My mother's final wish -- and the right to die with dignity | Elaine Fong
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- Опубликовано: 20 май 2024
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After a terminal cancer diagnosis upended 12 years of remission, all Elaine Fong's mother wanted was a peaceful end of life. What she received instead became a fight for the right to decide when. Fong shares the heart-rending journey to honor her mother's choice for a death with dignity -- and reflects on the need to explore our relationship to dying so that we may redesign this final and most universal of human experiences.
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A death like this is sad because you're saying goodbye to someone you loved so dearly, but you get to say goodbye properly and it allows the person to maintain who they are. We need to talk openly about death.
You speak so well. What a moving and important story.
Dear, do you know speak Chinese?
Your mother is really a brave person. My condolences to you and your family. Some part of her will always live inside you.
What a Beautiful way to Look at Mt Rainier ..I will look at it and remember your Mom ..Thank you ..
R.I.P. to your extraordinary mother and a very happy heavenly birthday to her.
Thank you for telling your story! You’re so brave ✨
I felt every single word you said and your voice allowed me to feel the pain you went though. The image of your mother's courage is very well reflected in your speech. Like your mom, you're a brave woman. Thank you for sharing your mom's story.
You forgot to mention the Dr. Kevorkian already was fighting for this in the 90s, and even went to jail for that particular cause. He’s been a hero for many people for exactly this.
It totally needs regulations and support. A place.
100%!! Every person who offers something excellent is first rejected by the population. What a price to pay. They are real heroes.
They called him Dr death. But in reality he saved a lot of people from their suffering
How to get whacked with a 12 ga to the dude of the head and never be found again
F black widows and the devil we exist in
When some one is tearless doesn’t mean they are not empathetic , they are actually brave and bold !! Just like u .
Also, sometimes it is a result of having cried so many times about it, and you have told the story so often that you can get through it as with practice.
will it be okay if i say that i envy her. that she actually grew up, get married, have kids with her mom by her side. i lost my mom just two days ago. I'm watching this at her funeral. she's 39, im 17, the eldest. as i watch this, i was filled with how i wish i could experience that with mom. i wish I'll get to that for her. i wish we could be together for that long. but my mom also chose not to take chemotherapy treatment for her stage 4 liver cancer and ovarian cancer too. our country did not have that law, but she chose it herself. we lack money and she wants to retain her dignity as the strongest person in the family. now she passed, being the eldest, it just feels so heavy here. yes. just i guess, still, I can't stop being envious
This is a bit late, but I hope you’re doing much better now. I’m sure your mother is proud of how far you’ve gotten despite how difficult it is. Sending hugs (with consent)
@@Jowonne this means a lot, thank you!
What a powerful testimony that your mother had in relation to this part of her physical life... And that you are carrying on.. What an activist in her own right. Many blessings to you and your family!!!!!
Oh Lord. Her mom saying that she felt like she was on fire got me.
May her soul rest in peace.
I'm lucky to hear this important story.
As our life is limited, we are trying to live without regret.
Very moving, and reminded me of my mothers death. Who didnt have the same choice as your mum.
RIP to her Mom 🥺
@Elaine Fong, thank you for sharing your mother's story with me, and us. You are such a strong daughter to share this story as your mom asked, on her birthday.
My mom was diagnosed with stage iv cancer this year, and after a horrific battle with chemo and radiation is now in remission.
Indeed, so much of it is ugly. But there are moments of joy; of clarity.
I wish that in my state there were an option for Death with Dignity, so she could have that choice available if her cancer is to return.
There is nothing noble nor necessary nor spiritual in dying a long, brutal death from cancer. Nor any progressive disease. I take care of people facing these obstacles every day. We have to advocate for death with dignity. There is no sense nor compassion in opposing it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.
That was so beautiful. Not just as a view into the death of a loved one, but moreso a view into the perspective of one facing death. Thank you for this.
Such a strong soul.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, intimate & powerful experience. I’m forever changed by this...
my condolences to you and your family... your mom is so Brave!
Thank you for sharing the journey of loss with love, respect and finally peace. A beautiful end to a beautiful life, not alone and supported by a wonderful family.
what a talk! great to hear it, thank you for sharing it.
Your mom so strong and brave. RIP 💐
This subject needs to be far, far more addressed, urgently. Grateful for every brave person who is doing it. Thank you so much.
Thank you for talking about your mum's death now bo not feel alone my mum passed away a month ago
Tank you for the sharing. Your Mom is super strong, so are you.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you.
im bawling my eyes out. this was so moving. God bless
I fell so sad for her and her mother
Thank u so much for sharing u are such great designer l lost my mom sounds to me like your mother was one of the great mom in this world 😊
Sad to know the fact that even death doesn’t come for free .. 😢
Lucky mom, really, so lucky in many ways.
