Where is the woman's independence? And, what's the difference between being a SHGF and a live-in, well///. and, what happens when he gets tired of the SHGF, or wants a newer model? Nope, this is not for me.
Stay at home girlfriend/fiancé before/without commitment/marriage sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. This is because to stay at home without being potentially financially hurt you would need your partner to be depositing monthly into accounts under your name for investing and retirement. Also, that one girl seems bored simply due to a lack of discipline and motivation. She is choosing to not: make art, dance, learn a skill, read, self educate, hike, volunteer or socialize. In reality having more room for these things is good, but often people are so lazy even if they have time it never happens. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is fairly on point, but even if people have the time and resources it requires discipline to have a full balanced life, which is not valued much today.
It’s fun for about 6 months then you will go crazy or succumb to an addiction if you have no higher purpose. It really isn’t difficult to find a man to to give you that lifestyle, if you are what he wants. A lot of the time that’s just a conventionally attractive -but classy, educated, responsible, and self-assured woman that has *something* going for herself. It does feel very nice to be financially supported, especially when you’re struggling and don’t come from money. Women should use that support to fund their own endeavors and towards becoming financially independent from their man.
Agreed. My husband set me up to be able to go back to school ❤ so I can earn money and have a career that isn't dependent on him. We have a 12 year old and 9 year year old, and I'm the main caretaker so HE could advance his career. Now, it's my turn and I'm so thankful and grateful
@@absolutelyridiculous6743 that is so sweet.😍 I don't know you but I'm still happy for you. Healthy marriages with supportive partners are so important.
I’m 73 years old & one thing I can definitively say is that you have to pay the piper. Nothing is free. The women I have seen in these relationships (and that includes married ones too) all too often pay by assuming a less-than role. Generally the one who has the money has the power.
absolutely ! I wasn't brought up to be taken care of by a man if anything my parents have always encouraged me to make my own way having said that I know there'z no free lunch in this world except for maybe at your parents lolz I've built a life of my dreams I work at most 3h a day and spend the rest of the day working on my passion project I don't have to answer to anyone but myself I don't have a child or partner that needs to be taken care of literally the most liberating Ive felt in such a long time but to reach this stage boy have I paid a hefty price I worked my bones off for 8-9 years with no pay and little to no social interaction I had to isolate myself to be able to live the life I am now living but easy come easy go they say well my life hadn't come easy at all so I don't expect this to go easily. At last women , men won't take care of you but will be looking for someone to be taken care of themselves the best we could do is find someone who can take care of themselves and ! it's a fantasy that we need to wake up from.
As someone who was a SAHG/SAHwife in her 20s, this is the most dangerous trap for women. My boyfriend/husband was kind and supportive, and didn't want me to have to work a job I hated. But looking back in my 40s, I can never get those prime career building years back. And when my marriage ended, I was left at square one career wise. While I fortunately had a university degree to fall back on, big gaps in a resume are red flags that make you almost unemployable going forward, mean losing ground as your profession moves forward without you, and mean losing years of building your own independent financial nest egg for retirement and emergencies. I am fortunate to have built back up some of that, but will forever be behind where I could have been if I had made better choices when I was young.
Being a say at home wife is one thing but a stay at home girlfriend? How is that even a thing. You’re one breakup away from being homeless. And what human wants to be completely dependent on another when they don’t have to be? Good lord
@@emmanarotzky6565 Divorce is at least harder to achieve and has a reasonable chance of getting you alimony and/or child support. In the case of divorce you have legal protections that should make the other party is at least somewhat financially liable for you. This isn't to discount the fact that divorce can be financially ruinous for a woman but a girlfriend has absolutely none of those legal protections which is what makes this even more dangerous.
The rich & educated women in my region who are SAHMs sometimes get gilded cage syndrome - not really fulfilled in the domestic sphere, desperate for intelligent engagement & endeavor. Glamorizing comfortable and dull idleness in economic times like this is more than odd.
and if you marry a broke lazy man you will suffer your whole life. You should marry a provider who you love and respect, and who cherishes you. Too many people just think of “love” and attach themselves to a sinking ship. It’s as equally bad as just clinging to any random rich dude for money. You need both love and capability or you’re destined to suffer.
@@sieriamist4467 In the 1990s I worled with a woman who taught her then 10-year-old daughter that "romance without finance is a nuisance" with an emphasis on the '...ance" of each word. LOL!
My mom was a stay at home wife for most of her life. When my dad passed away she didn’t have any money and now I am responsible for taking care of her.she also doesn’t speak English so she depends on me for everything. I don’t want to be like her.
@@ihanakaunotar2741 it's not that she wasn't smart- older generations in a marriage had very specific roles. She didn't learn certain skills but that doesn't mean she wasn't smart. The lady is likely a genius in other areas.
this is so sad, and I hope you don't get upset for me saying this, but you aren't responsible for Squat. momma can learn English and get a job. She can start low like everyone else, but to make your kids responsible for caring for you is just subsequent child abuse. I am not rich, but I make damn sure I have life insurance so if anything happens to me my kids and husband will be taken care of. Unless she is 70 or 80, She can still find work. It may be hard but it's out there. my mom still works at 67 as a caregiver. She just made you her new husband but what happens when you want your own life?
Whenever I see these Stay and Home GF vids all I can think of is the statistic that a woman is six times more likely to have her partner file for divorce in the month after she receives a cancer diagnosis than if the situation was reversed. Twenty percent of women who are diagnosed with cancer are abandoned by their partner in the month after that diagnosis, compared to 3% of men. Divorce rates go DOWN when a man in the couple gets diagnosed but go UP when a woman is diagnosed. That's all I can think of when I see these women on social media talking about how wonderful it is to have a man provide everything.
I had a job where I'd sit in the parking lot to cry before entering the building to work nearly every day. My autoimmune disease was out of control because of the stress I was under so I was in and out of the hospital and right back to work constantly. My employment status was repeatedly under threat because of my disability. A bad job, seriously bad job, will shorten your life as much as a toxically unbalanced relationship. Wish we didn't have to pick between them at all. I didn't feel like I had any choice but to quit and be dependent for a time while my body recovered and it was still awful being trapped at home and "owe" someone for your basic needs. It was just as much hell.
i completely agree ❤and i am so sorry you had to do that- i actually had similar health issues - to the point that i couldn’t physically handle working and so i chose the route of dependency - getting in relationships with partners only on the condition they would support me financially- and holy hell it was never NOT stressful and i would tell any woman that envied me- it is ABSOLUTELY not worth it and as SOON as i can physically work i am going to.
I’ll say I’ve never seen even one woman over 50+ EVER recommend the tradwife life. Not a single one. Even ones still married in their golden years say don’t do it. That should speak for itself
@@berrymckockiner5883 those men exist. there are plenty of women that refuse to work outside the home. It’s Just about the desired dynamics. Plenty would love to stay home and do chores. Assessment and selection of a partner is the most important decision of your life. Develop your self as much as possible, be upfront about expectations in the dating process and have the “awkward” conversations. If you do it right, hopefully you’ll get the partner right for you.
@@berrymckockiner5883 What about them? What are you actually asking? Stop calling them men. People not keeping home are not adults. The men I know call those people "child". Move on or see if you can encourage them to grow? Nothing more rewarding to me than house chores since me/my family owns the results 100% !!
@@subwayfacemelt4325 men that want SAHM, we refuse to do chores. And if we don't get that, then drizzIe drizzIe and 50/50 is alI you'lI get. No more chivaIry
I remember when UK blogger Summer Hawkins (Sumerica) was glamorising being a stay at home girlfriend, and looking after her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant soon afterwards the relationship broke down got kicked out and was more recently complaining that the ex boyfriend wasn’t visiting the child. Ladies don’t put all your trust into these men have your own independence!
The first red flag is that this man is okay with a woman being a “stay at home girlfriend”. If you aren’t caring for children, wtf are you a stay at home anything??
@@QCL2023 cooking 3 meals , washing clothes , doing dishes , cleaning and moping floor , dusting , caring for him when comes back , being his *therapist ,cook, cleaner and escort* . even without children in equation this is a lot of work , *i would rather put this hardwork in getting a high level job and hire a maid to do these homework* than doing all these chores myself and being called lazy (even though i am doing all these work) & wasting my years not building a carrier ,for my husband to replace me with new young chick in my later years & end up broke , traumatized and no education , no job experience
The SAHG lifestyle is largely one of luxury for attractive women in their 20s. That’s all. And I know they can’t fathom it now, but their looks, body, “physical currency” will change significantly in the next 20-25 years. And then what? You think he’s gonna keep busting his ass working a job HE hates (women don’t own the market on hating their jobs) to support a middle-aged woman HE NEVER MARRIED whose looks aren’t what they used to be when there’s a newer, younger, hotter, more exciting one right down the street? (No shade to middle-aged women who don’t look 23 anymore…I am one!) A lot of young women would gladly wash his clothes and blend his smoothie in the morning in her place. It’s a such a short-sighted way to live. But I get it. Working sucks…
They don't understand the supply of younger, not experienced and not intelligent women who are ready to ruin their lives because they will believe the lies of some older guy they aren't even attracted to because they think it will give them an easier life. They'll just replace you in the unhappy transactional "relationship". This is not a woman's world so there should be straight up classes in schools that teach every generation not to fall for it. Every time, once they get older and smarter, they regret ever looking at some older man. He knows what he's doing, she doesn't.
Ya the SAHG thing only makes sense if you already come from a rich family and don't have to work to begin with and can fall back on your family money if needed.
Also, where does it leave the woman once she’s 40 and realizes she has no retirement saved, no money of her own other than her husbands, etc… it’s a very rude awakening
fr, if you want to be a stay-at-home-spouse, that's fine, but you need to insist on some serious safeguards, like the breadwinner's income gets split into 3 accounts: a joint household account that covers the bills and household purchases and the kids, and a personal allowance account for each spouse. The stay-at-home-spouse also gets money put into a spousal IRA at the same rate as the breadwinner spouse. If they have problems with that, don't give up your career, and I don't recommend marrying them at all. Especially don't do SAHGF because there's zero legal protections, unlike for a wife who has some minimal protections
For me? It left me homeless with no job, friends or family and I lost everything I own. I’m still living in a shelter and it’s hell on earth. I can’t find work often bc I have an emotional support animal and the shelter requires that she stays either me at all times. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get out this situation.
Not having to work 40 hours a week seems like a dream but I would NEVER be an SAHG. I'd prefer knowing my back is covered at all times and my survival and well being not depending on another person, thank you very much.
I work 32 hrs a week and next year I’m scaling back to 28. No support, mediocre salary. I just cut my spending drastically and I want less stuff. Never been happier
Right?!! Right now my fiance is inbetween jobs (he was injured and on workers comp for almost a year but is job searching now) so I'm actually working overtime to cover our rent. But in the past he paid more than I did since I do groceries and most housework. But as much as I'd love to work less, I'd never want to be home 24/7. I'm a nurse's assistant at a hospital and I love my job but it's stressful & exhausting. But even if we got FU money tomorrow I'd still work part time. I like having my own money so if I want to spend on skincare, eyelashes, anime, art supplies- whatever I can without having to feel guilty or justify myself. Plus I like knowing that I'm not staying out of obligation or desperation. If I wanted to leave it would be hard but I could.
Exactly. Sounds amazing, but I would personally never do it. I want to know I’ve got myself if a man turns on me. Even the sweetest guys can cheat and leave. I’ve seen it. Never in a million years have I thought particular men would cheat - they appeared to dote on their wife. One guy, started cheating and became abusive as soon as she got breast cancer…this was the seemingly kindest most amazing man…
I work in social services and many times I've seen woman who got divorced and never worked, end up on government's help. English is not my first language so I hope you understand what I want to say.
Yes and often girls like that come from a home where they were discouraged from being independent and educated. I came from a home like that the only thing that mattered was doing chores and cooking dinner. Sad when people only learn to be a servant and think it's normal
Why do so few women in those situations get alimony anymore. If someone sacrifices years outside the workforce for a relationship or to raise children that has value and should be compensated. The idea that caregiving is worthless because it doesn’t bring in cold hard cash is gobsmacking IMO. When my grandparents divorced my grandfather had to pay her alimony for the rest of his life and he never complained about it. He used to say that she didn’t deserve to live in poverty just because they grew apart.
My mom stayed at home but she didn’t like it. She had no education because she married so young which she regretted deeply. She told me from the beginning: never never never ever be financially dependent on your husband. 🙏
What about finding meaningful things to do/work/going back to school after having children? What about marrying a man who values the work his wife does that is not paid, like child rearing, keeping house etc; and views the money he earns as belonging to the family and not solely controlling it? Women make the majority of purchases for their family. As in every partnership, personal or business, those have to be agreed upon and negotiated. 🤷🏼♀️
I had to rely on my husband for two years when I had major medical issues, and nobody prepares you for how difficult it is to let someone finance you as an adult. I have seen nothing but horror stories about how women go without just because they don’t outside the home. They get shamed for needing a new pair of shoes because while their husband buys himself a new boat he can barely afford. I remember friends with moms who didn’t work being terrified over finances when their dad would be out of work. These were also the kids who would say ‘I would want to learn ballet and play soccer but it’s too expensive,’ and never got to go in the field trips because of the cost. It’s such a rare luxury to even be able to be financed and not have it be traumatic. I got very lucky. My husband was great. He took on the extra hours and when he noticed that I was afraid to ask him for things he started just randomly getting me things on my Amazon favorites list when he had the extra money. He would insist I go out to eat and when I ordered some cheap side dishes he would insist ‘don’t look at the price! Get the seafood pasta you like here, if you want, and then we will split the lava cake!’ But I have not seen any other examples where this has worked in the woman’s best interest, in my personal life. I’m sure that I’m not an isolated case but it’s rare. People also don’t prepare you for how it feels to let someone pay your way in life. I have paid what I can in bills since I was 18. I’ve paid for things I wanted when able, since 15. You don’t realize how deep every ‘when you have your own money you can buy whatever you want but I earned this money and I get to spend it how I choose’ lecture affects you. You realize how many dates flipped out because you wouldn’t sleep with them, throwing the $25 they spent on your meal back in your face like you used them for a dinner at a cheap, chain sports bar. You don’t realize how many people have lent you $50 when you were short for bills, insisted you take their offer, and then hold it over your head in every disagreement long after you paid them back. I have even had friends offer to let me stay with them while between apartments, back when I was single, usually after a sudden break up when I couldn’t handle living with an ex anymore. I’d tell them I’d cover groceries and throw in for bills and rent, they would insist ‘save your money.’ But ‘nothing is free’ would come up in really gross ways that left me sleeping in my car, and then getting a cheap motel for a week or two. If I didn’t have the money to do that then I would have really had a worse time with these former friends. I stopped accepting these offers from dudes the second time it happened, but the fact it happens at all really reminds you that you always pay some way. These are the things that pop back into your head the moment an emergency leaves you unable to provide for yourself.
@@nele9045Except generations of women found this type of man to be the exception not the rule. And these “trad wives” and “stay at home girlfriends” are portraying home making and child rearing as living the “soft life” and devaluing this type of unpaid labour even more. Do you know it’s mostly men who watch this content? It makes men feel entitled to all the financial assets as solely their own. There are even religious groups that coach men on how to hide and register assets so their wives and children get nothing in a divorce. Choosing marriage with traditional gender roles is fine. Just make sure it’s an informed choice and you’ve thought through the potential outcomes.
