I have what I think is a unique question about both parties doing no contact, hopefully you can answer. I'm asking for a friend (no, really lol). This ex stuff fascinates me and I've been sharing what I've learned with her. In her situation, the guy who broke up with her seems to still be interested, going on 6 months or so now. They still see each other nearly daily because they are in a class together. He shows many signs he is still into her (staring and looking away when she catches him, sometimes friendly and flirty but he is shy so it's minimal, asks her friends about her constantly).... BUT he has blocked her on almost all social media platforms. Not in response to anything she's done as she has really nailed the no contact thing to the best of her ability (barring the fact that she has to see him every day) and isn't stalking or harassing him online at all. Nothing annoying or crazy that he'd feel he needed to block. I'm starting to wonder if HE is actually implementing some "get your ex back" strategies and his blocking her is an attempt to do no contact on his end. I suggested this to her and she wonders the same. If this is the case... we have a standoff right? At what point does my friend DO anything differently? She is continuing to be polite and positive, but not giving him anything more than she would anyone else. But if neither of them are going to break no contact, hoping the other will make the first move, how does she overcome this stalemate?
An addendum because I realized after posting it isn't clear... the nature of everything he does to her (gradually blocking online, deleting old posts etc over the course of months) is as if SHE broke it off with him. In other words, I believe her no contact was so effective that he started pining and missing her, felt frustrated and even convinced himself SHE was rejecting HIM and thus his *possible* institution of his own no-contact strategy. If one didn't know the details, it would appear she broke his heart and not the other way around :/
@streepscape I agree it doesn't make sense. It has us scratching our heads. And I would entertain this idea as it is really a great explanation for his behavior... Except that they never reached a physical relationship, nor has she with anyone. (They are very young and this was her first real relationship). The idea of cheating for her would be VERY unlikely. But perhaps he *perceives* there was an emotional betrayal. She has many male friends and that always bothered him IN the relationship. It was over the top how easily bothered he was by it once they were together...controlling even. But this is one of the things that he said attracted him to her in the first place... that she was "one of the guys." But then it was the source of almost all their arguments... you may be on to something. If not an actual betrayal... at least a perceived one. Thanks for your insight!
He would never give her a reason for the breakup btw... just that he wanted to "maybe" be friends and isn't ready for a relationship. Any further questions from her about his reasons were shut down.
Hi Mom Hacks, It seems to me that your friend is applying a passive no contact instead of working on the core issue that lead to the breakup. That is where we need to change the mindset and understand what could be the core reason that lead to their separation. I hope your friend will be able to reach out to us personally so we can talk to her. Tell her to send us an email at hello@modernlove.life and our team will pick things up from there. :-) All the best.
Tell your "friend" to stop playing mind games with her ex. If both people are playing the "whoever cares the least controls the relationship" game then no one is ever going to get anywhere. Someone has to make a move. If she wants to see what is possible with him, tell her to approach him.
This approach seems much better suited to my situation. Interactions with my ex are unavoidable as we have a child together and I visit him daily. Best to focus on building positive memories during those visits.
Clay Andrew's my ex sent me a text was about peoples was send her messages and stuff but I ignore it and I blocked her cuz I didn't want to hear any more negativity stuff and what should I do
Do I need to apply no contact when we have been having good interactions ? My mistake was going into a 3 day of no contact after braking no contact and having good interactions & then unfollowing on social media. Explained I wasn’t being rude just needed space from such a hectic work week was left on read for a few days (same way I did him) and only received a like as a reply
Hi Ari, the question is, have you worked on your healing and strengthened your advanced relational skills? Since you have already told him that you need the space, take advantage of that to focus your energies towards yourself through Active No Contact.
Clay Andrews Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my comment. I genuinely appreciate that and your program seems very well-rounded. I am currently working on those skills and other programs that require self discipline. I followed along with your videos and I’m looking forward to possibly purchasing the full program. I received the newsletter about Connect & Commit what is the major difference between the two programs.
Hi Lee, Here's a short video that would give you an idea on how to set things on the right foot. --- ruclips.net/video/oL8pyhNoo1I/видео.html Remember that this is not about having a quick fix as getting back together is a process that both of you has to go through . And it will initially start with your own self. All the best. :-)
After 2 week no contact or very minimal she started texting and asking how was my weekend etc... we had really fun texting, I can tell she misses me. I now continue NC and I think maybe it was mistake to have that fun texting but it felt so natural like in times we were a couple....
You are allowed to answer if she initiates the texting. But you never ever should initiate the texting. Also you have to keep your goal in mind. The purpose of texting is not to text but to arrange a meeting with the person of interest. Max 4 texts or so and then you give her/him an invitation to meet you.
