I like that you touched on the dichotomy between not wanting to be the center of attention and not being able to get the support from others we need. I don't think I am together, but other people don't match my intensity, drive, or determination. For that reason, I am isolated, and additionally, it feels like nobody gives a damn about me, or even wants to be near me unless I'm validating them. I carry myself emotionally, mentally and physically, mostly without any support I need from others in those areas - I've done it all myself. I am additionally expected to be empathetic to others. I'm mentally strong, but outwardly, do not have my act together in a conventional sense... only relatively, which is still not good enough for me. I don't know if I'll ever merge the two worlds together.
People think I'm more confident then I feel I am. On a questionnaire I put I was 40% confident but people say I come across as more 80% confident. I can't perceive how others perceive me realistically (I suppose my subjective experience doesn't quite match with external reality). But I can perceive others from their point of view in a way that is real and relatable. I'm at a crossroad in my life where I'm trying to create that togetherness you mention so I can feel confident going into the working world. I have no idea what roles to pick, and terrified of choosing the wrong career especially with AI on the rise.
Careers can always change. This is an important crossroads for you but there'll be other ones and you've got more than enough resilience to make whatever choice you make work out. Best of luck
This ties in with my belief that INFJs have ‘hidden neurodivergence’ (my invention lol). We seem ok and our Fe means we don’t appear autistic in the ways we typically expect autism to be.
Interesting. I heard it said INFJs are like social chameleons across the social media, so could it be that INFJSs are better at masking? But masking what?
Hey Ren, Thanks for answering my question like always. I agree with you on the "no seeking negative attention," part most definitely. It's also interesting that we have this internal struggle as well that we feel like we don't have our act together all the time but people think that we do. I guess it just bothered me that people assumed that about me meanwhile I'm actually trying to handle a difficult situation in my private life and I don't even hide it either. It's nice to know that I'm not the only INFJ that feels or thinks this way either too so that's relieving. Hers are some questions: 1) Why do some people try to ruin our peace when we are minding our business? (Ex starting drama or trying to force themselves in our private lives). 2) Why do we seem so scary or serious to those who are kind to us but naive and dumb to those who take advantage of us? 3) Why are we always trying to find balance in EVERYTHING? ( I swear, we got a eternal balancing scale in us). 4) Why are all diplomats pretty much DnD fantasy characters? Thanks for taking the time to read and respond like always, Ren. Hopefully, my questioning isn't annoying or upsetting to you all. Hope your day is well Ren.💜🫡
I’m pretty good at seeing a person as they are and picking up on whether they’re being authentic or truthful, but with INFJs, this can be a bit tricky. It’s like a vail is being put up and they only reveal what they need to. I feel the reason for this is mixed and very personal. Maybe to tie this back, the idea INFJs looking like they have it together is a projection as was suggested here, or maybe they’re simply mirroring others around them.
question for you - i just started dating another INFJ and what strikes me is how DIFFERENT the two of us are. I'm an E5 and he's a E9; if you're familiar with socionics I'm an IEI and he's a EII. You've talked about your own take on INFJ subtypes too - per your system, I'm more solipsistic while he's more compliant (both of us are healing and trying to get to that end-goal of spiritualized). All this is to say our temperaments are totally different even though we think in the same way a lot of the time. I've had a string of failed relationships so once the honeymoon novelty feeling of "omg, we're the same!" dies down, I'm scared we'll hurt each other without even knowing it. Anyways, you know INFJ in and out, so I was curious on if you've done a video on the INFJ x INFJ pair? How might different lenses that you've studied like enneagram, subtypes, etc reveal potential conflict and misunderstanding?
i have been told that i present very positively, which ironically has been to my detriment at times. i don't really have a question, Ren, and not sure if you've covered this before, can you share your thoughts, if any, on the idea of mysticism that is understood to be attributed to INFJs?...and never mind! i found your video on the subject from a few years back. Unless you have some new insights to add?
