Why self help will not change your life | Marianne Power | TEDxLeamingtonSpa
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- In this humorous and witty talk, Marianne walks us through the year she spent dedicated to, not only reading one self-help book a month, but actually following everything it recommended with some disastrous consequences. Marianne is a writer and freelance journalist who lives in London. Her first book, Help Me!, is about her attempt to sort her life out by following the rules of a different self-help book every month for a year. The book has been translated into 28 languages and has been optioned for television. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
THE problem of self help industry is that it creates Unrealistic standards of how great life should be and unrealistic pressures that you put on yourself to be perfect.! She said it all
yes u nailed it
people should understand how things are instead of how it should be
Absolutely Right
I disagree :) it works for some, doesn’t work for others. A lot of times it can depend on what or who you are listening to, and how honest you are with yourself. It’s not supposed to be taken so literally like following instructions, it implants a perspective or attitude that will compound. It’s what you get out of it. I have noticed if you do not check in with yourself spiritually, it can be a huge waste of time doing ANY self help things. It doesn’t give you solutions and answers, it presents an energy or “vibe” so to say. For myself personally, it reminds me of the beauty in a “miserable” life. I feel sorry for people like this woman, because it’s not BS. I just sense an energy of nihilism and acute narcissism, but I hope I’m wrong.
This is correct from a feminine perspective. Feminine energy is about the present moment and the flow of love.
The masculine energy is about progression and providing.
3 necessary skills for personal development:
1. GROWTH mindset - get away from the "fixed mindset" where you are afraid of getting out of your comfort zone.
2. STAY CALM - learn how to de-stress yourself and de-escalate a tense situation
3. RESILIENCE - learn to bounce right back: learn from your mistake and try again.
These are really the things that matter.
I really don’t like the big self help industry MONETIZING.
But I really really believe in all the wisdom and there are helpful parts
I'm thinking that having a sense of humor is of utmost importance. Humor in discussing something scary can pull away a curtain and reveal what is actually behind it. And in doing so may put things in a clearer, more truer light wherein we then see that it's not as bad as all that and we just may be able to handle whatever is thrown at us.
4. STAY HEALTHY
Are there any books or where do I learn to be calm and destress
No these are necessary for YOU not everyone else.
Great great talk! Loved it!!! It’s not all “self help is scam” or “self help is the answer”. It’s the middle ground that everyone needs to hear.
As a self confessed self-help addict, this talk and Marianne's book really 'got me'. This is a talk I'll watch time and time again.
me too!
tbh, genre and literary fictions have helped me more than self-help books.
This talk is so underrated! Thank you for being genuine, Marianne!
I would say we're all broken AND we don't need to be fixed. Acceptance IS the answer. But yeah, we are all less "broken" or flawed then we think we are. For 99.99% of us, we are our own worst critics.
I am quite surprised to see only 149K got to see this mind opening experience
Listening to this at work & was in tears at the end. She pinned point so many mutual feelings that i have about myself. This just reminded me that’s everything will be okay and to not stress myself out too much over the little things. Everyone isn’t perfect and has flaws. The world isn’t ending bc of me and my actions (i say this bc i place so much blame on myself I’d literally blame the end of the world on myself). It’s an everyday battle but I’m willing to conquer the challenge. At the end of the day it’ll all make sense.
Something that did actually help me in my life was doing more risky, scary or uncomfortable things. Not things that were scary to others, but things that were scary to me. Things that I actually wanted to do.
It actually helped my anxiety, up to a certain point.
I get her point though... You shouldn't have unrealistic expectations of yourself.
The problem is, there are amazing self help books, which really are helpful. Picking out the right one(s) is the difficult part. I think the best way is to look for books that are grounded in scientific research like for example "The happiness trap" which was written by a clinical psychologist who can really proove the effectiveness of the methods in the book.
Then it looks is not self help but medical literature, making it look like self help is a brilliant move.
S
the problem is ppl go into them with issues already and like her take them so literal to where youre doing every single thing and youre taken over by it. The smarter idea is grabbing small parts of it that produce meaningful results in your life and build off that. Even the most positive helpful things in the world if taken to their logical extremes are going to cause harm to you..
Yes. This is exactly what I tend to do. Not some "guru". There are some good self-help books out there too!
Something that’s absolutely essential to making it work is to pick one book or one course at a time and let it really sit with you for a while. Lots of self help junkies (me included) chase more and more information and paralyse ourselves with the endless stream of content.
