I almost started crying when he started talking about using porn to self sooth. I do the same thing and I’ve felt so ashamed of it...I had no idea it could be connected to my abuse when I was little😭
It is Good that you put that forth. FYI: I watch porn on my devices every single day. The reason is because I am trying to replicate subconsciously my remedies mentally to being raped as a kid and a teenager.
@@Beleive-Christ-cares stop saying you were helped by Jesus since when we were abused your god didn't care. You are strong end of. Give your credit that your hod doesn't exist.
I was abuse by my brother when I was 6 years old.Over the years my mother always say I was jealous of my brother.My brother became this highly respected person in our family and community. My husband of 9 years starts to trigger these feelings and I'm currently dealing with what happens to me 50 years ago.I have been in denial and I carry a to of shame. Reliving that feeing when it happened make me sick to my core.I felt disgusting towards sex and just dirty.I'm starting to realize that it was not my fault and makes it me feel better.As I said it happened 50 years ago I still have a lot of work to do.
Thank you for this video. So often I feel left out as a guy who was sexually abused because I don't feel I can talk about it and be understood. This video gives me more confidence to talk about my issues.
If you need an example of what attention is being made of Human Trafficking, just watch the movie that has recently been released called Sound of Freedom. That movie awakened a TON of suppressed, forgotten and in denial memories that I had of being a victim of incest by the woman who adopted me. And the movie makes it clear that sexual abuse is MORE WIDESPREAD IN AMERICA THAN DRUGS! It is that horrible. SO TALK ABOUT IT AND BRING IT TO PEOPLE'S ATTENTION! I have found that I am getting a ton of advice and help from people who are being shown songs and writings that I am making about the subject of me being a victim of sex abuse and trafficking and seeking solutions.
As a female survivor of CSA, I have so much empathy for you and all men and boys who have been sexually abused. It seems that in modern times men are often even more ignored when they come forward and even more discouraged from doing so than modern women are. You are courageous and worthy of love and compassion, and I wish you all the best on your journey. I hope you can find a community of survivors who listen and support you♥️
wow the compassion for other people but not at the expense of compassion for yourself! So good!! And so amazing to hear his experience cutting contact with his mom, because I had to do that with my dad. It is such a hard thing! You think you are doing something so wrong, but it really is healing after the fact to not be in a toxic relationship.
So much incest, physical, sexual and emotional abuse in my family I don't know where to begin. I hate the after math of this. I've been in therapy and on meds for 3 years and I'm *still* trying to recover. 😣😩
Charissa E I was hospitalized and I've been in therapy for 3 years. Things are a little better, but I'm still not functioning well in society. I feel like a failure.
***** If you can, find new therapists. Even if they don't find you sick enough to be in a day program (partial care), they should accommodate you with more intense CBT or something similar. Or perhaps new medication
***** oh! Find a new psychiatrist! I was rushed into mine's office saying 'she wants to kill herself' - put in obs (the fishbowl, where they watch you 24/7), sedated in the hallways to stop me from screaming, completely fucked up. You don't want to get there. My psychiatrist was angry with me, she said I needed to tell her way before I get that depressed. She would've put me in long before that happened.
My first memory was sexual abuse from my boliological father. He was abused by his mother. Anyway. I'm 33 and still trying to 'heal' idk if you fully can as a 2 year old that was your first memory. I am being treated for PTSD since I was 5, but it's still a daily struggle.
I ADORE PAUL AND HIS PODCAST! I love his dark humor but more than that... he has honestly made me feel like I have a mini community to kind of 'be with' and learn from once a week. I can't afford therapy right now but just like his tagline says, he really does make me feel like I'm not alone. xo
It can be really hard to walk away from family especially a mother cause the people around you can make you feel guilty cause "how dare you not talk to your mother. Your a horrible child." Its hard to deal with sometimes tbh
I really like Paul and appreciate everything he said. Especially the part about having an orgasm during abuse--I feel like it is more common than we think but no one really talks about it. A lot of people who have that experience feel a lot of confusion and shame and I just feel the more we talk about it the easier it will be to come to terms with what happened. Really eye opening, thank you Kati and Paul
this really was something i wondered about all years and never had the courage to talk about it...i dont even talk about orgasm to begin with. i do think it happens in rape case as well, to imagine your brain and body is protecting yourself from attackers... its such a complex matter that more we know about our brain, i hope one day as human being can get over this negative loop....
Very important topic to discuss, helps to heal the world! Paul was super brave and spot-on to share his experiences. In my opinion, too much emphasis are put on blood relatives, too many unhealthy connections are kept because of the blood connection. If it's toxic, i might stand it somewhat prolonged with relatives but after that critical point: time to cut the connection, cut the cords, bye bye. I'm not here to taken down by toxic people. I'm here to live and shine. Thanks a lot for this!
blood n=is thicker then water is a misused part of the phrase "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” which means the that the family u make is more important then biological family
I have never come across an incest experience that was like mine. My father was exactly like this, and it was extremely validating to hear Paul share some of the intimate details of what he experienced. Thank you so much - I've needed this my whole life.
omg I can't believe I'm hearing someone saying exactly the same things I've been worried about for the last 40 odd years !! I think it's more common than people think fantasising about being powerless in sexual fantasies or to achieve orgasm and I have always believed that it's because most people's fantasies revolve around their 1st or earliest sexual experiences, it's just that most people's aren't as a too young child , their's is usually around late teens as to who they had their 1st sexual experiences with. you've made me feel so much less alone, in fact I've never ever acknowledged that about myself to anyone in 50 years!! thank you
Every time someone mentions this topic I get really scared and shaky and I continually tell myself that nothing happened, that I’m fin. But I’m not. I have a horrid fear of intimacy and I don’t know why
What he is talking about is so important. I just went through a very traumatic realization of a childhood trauma that is very similar to this. Resulting in a life time of emotional isolation that I'm just now having to deal with. The damage was subtle in early childhood and was never resolved. I'm just starting my climb out of the depths and I hope anyone watching will gain a positive and caring prospective for people that have resolved or unresolved trauma's.
Thank you so much for saying that it's okay to find a mother figure. I've had terrible guilt over things like this (because of the whole 'family sticks together') and it's nice to know that it's okay to feel this way.
“But That’s just the hand I’ve been dealt in life, and I have to take care of my own sanity.” This is exactly where I am. Thank you so much for this video.
This is first video about this topic i dared to see and it blew my mind. I knew it unconsiously all my life that I was abused by both my narcisstic parents, but they silenced my inner voice and freezed my feelings. I was raised like a slave without human rights. I felt so much pain in my soul and body all those years and it attracted more abusers and I was so confused why me. Thank You thousand times for sharing, your bravery and courage to talk about this.
I was about to stop the vid but then he started explaining the specifics of what did and didn't happen and I started to have flash backs of my mom doing the same thing to me growing up. It comforts me to know that I can call it incest and I'm not over exaggerating.
Same happened to me just now listening to him. Memories of identical situations, wow! Also recall me as a young kid often acting out showing my private parts to others kids, like playing doctors and nurses etc, this wasn’t a one off activity for me so l am now really wondering where the heck it came from, the impetus to do this
My mind is blown. This entire video gave me so much clarity. Thank you soooooo much for this video and thank you for validating my thoughts and actions. I look forward to listening to the podcast and reading some of the recommended lit. Keep up the great work!
