What you consider "putting himself in a position to lose you" might not appear that way to him. And in reality, every man puts theirself in a position to lose their girlfriend/wife just by leaving for work every day. If a woman wants to leave, there's nothing a man can do.
@@turbot8er672 I like the way you keep pointing out exceptions to the 'rules' - we need to bear in mind we are also individuals and reality might be more complicated. :)
@@cephalopod7937 It's not a rule if there are exceptions. But I realize the comment was made by someone who's probably frustrated for one reason or another.
@AliSand These days, either a woman is a stay at home mom or she works like everyone else. Some might have the privilege of having a man treat them like babies while they tiktok all day, but that's not the norm.
Ladies, remember to always looks at ACTIONS vs words. Actions are how someone feels about you. Guys are good with words, BUT is he all talk with no action? If so let him go
@@justinaharris7787 well were long distance at the moment .... he's been hee before & he was supposed to be back but then the Covid thing ( nj sucks they restricted before my state wv ) which was kinda a blessing because something needs FIXED on his car before he can make a long trip 🤷♀️now what do I do 🤣🤣🤣
Ladies actions speak louder than words. If he is just checking your status and texts every now and then and never gets to the point. Let him go. If he wants you he will make sure he gets to spend every possible minute with you. If you only get the crumbs and leftover invitations he's not worth your time.
I'm doing that now breadcrumbing back. Then he almost swoops at me. Lol. He doesnt communicate too well in person. Yeah I'm not enough. Well I'm looking somewhere else but he doesnt know it yet. I wonder how many of his Fb friends he tells they're his "best friend" or "sweet" or he doesnt want to "lose me that he'd be heartbroken" . Lots of talk but no action. I remember what he said b4 just about other things nothing to do with me, and later the story changes. White lies so I'm sure he's lying when he tells me stuff. He was glad to invite me to his relatives picnic last year. His sister was very friendly with me and his mom. He really wanted me to like everyone. Then just after the picnic he discovered Fb and he friends women like crazy. Over 4 days he friended 75 of them. Every weekend he adds about 30 or more. Just a Fb addict to chat. I unfriended him & I don't think he knows it. We text a few times a day, but I don't believe him. I think he believes our texts are staying in touch, for what I don't know. So I'll breadcrumb him back. We are both in our 60s!
This is the erroneous mindset that keeps you all single. You can’t seriously expect to be a guy’s priority when you haven’t earned it. Men have lives before they meet you, lives which they’re not about to upend for some girl they just met and have no rapport with. A man’s family, passion, career, hobbies, friends, etc. all come before some woman, and she only moves up on that list after showing that she deserves it. If you don’t agree with that, then you need to check your entitlement.
@@justinaharris7787 how bout when you already did that, gave my ex a chance to do better since he beg me to get back together now he’s breadcrumbing me so what you say about that? Lol
@@jlondono7 Straight up. If the girl wants to “breadcrumb me back” then so be it, we can just be friends and it will never be anything. I’m not going to put a lot of effort into a girl I just met, life is not a Disney romance. Funny part is all these girls end up being salty, extremely passive aggressive and miserable to talk to. So much for that tactic lmao.
I got played so hard recently cause all this guy would do is text me all day (have me thinking he's intrested) but yet when he was in town he wouldn't even try to see me. He got cut off real quick!
It’s just so sad because i want love :’( and i know i deserve better than this. I deserve someone who invests in me like i do for him. It’s unfair how we women are treated sometimes even when we love a man. I guess men don’t care after they have us idk. This is why women don’t bother in the first place we just don’t give a man a chance we understand along the way he’ll get too comfortable & take us for granted. I feel too sweet & naive for men like that. He needs to have a heart
If hes half assing anything dont waste ur time ladies...If he CAN'T come correct & meet your standards then bye..bc men have time 2waste bc they can marry @45 but not women. We only have a limited time 2meet that partner or have kids...
@Yasmine M.P.RWell thats good 4the woman that look great but doesn't guarantee that the men u will be intrested will be intrested bk..Usually men as they age want younger woman. Not trying to rude but just speaking the sad truth..not saying woman 45 DON'T ever marry but their chances are slim. Men can marry younger woman & have babies @45 yet woman dont have the same luxery. Ageism is sad but true ladies dont let men waste ur time bc they will do so without a care in the world & u will grow old & he will leave u & do everything he never done 4u & do it another woman & u have nothing 2show 4...
@Yasmine M.P.R I wasn't but its a sensitive subject thats y i apologize in advance. Ive heard of men having a wife in their 70's even making babies but 4woman not so..So its important 4woman not 2let men waste their time & energy if hes not putting a ring on ur finger or deed in ur hand! & preparing 4a furture. Bc u will look bk & c u wasted x amount of yrs & no ring or just end up procreating kids with Mr.Rt now but he DOESN'T c u in his furture! he was only in the moment & ultimately leaves u & gives another woman everytime u wanted❗& that whole time u spent entertaining Mr.Wrong while another woman is marrying Mr.Right ❗
He always needs to try or I'm out. Lazy guys are a huge turn off. He is only half trying when he can't get someone else or is bored. A guy who is truly into you.....he will try even after he's got you and take it to the next level. Once a guy slacks, I'm done!!
@@danielmulugeta2034 Then you shouldnt even be in contact anymore and cut it off 100% ! Not enough interest = leave and dont msg or come back in any way (but thats what any ppl do) , you may WASTE somebodys time with being ''lazy'' , so get out the way for real and forever (not like many others who still hang around and think they can come back every few months ...)
@@mxd-1990asn You're kind of naive, if you're not interesting.. then guys don't have a reason to like you. Ladies need game, I think you ladies fail so hard to be desirable. I have thought a girl is cute but didn't care to be with her because she's not interesting. Have you ever tried to get a personality? or are you used to simp who only go for you because of sex?? big difference.
No guy puts 100% effort these days. Also many won't make a fool out of themselves, believe in equality and wait for a sign from a woman, who often doesn't show any
absolutely true, unless youre the mans in his 50's and fully matured, women might as well all switch sides at this point llmao whoo gone wait that long?
I think you’re spot on. I feel like I’m a ‘she’ll do’ and he’s settling. Feels real bad. He calls and texts a lot so I keep getting sucked back in when I’m trying to place some distance between us. It’s so hard to cut ties completely.
