Onion Talks: Hypothetically It Would Be Okay To Have Sex With A Robot Dog

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 20 янв 2025

Комментарии • 3,5 тыс.

  • @jmckendry84
    @jmckendry84 5 лет назад +24148

    This man shouldn't be allowed to keep pets. Unless they're robot pets, in which case that's totally fine.

    • @koolaidjerk
      @koolaidjerk 4 года назад +668

      Nobody would have any problem with that. I know I wouldn't.

    • @LiterallyVera
      @LiterallyVera 4 года назад +413

      they would get him off like real pets, but they're just robot pets so that's fine

    • @JSL7621
      @JSL7621 4 года назад +103

      I mean it’s a robot so it’s fine

    • @ffffuuu9603
      @ffffuuu9603 4 года назад +16

      paying a small fine to you then it's fine if your fine to being fined

    • @jonas7758
      @jonas7758 4 года назад +31

      It would be okay because its certainly not. a real. Dog

  • @vegetablepolice
    @vegetablepolice 10 лет назад +21408

    A lot of people showed up to that talk. Impressive turnout.

    • @Devilsnowballs
      @Devilsnowballs 6 лет назад +46

      Vegetable Police Aye how did I find you here

    • @fyka2902
      @fyka2902 5 лет назад +107

      Look, I was just there for the free food, OK?
      Don't judge.

    • @internetman7172
      @internetman7172 5 лет назад +28

      There's nothing more satisfying then turning 999 likes into 1k

    • @karthikeyanm.v8381
      @karthikeyanm.v8381 5 лет назад +5

      My dad is not rich 😀

    • @justinkemp8648
      @justinkemp8648 5 лет назад +5

      @@fyka2902 same with except its at funerals

  • @skjaldulfr
    @skjaldulfr 3 года назад +8404

    "it's programmed not to like it" just took it to a whole new level of creepy

    • @aeroslythe6881
      @aeroslythe6881 3 года назад +558

      Does “it’s programmed to be in ecstasy” sound much better though? Lmao

    • @askinredroads5132
      @askinredroads5132 3 года назад +301

      @@aeroslythe6881 Yes,,,?

    • @SwarumtheForum
      @SwarumtheForum 3 года назад +88

      @@aeroslythe6881 No. Stop.

    • @marshallmcluhan33
      @marshallmcluhan33 3 года назад +227

      The ethics of future robotics 🤖💖

    • @kristyandesouza5980
      @kristyandesouza5980 3 года назад +15

      That's right guys, only fuck robots strictly programed to simulate arousal when you do it

  • @SpliefDaGrief
    @SpliefDaGrief 5 лет назад +18166

    “Your honor, she told me she was a robot and she was 18”

    • @ileryon4019
      @ileryon4019 5 лет назад +368

      @@cursedwaffleboy9803 Yes officer, this guy right here.

    • @bobmcbobbington9220
      @bobmcbobbington9220 5 лет назад +476

      It wouldn't need to be 18 if it was a robot. that's the odd hypothetical that the onion is toying with here.

    • @pppoopoo4880
      @pppoopoo4880 5 лет назад +50

      ileryon 3000 sir, this is a McDonald's.

    • @STATESZ
      @STATESZ 5 лет назад +28

      @RetroSupporter93 an outdated smartphone? LUL the first smartphone came out 13 years ago

    • @robertsides3626
      @robertsides3626 4 года назад +6

      Insert stupid Dragon Ball Z joke here.

  • @Psiberzerker
    @Psiberzerker 6 лет назад +7806

    "He's not, it's obviously a dog thing." Truer words were never spoken.

  • @Maker0824
    @Maker0824 2 года назад +1635

    "it gets you off like a real dog" that is the line with the most implication

    • @BennyAscent
      @BennyAscent Год назад +61

      BECAUSE OF THE IMPLICATION

    • @Rubyofthedead
      @Rubyofthedead Год назад +21

      ​@@BennyAscentNobody's in any danger! How could I make that any more clear to you?

    • @Puzzles-Pins
      @Puzzles-Pins Год назад +18

      Idk I feel like it being programmed not to like it is also pretty implicative

    • @dimitardimitrov9482
      @dimitardimitrov9482 11 месяцев назад +10

      What about him knowing what a dog being raped by his owner sounds like? Is this implicative?

    • @robinvanderpal372
      @robinvanderpal372 8 месяцев назад +1

      nice Spore pfp!

  • @ian_b
    @ian_b 9 лет назад +5707

    Somebody switched my robot dog for a real dog that looked identical, and without my realising, destroyed all evidence in my home of the robot dog like the user manual, receipt, etc. It must have been them who called the police.

    • @joey22306
      @joey22306 6 лет назад +375

      jaxxstraw As a retired state prosecutor, you might have a case here. This may very well be a criminal offense on their part. More forensics may be required to be build a case against them. Surely your DNA can be ascertained as evidence.

    • @johnnyfucker183
      @johnnyfucker183 6 лет назад +14

      omg😂😂😂 dying here

    • @arcticbadger1
      @arcticbadger1 5 лет назад +13

      jaxxstraw criminal masterminds 🤔😲😉

    • @turdferguson2982
      @turdferguson2982 5 лет назад +230

      What kind of sick fuck would set you up like that? Thoughts and prayers.

    • @mrspeigel3593
      @mrspeigel3593 5 лет назад +41

      Those bastards...

  • @Steve27775
    @Steve27775 10 лет назад +7414

    Will it burst into flames when it overheats like a real dog?

    • @GiatrosDys
      @GiatrosDys 10 лет назад +315

      When it overheats, it begins to shoot foam out of all orifices.

    • @Tamizushi
      @Tamizushi 10 лет назад +187

      GiatrosDys The foam is half the fun.