Wow... This was a revelation. I just now realized that I indeed have experienced things like this too. I have been searching for words and to express my feelings. This feels horrible and extremely releaving at the same time! I think I have some thinking to do.
Thank you for speaking about this Paul. You're extremely strong and I'm so glad you've come to terms with what happened to you, you seem like a lovely man.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This covered a few things not commonly talked about in child sexual abuse, and the tone of the dialogue was so encouraging and comforting. I also just started reading the courage to heal, and oh man. It’s eye opening. Life is so different now. I’m so thankful for resources such as that book, creators like you, and of course my therapist. I’m so happy I found you recently!
Katie, Thank you for discussing this taboo topic. It's very real and under reported especially the mother being the abuser is more common than anyone wants to acknowledge and people always believe it's false memory but great discussion on the realities of disconnection from the abuser and healing and support groups. I really needed to hear this tonight. I hope you continue the discussion in future video on how to understand non overt or grey areas the spectrum and types of abuse and mother/ daughter even. And what types of negative affect it can have on psyche. How it shapes us. And how to understand it and experience a full recovery
I've never been sexually abused but this video really resonated with me, especially when Paul was talking about not wanting to throw people you love under the bus, and thinking about how other people have had it worse. As I get older (I'm about to turn 23) I've been thinking about the ways my mom treated me growing up. Physical punishment that seem to cross a line, and just the harsh way she interacted with me. But I feel like, if I call it abuse then I'm minimizing the experience of people who have 'actually' been abused. Also, I know that if my mom heard that I thought she abused me she would be really hurt by that. I don't want to hurt her by over-exaggerating.
I think minimizing is common way to cope, like thinking oh it wasn't so bad as another scenario. Loving family members even if they hurt you is also really common, it's not always black and white...
it is amazing to see how quickly self blame becomes central in these cases. when you are exposed to inappropriate behaviour as a kid (even just inappropriate conversation before anything more abusive) the naiive mind fills in the gaps to make up for what it doesn't understand, the only way you can deal with situations like this in the immediate/short term is to take on feelings of blame simply to try and grasp some control over the situation. the sad reality is that the blame never lies with a kid, but for them to see that, they need to see that in the moment of abuse, they were powerless. and the trauma is hard enough to cope with, let alone the acceptance of that powerless that itself which triggers guilt for not 'defending' more forcefully. it's so cyclical and vicious and closed. great video, thank you so much for the openness about various crutches people use to cope. addictions and habits can be so revealing about what people deal with, but while the addictions& acts are looked down on, it is not addressing underlying contributing factors like abuse xxxx
this is a very important testimony. people never talk about incest. this gives the issue a whole new light and it is very important that this continues
I'm so glad I found this video. I experienced incest myself, it was Intercourse with my brother. Very different than what you both described. But the incest and abuse you sir went through, is so awful and terrible . because a lot of people dont consider it abuse. Because it's not rape. But it changes you as a person, makes you feel powerless, and the perpetrator doesn't appear to be a bad guy/woman. But to me its almost worse, because of the confusion it can cause the victim to feel, like did this really happen, was this really so bad? Etc etc. I'm so sorry you went through this,and with your own mother! You are a strong man! A survivor! Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate it
I see a therapist and I reach out to my friends as much as I can. I often find that I am too overbearing and when someone offers an ear I tend to flood them with too much too fast and I have to pull back or they may excuse themselves from my life. I am having a difficult time right now because many of the repressed thoughts and feelings are resurfacing and they are overwhelming. I cope with self harm occasionally but I have been working toward a goal of no self harm and many weeks I am successful. More than anything, I feel lonely, even though I am surrounded by people that care about me. I have taken great pains to eliminate everyone toxic from my life. I feel like I will never feel whole but my therapist assures me that a happy, healthy life is possible, so I keep trying.
Ashley Gernak I felt the sadness and isolation when reading this. i hope you're ok. i am in a similar stage of my life and continually hope for a healthier life. i hope this really does get easier to heal from
I read your comment and I started crying because it struck such a chord with me. It's particularly hard for me because I blame myself for not being more healed when people leave or start getting distant because I've gotten too close and start feeling too much around them. But in reality this has happened in less relationships than I think (and mostly toxic ones...!). I think these things take time, and you are getting help which also will take time. I hope it gets better for you.
Hi Kati, would you be willing to do a video on child on child sexual abuse? it's something that I've always struggled with recognizing that it even happened, especially because it was between two children. (he was 9, I was 5, went on til I was 7)
@@khosiroyalhighness4965 unfortunately there are many, far too many. My brother was also 4yrs older, dunno when it started, but he stopped playing our secret games about the time I turned 8. Speaking out is the best way to expose how wide-spread sexual abuse really is, the abusers won't, so its up to us! No, we are not alone.
@Shimohira Reika A manipulator can easily convince someone younger than them that it’s “our little secret” which makes it seem more special, more like a game, and of course, keeps the victim quiet. You’re assuming alot about this person’s experience without knowing them, bud.
TRIGGER WARNING Do not read if the story of what I survived might trigger your PTSD. I have PTSD too. I'm a girl. I survived too but it was my mom who instigated it between my 10 year old half-brother and me (when I was 5 years old) so she could make child porn of us to sell. She also raped all of her kids (girls and boys) and trafficked my sister and me. However, my brother even raped me as a kid when he wanted to, off camera, because he liked the power and getting those sexual feelings, and even as a trapped enslaved adult he still raped me. Then I escaped human trafficking and cut ties with everyone. I am asexual and celibate. I hope that the presenter of this series on incest could do a video on mother-daughter incest like my sister and I survived. There needs to be more representation out there for those of us that survived it. She did overt and covert incest of us all of our childhoods starting when we were babies and after we were adults enslaved by her. We were born into human trafficking slavery, so I know that plays a role. My mom was trafficked as an adult and she survived sibling and father incest as a kid. My uncle raped her when they were kids. As adults they told me they were having consensual sibling sex orgy-gang-rape things with each other, including the rest of the family, and an unconscious me, and I should become able to do consensual incest orgy things. I told them no and gross and then they just beat me unconscious again. I have had a seizure disorder for all of my life because of all my concussions and rapes. I'm just now figuring it out and trying to get Medicaid to get it treated. I've been denied Medicaid in the state of Texas after trying for three years to get it but I moved to Ohio to try again. I think what I have is called psychogenic non epileptic seizure disorder. So almost all of my rapes I survived, I was concussed, fainted, in a coma, having seizures, or otherwise incapacitated with drugs they forced into me, or weapons or other objects they were using, or just vomiting and pooping and peeing all over myself. Of course there was crying and bleeding a lot and sometimes screaming or hyperventilation, which led to fainting, stoping breathing and/or cardiac arrest. I also had to deal with asthma attacks from inhaling the smoke they were smoking and stopping breathing and cardiac arrest from that. Sometimes I drowned in the bathtub when I got raped in there and had to be revived after stopping breathing from that when I was a child. When my mom was alone with me as a child, she was crying and telling how scary it was to be raped by her brother as a kid, but later on she'd tell me how much fun they had as adults having consensual sex. It was strange to me. I disowned everyone. I am safe now.