@@nele9045 My mother was married in 1972 and was 19. Your concepts are of an older person. School costs money. Hindsight is 20/20. Did you miss the marrying young?
Interesting. So my friend met and married very young and she didn’t need to work after awhile as he was pulling good money in logging. They owned a small company. I used to feel jealous sometimes as I’ve worked hard my whole life and with no support. Fast forward to now, we have entered our fifties and she had to go back to work - as a car detailer - as her husband had heart surgery and let go of the company and took a less paying job to lessen stress. Also ability was hindered as well. She never lorded her money over me but she couldn’t understand when I would say I simply cannot afford to quit working or go on a trip etc things were easy for her until they weren’t. She has told her daughter to make her own way and do her thing and never give it up for a realationahip
I got married with a man that told me I didn’t need to worry about anything just stay home. That was a dream and I jumped on the opportunity. This man become my worse enemy. I haven’t never have an enemy before so that was crazy see how power imbalance can be a hell. He didn’t knew but I never stopped working so when things went way south I was able to live and build a new life. But my situation was analogue to human trafficking. I was enslaved, humiliated, violated, food denied, isolated, gaslighted and more. I’m good I’m my own boyfriend and providing stay home girlfriend experience for myself now working from home.
i am so sorry that happened to you. you are so amazing for getting out and managing to support yourself while facing such awful treatment. i hope you heal from all you've been through and continue to live a great life, free from anyone who would try to harm or control you 💖
My mom quit high school at 17. Got married and worked while my dad went to college. After he graduated, she became a stay at home mom. 20 years later, the marriage ended, and my mom had to work in fast food to survive. I'm proud of her for doing what she had to do, but it taught me a deep lesson. I will NEVER not work. I don't care what the situation is i will always provide for myself.
The jobs I've hated have actually still given me skills, taught me how to work with different personalities, pointed me in the direction of my strengths/weaknesses and helped me figure out what I do/do not want to do for work and in life. For me, its been a huge part of character development.
I dated a girl who wanted to be a stay at home girlfriend. She made crafts that she sold on ebay, then played video games and watched tv for most of the day. After a year, she decided to go back to school. I don't think it's a long term solution for many people
Not married and no kids, it’s the most ridiculous thing ever. As a man it’s clear they just want a free ride. Such a big red flag. Plus, they’re doomed to have no purpose and have a midlife crisis lol, just like you essentially said.
@@Ryan-cb1eino it’s not. Not everyone makes their purpose having kids. With today’s prices many decided to not have kids, that’s better than seeing kids dead on the news cuz parents cuz fed up.
@@M.Swigglez I don’t think you understand what I said. I said there’s no point in being a stay at home GF or even a wife if you don’t have kids. That’s when it’s just a free ride, like what else are you even doing.
@@Ryan-cb1ei i dont think it's a free ride.. more like you become a pet of sorts. A woman is exchanging her independence and freedom for some leisurely time at home. i get why guys think this way, but do you really not see how incredibly imbalanced this dynamic is for the woman?
So I was raised in a cult where it was expected that I would dedicate my life to serving my husband selflessly. That didn't work out for me as not even arranged marriage would get me a husband in the cult. Years later I married a wonderful man (who taught me about feminism lol) and over the course of the last 11 years we've done a lot of trading back and forth who is the primary worker. First I provided for us while he retrained, then he provided for us when our kids were very little, then I found work I was passionate about and he became a stay at home dad for a while, now he's applying for jobs again and I'm doing work I love from home. Things change and shift.
@TinkOutLoud this men like status not just the girlfriend. His friends will have a 23 year old by their side and he will want that too, if she is more than 30 years old the status she will give him is not that great so no, she will not have this forever
As a fiancé myself, I find it absolutely insane how anyone would choose to give up their independence for a man, especially for a man who hasn’t even married them. Even if you’re engaged to him, he can back out at any time and leave you destitute.
Well I was a stay-at-home wife for a couple of months while pregnant and for a couple months after my child was born. To be honest I wanted to have a job but I just couldn't find one. Actually that was one of the best times in my life though. Even though we didn't have very much money, I felt very comfortable being at home taking care of domestic tasks and raising our child. Eventually I did find a job though. I had to for monetary reasons. I kind of believe that some people who are at home are doing so because they have difficulty finding a job.
@@TheBlackDorothyZbornakThey do, it's just that many young women who ain't in the creator space but aspire to be SAHGs are being influenced to uphold this lifestyle and go through this kind of relationship 😊
i grew up with a single mom who never taught me how to be independent so now I rely on older men like she did. It's a horrible cycle I hope to be independent soon
As the daughter of a stay at home mom, and that is now married eith children, and that still work, first thing my mom said to me when I got married, " don't leave yoir work, if you get pregnant I'll take care of your children so you can work, just have your money". My father was never abusive. The opposite of that, he is a tedy bear, but as my mom explained to me, when times are ruff, you can't help, that takes a toll on you, when you want to get something for your children or you, it comes down to how much your partner belives that is needed, you offend can't pick whatever you want because if is too expensive you have to eater convince him the difference is worthy or kust get a cheaper one. When you have your own money, you get the bills paid, and you can get whatever you want with the extra money, no explanations needed, that is freedom. Not to mention the constant fear off the partner leaving you, then you won't be able to just go back to the workplace as you been out for years, you would be luck to get something ober minimum weigh. It's better to stay in a job you hate and work to get a better one.
I remember friends with SAHMs who could never go on the field trip because they didn’t have the $30 fee. They wished they could take ballet and martial arts so I would teach them what I learned for free, in my back yard, as practice. If dad got hurt they were scared they would be homeless. I also unfortunately saw many examples where a woman who wasn’t working was being abused. My aunt was in that position. She left law school for her first husband and then one night, my dad and uncle had to drive several hours away to rescue her and bring her back to our house, when I was too young to understand. She finished school there and made sure she was the breadwinner, who owned the house, when she met her current husband. She retired early, in her mid-late 40s, but everything is in her name and my current uncle is the type that wouldn’t hurt s fly. People get a kick out of her telling them ‘no I am not a housewife. I had a very good penchant and made smart investments. But since I have a husband who appreciates me I might as well bake him a pie now and then.’
@@sieriamist4467 That's the entire thing, this is a fear any stay at home mom has, because there's always the chance, doesn't matter how how will you get along, how much you love yourselves, how much you trust him. If you work and can support yourself, yeah you don't want your marriage to end, but you don't need that to live. Plus what happens if the husband gets in an accident, gets permanently disabled or pass away? Those are legit fears.
Working at a job you hate gets you at least health benefits (most of the time), retirement benefits, Social Security, and a paycheck. Plus, you can always find a job you like better, or at least, hate less. Staying at home gets you none of these.
Yeah and it's somehow always easier to find a new job when you already have a job - the universe likes to be wacky like that. I can't count the amount of times I've gotten a job, only to have multiple people reach out to ask if they can hire me.When I wasn't employed and looking it was impossible to find anything, but the moment I found something, three more opportunities will pop up magically!
So I actually have a lot to say about this topic I was with the guys for three years, I ended up getting pregnant and we had a baby I offered to do the stay at home, mom thing, especially since he had just got a really awesome promotion at his job. Long story short it was good for a while, but the power imbalance definitely made me uncomfortable and he became more and more controlling and when it came time that my daughter and I had to leave, I literally had nothing of my own. Even when I did work, I wasn’t able to put money away or for myself. He took that as me “having 1 foot out the door” I wouldn’t recommend this anybody unless they prefer being completely powerless
It used to be that men gave the money to the woman for her to spend. He got the money, she got to spend it responsibly. Do you think if he would have done that, that it'd have made a difference?
@@sieriamist4467 sometimes men fool their partners. I’ve never had it happen to me, but I’ve witnessed it happen in person. Where initially a man appears to be a loving kind person, and then years go by and they slowly morph into an abusive monster unrecognizable from the initial person. We need to stop victim blaming. Just like a frog would jump out of a boiling pot, if an abusive person showed their colors immediately most people wouldn’t enter into a relationship with them. The slow descent into abuse is how they keep their victims from realizing how terrible their situation is.
@@dragoneyr1632 it depends on the woman's standards. A woman may choose to give a man a chance and then leaves when she realizes it was a mistake, and another woman rarely gives any man a chance due to her high expectations. I think more and more women globally are choosing the latter these days. A lot of women would rather be single cat ladies than with a man that's not right for them. For most men on the other hand, they would rather be with a woman they don't want than none at all....at least he gets sex, companionship, someone to cook and clean for him and oh ...pay 50/50 too. if I were a man I would rather "settle" for a woman I didn't want as well. Women have nothing to gain from settling since we are used to doing everything independently anyways.
To me it's really striking how many elements of the old-school stay-at-home-women scenario have been stripped away. I could totally see this being fulfilling if you had young children you were caring for, and neighbor friends in similar situations to visit with, and family in town, and you worked in your garden every day, and had chickens and a goat to tend to, and had a side hustle doing weaving to sell at the village market. But they don't.
When I was younger I stayed home with my kids for several years, hardest job I ever had! Once our youngest was eight I started my career. Now I’m 62 and unfortunately home because of illness but my husband has been there the whole time. I feel very lucky
The girl complaining about being bored could volunteer if she’s looking to find meaningful occupation. Only boring people are bored, she has the opportunity to do so much in the creative/charitable/self development spheres that most people never have the time or financial stability to. Staying home isnt the problem, being lazy and have an underdeveloped interior life is.
This. there are so many wonderful non profits I’d love to volunteer with if I had the time and energy, but working full time during normal business hours and commuting to and from the office make it impossible, unfortunately.
YES!! I was just like her. Boredom leads to depression, then you get stuck and codependent on your partner. I finally snapped out of it and found my community and started volunteering.
Exactly what I was thinking, even if you don’t want to start new hobbies as she said, you can still do volunteer work, which would give you meaning, connection with other people, where you can build friendships etc. It’s such a privilege to be able to live without having to work, so I have like 0 sympathy for her when she said that she feels bored..
I think everyone wants to feel taken care of. Who doesn't dream of a good vacation or staycation? The problem I have with the SAHG content I've seen is how selfish/small it all seems. With all the wealth in time, they never volunteer if they're bored. It's all wrapped up in doing things or buying what they couldn't afford on their own
I agree. I think I love nice things, but at 22 years old, I’ve already come to the conclusion that these things do not lead to a life of happiness. A fulfilling life is not one that only consists of vapid, mindless pursuits. When you are in this isolated state of being you begin to wonder “why does my life matter?”. The subconscious begins to pick up on that fact that if everything is done for the self and the self only, no goals, no drives, no deep fulfilling life long relationships, life becomes very empty, which then leads to depression, because to an extent, your greatest fear is likely true.
@@ifeoluwaogunkola8328good for you figuring that out so young, i was 35 and had a ton of stuff but little purpose. Embrace the desire to remain humble and willingness to participate in things greater than ego.
Yes, you would never see one of them learn to tile a mosaic or craft stained glass and then do a massive piece for free for public use as a public service. They have no interest in anything usually than lazy consumerism or things that appear aesthetic. You can use resources and time flexibility in all sorts of marvelous ways that are meaningful. They are just boring and lazy. Audrey Hepburn spent that later parts of her life doing philanthropic work and that sort of person is such a contrast to this.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean I do wonder how much of their vapid boredom is played up for social media. I am pretty sure they have a much fuller day than portrayed
One of my first jobs was with a temp company and there were a lot of women that were also working there because they had 20+ year gaps in their resume and suddenly needed to work. It made a big impression on me. My brother is a software engineer and his wife doesn't work. I know he has a huge life insurance policy in case anything ever happens to him and is very devoted to his wife. Another one of my first jobs was at a mental health non-profit. I asked everyone who had been around a long time how they managed given the intense work (and wages so low that they qualified us for social programs) and all of them had rich husbands and would just stop working or move to part time whenever it got too much. I think this is also why a lot of rich men's wives work in non-profits, volunteer, etc, just to have something to do (also feel like this is a factor that drives down wages but that's a different rant.)
Same. Not even as a SAHG or SAHW, but just mixing in finances with a guy she didn't know all that well and trusting so much to buy a big house with someone whose financial habits were not great. Now my mom is in her 70s and she gets by ok but would be in a better position if she had been more independent.
I commented on that same post of Kendalkay asking if she was getting some sort of education, job training, or had a side business just in case she lost her job as a stay at home girlfriend. She got very offended and said I was being rude and disrespectful. I let her know that if caring about people’s wellbeing, wellroundedness, and financial safety was rude then she must have lived a very privileged, conflict-free life.
The woman who is “bored” is choosing to be bored. She admits she’s just lazy. She’s financially well off enough to make that choice. I think most of us would love for being bored all day if we feel like to even be an option. She could also save a lot of money quickly and ensure her independence that way.
The human condition is a bit weird. Being bored for extended periods of time is actually painful for most people, hence why most of us are addicted to our phones. 😅😅
@@no.6377 Indeed, rats would prefer to shock themselves with electricity, than sit in a cage with nothing to do. I'm pretty sure they self-delete somehow with the electric shock machine.
@@no.6377 yes. Hasn't 2020 quarantine taught us nothing. Hobbies, activities, keeping up socialization with real life people, exercise etc. These are the things that keep us sane.
I'm a “housewife” on unemployment because I got laid off, and my new job doesn't start till August. I'm just enjoying the boredom. I'm too broke to go anywhere. But I couldn't do this forever; I'd go crazy. I'm worried about when we have kids. I am afraid of sending my kids to daycare because I was abused as a child. So I know I'll stop working until my child is old enough to advocate for themselves. But at least I'll be busy with kids. I married a reasonable man so I think I'll be okay. Fingers crossed. Right now I'm looking at my boredom as a luxury for sure because I know it has an endpoint.
You can still work part time or volunteer, so you keep your skills fresh for when your kids are older. Some women I know are unable to return to the same position as they used to have before maternity leave because they have employment gap. Anyway I hope everything works out for you in the futur when you do have kids!
@@Financiallyfreeauthor Plenty of people get “bored” with their kids because it’s a monotonous job, and the lack of stimulating conversation because you have to talk in a mommy voice can be stifling.
This was never attainable to like 90% of women because most boyfriends are not gonna pay for their girlfriend to just sit around all day and do nothing but drink coffee and journal and exercise
I can imagine that some of the boyfriends in these situations have the complimentary desire to be a "provider" even when there are no kids involved, but a lot more are being taken advantage of (like Caitlin said happened to her...). Guys need to say no to this unless it makes them happy and not just vicariously
They will pay for wives and their children to do it. Sometimes the old way is the better way. You just have to pick the right partner and be on the same page.
@@jvc8947 A man can leave, the marriage can go sour, you may want to leave but you are left trapped, something can happen to him. Women need their own money. That's the end of it.
@@emmatessier600 Most men who agree to this are making bank, so their GF staying home isn’t a big deal, but you can bet that they are getting their money’s worth out of their SAHG. But irl, the gf’s in these shorts already have money of their own, so they pay for themselves.
I love videos like this because I can feed my curiosity about these problematic corners of the internet without giving the original creators traffic and engagement (akin to endorsement in the digital age). Thanks for your work!