The problem with the self help industry is that too many people believe that simple participation will fix their lives. IE "I read a Tony Robbins book and all will improve." Robbins gives excellent advice at times. And I'm sure that if one had thousands of dollars to throw away his seminars would be a positive experience. But the root of self help as I tell my own subscribers is this. Self. Most intuitively know that they have to have a positive mindset, have to have good strategy to advance and have to use massive effort. The self help gurus may be helpful in some aspects of turning your life around. Some strategical methods. But if you are spending all of your time reading book after book and chasing these gurus all the time on YT or around the country (including me) then you will never be focused on the actual advancement part. I'm only small time but this is my constant advice--take what works and discard what doesn't. You shouldn't be spending thousands of dollars when the real origin of change is in the mirror. Hope that helps someone out there--Charles.
The dear person that's reading this, we don't know each other or we might do but I wish you all the best in life don't ever blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Your smile is precious and a key tu a happy life🙂
Don't blame yourself and going forward got me
The whole problem lies in approaching it in a way that you can turn your life 180° from a single book.
In a month
This is a very underrated Ted talk. One of the more human ones I’ve heard.
This talk deserves way more views and ears than it currently has.
i love how chill and smiley the crowd and she is
Man in really respect her for being so brave and put it all out on talk
"how many people here read self-help?" rai ses hand
"and how many here think it's complete rubbish?" raises hand again
🖐🏻🖐🏻🖐🏻👋🏻
So few likes and less views. Shows the mentality of our society. This is gold. Thank you.
Just finished her book in one sitting! Wonderfully real and moving!
I'm the living proof of how self-help books work! And I'm the happiest and best I've ever been. It's what you do or don't with the information, not the books themselves. Instead of all the doing, fixing, wanting, needing more, wish you could've just stopped for a minute to see and appreciate how much you have. What changed my life from them is to be ok with not being ok, and to see how enough I am without being perfect nor having more.
I think at the end she actually proved how those books worked after all. It just took much longer for them to kick in.
Can you please suggest some books to read.
@@samkobaisi1 The Power of Now, The alchemist, The untethered soul, The 4 agreements, A return to Love, The 7 spiritual laws of success- more on the innest soul realm. Atomic habits, Rich dad poor dad, The 4 hour work week - more on the day-to-day realm. Hope you'll enjoy reading some of them.
@@yansouldance you are still lost
Self help books are beneficial, as long as you take actions and not just mindless consumption.
cope - did you actually listen to this woman? she DID the things mentioned in these books and it was all worthless junk
@@James_36 what are you trying to defend bro
So glad that she said The Power of Now helped her because it's also what kickstarted a big positive change in my life
Great message I think everyone needs to hear. This woman is a gem, a diamond in the rough. She is really cool just being herself. I will watch and rewatch this video over and over.
Nice talk. What she does not dare to say out loud (because of social acceptability): There definitely IS something wrong with you, because of the materialistic way modern society has conditioned you. Simply accepting who you are is not enough. You must be open to look deep into yourself and possibly admit that you are a short-sighted, prejudiced, selfish brat (how dare you tell me that?? I have rights! I am entitled!!). The way back to inner wholeness and self-mastery is a long way of committed reading, living and growing.
For a self-help sceptic, there is a surprising amount of helpful, self-help advice.
@GHØSTFATE not quite; self-help would not work on people doing it out of self-hatred so I think she's onto something here
@@kayla7242 self help is a scam
Thank you for your honesty
One of the best TEDx talks I have ever seen.
Beautiful! I love how this truly helped me appreciate now. God bless those on the same journey
i'm listening to her book about this journey right now... and it's amazing! I am making time to listen to it and even got my friends into it.
There are always perspectives on every way. It is just the meaning we put on each experiences, that is how we maneuver our life, not to be told by anyone else.
This was an amazing ted talk. She’s so well spoken and so brave to do all of those things. I’m really proud of her and this talk has helped me put things in different perspective. Thank you!
Great talk. Great points. I remember the other TED talk with similar title also speak of approaching self-help from a position of growth rather than achieving goals and not to let other people control who you should become; instead look inwards and start from there.
In my humble opinion there's no harm on reading self-help books. As long as you hone your BS detector and watch out for those really bad ones.
Fantastic talk I really love the audiobook too, so much better with Marianne (and her mum!) reading it.
Wow such an intelligent person. I can understand all what she’s been saying, because I myself have been through the same thing.
