Relationships only WORK when BOTH people are putting in the WORK!
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Any marriage requires work on our part. Any healthy relationship with another person requires some level of intentionality and consideration and thoughtfulness and kindness. Are those present in your marriage? Would your spouse agree? We all want a marriage filled with friendship and passion and respect. What does it take to mutually achieve those goals? Because 50% of marriages (or more) never answer that question correctly. Don't let that be you.
This is great and very much needed to be said. Unfortunately the ones that watch this are probably the ones that are making the effort, and the ones neglecting their partner and relationship will carry on doing so.
Even so as someone in a new relationship and wanting to build a strong foundation and make sure it's a happy one all the way trough - these videos are an amazing tool to learn at the very least some of the basics that I should be focusing on!
Yes, that is the unfortunate and sad reality.
What are your thoughts on transparency? Because in my opinion, I feel like it is the foundation of a relationship. But you’re really good at articulating. What you feel is the healthiest for a relationship so I’m curious what you have to say on transparency.
almost a Rihanna song. thx Jimmy ^^
😂
Marriage? Spouse? Not everyone is married or wants to marry, ma dude. Relationships!
Been married 5 years to my beautiful wife. My wife’s been doing alll the work. It’s my turn as her husband to put in work I thought I was. Everything I knew was wrong. Hopefully we ca rebuild and save. Thanks for the video I was so lost
Kudos to you for waking up and being willing to do something to save your marriage. 👏🏽👍🏾
Thank you for stepping up and having the humbleness and care to admit things that you can improve upon, as we all can improve upon something. I hope you and your wife can rebuild and save and thrive
God bless you for your self reflection. I pray my partner sees this too. And soon.
Usually men get to this point when their wife has had it.
Sometimes it is also men not seeing their contribution, coz everything women do is glorified.
My husband and I have been married for fifty-two years. We have fifty-two years of bad habits in relating to each other even though we have what we consider a strong commitment to each other. We are JUST now coming to grips with the work we have to do, in our seventies! But it is never too late. Your videos are priceless!! Keep up the good content.
This is so inspiring. You are never too old to learn and grow as a person. As imperfect people, we will and need to grow as people until the day we die. Kudos and keep it up!
It brings me joy that you woke up and gained the insight and tools to keep your family together! Sadly, many would rather stay stuck in unhealthy patterns and behaviors than put the “work” in! I pray more men will watch you and have the AH-HA moment in their lives! It seems they do not realize the power they truly have when putting the “mancard” mentality down. Women don’t even know what the stupid mancard is because we don’t live in that mindset and don’t grow up with that burden. We grow up with the be nice, pretty, good little girl crap to unravel. We aren’t scanning for anyone to emasculate us so it’s very confusing that men seem to think we have the mental capacity to do this to them. We are made to feel like second hand citizens from the gate and live with an ever constant threat of being physically harmed in this world. This is not to say women aren’t clueless to mens needs, but since most men suppress emotions verbally and more often express them with aggression how the heck do women navigate??
When you'd cross the ocean for someone who wouldn't cross the street for you....only one of you is doing the work.
I’m assuming when you calmly, humbly, and purposefully ask these questions and your partner says “I don’t know” and then goes back to status quo, it’s not ever going to be healthy. When he has accused me of saying something accusingly and I have asked, calmly, with a sincere desire to know “how could I have better said that in a way that would have come across not sounding like I was judging you or putting you down?” he rarely has an answer other than “don’t chastise me like a kindergartner.” This is when I know in my heart before God I have asked humbly, truly WANTING to learn. I guess it’s time to face what I haven’t wanted to.
It's so disheartening when a partner doesn't want to work on a deeper, more connected relationship. They have a free will and that's their choice. But it's also OK for you to want more and have that deep connection. It just can't be with them. Otherwise you end up emotionally starved to death and the relationship ends anyway. I'm sorry you have to face this 😔 I know you are willing but it takes two to make it work.
He might be a narcissistic person, they are very stubborn and set in their ways... and a whole lot of other things 😢
He might also truly be stuck and afraid.
The person who wrote this likely already put something in motion as she wrote it several months ago. I dearly hope she/they tried finding help with communicating!
