What makes an avoidant EX come back
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- What makes an avoidant ex come back
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They’re not worth the effort.
Move on to someone with reciprocal energy.
I flipped the script on them... I'm so tired of him going and coming back whenever he thinks like I exist
yep i let mine go and she is with a new supply again,,,nothing has changed except i dont want her back anymore
I’m glad to listen to this. That’s what happened to me. He dumped me I had to wait near to 90 days. But avoidant got a children mind. You should see what type of video that interested to watch. I confronted him one time he went ghost for one hour then felt like and told me that I was a trait to his freedom.. really???? Even though he came back after 85 days of nc he still don’t ask me to reconsider. He only reached out once Go no contact again? Help!!!
You don't deserve to be treated this way. You should find someone who will love you, and treat you right. You deserve better.
@@RickySpanish12344 thank you 🙏🏽
Let them go ...and stay gon....how about that ? 🤔
What if I dumped them? We have a total of 3+ years together and I was tired of there being no commitment. I told her I was ready to consider a future. And I thought it was important that we BOTH be in therapy to work on healing ourselves and the foundation of our relationship. She wasn’t ready, so I said I wanted out. But she made it seem like SHE had to think about it she wanted that. I’m in no contact, and I don’t know if I should break it or not. I miss her and feel like I triggered her abandonment wound. Plus her birthday is next week and I still have her gift from before the break up
No contact works. Work on yourself in the meantime. If you want respect stay in no contact however if you’re the one who dumped her you need to reach our an apology and ask to go out to eat and take it from there
i think if you dumped them it whould be you who is supposed to reach out.i dumped someone myself and after i have her a message this happened: at first she said she loves me and misses me and then she told me she needed time and now she says she has no feelings for me :)). please dont take everything from were you left. be slow, talk at first, maybe go eat smth. dont rush!! that was my mistake.
@@benithacalloway8286 no contact works because I will heal and move on or it works to make her reach out even though I walked away? Also too she’s likely DA and if I triggered her why would she reach out?
You need to stand strong on what you want. If you want commitment and she can't give it staying in no contact will give her the chance to miss you and decide that she doesn't like life without you in it. Don't break your no contact! If you want to reach out on her birthday you should send a message just saying happy birthday.. and that you hope she enjoys her special day.. and something like, dont get too wild on the champagne 😜 (I saw that on another no contact video).. if you triggered her abandonment she will reach out. I promise you, there is nothing better to a female on her birthday than to be with her guy or come home to her guy. She will really feel that loss.. stay strong! I hope this helps and good luck🙏
@@tabethathompson9719 the no contact video you saw said it’s okay to say happy birthday?
Thank you for your advice it’s reassuring to the little voice in my head. But I read somewhere that they aren’t likely to reach out if you trigger their abandonment wound because they can’t handle the deep feeling of vulnerability and rejection
i knew him as a child. i know relationships with avoidants doesn't make sense but...i knew him for so long but he didn't heal from his parents Trauma
this is some bullshit. i get they’re damaged…we all are! dont cater for them guys, you have needs too
You want freedom? You got it. Im not an xbox you can use whenever you want. Im a person who needs nourishment and love and attention. I dont want to feel alone in a relationship. PASS. Also when you are a couple you are supposed to check in with each other and ask each other about weekend plans and check in before making other plans, or even buying a dishwasher. Thats what a couple/relationship/marriage/parenthood is. Both people rowing the boat, checking in with each others welfare and carrying the other person when they are weak, trusting they will get back on and communicating that. Not just jumping ship. PASS
Yuuuup! Well said. Avoidants seem to want everything on their terms. Mine wants to stay friends but barely talks to me unless on a group chat. Is like a robot with no emotions around me and then sometimes I see the love in her eyes and body language and then she tries to snap out of it. It’s so hurtful tbh
Sad true!!! My ex dumped me at my lowest because I can’t speak English and I’m not rich.
My English 4th language.
@@mdags3202 you gotta stand on your worth and not be afraid to lose them. I’ve been there, think about it all you’re receiving is crumbs and they see you hurting and do nothing I’ll rather be by myself and respect myself then to stay in that
Mine unlocked me but there is no way i am allowing them back into my life Lmao.
😂😂😂😂😂
Never take them back. They're not relationship material.
