Aba (and Preach who I unfortunately didn't get to meet) THANQ!!!!!! Big ups to you for what you have created and more importantly who you have created it for. As mentioned when I slid in your DMs, I'm genuinely an admirer and have been for about a year. There needs to be more men, speaking for men, to men. I have learned so much and had many great conversations directly inspired by your insights, just like Roommates podcast, who I think you'd like too! I know you already do nuff, but I think your podcast would be a HUGE smash. HIGHER! HIGHER! HIGHER! Bravo
Men dont feel cheapened for giving up their emotions too early. They know woman arent interested in them, and that is why they arent open. Woman feel cheapened when they give up sex too early because they think that its a possiblity thats all the guy wants, and he will just dip when he gets it. This has nothing to do with mens emotions and their willingness. Men dont like emotional men, its a fact. They want the men to help with their emotions, not the pther way around
Yeah. I had noticed a lot of that with my mom growing up, (she's 59, I'm 20), it's like, they hold up the "ammo", until they can use it in an argument. I've always, always hated her for that shit. That's why she doesn't know nearly nothing about me and my life. My sister's done that with me a bit too, but she's grown out of that stupidity.
Like I tell my child if they don't want you on to the next one. Leave them with the rest of the trash goes. They aren't meant to be in your life they were only meant to teach you something about yourself.
I've noticed with some girls don't fight fair in an argument. Yes I said girls because a real mature and confident woman would have enough respect for her partner to know where the line is drawn. Thinking of horrible things to say and actually saying those horrible things that you can't take back are literal game changers. In my experience if a partner doesn't argue/debate/communicate fairly (open/two way steet) or constantly changing the topic being discussed as soon as they are realizing that they are not winning the argument. This is a red flag to let you know that you have to get away from them for your own personal health.
Damn, when you put it like that it's lowkey narcissism. It's like the person can only explore their emotional range when it's geared towards making someone feel special.
I have a idea for that Ok so take a glass object ok so when ya spouse comes over explain to her that said glass object means a lot to you and you would die if it were to break now when you are in an argument if she breaks the glass object you now know she ain't da one For she didn't care for something that you care about
Bro,I'm so glad I'm reading these comments. I seriously thought it was very rare,bro....I 100% agree and feel ya. I experienced exactly the same, never again will I tell any female about my childhood.
Honestly I was like that when I was younger, cause I just wanted to win argument, but it never sat well with me, and guilt of doing that I knew I'd done f up even as young teen. .As an adult I can say if a grown ass woman is doing that , it's literally because she just wants to win that argument at all expense and does not care about you , her win is more important ...
my cousin was murdered. I was in the car with my EX. I cried, to the point I had to pull over. When the relationship do as they do as time goes on, and one day we argued. She called me a sissy. I was like what? (at the time 6'5" 280lbs football player) Please explain! "Remember that time you cried when we were in the car?" Needless to say that we didn't make it. My wife loves how open I am about my emotional state.
Wow...see,exactly...the truth i can share. This is all....no joke,this is how the "common" Female mind operates. No negativity towards women in general, there is a vast world out there. But i can say personally, i have experienced this level of Abuse.. this constantly being torn back n forth and if you show emotions...... your done,fast thrown away like a tissue. This is why at 40.....my mind is extremely strong, my character permanently in place...my destiny, my Focus.... i will say for too long in my 20s and 30s i definitely did not understand this fully and definitively suffered from the lack of knowledge.
Men being vulnerable with women about emotions is similar to how it feels for a student to be vulnerable with teachers about raising their hand in class to ask a question. Teachers always say “don’t be afraid to ask questions”, but a lot of teachers make you feel dumb for asking certain questions. Then they wonder why no one likes to speak up in class. Same with expressing emotions to women. Most guys have dealt with getting our vulnerability thrown back in our face. So just like a lot of students will ask another student for help before they ask the teacher, guys would rather be vulnerable with another guy.
@Jack Strawb I’m not arguing that there aren’t, but that wasn’t really the main point of it. I was just using that phrase in this analogy cause it’s relatable and commonly heard. But why would they lead with that statement, then neglect you if you do ask what they perceive as a “dumb” question? Same thing with how a female will say there’s nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions and showing his “soft” side, then neglect him. The main point is that the prefaced statement of reassurance often conflicts with what their actions eventually show.
B D nah it’s actually even deeper for men. Cuz men protect their emotions like their identities. Women don’t see themselves as sex, just as the controllers of sex.
How is this deep? It's just stuff everyone already knew. And it's not even something positive, this is something we should try and make better, and help people not feel shame for wanting sex or showing emotions
preach!!! if it messes up your relationship then she's not worth it, it doesn't make the whole concept of being vulnerable as a man is, in and of itself, bad.
Thank You! Someone gets it. If you're expressing your most vulnerable parts of who you are to your partner, and they diminish/dismiss/ or trivialize it. That is toxic behavior... you can guarantee that they're not the one for you.
@@deepfreeze202 Sure but there are people that you share enough values with and people that are toxic. Imo a female partner never being able to support her partner emotionally is just a bad partner in general.
If women can't learn from their partner how to handle his emotions, by listening and caring, then no one else can teach you. It frustrates me as a female to hear "we're not being taught". It's your responsibility to grow as a human.
It's hard to learn in a class where you're talking while the lesson is being taught. Women accept that in school,they don't apply that in relationships.
It's just social conditioning though. So if people are being programmed through education, society, and media then how will they know where or how they need to grow as a person? They're too brainwashed to realize the fault in their perspective.
@@Penelope416 I think this sort of points to the REAL problem: people can't think for themselves anymore and rely on gaining information and knowledge from others instead of being self-reflective and introspective to improve themselves. Lord knows self-reflective people never get swayed by nonsense in the first place.
@@Un1234l Yes. That knowledge is from God. What is right and wrong is revealed by him, but many of us search for experts, books etc etc and they don't have the answers.
@@haileyquinnzel I think what they mean is that they will hold their intimacy for the people they trust. Not hook up because there is not connection aside from physical attraction
One time a friend of mine (a girl) walked in on me while I was crying. I don’t cry often, it was actually my first time crying in 3 years. She asked me why I was crying and I told her why and she was very comforting. A week later we got into an argument in front of a whole bunch of other people and she yells, “Ok, next time (insert problem) happens don’t come crying to me!” And she even said the name of the person whom I was crying over, who happened to be right there. I never felt so ashamed and embarrassed and I felt like she took advantage of my vulnerability. I’m not the type to show vulnerability often, so the one time I confided in someone, they exposed me and told my business to a multitude of people. And she emphasized how shaken up I was about the situation. Negative experiences like this is what keeps me from showing vulnerability and it sucks
Ehh... there’s gray in everything. That comment didn’t come off as a hypocritical statement to me. As men, we should be able to be more vulnerable with women without them condemning us for it, but there’s levels to this sh*t, lol. And identifying boundaries when it comes to our interactions with other ppl should be just as important as broadening our understanding & acceptance of male vulnerability in our society. IMO 😉
@Simple Truths Yeeeaaaah... I get where you're coming from, believe me lol. But that overall sentiment in recent years is more so some weird internet-trendy generalization BS. In real life, women are not a monolithic group that act as one and neither are men. We're all different with obvious similarities due to our genders. I don't plan on dealing with ALL women in life this responsibly, that's just not realistic, lol. I'm dealing with my girl and that's it lol. So in an intimate case by case basis (which is where long lasting relationships we build upon begin) I still don't think the expectation of us men being more vulnerable to women is hypocritical or anything, cuz let's face it... most of us aren't. Wether we've been taught to not be or women make it hard for us is irrelevant. It's one of the many common sense things we need to do to maintain a healthy relationship with the opposite sex or whoever our significant other is. We got our mess with us just like women do. All I'm saying is it's a waste of time to use a woman's screwed up, ignorant or hypocritical actions to justify just writing their whole argument off. Deal with the person who's right in front of you and establish realistic boundaries and be present and vulnerable enough to allow them to establish boundaries with you as well.
They want men who are vulnerable to THEM and sensitive to THEIR needs, not men who are struggling with their own issues, emotions, traumas, etc. They have no use for men like that. Those men are toxic and draining to their narcissistic selves. They need for men to be tools and utilities or platforms upon which to champion themselves. Guys who can be those things while earning tons of money are deserving of "husband of the year" awards.
When my father attempted suicide, I opened up to a close female friend. She recorded the conversation, sent it to her friend, and posted it on FB. All mocking me. Crying because my Dad nearly killed himself made me weak and less than a man. Deserving of mocking and being told that he should’ve killed himself. Ended the friendship.
Wow that spot on, beyond narcissism I'm sorry even if she was worst ex and she died and he cried I'd let him., Why because that entire human being you had a pass journey with good or bad is now gone, doesn't mean he still in love with her ..means dude fucken human, My Gosh 😤😤😤😤
When women say they want a man who's emotional, like often women mean a different thing, what they mean is they want you to be sensitive to THEIR emotions not yours. Simple.
Couldn't have put it better, I try to be there girl whenever she needs be but I was having such a terrible day and I feel like dog shit and I gotta deal with it myself.
That's narcissistic and selfish as fawk means she only thinks of herself and what she can get out of you. There's no partnership no teamwork no reciprocation
We are told to open up and be more emotional, but when we do, our pain and venting gets dismissed, and we are ridiculed for it. Then society wonders why we kill ourselves.
So I lost my ex a year ago. And I cried. I hadn’t been with him for a couple years, I didn’t love him anymore, but I still cared. You still care about someone, even if you’ve moved on. A death is something that you can grieve about. You will never understand the pain if you’ve never gone through it.
I guess because I was raised by a man. Though flawed. My father was very emotional. He cried on movies all the time. When life hit him he cried. My dad is still very sensitive. I never knew this was a "bad" thing for men until I got older and aquainted with the world. But by this time, I knew what a vulnerable man could be. So I never thought it was weird for a man to cry. Never thought it took away from ones masculinity. As a kid, my sisters and I easily cried with our father. He embraced a "let it out" mentality. To this day, I have never teased a man for being vulnerable. I guess because my dad taught me that vulnerability was a human thing. And not something solely for women. Any woman who belittles a man for showing emotions or vulnerability ahould be ashamed of themselves.
Have you ever been shamed by women for doing so ? Maybe not as an immediate response but as a later undisclosed reaction ? Loss of attraction for example.
See, I think that many people don't take time to know themselves and try to improve gradulally with many failures on their way. The can also have success, a lots of it doing so but they know that life can be hard and in order to keep a pure "heart", someone has to let go of what's inside him/her either by writing it, telling it and also, by crying it out. And because many people are too afraid to dig within their own darkness, they can't fathom someone who's open with his (because the topic here is about men and emotions) emotions, as they see it as a weakness... showing a week point isn't a weakness, it's supposed to be a great sign of trust but some seem to miss that point.
I always heard that men don't cry when they watch movies because they're not as empathetic towards facial expressions. I watched a documentary in which they shows how women use both sides of the brain to understand facial expression and speech when they communicate, but men only use one side and that's what I learned in psychology class, so now I want to see that study again because I wonder how accurate it is. My problem with men being vulnerable isn't that I just don't know how to handle it. Each time a man gets vulnerable with me, I have to text a friend and be like "hey how do I react" because I just don't know. Men usually want to be the supportive and providing role and I also don't want to invalidate that in a man, so when a man is vulnerable, I want to treat it like I treat anyone that is going through shit, but I don't want to make more upset because he thinks he's not manly because they need support. I'd love for you to kinda comment on this and tell me how someone should react in that situation.
I've had two experiences when I was in the military that stood out to me where guys were very vulnerable about their emotions (I'm a chick, btw). I didn't react negatively but I saw how women can fetishize guy's emotions and understood how awkward it can be for guys to do so. I'll just talk about the first incident. We were having a weekend party with our unit and the drinks were flowing. One of my buddies seemed upset and was drinking to get drunk and not really having a good time. I asked him if he wanted go out for a smoke to talk. We went outside and he busted into tears. I hugged him and he was telling me about some stuff he did during the war that haunted him. I let him talk and held him while he cried comforting him each time he sobbed. My roommate came up to us and basically forced her way in and started comforting him as well. She seemed very excited to be a part of his heartbreak, which I wasn't upset by, but just found it odd how she was so adamant about it...Hard to explain. The next day he came up to me and apologized for him breaking down and seemed so embarrassed for doing so. I kept telling him it was ok, but I don't think he felt it was ok. It worries me that men can't feel vulnerable when they need to be, especially when dealing with very fucking hard issues, like PTSD. I've had quite a few of my buddies end their lives because they couldn't deal with it anymore. It fucking sucks.
We've been conditioned a lot to not talk about our emotions as man. "Man up" and "Take it like a man" are to phrases most of us have heard way too much. So when we open up to people whom we think don't want us too or simply when we're not ready, we tend to regret it later and wish we never did, whether it be right or not. At least that's what I feel from my own experience, so I can't really talk for others.
@@heyliim2817 Actually, ive never heard those phrases in my life before and people in my immediate life are open to men being open. However, that never stopped me from being disgusted of myself. I was in the military myself and ive had that break down once and I was drunk. All I could think about was "what kind of man am I going to be when things actually hard." Not sure if it was the alcohol or the crying that had me in shame. Maybe a bit of both. Never the less I lost the urge to ever express myself. Its just the way I prefer to handle it. My point being, I know people like to blame society standards on men not being open but I think men are naturally like that for the most part. Its like forcing someone a personality they are not accustomed to. I was blessed because in the infantry we understand each other so when one of us has that episode we dont bash each other and we keep that incident within ourselves because we understand the experience. So my buddies were cool with it. I dont thinks its about societies approval. Because if it were, if men can be unapologetically scummy, surly we can be unapologetically emotional. What we actually is better or more methods of expressing ourselves because we are limited in that capacity. Our ancestors didn't have the privilege to be emotional. If they were, trying to survive kept us busy. In this world of complacency we need things that keep our minds busy. Thats why vets do better in the military than out of it.
@Jacob Levesque This just took me back to my childhood, I remember, I was only a kid, must have been about ten, I fell over and cut myself pretty bad... I had my mum just comforting me and cleaning the wound etc and my grandad just telling me to stop crying MAN UP etc... to this day I'm not sure who was right, both I guess... I was just a little kid in a lot of pain and it helped to have my mum there but at the same time my grandad made a great point, it was just a cut, I was gonna hurt myself / get hurt way worse in the future so sometimes you do just have to take it. One of those moments in life that just stuck with me.
A girl told me once: Girls don't like sad guys. In my head: Do you think sad people likes to be sad? Spoiler, they hate that, sadness is not the funniest emotion.
That was a stupid statement. Nobody likes sad people in society in general cause society doesn’t value emotions usually, they value power. We are in an insensitive cruel society in general
@@anandaalvarez4336 I think it's situational. Look at how popular the song Sad! was by XXXtentacion. But I think society shames perceived weakness in men, in particular women, as much as dishonest manipulative women will try to deny. Most women lose all attraction when you're vulnerable about a weakness. I told my ex about insecurities and she just brought up me "being insecure" every fight we had.
@@michaelturley8222 sorry about that, women are insecure by nature because of biological reasons but those animal instincts can be controlled by becoming aware of them as we all most at least try by our own, all humans have it
In the first year of my fiance's and I relationship we had a REAL DEEP talk about how we feel towards eachother and how vulnerable we feel about trusting one another with our feelings. He opened up and so did i, I always reassure my fiance that anything he feels or wants to talk about I'm here for him. I don't see him any less of a man if anything he is MORE of a man to me and I've got way much more respect for him.
"gender roles don't matter and should be abolished BUT I expect you as a man to be the PERFECT stereotypical gender role male or I'm not interested". I can't describe how angry and pissed of this makes me feel.
So valid. This is what we as feminists care about. That double bind is just as real with men in Hetero relationships. It is bc of these rigid beliefs in the gender binary. It’s indicative of how entrenched we are DESPITE WHAT WE SAYYY WE LIKE in this structure. Everyone has tons of work to do in undoing gender violence, including women.
I'm really sorry you guys have to put up with that. I have seen a lot of women who proclaim to be feminists but put men down and have ridiculous double standards for dating. Those women tend to be very miserable with their dating lives though, so karma is real in that respect.