And then go from there.
The cycle of: if I KNEW how to do it differently I would already BE doing it differently, but I only know what I know, and frightened or embarrassed people are likely to shut down.
@@cherylannebarillartist7453
But what about educating them on what to do, sending these videos and they STILL won’t do it?
Because this is seen as weakness and met with disgust. This is how men are raised, trained and encouraged to be. You won't change that. It's from birth. We are taught NOT to communicate. I try to communicate better and I annoy and disgust myself just by hearing what I'm saying. That's not going away anytime... And as far as I can tell, it changes nothing. @@brendarewan7441
I suggested him to watch your videos and he watched 1. When I asked if he’s watching, he said : I watched one. What now? You want me to watch all day long?
Well: I had enough.
I been hurt too many times and I closed off and I don’t do much anymore and I find myself trying to find a reason to re open but can’t find one. Thanks Jimmy
Your making me cry. I'm so exhausted too...
same. i asked her to ask one video. sent her the link to the exact video i wanted her to watch to repair our relationship. she hasn’t watched it. chronic avoiding of any f*cking conflict resolution. she just wants to coast by and let the world happen to her, never putting in any effort. it makes me sick. i am gone. forever.
I sure wish this content was what goes viral. This is viral worthy content, how great marriage, relationships & life can be if people only cared about this.
“If there isn’t a certain level of reciprocation, the relationship suffers.” My marriage in a nutshell.
Successful marriage require work
1. Work
2. Intimacy
3. Kind communication
4. Empathy
5. Humility
6. Giving the person the best
Closeness
Connection
Healthy marriages welcome
Complaints
Concerns
Unhappiness
Work on fixing things
How do you feel loved valued prioritized
Intimacy, closeness
Intentional about complimenting
Attitude of gratitude
“You might have a marriage certificate but you don’t have a relationship.”
My first marriage ended b/c he refused to work with me. He got defensive when I asked those questions & when I wanted to talk about what I needed also. My current husband & I are working hard, but we are a bit late, so it is really hard. We have so much past trauma to overcome, but with the work, I am noticing positive changes. They are sliw, but they are there. We just have to figure out how to protect our home & uorselves from the chaos of the outside world.
When I asked my ex-husband what he thought I needed to do to save our marriage, he answered that he needed a car... that's when I decided for good that I end this relationship. He can buy a car without me. Even though we have a kid together.
And just to note, whenever I needed the car, I used to drive him to work in the morning so he wouldn't need to take a bus😢
...did you dig any deeper than that? He may have been trying to express frustration at feeling like a failure for having to rely on you for transportation, but only came across to you as him wanting material items from you instead of giving you the full vulnerability you wanted.
I literally wrote a manual like a vehicle to give him guidance on what my needs are. He opened it said cute and shoved it in a drawer.
Your clarity on this is an amazing gift!!! Thank you for putting in the time and care to share. Thank you for your perspective 🌟 It helps. It really does.
You’re so kind!
8:37 👍🏼👍🏼 sucks when they’d rather make coffee at 6am than lay there and talk for a few minutes with you the day after you get married till the rest of your marriage😕
…yes even on the weekends
I say, wake up one morning with them and sit while they make coffee. It starts small.
In the last few weeks my husband has told me I am crazy, I ruin Christmas for our family and I resent my daughter. When I try to have conversations he gets defensive. His words have emotionally shut me down. This makes me not want to try to stay married anymore.
If you were to divorce this man, he would scratch his head wondering why you left and even if you tell him he still won't think he has any responsibility in why your marriage is falling apart. Maybe it's time to move forward with happier Christmases without him.
My husband recently decided he wanted a divorce. It caught me completely off guard. But he wasn't wrong. No matter what I tried we couldn't communicate. In the end we just weren't compatible. I realized I was looking for him to heal me of past wounds created by my father's lack of love. Unfortunately my husband wasn't capable of providing that love to me in a way that helped me heal. That's not his fault. I don't blame him. My only advice to anyone would be to give a relationship time before jumping into something that's committed or long-term and really get to know that person. Really study them and how they show their love for you and what they're willing to do for you. Words are great but without the actions to back those words up in the end usually signifies nothing.
