For private coaching with Mark visit www.notdefining.com. For group sessions, mentoring and exclusive content join us at patreon.com/notdefining. To support our channel and get priority answers to comments click the JOIN button.
Traditional masculinity states that a man's true purpose in life is to 'serve others' 'bring value to the world' 'give their precious gifts' and eventually die doing so. It also states that a man is only complete with a woman. I was stuck in this toxic (self neglect) mindset for so long in my teens. The truth is that our primary purpose in life is to be our true authentic self (wholeheartedly) and do what makes us and our bodies happy. Secondry purposes are that of the worldly experiences wherein we interact with each other and THEN 'be of service' bring value to the world' 'give our precious gifts'. We are COMPLETE in our own unique individual way. Its not somebody else's job to complete us. Confidence is sexy! Especially when it shines from within like a polished diamond. Everybody doesn't find everyone attractive. Certain kind of people find certain kind of people attractive. When it comes to our individuality and identity, we don't owe any form of explanation to anybody, we do not have to prove anything to anybody, we do not have to impress anybody. In the biological context, males are evolved to be the chaser, the one who fights with other males in order to procreate with a female they find attractive. However, in this modern era, we have a greater understanding of ourselves and all we gotta focus on is to 'Attract' not chase. It just means that we shouldn't let anybody else's existence and opinions define our worth. The phrase 'opposites attract' is old school and exclusive. We can use the phrase 'energy dynamics match' and its a 'fun interplay' of energies (SO JUST ENJOY IT!) This applies to any aspect of life; individual well being, dating, relationships, career, family etc. Tbh, being your true authentic self is just an awesome feeling, I enjoy my solitudes and just looking after this amazing body and the amazing person living in it. Cheers.
Kuldeep, I've said it before and I'll say it again CAN YOU PLEASE JUST DO MY JOB FOR ME?! Wow, reading your comments is like reading the book of a wise spiritual leader of some sort. My friend you inspire me so much. Thank you for blessing this channel with your insights I just don't know what to say. Yes yes and yes to everything you just said. The belief that we are here to serve and die for others is totally toxic and actually destroys both us and creates dependency which doesn't actually help anyone else. It is an ego. It's also something which has been handed down by people who wish to control other humans. Also masculinity is a funny one because actually self confidence is the corner stone of real, divine masculinity. It is the meaning of strength. When we look at the biological level, as you say, males want to show they are strong and worthy of passing on their DNA, so SELF confidence is about saying "I am great", "I am good enough", "I have something worth something". That is literally the bio-essential fundamental message of natural selection in male competition. All traits that "men" are supposed to have, assertiveness, bravery, steadfastness, not being dependent or weak...they all come from this version of self confidence. It's that simple. I even think to a certain extent the whole concept of "gay" "queer" "straight" "masculine" etc. is all a narrative for a certain aspect of natural selection where some are selected for mating and some are conditioned to be non-procreators. When we internalise messages like "you're less of a man" or "you're not valid with a woman as a bi guy" etc. this is all a symptom of that competition. Actually you are so valid. All you have to do is believe it and you will be so shining and valued and respected and wanted and all of that. But it must come from yourself because, especially as a male, no one is going to affirm you if you don't affirm yourself. If your parents didn't affirm you were good enough growing up, because you were seen to be less than in some way, you will grow up to believe it and everyone will walk all over you. You will believe that you're not worthy. So yeah. That is my rant. Not as eloquent as yours but I can't wait to hear more from you my friend. You're so great. Sending so much love x
@@notdefining Haha, I dont have words to express what I felt after reading that reply. Even my friends like to call me as 'modern saint' lol. Your rant was not only eloquent but even more descriptive than my comment. Both of us get to learn from each other and feel valid with our identity. Thats the beauty of life. I am glad that you also mentioned the thing about parents. I am still somewhat perceived as not mature enough in my household. Their opinion doesn't bother or define me, its just that feeling of surprise that how our closed ones whom we love unconditionally often fails to understand us. It is also the generation gap and they've got their own room to unlearn and improve. The world always does it's drama (positive, negative &neutral) and eventually falls in line. Not gonna lie, you and your platform have been a tremendous help in order to feel this happy, secure and confident within my identity. Couldn't wait to learn more from you. And also share my own insights.
@@kuldeepvsoni I'm so proud of you and delighted that we can learn and grow together. I just look forward to sharing and enjoying connecting with you more. You're doing so great. Don't loose your shine. It's very special.
