Scheduling “Intimacy” Agree or Disagree?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 3 мар 2024
- • 7 Signs They Are "THE ...
Should we be scheduling "intimacy" in our relationships? While on the surface this might seem like a weird thing to do, I think when we get busy with kids and work and life, scheduling intimacy (not necessarily s*x) can be a great way to prioritize and protect our time and energy and attention together. We schedule all kinds of other things that are important to us, why not also schedule time to be intimate together, which could include just holding each other, or massaging each other, kissing, cuddling, touching, talking, taking a shower or bath together. It can be a great way to be intentionally intimate with each other again just like when you were dating. =)
#intimacy #marriageadvice #sensuality
I mean, really, it's just a date with someone, you happen to be in a relationship with, isn't it?
An agreed upon time and place, where both parties show up and do their best to create a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere, maybe dress in something nice, have a glass of wine and talk...and see what happens. You do that with and for someone, you *want* to be with. Why not for someone, who is already in a committed relationship with you?
Taking the other person for granted and not making an effort anymore, isn't a solution for sure.
I love this!!! Well said!
@@R_from_France Nobody ever said you had to! 😉 'Every Tuesday' was just an example. The real essence of the video, as I personally see it, is: Take intimacy 'serious' enough to make some effort to keep it alive. If you don't, it might die a silent death over time. Which would deprive the both of you of tons of health promoting Oxytocin. 😉 Take your own and your partners sexuality, personality, hopes, needs, wishes, serious - instead of for granted. Show appreciation and interest, e.g. in asking for a date after 20 years of marriage. Do as much as you can to enjoy each other, and ultimately enjoy LIFE. In whatever way that both of you like best. That's all. 🤷🏻
@@R_from_Francewondering if this is coming from a married or single person. Nothing is wrong with being in either situation, but I'm just wondering if this is coming from a being married perspective or from a being single/dating perspective. Because it's been my experience that a lot changes when the dynamics of the relationship changes
P
If you're constantly busy, this is actually a must.
I like scheduling time for intimacy - but there can be no pressure to perform. Intimacy is not always sex. There are many forms of intimacy that build closeness. That is what should be scheduled. Mostly, just prioritizing each other for a little while each week.
100%
Amen!!!
Therapist's best practice: (1) scheduling intimacy and sticking to it is important to make sure it happens when youre increasingly finding that it doesnt otherwise; (2) "intimacy" and "sex" should not be synonymous...just the 2 of you focused on each other, whatever you end up doing
Sunday on my parents,monday with friends,Tuesday...intimacy,Wednesday rest day,Thursday nature day,Friday family- kid day,Saturday household day!! What a week!😂😅
It's just scary that you know it's Tuesday.
🤣🤣🤣
Tomorrow is the day, baby...😅
Lol!
😂
😂
When you put it this way it actually sounds like a good idea.
Me and my husband are very busy with work and (7) kids and this would probably benefit our relationship.
I recommend it, and don't skip the flirting beforehand. It makes both of you giddy and excited to be together😊
Two anecdotes:
1. One of my friends used to have sexy time on Sunday afternoons. All their friends and family knew about it, so they knew not to call or stop by at that time!
2. So intimate time doesn’t necessarily have to have the end goal of a PIV orgasm extravaganza. Intimacy can be anything you want it to be: taking a bath together, cuddling naked, giving each other a foot massage, oral or manual sex only. Use it as a way to connect in whatever way you want and need.
Absolutely!!! Husband and I are super busy all week so knowing we have something to look forward to on a certain day of the week when we can clear our schedule, relax, maybe have a glass of wine and get jiggy wid it 😉😍💖 Like you said, the anticipation builds and all is well with the world 😊
I was recently introduced to the concept of scheduled intimacy by hannah witton and i'm happy you're talking about it too. It was such a wild concept to me because i like my sexy times to be spontaneous, but it actually makes so much sense to me now that many people need a more relaxed and dedicated time slot to get in the right mood. Now i feel more empowered because i know i could be doing things differently (but obviously don't have to).
Yay! It helps set the intention of that day,it can be moved around to whatever works for your schedule on any given week, it also doesn’t preclude you from being intimate on days that it isn’t on the schedule.