Wonderful comment!
I just finished the book and it gave me a new, completely different understand of the self help industry and of myself. You described so many different situations that I completely identified with and at certain points I felt what you felt along your journey. Thank you for this illumination 🙏
I can only recommend the book to everyone who is trying to find herself/himself and to those who just want to have a refreshing view on self help. This book really inspired me 😊
really enjoyable talk - funny, witty and with a powerful message. I'm not sure the top self-help gurus would approve though :)
Ive just finished her book and was glad to figure out that she is so open to speak the words. That shows wisdom.
They say, there are 3 sources you may find the truth:
1. Scriptures
2. Wise masters
3. Own experience
3rd point is the most important.
I love certain self help authors because it's a mostly positive message which I didnt hear much growing up.
Beautiful message, great talk, thank you
Title: "Why self help will not change your life"
Talk: "How self-help books changed my life drastically, first for worse, then for the better."
Me: Confused.
Hotel: Trivago.
HAHAHAHA
😂😂😂😂
Yes... Haha 😆😆
LOL
thanks for the warning
Very helpful good talk. I hope her warmth and smashing smile will give her all she would like.
Amazing talk! Thank you so much.
I think was the best ted talk so far! And I love all the ones I’ve heard.
Thank you so much. This has helped greatly.
Just came across your book "help me" summary, and found your Ted talk... I was about to indulge in reading some self help books. My plan was to start read from August till December 2022.
Thanks your insight i will be cautious of what I read and why I will try to implement..
There is a difference between motivation & self help, and self disillusion industry is even worse.
I so resonate with this talk!
Thank you,Marianne 🙏💕
Amazing talk ❤️ very deep meaningful thaughts
Thank you TED talk 💐
So Authentic and Sweet!
I remember reading a lot of self help books when I was younger(I read all the ones she mensioned) and I noticed that after a while the information began to have the same messages. I never had the negative outcome that she experienced, but they really never helped me (well except for "fell the fear and do it anyway", and "the power of now.") Most self help books were good at letting me know the cause of my problems, but they never really gave me any helpful ways to solve then. But, I don't feel I wasted my time reading them(except for that silly book "the secret.")
Amazing Talk. Really honest and to the point.
I was once a self hep junkie and it messed my life. I would have this high like I was on coke while reading a book and after that I was a mess, numb and depressed. As a result I resigned from a great paying job “to follow my heart and dreams” which ended me jobless for more than 2 years. I still love reading but more on practical things currently about memory enhancement and tidying.
Her smile 🤍🤌
Very beautiful English accent and also of course a learningfull message. Thanks for sharing to us.
Fabulous talk! I ran out of brain-space to store all the "that's fantastic, I must remember that" moments. Going to watch it again...
I think the biggest takeaway we can all get is that we have to remind ourselves that we are doing it for ourselves instead of beating yourself up we need the new perspective of how cool this thing can help me and she is right about progress not perfection.
This is insane. Speechless.
Impactful, thank you ❤️
Who you are is who you are, in the moment. Become who you want to be by taking the steps required to be that person - not expecting it to miraculously happen just because you say it will be. You can't skip steps to be there. You need to take the steps to get where you want to be. Following your intuition and concious is a good start. Don't be a fraud - be genuine in your actions and you will get good results. Godspeed!
I have to say I agree with her 100%. I have bought so many "self-help books and tried and tried, and it ends up being this mess because you feel you need to be happy, content and constantly smiling otherwise you're not making progress..,and I find that forcing to smile and forcing to be happy, and faking it till making it so ridiculous. If you can't express your true emotions and acknowledge them and understand why you're feeling what you're feeling you can't ever move pass the trauma, sadness and depression. So often we feel abnormal if we feel sad, confused, lost, isolated, and depressed. And those are all parts of natural and healthy ways to feel, it is not realistic to be happy all the time, laughing all the time and being on cloud nine, not unless you're on some drugs. I don't think as a society we are told we are ever okay as we are, no we are constantly told we need to be better, have higher education, have better job, get a nicer car, have better clothes, have more money, have more things and it becomes this ongoing cycle of trying to get to the next destination and get to the next best thing and it ends up taking us away from what really matters.
I AM against self help but I loved the way she talked about it, great video!
I believe we need to cultivate body and mind (with exercises and learning)
The soul and the heart are so mysterious there is no miracle solution. Those are feed with nature and loved one.
Keep it simple and do what you love.
Love your book!