I disagree, I loved my ex dearly and even though she broke my heart twice, she had a traumatic childhood. I don't blame her for the way she is, it's not her fault that she was traumatised as a child. Yes I couldn't figure out how to love her the way she loves, but as far as relationship material, that just depends if you can learn to understand them. Yes keep boundaries but I always had hope that maybe one day she would change. It's not fair to say somebody is incapable of loving. They have human emotions too but they feel they need to protect themselves because of their past. I would love nothing more than to take her back and hold her in my arms again. They don't deserve the treatment they get just because they find it hard to love. In truth it's not their fault. It sucks but I learned a lot about myself too.
@TheIrishRossonero it's not about them. It's about protecting your mental peace and not putting up with bad behavior whether they have a traumatic childhood or not. They need to see a counselor first to root out their trauma issues before getting into a relationship. It's not fair to the other person.
I agree with you absolutely, but they don't think they have that trauma so it's very hard for them to solve those issues if they don't even realise what their doing. Unless they get to a point in their lives where no relationship is working or whatever, then and only then it might prompt them to look inward and prompt them to get help. I tried to get my ex to see a councillor but she never did.
Don’t take them back. Guys. They aren’t fixable. Pity them from a distance.
yeah reattracted her but it keeps going on they pull back
The best medicine for me after a long term relationship ended, was hitting the gym and bodybuilding. I immediately went no contact after the split and started a high protein diet, and a 5-6 day a week gym routine. I’ve been saving money, doing my own thing and dating other women. It’s the best medication in my opinion. I also told her NO when she asked to remain friends, and to contact me in the future if she ever got romantic feelings for me again. But honestly I wouldn’t take her back even if she tries. I’ve moved on since the split happened mid November 2022. I’m in better shape, gaining muscle, financially better, and happier.
If you’re happier you won’t be on youtube watching videos about ex. You’re an avoidant and don’t wanna know the truth. You broke up recently so give your self a break. You’re obviously still hurting
@@mamacitaa1049 That’s a very inaccurate assessment of my life. I have been following channels like these to also help other people in the comment section that are really bad off and need quick advice that maybe the coach didn’t touch on. I of course started following channels like this years ago when I was fresh out of a breakup looking for strategies on how to overcome the situation. Coach Corey Wayne was the first one I started listening to, and ever since then I had started following lots of other smart coaches. I am very happy where I am because I’m seeing other women, bodybuilding, and have surrounded myself with positive people. Of course days after the breakup wasn’t easy, but as the months have passed, I’ve been awesome.
This is exactly what I needed to read. Thank you brother for your comments.
@@EagleEye88 bless you, glad to know you are in a much better space. Wish you all the best x
@@mamacitaa1049 Thanks for the positive energy! Bless you too and enjoy your future endeavors in life.
My avoidant basically admitted he got cold feet . What is pathetic is this happened after barely 6 months and he’s 65! I’m early 50’s. Seriously get your shit figured out . Grow up.
lol jesus .....
They don’t grow up.
Growing up at 65 is calling the undertaker 😂
Omg
they never change my wife is 45
They avoid you then get in a new relationship after few months . They not coming back 😢that’s heart breaking 💔
They’re just going to continue the same toxic cycle with the next person…it’s not you. It’s truly a them issue that they have to work through.
A few days later I found.
mine came back but gives nothing
They always come back been dealing with it for 7 years finally said I’m done
I left my wife of 19 years for a DA, and now after a year she also left me. I got what I deserve, but these people ruin lives and move on to the next one. Warning ⚠️ stay away from them.
Why did you leave?
@covidoff it was like living with a room mate, no intimacy for years. She didn't want kids. I did.
should have stayed with the wife lesson learned
Then they leave again 3 to 6 months later with the same triggers
My question is why do you call them and other people call your lovers exes I think we can just call them users and if you want to be used go right ahead and listen to what this guy's trying to tell you
The best explanation of avoidants I’ve heard on RUclips. My situationship ended exactly for this reason and I sometimes feel like it was so easy for her to lose me out her life because she risks losing her independence and freedom.
Same thing here it was a relationsituationdhip bc it we dated in the worst time possible. We didn't have enough time after we got together but prior to that we were talking 24/7 but then shit escalated me asking for attention and her asking for freedom. Me asking for communication her disappearing for days because of her problems. Sad. Very sad and heartbreaking.
