Years ago, at a festival in Germany, I met this couple from Los Angeles. I hung out with them a lot over te weekend, they moved their tent into my friends camp. I was planning a trip to the USA. I was gonna drive and see the country for 2 months, and then also visit my friend who had moved to California. So they gave me their number and told me I could stay at their place in Los Angeles for a few days if I wanted. So when I was in Las Vegas, I decided to call them and take them up on their offer, before driving up to San Francisco. I was excited to hang out with them! I called the woman on Thursday to tell her I was gonna be in LA on the weekend. She was soo excited to hear from me. She told me she had to check with her boyfriend but she thought I could stay for the weekend. I told her if not, that's fine too I'll just get a hotel and we can have a drink or something. I didn't want to impose, just wanted to hang out. She said she'd call me back in the evening. She didn't call me back and she didn't pick up anymore either. Don't call me sweety, don't tell me you're excited to see me again, if you're not. Did they like any of the people from my friends group? Or did they just not like me? Did they just move their tent to our camp so they'd get to drink our beer and join our bbq dinners? Why can't Americans be truthful ever? I drove on to San Francisco and hung out with my blunt, honest Dutch friend who told me beforehand that I couldn't stay at her place and if I was okay getting a hotel. I was okay with that and we had a blast making fun of all the lying Americans we'd met.
It could have happened for many reasons. Maybe they were more 'special' to you because they were foreigners and you had this trip planned and so you remembered them well, wheras maybe you were just one of many to them on their trip (sorry!). Also Americans usually check multiple times if the plan to see each other is still gonna happen, because saying it one time doesn't mean anything, only if they check back a few times, then it's something they really want to do. Also, I feel like a lot of people from the LA area are very obsessed with status & money, and only meet up with people who they are interested in based on that. And lastly they often don't say no, instead they don't call back, it's more normal among Americans, I think it comes from this pressure to always be positive and polite, and avoiding confrontation.
@@britta030 so your last sentence is really the essence. They could've just told me when I called that they didn't count on me actually calling them and weren't interested in seeing me. Why lie like that? Why say omg "sweety I'm so excited to see you" THAT is what offends me. I would not have been as offended if they had just given me a fake number instead, or told me that they weren't interested to hang out after all. It is the weird obsession with positivity that makes Americans fake.
@@atropatene3596 ah yeah, I understand. I think they want to portray a positive person at all costs, because that's what is expected and not being that person means they have some kind of caracter flaw. Sometimes the people who can't stand you, will be the nicest to you, so that nobody finds out their true feelings, because it would mean that they are negative person. Of course it's too much pressure, and then their true feelings come out. It has also happened to me when I was working in the US, that an American coworker volunteered to drive me home on my last day, asked me for my email address & told me that it was so amazing to meet me, that we absolutely need to stay in contact, only to find out from another coworker that he told her that same day, that he cannot stand me! Lol.
Wow, As a US American, this is something I’ve really struggled with the last few years. I’ve been pulling my hair out trying to figure out why I can’t seem to find honest friendships. Everything is so shallow, fake positive and very little interests in real nuance discussions. They definitely look down on you if you’re not always positive or happy. Everyone is so afraid to say how they actually feel and will absolutely smile in your face, treat you like their favorite person just to ditch you the first chance they get. I thought I was the problem. And maybe I am. But I rather try a new country first and we’ll see. I can’t stand American culture and this confirms it. I can’t wait to leave. I’m very sorry you were treated so poorly. It’s so unnecessary.
I agree with everything in the video. I am a German living in the USA. I miss exactly the things you mentioned in the video. When I moved to the States I found it strange how much personal information people shared right away with a stranger. I remember feeling uncomfortable since I did not think it was my place to be privy to all these personal details. I got my feelings hurt when people threw words around like "you are my best friend" etc without really meaning it. I found it quite confusing in the beginning.
Exactly, Americans always confuse me, there's this overly friendly behavior and then they just throw in these flippant, stinging comments as if to make sure you understand it's all fake and they actually don't see you as a friend, so weird.
Meanwhile I'm from Spain and I find it curious that people in the USA tell you a lot of stuff without giving any real information. Mind you: one of my brothers has only left Spain for three vacation trips and he's the king of "uninformative friendliness". Like with the Americans, you can know him for years without knowing how many children he has.
I live in germany and when I first met my american friend. At first we talked so much but it took a long time to actually feel close to him. 'Small talk' felt very much like 'trying to be polite' but never actually wanting to be close. It felt just repetitive he kept saying "let us meet", "I call you", "we should do something together" but never actually doing it and he is suprised when I initiate it first. After a while he learned more about germany and went to the US to visit family the first thing he told me was his reverse culture shock how the US talks so much with so little context and it was just so hilarious
I lived in Belgium for 2 years about 6 years ago and I agree with you. I felt the same. I missed the American small talk but when I came back home I realized, it felt kinda pointless.
Why don't you return?! Although Belgians aren't known for small talk, that country is known for semi affordable housing, good social services. The heart of Europe (quick access to Brussels, Antwerp, Ghent) and the great divide French part vs Flemish part. I would say; Go back before it's too late.
@@lennert1nevejans Could be true, but what do we get for in return. That's the question nobody asks in return. When you get your tax letter annually and you see the income tax re-distribution you'd notice a HUGE chunk of it going to social programs and welfare programs that are vital to Belgium and make it such a successful model.
@@lennert1nevejans Yes, but the return on investment is magical. Life is good in Belgium. Of course there is poverty like everywhere, but overall the quality of life is exceptional (like most Western European countries)
You are right on in all of your comments. I only lived in Germany from 1980-1985 never returning to the USA. I absolutely loved everything about the culture of Germany. You have expressed my feelings exactly about why I was so depressed after leaving Germany. I too like the respect for personal and mental space that I find in Germany. Regarding the news. I don’t even follow US news outlets. I choose the Europe and Asian outlets. Thanks for your channel and insightful comments.
If you are a highly skilled professional you're always welcome in the Netherlands. We don't care about religion, race or social background as long as you don't stick your head above the cornfield by trying to change other people's believes or life goals. Everyone is equal here and no one is better than the other. We maintain a horizontal power structure.
Yeah...Germany is a great place to live....but don't forget why it is and what country has been protecting it ever since WW2 & the Cold War ended...You can critize but please don't forget your History.
I'm an introvert (from Austria), so small talk stresses me out. But there's one situation where I find it okay: when I meet fellow dog owners on walks. Because the subject of conversation seems obvious, we just chat a bit about our dogs and the focus is more on them. Other than that, small talk is a waste of time for me. XD Btw, I really love your voice! It's so beautiful and soothing.
It‘s funny you mention this. I noticed the same thing: Dog owners in Germany and Austria talk to complete strangers with dogs as well the way Americans talk to strangers all the time.
Yes, I am a dog owner in Wien and we chat, some more than others. It all depends on which dogs get along. My dog has several besties sheMUST greet when she sees them, then us owners chat as we walk them along. We have much in common about life, so is a very nice walk.
Da muss ich lachen, denn in Tschechien herrscht die gleiche Situation - Smalltalks sind nur unter uns Hundeherrnchen ziemlich normal. Sonst nicht. Darunter leidet dann leider auch das Flirten bei uns. ^^ Das betrifft also wahrscheinlich nicht nur Euch in den deutschsprachigen Ländern. ;-) Und bei den skandinavischen Völkern dürfte es wohl das selbe Lied sein. Nur die sprechen eher über ihre Rentiere. :-D
German here. First of all, great video, I really like your narration/expression. :) I heard beforehand that US culture is much more shallow and "friendly faces" than ours, but hearing it from an American who knows European (and German) culture hits home differently. I was astonished at the amount of grandiose, meaningless phrases you throw around. Also astonishing and frightening was your assesment of US news media. When I was a kid I looked up to US culture, these days I am thankful and proud to be an European. i hope you guys can fix up your society again, it doesn't look too good these days.
Hi, Jay, from Europe! I have friends that I’m very close to, but we don’t say that we love and cherish each other, we just do. I don’t say I miss you, if it’s a friend living at a distance we pick up the phone and talk. No need to call anyone a bestie either. If they are, they’ll know, because it’s reflected in our relationship.
Being from Africa, but schooled in UK, the beginnings of my decade living in the US brought on great cultural shocks, both to me (a recent widower), and my two, then pre-teen kids. Everyone seemed so superficial. Smiles were just skin deep. Exaggerated greetings seemed simply rote. After we left, very few of our US "friends" kept in touch. This is so different from our varied experiences as each of us spent our lives thereafter in 🇨🇦 (son), 🇦🇺 (daughter), 🇬🇧 (adopted son), or back home in 🇰🇪 (me).
I am English, and I met up with a friend from Iran in New York in 2002. I remember how shocked we were to find on every street in Lower Manhattan, people selling souvenir models of the twin towers. This would never happen in Europe, and my friend said the same about her country. On the other hand, I did like the politeness of most people. Even in New York! As the old joke goes... Americans say 'have a nice day' ut they don't mean it. Europeans are much ruder, but at least they mean it.
i couldn't belieeeeeeve the rudeness of new yorkers, you'd walk in to a restaurant and the staff seemed to yell ''whaddayou want''. Um........... a table?! Totally different experience in Boston. They were so lovely, in a way that is recognisable as ''good service'' to us.
