Netflix Reunion with Amani & Matt-Where Are They Now?
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich follows up with guests from his Netflix show, How To Get Rich. We check in with Amani and Matt, from their new dream home in San Diego to hear what’s new, what isn’t, and where their money conversations have gone since our taping.
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Can’t-miss moments:
00:00:00 - 1: Opening
00:06:03 - 2: They got their dream home 4 years earlier than planned
00:13:23 - 3: "The riskiest financial decision we've ever made"
00:17:47 - 4: Matt's new job
00:20:35 - 5: What habits have stuck since the show?
00:24:36 - 6: Where are they still stuck?
00:30:54 - 7: The #1 thing they need to do right now
00:32:31 - 8: Ramit's 3 biggest lessons from Matt and Amani
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If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here: forms.gle/pjYMaLeThJM3z9uN6
Produced by Crate Media.
0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Ramit, I get you are trying to be neutral here and positive about this couple. But this relationship is dysfunctional and unhealthy. How is this part of a rich life? What she is doing is financial abuse.
@dakine exactly! Ramit, I hope you called this out off camera. This is a form of domestic violence, and if the genders were reversed, it would be taken more seriously. Hand in hand with financial abuse is transportation abuse. Does Matt have transportation he can easily and independently access?
In one Netflix episode Amani justified this set up by saying women experienced this for years. True. The rest of the story is they fought like hell for their rights so they didn't have to endure that. Just because it happened doesn't make it right or ethical. Let alone loving.
She treats him like an employee, not a partner or husband. Financial abuse is unexcusable
@@alcoentertainment1111 She treats him like a child.
Ramit, don't tell people to not be mean when we see how Matt the husband is being abused and not respected in this relationship. Theres something else going on and they need to get help.
This is financial abuse. Look up that definition. I'm sorry, I like Amani, and I understand her tendencies because I too struggle to give up control in many situations. However, what she is doing is not okay. I think she needs to take a hard look at her behaviour. If this was a husband who would not give his wife access to any funds (despite her taking care of the house, kids and family business!) he would be called out so fast. Money is power. She's taking away all his power and keeping him dependent while consistently telling him he can't be trusted and he's incompetent. It's painful to watch. Amani, you can do better.
He is actually very smart. If they get divorced, he will take her to the cleaners and she will pay spousal support and child support because he is the stay at home parent. This Man is smart and equality is a beautiful thing.
It was really painful to watch. The sad part is she doesn’t realize how much harm she is doing to him and the relationship overall.
Omg.
MY MY MY.
This girl truly needs some emotional counseling.
This guy is really has my admiration- he seems to realize his family is in great need of his presence- because as a mom she has a lot to learn.
I agree. If a man was doing this to a woman - wow !
For her it’s all about $$$
She needed to have realized that she wanted a financially successful husband before getting married. That is not an unrealistic expectation, but it's hard to force someone into that position after you've married him, when he doesn't have those skills.
💯
All roads lead to Amani. Everything is all about her. Listen to her language- I am doing this, I am saving for this.. there isn’t any “we”.
Exactly
She's the one bringing the money AND taking all the financial risks/responsibilities... I've known and been with guys like Matt, not much changes and they ended living back in their parents' basement.
@@juliest.a8914 Yup. everybody is bashing Amani but the attitude of Matt is letting her be that way. She is taking care of them financially and he is "screaming" for her respect. But he has to know if a women bring that much money its almost impossible to get her respect if you're doing nothing to bring something in.
@@rolandantersyn3536 I'm under the impression she's respecting him to the degree of his efforts. If Matt wants to start a business, getting funded by his wife shouldn't even be on the table... Go work to build the capital needed like an independant grown-up, then start your business.
It’s ok, she’s hot
She is financially abusing her husband and it's so deeply ingrained that I don't see them progressing as a couple.
This is so wrong.
She's not just financially abusing him she's emotionally abusing him too!
He is just a prop in the world of Amani.
Gaslighting him too
Matt should find another wife immediately. He is constantly receiving financial abuse from Amani, which is not normal.
I honestly wish more people would look at their lives from a Divorce Court perspective. California is a communal property state and they have kids. Amani will either need to learn to make him an equal partner or be forced by law to give him an equal share of her income. She needs to ask herself if she wants to lose money AND her family, or just take the great leap into treating her husband like an adult and a partner. You either move forward together, or you explain to your children why they have to shuffle back and forth every week between houses after the divorce. Your call. This stubbornness is ruining your future and will continue to do so. Either way, your kids will see this show someday and know what you chose. Please choose your family, for everyone's sake - especially your own.
I agree, and she has a good man there. She needs to work out her BS VERY FAST!!!
Unfortunately people like her don’t change. She lives through fear and needs absolute control over everything and everyone. She doesn’t see him as an sovereign human being. He is just there to serve her needs.
You said it very well!
With her personality I would bet she had a prenup.
Amani is literally the personification of men from her culture she made a reference to on the show. She is in a constant need of being in power. There is no relationship without trust.
Believe me it's incorrect. I'm Arab myself and she is referencing a percentage of men in the Arab world: macho men, they're the same everywhere regardless of ethnicity.