    • @jcrowley1985
      @jcrowley1985 10 лет назад +131

      Water cool that bitch.

    • @noregrets92
      @noregrets92 10 лет назад +56

      GiatrosDys Then the real party starts.

    • @cherrycoyote55
      @cherrycoyote55 5 лет назад +17

      @@GiatrosDys which one? ◉‿◉

  • @SpearFisher85
    @SpearFisher85 3 года назад +11646

    My girlfriend is oddly excited by this. But I told her she was a good girl and she calmed down.

    • @amosdraak3536
      @amosdraak3536 3 года назад +377

      Brooooooo!

    • @linguine4500
      @linguine4500 3 года назад +453

      🗿🗿🗿

    • @amosdraak3536
      @amosdraak3536 3 года назад +182

      @@linguine4500
      Hey Luigi, I’ve seen people use that emoji before, but I don’t understand how it’s applied. Please, would you mind informing me, mate? Thanks 🙏

    • @samonellasgayclone1054
      @samonellasgayclone1054 3 года назад +168

      Ok that’s it, I’m calling the president

    • @SpearFisher85
      @SpearFisher85 3 года назад +27

      @@samonellasgayclone1054 Because he wants to sniff her?

  • @hemipemi
    @hemipemi 5 лет назад +4304

    LOL the audience nodding sagely along like this is something everyone thinks but he's finally been the one to say it.

    • @SheepWaveMeByeBye
      @SheepWaveMeByeBye 5 лет назад +63

      Nah, they just agree with everything the authority on stage says.

    • @NikolausUndRupprecht
      @NikolausUndRupprecht 4 года назад +22

      It is even the same prerecorded audience in ever Onion talk. 😂

    • @yungtooli
      @yungtooli 4 года назад +16

      Nikolaus und Rupprecht whats about at 2:33

    • @turoreal
      @turoreal 4 года назад +4

      @@SheepWaveMeByeBye God?

    • @beatotheelder6170
      @beatotheelder6170 3 года назад +1

      @@NikolausUndRupprecht is it really hahahaha that makes it so much funnier thank you

  • @Zombie_Scholar
    @Zombie_Scholar 4 года назад +7133

    I was certain that crowd was stock footage until they chanted with him. Oh god the Onion went all in with this one.

    • @sharkmug1583
      @sharkmug1583 4 года назад +63

      The Overton window in action.

    • @guitargutss
      @guitargutss 3 года назад +259

      It’s the same few people edited to be many people

    • @firstnamelastname6016
      @firstnamelastname6016 3 года назад +198

      @@guitargutss 2:33
      Edit: Didn’t mean to tag you.
      This a is time stamp where you can see the peeps repeat. Specifically, that super smiley girl on the left of the fourth row of peeps.

    • @redwolf9455
      @redwolf9455 3 года назад +39

      They used this crowd in the dad is ceo sketch. I think they are actors that are actually affiliated with the onion

    • @smeni9495
      @smeni9495 3 года назад +22

      They went into it just like he went into the dog

  • @zygoncommander1239
    @zygoncommander1239 3 года назад +1430

    Never in my life have I been so amused and so deeply, deeply uncomfortable

    • @henlinkgames5811
      @henlinkgames5811 3 года назад +3

      so true

    • @DragonQuest27
      @DragonQuest27 3 года назад +9

      Now think about th hyper-realistic robot babies that will be made in the future!

    • @--CHARLIE--
      @--CHARLIE-- 2 года назад

      @@DragonQuest27 i had that thought too.

    • @calebsanders1078
      @calebsanders1078 2 года назад +15

      when he said the nose is still wet and fur is still warm that made me physically cringe

    • @randomname9723
      @randomname9723 Год назад +11

      Why? It's just a robot that looks and behaves and is almost exactly like a dog and is programmed not to like it? It's not a real dog!

  • @notemiIy
    @notemiIy 4 года назад +11815

    The fact that he’s furiously trying to defend himself is killing me

    • @dunyacaliskan7495
      @dunyacaliskan7495 4 года назад +183

      I mean he should bc he's right.

    • @evil2862
      @evil2862 4 года назад +575

      @@dunyacaliskan7495 why wouldn’t he be right? Remember it’s not a real dog. NOT A REAL DOG

    • @imfineimokay3434
      @imfineimokay3434 4 года назад +337

      @@evil2862 it's just VERY WELL PROGRAMMED AND SO REALISTIC THAT IT YELPS IN PAIN, NOT REAL

    • @bobbafetus757
      @bobbafetus757 3 года назад +31

      That's the point of the joke

    • @Ieatpaste23
      @Ieatpaste23 3 года назад +84

      I was crying through the whole thing. I wonder how many times he had to give this speech before he could do it without laughing.

  • @robmckennie4203
    @robmckennie4203 7 лет назад +17067

    aah, excellent, this is going to be great for my upcoming trial.

    • @Rotem_S
      @Rotem_S 5 лет назад +435

      Actually I'm not sure if the argument would still hold for "robot" human babies

    • @johnsimun6533
      @johnsimun6533 5 лет назад +98

      Rob Mckennie, how did your trial go?

    • @LongDistanceLobotomy
      @LongDistanceLobotomy 5 лет назад +193

      @@johnsimun6533 they didnt reply this can only mean one thing

    • @ried7573
      @ried7573 5 лет назад +38

      @@johnsimun6533 he got jail time

    • @johnsimun6533
      @johnsimun6533 5 лет назад +18

      Ri Ed we need to send him some LPL videos.

  • @tristanmetz6160
    @tristanmetz6160 3 года назад +4813

    The dad: we’re not getting a dog
    The dad 2 months later:

  • @Jack-lp3gc
    @Jack-lp3gc 5 лет назад +8259

    So this is why jimmy neutron made a robot dog...

