As a Slavic girl, what you described growing up in a small village, I relate to it completely “you’re too loud and opinionated you’ll never find a husband” is what i heard ever since i can remember
The implications that this statement holds too... "Shut up or he'll beat you up" how can ANYONE pretend that this is normal? I'm so happy that i live in the city, because even though my family is very patriarchal, and criticizes my choices, at least i still have them. I imagine dealing with that in a village is a living hell.
funny, I prefer a loud and opinionated woman. Because that means that she's gonna tell me when I mess up, which is great because I have ASD so it's often hard to know exactly what people want.
Small Slavic town for me. "You'll never find a husband because you need to prove every man you are smarter than them." - Guess what, I actually am smarter than most of them. And also gay 😀
@@SevenJetCSo you don't find a husband 😊 Sorry, stupid joke. I'm really happy for you.❤ I'm Czech, Bohemian, German And Slavic culture kinda mix here. I heard the same phrase growing up. Turns out I find a man who likes me for being smart. We have family and participate in home/parenting stuff equally. But yeah, when he wear torn t-shirt, I hear people(mostly woman) asking how I let him walk likes this. I respond he is adult and better at sewing than me, he is perfectly capable dealing with this. Funny world. Greetings!
I love that your mother, even though being traditional, made sure her daughters were educated and got their own careers. I bet she's very proud of you and yours sisters. Being a brazilian middle-class woman, I was raised to become financially independent and well-educated and I'm soo grateful for that. Of course we all struggle somehow because any society do have its own expectations towards women but we are getting better everyday.
@@marvin2678 Being forced to give up on who you are and forced into a mold just because you are a woman should not be a thing in the 21st century, yes. The circumstances of birth should not determine one's own future beyond their genetics and epigenetics influencing their abilities given equal access to resources necessary to succeed.
for boys as well but Learning to cook half a dozen dishes really well is critical for family health. Seems so many health issues just because people aren't eating well because feminism tells young women is oppression. I don't know his source but some health specialist said 20% of american teens now have fatty liver disease from too much lower quality food. PS 80% covid hospitalizations obese yet government lockdowns led to an 8% increase in childhood obesity. Highest rates of suicide are in construction industry and i bet its because they are basically running a marathon every day in a sauna and not getting proper nutrition leading body rapidly breaking down.
My grandmother did a similar thing for her daughters. She lived in a small german village, didn't had much education, married a poor farmer and had 7 children. The boys always had to help at the farm first, but the daughters wouldn't need to help before they finished their school work. She sad she regretted not been able to have higher education, so she wanted that for her kids especially the girls. One son took over the farm, but all other children got a university degree sooner or later.
I am from Philadelphia PA USA. My father left the hospital when realizing I was female. I was his 1st child. He scolded my mother in the delivery bed. The doctor took him to the hallway and grabbed him by the neck. My mother left him 12 weeks later and moved back with my grandparents and she worked. This mindset was EVERYWHERE... EVERY country. I am 48 years old. The change HUMANITY is experiencing due to the INTERNET and people sharing their stories...(like you, beautiful Uyen) is amazing and we are lucky to be alive now to see this change.
That was most certainly not the typical attitude in the US when you were born. That was your father's issue. I am older than you and by the time you were born, women had far more opportunities and worth.
One of the (many) reasons I enjoy Uyen's videos so much, is reading the comments afterwards. There are such a broad array of people from all over the world sharing their experiences and some really interesting discussions. It's such a breath of fresh air :) Greetings from New Zealand, where we're doing ok but still have a long way to go before we have true equality. Thanks for the reminder of how much it's worth striving for it and not to take what we have for granted.