So....a money guru comes into your life and what do you have to show for it?? A safe word to help you calm down during fights. More risk. Depleting savings. Still no combined accts. Still no trust. Amani STILL using "I" as if she doesn't have Matt right there. This was cringey AF. I applaud their honesty and bravery, but what a wasted opportunity. She does not view Matt as a partner.
I agree
You can lead a horse to water...
Guru is a strong word for a guy who just marketed budgeting using a different term. "Conscious spending plan" aka a budget.
@@aaront936 To me, a budget genuinely makes me view money differently to a conscious spending plan. The implication is more positive -- I'm not prohibiting or budgeting myself, but spending money where I want to, and arranging the rest of my life accordingly. This might sound like a 'nothing difference' to you, but for people who grow up poor, or with poor financial role models, this kind of thinking can be very liberating. I find my relationship with money has become a lot healthier since I started listening to Ramit. It's less about how money controls me now and more about how I can make it work for me.
@@headlikeorange3600 just because you associate a negative stigma to a word doesn't change the fact that his "conscious spending plan" is nothing more than another name for a budget.
The saddest part of this is....if Matt decides he's had enough and leaves (and asks for alimony), Amani will use that as 'proof' that he (and everyone?) is unreliable and greedy...and she will still not understand that it was her actions that created the situation. She really does not seem to understand what she is doing.
She doesn't understand that she's being emotionally, abusive and financially, abusive and controlling. That's not how you run a relationship in the episode she was saying that her father wasn't around so she doesn't know how a man should be in a relationship, but she treats him like he's her child and that her husband.
True. She will say that he was after her money when in fact they should share. She sees his labor and income as hers but what she she makes is also hers.
She is making her own bed. You can’t be vile and abusive towards someone and not expect them to retaliate at some point.
Wow, that was a hard watch.
Amani was smiling and talking but Matt was smiling but dying a little on the inside.
It's easy to see things after it's played out but it would have been interesting for her to have been called out on how when she talks about how she spends money, she doesn't involve Matt at all, more explicitly.
She doesn’t see his value as being a father and wants him to have a corporate job alone.
I wonder if they are truly compatible.
The financial story is just a symptom of a more serious relationship challenge. This couple needs therapy, collectively and independently. Her energy tells me that she sees him as an interchangeable character in HER story. He’s extremely passive and his energy tells me that ANYONE could take advantage of him this way. She says she doesn’t TRUST him, when really, she doesn’t RESPECT him.
And, yes, this is CLASSIC FINANCIAL ABUSE!
Very well said.
Right on point. She keeps him in a vulnerable position and he allows it, feels trapped and doesn’t know what to do except trying to reason with her which will never work with her. He pays through labor but it’s not counted because she respects only cash, which she won’t let him near to remain the one in control.
I think that she has crushed the confidence out of him. I feel like if they divorce it would take him years to recover emotionally and realize that he is worth more than what she has convinced him he is.
@@melaniea8301 true and likely she will make him feel like there’s something wrong with him if things end and having the upper hand financially she could manipulate him. He needs help. I doubt that she will change.
If he was my son I would be heart broken for him. I'm surprised he can still smile & laugh through this, but I hope things get more equal for them.
You can tell Amani is the type of person to listen to respond rather than listening to hear her husband.. all of the premature head nodding when people are talking to her proves she’s not even listening
immature nodding ? Lmfao any body lanagage I do got to be interpreted negatively ? I put long comment with explanation. Matt is workitn on a video too. We are tired of your negativity it’s causing stress in our lives. We also have kids who will grow up to read your nasty comments.
I watch the episode it's even worse!
Amani: “I own two houses…I have to pay two mortgages…I’m talking to my friends about …I felt I had to buy the house….I wanted Matt to do business like mine… I don’t want to fund his business…I want to be able to support him more…I still don’t share accounts with him…”
Matt: 👻 No where to be found
Amani, I hope that you’re reflexive enough to watch this interview again because you still use a lot of ‘I’ language. You don’t trust Matt enough to become his full potential and still be with you. You deserve a man who shows up for his family the way he needs to not the way you want him to. Please don’t suppress him to the point of him checking out. Sending hugs!
I thought I was the only one noticing the Is
She's greedy and self-fish. Marriage is a partnership. She doesn't respect him, if she did she wouldn't use the word "I" so much. She should say "We".
Sometimes when someone cheats on you and is financially irresponsible, you check out.
she's reading the comments, don't worry. That's why you saw her try and stop the show and also the crocodile tears in the episode in the silver country cabin thing. She realised she revealed herself and was hated. Coming on this just showed how fucked up to the core she really is. Even being on BEST behaviour and trying oh so hard to not appear like a twisted controlling bitch and just look at these comments. We all see you Amani. You need YEARS of therapy and a divorce for this poor man before the world will stop hating you.
@@homodeus8713 Who cheated?
I feel as though Amani does not see Matt as a partner and nor does she respect his contribution to the household. I hope she changes sooner rather later. From what I have seen there's no reason why Matt is not running the B&B.
I noticed how she described assets. “I” bought , “l” have 2 houses.. it was not “we”
I wish you luck Matt.