Watching this brought me to tears... I've talked about my situation only once because I find it too hard to do. This made me feel heard without speaking.
Paul, thank you for being so honest about all this. My biological father was an incestuous pedo, sexually abusing me from the age of three to roughly 9 or 10 (that is what I can remember). I have never felt as a person when I was little, I thought I am the lowest life form there is. My mother committed an emotional incest against me, turning me into her surrogate partner from the age of 8 or 9, during my teen years and my 20s, being controlling and jealous about all of my relationships. I am 44 now, dealing with it all since the age of 40. I don't know how I survived. You are amazing. I absolutely know your pain.
my ex-husband would tell me that since my grandfather didn't have intercourse with me that I wasn't sexual abuse. even though it started with touching when I was 9 and ended about 13. that's some validation for ya.
same i just love to learn so this is one of my go to channels for that and i love all of he different subjects she talks about good luck being an art therapist
That’s awesome that he’s sharing his story. When he said that people assume he is a pedophile sometimes that made me think it would be great to see an episode about why some people break the cycle of abuse and some people don’t, if there is good research on that.
The truth is that my parents both boast of their love for each other but they have nothing in common and barely spoke and growing up each of us were used as outlets both physically and mentally in extremely abusive ways.
At the beginning I listened with skepticism because I'm skeptical about my own experiences. Then Paul described the bath. Yuck. That's as un-right as what happened to me. Paul's story is so close to mine. I started drinking to numb out the pain. I got sober 28 years ago, and have numbed out in other ways since then, video games, porn, food, or just plain isolation. Now I'm in EMDR. So painful, but in a different way. It's bringing the feelings of shame to the surface, where they can heal. It's like physical therapy. It takes a lot of work. It can really hurt, but there's no short cut and you end up able to function better in the end.
I think part of not speaking out about this is worrying about being wrong and putting this stigma on the person you're accusing and worrying that you might ruin their life.
This happened to me as well only by my big sister i started doing drugs and alcohol at age 12 and im 60 now i got sober found a wonderful therapist and after 2yrs of all my hard work and it was very difficult because I did blame myself and was shamed into thinking it was my fault and it wasn't i was just a little girl, now im the villain for telling my truth and calling what it is RAPE ive gone no contact for 2yrs now and getting healthier every day, thank you both for making these issues come to light its not our fault
I got raped by my mom since birth and molested by my sister later on when she became an adult and I was their hostage/slave (younger sister did this to me because my mom programmed her to using Monarch programming). I feel guilty for being unable to protect her from my mom abusing her and molesting her too and being unable to deprogram her, but I was struggling hard to survive, and nothing was my fault. You are not alone. I'm still disabled so I understand I am a target for a lot of abusers as I can't fight anyone off if I am having seizures and/or paralyzed from having seizures and/or unconscious caused by seizures, but I am trying to figure out how to take care of myself well, now that I have escaped them and I cut off contact. I'm working out how to live with uncontrolled seizures and still be a safe person with safe relationships. Other people do it, so why not me? Healing takes a long time, and it's not too easy to control seizures. I'm learning what I can. Medicine only helps some types of seizures in some types of people. Not people with trauma-caused seizures. PNES. Yep. I am glad you are getting better and healthier every day. Good job! :)
Wow. How beutiful to be talking about this. And I definetly think masterbation can be a self depreciating thing sometimes and linked to depression. I think it’s beatiful that you can heal from reaching out to a trusted person that loves you, instead of reaching out to addictions. A true friend is worth a lot.
Such a brave man for bringing up the topic of sexual assault through medical procedures and sharing his experience! Using suppositories, enema, rectal thermometers or any type of catheter on a child is 100% a gruesome form of sexual assault. There are literally hundreds of people on Reddit and the internet in general sharing how suppositories have ruined their sexual development. It is crazy how society has normalised the anal penetration of children. Children can’t possibly consent to being anally penetrated yet society and paediatrics keep finding excuses to do it. Society when a kicking, screaming child is forcefully penetrated with a penis: 🤬😡😱 Society when a kicking, screaming child gets forcefully penetrated with a chemical substance that dissolves inside their bodies against their will and makes them feel like their insides are melting from pain: 🥰😂😌🫶💫 The intention of the perpetrator is irrelevant, being penetrated in your intime areas as a child is sexual abuse and will leave a sexual trauma in most cases. Period. To people who have been sexually degraded like this, there is a subreddit that is dedicated to suppository trauma where these topics are discussed and the victims can get support.
It’s been so daunting knowing how long it could take to heal from these feelings.. knowing it will take longer because I have to find the family support I don’t have. My oldest brother abused me and my sister.. both my parents were aware and did nothing. Years later when we were in our early 20s we spoke up about the abuse in order to protect our niece from our brother.. and again we were failed by our own parents.. “you need to forgive and get over it”.. like I didn’t have enough to try to figure out and heal from. Now I have zero validation that it wasn’t my fault…
This video is so wonderfully sensitive and informative. It's so amazing how frank and upfront Paul can be about his experiences. I think it's so important for people to understand that arousal during sexual abuse is a very natural response and people shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Great video!
Thank you Katie for having Paul on to share his story. He's the only other male I've heard with my exact story, it's so parallel with everything he said would happen. And my past hit me at 10 yrs sober and clean so the being numb part really hit home as well. Unfortunately, my incest after a few years of inappropriate things, it did go to Intercourse and being made to perform oral constantly. Then I was shared with other women, my mom's hairstylist, her bank accountant, an aunt, etc. Thank you again Paul, after a while I just think I'm crazy when she won't own anything and all she will say to me is that I had a great childhood and none of that, it's all in my mind.
I was abused by my brother and cousin. I literally think about the abuse everyday. I don't see my cousin but I see my brother from time to time. My body literally feels a physical response that hurts. Its hard to describe. I haven't told but one friend but no one else. I have forgiven him but I have nightmares and sex sometimes reminds me of the abuse. As an adult he lived with me and I think he would sexually abuse me in my sleep. I hate that thia happened to me. 😥😥
Have you talked with him about it? He likely doesn’t know he hurt you, as crazy as that sounds it’s likely true. That is unless he was verbally abusíve and hit you, then he is just a crueł person. Why do I say that? It used to be common knowledge and understood by doctors that playing doctor when you’re young is actually completely normal. This can lead to íntimacy because of our innate bīological needs. Where and when there is a problem is when førce or large age gaps come in. So why do we automatically say it’s always wrong then today? Likely because of lack of understanding and upbringing today that sees it as wrong without exception. Until whatever age that it magically becomes ok. That doesn’t mean those people are right, that just means they have succeeded in getting their views to be what’s considered “normal”. Now I understand, not wanting someone to get pregnant way before she is ready or get diseases.. but it’s also not healthy to raise people to feel damaged and like something is wrong with them.