This was beautifully put. I was in US for 3 months as a kid, and it was always hard to explain why I felt alienated and foreign there. At first, everyone was nice, smiley, polite, but then I felt the dissonance between that behavior and a real relationship. When someone from US comes, they feel, their attitude is genuine, by a lack of real comparison, so when Europeans, like me, say that we feel that the American culture feels superficial and fake, they defend it. They have every right to it. However, I, as a person who experienced how it is to live in US even for a very short while, I know that the general feeling is not just a superficial judgment. There is a deep cultural difference and I just know from experience, that I prefer the relationships in Europe as more fulfilling, deep and trustful. I think that there is another fact that created the cultural difference. In Europe, we are living close to people, so we need a personal space. In US, the distances are so big, that there is a need to create a connection, even superficial one, just to fulfill the human need of being connected..
I so get the issue with the news in the US. It’s not a new thing, either, it was already like that on my very first trip to the US in 1976. We got news about someone being murdered in the town, but absolutely *_nothing_* about what was happening elsewhere in the world. By the time our trip was up, we were absolutely starved for real news from the rest of the world.
Completely agreed. When I was in L.A. in 1984 during the Olympics in L.A. every news channel ONLY brought news when the USA won a gold medal. Not even US silver medals were usually noteworthy, let alone all those other countries out there. Once the USA gained a silver medal in some sport or another where they usually don't shine at all, so that one was noteworthy. What did the news do? They showed the award ceremony of bronze, but talked over it for all of the national anthem of that country. Then came the USA, in all its glory, including the anthem. But when it came to the gold medalist only the first few notes of their anthem was played, then cut off. That is incredible ignorance and arrogance.
@@RustyDust101 Oh wow, that is really rude. Every winner, be it gold, silver or bronze, and no matter the country should be treated with the same dignity and respect. I thought they would at the very least have done that. They truly live in their own bubble at times. BTW: I was in L.A. just a year later than you, in 1985.
I know, when I visited the USA about 20 years ago, I was always trying to catch the BBC world news, that were on for about half an hour in the evening.
I don't know if this is a saying in the US but in Sweden we say "You never miss the cow until the stall is empty". I think this video is a great example of this saying in real life.
There was a new student in my son’s elementary school from the US. They had a lot in common. Played, talked, but he always wanted confirmation of the friendship. Now I know why.
Moin Linde. Erstseitig, seit 2018, RUclips verfolge habe ich begriffen, wie unterschiedlich USK und Germany doch wirklich in gesellschaftlichen Dingen sind. Einige meiner Kameraden aus der Marine Zeit haben damals Amerikanerinnen kennen gelernt und dorthin geheiratet. Ich kann mir dies nicht vorstellen. Liebe Grüße ich komme noch mal auf deinen anderen Kommentar zurück von vorgestern? LOL
I've lived in the UK for almost 17 years, and when I go back to the States I almost never watch television, though when I lived there it was a near constant. The number of commercials, the commercials themselves, the lack of quality in programming, and as you said, the news. It's unbearable.
Why is this video so calming? I don't think I've been to any other country where people talk so much to complete strangers as in the USA. It's both nice and like you said, sometimes annoying 😅.
You are my bestie, you are my sister, I love you to pieces, I missed you so much, think about you every day..... 🤮 then they turn around and forgot your name!
I am European who lived in South Africa and now lives in the UK. I found that South Africans are warm and friendly and engaging. In the UK I find people are polite but don't care about you as a rule. In central Europe I do find people are very direct and keep to themselves.
I am British and have visited the US on a few occasions. Everything you said I agree with. The news programmes in the US are not news programmes. They’re so focused on their own state and don’t mention what’s happening in the world. The other thing I missed when in the US was vegetables and proper food. The average American thinks that the uK has no cuisine. In reality British food, and European food, is sooo much better.
It is true, news programs focus on local news which is the news that most directly affects the viewers. It is hard for many to worry about the war in country XYZ when you can not afford to put your kids through school or get food on the table. Yes, all the topics are intertwined...well-informed citizens elect politicians who, in turn, change policies. Very complex. Yet still, I see why some people want local and not international. As for food, I totally disagree with you. Go to a famers market, go to a supermarket and choose the vegetables. It is a choice. Yes, many perhaps choose wrong but you do not have to eat fast food. You can choose to make a salad and the ingredients ARE there.
Andrew Kash unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to visit rural areas and stayed in hotels on business. Never ate in Macdonalds, my experience was largely hotel restaurants.
Brits do the same old phony, pretentious small talk. As far as food goes, USA has everything. You didn't do enough to find it and your experience was hotel restaurants. smh... I agree about News channels in the USA. I'm from Europe.
I'm a native German living outside Germany for many many years. I miss what you describe very much. For many years, I enjoyed learning new codes of behaviour but now I long for the German way of life more than I would have expected when I left Europe 35 years ago. I'm feeling quite wistful now...
As @SaraSwanson (below) said, this is a calming video, you don't push yourself onto others, you draw the viewer in with your voice and sincerity, we don't have to watch or listen, but you are interesting and just very easy to listen to, some people have this gift and you are one of them, I enjoy what you post and look forward to seeing and hearing what you have to say :)
am Polish living permanently in Great Britain. Initially when I moved here I was very pleasantly charmed by people's interest in asking how I am doing, how are my family and children. However, over time, I've noticed that they really don't care at all. The same person can periodically ask if I have children, even though we've talked about it a few times before. At first I thought that someone had forgotten, but now I know that these are empty questions that are asked out of habit. People are simply taught to ask common questions in various situations even when they are not interested. Sometimes I have the impression that silence is uncomfortable for them and talking about anything gives them a kind of relief. The cultural difference between Poland and the UK is huge. In Poland, asking a random person a personal question would look suspicious. Even smiling at strangers for no reason is weird. By nature, we stick close to friends and keep a distance from strangers. We're also more formal with strangers, and then we don't use you, but Mr. or Ms.
I'm Irish and in Ireland and I had a polish colleague reprimand me once with a list of the faults of Irish people!! I was a bit taken aback! I could see that she was correct in a lot of her observations but we find the Polish directness a bit toooooo direct. We soften things a bit. That irritated her.
@@SusanaXpeace2u For this reason, I usually preferred to have English management. They are very restrained in expressing opinions towards employees and try to be polite. In Poland, you could hear directly that you fucked up the job, that you are not suitable for the job, or that you should start looking for another job because you won't stay at this one for long. Poles can be brutally honest. However, honesty can be useful in many circumstances because most of the time you know who is your ally and who is your enemy. Also, you don't waste time talking to people to whom you mean nothing. If you don't like some people, you can ignore them and you don't have to pretend anything. The other thing is that being controversial and expressing conflicting opinions is part of having dialogues. For some reason, people like to express their views, even if they conflict with the views of others. Sometimes it is a weakness and sometimes a strength of the Polish nation.
@@thestuff1014 There is a fine line between being honest and rude. I personally like direct people but hate being judged without you properly knowing me.
Love your video! Your thoughts and outlook on life are appreciated. You have a calming presence as you share your point of view. And you look relaxed and rested! Saludos to you and Stephan. 💕
I lived in London for a little less than 5 years. I very much miss the way of life. This video really resonated with me. your examples and observations. Thank you for sharing.
Even as Italian I totally get the small talk thing. Although stereotypes dictate that we are warmer and more open than germans, I would never tell my life story to total strangers I just met, nor I expect them to do it. It would be pretty weird it would raise all sorts of red flags. On the use of the "big" words, It made me think about the word "love", which could mean anything between appreciation to somebody doing something cool and something you say to your soulmate. I think it's a pretty good example of what you are saying. The last point is particularly interesting, since lately I've been thinking more and more on how incredibly manipulated american people are. It's honestly baffling and worrisome. I don't want to start a flame war here, and I'm not saying that this doesn't happen in other places. But it feels a whole different scale, and most of all, it's unbelievably blatant. All in all, very interesting video.
Italian here and yes, I agree. Small talk? Rare and if happens it's really small and about supergeneric things like weather, politicians all the same... bla bla bla. Other than that, if someone start with the story of his life in my mind one thought only appear (and in italian): "ma chi cazzo ti conosce?!" 😀
Both cultures have their pros and cons. The US is a lot more open, I feel welcome. The US tv channel I watch most is PBS. They are unbiased and provide profound political and scientific information. Having lived abroad for almost 20 years, I often find my native German culture too deep and serious. Everything needs to be analyzed down to the T. I am lucky to know only very well educated Americans with ties to Europe and diverse backgrounds, who happen to be in the same "bubble" politically as I am. Juggling to take the best from both sides of the pond and leave the rest.
Hey jay Stephan, I just watched this amazing movie from Michael Moore called Where To Invade Next it is awesome it is Michael travelling to these great European countries and exposing the pitfalls of the USA. Highly recommend anyone who is interested in what the USA really is.
In Ireland, small talk is customary. The difference is that an Irish person will indulge in small talk without really giving away any information. Oversharing of personal information is frowned upon.