This is my favorite video by you so far! 👏 This is exactly what I needed to hear! Whatcha talkin' bout Mark? You DO speak to millions of people! ( Putting positive vibes out ) As a spiritual LGBT guy, I LOVE what you were saying at the end! ☮️ Abundance mindset IS REAL! It's a whole life changer! Being LGBT doesn't make us unlovable, it makes us more lovable because it's a part of who we are, and we are all made of love! When you stop and think about it, why would you not love and accept a part of yourself? You're meant to be exactly who you are!!! 😄 When I was younger I used to be afraid I was too self confident haha! Now that I'm older I realize that my self confidence is a superpower! I'm a gay trans guy who transitioned young, and I refuse to take anyone's B.S who tries to add a "sad" narrative to me. Being trans has nothing to do with hating your body, at least not for me. I never "hated" being a girl because I wasn't ever a girl! Some hateful people try to paint trans people's experience as being dark and depressing, but actually that's nothing but far from the truth in my life! I'm a pretty happy go lucky guy haha! I'm trans and gay, and where I'm at in my life I can honestly say I'm content and happy! And most importantly I'm truly happy and proud to be myself! My story proves that happiness and self confidence, has nothing to do with what you are, but whether you choose to love yourself or not! I love your videos! Keep up the good work, Brother! 👏
OK this is one of my favourite comments I've ever got. Thank you thank you thank you. I am so honoured to hear your experiences and your amazing positivity. You are an inspiration to me. I'm delighted that you found the video empowering. It comes from a lifetime of struggle but now I have found my joy and the words come from my heart. I really connect with what you said about "sad narratives". I was brought up with all these stories about LGBT people dying from AIDS and getting thrown out of their communities and developing drug addictions and dying young and all of this. It persists to this day. I thought that would be my story. So I was terrified to connect with my true inner spirit. I thought if I did I would become this awful person that society told me I would become. What a life changer when I realised the complete opposite is true! I'm so uplifted by your comments, thank you so much. I'm so proud of you for all you've come through and all that you are. You are my brother and I love you so so much. x
PS: If you are ever able to share any of my videos with someone you think would benefit then I would be so grateful. Thanks so much and sending massive love. x
@@notdefining Thank you! I'm glad you liked my story! 😄 I'm glad to hear you speak from your heart in your videos. I can tell!! I can see your sincerity and motivation to help others in your videos! That's why I love your channel! Keep making your videos because you're helping more people than you know!! I'm sorry to hear you also had to work through the "Sad narratives" hateful people put on the LGBT community. All those narratives actually aren't true, it's just hateful people fear mongering! The truth is, we are the author of our own story and it's up to us to live a happy life! Yeah, I'll share your channel! 😄👍
Thank you! This helped a lot because I've been having a hard time being confident in myself for a couple of months because of comphet. I know deep down I'm lesbian and I always liked girls but the stereotypes of woman suppose to be with a man makes me feel less confident. Plus I have a intrusive thoughts about it.
Hey thanks so much for watching and for reaching out. I'm so glad that this video was helpful. Check out the other videos on my channel as we're a community just for you. Comphet can be such a knock to the confidence can't it? It's not easy. But I'm so proud of you. You're so welcome to chat things out with me here if you need further support let us know. Sending much love.
Thank you Mark, I was looking forward to your next video and you hit me right and the perfect time. My girlfriend has stated she no longer wants a romantic relationship with me, which is going to be for the best but obviously I am coming from a loss mindset. I needed to hear this as I used to have so much self confidence, I just did what made me happy and didnt care what people thought about me...in a good way I feel. Anyways, thank you for your content. I look forward to finding my self confidence again and in turn creating new relationships with people who want nothing more from me than for me to be me in their lives.
My friend. I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. I know you will be hurting a lot. I’m here for you. I’m glad that the video gave you some strength. If you have my Instagram I’ve released a video today that might also be helpful. About relationships. How are you feeling about things at the moment? My heart is with your heart. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Im hurt obviously. She was a wonderful woman and despite her flaws (as we all have them) I truly enjoyed her company. I know we'll still be in touch and probably remain great friends once time has passed and the emotional connection has had time to heal. I'm taking time to get back in the gym and focus on things that make me happy and exploring opportunities with people I otherwise would not have hung out with. She was the woman I was with when I started to question my sexuality. There were mistakes made early in our relationship once this issue came to surface so to make it a year past the initial realization is a blessing. I am thankful to be given space to explore myself more and explore partners who I can be honest with from the start, "I have a complex sexuality, im bicurious, I have attractions outside of the heteronormative" and allow people who can accept me into my life. All in all, it sucks and I wish I could have continued the rest of my life straight as an arrow and liver happily ever after with this woman but I'm here, now, given the freedom to live and explore and eventually things will all make sense. It's a win in my book to end a romantic relationship with someone yet still know that we are good people, who just couldn't work it out. Looking forward to her friendship.