That's why you have to act like a robot and have your emotional experiences in your own time. It sucks but it feels better than getting that stuff that really effects you thrown in your face repeatedly to make you feel worthless.
@@deathdealer5993 indeed indeed, I'm not like this however, I will openly show I'm upset or cry infront of someone I'm in a relationship with. I haven't experiences too much of the bad side just however so that's probably why.
@@recorpse9698 Hey everyone has their own experience me personally I will cry in front of someone if I can't help it but I will give very little information as to why cause women in my experience fight dirty and will not hesitate to use it against me in the future and will just keep throwing it in my face. I haven't shared anything that deep with the women in my life in a long time and oddly enough I'm happier than I have ever been.
My kids are high-functioning Autistic..they cried when they watched the joker..they identified with the character not feeling like they fit in society..especially how astute they are in seeing that people have a tendency to not always be aligned in thought/action and spirituality..then they go about confusing themselves and others. Nobody..should tell you how you should feel...it happens naturally, it been proven time and time again to not be healthy for you.
@@happyjeffy hay there, greetings from Portugal, thanks for the concern and advice, yes it's the new movie, they just turned 19, they watched it last year, I was watching it with them..just in case they asked questions, we always discuss the arts, I'm very much a book worm, and music and film fan..so we discuss the crap out of it.. from.. technical to morals to actual history. They have Asperger's. Stay well.
@@mauradias2862 oh right haha, thanks for the well thought out reply. You look kinda young in your pic so I just thought I'd ask lol. I really like the film too and it has a lot of things to make you think about.
@@happyjeffy thank you for the complement, I'll be turning 44 this year( whisper) (Don't drink or smoke) all natural ..munch on everything and exercise whenever I can. Though I must say that a key aspect of my life is that since the age of 17 I have on and off been practicing martial arts..I highly recommend it as a all round physical, mental and spiritual sport.
The word “fetishized” feels so accurate. Every time women tell me to “ be more emotional” or “ it’s okay you can talk to me🥰” it feels so transparent that they just want the emotional satisfaction of being “ the one he talks to”
Well newsflash women want life to be all about them. Nothing more selfish than a woman, when they tell what they're looking for in a man it's always " makes ME laugh, make Me feel safe, takes care of ME, supports ME, provide for ME, takes ME ou worships ans spoils ME" etc. It's never " I want to give my love to someone" etc.
@@mouloudo yeah but its not like most people in general look for partners to make them better. The main reason you want a partner is you get something out of it. Just like normal friendships or any kind of relationship.
@@GGGmod1 yeah but not to that extent. Like the saying goes fix yourself and then find someone to share your happiness rather than looking for someone to fix you and fill a void.
@@GGGmod1 men have no problem picking a woman with no money and building with her. Now how often do women pick a man with less money? How often are women willing to build with their man instead of moving in?
Narcissim, Bullshit, double standards, lies, hypocrisy and want it all but won't do it riddle me this riddle what is this creature I speak of do you know no no one!.
Well, like Fresh&Fit podcast said, women are extractors, their goals and what they want from relationships is always, “what can you give me from this relationship” not, “what can we do, how can we grow, how can we be better together and what can i give you as well as what can you give me”
You’re totally right in that interpretation. I am a woman and an ex of mine committed $uic!de. I cried when I found out and it was mostly because suicide is very triggering for me and I don’t want anybody (aside from people that killers, rapists, abusers, etc) to feel so hopeless that they succumb to their own depression. My husband was confused at first but he asked questions- I do/did not have feelings for him beyond human compassion- and my husband understood where I was coming from. We as women need to have the same empathy and compassion we expect our men to have for us! ❤️
My first encounter with a man getting vulnerable was actually with my dad. My dad had a stroke almost 2 years ago and he still showed us a strong facade so that we wouldn't worry (he's the only man in the house because our family is him, my mom, me and my sister) but we could see through his facade and saw how much he was struggling. When he finally "got emotional with us" he expressed how he started having anxiety whenever he doesn't see us because he feels like he's alone and he expressed how he still wanted to meet his future grandchildren. My mom just held him him and prayed for him (we're christian) and the rest they discussed in private. My sister and I didn't know how to react, mainly because we're not very good at verbally expressing ourselves and we're so used seeing our father so strong for us and being our refuge and we still feel guilty about not saying anything and just looking at him with empathy. But because of that event I started asking my dad how is he feeling, always checking up on him and making sure he has everything he needs. I didn't tell him this but I have a feeling he knows, he's one of the reasons I left my dream uni (it's 6 hours away from where i live) and transferred to a closer one. I can't say that I'm now ready to face another emotional man but I will respect men keeping their emotions to themselves and I hope I'll respond better when I encounter a man being vulnerable. I'm sorry that this was really long 😅 Ps. My dad is still recovering but he's much happier, going strong and he's so healthy and much more physically active!!
Yeah, my dad finally expressed, not his emotions, but he simply stated I can no longer keep up with what I once did I need you guys to take on more responsibility. And knowing that lets us know how much he is struggling. He didn't get emotional but he showed a level of vulnerability that he was serious
Well that's not being vulnerable truly means when men say it, basically what you said is a version of "cry about me baby" that's the kind of vulnerability a women wants from men that is to be vulnerable about her, how much he loves her, how much he needs her...etc..... What men are talking about is ptsd, trauma, abuse etc.....
When your woman hit you with that line about your father leaving it’s because she obviously wanted to hurt you. It’s the female version of assault. They can’t do it physically but verbally they’re like ninjas.
It has nothing to do with them "not being right for you". When you as a man act emotional, you're acting like the woman. When a man acts feminine, that causes the woman to shift into their masculine which is not their natural essence. That causes them to lose attraction. It doesn't matter how "right" they are or are not for you, if you act like that towards women, they'll friendzone and ghost you every time.
@@Ddx629 That's way too broad. Too emotional in general yes. But having emotions in certain situations should not turn a woman off. A lot of people don't know how to weed out the narcissistic woman. All woman will lose some attraction if you act too beta and get emotional over everything. But if they lose attraction for a few emotions here and there, she's not good for anyone.
@@Ddx629 not true. It’s depends on the girl. Trust me I’ve seen couples where the guy can be vulnerable and the women won’t take it as a sign of weakness. And being vulnerable isn’t a feminine trait. So being vulnerable and feminine are two different things. Obviously most straight women won’t be attracted to a guy who acts feminine. But they’re guys who have no problem being open and vulnerable and with a girl who’s healthy, not toxic and actually cares they won’t mind.
I disagree. I think the majority of both men and women, say 70% have an inbuilt biological disgust response to a man who is over emotional, or crying, or vulnerable. I don't think it's how your were raised. I think it's biological for the majority of people. In the same way most men are attracted to big boobs and most women are attracted to tall men, it's biological.
That scene from The Real was so gross. It sounds like they're just insecure in their relationships, honestly. Just because your partner's ex was with them before you doesn't make them your mortal enemy. Your partner cared about/loved this person at some point. They were a part of their life. They had an impact on their life. I think unless the breakup was particularly brutal or the ex did something horrible, it's normal to still care about them in some way. It doesn't mean that you have a desire to get back with them or that you love your current partner any less. And in the case of Rihanna's tweet, they're still a human being who DIED, ffs.
you don't just lose emotions, if all you are taught is to bottle up your emotions you won't actually learn to deal/cope with them, just to lock them away and forget/move on with things
Wait a sec? “The Real” tv hosts think that a man is WRONG if he cries when learning a ex-wife or ex-girlfriend DIED because they must still be in love with the ex?!? Wow! I literally cry when learning an “coworker” DIED and we weren’t even close friends (just chatted in the hallways, shared some laughs & worked together)... ridiculous double-standard!!
Incredibly crass and classless. So lets do the thing we always do, flip the script and I am SURE there is room for the women to cry if her ex suddenly dies. On top of that there will be expectations of stable emotional support and understanding. Give me a break....
Exactly! Where is the logic in that? I dont get it. Why wouldn't you feel sad/cry over someone that you've known personally and shared experiences with at different points in life, when you find out they have passed. What are we? A rock? Theres times to be sad/emotional and theres a time to be just "normal".
Jen S the most fucked up part is that logically, it doesn’t even make sense. If I DID have feelings for that ex, unless I’m a necrophiliac I can no longer act on those feelings because she dead now! 😂
Every woman I know who claimed to want a “vulnerable man” or “wanted a man who opened up to her” would call him a punk if he cried over anything short of a knife wound.
@@amaka6445 I don't think that's depressing; I think it's just a good idea in general. Never believe what people say because some folks lie and other people think they're telling the truth about themselves, but really they lack self-awareness. You never get lost judging on actions.
@@mechantechatonne so u don't think that's depressing? That people lie so much that we all have to be super suspicious of each other or that people aren't even in tune enough with THEM SELVES to know when they're speaking untruths about their own lives? Didn't say the commenter was wrong, it's just after thinking about it, I felt like the whole idea was really disheartening
"Women being taught (and I also think naturally prone) to handle mens anger and sexuality, we're never being taught how to handle a man being hurt or sad" - Pure gold right there!
Working with Shan was dope! Fun to do this project, if yall liked it leave your comments with your personal experiences but lets avoid shaming or ridiculing anyone who came forward to share their perspective. We get to learn and do better by admitting our faults and doing so on camera aint easy for folks so I respect em all! Be sure to check out Shan's Channel, i like her work!
What if these pleasures that men and women get from stuff like seeing us cry, or when a woman needs to be protected is purely natural(healthy level of pleasure). I would share my sentiments about crying over a dead ex, but I really don't want to get personal about it.
we want men to be vulnerable but we don't want to make a safe place for men to be vulnerable. In other words you want me to share my feelings but I can't trust you with my feelings.
@@QbrotherSoulStar Exactly. I can't share my feelings when I don't trust them, and if I do manage to open up(over being forced to)...it doesn't feel genuine. Definitely don't fully open up.
I've been open to a Woman before. She would want me to talk about my mental issues when they are bugging me. (Keep in mind I wasn't soft with it.) Guess what happened? I was told that I was being selfish, and not focused on her issues (Keep in mind I would literally stop talking about my shit to help with hers). So fuck it...only opening up to Therapists.
I have definitely experienced that with one lady friend she didn't know how to handle me crying. She wasn't mean or overtly selfish but all she knew how to do was say "don't cry" and she tried to advise but she kind of missed what was going on she didn't know what to make of it. The whole situation came about from me not doing a good job on one of our projects and she was kind of chewing me out cause she was annoyed but also kind of trying to be a friend as well and I eventually broke down and told her my mind was all over the place because it had only been a few months since the death of my mother. She couldn't really get it she wasn't dismissive but she didn't get it. It's only recently she has understood things. Crazy part is she was dumping all her problems and feelings on me during that time period, which is fine we are friends have been for many years, but she didn't realize I was an emotional being as well. Though she understood I was in a rough patch.
@@eboni5125 No, and this is why... She was a Narcissist simply trying to fix me just so she can brag that she made a broken war vet complete. Plus, she went with the easier option by finding another guy. Come to find out, she is doing the same shit to him.
@@timlukas Yeah she was admitting that, but she was also trying to imply in a way that she was like that because od the Patriarchy. Like: "Yeah I used to think this way, but it's because the Patriarchy conditioned me to think that way"
Men if ur reading this .. be vulnerable... its human... but never ever ever be vulnerable in front of a woman... they are trash at caring for you in that way...
I personally do not know how to react to a man being vulnerable. My father is a traditional African man and the only type of emotion I saw was anger or laughter. I can admit that this messed me up in a way, because now as an adult I try and find love in the familiar in the way my father showed it. If a man is vulnerable with me, how do I react? What do I say? What do I do? And especially what does it mean. As a woman, I am more emotional. As a child I sought for him to relate to me with other emotions. As much as this is me admitting that I have some degree of daddy issues. I say this to say this. Most of these women that use your vulnerability against you do it because as a little girl all she wanted was for her father to hug her more and be more relatable. Her using your vulnerability is a reflection of the bitterness and resentment that has grown in her due to -for the most part- her relationship with her father.. She feels like she's winning in a way she never won with her father. When you meet a woman for the first time always ask her about her relationship with her father. Ask her how she feels about him. This will save you a lot of time. When couples are mutually vulnerable with each other the love is amazing and totally worthwhile. All the best with growth and life journey my brother.
@@SuperMariposa91 Women over do things, IF you see your man breaking down or going through a tough time... We do not need ya'll to fix our problems, Just be our strength when ours is weak. Hug and Hold him, Say only this... I Love You! IF he pulls away, DO NOT get offended or Mad, Just say... I am here for you. No questions or opinions, simply be quiet and give him peace.
No, just dont be vulnerable in front of a woman that clearly doesnt want to be with you for more than a few long nights. Your wife will respect you being emotional, because you belong to one another. A fling is not obligated to care for your feelings.
@@Homeside301 women dont have the capacity to care about men's feelings.. it's just not in them ... wife ...gf... homie... they're not built that way... I've seen women laugh about a man getting his penis cut off... that tells you all you need to know about them and their character
I like the point abt how women have fetishized men’s emotions. Like u can’t just ask for the emotions YOU want. You get the WHOLE package. And u gotta be able to handle both.
My mom was the best teacher. Whenever i opened up about something she would either use whatever i say against me some time later or outright break my trust and go tell some other relatives. Thought me to not open up and keep a pokerface on
Same. My mother did the same thing when I was younger. I literally sat her down and explained to her that I don't want her sharing things like this with other people, she tried to belittle it, that it wasn't that big of a deal, when I finally got her to agree she did it again a week later. I cut her out of my life, I don't interact with her beyond christmas cards and the occasional call, Which I keep basic.
I have not finished the video but I just saw the clip about men that cry over an ex dying and instantly got infuriated, "who raised you" Rihanna. I remember my Dad crying talking to me about he's ex wife dying, the women that he had he's first son with my BROTHER she was no bitch she was mother and her life matter.
If you don't cry if your ex dies then I am going to think it's strange... Crying doesn't mean you want them but that your're sad their life ended and you're probably are thinking of their family who is grieving... Basic empathy
@@rchhtt5210 I don't cry when people close to me die, I think isn't just normal that we all just die at the end, it's predictable ... but maybe it's just me, I'm the kid that didn't cry when I was born so it's probably genetic
Having vulnerable conversations is how you truly get to know a person, how they got to be who they are, why they do the things they do, etc. Reason why I married the man I married. We were able to have those types of conversations, not everyone is ready for that.
I've once seen my uncle cry during hard times, I won't get specific about it but he was really tired with everything and for the first time i saw him cry, I just started to cry with him, for some reason, after that we both cheered up and joked all night long, it was most likely my best time i've ever had
There is a psychology term that exist regarding people having a tendency to share intimate things with strangers; the ancient mariner effect (also called the passing stranger effect). 14:05 Bartenders left and right can tell of accounts of strangers that have told them personal things that people generally don't tell anyone else. This includes repeat customers and first time customers. As a person who has been on both sides of the equations, I believe the reasoning is that the person IS a stranger; and because they ARE a stranger, they don't have the same ability to hurt you as person that knows you does. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us more than anybody else. With a stranger, you could be vulnerable and nobody you know would ever know that you are able to vulnerable. It is sad that that is a mindset but that is the reality for many. The words around 2:30 extends to how some people carry themselves around everyone they know. Lastly, you can be vulnerable and you don't have to worry about those words or emotions being used against you in the future. An example of this is within the video at 10:50 , where the girl try to use the story of the father as an attack in an argument. Furthermore, the stranger can also give you feedback that has less bias, i.e relationship issues. If we share with our friends and family members an issue within a relationship, they have a tendency to automatically be on our side rather than having a neutral perspective. This can lead to problems on our end remaining as problems on our end, because the advice we are receiving is often times biased and not coming from a objective perspective of reflection. While Shan BOODY is not a licensed therapist, neither are our friends and family members. Yet we share with them and are encouraged to do so. The primary thing of importance is that people should let out what is on their mind in a constructive way, whether that is through words or actions. I am not saying that Shan BOODY or anyone else should not tell people that you don't want to hear the other person's story. If you don't want to hear it, that is fine...that is your prerogative. However her reasoning that they shouldn't be sharing with her because she is a stranger or that the speaker should be spending money is one that she should reconsider. Once again...the reasoning...not the action, but the given reasoning behind it. Check out the following professional works: "Someone To Talk To" by Mario Luis Small (book) "Disclosing oneself to a stranger: Reciprocity and its limits" by social psychologist Zick Rubin (social psychology experiment + findings) "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner " by Samuel Taylor Coleridge (poem)
I was vulnerable once, and it killed the attraction. I barely touched the subject too. So don't tell guys to be vulnerable if you aren't going to be supportive. Just admit that you just want guys to be emotional about you because it makes you feel special
That dehumanization is a bitch, its almost like someone has done this before to create a mass genocide of a certain religous sect and make people feel justified for mass murder.