I'm very happy you talked about this topic. My sister sexualized everything when I was a child. When I wanted to play with my action figures they would wind up having sex. And then it got to a point where I thought this was normal, and the whole world revolves around sex. When it got physical I was confused but I still didn't think anything of it. I still live with my sister being to young to move out but it still dose hurt. I can't really look at them the same and they still are very touchy, always wanting hugs or to be close. They also like to pretend they don't know anything and that they're "baby" which is frustrating. I'm also thankful you talked about the porn stuff. I got into porn at a very young age and still do have a problem but I'm working on it. I thought I was broken because my brain would get super horny after everything that happened but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
This is literally exactly what happened to me, and we have a 6 year age gap. We live together. I have sex addictions and for me specifically I’m a Christian, so the sexual thoughts and addictions made me feel like God was mad at me, (I know not everyone is religious, that’s just my experience). I’m getting more comfortable in my religion as I find these videos and people explain how these addictions and thoughts are almost against your will. I feel depressed when those things come up. I hope you’re doing better now, God bless you
@@fredahwiwu5219Thank you very much for validating what I thought, but I certainly don't want to miminise the person's traumatic experience! As you'd know, it's often the case when children act out though and it's usually more than one child who was sexually abused. It was rife in my family and many thousands of others, especially where alcohol was involved, while growing up in New Zealand in the 60s and 70s and it wasn't just family members either. 😥
Thank you for this video. I just realized he was describing me, This happened to me too. And I only just realized it. Because as he says, it was not overt. Emotional incest with some inappropriate touching that could be taken both ways. So while I felt uncomfortable around the parent that made me his surrogate partner, I never really comprehended the relationship was off. I hope I can make it relatively unscatterd until my next week's appointment with my therapist. I've been shaking and crying and rethinking my entire childhood since the realization hit me. It all makes sense now. Terrible awful sense.
omg I just talked about incest my few of my last videos.... very surprised and happy to see you and someone else talk about it! Will be watching this video! If any of your viewers need some personal healing stories I have a lot of it and I help incest, child sex abuse survivors to recover through many of my videos. The epidemic is the ability to have healthy sexual relationship or using intimacy appropriately with others as an adult. Child sex abuse survivors tends to fall into trap with sociopaths. So learning to know how to use intimacy, bond, connection to the right adults who are mature and not immature is superb important. Thank you thank you thank you!
I don't think fantasies have a relation to this, I think they are more a product of a natural sexuality, but they are sorta tainted and perverted by the thing that happened when it happens. Sorta like with homosexuality, I know a shit ton of guys who went through sexual assault by the hands of a nanny who sorta feel their sexuality is somehow a product of trauma, while others when the perpetrator is male feel that their sexuality is a product of the fetishization of their violation. It does affect how one perceive their orientation, kinks and stuff like that, but I don't think it causes those kinks. It can strengthen the reaction to those fetishes in one way or another, but it doesn't cause it.
Hi Kati! Could you maybe do an episode talking more about empathy and over-active empathy? I sometimes feel that I empathize too much. Thanks for the great videos :))
Anaya Karim I know what you mean! I used to feel everyone's emotions, like an 'empath'. Especially at 14 - 17. It used to depress me so much, seriously, oh my God, I would be so gutted by everyone else's pain. Theirs and mine on top of it was just, unbearable. I'm 27 now and I'm healthy. It went away.
Charissa E That's really comforting to know. I hope my over-empathizing (if that's what you call it) goes away as I get older too, since I'm 15 now. Right now it feels like I don't even have my own emotions, just a mix of other's. Nice to know there's others out there :))
Thanks for the validation. I just went no contact with my mother for similar reasons. Multiple therapists have invalidated my desire to walk away from her.
Thank you for sharing this video!! I have been struggling with my own experience with incest/sexual abuse and this has helped to validate some of my feelings. ❤️
I understand instinct fully what you have gone through...it was a little painful to listen too because I was a victim of covert emotional incest. yes my farther never physically touched me...but he did enough damage and manipulation and made no boundaries! for me to end up with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. everyone just thought we were close but there were very disturbing signs of my farther being over possessive and jealous of any boy that would talk to me. and also being a councillor to my dad. I'm 23 years old and just starting to get help. thank you for being brave, this is really helping me to not feel guilty or ashamed, wish I could hug you right now thank you!
This is an amazing healing way, guys you rock, those are hard wounds to heal and you are opening your hearts to everyone, thank you sincerely, it's amazing 👍
What a brave man to speak so openly about it
We should normalize these conversations.
Love is love !!
I am so grateful to stumble upon this video.
for real. wish him and others who have gone through this the best
@@rawchenkarboul1074 Eww
his wife supported him through 20 years of recovery - that is an amazing relationship. kudos to her.
Amen!!! What a wonderful woman.
Yes! Amen!
Tough to find.
Dude he is so confident and poised in how he talks about his trauma. He’s done a lot of hard work. You go Paul!
I almost started crying when he started talking about using porn to self sooth. I do the same thing and I’ve felt so ashamed of it...I had no idea it could be connected to my abuse when I was little😭
It is Good that you put that forth. FYI: I watch porn on my devices every single day. The reason is because I am trying to replicate subconsciously my remedies mentally to being raped as a kid and a teenager.
I had some desires but people prayed and protected me for years from going and doing wrong.
Through Jesus Christ the lust is gone
It's a human reaction but you feel repulsive and degenerate. Bad feelings to say the least. I'm glad you're finding peace and healing.
This really opened my eyes as well about me and porn and my sexual behavior.
@@Beleive-Christ-cares stop saying you were helped by Jesus since when we were abused your god didn't care. You are strong end of. Give your credit that your hod doesn't exist.
I wish this could stop happening to people :(
Marie do do I. This is just sick
Same especially to children :(
Me too..
Yeah just like we need to stop gay people bcs it’s not natural
Right ?
Me too
I was abuse by my brother when I was 6 years old.Over the years my mother always say I was jealous of my brother.My brother became this highly respected person in our family and community. My husband of 9 years starts to trigger these feelings and I'm currently dealing with what happens to me 50 years ago.I have been in denial and I carry a to of shame. Reliving that feeing when it happened make me sick to my core.I felt disgusting towards sex and just dirty.I'm starting to realize that it was not my fault and makes it me feel better.As I said it happened 50 years ago I still have a lot of work to do.
Thank you for this video. So often I feel left out as a guy who was sexually abused because I don't feel I can talk about it and be understood. This video gives me more confidence to talk about my issues.
Stay strong, none of that was your fault... 🤗
I hope you are doing well, yo deserv the best
If you need an example of what attention is being made of Human Trafficking, just watch the movie that has recently been released called Sound of Freedom. That movie awakened a TON of suppressed, forgotten and in denial memories that I had of being a victim of incest by the woman who adopted me.
And the movie makes it clear that sexual abuse is MORE WIDESPREAD IN AMERICA THAN DRUGS! It is that horrible. SO TALK ABOUT IT AND BRING IT TO PEOPLE'S ATTENTION! I have found that I am getting a ton of advice and help from people who are being shown songs and writings that I am making about the subject of me being a victim of sex abuse and trafficking and seeking solutions.
As a female survivor of CSA, I have so much empathy for you and all men and boys who have been sexually abused. It seems that in modern times men are often even more ignored when they come forward and even more discouraged from doing so than modern women are. You are courageous and worthy of love and compassion, and I wish you all the best on your journey. I hope you can find a community of survivors who listen and support you♥️
@@wanderingbelle7 Thank you for that validation.