@@SParker1289 Wow thank you so much for writing this incredibly inspiring explanation of your situation. I am truly touched and encouraged to read your words. As someone who has been in a similar position it really got to my heart some of the things you said. I'm proud of you. I know you will be feeling all kinds of things but I truly believe that with your attitude of self acceptance and self love, you will find so much joy and peace and I'm excited for that. Will you stay in touch and let us know on here how you get on? We're all rooting for you in life and wishing you all the very best. Much love, M x
Of course I'm speaking like it's all good when truly I'm crumbling inside but it is what it is. I will definitely keep the group here updated as I progress. I truly appreciate you Mark, out of all the channels I have started watching due to my questioning, your resonates the most and I can't thank you enough for putting yourself out there for those of us just starting our journey.
@@SParker1289 I see the crumbling. You can crumble here with me. I crumble sometimes too. You're doing great. Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. If you are ever able to share any of my content with someone you think might benefit or just in general I would be so grateful. Otherwise I am just so glad that you're here. You're going to do so great and I'm excited to see your journey. Sending big hugs my friend. x
Hello, sorry for the bitter comment but I've watched this video with the playback speed a little bit higher than the conventional. Anyway, Thank you very much for the video and the message, it was really supportive and well explained!! really helpful!
Hey thanks so much I'm so glad you connected with the content. You're so welcome here and I'm grateful you took the time to comment. Sending much love to you.
Hey thanks so much I’m so glad you like it. I actually love making these ones about self confidence and self love but they don’t seem to get much pick up. So I’m glad it was seen and appreciated.
For private coaching with Mark visit www.notdefining.com.
For group sessions, mentoring and exclusive content join us at patreon.com/notdefining.
To support our channel and get priority answers to comments click the JOIN button.
Traditional masculinity states that a man's true purpose in life is to 'serve others' 'bring value to the world' 'give their precious gifts' and eventually die doing so. It also states that a man is only complete with a woman. I was stuck in this toxic (self neglect) mindset for so long in my teens. The truth is that our primary purpose in life is to be our true authentic self (wholeheartedly) and do what makes us and our bodies happy.
Secondry purposes are that of the worldly experiences wherein we interact with each other and THEN 'be of service' bring value to the world' 'give our precious gifts'. We are COMPLETE in our own unique individual way. Its not somebody else's job to complete us. Confidence is sexy! Especially when it shines from within like a polished diamond. Everybody doesn't find everyone attractive. Certain kind of people find certain kind of people attractive. When it comes to our individuality and identity, we don't owe any form of explanation to anybody, we do not have to prove anything to anybody, we do not have to impress anybody.
In the biological context, males are evolved to be the chaser, the one who fights with other males in order to procreate with a female they find attractive. However, in this modern era, we have a greater understanding of ourselves and all we gotta focus on is to 'Attract' not chase. It just means that we shouldn't let anybody else's existence and opinions define our worth. The phrase 'opposites attract' is old school and exclusive. We can use the phrase 'energy dynamics match' and its a 'fun interplay' of energies (SO JUST ENJOY IT!) This applies to any aspect of life; individual well being, dating, relationships, career, family etc.
Tbh, being your true authentic self is just an awesome feeling, I enjoy my solitudes and just looking after this amazing body and the amazing person living in it. Cheers.
Kuldeep, I've said it before and I'll say it again CAN YOU PLEASE JUST DO MY JOB FOR ME?! Wow, reading your comments is like reading the book of a wise spiritual leader of some sort.
My friend you inspire me so much. Thank you for blessing this channel with your insights I just don't know what to say. Yes yes and yes to everything you just said.
The belief that we are here to serve and die for others is totally toxic and actually destroys both us and creates dependency which doesn't actually help anyone else. It is an ego.
It's also something which has been handed down by people who wish to control other humans.
Also masculinity is a funny one because actually self confidence is the corner stone of real, divine masculinity. It is the meaning of strength.