I wonder if Matt’s name is on the deed. 🧐
This was the hardest story for me to watch on the show and this follow-up was VERY difficult to get through. I still learned a lot, even if it's just remembering what type of partner I don't want to be
When I watched the show I felt so sorry for Matt. Dude, if you see this, cut your losses with the relationship and move on. You can still be a good father without needing to deal with Amani.
I agree he does not need to be dealing with that type of abuse!
He's only there for his daughter, he is demoralized. Hopefully he has better luck in the future with a woman that can form a loving and respectful relation with him. He will continue to be in a dark state as long as he is with her. If she really wants to change she need to become submissive in the bedroom and seek to please him there. Do things in the bedroom for for his pleasure. Excitement, lingerie, getting dolled up just for him just for bedroom fun, doing other kinky things guys like in the bedroom: this would boost his masculinity. But these words would go over her head since she sees her self as then man, as the dominant, he should be pleasing me in the bedroom she probably thinks, which he can't if he cannot channel his masculinity. I can her her now: I work hard, I kill myself at work, I’m tired when I come home, I don’t feel sexy, when the house is messy, dishes are dirty, stuff needs to be done and fixed. Yet if one of her girlfriends call her to go out for dinner she will put on hight heels, tight dress, makeup and off she goes. But she cannot do this for her man.
Or he could put he’s foot down and start working
@@javierbarrera1420 depending on the age of the children child care could literally cancel out his income and not everyone is okay with just letting anyone watch their children especially if the child cannot talk
This makes me sad. She treats him and talks about him like he’s her son or she’s his manager, not partner. Wishing them the path that leads to the most happiness for both of them.
This episode was excruciating. I can’t imagine how trapped Matt must feel. He pours his life energy into the family yet endures a controlling a disrespectful partner. Ramit should be calling this behavior out for what it is - financial abuse.
It's financial abuse, controlling, and emotional abuse. The way she talks about him it's terrible.
Specifically, this is consider as “Economic Abuse.” - Economic abuse is a form of abuse when one intimate partner has control over the other partner's access to economic resources, which diminishes the victim's capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially. -Wikipedia
why doesn't he go get a job?
the kids go to school there is no reason for him to be a stay at home dad.
and why is it only financial abuse when a woman does it but not when millions of men with housewives do it?
@@Jessicaro agree with you. I think Matt and Amani are shaking patriarchal archetypes. Their relationship is revolutionary in a way.
@joey diaz off course men view them like that the only difference is women do not complain and do what is expected of them and men have to cry about it.
wo are being asked what they do with the money all the time, they have to cook clean, raise those kids and all the things matt is going threw but it is expected of us because we are females that is the difference and when suddenly it is a man you guys cry abuse?
Look at her face when Matt is given the opportunity to speak. Her mask comes off and you can see her discomfort and contempt.
Completely, 100% I swear it’s like her face glitches!
Even though she says he is doing well, his body language shows a completely different story. He looks unhappy. It doesn’t look like she learned much of anything. In my opinion, she is still controlling everything when it comes to the finances. I just feel bad for him honestly.
He's clocked out
Matt is showing that their marriage is still rocky. Body language says ALOT.
😢
@@coachcarm Both of them are. She looks uncomfortable every time he talks, like she’s worried about what he’s about to say. When she talks, he disconnects and looks miserable and put down.
She probably berated him in private and now even in public she gives him backhanded compliments. This is her on her best behavior for the camera and still she manages to demean him.
This is an epsiode where @ramitsethi is out of his wheelhouse. As someone who has a son, similiar age, that was emotionally abused by his wife - her words and his response is classic. It is a hidden secret men don't share. The FBI actually has a training on how to spot emotional abuse by women to their husband. His best step would have been to refer them elsewhere. They need to speak with Roman Garcia a Toxic Relationship survival coch. The emotional damage she is doing to him is eating away at the core of his self-worth. The smiles and the talking is fake.
I agree when he came on he said he was "meh" didn't look happy - i thought they had already gotten a divorce. He never asked him why he said that.
Can you link the course from the FBI?
I'm learning from Amani a lot about power dynamic. People like Amani (driven by insecurity, fear, unhealed trauma) will always partner with someone who they can manipulate, is "too nice" and will bend over backwards for them. If she was secure and grounded in herself and her power, she would be sharing it in a balanced relationship that would make both of them stronger and fuller. Imagine if she was with a partner with more money, power and prestige than her. She would not do well. She would be throwing tantrums and victimizing herself. She takes all the control and wants all of this money because she's fearful otherwise she will be taken advantage of by something/someone because that was her previous experience / upbringing. And en route her "success", she's abusing her husband and likely her child. It's actually really sad. But when you're running this fast and chasing money, you don't have time to look at yourself.
Agree, she couldn't appreciate that her own kids were being watched after by their father, not a total stranger but even in job interview he talks about having less work time, thinking about kids in the back of his mind
I get that Ramit has an agenda with the show and podcast which is to educate people on how to be better with their finances, but when it gets to a point where one person in the relationship is sacrificing their own self worth and happiness, im not so sure if its worth it.