He puts it forward so intelligently.
Wow, just listening to this is healing. You don't hear this talked about in such candor often. This guy is amazing. Thank you both for this video.
wow the compassion for other people but not at the expense of compassion for yourself! So good!! And so amazing to hear his experience cutting contact with his mom, because I had to do that with my dad. It is such a hard thing! You think you are doing something so wrong, but it really is healing after the fact to not be in a toxic relationship.
"Have compassion for others but not at the expense of compassion for yourself."
Golden. Gonna teach that to my kids. F'sho.
So much incest, physical, sexual and emotional abuse in my family I don't know where to begin. I hate the after math of this. I've been in therapy and on meds for 3 years and I'm *still* trying to recover. 😣😩
Missy Teree have you ever been an inpatient in psychiatric hospital? With zero outside contact. That gave me the tools to get better. Changed my life.
Charissa E I was hospitalized and I've been in therapy for 3 years. Things are a little better, but I'm still not functioning well in society. I feel like a failure.
***** If you can, find new therapists. Even if they don't find you sick enough to be in a day program (partial care), they should accommodate you with more intense CBT or something similar. Or perhaps new medication
***** oh! Find a new psychiatrist! I was rushed into mine's office saying 'she wants to kill herself' - put in obs (the fishbowl, where they watch you 24/7), sedated in the hallways to stop me from screaming, completely fucked up. You don't want to get there. My psychiatrist was angry with me, she said I needed to tell her way before I get that depressed. She would've put me in long before that happened.
***** by the way, you are NOT A FAILURE.
oh my god I LOVE this guy! He's so open and honest as I have a really similar situation and hearing someone talk about it openly is helping me so much
My first memory was sexual abuse from my boliological father. He was abused by his mother. Anyway. I'm 33 and still trying to 'heal' idk if you fully can as a 2 year old that was your first memory. I am being treated for PTSD since I was 5, but it's still a daily struggle.
Icia Jay The amount of similarities we have are unreal. Same ages, same abuse, same efforts to heal at 33. So weird! 😊
Icia i have the same issue. I wouldnt call it healing but im in my 30s confronting it as an adult from stuff as a boy. Psychedelic drugs really help.
mums pulled that trick on me...
Yes memories can go as far bacj
I ADORE PAUL AND HIS PODCAST! I love his dark humor but more than that... he has honestly made me feel like I have a mini community to kind of 'be with' and learn from once a week. I can't afford therapy right now but just like his tagline says, he really does make me feel like I'm not alone. xo
This gives me enough courage to talk to my counselor about some stuff I've been afraid to tell him. :) Thank you.
It can be really hard to walk away from family especially a mother cause the people around you can make you feel guilty cause "how dare you not talk to your mother. Your a horrible child." Its hard to deal with sometimes tbh
It helps not to give away information that might be used against you.
I really like Paul and appreciate everything he said. Especially the part about having an orgasm during abuse--I feel like it is more common than we think but no one really talks about it. A lot of people who have that experience feel a lot of confusion and shame and I just feel the more we talk about it the easier it will be to come to terms with what happened. Really eye opening, thank you Kati and Paul
I totally agree. I had the same experience and the dissonance in my mind resulted in me hating my body because I couldn't control it.
this really was something i wondered about all years and never had the courage to talk about it...i dont even talk about orgasm to begin with. i do think it happens in rape case as well, to imagine your brain and body is protecting yourself from attackers... its such a complex matter that more we know about our brain, i hope one day as human being can get over this negative loop....
I really felt it when he said he was sad he doesn’t have a mom. I’m really sad I don’t have parents for very similar reasons, too 😢
Yes, though also, mine are dead now.
Very important topic to discuss, helps to heal the world! Paul was super brave and spot-on to share his experiences. In my opinion, too much emphasis are put on blood relatives, too many unhealthy connections are kept because of the blood connection. If it's toxic, i might stand it somewhat prolonged with relatives but after that critical point: time to cut the connection, cut the cords, bye bye. I'm not here to taken down by toxic people. I'm here to live and shine. Thanks a lot for this!
blood n=is thicker then water is a misused part of the phrase "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” which means the that the family u make is more important then biological family
I have never come across an incest experience that was like mine. My father was exactly like this, and it was extremely validating to hear Paul share some of the intimate details of what he experienced. Thank you so much - I've needed this my whole life.
Sick, but too common.
I thank this man for his honesty about a very difficult subject.
What an incredible human. Just listening to him speak, you know he's come so far and learned so much.
omg I can't believe I'm hearing someone saying exactly the same things I've been worried about for the last 40 odd years !! I think it's more common than people think fantasising about being powerless in sexual fantasies or to achieve orgasm and I have always believed that it's because most people's fantasies revolve around their 1st or earliest sexual experiences, it's just that most people's aren't as a too young child , their's is usually around late teens as to who they had their 1st sexual experiences with. you've made me feel so much less alone, in fact I've never ever acknowledged that about myself to anyone in 50 years!! thank you
Every time someone mentions this topic I get really scared and shaky and I continually tell myself that nothing happened, that I’m fin. But I’m not. I have a horrid fear of intimacy and I don’t know why
Same here
I hope this brave person is living an fulfilling life as he deserves
What he is talking about is so important. I just went through a very traumatic realization of a childhood trauma that is very similar to this. Resulting in a life time of emotional isolation that I'm just now having to deal with. The damage was subtle in early childhood and was never resolved. I'm just starting my climb out of the depths and I hope anyone watching will gain a positive and caring prospective for people that have resolved or unresolved trauma's.
Thank you so much for saying that it's okay to find a mother figure. I've had terrible guilt over things like this (because of the whole 'family sticks together') and it's nice to know that it's okay to feel this way.
“But That’s just the hand I’ve been dealt in life, and I have to take care of my own sanity.” This is exactly where I am. Thank you so much for this video.
This is first video about this topic i dared to see and it blew my mind. I knew it unconsiously all my life that I was abused by both my narcisstic parents, but they silenced my inner voice and freezed my feelings. I was raised like a slave without human rights.
I felt so much pain in my soul and body all those years and it attracted more abusers and I was so confused why me.
Thank You thousand times for sharing, your bravery and courage to talk about this.
I still heal everyday from my childhood trauma and adult trauma. This helped to listen and to learn even more. Thank you!
I was about to stop the vid but then he started explaining the specifics of what did and didn't happen and I started to have flash backs of my mom doing the same thing to me growing up. It comforts me to know that I can call it incest and I'm not over exaggerating.
I am so sorry for you
Same happened to me just now listening to him. Memories of identical situations, wow! Also recall me as a young kid often acting out showing my private parts to others kids, like playing doctors and nurses etc, this wasn’t a one off activity for me so l am now really wondering where the heck it came from, the impetus to do this
Paul's podcast "the mental illness happy hour" is the best thing ever!! It's always the highlight of my week! Everyone should definitely go and listen
My mind is blown. This entire video gave me so much clarity. Thank you soooooo much for this video and thank you for validating my thoughts and actions. I look forward to listening to the podcast and reading some of the recommended lit. Keep up the great work!
