Primary Emotions vs. Secondary Emotions - Skill 7/30 How to Process Emotions

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  • Опубликовано: 27 июн 2024
  • Do you want to learn How to Process Emotions and improve your Mental Health? Sign up for a Therapy in a Nutshell Membership, you'll get access to all of Emma’s courses, workbooks, and a Live Q and A with 100’s of exclusive videos: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
    Get the course: How to Process Your Emotions
    courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
    In the 7th skill in my How to Process your Emotions course you're going to learn about Primary and Secondary Emotions.
    Sometimes the emotion you're feeling isn't what you're really upset about. Sometimes what you're feeling is actually covering up real emotions. You can gain much better emotional control if you learn to identify the feelings underneath your feelings.
    Primary vs. Secondary Emotions
    One of the reasons we have a difficult time knowing how to act on our emotions is that many of the emotions we feel are “secondary emotions”. They are an emotion about an emotion, instead of an emotion about an event, and usually they’re used to cover up your primary emotion.
    Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
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    Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
    About Me:
    I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
    In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
    And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
    If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
    Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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Комментарии • 439

  • @evemccollum4954
    @evemccollum4954 3 года назад +527

    This lady helps me every day to rediscover my true feelings after 76 years of not truly understanding why I have suffered from depression all my life. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel thank you E.

    • @rcomyns4664
      @rcomyns4664 2 года назад +40

      Thank you Eve, it helps to know I'm not the only mid seventies soul still working through and trying to be happy.

    • @DonnaSnyder
      @DonnaSnyder 2 года назад +27

      Eve and Grace, Thank you so much for your comments. I'm 66 and been feeling negative about my own delay in coming to these videos and the steps they are leading me to make. Like you, each video I watch makes me feel a little better, a little more at peace. I've been berating myself and shaming myself about the dysfunctional relationship I struggled in and held on to for 9 years after being widowed twice in 12 years. If anyone else brought me concerns of their own along these lines, I wouldn't let them going unchallenged with support. So why can't I release this shame. In some ways, shame is a step forward from the sorrow, despair, fear, and brokenness, helplessness.
      Thank you, my septugenarian sisters. Let us not criticize ourselves for our delay, but rather rejoice that we are making progress from a life time, in reality, of depression and shame and give thanks for these videos. 💕💕💕

    • @ayaelzarka4426
      @ayaelzarka4426 2 года назад +1

      I recommend you seed mel grand video on meditation for depression. His channel name is goldraytwinflames

    • @letsgofishingene
      @letsgofishingene Год назад +1

      You are encouraging Eve. Be well. ❤️

    • @HauntingGround4ever
      @HauntingGround4ever Год назад

      That's when Internet does good things ❤ happy that you can finally work on something to find peace!

  • @paromitadesarkar1677
    @paromitadesarkar1677 3 года назад +382

    If only you knew how many people you are helping through your channel and podcast, Dr Mcadam.The gratitude I feel for you is inexplicable.From India.

    • @TherapyinaNutshell
      @TherapyinaNutshell  3 года назад +20

      Thanks Paromita

    • @robhasenwinkle
      @robhasenwinkle 3 года назад +6

      Gratitude is a foundation of Joy and a gateway to becoming a channel or conduit to your understanding of spirituality imo - let your gratitude fill your whole system, body mind and emotions. It's the best.

    • @zqxwcevr23456
      @zqxwcevr23456 3 года назад +4

      Thank you, I did not know she had a podcast.

    • @paromitadesarkar1677
      @paromitadesarkar1677 3 года назад +7

      @@zqxwcevr23456 i listen to her podcasts before going to bed. 😊

    • @capricecraigmill9926
      @capricecraigmill9926 3 года назад +1

      YES YESSSSS. I second this immensely. Big hugs and much love.