A self-help book on how self-help books are bad.... WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
amazing talk!!!
Wonderful talk Marianne!
What an awesome talk! 👏👏
That hit home hard
This was so naturally presented, almost perfect 👀🤣
The power of NOW! Thank you:)
beautiful!
"You are ok the way you are. If you get up every morning and do your best to be a decent person, that's really enough."
I don't fix myself. I know I am good enough and want to become even better.
"So, it's great to get the guidance and the wisdom, but please remember that you're OK the way you are. If you get up every morning and do your best to be a decent person, that's really enough... I thought I was broken and I needed to fix myself, and I now see that I was never broken and I didn't need to fix myself. And neither do you!"
I loved this book.
This is so amazing and True 😁
Very good!
Fantastic. Beautiful! The fact that you have ear-to-ear grin and playful vibe is enough. The rest... getting of your comfort zone whether it via improv or jumping out of plane are just enriching experiences serving as gloss.
The title of this video should be why “the Secret is complete bs.” Some of the self help books she used clearly helped.
An honest interpretation of the self help books👍💯
I love the Jay Leno Canadian Tuxedo
Self-limitation is a factor in failing to use quality personal improvement measures. Fix the internal resistance, first❤️.
great advice! looking for a self help book on how not to consume self help books
IMHO walking the self-help path is in any case a trigger to being responsible towards yourself, knowing you can and must improve, and gets you asking questions and inching your way forward through trial and error. In any case... beware of gurus.
I do believe some people get addicted to just reading self help and never get around to apply it .. I think she was a typical example.. its not that self help doesn't work. but it certainly doesn't work when not applied consistently.
"Self-help books didn't help. Then they did for a bit. Then they didn't. Then I read The Power Of Now. It helped."
I’ve had that sitting on my shelf for a while, must read especially if a therapist recommended it
She is funny but her message is true. However, selp help books have helped me a lot when I was in my teens..
@yeh het No, it is not a self help book with commercial interests.
@Pohjois Disaster Moon Damn that's a nice income, do you get any free time to date, watch movies etc? or do you have to sacrifice it all
Good stuffs always have less views?
If self help books really worked, there wouldn't be so many new ones being published.
I think that there are definitely some self-help proclaimed books out there that are kinda far-fetched 😭 but the most important thing to take away from any of them is that you need to do some deep diving and see what is important to you. What are your values and how do you want to live your life? And finally, how can you prep yourself to do things to achieve your goals great or small? Eventually, you will find things that work for you. Try reading a bit about a self help book before you buy it too. Get something that resonates with you. There are different views on how to approach life. Take what you like, change those that you don't and try to live your best life.
This talk is self-help too:-))
Good video... I'm not trying to recommend another self-help book, but there are therapies that deal with your inner critic and accepting your flaws, perhaps that cuts straight to the source of what we are really wanting to get out of self-help, which is the feeling that we are fine the way we are :D
wow soo.good
You are okay, the way you are.
My name is Aliyu am a Nigerian 2020 during coronavirus pandemic is was seriously down started yahoo, when I come in contact with self help book my life change. Am now assisting people to live a good life
One simple question you need to ask is that there were no books like this in olden times yet we see great mathematician, engineers, artist, doctors and many other who are better than many professionals today and more passionate and did they read books like this? obviously not. they all stayed silent and attentive in their actions and learned from that.
Self help book says you can do anything if you just believe. Penn and Teller follow that one with "Eat the sun."
Shes good and funny 😄
There is some good advice in those books, never took a cold shower lol.
We use words to add up thoughts in our heads, emotions are tied to our words which we turn into actions, it’s our acceptance to the reasons we give ourselves to feel these emotions, you wouldn’t agree with me unless you’ve accepted a reason to agree with me, correct?
If there’s more than one way at looking at every situation than why do we beat ourselves up over things we consider as negative?
What’s the point of beating yourselves up from past actions if you can just reject those thoughts and you can accept only positive thoughts.
We’re constantly judging people’s opinions,correct? That’s you judging my opinion if you agree or disagree which means you accepted my opinion and chose to judge it in a positive or negative point of view You shouldn’t have any more mental problems unless you agree that they are worth having anyways so this fixes any problems you thought you had, remember that if something’s a problem that means you accepted reason you’ve given yourselves to have those problems.
Look at the cup half full every time you judge a situation and you’ll never have another problem ever again
Robert Greene books are exceptional
Books that are grounded from scientific research are usually good ones.