I feel like, in my world, my partner is the intention of the day. So scheduling seems like a real feels killer. But I'm matched with the same kind of person that does not think of me first every day. He has asked about scheduling and I can't get him to understand that he can schedule it and just not tell me and it will be spontaneous.
@@cheezykrafts8134but what if he schedules it at a time when you really need to be somewhere or get something done, wouldn't that get a bit frustrating and kill his mood? Or do you both just kinda have it like that where your lives aren't too busy?
Not really expecting an answer, just posing the question because I think it's great to be able to be spontaneous, but we kinda don't have that luxury at the moment with 2 small children and no nanny (or even a babysitter😅).
Nuance in all things! I had an extended period of medical difficulty with intimacy, and scheduling it during that season had pros and cons. Pros: I could trust that affection from my spouse at other times wasn't an attempt to initiate, so I could just enjoy it instead of mentally jumping ahead to whether or not my body would cooperate and getting anxious about it. Scheduling it also meant I could do physical therapy exercises ahead of time to prepare. Cons: Sometimes anxiety could build up ahead of the scheduled time, and sometimes the sex wasn't very successful because we didn't strike when the iron was hot, so to speak.
Outside of that particular situation, I think regular "date nights" with no pressure for a particular thing to happen is a great idea. Just relaxing, listening, and enjoying each other's presence is a win regardless of what else happens.
Me and my partner sorta do this. We talk about how we’re feeling, how tired we are, etc throughout the day, over text if we aren’t together, so that by around dinnertime we both have a pretty good idea of what’ll be happening that night, if anything.
😂 SO relatable!
I would add one thing. The one waiving it off or calling for a raincheck needs to assure the other that it will happen. Or at least there is a path to it happening.
If someone unilaterally takes it off the table with no path to yes, I'd say that is as much a betrayal as if someone goes outside the marriage for intimacy.
Both parties must be kept safe. That includes being safe from a unilateral decision to no longer have intimacy.
If one hasn't had the hard conversation with their partner and just takes it off the table with no discussion, that too is unsafe.
No one should be forced, so I'm not saying someone should ever be forced into it.
What I'm saying is if one never wants it again, they need to understand how that is also a form of betrayal.
And yes, scheduled intimacy is great. Both people have time to get in the right mindset for it.
I'm glad it was phrased this way. My biggest concern is always what happened when it's scheduled but that day I'm swamped and mentally overloaded and it now ends up being another thing on my damn chore list. Then what's the point of that? But this sounds nice.
😂.... understandable! And, honestly, if you've had a day like that on the scheduled day, wouldn't it be nice to relax from that with someone you like/love and let them help ease your stress? For me, when I've had those days and my husband still wants to spend time together, I have him massage my back or we watch funny videos with snacks and drinks. I think normal people just call it date nite😂
I'm actually discussing this with my partner rn. I'm on the Autism spectrum and it brings me a sense of security to know what to expect from that quality time we're going to spend together.
It's also necessary if you practice natural family planning (following the woman's cycle to either increase or decrease the chance of pregnancy, especially increasing the chances)
This is why I got divorced. My ex believed that he is the head of the house and I must "submit" to what he wants, when he wants it, or he'd get his needs met elsewhere. (He told this point blank to our couples therapist) Doing it HIS WAY made me feel like an object, unloved, used. I told the therapist this in front of him. Guess what he said....he said I was using sex as a weapon and he'd go get it elsewhere because he cannot live without sex several times each week.
This isn't the only reason I left him, but it's one of many. I'm totally comfortable being alone. Been this way for 22 years.
Sounds very familiar
Have you looked into Dr. Doug Weiss’s work about intimacy anorexia, addiction and partner betrayal? You speak so well on these issues I think it can be very useful to peel back another layer for people who are hurting from this. ❤
I think it’s great that people do that as opposed to not making time for it which definitely would worsen the relationship. And what is the difference between scheduling that and dating? Isn’t it the same thing you usually look forward to when dating? Like hey Friday night we’re getting bom chicka wah wah 😂
Man your content is the best on the internet! Please keep making those videos!
I'd rather have a scheduled time than never making time for it. In the past I've been judged for scheduling this by people who weren't having any!
Affairs are scheduled, they have to be to get away with it. means they are prioritized. So why is it a problem in marriage?