  • @dianelewis9458
    @dianelewis9458 3 года назад +176

    I wish your videos could be shown in schools around the world. ❤️

    • @tarabedford8329
      @tarabedford8329 3 года назад

      She has stolen, plagiarized, a copyrighted title "Therapy In A Nutshell",
      from a well known psychologist, Dr. Patricia L. Bay, LMFT, that came up with this name and the
      therapy behind it, over 20 years ago with her first book, tv show, live radio show, national tour and
      Spotify podcast! Dr. Patricia Bay, LMFT, has been a psychologist for over 30 years. This woman is misrepresenting the name Therapy In A Nutshell as her own creation when it is not. If you want to follow
      the real psychologist that came up with the name and helpful guidance behind Therapy In A
      Nutshell, go to Dr. Patricia Bay's website. Here is the link for it patriciabay.com/. You can
      also follow the real Therapy In A Nutshell podcast on Spotify.
      open.spotify.com/show/6RlpicHXBXtcXxi0nbYkRK?si=mLAvJCNwRimTkPWmgmeoag. This person needs to change the name of her business and stop using the title and creation of someone else.

    • @ds68889
      @ds68889 3 года назад +15

      @@tarabedford8329 There are other authors with the same title also when I google. I don't think this is a copyrighted word. "Therapy" is what the contents are about, and "in a nutshell" simply means "fewest words possible-aka in summary" , it's not copyrighted and exclusively owned by specific people. Emma is helping people around the world with these content. I am grateful for her work and willingness to share them for FREE. Thank you for sharing Dr Patricia's work too, will check it out. Both of them are helping people to heal. God bless them.

    • @Rome274
      @Rome274 Год назад

      Yes absolutely

    • @mariaflynn4620
      @mariaflynn4620 8 месяцев назад

      If only 😮

  • @VladTheProfit
    @VladTheProfit 3 года назад +92

    This was super helpful! As a male, it is tough to accept what we initially think is weakness. Once we move past that then we understand growth is the greatest strength that we as humans have

    • @TherapyinaNutshell
      @TherapyinaNutshell  3 года назад +25

      Love it! Yes! for so long "Being Sensitive" or having emotions has been seen as weak, but it can be a true strength when harnessed

  • @sheenphoto
    @sheenphoto 2 года назад +28

    AHA moment when Emma described a secondary emotion! "... a habitual or learned response to cover up sensitive emotions with a less sensitive emotion." I've been struggling with anxiety and overwhelm ... trying to understand and move past what I was feeling, not realizing they were secondary emotions. What I actually need to work on / heal are the more sensitive emotions sitting deeper within. This series is gold Emma ... thank you so much for your generosity and style of therapy!

  • @archetypalmuse
    @archetypalmuse 3 года назад +86

    Bless you for putting this up for free. I've been struggling so much with social anxiety and my self-worth/self-esteem (and I suspect social isolation in this pandemic would tend to worsen those kinds of symptoms), and I can only afford to see my therapist once a month. This series has been providing so much information for me to keep working on changing the way I think about my emotions and myself, core beliefs, etc. These are really well-made and well-explained. Thank you.

    • @MsBean02
      @MsBean02 Год назад

      Thank you for your comment. I've been struggling with self-worth and self-esteem, and there is something massively helpful about knowing it's not just me!

  • @TheRealMisterChopShop
    @TheRealMisterChopShop 3 года назад +168

    This woman is so awesome thank you

  • @RiPp1er
    @RiPp1er Год назад +2

    I was successfully able to regulate my emotions today with my view of the world. I used to have feelings of the world being evil. And this made me have a lot of emotions of hate, and bitterness. But However, I counteracted these emotions by stating to myself that my LinkedIn online presence "sanitizes" the world from being evil. Thus now my view of the world is more positive and now I no longer think the world is evil anymore.

  • @peachyspalace
    @peachyspalace 2 года назад +20

    I’ve been going through a really tough time since lockdown. I’ve always struggled with anxiety but it has gotten to the point that I have had many panic attacks and even tried to self harm a few times because the emotions were so overwhelming. Where I live therapy is 400$ an hour and free services have crazy wait lists. I was beginning to feel hopeless. I have been watching your videos for a week and your content is seriously amazing! I already feel like I have so many more tools to handle the scary things in life. This is the first time I’ve felt ‘normal’ in a while. Thank you for everything you do!!