It’s fascinating learning about others cultures. I am North American indigenous. My tribe is Choctaw. Our society is matriarchal. There are gender roles - men fought, and the chief made decisions during wartime. During peacetime, women were the decision makers. There’s no preferred sex, as both hold equal importance! Men and women teach children, and cook. Most activities are shared responsibilities
Same in Finland. Finland was the first country in the world to make it legal for all women to vote AND hold office. Boys and girls are raised the same: everyone works on the farm, everyone cleans, everyone hunts. Education is extremely important and all Finnish children take English and other languages in school and most Finnish people are at the very least bilingual. They take care of their people with healthcare as well. Finland is voted the happiest country in the world OFTEN. We are a very peaceful and humble people. All these great things (I feel) arise from equality amongst the people.
As an older Vietnamese woman, i wanna thank you for everything you shared in this video (including the disclaimer at the beginning). I grew up in a considerably progressive city of Vietnam, yet i have faced micro-aggression towards me as a woman from time to time. Sometimes it's exhausting to keep fighting back, but i made a promise to myself that i would never stop because i want our country to become a better place for my daughter in the future. Hence, im grateful for this video of yours. Ive been watching your channel for quite some time, but this is the first time i commented. Chị cảm ơn em Uyên! ❤
I really believe that women like you will make your country and the whole world a better place. Us women will save the world from destruction from exploitation and patriarchy in general. 💜
As an Indian, I know that my barely educated mother ( just till her 10th grade) fought for her 2 daughters and made us Doctors. My younger sibling is in the US now and working as a doctor. My mother told my father that she won't have any more children and took all the abuse and taunts. She used to be just like your mother, make us study whilst she would slog in the kitchen. She even moved in with me, when I had a son, so that I would continue my job. She moved out of my house only when my son was big enough to go to school. She prays for us. She has given her life for us. I think in the " third world countires" ( I don't like this term but I don't have any other umbrella term to describe our countries), women like our mothers are the strongest. My husband and I have the deepest respect for my mummy and we will take care of her always. She is our biggest support and strength. A big salute to your mother for raising you.
This touched my heart! My mum is a working lady .. inspite of all the office work she provided us me and my sister with a good upbringing, and my mom is the biggest role model for me. Every day she goes to office and evening she came back and cooked so delicious food for us and if i insist to help her she doesn't let me do those chores and asks me to study well. I love her so much and have a huge respect for her. I'm nothing without her. And I'm so blessed that my father also equally supportive. In my family there's no patriarchy exist. All credit goes to my father. Thank you god for blessed me with this family. ❤
I am a 76-year-old woman who lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I feel totally blessed in finding you on RUclips. You have such deep wisdom about people and about yourself (and gbf!). I have experienced sexism and misogyny throughout my life. It was very clear that my mother preferred my brothers over my sister and I, and that hurt a deep hurt. But now I just feel sad for her. May you continue your success here at RUclips and wherever your creativity takes you. You are a blessing to me, and I'm sure, to many, many others around the world. Thank you! ❤
Are you Vietnamese American? Cultural ethnic heritage. I’m here in Minneapolis and did not experience such sexism and misogyny and definitely not from my mother who was a single mom with daughters and maybe due to Scandinavian/german descent). America is so that way. Minneapolis sooo very much that way with many diverse cultures , Somali, a growing Mexican and South American population and many Vietnamese and Hmong(St Paul).
I dated a Vietnamese girl in Melbourne for a while who was born and raised in a small village in Vietnam and moved to Australia at the age of 17 with her parents, and it shocked her so much that my apartment was so clean and tidy. She was convinced at first that my mother would visit and clean up after me and wash my clothes. It wasn't until she saw me doing all of this myself that she understood that western men are raised differently..haha - So yeah, when I visited her parents for the first time, they couldn't comprehend that I began washing dishes with my girlfriend and taking out the rubbish etc..lol
You did good job by helping her👍 Because in Asia, it is not that common things. Usually boys don't do houseworks or help women to do it. They think like "Women have to do it")
you do it for yourself, of course, but I think a lot of men don’t realize how much more attractive they are when they can cook and clean and take care of themselves, haha. that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ever cook or clean for my partner though. the ideal is doing things for each other in the modern era when both partners work.