I'm a 64 year old self sufficient woman and a vibrant 66 year old doctor I've known for a year and been seeing for 6 months has only been in contact every two weeks and then every three weeks and then once per month and recently while I was on a cruise I made a decision I'd had enough and sick of "I'm busy". I'm done with him and should he call me in the future I'll cut it short and be as upbeat as I always am. We don't do FB or any technology stuff. We do phone calls and he will come over and we share more than conversation. NO MORE SEX ON MY PLAYGROUND! Hit the road pal. Thanks Elliot. Even older women like myself can learn something from you.
@CounterStrike211 oh dear, you should be dating coach, such great advice, thank you kindly ;) Its curious why you taking so much time to assess my character and situation with nothing to base it On except on your presumptions and projections. Sounds like there is some unfinished emotional stuff you are dealing with yourself. I don't have dating problems in my life so your responses are simply amusing hence a light hearted tone in my posts. Take time to go deeper to discover your own triggers though , may help you to see why you felt compelled to project assumptions on me
Based on my personal experiences, if he makes low effort in the beginning and he doesn't seem like what to have a relationship with you, he's not gonna change after, even he tells you a lot of bs like he realizes he's an idiot he likes you a lot when you ignore him.
It’s definitely a case by case situation. My guy has a mother battling cancer and just became permanent at his 1st choice job. We haven’t had much dates recently however definitely had some good QT we see each other min 2 times a week. Regardless of what has been going on in his life the progression between us has been so natural and uphill like how you speak of. I just do my thing and give him space, not making him a focus is what’s been key for me.
This was super friggen helpful. Especially when you said "im not much of a phone person and a lot of guys arent". I needed to hear that one little part
Tired of things being great and then they pull away. He called me everyday and called me beautiful in every text and now he says he isn’t going anywhere but work is crazy and he’s busy???? I gave him an out and he called and said he’s sorry just has a lot going on with his farm and work. Now just texts every once in awhile and never calls me beautiful? Ugh....this irritates me. I’m going to keep dating...not waiting around for him to figure out if I’m worth it!!!
Still hard for me to let it go...what makes me more pathetic is that we've never kissed or anything as such. just a lot of talking and nonsense...tired of this "just want to be friends first" bullshit. love your videos; im stubborn, but its nice to hear someone make sense of what is happening.
Girlll in the same situation it turned out be a 3rd party so I left the situation completely. He approached me recently and asked if I wanted to talk still but I told him I don’t trust it or him. I still talk to other people because I’m not putting my attention on him.
I wish more people saw this video!! I come bk and watch it from time to time as a reminder. Yup its best to block and let go. Most times it doesn't get better
Interesting, just knew someone like this, very cool and composed, I even doubted if he was interested in me, but he kept the chat going so I guess he was interested. Now I get this. He can be interested in me, just not as strong as I'd expect (comparing to other guys). Not making huge effort can be due to a number of reasons, he maybe busy for work, maybe just out of relationship, may just want to start things slowly....If he does not treat me as his priority, I won't put him my top list either, I have many other things in my life too. Things can only work if both sides want to invest little bit more, only one person over-investing won't work.
Yeah this is happening to me, and it's like. Dude, I have so many men who are 100 percent sure, so make up your mind cause I'm not sticking around to wait for you. Like I'm a hard worker, I'm pretty, smart, funny, and dedicated. Enough for it to matter. So if you dont realize that, leave me alone?
Omg!! You just opened my eyes!! Thanks for your advice!! I dont know what would i do without you..All is sum up to "if the guy is interest he will show it" We have to base in his intentions through actions than in his words.
Elliot u always speak the truth! I always lie to myself and lie because its easier that way but the truth is that he doesn't really care that much and this hurts its so bad when emotions are involved 😔
Dating is frustrating. Cause I either get a man that smothers. Or a man that I am experiencing is new allows me to miss him but to much. Ah I just want a healthy relationship were I can breath and never get sick of him all over me lol.
Genevieve Reindl OMGAWD!! My experiences exactly!! Too much or not enough!! So tired of the head games and excuses and insecurities!! Guys always say they don't want divas and drama mamas, yet don't realize that MOST of the time, it's because the men who start to show signs of disinterest and or vagueness, unwilling to communicate from the heart ❤️!! Drives us bonkers, paranoid, and worried to no end. We question it like mature practical adults, and they react like we just made them out to be monsters or idiots. They retreat after getting angry. Then blame us for being too attached or expectant of things!! UGGHHH all I want was clarity and calming words of positive feelings of wanting/missing me, but now, we're made to be the needy, clingy fools who can't seem to stop obsessing or wanting a little more of their time or attention (especially if no future plans are made, our schedules are super busy, and or it's a semi-long distance type of relationship). I was just fine being alone, independent, and loving myself before these fools started love-bombing and showering me with non-stop affections and actions, yet the second I finally let my guard down and open my heart up slowly but surely to trust again, BAM 💥!! Their thrill of the chase is gone, I guess. Exhausted, confused, tired of rejection from fickle teenagers who never grew up. Sadly, I'm often turned off my smothering, over-eager, boring, no hobby guys. 4 years of online dating later, I've yet to find a balanced guy like me. 🤪☹️🤬🤯😞
"these are horrible matching colors don't match these colors" 😆😆😆 ur personality is the best and thanks for ur advice u never hold back and keep it real!!
I’m already in a relationship with him but I he doesn’t seem to understand the level of attention that I desire it feels like his always uninterested and just in and out. :; tipssss?
I see, well idk than it’s such a weird thing I find myself comparing him with my recent ex. I just want to happy and relaxed and happy with or without him.