Yes they should..depends on who it is..and if it’s for your own best interest..because perception can dictate your behavior and emotions..so in some cases..it can be a gd thing..so if u change the way u look at things in certain situations..it may help..
This has actually made me start to view an event in my life in a completely different light. I had never thought of it this way before - but the discussion you guys brought up about the double standards women have about men is really enlightening... I'm taking a gap year and still staying with my family, and recently we hosted some boys for a soccer tournament with my sister's school. they were nice and we befriended them, but when they lost the final match, and came second instead of first...... I still remember how devastated they were. I had no idea how to handle it, but I hated seeing them sad, and I just didn't know what the right thing was to say. On hindsight, I think that I was actually dismissing their emotions in a horrible way when I kept saying that 2nd place really wasn't bad, and it wasn't 3rd and things... if they had been girls I probably wouldn't have hesitated to hug them and be a lot more compassionate. Perhaps that's also my preconceived impression of what guys want compared to girls: the idea that guys probably don't want me to emasculate them or make them feel like babies, so I did the opposite and tried to undermine the loss. But I don't think that made them feel better. Was that wrong and shitty of me? Should I have shown more compassion on my face towards them, would they have wanted that? I'm still not sure...
I hav been on both side of this situation in sports, the only thing we can do in this is, yes we lost yes there could be a million things we could hav done differently, but two things 1) did we give all our heart out for this game 2) Are we better than when we started playing as a team (like since the beginning of the season) Imo, if both yes then u deserve to be proud. Having said all that, nothing can console or make the loss better, it is still a lost final 😟.......
Ok the one girl who said, "We were never taught to deal with mens emotion" you think any of us were taught to deal with female emotion? The point is we don't throw it back in yalls faces with vulnerable subjects yall do
In my personal experience, I've had a lot of men come back at me for emotions, and I've done the same to them. Its just toxicity that everyone could learn to let go of. Personal grievances aside, mental health has a lot of problems to be addressed by both genders.
This has been a big issue for me. I grew up being told "women want you to express yourself" "women like men with emotions" etc. I tried that. I got no where. I then followed the lessons I understood later on about emotions. Men should be in charge of their emotions, aware of them, and use extreme discretion when expressing them. Everything changed. Women AND men began to respect me more, I was more successful in dating, and strangely I was happier. The problem is women pretend to know what's wrong with men. They don't understand that being a pillar of strength makes me, as a man, feel strong. Being hyper-emotional makes me feel weak and defeated. I can express myself just fine, I don't repress feelings. Please don't pretend to know what I need then get mad at us when men pretend to know what you go through.
I like this thinking. Yes express emotions, be vulnerable, learn about yourself. But be judicious about where it comes out. Your partner should bear the brunt of it, and doing so works against your happiness. When I get on a spiral, I just keep going down. Men should help each other deal with men's issues. Women need to understand how vital it us to have that space to go away, deal with it, then come back stronger and more resilient.
@@nealtse9125 absolutely. I will say after rereading my statement it sounds blamy. Exactly as you said, having a space to talk about things is important, but only to recharge our strength and work through the tougher, more complex emotions. In the end, being able to show emotional strength during other people's crisis is how I, and many men I know, derive purpose.
Personnally, I don't feel like you have to be emotionnal, some people are and some aren't. I'm a woman, and I don't like to share emotions unless I really feel safe with the person. However, for people who need to express them more, it is a shame that they feel they can't because of gender.
I remember when my ex said "youre acting like a woman" this was her response to me letting her know she hasn't been showing any care or love towards me
You should’ve never said that my guy.If you notice you’re chick isn’t putting equal effort into the relationship give her an ultimatum by telling her either put more effort or y’all are done.Just complaining how she’s not putting enough effort into the relationship sounds thirsty and clingy”.
That happened to me this week. I told a girl how I was feeling, and she said it was pushing me away from her. We aren't talking anymore after that and I'm talking to a girl that doesn't mind when I'm honest with her about my feelings.
Unfortunately by the time we come to that conclusion it is to late and have obtained and used said information in order to put us down and/or emotionally manipulate us.
I remember confiding in my cousin about some of my insecurities and how i deal with them to make her feel better when she was having a hard time with hers, she got mad at me for something petty and starting attacking the things I was insecure about just to hurt me. I really have a hard time trusting women with my vulnerabilities because of this and many other experiences
My man wants to feel, he feels. My man wants to talk about the feels, we talk about the feels. My man wants to cry over his dead ex, he cries over dead his ex. If you are the kind of person to stop someone from processing these types of emotions, you're a psycho. Period.
It’s super common in Hispanic culture for the man to be this tough macho man. I’ve heard people say, “No llore, sea hombre!” Which means, “Don’t cry, be a man!” A relative said that to my brother and I stepped up. Outta here with that toxic shit.
I didnt see my father cry until a month after his stroke....it was like seeing superman (Christopher Reeves) in a wheelchair. My father is still my hero... 😢
Seen my daddy cry once in my 32 years on this earth. And that was when he had to decide to put his mother out before my mother walked out. *some heavy shit lead up to this point*
Honestly some of the times I've opened up to my friends I consider to be some of the best nights I've ever had, since we all express ourselves with dark humor
@@AP-gk6se you dont need to say no homo, because none of you like men from the beginning so theres nothing to prove. Men that say no homo for everything sus
@@Mojodash1 "no homo" is a meme from before it was called a meme. It is a way to add comedy to cut the tension in this situation, and just a laugh under normal "no homo" situations.
My main question to that is, how do you really know? The human psyche is so complex, couple that with so many people on the planet, the odds are not on your side mathematically. There are really people that try and never succeed. I agree with your point but it’s due to my own personal experience. At some point somebody will get left out. I love discussions like these.
Correction... *_make_* people earn your secrets. If they're willing to tough that out it shows that they're truly interested (usually), and it can cause them to become "invested" in you in ways they won't easily slip out of. Plus it creates the illusion of progression in a relationship. Sometimes illusion becomes reality. Or you find that what you thought was an illusion isn't really an illusion at all.
when that chick started talking about dudes getting some kind of emotional release from protecting women, I never got so upset about something in my whole life. I couldn’t tell you why, but it angers my soul to hear that someone takes my kindness as my way of getting off. There’s nothing attractive about women being scared, you have to be delusional to think that.
@Josh Byrd .... I thought it was just me! Aba seemed like he caved & just said the 2nd analogy made sense, because even he didn't understand. Woman, man, girl or boy, if someone is distraught or in pain enough for them to seek a hug from me, then all my focus is on them to see if they're alright. Yeah, the pain etc is transferred, but now IIIIIIII have to hold onto that shit TOO! And if you think about it, its the reverse of what she proposes.... because I'm a man and I'm not allowed to cry & release that transferred energy. ....But maybe she's right and I'm fucked up. Or someone provide a better analogy for what Shan was talking about..
Definitely disagree a recent example for me was dancing at a club I was alone not bothering anyone and this guy tells me to watch out his girlfriend is near, I ignored him and kept dancing he said it again and the girlfriend said it’s all good he’s not doing anything. He proceeds to stare me down you can see he was just trying to feel macho, I walked up called him mr macho squeezed his biceps his girl and her friends laughed at him. Clearly no one was at threat he just wanted a reason to prove he’s mr macho protects his girl.
I don't think that is what she meant. Some people get chemical release in their brains from being needed while protecting someone in a vulnerable state just like the example with mother and child. It doesn't make you a bad person although it made could cause a little guilt. It is involuntary so it isn't something to dwell on or shame yourself for. I think it would made more sense if she didn't use the word "sexy". It is very normal human thing to enjoy being needed unless you manipulate someone to get that feeling.
@@sunshineblue1981 Yeah, sexy absolutely was the wrong word, especially because I seriously doubt her partner's brother felt sexual about protecting her. It just perverts the guy's original, genuine intention to protect a loved one. Also, like a lotttt of comments here point out, what she's describing as this getting off of being the protector thing is exactly how many women treat men's emotions and vulnerability to feel special about themselves being the one he opens up to, and I think ironically that's a much clearer example of what she described than her own example. I don't disagree about men doing the macho protector thing which irritates me too, I just think she picked the wrong example and misread the situation or used the wrong word. Calling it "sexy" just cheapens it imo and adds to the impression of men's actions too often being perceived as predatory even when they're really not. Edit: Just to add, yes, it it normal and perfectly fine to feel good for being able to support or protect someone regardless of gender. All human beings feel this way and it's part of the process of deepening connections. It's when the whole thing is cheapened or manipulated that it becomes a problem.
I cried when I realized I lived in a world that would never forgive me for showing a moment of weakness. No tears have left my eyes since that day. The pain is there, but the tears don't come no more.
It’s weird because my dad is so emotionless sometimes and that’s how I’ve grown up even as a woman. I mimic my dad even though society wouldn’t say anything of me crying versus if a man cries everyone looses their mind
The fact that anyone much less someone you're intimate with such as the girl you were dating would throw your dad leaving you in your face over a fight is not only disgusting it shows you the type of person a lot of these women are. This is why most successful relationships usually are between people who know each other or around each others inner circle for several years.
I’ve definitely had the experience of going through some emotional turmoil, sharing & regretting. I was going thru some shit and tried to hide it, step outside for a breather when this girl i’m talking to follows me outside and asks “what’s wrong?”. After hitting her with that initial “it’s nothing” she whines “I hate when guys do this, please tell me” basically begging me to open up to her, so I did. It was all downhill from there. The enthusiasm in texts went away, she made it harder for me to make plans together until she eventually started ghosting me and I called it quits. Never again.
He that dude who start laughin silent when he anticipates something funny. This the hype man when you roast somebody who will repeat the roast loud af. He's got powerful presence and energy.
@@CAL1MBO Umm, kind of believe you. You mean like tokenization of black people by regressive whites who use memes and gifs with black people for commentaries that have adverse connotations to what the person in the image or video would say or think? Like for example if republicans use the Michael Jordan "Get help" gif to mock social or political statements they don't agree with? I don't think that is specifically what would happen, since Aba and Preach is underground and niche, and these people are not saying he is funny because of his blackness, it is more like cultural relativism if anything. Preach has charm, it is really that simple. We don't need to put labels on it now after the fact, because we thought he was funny without a label. Black face is literally just the label without the person or the personality. In that sense, you are the opposite of right. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong though, because maybe you had a point to make. But, you literally wrote 8 words, and I can't tell what you were trying to do with them.
I love how the guest literally has a man giving his experience about feelings around comforting a woman who is upset and she completely dismisses his explanation in favor of her own belief...even after she has an actual person with relevant experience offering his insight.
I totally see where you think that but i don’t think you saw the whole interaction properly. while he was speaking she was actively nodding and listening then when he was done he said “Maybe some men think that way” and gestured to her to explain her point further which she did. She didn’t dismiss him, she just explained what she meant further after he said his side and after he gave the talking space back to her
@@lxandga I can see that she went through the motions of "active listening", but I felt it came across as her waiting for her turn to speak more than engaging in a thoughtful back and forth. I guess my main gripe is that she asked how men feel, she had a man saying how he felt, and then said "i hear you, but I dont think thats true. I think men actually feel X"...How can his actual feelings not be true just because she doesnt like the implications of what he is saying? Its total double standard double speak
Matt M yeah i totally get you, it did come off as if she was still talking about all men rather than some could feel that and others, like what he said, just wanna make sure you’re okay
The fact some people find vulnerability a turn off is so disgusting to me. I understand it is because of the conditioning that society has created around vulnerability and how it’s seen as a sign of weakness especially for men. But it’s crazy that we’ve created a society in which men expressing their feelings are shamed. A human being sharing his or her experience and being vulnerable, why should that ever be considered weak I will truly never understand.
It has something to do with societal conditioning for surem but biology very well might have to do with it too, not to mention societal conidtioning might be a result of biology as well
A quite famous french rapper said when he was still not famous, "Ladies, guys can cry a river, but that doesn't mean they are weak. It just means that they are being strong since too long" Sauce: Dosseh - L'age de nos actes
I've shown emotions to a few women I dated. I was told " be a man". I wonder what they would of done if I said "" be a woman" when she picked up a hammer.
this was actually insightful as a young woman, especially the part about “fetishizing men’s vulnerability” I have always wanted my partners to open up BECAUSE i knew that they trusted me and that was satisfying to me. Recently, I try to let men open up to me on their own. I definitely still struggle with trying to gauge how much emotion is too much emotion. I am a very sensitive person but I don’t think i project that onto people, so when I have people around me who lack self-control/self-awareness it can be detrimental to my own mental health. So I personally desire men who are self-aware and honest, but someone who lacks self-control to know there is a time and place for certain things is not attractive to me be it anger, excitement, sadness, etc.
My partner was with someone for 7 years in his 20s. He eventually left her to travel the world. He is now 47. If she died and he DIDNT cry I would be seriously worried. When you have truly loved someone there is always a piece of them left in your heart. I had a really beautiful relationship in my 20s too. Ultimately we were too young to settle down and went our separate ways. But I want the best for him always and would be devastated if anything bad were to happen to him. Does this mean I want a relationship with him? No. Does it mean i love him more than my partner? Absolutely not.
Okay....genuine question without any judgement. Do you still love him? (Even if it is less than how much you love your current partner) but do you still love him in a romantic way?
@@finalarbitrator4551 as someone who has had somewhat of a similar experience and agrees with "When you have truly loved someone there is always a piece of them left in your heart"; I can answer to you that even though I don't have feelings for my ex, I still have love and care about her, mainly cause of what we went through. It is kind of similar as the love you have for your friends, you love them in a more caring and respectful way.
I don't fully agree, I truly loved my ex, she was my best friend for yrs before we got together, and we knew each other for about half of our lives, we went through so much toxicity during the time where we both became emotionally involved, and when I finally cut her off I told myself she wasn't getting another tear from me cause I had already gave her to many, fast forward less then a yr later she died, and she has been gone for about 8 months and I still haven't cried to this day cause emotionally I've been over her, she definitely crosses my mind, sometimes I get down briefly thinking about her sometimes I miss her, it just all depends on what the 2 people been through also it depends on each person's character, me personally it's easy for me to compartmentalize any and everything so my mental is pretty strong
Exactly. I don't remember the exact quote but it went something like you never stop loving someone you just find someone you love more or in a new way. Something like that.
I always liked Patrice O'neal's concept of the mailroom and I think it's applicable to sharing your emotions with women as well. Basically: as a guy, when you know what you're doing you always start a woman off in the mailroom of your company aka your life. The mailroom is mostly light work, it's fun, but it's not demanding. As a woman shows more loyalty and shows you that she loves you and is willing to endure tough times to be with you, you upgrade her, to the point where you give her the position of CEO of your life, because she's PROVED that she's as invested in your life and your living as you are. Basically, manhood is tough and stressful, and it's a thankless job - being a provider is not a game(it's not simply about being a higher earner like a lot of women don't get - it's having the understanding that now your life is expendable for the survival of your family and the weight that comes with that). It's like that joke that Chris Rock had about how no one really ever thanks dad for keeping the lights on, or making sure that there's money for groceries, but yet, mom's are constantly, constantly being thanked for being mothers...having songs written about them and all that; I mean compare Father's Day vs. Mother's Day parties ijs. And the more a woman is down for you, the more she'll have the emotional maturity and investment to deal with the reality of those stresses and the ugliness that you hide from her, because she doesn't get it and she hasn't had to. You can't as a company owner, bring in a CEO who is unqualified to manage your organization, and a lot of times that's what men do with women. Sometimes it's because we love them, sometimes it's because we think that due to the fact that they love us and are insecure when we don't make them feel like we feel the same way, we give them positions in our lives that they're not prepared to deal with, and that's when it blows up in our faces. So nah...fellas, I don't care what she says, she likes or is attracted to...if she's not proved that she can handle your emotions (most especially your anger), then you don't give it to her. I've never heard a woman leave a man because he was too stoic or too masculine.
interviewing women on this matter can be a slippery slope. They can say they're about something in theory but react completely different when that situation comes up. I think a lot of the standards for men in dating are imposed subconsciously and often times without the women knowing it.
