@@Fashion101.Ano overreacting would be going straight to divorce without any communication. He first tried to have a conversation and took into account that she was drunk by kit bringing it up in the moment. Her locking herself up is definitely telling and he should be taking notes.
@ I had a stroke reading that, your punctuation is horrible. Anyways, she was just stating a fact. They might’ve still been together, but that doesn’t mean she’s unhappy in her relationship or wishes she was still with him
@@Fashion101.Ayeah but she’s refusing to communicate like an adult and in turn making op go through potentially unnecessary emotional turmoil. It is perfectly normal to feel the way op felt when she said she would still be with her ex. He didn’t start a fight, he was just a little hurt and was looking for reassurance and her response is the silent treatment. Regardless of whether or not she has lingering feelings for her ex, her communication and conflict resolution is complete garbage and they should see someone about improving it. Literally this wouldn’t be an issue if she just said she loved op and not the ex when asked about what she said, and the fact that she didn’t puts the idea that she can’t say it because it’s a lie in peoples heads.
You’re not the second choice, your the forever choice (as in she married you and had a kid with you❤) I think she just sad, drug addiction is heartbreaking and she felt powerless to help him.
I think it was her past. as any woman would have tried till last but it is her past. She just said something that happened in her past. On the other side giving the silent treatment is not good it is better to talk and clear misunderstanding than divorce.
Umm you’re not second, you’re just the next choice. There’s no such thing as soul mates, just mates you choose to make it work with. And you can’t do that with an addict.
I think if you do counseling or some working on your marriage you get two things: A) It works and you get a stronger marriage B) It doesn't, but when you end things you will feel confident that you are doing the right thing
You need to realize she said that about back when they were still dating, she never said she would leave you for him. That said, when being told something that hurt your S.O. you are not supposed to run away, that's rude and a total red flag.
I mean yeah him being sad is justified but also if he did pick her over the drugs it would be a happy relationship so what she said makes sense but Idk I'm just some dumbass on the Internet lol
I think y'all are both over reacting because you getting a hissy fit because of a drunk comment is really crazy but the way the wife is giving you the silent treatment is not the solution y'all just need to talk
my husband knows that if my ex hadn't cheated that I'd still be with him. I also know that if his ex hadn't used him as an atm that they'd still be together. In the end what counts is we met each other and are now happy
What she said is closer to "if he wasn't abusive, we'd still be together" or "he was still alive, we'd still be together". Neither of those say anything about you. Get over yourself. She's had to go through a mourning process and you are making the terrible thing that happened to her in her past before you were together all about yourself.
Honestly, it’s better to see her as a widow in this situation. Alot of widows would not be with their partners if their late spouses hadn’t passed away. Her immediately shutting down is most likely due to the trauma of losing a spouse, and having her inside thoughts get out. If she fully refuses to talk about the situation/incident, it would be good to get into therapy to help her grieve.
But the situation isn't anything like a widows?? 😅 You can't compare a persons love dying to a break up over a drug addiction. The partner is still alive just not in a good place.
But the situation is he CHOSE drugs over her? The ex isn’t dead. To try and view it like that is delusional and not reading the facts at all. A death cannot be controlled but addiction can be. And yes addiction is hard but it IS possible. At the end of the day a dead spouse can’t come back but the fact she said this about someone still alive. The op is basically thinking ah jeez if that guy just got clean she would leave me in a heartbeat. Not the same as a widow at all.
@@One_Time3579 I mean… I kind of get it? Drugs change a person and so does addiction. The person she chose to date was dead and gone, a shell of a man hooked on drugs was what was left. She could be grieving the man she knew who she knows will never be the same again. But that isn’t a proper excuse for a complete silent treatment with your husband, the father of your child. Also widows who are still that emotionally raw about their deceased spouse shouldn’t be dating, it isn’t fair to their next partner. If we’re going the grieving route then she shouldn’t have gotten married and had kids before resolving her feelings about the ex
Okay and? Just because she said she would've stayed with him if their relationship was healthy doesn't mean anything. Her and OP have been together 14 years, she clearly loves him and wants to be with him. Just because you get with someone after a breakup doesn't mean you dont live them or you're their second choice or whatever. If OP divorces her over this I guarantee he'll regret it because it would be genuinely ridiculous to do so.