The thought of this terrifies me. Not having my own independence is not something I could ever give up, no matter how “in love” I was. Scares me for these girls that they’re so wrapped up in someone else, how do they survive when it inevitably comes crashing down. 😞 Ladies!! Always have your own money and know how to look after yourself!!
I tried the stay-at-home girlfriend lifestyle (went on holiday for a few days to weeks). It's nice if it was just occasional but not a lifestyle for someone such as me. Experiencing complete dependence feels hollow and deepens the insecurity. The lifestyle feels like being someone's assistant 24/7 with a sense of fear for my future if my partner left me. It works for some people, and I am happy for them, but if it's out there on social media, it makes me question whether the wanted attention is just to fill a void.
There was a girl on TikTok buying her own roses and flying herself out and telling the world she was being provided for them come to find out she was a travel nurse taking care of her boyfriend. It was all a lie
I am a stay at home daughter 😂 I’m 26 now. I have spent my twenties “finding myself “ and self- development. I went to college and am now going back to college in a career I’m interested in after my business failed. But mostly I have just been incredibly bored and wasted time I could’ve used to develop my career and also my dad had hoped I’d be married to wealthy guy by now. Being dependent on someone strips you of your power. I’m so glad I woke up early enough to be independent because imagine if I got married then regretted it later when he leaves me for the new hot 24 year old 😢
In the early 2000s, MTV had a doc, "I'm dating someone older". There was a model in her 2os dating a millionaire in his late 40s. She ended up talking about how lonely it was all the time and how they barely spent any time together. Rarely ever ate dinner together. He would get home late all the time and be grumpy, then want to go right to bed when she wanted to go out. They eventually split up. I remember at 18 thinking it seemed very glamorous and I wished I had that life, but at the same time, it seemed so boring and lonely and sad.
Thank you for making this video and pointing out that these women ARE making their own money, just not in a traditional way. I'm currently a SAHW but that was after working 30 years! I have my own money, retirement, etc. For the most part, it's totally unrealistic.
I was a spoilt Daddy's girl growing up. He bought me my first car and paid my rent for the first couple of years after I moved out. But I've never accepted money from a man or looked to a man to support me. My dad always told me that he'll support me till I could support myself so I would never be beholden to a man. I'm now in my 40's and my dad hasn't supported me for a couple of decades now, but I've never needed a man financially.
I think if you’re self motivated it’s an amazing lifestyle. I would go back and do my masters, I’d volunteer and do charity work, I love cooking so I’d do some cooking classes, grow my own vegetables, workout; spend lots of time with elderly family members helping them… My days would be packed!
You will have to justify your existence! Your partner will expect you to do certain things for them and be available so doubtful if you can just take random trips, education and he pays for it all...who will keep the home?
@@justinaacorn5721 Google the hourly wage of: a babysitter, tutor, personal assistant, cook, housekeeper, publicist and so on…. Add it up and it is a shocking number. And several of those things that women tend to do for men have zero to do with a house at all. Not to mention that is not an exhaustive list. It only becomes justifying your existence if accommodations for your financial well being are not the norm from day one. If you are going to be at home and doing “unpaid labor” then he should be depositing monthly into a retirement and an investment account under your name. The actual tea is that many men who want to get married cannot actually afford to do so. And I am not being snobby about corporate jobs. There are blue collar men who run their own small companies that make absurdly good money. There was one thing that I considered in my calculations that shifted my views to this. I calculated how much around the clock care from a nurse was. I thought of all the things that it actually is important to be able to afford it would be that for medical emergencies. Most men could not because that is not the goal they have financially. And that is not what I would call acceptable. To me this is not about a luxury car or trip to paris, but having certain resources on tap.
Growing up, my mum always told me “NEVER rely on a man. Focus on education, skills. So you can be financially independent even in marriage”. My ex was wealthy and we had fun, but I didn’t have power in that relationship
Same here lol Every time i hear a CC talk about how women are 'biologically wired' to want a man to take care of them I'm like, welp, I guess I'm not a real woman then 😅
I wonder why Caitling mentions her experience of having been "taken advantage of financially" and then doesn't go into the fact that some of the women pursuing this (being "taken care of financially") are also looking to take advantage of some young man.
I know for myself I feel much more sane when I’m being productive. I’m lucky enough to work part time but when I have too many days off I start to feel less mentally healthy.
I would work a job I hate. I have been married for 39 years and I have my own money and bank account. Along with a joint account with my husband. Independence is a great feeling.
I agree. I'm on my second marriage (11 yrs so far) and very happy but I love my independence so much. When my first marriage ended (9 yrs) it was so nice to just move in separate directions with very little stress or tension, having my own income and everything. For me it is also a big factor that I've always been childfree by choice.
I hate the notion that "everybody hates their job". I like my job. A lot. It's not my dream job, but it's fun. Would I rather come and go on times I'd like, be able to sleep in etc? Sure, yeah. But that doesn't make me hate THE WORK itself. If it's true that most people hate their jobs, that's sad. I've worked with many different things in my life, including retail, and had a lot of fun.
I agree. I like my job. There are some difficult parts of it (I'm a teacher), but i enjoy it. I think a lot more people are indifferent toward their jobs, than actually hate it. We are just taught that careers are supposed to be our childhood dreams come true, when for some people they are really just a way to earn money.
I second this: Too much negativity of "everyone hates their job". I almost feel that individuals who feel this way very strongly need to find a new mental/emotional approach or drive on life. What makes one think this way? It's too presumptuous to think everyone thinks so. (To note, this may not apply to those who are unfortunately stuck due to unlucky unforeseen circumstances; i.e. stuck at a subpar job due to location of spouse's career; need to support a sick/disabled family member and can only work subpar job, etc. Then sure it's understandable. But this still shouldn't make one sour and assume that's the circumstance/feeling of another.)
@@krng2712 The part I don’t get is when women say they don’t want to work a job, but think working for free for someone who has no obligation to treat them fairly is some how a good deal… too many women have found out the hard way that a man is not a plan, but women keep falling for it. I’ve never hated my jobs. Just the people who worked with me. I couldn’t imagine staying home where I’d end up hating my “boss” and not even get paid for it.
This is the first video I see from this channel great content btw I also wanted to say; I truly hate it when I hear people say that “some women just want to be taken care of” we all want to be taken care of, men and women, in one way or another want and NEED to be taken care of to some extent. how much care you need determines how much weight you will be. I have an almost 8 year long relationship and I have reached the decision where having a baby is not feasible here because I am not taken care of enough to justify adding more onto my plate. Yes, he says he will do his part, but I am the main income earner, I travel for work and I already have a 14 year old (not his child). I carry all the financial burden while he is, well, he’s working and not earning enough to help any further. But the financial shortfall he has isn’t being balanced out with house work or anything of the sort. that for me, would be “taking care of me”. We all need to feel like we don’t need to worry every once in a while.
I like a happy medium. My mom was a single mom and my grandmother was a stay at home mother so I've seen both ends of the spectrum. I seen the pros and cons of both lifestyles. I've been hyper independent my whole life because that's how my mom raised me but now I'm a stay at home wife. My husband started a business specifically for me so I can work "for him" but I'm basically his boss because he has no organizational skills which is absolutely necessary for our business. So it's a way for me to keep my independence while also not having to run myself into the ground working for someone else.
Grew up in really toxic household where there were constant fights and arguments as far as I can remember. Got physical and scary at times. But neither parent could afford to separate because needed both incomes to have roof over our heads. Growing up in that, all I ever wanted was to be completely independent and be able to support myself no matter what so that I would never find myself in a situation like my parents. And that’s what I focused on. Never dreamed of anyone else taking care of me because learned from very early on that that can be a trap. Nope, no thank you. And best part of this is that when I choose to be in a relationship, it is because I want to and not because I need to. Makes me appreciate my relationship more.
Technically, I am a SAHG but im on a disability pension. I pay what i can towards rent and other bills. Its definitely not glamourous, like influencers like to make it out to be.
That’s a hard life. Hope you’re okay. ♥️ Being at home on a disability pension, or just sick and unable to work, is so much harder than people think it is.
i’m currently trying to get on disability because i can’t sustain employment, not even part time. it terrifies me to be reliant on the government for such a small amount of money. i wish i could handle working full time. a lot of people think that living on disability is some free-for-all, luxurious lifestyle..but it’s the opposite. i wish i could work
@@coolchameleon21 I can totally agree with you that relying on the governement(s) is frightening even in my country. Whoever thinks that disabled people live lavishly or in luxury might as well confuse them with lazy people. Lazy people have choices but refuse and if they can afford it sure they could as such and we shoudln't judge them. But, disability is not a choice and it is long term.... and governments spend if not zero very little money to help them. I hope your living codntions imrpove
It makes me sad that she just sits there and watches TV most of the day. If I could be a SATG I would spend so much time volunteering and working on my hobbies/interests. This sounds like her mental health is going to suffer if it isn’t already
Having your own will always be undefeated. So many of these stay at home gfs only show the pluses and not the negatives. You are beholden to the whims of your partners. Hopefully these sugar babies are being productive with their free time or saving money.
I was a stay at home wife for six months when we moved to our first home. I was looking for a new job then. I finally got a full time remote job and omg! It feels soooo good to be back to work! That $&@! Was booorrriinnggg. I would rather atleast work part time than nothing at all. Seeing money come in my bank account feels too good to let go of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very blessed to have a husband holding us down but we’re a team and I wanted to contribute too. Also, I’m not stupid 👀 you NEVER know ladies! Oh! And another thing! All of my friends were working so I didn’t get out much! One of them said I could come over and watch her work lol but… 😬
I cannot relate to people who are bored at home. There is so much to do, I don't have enough time in my life to everything I would want to do, I'm flat out from morning until night at home, I can't understand people who are bored if they're not working for someone else.
I’ve been very sick, and on and off work for years at a time for over a decade. (I have multiple sclerosis, as well as other things). Being forced to stay home 24/7 is horrendously boring, even if you are asleep a lot of the time. Now that I am currently able bodied, I couldn’t imagine doing that voluntarily for a long period of time. I’d have to get a part time job, or volunteer (if money wasn’t something I needed).
I think the next wave of this we’ll be seeing is the fall of the crunchy mom/homesteading moms. Real homesteading is extremely un aesthetic and very difficult. After us kids grew up my mom started a homestead with her husband (chickens, pigs, turkeys, vegetable garden, solar energy). She had to it up after about 5 years, it was just too hard on their bodies. Granted she was 20 years older than some of these influencers are but it WILL take a toll. I would love to start keeping chickens and a veg garden and live more sustainably but I would never think I could live fully off grid. I felt the same about van life influencers, who have almost all given it up
That is a very good point. There is a reason farming has always been seen as very hard work. It’s because it is. I do think that as automation and robotics and ai progresses we might get to the point that with technology it could be less backbreaking and more reasonable. However, we are not there right now and won’t be soon.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean absolutely. It’s gotten easier for sure, you can get machinery to process chickens and stuff. There’s a reason mom never had meat chickens and only laying hens, it’s a lot of work. And back in the day they had to hand wash all their clothes etc. there was a reason they had one parent always staying home, it’s because domestic labour is HARD if you want to do it yourself. And for the crunchy moms I think they’re going to burn themselves out. You can’t keep that up forever
@@Chelseabee55 Bingo. Community and large families and clans were really required long term to make it work. And I do not see most people going that route now. Scaling is such a factor and was even then. Burn out is indeed coming. I get so tired of people who know nothing of history acting like our ancestors were morons. The arrogance is feels like a cheese grater.
@StarryWaters-gq1oj Permaculture food forest is somewhat aesthetic and chill maybe if you are lucky, but a proper farming setup? Hah! There is reason it is called back breaking labor.
When my mom was a stay-at-home mom, my dad was always kind of rude about it. He would constantly complain she was not making money, so she started babysitting to make some extra money. He complained she did not have a job yet, so she finally found a job when I was 11. Even when she started working, he did not start helping out around the house. The oldest child, who was me, always did the things he should have done. Being dependent on a man is not a prize in a box.
Agreed. Talking about being taken care of by a man, there's another way to look at it. My grandma met her third husband when she was a CEO of her own company, he was a seasoned pilot, both of them were in their early 40s, both well established in their careers, both looking gorgeous. And he has been taking care of my grandma ever since: when she was a primary breadwinner, when she lost her business and went bankrupt, when she grew old... He's been by her side every day, making sure she's safe and happy, he built her a house, he nursed her to health when she broke her hip, he thanked her for every meal she made, he did all the "man's work" around the house, he never raised his voice at her. You can absolutely be taken care of by a good man. But, looking at my grandma and her third husband, I think that being taken care of means something very different from being financially dependent and controlled by a man.
The SAHG to tradwife to divorced 40/50-something with no money or job pipeline is horrifying. Their positions are completely unenviable and, dare I say, leave them vulnerable to financial (amongst other forms) abuse. It's always worth having a back-up plan and your own savings just in case things don't work out with the mister
Agreed. I now recommend any women considering that route to ensure they have accounts in their name for investing, retirement, savings that are written into a prenup to be deposited in once a month. [Plus she should have life insurances and trusts set up.] It can be a wonderful lifestyle, but if a man balks at setting these sorts of financial safeguards up then run for the Himalayas. A man who intends to stay with you until death would only be concerned about making it fit into the budget. And men who adore their wives would be relieved at another way to safeguard the family wealth and keep her safe if something terrible happened to him.
I'm a lesbian and here is my story. I moved to Canada from the US to live with my same sex partner. I could not practice law there unless I went back to law school. I took menial jobs( and my mental and physical health suffered). I ended up marrying my spouse and she wanted a "stay at home wife" who had dinner on the table for her when she arrived home. She wanted the traditional marriage but she also wanted me to contribute financially. Long story short, the marriage fell apart and I ended up moving back to the US. My ex was bitter because I was awarded spousal support and lump sum payments because I took on the trad wife role. I've been in a new relationship for 14yrs and we share our money!! Its not 50/50 by any means, but both of us are 100 percent ok with it.
So I was a stay at home girlfriend for about a year and half when my fiance and I moved to a new town after graduation, I was going to try to focus on my creative projects and he was going to work. Well it turns out staying at home all day with no direction (I did not do well without a schedule and was also dealing with some mental health issues) caused me to spiral into severe depression and I felt absolutely terrible. I started feeling better after I got a job and could balance my creative projects with steady income. I love my vacation time but I could not go back to being a stay at home partner.
Quite a few of those trad wives have spread white supremacist, racist rubbish. I think the person you're talking about also has this background. No sympathy, really.
I literally stayed home sick for a week and was so board and getting depressed I had to go back to work even before I was back to 100% I can’t relate to this at all. My job is very fulfilling even though it is stressful at times.
From my understanding of full tile content creation…they work a ton…they are overwhelmed a lot…their work hours are based on sunlight, or sounds in their home, they hair/nail/outfits they have planned. Ur constantly marketing, emailing, and selling urself to get deals and extra income… From what my friends tell me, if you wanna make enough money to fully support urself, it’s a ton of work. It’s not a soft life.