Honestly I was never aware of the emotional war men go through until a while ago. Trying to find out what being a man is and all that stuff. I feel like it’s not something that women go through, while we go through our own things that you dont go through. Its interesting to see how our journeys are different. Also I agree that we aren’t even aware of it. I think that men acting emotionless is something that is shown everywhere and reenforced. Its not something that we even think about cause its an accepted norm. Men reenforce it too, im just saying its not mostly women that are the ones calling any guy who shows any vulnerability a “simp”. Competition between genders is stupid and I think both gender contribute to the stigma around it but im just saying this because the comment section disappointed me honestly and a lot of men tend to blame women for it but continue to shame guys who show vulnerability call them simps and say that theyre never gonna show feelings. Also there are degrees to it too. For example if a guy never opens up about anything you wont feel connected. Your relationship will lack that intimacy. It will lack some dept. Im a girl and opening up is scary. No matter your gender showing vulnerability is scary and not something that is gonna be beneficial to you. It is something that can be used against you no matter your gender. Thats not why you should do it or not do it just cause you dont get a cookie at the end. I think its a good thing cause it forms intimacy and an emotional connection and the journey is worth it. The strenght it can bring to the relationship is worth it. Its about having an emotional connection with someone. Like she said I think is a really good point that we women view sexual connection the way yall view emotional connection . We’re putting ourselves in vulnerability by getting naked and sharing our body but at the end it creates intimacy and thats why we do it. To feel closer. So I do speak from experience and not just from theory when I say that women don’t want guys that cant ever open up and share his thoughts. Its like a girl that shares herself sexually if you want I guess. I do agree that there is toxic masculinity just like toxic feminity. Some girls don’t think its normal for men to have emotions. I mean look around and look at the comments, most of these guys are saying that exactly and reenforcing that. I think its not something that should be forced or feared. And I think nobody at the end of the day wants to spend their life bottling everything up and not sharing what goes in their mind with their partner. And honestly if im with a guy and he never opens up then I’ll just feel like its weird if I do so I’d end up keeping it all inside. Why would a girl or human in general want to spend their whole life keeping all that theyre thinking and feeling not having any meaningful conversation, its like living a secret life and not truly with your partner. Wouldnt it be 10 times better to share things and be connected to each others mind? But I do agree that as much as Id like to believe I want a guy thats 100% vulnerable I think also women do like confident men. But is it that different from men wanting confident girl? Not really in my opinion. Like imagine if you meet a girl and shes constantly talking about how fat ugly she is and constantly putting herself down and zero confidence. Youd probably be less attracted to her. Were humans were stupid and if you sell yourself like youre not worth shit we’ll believe it. Confidence is always attractive. Anyways, regardless of all that, you cant control what you’re attracted to and most of it is due to societal standards that you had no choice in. But not being attracted never means that its okay to belittle a girl or guy for being vulnerable even if you dont find it attractive. You should always be respectful no matter what and thats more of a personality trait that you can find in both genders. Ive seen boys mock girls for crying or opening up and saying theyre crazy cause they feel some type of way and i had never seen a girl do it but from the comment section a lot of boys seem to have gone through it too. so I think in the end those ppl are shitty, thats it. Women can be and men can be too.
@@deepfreeze202 yesss!...all the women in the comments right now talking about "I would never use my bf's emotions against him " they probably do it on the regular basis smh I don't trust most women at all they're too fickle
When I cried and opened up emotionally, my mom was there and supported me. My older sister just laughed at me and made jokes. And this is after the numerous times she’s broken down, locked herself in her room, and had to go to some special retreat. So, uh, yeah. Not saying all women are horrible sociopaths. Not saying mothers are the only women a man can trust, since there are really horrible ones out there. But there’s definitely a reason for this line of thinking. Women have it too easy, especially in places where men are raised from youth to be emotionally stoic and inexpressive.
@Giovanni Lombardi What, do you think I go around shouting at her or whatever every time I see her? I just don’t mind her. She asks me to pass something to her, I pass it like a normal civil person. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s a crappy person and that I think of her as one so long as she remains so. That’s the most any crappy family member deserves; tolerance, until they do something unforgivable.
To all men who share their hurtfull experiences, I do feel for you. But please don't shy away and stay bound by trauma. I met some horrible and toxic people in my life but I can say now that the people around me are wonderfull, compassionate and kind, regardless of gender. Heal, and don't give up on one entire half of the population !
That’s not true. It’s really only when we can feel sympathy or empathy for you. Otherwise, a lot of us feel like you’re too sensitive because we’re used to seeing dudes as the macho protectors. We are not used to you talking about your emotions. I only saw my dad happy or angry. Most guys want a feminine woman that isn’t super aggressive or masculine. Times are changing and it’s no longer really necessary for men to be the providers or protectors and this is why conversations like this are happening. If they keep doing it, then we won’t be so ignorant. A lot of us still love gender roles like Aba said. We do have to be able to talk more and we need to treat eachother with love and respect as humans.
@@missshannonsunshine as oppose to you doing the exact same thing, but crying over even more pointless shit? Your like that because most woman domt care about mens feelings, they are secondary. Womam like when men feel emotions for people other than themselves. That is why a man crying that his father or mother died is acceptable to a woman Or crying at his own wedding is acceptable (hes crying from looking at you). Whenever that vulernability is directed at the man himself you don't want to deal with it because you dont care about mens feelings. Also im more saying this is womans actions in general, im well aware that you could not be like this, but most woman follow this rule
"Has there been a time where a man's been vulnerable to you and reacted negatively?" Yes, recently actually. Our first interaction was amazing, I thought I made a new friend. But our next conversation made me realize he was not as great as I thought. I learned that he’s the kind guy who complains a lot. A woe is me kind of guy. He sent essays of why he’s sad, even when conversations that had nothing to do with it, he would bring up something negative. I tried comforting, relating, joking, ignoring, and telling him to stop, but this guy always found a way to kill the mood. I should of cut things off after I said, “Damn that’s crazy” which is something I NEVER said to anyone. I mean two weeks and I'm bummed out for 99% of it? Nah I'm not having it. And no, it’s not just guys, this applies to girls too. I cut off girls like this too don’t worry. Normally I’m the type of person who likes to help people online, but it’s different when you’re trying to make friends or socialize. And on top of that, if I see someone sad in a random comment section, anyone can help them, it doesn’t always have to be me. I can choose to ignore them or not and it wouldn’t affect them. It’s different when you’re having a one-on-one conversation, you can’t have that. You have to respond. Anyways long story short I cut ties and we’re not friends anymore
TLDR; I cut off a guy, I just met, for being too vulnerable. All he did was talk about his insecurities for two weeks straight so I decided to cut ties. There’s a difference between being vulnerable and being a bitch
I disagree. I think vulnerable and being a bitch are on the same spectrum of unnacceptable. I also think that it's a biological reaction. That the majority of men and women have an inbuilt disgust reaction to an weak/crying/vulnerable man. It's a survival mechanism that triggers the human disgust reaction.
I say it all the time never share your emotion with a women, never cry in front of one. They want you do be emotional involved with their lives not yours.
I never thought about men's emotions being fetishized but... yeah, they are. I think that's part of the reason why romance is a fantasy based off emotional vulnerability for one or both parties.
My mom and all the women in my family used my insecurities and feelings against me EVERY CHANCE THEY GOT even as a kid! A CHILD! they emotionally tortured me with it and it really fucked me up. They knew how much it hurt me and they did it anyway! Do not give them your weakness! If you do they will use it against you UNTIL YOU SNAP! And then you will be the one in serious trouble!
Aba (and Preach who I unfortunately didn't get to meet) THANQ!!!!!! Big ups to you for what you have created and more importantly who you have created it for. As mentioned when I slid in your DMs, I'm genuinely an admirer and have been for about a year. There needs to be more men, speaking for men, to men. I have learned so much and had many great conversations directly inspired by your insights, just like Roommates podcast, who I think you'd like too! I know you already do nuff, but I think your podcast would be a HUGE smash. HIGHER! HIGHER! HIGHER! Bravo
Been following both youtube channels for a long time, I didn't know it was a collab I wanted till now. 🍁 Connects.
Can u drop the link to yall other collab vid ?
What's up with the 🧐la bouboune shirt y'all dirty fuckers😂
@Joe Bee lol what's wrong with u
I feel like you didn't listen to Aba very well.
I like that analogy how women feel cheapened when they give up sex too soon and how men feel cheapened when they give up their emotions too soon.
I think that analogy is spot on.
Literally a perfect analogy
And resources
Men dont feel cheapened for giving up their emotions too early. They know woman arent interested in them, and that is why they arent open.
Woman feel cheapened when they give up sex too early because they think that its a possiblity thats all the guy wants, and he will just dip when he gets it.
This has nothing to do with mens emotions and their willingness.
Men dont like emotional men, its a fact. They want the men to help with their emotions, not the pther way around
Yup. I said this too
I cried when jiraiya sensei died!
Where boys became men
My Negus
This shit got too real too fast. 😔
Facts.
We all did bro
the cement i use to build my masculine frame is mixed with the tears i have shed to get here..
Big ups tbh. I felt this hard. 💯🙏🙌
Thats deep
Damn I felt that 🙏🏾
Nothin but facts here.
I can't like this enough. Deep!
I opened up to a girl about my struggles with autism and she full-on made fun of me in an argument for having it, lowest blow I've encountered.
Yeah. I had noticed a lot of that with my mom growing up, (she's 59, I'm 20), it's like, they hold up the "ammo", until they can use it in an argument. I've always, always hated her for that shit. That's why she doesn't know nearly nothing about me and my life. My sister's done that with me a bit too, but she's grown out of that stupidity.
Like I tell my child if they don't want you on to the next one. Leave them with the rest of the trash goes. They aren't meant to be in your life they were only meant to teach you something about yourself.
@@IkesPimpHand Roaches in a nutshell** stop associating us all with those weirdos.
What did you learn
I've noticed with some girls don't fight fair in an argument. Yes I said girls because a real mature and confident woman would have enough respect for her partner to know where the line is drawn. Thinking of horrible things to say and actually saying those horrible things that you can't take back are literal game changers. In my experience if a partner doesn't argue/debate/communicate fairly (open/two way steet) or constantly changing the topic being discussed as soon as they are realizing that they are not winning the argument. This is a red flag to let you know that you have to get away from them for your own personal health.
Let’s just admit the fact that most women that preach “men should be more vulnerable” actually mean “CRY ABT MEEE PLZZZZ”
Damn, when you put it like that it's lowkey narcissism. It's like the person can only explore their emotional range when it's geared towards making someone feel special.
Siyabonga Skhosana ofcourse that’s what women mean everything gotta be about them even our emotions
Oh you cooking now 😤 narcissism and self centered urges are rampant out here
Exactly. I just came to comments to write that. They want you to emphasize with them (and only them).
@@siyabongaskhosana7782 kudos 👍
The worst is when you tell her about abuse you've been through and she later uses it to belittle u in petty arguments.
Ali Khan Bruhhh Frlll
I have a idea for that
Ok so take a glass object ok so when ya spouse comes over explain to her that said glass object means a lot to you and you would die if it were to break now when you are in an argument if she breaks the glass object you now know she ain't da one
For she didn't care for something that you care about
Bro,I'm so glad I'm reading these comments. I seriously thought it was very rare,bro....I 100% agree and feel ya. I experienced exactly the same, never again will I tell any female about my childhood.
And when we don’t open up, they accuse us of being abusive. Don’t u worry. Women get attracted to us when we abuse them anyways.
Honestly I was like that when I was younger, cause I just wanted to win argument, but it never sat well with me, and guilt of doing that I knew I'd done f up even as young teen. .As an adult I can say if a grown ass woman is doing that , it's literally because she just wants to win that argument at all expense and does not care about you , her win is more important ...
my cousin was murdered. I was in the car with my EX. I cried, to the point I had to pull over. When the relationship do as they do as time goes on, and one day we argued. She called me a sissy. I was like what? (at the time 6'5" 280lbs football player) Please explain! "Remember that time you cried when we were in the car?"
Needless to say that we didn't make it. My wife loves how open I am about my emotional state.
What heartless person hope you alright man
I am glad you found someone who values you enough to make you feel safe with your emotions.
Dude. This upset me 😤
Wow...see,exactly...the truth i can share. This is all....no joke,this is how the "common" Female mind operates. No negativity towards women in general, there is a vast world out there. But i can say personally, i have experienced this level of Abuse.. this constantly being torn back n forth and if you show emotions...... your done,fast thrown away like a tissue. This is why at 40.....my mind is extremely strong, my character permanently in place...my destiny, my Focus.... i will say for too long in my 20s and 30s i definitely did not understand this fully and definitively suffered from the lack of knowledge.
I think you dropped something king 👑
Men being vulnerable with women about emotions is similar to how it feels for a student to be vulnerable with teachers about raising their hand in class to ask a question. Teachers always say “don’t be afraid to ask questions”, but a lot of teachers make you feel dumb for asking certain questions. Then they wonder why no one likes to speak up in class. Same with expressing emotions to women. Most guys have dealt with getting our vulnerability thrown back in our face. So just like a lot of students will ask another student for help before they ask the teacher, guys would rather be vulnerable with another guy.
Well most teachers are women
@Jack Strawb I’m not arguing that there aren’t, but that wasn’t really the main point of it. I was just using that phrase in this analogy cause it’s relatable and commonly heard.
But why would they lead with that statement, then neglect you if you do ask what they perceive as a “dumb” question? Same thing with how a female will say there’s nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions and showing his “soft” side, then neglect him. The main point is that the prefaced statement of reassurance often conflicts with what their actions eventually show.
100%
This comment is underrated
Perfect analogy.
“A man treats his emotional sanctity the way a woman treats her sexual sanctity”
Deep
B D nah it’s actually even deeper for men. Cuz men protect their emotions like their identities. Women don’t see themselves as sex, just as the controllers of sex.
Ehh kinda outdated.
How is this deep? It's just stuff everyone already knew. And it's not even something positive, this is something we should try and make better, and help people not feel shame for wanting sex or showing emotions
Tony Castro found the incel.
Eldergod Oni your parents must be so proud.
If it backfires she’s not the one .
preach!!! if it messes up your relationship then she's not worth it, it doesn't make the whole concept of being vulnerable as a man is, in and of itself, bad.
Exactly
Thank You! Someone gets it. If you're expressing your most vulnerable parts of who you are to your partner, and they diminish/dismiss/ or trivialize it. That is toxic behavior... you can guarantee that they're not the one for you.
@@TheMidnightGarnet for real
@@deepfreeze202
Sure but there are people that you share enough values with and people that are toxic.
Imo a female partner never being able to support her partner emotionally is just a bad partner in general.
If women can't learn from their partner how to handle his emotions, by listening and caring, then no one else can teach you. It frustrates me as a female to hear "we're not being taught". It's your responsibility to grow as a human.
It's hard to learn in a class where you're talking while the lesson is being taught. Women accept that in school,they don't apply that in relationships.
@@innerpowerup that's a good one right there
It's just social conditioning though. So if people are being programmed through education, society, and media then how will they know where or how they need to grow as a person? They're too brainwashed to realize the fault in their perspective.
@@Penelope416
I think this sort of points to the REAL problem: people can't think for themselves anymore and rely on gaining information and knowledge from others instead of being self-reflective and introspective to improve themselves. Lord knows self-reflective people never get swayed by nonsense in the first place.
@@Un1234l Yes. That knowledge is from God. What is right and wrong is revealed by him, but many of us search for experts, books etc etc and they don't have the answers.
I gotta say, "men guard emotions the way women guard sex" is the first time in a long time that a thought made me just stop and go... "Woah..."
There's a strong sense of yin/yang inversion there.
dude randomly dropped a nugget!