  • @MRGFUNKY0
    @MRGFUNKY0 4 года назад +2552

    He really screwed the pooch on that one

  • @temp_name_change_later
    @temp_name_change_later Год назад +709

    The progression from “be intimate with a dog” to “have sex with a dog” to “fuck the dog” is subtle but so good

    • @johnsincak3877
      @johnsincak3877 10 месяцев назад +36

      Didn't you listen to a *word* he said?? Not dog - ROBOT (dog)!

    • @fiyahspinnah
      @fiyahspinnah 9 месяцев назад +4

      Is that what you call subtle?

    • @Bessux
      @Bessux 6 месяцев назад +8

      @@fiyahspinnah Nobody is impressed by your posturing.

    • @fiyahspinnah
      @fiyahspinnah 6 месяцев назад +1

      @@Bessux I am very impressed

    • @Bessux
      @Bessux 6 месяцев назад +4

      @@fiyahspinnah Of course you are. Children your age are easy to impress.

  • @snoopythedoge5639
    @snoopythedoge5639 5 лет назад +2439

    This is why we need the onion. They tackle moral dilemmas that most others won’t.

    • @medexamtoolscom
      @medexamtoolscom 4 года назад +6

      The young turks's Cenk Ugyur would like to know your location. Though he was condoning actual beastiality, not the robot kind.

    • @avy1
      @avy1 Год назад +9

      is this really a moral dillemma? lmao

    • @osheridan
      @osheridan Год назад +34

      ​@@avy1yes, the Onion is a very legitimate and non-satire channel

    • @areallyshortbrontothere
      @areallyshortbrontothere Год назад +10

      ​@@osheridansuch real

    • @baloog8
      @baloog8 Год назад

      ​@@avy1no because I'm definitely not having sex with my dog.

  • @robair9911
    @robair9911 10 лет назад +11311

    its programmed not to like it. Wtf why

    • @debeastdueeast
      @debeastdueeast 10 лет назад +2747

      Because real dogs don't really like human dicks in them I've found.

    • @IncandescentBlaze
      @IncandescentBlaze 10 лет назад +723

      debeastdueeast
      how do you know

    • @debeastdueeast
      @debeastdueeast 10 лет назад +1127

      Ram Scarlet Umm, like on the internet and stuff. Of course I didn't do it.

    • @vonkruel
      @vonkruel 10 лет назад +664

      because how would you get off if the robot dog doesn't mind getting fucked (hypothetically)?

    • @qazzy
      @qazzy 10 лет назад +234

      I heard that male dogs do like human vagina. Apparently some horses like it too. Does that make it right?

  • @constantinosschinas4503
    @constantinosschinas4503 4 года назад +889

    *"no matter how deep you go, this thing feels like a real dog".*

    • @YTubechangeAccount
      @YTubechangeAccount 3 года назад +41

      This is the funniest line of the whole time, I am dying holy shit!

    • @LucaBunny.
      @LucaBunny. 2 года назад +46

      This one made me the most uncomfortable 😭

    • @ijustdocomments6777
      @ijustdocomments6777 2 года назад +5

      Yep, I heard it exactly how he meant it

    • @ytplol8446
      @ytplol8446 2 года назад +1

      His kids: Aaaight.. time to move from home..
      "But you're only 5 son?"
      "Dont worry dad, I can just teleport!"
      "Oh ☺️ its just a play"
      Son: *Cl-click* "New home destination: The Shadow realm!"
      "😰"..

    • @nsfeliz7825
      @nsfeliz7825 Год назад +1

      you would get stuck😀😀😀

  • @deathwishtaco
    @deathwishtaco 10 лет назад +4050

    The Onion's videos are spiraling more and more into strangeness and insanity. It's beautiful. Poor Tipsy.

    • @scepto43
      @scepto43 4 года назад +14

      Strangeness and Insanity is all that goes on today, Menelaus. In my time, there is a global pandemic, our beloved RUclips algorithm has all brought us back to this. Strangeness and insanity is the world. It is how the world functions now.

    • @driveasandwich6734
      @driveasandwich6734 4 года назад +3

      @tracy Star They are not.

    • @darkstepik
      @darkstepik 4 года назад +3

      dont be fooled , they are a blue print for future leftism

    • @eelnai2503
      @eelnai2503 3 года назад +11

      @@darkstepik lmao

    • @ViirinSoftworks
      @ViirinSoftworks 3 года назад +11

      It's not a real dog!

  • @the81kid
    @the81kid 9 лет назад +10849

    We need more Onion Talks. TED Talks is getting way too obnoxious.

  • @VideoGuy9461
    @VideoGuy9461 3 года назад +1209

    This man has to live the rest of his life wondering if his grandkids will ever see this video.

    • @lafcursiax
      @lafcursiax 3 года назад +145

      Not if he shows it to them first! Check and mate!

    • @mftmss7086
      @mftmss7086 3 года назад +17

      im his grand son and i touch myself

    • @Cephlin
      @Cephlin 3 года назад +6

      You do realise he is acting?

    • @VideoGuy9461
      @VideoGuy9461 3 года назад +41

      Yes, you middle schooler, everyone knows the onion is satire. Go do your homework.

    • @Cephlin
      @Cephlin 3 года назад +57

      @@VideoGuy9461 only if you help me daddy

  • @FunnyTerro
    @FunnyTerro 5 лет назад +788

    It's okay to leave a robot dog in a hot car

    • @medexamtoolscom
      @medexamtoolscom 4 года назад +52

      But can you leave a hot car in a robot dog?

    • @dylanw.1740
      @dylanw.1740 4 года назад +22

      Yes but there is a chance the batteries might overheat and that thing will become a ticking time bomb

    • @plixplop
      @plixplop 3 года назад +8

      Ironically, that's how you recharge it.

    • @legendarytat8278
      @legendarytat8278 3 года назад +3

      Hot robot dog in a car?