I was a stay at home mom for a few years and I was never bored. Dropped off the kids, went to the gym, went out for lunch with the girls then picked up the kids. Cooked dinner and stayed at home in the evening. I wasn’t waiting for my husband to come home. Loved it
I've had a job so bad I sobbed and had multiple breakdowns. I would always choose that over giving someone else power over me. I could save a little, apply somewhere else, even apply within the company. I'm not saying those 2 years were great, but you pick your struggle. Yes, be a stay at home girlfriend, but you may have no job, money, savings, etc. What happens if that man leaves? Or dies? A man is not a plan, no person is anyone's plan. And, honestly, miss "It's boring" can get bent. She said it herself, she's lazy. If I had just free time, the things I'd do. Languages, instruments, take a random community college class. Go to events in the city, check out the museums, or even try a new bakery that's out of the way. She literally is forcing herself to be bored. She could do damn near anything, so, yeah, her life is still pretty aspirational.
The one I saw the most was Kendal Kay. Her boyfriend broke up with her maybe about 4 months ago. She has a RUclips channel on here where she records day in the life vlogs and whatnot. She’s actually a really sweet girl who seemed kind of lost.
Most of those TikTok videos were created purely as clickbait (be under no illusion - these women earn plenty of their own money being content creators) I'm a stay at home wife (we are childfree) and I cannot work while we're living abroad in Dubai - it's been two years of not having any income of my own (I was on disability benefits back home in the UK - I paid towards some household bills - and so had some money of my own) and it's absolutely miserable. For two years I've had to ask to buy things with my husband's salary. It's utterly soul-destroying. Fair enough if you're lucky enough to be with a rich man who can send you an allowance or whatever, but we don't have that luxury. Back home I sold foot pictures on the side as a way to bring in 'pocket money' so I could buy bits of makeup or a pair of shoes. I NEED some form of independence, or I'll go mad. Here in Dubai, I go to the apartment building's gym 4 times a week, I can't leave the apartment because it's too hot (Dubai) and everything costs a fortune here - I watch A LOT of RUclips. Being a SAHW is miserable in the long run and I doubt many people would be loving that life after a few months. I would never choose to be a SAH girlfriend - security (one of Laslow's highest needs) is the one thing we all need and we know how insecure relationships are. I pity any woman who is fool-enough to rest her security on a boyfriend. Husband, perhaps, but boyfriend? Absolutely not.
I’m on SSDI. Now I work for myself part time now, in accordance to what I am capable of doing, but for two years I was dealing with surgeries and PT, learning to walk again. Nobody prepared me for how much it sucks having to ask someone to buy you something. I have never looked down on someone else for being in need and being incapable of paying their way for various circumstances. But it’s so ingrained in society to earn your right to exist, and do so with labor and money, that you judge yourself when financially relying on others becomes a necessity. I felt guilty for it, especially since I couldn’t do much for a lot of it. I truly felt like I had no right to live in my own house that we bought when I was the breadwinner in our relationship. When I asked how I could possibly earn my keep my husband said ‘you woke up from the coma when the doctors said you had a 10% chance of survival. Your heart stopped 3 times and you are learning to walk again, when you were expected not to. You earned your right to be anywhere you want.’ It hit me, and not in the sentimental personal sense. It made me mad that we cannot even nearly die without worrying about being a burden. Meanwhile plenty of people who do work and earn money are a burden in some way. Unpleasant and toxic people who make everyone else’s life harder for being in it exist, and while we may vent about them or do our best to avoid them, or even cut them out of our lives, they never get labeled as burdensome. Just rude, argumentative, selfish, or difficult. But the moment you cannot earn your keep with a job and money, you get shit for it. Every day I think of saying ‘fuck of’ and going back to work full time against doctor’s orders just because the western world doesn’t teach us how to feel valuable unless we are working and paying taxes.
Why didn’t you work even back in the UK? I get you might have a disability (??) based on what you have said, but many jobs are disability friendly or you can even have a part time work from home type of job. Selling feet pics to be able to afford makeup sounds absolutely miserable to willingly live like that, so I’m genuinely curious
Nah, I could not. I actually enjoy my job, the money i make and my independence As a divorced woman i know the value of all the above. Lets talk about your necklaces Beautiful Where are they from? Love them all ❤
I’m a stay at home girlfriend; by bad luck, not by choice. I ended up becoming disabled about 4 years ago and was no longer able to work a full time job. I’ve been with my partner for 14 years. He stayed with me through all my health issues. He’s a great guy. I can confirm something I deal with a lot is boredom. Since almost all of my friends work, and there’s only so many chores I can get done in a day, I spend a lot of time just wasting time. I do end up pretty darn bored most afternoons, since my partner is gone for work 5 days out of the week and I’m usually too unwell to do much after 4 or 5. I can watch a movie or read a book, but there’s only so much entertainment I can consume before I’m just tired of it, especially when this happens basically everyday. It’s frustrating just sitting around, doing nothing until I can finally go to sleep and start a new day.
Get out of the house and do some sightseeing. My husband worked 16 hours a day. Shopping was fun in the beginning. I realized I wanted to see the city around me. I loved every minute of it. Get a part-time job. Home health is great. Being around older people and listening to their life stories is amazing. Learn from their wisdom.
I am here and for the most part considered myself a stay-at-home mom and wife. We had planned on me working when our youngest was in school full-time. While, they were in school part-time, I went back to school. Sadly, I got a stroke and have stay-at-home because I have chronic health issues after the stroke. Yes, my IQ diminished because of the stroke. From the moment we got engaged, he put his business in both our names. I have my own checking account. The other accounts, that he has, I am part of. Nowadays, I am more of a chauffeur to our are children, but what mom isn't ❣️❣️❣️ Because of my children and other obligations, I don't have other connections outside. I don't know, if it is my fault because I love and enjoy my time alone.
I was twice a stay at home girlfriend, but not by choice. I wanted to work but couldn't find a job or was waiting to start school 7 months later and my boyfriend worked. So I took care of the home while trying to keep myself busy, while he financially supported us in both cases. It was sooooo boring and kind of stressful. I was grateful, but so much prefer working and earning my own money. I wound up being very successful in business and getting to retire early, and am so glad I got to show myself I could do that. I had no confidence as a stay at home girlfriend. Life experience builds confidence in oneself. If I hadn't gone through jobs I hated, I would have never gotten to the point where I had the skills and experience to have a successful business and build wealth.
My mom was a sahm for both me and my younger brothers because my dad did not want her to work and once she was a sahm he refused to allow her to work even a part time job in the evenings because he did not want to watch his own kids. He was also extremely verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards my mother and me and my siblings. Once my youngest brother turned 18 and she wanted to get a job he closed out their joint bank account (even though they are legally married and they live together) and refused her access to a car. Literally leaving her trapped with no income and no vehicle, and there is no public transportation in the rural area we live in. She has no savings and nothing for her retirement. As a result I’m now sharing my car with my mother so she can get to her job and try to save up some money and I’m trying to help her get a place to live so she can escape and divorce my abusive father. It’s a very sad and stressful situation for everyone and I would warn anyone against being a sahm and becoming solely financially dependent on your spouse.
These women remind me so much of myself at 18. I was so lost in life that I left my country and lived with a man and was his little tradwife. It was fine at the begining but at the end it was so awful. The worst thing is having no money to leave, no car, no friends, you're stuck. Might be comfy for a while but it can get so so bad.
I'm disabled so I'm financially dependent on my husband and what i tell people all the time is that I'm incredibly lucky i married a good man. and that there's also a lot of anxiety about how precarious life can be
Not going to lie. I’m starting to get bored too but coming from years of constant hustle culture, I cherish the boredom. Been living this SAHG life for 4 years. I do not create content about it or anything like that. I just live my life. Since I seem to be getting bored, I’m going to learn 3 languages. Starting with Spanish. I’m older with years of military service, an extensive work history in healthcare, and a software engineer. I needed a break nonetheless. I would only suggest this life if your partner is paying you a salary weekly and you have developed a work history with critical skills should you need to jump back into work.
I can't fathom that concept, there is so much to do in life! I have horses so that may be why but I have so many interests that I can't pursue because I am so busy.
@@sarahwales6276 I hear you and totally see your point of view. I lived such a chaotic life and accomplished so many cool things. In my lifetime I’ve lived about 6 different lives already by the age of 37. No lie…😂 So to go from doing everything under the sun to completely slowing down and taking it easy, it can seem somewhat boring because my nervous system is so used to being overwhelmed. Maybe bored is not a good word to use in my case because like you mentioned, I also have so many interests and I do pursue them. But because I’m not stressed out while doing them, it seems “boring.”
@@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult Yes you are correct. That’s why I would only suggest doing this if one has critical or specialized skills AND get paid a weekly salary from their partner. No exceptions. If none of that applies, do not do this. Period
The girl who is bored is because she has no real interests or passions of her own. Other people would actually do something with that time or ENJOY relaxing and watching shows, playing video games, etc.
My sister married a wealthy man 22 yrs older than her, she doesn't work. She has a maid. Her husband does most of the cooking or they order food. She drinks wine, takes care of her dogs, waters plants, and smokes pot all day. For yrs she woke up around noon. She has very little human contact and is, imo, mildly depressed. She did have kids at home for part of the marriage, but was not terribly involved and they've been gone for 4+ yrs. It's really a sad life. It's not aspirational. Her personality has changed and I miss my old sister.
If you’re bored, you’re boring! Volunteer and give back, mentor someone, build your friggin skillset (learn a language, learn to cook, learn how to garden, learn how to code, learn business, learn about history)
I was kinda thinking the same, but there is the aspect of men that would want an actual SAHG often have a tendency to be controlling. I mean the ones that are working with social media probably aren't in that situation, but women just commenting are likely to be. That's the paradox. The visible SAHGs that are bored should go volunteer, the invisible ones may be afraid to lose their only support even if it's a subconcious/repressed fear.
I work full time and I view a lot of chores as entertaining, or at least better than sitting around all day especially since you get a sense of achievement
@@livwake been there, enjoyed certain chores on my shitty job because they were more bearable than the others. Was later diagnosed with heavy psychotic depression.
Same. I’m from an area with high street sw and I don’t care what anyone says sw are never in happy places. It’s not something anyone should get into or do long term. It’s very dehumanizing.
I’ve been a SAHG on accident because of longer than normal streaks of unemployment and I absolutely hated it. The first time I was lucky and was able to volunteer and workout a lot, but I was actively looking for a job every day. The second time was during the pandemic and hospitality jobs cratered and you couldn’t go anywhere. Both times I was lucky to be with partners that didn’t take advantage of me but I would never want you to be dependent like that again.
I experienced both. The endless amount of time you have and not having to report to anyone is amazing. But yes, its boring. My days were the same. I never knew what day of the week it was because it didn't matter. When I was working and earning my own money, I felt powerful and had ownership of my life. Ideally, for me...working part time would be perfect. But depending 100% on a man..never again!
What do you think of the stay at home girlfriend lifestyle?
Where is the woman's independence? And, what's the difference between being a SHGF and a live-in, well///. and, what happens when he gets tired of the SHGF, or wants a newer model? Nope, this is not for me.
Stay at home girlfriend/fiancé before/without commitment/marriage sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. This is because to stay at home without being potentially financially hurt you would need your partner to be depositing monthly into accounts under your name for investing and retirement.
Also, that one girl seems bored simply due to a lack of discipline and motivation. She is choosing to not: make art, dance, learn a skill, read, self educate, hike, volunteer or socialize. In reality having more room for these things is good, but often people are so lazy even if they have time it never happens. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is fairly on point, but even if people have the time and resources it requires discipline to have a full balanced life, which is not valued much today.
🙄
THAT'S how I feel about this latest nonsense.
They sound like liars.
It’s fun for about 6 months then you will go crazy or succumb to an addiction if you have no higher purpose.
It really isn’t difficult to find a man to to give you that lifestyle, if you are what he wants. A lot of the time that’s just a conventionally attractive -but classy, educated, responsible, and self-assured woman that has *something* going for herself.
It does feel very nice to be financially supported, especially when you’re struggling and don’t come from money. Women should use that support to fund their own endeavors and towards becoming financially independent from their man.
Not real and not desirable. I could see if there were actual tangibles, but I'd much rather be secured with the legal title of a wife.
I would not want to be completely dependent on someone who I'm not even married to. They have no obligation to you.
Even when married it is very dangerous and lethal literally
Lethal is a bit of a dramatic term...@@WynnWynn-gl3fk
Agreed. My husband set me up to be able to go back to school ❤ so I can earn money and have a career that isn't dependent on him. We have a 12 year old and 9 year year old, and I'm the main caretaker so HE could advance his career. Now, it's my turn and I'm so thankful and grateful
@@absolutelyridiculous6743 that is so sweet.😍 I don't know you but I'm still happy for you. Healthy marriages with supportive partners are so important.
Even the person married to you can do wrong.
It's better to always have your own.
I’m 73 years old & one thing I can definitively say is that you have to pay the piper. Nothing is free. The women I have seen in these relationships (and that includes married ones too) all too often pay by assuming a less-than role. Generally the one who has the money has the power.
unfortunately, i think even if both partners work full time, the primary breadwinner still holds the power. it definitely is frustrating!
That depends on your partner/husband.
Exactly there’s no such thing as a free lunch.
absolutely ! I wasn't brought up to be taken care of by a man if anything my parents have always encouraged me to make my own way having said that I know there'z no free lunch in this world except for maybe at your parents lolz I've built a life of my dreams I work at most 3h a day and spend the rest of the day working on my passion project I don't have to answer to anyone but myself I don't have a child or partner that needs to be taken care of literally the most liberating Ive felt in such a long time but to reach this stage boy have I paid a hefty price I worked my bones off for 8-9 years with no pay and little to no social interaction I had to isolate myself to be able to live the life I am now living but easy come easy go they say well my life hadn't come easy at all so I don't expect this to go easily. At last women , men won't take care of you but will be looking for someone to be taken care of themselves the best we could do is find someone who can take care of themselves and ! it's a fantasy that we need to wake up from.
It's like we say on Brazil: You either pay with your money, or pay with your soul.
As someone who was a SAHG/SAHwife in her 20s, this is the most dangerous trap for women. My boyfriend/husband was kind and supportive, and didn't want me to have to work a job I hated. But looking back in my 40s, I can never get those prime career building years back. And when my marriage ended, I was left at square one career wise. While I fortunately had a university degree to fall back on, big gaps in a resume are red flags that make you almost unemployable going forward, mean losing ground as your profession moves forward without you, and mean losing years of building your own independent financial nest egg for retirement and emergencies. I am fortunate to have built back up some of that, but will forever be behind where I could have been if I had made better choices when I was young.
Thanks for sharing. I really needed to hear this !
Same story here... I can't get a job and I used to be an executive.
@@fvoconnorDAMN
Layoffs and medical emergencies will put you behind as well.
Exactly!
Being a say at home wife is one thing but a stay at home girlfriend? How is that even a thing. You’re one breakup away from being homeless. And what human wants to be completely dependent on another when they don’t have to be? Good lord
I think it’s all social media bs… I have a hard time believing anything on the internet these days
That’s what happened to me. He proposed but never intended on marrying me and left me homeless and in abject poverty with no notice last year.
A stay at home wife is also one breakup away from being homeless.
@@emmanarotzky6565 Unless they signed a really poorly balanced pre-nup divorce should not leave you in abject poverty
@@emmanarotzky6565 Divorce is at least harder to achieve and has a reasonable chance of getting you alimony and/or child support. In the case of divorce you have legal protections that should make the other party is at least somewhat financially liable for you. This isn't to discount the fact that divorce can be financially ruinous for a woman but a girlfriend has absolutely none of those legal protections which is what makes this even more dangerous.