I love how ridiculous your commuting times are that a 5h drive is considered short. While most other Europeans i know or well atleast here in the Netherlands everything above 1/2h drive is considered long
The culture is different. That's the long and short of it. Aren't we all supposed to be accepting of differences? There are places in the world a firm handshake is an assertion of dominance and considered rude. Other places it's a sign of honesty and trust. None of them are better or worse, just different. I miss the genuine pleasure on people's faces when meeting new people in Turkey and Egypt. I do not miss getting bussed on the cheeks by men with 3 days worth of spiky beard. It's the way things are. Deal with it. It's our differences that keep the world interesting and alive. What a bore if every place on the planet was "ideal" and the same. Sure, many things I miss from places I've been, but I have no regrets. I saw it, I experienced it, my life is richer for having seen so much. It's a richness and experience I've been able to pass on to my children and I like to believe they are better people for having gained some of this knowledge from me.
I left the US three years ago for Malta, and I will never go back. What you say about the news is very true. I actually watch German news here. In the US, I got most information from the foreign press.
Everything that you have been saying is true and I feel the same way.I am German and living in Phoenix for 6 and 6 month in Berlin.Can’t wait to go home in June! Take care both of you ❤
Wow, a very good observation of the smalltalk in the US versus Germany and probably northern Europe. Our ‘hallo’ (Netherlands) has the same function as your smalltalk. It’s to establish you’re both friendly people. We’ve just dished all the personal stuff, because we (the Dutch and Germans as well) are very practical and like to go on with our own business asap. Thanks for the insight.
I agree 100% with everything you mentioned. I moved from Germany to the USA at age 25, now 24 years later I am back in Germany to stay. Is not exciting,mthough, to be aware of the differences? I find it so interesting whenever I hear a German complain about something in politics or whatever, and I am wondering if they are really not aware of how much better that particular thing is than it is elsewhere. ☺ And yes, unless a US Citizen traveled, they know little about the world outside of the US, and it is not their fault.
I would things things aren't particularly bad in the States given how long you were there. Trust me... When I heard I had to pay 42% in Taxes plus a tax for a fucking TV and Internet that I don't even have... I thought about moving back to the States! Lol
As a fellow German, I see our complaining positively: most of us know how good our life here is, but we are also not blind to the things that could be better. Nothing gets better, if everyone just says „this is the best“ without looking at things that are not actually the best, but could be with some changes.
I took my (then) 14 year old son (now 47) to Kansas City for a short holiday - about a week or so. While there I got absolutely no international news. I’m from Canada - their Neighbour and I got nothing!! The world ended at the 49th parallel! Something important was happening in Canada at the time and I almost went crazy.
the USA has a lot of AMAZING natural features, in almost any climate zone you can think of. It's definitely worth a few trips. But I don't want to live there permanently.
I find the small talk that is used in the USA very strange. Personally, I don't like small talk, maybe because I'm German, but I can understand that there are people who like small talk for various reasons. But I can't understand why people's private lives are included in small talk. That contradicts the very term "small talk". Small talk is about trivial things, simply for the sake of talking or to find a conversation starter for a deeper conversation. Our German company was taken over by an American company last year. That's where I notice this small talk thing quite extremely. On our online platforms, there is a lot of small talk on the part of the Americans. Also all the groups where it's about employee of the month or yoga at work... Do they actually work or do they just chat about trivial things, give out monthly awards and do yoga? The German employees don't participate. We ignore it as hard as nails. It doesn't correspond to our (working) culture. Many Americans just sound "fake" to me. This exuberant friendliness, all those phrases you mentioned that aren't meant that way at all. I would feel like I was being made fun of and I find that unfriendly. I like direct language, typically German, to say what I don't like without putting it in a "nice" way.
It would be interesting to see if your company can become one eventually. I read a comment by someone who works in an international company on the US side. She complained about having to do the whole work while the German side has limited work times and is never working…😳 that’s something that should be talked about.
@@winterlinde5395 I am happy about our 40h week and the free Saturdays and Sundays and holidays and the 30 paid vacation days (German law requires at least 25 paid vacation days). When we are sick we have to be paid 100% of our wages for six weeks. After that, the health insurance company continues to pay 70% of our wages for 72 weeks. All German laws, no American employer operating on German soil can change that. We can't be fired simply because of illness. In Germany, the hurdles are very, very high and often the employer loses in court at the latest. Work is not the whole of life. It is important to feel good at work, to stay mentally healthy. If you only work, never have time off, and have to fear losing your job or financial ruin if you get sick, then that is no longer a life, but modern slavery.
Great video. Interestingly I turn for European news agencies (especially German or Scandinavian) for international news coverage. Even for news coverage of USA.
This is why you renew your Wedding pledge, every "I love you", you're the best, my man, my friend, becomes shallow, superfical. In Europe it's not said, but feeled, true friendship one of Gods greatest gifts of all.
I lived in California for 14 years. I remember that tv news was very parochial: first local news, then state news, then US national news. Only if there was time left would there be news about the outside world of 7 billion people.
„Respect each others privacy and space“ that‘s right. And even more important: Do not waste somebody else‘s time! Waste away your own time as much as you like. But if you‘ve got something to say, do so, without mentioning weather, health or fashion beforehand.
I am 19 and moved two years from America to Bosnia. Now I am going back to America and this is exactly how I feel, it feels so good to have others relate to me as well
I live alternatively in two countries too, one in Central Europe, one an island in the Mediterranean Sea. One is comparatively big, one is tiny ! Like you I miss the one I am not in but it gets less and less the older I get and I embrace the difference in culture and climate . If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with !!!
Hello Jay or Stephan ?... I'm French and I have spent 10 years in California from 1987 to 1997 and what you describe here is what I had a hard time to stand and make me fly away back to my roots. I think we are the result of education and culture format. Because I was 40 when I land in the US, it was too late for me to change. I also think, as Bergson described it, we idealize memories. Take care. Patrice.
I am British but feel very European; I therefore deplore our ill-considered withdrawal from the European Union as a near disaster. Having visited most western European countries, it's my belief that the way one is received anywhere depends on how one approaches other people. Courtesy and close attention to what they are saying to you are essential. I visited the USA 50 years ago and found that I enjoyed my visit far more than I had expected to. I admit I found the "you all have nice day" thing a bit trying but generally speaking almost everyone I met was friendly and welcoming, although a number seemed to think it was strange and, indeed, foolhardy for a woman to be roaming the USA on her own! Americans seemed to want the company of others in order to feel secure, possibly because of a more challenging physical and climatic environment than that of Europe. The prevailing ignorance of and misconceptions about events in the wider world, even before the days of Murdoch, Fox News, et al, was noticeable and anything they had heard in the media about GB seemed to have been entirely negative! Although the English, in particular, are seen as slightly standoffish and uncommunicative, I have found that people are remarkably likely to open up on trains, I have been on some journeys where travellers have shared life stories, problems and even tears. I think that either the transient nature of the contact feels safe, or as one fellow traveller said, perhaps it is because I have a"kind face", I don't know!! During these encounters I have always tried to listen but not venture opinions or advice but just act as a sounding board which I think is what people want in these circumstances. People, after all, are the same members of the human race everywhere. I have a vivid recollection of a conversation between two colleagues talking about their grandmothers, one a matriarch of an extended family in South India and one from the working class area of the East End of London. It soon became clear that their views on life, personality and behaviour were almost identical!
In the Netherlands friendly small talk is very common but no exaggerated blown up compliments or politeness to people you don’t know which in fact are just meant to reveal who you truly are.
Small talk. Probably the only thing besides relatives that I miss about North America. I’ve been living in Asia for well over 20 years now and it’s hard to not attempt small talk here or during frequent trips to Europe. I often have to bite my tongue to stop myself otherwise my wife or son will be rolling their eyes about Dad the “typical over talkative American”. And yes. I agree on all counts
I'm Scottish and we do tend to small talk, not really personal stuff like Americans do but we would chat at bus stops and a 'hello' while out walking, asking/answering directions and such. The American way is perhaps a bit overpowering for Europeans.
In Europe now. Consider myself a refugee from craziness for ten years. May have to go back, but having a lot of dread. America lost Its moral high ground it's a fractured country, but has pockets of nice, good people. Will be seeking educated free spirits there too. Agree with your comparison regarding small-talk. Great analysis, love your channel.
In 1988 I flew to France for a wedding, upon my first view of the city I fell and love and said I could live, grow old and die here it is so beautiful, like a wedding cake... I only flew in for 3 months, maybe 6, and if thing went well a year...that was 35 years ago and I don't look back!!! What glimpses I got of the US through the internet I am repulsed by so much...I stopped watching tv in 1980... Bag it up and move to Europe, the new land of freedom of mind, artistic expression and true beauty of life and living.
Usually when the cooperate media talks about another country it's always something negative. “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind" - Jim Morrison
I know from people who told me that this difference in approaching friends and strangers between European and US culture exists. I was not aware of it being that stark. Ok, there may be reasons why you personally perceive this in a stronger way than the average person, but still, as crass as you depict it, ... wow! The news thing - thanks for saying that. This is something I kind of knew but wasn't sure about. I am a German who has not been to the USA (yet?) despite having an interest in the place. What you say will certainly help me in dealing with any Americans I meet along my path.