Ive told him what i want in the relationship and then asked for it, and then just gone quiet as im not getting anything, to begin with he promised to give what I needed and then just got busy with his selfish addiction. He really is in last chance saloon now 😢
Which are the strongest feelings, that a wife has built her life around? That she loves her husband of course! - She has changed her whole life for him to show her strong feelings for him and how much they mean to her. Now something happens and that thing shows how strong her feelings are, how much she cares, how afraid she is that *the fundation of love* is affected negatively. She expresses her emotions strongly. Then her husband makes it clear that she and her feelings are too much for him, he outright dismisses her strong feelings, looks down upon them. She is too emotional, she makes huge fuzz aboth nothing, and he states that as a fact. (She hears that her love for him is nothing.) He demands that she shouldn't feel so much, it irritates him no end. She is over-emotional. He wants more cool! But her strongest feelings are for him and the family they've created! She is hurt, she withdraws, and she holds back her feelings. Tears and quarrels stop. She shrinks her feelings further to the best of her ability, as they are unwanted. So on demand: less feelings. More cool is introduced. The marriage gets cold. Divorce looms large.
-- I sincerely hope nobody will be caught in this vicious cycle in 2024. The needed skills are learnable, if one wants a warm and harmonious relationship, and the lessons are available all over the internet and in libraries. Jimmy and others provide them for free. And if needs to be - file for a divorce. Don't ruin your lives. Those who search better solutions will find, there's truth and hope in that. All the best wishes for true love to grow stronger. It is possible.
Wow! 💥💥💥
Your beautiful text ….. just amazing !!!!
Spoke my heart ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
(except I won’t file for divorce - I’ll need to suffer in silence) 😢💔😢
because…..
1st: marriage is one of the Holy Sacraments in front of God)
2nd: still have a 16 year old son at home to raise (somewhat barely parenting)
3rd: too many health issues physically & emotionally broken to survive on my own financially
Early in the video I decided to look within (again) and do better, but as the vid went on, I started seing how it wouldn't trigger a positive change from him(more like it'll just make him lazy) and I'm seeing how it'll just leave me feeling emotionally used and drained. Don't know I want to be in that state again, for the sake of my children
Well, with all respect, it's not usually helpful to assume the others person's reaction ya know? And I know you could be 100% right, I'm just saying on average we shouldn't choose to not put in the work because we don't think they will reciprocate ya know? Having said all that, I'm so so sorry that you feel emotionally used and drained, that's a terrible place to be. I want to help in anyway possible to navigate through that with you getting your legit needs met.
@@JimmyonRelationships"future forecasting" is sometimes necessary as a form of wisdom-so as not to walk into the same buzzsaw again. If there hasn't been any evidence of change (like the buzzsaw has been taken down, or at the very least is unplugged from the power source) it isn't an excuse to not try something that experience tells you will hurt. It is wisdom.
Of course, that does mean nothing is likely to change.
**And truly I think the first piece of evidence is for the buzzsaw to realize it is a buzzsaw.
@@JimmyonRelationshipsinsanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
All of your videos are on point!!! You leave no stone unturned. I listen and share each video with everyone I know who are struggling in their marriage. You are a Godsend. Thank you for the dedication, knowledge, and work that you put into these videos. You are saving lives out here!!!
I think you are doing such a great job talking about relationships. I’m learning so much and I can use everything you are saying to improve my relationship.
Thank you so much!!
God bless you always!!
Emotionally immature won't put in any work. Read Lindsay Gibson
I absolutely love your videos. Now I just have to get my husband to watch them before our marriage ends. I thought being selfless, having no expectation and putting no pressure at all on him was enough. I sorry as it sounds I didn't realize you needed to put in the work with real communication. I accepted the breadcrumbs and swallowed the pain. I am discovering we are both avoidant. Thank you so much for taking the time in posting these video's. 💕
Notice that Jmmy says it takes TWO. IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE WILLING. If you are willing and your partner isn't, u can not force anyone to do anything.. be with someone who is truly willing..then anything is possible ❤
INCREASE YOUR FOLLOWERS …you have great thoughts, points, & presentations - where 95% of your content would apply to most all relationships - - Mother/daughter; father/son; friend/friend; coworker/coworker; son-in-law/mother-in-law etc. I feel strongly that focusing everyone of your videos to husband/wife relationships (at least the numerous ones I watched) is tremendously limiting your followers. Just thought I would share this, because I think your videos are very good.