That was deepppp. Barrss.
Except women don’t guard sex anymore, which makes the whole situation worse.
@@haileyquinnzel I think what they mean is that they will hold their intimacy for the people they trust. Not hook up because there is not connection aside from physical attraction
One time a friend of mine (a girl) walked in on me while I was crying. I don’t cry often, it was actually my first time crying in 3 years. She asked me why I was crying and I told her why and she was very comforting. A week later we got into an argument in front of a whole bunch of other people and she yells, “Ok, next time (insert problem) happens don’t come crying to me!” And she even said the name of the person whom I was crying over, who happened to be right there. I never felt so ashamed and embarrassed and I felt like she took advantage of my vulnerability. I’m not the type to show vulnerability often, so the one time I confided in someone, they exposed me and told my business to a multitude of people. And she emphasized how shaken up I was about the situation. Negative experiences like this is what keeps me from showing vulnerability and it sucks
I hope you cut off communication people like that will always use your vulnerabilities against you.
I hope your doing better now. She belongs to the streets.
Yea, she deserves to experience that for herself, im sorry that happened to you
Ahhh such a slippery slope my friend, I hope you're good. You live and you learn
Pick your head up king.
You mean ex friend. Trash that friendship you don't need it anyway
Her: be vulnerable
Me: it all began when I was five
Her : your being too vulnerable
True 🤣🤣🤣
Ehh... there’s gray in everything. That comment didn’t come off as a hypocritical statement to me. As men, we should be able to be more vulnerable with women without them condemning us for it, but there’s levels to this sh*t, lol. And identifying boundaries when it comes to our interactions with other ppl should be just as important as broadening our understanding & acceptance of male vulnerability in our society. IMO 😉
Looool
She was the wrong example for representing women's opinion on men showing emotions.
@Simple Truths Yeeeaaaah... I get where you're coming from, believe me lol. But that overall sentiment in recent years is more so some weird internet-trendy generalization BS. In real life, women are not a monolithic group that act as one and neither are men. We're all different with obvious similarities due to our genders. I don't plan on dealing with ALL women in life this responsibly, that's just not realistic, lol. I'm dealing with my girl and that's it lol. So in an intimate case by case basis (which is where long lasting relationships we build upon begin) I still don't think the expectation of us men being more vulnerable to women is hypocritical or anything, cuz let's face it... most of us aren't. Wether we've been taught to not be or women make it hard for us is irrelevant. It's one of the many common sense things we need to do to maintain a healthy relationship with the opposite sex or whoever our significant other is.
We got our mess with us just like women do. All I'm saying is it's a waste of time to use a woman's screwed up, ignorant or hypocritical actions to justify just writing their whole argument off. Deal with the person who's right in front of you and establish realistic boundaries and be present and vulnerable enough to allow them to establish boundaries with you as well.
Do we actually want vulnerable men?
Women: Yes, but actually no.
That's women for ya. Damned if you do damned if you don't and all that
They want men who are vulnerable to THEM and sensitive to THEIR needs, not men who are struggling with their own issues, emotions, traumas, etc. They have no use for men like that. Those men are toxic and draining to their narcissistic selves. They need for men to be tools and utilities or platforms upon which to champion themselves. Guys who can be those things while earning tons of money are deserving of "husband of the year" awards.
@@KtotheG yep you got it. Men need to be the emotional tampons who are good earners and also good providers and good in bed.
Kory Green 🙌🙌🙌
BullShark wtf?
When my father attempted suicide, I opened up to a close female friend. She recorded the conversation, sent it to her friend, and posted it on FB. All mocking me.
Crying because my Dad nearly killed himself made me weak and less than a man. Deserving of mocking and being told that he should’ve killed himself.
Ended the friendship.
I’m lost for words. I hope you and your father are doing much better today, that’s just horrible. 🙏🏿
@@ngonimandizha7738 we are. He’s alive and well. I appreciate the support.
@@qc6057 I’m glad to hear that! God bless you both abundantly, anytime.
What an absolutely horrible person she is. I feel sorry for her because she will have to live with her ugliness forever. You get to walk away.
wtf wallah I'm so sorry to hear u had to go thro that man
Their whole attitude can be summed up by the phrase: 'I only want him to cry about me'. The sheer narcissism of some of these chicks is hilarious.
Very true!
Wow that spot on, beyond narcissism I'm sorry even if she was worst ex and she died and he cried I'd let him., Why because that entire human being you had a pass journey with good or bad is now gone, doesn't mean he still in love with her ..means dude fucken human, My Gosh 😤😤😤😤
Stop with that word. That word is overused, and used to take advantage of people everyone is different. Psychology is very often misused today.
Alejandro Gomez psh no. It’s narcissistic. Get over it.
Trevor Michael lol
When women say they want a man who's emotional, like often women mean a different thing, what they mean is they want you to be sensitive to THEIR emotions not yours. Simple.
miguel111093 Straight on the nose, brother.👍
It's so true that it actually kinda hurts
@@k-dash7245 ikr
Couldn't have put it better, I try to be there girl whenever she needs be but I was having such a terrible day and I feel like dog shit and I gotta deal with it myself.
That's narcissistic and selfish as fawk means she only thinks of herself and what she can get out of you. There's no partnership no teamwork no reciprocation
We are told to open up and be more emotional, but when we do, our pain and venting gets dismissed, and we are ridiculed for it.
Then society wonders why we kill ourselves.
Or only show anger
Or Ghost Soceity
A man should overcome being emotional. It's a woman's energy to be emotional.
Agreed 💯
Do you guys think this a western problem?
So I lost my ex a year ago. And I cried. I hadn’t been with him for a couple years, I didn’t love him anymore, but I still cared. You still care about someone, even if you’ve moved on. A death is something that you can grieve about. You will never understand the pain if you’ve never gone through it.
I guess because I was raised by a man. Though flawed. My father was very emotional. He cried on movies all the time. When life hit him he cried. My dad is still very sensitive. I never knew this was a "bad" thing for men until I got older and aquainted with the world. But by this time, I knew what a vulnerable man could be. So I never thought it was weird for a man to cry. Never thought it took away from ones masculinity. As a kid, my sisters and I easily cried with our father. He embraced a "let it out" mentality. To this day, I have never teased a man for being vulnerable. I guess because my dad taught me that vulnerability was a human thing. And not something solely for women. Any woman who belittles a man for showing emotions or vulnerability ahould be ashamed of themselves.
Have you ever been shamed by women for doing so ? Maybe not as an immediate response but as a later undisclosed reaction ? Loss of attraction for example.
@Jake McCoy is right but I am going to add this same lol
@Jake McCoy is right but I am going to add this Did you not read the whole thing? You've completely missed the point. And you also proved his point.
See, I think that many people don't take time to know themselves and try to improve gradulally with many failures on their way. The can also have success, a lots of it doing so but they know that life can be hard and in order to keep a pure "heart", someone has to let go of what's inside him/her either by writing it, telling it and also, by crying it out.
And because many people are too afraid to dig within their own darkness, they can't fathom someone who's open with his (because the topic here is about men and emotions) emotions, as they see it as a weakness... showing a week point isn't a weakness, it's supposed to be a great sign of trust but some seem to miss that point.
I always heard that men don't cry when they watch movies because they're not as empathetic towards facial expressions.
I watched a documentary in which they shows how women use both sides of the brain to understand facial expression and speech when they communicate, but men only use one side and that's what I learned in psychology class, so now I want to see that study again because I wonder how accurate it is.
My problem with men being vulnerable isn't that I just don't know how to handle it.
Each time a man gets vulnerable with me, I have to text a friend and be like "hey how do I react" because I just don't know. Men usually want to be the supportive and providing role and I also don't want to invalidate that in a man, so when a man is vulnerable, I want to treat it like I treat anyone that is going through shit, but I don't want to make more upset because he thinks he's not manly because they need support.
I'd love for you to kinda comment on this and tell me how someone should react in that situation.
I've had two experiences when I was in the military that stood out to me where guys were very vulnerable about their emotions (I'm a chick, btw). I didn't react negatively but I saw how women can fetishize guy's emotions and understood how awkward it can be for guys to do so. I'll just talk about the first incident. We were having a weekend party with our unit and the drinks were flowing. One of my buddies seemed upset and was drinking to get drunk and not really having a good time. I asked him if he wanted go out for a smoke to talk. We went outside and he busted into tears. I hugged him and he was telling me about some stuff he did during the war that haunted him. I let him talk and held him while he cried comforting him each time he sobbed. My roommate came up to us and basically forced her way in and started comforting him as well. She seemed very excited to be a part of his heartbreak, which I wasn't upset by, but just found it odd how she was so adamant about it...Hard to explain. The next day he came up to me and apologized for him breaking down and seemed so embarrassed for doing so. I kept telling him it was ok, but I don't think he felt it was ok. It worries me that men can't feel vulnerable when they need to be, especially when dealing with very fucking hard issues, like PTSD. I've had quite a few of my buddies end their lives because they couldn't deal with it anymore. It fucking sucks.
We've been conditioned a lot to not talk about our emotions as man. "Man up" and "Take it like a man" are to phrases most of us have heard way too much. So when we open up to people whom we think don't want us too or simply when we're not ready, we tend to regret it later and wish we never did, whether it be right or not. At least that's what I feel from my own experience, so I can't really talk for others.
@@heyliim2817 Actually, ive never heard those phrases in my life before and people in my immediate life are open to men being open. However, that never stopped me from being disgusted of myself. I was in the military myself and ive had that break down once and I was drunk. All I could think about was "what kind of man am I going to be when things actually hard." Not sure if it was the alcohol or the crying that had me in shame. Maybe a bit of both. Never the less I lost the urge to ever express myself. Its just the way I prefer to handle it. My point being, I know people like to blame society standards on men not being open but I think men are naturally like that for the most part. Its like forcing someone a personality they are not accustomed to. I was blessed because in the infantry we understand each other so when one of us has that episode we dont bash each other and we keep that incident within ourselves because we understand the experience. So my buddies were cool with it. I dont thinks its about societies approval. Because if it were, if men can be unapologetically scummy, surly we can be unapologetically emotional. What we actually is better or more methods of expressing ourselves because we are limited in that capacity. Our ancestors didn't have the privilege to be emotional. If they were, trying to survive kept us busy. In this world of complacency we need things that keep our minds busy. Thats why vets do better in the military than out of it.
Fuck the military
@@Tlahuiltezcatl You mad they are better people than you for the most part?
@Jacob Levesque This just took me back to my childhood, I remember, I was only a kid, must have been about ten,
I fell over and cut myself pretty bad... I had my mum just comforting me and cleaning the wound etc and my grandad just telling me to stop crying MAN UP etc... to this day I'm not sure who was right, both I guess... I was just a little kid in a lot of pain and it helped to have my mum there but at the same time my grandad made a great point, it was just a cut, I was gonna hurt myself / get hurt way worse in the future so sometimes you do just have to take it. One of those moments in life that just stuck with me.
A girl told me once: Girls don't like sad guys.
In my head: Do you think sad people likes to be sad? Spoiler, they hate that, sadness is not the funniest emotion.
Then the girl probably wants the entire world to spin according to her will when she sad.
That was a stupid statement. Nobody likes sad people in society in general cause society doesn’t value emotions usually, they value power. We are in an insensitive cruel society in general
@@anandaalvarez4336 I think it's situational. Look at how popular the song Sad! was by XXXtentacion. But I think society shames perceived weakness in men, in particular women, as much as dishonest manipulative women will try to deny. Most women lose all attraction when you're vulnerable about a weakness. I told my ex about insecurities and she just brought up me "being insecure" every fight we had.
@@michaelturley8222 sorry about that, women are insecure by nature because of biological reasons but those animal instincts can be controlled by becoming aware of them as we all most at least try by our own, all humans have it
Side note: preach looks at the camera like we're really there
There is probably someone holding the camera that he is looking at. But it does make for a cool effect/slight 4th wall break
@@kanyewestlover9118 They are stand up comedians and they are literally addressing the audience. There is no 4th wall.
@@Clevercommenter 5:21
@swiggity swooty 😅😂😅
It backfires for 2 reasons:
- You opened up too early into the relationship
- She ain’t the one
to the streets Brazah
Lol, fkin bluepill simp mangina , "aint the one" LOL
There is no "the one"
In the first year of my fiance's and I relationship we had a REAL DEEP talk about how we feel towards eachother and how vulnerable we feel about trusting one another with our feelings.
He opened up and so did i, I always reassure my fiance that anything he feels or wants to talk about I'm here for him. I don't see him any less of a man if anything he is MORE of a man to me and I've got way much more respect for him.
3. It's not about her
"gender roles don't matter and should be abolished BUT I expect you as a man to be the PERFECT stereotypical gender role male or I'm not interested". I can't describe how angry and pissed of this makes me feel.
So valid. This is what we as feminists care about. That double bind is just as real with men in Hetero relationships. It is bc of these rigid beliefs in the gender binary. It’s indicative of how entrenched we are DESPITE WHAT WE SAYYY WE LIKE in this structure. Everyone has tons of work to do in undoing gender violence, including women.
I'm really sorry you guys have to put up with that. I have seen a lot of women who proclaim to be feminists but put men down and have ridiculous double standards for dating. Those women tend to be very miserable with their dating lives though, so karma is real in that respect.
That's why you have to act like a robot and have your emotional experiences in your own time. It sucks but it feels better than getting that stuff that really effects you thrown in your face repeatedly to make you feel worthless.
@@deathdealer5993 indeed indeed, I'm not like this however, I will openly show I'm upset or cry infront of someone I'm in a relationship with. I haven't experiences too much of the bad side just however so that's probably why.
@@recorpse9698 Hey everyone has their own experience me personally I will cry in front of someone if I can't help it but I will give very little information as to why cause women in my experience fight dirty and will not hesitate to use it against me in the future and will just keep throwing it in my face. I haven't shared anything that deep with the women in my life in a long time and oddly enough I'm happier than I have ever been.
My kids are high-functioning Autistic..they cried when they watched the joker..they identified with the character not feeling like they fit in society..especially how astute they are in seeing that people have a tendency to not always be aligned in thought/action and spirituality..then they go about confusing themselves and others. Nobody..should tell you how you should feel...it happens naturally, it been proven time and time again to not be healthy for you.
I have a HFA child as well so I understand you.
I don't know how old your kids are but I'm not sure how suitable that movie is for minors if your taking about the new one.
@@happyjeffy hay there, greetings from Portugal, thanks for the concern and advice, yes it's the new movie, they just turned 19, they watched it last year, I was watching it with them..just in case they asked questions, we always discuss the arts, I'm very much a book worm, and music and film fan..so we discuss the crap out of it.. from.. technical to morals to actual history. They have Asperger's. Stay well.
@@mauradias2862 oh right haha, thanks for the well thought out reply. You look kinda young in your pic so I just thought I'd ask lol. I really like the film too and it has a lot of things to make you think about.
@@happyjeffy thank you for the complement, I'll be turning 44 this year( whisper) (Don't drink or smoke) all natural ..munch on everything and exercise whenever I can. Though I must say that a key aspect of my life is that since the age of 17 I have on and off been practicing martial arts..I highly recommend it as a all round physical, mental and spiritual sport.
The word “fetishized” feels so accurate. Every time women tell me to “ be more emotional” or “ it’s okay you can talk to me🥰” it feels so transparent that they just want the emotional satisfaction of being “ the one he talks to”
Well newsflash women want life to be all about them. Nothing more selfish than a woman, when they tell what they're looking for in a man it's always " makes ME laugh, make Me feel safe, takes care of ME, supports ME, provide for ME, takes ME ou worships ans spoils ME" etc. It's never " I want to give my love to someone" etc.
@@mouloudo yeah but its not like most people in general look for partners to make them better. The main reason you want a partner is you get something out of it. Just like normal friendships or any kind of relationship.
@@GGGmod1 yeah but not to that extent. Like the saying goes fix yourself and then find someone to share your happiness rather than looking for someone to fix you and fill a void.
AYOOOOOOO. I felt that
@@GGGmod1 men have no problem picking a woman with no money and building with her. Now how often do women pick a man with less money? How often are women willing to build with their man instead of moving in?
“If you’re being vulnerable to me and it’s not about me, you’re single”
Yep. Well interpreted.
