The purpose of a boundary is to establish personal space so you can feel secure in the relationship. Also, if the other person respects the boundary, it helps to build trust. They are not a tool to restrict others' actions or punish them.
If you are dealing with an actual narcissist (subclinical or clinical), the ideal situation is to go no contact with that person. The second best situation is low contact or the third best is strong boundaries with consequences because if you have boundaries with no consequences how can you expect narcissists (or anyone) to actually follow them?
Cutting people off instantly isn't a strength though. If you were fine with them traveling alone in the first 3-6 months of dating instantly starting your boundaries after that trying to force them to do something is wack.
Getting into a toxic relationship is weakness. She's saying that proper boundaries are the first, second and third line of defense against toxic behavior that doesn't require nuking a social connection
Didn’t she pretty much completely contradict herself there!? She started out by saying not to cut people off instantly, if they cross your boundaries, but then by the end she was saying that you’re better off just walking away from someone early on who crosses your boundaries, rather than constantly trying to get them to adhere to them. Which is basically what she said not to do, at the start of the clip!
Hearing she saying "mind games" makes me think that she's talking about setting boundaries early instead 'expecting' them to know in advance without setting boundaries early and instantly cutting because they crossed boundaries in their mind
She’s saying that boundaries are best set early. She’s saying that you shouldn’t use your boundaries as tools of persuasion/ manipulation. (e.g: I don’t put up with abhorrent name calling but I’ll stick around anyway & get toxic along with your toxicity & neither of us will change because each of us disregards our own respective boundaries.) Either keep your boundaries & stick to it, or don’t use them as tools to hold over someone’s head. Let someone learn your boundary & give a few chances of them getting used to respecting your boundaries instead of cutting things off at the first or second occurrence of your boundary being crossed. A few times is enough, & that’ll be determined asap (from day 1). Don’t use boundaries as punishment nor blurry guidelines. It’s respect 101 for oneself & the other person.
Establishing and respecting eachother's boundaries is what relationships are about. There are some people who have the nature of wanting to push boundaries though. When starting a relationship, it's important to identify if you're with someone like that.
I completely agree about it being a big problem, when people ghost or cut people off instantly... it can be unfair, disposing of people. I have found so often we have not had the uncomfortable conversations, taken self responsibility and trying to be understanding FIRST. Once you've done that work, then if it doesn't work, do what you need to. Ofcourse this does not apply to clear abuse. Otherwise so often we just don't want to have the curiosity and conversations to truly understand. ❤
Almost no adult I’ve ever met leaves things unspoken if they were in love in the first place. Most people try discussing them, the hardship is fixing it as a team. Most people talk to each other but cannot solve anything
You discuss your boundaries strongly beforehand and if the boundary is blatantly breached then You have the option to leave no discussions needed. They clearly know why you left bcuz you gave them a clear heads-up from the beginning. Now if they choose to have an internal discussion or even gaslight themselves then that’s their right. Have at it!🤷🏾♂️
Its a weakness to think you can control a situation or that you have any power over another person, yes you should let your boundaries be known, and you should absolutely give them a chance to adjust to them, but if they cannot or choose not to there is strength, wisdom, love and courage in leaving. Silent strength is like a mountain and people who have this know when to be still, when to retreat, when to reject, and when to separate themselves from things that do not serve them.
I was dating a man for 1 month and he was so sweet, but it was a facade. We’d be having a great time, then he’d mention other women to make me jealous and referred to me as “loose” and a “ho” when I’m anything but. I noticed it was becoming a pattern so I confronted him and he said I have to tell him when I feel I’m being disrespected. I told him he’s a middle aged man and knows what he’s doing. I dumped him. Granted I didn’t discuss my boundary prior, this is pretty basic and I feel I shouldn’t have to discuss it prior to dumping him.
errr..... maybe she was trying to make a good point, but failed to communicate it well. neither cutting people out nor being cut out is toxic; when people don't fit, they part ways. nbd. boundaries are there to keep both people sane.
In what sense? You have to know yourself lmao you don't want your partner to go travel alone make it known early. If you try to do that mid relationship people know they can get away with it
She didn’t. You set boundaries and give someone the opportunity to adjust and respect your boundaries or compromise. If they don’t, then at that time you need to make a decision to leave. Some people jump ship the first time someone does something they don’t like. Because they shut down and it’s easier to avoid than address. Thats the weakness. No one is perfect and we all mistakes. Grace and understanding goes a long way in relationships.
@@kme9861 I respectfully disagree. IMHO, that's how you waste time with people who simply want to see how far you'll let them go. One shot, one kill; test my boundary and I'll show you that you failed the exam and get expelled
Nah dude you can't teach somebody who refuses to change and respect you. We see plenty of people men and women end up in horrible life and death situations cause they are encouraged to stay.
You should observe ppl and see who they truly are, if they dont fit with your values, simply leave them, you cant teach ppl how to behave, they are not kids, this is a waste of time, find someone already mature
Relationships are not guaranteed in any way. It can go smoothly and just crash years down the road once a partner changes his/her views and does not want to compromise on his/her position. Enjoy the ride.