Alejandra Galvis I am in the same situation. We have been dating first it was we were committed sexually 🙄and exploring the possibility of a relationship then about a month ago I got the title of girlfriend but we only see each other basically on weekends. (We live like 15-20 minutes apart)I understand we both work and have a little bit different schedules but still I feel like shouldn’t you want to see me a little more often? He does go to bed early because he gets up early. But when I met him he was out like every night. Now he doesn’t go out? Should I be happy that he stays home all the time? But he’s still not spending any time with me. He will text a little through out the day and always call at least once after I’m off work and before he goes to bed. I don’t know it doesn’t sound bad when I type it but I swear it’s a weird feeling. One of his excuses is that he hates my bed and can’t sleep comfortably in it so he is like if you get a bed like mine I will stay over more... he’s also been single for 7 years and dated some girls over 6 months and never got to a title. I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ and if I pull back he will make an effort like I sent him a text last night and said sometimes I feel like you don’t even like me and he was like wtf why?? And called me and stayed on the phone for 2 hours and said I do like you and obviously I understand you want more time and I feel like is he just doing maintenance? Sometimes he will come over and say he’s exhausted but he did everything and he’s here for me. He’s like I need to enjoy the time I have with him. Sometimes it’s more sometimes is less. He’s like I have no expectations so I’m never disappointed and he says I need to get to that point as if I’m needy but I don’t over text or call and I don’t bring it up or complain a lot but I do let him know if it’s bothering me
Thank you! Can you please make a video about dudes are doing the minimum as you say here, but are committed and exclusive with you? Rolled out the red carpet to get you, then once that was done now crumbs.... there, but crumbs.
I don't really care who he sees or what he's doing when he's not around me. He had his chance for years..besides, he's really not top priority to me either.
Had a lovely weekend (no sex) with a guy. We are long distance and due to pandemic it took us a year to meet. Instant chemistry... 1.5 hours flight away.. could see each other more... he said “let’s stay in touch and maybe see you next year” 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌🏽 ciao dude. You don’t get access to me forever.. knowing me is a privilege... privileges removed. Not looking more married or commitment at this point but at least see me sooner then next year!!!!!!!!!
Personally I don’t think that it is a bad match blue/grey ;) haha anyway thank you for the video! You are always able to put into words more complicated/abstract concepts ..that’s a talent
Exactly what I just did--- "cut the guy off." When he blatantly tried to set up a love triangle. Now he's asking to splice the cord back together. That cord won't be as strong and he hasn't given any reason to. I need a new cord for a Keurig instead.
He better be careful some women i know play hard ball to and can mess you up the same they know your visual and love the attention not safe..be honest and true right from the get go tell them straight out where the bs is or isn't going to fly and stick with it...show strength and no flexibility just who he is dealing with here....he can stay or walk
He never invites me to public places ( we live in a small village). He asked me a couple of times to come at my place during the last 4 months. The first time I told him the truth..I don t like to bring men I m not together to my home then I just found some excuses to avoid him coming to my place..(This happened two more times recently). Now he is acting as if he wants to make me feel guilty
I have gotten pretty good at weaning them out within 48 hours to a week. If a guy won't text consistently in the "get to know you phase" or uses 2-3 word responses, then he is not the man for me.
Been In the situation I was always making the effo to see him and go to his but he Never made the effort to come to mine... Just walk away girls!!!....
I was talking to a guy for about 2-3 weeks. Met on Bumble got him off of there quickly moved to phone he didn’t have a problem with texting. It was both of us initiating from the start and continuing but not over doing it from either side. But I wasn’t able to grab lunch when he asked which would have been our first time meeting. He never reached out while I was still in the area the next day. He was upfront said I wasn’t his type and I said how do you know based off a photo when our conversations are fun and flowing great give it a chance. But I didn’t persist I continued just living my life. He seemed to come around and continued talking and would initiate on his own almost every day. So technically Communication was consistent from day one til yesterday. We’d naturally progress to very sexual conversations and both really wanted it. A few times he’d go out to grab a drink and then would get so aggressive demanding things from me. Not believing things I say. And then threatening to cut things off. I’m glad it ended and I dodged the bullet of never doing anything physical with him. Girls aren’t the only ones who become messy we need to play the game a bit too to get him to show his true colors before we walk into a disaster.
That blue looks great ! White or black would be a a good color with your skin tone and dark hair! Elliott you are exactly right, however do you think that's the case in my situation...Been seeing a guy since October and he is a supervisor in the Behavioral Health department of a hospital and he is on call when he's not at work which is 6 days a week ...8 plus hours a day...I asked him about being exclusive and he agreed and he truly is making effort to see me more...He asked how I felt about moving in together in 6 months when his lease is up...time will tell...he would see me daily vs. once a month. My ex boyfriend is 30 and Im 43...and he put me through ups and downs hot and cold breadcrumbing and much heart break so now I'm moving slow and not giving my heart or trust away and risk heartbreak again. My new bf is very good to me and I don't question where I stand and he communicates...my ex is emotionally unavailable in my opinion not to mention his habit of only getting with coworkers which is convenient since he has no license or car..He was a drinker boxer and has had some learning disabilities all his life and now brain damage etc from being hit in the head for 13 years. Ive been there for him and had a deep connection but he stopped needing me after he got sober and I had an accident so I couldn't see him. I've cut my ex off and stop being his option, being absent is best and he'll get a clue....He lost a good woman and he knows it. Now I have a man not a boy who knows what he wants
I wanted to go hangout with friends my boyfriend asked me why I didn’t want to wait for him to finish playing his game on my birthday like why do I even have to answer that
Thanks for this video. It kinda released the weight off my shoulders. My ex and I recently started talking again last month but he is only texting me now about once a week. At first I thought he’s prob bread crumbing me, but then I realized you said if you guys live in the same area. During our breakup my guy moved to the East Coast and I am on the west coast. Now I know forsure it’s the distance, I haven’t been needy, clingy and I have only initiated contact with him twice. He’s supposed to come here next month so I guess that will determine what happens.
So I'm in LD. This guy travels to see me, picked me up from out of state and took me bk to his for a weekend. When I had issues with him not communicating he stepped up. Only thing is the first date he was embarrassingly late....I still went. Told him to get his act together....2nd date he was on time. 3rd date late....but he texted and kept me posted. Even on the 1st date. This guy is not afraid of commitment within the 1st couple of wks he asked to be exclusive and still does. But I get in my head as to why....I ask myself is it bc he want a gf by his bday in April, arm candy......etc. so I've been acting lk an obnoxious brat bc he doesnt do this or tht. But I also feel like he could be a player...thts why I haven't said yes to him the 5 times hes asked me. When I dont fry things to hell. He calls me in the morning, we txt, and he calls at night. Advice plz
Its so confusing. He lives an hour away. We are both very busy. Had a couple dates. Talk everyday, but not about another date. Im not sure how a healthy relationship goes, my last 2 were very toxic.