“Guys if my relationship hadn’t turned bad I probably would have still been in that relationship because there would have been no reason to break up, but it was bad so I ended stuff” Bro those are sober words Like “if this didn’t happen this would have happened instead” It’s like saying if I didn’t break my arm I could have gone to the waterpark with my friends that one time It’s a statement of cause and effect She didn’t say she wished he gave up drugs to be with her she literally just said if a reason to end something didn’t appear she wouldn’t have ended it Making up all these weird what ifs about a partners past is how you spiral and end up breaking up lol
Okay, I truly think OP isn't looking at this right. Yes, there is a very real possibility she might have been with him had he gotten sober. However, that's not what happened. They split and she met you after and even opened up to OP about that part of her life. OP wasn't a 'second choice', just the next one. She wasn't choosing OP OVER her ex (as that would imply she was cheating on the ex with OP), OP was just the next person she felt comfortable enough to date and open up to. A conversation NEEDS to be had and would solve a lot.
Absolutely overreacting. It’s one of those things where if life didn’t turn out the way it did. Everyone would’ve had different paths. I would probably still be with my ex if he had quit drinking when we were together. And yes, it was sad. Yes, it was hard to leave. I can see my life going that direction. However I am absolutely in love with the person I am with now, and I wouldn’t change it. She was not saying she would change it, she was commenting on a hypothetical past life that was never viable.
Yeah that has nothing to do with the fact that she would want to be with him over you more to do with the fact that if it weren't for the drugs they would have never broken up n't and she wouldn't have gotten together with you in the first place. You wouldn't have known what you had missed type mentality like. It's more just expressing the sorrow and the grief that she had been feeling at that time when he chose drugs over her. Looking far deeper into it than you need to you one. Love the woman you love. Trust the woman you love. If it still doesn't work out well then I give s*** advice 😅
Honestly op isnt in the worng ,he expressed his feeling and she just locked herself up This is real communication op got hurt from something his partner said and instead of staying silent and starting to resent her until he snaps ,he told her what made him upset normally she should have addresses his fears and comforted him not taken it as an insult
I mean, that's how a timeline works. You're together because she left him, met you, and you two developed feelings. It's just a sequence of choices that resulted in a relationship. And from the way it was described, it didn't sound like she was lamanting about an old flame that got away. It just sounds like she's sad that her ex's drug addiction got so bad, which is understandable. Its a hard way to leave any type of relationship as drug addiction leaves a heavy impact on everyone around them. She sounds like she harbors some guilt from not being able to help him, which a lot of people go through when their loved ones are addicts. Overall, its clear this insecurity isnt new. And I wouldnt be surprised if its come up before and thats why she just left the situation.
By locking herself away and giving the silent treatment is known as emotional manipulation. Having admitted what she did when drunk means she still pines for her ex. An amicable divorce will be needed before she cheats with someone who has a similar vibe as her ex.
Or maybe, just maybe, she's also upset and not sure how to address this topic, since OP is obviously so upset he's considering divorce. Also, nothing about her comment means she "still pines for her ex" 🙄 They've been married for 14 years and she hasn't cheated so your statement is completely ridiculous.
@@Ittybitty43 For a person, even in a drunken state, to make the statement that she did, means she had reminisced about it quite a bit instead of focussing on her current marriage.
@@Ittybitty43 THEY, male or female, always wants the POS. Now he knows he was second and will always be second. Time to go and be first for the right person.
@@johnking2740she isn't really reminiscing, she stated it once. Ever remembered your past relationship once? Like seriously, if a relationship was good it would have probably been successful and lasted, it wasn't successful.
@@Nono-ut8kz Actually, I was in the husbands position and became the rebound guy, someone who lent her support till she found someone better, at the time was my best friend - that affects a person.