But most everything you share except for a intimacy in marriage would apply to all relationships! I was looking for a video to share with my son-in-law (who constantly disses & disrespects me) in the hopes of it springboarding into a conversation. Mini of yours would be great, but he is the type that would dismiss them by saying: “this is for a marriage relationship,” so he could dismiss the value of it.
I hope you will give some thought to this, and that you’ll find some value in it.
God bless!
You’re right!
Yessss!!! After the first video that my husband & I watched, we said to each other "our daughter could definitly benefit from your insight!" So now, not only do he & I watch a video together each night during our alone time, she watches one every night before she goes to sleep!!
Please remember that he’s using his marriage experience to help other marriages. You may need to seek other platforms for your other needs. 😊
Thanks for your videos. Realizing asking an addict for 14 years to quit and it never being worth it to him, is not asking too much.
I'm married to an autistic addict and I didn't know he was either when we married, gosh it's hard.
Yeah Set Boundaries and It will Fizzle
many years ago i watched a documentary talking about LOVE and how it was perceived and understood across cultures... funny how different the expectations were in India vs USA or other nations. WORK is a key component and many dont know what it entails.
Just a little correction:
50% of marriages failing is a very old statistic. The correct percentage in 2023 is actually 35%. Of those 35%, 70% are instigated by the wife.
What you’re thinking of is the failure rate for 2nd marriages which has a failure rate of 50-70% and third marriage have even a higher rate of failure.
Did you hear anything else he said or were you busy researching to prove him wrong?
70% of failed marriages are not instigated by the wife.
68% percent of divorces are filed by the wife. This does not mean she instigated the failed marriage.
Many of these divorces are filed because the husband already left and didn’t bother to file the paperwork. That doesn’t mean she *instigated* the failed marriage. What a twisting of statistics.
Jimmy, have you ever made a video telling your story and detailing the actions you AND your spouse took to reconcile the marriage? I’m very curious to know. I feel like it would provide great insight and value..
Thank you for your existing content. It’s always gut-check
I do love your output and the way you look at things.
Thanks so much Matti! Means alot!
How do you deal with a spouse that holds on to grudges.. every argument any past mistake is thrown in my face.. and how do I not blow up because I’m so frustrated at his lack of effort to hear me out and put in effort to show me love and intimacy outside of the physical? I want to work on my temper but I get so pissed because of the lack of effort and there is never a resolution to an argument or disagreement… I’m at the point not wanting to try or be loving etc because it feels like an emotional roller coaster ugh… 😢
This video should be required viewing for every couple!! So clearly explained on how vital it is for BOTH parties to do the work necessary to build a beautiful connection with someone.
All of the issues in our marriage boil down to these words on your title. It is a one sided marriage, I am the only one doing the work, and I will not continue being married to myself.
I hate it when people assume. I have fired people for that. Blamey AF. Assumptions grow accusations.
How do you do all this after years of fighting and resentments?
Crud, never thought to ask this, only just considered if we've expressed our underlying fears prior to marriage. Today struggled with a conversation because of it as I was difficult when he asked questions because there seemed to be conclusions more than questions. I'll try harder.
Men think marriage is supposed to be easy. That's how it looks to me.
Immature people think marriage is supposed to be easy. Some of them are men, just as many are women. Having unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of marriage is not a gender issue. It's a maturity and character issue.
Can someone please send this to my partner? Lol
Thanks for beautiful words men was just what I need it ❤
😂😂😂😂The ending😂😂😂....Oh yeah & thanks for the actual video as well Jimmy.Always On Point!!
You’re kind!! :)
Thank you. Just asked partner if I could send him a video that could help us with communication and he said no. 😢
@3:04
It only works if she's willing to give honest, actionable feedback. How many times have you brought up her saying "If you don't know, you must not have been paying attention?"
That's not an example of someone willing to work with you. That's someone who just wants to blame and externalize the problem.