He stares me, try to look at me by looking at the side. He is married, he comes near me often. But never starts conversation. He does have my number but never even messaged me good morning
So your video basically says that he likes you, but not enough to commit to you, but at the 2:40 mark, you say that you aren't a texter. But you didn't say if you would increase your communication for the right girl. So if a guy is not much of a phone communicator and goes a day or two without texting you, but asks you out every week, and has verbally expressed his interest, is he still "just not that into you?"
I feel like I’m being breadcrumb. We’ve been “talking” for almost 7 months. He doesn’t want to put a title on things until he talks with his ex wife (they share a daughter) about him dating again. They have a “healthy” co parenting relationship between them. This is what he says! We mostly just text everyday. And see each other 2-3x a week. But never no real dates. We’re basically friends with benefits 🤦🏾♀️ at 35, how the heck did I allow this! My gut is yelling at me & telling me he’s playing me BIG time but I like him & keep thinking what if I just have trust issues. So I’ve been giving him the benefit of doubt 🥴😑
Oooo honey! The red flags started waving when you said he and his ex have a "healthy" co-parenting relationship. Is he still hooking up with her, as well as you? Something is really off about the whole thing. I hope you make the right decision for YOU, and realize you deserve to be a priority, not an option! Sending you love and light.
Elliot !! Just when I needed to hear this and exactly when I needed to know this !! I am so not going to thank you ‘ but I wish to give one of these -->🤗 and I mean it 😉
This guy was so quick to call me girlfriend and act head over heels for me but god damn is he flaky. One day he will actually talk to me and the next he won’t. I’ve been pulling back and I noticed him start to reach out to me more but I think I’m just going to keep on pulling back. It’s not just a “guy thing” and I’m done making excuses for it.
Or he is insecure. I lost interest in a man cause he just did not pursue me. I told him when I broke up. He finally told me he needed more affirmation and validation from me to pursue me. In fact he is a needy guy 🤢 He asked for a second chance, damage was done... he is devastated. So yes a guy might not show you interest cause he is insecure, yet not sure if an insecure guy is what you want.
A guy and I have been trading messages on and off throughout the last few years. He knows Ive liked him but he never showed reciprocation... we’ve been friends. But he recently gave a message saying he will work on putting more effort? He chose to say it. I was like thanks , I appreciate your thoughtfulness ( I didn’t know what else to put). He lives out of state... but like what does that mean? He offered that? I know hes my friend. It was just different.
It means nothing but an empty promise. Maybe he has come to the realization that his SMV isn't as high as he thought and he sees you finally as a treasure. But if course he doesn't want to commit or put in any effort, just enough so that you'll give him attention and cut off your other options. Don't fall for it.
What if this guy is stalking you, calling you, poping up on you at home and work and saying he's not financially or stable enough for a relationship right now?
“If a guy truly likes you he won’t put himself in a position to loss you.” That’s the big thing to remember.
What you consider "putting himself in a position to lose you" might not appear that way to him. And in reality, every man puts theirself in a position to lose their girlfriend/wife just by leaving for work every day. If a woman wants to leave, there's nothing a man can do.
❤️
@@turbot8er672 I like the way you keep pointing out exceptions to the 'rules' - we need to bear in mind we are also individuals and reality might be more complicated. :)
@@cephalopod7937 It's not a rule if there are exceptions. But I realize the comment was made by someone who's probably frustrated for one reason or another.
@AliSand These days, either a woman is a stay at home mom or she works like everyone else. Some might have the privilege of having a man treat them like babies while they tiktok all day, but that's not the norm.
I can confirm that if there is limited effort then there is limited interest
Well said!!!!!
Extactly.
Or they just werent taught better idk
Yup
Men who are half interested is what is wrong with this world.
evidently capitalism and white supremacy are not what is wrong with your world....
@@networkedperson lol
@Voluntary Comrade meow?
All a man can be is half interested. Are they not allowed to live their life while being in a relationship?
Facts!!!
Ladies, remember to always looks at ACTIONS vs words. Actions are how someone feels about you. Guys are good with words, BUT is he all talk with no action? If so let him go
abi santos Bingo!
What if the actions are there , but the words aren't..... btw I was the 69th like 😏 Elliot's not the only one with a mind in the gutter this morning 😋
I've dealt with his words and no actions.i decided to leave..although we were just friends.he showed me..im just leading you on.
@@xMizz_DEADPQQLx actions are better than words.he don't have to say anything.the actions speak for itself...
@@justinaharris7787 well were long distance at the moment .... he's been hee before & he was supposed to be back but then the Covid thing ( nj sucks they restricted before my state wv ) which was kinda a blessing because something needs FIXED on his car before he can make a long trip 🤷♀️now what do I do 🤣🤣🤣
Ladies actions speak louder than words. If he is just checking your status and texts every now and then and never gets to the point. Let him go. If he wants you he will make sure he gets to spend every possible minute with you. If you only get the crumbs and leftover invitations he's not worth your time.
Word
Bread crumb the guy back and start looking elsewhere don't make him your priority. You SHOULD be his priority if you are not walk away
I'm doing that now breadcrumbing back. Then he almost swoops at me. Lol. He doesnt communicate too well in person. Yeah I'm not enough. Well I'm looking somewhere else but he doesnt know it yet. I wonder how many of his Fb friends he tells they're his "best friend" or "sweet" or he doesnt want to "lose me that he'd be heartbroken" . Lots of talk but no action. I remember what he said b4 just about other things nothing to do with me, and later the story changes. White lies so I'm sure he's lying when he tells me stuff. He was glad to invite me to his relatives picnic last year. His sister was very friendly with me and his mom. He really wanted me to like everyone. Then just after the picnic he discovered Fb and he friends women like crazy. Over 4 days he friended 75 of them. Every weekend he adds about 30 or more. Just a Fb addict to chat. I unfriended him & I don't think he knows it. We text a few times a day, but I don't believe him. I think he believes our texts are staying in touch, for what I don't know. So I'll breadcrumb him back. We are both in our 60s!
I agree.i hate wasting my time..
This is the erroneous mindset that keeps you all single. You can’t seriously expect to be a guy’s priority when you haven’t earned it. Men have lives before they meet you, lives which they’re not about to upend for some girl they just met and have no rapport with. A man’s family, passion, career, hobbies, friends, etc. all come before some woman, and she only moves up on that list after showing that she deserves it. If you don’t agree with that, then you need to check your entitlement.
