If the person is losing faculties because of a neurodegenerative disease and also from personality disorder, they may need constant service even if they are not grateful or if they are being abusive through aberrant behaviors. What should one do authentically?
@ Sounds fair now that I know. Yes, I am. And I’m being of service, facilitate things for her so that our life and that of our daughter be as better as we could live. Im being compassionate and do things without expecting back, but the constant belittling, humiliation and apathy is growing over anything I’m doing. I trust that answers your question
With most respect sharing this sensitive matter. Thank you. It gives me context. I can see how this would be challenging for any parent. There is you and daughter. First yourself (as a parent): I'd like to suggest, what is being done to help yourself cope with this situation a little better? Is there something that can help rejuvenate your mind? Are you doing anything to ensure your needs aren't completely overshadowed? Could you see the situation through a different perspective? I'm suggesting these because it's often easy to forget ourselves, our needs... while being of service to others. Please also ensure your wellbeing is given due attention and attended to. Treating the abusive behaviour of the daughter: Again, I don't know what is the exact situation, so it's hard to give an accurate prescription. So I'll give general ideas. Purpose is to try something different until situation improves. (1) Physical treatment: Could different foods/medications help? Could change of environment help? Adding a pet. Sometimes even a colorful picture (that daughter likes) on the wall can alter one's mood. (2) Some ideas from behavioural psychology in dealing with abusive behaviour from a child: When she becomes verbally abusive or belittling: (a) State "I understand you're frustrated, but I won't continue this conversation when you speak to me this way." Use this phrase consistently. (b) Walk away calmly to another room for 5 minutes - no discussion, no argument. This shows her that abusive behavior results in immediate loss of attention. (c) Return after exactly 5 minutes and resume care with a neutral tone, saying "Let's start over. What do you need help with?". Basically establishing gentle boundaries. At the start, prepare for maximum resistance. Also remember, everytime your daughter is rude to you, she secretly doesn't like it herself, but can't get herself to stop. So you're not doing yourself nor daughter a favour by letting the behaviour continue. The behaviour hurts you and her. She won't stop. You're the guardian. The duty is yours. Also, if you need extra assistance on this, I highly recommend going to claude.ai, and copy paste this prompt which will give you further professional knowledge how to deal with your situation: "You are an expert therapist specializing in CBT, DBT, and ACT, working with complex behavioral cases. Please provide practical advice for this situation: "I am a parent caring for my daughter who has been diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease and personality disorder. She requires round-the-clock care, but exhibits increasingly abusive behavior - constantly belittling and humiliating me. Despite maintaining compassion and doing my best in caregiving, her hostility and apathy continue to worsen. What specific strategies can I implement to: 1. Protect my mental wellbeing 2. Reduce her abusive behavior 3. Maintain effective caregiving. Please provide 3 concrete, actionable steps as if you were my therapist. Keep the advice practical and specific."
@ Thanks for the thorough response. It has taken me a few days to grab it and aligned it to the situation, which need a little and important switch: the one with the neurodegenerative disease is wife, not our daughter. Daughter and I are the ones exposed to those abusive and aberrant behaviors, but still I think your response could be adjusted. I’m trusting it will help and bring a positive outcome. Thank you
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from bharat,
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If the person is losing faculties because of a neurodegenerative disease and also from personality disorder, they may need constant service even if they are not grateful or if they are being abusive through aberrant behaviors.
What should one do authentically?
Are you in this situation? If yes, then what are you doing right now to manage it? I don't answer hypothetical situations.
@ Sounds fair now that I know.
Yes, I am.
And I’m being of service, facilitate things for her so that our life and that of our daughter be as better as we could live.
Im being compassionate and do things without expecting back, but the constant belittling, humiliation and apathy is growing over anything I’m doing.
I trust that answers your question
With most respect sharing this sensitive matter. Thank you. It gives me context. I can see how this would be challenging for any parent.
There is you and daughter. First yourself (as a parent): I'd like to suggest, what is being done to help yourself cope with this situation a little better? Is there something that can help rejuvenate your mind? Are you doing anything to ensure your needs aren't completely overshadowed? Could you see the situation through a different perspective? I'm suggesting these because it's often easy to forget ourselves, our needs... while being of service to others. Please also ensure your wellbeing is given due attention and attended to.
Treating the abusive behaviour of the daughter: Again, I don't know what is the exact situation, so it's hard to give an accurate prescription. So I'll give general ideas. Purpose is to try something different until situation improves.
(1) Physical treatment: Could different foods/medications help? Could change of environment help? Adding a pet. Sometimes even a colorful picture (that daughter likes) on the wall can alter one's mood.
(2) Some ideas from behavioural psychology in dealing with abusive behaviour from a child: When she becomes verbally abusive or belittling:
(a) State "I understand you're frustrated, but I won't continue this conversation when you speak to me this way." Use this phrase consistently.
(b) Walk away calmly to another room for 5 minutes - no discussion, no argument. This shows her that abusive behavior results in immediate loss of attention.
(c) Return after exactly 5 minutes and resume care with a neutral tone, saying "Let's start over. What do you need help with?". Basically establishing gentle boundaries. At the start, prepare for maximum resistance. Also remember, everytime your daughter is rude to you, she secretly doesn't like it herself, but can't get herself to stop. So you're not doing yourself nor daughter a favour by letting the behaviour continue. The behaviour hurts you and her. She won't stop. You're the guardian. The duty is yours.
Also, if you need extra assistance on this, I highly recommend going to claude.ai, and copy paste this prompt which will give you further professional knowledge how to deal with your situation:
"You are an expert therapist specializing in CBT, DBT, and ACT, working with complex behavioral cases. Please provide practical advice for this situation: "I am a parent caring for my daughter who has been diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease and personality disorder. She requires round-the-clock care, but exhibits increasingly abusive behavior - constantly belittling and humiliating me. Despite maintaining compassion and doing my best in caregiving, her hostility and apathy continue to worsen. What specific strategies can I implement to: 1. Protect my mental wellbeing 2. Reduce her abusive behavior 3. Maintain effective caregiving. Please provide 3 concrete, actionable steps as if you were my therapist. Keep the advice practical and specific."
@ Thanks for the thorough response. It has taken me a few days to grab it and aligned it to the situation, which need a little and important switch: the one with the neurodegenerative disease is wife, not our daughter.
Daughter and I are the ones exposed to those abusive and aberrant behaviors, but still I think your response could be adjusted.
I’m trusting it will help and bring a positive outcome.
Thank you
@@playmoments4672 Noted about wife. I wish you strength. May you find a way to alleviate this situation at least 5%. Small steps.