when ever I try to phone him is that a sign his faithful or am just a cussing him?
Why would my fiancé keep his phone password secret from me? He always has to unlock it every time around me when he gets on his phone. I asked him why he kept it locked and he said he had information on it he didn’t want anyone else to get to. I don’t think there should be any secrets between a man and woman who are married or engaged to get married
Cynthia, we are so sorry to hear of this. Please feel free to check out out marriage coaching anytime at xomarriage.com under the "marriage help" tab. We are praying for you!
@@XOMarriage He handed over his phone without asking and gave me the password without asking also. Your prayers are quick and powerful. There are a few areas that need to be clarified before any marriage takes place though to assure that God will always be glorified in everything and divorce does not glorify Him. I will check out the help tab and also consider the counseling. I believe marriage mirrors God and of course, the enemy hates it but not everything is an attack or the enemy's fault. There must be accountability,
The phone is a large part of our lives, telling your partner(whom you're not even married to) that he can't have privacy on his phone is tantamount to saying that he can't ever be by himself.
@@Grokford I have read many of your comments and you REALLY sound like a cheater who is trying to gaslight everyone else to not look behind the curtain. Feel sorry for whoever is in a relationship with you
How do I confront this issue with my girlfriend? We are very serious and have a great relationship but she has some male friends that she often hangs out with just them two. She texts them as well. I just know it would be wrong if I had female friends and that wouldn't be fair to her but I don't want to confront her on this issue, as I love her and don't want to ruin her friendships. It feels like I'm being emotionally abusive by making her choose between her male friends and me and I don't want to do this.
Please Help!!!!
First off, you are NOT being "emotionally abusive" for wanting healthy boundaries in your relationship. You just need to bring up these boundaries and let her make the decision if she is comfortable with them. If not, there is the door. No abuse necessary, just expectations for the relationship to continue.
I would advise not making demands but expressing how it makes you feel or the concerns that you have.
Relationship security is what matters not the amount of contact with friends.
@@Grokford and what if she keeps behaving this way? then what? This is the problem with your approach, many women will not respect your boundaries until you make it clear that there are consequences if they don't respect the boundaries.
I have learned the hard way that most people will treat you as poorly as you let them.