1:10 and judging from the video footage, what you miss most about Germany must be the Renaissance arhitecture of Florence 😅 Hey man it's a beautiful city, and it's rather near Germany if you apply an American sense of scale ^^
As a German living in Canada I can wholeheartedly agree, I feel lucky that the region of Canada I live in is kind of in the middle. Whenever I hop over the border I feel so weird when I go to a restaurant and the server calls me sweatheart or worse, to hear this from a non direct family member almost causes physical pain to a German and make me want to run :D I also couldnt agree more on the news part..actually the only news I look at living here in North America is several different European news outlets (as they also differ in views a bit) and I still get everything important that happens here, but North America feels like an Island that barely looks beyond itself, well except for the perceived evil..
In the Netherlands we would sometimes engage in small talk, while waiting for the bus for instance. But we would make remarks about the weather (you will not believe how much can be said about the weather) or about the long wait or so. It's considered strange to share personal information to strangers for anyone older than 8 years.
I used to agree with what you said about news in Europe, I’m Belgian. However, over the past few years my perception of the news has totally changed. I’ve heard too many blatant lies by journalists that I used to respect. I no longer watch the news, it makes me feel nauseous. I also avoid talking about the news with friends, they echo the propaganda and get very angry when you have a different opinion. Debates are dead. It’s sad, and scary.
Thanks for your thoughts, they where very interesting. Why couldn't we have both, I asked myself. The friendliness and kindness, smiling to eachother on the street of the US. But also have deeper relationships and good conversations as we have here in Europe. Somethimes here in Switzerland it looks like everybody is depressed, not making eyecontact and just passing eachother without a "hi, how are you doing" staring down at the floor or even worse, the mobile phone. These small gestures can make you feel better, being accepted and recognized as a human beeing. And if you give a smile, it costs nothing, the other person smiles back and both feel better. I think I find both options important. In this case we can both learn from eachother. Have a great day!
The problem I see with small talk as you described it is, how do you know that what the other person is saying is true? They can tell you everything from job status, wealth or any other topic. I have doubts!
Thx for the video. According to your observation, that germans don’t speak to strangers, I have to ask my mother again, if my father really was German too 😉 love talking with people I don’t know but other than in the us, I only say what I think. So my advice to everyone, no matter what nationality would be to be open and just honest, makes life so much better. What do you think the perfect combination should be? Greets from the southwest of Germany 👋🏻
Chattiness and smalltalkiness varies significantly across Europe. Irish and Italians will chat your ear off, while Germans and Polish will end conversations with one word. Once I spoke to a German who was visiting Dublin and she said, "the Irish keep apologising all the time", referring to our tendency to say "sorry" or "excuse" me when bumping into eachother on busy streets. As an Irish, I love Americans' chattiness when I meet them in other countries, though I dislike it when I'm in America because it feels insincere and performative. 🇮🇪🇺🇲🤩
Good video, just have a different perspective on the US, having been away for many years. What’s praying on the mind are the hugely unfortunate changes that have taken place in ‘Murika over those couple of decades and now piling up big time. They didn’t drive me away back when, but now they sure discourage me from ever returning. I visited a Police State Empire many years back (the Soviet Union); scary place, couldn’t wait to get out. Keep remembering that now as I view and read about the current, higher tech version in North America.
I'm not sure why your page popped up as a suggestion, but here you are. Of course I clicked on it as an American living in Austria. I have family back in the states, but I still have no real desire to go back. I don't understand why anyone would want to live that existence. I enjoyed your thoughtful introspection and would say that I see so much shallowness there. I know not all are that way, but the laws and politics there are quite upsetting and I cannot agree with you more about what you said about the difference in the news in relation to how it is here in Europe. You have either the left or the right in politics and they will defend their side no matter what the reality. No. I don't want to go back, even for a visit.
Thank you that was interesting and helpful. I live in Berlin. I live by a University and in the last years there have been more and more young American students living in my neighborhood. I found them irritating until you explained this superficial "small talk".
I'm living in western Europe, and this kind of complaining about and running down of the U.S. is really old. I've been hearing it since the mid '90s and it tends to come from malcontents looking for an exterior source of all their grievances. Every country has its good points and weak points. Cosmopolitan lifestyle is not a road to peace and contentment.
Here they introduced this US "thing" in our supermakeds: The cassiers HAD to great the customers! And they forced the poor souls to wish us a "nice day" 😱 I didn't mind the slightest 😇- as long as they keep it at that - but some grumpy old folks seriously moaned about it It's grown on us - it's kind of nice 😂 Peace and love from Denmark .
That reminds me of the time when Woolworth started in Germany, they had to change their policy of someone standing at the entrance and greeting people super-friendly because Germans were weirded out by it and rather avoided that place :D
I moved to America 10 years ago...and yes America does have it's problems...but I love it here and will never move back to my home country in Europe..I also loved what America did to my country after WW2 and during the Cold War era...most Europeans forget this history and how the Americans made us free as of today...very sad.
There used to be an English edition of some of the news published by the North Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) with a .jp domain, and while reading the articles was hilarious, they were also eye-opening and downright sad with respect to their content - or rather, lack thereof. There was even a Spanish translation of some of the articles, which made me wonder just how involved the DPRK is (was?) in Latin American countries. Anyway, your info on news coverage in the USA reminded me of that... Thanks for your video! I find it a wonderful reminder of just how appreciative one should be for all the good things that happen to one or one has at any given point in time.
I live in Europe and I really enjoy our way of life. When I say "our" I mean first of all my cultural environment in my country and then also other countries in Europe. Whenever I travel as a tourist, I am happy to return to Europe and home. I have seen many beautiful places where I might even be able to live, but I know that I would miss the habits and behavior of the local people over time. I am lucky enough to speak five European languages and understand three others. This gives me a much better understanding of the culture and identity of other European nations. And yes, when I'm in Italy I also speak with my hands just like the Italians. And as far as the news is concerned, the situation by individual countries could be discussed. Since I can follow the news, as well as other sources, in the languages I know, I can compare them and create my own picture of what is happening.
the thing is in Europe you won't need small talk. I moved a year ago into a hood and did not talk to any neighbor except for a 'hello' or for a wink. That is the resumé of my social interaction. In America people need and want to interact cuz they are constantly in search for opportunities that can bring money. Americans are much more honest in their feelings too. Their speech to strangers gets very fast familiar : love you bro. The only difference I see is that Americans search for confirmation. Observe the internet comments where one person starts to give a comment and about 100 Americans confirm that comment without adding new elements to the conversation. That is stricking. Americans like Europe for its history and not for its people. JUST LIKE YOU LIKE LAKE CUOMO;
I feel small-talk is pretty common in the UK, except for the larger cities, but I did notice it go up a couple of notches when I visited Tennessee - far preferable to Latvia for example, where some people will make a dash for it if you wish them good morning - they don't mind gently pushing you aside though, if you are in their way in the supermarket (which I found shockingly invasive of my personal space!). I've noticed Danish ppl can find 'stranger small-talk' extremely uncomfortable and bewildering...
Years ago, at a festival in Germany, I met this couple from Los Angeles. I hung out with them a lot over te weekend, they moved their tent into my friends camp. I was planning a trip to the USA. I was gonna drive and see the country for 2 months, and then also visit my friend who had moved to California. So they gave me their number and told me I could stay at their place in Los Angeles for a few days if I wanted.
So when I was in Las Vegas, I decided to call them and take them up on their offer, before driving up to San Francisco. I was excited to hang out with them! I called the woman on Thursday to tell her I was gonna be in LA on the weekend. She was soo excited to hear from me. She told me she had to check with her boyfriend but she thought I could stay for the weekend. I told her if not, that's fine too I'll just get a hotel and we can have a drink or something. I didn't want to impose, just wanted to hang out. She said she'd call me back in the evening.
She didn't call me back and she didn't pick up anymore either. Don't call me sweety, don't tell me you're excited to see me again, if you're not. Did they like any of the people from my friends group? Or did they just not like me? Did they just move their tent to our camp so they'd get to drink our beer and join our bbq dinners? Why can't Americans be truthful ever?
I drove on to San Francisco and hung out with my blunt, honest Dutch friend who told me beforehand that I couldn't stay at her place and if I was okay getting a hotel. I was okay with that and we had a blast making fun of all the lying Americans we'd met.
It could have happened for many reasons. Maybe they were more 'special' to you because they were foreigners and you had this trip planned and so you remembered them well, wheras maybe you were just one of many to them on their trip (sorry!). Also Americans usually check multiple times if the plan to see each other is still gonna happen, because saying it one time doesn't mean anything, only if they check back a few times, then it's something they really want to do. Also, I feel like a lot of people from the LA area are very obsessed with status & money, and only meet up with people who they are interested in based on that. And lastly they often don't say no, instead they don't call back, it's more normal among Americans, I think it comes from this pressure to always be positive and polite, and avoiding confrontation.
@@britta030 so your last sentence is really the essence. They could've just told me when I called that they didn't count on me actually calling them and weren't interested in seeing me. Why lie like that? Why say omg "sweety I'm so excited to see you"
THAT is what offends me. I would not have been as offended if they had just given me a fake number instead, or told me that they weren't interested to hang out after all. It is the weird obsession with positivity that makes Americans fake.