Hey! thanks for the comment, I forgot to mention she Is in a rebound relationship that's why I got mixed emotions later on about the texting. What you think would it be good idea to meet her when I'm ready but if shes still in a rebound?
I have the same situation. My ex probably has rebound as well. There really is nothing you can do. One can only wait and let your ex to see how the grass is on the other side. At this point your best bet is to stay strong and show your masculinity and mental strength by doing nothing. Anxiety is the key to raise her attraction level. She must miss you and it must be her idea to contact you. Best way to get someones attention is to remove yours. Your goal should be a) Don't break no contact for any reason. (Check Coach Corey Wayne or Coach Craig Kenneth). If you have a moment of weakness try to overcome by any means necessary. If done correctly No Contact last as long as you live. b) Focus on yourself and improving yourself. If she contacts you, then you have to assume she wants to meet you and do as follows. Send couple of messages and then you ask her to come to your place. If she declines you say OK and ask her to contact you if she changes her mind. Also if she reaches out to you after that you do the same couple of messages (short and sweet) and ask her to come to your place with a bottle of wine. If she rejects you say the same thing Ok and tell her to contact you if she wants to. However you ask her out only twice when she contacts you and after that you stop asking. If she declined twice and contacts you tell her that it was nice to hear from her and that you are busy and keep in touch and end the conversation. And this will be the way you act after that.
Also if she asks you out you have to assume she is interested. So you can ask her to your place. Ask her to grab a bottle of wine and make dinner together. Avoid any hard topics and just concentrate on having fun. Also you should not care or ask if she has a rebound relationships. It would be sign of weakness. You simply don't care that is the attitude. You are the man and the rebound is nothing you should worry about. Also don't be too emotional. Women are interested on men whose emotions are unclear. Be sweet, funny etc. but do not tell you miss, love etc. You should keep her guessing what you think.
Thank you that really helps! That reminds me how focused I need to be. May I ask how long ago you broke up? and how long you were together? We broke up month ago and we were together +7 years, I try my best to move on and to let go of her.
I have what I think is a unique question about both parties doing no contact, hopefully you can answer. I'm asking for a friend (no, really lol). This ex stuff fascinates me and I've been sharing what I've learned with her. In her situation, the guy who broke up with her seems to still be interested, going on 6 months or so now. They still see each other nearly daily because they are in a class together. He shows many signs he is still into her (staring and looking away when she catches him, sometimes friendly and flirty but he is shy so it's minimal, asks her friends about her constantly).... BUT he has blocked her on almost all social media platforms. Not in response to anything she's done as she has really nailed the no contact thing to the best of her ability (barring the fact that she has to see him every day) and isn't stalking or harassing him online at all. Nothing annoying or crazy that he'd feel he needed to block.
I'm starting to wonder if HE is actually implementing some "get your ex back" strategies and his blocking her is an attempt to do no contact on his end. I suggested this to her and she wonders the same. If this is the case... we have a standoff right? At what point does my friend DO anything differently? She is continuing to be polite and positive, but not giving him anything more than she would anyone else. But if neither of them are going to break no contact, hoping the other will make the first move, how does she overcome this stalemate?
An addendum because I realized after posting it isn't clear... the nature of everything he does to her (gradually blocking online, deleting old posts etc over the course of months) is as if SHE broke it off with him. In other words, I believe her no contact was so effective that he started pining and missing her, felt frustrated and even convinced himself SHE was rejecting HIM and thus his *possible* institution of his own no-contact strategy. If one didn't know the details, it would appear she broke his heart and not the other way around :/
@streepscape I agree it doesn't make sense. It has us scratching our heads. And I would entertain this idea as it is really a great explanation for his behavior... Except that they never reached a physical relationship, nor has she with anyone. (They are very young and this was her first real relationship). The idea of cheating for her would be VERY unlikely. But perhaps he *perceives* there was an emotional betrayal. She has many male friends and that always bothered him IN the relationship. It was over the top how easily bothered he was by it once they were together...controlling even. But this is one of the things that he said attracted him to her in the first place... that she was "one of the guys." But then it was the source of almost all their arguments... you may be on to something. If not an actual betrayal... at least a perceived one. Thanks for your insight!
He would never give her a reason for the breakup btw... just that he wanted to "maybe" be friends and isn't ready for a relationship. Any further questions from her about his reasons were shut down.
Hi Mom Hacks, It seems to me that your friend is applying a passive no contact instead of working on the core issue that lead to the breakup. That is where we need to change the mindset and understand what could be the core reason that lead to their separation. I hope your friend will be able to reach out to us personally so we can talk to her. Tell her to send us an email at hello@modernlove.life and our team will pick things up from there. :-) All the best.