    • @cleopatraonlyfans
      @cleopatraonlyfans 3 года назад +7

      I can’t believe robot John Lennon would say this

  • @opedromagico
    @opedromagico 5 лет назад +1852

    Im convinced

  • @rasati
    @rasati 2 года назад +134

    "the sounds are pre recorded" uh oh

  • @kombuchas4684
    @kombuchas4684 5 лет назад +2263

    Wow, the trailer for the new Black Mirror episode looks great!

    • @Crystal-od5is
      @Crystal-od5is 5 лет назад +2

      Lmfaoo

    • @euginyablackheartedcybergo6507
      @euginyablackheartedcybergo6507 5 лет назад +23

      Don't you ever dare to compare the Onion to that piece of shit, shill garbage. The satiric, carefully crafted meta jokes of ONN in this video alone could overpower any kind of self-proclaimed "red pilled totes woke bro" mainstream shows' desperately weak messages.

    • @sonydschx200
      @sonydschx200 5 лет назад +7

      @@euginyablackheartedcybergo6507 epic

    • @MarlonBitoy
      @MarlonBitoy 5 лет назад +30

      Serenaei Y’all have one gay dude on the show and suddenly it’s “red pilled totes woke bro”, nah it’s not a problem with the show, it’s a problem with you.

    • @euginyablackheartedcybergo6507
      @euginyablackheartedcybergo6507 4 года назад +1

      What gay dude? I literally don't care whether they put one or not.

  • @benshaffer9915
    @benshaffer9915 5 лет назад +589

    They got an entire crowd to say “it’s not a real dog”

    • @colescreations1165
      @colescreations1165 5 лет назад +9

      Benjesus it was done in post and the sound recording was probably done after the filming.

    • @hwago123
      @hwago123 4 года назад +4

      This is a comedy skit in case you didn’t know 😬

    • @immortalsun
      @immortalsun 3 года назад +16

      Y’all are missing the point. Ben knows it’s satire. The point is that The Onion paid a crowd of people to say “It’s not a real dog.”

    • @heliolux6904
      @heliolux6904 3 года назад +3

      @@immortalsun yep. Although it’s surprisingly easy to replicate a crowd saying something with a small number of people with layering and changing voices etc

  • @cube_control
    @cube_control 3 года назад +4690

    This feels like a redditor explaining why loli is ok

    • @smrtfasizmu7242
      @smrtfasizmu7242 3 года назад +862

      "even if I'm completely convinced it's a real Loli she's actually, say it with me, 'an 8000 year old dragon in a Loli body'"

    • @thefearhawk8805
      @thefearhawk8805 3 года назад +41

      Looooool....truth.

    • @Arado159
      @Arado159 2 года назад +86

      Just like the case in this video it is still ok.

    • @Chance57
      @Chance57 2 года назад

      Redditors still try to justify it. 4chan fully embraces the pedophilia.

    • @amark378
      @amark378 2 года назад +11

      What’s loli?

  • @Phelan666
    @Phelan666 10 лет назад +1784

    actually he could charge you with indecent exposure.

    • @mogalful
      @mogalful 10 лет назад +108

      in your own home?

    • @Phelan666
      @Phelan666 10 лет назад +288

      When the fuck will the president ever be in your home?

    • @mogalful
      @mogalful 10 лет назад +214

      Phelan666 so you're saying it's not OK for Obama fuck a robot dog in his own house?

    • @Shukulo
      @Shukulo 10 лет назад +98

      Marko Klopets I would want to have the president fuck me in the ass while I fuck a robot dog in my own house.

    • @mogalful
      @mogalful 10 лет назад +48

      Shukulo are you a robot dog doing a robot dog?

  • @pr0xZen
    @pr0xZen 5 лет назад +485

    Have they started making robot giraffes yet? Asking for a friend banned from the zoo.

    • @thewhat531
      @thewhat531 5 лет назад +3

      Search for: 'Ultra - Bizarre'. You can thank me later. (Don't worry it's just a rap song)

    • @pr0xZen
      @pr0xZen 5 лет назад +15

      @@aarrcchhoonntt After a surprisingly short evaluation, my friend says "yes but availability has been somewhat limited".

    • @pr0xZen
      @pr0xZen 5 лет назад +3

      @@thewhat531 Huh. That sure lives up to its title ^^,

    • @No-xw7mo
      @No-xw7mo 4 года назад +8

      Is he good at climbing trees by any chance?

    • @--CHARLIE--
      @--CHARLIE-- 2 года назад

      I mean, they can deepthroat you no matter what your length is...

  • @yikes6989
    @yikes6989 3 года назад +143

    shane dawson’s new documentary is very convincing

  • @lydiazap7243
    @lydiazap7243 4 года назад +1928

    if I had to teach a philosophy or ethics class to a bunch of undergrads, i would just play this video, and that would be my entire lecture. rest of the class would be devoted to discussion.

    • @Sentient_Blob
      @Sentient_Blob 3 года назад +126

      I mean, at what point does a robot cross the line into pseudo intelligence like an animal? How much processing power does it take until it would have the mind of a dog that feels pain?

    • @lydiazap7243
      @lydiazap7243 3 года назад +59

      @O K no it wouldn't; it would get me instantly promoted to head of the department, if not to president of the university

    • @lydiazap7243
      @lydiazap7243 3 года назад +73

      @O K You clearly have little knowledge of the rich body of work across a multitude of disciplines analyzing people having sex with robot dogs, in addition to being unaware of how critical the ongoing debates surrounding sex with robot dogs are to the average undergrad student.

    • @bjtheamazing6550
      @bjtheamazing6550 3 года назад +75

      @@Sentient_Blob processing power doesn’t make a robot concious. You could have the most powerful computer in the entire universe but if the robot dog wasn’t artificially intelligent it wouldn’t be conscious of anything.