@@atropatene3596 ah yeah, I understand. I think they want to portray a positive person at all costs, because that's what is expected and not being that person means they have some kind of caracter flaw. Sometimes the people who can't stand you, will be the nicest to you, so that nobody finds out their true feelings, because it would mean that they are negative person. Of course it's too much pressure, and then their true feelings come out. It has also happened to me when I was working in the US, that an American coworker volunteered to drive me home on my last day, asked me for my email address & told me that it was so amazing to meet me, that we absolutely need to stay in contact, only to find out from another coworker that he told her that same day, that he cannot stand me! Lol.
@@britta030 It's not polite to not answer the phone: it's coward and rude!
Wow, As a US American, this is something I’ve really struggled with the last few years. I’ve been pulling my hair out trying to figure out why I can’t seem to find honest friendships. Everything is so shallow, fake positive and very little interests in real nuance discussions. They definitely look down on you if you’re not always positive or happy. Everyone is so afraid to say how they actually feel and will absolutely smile in your face, treat you like their favorite person just to ditch you the first chance they get. I thought I was the problem. And maybe I am. But I rather try a new country first and we’ll see. I can’t stand American culture and this confirms it. I can’t wait to leave. I’m very sorry you were treated so poorly. It’s so unnecessary.
I agree with everything in the video. I am a German living in the USA. I miss exactly the things you mentioned in the video. When I moved to the States I found it strange how much personal information people shared right away with a stranger. I remember feeling uncomfortable since I did not think it was my place to be privy to all these personal details. I got my feelings hurt when people threw words around like "you are my best friend" etc without really meaning it. I found it quite confusing in the beginning.
Exactly, Americans always confuse me, there's this overly friendly behavior and then they just throw in these flippant, stinging comments as if to make sure you understand it's all fake and they actually don't see you as a friend, so weird.
@@c.w.8200 What kind of flippant comments? I'm not American, but in a relationship with one and moving there soon.
@schtreg9140 Good luck to you, you are going to need it...😂
@@c.w.8200 Hypocritical 😡
Meanwhile I'm from Spain and I find it curious that people in the USA tell you a lot of stuff without giving any real information. Mind you: one of my brothers has only left Spain for three vacation trips and he's the king of "uninformative friendliness". Like with the Americans, you can know him for years without knowing how many children he has.
I live in germany and when I first met my american friend. At first we talked so much but it took a long time to actually feel close to him. 'Small talk' felt very much like 'trying to be polite' but never actually wanting to be close. It felt just repetitive he kept saying "let us meet", "I call you", "we should do something together" but never actually doing it and he is suprised when I initiate it first. After a while he learned more about germany and went to the US to visit family the first thing he told me was his reverse culture shock how the US talks so much with so little context and it was just so hilarious
I lived in Belgium for 2 years about 6 years ago and I agree with you. I felt the same. I missed the American small talk but when I came back home I realized, it felt kinda pointless.
Why don't you return?! Although Belgians aren't known for small talk, that country is known for semi affordable housing, good social services.
The heart of Europe (quick access to Brussels, Antwerp, Ghent) and the great divide French part vs Flemish part.
I would say; Go back before it's too late.
@@ABC-ABC1234 you forgot the top 3 highest tax burden ;)
@@lennert1nevejans Could be true, but what do we get for in return. That's the question nobody asks in return. When you get your tax letter annually and you see the income tax re-distribution you'd notice a HUGE chunk of it going to social programs and welfare programs that are vital to Belgium and make it such a successful model.
@@lennert1nevejansbut you get something else back for it that makes certain things very affortable.
@@lennert1nevejans Yes, but the return on investment is magical. Life is good in Belgium. Of course there is poverty like everywhere, but overall the quality of life is exceptional (like most Western European countries)
You are right on in all of your comments. I only lived in Germany from 1980-1985 never returning to the USA. I absolutely loved everything about the culture of Germany. You have expressed my feelings exactly about why I was so depressed after leaving Germany. I too like the respect for personal and mental space that I find in Germany. Regarding the news. I don’t even follow US news outlets. I choose the Europe and Asian outlets. Thanks for your channel and insightful comments.
If you are a highly skilled professional you're always welcome in the Netherlands. We don't care about religion, race or social background as long as you don't stick your head above the cornfield by trying to change other people's believes or life goals. Everyone is equal here and no one is better than the other. We maintain a horizontal power structure.
Yeah...Germany is a great place to live....but don't forget why it is and what country has been protecting it ever since WW2 & the Cold War ended...You can critize but please don't forget your History.
I'm an introvert (from Austria), so small talk stresses me out. But there's one situation where I find it okay: when I meet fellow dog owners on walks. Because the subject of conversation seems obvious, we just chat a bit about our dogs and the focus is more on them. Other than that, small talk is a waste of time for me. XD
Btw, I really love your voice! It's so beautiful and soothing.
It‘s funny you mention this. I noticed the same thing: Dog owners in Germany and Austria talk to complete strangers with dogs as well the way Americans talk to strangers all the time.
So true. Yes, dog owners always engage in small talk here in Germany, often even when meeting passers-by who do not have a dog with them. 😂
Yes, I am a dog owner in Wien and we chat, some more than others. It all depends on which dogs get along. My dog has several besties sheMUST greet when she sees them, then us owners chat as we walk them along. We have much in common about life, so is a very nice walk.
Da muss ich lachen, denn in Tschechien herrscht die gleiche Situation - Smalltalks sind nur unter uns Hundeherrnchen ziemlich normal. Sonst nicht. Darunter leidet dann leider auch das Flirten bei uns. ^^ Das betrifft also wahrscheinlich nicht nur Euch in den deutschsprachigen Ländern. ;-)
Und bei den skandinavischen Völkern dürfte es wohl das selbe Lied sein. Nur die sprechen eher über ihre Rentiere. :-D
German here. First of all, great video, I really like your narration/expression. :)
I heard beforehand that US culture is much more shallow and "friendly faces" than ours, but hearing it from an American who knows European (and German) culture hits home differently. I was astonished at the amount of grandiose, meaningless phrases you throw around.
Also astonishing and frightening was your assesment of US news media.
When I was a kid I looked up to US culture, these days I am thankful and proud to be an European. i hope you guys can fix up your society again, it doesn't look too good these days.
Hi, Jay, from Europe! I have friends that I’m very close to, but we don’t say that we love and cherish each other, we just do. I don’t say I miss you, if it’s a friend living at a distance we pick up the phone and talk. No need to call anyone a bestie either. If they are, they’ll know, because it’s reflected in our relationship.
Being from Africa, but schooled in UK, the beginnings of my decade living in the US brought on great cultural shocks, both to me (a recent widower), and my two, then pre-teen kids. Everyone seemed so superficial. Smiles were just skin deep. Exaggerated greetings seemed simply rote. After we left, very few of our US "friends" kept in touch. This is so different from our varied experiences as each of us spent our lives thereafter in 🇨🇦 (son), 🇦🇺 (daughter), 🇬🇧 (adopted son), or back home in 🇰🇪 (me).
I am English, and I met up with a friend from Iran in New York in 2002. I remember how shocked we were to find on every street in Lower Manhattan, people selling souvenir models of the twin towers. This would never happen in Europe, and my friend said the same about her country. On the other hand, I did like the politeness of most people. Even in New York! As the old joke goes... Americans say 'have a nice day' ut they don't mean it. Europeans are much ruder, but at least they mean it.
Ehm, it ain't rude to not waste another's time on bs. There's no need to sugarcoat everything.
i couldn't belieeeeeeve the rudeness of new yorkers, you'd walk in to a restaurant and the staff seemed to yell ''whaddayou want''. Um........... a table?! Totally different experience in Boston. They were so lovely, in a way that is recognisable as ''good service'' to us.
This was beautifully put. I was in US for 3 months as a kid, and it was always hard to explain why I felt alienated and foreign there. At first, everyone was nice, smiley, polite, but then I felt the dissonance between that behavior and a real relationship. When someone from US comes, they feel, their attitude is genuine, by a lack of real comparison, so when Europeans, like me, say that we feel that the American culture feels superficial and fake, they defend it. They have every right to it. However, I, as a person who experienced how it is to live in US even for a very short while, I know that the general feeling is not just a superficial judgment. There is a deep cultural difference and I just know from experience, that I prefer the relationships in Europe as more fulfilling, deep and trustful.
I think that there is another fact that created the cultural difference. In Europe, we are living close to people, so we need a personal space. In US, the distances are so big, that there is a need to create a connection, even superficial one, just to fulfill the human need of being connected..
• Europeans are so use to everybody being rude all the time that can’t comprehend that their are actually nice people out there.
Your theory holds up.
I so get the issue with the news in the US. It’s not a new thing, either, it was already like that on my very first trip to the US in 1976. We got news about someone being murdered in the town, but absolutely *_nothing_* about what was happening elsewhere in the world. By the time our trip was up, we were absolutely starved for real news from the rest of the world.
Ditto!
Completely agreed. When I was in L.A. in 1984 during the Olympics in L.A. every news channel ONLY brought news when the USA won a gold medal. Not even US silver medals were usually noteworthy, let alone all those other countries out there. Once the USA gained a silver medal in some sport or another where they usually don't shine at all, so that one was noteworthy. What did the news do? They showed the award ceremony of bronze, but talked over it for all of the national anthem of that country. Then came the USA, in all its glory, including the anthem. But when it came to the gold medalist only the first few notes of their anthem was played, then cut off.