  • @xavnicely4095
    @xavnicely4095 2 года назад +7

    As a boy, I feared my dad and that fear turned into hate, BUT, I already hated him because he was abusive and I was his targeted victim. He was unemployed and I was homeschooled, so there was no escape. He used me as his personal work slave and he saw no interest in helping me grow for my future. He never saw a future for me. He was my master and I was his dog. I have guilt and shame from the awful things he made me do to myself and the people around me. Im moved out, independently on my own now, but I still have to deal with my mom being the victim of abuse, because shes too scared to leave him, so now I feel guilty for leaving my mom all alone with him. So now as an adult, I have a tornado of Fear, Hate, Guilt, Shame, and everything else when it comes to trauma.

  • @jesspressterp
    @jesspressterp 2 года назад +8

    I was wondering why my go to emotion was anger. i just watched this and did eft tapping on my anger and realized growing up with brothers if i wanted to be heard i had to be tough meaning .. get angry! Wow! So the underlying issue is not feeling heard and being trained this was the most effective way to communicate. Loving this series so much!!

  • @MrJegerjeg
    @MrJegerjeg Год назад +2

    Some years ago I went trough a very difficult break up for me. I read on the internet about meditation so I started practicing it. I remember going trough some very painful feelings. Starting with hate, a lot of hate because of the pain she caused me, after that I felt:
    Shame and embarrashment for giving her for granted and letting her go.
    It was like peeling an onion with more and more layers of different emotions. One sitting meditation could last a long time and used to leave me emotionally exhausted. It took me such a long time to get over the break up.

  • @drpropheteverett9801
    @drpropheteverett9801 3 года назад +11

    Your wisdom, skill, and experiences is saving my life. You are a conduit that God can do it in my life. You are a blessing that will render a profuse harvest, for you are sowing your skill into a world wide field, helping many people.

  • @kaylamorgan4855
    @kaylamorgan4855 3 года назад +47

    Today, I thought my primary emotion was resentment/annoyance and my secondary emotion was guilt/shame. After some research, it turns out my primary emotion was helplessness/hopelessness due to caregiver fatigue, leading to resentment/annoyance, leading to the tertiary emotion of guilt/shame. @_@

    • @akapatience5571
      @akapatience5571 3 года назад +1

      I understand caregiver fatigue, I feel for you 🌸

  • @dryedroses16
    @dryedroses16 3 года назад +22

    My therapist was doing this with me when I was in a better place a few months back. I think I am ready to repeat this process to get more consistent with moving pass resistance of changes and fears. Thank you so so so much for this friendly reminder to process emotions and feelings!

  • @samanthaborsato5649
    @samanthaborsato5649 9 месяцев назад +2

    I took a break from this course after recently going through an extended period of various stress. I feel like I'm ready to take this leap into action more than any other time in my life. I'm tired of the constant anxiety stomach ache, thinking I'm not good enough. Here's to meaningful change!

  • @finnajane
    @finnajane 3 года назад +48

    "get fired, run out of food and die" you just hit on my life's biggest fear...funny...but not really joking.

    • @ralfwashington1502
      @ralfwashington1502 3 года назад +3

      If your not already start to build a nest egg. Save as little as $10 per check or more that is ONLY for emergency. You can create several funds like house payment/car payment, medical emergency, food, ECT or one large savings.
      Long story long if you know you have money tucked away for a rainy day you will feel less stuck and know you can cover 3 months without a job and pay for needed things. Then you will be more willing to push harder with that safety net.

    • @cydneymetz
      @cydneymetz 3 года назад

      Sending you love and peace. You’re doing great. Keep healing

    • @Julie-xj1tu
      @Julie-xj1tu 2 года назад

      Get fired and pushing a shopping cart down Dixie Hwy homeless. Biggest fear 😨

  • @helenp7
    @helenp7 2 года назад +4

    This is excellent. I watch one or two every week. It is very difficult to find content of this nature without extraordinary and outlandish claims. A lot of us don’t have the financial stability or time, from necessary overworking (meaning it’s highly likely you will sink financially if you don’t keep doing 12 hour work days) to research resources that are reasonable, well balanced and with a high level of expertise. A thousand thanks and more.