    • @mario0318
      @mario0318 3 года назад +45

      @@bjtheamazing6550 this is an accurate statement. The robot dog by the very definition of its likeness in appearance and responses to stimuli, be it by environmental factors or forcibly induced by the man intent on having sex with it, would imply at least to my understanding, that the deliberate design to make the dog as real as possible would equally blur the distinction between real organic and artificial mechanic. Unless it was programmatically disabled in some aspects like being unable to fetch, or having no desire to eat the cat's shit from the litter box, it could be argued it fails to meet the definition of real and thus the man can freely fornicate with it. But at what point is the artificial no longer artificial and is instead real. Would disabling a real dog's functionalities be unjust or punishable by law? How many days would you consider too long for a neighbor to notice their dog was missing? How can someone successfully use intimidation as a tactic on, just as an example here, your neighbor?

  • @zan6585
    @zan6585 5 лет назад +170

    “Nobody would think it was weird, I certainly wouldn’t...”

  • @wabbit2099
    @wabbit2099 3 года назад +186

    The Onion of 8-7 years ago had the best comedy writers on the internet.

    • @FlashGamer521
      @FlashGamer521 2 года назад +10

      The New Orleans Levees (newspaper) was a serious contender, and should have been online at that point. It just never took off in the same way, as most of their publications were physical media.

    • @kingstonsteele7820
      @kingstonsteele7820 Год назад +1

      12+ yrs

    •  Год назад +1

      I'd say 12+ years too. Back in 2008-2012, golden years

    • @twelvecatsinatrenchcoat
      @twelvecatsinatrenchcoat 9 месяцев назад

      They had some of the best comedy writers period. Some of these old sketches are so tight they blow television sketch shows and movie comedies completely out of the water.
      I'd argue at it's peak The Onion was making some of the best satire that's ever been made.

  • @angela-cs6ik
    @angela-cs6ik 5 лет назад +319

    I'm starting to think that we're not really talking hypothetically

    • @oscarguzman3017
      @oscarguzman3017 3 года назад +12

      That's just a hypothetical

    • @TheGreenReaper
      @TheGreenReaper 3 года назад +2

      I mean, robot dogs *are* a thing now.

    • @sjalkzjziskzkzo
      @sjalkzjziskzkzo 3 года назад +2

      @@TheGreenReaper they aren't fuckble rn

    • @abbyvonzorro2782
      @abbyvonzorro2782 3 года назад +6

      @@sjalkzjziskzkzo I hate that this implies that they’ll eventually be fuckable

    • @rexxbailey2764
      @rexxbailey2764 2 года назад

      😆😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @SmartK8
    @SmartK8 10 лет назад +898

    I love how these videos expand our idea about what will all be possible in the future.

    • @ChaosmanOne
      @ChaosmanOne 10 лет назад +41

      *I love how these videos expand our idea about what we will be able to fuck in the future -
      fixt

    • @vibrant151
      @vibrant151 10 лет назад +24

      ChaosmanOne
      future? I'm fucking my robot chiwawa as I type this!

    • @Timewarpiaman
      @Timewarpiaman 10 лет назад +8

      and the future sounds terrifying!

    • @Lewa500
      @Lewa500 10 лет назад +20

      Timewarpiaman
      Sounds Terrierfying! *ba-dum tissh*
      Eh? Eh? It was pretty good, wasn't it?

    • @farche2
      @farche2 9 лет назад +5

      Timewarpiaman you mean warm and fuzzy

  • @math9172
    @math9172 2 года назад +150

    43 seconds in and I'm already dying at the fact that the two pictures are exactly the same.
    It's so simple and stupid but such an efficient humour device.

  • @primerdecima9357
    @primerdecima9357 5 лет назад +521

    this is highly philosophical actually

    • @tmarkhightower3301
      @tmarkhightower3301 4 года назад +54

      Yes, so many similar questions could be asked. For example, suppose a real male human has sex with a robot hooker while thinking it's a real human and kills (breaks) it by chopping off its head while he climaxes? Has he committed a crime?

    • @jeromealday614
      @jeromealday614 4 года назад +24

      What does it take to be "real"

    • @ShadowElectricity
      @ShadowElectricity 4 года назад +52

      T Mark Hightower absolutely. Destruction of property. The pimp has to buy a new robot hooker.

    • @NIHIL_EGO
      @NIHIL_EGO 4 года назад +8

      Same, I'm very puzzled.

    • @eddie9559
      @eddie9559 4 года назад +9

      @@tmarkhightower3301 This is already an HBO show, “west world”

  • @joeblowmha
    @joeblowmha 10 лет назад +850

    the bottom of the slippery slope

    • @mikuhatsunegoshujin
      @mikuhatsunegoshujin 7 лет назад +69

      WE'RE GOING EVEN FURTHER BEYOND

    • @awkwardcultism
      @awkwardcultism 5 лет назад +26

      You are like a little baby
      I have seen things that would make grown men weep.

    • @quinnlevy8996
      @quinnlevy8996 5 лет назад +66

      Why did you name your robot dog slippery slope

    • @ArthurHuizar
      @ArthurHuizar 5 лет назад +3

      @@awkwardcultism Bruh. I've *made* grown men weep.

    • @ZephyrFate
      @ZephyrFate 5 лет назад +1

      Junius Argonon same. At least 200 of them.

  • @baconator2438
    @baconator2438 8 месяцев назад +11

    The funniest part to me isn’t that he justifies why having sex with a robot dog isn’t an issue he just constantly repeats how life like it is and that it’s ok

  • @balwinder345
    @balwinder345 10 лет назад +820

    Hang on, let me lie down for a second.
    Fuuuuutuuuuurre. Fuuuuutuuuuurre. Fuuuuu-

    • @LyleVertigo
      @LyleVertigo 10 лет назад +38

      We could of had flying cars and free energy by now, but nope, sex with robots.