The rich & educated women in my region who are SAHMs sometimes get gilded cage syndrome - not really fulfilled in the domestic sphere, desperate for intelligent engagement & endeavor.
Glamorizing comfortable and dull idleness in economic times like this is more than odd.
Well said
The woman at 1:17 is Haley Khalil, she’s a comedian. That clip is actually a skit.
That one did stand out as especially nutso, good to hear 😅
I was gonna ask if it was a horror short 😅
Gonna check out more of her stuff.
People are boycotting her. She said something very inappropriate a few days ago
The first one also looks like a skit
She’s HILARIOUS in her “stay at home gf” skit, this creator should’ve given context and credit.
My mother always said “If you marry for money, you earn every penny”. I chose an education and a career.
Amen ❤
So true.
and if you marry a broke lazy man you will suffer your whole life. You should marry a provider who you love and respect, and who cherishes you. Too many people just think of “love” and attach themselves to a sinking ship. It’s as equally bad as just clinging to any random rich dude for money. You need both love and capability or you’re destined to suffer.
Let us know how that goes for you 😂😂😂
@@sieriamist4467 In the 1990s I worled with a woman who taught her then 10-year-old daughter that "romance without finance is a nuisance" with an emphasis on the '...ance" of each word. LOL!
My mom was a stay at home wife for most of her life. When my dad passed away she didn’t have any money and now I am responsible for taking care of her.she also doesn’t speak English so she depends on me for everything. I don’t want to be like her.
Damn she really wasn’t very smart at all.
@@ihanakaunotar2741 it's not that she wasn't smart- older generations in a marriage had very specific roles. She didn't learn certain skills but that doesn't mean she wasn't smart. The lady is likely a genius in other areas.
@@proinseasnihanluain4735 she could have learnt english in all those years...
this is so sad, and I hope you don't get upset for me saying this, but you aren't responsible for Squat. momma can learn English and get a job. She can start low like everyone else, but to make your kids responsible for caring for you is just subsequent child abuse. I am not rich, but I make damn sure I have life insurance so if anything happens to me my kids and husband will be taken care of. Unless she is 70 or 80, She can still find work. It may be hard but it's out there. my mom still works at 67 as a caregiver. She just made you her new husband but what happens when you want your own life?
Let me guess, your mom is Asian right?
Whenever I see these Stay and Home GF vids all I can think of is the statistic that a woman is six times more likely to have her partner file for divorce in the month after she receives a cancer diagnosis than if the situation was reversed. Twenty percent of women who are diagnosed with cancer are abandoned by their partner in the month after that diagnosis, compared to 3% of men. Divorce rates go DOWN when a man in the couple gets diagnosed but go UP when a woman is diagnosed. That's all I can think of when I see these women on social media talking about how wonderful it is to have a man provide everything.
I had a job where I'd sit in the parking lot to cry before entering the building to work nearly every day. My autoimmune disease was out of control because of the stress I was under so I was in and out of the hospital and right back to work constantly. My employment status was repeatedly under threat because of my disability.
A bad job, seriously bad job, will shorten your life as much as a toxically unbalanced relationship. Wish we didn't have to pick between them at all. I didn't feel like I had any choice but to quit and be dependent for a time while my body recovered and it was still awful being trapped at home and "owe" someone for your basic needs. It was just as much hell.
Sending you hugs. Hope you’re doing better now.
i completely agree ❤and i am so sorry you had to do that- i actually had similar health issues - to the point that i couldn’t physically handle working and so i chose the route of dependency - getting in relationships with partners only on the condition they would support me financially- and holy hell it was never NOT stressful and i would tell any woman that envied me- it is ABSOLUTELY not worth it and as SOON as i can physically work i am going to.
Sounds like you were a public school teacher. Been there done that. Happy to be done teaching!
@@654ujala hahaha no, but I know a few! Glad you're out of that environment!
@@CajonesandCannolis Exactly! I hope your health and situation gets better. 💜
I’ll say I’ve never seen even one woman over 50+ EVER recommend the tradwife life. Not a single one. Even ones still married in their golden years say don’t do it. That should speak for itself
Those who like it are too busy enjoying their family and life to speak bad on it. You get what you look for.
Ok but what about men that refuse to do chores and want a sahm for that very reason
@@berrymckockiner5883 those men exist. there are plenty of women that refuse to work outside the home. It’s Just about the desired dynamics. Plenty would love to stay home and do chores. Assessment and selection of a partner is the most important decision of your life. Develop your self as much as possible, be upfront about expectations in the dating process and have the “awkward” conversations. If you do it right, hopefully you’ll get the partner right for you.
@@berrymckockiner5883 What about them? What are you actually asking?
Stop calling them men. People not keeping home are not adults. The men I know call those people "child".
Move on or see if you can encourage them to grow? Nothing more rewarding to me than house chores since me/my family owns the results 100% !!
@@subwayfacemelt4325 men that want SAHM, we refuse to do chores.
And if we don't get that, then drizzIe drizzIe and 50/50 is alI you'lI get. No more chivaIry
I remember when UK blogger Summer Hawkins (Sumerica) was glamorising being a stay at home girlfriend, and looking after her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant soon afterwards the relationship broke down got kicked out and was more recently complaining that the ex boyfriend wasn’t visiting the child. Ladies don’t put all your trust into these men have your own independence!
The first red flag is that this man is okay with a woman being a “stay at home girlfriend”. If you aren’t caring for children, wtf are you a stay at home anything??
@@QCL2023 cooking 3 meals , washing clothes , doing dishes , cleaning and moping floor , dusting , caring for him when comes back , being his *therapist ,cook, cleaner and escort* .
even without children in equation this is a lot of work ,
*i would rather put this hardwork in getting a high level job and hire a maid to do these homework* than doing all these chores myself and being called lazy (even though i am doing all these work) & wasting my years not building a carrier ,for my husband to replace me with new young chick in my later years & end up broke , traumatized and no education , no job experience
She didn't realize someone like him would definitely leave her a single mother. That sucks.
@@SmallBobbyshe should drag him to court
Managing the home.
The SAHG lifestyle is largely one of luxury for attractive women in their 20s. That’s all. And I know they can’t fathom it now, but their looks, body, “physical currency” will change significantly in the next 20-25 years. And then what? You think he’s gonna keep busting his ass working a job HE hates (women don’t own the market on hating their jobs) to support a middle-aged woman HE NEVER MARRIED whose looks aren’t what they used to be when there’s a newer, younger, hotter, more exciting one right down the street? (No shade to middle-aged women who don’t look 23 anymore…I am one!) A lot of young women would gladly wash his clothes and blend his smoothie in the morning in her place.
It’s a such a short-sighted way to live.
But I get it. Working sucks…
Great comment 👏
You're being real real with this comment. They don't realize that once they won't be so young and beautiful anymore, these men will replace them.
They don't understand the supply of younger, not experienced and not intelligent women who are ready to ruin their lives because they will believe the lies of some older guy they aren't even attracted to because they think it will give them an easier life. They'll just replace you in the unhappy transactional "relationship". This is not a woman's world so there should be straight up classes in schools that teach every generation not to fall for it. Every time, once they get older and smarter, they regret ever looking at some older man. He knows what he's doing, she doesn't.
@@Wimograffey i think some of them probably do realize it but feel like this is the best situation they can get in life and so they settle
Ya the SAHG thing only makes sense if you already come from a rich family and don't have to work to begin with and can fall back on your family money if needed.
We live in a man made world not a woman made world. Woman should always keep that in mind and protect themselves.
PERIOD.
oh, i guess that is why there is over 4 times as many intentional murders of males then females per capita, globally...
Women*
oh, i guess readily available statistics is not welcome here...
@@sakatababawhat’s your point?
Also, where does it leave the woman once she’s 40 and realizes she has no retirement saved, no money of her own other than her husbands, etc… it’s a very rude awakening
This part! Missing out on years of compounding on retirement for your future.
fr, if you want to be a stay-at-home-spouse, that's fine, but you need to insist on some serious safeguards, like the breadwinner's income gets split into 3 accounts: a joint household account that covers the bills and household purchases and the kids, and a personal allowance account for each spouse. The stay-at-home-spouse also gets money put into a spousal IRA at the same rate as the breadwinner spouse. If they have problems with that, don't give up your career, and I don't recommend marrying them at all. Especially don't do SAHGF because there's zero legal protections, unlike for a wife who has some minimal protections
For me? It left me homeless with no job, friends or family and I lost everything I own. I’m still living in a shelter and it’s hell on earth. I can’t find work often bc I have an emotional support animal and the shelter requires that she stays either me at all times. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get out this situation.
Not having to work 40 hours a week seems like a dream but I would NEVER be an SAHG. I'd prefer knowing my back is covered at all times and my survival and well being not depending on another person, thank you very much.
I work 32 hrs a week and next year I’m scaling back to 28. No support, mediocre salary. I just cut my spending drastically and I want less stuff.
Never been happier
@@tuttuttut7758
What do you do?
Right?!! Right now my fiance is inbetween jobs (he was injured and on workers comp for almost a year but is job searching now) so I'm actually working overtime to cover our rent. But in the past he paid more than I did since I do groceries and most housework.
But as much as I'd love to work less, I'd never want to be home 24/7. I'm a nurse's assistant at a hospital and I love my job but it's stressful & exhausting. But even if we got FU money tomorrow I'd still work part time. I like having my own money so if I want to spend on skincare, eyelashes, anime, art supplies- whatever I can without having to feel guilty or justify myself.
Plus I like knowing that I'm not staying out of obligation or desperation. If I wanted to leave it would be hard but I could.
Exactly. Sounds amazing, but I would personally never do it. I want to know I’ve got myself if a man turns on me. Even the sweetest guys can cheat and leave. I’ve seen it. Never in a million years have I thought particular men would cheat - they appeared to dote on their wife. One guy, started cheating and became abusive as soon as she got breast cancer…this was the seemingly kindest most amazing man…
SAHG is a major red flag to any guy, like what even is that. That’s a free ride 🙄
I work in social services and many times I've seen woman who got divorced and never worked, end up on government's help. English is not my first language so I hope you understand what I want to say.
Yes and often girls like that come from a home where they were discouraged from being independent and educated. I came from a home like that the only thing that mattered was doing chores and cooking dinner. Sad when people only learn to be a servant and think it's normal
Understood you perfectly. It happened to my birth mom !
Why do so few women in those situations get alimony anymore. If someone sacrifices years outside the workforce for a relationship or to raise children that has value and should be compensated. The idea that caregiving is worthless because it doesn’t bring in cold hard cash is gobsmacking IMO. When my grandparents divorced my grandfather had to pay her alimony for the rest of his life and he never complained about it. He used to say that she didn’t deserve to live in poverty just because they grew apart.
My mom stayed at home but she didn’t like it. She had no education because she married so young which she regretted deeply. She told me from the beginning: never never never ever be financially dependent on your husband. 🙏
What about finding meaningful things to do/work/going back to school after having children? What about marrying a man who values the work his wife does that is not paid, like child rearing, keeping house etc; and views the money he earns as belonging to the family and not solely controlling it?
Women make the majority of purchases for their family. As in every partnership, personal or business, those have to be agreed upon and negotiated. 🤷🏼♀️
I had to rely on my husband for two years when I had major medical issues, and nobody prepares you for how difficult it is to let someone finance you as an adult. I have seen nothing but horror stories about how women go without just because they don’t outside the home. They get shamed for needing a new pair of shoes because while their husband buys himself a new boat he can barely afford. I remember friends with moms who didn’t work being terrified over finances when their dad would be out of work. These were also the kids who would say ‘I would want to learn ballet and play soccer but it’s too expensive,’ and never got to go in the field trips because of the cost.
It’s such a rare luxury to even be able to be financed and not have it be traumatic. I got very lucky. My husband was great. He took on the extra hours and when he noticed that I was afraid to ask him for things he started just randomly getting me things on my Amazon favorites list when he had the extra money. He would insist I go out to eat and when I ordered some cheap side dishes he would insist ‘don’t look at the price! Get the seafood pasta you like here, if you want, and then we will split the lava cake!’ But I have not seen any other examples where this has worked in the woman’s best interest, in my personal life. I’m sure that I’m not an isolated case but it’s rare.
People also don’t prepare you for how it feels to let someone pay your way in life. I have paid what I can in bills since I was 18. I’ve paid for things I wanted when able, since 15. You don’t realize how deep every ‘when you have your own money you can buy whatever you want but I earned this money and I get to spend it how I choose’ lecture affects you. You realize how many dates flipped out because you wouldn’t sleep with them, throwing the $25 they spent on your meal back in your face like you used them for a dinner at a cheap, chain sports bar. You don’t realize how many people have lent you $50 when you were short for bills, insisted you take their offer, and then hold it over your head in every disagreement long after you paid them back.
I have even had friends offer to let me stay with them while between apartments, back when I was single, usually after a sudden break up when I couldn’t handle living with an ex anymore. I’d tell them I’d cover groceries and throw in for bills and rent, they would insist ‘save your money.’ But ‘nothing is free’ would come up in really gross ways that left me sleeping in my car, and then getting a cheap motel for a week or two. If I didn’t have the money to do that then I would have really had a worse time with these former friends. I stopped accepting these offers from dudes the second time it happened, but the fact it happens at all really reminds you that you always pay some way. These are the things that pop back into your head the moment an emergency leaves you unable to provide for yourself.
@@nele9045Except generations of women found this type of man to be the exception not the rule. And these “trad wives” and “stay at home girlfriends” are portraying home making and child rearing as living the “soft life” and devaluing this type of unpaid labour even more. Do you know it’s mostly men who watch this content? It makes men feel entitled to all the financial assets as solely their own. There are even religious groups that coach men on how to hide and register assets so their wives and children get nothing in a divorce. Choosing marriage with traditional gender roles is fine. Just make sure it’s an informed choice and you’ve thought through the potential outcomes.
@@nele9045 My mother was married in 1972 and was 19. Your concepts are of an older person. School costs money. Hindsight is 20/20. Did you miss the marrying young?
Interesting. So my friend met and married very young and she didn’t need to work after awhile as he was pulling good money in logging. They owned a small company. I used to feel jealous sometimes as I’ve worked hard my whole life and with no support. Fast forward to now, we have entered our fifties and she had to go back to work - as a car detailer - as her husband had heart surgery and let go of the company and took a less paying job to lessen stress. Also ability was hindered as well. She never lorded her money over me but she couldn’t understand when I would say I simply cannot afford to quit working or go on a trip etc things were easy for her until they weren’t. She has told her daughter to make her own way and do her thing and never give it up for a realationahip
Once you have kids that life of leisure is so over. Stay at home girlfriend is one thing, being a stay at home mom is a whole different animal.
Yup! LoL
I got married with a man that told me I didn’t need to worry about anything just stay home. That was a dream and I jumped on the opportunity. This man become my worse enemy. I haven’t never have an enemy before so that was crazy see how power imbalance can be a hell. He didn’t knew but I never stopped working so when things went way south I was able to live and build a new life. But my situation was analogue to human trafficking. I was enslaved, humiliated, violated, food denied, isolated, gaslighted and more. I’m good I’m my own boyfriend and providing stay home girlfriend experience for myself now working from home.