Everyone needs to know this
I want to commend Elaine for sharing her experience and talking about an issue that was even more controversial 5 years ago than it is today. While watching her story, the ethical concepts of autonomy and beneficence continued to come to mind. Autonomy, in the context of healthcare, refers to an individual’s right to make their own decisions about their own health and treatment. In the case of dying with dignity, this means that if the patient is of sound mind and judgement and are given a terminal prognosis, then they should be able to decide to withhold treatment and even request life-ending options. This is crucial as it empowers the patient to die with dignity on their own terms and not let their terminal illness slowly eat away at their remaining days-quality of life is often more important than quantity of days to these patients. This was illustrated beautifully by Elaine’s mother who lived in constant, excruciating pain as the cancer continued to rapidly progress throughout her body, making her unable to perform daily functions and requiring her family to take care of her full-time. It was also mentioned that she had already been through treatment, including radiation, where the side-effects were just as, if not more, debilitating than the disease. However, as soon as she was given the green light by her two doctors, she was able to take control of her life, make all the necessary preparations, and throw a farewell party with her loved ones before leaving this world peacefully. I’m sure this provided her with a sense of dignity and control.
Additionally, beneficence is the ethical principle that healthcare providers should act in the best interest of their patients. In the context of dying with dignity, I believe this means that healthcare providers should prioritize the patient's comfort and well-being, even if that means withdrawing medical treatments and offering life-ending options. Although I can understand why this is a hard thing to accept as her oncologist, it again comes down to the importance of quality of life over quantity of life. As mentioned before, treatments for terminal prognoses are often just as debilitating as the disease, wildly expensive, and usually only prolong the inevitable by a few months. Palliative care is also often expensive, resource-intensive, and may only provide minor comfort to the patient. If it is the patient’s wish to forgo these options and end their life on their own terms, we should respect that. Thank you for sharing your story Elaine!
You are so brave Mam🙏
I cried because this video is so sad
Beautiful
Only 61k views this made me cry sorry for your loss rip strong warrior
This is a concept that has been changing a lot in recent years in the medical field. I am a medical student and I have attended many lectures about end-of-life care and the greater respect for the patient’s wishes. I understand the doctor’s hesitation, especially at that time, the culture he was trained in prepared him for how to prevent death not how to help someone better approach death. Thankfully, modern medical education is preparing the newer generation of doctors to help a patient have the kind of death they wish. Ethically, this is an extension of the patient’s autonomy to determine the course of their own care, which Elaine’s mother’s Oncologist was inhibiting by refusing to sign the certificate for so long. Again, the culture and ethical views on this were different when that doctor was being trained so I try not to pass judgement, especially as doctors are entitled to not perform procedures they feel morally objectionable. Elaine thank you for sharing that personal story, I’m glad your mother was able to eventually go out the way she wanted.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences on a topic that is still hard for many to understand. I agree that if a person has a terminally ill diagnosis, especially if they are in a lot of pain, they have the right to choose if they want to end their life while maintaining their dignity. I think most family members who are there to support their loved ones would say they do not believe the patient is losing any dignity, but this is easier to say when we are not the ones undergoing this suffering. The idea of physician assisted suicide also calls into question a few aspects of ethics including beneficence and justice. Beneficence is the moral obligation to do what is in the patient’s best interests. Normally, this propels clinicians to move towards a life-prolonging path. However, in the case of a terminally ill prognosis, prolonging life is not necessarily the best way to preserve quality of life. Living in a constant state of suffering is not fair to anyone and in many of these circumstances that are used in the examples that you have painted, the patient in question was older in age. Regardless of age, I think quality of life is always the most important thing to look at especially when the choice is something the patient themselves is trying to decide on. Justice is the ethical obligation that all patients are treated fairly and/or “just” in treatment. Do we consider it just treatment if the end goal is to preserve life? Is it just to keep one human alive even though they are suffering until their inevitable death versus keeping a human alive to go on and have a positive prognosis? While they both live longer in these two scenarios, one’s quality of life is severely lacking compared to the other. I do not believe it is fair to the human who will have to handle going through all the different deteriorating aspects of their declining health to have to deal with it because society’s idea of a favorable outcome is one in which the patient does not die. When there is already so much out of their control, giving them this one thing seems the only ethical thing to do. Autonomy is the idea of self-rule, and every patient has their right to autonomy. If we are not allowing them this basic right, are we upholding our vows as medical professionals?
Death is painful enough, so why make it any harder?
I agree yours ! but sometimes we can not control it
Exactly ❤
To the well-organised mind,
Death is but the next adventure....
-J.K Rowling
It's not the next adventure. When you brain dies, everything that makes you, you, dies.
@@Overonator y so pressed
@@Bjaldes You mean "why are you so triggered?"
Because I'm tired of people engaging in magical and wishful thinking and fantasy. Everything we know says that your personality, everything that makes you, you, comes from the brain. And that means once the brain dies, YOU die.
J.K. Rowling is such a fucking stupid author to quote for something as serious as this. Quote someone actually good.
This is America and you should 100% be able to make whatever choice you want with your own body.