If she's unwilling or unable to give honest, actionable feedback. If she's unwilling to consider that her idea that she's done the work, I.E. she's communicated this, may not be what she thinks it is, this will go no where.
I do agree, relationships require work. They require being intentional. When he makes a bid for connection and improvement like mentioned at this point in the video, it must be accepted for it to be effective. If that bid is rejected out of hand because she's judged her efforts to be sufficient, then he doesn't have a partner willing to do the work.
She's keeping score and has decided she's done her part and she's outsourced the work to him.
@8:30 - maybe you start to see the rewards.
If you don't see the rewards, then eventually you come to the conclusion that it's either not worth the effort or what they said they want isn't really want they wanted. I.E. if she tells you then will be more up for sex if you take on more household chores, so you do this and still your wife isn't an enthusiastic partner, you eventually come to the conclusion that you are either being used or she didn't really want what she said she wanted. You learn to no longer trust her because after putting in the effort, nothing changes.
Effort usually continues when the benefit is apparent. Be curious about why the effort didn't continue. Was it because the person was lazy or was it because the promised outcome was not delivered? When promises are broken, don't expect the effort to continue.
Thanks
Ask them the tough questions.
I have asked. What he asks is too hard. Can’t do it.
Not anymore. Sometimes we gotta put the ball in their court.
Thanks!
I am very concerned my wife has emotionally checked out of the relationship. I never learned this stuff from my dad. I am learning what she needs from watching videos like yours. The father and my grandfather always had so much commitment in their marriage, never believed in divorce. I thought my marriage would be that way. I don't understand why women give up on their marriage. Honestly, the next guy will probably the same issues of taking her for granted, and being defense in arguments and trying to fix her with logic.
This relationship I am in feels like work. And sometimes I feel like she is not putting any in and I can’t tell if it’s me or if she is really putting in no effort.
tried. she won’t put in the work. i am happier with my decision to leave every day.
Jimmy this is one of your best videos yet…..for me! Thanks!
Jesus is not self aware to point a finger of what’s not heathy she’s not reciprocate he’s blinded
Thank you so so much for your videos! Also, on a way side note... your wife and you have GORGEOUS plants! 🪴 Sometimes, I have to rewind to listen again to what you said because I was zoning out checking them out 😅 Not gonna lie, I wouldn't mind if y'all did a video just about them 😂
Thank you for your insights! You are a gift 🎁
What if they both feel chronically neglected?
“Love” is a verb. ❤️
Hahaha okay now I get the numbers….
Mr Jimmy
Love your videos and esp the plants in the back ground
Thank you so much ❤
Jim Jim you are amazing mate! Loooove your stuff. Keep on rocking man. Do you have programs etc for sale? I’m broke but one day wanna invest in you man and say thanks in return
Showing up for your spouse distance and disconnection put in the work what is marriage survive the storms
Great video
🙂
Very true ❤
Classes like this sjould be taught starting in kindergarten
Knowing your spouse avoid issues and conflicts one prioritize the other does not prepare conflict
Awesome WORK, Jimmy!
Thanks!!
Do you receive direct messages?
Thank you for this. Much love to you and yours, fam.
If we had never seen it before how would we and I'm glad I'm able to gain these lessons now. ❤
❤
They work when you don't care.
Hoovering.
😅😅😅 That's definitely going to hurt the wallet!!! I can only imagine being married to Jimmy or a man like him would be the greatest feeling in the world. Talk about being accepted and loved Jimmy's way!
I am sure Jimmy's wife has another viewpoint. We only see the pretty side of ppl online. Not the day to day actions. Jimmy even said he was not great and he cheated. He had to learn and grow. In the end, we are all imperfect and have room for growth and humility.
As always, Jimmy, very good
For the men who find any of Jimmy's videos inaccurate or take personal offense or get defensive, that is guilt seeping through that they don't want to admit. They would rather become angry than to be open to Jimmy's advice for the sake of their relationship.
I would be open to this stuff if it yields results.
I'm not talking about closeness, connection or any of that stuff.
Thankyou
So right
Thanks!
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you, Jimmy 🩷 This was a great video - I appreciate it~