Narcissim, Bullshit, double standards, lies, hypocrisy and want it all but won't do it riddle me this riddle what is this creature I speak of do you know no no one!.
Well, like Fresh&Fit podcast said, women are extractors, their goals and what they want from relationships is always, “what can you give me from this relationship” not, “what can we do, how can we grow, how can we be better together and what can i give you as well as what can you give me”
You’re totally right in that interpretation. I am a woman and an ex of mine committed $uic!de. I cried when I found out and it was mostly because suicide is very triggering for me and I don’t want anybody (aside from people that killers, rapists, abusers, etc) to feel so hopeless that they succumb to their own depression. My husband was confused at first but he asked questions- I do/did not have feelings for him beyond human compassion- and my husband understood where I was coming from. We as women need to have the same empathy and compassion we expect our men to have for us! ❤️
@@revanvonheaven8270 the answer is waman
uuuuh ... the bit about the ex dying is fully sociopathic
Rihanna is a cunt, confirmed.
(Implying anyone is actually surprised about this.)
"I'm sorry I still respect human life, lol"
Bitch is so petty she would get jealous of a dead woman.
Bruh what does it matter if you got feelings for them, ain’t like y’all gon hook up🤦🏾
Right? Why the insecurity from these women? It’s not like the ex is even a threat at this point, being dead....
My first encounter with a man getting vulnerable was actually with my dad. My dad had a stroke almost 2 years ago and he still showed us a strong facade so that we wouldn't worry (he's the only man in the house because our family is him, my mom, me and my sister) but we could see through his facade and saw how much he was struggling. When he finally "got emotional with us" he expressed how he started having anxiety whenever he doesn't see us because he feels like he's alone and he expressed how he still wanted to meet his future grandchildren. My mom just held him him and prayed for him (we're christian) and the rest they discussed in private. My sister and I didn't know how to react, mainly because we're not very good at verbally expressing ourselves and we're so used seeing our father so strong for us and being our refuge and we still feel guilty about not saying anything and just looking at him with empathy. But because of that event I started asking my dad how is he feeling, always checking up on him and making sure he has everything he needs. I didn't tell him this but I have a feeling he knows, he's one of the reasons I left my dream uni (it's 6 hours away from where i live) and transferred to a closer one.
I can't say that I'm now ready to face another emotional man but I will respect men keeping their emotions to themselves and I hope I'll respond better when I encounter a man being vulnerable.
I'm sorry that this was really long 😅
Ps. My dad is still recovering but he's much happier, going strong and he's so healthy and much more physically active!!
That is great
Yeah, my dad finally expressed, not his emotions, but he simply stated I can no longer keep up with what I once did I need you guys to take on more responsibility. And knowing that lets us know how much he is struggling. He didn't get emotional but he showed a level of vulnerability that he was serious
God bless him❤🙏 and the rest of your family. In Jesus' name.
Well that's not being vulnerable truly means when men say it, basically what you said is a version of "cry about me baby" that's the kind of vulnerability a women wants from men that is to be vulnerable about her, how much he loves her, how much he needs her...etc..... What men are talking about is ptsd, trauma, abuse etc.....
Glad he's been improving, may he have a blessed life
When your woman hit you with that line about your father leaving it’s because she obviously wanted to hurt you. It’s the female version of assault. They can’t do it physically but verbally they’re like ninjas.
Physical or verbal, either way no one cares
@@BuddyMac69 You don't care if anyone undergoes physical or verbal abuse in their relationship?
@@that1guy324 I’m saying society doesn’t care about women to men domestic abuse
There are women who abuse men physically.
They cant hurt you with it if you dont have no feelings. Checkmate bitch if she tries
"Men treat their emotional sanctity the way women treat their sexual sanctity" YES, YES, YES WE DO
We don't expose our emotions to be people we don't trust.
I agree with the first part, but female sexual sanctity is a myth.
CGSteve8718 are you a female?
@@CGSteve8718 umm…. What
cutema101 Female promiscuity proves otherwise.
“Never let a woman know where your insecure”- Juice WRLD
Thats so tru... they will use that shit against u after u break up...
Its true
Never let anyone know what you’re insecure about
@@11123fsd I haven't ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Juice wrld's dad actually
If a women leaves you because of being vulnerable then she wasn’t meant for you. Keep it moving.
It has nothing to do with them "not being right for you". When you as a man act emotional, you're acting like the woman. When a man acts feminine, that causes the woman to shift into their masculine which is not their natural essence. That causes them to lose attraction. It doesn't matter how "right" they are or are not for you, if you act like that towards women, they'll friendzone and ghost you every time.
@@Ddx629 That's way too broad. Too emotional in general yes. But having emotions in certain situations should not turn a woman off. A lot of people don't know how to weed out the narcissistic woman. All woman will lose some attraction if you act too beta and get emotional over everything. But if they lose attraction for a few emotions here and there, she's not good for anyone.
Yeah, that’s not being a woman, that’s being a sheep of Matrix
@@Ddx629 not true. It’s depends on the girl. Trust me I’ve seen couples where the guy can be vulnerable and the women won’t take it as a sign of weakness. And being vulnerable isn’t a feminine trait. So being vulnerable and feminine are two different things. Obviously most straight women won’t be attracted to a guy who acts feminine. But they’re guys who have no problem being open and vulnerable and with a girl who’s healthy, not toxic and actually cares they won’t mind.
I disagree. I think the majority of both men and women, say 70% have an inbuilt biological disgust response to a man who is over emotional, or crying, or vulnerable. I don't think it's how your were raised. I think it's biological for the majority of people. In the same way most men are attracted to big boobs and most women are attracted to tall men, it's biological.
That scene from The Real was so gross. It sounds like they're just insecure in their relationships, honestly. Just because your partner's ex was with them before you doesn't make them your mortal enemy. Your partner cared about/loved this person at some point. They were a part of their life. They had an impact on their life. I think unless the breakup was particularly brutal or the ex did something horrible, it's normal to still care about them in some way. It doesn't mean that you have a desire to get back with them or that you love your current partner any less. And in the case of Rihanna's tweet, they're still a human being who DIED, ffs.
you don't just lose emotions, if all you are taught is to bottle up your emotions you won't actually learn to deal/cope with them, just to lock them away and forget/move on with things
On top of that, If a male celebrity said this, he would no longer be a celebrity.
Yeah just hollywood/mainstream scum people.
Yeah stunning lack of empathy on display there.
Every aspect of every episode of that show and its successor "The View" is gross.
Wait a sec? “The Real” tv hosts think that a man is WRONG if he cries when learning a ex-wife or ex-girlfriend DIED because they must still be in love with the ex?!? Wow! I literally cry when learning an “coworker” DIED and we weren’t even close friends (just chatted in the hallways, shared some laughs & worked together)... ridiculous double-standard!!
Incredibly crass and classless. So lets do the thing we always do, flip the script and I am SURE there is room for the women to cry if her ex suddenly dies. On top of that there will be expectations of stable emotional support and understanding. Give me a break....
Exactly! Where is the logic in that? I dont get it. Why wouldn't you feel sad/cry over someone that you've known personally and shared experiences with at different points in life, when you find out they have passed. What are we? A rock? Theres times to be sad/emotional and theres a time to be just "normal".
I was so put off by that clip. Like what are we supposed to say??? “Good I’m glad that bitch dead” 🥴
Jen S the most fucked up part is that logically, it doesn’t even make sense. If I DID have feelings for that ex, unless I’m a necrophiliac I can no longer act on those feelings because she dead now! 😂
💯💯💯💯💯
Every woman I know who claimed to want a “vulnerable man” or “wanted a man who opened up to her” would call him a punk if he cried over anything short of a knife wound.
Hypocrites
That's why you don't listen to what a female says... But listen to what she does
@@ronsmith9714 that's depressing
@@amaka6445 I don't think that's depressing; I think it's just a good idea in general. Never believe what people say because some folks lie and other people think they're telling the truth about themselves, but really they lack self-awareness. You never get lost judging on actions.
@@mechantechatonne so u don't think that's depressing?
That people lie so much that we all have to be super suspicious of each other or that people aren't even in tune enough with THEM SELVES to know when they're speaking untruths about their own lives?
Didn't say the commenter was wrong, it's just after thinking about it, I felt like the whole idea was really disheartening
Women “just be confident”
Also women: insecure af but that’s okay because men have to care
"Women being taught (and I also think naturally prone) to handle mens anger and sexuality, we're never being taught how to handle a man being hurt or sad" - Pure gold right there!
Steph D. 😂😂😂😂😂oh boy
Yess
Working with Shan was dope! Fun to do this project, if yall liked it leave your comments with your personal experiences but lets avoid shaming or ridiculing anyone who came forward to share their perspective. We get to learn and do better by admitting our faults and doing so on camera aint easy for folks so I respect em all!
Be sure to check out Shan's Channel, i like her work!
What if these pleasures that men and women get from stuff like seeing us cry, or when a woman needs to be protected is purely natural(healthy level of pleasure).
I would share my sentiments about crying over a dead ex, but I really don't want to get personal about it.
No we do not Valium men period.
we want men to be vulnerable but we don't want to make a safe place for men to be vulnerable.
In other words you want me to share my feelings but I can't trust you with my feelings.
@@QbrotherSoulStar Exactly.
I can't share my feelings when I don't trust them, and if I do manage to open up(over being forced to)...it doesn't feel genuine. Definitely don't fully open up.
Sorry to say, but that movie theater example was pretty bad, glad you called her out on it. The good example she gave was about women lol
I've been open to a Woman before.
She would want me to talk about my mental issues when they are bugging me. (Keep in mind I wasn't soft with it.)
Guess what happened? I was told that I was being selfish, and not focused on her issues (Keep in mind I would literally stop talking about my shit to help with hers).
So fuck it...only opening up to Therapists.
I'm sorry that happened to you. That's really shitty. I know you'll find someone much better than her.
What happened to you wasn’t cool. Did you two consider therapy together as well as individually?
I have definitely experienced that with one lady friend she didn't know how to handle me crying. She wasn't mean or overtly selfish but all she knew how to do was say "don't cry" and she tried to advise but she kind of missed what was going on she didn't know what to make of it. The whole situation came about from me not doing a good job on one of our projects and she was kind of chewing me out cause she was annoyed but also kind of trying to be a friend as well and I eventually broke down and told her my mind was all over the place because it had only been a few months since the death of my mother. She couldn't really get it she wasn't dismissive but she didn't get it. It's only recently she has understood things. Crazy part is she was dumping all her problems and feelings on me during that time period, which is fine we are friends have been for many years, but she didn't realize I was an emotional being as well. Though she understood I was in a rough patch.
@@scellabrat A LOT of women do this
@@eboni5125 No, and this is why...
She was a Narcissist simply trying to fix me just so she can brag that she made a broken war vet complete. Plus, she went with the easier option by finding another guy.
Come to find out, she is doing the same shit to him.
"I've laughed at men's emotions because of the patriarchy."
They're insufferable
If patriarchy-hell, men-disappeared, this world would be dead in less than 6 months.
I think you misunderstood her point. She was admitting that she herself used to be complicit in creating the problem, trying to be better now.
@@timlukas nah he understands her alright, even tho she realizes the mistake she still doesnt want to take accountability for her actions.
its really sad when in reality the matriarchy is what rules the world but they claim to be the victims.
@@timlukas Yeah she was admitting that, but she was also trying to imply in a way that she was like that because od the Patriarchy.
Like: "Yeah I used to think this way, but it's because the Patriarchy conditioned me to think that way"
Men if ur reading this .. be vulnerable... its human... but never ever ever be vulnerable in front of a woman... they are trash at caring for you in that way...
I personally do not know how to react to a man being vulnerable. My father is a traditional African man and the only type of emotion I saw was anger or laughter. I can admit that this messed me up in a way, because now as an adult I try and find love in the familiar in the way my father showed it. If a man is vulnerable with me, how do I react? What do I say? What do I do? And especially what does it mean. As a woman, I am more emotional. As a child I sought for him to relate to me with other emotions. As much as this is me admitting that I have some degree of daddy issues. I say this to say this. Most of these women that use your vulnerability against you do it because as a little girl all she wanted was for her father to hug her more and be more relatable. Her using your vulnerability is a reflection of the bitterness and resentment that has grown in her due to -for the most part- her relationship with her father.. She feels like she's winning in a way she never won with her father.
When you meet a woman for the first time always ask her about her relationship with her father. Ask her how she feels about him. This will save you a lot of time.
When couples are mutually vulnerable with each other the love is amazing and totally worthwhile. All the best with growth and life journey my brother.
@@SuperMariposa91 Women over do things, IF you see your man breaking down or going through a tough time... We do not need ya'll to fix our problems, Just be our strength when ours is weak.
Hug and Hold him, Say only this... I Love You!
IF he pulls away, DO NOT get offended or Mad, Just say... I am here for you.
No questions or opinions, simply be quiet and give him peace.
@@MrZancruz thank you for answering my questions. I appreciate it
No, just dont be vulnerable in front of a woman that clearly doesnt want to be with you for more than a few long nights. Your wife will respect you being emotional, because you belong to one another. A fling is not obligated to care for your feelings.
@@Homeside301 women dont have the capacity to care about men's feelings.. it's just not in them ... wife ...gf... homie... they're not built that way... I've seen women laugh about a man getting his penis cut off... that tells you all you need to know about them and their character
Love doesn't mean the same thing for men and women. We think it does, but it doesn't.
Jesus christ you could catch planes in that thing. Magnificient.
"Love" in general is subjective.
I like the point abt how women have fetishized men’s emotions. Like u can’t just ask for the emotions YOU want. You get the WHOLE package. And u gotta be able to handle both.
Women forget men are people, not just a single walking breathing living emotion.
ong bro
My mom was the best teacher. Whenever i opened up about something she would either use whatever i say against me some time later or outright break my trust and go tell some other relatives.
Thought me to not open up and keep a pokerface on
shes toxic as fuck my mom was the same way throw shit backat me remove yourself man
isn't it wild? a lot of guys' first interaction with girls is their mom. there are some horrific moms and it never gets talked about
Same. My mother did the same thing when I was younger. I literally sat her down and explained to her that I don't want her sharing things like this with other people, she tried to belittle it, that it wasn't that big of a deal, when I finally got her to agree she did it again a week later. I cut her out of my life, I don't interact with her beyond christmas cards and the occasional call, Which I keep basic.
@@nickhopwood4233 I’ve tried talking about it but people think it’s funny or not a big deal or they tell me to get therapy
I have not finished the video but I just saw the clip about men that cry over an ex dying and instantly got infuriated, "who raised you" Rihanna. I remember my Dad crying talking to me about he's ex wife dying, the women that he had he's first son with my BROTHER she was no bitch she was mother and her life matter.
her reaction was a bit narcistic to me. like "How dare you have a deep emotional connection with someone else!"
If you don't cry if your ex dies then I am going to think it's strange... Crying doesn't mean you want them but that your're sad their life ended and you're probably are thinking of their family who is grieving... Basic empathy
@@rchhtt5210 if you don’t cry when your ex dies I’m gonna suspect you kill her
@@rchhtt5210 I don't cry when people close to me die, I think isn't just normal that we all just die at the end, it's predictable ... but maybe it's just me, I'm the kid that didn't cry when I was born so it's probably genetic
I agree their is nothing wrong crying about someone who passes who was a good person sad
The only emotion women want is the “aweeeeeeeeee”.
Girls want that. People acting their shoe size and not their age
If I’m crying at a marriage it’s cause I just spent a lot of money I’ll be in debt for years to come 😂😂😂
Then don't get married.
@coptic777 marriage rates never decreased
All the facts. Lol
If u watch that part again, the dude looks like he forgot he cried at the wedding lol
Can you be a member of society without debt nowadays?
Having vulnerable conversations is how you truly get to know a person, how they got to be who they are, why they do the things they do, etc. Reason why I married the man I married. We were able to have those types of conversations, not everyone is ready for that.
Just goes to show that people say they want change but their actions don't align with what they think they want.
I've once seen my uncle cry during hard times, I won't get specific about it but he was really tired with everything and for the first time i saw him cry, I just started to cry with him, for some reason, after that we both cheered up and joked all night long, it was most likely my best time i've ever had
Thats very sweet and thats how it should be
This is beautiful.