  • @acemcplane
    @acemcplane 3 года назад +24

    Wow, this is an incredible channel. RUclips is the perfect format for this. Making basic information about therapy free right now during the pandemic is just so helpful. I hope the sponsors are paying you well. I would love it if therapy in general worked based on sponsors and made money like Linustechtips does instead so it's more available to everyone and I actually like this format better too. It's passive and you can go at your own pace. Keep it up!

    • @TherapyinaNutshell
      @TherapyinaNutshell  3 года назад +3

      Thanks :)

    • @joanryan2242
      @joanryan2242 2 года назад

      Best video ever..thank you ..now learning to practice feeling my emotions. I keep reminding myself everytime I feel vunerable that its just a feeling and not to deny it rather than trying to supress it. So empowering! God bless you and I always pray to The Holy Spirit who im now sure is working through you.

  • @Stormy38044
    @Stormy38044 6 месяцев назад +1

    Coming back to this series is really helping me de-escalate things internally before i explode outward. Thank you for making these available freely here, it's helping me be the person I want to be

  • @christineendomitable6358
    @christineendomitable6358 3 года назад +8

    Thank you for the essential and life changing, loving kindness shown through this channel. We appreciate your gift to us and we bless those on this path. Team helping the being in the human emerge and flourish.

  • @maryboswell6089
    @maryboswell6089 2 года назад +7

    Very informative and helpful. This gives me more hope that my Depression can improve! Thank you for making your you-tube videos and for sharing them with us! Words can not truly express the gratitude I feel.

  • @marybowman6500
    @marybowman6500 Год назад +1

    Thank you for helping me with my major anxiety issues, sorting out my emotions, I listen to you almost every day. I lost my son just for five months ago, and I am processing grief over him… But we’re going to the counselor we’re bringing up other things that have been plaguing me for years… The good Will hunting really hit home… Because I have a lot of abuse in my past… Just thank you and God bless you as you serve God, they serving others!❤😊

  • @draapulus
    @draapulus 3 месяца назад +2

    Partial summary/ Overview
    0:00 Intro
    0:01 "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." - Yoda
    2:07 Sponsor
    3:52 Secondary emotions
    7:05 Iceberg picture, main and secondary emotions.
    7:54 Primary vs Secondary emotions - 4 text snippets in comparison.
    9:12 Why secondary emotions are harmful
    9:13 Be intentional, know what we’re feeling, explore why we are feeling it and choose what we want to do about it. Acting on secondary emotions may not solve the problems.
    12:55 Underlying things from secondary emotions, examples:
    -Jealousy - Blames others for doing well, protecting you from the responsibility of trying hard, but it leaves you feeling bitter.
    -Resentment - Protects you from connection and the risk of being hurt, but it leaves you lonely.
    -Blame - Protects you from responsibility from guilt, but it leaves you feeling helpless.
    -Hopelessness - Protects you from having to keep trying, but it leaves you depressed.
    14:54 Outro

  • @arjunmrao4039
    @arjunmrao4039 3 года назад +8

    I am SOOO LUCKY to be able to watch this video .... Thank You .. Great Info Madam.. You are helping me transform my life .. Regulating Emotions are such an important part of our life .. Thank You for teaching me probably one of the most important lessons of my life .. We are sooo lucky to have you with us .. Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mother .... Arjun .. ..

  • @JohnPCustoms
    @JohnPCustoms 3 года назад +10

    Thanks so much for making these available, Emma. This is one of my favorite videos you've released. The following passage was very poignant and really touched a nerve:
    "Secondary emotions are all about self-protection, but in the long run they tend to hurt us much more by ruining relationships, keeping our guard up, keeping our heart walled off, and that often leads to people feeling angry, numb, exhausted, and lonely. Secondary emotions lead to more pain and suffering."
    Being given tools that enable you to be able to identify and label toxic thinking patterns & habits is invaluable. It helps to shine a light on things you never really realized were there inside you.

  • @OddinaryOne
    @OddinaryOne 3 года назад +15

    Anyone would be lucky to have you as their therapist ❤️ thank you for these videos

  • @jerrodbulgin2261
    @jerrodbulgin2261 3 года назад +13

    Seems like this is the whole reason for narcissism and other personality disorders... Basically completley failing to allow yourself to feel your primary emotions.