I'm sorry
i am so sorry that happened to you. you are so amazing for getting out and managing to support yourself while facing such awful treatment. i hope you heal from all you've been through and continue to live a great life, free from anyone who would try to harm or control you 💖
Glad you got out. I was offered the same, and I turned it down. I've been broke, but I've kept my dignity and my self ownership. 👍
My mom quit high school at 17. Got married and worked while my dad went to college. After he graduated, she became a stay at home mom. 20 years later, the marriage ended, and my mom had to work in fast food to survive. I'm proud of her for doing what she had to do, but it taught me a deep lesson. I will NEVER not work. I don't care what the situation is i will always provide for myself.
No alimony?
@@clarity2974 this was in Texas in the 90 so no alimony. She did get some child support but it wasn't enough to survive.
Did she ever get a GED or anything?
There’s a reason why women before us fought so hard for their freedoms and rights!! It damn sure wasn’t for us in the future to not put them to use!
@@bmo64_they fought for our right to choose.
The jobs I've hated have actually still given me skills, taught me how to work with different personalities, pointed me in the direction of my strengths/weaknesses and helped me figure out what I do/do not want to do for work and in life. For me, its been a huge part of character development.
Agreed
Yep
I subscribe to your comments.
Very clever comment.
I dated a girl who wanted to be a stay at home girlfriend. She made crafts that she sold on ebay, then played video games and watched tv for most of the day. After a year, she decided to go back to school. I don't think it's a long term solution for many people
@K.C-2049 100% !!!
Not married and no kids, it’s the most ridiculous thing ever. As a man it’s clear they just want a free ride. Such a big red flag. Plus, they’re doomed to have no purpose and have a midlife crisis lol, just like you essentially said.
@@Ryan-cb1eino it’s not. Not everyone makes their purpose having kids. With today’s prices many decided to not have kids, that’s better than seeing kids dead on the news cuz parents cuz fed up.
@@M.Swigglez I don’t think you understand what I said. I said there’s no point in being a stay at home GF or even a wife if you don’t have kids. That’s when it’s just a free ride, like what else are you even doing.
@@Ryan-cb1ei i dont think it's a free ride.. more like you become a pet of sorts. A woman is exchanging her independence and freedom for some leisurely time at home. i get why guys think this way, but do you really not see how incredibly imbalanced this dynamic is for the woman?
So I was raised in a cult where it was expected that I would dedicate my life to serving my husband selflessly. That didn't work out for me as not even arranged marriage would get me a husband in the cult. Years later I married a wonderful man (who taught me about feminism lol) and over the course of the last 11 years we've done a lot of trading back and forth who is the primary worker. First I provided for us while he retrained, then he provided for us when our kids were very little, then I found work I was passionate about and he became a stay at home dad for a while, now he's applying for jobs again and I'm doing work I love from home. Things change and shift.
Nailed it - so many of these "stay at home girlfriends" are really work from home girlfriends.
"Im sat at home waiting to be replaced by a younger fitter model"
Yep. That's exactly how it feels
Exactly.
😢
Pretty much. This lifestyle could be seen as a hustle. So, hopefully some of them have an older and richer man lying in wait. lol
@TinkOutLoud this men like status not just the girlfriend. His friends will have a 23 year old by their side and he will want that too, if she is more than 30 years old the status she will give him is not that great so no, she will not have this forever
As a fiancé myself, I find it absolutely insane how anyone would choose to give up their independence for a man, especially for a man who hasn’t even married them. Even if you’re engaged to him, he can back out at any time and leave you destitute.
Well I was a stay-at-home wife for a couple of months while pregnant and for a couple months after my child was born. To be honest I wanted to have a job but I just couldn't find one. Actually that was one of the best times in my life though. Even though we didn't have very much money, I felt very comfortable being at home taking care of domestic tasks and raising our child. Eventually I did find a job though. I had to for monetary reasons.
I kind of believe that some people who are at home are doing so because they have difficulty finding a job.
Because people don't want to work in this capatalistic nightmare and any repreive from not having to participate would feel like heaven.
He can after you marry too. Plenty wives found that out the hard way.
@@femdivinemind7777 Marriage grants more protections. I thought this point was obvious from the original commenter.
@@hannah60000 it's doesn't always and more often than people realize it actually can backfire massively
My mum always says "There is nothing more powerful than a woman with her own money."
My momma said the same thing too.
Real. Even when already married, it's very important to have our own money.
You dont think they get paid for their content??
@@TheBlackDorothyZbornakThey do, it's just that many young women who ain't in the creator space but aspire to be SAHGs are being influenced to uphold this lifestyle and go through this kind of relationship 😊
@@TheBlackDorothyZbornakThey do the US pays content creators
0:18 it's giving kidnapped. These are skits, right? They're probably skits but yikes
i grew up with a single mom who never taught me how to be independent so now I rely on older men like she did. It's a horrible cycle I hope to be independent soon
Baby steps are still progress! Even just a couple hours a week of study or work will compound over time.
I hope you can get out of the cycle! If you can get some kind of education or find work to do when you're not with your partner, that's baby steps.
As the daughter of a stay at home mom, and that is now married eith children, and that still work, first thing my mom said to me when I got married, " don't leave yoir work, if you get pregnant I'll take care of your children so you can work, just have your money". My father was never abusive. The opposite of that, he is a tedy bear, but as my mom explained to me, when times are ruff, you can't help, that takes a toll on you, when you want to get something for your children or you, it comes down to how much your partner belives that is needed, you offend can't pick whatever you want because if is too expensive you have to eater convince him the difference is worthy or kust get a cheaper one. When you have your own money, you get the bills paid, and you can get whatever you want with the extra money, no explanations needed, that is freedom. Not to mention the constant fear off the partner leaving you, then you won't be able to just go back to the workplace as you been out for years, you would be luck to get something ober minimum weigh. It's better to stay in a job you hate and work to get a better one.
I remember friends with SAHMs who could never go on the field trip because they didn’t have the $30 fee. They wished they could take ballet and martial arts so I would teach them what I learned for free, in my back yard, as practice. If dad got hurt they were scared they would be homeless. I also unfortunately saw many examples where a woman who wasn’t working was being abused. My aunt was in that position. She left law school for her first husband and then one night, my dad and uncle had to drive several hours away to rescue her and bring her back to our house, when I was too young to understand. She finished school there and made sure she was the breadwinner, who owned the house, when she met her current husband. She retired early, in her mid-late 40s, but everything is in her name and my current uncle is the type that wouldn’t hurt s fly. People get a kick out of her telling them ‘no I am not a housewife. I had a very good penchant and made smart investments. But since I have a husband who appreciates me I might as well bake him a pie now and then.’
Seems nuts to me that you would be in constant fear of your partner leaving you. Why even get married to begin with?
@@sieriamist4467 That's the entire thing, this is a fear any stay at home mom has, because there's always the chance, doesn't matter how how will you get along, how much you love yourselves, how much you trust him. If you work and can support yourself, yeah you don't want your marriage to end, but you don't need that to live. Plus what happens if the husband gets in an accident, gets permanently disabled or pass away? Those are legit fears.
Nah, this isn’t it. Children need their mom. Not their grandmother raising them because of some weird paranoia mom has
@@jbb8261 They need their father to, both parents are equally important, but people don't go pressuring men to stop working
Working at a job you hate gets you at least health benefits (most of the time), retirement benefits, Social Security, and a paycheck. Plus, you can always find a job you like better, or at least, hate less. Staying at home gets you none of these.
Yeah and it's somehow always easier to find a new job when you already have a job - the universe likes to be wacky like that. I can't count the amount of times I've gotten a job, only to have multiple people reach out to ask if they can hire me.When I wasn't employed and looking it was impossible to find anything, but the moment I found something, three more opportunities will pop up magically!
So I actually have a lot to say about this topic I was with the guys for three years, I ended up getting pregnant and we had a baby I offered to do the stay at home, mom thing, especially since he had just got a really awesome promotion at his job. Long story short it was good for a while, but the power imbalance definitely made me uncomfortable and he became more and more controlling and when it came time that my daughter and I had to leave, I literally had nothing of my own. Even when I did work, I wasn’t able to put money away or for myself. He took that as me “having 1 foot out the door” I wouldn’t recommend this anybody unless they prefer being completely powerless
It used to be that men gave the money to the woman for her to spend. He got the money, she got to spend it responsibly. Do you think if he would have done that, that it'd have made a difference?
@@sieriamist4467 Most men are who to be "a bad mate". Better safe than sorry.
@@sieriamist4467 sometimes men fool their partners. I’ve never had it happen to me, but I’ve witnessed it happen in person. Where initially a man appears to be a loving kind person, and then years go by and they slowly morph into an abusive monster unrecognizable from the initial person.
We need to stop victim blaming. Just like a frog would jump out of a boiling pot, if an abusive person showed their colors immediately most people wouldn’t enter into a relationship with them. The slow descent into abuse is how they keep their victims from realizing how terrible their situation is.
@@prettyglowin694 Most men *That women choose to say yes to having a relationship with or more
@@dragoneyr1632 it depends on the woman's standards. A woman may choose to give a man a chance and then leaves when she realizes it was a mistake, and another woman rarely gives any man a chance due to her high expectations. I think more and more women globally are choosing the latter these days. A lot of women would rather be single cat ladies than with a man that's not right for them. For most men on the other hand, they would rather be with a woman they don't want than none at all....at least he gets sex, companionship, someone to cook and clean for him and oh ...pay 50/50 too. if I were a man I would rather "settle" for a woman I didn't want as well. Women have nothing to gain from settling since we are used to doing everything independently anyways.
I believe anyone who is bored doesn't realize how much there is out there to learn....it is a luxury to be "bored"
To me it's really striking how many elements of the old-school stay-at-home-women scenario have been stripped away. I could totally see this being fulfilling if you had young children you were caring for, and neighbor friends in similar situations to visit with, and family in town, and you worked in your garden every day, and had chickens and a goat to tend to, and had a side hustle doing weaving to sell at the village market. But they don't.
When I was younger I stayed home with my kids for several years, hardest job I ever had! Once our youngest was eight I started my career. Now I’m 62 and unfortunately home because of illness but my husband has been there the whole time. I feel very lucky
How did you meet your husband and what drew you to him and him to you?
You are lucky and so are your children.
@@sieriamist4467Anyone can do it..unless you have a man that won’t allow you to fullfill your dreams
The girl complaining about being bored could volunteer if she’s looking to find meaningful occupation. Only boring people are bored, she has the opportunity to do so much in the creative/charitable/self development spheres that most people never have the time or financial stability to. Staying home isnt the problem, being lazy and have an underdeveloped interior life is.
This. there are so many wonderful non profits I’d love to volunteer with if I had the time and energy, but working full time during normal business hours and commuting to and from the office make it impossible, unfortunately.
YUP I'd like the *idea* of being a SAHG if only because it'll give me extra time to indulge in my hobbies and volunteer work.
YES!! I was just like her. Boredom leads to depression, then you get stuck and codependent on your partner. I finally snapped out of it and found my community and started volunteering.
Exactly what I was thinking, even if you don’t want to start new hobbies as she said, you can still do volunteer work, which would give you meaning, connection with other people, where you can build friendships etc.
It’s such a privilege to be able to live without having to work, so I have like 0 sympathy for her when she said that she feels bored..
She's not bored, she's boring. She's the bore.
I think everyone wants to feel taken care of. Who doesn't dream of a good vacation or staycation? The problem I have with the SAHG content I've seen is how selfish/small it all seems. With all the wealth in time, they never volunteer if they're bored. It's all wrapped up in doing things or buying what they couldn't afford on their own
I agree. I think I love nice things, but at 22 years old, I’ve already come to the conclusion that these things do not lead to a life of happiness. A fulfilling life is not one that only consists of vapid, mindless pursuits. When you are in this isolated state of being you begin to wonder “why does my life matter?”. The subconscious begins to pick up on that fact that if everything is done for the self and the self only, no goals, no drives, no deep fulfilling life long relationships, life becomes very empty, which then leads to depression, because to an extent, your greatest fear is likely true.
@@ifeoluwaogunkola8328good for you figuring that out so young, i was 35 and had a ton of stuff but little purpose. Embrace the desire to remain humble and willingness to participate in things greater than ego.
Yes, you would never see one of them learn to tile a mosaic or craft stained glass and then do a massive piece for free for public use as a public service. They have no interest in anything usually than lazy consumerism or things that appear aesthetic. You can use resources and time flexibility in all sorts of marvelous ways that are meaningful. They are just boring and lazy. Audrey Hepburn spent that later parts of her life doing philanthropic work and that sort of person is such a contrast to this.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean I do wonder how much of their vapid boredom is played up for social media. I am pretty sure they have a much fuller day than portrayed
@@teremertz Maybe they're just dumb? Stupid is as stupid does? I don't know anymore, I just found out Forrest Gump wasn't a documentary (sadface)...
One of my first jobs was with a temp company and there were a lot of women that were also working there because they had 20+ year gaps in their resume and suddenly needed to work. It made a big impression on me. My brother is a software engineer and his wife doesn't work. I know he has a huge life insurance policy in case anything ever happens to him and is very devoted to his wife.
Another one of my first jobs was at a mental health non-profit. I asked everyone who had been around a long time how they managed given the intense work (and wages so low that they qualified us for social programs) and all of them had rich husbands and would just stop working or move to part time whenever it got too much. I think this is also why a lot of rich men's wives work in non-profits, volunteer, etc, just to have something to do (also feel like this is a factor that drives down wages but that's a different rant.)
I would never be financially dependent on a man
I have seen my mom suffer due to it
Same. Not even as a SAHG or SAHW, but just mixing in finances with a guy she didn't know all that well and trusting so much to buy a big house with someone whose financial habits were not great. Now my mom is in her 70s and she gets by ok but would be in a better position if she had been more independent.
I commented on that same post of Kendalkay asking if she was getting some sort of education, job training, or had a side business just in case she lost her job as a stay at home girlfriend. She got very offended and said I was being rude and disrespectful. I let her know that if caring about people’s wellbeing, wellroundedness, and financial safety was rude then she must have lived a very privileged, conflict-free life.
She’s not even with that guy anymore. No more slow life for her! They broke up awhile ago
@@amyeastman8764 that’s hilarious. Honestly a bit of schadenfreude for me 💀
@@amyeastman8764Yeah- apparently, he never really got over the fact that she had done OnlyFans in the past, even though she deleted it for him.
The woman who is “bored” is choosing to be bored. She admits she’s just lazy. She’s financially well off enough to make that choice. I think most of us would love for being bored all day if we feel like to even be an option. She could also save a lot of money quickly and ensure her independence that way.
The human condition is a bit weird. Being bored for extended periods of time is actually painful for most people, hence why most of us are addicted to our phones. 😅😅
That was also, what bothered me. This woman has no hobbies, at all. No wonder, she´s bored out of her wits.
@@no.6377 Indeed, rats would prefer to shock themselves with electricity, than sit in a cage with nothing to do. I'm pretty sure they self-delete somehow with the electric shock machine.
@@no.6377 yes. Hasn't 2020 quarantine taught us nothing. Hobbies, activities, keeping up socialization with real life people, exercise etc. These are the things that keep us sane.
I'm a “housewife” on unemployment because I got laid off, and my new job doesn't start till August. I'm just enjoying the boredom. I'm too broke to go anywhere. But I couldn't do this forever; I'd go crazy. I'm worried about when we have kids. I am afraid of sending my kids to daycare because I was abused as a child. So I know I'll stop working until my child is old enough to advocate for themselves. But at least I'll be busy with kids. I married a reasonable man so I think I'll be okay. Fingers crossed. Right now I'm looking at my boredom as a luxury for sure because I know it has an endpoint.
