I always wonder the same thing when I hear stories like this one. Why marry someone who has kids if you want nothing to do with stepchildren? My dad (former stepdad but adopted me on my 18th birthday) came into my life when I was 14. He is the most incredible man. He loves me as though I came from his own flesh and blood, never treating me differently from his biological kids, who are my true brothers and sister. For 39 years he has been my partenal rock.
He will look back with regret long before then. His marriage is a sham because his wife already proved that she does not love him. She abused his daughter and it is not possible to love a person AND abuse that person's child. And if the OP and her husband have one or more children together he will want to be a part of his grandchildren's lives but they have cut him off. And even IF he has an epiphany and realizes what an @$$H0l3 he had been like the metaphorical "boy who cried wolf" he won't be able to be trusted to make amends because paying for the wedding was disguised as "making amends" to her and look how that ended up.
@@bighenry6633 My response got deleted even though I said nothing offensive at all. Simply said that his loneliness would happen when his marriage fails (she does not love him. You cannot abuse a person's child and love a person) he will want to see his grand children grow up if the OP has any children and he won't be allowed to. The AI censor keeps deleting comments that are not offensive at all and are totally appropriate.
Maybe I am wrong here. I do not always due well with social conventions due to suffering from Asperger's syndrome but I think to say nothing of the fact that it would have been a huge LIE with the opposite being true that even if the OP had had a wonderful and nurturing relationship with her step mother that demanding such a specific speech at her wedding would have been inappropriate for her father to do.
She still has a lot of work to do. She is still harboring a longing for a relationship with her father. Let it go, he is a narcissist and toxic as all get out. Move and and stop being,a doormat.
A case like that is more expensive than OP's wedding. Her lawyer could rightly say that this isn't about being paid back for the wedding. It's about abuse and control. OP really needs a therapist to explain that her dad is a monster, has always been a monster, and will never change. Kids who keep this delusion are only hurting themselves and allowing the monster to hurt them more.
When I was a child first being taught algebra negative numbers were hard to grasp. At first I could not intuitively grasp a number being LESS than zero. It was an alien concept to me but I did manage to learn it. Well if you do nothing at all for someone like a homeless person asks for a dime and you ignore them walking by its ZERO generosity. If you give them a dollar its a little bit of positive generosity. Actually stealing money from the homeless person (very evil) would be negative generosity. A "gift" with strings attached especially when those strings are NEGATIVE forcing a victim of abuse or neglect to lie about it and praise their abuser is in my opinion even lower than just nothing at all. It is NEGATIVE generosity and had the father not contributed at all to the wedding I would have seen it as MORE generous than what actually happened.
How can OP question that she did the right thing? One thing is that her father wanted her to thank her father and his wife. Its much worse he demanded OP would call his wife for OP's real mother instead of OP's bio mother. It seems her father still wants to humiliate his ex. If OP had accepted to say her bio mother wasn't her real mother then she would have crushed the heart of the only person who was there 100% for her through her childhood. Doesn't OP see that THIS would be a cruel thing to say even if she doesn't mean it. She should have told her father she would categorically refuse to speak poorly of the only real parent she had, her mother. Then he wouldn't have been surprised at the wedding speech.
Cannot understand why the father's lawyer would take this case? There was no written or verbal agreement for repayment. He doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. And your lawyer is trash for letting the courts drag this on. I would countersue for legal fees. Should have hired my nephew. He would have gone for the jugular. you settled out of court? Man oh man, did you hire an incompetent piece of shit as your legal counsel. What? Was he a Public Defender in a former life? lol.
If the father actually comes to his senses later on and wants to make amends he won't be able to because paying for the wedding was framed as "making amends" and now it is like the metaphorical "boy who cried wolf". Even if he wants to make genuine amends in the future the OP will expect there to be a catch.
What a bull crap she is being a doormat and simp and only talking about mental toll and i assuming that op husband got sick of her behaviour because of her submissive behaviour. And updates are not any different and there are only timings were different and this op is useless crap and same content with the updates. Quit the thought of dad's little princess and be like a strong woman and stand up for your relationship. SIMp
I honestly dont get the stress of a legal battle beyond the financial burden. Ive mastered the art of not being attached to anyone or anything so much i cannot bear to lose it. I also never worry about things i have no control over. Unless money was an issue id keep going. I one got into a back and forth in a comment section and most of my responses were short and snappy. It went on for over a month because i just turned it into a choir. It didnt weigh on me but i didn't yield either. Eventually i got what i wanted. They gave up and walked away so to speak. Its like when i was growing up, when other kids tried to go at me i was relentless, not in a nasty way, more like the water drop torture. Drip drip drip on the forehead. Little things. Death of a thousand cuts. It got to be no one messed with me because i would be like the water eroding the rock. And i always set the terms of success because it doesnt matter of others think you won or lost. It mattered if you thought you wom or lost.
Jfc, repetitive reflections on the situation is 99% of thia post and actual updates in 1%.. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much jibber jabber! Get to the freaking point! And in the end op ends up being a doormat.
I always wonder the same thing when I hear stories like this one. Why marry someone who has kids if you want nothing to do with stepchildren?
My dad (former stepdad but adopted me on my 18th birthday) came into my life when I was 14. He is the most incredible man. He loves me as though I came from his own flesh and blood, never treating me differently from his biological kids, who are my true brothers and sister. For 39 years he has been my partenal rock.
rule of thumb: never get involved with someone with kids.
You can't choose your relatives, but you CAN pick your family
Her father will look back at this one day when he is dying alone, and remember. Too late then.