Wow... This was a revelation. I just now realized that I indeed have experienced things like this too. I have been searching for words and to express my feelings. This feels horrible and extremely releaving at the same time! I think I have some thinking to do.
Thank you for speaking about this Paul. You're extremely strong and I'm so glad you've come to terms with what happened to you, you seem like a lovely man.
Inçest is Bad?
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
This covered a few things not commonly talked about in child sexual abuse, and the tone of the dialogue was so encouraging and comforting.
I also just started reading the courage to heal, and oh man. It’s eye opening. Life is so different now. I’m so thankful for resources such as that book, creators like you, and of course my therapist. I’m so happy I found you recently!
Wow... this helps me have a better perspective as to why I feel the way I do, as an adult now, having been molested by an uncle.
Katie,
Thank you for discussing this taboo topic. It's very real and under reported especially the mother being the abuser is more common than anyone wants to acknowledge and people always believe it's false memory but great discussion on the realities of disconnection from the abuser and healing and support groups. I really needed to hear this tonight. I hope you continue the discussion in future video on how to understand non overt or grey areas the spectrum and types of abuse and mother/ daughter even. And what types of negative affect it can have on psyche. How it shapes us. And how to understand it and experience a full recovery
I've never been sexually abused but this video really resonated with me, especially when Paul was talking about not wanting to throw people you love under the bus, and thinking about how other people have had it worse. As I get older (I'm about to turn 23) I've been thinking about the ways my mom treated me growing up. Physical punishment that seem to cross a line, and just the harsh way she interacted with me. But I feel like, if I call it abuse then I'm minimizing the experience of people who have 'actually' been abused. Also, I know that if my mom heard that I thought she abused me she would be really hurt by that. I don't want to hurt her by over-exaggerating.
I think minimizing is common way to cope, like thinking oh it wasn't so bad as another scenario. Loving family members even if they hurt you is also really common, it's not always black and white...
it is amazing to see how quickly self blame becomes central in these cases.
when you are exposed to inappropriate behaviour as a kid (even just inappropriate conversation before anything more abusive) the naiive mind fills in the gaps to make up for what it doesn't understand, the only way you can deal with situations like this in the immediate/short term is to take on feelings of blame simply to try and grasp some control over the situation. the sad reality is that the blame never lies with a kid, but for them to see that, they need to see that in the moment of abuse, they were powerless. and the trauma is hard enough to cope with, let alone the acceptance of that powerless that itself which triggers guilt for not 'defending' more forcefully. it's so cyclical and vicious and closed.
great video, thank you so much for the openness about various crutches people use to cope. addictions and habits can be so revealing about what people deal with, but while the addictions& acts are looked down on, it is not addressing underlying contributing factors like abuse xxxx
this is a very important testimony. people never talk about incest. this gives the issue a whole new light and it is very important that this continues
Oh my life ! I stumbled upon his podcast last year and he is the absolute best !! Him and Kati together is like an early Christmas present 😍😍😍
I'm so glad I found this video. I experienced incest myself, it was Intercourse with my brother. Very different than what you both described. But the incest and abuse you sir went through, is so awful and terrible . because a lot of people dont consider it abuse. Because it's not rape. But it changes you as a person, makes you feel powerless, and the perpetrator doesn't appear to be a bad guy/woman. But to me its almost worse, because of the confusion it can cause the victim to feel, like did this really happen, was this really so bad? Etc etc. I'm so sorry you went through this,and with your own mother! You are a strong man! A survivor! Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate it
how old were you with your brother was it consentual;?
It is rape
Finally a man that is willing to speak up about male victims
Paul, thank you for being so brave and sharing with us, you are helping so many.
I see a therapist and I reach out to my friends as much as I can. I often find that I am too overbearing and when someone offers an ear I tend to flood them with too much too fast and I have to pull back or they may excuse themselves from my life. I am having a difficult time right now because many of the repressed thoughts and feelings are resurfacing and they are overwhelming. I cope with self harm occasionally but I have been working toward a goal of no self harm and many weeks I am successful. More than anything, I feel lonely, even though I am surrounded by people that care about me. I have taken great pains to eliminate everyone toxic from my life. I feel like I will never feel whole but my therapist assures me that a happy, healthy life is possible, so I keep trying.
Ashley Gernak I felt the sadness and isolation when reading this. i hope you're ok. i am in a similar stage of my life and continually hope for a healthier life. i hope this really does get easier to heal from
Ashley Gernak like yourself, i keep hoping and trying.
I read your comment and I started crying because it struck such a chord with me. It's particularly hard for me because I blame myself for not being more healed when people leave or start getting distant because I've gotten too close and start feeling too much around them. But in reality this has happened in less relationships than I think (and mostly toxic ones...!). I think these things take time, and you are getting help which also will take time. I hope it gets better for you.
He's one of my favourite human beings in the whole world!
Hi Kati, would you be willing to do a video on child on child sexual abuse? it's something that I've always struggled with recognizing that it even happened, especially because it was between two children. (he was 9, I was 5, went on til I was 7)
Omg your not alone
@@khosiroyalhighness4965 unfortunately there are many, far too many. My brother was also 4yrs older, dunno when it started, but he stopped playing our secret games about the time I turned 8. Speaking out is the best way to expose how wide-spread sexual abuse really is, the abusers won't, so its up to us! No, we are not alone.
@Shimohira Reika A manipulator can easily convince someone younger than them that it’s “our little secret” which makes it seem more special, more like a game, and of course, keeps the victim quiet.
You’re assuming alot about this person’s experience without knowing them, bud.
Hey, she made it If you haven't saw ^^.
TRIGGER WARNING Do not read if the story of what I survived might trigger your PTSD. I have PTSD too.
I'm a girl. I survived too but it was my mom who instigated it between my 10 year old half-brother and me (when I was 5 years old) so she could make child porn of us to sell. She also raped all of her kids (girls and boys) and trafficked my sister and me. However, my brother even raped me as a kid when he wanted to, off camera, because he liked the power and getting those sexual feelings, and even as a trapped enslaved adult he still raped me. Then I escaped human trafficking and cut ties with everyone. I am asexual and celibate. I hope that the presenter of this series on incest could do a video on mother-daughter incest like my sister and I survived. There needs to be more representation out there for those of us that survived it. She did overt and covert incest of us all of our childhoods starting when we were babies and after we were adults enslaved by her. We were born into human trafficking slavery, so I know that plays a role. My mom was trafficked as an adult and she survived sibling and father incest as a kid. My uncle raped her when they were kids. As adults they told me they were having consensual sibling sex orgy-gang-rape things with each other, including the rest of the family, and an unconscious me, and I should become able to do consensual incest orgy things. I told them no and gross and then they just beat me unconscious again. I have had a seizure disorder for all of my life because of all my concussions and rapes. I'm just now figuring it out and trying to get Medicaid to get it treated. I've been denied Medicaid in the state of Texas after trying for three years to get it but I moved to Ohio to try again. I think what I have is called psychogenic non epileptic seizure disorder. So almost all of my rapes I survived, I was concussed, fainted, in a coma, having seizures, or otherwise incapacitated with drugs they forced into me, or weapons or other objects they were using, or just vomiting and pooping and peeing all over myself. Of course there was crying and bleeding a lot and sometimes screaming or hyperventilation, which led to fainting, stoping breathing and/or cardiac arrest. I also had to deal with asthma attacks from inhaling the smoke they were smoking and stopping breathing and cardiac arrest from that. Sometimes I drowned in the bathtub when I got raped in there and had to be revived after stopping breathing from that when I was a child. When my mom was alone with me as a child, she was crying and telling how scary it was to be raped by her brother as a kid, but later on she'd tell me how much fun they had as adults having consensual sex. It was strange to me. I disowned everyone. I am safe now.