Is he stupid? It's often the case that you leave someone when something isn't right and the other person doesn't change. He's not the second choice. He's the new choice.
If everyone divorced over 1 comment no one be married. What could of, would of, should of... are past. Lady isn't seeking the guy so op is over reacting.
@@raelynnpeixotto5228because it is very normal to complain about a past relationship once, especially if your friends say something about that person. It is normal. It's not like she wants the ex
Hes the a hole Her logic makes sense. If ex hadn’t started/chose her over drugs, they would have never had a reason to break up. If she was in a relationship, she wouldn’t have ever dated and married op. Hes making a mountain out of a molehill It would be like if he was planning on having chicken for dinner, the chicken went bad, so he had he had pork instead and it was a good meal, but he WANTED chicken
Yeah my mom had 2 ex husband's that ended same way. The first got her pregnant at young age and choose alcohol and drugs over her so she left the guy and child. The second husband was similar but got into fights ( know this cause dadalways sat facing the doors in restaurants to make sure guy never walked in on us while having meals). Anyway mom married my father and had me and they always talked about the first 2 husbands of mom and dad's first wife that died of diabetes around me. Parents are celebrating their 53rd year together.
She put you second to a druggie piece of shit in front of people. Marriage is over. Get all your ducks in a row with a lawyer, and start moving money out of your account before she does,
She's a red flag for a single comment that wasn't even that bad? 🙄 Be realistic, if everyone divorced their partners over a single sentence that hurt their feelings nobody would be married. Also, plenty of people will admit that if their past relationship had been healthier or happier they would've stayed. She didn't say she still loves him or wanted to run back to him, she made a simple statement mourning the loss of the relationship because of his choices. She is well within her rights to feel that way. It doesn't mean she doesn't love OP or doesn't want to be with him. Would you say the same thing if it were a widow saying she'd still be with her late husband if he hadn't died? 😒 OP is allowed to be hurt, but acting like this is some huge betrayal and considering divorce after 14 years of marriage is dramatic.
Damn, I guess you didn't have any relationships before marriage or yet, because everyone sometimes says something like, if he didn't do that, then we would have still been together. It's not like she was in a relationship with op and ex
Someone’s insecure… honestly, he’s just blowing things way out of proportion here, being whiny and behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Either that or it’s another fake story to get people’s attention
He already admitted to being insecure so whats the point on saying that ? And he was being whiny he felt like a second option and kept that to himself until she asked and he told her . She’s one being whiny because SHE locked herself in a room, its almost like she’s mad he has feelings .
I wonder if OP would be this hurt if her comment was more along the lines of "if my late partner hadn't died id still ve with him." Just because she got with you after leaving him doesn't mean youre her "second choice". Just because she would have stayed with him if the relationship was healthy and happy doesn't mean she doesn't love you or want to be with you. I mean honestly, throwing 14 years away over something like this would be ridiculous.
“We would still be together” means nothing without the phrase “I want” or “I wish”
Alright, then why not tell him that? Why would she lock herself up in the room and give silent treatment
@ Idk, I’m not her. But he overreacted as well
@@Fashion101.Ano overreacting would be going straight to divorce without any communication. He first tried to have a conversation and took into account that she was drunk by kit bringing it up in the moment. Her locking herself up is definitely telling and he should be taking notes.
@ I had a stroke reading that, your punctuation is horrible. Anyways, she was just stating a fact. They might’ve still been together, but that doesn’t mean she’s unhappy in her relationship or wishes she was still with him
@@Fashion101.Ayeah but she’s refusing to communicate like an adult and in turn making op go through potentially unnecessary emotional turmoil. It is perfectly normal to feel the way op felt when she said she would still be with her ex. He didn’t start a fight, he was just a little hurt and was looking for reassurance and her response is the silent treatment. Regardless of whether or not she has lingering feelings for her ex, her communication and conflict resolution is complete garbage and they should see someone about improving it. Literally this wouldn’t be an issue if she just said she loved op and not the ex when asked about what she said, and the fact that she didn’t puts the idea that she can’t say it because it’s a lie in peoples heads.