@@justinaharris7787 how bout when you already did that, gave my ex a chance to do better since he beg me to get back together now he’s breadcrumbing me so what you say about that? Lol
@@jlondono7 Straight up. If the girl wants to “breadcrumb me back” then so be it, we can just be friends and it will never be anything. I’m not going to put a lot of effort into a girl I just met, life is not a Disney romance. Funny part is all these girls end up being salty, extremely passive aggressive and miserable to talk to. So much for that tactic lmao.
You're a place holder.. Lukewarm interest is him just using you.
Exactly.until better option surfaces.
Sad but true
Yup! Absolutely true.
I got played so hard recently cause all this guy would do is text me all day (have me thinking he's intrested) but yet when he was in town he wouldn't even try to see me. He got cut off real quick!
abi santos this was me... he’s a loser!
Same thing happened to me..he got nexted
Yup.thats the way I do..
@@raisaarce5880 baaaaaaa
Sameeee
It’s just so sad because i want love :’( and i know i deserve better than this. I deserve someone who invests in me like i do for him. It’s unfair how we women are treated sometimes even when we love a man. I guess men don’t care after they have us idk. This is why women don’t bother in the first place we just don’t give a man a chance we understand along the way he’ll get too comfortable & take us for granted. I feel too sweet & naive for men like that. He needs to have a heart
Exact😢
This is nothing but the truth !
MoonlightStarGem: You Are Not Alone! Thousand if not Millions Women, in same boat! Unfortunately
If hes half assing anything dont waste ur time ladies...If he CAN'T come correct & meet your standards then bye..bc men have time 2waste bc they can marry @45 but not women. We only have a limited time 2meet that partner or have kids...
Word...
@Yasmine M.P.RWell thats good 4the woman that look great but doesn't guarantee that the men u will be intrested will be intrested bk..Usually men as they age want younger woman. Not trying to rude but just speaking the sad truth..not saying woman 45 DON'T ever marry but their chances are slim. Men can marry younger woman & have babies @45 yet woman dont have the same luxery. Ageism is sad but true ladies dont let men waste ur time bc they will do so without a care in the world & u will grow old & he will leave u & do everything he never done 4u & do it another woman & u have nothing 2show 4...
@Yasmine M.P.R I wasn't but its a sensitive subject thats y i apologize in advance. Ive heard of men having a wife in their 70's even making babies but 4woman not so..So its important 4woman not 2let men waste their time & energy if hes not putting a ring on ur finger or deed in ur hand! & preparing 4a furture. Bc u will look bk & c u wasted x amount of yrs & no ring or just end up procreating kids with Mr.Rt now but he DOESN'T c u in his furture! he was only in the moment & ultimately leaves u & gives another woman everytime u wanted❗& that whole time u spent entertaining Mr.Wrong while another woman is marrying Mr.Right ❗
69Fabulosity facts I’m 19 and this guy I was seeing wasted my damn time but I don’t want any kids though
@@SunshinyDay4423 Thats exactly what i said women chaces are slim..
He always needs to try or I'm out. Lazy guys are a huge turn off. He is only half trying when he can't get someone else or is bored. A guy who is truly into you.....he will try even after he's got you and take it to the next level. Once a guy slacks, I'm done!!
I’m lazy when the girl is uninteresting.
U lazy
@@danielmulugeta2034 I'm plenty interesting and he's still lazy. Next!
@@danielmulugeta2034 Then you shouldnt even be in contact anymore and cut it off 100% !
Not enough interest = leave and dont msg or come back in any way (but thats what any ppl do) ,
you may WASTE somebodys time with being ''lazy'' , so get out the way for real and forever (not like many others who still hang around
and think they can come back every few months ...)
@@mxd-1990asn You're kind of naive, if you're not interesting.. then guys don't have a reason to like you. Ladies need game, I think you ladies fail so hard to be desirable. I have thought a girl is cute but didn't care to be with her because she's not interesting. Have you ever tried to get a personality? or are you used to simp who only go for you because of sex?? big difference.
If you prolong any conversation with a man who disrespects you, he immediately can tell you’ll put up with him. Politely end it and walk away. SMH.
Amen
Very good advice.
when will i learn this
What I learned was: be assertive about what you want and follow through. Be more rational
Yes, match his effort and do the same only IF he offers any benefit to you/your life. If not, why stay? Nobody have time for that!
I’m to high value to be treated like just another pretty face.💁🏽♀️
You most likely are just that.
Same 💯
Says who
@@redfather5342 says me and everyone I’ve ever met.
@@Yui_6472n they must be just as delusional as you are then
No guy puts 100% effort these days. Also many won't make a fool out of themselves, believe in equality and wait for a sign from a woman, who often doesn't show any
@Kris 999 Vomit.
absolutely true, unless youre the mans in his 50's and fully matured, women might as well all switch sides at this point llmao whoo gone wait that long?
Sad but so true.
@@AmareshAsmara Lol you act like women suddenly have courage. Let’s be real if men never pursue you ladies won’t step up. You’re too scared :(.
@@memoryrinehart Ahahahaha
I think you’re spot on. I feel like I’m a ‘she’ll do’ and he’s settling. Feels real bad. He calls and texts a lot so I keep getting sucked back in when I’m trying to place some distance between us. It’s so hard to cut ties completely.
About the clothes: Bue and gray is a beautiful match... About the video: True. And I'm done with orbiters.
I'm a 64 year old self sufficient woman and a vibrant 66 year old doctor I've known for a year and been seeing for 6 months has only been in contact every two weeks and then every three weeks and then once per month and recently while I was on a cruise I made a decision I'd had enough and sick of "I'm busy". I'm done with him and should he call me in the future I'll cut it short and be as upbeat as I always am. We don't do FB or any technology stuff. We do phone calls and he will come over and we share more than conversation. NO MORE SEX ON MY PLAYGROUND! Hit the road pal. Thanks Elliot. Even older women like myself can learn something from you.
Men are still playing games in their mid 60s??
Oh well, I guess some of them never really grow up 😞
@Cindy Lou true old people are gross
yallknow whoiam: you’ll be 64 one day lol
@@yallknowwhoiam7036 YOU are gross and a fool as well. Lol
The kids commenting on this are idiots. Just gotta day that. Thanks
Sounds very manipulative, and I know all about breadcrumbing and orbiting... unfortunately.
I left him yesterday! Thank you Elliot for helping me to see the truth! Keep your nice videos going
Well done!