You can still work part time while taking care of your babies to prevent gaps in employment. This will protect you and your children (just in case).
You will absolutely not be bored once you have kids to care for! It's a very engrossing and full time job for sure.
There’s so much…You could build your own business, learn a craft or do art, build a garden…💞
You can still work part time or volunteer, so you keep your skills fresh for when your kids are older. Some women I know are unable to return to the same position as they used to have before maternity leave because they have employment gap. Anyway I hope everything works out for you in the futur when you do have kids!
@@Financiallyfreeauthor Plenty of people get “bored” with their kids because it’s a monotonous job, and the lack of stimulating conversation because you have to talk in a mommy voice can be stifling.
This was never attainable to like 90% of women because most boyfriends are not gonna pay for their girlfriend to just sit around all day and do nothing but drink coffee and journal and exercise
I can imagine that some of the boyfriends in these situations have the complimentary desire to be a "provider" even when there are no kids involved, but a lot more are being taken advantage of (like Caitlin said happened to her...). Guys need to say no to this unless it makes them happy and not just vicariously
It's not available to even more than that. These are influencers making money online by lying. They aren't gonna be penniless.
They will pay for wives and their children to do it. Sometimes the old way is the better way. You just have to pick the right partner and be on the same page.
@@jvc8947 A man can leave, the marriage can go sour, you may want to leave but you are left trapped, something can happen to him. Women need their own money. That's the end of it.
@@emmatessier600 Most men who agree to this are making bank, so their GF staying home isn’t a big deal, but you can bet that they are getting their money’s worth out of their SAHG. But irl, the gf’s in these shorts already have money of their own, so they pay for themselves.
I love videos like this because I can feed my curiosity about these problematic corners of the internet without giving the original creators traffic and engagement (akin to endorsement in the digital age). Thanks for your work!
The thought of this terrifies me. Not having my own independence is not something I could ever give up, no matter how “in love” I was. Scares me for these girls that they’re so wrapped up in someone else, how do they survive when it inevitably comes crashing down. 😞 Ladies!! Always have your own money and know how to look after yourself!!
I knowww even just logistically it gives me panic like the concept of relying on another person sounds suicidally stupid to me
I tried the stay-at-home girlfriend lifestyle (went on holiday for a few days to weeks). It's nice if it was just occasional but not a lifestyle for someone such as me. Experiencing complete dependence feels hollow and deepens the insecurity. The lifestyle feels like being someone's assistant 24/7 with a sense of fear for my future if my partner left me. It works for some people, and I am happy for them, but if it's out there on social media, it makes me question whether the wanted attention is just to fill a void.
Yes. Filling voids
There was a girl on TikTok buying her own roses and flying herself out and telling the world she was being provided for them come to find out she was a travel nurse taking care of her boyfriend. It was all a lie
wow...
I am a stay at home daughter 😂 I’m 26 now. I have spent my twenties “finding myself “ and self- development. I went to college and am now going back to college in a career I’m interested in after my business failed.
But mostly I have just been incredibly bored and wasted time I could’ve used to develop my career and also my dad had hoped I’d be married to wealthy guy by now.
Being dependent on someone strips you of your power. I’m so glad I woke up early enough to be independent because imagine if I got married then regretted it later when he leaves me for the new hot 24 year old 😢
In the early 2000s, MTV had a doc, "I'm dating someone older". There was a model in her 2os dating a millionaire in his late 40s. She ended up talking about how lonely it was all the time and how they barely spent any time together. Rarely ever ate dinner together. He would get home late all the time and be grumpy, then want to go right to bed when she wanted to go out. They eventually split up. I remember at 18 thinking it seemed very glamorous and I wished I had that life, but at the same time, it seemed so boring and lonely and sad.
Thank you for making this video and pointing out that these women ARE making their own money, just not in a traditional way. I'm currently a SAHW but that was after working 30 years! I have my own money, retirement, etc. For the most part, it's totally unrealistic.
I was a spoilt Daddy's girl growing up. He bought me my first car and paid my rent for the first couple of years after I moved out.
But I've never accepted money from a man or looked to a man to support me.
My dad always told me that he'll support me till I could support myself so I would never be beholden to a man. I'm now in my 40's and my dad hasn't supported me for a couple of decades now, but I've never needed a man financially.
I think if you’re self motivated it’s an amazing lifestyle. I would go back and do my masters, I’d volunteer and do charity work, I love cooking so I’d do some cooking classes, grow my own vegetables, workout; spend lots of time with elderly family members helping them… My days would be packed!
Agreed. I think that sort of thing is the point!
You will have to justify your existence! Your partner will expect you to do certain things for them and be available so doubtful if you can just take random trips, education and he pays for it all...who will keep the home?
@@justinaacorn5721 Google the hourly wage of: a babysitter, tutor, personal assistant, cook, housekeeper, publicist and so on…. Add it up and it is a shocking number. And several of those things that women tend to do for men have zero to do with a house at all. Not to mention that is not an exhaustive list. It only becomes justifying your existence if accommodations for your financial well being are not the norm from day one.
If you are going to be at home and doing “unpaid labor” then he should be depositing monthly into a retirement and an investment account under your name.
The actual tea is that many men who want to get married cannot actually afford to do so. And I am not being snobby about corporate jobs. There are blue collar men who run their own small companies that make absurdly good money.
There was one thing that I considered in my calculations that shifted my views to this. I calculated how much around the clock care from a nurse was. I thought of all the things that it actually is important to be able to afford it would be that for medical emergencies. Most men could not because that is not the goal they have financially. And that is not what I would call acceptable. To me this is not about a luxury car or trip to paris, but having certain resources on tap.
People say all of these things because they’ve never been in this position before. Lets wait to see what you’ll do when you’re a SAHG 😉
Until he starts monopolizing all your time, men like that tend to want to control your time so that you have no time for anything but catering to him
Growing up, my mum always told me “NEVER rely on a man. Focus on education, skills. So you can be financially independent even in marriage”. My ex was wealthy and we had fun, but I didn’t have power in that relationship
Am I one of a few women who DON'T want a man to "take care of" my "every" need? Listen, NO ONE can be your "everything."
Same here lol
Every time i hear a CC talk about how women are 'biologically wired' to want a man to take care of them I'm like, welp, I guess I'm not a real woman then 😅
yeah lol i don't want that and have never thought about it 😂 tbh i'm gay so unless i give up on love, a man literally cannot be everything i want/need
I wonder why Caitling mentions her experience of having been "taken advantage of financially" and then doesn't go into the fact that some of the women pursuing this (being "taken care of financially") are also looking to take advantage of some young man.
I know for myself I feel much more sane when I’m being productive. I’m lucky enough to work part time but when I have too many days off I start to feel less mentally healthy.
I would work a job I hate. I have been married for 39 years and I have my own money and bank account. Along with a joint account with my husband. Independence is a great feeling.
I agree. I'm on my second marriage (11 yrs so far) and very happy but I love my independence so much. When my first marriage ended (9 yrs) it was so nice to just move in separate directions with very little stress or tension, having my own income and everything. For me it is also a big factor that I've always been childfree by choice.
I hate the notion that "everybody hates their job". I like my job. A lot. It's not my dream job, but it's fun. Would I rather come and go on times I'd like, be able to sleep in etc? Sure, yeah. But that doesn't make me hate THE WORK itself.
If it's true that most people hate their jobs, that's sad. I've worked with many different things in my life, including retail, and had a lot of fun.
I agree. I like my job. There are some difficult parts of it (I'm a teacher), but i enjoy it. I think a lot more people are indifferent toward their jobs, than actually hate it. We are just taught that careers are supposed to be our childhood dreams come true, when for some people they are really just a way to earn money.
I second this: Too much negativity of "everyone hates their job". I almost feel that individuals who feel this way very strongly need to find a new mental/emotional approach or drive on life. What makes one think this way? It's too presumptuous to think everyone thinks so.
(To note, this may not apply to those who are unfortunately stuck due to unlucky unforeseen circumstances; i.e. stuck at a subpar job due to location of spouse's career; need to support a sick/disabled family member and can only work subpar job, etc. Then sure it's understandable. But this still shouldn't make one sour and assume that's the circumstance/feeling of another.)
@@krng2712 The part I don’t get is when women say they don’t want to work a job, but think working for free for someone who has no obligation to treat them fairly is some how a good deal… too many women have found out the hard way that a man is not a plan, but women keep falling for it. I’ve never hated my jobs. Just the people who worked with me. I couldn’t imagine staying home where I’d end up hating my “boss” and not even get paid for it.
i just hate working in general. i think about how much of my life is going down the drain while sitting at a job for 8+ hours a day
This is the first video I see from this channel great content btw I also wanted to say; I truly hate it when I hear people say that “some women just want to be taken care of” we all want to be taken care of, men and women, in one way or another want and NEED to be taken care of to some extent. how much care you need determines how much weight you will be. I have an almost 8 year long relationship and I have reached the decision where having a baby is not feasible here because I am not taken care of enough to justify adding more onto my plate. Yes, he says he will do his part, but I am the main income earner, I travel for work and I already have a 14 year old (not his child). I carry all the financial burden while he is, well, he’s working and not earning enough to help any further. But the financial shortfall he has isn’t being balanced out with house work or anything of the sort. that for me, would be “taking care of me”. We all need to feel like we don’t need to worry every once in a while.
I like a happy medium. My mom was a single mom and my grandmother was a stay at home mother so I've seen both ends of the spectrum. I seen the pros and cons of both lifestyles. I've been hyper independent my whole life because that's how my mom raised me but now I'm a stay at home wife. My husband started a business specifically for me so I can work "for him" but I'm basically his boss because he has no organizational skills which is absolutely necessary for our business. So it's a way for me to keep my independence while also not having to run myself into the ground working for someone else.
Grew up in really toxic household where there were constant fights and arguments as far as I can remember. Got physical and scary at times. But neither parent could afford to separate because needed both incomes to have roof over our heads. Growing up in that, all I ever wanted was to be completely independent and be able to support myself no matter what so that I would never find myself in a situation like my parents. And that’s what I focused on. Never dreamed of anyone else taking care of me because learned from very early on that that can be a trap. Nope, no thank you. And best part of this is that when I choose to be in a relationship, it is because I want to and not because I need to. Makes me appreciate my relationship more.
Technically, I am a SAHG but im on a disability pension. I pay what i can towards rent and other bills. Its definitely not glamourous, like influencers like to make it out to be.
That’s a hard life. Hope you’re okay. ♥️
Being at home on a disability pension, or just sick and unable to work, is so much harder than people think it is.
I hope your condition is stable and you are in not so much pain.
I agree, as as SAHW whose disability pension was denied :( Not glamourous, but it's a life for sure.
i’m currently trying to get on disability because i can’t sustain employment, not even part time. it terrifies me to be reliant on the government for such a small amount of money. i wish i could handle working full time. a lot of people think that living on disability is some free-for-all, luxurious lifestyle..but it’s the opposite. i wish i could work
@@coolchameleon21 I can totally agree with you that relying on the governement(s) is frightening even in my country. Whoever thinks that disabled people live lavishly or in luxury might as well confuse them with lazy people. Lazy people have choices but refuse and if they can afford it sure they could as such and we shoudln't judge them. But, disability is not a choice and it is long term.... and governments spend if not zero very little money to help them. I hope your living codntions imrpove
It makes me sad that she just sits there and watches TV most of the day. If I could be a SATG I would spend so much time volunteering and working on my hobbies/interests. This sounds like her mental health is going to suffer if it isn’t already
Exactly. Staying home doesn’t mean to stifle your growth.
She’s a loser to just sit there and watch tv all day. Her choice her mental health is trash
Having your own will always be undefeated. So many of these stay at home gfs only show the pluses and not the negatives. You are beholden to the whims of your partners. Hopefully these sugar babies are being productive with their free time or saving money.
12:00 exactly, you’d love A COUPLE OF HOURS to be bored. It’s not so luxurious when it’s endless hours, day after day…
I was a stay at home wife for six months when we moved to our first home. I was looking for a new job then. I finally got a full time remote job and omg! It feels soooo good to be back to work! That $&@! Was booorrriinnggg. I would rather atleast work part time than nothing at all. Seeing money come in my bank account feels too good to let go of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very blessed to have a husband holding us down but we’re a team and I wanted to contribute too. Also, I’m not stupid 👀 you NEVER know ladies!
Oh! And another thing! All of my friends were working so I didn’t get out much! One of them said I could come over and watch her work lol but… 😬
I cannot relate to people who are bored at home. There is so much to do, I don't have enough time in my life to everything I would want to do, I'm flat out from morning until night at home, I can't understand people who are bored if they're not working for someone else.
@@sarahwales6276 I guess it’s because we don’t have kids yet. Were D.I.N.K.S. As the kids say lol
@@sarahwales6276 💯
@KanezaMac Neither do I, I would struggle to find the time.
I’ve been very sick, and on and off work for years at a time for over a decade. (I have multiple sclerosis, as well as other things).
Being forced to stay home 24/7 is horrendously boring, even if you are asleep a lot of the time.
Now that I am currently able bodied, I couldn’t imagine doing that voluntarily for a long period of time. I’d have to get a part time job, or volunteer (if money wasn’t something I needed).
I think the next wave of this we’ll be seeing is the fall of the crunchy mom/homesteading moms. Real homesteading is extremely un aesthetic and very difficult. After us kids grew up my mom started a homestead with her husband (chickens, pigs, turkeys, vegetable garden, solar energy). She had to it up after about 5 years, it was just too hard on their bodies. Granted she was 20 years older than some of these influencers are but it WILL take a toll. I would love to start keeping chickens and a veg garden and live more sustainably but I would never think I could live fully off grid. I felt the same about van life influencers, who have almost all given it up
That is a very good point. There is a reason farming has always been seen as very hard work. It’s because it is. I do think that as automation and robotics and ai progresses we might get to the point that with technology it could be less backbreaking and more reasonable. However, we are not there right now and won’t be soon.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean absolutely. It’s gotten easier for sure, you can get machinery to process chickens and stuff. There’s a reason mom never had meat chickens and only laying hens, it’s a lot of work. And back in the day they had to hand wash all their clothes etc. there was a reason they had one parent always staying home, it’s because domestic labour is HARD if you want to do it yourself.
And for the crunchy moms I think they’re going to burn themselves out. You can’t keep that up forever
@@Chelseabee55 Bingo. Community and large families and clans were really required long term to make it work. And I do not see most people going that route now. Scaling is such a factor and was even then. Burn out is indeed coming. I get so tired of people who know nothing of history acting like our ancestors were morons. The arrogance is feels like a cheese grater.
@StarryWaters-gq1oj Permaculture food forest is somewhat aesthetic and chill maybe if you are lucky, but a proper farming setup? Hah! There is reason it is called back breaking labor.
When my mom was a stay-at-home mom, my dad was always kind of rude about it. He would constantly complain she was not making money, so she started babysitting to make some extra money. He complained she did not have a job yet, so she finally found a job when I was 11. Even when she started working, he did not start helping out around the house. The oldest child, who was me, always did the things he should have done. Being dependent on a man is not a prize in a box.