Its sad to see how Matt is so in love with his wife and will do anything for her and keep the family together but Amani is taking it for granted and is forgetting that family is more imprtant than money.
Agree she just wants more and more money. When is it enough? At what cost will she obtain more? Seems like she is willing to sacrifice her family, relationships and health to obtain it.
This is painful to watch 😢, I think they also need therapy individually and as a couple. Amani needs to understand the reason why she is having a hard time trusting her husband and heal from that, and Matt needs to find his voice and confidence as the man in the relationship. Good luck to them ❤
Matt has spoken up if you watch the episode and she just stormed out of the room. You can't have a relationship when it's one-sided like this. She doesn't want to listen she acts like she's listening and then does whatever she wants. She wants everything her way. Matt is his is his own person and very well educated person as well. Who also was supporting the whole family before she started making more money than him. So he knows how to support a family. If you watch the episode, he wanted to go back to work. I running an Airbnb and taking care of your children or two jobs as well, but she doesn't view it that way. Which is BS! Because if Matt wasn't doing it, she would have to hire somebody to do both of those jobs.
She would have a very rude awakening to see how much that will cost her! Oh, and she will have to handover money to two different people to take care of both of those jobs. But she won't give her husband, access to the money to take care of their own children and their Airbnb business???? So who is F&%* UP ?? Not Matt....
So sad . . .
I just had the very same thought: They need to put the money counseling on hold, and go for couples counseling for their relationship. Soon.
I am very thankful that they share their lives with us. I do have to say, watching this couple hurts my soul. It definitely does remind me to make sure to express my love and appreciation to my partner.
It's really unbearable to watch this couple's dysfunctional relationship. Just reverse the roles with Amani being a man and we'd call him blatantly abusive. Really horrifying the way she is holding him financially hostage.
Agreed. It’s disturbing how she is not being called out. My heart breaks for her husband. She even discussed the house purchase with her friends! 😢
Amini is a disgusting excuse for a human being.
She's about to see what giving away half "her" net worth feels like.
I think she hasn’t factor that part in yet.
FACTS
Yep
Yep!!!
If they don't get it together SOON, the marriage is TOAST!
She never stops talking. All about her.
I watched on Netflix and I can say based on the work I do that when men treat their spouses the way Amani treated Matt, it's held as a form of gender based violence (GBV) - specifically, denial of resources. I was honestly shocked by her behaviour.
I'm glad that Matt decided to go back to work (outside the home). He suffered what many stay at home wives suffer, which is a complete dismissal of their contribution to the family because they don't bring money to the table.
Seems like the Airbnb money he's bringing in goes straight to her account.
Almost everything in life starts with MINDSET. Amani's words are filled with "I". Nothing will change for the better because her mindset has not.
Amani's micromanaging is clearly making it difficult for Matt to thrive. I hope she can learn to share power and manage her fears more effectively.
There is no hope for people like Amini. Abusers always think they are justified in their actions.
she has no desire to share power, what we see as a character failing is her core positive attribute of her self image.
It's been a year and they still don't have joint finances and Matt still has zero access? Amami says that Matt "showed his value" but still "needs tested"??? As others said, this is financial abuse.
Amani's pressured speech made this episode difficult to get through. She rarely answered a question directly, and certainly not succinctly, I think she was trying to cover over the fact that she made little to no change.
Showed his value as what? An AirBnB cleaner/manager ("her" AirBnb)? Nothing wrong with that, but more like a side gig....
@treesnmoguls someone was posting with her name, and, based on those comments, I'm guessing "showed his value" was about trustworthiness and property management. I think Matt's on an extended punishment. If that's the case, it's time to rebuild trust and end the punishment or call it. This loop isn't healthy. They should have gone on "Couples Therapy" on Showtime, but I get the sense that they intentionally set limits on what they would and wouldn't share. It's unfortunate (and ironic!) because trying to manage impressions by not being transparent actually gave a worse impression. Particularly of Amani.
I’m 25:00 minutes in & I’ve barely heard Matt speak!! Amani controls the finances as well as dominates the conversation! I would have like to hear from Matt a lot more.
Amani wouldn’t be where she is if Matt didn’t run the home. Caring & raising children is a huge responsibility & if he’s excelling at that then dealing with finances shouldn’t be an issue.
She is keeping him stuck & it’s abuse, it’s modern day slavery to put it bluntly. He runs their side business & predominantly raises the kids for no monetary value.
It’s very hard to communicate your feelings when the other person doesn’t want to listen. She says she’s listening but the way she dominated this interview she talks a lot but doesn’t actually listen.
Matt, you could teach your skill online, classes/workbooks/guides on the theory &/or practical side.
Make your money Matt, find a way to monetise your skill because your wife will never relinquish any financial control. This was very frustrating to watch.
....and Matt, start hiding cash so you have some extra hidden away (not in a bank account) in case things go south, which it looks like they are/will be...
this is a great comment
I hope Amani *see these comments.*
It could be the eye opener to shift everything. I'm sure in the heart of hearts, she wants it to work.
I hope she does too. But during the show she seem to understand it, but seeing this, she still doesn't understand it or get it. She's abusing her husband.