That is incredible ignorance and arrogance.
@@RustyDust101 Oh wow, that is really rude. Every winner, be it gold, silver or bronze, and no matter the country should be treated with the same dignity and respect. I thought they would at the very least have done that. They truly live in their own bubble at times.
BTW: I was in L.A. just a year later than you, in 1985.
I know, when I visited the USA about 20 years ago, I was always trying to catch the BBC world news, that were on for about half an hour in the evening.
I don't know if this is a saying in the US but in Sweden we say "You never miss the cow until the stall is empty". I think this video is a great example of this saying in real life.
There was a new student in my son’s elementary school from the US. They had a lot in common. Played, talked, but he always wanted confirmation of the friendship. Now I know why.
Moin Linde. Erstseitig, seit 2018, RUclips verfolge habe ich begriffen, wie unterschiedlich USK und Germany doch wirklich in gesellschaftlichen Dingen sind. Einige meiner Kameraden aus der Marine Zeit haben damals Amerikanerinnen kennen gelernt und dorthin geheiratet. Ich kann mir dies nicht vorstellen. Liebe Grüße ich komme noch mal auf deinen anderen Kommentar zurück von vorgestern? LOL
@@tasminoben686 that pushed the narrative forward.
I've lived in the UK for almost 17 years, and when I go back to the States I almost never watch television, though when I lived there it was a near constant. The number of commercials, the commercials themselves, the lack of quality in programming, and as you said, the news. It's unbearable.
That conversation while you were hiking is incredible! I'm English living in France - unthinkable! 😁
Why is this video so calming? I don't think I've been to any other country where people talk so much to complete strangers as in the USA. It's both nice and like you said, sometimes annoying 😅.
Why is this video so calming? I think it's due to the way it is spoken and the thoughts are presented.
The music, the voice, the cinematography
You are my bestie, you are my sister, I love you to pieces, I missed you so much, think about you every day..... 🤮 then they turn around and forgot your name!
@@jacobs9474 😂😂
thats a new kind of culture shock video for once. more reflected, deeper and calmer.
Well done ! Thanks for it !
I am European who lived in South Africa and now lives in the UK. I found that South Africans are warm and friendly and engaging. In the UK I find people are polite but don't care about you as a rule. In central Europe I do find people are very direct and keep to themselves.
I feel the same every time I leave Sardinia. The friendly people, the food, the summer heat. Hi from Sweden.
I am British and have visited the US on a few occasions. Everything you said I agree with. The news programmes in the US are not news programmes. They’re so focused on their own state and don’t mention what’s happening in the world. The other thing I missed when in the US was vegetables and proper food. The average American thinks that the uK has no cuisine. In reality British food, and European food, is sooo much better.
It is true, news programs focus on local news which is the news that most directly affects the viewers. It is hard for many to worry about the war in country XYZ when you can not afford to put your kids through school or get food on the table. Yes, all the topics are intertwined...well-informed citizens elect politicians who, in turn, change policies. Very complex. Yet still, I see why some people want local and not international. As for food, I totally disagree with you. Go to a famers market, go to a supermarket and choose the vegetables. It is a choice. Yes, many perhaps choose wrong but you do not have to eat fast food. You can choose to make a salad and the ingredients ARE there.
Andrew Kash unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to visit rural areas and stayed in hotels on business. Never ate in Macdonalds, my experience was largely hotel restaurants.
@Christine LeBlond The organic and local vegetable and fruits was a scream to that problem but the majority is not wary.
Brits do the same old phony, pretentious small talk. As far as food goes, USA has everything. You didn't do enough to find it and your experience was hotel restaurants. smh...
I agree about News channels in the USA. I'm from Europe.
Texas BBQ is a million times better than fish and chips.
I'm a native German living outside Germany for many many years. I miss what you describe very much. For many years, I enjoyed learning new codes of behaviour but now I long for the German way of life more than I would have expected when I left Europe 35 years ago. I'm feeling quite wistful now...
@@j.f.7509 Lol -- I am German -- and you are right about Canadian Winters -- i will never forget my first one in Regina SK ------
As @SaraSwanson (below) said, this is a calming video, you don't push yourself onto others, you draw the viewer in with your voice and sincerity, we don't have to watch or listen, but you are interesting and just very easy to listen to, some people have this gift and you are one of them, I enjoy what you post and look forward to seeing and hearing what you have to say :)
am Polish living permanently in Great Britain. Initially when I moved here I was very pleasantly charmed by people's interest in asking how I am doing, how are my family and children. However, over time, I've noticed that they really don't care at all. The same person can periodically ask if I have children, even though we've talked about it a few times before. At first I thought that someone had forgotten, but now I know that these are empty questions that are asked out of habit. People are simply taught to ask common questions in various situations even when they are not interested. Sometimes I have the impression that silence is uncomfortable for them and talking about anything gives them a kind of relief. The cultural difference between Poland and the UK is huge. In Poland, asking a random person a personal question would look suspicious. Even smiling at strangers for no reason is weird. By nature, we stick close to friends and keep a distance from strangers. We're also more formal with strangers, and then we don't use you, but Mr. or Ms.
I'm Irish and in Ireland and I had a polish colleague reprimand me once with a list of the faults of Irish people!! I was a bit taken aback! I could see that she was correct in a lot of her observations but we find the Polish directness a bit toooooo direct. We soften things a bit. That irritated her.
@@SusanaXpeace2u For this reason, I usually preferred to have English management. They are very restrained in expressing opinions towards employees and try to be polite. In Poland, you could hear directly that you fucked up the job, that you are not suitable for the job, or that you should start looking for another job because you won't stay at this one for long. Poles can be brutally honest. However, honesty can be useful in many circumstances because most of the time you know who is your ally and who is your enemy. Also, you don't waste time talking to people to whom you mean nothing. If you don't like some people, you can ignore them and you don't have to pretend anything. The other thing is that being controversial and expressing conflicting opinions is part of having dialogues. For some reason, people like to express their views, even if they conflict with the views of others. Sometimes it is a weakness and sometimes a strength of the Polish nation.
@@thestuff1014 There is a fine line between being honest and rude. I personally like direct people but hate being judged without you properly knowing me.
Love your video! Your thoughts and outlook on life are appreciated. You have a calming presence as you share your point of view. And you look relaxed and rested! Saludos to you and Stephan. 💕
I lived in London for a little less than 5 years. I very much miss the way of life. This video really resonated with me. your examples and observations. Thank you for sharing.
Even as Italian I totally get the small talk thing. Although stereotypes dictate that we are warmer and more open than germans, I would never tell my life story to total strangers I just met, nor I expect them to do it. It would be pretty weird it would raise all sorts of red flags.
On the use of the "big" words, It made me think about the word "love", which could mean anything between appreciation to somebody doing something cool and something you say to your soulmate. I think it's a pretty good example of what you are saying.
The last point is particularly interesting, since lately I've been thinking more and more on how incredibly manipulated american people are. It's honestly baffling and worrisome. I don't want to start a flame war here, and I'm not saying that this doesn't happen in other places. But it feels a whole different scale, and most of all, it's unbelievably blatant.
All in all, very interesting video.
I am German and I thought basically the same.
Greetings to Italy :)
Italian here and yes, I agree. Small talk? Rare and if happens it's really small and about supergeneric things like weather, politicians all the same... bla bla bla. Other than that, if someone start with the story of his life in my mind one thought only appear (and in italian): "ma chi cazzo ti conosce?!" 😀
Both cultures have their pros and cons. The US is a lot more open, I feel welcome. The US tv channel I watch most is PBS. They are unbiased and provide profound political and scientific information. Having lived abroad for almost 20 years, I often find my native German culture too deep and serious. Everything needs to be analyzed down to the T. I am lucky to know only very well educated Americans with ties to Europe and diverse backgrounds, who happen to be in the same "bubble" politically as I am. Juggling to take the best from both sides of the pond and leave the rest.
Hey jay Stephan, I just watched this amazing movie from Michael Moore called Where To Invade Next it is awesome it is Michael travelling to these great European countries and exposing the pitfalls of the USA. Highly recommend anyone who is interested in what the USA really is.
In Ireland, small talk is customary. The difference is that an Irish person will indulge in small talk without really giving away any information. Oversharing of personal information is frowned upon.
I like the politeness and friendliness of Americans.
Americans are more polite especially friendlier than Canadians. At least Albertans are more friendly than Ontarians.
I love how ridiculous your commuting times are that a 5h drive is considered short. While most other Europeans i know or well atleast here in the Netherlands everything above 1/2h drive is considered long
You have such a calm and warm soft voice - wonderful! I was took by surprise when I started this video :) I'm from Germany aswell ^^
The culture is different. That's the long and short of it. Aren't we all supposed to be accepting of differences? There are places in the world a firm handshake is an assertion of dominance and considered rude. Other places it's a sign of honesty and trust. None of them are better or worse, just different. I miss the genuine pleasure on people's faces when meeting new people in Turkey and Egypt. I do not miss getting bussed on the cheeks by men with 3 days worth of spiky beard. It's the way things are. Deal with it. It's our differences that keep the world interesting and alive. What a bore if every place on the planet was "ideal" and the same. Sure, many things I miss from places I've been, but I have no regrets. I saw it, I experienced it, my life is richer for having seen so much. It's a richness and experience I've been able to pass on to my children and I like to believe they are better people for having gained some of this knowledge from me.