You’re not the second choice, your the forever choice (as in she married you and had a kid with you❤) I think she just sad, drug addiction is heartbreaking and she felt powerless to help him.
I think it was her past. as any woman would have tried till last but it is her past. She just said something that happened in her past. On the other side giving the silent treatment is not good it is better to talk and clear misunderstanding than divorce.
Umm you’re not second, you’re just the next choice. There’s no such thing as soul mates, just mates you choose to make it work with. And you can’t do that with an addict.
I think if you do counseling or some working on your marriage you get two things:
A) It works and you get a stronger marriage
B) It doesn't, but when you end things you will feel confident that you are doing the right thing
You need to realize she said that about back when they were still dating, she never said she would leave you for him. That said, when being told something that hurt your S.O. you are not supposed to run away, that's rude and a total red flag.
I think it’s odd she locked herself in the bedroom because he told her
Because now he knows he was second, will always be second.
I mean yeah him being sad is justified but also if he did pick her over the drugs it would be a happy relationship so what she said makes sense but Idk I'm just some dumbass on the Internet lol
I think y'all are both over reacting because you getting a hissy fit because of a drunk comment is really crazy but the way the wife is giving you the silent treatment is not the solution y'all just need to talk
my husband knows that if my ex hadn't cheated that I'd still be with him. I also know that if his ex hadn't used him as an atm that they'd still be together. In the end what counts is we met each other and are now happy
@Jerseybytes2 I'm happy you are happy 😁
Agreed
@@Mr_aaronlol I could write a book on how amazing is he, cause he really is the best
Two most honest people. 1, a drunk and 2, kids
What she said is closer to "if he wasn't abusive, we'd still be together" or "he was still alive, we'd still be together". Neither of those say anything about you. Get over yourself. She's had to go through a mourning process and you are making the terrible thing that happened to her in her past before you were together all about yourself.
Honestly, it’s better to see her as a widow in this situation. Alot of widows would not be with their partners if their late spouses hadn’t passed away.
Her immediately shutting down is most likely due to the trauma of losing a spouse, and having her inside thoughts get out. If she fully refuses to talk about the situation/incident, it would be good to get into therapy to help her grieve.
But the situation isn't anything like a widows?? 😅 You can't compare a persons love dying to a break up over a drug addiction. The partner is still alive just not in a good place.
But the situation is he CHOSE drugs over her? The ex isn’t dead. To try and view it like that is delusional and not reading the facts at all.
A death cannot be controlled but addiction can be. And yes addiction is hard but it IS possible.
At the end of the day a dead spouse can’t come back but the fact she said this about someone still alive. The op is basically thinking ah jeez if that guy just got clean she would leave me in a heartbeat. Not the same as a widow at all.
@@One_Time3579 I mean… I kind of get it? Drugs change a person and so does addiction. The person she chose to date was dead and gone, a shell of a man hooked on drugs was what was left. She could be grieving the man she knew who she knows will never be the same again. But that isn’t a proper excuse for a complete silent treatment with your husband, the father of your child. Also widows who are still that emotionally raw about their deceased spouse shouldn’t be dating, it isn’t fair to their next partner. If we’re going the grieving route then she shouldn’t have gotten married and had kids before resolving her feelings about the ex
@@CaraLol-hg3lrMy sister is a drug user. She may not be dead, but the person that she was definitely is.
Isn't there a saying 'Drunk thoughts are sober thoughts'?
i think it's drunk words are sober thoughts
Okay and? Just because she said she would've stayed with him if their relationship was healthy doesn't mean anything. Her and OP have been together 14 years, she clearly loves him and wants to be with him. Just because you get with someone after a breakup doesn't mean you dont live them or you're their second choice or whatever. If OP divorces her over this I guarantee he'll regret it because it would be genuinely ridiculous to do so.