Nice man
Thank you for sharing this personal story about your mother’s end of life journey. Your mother’s autonomy and strength to fight for that right was touching even though she shouldn’t have had to fight so hard to be heard and have her wishes honored by her healthcare team.
“Death of Dignity” laws are still controversial even today. However, I wish the oncologist would have been more in tune with listening to what your mother was going through mentally, physically and emotionally and her reasoning for wanting this. It feels like her wishes were delayed and more pain and discomfort was experienced by her due to this conflict with her oncologist, which in my opinion, wasn't doing what was best for the patient in this situation.
I totally agree, her mom was fighting for her autonomy, and it’s sad she had to fight for it for so long without her wishes for her own health being honored. I too wish that her mother’s oncologist would have been more open to understanding her perspective and wishes when it came to death. When it comes to “Death of Dignity” laws, I think that so often people’s opinions get clouded by their own fear of death and a lack of ability to empathize with patients' struggles of living with a terminal illness. I think it’s an extremely difficult concept to empathize with, especially if you have never experienced a close family member or friend living with a painful terminal illness. You make an excellent point about this physician not only violating patient autonomy but also violating non-maleficence. She lived through weeks of pain and discomfort that could have been prevented, her death could not have been prevented.
On the flip side of this, Elaine Fong also discusses how the ethical principle of justice was illuminated when her mother was finally granted a death of dignity. For one, mentioning that this treatment is not covered by insurance and that it is very comfortable, especially for the more comfortable of the treatment routes. I find it interesting that insurance companies might be more willing to pay for an extensive amount of treatment for a patient with a terminal illness but will not cover a one-time medication for a death of dignity. Considering that this treatment might not be accessible to everyone who is eligible for it, potentially violating the ethical principle of justice, do you think this may be a reason that “Death of Dignity” may not be allowed in all states? What do you think are some ways we can ensure that these laws are just and equitable to all patients regardless of their cultural, social, or economic background?
Yeah u r right
🙏
Living in chronic pain serving no purpose to anyone can’t survive on my own . How do I want my son to remember me ? Do I linger in this stew of disparaging suffering . Am I living or dying I am dying
♥
This must have been difficult for you to speak about. RIP 🥺
Imagine if you could never die.
It is my worst nightmare....
die with dignity is good but there are other implications also maybe we can think about other option also like suicide with dignity but it must be legal under law.
I kept thinking why doesn't she just find another Oncologist but maybe there was a small part of her that was a little unsure as well and they both knew when it was time .
I agree completely in death with dignity. We euthanize our animals so that they don't struggle anymore and go home. Ww should have that same right to a painless death. Cancer patients suffer, while serial killers on death row are euthanized and die without pain. Disgrace.
✨
Is this considered suicide?
Death scares the shiz out of me..
Thanks for your honesty. Fear is the strongest driver of human behavior so death can motivate for positive change. Live life likes it’s your last day alive and you won’t have regrets
Energy never dies it just moves
You've never been through much pain or dealt with imprisonment. People will take away every bit of dignity you have if they're religious
Hey everyone Jesus loves you and He will never leave you
I fell like an idiot
.
5:33 my crush liked yellow flowers too, but when I brought her a yellow flower she called me a stalker :,(
Early be like
Suffering is part of Life... "Think of all those ages through which men have had the courage to die, and then remember that we have actually fallen to talking about having the courage to live."
― G.K. Chesterton, George Bernard Shaw
It's her decision not yours. It's egotistical of you to talk about the courage to live when it's not cancer raging through your body.
Stop AAPI hate
Shutup dude. Not related to the subject matter.
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We can live with dignity, we can't die with it
Dr Gregory House
Master your engineering knowledge here.
I doubt your mom believed that she comes into heaven. The way she dealt with her death was really smart so I think she was smart enough to be an atheist
CCP
bitcoin investment is great unlike the stock market and other financial bitcoin has no centralized locations since it operates 24 hours a day in different parts of the world
Very painful to listen that man decides how to end the God given life.
We do that all the time. What are you talking about?
@@godbear2930 We are not suppose to end our life.
It's also painful to be experiencing excruciating levels of pain, while knowing death is certainly near, yet someone says that you must continue to suffer because life is precious. There's no value in suffering longer than necessary, just to clear someone else's conscience.
Having someone else murder you is not dying with dignity it is cowardly and disgraceful.
What is cowardly and disgraceful is subjecting other people to torture so that you can impose your antediluvian religious delusions on them.
It is cowardly to force someone to live in hopeless suffering, just because you can't face the fact that that not every cloud has a silver lining.
What do you think she would have accomplished by dragging things out? I see no reason to indulge the senseless cruelty of nature. There is no limit on the suffering it can inflict if left to take its course.
It is disgraceful that, when you hear about incurable illness that make sufferers wish they were dead, all you can think about is your own judgemental emotions.
People don't owe it to you to remain in hospice, writhing in torturous pain, crapping in diapers; and watching their body slowly break down. If that's how you want your life to end, so be it. Don't expect others to accept the same fate. It isn't your body, your suffering or your decision.
Thank you.