Watching this brought me to tears... I've talked about my situation only once because I find it too hard to do. This made me feel heard without speaking.
He was very brave to talk about this. Thank you.
I can’t even explain how much his courage helped I can relate to everything. My pain finally feels validated and understood
Paul, thank you for being so honest about all this. My biological father was an incestuous pedo, sexually abusing me from the age of three to roughly 9 or 10 (that is what I can remember). I have never felt as a person when I was little, I thought I am the lowest life form there is. My mother committed an emotional incest against me, turning me into her surrogate partner from the age of 8 or 9, during my teen years and my 20s, being controlling and jealous about all of my relationships. I am 44 now, dealing with it all since the age of 40. I don't know how I survived. You are amazing. I absolutely know your pain.
It’s taken a while to get here, but I’m glad I made it.
Thank you for speaking up about this. Appreciate the empowerment and support!
my ex-husband would tell me that since my grandfather didn't have intercourse with me that I wasn't sexual abuse. even though it started with touching when I was 9 and ended about 13. that's some validation for ya.
kimbers 123 well, thank God he's your ex. Good riddance.
Interesting video. I haven never experienced this but I am very understanding and interested in this entire field.. (Aspiring art therapist)
same i just love to learn so this is one of my go to channels for that and i love all of he different subjects she talks about
good luck being an art therapist
Thank you!
That’s awesome that he’s sharing his story. When he said that people assume he is a pedophile sometimes that made me think it would be great to see an episode about why some people break the cycle of abuse and some people don’t, if there is good research on that.
Yay! I love Paul and his podcast! It's great when you guys team up!
Yay!! I love Paul too :) He's the best! xoxo
The truth is that my parents both boast of their love for each other but they have nothing in common and barely spoke and growing up each of us were used as outlets both physically and mentally in extremely abusive ways.
At the beginning I listened with skepticism because I'm skeptical about my own experiences. Then Paul described the bath. Yuck. That's as un-right as what happened to me. Paul's story is so close to mine. I started drinking to numb out the pain. I got sober 28 years ago, and have numbed out in other ways since then, video games, porn, food, or just plain isolation. Now I'm in EMDR. So painful, but in a different way. It's bringing the feelings of shame to the surface, where they can heal. It's like physical therapy. It takes a lot of work. It can really hurt, but there's no short cut and you end up able to function better in the end.
I think part of not speaking out about this is worrying about being wrong and putting this stigma on the person you're accusing and worrying that you might ruin their life.
In some cases, every case is different, one never sees oneself as a victim, in some cases there is absolutely no physical abuse and such.
This happened to me as well only by my big sister i started doing drugs and alcohol at age 12 and im 60 now i got sober found a wonderful therapist and after 2yrs of all my hard work and it was very difficult because I did blame myself and was shamed into thinking it was my fault and it wasn't i was just a little girl, now im the villain for telling my truth and calling what it is RAPE ive gone no contact for 2yrs now and getting healthier every day, thank you both for making these issues come to light its not our fault
I got raped by my mom since birth and molested by my sister later on when she became an adult and I was their hostage/slave (younger sister did this to me because my mom programmed her to using Monarch programming). I feel guilty for being unable to protect her from my mom abusing her and molesting her too and being unable to deprogram her, but I was struggling hard to survive, and nothing was my fault. You are not alone. I'm still disabled so I understand I am a target for a lot of abusers as I can't fight anyone off if I am having seizures and/or paralyzed from having seizures and/or unconscious caused by seizures, but I am trying to figure out how to take care of myself well, now that I have escaped them and I cut off contact. I'm working out how to live with uncontrolled seizures and still be a safe person with safe relationships. Other people do it, so why not me? Healing takes a long time, and it's not too easy to control seizures. I'm learning what I can. Medicine only helps some types of seizures in some types of people. Not people with trauma-caused seizures. PNES. Yep. I am glad you are getting better and healthier every day. Good job! :)
Thank you Paul Gilmartin for telling your story. Explaining adult behavior due to childhood sexual abuse makes so much sense now.
Wow. How beutiful to be talking about this. And I definetly think masterbation can be a self depreciating thing sometimes and linked to depression. I think it’s beatiful that you can heal from reaching out to a trusted person that loves you, instead of reaching out to addictions. A true friend is worth a lot.
Such a brave man for bringing up the topic of sexual assault through medical procedures and sharing his experience! Using suppositories, enema, rectal thermometers or any type of catheter on a child is 100% a gruesome form of sexual assault. There are literally hundreds of people on Reddit and the internet in general sharing how suppositories have ruined their sexual development. It is crazy how society has normalised the anal penetration of children. Children can’t possibly consent to being anally penetrated yet society and paediatrics keep finding excuses to do it.
Society when a kicking, screaming child is forcefully penetrated with a penis: 🤬😡😱
Society when a kicking, screaming child gets forcefully penetrated with a chemical substance that dissolves inside their bodies against their will and makes them feel like their insides are melting from pain: 🥰😂😌🫶💫
The intention of the perpetrator is irrelevant, being penetrated in your intime areas as a child is sexual abuse and will leave a sexual trauma in most cases. Period. To people who have been sexually degraded like this, there is a subreddit that is dedicated to suppository trauma where these topics are discussed and the victims can get support.
It’s been so daunting knowing how long it could take to heal from these feelings.. knowing it will take longer because I have to find the family support I don’t have. My oldest brother abused me and my sister.. both my parents were aware and did nothing. Years later when we were in our early 20s we spoke up about the abuse in order to protect our niece from our brother.. and again we were failed by our own parents.. “you need to forgive and get over it”.. like I didn’t have enough to try to figure out and heal from. Now I have zero validation that it wasn’t my fault…
You report him to authorities
This video is so wonderfully sensitive and informative. It's so amazing how frank and upfront Paul can be about his experiences. I think it's so important for people to understand that arousal during sexual abuse is a very natural response and people shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Great video!
the two of you both do such amazing work!!!
Thank you Katie for having Paul on to share his story. He's the only other male I've heard with my exact story, it's so parallel with everything he said would happen. And my past hit me at 10 yrs sober and clean so the being numb part really hit home as well. Unfortunately, my incest after a few years of inappropriate things, it did go to Intercourse and being made to perform oral constantly. Then I was shared with other women, my mom's hairstylist, her bank accountant, an aunt, etc. Thank you again Paul, after a while I just think I'm crazy when she won't own anything and all she will say to me is that I had a great childhood and none of that, it's all in my mind.