You are the most optimistic person I have every seen. You probably have hope for the devil too. Not a sarcastic comment just something i thought...
Interesting that she refers to their money as hers-- says a lot about how she feels. If I were in his shoes, I'd feel untrusted and resentful. 😞 Hope she keeps working on her control issues.
26:58 - Love, he's your HUSBAND, not your employee, Lord please help them!!
Amani speaks, she uses "I" a lot. I feel sorry for Matt.
Did Matt even want the new home? I was too overwhelmed to catch if he did or didn’t…or whether it mattered 😭
I wanted to know the same thing? It doesn't look like it to me. And the way she talked about it she did it on her own. Matt doesn't have access to the money. I hope so because of the end of the episode he was out looking for a job and they were going to hire an au pair. He didn't want to stay at home raising the kids. He said that's not what he saw for his life! I will not be surprised if he gets a divorce from her. And then she's going to have to pay half in alimony and child support. He will likely get to keep the house also. Her dream home... SNAP! The only thing he has to do is take this episode, and the Netflix episode to court. Also show that he has no access to any money. We are all witnesses to it also.
More importantly: Did Matt even want to manage an Airbnb / the guest house? To be scrubbing the floors? Or is he desperate for work to do and for her validation
Watched your show in one sitting.. was BRILLIANT!🙏
Why keep a spouse away from access to Financials? 1. You are hiding where you spend your money - having an affair/cheating. 2. You are a narcissist and think no one can do the finances as good as you. But the narcissist may like to show off how good they are. 3. You are an emotional abuser. This is her form of violence on him.
You are absolutely correct!!!
Or a lack of trust. Perhaps your spouse can't or won't grasp how to use money? Maybe they have a problem with an addiction? There are a lot of reasons one partner may keep a tight grip on the financial situation. A podcast and a few minutes on a Netflix show do not mean we know these people or their personal details.
@@iamloved223 I think people in the comments have respectfully pointed out many obvious things. It's not like all of us watching are unfamiliar with a lot of relationship and money issues, but it's clear there is no growth since the initial episode
Ramit loses a bunch of my respect here for not calling out the obvious.
Exactly. Ramit keeps enabling her. It’s really gross.
@@deicide100 He didn't force you(or anyone) to watch the show or buy his course for you to say he's hiding under the "good guy" façade and profiting from you. I've learnt A LOT from this podcast and continue to recommend it, so stop listening if you don't want to. You won't be missed.
I’m shocked they are still married. I really thought they were headed towards divorce with all the contempt going on.
it's so hard to watch this and listen to her while seeing matt so quiet yet AGAIN
This marriage appears to be all about Amani. She did all the talking and run’s everything, how do you have a baby with someone and not trust them , wow!
Live dyldo duh
We have two kids.
She has so much control based trauma. I really hope that she can get the help that she needs. Finding the root of it, and beginning to trust people without testing them will give her exactly what she wants. It will allow Matt to flourish. I had to get over this I grew up in a financially abusive household. You do not want your girls to grow up thinking financial abuse is okay. They might find themselves in the position of being the partner not in control. I can tell she wants the girls to see a strong powerful woman but their primary caregiver is the one being torn down. They will internalized that. ❤❤❤ So much love and a sigh of relief when you get this.
There's no trauma here. All I see is a woman who's drunk on power. She's every bit as bad as the men society loves to dunk on. A terrible caricature of one at that.
I'm paraphrasing here but when i heard " I think Matt needs to get another job on to of the Air Bnb maybe a $100k or more, I can start investing more."
Run Matt. It's time to leave. It's all her, no we.
Their scenes were my favourite of the show because it had so many unsaid life lessons for couples. Matt didn't do what was obvious, get his old job (and a truckload of self respect) back. Whatever wrong he did to her in the past, he has paid for it and then some, jeez! Look at his face, a shell of a man is left! Amani still has trust issues and has turned her husband into her employee rather than set him free (either as her husband or ex-husband). Please, please, please! I love you guys regardless, do the needful, I don't want to wake up to horrible news resulting from the spontaneous combustion of what looks like a quiet man. Matt, get a real job and build a career. Amani, examine yourself after Matt's had a real job and some money, if the best he can be is still an employee, end it - you earn a lot, so whatever you lose in the proceedings can be earned back.
No shade on your comment...IMO raising kids, taking care of the house, and running an AirBnB are real jobs.
She makes plenty enough money for the household so if he'd rather take care of the household then that should be absolutely fine. No need for him to get a job.
@@orlaspring363 Yes, when well rewarded, like any "real" job. Men die in trenches in war and kill what they must. Men will never feel at peace permanently babysitting. Those two mentalities don't coexist, at least for any meaningful length of time. Matt's finding out the hard way.
I wouldn't discount his caring for the kids
Getting comments about how it is okay for a full-grown, testosterone-filled man to settle into life as a housewife. Ridiculous! There is a world out there to confront. What?! You thought those broad shoulders, heavy biceps and triceps, thick calves, stamina, single-mindedness, and heightened aggression were meant for what? Get off your bum and get to work protecting your family - physically and financially. The world doesn't care if you fight your nature; it simply wants to eat you alive, and in your delusion, you make its job easy.