“Guys if my relationship hadn’t turned bad I probably would have still been in that relationship because there would have been no reason to break up, but it was bad so I ended stuff”
Bro those are sober words
Like “if this didn’t happen this would have happened instead”
It’s like saying if I didn’t break my arm I could have gone to the waterpark with my friends that one time
It’s a statement of cause and effect
She didn’t say she wished he gave up drugs to be with her she literally just said if a reason to end something didn’t appear she wouldn’t have ended it
Making up all these weird what ifs about a partners past is how you spiral and end up breaking up lol
Okay, I truly think OP isn't looking at this right. Yes, there is a very real possibility she might have been with him had he gotten sober. However, that's not what happened. They split and she met you after and even opened up to OP about that part of her life. OP wasn't a 'second choice', just the next one. She wasn't choosing OP OVER her ex (as that would imply she was cheating on the ex with OP), OP was just the next person she felt comfortable enough to date and open up to. A conversation NEEDS to be had and would solve a lot.
OP? You were always the friend. If you can't live with it, time to go, Dude.
Sometimes that furst love is always a difficult one to for over. I have gone beck to my first love 3 time in my life.
Typical toxic woman behavior, gets called out and tries to punish you for how you fee like you’re wrong for having emotions or a free thought
Absolutely overreacting. It’s one of those things where if life didn’t turn out the way it did. Everyone would’ve had different paths. I would probably still be with my ex if he had quit drinking when we were together. And yes, it was sad. Yes, it was hard to leave. I can see my life going that direction. However I am absolutely in love with the person I am with now, and I wouldn’t change it. She was not saying she would change it, she was commenting on a hypothetical past life that was never viable.
Yeah that has nothing to do with the fact that she would want to be with him over you more to do with the fact that if it weren't for the drugs they would have never broken up n't and she wouldn't have gotten together with you in the first place. You wouldn't have known what you had missed type mentality like. It's more just expressing the sorrow and the grief that she had been feeling at that time when he chose drugs over her. Looking far deeper into it than you need to you one. Love the woman you love. Trust the woman you love. If it still doesn't work out well then I give s*** advice 😅
Think you have been looking for a reason to divorce for a while...I
Honestly op isnt in the worng ,he expressed his feeling and she just locked herself up
This is real communication op got hurt from something his partner said and instead of staying silent and starting to resent her until he snaps ,he told her what made him upset normally she should have addresses his fears and comforted him not taken it as an insult
Just talk to her
I mean, that's how a timeline works.
You're together because she left him, met you, and you two developed feelings. It's just a sequence of choices that resulted in a relationship.
And from the way it was described, it didn't sound like she was lamanting about an old flame that got away. It just sounds like she's sad that her ex's drug addiction got so bad, which is understandable. Its a hard way to leave any type of relationship as drug addiction leaves a heavy impact on everyone around them. She sounds like she harbors some guilt from not being able to help him, which a lot of people go through when their loved ones are addicts.
Overall, its clear this insecurity isnt new. And I wouldnt be surprised if its come up before and thats why she just left the situation.
By locking herself away and giving the silent treatment is known as emotional manipulation.
Having admitted what she did when drunk means she still pines for her ex. An amicable divorce will be needed before she cheats with someone who has a similar vibe as her ex.
Or maybe, just maybe, she's also upset and not sure how to address this topic, since OP is obviously so upset he's considering divorce.
Also, nothing about her comment means she "still pines for her ex" 🙄 They've been married for 14 years and she hasn't cheated so your statement is completely ridiculous.
@@Ittybitty43 For a person, even in a drunken state, to make the statement that she did, means she had reminisced about it quite a bit instead of focussing on her current marriage.
@@Ittybitty43 THEY, male or female, always wants the POS. Now he knows he was second and will always be second. Time to go and be first for the right person.
@@johnking2740she isn't really reminiscing, she stated it once. Ever remembered your past relationship once? Like seriously, if a relationship was good it would have probably been successful and lasted, it wasn't successful.
@@Nono-ut8kz Actually, I was in the husbands position and became the rebound guy, someone who lent her support till she found someone better, at the time was my best friend - that affects a person.