Next!.. And move on girls ,)
That’s the mindset that keeps you all single
@@jlondono7 whos d want breadcrumb?..not me. Being single is prefereable to it
@CounterStrike211 desperate? ..hahhhaa. Thank you for an entertaining comment
@CounterStrike211 maybe it does..I wouldn't know lol
@CounterStrike211 oh dear, you should be dating coach, such great advice, thank you kindly ;) Its curious why you taking so much time to assess my character and situation with nothing to base it On except on your presumptions and projections. Sounds like there is some unfinished emotional stuff you are dealing with yourself. I don't have dating problems in my life so your responses are simply amusing hence a light hearted tone in my posts. Take time to go deeper to discover your own triggers though , may help you to see why you felt compelled to project assumptions on me
Why can't i for the LOVE OF GOD find a guy who is actually really interested?😂😂😂
O hello there
Same here!!😂
Based on my personal experiences, if he makes low effort in the beginning and he doesn't seem like what to have a relationship with you, he's not gonna change after, even he tells you a lot of bs like he realizes he's an idiot he likes you a lot when you ignore him.
All red flags 🚩
I've noticed this as well
It’s definitely a case by case situation. My guy has a mother battling cancer and just became permanent at his 1st choice job. We haven’t had much dates recently however definitely had some good QT we see each other min 2 times a week. Regardless of what has been going on in his life the progression between us has been so natural and uphill like how you speak of. I just do my thing and give him space, not making him a focus is what’s been key for me.
This was super friggen helpful. Especially when you said "im not much of a phone person and a lot of guys arent". I needed to hear that one little part
Tired of things being great and then they pull away. He called me everyday and called me beautiful in every text and now he says he isn’t going anywhere but work is crazy and he’s busy???? I gave him an out and he called and said he’s sorry just has a lot going on with his farm and work. Now just texts every once in awhile and never calls me beautiful? Ugh....this irritates me.
I’m going to keep dating...not waiting around for him to figure out if I’m worth it!!!
Exact same thing im going through they're not that! Busy!
@@shakirahill885 yeah.
Ha! Sounds JUST like the guy I'm talking to. Ready to cut him loose!
So annoying…keeps happening to me to! I think they just want the initial excitement & attraction! I hate online dating!!!
Literally my predicament smh
Still hard for me to let it go...what makes me more pathetic is that we've never kissed or anything as such. just a lot of talking and nonsense...tired of this "just want to be friends first" bullshit. love your videos; im stubborn, but its nice to hear someone make sense of what is happening.
Girlll in the same situation it turned out be a 3rd party so I left the situation completely. He approached me recently and asked if I wanted to talk still but I told him I don’t trust it or him. I still talk to other people because I’m not putting my attention on him.
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃RUN!!!!!
Alexa : play Thank You Next by Ariana Grande ❤️
😂💯
I wish more people saw this video!! I come bk and watch it from time to time as a reminder. Yup its best to block and let go. Most times it doesn't get better
Interesting, just knew someone like this, very cool and composed, I even doubted if he was interested in me, but he kept the chat going so I guess he was interested. Now I get this. He can be interested in me, just not as strong as I'd expect (comparing to other guys). Not making huge effort can be due to a number of reasons, he maybe busy for work, maybe just out of relationship, may just want to start things slowly....If he does not treat me as his priority, I won't put him my top list either, I have many other things in my life too. Things can only work if both sides want to invest little bit more, only one person over-investing won't work.
Yeah this is happening to me, and it's like. Dude, I have so many men who are 100 percent sure, so make up your mind cause I'm not sticking around to wait for you. Like I'm a hard worker, I'm pretty, smart, funny, and dedicated. Enough for it to matter. So if you dont realize that, leave me alone?
You have 100 & waiting on 1??? (Ck ur Ego!)
Watching your videos even though I'm in a healthy relationship (thanks to you)
Omg!! You just opened my eyes!! Thanks for your advice!! I dont know what would i do without you..All is sum up to "if the guy is interest he will show it" We have to base in his intentions through actions than in his words.
Elliot u always speak the truth! I always lie to myself and lie because its easier that way but the truth is that he doesn't really care that much and this hurts its so bad when emotions are involved 😔
Bruh 15 seconds after you posted and I’m here
Dating is frustrating. Cause I either get a man that smothers. Or a man that I am experiencing is new allows me to miss him but to much. Ah I just want a healthy relationship were I can breath and never get sick of him all over me lol.
Genevieve Reindl OMGAWD!! My experiences exactly!! Too much or not enough!! So tired of the head games and excuses and insecurities!! Guys always say they don't want divas and drama mamas, yet don't realize that MOST of the time, it's because the men who start to show signs of disinterest and or vagueness, unwilling to communicate from the heart ❤️!! Drives us bonkers, paranoid, and worried to no end. We question it like mature practical adults, and they react like we just made them out to be monsters or idiots. They retreat after getting angry. Then blame us for being too attached or expectant of things!! UGGHHH all I want was clarity and calming words of positive feelings of wanting/missing me, but now, we're made to be the needy, clingy fools who can't seem to stop obsessing or wanting a little more of their time or attention (especially if no future plans are made, our schedules are super busy, and or it's a semi-long distance type of relationship).
I was just fine being alone, independent, and loving myself before these fools started love-bombing and showering me with non-stop affections and actions, yet the second I finally let my guard down and open my heart up slowly but surely to trust again, BAM 💥!! Their thrill of the chase is gone, I guess. Exhausted, confused, tired of rejection from fickle teenagers who never grew up. Sadly, I'm often turned off my smothering, over-eager, boring, no hobby guys. 4 years of online dating later, I've yet to find a balanced guy like me. 🤪☹️🤬🤯😞
@@leonardascorpius5304 You sound nuts, definitely not balanced.
Him: I wanna be more than friends
Me: leeme call you back the damn fish outside walking the dog
😂😂😂😂😂😂
You got me dying laughing!
Lmao!
lol
😅
"these are horrible matching colors don't match these colors" 😆😆😆 ur personality is the best and thanks for ur advice u never hold back and keep it real!!
what i think is that in a relationship your priority should always be you, not the other person.
Excellent advice!
I’m already in a relationship with him but I he doesn’t seem to understand the level of attention that I desire it feels like his always uninterested and just in and out. :; tipssss?
Well tell him. Guys are not mind readers if you don't say it in a clear consise and consistent manner he won't have a clue.