    • @balwinder345
      @balwinder345 10 лет назад +39

      LyleVertigo
      People would just use the free energy to power the robots, so they could get blowjobs in the flying cars.
      More importantly, why isnt everything covered in CHROME?

    • @AnonymousYoutuber69
      @AnonymousYoutuber69 10 лет назад +6

      balwinder345 You could always choose to be ALONE.

    • @ArmyGrunt1986
      @ArmyGrunt1986 10 лет назад +2

      What is that from? I wanna say Squidward but I cant remember

    • @Silverwind87
      @Silverwind87 6 лет назад +3

      *hits you with a brick*

  • @mikuhatsunegoshujin
    @mikuhatsunegoshujin 7 лет назад +5420

    What about genetically engineered catgirls?

    • @dondraper4438
      @dondraper4438 6 лет назад +529

      INSTALL GENTOO They're not real girls. Perfectly legal

    • @cherrycoyote55
      @cherrycoyote55 5 лет назад +69

      After that, let's make me into my fursona!

    • @somkeshav4143
      @somkeshav4143 5 лет назад +245

      @Andrew Elie But they are made in a lab and their aging is different from humans.........so age restrictions may need to be changed

    • @doggo3368
      @doggo3368 5 лет назад +18

      Uh

    • @NefosG
      @NefosG 5 лет назад +166

      @@somkeshav4143 And as you know, every year for a human is about 7~8 years for a cat, soo......

  • @syntheticsandwich190
    @syntheticsandwich190 4 года назад +45

    So this is what Boston dynamics is up to

    • @retrogreene
      @retrogreene 4 года назад +1

      I imagine there's going to be a market for "mods" for spot.

    • @baonkang5990
      @baonkang5990 10 месяцев назад

      G-spot

  • @wahuigi6843
    @wahuigi6843 5 лет назад +505

    1:15 Wait, but if the sounds were pre-recorded, doesn't that mean a dog was raped in the process?

    • @lefyre1266
      @lefyre1266 5 лет назад +214

      It's ok if it's for science.

    • @davineves8529
      @davineves8529 5 лет назад +169

      there are ways to stimulate real dogs as a human would without using real humans, so it's fiine. it was not a real human.

    • @geradosolusyon511
      @geradosolusyon511 4 года назад +8

      @@davineves8529 Animal Cruelty [X]

    • @thevoxdeus
      @thevoxdeus 4 года назад +113

      No, it could be done with manipulation of sounds performed by a professional actor. So it might sound like a dog, but it's a recording of Andy Serkis being raped. Not a real dog.

    • @wahuigi6843
      @wahuigi6843 4 года назад +49

      @@thevoxdeus THANK YOU SO MUCH! *whew* now I can fuck my robodog in peace.

  • @twolessba1087
    @twolessba1087 5 лет назад +117

    1:30 omg that laughter is so fucking perfect TED talk viewers just so likely to chuckle and something not even funny like that. The levels of satire here are absolutely amazing

  • @oliverpearce2338
    @oliverpearce2338 Год назад +20

    She's 1000 years old bro

  • @TonkarzOfSolSystem
    @TonkarzOfSolSystem 5 лет назад +67

    It seems like he's been caught with a "robot" dog on several occasions.

  • @NegativeNumbers427
    @NegativeNumbers427 10 лет назад +348

    I just ordered mine in ten minutes ago.
    I'm going to break those Robot hips so bad, it won't be able to walk properly until I get it fixed.

    • @joey22306
      @joey22306 6 лет назад +34

      TONY HAWK me too but I made sure mine has a 10 year warranty and with an extended maintenance contract. Read the fine print before purchase.

    • @christobanistan8887
      @christobanistan8887 5 лет назад +11

      @@joey22306 Smart.

    • @ADeeSHUPA
      @ADeeSHUPA 5 лет назад

      TONY HAWK hmm

    • @dugongsdoitbetter
      @dugongsdoitbetter 4 года назад

      Thank you.

  • @thepulpfloyd
    @thepulpfloyd 3 года назад +69

    "No matter how deep you go this thing looks and feels so much like a dog..."
    Truly amazing technology. Really plumbing new depths of experience for the human race.

    • @Cheesy_33
      @Cheesy_33 9 месяцев назад +1

      this is some wording

  • @DrunkUncleJesse
    @DrunkUncleJesse 10 лет назад +172

    "No matter how deep you go..." FINALLY, all of my questions have been answered.

  • @Samael527
    @Samael527 10 лет назад +745

    Still more credible and legitimate than TEDX

    • @mikeoxsmal8022
      @mikeoxsmal8022 5 лет назад +13

      What is wrong with tedx

    • @adapple7518
      @adapple7518 5 лет назад +68

      @@mikeoxsmal8022 it's not the onion

    • @mikeoxsmal8022
      @mikeoxsmal8022 5 лет назад +28

      @@adapple7518 good argument

    • @normalmighty
      @normalmighty 5 лет назад +23

      To answer seriously though, tedx venues don't get nearly enough vetting for quality and end up being wildly inconsistent. Often times a tedx talk might be a completely unqualified person making wild claims in the hopes that people will see the 'ted' part of tedx and automatically trust them to be a reputable source.

    • @PeaktendenCs
      @PeaktendenCs 5 лет назад +5

      Lord sparschnipz57 look up Sam Hyde ted talk

  • @Paprika-is-me
    @Paprika-is-me 8 месяцев назад +8

    More concerning is that i can see this coming in future

  • @AnonYmous-hz1je
    @AnonYmous-hz1je 5 лет назад +142

    This is just the plot of “do androids dream of electric sheep “

    • @jakepullman4914
      @jakepullman4914 4 года назад +36

      Except this guy's fucking the sheep.