I am a korean woman living in a rural area. A lot of the things you were talked about are relatable. In korea, women are expected to be submissive and obedient, never questioning the men. Other cultural aspects are also similar. Never being able to sit down and eat in peace, having to do all the housework and take care of the kids, always needing to be ready for the men's beck and call. All my life I was taught to cook and clean and raise babies by my mother and grandmother. I wanted out of this life so bad I studied really hard to get into university. My hardwork paid off when I got into SNU (the mit or harvard of korea). My dad and all the other males in the family wanted me to pursue a feminine profession, such as education or nursing. In the end, I chose civil engineering- one of the manly jobs. Now, I live in america where women are treated equally. At first it was very confusing for me, but eventually got used to it. Edit: To clarify, this is not the norm in South Korea. As I have said, I lived in a very rural town with only around a 100 people. Even in the rural areas, social change is happening and people are making waves in gender equality. My case is very unique, so don't think badly of Korea.
That is so amazing and I'm glad to hear all your hard work paid off! Congratulations! 🤗 I am happy you are in a better environment now, wish you all the best ❤
Women are not treated equally in the United States. I can understand why you might think that if you come from an even more misogynistic culture, but misogyny is still rampant in the USA...as it is in the majority of the world.
I am a woman in Vietnam and I can confirm this. Even though I was born and grew up in the country's biggest city, the mindset of "men are more valuable than women" is still affecting many aspects of my everyday life, especially when it comes to family gatherings. I am glad that you have brought up this very personal story. It really gives hope to a young adult like me who is not aligned with social expectations about how a woman should be.
@@ms-jl6dl”yes”, but your definition of “valuable” is incorrect. The reason you think men are more valuable is because patriarchal societies (aka most societies) place more values in men-favoring areas of work and ambitions.
Hello Uyen!! I'm a 15 year old living in Uzbekistan (in Tashkent which is a capital of the country) and i can relate to manyyyy things you said about your culture. Altought i live in the most modern part of my country my relatives were quite old-fashioned. We have really huge wedding and other activites when a lot of people are involved (usually between relatives), and men just sitting and eating and women taking care of the food and other things is soo relatible. My mom is quite similar to your mom, even thought my close relatives encourage women to study (especially my mom) and whenever they meet me they will ask "how is your studies?"," how are your grades at school?", the concept of "men are more important than women" has been a thing here too. And a lot of women outside of my city don't have the same kind of encouragement to study and make a succesful career, as often they will get married and have children by 25 (like 80% of uzbek women), so i'm really grateful for my family to support me. It is really unexpected and kind of upsetting to realize that women from all corners of the world can relate to your story. Best of everything and lots of love❤❤❤
Hi there! Your English is wonderful, so please tell your Mom that she is doing a great job and that you, her daughter, are going to exceed her expectations! I'm a Russian woman and I'm much older than you, and I now live in the US. Taken how good your level of English is, I strongly advise you to check out any student exchange opportunities available in Tashkent. You can check your local embassy websites. That's how I first went to the US to study, it was through something called FLEX program (organized by the US State Department). I know for a fact that it used to be available in Uzbekistan when I was young, and it might still be available. It changed my life. I am living a much much better life than my parents ever did, and it's all thanks to studying English really well. So you are on the right track girl! Wishing you all the best!
@@katemangos1705 Hi!! Thank you so much for the compliments. And yes FLEX is still active in uzbekistan and one of my friends is flying to USA this year with this program. But unfortunately my parents, especially my dad is very strict and he doesn't want me to go outside of our country. Maybe after i finish uni i'll be able to travel on my own. Thanks for the offer and kind words anyway🥰🥰 i wish you all the best in usa (maybe one day i'll go there too)
Hello, everything the "West" offers you is a "golden" lie. You were warned, be a good, traditional woman or... find out that nobody wants you, your degree, your title, your money in old age.