Matt comes from an Electrical Engineering background and had he not sacrificed his career, Amani would not be at her income level today. This is one of the negative effects of having traditional roles reversed. It just does not work. I will be blunt and state that MATT SHOULD LEAVE AMANI. It is clear that Amani see's her success and income only for her not for her family.
It’s not because of traditional roles reversed. It could work, but she totally doesn’t support his dreams, oppresses him, demeans him etc A lot of men are that way in those very traditional roles with many unhappy women.
In this case the abuser is female. She definitely has NPD. He should run, but I am sure now he is in a pickle with the kids and her controlling the finances. She is making sure that he remains a hostage by keeping him on a short financial leash. That’s one way narcissists control people. She is constantly reminding him how she is in charge and how nothing that she brings belongs to him and yet anything that he brings also belongs to her, including labor. And labor is easier to hide as added value to marital finances, no paper trail -unless he writes everything he does and how much it would have cost if she had to hire someone.
Eh I think this is giving Matt way too much credit. He has no ambition based on the background in the Netflix show which is likely why amani can't trust him. Plus an engineering job is more than enough money to cover a nanny and still profit, so he did not need to quit his job for the kids. He likely made that choice due to lack of ambition and amani resents having all the pressure on herself.
Matt: "when I supported us, we had joint accounts"
Amani: "I don't trust him!!!"
Please do another follow up with this couple in the future. I hope the dynamics continue to evolve for them, but it will take time and consistent effort!
hopefully it will be from the divorce court office
The show and this interview made me tear up. I agree with other comments, this is financial abuse and she's only getting away with it on a worldwide stage because she's a woman and not a man. If something happened to her tomorrow where would her HUSBAND and children be left?
Amber heard style
I pay for RUclips premium to avoid ads. Hate that you broke in for a LONG time.
She spoke 90% of the time
And in the beginning said she wanted Matt here to speak for himself.... ok, sure 😅
More like 98%
Wow, he's such a good "employee".
but even employees are trusted with company credit cards! he isn't after years as the father of her kids. yikes
I think the reason she doesn't want her husband to have access of their finances is because she's probably hiding something from him. Perhaps there are purchases that will raise flags. It's not that she doesn't trust him, it's that she doesn't want him to know what she's secretly spending their money on.
well said. it's likely that Matt will have no say about what she spends on as well.
My partner began watching Ramit's show on Netflix and told me there was a couple on there that reminded him of us. He was referring to this couple 😬 Now, in some ways, we are similarly. I (the woman) make more money and will probably always make more money because I have a master's and a career. My partner (a man) migrated to the U.S. from another country and his degree has no value here unfortunately, so he's had to start from the bottom again. Seeing how Amani treats her husband... I could never. I can sort of empathize with her in that it can be challenging to be a woman and the main breadwinners in the family. But the lack of trust, the imbalance of control, and the way all money decisions gravitate around her feelings is so unhealthy. I hope she really reflects on how her being this domineering over her husband will not lead to a rich marriage - one abundant in trust, security, love, etc.
If your partner said this couple reminds him of your relationship, you should ask him how and, if there are any problems, work on making him feel better.
@@TheSnoopy95ify Totally. This show led to big discussions between him and I. Lots of tears. And I have made changes in how I express myself about money with my partner so he feels like more equality in our relationship.
Now THIS is the magic of Ramit. Amani is a lost cause but I’m happy to see it’s helped you and your partner and I hope you are happy together ♥️ you can’t take money with you when you go.
@@TheSnoopy95ify I second this, please, please do this! It's easy to be blinded by your own behavior and it could be subtle and you've not noticed it.
I cannot understand why these two are together. I feel like they hate each other
They got married after only 3 months of knowing each other after meeting on a dating website... They must have relied on physical attraction until real life issues started to show up and didn't know each other for real 😕
Amani, Matt is your life partner, not your subordinate, employee or nanny…he’s your husband! Matt, you are a grown man, kudos for wanting to care for your kids, but this isn’t working for either of you! Get counseling…a year later you both are a bit better but not equals in your relationship! And it has nothing to do with 💰💰💰but respect!
I have 0 hope for this couple succeeding. Matt is overpowered, and she doesn’t trust him because he doesn’t push himself to what she thinks he should be. The only way they could make it is if he makes more than her, or if she trusts him enough to actually work with him and share their finances as a couple which I don’t think she will. She’s so self-centered, everything is “I, me “ and not “we,us.” If I were Matt, no, can’t do it!
I haven’t watched the original episode. I am stunned - I’m 18 minutes in and the husband is yet to say a word. This is the WIFE show. 😮 no bueno, IMHO.
She trust him to clean and get them 5 stars but not the bank account. Is his name even on the house. Poor Matt.
Matt looks unhappy in here. Mate hope you see this and I wish you would take good care of yourself.