    • @Cobalt985
      @Cobalt985 4 года назад +9

      @@jakepullman4914 h-hot

    • @kl3321
      @kl3321 4 года назад +4

      @@Cobalt985 bruh step away from the field

    • @sauercrowder
      @sauercrowder 3 года назад +3

      I would say it's more like the polar opposite but okay

    • @TheGreenReaper
      @TheGreenReaper 3 года назад +5

      @@jakepullman4914 That was always the dream!

  • @user-iu3ii8sq6t
    @user-iu3ii8sq6t 4 года назад +146

    faaaaaaaake - a real Ted Talk would have pushed that one point for at least 20 mins, with lots of vague convoluted points that go no where but make you feel like you learned something insightful

  • @jeffwhite2395
    @jeffwhite2395 4 года назад +80

    After laughing about this and coming back to this video for years I’m realizing that the robot dog is actually just a real dog

    • @gamehero6816
      @gamehero6816 3 года назад +23

      A real *robot* dog.

    • @ytplol8446
      @ytplol8446 2 года назад +6

      "B-but officer! The dog told me he was himself! Dogs don't talk! Just ask!"
      "We're also confiscating your mushrooms and the white powder on the table over there.."

  • @che3se1495
    @che3se1495 10 лет назад +3092

    Replace 'Dog' with 'Child'.
    Just... ya know, to make it more interesting.

    • @LyleVertigo
      @LyleVertigo 10 лет назад +695

      omg instant boner

    • @pinkishpurplelolumz
      @pinkishpurplelolumz 10 лет назад +1488

      The robot child would be very realistic, warm fur, wet nose, cute little waggling tail

    • @Mr.5N
      @Mr.5N 10 лет назад +427

      pinkishpurplelolumz
      We talking loli catgirls here? Sign me up.

    • @KalindaKhan
      @KalindaKhan 10 лет назад +131

      www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2014/07/14/are-child-sex-robots-inevitable/

    • @charlidog2
      @charlidog2 10 лет назад +362

      Now replace "having sex with" to "drawing someone having sex with". Right now it's illegal to draw someone having sex with a child, even though, say it with me, "it's not a real child." Claiming it's a robot child in the drawing isn't a defense because the law includes cartoon style depictions. Conclusion? Sorry everyone, robot dog fucking will probably be illegal.

  • @gragona
    @gragona 10 лет назад +120

    Onion makes parody about fucking a robot dog:
    Legitimate debate about artificial intelligence rape in comments.

    • @Fuzorz
      @Fuzorz 10 лет назад +9

      ironically, their mind got fuck*ed by the video

    • @Ben-rz9cf
      @Ben-rz9cf 8 лет назад +10

      i think at some point they're actually going to create a simulacrum of consciousness just so they can see the fear in the robots eyes as they rape the shit out of it

    • @ez_company9325
      @ez_company9325 2 года назад +3

      @@Ben-rz9cf ohhh yeaaa tell me more

    • @raspberryjam
      @raspberryjam 3 месяца назад

      ​@@Ben-rz9cf I think I read a puppygirllaika story about this

  • @claireradke7029
    @claireradke7029 3 года назад +21

    In my YT feed the title of this vid was "Onion Talks: Hypothetically It Would Be Okay To Have Sex....", and since it was The Onion, I was curious as to how that sentence ended. So, I hovered on it and saw "...With A Robot Dog" and actually lol'd out loud for the first time in about 9 weeks.
    Thank you, The Onion

  • @connor1564
    @connor1564 9 лет назад +67

    this is hands down one of my favourite videos.

    • @0012erick
      @0012erick 5 лет назад

      I know this is a bit late, but "hands down" should be in bold there. And maybe it should read "hands way down".

    • @seraphim3989
      @seraphim3989 4 года назад

      @@0012erickNo it shouldn't read "hands way down", and it isn't even in bold.

    • @norM_ystical
      @norM_ystical 2 года назад

      @@0012erick Hands don't need to be THAT far down. Maybe if it's a St Bernard...
      (im sorry im sorry im sorry)

  • @Aymiikeeganmelb
    @Aymiikeeganmelb 10 лет назад +426

    This ones a bit RUFF to watch ...

  • @zedzoss3205
    @zedzoss3205 3 года назад +24

    “No matter how deep you go, this thing looks and feels so much like a dog, that the person inside it is totally convinced that it is a real dog”

  • @5gonza541
    @5gonza541 5 лет назад +150

    I love how the audience just nods at what he says as if he was a Greek philosopher 😂

  • @NM-nv4bt
    @NM-nv4bt 5 лет назад +28

    You know how we look at the 2009 Onion vids and talk about how close they get to reality?
    I’m scared for this one

  • @Stargazer1312
    @Stargazer1312 3 года назад +6

    Robot dog in an MRI machine. This can only go well

    • @MCVessels
      @MCVessels 2 года назад

      I know, I know it's serious.

  • @ihadtochangemyname5595
    @ihadtochangemyname5595 5 лет назад +44

    “It would get you off like a real dog” nice

  • @fmar105
    @fmar105 10 лет назад +166

    Lol, the audience gets me every time.

  • @talkgb
    @talkgb 3 года назад +42

    POV: you’re defending lolicon.

  • @letmepilottheevapls
    @letmepilottheevapls 4 года назад +609

    this is how people who like lolicon sound like

    • @audee575
      @audee575 4 года назад +53

      For real

    • @Roman-bw2fo
      @Roman-bw2fo 4 года назад +2

      Biiiiig facts

    • @kingbump6829
      @kingbump6829 4 года назад +93

      "No, it's not a little girl! She's actually a 5000 year old dragon!"