We need to be more connected " if she doesn't give a shit about that what will you do, women made up their mind stand by that you have to use tricks to break their intention
I don't get why this woman is being invited to so many podcasts. Her knowlegde has no depth and her wisdom is merely generalised opinion. No real value here.
This is exactly what a narcissist would say, "you are the one that needs to examine how wrong you are for having boundaries" f@ck this advise, its manipulative and its bullshit.
This doesn’t apply if the other person is a narcissist as the narcissist does not have the capacity to connect action with consequence in their brain, neither do sociopaths or psychopaths. The reason behind this is because each of the brains analyzed have been found for have attention deficits. (Most people with ADHD are the same way, but most people with ADHD have emotional empathy though, unlike narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths but that doesn’t mean that a person with ADHD can’t also be a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath)
The purpose of a boundary is to establish personal space so you can feel secure in the relationship. Also, if the other person respects the boundary, it helps to build trust.
They are not a tool to restrict others' actions or punish them.
True!!😮😮
Well said!!
If you are dealing with an actual narcissist (subclinical or clinical), the ideal situation is to go no contact with that person. The second best situation is low contact or the third best is strong boundaries with consequences because if you have boundaries with no consequences how can you expect narcissists (or anyone) to actually follow them?
Leaving a toxic relationship isn't weakness tho
Cutting people off instantly isn't a strength though. If you were fine with them traveling alone in the first 3-6 months of dating instantly starting your boundaries after that trying to force them to do something is wack.
@@AmbitionIsaMust115 ye no i meant this in sense of a relationship that lasted for 26 years
She didn’t say it was.
Anything a woman doesn't like is now classified as toxic/misogynistic/abuse.
Getting into a toxic relationship is weakness. She's saying that proper boundaries are the first, second and third line of defense against toxic behavior that doesn't require nuking a social connection
Didn’t she pretty much completely contradict herself there!? She started out by saying not to cut people off instantly, if they cross your boundaries, but then by the end she was saying that you’re better off just walking away from someone early on who crosses your boundaries, rather than constantly trying to get them to adhere to them. Which is basically what she said not to do, at the start of the clip!
Hearing she saying "mind games" makes me think that she's talking about setting boundaries early instead 'expecting' them to know in advance without setting boundaries early and instantly cutting because they crossed boundaries in their mind
That's what I heard as well
No, what she said in the last half was in quotations, describing a hypothetical person who walks away early.
She always does that she does not have intellect
@@amysworld5521 why are you like this? you sound jealous…
She’s saying that boundaries are best set early. She’s saying that you shouldn’t use your boundaries as tools of persuasion/ manipulation. (e.g: I don’t put up with abhorrent name calling but I’ll stick around anyway & get toxic along with your toxicity & neither of us will change because each of us disregards our own respective boundaries.)
Either keep your boundaries & stick to it, or don’t use them as tools to hold over someone’s head. Let someone learn your boundary & give a few chances of them getting used to respecting your boundaries instead of cutting things off at the first or second occurrence of your boundary being crossed.
A few times is enough, & that’ll be determined asap (from day 1). Don’t use boundaries as punishment nor blurry guidelines.
It’s respect 101 for oneself & the other person.
Establishing and respecting eachother's boundaries is what relationships are about. There are some people who have the nature of wanting to push boundaries though.
When starting a relationship, it's important to identify if you're with someone like that.
I completely agree about it being a big problem, when people ghost or cut people off instantly... it can be unfair, disposing of people. I have found so often we have not had the uncomfortable conversations, taken self responsibility and trying to be understanding FIRST. Once you've done that work, then if it doesn't work, do what you need to. Ofcourse this does not apply to clear abuse. Otherwise so often we just don't want to have the curiosity and conversations to truly understand. ❤
Almost no adult I’ve ever met leaves things unspoken if they were in love in the first place. Most people try discussing them, the hardship is fixing it as a team. Most people talk to each other but cannot solve anything
You discuss your boundaries strongly beforehand and if the boundary is blatantly breached then You have the option to leave no discussions needed. They clearly know why you left bcuz you gave them a clear heads-up from the beginning. Now if they choose to have an internal discussion or even gaslight themselves then that’s their right. Have at it!🤷🏾♂️
Oh I know people that have. They don’t want to hear anything if it means they have to compromise or consider someone else’s feelings.
All of these experiences are legitimate. The fact of the matter is, everything is circumstantial. 🤷 Live your truth.
Its a weakness to think you can control a situation or that you have any power over another person, yes you should let your boundaries be known, and you should absolutely give them a chance to adjust to them, but if they cannot or choose not to there is strength, wisdom, love and courage in leaving. Silent strength is like a mountain and people who have this know when to be still, when to retreat, when to reject, and when to separate themselves from things that do not serve them.
Beautifully said.
I was dating a man for 1 month and he was so sweet, but it was a facade. We’d be having a great time, then he’d mention other women to make me jealous and referred to me as “loose” and a “ho” when I’m anything but. I noticed it was becoming a pattern so I confronted him and he said I have to tell him when I feel I’m being disrespected. I told him he’s a middle aged man and knows what he’s doing. I dumped him. Granted I didn’t discuss my boundary prior, this is pretty basic and I feel I shouldn’t have to discuss it prior to dumping him.