@@Trust_worthy_24 yeah I think the spectrum has two different needs and they just clash but an avoidant always attracts the anxious style you just gotta work on yourself
My DA ex girlfriend after 7 months of dating broke up with me with no reason whatsoever. Her reason was ridicolous and it was just a excuse to leave. I tried to convince her not to do it but i never begged or anything. After 5 weeks of no contact she reached out to me without anything significant. I talk with her like with a buddy. Just few sentences a day. Its just a small talk. She never mentioned anything about us and what happenned. She is reaching out to me from everyday from two weeks with good morning text etc. The conversation is very casual and on easy daily topics. However couple of times conversation went very sexual, she said if she would be living closer and it wasnt be so late in the evening she would come to me for a "cup of coffe". Once we arrane a meeting to go for a shopping together like we used to do but eventually she didnt come and later she apologised and she told me that she was very affraid to meet me. When i asked her why she said that she is affraid of herself and that she would start kissing me... And my question is: what does she want from me???? I am so confused... If she wants to go back together why she just cant propose a meeting to talk with me?
Excellent words of encouragement thank you when you truly love someone you should be willing to adjust expectations and work through things together.
Very well said my friend. I'm going through this now. I'm now back into the friend zone and hoping she regains some attraction towards me.
NEVER accept the friendzone terms. You gotta go no contact on her and tell her to contact you in the future if she wants to be romantically involved with you. Cut ties and go no contact as hard as that might be for you. Staying friends is not what you want, so why do it? Afraid of losing her permanently? Flip the script and make her afraid of losing you to someone else permanently.
@@EagleEye88 she's a dismissive avoidant. I've done no contact. It didn't even phase her. Some people are strong, I'm not. Unfortunately she has full control and I'm her puppet. I know this will end badly for me with loads more pain. I'm already an anxious mess.
@@droflivelife I assume you are a young guy that hasn’t dated many women. The only way she is going to learn is if you cut her off permanently and never look back. When I was 16-17 my gf of 2 years left me for some other guy, and I was completely devastated and thought I would never meet another girl like her ever again. I thought my life was over and done with. Once I moved on and got over it, I met several different women and had even better relationships with smarter, hotter, and more amazing women. You only live once, and if someone is playing mind games and jerking you around, you say screw this and quit talking to them. You have to move on and get busy talking to other women. You should check out Coach Corey Wayne’s channel as well and watch his vids.
@@droflivelife Just take it one moment at a time. If you can go one - three months do it. Get dental work, new hair cut, new shoes, clothes, purchase that Louis Vuitton cologne for men, frequent a spot where you might run into her and briefly pass her in a long distance sweep. If she calls, don't answer the phone, go to a concert, go to the mall, and be in eye shot of her. Make her work for you. Just go longer than you did the last time she avoided you. By the time she hears your voice again, she will be moaning for you, but don't give it to her. Make her beg.Then dump her. Move on and keep dating, until you find a permanent replacement. You do not have to take no crap from nobody.
@@EagleEye88 does this work? and what do the other person think when i said "contact me if you want to be romantically involve"?
Truth! I am the avoidant in the relationship. Dating an anxious. Everything he says is true!
Our freedom, our space, our autonomy is the biggest thing ever
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Please, how do i find one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Update? My 5 year relationship ended a month ago
they can’t offer love you definitely be in a relationship alone
Thank you. I hope she eventually reaches out and comes back.
Okay
It's been a year, did she come back?
@@mehdibrk Nope!! Reached out last October because of a friend of hers I met was dying.
Looking back, I miss some things her I did. I miss her dogs from time to time. But I don’t miss her anymore.
I’ve dated several healthier women since. I don’t miss her when I reflect on how it all went down.
What about the avoident respecting my boundaries?
Thanks Coach. Your words are really encouraging.
The avoidant is just slang word for a Narc when thry blocked you they had other supply...Trust me..This avoidant stuff is nonsence .
I don’t understand their boundaries because that seems to be wanting to disappear whenever. A boundary is communicated. Disappearing is cruel.
They need to be ALONE 7 years and I’m finally done.