    • @KarmasAbutch
      @KarmasAbutch 3 года назад +2

      Very interesting insight. This makes so much sense.

  • @bismakhan1123
    @bismakhan1123 Год назад +1

    You deserve so much for posting this series. Majority of us are clueless about our life and things happening to us! You showed us a way. Thank you ❤

  • @KiranSidhu
    @KiranSidhu 3 года назад +26

    You're amazing at what you do & breaking these topics down, I appreciate you, thank you.

    • @adrianvalencia9172
      @adrianvalencia9172 3 года назад

      💕

    • @tarabedford8329
      @tarabedford8329 3 года назад

      She has stolen, plagiarized, a copyrighted title "Therapy In A Nutshell",
      from a well known psychologist, Dr. Patricia L. Bay, LMFT, that came up with this name and the
      therapy behind it, over 20 years ago with her first book, tv show, live radio show, national tour and
      Spotify podcast! Dr. Patricia Bay, LMFT, has been a psychologist for over 30 years. This woman is misrepresenting the name Therapy In A Nutshell as her own creation when it is not. If you want to follow
      the real psychologist that came up with the name and helpful guidance behind Therapy In A
      Nutshell, go to Dr. Patricia Bay's website. Here is the link for it patriciabay.com/. You can
      also follow the real Therapy In A Nutshell podcast on Spotify.
      open.spotify.com/show/6RlpicHXBXtcXxi0nbYkRK?si=mLAvJCNwRimTkPWmgmeoag. This person needs to change the name of her business and stop using the title and creation of someone else.

  • @TheMecca2012
    @TheMecca2012 2 года назад +1

    Again, I love her. I am a therapist in my intern, and these videos have been so great when working with my clients.

  • @bismakhan1123
    @bismakhan1123 Год назад

    I didn't know all of this during my worst phases. It is a miracle to see therapy like this. I really want a friend like you who actually soothes you down instead of exhausting and draining you. Thank you so much for this ❤

  • @glacierhollowfarm
    @glacierhollowfarm 3 месяца назад

    As a certified Gestalt practitioner, specializing in inner child trauma, your videos truly resonate. Much of what you discuss are tools I use in my work groups. Thank you for these videos.

  • @awaywithwords6
    @awaywithwords6 Год назад

    Thank you for this series. As someone who is in therapy, but chronically stressed and a compulsive overeater, this is truly a life saver. I thank you for your generosity.

  • @aakankshakumari4673
    @aakankshakumari4673 3 года назад

    I just don't know how to thank you, it isn't even a paid course but you cleaned half of my head in them, I really feel cleaner and quieter than before after watching them, practising the exercises and implementing them in my life, they are simply amazing ❤️ thankyouu so much!

  • @sniggah123
    @sniggah123 2 года назад +1

    I’ve been learning so much about myself watching you videos! I watch one every morning; it’s part of my routine now. You explain everything so well and it’s helped me learn to process my emotions.

  • @paulvega3
    @paulvega3 2 года назад +2

    I'm new to this anxiety world and it has defeated me in many ways but I'm fighting back with learning and understanding my emotions. Driving triggers my attacks but I'm about to take off!! Realizing I'm safe.

  • @YogaKateYoga4YouthTT
    @YogaKateYoga4YouthTT 3 года назад +2

    Thank you for sharing your desire to heal openly, making healing accessible to so many 🙏🏽💟☮️

  • @DoReMeaCulpa
    @DoReMeaCulpa Год назад

    I wanted to pause here for a moment to express my appreciation for what you are providing here. I especially appreciate your calm, measured, matter of fact and kind style and delivery. Thank you. ❤

  • @ant-lowe2346
    @ant-lowe2346 2 года назад

    Since I've been, watching videos of this channel I haven't suffered, one panic attack and my life as changed thank you for brining joy? Too the community.

  • @joshu456
    @joshu456 Год назад

    You have no idea how much this is helping me I can't wait to actually watch the full playlist on my off day thank you so much for saving the world honestly

  • @margaret3239
    @margaret3239 3 года назад +5

    Thank you ,this is so timely for me I’m in the house by myself 99% of the time because of this Covid thing and everything’s been intensified this is so helpful .