Tell your "friend" to stop playing mind games with her ex. If both people are playing the "whoever cares the least controls the relationship" game then no one is ever going to get anywhere. Someone has to make a move. If she wants to see what is possible with him, tell her to approach him.
If your ex is a narcissist he will forget you and move on to his secondary source of supply.
This doesn’t always work if he or she don’t want you or has someone else. Or has moved on.
No contact doesn't mean ignoring them
This approach seems much better suited to my situation. Interactions with my ex are unavoidable as we have a child together and I visit him daily. Best to focus on building positive memories during those visits.
No-contact means no reaching out to them or their family in any way until they reach out. I don’t think it’s a mind game.
Thanks I really needed this 🙏🏿👍
Clay Andrew's my ex sent me a text was about peoples was send her messages and stuff but I ignore it and I blocked her cuz I didn't want to hear any more negativity stuff and what should I do
Do I need to apply no contact when we have been having good interactions ? My mistake was going into a 3 day of no contact after braking no contact and having good interactions & then unfollowing on social media. Explained I wasn’t being rude just needed space from such a hectic work week was left on read for a few days (same way I did him) and only received a like as a reply
Hi Ari, the question is, have you worked on your healing and strengthened your advanced relational skills? Since you have already told him that you need the space, take advantage of that to focus your energies towards yourself through Active No Contact.
Clay Andrews Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my comment. I genuinely appreciate that and your program seems very well-rounded. I am currently working on those skills and other programs that require self discipline. I followed along with your videos and I’m looking forward to possibly purchasing the full program. I received the newsletter about Connect & Commit what is the major difference between the two programs.
What should I do to win my ex back from her new boyfriend
Mate i told you focus on you.show that you dont give a shit about her boyfriend(BETTER yourself)
Hi Lee, Here's a short video that would give you an idea on how to set things on the right foot. --- ruclips.net/video/oL8pyhNoo1I/видео.html
Remember that this is not about having a quick fix as getting back together is a process that both of you has to go through . And it will initially start with your own self. All the best. :-)
I can refer you to a man who helped me get my ex back in 48 hoursWhatsApp him now
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After 2 week no contact or very minimal she started texting and asking how was my weekend etc... we had really fun texting, I can tell she misses me. I now continue NC and I think maybe it was mistake to have that fun texting but it felt so natural like in times we were a couple....
You are allowed to answer if she initiates the texting. But you never ever should initiate the texting. Also you have to keep your goal in mind. The purpose of texting is not to text but to arrange a meeting with the person of interest. Max 4 texts or so and then you give her/him an invitation to meet you.
Hey! thanks for the comment, I forgot to mention she Is in a rebound relationship that's why I got mixed emotions later on about the texting. What you think would it be good idea to meet her when I'm ready but if shes still in a rebound?
I have the same situation. My ex probably has rebound as well. There really is nothing you can do. One can only wait and let your ex to see how the grass is on the other side. At this point your best bet is to stay strong and show your masculinity and mental strength by doing nothing. Anxiety is the key to raise her attraction level. She must miss you and it must be her idea to contact you. Best way to get someones attention is to remove yours.
Your goal should be
a) Don't break no contact for any reason. (Check Coach Corey Wayne or Coach Craig Kenneth). If you have a moment of weakness try to overcome by any means necessary. If done correctly No Contact last as long as you live.
b) Focus on yourself and improving yourself.
If she contacts you, then you have to assume she wants to meet you and do as follows. Send couple of messages and then you ask her to come to your place. If she declines you say OK and ask her to contact you if she changes her mind. Also if she reaches out to you after that you do the same couple of messages (short and sweet) and ask her to come to your place with a bottle of wine. If she rejects you say the same thing Ok and tell her to contact you if she wants to. However you ask her out only twice when she contacts you and after that you stop asking. If she declined twice and contacts you tell her that it was nice to hear from her and that you are busy and keep in touch and end the conversation. And this will be the way you act after that.
Also if she asks you out you have to assume she is interested. So you can ask her to your place. Ask her to grab a bottle of wine and make dinner together. Avoid any hard topics and just concentrate on having fun. Also you should not care or ask if she has a rebound relationships. It would be sign of weakness. You simply don't care that is the attitude. You are the man and the rebound is nothing you should worry about. Also don't be too emotional. Women are interested on men whose emotions are unclear. Be sweet, funny etc. but do not tell you miss, love etc. You should keep her guessing what you think.
Thank you that really helps! That reminds me how focused I need to be. May I ask how long ago you broke up? and how long you were together? We broke up month ago and we were together +7 years, I try my best to move on and to let go of her.