“Ugh so needy”
But they live bomb so hard that people want need and crave them
Nope. His loss. He has trauma issues. Youre 55 grow up!
Maybe the love is hurting him... too bad God told me to love this man and until The Almighty says stop I will not. Neither one of us perfect yet... and we both got space to grow. The good life I desire I'm not even in to give my man the best peace, joy, comfort and good atmosphere yet so right now support and blessings is what we both really need.
I wish I knew more about attachment styles. When he pulled back, I tried to provide support but the sort of support I would ideally need in time of hardship. I didn’t know about avoidance attachments and what THEY need. Now I’m learning. Our relationship got to where I felt disrespected and I had to break up with someone I loved.
Yes same here wish I cauld have figured that out 7 month ago when he left ...I am pretty sure it's to late now he does not even talk to me 😢
@@petrabuschhausen3129 I’m sure you added so much value to his life in other ways and unfortunately him being an avoidant finds it hard to reflect.
give her the strength to work through her attachment style and realize . just like i did ♥ Bless you MFL
So what do you do when they reach out and want to speak and hang out with, even tell you they’re attracted to you, but still say to you they don’t want to be with you?
You say, with respect, “as much as I miss what we had, I dont think its appropriate to either of our futures, that we remain as friends when you made your feelings clear on how you felt about us”
How to deal with them if they come back
If you aren’t willing to self reflect you simply won’t change. We can’t change and because they have gotten away with this attachment style they won’t change either.
There need to be far more videos on “how they need to find a therapy that works for them to be happy and healthy than videos on how to tip toe around them.
Many of these videos seem to come from that perspective, how to handle them. The work you have to do, while they are just doing the same things. It’s like how to live with an abusive alcoholic.
Instead of how to get an alcoholic to not be an alcoholic.
Most alcoholic have to have a major scare to get help, same with a DA. If they have been through, one, two, three divorces, or meaning relationships, if they have broken up their family, if their kids decide to live with the other parent, something major that forces them to want to change most simply will not do the work to change. It takes a major breakthrough unfortunately many just won’t do it.
I think being needy is also a problem so there is both sides of the spectrum. The goal is to be as close to secure as possible
The problem is, as you said, they do not want to change. Therefore, it wouldn't do any good to have videos telling them what they need to do to change. They think there is nothing wrong them and that it is others who are the problem. It is probably very rare that an avoidant goes looking for therapy. They have no concept of what a relationship should be and they don't want to participate enough to find out.
💯
I believe that this message is for me. Because right before I open my phone and heard this I was feeling just like that. Like u just said in this video. Thank you so much for sharing this message cuz I needed to hear this ❤so thank you again. 😊I hope she comes back to me. Only God knows on how much I’m missing her.
if your ex is dismissive avoidant, you can get her back easily
i recently just got mine back, but it took me having to admit my part in the abrupt breakup. i had to instead of holding her fully accountable for us breaking up, admit the role i played, even if it was small to me, in the break up happening in the first place.
she ended up being open to communication and ended up wanting to see me, and we reconciled things after a deep talk about how we can fix this but i had to lower my pride to admit my role, (which was being too aggressive in calling out her unmatched disrespect) which opened her up. she thought breaking up was the best option even though she didn’t want to
with these girls they’re like babies sometimes. it doesn’t matter how you’re feeling or if they just vomited all over your clothes before work,
it’s about THEM and how THEYRE feeling ANYWAY!! us guys have to cater to that unfortunately. even at the expense of taking disrespect sometimes, but there’s always a line when it comes to that. it’s up to you pick your poison, and decide how much you can take. my best advice is, if you’re in a toxic relationship with your girlfriend. practice staying calm and composed even when you’ve been disrespected. she’ll come around with her tail between her legs apologizing.
if you don’t react, she’ll quickly realize that her plan to rile you up, so that her initial disrespect can be disregarded and forgotten about, didn’t work, and she has no choice to but to be an angel again, or to simply leave.
they’re all the same. it doesn’t matter about all these attachment styles or if they have daddy issues.
like i said, pick your poison wisely. just some have lower or higher potency which will kill you slower or faster.
the slower ones are the ones who were raised well and in a good environment, and know how to respect a man who knows how to treat a woman. but they’ll still test you. it’s natural to them. be safe
stay composed and alert with any girl your dealing with
They don't come back and they don't miss you when they RESENTS YOU because of flaw finding and absurd, ridicolous reasons created in their sick heads just to justify their decision to break up with you. And no contact will not make them to change their mind and come back
The person Im dealing with has a lot of avoidant tendencies but is still clingy at the same time.