  • @heioca9556
    @heioca9556 3 года назад +2

    I feel this. Thank you for your videos, very helpful. Always thought I was being strong by shoving emotions under the proverbial carpet, but it's definitely brought me to some deep dark and lonely places and ultimately to weakness. Cheers to living and learning and feeling!

  • @LeahsSong
    @LeahsSong Год назад

    I love this therapist, she's amazing and Christian too, fabulous!

  • @chloedavis4772
    @chloedavis4772 3 года назад +1

    You are absolutely incredible. You have already changed my life by video 7, and Iove your altruism in making these available for free. Your style of speech and natural flow is remarkable. Bravo

  • @Peg06
    @Peg06 Год назад

    Thank you for following your vocational calling and helping people across the world. You are making a difference!

  • @ridhimakathuria1886
    @ridhimakathuria1886 3 года назад +5

    you're changing lives❤️❤️❤️

  • @katllanos9
    @katllanos9 2 года назад +2

    Thank you so much for this series, your help and guidance are helping with much needed healing.

  • @natnatalie1517
    @natnatalie1517 Год назад

    I just want to say thank you because you are an angel for helping millions of people.

  • @justabroadabroad
    @justabroadabroad 3 года назад

    I pay for RUclips Premium so I don't have to listen to ads....this is the first video EVER where not only did I listen to it - i came back to my computer and sat down to listen, i teared up and I clicked the link. Thank you!

  • @brandonmcbroom9209
    @brandonmcbroom9209 Год назад +1

    I’m learning so much from this channel actually put this into my life situations and I can honestly say I felt better. Of course it’s one day at a time. Hope others get better.
    -Vet with PTSD

  • @natnatalie1517
    @natnatalie1517 Год назад

    There's is so much information, I'm trying to soak it all in. I've even signed up for better help. I've realized I've been putting off my mental health for a very long time. I can't thank you enough for helping me through this obstacle.

  • @coopersmom8339
    @coopersmom8339 2 года назад +1

    I've been listening her great advice before my bed time and first thing in the morning and it's been wonderful journey to understand myself better specially how to handle irrational emotion that I've been carrying on many many years.
    Thank you and can't wait to try her online courses!

  • @ggonsg
    @ggonsg 3 года назад +2

    You are a gift to this world. Thank you also for caring about this beautiful 🌎!

  • @jillwagner7118
    @jillwagner7118 3 года назад +5

    Your soul is amazing! I aspire to view my emotions they way you teach us. You’re making the world a better place 🌎 ♥️

  • @ellapoole4426
    @ellapoole4426 3 года назад +7

    This video got me out of a spiral. Thank you

  • @AbdullahAlansy
    @AbdullahAlansy 2 года назад

    Emma, you are an angel! I can't thank you enough for these videos. Truly life changing. Thank you ❤️

  • @missydavis6678
    @missydavis6678 3 года назад

    Im buying the course as soon as i can. This is real skills that i can use. Its even helping me to understand others better.

  • @gem2148
    @gem2148 3 года назад +66

    I can't help but only feel anger & hate towards my narcissistic father.
    You can't soften or be vulnerable with narcissists, they ridicule & exploit you even more.
    Can you please talk on how to deal emotionally as a victim of an over-critical controlling verbally abusive narcissistic parent?

    • @namjesussssss
      @namjesussssss 3 года назад +7

      Omg same hereeeeee. Stay strong. Hope she sees this comment

    • @tonyburton419
      @tonyburton419 3 года назад +1

      Yes..if you can escape. If not there are some good books on living with folks with these type of personality organisation issues - search Amazon. Sorry you are finding yourself in this position.

    • @johnnewell5025
      @johnnewell5025 3 года назад +6

      I spent several years in therapy working on it. Ultimately it didn’t really resolve until he died in late 2019. I realized then that he could no longer hurt anyone.
      That scene in GWH is part of my history, exactly. The only difference is that he never offered a choice. We went from him whipping me as a young boy to hitting me with metal tools. That and i did find my Sean until I was almost 60.