Is he stupid? It's often the case that you leave someone when something isn't right and the other person doesn't change. He's not the second choice. He's the new choice.
Fr
If everyone divorced over 1 comment no one be married.
What could of, would of, should of... are past.
Lady isn't seeking the guy so op is over reacting.
Yea this doesn’t make sense
Why?
@@raelynnpeixotto5228because it is very normal to complain about a past relationship once, especially if your friends say something about that person. It is normal. It's not like she wants the ex
your not.. she loves him..
Hes the a hole
Her logic makes sense. If ex hadn’t started/chose her over drugs, they would have never had a reason to break up. If she was in a relationship, she wouldn’t have ever dated and married op. Hes making a mountain out of a molehill
It would be like if he was planning on having chicken for dinner, the chicken went bad, so he had he had pork instead and it was a good meal, but he WANTED chicken
Yeah my mom had 2 ex husband's that ended same way.
The first got her pregnant at young age and choose alcohol and drugs over her so she left the guy and child. The second husband was similar but got into fights ( know this cause dadalways sat facing the doors in restaurants to make sure guy never walked in on us while having meals).
Anyway mom married my father and had me and they always talked about the first 2 husbands of mom and dad's first wife that died of diabetes around me. Parents are celebrating their 53rd year together.
She put you second to a druggie piece of shit in front of people. Marriage is over. Get all your ducks in a row with a lawyer, and start moving money out of your account before she does,
Amazing. They will always choose the POS over a decent person, male or female. Let her go get with the POS.
But did he quit for her?
No, that's why the relationship failed and she doesn't want a relationship with him
Divorce her she is a RED FLAG
She's a red flag for a single comment that wasn't even that bad? 🙄
Be realistic, if everyone divorced their partners over a single sentence that hurt their feelings nobody would be married. Also, plenty of people will admit that if their past relationship had been healthier or happier they would've stayed.
She didn't say she still loves him or wanted to run back to him, she made a simple statement mourning the loss of the relationship because of his choices. She is well within her rights to feel that way. It doesn't mean she doesn't love OP or doesn't want to be with him. Would you say the same thing if it were a widow saying she'd still be with her late husband if he hadn't died? 😒
OP is allowed to be hurt, but acting like this is some huge betrayal and considering divorce after 14 years of marriage is dramatic.
Damn, I guess you didn't have any relationships before marriage or yet, because everyone sometimes says something like, if he didn't do that, then we would have still been together. It's not like she was in a relationship with op and ex
So he is just delulu?
You're overreacting. She hadn't even met you yet when they broke up.
Someone’s insecure… honestly, he’s just blowing things way out of proportion here, being whiny and behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Either that or it’s another fake story to get people’s attention
He already admitted to being insecure so whats the point on saying that ? And he was being whiny he felt like a second option and kept that to himself until she asked and he told her . She’s one being whiny because SHE locked herself in a room, its almost like she’s mad he has feelings .
@@HarmoneeCollins-k6iBUT why didn’t he try to reach out to her and ask for a talk like humans would. If it doesn’t go well then divorce
@@Equ1zr but they did talk and she locked herself in their room?
Overreacting.
So you'd rather change your entire life and ruin your child's because maybe you're not as happy as you can be???
She's silently gaslighting you. If he was successful and off drugs she'd cheat on you and then leave you. Act as you see fit.
I wonder if OP would be this hurt if her comment was more along the lines of "if my late partner hadn't died id still ve with him."
Just because she got with you after leaving him doesn't mean youre her "second choice". Just because she would have stayed with him if the relationship was healthy and happy doesn't mean she doesn't love you or want to be with you.
I mean honestly, throwing 14 years away over something like this would be ridiculous.
Yea keep defending the wife 😂😂😂 what's ridiculous is your completely ignoring the wifes actions and words to blame the husband.
You can't blame her for missing her first love
😅OP is simply crazy. What is she supposed to do? Say she would’ve cheated on her ex instead of breaking up?