100% you did the right thing.
Yes. Teaching requires giving them time to get better if they are willing to change.
Her intelligence is twice as attractive as her beauty. I would love a friend like her.
Saadia is not a psychologist fyi.
Watching this made me think would people be listening to her if she didn’t look like that? I mean real talk.
@@dvijay461looking at him at end of the clip, he does not at all look like he heard a damn word shebsaid😅
How was she teaching psychology then?
So that makes her opinion legit then.
The fact that she goes by sadiya psychology it's kind of misleading.
Enforce your boundaries 😤👍
errr..... maybe she was trying to make a good point, but failed to communicate it well. neither cutting people out nor being cut out is toxic; when people don't fit, they part ways. nbd. boundaries are there to keep both people sane.
I think you had a very difficult childhood having to realise all of these psychology you are teaching us.
I love her
She basically says the exact opposite of what Mark teaches. I don't understand why people liked her as a guest.
@@themacocko6311 she always contradictory 😂
Absolutely
relationships are complicated
Absolutely 💯
Rule no. 1 never take opinions from any women
Rule no. 2 never forget rule no. 1
She contradicted herself there....
In what sense? You have to know yourself lmao you don't want your partner to go travel alone make it known early. If you try to do that mid relationship people know they can get away with it
Exactly, I watched it multiple times to actually understand her but...
She didn’t. You set boundaries and give someone the opportunity to adjust and respect your boundaries or compromise. If they don’t, then at that time you need to make a decision to leave. Some people jump ship the first time someone does something they don’t like. Because they shut down and it’s easier to avoid than address. Thats the weakness. No one is perfect and we all mistakes. Grace and understanding goes a long way in relationships.
@@kme9861 I respectfully disagree. IMHO, that's how you waste time with people who simply want to see how far you'll let them go. One shot, one kill; test my boundary and I'll show you that you failed the exam and get expelled
@@netking767 you can disagree with me but she didn’t contradict herself. Hope you are as perfect as you except other to be.
Id like to see how many friends someone would have if they cut off anyone whenever they didn’t like something. So idiotic. People are not perfect.
Nah dude you can't teach somebody who refuses to change and respect you. We see plenty of people men and women end up in horrible life and death situations cause they are encouraged to stay.
Mark Manson, You're amazing! Let's be friends and have fun together!
You should observe ppl and see who they truly are, if they dont fit with your values, simply leave them, you cant teach ppl how to behave, they are not kids, this is a waste of time, find someone already mature
So do what she said made you weak in the first place......leave them to live their lives 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah, seemed like she contradicted herself, but looked good doing it, lol.
You are so right!!!!
What if she learned to respect you, 7 years later you learn that she cheated on that travel you let her go in order to make your point? Then what?
Relationships are not guaranteed in any way. It can go smoothly and just crash years down the road once a partner changes his/her views and does not want to compromise on his/her position. Enjoy the ride.
We need to be more connected " if she doesn't give a shit about that what will you do, women made up their mind stand by that you have to use tricks to break their intention
First she said leaving is weak...and in the end, just walk away from toxicity 😂
I don’t like her , don’t know why?
I don't get why this woman is being invited to so many podcasts. Her knowlegde has no depth and her wisdom is merely generalised opinion. No real value here.
No...poke the bull get the horns...no game involved
This is exactly what a narcissist would say, "you are the one that needs to examine how wrong you are for having boundaries" f@ck this advise, its manipulative and its bullshit.
Sounds like this woman needs a man to give her MORE BOUNDARIES.
Sounds like you lack critical thinking skills and respect for others’ boundaries.
Just contradicted what ya said
No, she really didn’t. Watch/listen again.
WTAF this woman doesn't even make sense. I recommend she looks up the Dunning-Kruger effect. She should give a talk on that...
🙏❣️🖼
Definitely the worst guest Mark has had on the podcast. Absolute shit show.
Ikr he got into red pill and like tge most pick message clown he found coz he related and find her talking what he wants😂
❤❤❤👍💯
ruclips.net/video/v6jw6KRIOmw/видео.html
Girl just stop ✋
Do you miss me?
This doesn’t apply if the other person is a narcissist as the narcissist does not have the capacity to connect action with consequence in their brain, neither do sociopaths or psychopaths. The reason behind this is because each of the brains analyzed have been found for have attention deficits. (Most people with ADHD are the same way, but most people with ADHD have emotional empathy though, unlike narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths but that doesn’t mean that a person with ADHD can’t also be a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath)
Where did you earn your degree in psychology, if I may ask?
@@RogueArcana RUclips University. It’s accessible to all
This chic literally said the direct opposite in a different video. Or maybe I'm missing the context of the video
She kinda contradicted herself here also....starts with leaving is weakness and in the end just walk away from toxicity 😮
@@user-yk5xu8gr1e …there is a whole timeline, a giant chunk of information you’re forging between those two points.
Proffessional yapper jk she’s very smart
hell no teach them nothing
She say a lot of nothing, or just me?
Women should not give life advice.