    • @fromtheparkbench1979
      @fromtheparkbench1979 3 года назад +5

      I had a Joan Crawford "Mummy Dearest". (Netflix the movie.)
      Even after her death I have imaginary scream sessions with her.
      I try hard to remember I turned out BETTER than them.
      If you can work on setting boundaries, and making excuses to limit your connection/communication with him.
      "My bath water is flowing and don't want it to overflow or get cold. Talk to you later.". Don't call until you are strong enough time engage and come out unscathed.
      Yes, get to the library, and download ANY free book that will help.
      Try, "Emotional Intelligence."
      It is a free audio book available on You Tube. It will also help you find your place amongst other personality types too.
      Good luck.

    • @chelseal654
      @chelseal654 3 года назад +8

      Highly recommend Dr. Ramani for Narcissism specific advice. She has a RUclips channel as well as two books, one is Should I Stay Or Should I Go. Narcissism is a special animal and she is a specialist.

  • @Maxzi64
    @Maxzi64 3 года назад

    Yes your videos are so warm down to earth and empowering !

  • @santillbrezon2161
    @santillbrezon2161 3 года назад +10

    Great channel, you are a very good person, thank you.

  • @jordanerobert
    @jordanerobert 3 года назад +2

    Thank you!! So helpful. I love your delivery style and like the sponsorships you choose

  • @drsandhyathumsikumar4479
    @drsandhyathumsikumar4479 3 года назад

    I love the clarity and depth of how you convey wonderful ideas .thank u

  • @zenab8682
    @zenab8682 3 года назад +4

    “Shame is one of the other most common secondary emotions, especially among women. If you’re not allowed to be angry at others, it’s easy to avoid or cover up that anger by blaming yourself for your flaws. ... Secondary emotions require a certain amount of numbing. They generally lead to distance and disconnect from our goals, values, and people.”
    Wow. There’s my inner life (in a nutshell. ;) I want to learn vulnerability and emotional literacy so I can heal, and now I know which direction to go. Thank you, Emma!!

  • @Aroeup
    @Aroeup 3 года назад

    I appreciate what youre doing here. Thank you for giving me the tools to improve my quality of life.

  • @thelibrarycop2000
    @thelibrarycop2000 11 месяцев назад +7

    As a mother with ADHD, I feel so much shame every day for not being whom I think I should be for my family. I feel overwhelmed when I'm around them. My brain can't focus and wants to do everything at the same time and I achieve nothing but continuous anxiety and disappointment. Consequently, I seek more time alone to catch my breath only aggravating the anxiety and shame. I’ve seen therapists and nothing seems to help. 😢

    • @jessIe76468
      @jessIe76468 5 месяцев назад

      I don't know if this might help but I'm sure your family wants you to be happy and yourself the most. Keep showing love to them but lower your expectations towards yourself and I'm sure you'll feel less second hand frustration and a lot lighter and happier!
      PS. I've seen a lot of families where everyone has to take care of the mum but nearly every family member said what hurt most was seeing her so frustrated. Have a lovely day ❤

  • @tamaracooley2033
    @tamaracooley2033 3 года назад +2

    Thank you so much for these quality videos. These have already been so helpful, and I appreciate it so much.

  • @Cloudjump3r
    @Cloudjump3r 3 года назад +4

    This is so great! What a wonderful resource, and course. Thank you for creating all of this! ❤

  • @wendym9523
    @wendym9523 3 года назад

    Your videos a such a blessing! Thank you!

  • @barbarav108
    @barbarav108 3 года назад

    You are so helpful and calming. Thank you!

  • @silverjew811
    @silverjew811 Год назад

    These videos have been more helpful and educational for me than the last two years of graduate school. THANK YOU!

  • @jteichma
    @jteichma 3 года назад

    Thanks you so much for sharing these with us. You are a great teacher and human. I loved the "hate your boss" example and moving to the underlying emotions and options that can open up.

  • @kalkdog8809
    @kalkdog8809 2 года назад

    When I started this video I wasn't expecting to cry. I already know about primary and secondary emotions but for some reason this hit so hard. Ahhh and that scene...

  • @evelynallred2581
    @evelynallred2581 3 года назад +1

    Thank you so much for all your awesome hard work and sharing your information ❤️ you definitely raise the vibrations of the world 🔮✨💕💚

  • @lizdelight1740
    @lizdelight1740 3 года назад

    Thank you for sharing this video, it just started off my healing process.