Could be a fearful avoidant
I think I have lost mine for life.
💔😔
He will come back believe me
Did they come back?
Me too, 6 weeks now and I know he is active on dating sites 💔
i had an ex come back after 10 months bro, it’ll happen in breadcrumbs or directly. mine followed me on lG wanting me to message her first
During NC.. What if a friend or cousin communicate with your ex and always talk about you as their only topic to keep them in touch.. How do you handle that situation ?
I just deleted my nephew's fb account after I discovered this sh*t
Tell them to not telling your ex about your business
@@benithacalloway8286 I told him 2 times but he seems not to have a sense to listen..
@@cassiuszm958 then they have no no respect for you
Yes😄, absolutely helpful 💕 🙌
I didn't respect his boundaries. will he still come back?? he feels safe around me but i never was there for him
Wow 😢this hit hard and gave me perspective. Thank you
She's not coming back.. it's been two months after no contact and she hasn't come back
Did she come back?
@@sabreyes_ nop... She never came back or never contacted me ever since. I should have known. We were only dating for two months and she dumped me via text message. Oh well... I was trying to hard to be honest.. people don't like that
I've gone NC with friends and women and 99% of the time they come back. But it can take several months, a year or even two.
@@alanrodriguez210I wouldn’t even want them back after that long period of time. Imagine the amount of people they’ve slept with during that time? Yeah no, they can stay away from me. I don’t want someone else’s sloppy seconds.
did u self reflect
i wish i could heal him. we are already engaged and knew each other from 3 yo
Thank you bro, all I needed today was to hear you say this.
What makes an avoidant come back (Avoidant here🖐🏿) is to know he can trust her, feeling respected and vulnerable. Oh, I agree with the part of letting him go ... letting him go find a secure partner that will be a better fit than the one on the previous toxic relationship.
Thank you gents, but I moved on a long time ago. Best of lucks in your endeavors.
No, yall need therapy.
Hi Coach! I still live with my avoidant ex....we broke up a month and a half ago . At the beginning while I was at a friend's house he wrote me a sad love letter about how it's grey without me..and he kept sending texts etc but now that I'm back at his house ( in another room) he's distant or hot and cold. I am away for a week and he asked me details about my flights but didn't even say goodbye.....is it still early? Will it take longer ? I haven't showed emotion etc but I'm pretty sad and confused. I don't know for sure how it will go this time. ...
😢😢😢
Best content on this topic!
Can becoming friends help to get him back? Or is it worse than no contact?
never stay friends with an ex
Offered her no contact for at least some time to get us both back on our feet and she turned around 2 days later. lol
Thank you x
My ex is bread crumbing me and also sent a tiktok saying I was the best and she has hope in us. I replied and she left me on read imma confront her about this the next time she contacts me. Am I doing good??
No when she contacts again leave her on read
@@Yooitscarlos okay she sent a iMessage game so I ignore that? What if I want her back too?
Wait a day or two
@@Yooitscarlos okay she sent me the first game and said play me on Tuesday and callled me while I was sleep and said Ik you saw my message. Next day calls me again to play it I ask why she said nvm. I played it back she left it on read on Sunday and sent it again Tuesday at 8pm it’s now Wednesday bout to be Thursday. Keep leaving it unread?
@@JonesyyWrld So far you're doing good but don't reply back. Only reply to significant messages and when u do reply keep it cold, simple, and straight to the point. Make sure you end the conversation and if she try to keep it going don't reply and get back into no contact until she contact with another significant contact. So far she's back hot and cold which is a good sign. The goal is to make her feel pain so she can go through the emotions of fear of loss. If you keep excising wht I said she will come running wanting to see u in person. O.... and never reply right away wait atleast a hour or a whole day.
If it's meant to be...
This healed something in me. Gave me peace whether he comes back or not I will be happy and content. Thank you and I love you 🤍
Dude your advice is right on but the music in the background makes me want to vomit.
Great advice dude but horrible annoying music in the background!