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
I like that you touched on the dichotomy between not wanting to be the center of attention and not being able to get the support from others we need. I don't think I am together, but other people don't match my intensity, drive, or determination. For that reason, I am isolated, and additionally, it feels like nobody gives a damn about me, or even wants to be near me unless I'm validating them. I carry myself emotionally, mentally and physically, mostly without any support I need from others in those areas - I've done it all myself. I am additionally expected to be empathetic to others. I'm mentally strong, but outwardly, do not have my act together in a conventional sense... only relatively, which is still not good enough for me. I don't know if I'll ever merge the two worlds together.
People think I'm more confident then I feel I am. On a questionnaire I put I was 40% confident but people say I come across as more 80% confident. I can't perceive how others perceive me realistically (I suppose my subjective experience doesn't quite match with external reality). But I can perceive others from their point of view in a way that is real and relatable. I'm at a crossroad in my life where I'm trying to create that togetherness you mention so I can feel confident going into the working world. I have no idea what roles to pick, and terrified of choosing the wrong career especially with AI on the rise.
Careers can always change. This is an important crossroads for you but there'll be other ones and you've got more than enough resilience to make whatever choice you make work out. Best of luck
i am an INFJ and most people think that i am cold and very rational
This ties in with my belief that INFJs have ‘hidden neurodivergence’ (my invention lol). We seem ok and our Fe means we don’t appear autistic in the ways we typically expect autism to be.
Interesting. I heard it said INFJs are like social chameleons across the social media, so could it be that INFJSs are better at masking? But masking what?
How would a neurodivergent infj look compared to an HSP infj? Just curious about your thoughts. Thanks.
@ probably all INFJs are HSP and neurodivergent.
When life seems to fall apart it actually falls into place
Hey Ren,
Thanks for answering my question like always.
I agree with you on the "no seeking negative attention," part most definitely. It's also interesting that we have this internal struggle as well that we feel like we don't have our act together all the time but people think that we do. I guess it just bothered me that people assumed that about me meanwhile I'm actually trying to handle a difficult situation in my private life and I don't even hide it either. It's nice to know that I'm not the only INFJ that feels or thinks this way either too so that's relieving.
Hers are some questions:
1) Why do some people try to ruin our peace when we are minding our business? (Ex starting drama or trying to force themselves in our private lives).
2) Why do we seem so scary or serious to those who are kind to us but naive and dumb to those who take advantage of us?
3) Why are we always trying to find balance in EVERYTHING? ( I swear, we got a eternal balancing scale in us).
4) Why are all diplomats pretty much DnD fantasy characters?
Thanks for taking the time to read and respond like always, Ren. Hopefully, my questioning isn't annoying or upsetting to you all. Hope your day is well Ren.💜🫡
Great presentation Ren. You captured perfectly that transition from the inside to the outside world.
I’m pretty good at seeing a person as they are and picking up on whether they’re being authentic or truthful, but with INFJs, this can be a bit tricky. It’s like a vail is being put up and they only reveal what they need to. I feel the reason for this is mixed and very personal.
Maybe to tie this back, the idea INFJs looking like they have it together is a projection as was suggested here, or maybe they’re simply mirroring others around them.
question for you - i just started dating another INFJ and what strikes me is how DIFFERENT the two of us are. I'm an E5 and he's a E9; if you're familiar with socionics I'm an IEI and he's a EII. You've talked about your own take on INFJ subtypes too - per your system, I'm more solipsistic while he's more compliant (both of us are healing and trying to get to that end-goal of spiritualized). All this is to say our temperaments are totally different even though we think in the same way a lot of the time. I've had a string of failed relationships so once the honeymoon novelty feeling of "omg, we're the same!" dies down, I'm scared we'll hurt each other without even knowing it.
Anyways, you know INFJ in and out, so I was curious on if you've done a video on the INFJ x INFJ pair? How might different lenses that you've studied like enneagram, subtypes, etc reveal potential conflict and misunderstanding?
Everyone thinks they got their life in order .
i have been told that i present very positively, which ironically has been to my detriment at times.
i don't really have a question, Ren, and not sure if you've covered this before, can you share your thoughts, if any, on the idea of mysticism that is understood to be attributed to INFJs?...and never mind! i found your video on the subject from a few years back. Unless you have some new insights to add?
I'll think about whether I have new insights to add, thanks Francis