  • @gracieb5389
    @gracieb5389 3 года назад +19

    The Good Will Hunting scene hurt ;(

    • @bjacob9998
      @bjacob9998 3 года назад +1

      Healing though right? If you felt pain of some type of abuse as he did, hearing "It's not your fault" helps you realize the same for you.

  • @richatrivedi3542
    @richatrivedi3542 3 года назад +4

    I'm glad I found this channel ☺Thank you very much 😊🙏

  • @thecxnhub
    @thecxnhub 3 года назад +1

    Fantastic!! 💗 I’m so happy I’ve found your channel - thank you!

  • @MegaMonk1992
    @MegaMonk1992 3 года назад

    Wonderful stuff Emma. You're so articulate!

  • @berenicelynn1463
    @berenicelynn1463 2 года назад

    Hello. I am extremely grateful that you have made your videos available online. I have benefited so much from it. We learn new ways of coping everyday and your hints and tips are refreshing and new to me. Thank you so so much.

  • @chelseabunker2391
    @chelseabunker2391 3 года назад

    Thank you. Thank you for your wonderful, easy to digest, videos.

  • @peterderun5212
    @peterderun5212 3 года назад +1

    In my counselling training, I was taught: the presenting problem is usually not the problem. Looks like its true in processing emotions too - the presenting emotion may not be the primary, more sensitive emotion. Interesting!

  • @rhobot75
    @rhobot75 3 года назад

    This is excellent learning for people healing from Borderline personality traits. As Dr. Daniel Fox talks about, this 1st and 2nd emotional discernment touches on Core Content vs. Surface -- And I'm typing my comment and you just said the word, Surface! Yay! Exactly!

  • @lindamadrid3108
    @lindamadrid3108 2 года назад

    thank you! thank you! I am so thankful for your knowledge and wisdom your videos have helped me understand so much.

  • @zentanglezen2740
    @zentanglezen2740 2 года назад

    You’re so amazing…thank you for these golden nuggets of knowledge ♥️

  • @amaaltoos4432
    @amaaltoos4432 2 года назад

    Thank you so much for your videos. You have no idea how helpful and amazing these videos are. I just wish I had watched these videos years ago, many things would have changed. Thank you. so much love

  • @LastCatrionacorn
    @LastCatrionacorn 2 года назад

    Comment for the algorithm to try to help this reach more people. Thank you for what you do.

  • @carolina6683
    @carolina6683 3 года назад +1

    So useful, thank you. Hope you are safe and well.

  • @ruthkakekayskung6951
    @ruthkakekayskung6951 3 года назад

    Love watching your videos they calm my anxiety.

  • @Alessandro4528
    @Alessandro4528 3 года назад

    Thanks for your work and videos! Excellent content.

  • @rmt3589
    @rmt3589 2 года назад +2

    May buy the course once I have money. Just came here while doing some research for AI stuff, but this'll help me a lot.
    Also, was looking for the worksheet, when I saw the link to my church! It's always awesome to find more church family! ⛪👪

  • @luluruth6134
    @luluruth6134 2 года назад +1

    Thank you for making these videos!! 💖💖💖💖💖

  • @Estiallina
    @Estiallina 3 года назад

    Excellent info. You are very generous with your knowledge.

  • @abelespinoza9345
    @abelespinoza9345 3 года назад

    Emma, thank you so much. You are awesome!

  • @Ana-ns8fs
    @Ana-ns8fs 3 года назад

    Everytime I watch the next video, i love you more! You are amazing. I appreciate all tbat you do for us!

  • @DeborahLou72
    @DeborahLou72 2 года назад

    Excellent video, and so practical and helpful! Thank you!

  • @hanzzee
    @hanzzee 3 года назад

    Wow, this is an eyeopener! Thank you!

  • @raquella194
    @raquella194 3 года назад

    Wow, this video was amazing! Saving it to rewatch

  • @vcakes6499
    @vcakes6499 3 месяца назад

    Thank you for organizing these videos and creating a playlist.

  • @samanthamurray5773
    @samanthamurray5773 3 года назад

    Thank you so much for all of your content