You've given me a Heureka moment:
People in the US small talk to show "they come in peace"!
I left the US three years ago for Malta, and I will never go back. What you say about the news is very true. I actually watch German news here. In the US, I got most information from the foreign press.
Everything that you have been saying is true and I feel the same way.I am German and living in Phoenix for 6 and 6 month in Berlin.Can’t wait to go home in June! Take care both of you ❤
Wow, a very good observation of the smalltalk in the US versus Germany and probably northern Europe. Our ‘hallo’ (Netherlands) has the same function as your smalltalk. It’s to establish you’re both friendly people. We’ve just dished all the personal stuff, because we (the Dutch and Germans as well) are very practical and like to go on with our own business asap.
Thanks for the insight.
I agree 100% with everything you mentioned. I moved from Germany to the USA at age 25, now 24 years later I am back in Germany to stay.
Is not exciting,mthough, to be aware of the differences? I find it so interesting whenever I hear a German complain about something in politics or whatever, and I am wondering if they are really not aware of how much better that particular thing is than it is elsewhere. ☺
And yes, unless a US Citizen traveled, they know little about the world outside of the US, and it is not their fault.
I would things things aren't particularly bad in the States given how long you were there. Trust me... When I heard I had to pay 42% in Taxes plus a tax for a fucking TV and Internet that I don't even have... I thought about moving back to the States! Lol
As a fellow German, I see our complaining positively: most of us know how good our life here is, but we are also not blind to the things that could be better. Nothing gets better, if everyone just says „this is the best“ without looking at things that are not actually the best, but could be with some changes.
not gonna lie, if someone came up to me with that "small talk" i'd turn up my headphones. but I'm parisian :D
i live in wales, i went to USA once, and never again. I missed home so bad after 2 weeks there. And i got a plane straight home
I took my (then) 14 year old son (now 47) to Kansas City for a short holiday - about a week or so. While there I got absolutely no international news. I’m from Canada - their Neighbour and I got nothing!! The world ended at the 49th parallel! Something important was happening in Canada at the time and I almost went crazy.
You miss Europe and the EU, how do you think the majority of the uk feel 😢
Videos like that make me think about how there is nothing in the US for me. I can't think of a single person I know that wants to go there.
the USA has a lot of AMAZING natural features, in almost any climate zone you can think of. It's definitely worth a few trips. But I don't want to live there permanently.
I find the small talk that is used in the USA very strange. Personally, I don't like small talk, maybe because I'm German, but I can understand that there are people who like small talk for various reasons. But I can't understand why people's private lives are included in small talk. That contradicts the very term "small talk". Small talk is about trivial things, simply for the sake of talking or to find a conversation starter for a deeper conversation.
Our German company was taken over by an American company last year. That's where I notice this small talk thing quite extremely. On our online platforms, there is a lot of small talk on the part of the Americans. Also all the groups where it's about employee of the month or yoga at work... Do they actually work or do they just chat about trivial things, give out monthly awards and do yoga? The German employees don't participate. We ignore it as hard as nails. It doesn't correspond to our (working) culture.
Many Americans just sound "fake" to me. This exuberant friendliness, all those phrases you mentioned that aren't meant that way at all. I would feel like I was being made fun of and I find that unfriendly. I like direct language, typically German, to say what I don't like without putting it in a "nice" way.
It would be interesting to see if your company can become one eventually. I read a comment by someone who works in an international company on the US side. She complained about having to do the whole work while the German side has limited work times and is never working…😳 that’s something that should be talked about.
Maxbe that's why we get our work done in far less time, so having vaccation days is not an issue!
@@winterlinde5395 I am happy about our 40h week and the free Saturdays and Sundays and holidays and the 30 paid vacation days (German law requires at least 25 paid vacation days). When we are sick we have to be paid 100% of our wages for six weeks. After that, the health insurance company continues to pay 70% of our wages for 72 weeks. All German laws, no American employer operating on German soil can change that. We can't be fired simply because of illness. In Germany, the hurdles are very, very high and often the employer loses in court at the latest.
Work is not the whole of life. It is important to feel good at work, to stay mentally healthy. If you only work, never have time off, and have to fear losing your job or financial ruin if you get sick, then that is no longer a life, but modern slavery.
Great video. Interestingly I turn for European news agencies (especially German or Scandinavian) for international news coverage. Even for news coverage of USA.
Here in the Netherlands its a mix between the US and Germany. But we are direct people so the smalltalk is not fake...
I think the black belt in friendship conversation is: being able to be silent together.....
This is why you renew your Wedding pledge, every "I love you", you're the best, my man, my friend, becomes shallow, superfical. In Europe it's not said, but feeled, true friendship one of Gods greatest gifts of all.
4:56 yes! Exactly! This why I’m kind of depressed in the US, yet everyone expects be to be happy (both locals and people from my home country).
This is really interesting. I like hearing comparisons from people who have actually lived in more than one place
Hi Jay, just stumbled into this video. What a serene testimony. Thank you for sharing.
I lived in California for 14 years.
I remember that tv news was very parochial: first local news, then state news, then US national news. Only if there was time left would there be news about the outside world of 7 billion people.
„Respect each others privacy and space“ that‘s right.
And even more important: Do not waste somebody else‘s time!
Waste away your own time as much as you like.
But if you‘ve got something to say, do so,
without mentioning weather, health or fashion beforehand.
I am 19 and moved two years from America to Bosnia. Now I am going back to America and this is exactly how I feel, it feels so good to have others relate to me as well
Excellent insight! Please make a part 2 if you have more examples/stories about these types of differences.
I live alternatively in two countries too, one in Central Europe, one an island in the Mediterranean Sea. One is comparatively big, one is tiny !
Like you I miss the one I am not in but it gets less and less the older I get and I embrace the difference in culture and climate . If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with !!!
Superficiality is taken to another level in USA. In Europe people are more standoffish, but when you create a bond it’s the real thing.
Hello Jay or Stephan ?... I'm French and I have spent 10 years in California from 1987 to 1997 and what you describe here is what I had a hard time to stand and make me fly away back to my roots. I think we are the result of education and culture format. Because I was 40 when I land in the US, it was too late for me to change. I also think, as Bergson described it, we idealize memories. Take care. Patrice.
Sylvie Vartan felt very much the same way in the 1970s. France est tant mieux, non? ruclips.net/video/TmJ9TLBiTjw/видео.html
I am British but feel very European; I therefore deplore our ill-considered withdrawal from the European Union as a near disaster. Having visited most western European countries, it's my belief that the way one is received anywhere depends on how one approaches other people. Courtesy and close attention to what they are saying to you are essential. I visited the USA 50 years ago and found that I enjoyed my visit far more than I had expected to. I admit I found the "you all have nice day" thing a bit trying but generally speaking almost everyone I met was friendly and welcoming, although a number seemed to think it was strange and, indeed, foolhardy for a woman to be roaming the USA on her own! Americans seemed to want the company of others in order to feel secure, possibly because of a more challenging physical and climatic environment than that of Europe. The prevailing ignorance of and misconceptions about events in the wider world, even before the days of Murdoch, Fox News, et al, was noticeable and anything they had heard in the media about GB seemed to have been entirely negative! Although the English, in particular, are seen as slightly standoffish and uncommunicative, I have found that people are remarkably likely to open up on trains, I have been on some journeys where travellers have shared life stories, problems and even tears. I think that either the transient nature of the contact feels safe, or as one fellow traveller said, perhaps it is because I have a"kind face", I don't know!! During these encounters I have always tried to listen but not venture opinions or advice but just act as a sounding board which I think is what people want in these circumstances. People, after all, are the same members of the human race everywhere. I have a vivid recollection of a conversation between two colleagues talking about their grandmothers, one a matriarch of an extended family in South India and one from the working class area of the East End of London. It soon became clear that their views on life, personality and behaviour were almost identical!
In the Netherlands friendly small talk is very common but no exaggerated blown up compliments or politeness to people you don’t know which in fact are just meant to reveal who you truly are.
Small talk. Probably the only thing besides relatives that I miss about North America. I’ve been living in Asia for well over 20 years now and it’s hard to not attempt small talk here or during frequent trips to Europe. I often have to bite my tongue to stop myself otherwise my wife or son will be rolling their eyes about Dad the “typical over talkative American”. And yes. I agree on all counts
I'm Scottish and we do tend to small talk, not really personal stuff like Americans do but we would chat at bus stops and a 'hello' while out walking, asking/answering directions and such. The American way is perhaps a bit overpowering for Europeans.
In Europe now. Consider myself a refugee from craziness for ten years. May have to go back, but having a lot of dread. America lost
Its moral high ground it's a fractured country, but has pockets of nice, good people. Will be seeking educated free spirits there too.
Agree with your comparison regarding small-talk. Great analysis, love your channel.
The craziness hasn't gone away, can confirm.