I prefer the podcasts and even this clip over the Netflix show. Just feels the podcast goes deeper and sometimes gets me all teary and emotional versus the Netflix show was very jumpy and flashy
I agree I would prefer one couple/person per episode and a more in depth look at everything. Jumping around lost my focus
Like Till Debt Do Us Part in Canada
Agreed
I agree I didn’t think it translated well on Netflix. Unless they made the Netflix show like how he does the RUclips. Way more investigative and interesting
Matt is sad. She is “testing him??”
The editing of Ramit giving them his number is really funny, great meme potential of him cursing and ripping apart the couple 😂
I'm sorry. I'm trying SO hard to see both sides here but it's honestly really hard to listen to. I think Amani really needs to seek out individual therapy. She may be coming from a place of anxiety or trauma or who knows, but this is 100% financial abuse.
it's straight abuse. I wouldn't mind seeing her in prison, she's a disgusting excuse for a woman, can't wait till she loses the looks that allowed her to behave this way and still be valued. Good luck getting older, you spider Amani.
I pray she will honestly begin trusting Matt, I can see the pain in his eyes right from his heart and like you said Ramit, it is more costly than she thinks right now... Lots of healing still needed on the inside of her heart. It is painful
I LOVE that Matt has found a business in hosting their Air BNB. And he's around the property for child-care if necessary. WIN WIN. Happy for these two.
But if you notice it’s a business that she can control and call it hers. If he actually got the job that he wanted, have an independent career, then it would be harder for her to claim all his earnings (even though she did it before too when he worked), but also he would have more freedom as she wouldn’t be his “manager” keeping tabs on him.
he's just her free business housekeeper, business manager, etc. it's her business, he's an employee that doesn't get paid.
@@saeedhossain6099 yep. And nothing he does is good enough for her or ever will be. The goal posts will just get moved each time. Nothing he does will be considered as anything contributed to the household. She will continue saying how he has shortcomings and how she is the breadwinner.
I met her type. There is always something to complain about. The husband is just a tool to be shaped and used. Then according to the wife “he does nothing”, but if he dares to ask for a time away to see a friend from college (once in ten years) she goes “but how will I survive without you for an entire week?!” Make up your mind - either you can’t function without him doing so much for you every day or he doesn’t contribute anything and you do everything alone. Entitled to which ever “reality” suits her in the moment. Way to make a committed present man feel worthless.
@@leonab545 Definitely the type to strong arm about making more than their partner, just to turn around and say “(s)he doesn’t even take me out/buy me anything” or “all (s)he does is work” when their partners stretch themselves thin working. They’re nightmare partners 😭
I’m needing a season 2 but will go rewatch just because there’s nothing greater in this Space than this
I don't think there is any good news here. He looks as miserable as before. She doesn’t even say 'we bought the house' she says 'I bought the house'.
She didn’t really make any changes and she does not value his work as a caregiver.
It’s hard to listen to her, honestly.
Their issues are not financial.
This was not the easiest to watch. But I truly loved the show, learned so much!
I think she made a HUGE mistake buying the new house. Matt does not look happy at all. I hope everything works out for you guys 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I think if Amani can delegate at work and learn how to do that with strangers, why can’t she do the same thing with her husband? She can start giving him things to do little by little and see how he does improve to her that he’s capable and can take things off her plate so she doesn’t feel so stressful. I feel sorry for him if he can’t even have any access to the money or the budget or anything what kind of marriage is this?
The issues are still there. They just hid it better- right from the start when the host asked if Matt was coming, I could tell there was a serious problem. I almost thought they got divorced by her not being sure if he was going to show up. At least their finances are in better shape. Sorry I meant HER finances. Im scared for him.
Amani needs to work on her inner self to heal before she could become successful in her relationship. But instead she is looking for external validation, even asking for her “haters” to follow her on instagram. I sure wish that childhood trauma could have an easy fix but narcissism is a curse that is hella persistent and hurts everyone involved.
I wonder if Matt is also not allowed to have his own access to social media because she “doesn’t trust him”. She definitely speaks for him “we have been struggling with mental health especially Matt”. In the same post she manages to insult him as being unemployed and yet he is managing the Airbnb. She takes the credit for getting the Airbnb. He takes the insults while caring for their children (employment btw).
Now that the Airbnb is bringing in money she is sharing the success as “we”. But wait he is unemployed and yet the Airbnb is magically taken care of? I am sure she also demeans him into doing the childcare while she is “busy” bringing in more money than him, working a “real” job while he just “checks in on family business”.
I’ve met women like that. Just because you witnessed abuse of women in a patriarchal system doesn’t mean you are not doing the same to a good man. No matter how you justify it and try to get the world to agree with you, abuse is abuse, regardless of gender.
Would love to know exactly what Matt did to lose her trust. Is it just because he doesnt bring in money that she doesnt trust him? I dont see her automatically trusting him with finances if he suddenly had this office job she wants for him. Clearly he puts in work for their vacation rental, yet doesnt get any reward? It must be painful to have your partner not view you as a partner. Poor Matt.
Something happened in the past where we almost got in financial trouble and also there was betrayal in relationship. It was couple years ago but honestly I’m not going to disclose that I’m not going to put him on the spot
Nothing is as it seems on the surface. Amani is getting a lot of flank in the comments. But only they know what happened behind close doors.