He will look back with regret long before then. His marriage is a sham because his wife already proved that she does not love him. She abused his daughter and it is not possible to love a person AND abuse that person's child. And if the OP and her husband have one or more children together he will want to be a part of his grandchildren's lives but they have cut him off.
And even IF he has an epiphany and realizes what an @$$H0l3 he had been like the metaphorical "boy who cried wolf" he won't be able to be trusted to make amends because paying for the wedding was disguised as "making amends" to her and look how that ended up.
He'll just get one of his nurses to contact her, and I bet she goes running back for his "love"!
@@bighenry6633 My response got deleted even though I said nothing offensive at all. Simply said that his loneliness would happen when his marriage fails (she does not love him. You cannot abuse a person's child and love a person) he will want to see his grand children grow up if the OP has any children and he won't be allowed to. The AI censor keeps deleting comments that are not offensive at all and are totally appropriate.
Or he'll look back and gloat that he defeated OP in the court room and showed her "her place." He is incapable of anything else.
@@Zurroundmy comments are also deleted several time and they are not offensive and it is were frustrating to write everything again
'ended up paying a portion'. what a doormat
If it ment she fully cut contact with her dad and step mom, it would be worth it
Maybe I am wrong here. I do not always due well with social conventions due to suffering from Asperger's syndrome but I think to say nothing of the fact that it would have been a huge LIE with the opposite being true that even if the OP had had a wonderful and nurturing relationship with her step mother that demanding such a specific speech at her wedding would have been inappropriate for her father to do.
She still has a lot of work to do. She is still harboring a longing for a relationship with her father. Let it go, he is a narcissist and toxic as all get out. Move and and stop being,a doormat.
Doormated out in the end I would've counter sued for abuse and abandonment.
At least cover the legal fees.
A case like that is more expensive than OP's wedding. Her lawyer could rightly say that this isn't about being paid back for the wedding. It's about abuse and control. OP really needs a therapist to explain that her dad is a monster, has always been a monster, and will never change. Kids who keep this delusion are only hurting themselves and allowing the monster to hurt them more.
When I was a child first being taught algebra negative numbers were hard to grasp. At first I could not intuitively grasp a number being LESS than zero. It was an alien concept to me but I did manage to learn it.
Well if you do nothing at all for someone like a homeless person asks for a dime and you ignore them walking by its ZERO generosity. If you give them a dollar its a little bit of positive generosity. Actually stealing money from the homeless person (very evil) would be negative generosity.
A "gift" with strings attached especially when those strings are NEGATIVE forcing a victim of abuse or neglect to lie about it and praise their abuser is in my opinion even lower than just nothing at all. It is NEGATIVE generosity and had the father not contributed at all to the wedding I would have seen it as MORE generous than what actually happened.
If it wasn't in writing, how does your dad expect and explain the payback?
How can OP question that she did the right thing?
One thing is that her father wanted her to thank her father and his wife. Its much worse he demanded OP would call his wife for OP's real mother instead of OP's bio mother. It seems her father still wants to humiliate his ex.
If OP had accepted to say her bio mother wasn't her real mother then she would have crushed the heart of the only person who was there 100% for her through her childhood. Doesn't OP see that THIS would be a cruel thing to say even if she doesn't mean it.
She should have told her father she would categorically refuse to speak poorly of the only real parent she had, her mother. Then he wouldn't have been surprised at the wedding speech.
let this be a a lesson: toxic P's will ALWAYS be toxic. they do not change. might be one in a 100,000.. but do not trust them. ever.
Cannot understand why the father's lawyer would take this case? There was no written or verbal agreement for repayment.
He doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. And your lawyer is trash for letting the courts drag this on. I would countersue for legal fees. Should have hired my nephew. He would have gone for the jugular.
you settled out of court? Man oh man, did you hire an incompetent piece of shit as your legal counsel. What? Was he a Public Defender in a former life? lol.
If the father actually comes to his senses later on and wants to make amends he won't be able to because paying for the wedding was framed as "making amends" and now it is like the metaphorical "boy who cried wolf". Even if he wants to make genuine amends in the future the OP will expect there to be a catch.
What a bull crap she is being a doormat and simp and only talking about mental toll and i assuming that op husband got sick of her behaviour because of her submissive behaviour. And updates are not any different and there are only timings were different and this op is useless crap and same content with the updates. Quit the thought of dad's little princess and be like a strong woman and stand up for your relationship. SIMp
legally there is no contract.
leopards do not change their spots. malicious compliance
I honestly dont get the stress of a legal battle beyond the financial burden. Ive mastered the art of not being attached to anyone or anything so much i cannot bear to lose it. I also never worry about things i have no control over. Unless money was an issue id keep going. I one got into a back and forth in a comment section and most of my responses were short and snappy. It went on for over a month because i just turned it into a choir. It didnt weigh on me but i didn't yield either. Eventually i got what i wanted. They gave up and walked away so to speak. Its like when i was growing up, when other kids tried to go at me i was relentless, not in a nasty way, more like the water drop torture. Drip drip drip on the forehead. Little things. Death of a thousand cuts. It got to be no one messed with me because i would be like the water eroding the rock. And i always set the terms of success because it doesnt matter of others think you won or lost. It mattered if you thought you wom or lost.
Nine rings this was a waste of my time to listen to, shame all R/ channels start off good then start dragging on.
Jfc, repetitive reflections on the situation is 99% of thia post and actual updates in 1%.. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much jibber jabber! Get to the freaking point! And in the end op ends up being a doormat.
and why even talk to this *****
Settlement?