Agreed.
Talking about being taken care of by a man, there's another way to look at it. My grandma met her third husband when she was a CEO of her own company, he was a seasoned pilot, both of them were in their early 40s, both well established in their careers, both looking gorgeous. And he has been taking care of my grandma ever since: when she was a primary breadwinner, when she lost her business and went bankrupt, when she grew old... He's been by her side every day, making sure she's safe and happy, he built her a house, he nursed her to health when she broke her hip, he thanked her for every meal she made, he did all the "man's work" around the house, he never raised his voice at her. You can absolutely be taken care of by a good man. But, looking at my grandma and her third husband, I think that being taken care of means something very different from being financially dependent and controlled by a man.
The SAHG to tradwife to divorced 40/50-something with no money or job pipeline is horrifying. Their positions are completely unenviable and, dare I say, leave them vulnerable to financial (amongst other forms) abuse. It's always worth having a back-up plan and your own savings just in case things don't work out with the mister
Agreed. I now recommend any women considering that route to ensure they have accounts in their name for investing, retirement, savings that are written into a prenup to be deposited in once a month. [Plus she should have life insurances and trusts set up.] It can be a wonderful lifestyle, but if a man balks at setting these sorts of financial safeguards up then run for the Himalayas. A man who intends to stay with you until death would only be concerned about making it fit into the budget. And men who adore their wives would be relieved at another way to safeguard the family wealth and keep her safe if something terrible happened to him.
I'm a lesbian and here is my story. I moved to Canada from the US to live with my same sex partner. I could not practice law there unless I went back to law school. I took menial jobs( and my mental and physical health suffered). I ended up marrying my spouse and she wanted a "stay at home wife" who had dinner on the table for her when she arrived home. She wanted the traditional marriage but she also wanted me to contribute financially. Long story short, the marriage fell apart and I ended up moving back to the US. My ex was bitter because I was awarded spousal support and lump sum payments because I took on the trad wife role. I've been in a new relationship for 14yrs and we share our money!! Its not 50/50 by any means, but both of us are 100 percent ok with it.
So I was a stay at home girlfriend for about a year and half when my fiance and I moved to a new town after graduation, I was going to try to focus on my creative projects and he was going to work. Well it turns out staying at home all day with no direction (I did not do well without a schedule and was also dealing with some mental health issues) caused me to spiral into severe depression and I felt absolutely terrible. I started feeling better after I got a job and could balance my creative projects with steady income. I love my vacation time but I could not go back to being a stay at home partner.
Btw, staying home or working a job you hate are not the only options for a person.... find a job you LIKE. 🎉👍
This is in line with the “Trad Wife” trend. There was a woman on TT who was “trad wife” and was left with NOTHING after her husband left her.
Quite a few of those trad wives have spread white supremacist, racist rubbish. I think the person you're talking about also has this background. No sympathy, really.
What was her tt name?
I literally stayed home sick for a week and was so board and getting depressed I had to go back to work even before I was back to 100%
I can’t relate to this at all. My job is very fulfilling even though it is stressful at times.
You're one of the lucky few, hold on to it, most women hate their jobs.
most people hate their jobs, uet we're not talking about how men shoyld be SAHH @@VforVanity10
Board? Do you mean bored?
What is your job?
From my understanding of full tile content creation…they work a ton…they are overwhelmed a lot…their work hours are based on sunlight, or sounds in their home, they hair/nail/outfits they have planned. Ur constantly marketing, emailing, and selling urself to get deals and extra income…
From what my friends tell me, if you wanna make enough money to fully support urself, it’s a ton of work. It’s not a soft life.
I was a stay at home mom for a few years and I was never bored. Dropped off the kids, went to the gym, went out for lunch with the girls then picked up the kids. Cooked dinner and stayed at home in the evening. I wasn’t waiting for my husband to come home. Loved it
I've had a job so bad I sobbed and had multiple breakdowns. I would always choose that over giving someone else power over me. I could save a little, apply somewhere else, even apply within the company. I'm not saying those 2 years were great, but you pick your struggle. Yes, be a stay at home girlfriend, but you may have no job, money, savings, etc. What happens if that man leaves? Or dies? A man is not a plan, no person is anyone's plan.
And, honestly, miss "It's boring" can get bent. She said it herself, she's lazy. If I had just free time, the things I'd do. Languages, instruments, take a random community college class. Go to events in the city, check out the museums, or even try a new bakery that's out of the way. She literally is forcing herself to be bored. She could do damn near anything, so, yeah, her life is still pretty aspirational.
The one I saw the most was Kendal Kay. Her boyfriend broke up with her maybe about 4 months ago. She has a RUclips channel on here where she records day in the life vlogs and whatnot. She’s actually a really sweet girl who seemed kind of lost.
Most of those TikTok videos were created purely as clickbait (be under no illusion - these women earn plenty of their own money being content creators)
I'm a stay at home wife (we are childfree) and I cannot work while we're living abroad in Dubai - it's been two years of not having any income of my own (I was on disability benefits back home in the UK - I paid towards some household bills - and so had some money of my own) and it's absolutely miserable. For two years I've had to ask to buy things with my husband's salary. It's utterly soul-destroying.
Fair enough if you're lucky enough to be with a rich man who can send you an allowance or whatever, but we don't have that luxury. Back home I sold foot pictures on the side as a way to bring in 'pocket money' so I could buy bits of makeup or a pair of shoes. I NEED some form of independence, or I'll go mad.
Here in Dubai, I go to the apartment building's gym 4 times a week, I can't leave the apartment because it's too hot (Dubai) and everything costs a fortune here - I watch A LOT of RUclips. Being a SAHW is miserable in the long run and I doubt many people would be loving that life after a few months.
I would never choose to be a SAH girlfriend - security (one of Laslow's highest needs) is the one thing we all need and we know how insecure relationships are. I pity any woman who is fool-enough to rest her security on a boyfriend. Husband, perhaps, but boyfriend? Absolutely not.
I’m on SSDI. Now I work for myself part time now, in accordance to what I am capable of doing, but for two years I was dealing with surgeries and PT, learning to walk again. Nobody prepared me for how much it sucks having to ask someone to buy you something. I have never looked down on someone else for being in need and being incapable of paying their way for various circumstances. But it’s so ingrained in society to earn your right to exist, and do so with labor and money, that you judge yourself when financially relying on others becomes a necessity. I felt guilty for it, especially since I couldn’t do much for a lot of it. I truly felt like I had no right to live in my own house that we bought when I was the breadwinner in our relationship. When I asked how I could possibly earn my keep my husband said ‘you woke up from the coma when the doctors said you had a 10% chance of survival. Your heart stopped 3 times and you are learning to walk again, when you were expected not to. You earned your right to be anywhere you want.’ It hit me, and not in the sentimental personal sense. It made me mad that we cannot even nearly die without worrying about being a burden. Meanwhile plenty of people who do work and earn money are a burden in some way. Unpleasant and toxic people who make everyone else’s life harder for being in it exist, and while we may vent about them or do our best to avoid them, or even cut them out of our lives, they never get labeled as burdensome. Just rude, argumentative, selfish, or difficult. But the moment you cannot earn your keep with a job and money, you get shit for it. Every day I think of saying ‘fuck of’ and going back to work full time against doctor’s orders just because the western world doesn’t teach us how to feel valuable unless we are working and paying taxes.
As a foreigner, how social are the people in Dubai?
You sold feet pics for “bits of makeup”? Eek. 😟
@QCL2023 Yeah, that was weird. Girl, get some professional skills. 😂
Why didn’t you work even back in the UK? I get you might have a disability (??) based on what you have said, but many jobs are disability friendly or you can even have a part time work from home type of job. Selling feet pics to be able to afford makeup sounds absolutely miserable to willingly live like that, so I’m genuinely curious
Nah, I could not. I actually enjoy my job, the money i make and my independence
As a divorced woman i know the value of all the above.
Lets talk about your necklaces
Beautiful
Where are they from?
Love them all ❤
What job do you do?
I’m a stay at home girlfriend; by bad luck, not by choice. I ended up becoming disabled about 4 years ago and was no longer able to work a full time job. I’ve been with my partner for 14 years. He stayed with me through all my health issues. He’s a great guy.
I can confirm something I deal with a lot is boredom. Since almost all of my friends work, and there’s only so many chores I can get done in a day, I spend a lot of time just wasting time. I do end up pretty darn bored most afternoons, since my partner is gone for work 5 days out of the week and I’m usually too unwell to do much after 4 or 5. I can watch a movie or read a book, but there’s only so much entertainment I can consume before I’m just tired of it, especially when this happens basically everyday. It’s frustrating just sitting around, doing nothing until I can finally go to sleep and start a new day.
Get out of the house and do some sightseeing. My husband worked 16 hours a day. Shopping was fun in the beginning. I realized I wanted to see the city around me. I loved every minute of it. Get a part-time job. Home health is great. Being around older people and listening to their life stories is amazing. Learn from their wisdom.
I am here and for the most part considered myself a stay-at-home mom and wife. We had planned on me working when our youngest was in school full-time. While, they were in school part-time, I went back to school. Sadly, I got a stroke and have stay-at-home because I have chronic health issues after the stroke. Yes, my IQ diminished because of the stroke. From the moment we got engaged, he put his business in both our names. I have my own checking account. The other accounts, that he has, I am part of.
Nowadays, I am more of a chauffeur to our are children, but what mom isn't ❣️❣️❣️
Because of my children and other obligations, I don't have other connections outside. I don't know, if it is my fault because I love and enjoy my time alone.
I was twice a stay at home girlfriend, but not by choice. I wanted to work but couldn't find a job or was waiting to start school 7 months later and my boyfriend worked. So I took care of the home while trying to keep myself busy, while he financially supported us in both cases. It was sooooo boring and kind of stressful. I was grateful, but so much prefer working and earning my own money. I wound up being very successful in business and getting to retire early, and am so glad I got to show myself I could do that. I had no confidence as a stay at home girlfriend. Life experience builds confidence in oneself. If I hadn't gone through jobs I hated, I would have never gotten to the point where I had the skills and experience to have a successful business and build wealth.
My mom was a sahm for both me and my younger brothers because my dad did not want her to work and once she was a sahm he refused to allow her to work even a part time job in the evenings because he did not want to watch his own kids. He was also extremely verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards my mother and me and my siblings. Once my youngest brother turned 18 and she wanted to get a job he closed out their joint bank account (even though they are legally married and they live together) and refused her access to a car. Literally leaving her trapped with no income and no vehicle, and there is no public transportation in the rural area we live in. She has no savings and nothing for her retirement.
As a result I’m now sharing my car with my mother so she can get to her job and try to save up some money and I’m trying to help her get a place to live so she can escape and divorce my abusive father. It’s a very sad and stressful situation for everyone and I would warn anyone against being a sahm and becoming solely financially dependent on your spouse.
These women remind me so much of myself at 18. I was so lost in life that I left my country and lived with a man and was his little tradwife. It was fine at the begining but at the end it was so awful. The worst thing is having no money to leave, no car, no friends, you're stuck. Might be comfy for a while but it can get so so bad.
I'm disabled so I'm financially dependent on my husband and what i tell people all the time is that I'm incredibly lucky i married a good man. and that there's also a lot of anxiety about how precarious life can be
Social media in general is one big lie. Chew the meat and spit out the bones. It’s all content and all content is entertainment. Period.
Not going to lie. I’m starting to get bored too but coming from years of constant hustle culture, I cherish the boredom. Been living this SAHG life for 4 years. I do not create content about it or anything like that. I just live my life. Since I seem to be getting bored, I’m going to learn 3 languages. Starting with Spanish. I’m older with years of military service, an extensive work history in healthcare, and a software engineer. I needed a break nonetheless. I would only suggest this life if your partner is paying you a salary weekly and you have developed a work history with critical skills should you need to jump back into work.
I can't fathom that concept, there is so much to do in life! I have horses so that may be why but I have so many interests that I can't pursue because I am so busy.
@@sarahwales6276 I hear you and totally see your point of view. I lived such a chaotic life and accomplished so many cool things. In my lifetime I’ve lived about 6 different lives already by the age of 37. No lie…😂 So to go from doing everything under the sun to completely slowing down and taking it easy, it can seem somewhat boring because my nervous system is so used to being overwhelmed. Maybe bored is not a good word to use in my case because like you mentioned, I also have so many interests and I do pursue them. But because I’m not stressed out while doing them, it seems “boring.”
Yeah but these young women are in their 20s with very little work experience. They'll have a rude awakening yrying to go back to the workforce.
@@AmandaVieiraMamaesouCult Yes you are correct. That’s why I would only suggest doing this if one has critical or specialized skills AND get paid a weekly salary from their partner. No exceptions. If none of that applies, do not do this. Period
The girl who is bored is because she has no real interests or passions of her own. Other people would actually do something with that time or ENJOY relaxing and watching shows, playing video games, etc.
I understand it if a married wife/mom with young children wanted to be a stay at home mom but being a stay at home girlfriend is just lazy.
As a man, this looks horrible to me. I like to be in a relationship with a fellow human being, not a pet/child/slave. That's horrific.
My sister married a wealthy man 22 yrs older than her, she doesn't work. She has a maid. Her husband does most of the cooking or they order food. She drinks wine, takes care of her dogs, waters plants, and smokes pot all day. For yrs she woke up around noon. She has very little human contact and is, imo, mildly depressed. She did have kids at home for part of the marriage, but was not terribly involved and they've been gone for 4+ yrs. It's really a sad life. It's not aspirational. Her personality has changed and I miss my old sister.
If you’re bored, you’re boring! Volunteer and give back, mentor someone, build your friggin skillset (learn a language, learn to cook, learn how to garden, learn how to code, learn business, learn about history)
I was kinda thinking the same, but there is the aspect of men that would want an actual SAHG often have a tendency to be controlling. I mean the ones that are working with social media probably aren't in that situation, but women just commenting are likely to be. That's the paradox. The visible SAHGs that are bored should go volunteer, the invisible ones may be afraid to lose their only support even if it's a subconcious/repressed fear.
If you're so bored that you view job as an entertainment, something is deeply wrong with you.
I work full time and I view a lot of chores as entertaining, or at least better than sitting around all day especially since you get a sense of achievement
@@livwake been there, enjoyed certain chores on my shitty job because they were more bearable than the others. Was later diagnosed with heavy psychotic depression.
@@longlongie5938 been there done that already on antidepressants lol
forreal 😂 can’t relate
i would just get really fat😂 also, i have never met a stripper who is in a ‘happy place’.
Same. I’m from an area with high street sw and I don’t care what anyone says sw are never in happy places. It’s not something anyone should get into or do long term. It’s very dehumanizing.
I’ve been a SAHG on accident because of longer than normal streaks of unemployment and I absolutely hated it. The first time I was lucky and was able to volunteer and workout a lot, but I was actively looking for a job every day. The second time was during the pandemic and hospitality jobs cratered and you couldn’t go anywhere. Both times I was lucky to be with partners that didn’t take advantage of me but I would never want you to be dependent like that again.
I experienced both. The endless amount of time you have and not having to report to anyone is amazing. But yes, its boring. My days were the same. I never knew what day of the week it was because it didn't matter. When I was working and earning my own money, I felt powerful and had ownership of my life. Ideally, for me...working part time would be perfect. But depending 100% on a man..never again!