When we look at the biological level, as you say, males want to show they are strong and worthy of passing on their DNA, so SELF confidence is about saying "I am great", "I am good enough", "I have something worth something". That is literally the bio-essential fundamental message of natural selection in male competition.
All traits that "men" are supposed to have, assertiveness, bravery, steadfastness, not being dependent or weak...they all come from this version of self confidence. It's that simple.
I even think to a certain extent the whole concept of "gay" "queer" "straight" "masculine" etc. is all a narrative for a certain aspect of natural selection where some are selected for mating and some are conditioned to be non-procreators. When we internalise messages like "you're less of a man" or "you're not valid with a woman as a bi guy" etc. this is all a symptom of that competition.
Actually you are so valid. All you have to do is believe it and you will be so shining and valued and respected and wanted and all of that.
But it must come from yourself because, especially as a male, no one is going to affirm you if you don't affirm yourself. If your parents didn't affirm you were good enough growing up, because you were seen to be less than in some way, you will grow up to believe it and everyone will walk all over you. You will believe that you're not worthy.
So yeah. That is my rant. Not as eloquent as yours but I can't wait to hear more from you my friend. You're so great. Sending so much love x
@@notdefining Haha, I dont have words to express what I felt after reading that reply. Even my friends like to call me as 'modern saint' lol. Your rant was not only eloquent but even more descriptive than my comment. Both of us get to learn from each other and feel valid with our identity. Thats the beauty of life.
I am glad that you also mentioned the thing about parents. I am still somewhat perceived as not mature enough in my household. Their opinion doesn't bother or define me, its just that feeling of surprise that how our closed ones whom we love unconditionally often fails to understand us. It is also the generation gap and they've got their own room to unlearn and improve. The world always does it's drama (positive, negative &neutral) and eventually falls in line.
Not gonna lie, you and your platform have been a tremendous help in order to feel this happy, secure and confident within my identity. Couldn't wait to learn more from you. And also share my own insights.
@@kuldeepvsoni I'm so proud of you and delighted that we can learn and grow together. I just look forward to sharing and enjoying connecting with you more. You're doing so great. Don't loose your shine. It's very special.
This is my favorite video by you so far! 👏 This is exactly what I needed to hear! Whatcha talkin' bout Mark? You DO speak to millions of people! ( Putting positive vibes out ) As a spiritual LGBT guy, I LOVE what you were saying at the end! ☮️ Abundance mindset IS REAL! It's a whole life changer! Being LGBT doesn't make us unlovable, it makes us more lovable because it's a part of who we are, and we are all made of love! When you stop and think about it, why would you not love and accept a part of yourself? You're meant to be exactly who you are!!! 😄 When I was younger I used to be afraid I was too self confident haha! Now that I'm older I realize that my self confidence is a superpower! I'm a gay trans guy who transitioned young, and I refuse to take anyone's B.S who tries to add a "sad" narrative to me. Being trans has nothing to do with hating your body, at least not for me. I never "hated" being a girl because I wasn't ever a girl! Some hateful people try to paint trans people's experience as being dark and depressing, but actually that's nothing but far from the truth in my life! I'm a pretty happy go lucky guy haha! I'm trans and gay, and where I'm at in my life I can honestly say I'm content and happy! And most importantly I'm truly happy and proud to be myself! My story proves that happiness and self confidence, has nothing to do with what you are, but whether you choose to love yourself or not! I love your videos! Keep up the good work, Brother! 👏
OK this is one of my favourite comments I've ever got. Thank you thank you thank you.
I am so honoured to hear your experiences and your amazing positivity. You are an inspiration to me. I'm delighted that you found the video empowering. It comes from a lifetime of struggle but now I have found my joy and the words come from my heart.
I really connect with what you said about "sad narratives". I was brought up with all these stories about LGBT people dying from AIDS and getting thrown out of their communities and developing drug addictions and dying young and all of this. It persists to this day.
I thought that would be my story. So I was terrified to connect with my true inner spirit. I thought if I did I would become this awful person that society told me I would become.
What a life changer when I realised the complete opposite is true! I'm so uplifted by your comments, thank you so much. I'm so proud of you for all you've come through and all that you are.