    • @DaybreakPT
      @DaybreakPT 4 года назад +40

      @Chromulous No it's totally a child thing, but you don't know that for sure.

    • @soosyicy9986
      @soosyicy9986 4 года назад +1

      Yeah ikr... *gulp*

  • @MomocloCloverZetto
    @MomocloCloverZetto 10 лет назад +34

    Chris Borden is the Martin Luther King Jr of robot dog fucking.

  • @branko1717
    @branko1717 4 года назад +22

    "No matter how deep you go, this thing feels like a dog"
    I see what you did there

  • @sniper6081
    @sniper6081 10 лет назад +36

    I have ads now showing me robot dogs from Amazon. Why is this becoming a thing suddenly?!

  • @SixCubitMan
    @SixCubitMan 10 лет назад +35

    thank god Onion Talks is back to guide my life in the right direction

  • @astrixkz
    @astrixkz 2 месяца назад +3

    "the person inside it is totally convinced it's a real dog" 😨

  • @mitchelnext1
    @mitchelnext1 10 лет назад +36

    absolute satirical genius being laid down by the onion right here

  • @AbnormalWrench
    @AbnormalWrench 10 лет назад +35

    There better be at least 100 scientists working on this.

  • @lukemorgan6166
    @lukemorgan6166 Год назад +6

    Its been nearly ten years
    And the onion always gets things eerily on the nose when a decade passes 💀 💀

    • @Bluefalcon6154
      @Bluefalcon6154 10 месяцев назад

      Who ever the writers were for the onion at that time were omniscient

  • @OrangeVision
    @OrangeVision 10 лет назад +82

    Programmed not to like it, but it's totally cool!

  • @collinfant5146
    @collinfant5146 Год назад +23

    I hate that this is going to be a real argument one day

  • @yurif4n
    @yurif4n 7 месяцев назад +20

    This is how the "its just a cartoon" people sound to me💀

  • @zgoodie-farmerapprentice1105
    @zgoodie-farmerapprentice1105 5 лет назад +15

    "the deeper you go it will still be indistinguishable from a real dog"

  • @DeimosSaturn
    @DeimosSaturn 10 лет назад +19

    What an eye opening talk. Just imagine the possibilities. Truly inspirational and thought provoking. What an incredible time to be alive.

  • @tamanduamirinho3747
    @tamanduamirinho3747 3 года назад +108

    Sounds like a anime fan explaining how hes favorite Loli have 3000 years.

    • @mathiasl2623
      @mathiasl2623 3 года назад +13

      Well if it’s a robot...

  • @howdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdy
    @howdyhowdyhowdyhowdyhowdy 10 лет назад +43

    I'm subscribed to Ted talks and I didn't see this was uploaded by the onion. I thought this was an actual talk 0_0

  • @Urza26
    @Urza26 10 лет назад +5

    It's possible that doing that in front of a congressman may lead to him encouraging you to be a fellow politician.

  • @kanetombs1275
    @kanetombs1275 Год назад +17

    That was the most uncomfortable and disturbing laughing fit I've had this year. I think my brain shorted out forcing me to laugh.

  • @hannahlouise1545
    @hannahlouise1545 5 лет назад +12

    That one weird kid in your class presenting their free choice project

    • @aturchomicz821
      @aturchomicz821 5 лет назад

      Hmm how is this weird?

    • @koolaidjerk
      @koolaidjerk 4 года назад +1

      It's not a real dog. Nothing weird about that.

  • @wfjhDUI
    @wfjhDUI 3 года назад +186

    Brilliant. "Giving a robot dog talk" is going to be my new shorthand for when someone makes pleading arguments for something based on irrelevant and ridiculous hypotheticals.

    • @taurgoo3670
      @taurgoo3670 2 года назад +6

      ah so redditors?

    • @kingacrisius
      @kingacrisius Год назад +3

      I think most people just call that ben shapiro?

  • @31minutesago
    @31minutesago 4 года назад +7

    I forwarded this to my grandma.

    • @the_Fisher_King
      @the_Fisher_King 10 месяцев назад

      3 years ago,💀 gramma got revenge

  • @Firjiwater
    @Firjiwater 4 года назад +7

    I didn’t realize this was onion...

  • @johnf.swaggity5143
    @johnf.swaggity5143 5 лет назад +17

    I'm happy this'll be relevant in 5 years

  • @jameshayes3175
    @jameshayes3175 2 года назад +13

    This is the darkest humour the onion has ever produced, and that really says a lot.

    • @yoursonisold8743
      @yoursonisold8743 Год назад +1

      Not by a long shot. Try the videos about girls that went missing literally titled "Missing girl probably raped" and the one where they predict that a kidnapped girl was probably sold into prostitution and became a meth head right in front of her mother.
      The Onion can always go darker.

  • @loneangler9063
    @loneangler9063 2 года назад +5

    Man, these TEDtalks are something else

  • @gorillaman283
    @gorillaman283 5 лет назад +15

    The Onion, once again, ahead of its time with the child robot controversy in Canada. It's no longer satire, but commended. Wow

  • @jutton11
    @jutton11 Год назад +6

    "It would get you off just like a dog" is a loaded sentence if I've ever heard.

  • @rulalpha6477
    @rulalpha6477 5 лет назад +7

    This wouldn’t be out of place in a TED talk

  • @user-my5ey6ow7m
    @user-my5ey6ow7m 3 года назад +3

    I could 100% imagine this being a talk from Mac on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

  • @bignosh
    @bignosh Год назад +7

    this is like the guy on reddit explaining that he got a Cylinder stuck in a m&m thing

  • @Tofusandwich92
    @Tofusandwich92 Год назад +6

    I dread that this may be possible within my lifetime.

    • @deathvideogame
      @deathvideogame Год назад +1

      Read that as “I dream this may be possible” and was about to freak the fuck out