Crying is really an underappreciated experience and I think most people should do it a little more instead of bottling shit up.
There is a psychology term that exist regarding people having a tendency to share intimate things with strangers; the ancient mariner effect (also called the passing stranger effect).
14:05 Bartenders left and right can tell of accounts of strangers that have told them personal things that people generally don't tell anyone else. This includes repeat customers and first time customers. As a person who has been on both sides of the equations, I believe the reasoning is that the person IS a stranger; and because they ARE a stranger, they don't have the same ability to hurt you as person that knows you does. The people closest to us have the ability to hurt us more than anybody else. With a stranger, you could be vulnerable and nobody you know would ever know that you are able to vulnerable. It is sad that that is a mindset but that is the reality for many. The words around 2:30 extends to how some people carry themselves around everyone they know. Lastly, you can be vulnerable and you don't have to worry about those words or emotions being used against you in the future. An example of this is within the video at 10:50 , where the girl try to use the story of the father as an attack in an argument.
Furthermore, the stranger can also give you feedback that has less bias, i.e relationship issues. If we share with our friends and family members an issue within a relationship, they have a tendency to automatically be on our side rather than having a neutral perspective. This can lead to problems on our end remaining as problems on our end, because the advice we are receiving is often times biased and not coming from a objective perspective of reflection.
While Shan BOODY is not a licensed therapist, neither are our friends and family members. Yet we share with them and are encouraged to do so. The primary thing of importance is that people should let out what is on their mind in a constructive way, whether that is through words or actions. I am not saying that Shan BOODY or anyone else should not tell people that you don't want to hear the other person's story. If you don't want to hear it, that is fine...that is your prerogative. However her reasoning that they shouldn't be sharing with her because she is a stranger or that the speaker should be spending money is one that she should reconsider. Once again...the reasoning...not the action, but the given reasoning behind it.
Check out the following professional works:
"Someone To Talk To" by Mario Luis Small (book)
"Disclosing oneself to a stranger: Reciprocity and its limits" by social psychologist Zick Rubin (social psychology experiment + findings)
"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge (poem)
Holy smokes, that was interesting. I want to check out some of these books now.
damn, you make a good point here
a very well constructed and informed point. Thank you for the effort you put in. It was an interesting read!
I was vulnerable once, and it killed the attraction. I barely touched the subject too. So don't tell guys to be vulnerable if you aren't going to be supportive. Just admit that you just want guys to be emotional about you because it makes you feel special
Damn bro, me and the boys can't even be humans anymore.
Not us, they want us to be robots
That dehumanization is a bitch, its almost like someone has done this before to create a mass genocide of a certain religous sect and make people feel justified for mass murder.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?
Probably not over the age of 45 (since that seems to be around the cut off point for most bullshit in relationships)
Western women are broken, get a women far from the west and you good.
Nobody, and I mean _NOBODY_ should tell me how I should feel.
At least tell me you will be silently angry?
@@dracoindustires3979 haha, it's just from a quote by Tom Hanks. Look up "Tom Hanks Conan Secrets".
@@CinemaRescored I will do that
Yes they should..depends on who it is..and if it’s for your own best interest..because perception can dictate your behavior and emotions..so in some cases..it can be a gd thing..so if u change the way u look at things in certain situations..it may help..
@@romeinkadir9819 That's not the point. Of course you can learn from others. Don't be facetious, Romein.
Women hoard emotional baggage like Pennywise consumes the fears of children.
What's in that baggage? Dirty laundry.
Samniss Arandeen no it’s the dishes
This is some profoundly accurate dark humor.
😂
super saiyan rose you just have to always feel good about urself bitch
This has actually made me start to view an event in my life in a completely different light. I had never thought of it this way before - but the discussion you guys brought up about the double standards women have about men is really enlightening... I'm taking a gap year and still staying with my family, and recently we hosted some boys for a soccer tournament with my sister's school. they were nice and we befriended them, but when they lost the final match, and came second instead of first...... I still remember how devastated they were. I had no idea how to handle it, but I hated seeing them sad, and I just didn't know what the right thing was to say. On hindsight, I think that I was actually dismissing their emotions in a horrible way when I kept saying that 2nd place really wasn't bad, and it wasn't 3rd and things... if they had been girls I probably wouldn't have hesitated to hug them and be a lot more compassionate. Perhaps that's also my preconceived impression of what guys want compared to girls: the idea that guys probably don't want me to emasculate them or make them feel like babies, so I did the opposite and tried to undermine the loss. But I don't think that made them feel better. Was that wrong and shitty of me? Should I have shown more compassion on my face towards them, would they have wanted that? I'm still not sure...
I hav been on both side of this situation in sports, the only thing we can do in this is, yes we lost yes there could be a million things we could hav done differently, but two things
1) did we give all our heart out for this game
2) Are we better than when we started playing as a team (like since the beginning of the season)
Imo, if both yes then u deserve to be proud.
Having said all that, nothing can console or make the loss better, it is still a lost final 😟.......
Ok the one girl who said, "We were never taught to deal with mens emotion" you think any of us were taught to deal with female emotion? The point is we don't throw it back in yalls faces with vulnerable subjects yall do
And they say women are more emotionally intelligent.
And there it literally is
Men with women emotions = empathic
Women with men emotions = pathetic
In my personal experience, I've had a lot of men come back at me for emotions, and I've done the same to them. Its just toxicity that everyone could learn to let go of. Personal grievances aside, mental health has a lot of problems to be addressed by both genders.
Yeah, genius
When a woman says to me: "I want you to be more emotional." I will tell her: "Don't worry, I will definitely cry at your funeral."
JAIL LMFAOOO
Ow the EdGe
This needs more likes
sounds like true love
Don't forget to also dab on her after you've said that
This has been a big issue for me. I grew up being told "women want you to express yourself" "women like men with emotions" etc. I tried that. I got no where. I then followed the lessons I understood later on about emotions. Men should be in charge of their emotions, aware of them, and use extreme discretion when expressing them. Everything changed. Women AND men began to respect me more, I was more successful in dating, and strangely I was happier. The problem is women pretend to know what's wrong with men. They don't understand that being a pillar of strength makes me, as a man, feel strong. Being hyper-emotional makes me feel weak and defeated. I can express myself just fine, I don't repress feelings. Please don't pretend to know what I need then get mad at us when men pretend to know what you go through.
I like this thinking. Yes express emotions, be vulnerable, learn about yourself. But be judicious about where it comes out. Your partner should bear the brunt of it, and doing so works against your happiness. When I get on a spiral, I just keep going down. Men should help each other deal with men's issues. Women need to understand how vital it us to have that space to go away, deal with it, then come back stronger and more resilient.
@@nealtse9125 absolutely. I will say after rereading my statement it sounds blamy. Exactly as you said, having a space to talk about things is important, but only to recharge our strength and work through the tougher, more complex emotions. In the end, being able to show emotional strength during other people's crisis is how I, and many men I know, derive purpose.
Stoicism is a really good philosophy, and often misunderstood.
@@nealtse9125 💣💣💣💣💣
Personnally, I don't feel like you have to be emotionnal, some people are and some aren't. I'm a woman, and I don't like to share emotions unless I really feel safe with the person. However, for people who need to express them more, it is a shame that they feel they can't because of gender.
I remember when my ex said "youre acting like a woman"
this was her response to me letting her know she hasn't been showing any care or love towards me
You should’ve never said that my guy.If you notice you’re chick isn’t putting equal effort into the relationship give her an ultimatum by telling her either put more effort or y’all are done.Just complaining how she’s not putting enough effort into the relationship sounds thirsty and clingy”.
@@rouskeycarpel1436 how is that clingy? people are allowed to complain when their needs aren't being met
Move on if nothing is moving after 5 days, keep it pushing. If they actually care and they live separately, they at least will call or video chat.
@@strawberryshortcake5505 Men aren't allowed to have needs from a woman.
Incredibly narcissistic
That happened to me this week. I told a girl how I was feeling, and she said it was pushing me away from her. We aren't talking anymore after that and I'm talking to a girl that doesn't mind when I'm honest with her about my feelings.
Truth is majority of women are borderline sociopaths..
go on Google for the definition of a Sociopath
Stay strong king
Name checks out. Good for you, dude! This is exactly why I tell people not to give up after a bad experience.
Women just want someone to cater to them physically and mentally, emotionally etc but we have to keep it together
You forgot financially.
CGSteve8718 ☝️
If the person you’re dating doesn’t appreciate your emotional openness they’re not emotionally intelligent or the right person that’s it. Period
Respectfully, I agree and that's 99.9% of women...sad but true. A man showing any emotion to a woman or in front of a female is suicide.
U cute
You ruined it with that last word😶
Kyle A lol
Unfortunately by the time we come to that conclusion it is to late and have obtained and used said information in order to put us down and/or emotionally manipulate us.
I remember confiding in my cousin about some of my insecurities and how i deal with them to make her feel better when she was having a hard time with hers, she got mad at me for something petty and starting attacking the things I was insecure about just to hurt me. I really have a hard time trusting women with my vulnerabilities because of this and many other experiences
My man wants to feel, he feels. My man wants to talk about the feels, we talk about the feels. My man wants to cry over his dead ex, he cries over dead his ex. If you are the kind of person to stop someone from processing these types of emotions, you're a psycho. Period.
@Petes F that's your opinion. Not everyone has to adhere to your views. Have a great day xx
Welcome to mankind.
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Man derived from the germanic Maan which meant divine/godly(saintly) and kind (kin) which is family.
It’s super common in Hispanic culture for the man to be this tough macho man. I’ve heard people say, “No llore, sea hombre!” Which means, “Don’t cry, be a man!” A relative said that to my brother and I stepped up. Outta here with that toxic shit.
So how often do you fuck your side dude when your man cries?
I will worry more if he don't show any kind of emotion over his dead ex.
I didnt see my father cry until a month after his stroke....it was like seeing superman (Christopher Reeves) in a wheelchair. My father is still my hero... 😢
God bless him.
Seen my daddy cry once in my 32 years on this earth. And that was when he had to decide to put his mother out before my mother walked out. *some heavy shit lead up to this point*
He might've cried thinking about if he had died what would've been to you all, your mother, your siblings(if any).
make friendships and relationships only with those who are capable of emphaty. That's all, in my opinion.
If a person needs to cry, let then. Dont be a jerk
When a real man cries around other real men those men are far more compassionate when its about something everyone can relate too.
We usually need a drink in hand when that happens.
@@daemonspade8316 or say "no homo" during the hug
Honestly some of the times I've opened up to my friends I consider to be some of the best nights I've ever had, since we all express ourselves with dark humor
@@AP-gk6se you dont need to say no homo, because none of you like men from the beginning so theres nothing to prove. Men that say no homo for everything sus
@@Mojodash1 "no homo" is a meme from before it was called a meme. It is a way to add comedy to cut the tension in this situation, and just a laugh under normal "no homo" situations.
Simple. Open up to the right people. Let people “earn you’re secrets”
My main question to that is, how do you really know? The human psyche is so complex, couple that with so many people on the planet, the odds are not on your side mathematically. There are really people that try and never succeed. I agree with your point but it’s due to my own personal experience. At some point somebody will get left out. I love discussions like these.
Harley Quinn boundaries my friend. Set them and you’ll know who’s really there for the right reasons.
Un Successful Oh no I’m good, but thank you 🥰. Happily married. I just understand that not everyone on this planet can couple up.
This.
Correction... *_make_* people earn your secrets. If they're willing to tough that out it shows that they're truly interested (usually), and it can cause them to become "invested" in you in ways they won't easily slip out of. Plus it creates the illusion of progression in a relationship. Sometimes illusion becomes reality. Or you find that what you thought was an illusion isn't really an illusion at all.
“your life expectancy decreases the less emotional outlets you have”. Jokes on you i don’t want to be here in the first place
My guy are you good 😂
Just don't take anyone with you.
yooooooooo I feel that
That is both sad and very hilarious at the same time.
💀💀💀
when that chick started talking about dudes getting some kind of emotional release from protecting women, I never got so upset about something in my whole life. I couldn’t tell you why, but it angers my soul to hear that someone takes my kindness as my way of getting off. There’s nothing attractive about women being scared, you have to be delusional to think that.
It's a lot more common than you think. If you're not like that, than that's alright.
@Josh Byrd .... I thought it was just me! Aba seemed like he caved & just said the 2nd analogy made sense, because even he didn't understand.
Woman, man, girl or boy, if someone is distraught or in pain enough for them to seek a hug from me, then all my focus is on them to see if they're alright. Yeah, the pain etc is transferred, but now IIIIIIII have to hold onto that shit TOO! And if you think about it, its the reverse of what she proposes.... because I'm a man and I'm not allowed to cry & release that transferred energy.
....But maybe she's right and I'm fucked up. Or someone provide a better analogy for what Shan was talking about..
Definitely disagree a recent example for me was dancing at a club I was alone not bothering anyone and this guy tells me to watch out his girlfriend is near, I ignored him and kept dancing he said it again and the girlfriend said it’s all good he’s not doing anything. He proceeds to stare me down you can see he was just trying to feel macho, I walked up called him mr macho squeezed his biceps his girl and her friends laughed at him. Clearly no one was at threat he just wanted a reason to prove he’s mr macho protects his girl.
I don't think that is what she meant. Some people get chemical release in their brains from being needed while protecting someone in a vulnerable state just like the example with mother and child. It doesn't make you a bad person although it made could cause a little guilt. It is involuntary so it isn't something to dwell on or shame yourself for. I think it would made more sense if she didn't use the word "sexy". It is very normal human thing to enjoy being needed unless you manipulate someone to get that feeling.
@@sunshineblue1981 Yeah, sexy absolutely was the wrong word, especially because I seriously doubt her partner's brother felt sexual about protecting her. It just perverts the guy's original, genuine intention to protect a loved one. Also, like a lotttt of comments here point out, what she's describing as this getting off of being the protector thing is exactly how many women treat men's emotions and vulnerability to feel special about themselves being the one he opens up to, and I think ironically that's a much clearer example of what she described than her own example. I don't disagree about men doing the macho protector thing which irritates me too, I just think she picked the wrong example and misread the situation or used the wrong word. Calling it "sexy" just cheapens it imo and adds to the impression of men's actions too often being perceived as predatory even when they're really not.
Edit: Just to add, yes, it it normal and perfectly fine to feel good for being able to support or protect someone regardless of gender. All human beings feel this way and it's part of the process of deepening connections. It's when the whole thing is cheapened or manipulated that it becomes a problem.
16:17 OMFG, that’s the GREATEST THEORY.
💯
🙌🏽
I cried when I realized I lived in a world that would never forgive me for showing a moment of weakness.
No tears have left my eyes since that day. The pain is there, but the tears don't come no more.
hop on the no cry train my friend, we're all in this together
Too true my friend. Tooooooo true
It’s weird because my dad is so emotionless sometimes and that’s how I’ve grown up even as a woman. I mimic my dad even though society wouldn’t say anything of me crying versus if a man cries everyone looses their mind
The entire world is literally not worth this sort of attitude.
It's also a bitch-ass liar.
It wants YOU not to cry, but look at it...
The fact that anyone much less someone you're intimate with such as the girl you were dating would throw your dad leaving you in your face over a fight is not only disgusting it shows you the type of person a lot of these women are. This is why most successful relationships usually are between people who know each other or around each others inner circle for several years.
Yeah that was gross to me. That would be grounds for her "not being in my life" anymore.
Christian James imagine when he replied no 👎🏽 he actually passed away and then her attempt at an apology 😶.
I’ve definitely had the experience of going through some emotional turmoil, sharing & regretting.
I was going thru some shit and tried to hide it, step outside for a breather when this girl i’m talking to follows me outside and asks “what’s wrong?”. After hitting her with that initial “it’s nothing” she whines “I hate when guys do this, please tell me” basically begging me to open up to her, so I did. It was all downhill from there. The enthusiasm in texts went away, she made it harder for me to make plans together until she eventually started ghosting me and I called it quits.
Never again.
I cried at the end of dragon ball gt when Goku said “til we meet again guys!” 😭
We all did my brother
I cried at the end of regular show, when mordecai said "I can't believe we used to do that."