Going through all the comments and seeing how many women, from all over the world, relate to Uyen's story is sobering. However, I think it's wonderfully inspirational to see all of these women coming together and finding community and appreciating the strong women in their cultures, while still wanting to move forward and encourage equality. We are stronger together. I love this comment section!
Not really, it's just culture...The men are treated much better because they are the ones who will support their family with having a job (Usually a dangerous non-OSHA regulated job) So I DO understand some of the points. The women are there to take care of the family/home. While the husband is taking care of the bills/family.
A lot of women have job too, actually nowadays lot of people need 2 incomes to love confortable so both wife and husband working some women earn good money too. And I guess that culturaly diferent but where I live I feel daugher take more care of their parents when older than son actually both do but I would say I see higher % of daugher that personal seen. But yes women work and I have even seen stay at home dad because the wife is earning more so that make more sense. If you give girls and boys same opportunities you get close outcome @@megamegaO
Dear Uyen, I'm a 29-year-old Turkish woman living in Belgium with a Dutch husband. I recognise SOOOOOO much of your story in mine! Vietnam, in terms of being a woman, sounds just like Turkey, except for the bleaching products;) Sometimes my family from Turkey call while I'm sitting in the living room and my husband's in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes. They always feel so bad for him and have so much sympathy for the poor guy doing housework! They often encourage me or even try to shame me into going and helping him because otherwise he might get resentful (He absolutely wouldn't. We try to split the work fairly.) how my (extended) family treated me "as a woman" was one of the main reasons I came to The Netherlands to do my masters. No matter how smart or successful or morally principled I was, I was still criticisrd for gaining weight, not cooking enough, not cleaning enough. So I thought "That's it. I'm not marrying a Turkish guy. I'm not staying here and living with these standards." Also I hated that women were under risk of rape or sexual harassment in so many circumstances. The double standards were glaring. Still, of course, I love my family and my country. My family have also improved a lot since those years! They've become much less openly sexist😅 I think I played a role in that:) they also treat me with more respect now (extended family). I wonder how your family has "evolved" in responses to your changes?
Honestly, as a turkish girl living in germany i have had a similar experience and i've been so very much split between the expectations my turkish family has of me and the way I want to live my life. I love my family and i don't want to disappoint them but it feels so crushing to act according to them everyday. Does it get easier to live differently from the expectations of your family after time ?
Thanks sis for sharing your story! As a Vietnamese girl who was born and grew up in a rural area, I can say that you speak for all the “countryside” Vietnamese girls! My experience is exactly like yours! After my older sister is born, my family wanted a son so bad but ended up having me, a girl. They were disappointed and then they started dressing me as a boy. They bought me boy’s clothes, toys, and boy haircut. I was so jealous of other girls because they can wear cute dresses and have long hair tied with ribbon, meanwhile my hair was BALD because my parents chose to cut all of my hair. This kept going until I got into first grade of elementary school (around 6-7 years old) and I was bullied everyday by other students. I got tired of being asked “are you a boy or a girl?” by both teachers, students and others, because I have a girly name but an appearance of a boy. When my mom found out that I was being bullied at school (a group of boy tried to pull my hair and steal my hat because I was covering my short hair with a hat), she was in tears and stopped dressing me up like a boy. Until then I was able to dress like a girl and have girly hairstyles, fortunately. It is such a traumatizing childhood :( I spent my elementary school and secondary school studying in my small village, and I swear many students around me are very uneducated. Because I have a body type that is different from most Vietnamese girls (my chest size is above average in Vietnam), I got a lot of body-shaming and verbal sexual harassment from them (both boys and girls would say unkind things about my body). This time, I also got a lot chubbier, and body shaming comments also came to me more often, and even my family shamed me, making me feel very unconfident. I also got catcalled by other guys whenever I went outside. Then I was very determined to move to a high school in the city and leave my village. And I felt better because in the big city, people are much more educated and I felt much safer. For university, I decided to once again move out of the country to study abroad. Now that I have left Vietnam to live in the Netherlands, I feel so relieved and happy. Here nobody cares and they would not judge me for my body type, if I am a boy or a girl, etc. It is very common for everyone here to have different body shapes, so I feel very included here. Whenever I tell other people here that I am fat, they would say oh you are not fat at all, you are beautiful, which makes me very happy. I have been staying in the Netherlands for 2 years and I always have the determination to settle down here because coming back to Vietnam, especially to the place where I was born, is such a nightmare.