I have yet to be with anyone who honours the first rule tbh :/ they just get angry
I’m so sorry. That makes things so much worse :(
I am so glad to see so much understanding in these comments about what scheduling intimacy should entail. Years ago I tried having a regular intimacy night with my spouse at the time and it turned into me owing him sex. Absolutely nothing in it for me.
I completely agree with this 😁
Hmmmm.... This can go either way. I like spontaneity.❤❤
I could see how that could work for some couples for a while, but it would seem like it would get boring after a while. Throw in quickies in there, either just for you or your spouse. Since we both work rotating shift work of 12 hours, we prioritize our time together. But we actually enjoy each others company. From our experience with our co-workers, most of them don't do anything with their spouse unless its intimacy.
Agree! 😊
I have been married for 50 years plus, and several times my husband and I did the challenge: sex every day for 30 days. Every day. It is amusing and illuminating. ❤😂🎉
👏 that’s impressive!
I love this, I would love this for our marriage. Must try ❤
Whats not to like?
Its basically date night, and no matter how long a couple has been together date nights are really healthy for the relationship❤
just look at acheduling "intimacy night" as a date that will 100% get you laid ❤ Its great🎉
Totally agree
As someone who has tried to get DnD groups (wait come back! I promise it’s not the point of this) together for once a week games, it’s _much_ easier to schedule in a day with someone you’re probably already living with, with an agreed upon time where you two go do something fun, or stay in and do something fun (“something” or just something), than it is to get your party of three other friends to have your schedules all match up at bare minimum once a month.
I feel like that's Valentine's Day in our house. And he acts like it's such a drag even though we've never done gifts.
Maybe he has some bad memories about Valentine's Day in his past.
‼️✨ ☯️💚👑🕊️👑💚☯️✨‼️
#HonestyAndIntimacy ~
* What A Blissful Concept * AMEN 🙏
I'm pretty much game whenever 😅😊
Agree 👍🏻
I would look at Happy Wife School
Agree
As someone who was in a long distant relationship for 2 and a half years, sometimes you HAVE to schedule it😂 Its not like we could just oick up and drive 2 and half hours to be intimate😂
1:27 everyday Tuesday 😅life’s way 2 short 2 have to make intimacy into a sale….It fits or it DONT 1:27
Our schedules don't mesh most of the time. We have to schedule around our work times and my menstrual cycle.
I'd just be inored while he's busy for the rest of the week, then HAVE to 'give it up ' because I promised, or feel guilt till next time.
❤
Not sure if this would work for hubby and I due to his work schedule. I'm retired, but he's not. We enjoy each other's company. We have movie night or go out to eat on his nights off. Which is about 2 nights out of the week. However, I can see this working for some couples. But I can also see it getting a bit monateneous.
That just fills me with dread. Like, going to the dentist dread. Having to go to the gynecologist dread.
Nope. Grape o'clock is a good old abusive make'em shut up and the problem goes away until it's time again....
Wow, in my relationships it was pretty normal 3 or 4 times a week no scheduling required.
That's normal for newlyweds (or living together). But once you go through pregnancy and have a baby and breastfeed and that child doesn't sleep through the night until they're 5, it gets a lot more difficult to find the time and energy and make that opportunity.
@@SENSEF I was married for 22 years, 2 kids. The only time it wasn't 3 times a week was when I just had the baby or my husband was traveling for a week at a time for work
Sure.... that is great. If the build up for intimacy the entire week and your partner has zero intentions of doing so that night it is absolutely okay to feel upset and aggravated when they say no at the last second. It is a two way street, you agreed that the only person you get intimacy from isn't doing intimacy at all is a problem. It actually isn't all right full stop to say no I don't want to do it if you don't actually have a reason. You are supposed to be involved directly with that person and frankly you aren't a 20 year old on a one night stand. You should have the maturity to vocalize a reasonable response ahead of time. Sure a once off is fine but if you are shrugging off advances constantly you are actually causing problems in that relationship, the other person is definitely justified to feel confused, disappointed and hurt and want a justifiable reason for a decision that impacts both of you.
Do you live in a real life? Most of us work our a$$ off just to make a living. Your videos might fit idealistic homes, but absolutely do not hit home with real life. You are not helping. In fact, you are hindering progress in relationships.
Totally agree
Totally agree
I love your content and share it from time to time with my husband. Years ago we learned to schedule time with each other by telling everyone that we are going "camping"