Doneee that!! :/
I see, well idk than it’s such a weird thing I find myself comparing him with my recent ex. I just want to happy and relaxed and happy with or without him.
Alejandra Galvis I am in the same situation. We have been dating first it was we were committed sexually 🙄and exploring the possibility of a relationship then about a month ago I got the title of girlfriend but we only see each other basically on weekends. (We live like 15-20 minutes apart)I understand we both work and have a little bit different schedules but still I feel like shouldn’t you want to see me a little more often? He does go to bed early because he gets up early. But when I met him he was out like every night. Now he doesn’t go out? Should I be happy that he stays home all the time? But he’s still not spending any time with me. He will text a little through out the day and always call at least once after I’m off work and before he goes to bed. I don’t know it doesn’t sound bad when I type it but I swear it’s a weird feeling. One of his excuses is that he hates my bed and can’t sleep comfortably in it so he is like if you get a bed like mine I will stay over more... he’s also been single for 7 years and dated some girls over 6 months and never got to a title. I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ and if I pull back he will make an effort like I sent him a text last night and said sometimes I feel like you don’t even like me and he was like wtf why?? And called me and stayed on the phone for 2 hours and said I do like you and obviously I understand you want more time and I feel like is he just doing maintenance? Sometimes he will come over and say he’s exhausted but he did everything and he’s here for me. He’s like I need to enjoy the time I have with him. Sometimes it’s more sometimes is less. He’s like I have no expectations so I’m never disappointed and he says I need to get to that point as if I’m needy but I don’t over text or call and I don’t bring it up or complain a lot but I do let him know if it’s bothering me
Helena Hart and Adrienne Everheart have lots of youtube advice for your situation
Thank you! Can you please make a video about dudes are doing the minimum as you say here, but are committed and exclusive with you? Rolled out the red carpet to get you, then once that was done now crumbs.... there, but crumbs.
Yessssss
I am wondering the SAME thing!!!
Me too
Narcissistic. Watch The Little Shaman.
I don't really care who he sees or what he's doing when he's not around me. He had his chance for years..besides, he's really not top priority to me either.
😩😩😩this is exactly my situation right now
same :(
Same
Same.
I thought I was alone,,, 😢mine too
Same
Had a lovely weekend (no sex) with a guy. We are long distance and due to pandemic it took us a year to meet. Instant chemistry... 1.5 hours flight away.. could see each other more... he said “let’s stay in touch and maybe see you next year” 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌🏽 ciao dude. You don’t get access to me forever.. knowing me is a privilege... privileges removed. Not looking more married or commitment at this point but at least see me sooner then next year!!!!!!!!!
Personally I don’t think that it is a bad match blue/grey ;) haha anyway thank you for the video! You are always able to put into words more complicated/abstract concepts ..that’s a talent
Exactly what I just did--- "cut the guy off." When he blatantly tried to set up a love triangle. Now he's asking to splice the cord back together. That cord won't be as strong and he hasn't given any reason to.
I need a new cord for a Keurig instead.
Thanks that helped a lot. I guess it's time to ghost the guy...even though I really like him. 😭😩
I just ghosted my luke-warm today. Fu*k him!
Ladies keep your options open also
I seen the notification but I was busy. I’m still your number one fan though.
He better be careful some women i know play hard ball to and can mess you up the same they know your visual and love the attention not safe..be honest and true right from the get go tell them straight out where the bs is or isn't going to fly and stick with it...show strength and no flexibility just who he is dealing with here....he can stay or walk
Just a video before I go to sleep. Goodnight, Elliot!
He never invites me to public places ( we live in a small village). He asked me a couple of times to come at my place during the last 4 months. The first time I told him the truth..I don t like to bring men I m not together to my home then I just found some excuses to avoid him coming to my place..(This happened two more times recently).
Now he is acting as if he wants to make me feel guilty
I have gotten pretty good at weaning them out within 48 hours to a week. If a guy won't text consistently in the "get to know you phase" or uses 2-3 word responses, then he is not the man for me.
It comes down to "Are you happy?"... saved you all 5 mins.... Don't put up with bullshit.... Be happy....
Been In the situation I was always making the effo to see him and go to his but he Never made the effort to come to mine... Just walk away girls!!!....
I was talking to a guy for about 2-3 weeks. Met on Bumble got him off of there quickly moved to phone he didn’t have a problem with texting. It was both of us initiating from the start and continuing but not over doing it from either side. But I wasn’t able to grab lunch when he asked which would have been our first time meeting. He never reached out while I was still in the area the next day. He was upfront said I wasn’t his type and I said how do you know based off a photo when our conversations are fun and flowing great give it a chance. But I didn’t persist I continued just living my life. He seemed to come around and continued talking and would initiate on his own almost every day.
So technically Communication was consistent from day one til yesterday. We’d naturally progress to very sexual conversations and both really wanted it.
A few times he’d go out to grab a drink and then would get so aggressive demanding things from me. Not believing things I say. And then threatening to cut things off.
I’m glad it ended and I dodged the bullet of never doing anything physical with him.
Girls aren’t the only ones who become messy we need to play the game a bit too to get him to show his true colors before we walk into a disaster.
Elliot you are hilarious! Your videos are extremely helpful. Love your advice.
This is great information! Thank you for always telling us the REAL deal!!
That blue looks great ! White or black would be a a good color with your skin tone and dark hair!
Elliott you are exactly right, however do you think that's the case in my situation...Been seeing a guy since October and he is a supervisor in the Behavioral Health department of a hospital and he is on call when he's not at work which is 6 days a week ...8 plus hours a day...I asked him about being exclusive and he agreed and he truly is making effort to see me more...He asked how I felt about moving in together in 6 months when his lease is up...time will tell...he would see me daily vs. once a month.
My ex boyfriend is 30 and Im 43...and he put me through ups and downs hot and cold breadcrumbing and much heart break so now I'm moving slow and not giving my heart or trust away and risk heartbreak again. My new bf is very good to me and I don't question where I stand and he communicates...my ex is emotionally unavailable in my opinion not to mention his habit of only getting with coworkers which is convenient since he has no license or car..He was a drinker boxer and has had some learning disabilities all his life and now brain damage etc from being hit in the head for 13 years. Ive been there for him and had a deep connection but he stopped needing me after he got sober and I had an accident so I couldn't see him. I've cut my ex off and stop being his option, being absent is best and he'll get a clue....He lost a good woman and he knows it.