You are so strong! That is a lot for anyone to overcome, and look at you THRIVING! I hope you can stay where you are happiest! Best of luck to you and may your days bring you the same beauty you bring to the world
reading this makes me so angry its not on kid that u are born a certain gender if anything its genetically fathers fault and the entitlement of parents to push what they want on their children is sickening. just want to say u are not alone, in having parents disappointed in u from birth. i hear u on what u are saying and id like to say that mindset is not only in vietnam also in first world countries. i am glad on your behalf u feel safer and more acknowledged. i really appreciate you sharing for ppl like my self to understand better.
I am french and I like your videos so much!! You are so natural, not trying to look perfect like other RUclips girls and that feels so good!! Thank you.
Yes get so tired of the "" perfect girls" and their hair and makeup and gee watch me dance I am so cute. Really tired of all the fake stuff. This is real and relatable.
exactly, she already knows and values her beauty... unlike others who try so hard with angles, excessive make up or lighting - who will never be satisfied with the natural features they have been given
This is going to sound so weird but, Uyen, I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being you and being proud of owning who you are, especially at such a young age. You are very strong and it’s inspiring to see you embrace your experiences ❤️
Yeh this is what I wanted to say as well, but I'd like to add that you(Uyen) are a nice and good person. It's based on your YT videos, but I can't imagine you being a bitch with the camera off ;)
This ^^ thank you Uyen! I love how mature, unfiltered and graceful you are. I grew up in a second-tier Indian city and moved out of the country at 24, lived in Canada for 2 years, and now 2 years in Norway. So it's a bit relatable for me and I love your perspectives on it! Also I just saw the thumbnail and what a difference, never could recognize you haha. But to be honest, I love the present you more in the video, you are beautiful!! I never got into dressing up and all that as a kid, and still I just make myself presentable. I've always envied the fact that men aren't required to waste so much brain cycles on these things and still be perceived good looking, competent, etc.
As a young adult girl who lives in Vietnam, this video made me tear up because of how relatable it was to me. My mother, while being quite traditional, is still making sure that I get well-educated and have a good career in the future. She often says that the reason why she pays for my school fees is that I could get a high-paying job to buy her a large house but I know deep down all she wants is just for me to become financially independent and can take care of myself without depending on any people ^^.
It made me appreciate the USA. So many here like to call out, ‘oppressed,’ but they have no idea what it’s really like. We have a nice mix of chivalry and equality. Men immediately and often offer help, (less so with genZ), but respect me if I say I can handle it. I take on home projects and have my own tools, but my husband handle or takes the lead on larger projects. I can call him to collect the spiders and count on him to help me with whatever I need. On top of that, he does the dishes and makes dinner every day. He also helps keep the laundry rolling. I do the deeper cleaning and take care of the kids. He is there and we switch off but it’s like an 80/20 split. The kids defer to me, and I take care of most bedtimes. (He does bedtime 1-2x every week, sometimes more or less depending on how I’m feeling). We both have days we don’t feel well and we help each other. Without making this longer, I’ll just say that I do understand what you mean and when I’m with my dad’s family as he is not American it’s difficult because I’m expected to fulfill a certain role. I’ve seen it and while it’s not so bad, I definitely prefer American life. It’s a great balance.