You are my brother and I love you so so much. x
PS: If you are ever able to share any of my videos with someone you think would benefit then I would be so grateful. Thanks so much and sending massive love. x
@@notdefining Thank you! I'm glad you liked my story! 😄 I'm glad to hear you speak from your heart in your videos. I can tell!! I can see your sincerity and motivation to help others in your videos! That's why I love your channel! Keep making your videos because you're helping more people than you know!! I'm sorry to hear you also had to work through the "Sad narratives" hateful people put on the LGBT community. All those narratives actually aren't true, it's just hateful people fear mongering! The truth is, we are the author of our own story and it's up to us to live a happy life! Yeah, I'll share your channel! 😄👍
@@nightsworth9909 Thank you so much. You are so great and I'm so happy we can connect.
@@notdefining No problem! I'm so happy we can connect as well!
Thank you! This helped a lot because I've been having a hard time being confident in myself for a couple of months because of comphet. I know deep down I'm lesbian and I always liked girls but the stereotypes of woman suppose to be with a man makes me feel less confident. Plus I have a intrusive thoughts about it.
Hey thanks so much for watching and for reaching out. I'm so glad that this video was helpful. Check out the other videos on my channel as we're a community just for you. Comphet can be such a knock to the confidence can't it? It's not easy. But I'm so proud of you. You're so welcome to chat things out with me here if you need further support let us know. Sending much love.
Thank you Mark, I was looking forward to your next video and you hit me right and the perfect time.
My girlfriend has stated she no longer wants a romantic relationship with me, which is going to be for the best but obviously I am coming from a loss mindset.
I needed to hear this as I used to have so much self confidence, I just did what made me happy and didnt care what people thought about me...in a good way I feel.
Anyways, thank you for your content. I look forward to finding my self confidence again and in turn creating new relationships with people who want nothing more from me than for me to be me in their lives.
My friend. I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. I know you will be hurting a lot. I’m here for you. I’m glad that the video gave you some strength. If you have my Instagram I’ve released a video today that might also be helpful. About relationships. How are you feeling about things at the moment? My heart is with your heart. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Im hurt obviously. She was a wonderful woman and despite her flaws (as we all have them) I truly enjoyed her company. I know we'll still be in touch and probably remain great friends once time has passed and the emotional connection has had time to heal.
I'm taking time to get back in the gym and focus on things that make me happy and exploring opportunities with people I otherwise would not have hung out with.
She was the woman I was with when I started to question my sexuality. There were mistakes made early in our relationship once this issue came to surface so to make it a year past the initial realization is a blessing.
I am thankful to be given space to explore myself more and explore partners who I can be honest with from the start, "I have a complex sexuality, im bicurious, I have attractions outside of the heteronormative" and allow people who can accept me into my life.
All in all, it sucks and I wish I could have continued the rest of my life straight as an arrow and liver happily ever after with this woman but I'm here, now, given the freedom to live and explore and eventually things will all make sense.
It's a win in my book to end a romantic relationship with someone yet still know that we are good people, who just couldn't work it out. Looking forward to her friendship.
@@SParker1289 Wow thank you so much for writing this incredibly inspiring explanation of your situation. I am truly touched and encouraged to read your words.
As someone who has been in a similar position it really got to my heart some of the things you said. I'm proud of you.
I know you will be feeling all kinds of things but I truly believe that with your attitude of self acceptance and self love, you will find so much joy and peace and I'm excited for that.
Will you stay in touch and let us know on here how you get on? We're all rooting for you in life and wishing you all the very best.
Much love, M x
Of course I'm speaking like it's all good when truly I'm crumbling inside but it is what it is. I will definitely keep the group here updated as I progress. I truly appreciate you Mark, out of all the channels I have started watching due to my questioning, your resonates the most and I can't thank you enough for putting yourself out there for those of us just starting our journey.
@@SParker1289 I see the crumbling. You can crumble here with me. I crumble sometimes too. You're doing great.
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
If you are ever able to share any of my content with someone you think might benefit or just in general I would be so grateful.
Otherwise I am just so glad that you're here. You're going to do so great and I'm excited to see your journey.
Sending big hugs my friend. x
Hello, sorry for the bitter comment but I've watched this video with the playback speed a little bit higher than the conventional. Anyway, Thank you very much for the video and the message, it was really supportive and well explained!! really helpful!
Hey thanks so much I'm so glad you connected with the content. You're so welcome here and I'm grateful you took the time to comment. Sending much love to you.
I love this ❤
Hey thanks so much I’m so glad you like it. I actually love making these ones about self confidence and self love but they don’t seem to get much pick up. So I’m glad it was seen and appreciated.