In 1988 I flew to France for a wedding, upon my first view of the city I fell and love and said I could live, grow old and die here it is so beautiful, like a wedding cake... I only flew in for 3 months, maybe 6, and if thing went well a year...that was 35 years ago and I don't look back!!! What glimpses I got of the US through the internet I am repulsed by so much...I stopped watching tv in 1980... Bag it up and move to Europe, the new land of freedom of mind, artistic expression and true beauty of life and living.
Very well observed and articulated. It reflects my own sentiments.
uhm.. your voice is very soothing, and your insights are interesting.
Usually when the cooperate media talks about another country it's always something negative.
“Whoever controls the media, controls the mind"
- Jim Morrison
I know from people who told me that this difference in approaching friends and strangers between European and US culture exists.
I was not aware of it being that stark. Ok, there may be reasons why you personally perceive this in a stronger way than the average person, but still, as crass as you depict it, ... wow!
The news thing - thanks for saying that. This is something I kind of knew but wasn't sure about.
I am a German who has not been to the USA (yet?) despite having an interest in the place. What you say will certainly help me in dealing with any Americans I meet along my path.
@@jacobs9474 thank you for this respectful comment!
1:10 and judging from the video footage, what you miss most about Germany must be the Renaissance arhitecture of Florence 😅
Hey man it's a beautiful city, and it's rather near Germany if you apply an American sense of scale ^^
yeah lol... only a 5 hour drive..... (and I think that's not even Florence, but rather lake Como or so) For me, a 2 hour drive is an ordeal......
Verona surely!!
I agree with everything you said as well.
As a German living in Canada I can wholeheartedly agree, I feel lucky that the region of Canada I live in is kind of in the middle. Whenever I hop over the border I feel so weird when I go to a restaurant and the server calls me sweatheart or worse, to hear this from a non direct family member almost causes physical pain to a German and make me want to run :D
I also couldnt agree more on the news part..actually the only news I look at living here in North America is several different European news outlets (as they also differ in views a bit) and I still get everything important that happens here, but North America feels like an Island that barely looks beyond itself, well except for the perceived evil..
In the Netherlands we would sometimes engage in small talk, while waiting for the bus for instance. But we would make remarks about the weather (you will not believe how much can be said about the weather) or about the long wait or so. It's considered strange to share personal information to strangers for anyone older than 8 years.
I’m in the same situation. When I’m in Rome, I miss some aspects of D.C., and when I’m in D.C., I miss Italy. It’s a crazy cycle. 😊
I used to agree with what you said about news in Europe, I’m Belgian. However, over the past few years my perception of the news has totally changed. I’ve heard too many blatant lies by journalists that I used to respect. I no longer watch the news, it makes me feel nauseous. I also avoid talking about the news with friends, they echo the propaganda and get very angry when you have a different opinion. Debates are dead. It’s sad, and scary.
Wow this was very interesting thanks for sharing it
We have to search news on subject that we matter. Once a week is good to see a panorama. The internet is a better option.
Thanks for your thoughts, they where very interesting. Why couldn't we have both, I asked myself. The friendliness and kindness, smiling to eachother on the street of the US. But also have deeper relationships and good conversations as we have here in Europe. Somethimes here in Switzerland it looks like everybody is depressed, not making eyecontact and just passing eachother without a "hi, how are you doing" staring down at the floor or even worse, the mobile phone. These small gestures can make you feel better, being accepted and recognized as a human beeing. And if you give a smile, it costs nothing, the other person smiles back and both feel better. I think I find both options important. In this case we can both learn from eachother. Have a great day!
Thanks for that. Up here in Hamburg people are even less gesprächig than in Bavaria!
The problem I see with small talk as you described it is, how do you know that what the other person is saying is true? They can tell you everything from job status, wealth or any other topic. I have doubts!
Thx for the video. According to your observation, that germans don’t speak to strangers, I have to ask my mother again, if my father really was German too 😉 love talking with people I don’t know but other than in the us, I only say what I think. So my advice to everyone, no matter what nationality would be to be open and just honest, makes life so much better. What do you think the perfect combination should be? Greets from the southwest of Germany 👋🏻
Chattiness and smalltalkiness varies significantly across Europe. Irish and Italians will chat your ear off, while Germans and Polish will end conversations with one word. Once I spoke to a German who was visiting Dublin and she said, "the Irish keep apologising all the time", referring to our tendency to say "sorry" or "excuse" me when bumping into eachother on busy streets. As an Irish, I love Americans' chattiness when I meet them in other countries, though I dislike it when I'm in America because it feels insincere and performative. 🇮🇪🇺🇲🤩
I am a European and am grateful for it. every day.
Actual real people are rare to find, and you are one off them
I agree with all of this, even though I "only" live in two different countries in Europe.
Good video, just have a different perspective on the US, having been away for many years. What’s praying on the mind are the hugely unfortunate changes that have taken place in ‘Murika over those couple of decades and now piling up big time. They didn’t drive me away back when, but now they sure discourage me from ever returning. I visited a Police State Empire many years back (the Soviet Union); scary place, couldn’t wait to get out. Keep remembering that now as I view and read about the current, higher tech version in North America.
I'm not sure why your page popped up as a suggestion, but here you are. Of course I clicked on it as an American living in Austria. I have family back in the states, but I still have no real desire to go back. I don't understand why anyone would want to live that existence. I enjoyed your thoughtful introspection and would say that I see so much shallowness there. I know not all are that way, but the laws and politics there are quite upsetting and I cannot agree with you more about what you said about the difference in the news in relation to how it is here in Europe. You have either the left or the right in politics and they will defend their side no matter what the reality.
No. I don't want to go back, even for a visit.
Thank you that was interesting and helpful. I live in Berlin. I live by a University and in the last years there have been more and more young American students living in my neighborhood. I found them irritating until you explained this superficial "small talk".
I'm living in western Europe, and this kind of complaining about and running down of the U.S. is really old. I've been hearing it since the mid '90s and it tends to come from malcontents looking for an exterior source of all their grievances. Every country has its good points and weak points. Cosmopolitan lifestyle is not a road to peace and contentment.
you can read the news from European news channels or maybe ground news so you get to know the big world more.
Here they introduced this US "thing" in our supermakeds: The cassiers HAD to great the customers!
And they forced the poor souls to wish us a "nice day" 😱
I didn't mind the slightest 😇- as long as they keep it at that - but some grumpy old folks seriously moaned about it
It's grown on us - it's kind of nice 😂
Peace and love from Denmark
.
That reminds me of the time when Woolworth started in Germany, they had to change their policy of someone standing at the entrance and greeting people super-friendly because Germans were weirded out by it and rather avoided that place :D
I moved to America 10 years ago...and yes America does have it's problems...but I love it here and will never move back to my home country in Europe..I also loved what America did to my country after WW2 and during the Cold War era...most Europeans forget this history and how the Americans made us free as of today...very sad.
understand, I HAVE LIVED IN SWEDEN FOR MANY YEARS AND FIND THAT I HAVE DIFFICULTY ADAPTING, THE NEWS IS BETTER IN THE UK.
Cool, you say it as it is..
well said.
There used to be an English edition of some of the news published by the North Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) with a .jp domain, and while reading the articles was hilarious, they were also eye-opening and downright sad with respect to their content - or rather, lack thereof. There was even a Spanish translation of some of the articles, which made me wonder just how involved the DPRK is (was?) in Latin American countries. Anyway, your info on news coverage in the USA reminded me of that...
Thanks for your video! I find it a wonderful reminder of just how appreciative one should be for all the good things that happen to one or one has at any given point in time.
I live in Europe and I really enjoy our way of life. When I say "our" I mean first of all my cultural environment in my country and then also other countries in Europe. Whenever I travel as a tourist, I am happy to return to Europe and home. I have seen many beautiful places where I might even be able to live, but I know that I would miss the habits and behavior of the local people over time.
I am lucky enough to speak five European languages and understand three others. This gives me a much better understanding of the culture and identity of other European nations. And yes, when I'm in Italy I also speak with my hands just like the Italians.
And as far as the news is concerned, the situation by individual countries could be discussed. Since I can follow the news, as well as other sources, in the languages I know, I can compare them and create my own picture of what is happening.
At least in germany, news are not paid by advertising.
the thing is in Europe you won't need small talk. I moved a year ago into a hood and did not talk to any neighbor except for a 'hello' or for a wink. That is the resumé of my social interaction. In America people need and want to interact cuz they are constantly in search for opportunities that can bring money. Americans are much more honest in their feelings too. Their speech to strangers gets very fast familiar : love you bro. The only difference I see is that Americans search for confirmation. Observe the internet comments where one person starts to give a comment and about 100 Americans confirm that comment without adding new elements to the conversation. That is stricking. Americans like Europe for its history and not for its people. JUST LIKE YOU LIKE LAKE CUOMO;
I feel small-talk is pretty common in the UK, except for the larger cities, but I did notice it go up a couple of notches when I visited Tennessee - far preferable to Latvia for example, where some people will make a dash for it if you wish them good morning - they don't mind gently pushing you aside though, if you are in their way in the supermarket (which I found shockingly invasive of my personal space!). I've noticed Danish ppl can find 'stranger small-talk' extremely uncomfortable and bewildering...