This made me cry I am so sorry for you
I am so sorry I pray you heal and get better
Very brave for Paul to share his experiences, it's incredibly helpful to hear from someone who has been through this and healed
I was abused by my brother and cousin. I literally think about the abuse everyday. I don't see my cousin but I see my brother from time to time. My body literally feels a physical response that hurts. Its hard to describe. I haven't told but one friend but no one else. I have forgiven him but I have nightmares and sex sometimes reminds me of the abuse. As an adult he lived with me and I think he would sexually abuse me in my sleep. I hate that thia happened to me. 😥😥
Kim James I'm so sad that happened to you you didn't deserve any of it.
Have you talked with him about it? He likely doesn’t know he hurt you, as crazy as that sounds it’s likely true. That is unless he was verbally abusíve and hit you, then he is just a crueł person.
Why do I say that? It used to be common knowledge and understood by doctors that playing doctor when you’re young is actually completely normal. This can lead to íntimacy because of our innate bīological needs. Where and when there is a problem is when førce or large age gaps come in.
So why do we automatically say it’s always wrong then today? Likely because of lack of understanding and upbringing today that sees it as wrong without exception. Until whatever age that it magically becomes ok. That doesn’t mean those people are right, that just means they have succeeded in getting their views to be what’s considered “normal”. Now I understand, not wanting someone to get pregnant way before she is ready or get diseases.. but it’s also not healthy to raise people to feel damaged and like something is wrong with them.
I'm very happy you talked about this topic. My sister sexualized everything when I was a child. When I wanted to play with my action figures they would wind up having sex. And then it got to a point where I thought this was normal, and the whole world revolves around sex. When it got physical I was confused but I still didn't think anything of it. I still live with my sister being to young to move out but it still dose hurt. I can't really look at them the same and they still are very touchy, always wanting hugs or to be close. They also like to pretend they don't know anything and that they're "baby" which is frustrating. I'm also thankful you talked about the porn stuff. I got into porn at a very young age and still do have a problem but I'm working on it. I thought I was broken because my brain would get super horny after everything that happened but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.
This is literally exactly what happened to me, and we have a 6 year age gap. We live together. I have sex addictions and for me specifically I’m a Christian, so the sexual thoughts and addictions made me feel like God was mad at me, (I know not everyone is religious, that’s just my experience). I’m getting more comfortable in my religion as I find these videos and people explain how these addictions and thoughts are almost against your will. I feel depressed when those things come up. I hope you’re doing better now, God bless you
She must have been abused also talk to her
@@fredahwiwu5219Thank you very much for validating what I thought, but I certainly don't want to miminise the person's traumatic experience!
As you'd know, it's often the case when children act out though and it's usually more than one child who was sexually abused.
It was rife in my family and many thousands of others, especially where alcohol was involved, while growing up in New Zealand in the 60s and 70s and it wasn't just family members either. 😥
@@no.8952thank you for sharing
when he started talking right to me i started crying. i just realized tonight that this is me. thank you.
This was so important and valuable to watch. And relevant to my life right now.
Thank you for this video. I just realized he was describing me, This happened to me too. And I only just realized it. Because as he says, it was not overt. Emotional incest with some inappropriate touching that could be taken both ways. So while I felt uncomfortable around the parent that made me his surrogate partner, I never really comprehended the relationship was off. I hope I can make it relatively unscatterd until my next week's appointment with my therapist. I've been shaking and crying and rethinking my entire childhood since the realization hit me. It all makes sense now. Terrible awful sense.
Very brave to speak so openly
Great video, thank you so much Paul for sharing your story.
wow i'm so glad i found this video! it makes me feel a bit more normal.
omg I just talked about incest my few of my last videos.... very surprised and happy to see you and someone else talk about it! Will be watching this video! If any of your viewers need some personal healing stories I have a lot of it and I help incest, child sex abuse survivors to recover through many of my videos. The epidemic is the ability to have healthy sexual relationship or using intimacy appropriately with others as an adult. Child sex abuse survivors tends to fall into trap with sociopaths. So learning to know how to use intimacy, bond, connection to the right adults who are mature and not immature is superb important. Thank you thank you thank you!
Thank you so much Paul and Katie! We need more of this!
It is so important to talk about these things
I don't think fantasies have a relation to this, I think they are more a product of a natural sexuality, but they are sorta tainted and perverted by the thing that happened when it happens.
Sorta like with homosexuality, I know a shit ton of guys who went through sexual assault by the hands of a nanny who sorta feel their sexuality is somehow a product of trauma, while others when the perpetrator is male feel that their sexuality is a product of the fetishization of their violation. It does affect how one perceive their orientation, kinks and stuff like that, but I don't think it causes those kinks. It can strengthen the reaction to those fetishes in one way or another, but it doesn't cause it.
Just what I needed to hear.
I'm afraid to try and get some parent replacement, because I don't trust no one.
Woooow. The octopus thing, getting one arm down and having another ready to attack, it makes sense. Thank you for being brave enough to share.
Wow! What a brave man! Thank you for sharing your story.
I listen to his podcast, but had never seen his face before. He looks so kind! I can better understand the way his guests open up to him now
Hi Kati! Could you maybe do an episode talking more about empathy and over-active empathy? I sometimes feel that I empathize too much.
Thanks for the great videos :))
Anaya Karim I know what you mean! I used to feel everyone's emotions, like an 'empath'. Especially at 14 - 17. It used to depress me so much, seriously, oh my God, I would be so gutted by everyone else's pain. Theirs and mine on top of it was just, unbearable. I'm 27 now and I'm healthy. It went away.
Charissa E That's really comforting to know. I hope my over-empathizing (if that's what you call it) goes away as I get older too, since I'm 15 now. Right now it feels like I don't even have my own emotions, just a mix of other's. Nice to know there's others out there :))
Aw 15 was the worst year for me. Literally the worst year of my life, especially for the empathy thing. Hang in there! You really aren't alone
i have the same now 20
Less sympathy, more compassion. Sam Harris has a good explanation on this.
All I can say is thank you 💜
Im happy to not feel like an alien through his testimony. Very brave man !
Thanks for the validation. I just went no contact with my mother for similar reasons. Multiple therapists have invalidated my desire to walk away from her.
Thank you for sharing this video!! I have been struggling with my own experience with incest/sexual abuse and this has helped to validate some of my feelings. ❤️
Thank you for talking about this taboo subject. It's about time society takes notice and stops being ignorant.
sorry to hear that Paul, hope you're alright
That book he mentioned is spot on I recommend if have any inclination that this happened to you that you pick it up and read it.
Thank you so much Katie for this content and Paul for opening up with great strenght and knowledge, 20 minutes that really helped me ❤
I understand instinct fully what you have gone through...it was a little painful to listen too because I was a victim of covert emotional incest. yes my farther never physically touched me...but he did enough damage and manipulation and made no boundaries! for me to end up with depression and post traumatic stress disorder. everyone just thought we were close but there were very disturbing signs of my farther being over possessive and jealous of any boy that would talk to me. and also being a councillor to my dad. I'm 23 years old and just starting to get help. thank you for being brave, this is really helping me to not feel guilty or ashamed, wish I could hug you right now thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing. Ive got do much out of this as ive been through this kind of thing
This is an amazing healing way, guys you rock, those are hard wounds to heal and you are opening your hearts to everyone, thank you sincerely, it's amazing 👍