I actually have realized quite recently that I keep doing this. The sad part is that I was also taking a lot of my confidence from feeling superior to other people. I am also still puzzled by the wat you described unconditional love which seems so unfamiliar to me. Thank you for the video, I have just discovered your channel and I am amazed at the work that you are doing. I am at the beggining of my healing so I will definately stay longer.
Thank you Paulien! LOVE all your videos! If its something you're totally comfortable and resonant with, I'd love to see a more detailed video on how FA can affect sex and intimacy. If that's not up your alley, no worries, your videos are 1000% fabulous already😍
Lukewarm that's the word. I remember when I parted from an unhealthy relationship dynamic and met secure partner, someone asked me how it was going with them, and ai said I feel dead inside. I guess I missed the toxicity so much, just like an addict. Luckily I somehow hanged in there and then wow, for the first time I managed to understand what unconditional love feels like. It took a while tho. And then I messed it up. But still that feeling of lukewarm love was the best ever.
I've watched all your videos now, and I thank you for all of your words. You give me hope and make me feel less alone. Currently I'm going through a down phase, where I do feel that it's just so hard, and that maybe I just can't do it.. But I'm going to keep going, keep healing. I will re-watch your videos and I look forward to all the future videos you put out!
I would also call it- looking for the "Power Gap"... it's not always compatible with the word "struggle" for me... More of a gap that i am trying to "close" up by trying to please or perform.
I’m in a bad place right now. So much guilt. I was on and off with an unavailable partner for 3 years. He just passed away from Covid. I always ran away from him. Now he’s gone. No more hope wondering if we can work. Just guilt over how I treated him even thou I loved him. I just never felt safe with him and would end things with no explanation. My heart is breaking every day!! I wish I never would have run away from him several times!! Too late now!!! I’m devastated!!!
Omg. Thank you Paulien. You found words for what I'm doing and feeling all the time. I'm exactly in a situation like that at the moment, where I meet someone who is pretty healthy and secure and I feel so bored by it that I try to find ways to distance myself and being rude and colder with him so he maybe distance himself so I can work again for his approval. I just can't handle healthy relationships and secure partners. It's so exhausting.
Can you do a video about how to heal from this? Is there a method that i can implement in my relationship? Or should i tap to an equal relatonship and forming safe and stable connection with my partner?
Has anyone with an fa partner noticed that sometimes, it's as if she's a stranger ? My girl turns into this other person who doesn't know, love, like it respect me.. it lasted over 3 Month's once... N then one day she called... N it was her again. Just like that. The girl I knew returned.. it was spooky as. The difference in personality.. Any one else experience their fa do this?
boom, these 3 realizations are so useful to keep in mind when a trigger comes up. self awareness is power
I actually have realized quite recently that I keep doing this. The sad part is that I was also taking a lot of my confidence from feeling superior to other people. I am also still puzzled by the wat you described unconditional love which seems so unfamiliar to me. Thank you for the video, I have just discovered your channel and I am amazed at the work that you are doing. I am at the beggining of my healing so I will definately stay longer.
Thank you Paulien! LOVE all your videos!
If its something you're totally comfortable and resonant with, I'd love to see a more detailed video on how FA can affect sex and intimacy. If that's not up your alley, no worries, your videos are 1000% fabulous already😍
So how a healthy love really feels? Is it lukewarm?
Lukewarm that's the word. I remember when I parted from an unhealthy relationship dynamic and met secure partner, someone asked me how it was going with them, and ai said I feel dead inside. I guess I missed the toxicity so much, just like an addict. Luckily I somehow hanged in there and then wow, for the first time I managed to understand what unconditional love feels like. It took a while tho. And then I messed it up. But still that feeling of lukewarm love was the best ever.
I've watched all your videos now, and I thank you for all of your words. You give me hope and make me feel less alone. Currently I'm going through a down phase, where I do feel that it's just so hard, and that maybe I just can't do it.. But I'm going to keep going, keep healing. I will re-watch your videos and I look forward to all the future videos you put out!
How do people get so weird.
I would also call it- looking for the "Power Gap"... it's not always compatible with the word "struggle" for me...
More of a gap that i am trying to "close" up by trying to please or perform.
I’m in a bad place right now. So much guilt. I was on and off with an unavailable partner for 3 years. He just passed away from Covid. I always ran away from him. Now he’s gone. No more hope wondering if we can work. Just guilt over how I treated him even thou I loved him. I just never felt safe with him and would end things with no explanation. My heart is breaking every day!! I wish I never would have run away from him several times!! Too late now!!! I’m devastated!!!
Omg the high of approval 🤔 Ah haaaa moment
So insightful as always. Thank you again Paulien xx
You are so very welcome. Happy to have you here! ❤
Omg. Thank you Paulien. You found words for what I'm doing and feeling all the time.
I'm exactly in a situation like that at the moment, where I meet someone who is pretty healthy and secure and I feel so bored by it that I try to find ways to distance myself and being rude and colder with him so he maybe distance himself so I can work again for his approval. I just can't handle healthy relationships and secure partners. It's so exhausting.
These videos are helping me so much rn
Truly insightful-
And i love your delivery, too
(Not approval! Not approval! 😄)
Haha!
Who is this brilliant?
Thank you for sharing.
Really valuable, thank you very much
The match and log metaphor really helped! Ty
You'd have to find someone who is willing to love you the way you are though...I haven't had that experience yet...
Can you do a video about how to heal from this? Is there a method that i can implement in my relationship? Or should i tap to an equal relatonship and forming safe and stable connection with my partner?
As a male I tend to drift int o ALFA -BETA ,social hiararchy thing. Is that similar to what you describe?
I really want to heal !!! Can we heal from that outside of a relationship?
Absolutely!
Has anyone with an fa partner noticed that sometimes, it's as if she's a stranger ?
My girl turns into this other person who doesn't know, love, like it respect me.. it lasted over 3 Month's once... N then one day she called... N it was her again. Just like that. The girl I knew returned.. it was spooky as. The difference in personality..
Any one else experience their fa do this?