Now I have a man not a boy who knows what he wants
It’s sad how so many man are not willing to commit or make the move
Same could be said about women
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear 👏
I love his coaching
I wanted to go hangout with friends my boyfriend asked me why I didn’t want to wait for him to finish playing his game on my birthday like why do I even have to answer that
I am 55 years old and dating men more age appropriate for me...and well this is excellent advise and insite! Thank you for your videos! xoxoxo
Mine keeps doing the things I don't like, like drinking knowing how I hate it and when he does he refuses to answer my calls. I hate being ignored.
Thanks for this video. It kinda released the weight off my shoulders. My ex and I recently started talking again last month but he is only texting me now about once a week. At first I thought he’s prob bread crumbing me, but then I realized you said if you guys live in the same area. During our breakup my guy moved to the East Coast and I am on the west coast. Now I know forsure it’s the distance, I haven’t been needy, clingy and I have only initiated contact with him twice. He’s supposed to come here next month so I guess that will determine what happens.
So I'm in LD. This guy travels to see me, picked me up from out of state and took me bk to his for a weekend. When I had issues with him not communicating he stepped up. Only thing is the first date he was embarrassingly late....I still went. Told him to get his act together....2nd date he was on time. 3rd date late....but he texted and kept me posted. Even on the 1st date. This guy is not afraid of commitment within the 1st couple of wks he asked to be exclusive and still does. But I get in my head as to why....I ask myself is it bc he want a gf by his bday in April, arm candy......etc. so I've been acting lk an obnoxious brat bc he doesnt do this or tht. But I also feel like he could be a player...thts why I haven't said yes to him the 5 times hes asked me. When I dont fry things to hell. He calls me in the morning, we txt, and he calls at night. Advice plz
Because he lives with his gf. 🙄 In this case I know and now say bye !
Well damnit, i should keep mine open also.
I just woke up, lol you say that at the beginning of many videos
Thank you!! I was thinking that because he didnt ghost , that means he likes me.
Its so confusing. He lives an hour away. We are both very busy. Had a couple dates. Talk everyday, but not about another date. Im not sure how a healthy relationship goes, my last 2 were very toxic.
I like those colors together. They match.
You are right,he is not into me that much, i am not his priority n he is not sure of me.
Thanks
Totally agree! As always sound advice
Best song that describes how I feel about the man who just did this to me: U + Ur hand by Pink.
Like....wtf? I ain't the one buddy
Yeah but some guys worry about coming across as desperate and purposely try to act a bit cool
When you say: "I'm not much of a texter or a talker."....Isn't that a typical copout !?
It is, I got told this exact phrase, word for word countless times
It is
LOL the ending was awesome! 😁 I laughed so hard!
Definitely him 100%. It's sad.
Why am I just now discovering these video? #Genius. I love you Elliott!!!
My actions speak louder than words
He stares me, try to look at me by looking at the side. He is married, he comes near me often.
But never starts conversation.
He does have my number but never even messaged me good morning
So your video basically says that he likes you, but not enough to commit to you, but at the 2:40 mark, you say that you aren't a texter. But you didn't say if you would increase your communication for the right girl. So if a guy is not much of a phone communicator and goes a day or two without texting you, but asks you out every week, and has verbally expressed his interest, is he still "just not that into you?"
I feel like I’m being breadcrumb. We’ve been “talking” for almost 7 months. He doesn’t want to put a title on things until he talks with his ex wife (they share a daughter) about him dating again. They have a “healthy” co parenting relationship between them. This is what he says! We mostly just text everyday. And see each other 2-3x a week. But never no real dates. We’re basically friends with benefits 🤦🏾♀️ at 35, how the heck did I allow this! My gut is yelling at me & telling me he’s playing me BIG time but I like him & keep thinking what if I just have trust issues. So I’ve been giving him the benefit of doubt 🥴😑
You deserve way better
Oooo honey! The red flags started waving when you said he and his ex have a "healthy" co-parenting relationship. Is he still hooking up with her, as well as you? Something is really off about the whole thing. I hope you make the right decision for YOU, and realize you deserve to be a priority, not an option! Sending you love and light.
Love your videos. What if he is doing all of these things while you are in a committed relationship with him.
Elliot !! Just when I needed to hear this and exactly when I needed to know this !! I am so not going to thank you ‘ but I wish to give one of these -->🤗 and I mean it 😉
This guy was so quick to call me girlfriend and act head over heels for me but god damn is he flaky. One day he will actually talk to me and the next he won’t. I’ve been pulling back and I noticed him start to reach out to me more but I think I’m just going to keep on pulling back. It’s not just a “guy thing” and I’m done making excuses for it.
Same here. Dude comes and go. I flaked on him the other day for the 3rd time he waited an hour I didn't show up just to make it fair and square.
I hope you left if he didn’t come around and act properly.
Everything check when we were just talking until he wants to make it official then later on he doesn’t initiate as much as he used to
The perfect video! Thanks!
Yeah I’m dealing with this exact thing right now. Grrr
Nailed It
Or he is insecure. I lost interest in a man cause he just did not pursue me. I told him when I broke up. He finally told me he needed more affirmation and validation from me to pursue me. In fact he is a needy guy 🤢
He asked for a second chance, damage was done... he is devastated.
So yes a guy might not show you interest cause he is insecure, yet not sure if an insecure guy is what you want.
The best answer for this question. 👍
A guy and I have been trading messages on and off throughout the last few years. He knows Ive liked him but he never showed reciprocation... we’ve been friends. But he recently gave a message saying he will work on putting more effort? He chose to say it. I was like thanks , I appreciate your thoughtfulness ( I didn’t know what else to put). He lives out of state... but like what does that mean? He offered that? I know hes my friend. It was just different.
It means nothing but an empty promise. Maybe he has come to the realization that his SMV isn't as high as he thought and he sees you finally as a treasure. But if course he doesn't want to commit or put in any effort, just enough so that you'll give him attention and cut off your other options. Don't fall for it.
Do what I do, I left him in limbo...Never texted back
Yes... One of my fave love❤️ coach👍
I'm early for once!
What if this guy is stalking you, calling you, poping up on you at home and work and saying he's not financially or stable enough for a relationship right now?
NaeNae Btlr HES CRAZY LEAVE HIM
Say BYE!!!