@@amanijlassi4809 I cant imagine the level of discomfort you most likely feel reading all these comments, when people do not know the entire side of the story. All I can say is trust is everything in a relationship. It goes beyond money. Personally I put trust as the most important thing in a relationship as it dictates almost everything you do with the other person. Hope it can be restored again for you guys.
Agree - why doesn't she trust him - seems like its all just financial becaue he doesnt make more than her. However, she could not even handle taking care of their kids for one day on the show.
Exactly. What did he do to lose her trust? Or she has just decided that she can run around, so whatever she wants, abuse him financially and emotionally, and justify it all with one sentence :"I don't trust him, I have not tested him enough"
Wowwwww
He deserves so much better, that girl going to realize how good she had it if he leaves
Matt had to smoke a joint before jumping on this call and I understand why
Was scrolling for this one, agreed
She is going to miss him. I hope she wakes up in time. Please be a 50/50 partner with him. Or sign over half and let him raise the kids on his own. Respect him or let him go…..he will do great either way!!!!
I agree. Fix the marriage or end it. Don't drag it on and "HOPE' that it will fix itself...
If a man treated his partner the way she does, everyone would call out the blatantly abusive, self absorbed behaviour. This is not a healthy relationship
Great episode! Thanks so much for sharing their story with us!
I am so sorry for Matt.
Praise whoever is doing your thumbnails!!! Finally a pic of the couple so we can see who it is.
Still so controlling. These issues are hers alone. He has beyond proved himself. I hope that he realises his true worth. Best of luck
Wish this was a much bigger deep dive. I’m with everyone else, if this was reversed and the wife had no financial access, everyone would be advising divorce and to run. It’s abusive.
Get Counseling!
OH, WE ARE TELLING HIM THAT HE NEEDS TO GET A DIVORCE IF SHE DOESN'T CHANGE FAST!
Wishing this couple healing 💕
Are they really in a relationship or is this some kind of revenge plot? I can't imagine treating a loved one this way and obviously there is some deep seated issues at play for why Amani continues to be so self-centered, unsupportive and financially abusive towards her own husband. If they have continued down this vein even after the show, I don't see this boat turning around without some serious intervention (aka A LOT of therapy) and commitment from the both of them to improve and change. Matt has lost his voice in this relationship, he can't out-talk Amani and he'll never "win". At some point, he may be forced to cut his losses and move on. Amani strikes me as someone who prefers being alone -- I wonder what changed between the time they married till now aside from switching earning roles. It's deeply troubling to watch their relationship dynamic. Something else is going on...
Financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusers to gain power and control in a relationship. The forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in in general, include tactics to conceal information, limit the victim's access to assets, or reduce accessibility to the family finances.
Great that you are taking time to do a 1yr review. This was really good.
The biggest giveaway that Amani has is the fact she talks like she's a single person. Not married, not part of a couple, just I have I own my mortgage my stocks, it's all I I my and mine. There is no we here.
Matt hardly got a word in…. Sad for him.
Wishing you and your kids all the best, Matt
Bless your heart, Matt
Matt looks miserable. I honestly don't believe Amani has learned anything at all. Throughout this whole interview she kept saying "I'm doing this, I'm doint that......" Where is the WE in this conversation. This isn't a marriage or a partnership, its the Amani show. How in the world does Matt not have access to any of the funds? No joint accounts? Nothing. This is abusive............ A marriage is a partnership, a union of two people becoming one and that union includes your finances. I for one dont understand all these people getting married and having seperate accounts for everything......makes no sense. You can't be married to someone and then live a separate financial life..........If you cant trust your own partner enough to share accounts then why the hell did you get married in the first place??!! but to each their own. If I were Matt, I would divorce this woman and gain access to half of the finances plus the child support.
When women make more, majority of them will see their gains as only theirs not a result of their husbands helping them get to that path. I think this should be eye opener for young men out there that the "careeer women" working in corporate America is not a female but only a male trapped inside a females body looking to compete just like a men and keep everything for herself.
Honestly, I listened to this podcast the first time around and I genuinely thought they had divorced by the way that the conversation started
same and then he come and said he just "meh".
Scripture really helped me overcome some financial insecurities and need for control on everything. For one, one must see when they have haughty eyes and a proud heart. When you come to the self awareness that you see someone as inferior to you then and only then will you see your true need for change.
This is not to condemn nor judge but to help redirect. Which is what Ramit was trying to graciously do.
“One who gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want”
Proverbs 11:24
“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down”
Proverbs 14:1
Watched your show in one sitting.. was BRILLIANT!. Watched your show in one sitting.. was BRILLIANT!.
"Me, My, I, I want" etc. I think I see what the issue is here. Marriage is "Us, We, Our" and if you can't handle it that way you probably shouldn't be married. I know separate accounts etc. work for some people, but I just don't see this working out. She views him as an "employee" and not a husband and father of their kids. They really need marriage counseling and therapy if they aren't already in it.
This couple's story was the most memorable from the Netflix documentary.
Amani unfortunately is exhausting. She doesn’t respect her husband or hold him to a high regard. She’s married but lives as an independent financial woman. And just needs to get a job. Stop being a house husband so up as a partner.