Same here
But then you remember it's not wrong Canon 😥
I really was a about to. Lol that's crazy
Preach could be a dam meme. The faces he makes are hilarious!
I made a couple of them screenshot them off their vids it's hilarious He is 😂😂😂😂
digital blackface... Don't believe me? Look it up
Hate to be a Grammar Nazi, but dam is what people and beavers make to block and regulate rivers flows, damn is the word you were looking for.
He that dude who start laughin silent when he anticipates something funny. This the hype man when you roast somebody who will repeat the roast loud af. He's got powerful presence and energy.
@@CAL1MBO Umm, kind of believe you. You mean like tokenization of black people by regressive whites who use memes and gifs with black people for commentaries that have adverse connotations to what the person in the image or video would say or think? Like for example if republicans use the Michael Jordan "Get help" gif to mock social or political statements they don't agree with? I don't think that is specifically what would happen, since Aba and Preach is underground and niche, and these people are not saying he is funny because of his blackness, it is more like cultural relativism if anything. Preach has charm, it is really that simple. We don't need to put labels on it now after the fact, because we thought he was funny without a label. Black face is literally just the label without the person or the personality. In that sense, you are the opposite of right. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong though, because maybe you had a point to make. But, you literally wrote 8 words, and I can't tell what you were trying to do with them.
I love how the guest literally has a man giving his experience about feelings around comforting a woman who is upset and she completely dismisses his explanation in favor of her own belief...even after she has an actual person with relevant experience offering his insight.
I totally see where you think that but i don’t think you saw the whole interaction properly. while he was speaking she was actively nodding and listening then when he was done he said “Maybe some men think that way” and gestured to her to explain her point further which she did. She didn’t dismiss him, she just explained what she meant further after he said his side and after he gave the talking space back to her
@@lxandga I can see that she went through the motions of "active listening", but I felt it came across as her waiting for her turn to speak more than engaging in a thoughtful back and forth. I guess my main gripe is that she asked how men feel, she had a man saying how he felt, and then said "i hear you, but I dont think thats true. I think men actually feel X"...How can his actual feelings not be true just because she doesnt like the implications of what he is saying? Its total double standard double speak
@@lxandga which is what she was not supposed to do at all
@Kavy ase facts
Matt M yeah i totally get you, it did come off as if she was still talking about all men rather than some could feel that and others, like what he said, just wanna make sure you’re okay
The fact some people find vulnerability a turn off is so disgusting to me. I understand it is because of the conditioning that society has created around vulnerability and how it’s seen as a sign of weakness especially for men. But it’s crazy that we’ve created a society in which men expressing their feelings are shamed. A human being sharing his or her experience and being vulnerable, why should that ever be considered weak I will truly never understand.
It has something to do with societal conditioning for surem but biology very well might have to do with it too, not to mention societal conidtioning might be a result of biology as well
I died when he pulled out the blow up doll to express his frustration 😂 I love these guys.
A quite famous french rapper said when he was still not famous, "Ladies, guys can cry a river, but that doesn't mean they are weak. It just means that they are being strong since too long"
Sauce: Dosseh - L'age de nos actes
Lol its only okay if a man with money is open and vunerable, still has to be about that particular girl otherwise she gone, pray she aint yo wife
I've shown emotions to a few women I dated. I was told " be a man". I wonder what they would of done if I said "" be a woman" when she picked up a hammer.
this was actually insightful as a young woman, especially the part about “fetishizing men’s vulnerability” I have always wanted my partners to open up BECAUSE i knew that they trusted me and that was satisfying to me. Recently, I try to let men open up to me on their own. I definitely still struggle with trying to gauge how much emotion is too much emotion. I am a very sensitive person but I don’t think i project that onto people, so when I have people around me who lack self-control/self-awareness it can be detrimental to my own mental health. So I personally desire men who are self-aware and honest, but someone who lacks self-control to know there is a time and place for certain things is not attractive to me be it anger, excitement, sadness, etc.
My partner was with someone for 7 years in his 20s. He eventually left her to travel the world. He is now 47. If she died and he DIDNT cry I would be seriously worried. When you have truly loved someone there is always a piece of them left in your heart. I had a really beautiful relationship in my 20s too. Ultimately we were too young to settle down and went our separate ways. But I want the best for him always and would be devastated if anything bad were to happen to him. Does this mean I want a relationship with him? No. Does it mean i love him more than my partner? Absolutely not.
Okay....genuine question without any judgement. Do you still love him? (Even if it is less than how much you love your current partner) but do you still love him in a romantic way?
AMEN
@@finalarbitrator4551 Unanswered.😌
@@finalarbitrator4551 as someone who has had somewhat of a similar experience and agrees with "When you have truly loved someone there is always a piece of them left in your heart"; I can answer to you that even though I don't have feelings for my ex, I still have love and care about her, mainly cause of what we went through. It is kind of similar as the love you have for your friends, you love them in a more caring and respectful way.
I don't fully agree, I truly loved my ex, she was my best friend for yrs before we got together, and we knew each other for about half of our lives, we went through so much toxicity during the time where we both became emotionally involved, and when I finally cut her off I told myself she wasn't getting another tear from me cause I had already gave her to many, fast forward less then a yr later she died, and she has been gone for about 8 months and I still haven't cried to this day cause emotionally I've been over her, she definitely crosses my mind, sometimes I get down briefly thinking about her sometimes I miss her, it just all depends on what the 2 people been through also it depends on each person's character, me personally it's easy for me to compartmentalize any and everything so my mental is pretty strong
I’ll say this believe a woman’s actions more than her words.
Believe ANYONE'S actions over their words
jackal0p3 true but more so with women because they are fickle by nature
💯
@jackal0p3 Agreed
From my life this is pretty accurate. I’ve worked with all men, ive worked with all women, and a mix of both.
Why do we let celebrities like Rihanna be an example how to behave.
Every girlfriend i had is still in my heart.
because it validates their feelings. they are not looking at her to learn how to behave, she is just saying what they want to say.
mine too.
Exactly. I don't remember the exact quote but it went something like you never stop loving someone you just find someone you love more or in a new way. Something like that.
I always liked Patrice O'neal's concept of the mailroom and I think it's applicable to sharing your emotions with women as well.
Basically: as a guy, when you know what you're doing you always start a woman off in the mailroom of your company aka your life. The mailroom is mostly light work, it's fun, but it's not demanding. As a woman shows more loyalty and shows you that she loves you and is willing to endure tough times to be with you, you upgrade her, to the point where you give her the position of CEO of your life, because she's PROVED that she's as invested in your life and your living as you are.
Basically, manhood is tough and stressful, and it's a thankless job - being a provider is not a game(it's not simply about being a higher earner like a lot of women don't get - it's having the understanding that now your life is expendable for the survival of your family and the weight that comes with that). It's like that joke that Chris Rock had about how no one really ever thanks dad for keeping the lights on, or making sure that there's money for groceries, but yet, mom's are constantly, constantly being thanked for being mothers...having songs written about them and all that; I mean compare Father's Day vs. Mother's Day parties ijs. And the more a woman is down for you, the more she'll have the emotional maturity and investment to deal with the reality of those stresses and the ugliness that you hide from her, because she doesn't get it and she hasn't had to.
You can't as a company owner, bring in a CEO who is unqualified to manage your organization, and a lot of times that's what men do with women. Sometimes it's because we love them, sometimes it's because we think that due to the fact that they love us and are insecure when we don't make them feel like we feel the same way, we give them positions in our lives that they're not prepared to deal with, and that's when it blows up in our faces. So nah...fellas, I don't care what she says, she likes or is attracted to...if she's not proved that she can handle your emotions (most especially your anger), then you don't give it to her. I've never heard a woman leave a man because he was too stoic or too masculine.
interviewing women on this matter can be a slippery slope. They can say they're about something in theory but react completely different when that situation comes up. I think a lot of the standards for men in dating are imposed subconsciously and often times without the women knowing it.
Honestly I was never aware of the emotional war men go through until a while ago. Trying to find out what being a man is and all that stuff. I feel like it’s not something that women go through, while we go through our own things that you dont go through. Its interesting to see how our journeys are different. Also I agree that we aren’t even aware of it. I think that men acting emotionless is something that is shown everywhere and reenforced. Its not something that we even think about cause its an accepted norm. Men reenforce it too, im just saying its not mostly women that are the ones calling any guy who shows any vulnerability a “simp”. Competition between genders is stupid and I think both gender contribute to the stigma around it but im just saying this because the comment section disappointed me honestly and a lot of men tend to blame women for it but continue to shame guys who show vulnerability call them simps and say that theyre never gonna show feelings. Also there are degrees to it too. For example if a guy never opens up about anything you wont feel connected. Your relationship will lack that intimacy. It will lack some dept. Im a girl and opening up is scary. No matter your gender showing vulnerability is scary and not something that is gonna be beneficial to you. It is something that can be used against you no matter your gender. Thats not why you should do it or not do it just cause you dont get a cookie at the end. I think its a good thing cause it forms intimacy and an emotional connection and the journey is worth it. The strenght it can bring to the relationship is worth it. Its about having an emotional connection with someone. Like she said I think is a really good point that we women view sexual connection the way yall view emotional connection . We’re putting ourselves in vulnerability by getting naked and sharing our body but at the end it creates intimacy and thats why we do it. To feel closer. So I do speak from experience and not just from theory when I say that women don’t want guys that cant ever open up and share his thoughts. Its like a girl that shares herself sexually if you want I guess. I do agree that there is toxic masculinity just like toxic feminity. Some girls don’t think its normal for men to have emotions. I mean look around and look at the comments, most of these guys are saying that exactly and reenforcing that. I think its not something that should be forced or feared. And I think nobody at the end of the day wants to spend their life bottling everything up and not sharing what goes in their mind with their partner. And honestly if im with a guy and he never opens up then I’ll just feel like its weird if I do so I’d end up keeping it all inside. Why would a girl or human in general want to spend their whole life keeping all that theyre thinking and feeling not having any meaningful conversation, its like living a secret life and not truly with your partner. Wouldnt it be 10 times better to share things and be connected to each others mind? But I do agree that as much as Id like to believe I want a guy thats 100% vulnerable I think also women do like confident men. But is it that different from men wanting confident girl? Not really in my opinion. Like imagine if you meet a girl and shes constantly talking about how fat ugly she is and constantly putting herself down and zero confidence. Youd probably be less attracted to her. Were humans were stupid and if you sell yourself like youre not worth shit we’ll believe it. Confidence is always attractive. Anyways, regardless of all that, you cant control what you’re attracted to and most of it is due to societal standards that you had no choice in. But not being attracted never means that its okay to belittle a girl or guy for being vulnerable even if you dont find it attractive. You should always be respectful no matter what and thats more of a personality trait that you can find in both genders. Ive seen boys mock girls for crying or opening up and saying theyre crazy cause they feel some type of way and i had never seen a girl do it but from the comment section a lot of boys seem to have gone through it too. so I think in the end those ppl are shitty, thats it. Women can be and men can be too.
Will y'all shut up this Is her job and y'all dont even know her outside of it
@@TESSA-os9gf chill out, nobody singled out anyone.
Its not unconscious, they just dont want to be truthful with their actual opinions because they know it will paint them in a bad light
@@deepfreeze202 yesss!...all the women in the comments right now talking about "I would never use my bf's emotions against him " they probably do it on the regular basis smh I don't trust most women at all they're too fickle
When I cried and opened up emotionally, my mom was there and supported me. My older sister just laughed at me and made jokes. And this is after the numerous times she’s broken down, locked herself in her room, and had to go to some special retreat.
So, uh, yeah. Not saying all women are horrible sociopaths. Not saying mothers are the only women a man can trust, since there are really horrible ones out there. But there’s definitely a reason for this line of thinking. Women have it too easy, especially in places where men are raised from youth to be emotionally stoic and inexpressive.
Only trust females in your family with stuff like that
@@Niko-bf7nw not even in your family. They will use it against you if they deem it necessary. Source: experience.
She’s your sister dude, get over it. I have one brother and one sister, if she was not my sister I think I would’ve slapped a woman.
@Giovanni Lombardi What, do you think I go around shouting at her or whatever every time I see her? I just don’t mind her. She asks me to pass something to her, I pass it like a normal civil person. Doesn’t change the fact that she’s a crappy person and that I think of her as one so long as she remains so. That’s the most any crappy family member deserves; tolerance, until they do something unforgivable.
To all men who share their hurtfull experiences, I do feel for you. But please don't shy away and stay bound by trauma. I met some horrible and toxic people in my life but I can say now that the people around me are wonderfull, compassionate and kind, regardless of gender. Heal, and don't give up on one entire half of the population !
Of course they do...
...When it suits them
A women only cares what a man is vulnerable about if it validates them.
I definitely have had that experience.
That’s not true. It’s really only when we can feel sympathy or empathy for you. Otherwise, a lot of us feel like you’re too sensitive because we’re used to seeing dudes as the macho protectors. We are not used to you talking about your emotions. I only saw my dad happy or angry. Most guys want a feminine woman that isn’t super aggressive or masculine. Times are changing and it’s no longer really necessary for men to be the providers or protectors and this is why conversations like this are happening. If they keep doing it, then we won’t be so ignorant. A lot of us still love gender roles like Aba said. We do have to be able to talk more and we need to treat eachother with love and respect as humans.
@@missshannonsunshine thank you for that
@@missshannonsunshine as oppose to you doing the exact same thing, but crying over even more pointless shit?
Your like that because most woman domt care about mens feelings, they are secondary.
Womam like when men feel emotions for people other than themselves.
That is why a man crying that his father or mother died is acceptable to a woman
Or crying at his own wedding is acceptable (hes crying from looking at you).
Whenever that vulernability is directed at the man himself you don't want to deal with it because you dont care about mens feelings.
Also im more saying this is womans actions in general, im well aware that you could not be like this, but most woman follow this rule
Shannon Sunshine You watch to many movies.
"Has there been a time where a man's been vulnerable to you and reacted negatively?" Yes, recently actually. Our first interaction was amazing, I thought I made a new friend. But our next conversation made me realize he was not as great as I thought. I learned that he’s the kind guy who complains a lot. A woe is me kind of guy. He sent essays of why he’s sad, even when conversations that had nothing to do with it, he would bring up something negative. I tried comforting, relating, joking, ignoring, and telling him to stop, but this guy always found a way to kill the mood. I should of cut things off after I said, “Damn that’s crazy” which is something I NEVER said to anyone. I mean two weeks and I'm bummed out for 99% of it? Nah I'm not having it. And no, it’s not just guys, this applies to girls too. I cut off girls like this too don’t worry. Normally I’m the type of person who likes to help people online, but it’s different when you’re trying to make friends or socialize. And on top of that, if I see someone sad in a random comment section, anyone can help them, it doesn’t always have to be me. I can choose to ignore them or not and it wouldn’t affect them. It’s different when you’re having a one-on-one conversation, you can’t have that. You have to respond. Anyways long story short I cut ties and we’re not friends anymore
TLDR; I cut off a guy, I just met, for being too vulnerable. All he did was talk about his insecurities for two weeks straight so I decided to cut ties. There’s a difference between being vulnerable and being a bitch
I disagree. I think vulnerable and being a bitch are on the same spectrum of unnacceptable. I also think that it's a biological reaction. That the majority of men and women have an inbuilt disgust reaction to an weak/crying/vulnerable man. It's a survival mechanism that triggers the human disgust reaction.
I say it all the time never share your emotion with a women, never cry in front of one.
They want you do be emotional involved with their lives not yours.
Ram that’s deep and you please expound on this idea. I never saw it from this perspective.
Truth
I never thought about men's emotions being fetishized but... yeah, they are. I think that's part of the reason why romance is a fantasy based off emotional vulnerability for one or both parties.
When Aba talked about his dad not being in his life and that he passed away i felt that 😔💙💯
Same here
My mom and all the women in my family used my insecurities and feelings against me EVERY CHANCE THEY GOT even as a kid! A CHILD! they emotionally tortured me with it and it really fucked me up. They knew how much it hurt me and they did it anyway!
Do not give them your weakness! If you do they will use it against you UNTIL YOU SNAP! And then you will be the one in serious trouble!
sounds like you had some fucked up people in your life.