As an Arab woman, I absolutely understand and relate to most things you mentioned. Until this day, my mom thinks I'm "talking back" (and I'm 25!) when I tell her my brothers should be cleaning up after themselves!
i am a kazakh woman and i relate so much it hurts. i was lucky enough to marry and move to first world country and it’s so different here. it still takes time and therapy to get used to being treated and feel like a proper human being.
When I was in college, I had a friend who's dad was Kazakh and mom was Russian.... They were so happy to have gotten into university in the US, but the need for therapy is real. I hope you are able to internalize that you are **enough** just the way you are!
Go ahead and try tell your Kazakh man or family that you wanna be child free. I’m sure they’ll be very “open-minded” about it. ✨Көтіңді қыс, қызым✨дейді сізге
@@user12ek5 excuse me, but what about looking at it like this: her leaving for other places means there is more Kazakhstan for you ;) surely this is a win-win if you are happy where you are. People are allowed to be dissatisfied and move to change their situation if they do not thrive. For some that is a big move, for others a smaller move. But it is not a good look to call somebody you do not know 'a problem person' and imply that they would never find happiness because the fault rests with them. Surely, if you are *truly* happy with what you have, be happy, and then you should not have a need to find fault with others who are not happy the same way as you are.
Aww that'd proof that your mom loves you and didn't want you to end up the way she has. Even though she said those things we really wanted the best for you. I'm also very proud of you for learning to see yourself as the beautiful woman you are.
@@uyenninh I can't believe how much I relate to you. I come from a similar background with gender roles and being born in a poor country. I am marrying my bf soon in EU. I lived abroad before I met him because I did my best to get out of my home country. But I am at the happiest place right now. My mom is happy I don't suffer like her. But she also made me study and then complained about me not knowing how to clean etc LOL
Im so sad for women growing up thinking they are not worth as much. Its sounds like your mum actually knew you were though, kicking you out to study. That is love. What a good mum
I love how in this comment section, people, especially women from all over the world, share their experiences and support each other in standing up for themselves, loving themselves and feeling valuable. That we all declare war on these toxic and often racist beauty standards so that everyone can feel comfortable in their own skin. And that we fight for a society where women are not expected to live their lives revolving around taking care of men and children and basically being a servant and not a self-determined human being. It's such a shame that so many people can identify with the experiences that Uyen shared in the video - but it's so beautiful that we're all talking openly about these experiences and fighting for women to be able to live with real equality in the future. Uyen, I'm so happy that you found some peace and happiness here, you are a treasure!! Lots of love from a german 33-old :)
Uyens mother totally wanted a different life for her daughters. She said what she was expected to say but her actions in insisting Uyen study spoke much louder. Uyen is making her mother prouder than any son would have done and by telling us how she has arrived at this point I like her even more than I thought I possibly could. She is the best and most beautiful inside and out and her fiance is a very happy man to have her in his life, no doubt she is as luck to have him too.😊
I agree. I too migrated to the US at age 27 from a small town in Central Java, Indonesia. Culturally speaking a lot of what this young lady experienced growing up are similar to mine. The skin as status, the size of one's body (especially for girls), how she should carry herself, the house chores, how she sits, eats or even open her mouth. My mother and grandmother always chastised us, the girls. But now living in the US I see the value of it and sometimes I regretted for not taking better attention and learning 'girly' skills like cooking and sewing which my mother excelled at and painting (not specific to girls) that my grandmother was brilliant at - to my surprise because all my childhood I always saw her cleaning, she's obsessed with cleanliness, mending clothes, going to the market to buy supplies for the small convenient store my family ran. On her 'breaks' she smoked and read newspaper & despite her aging eyesight she refused wearing glasses. Anyway, one day she came across her grandchildren water color kit and she just started drawing her favorite subject (which I learned there and then): birds. She painted a few drawings. That's all. I never saw her doing that after. Asian parents are very tough to their children and even tougher to their daughters because their children are sort of their 'report card' to the society. At least back then. Nowadays, with the advanced of technologies and internet, the western influence to Asia is so strong. I see one of my own nieces now being disrespectful to my sister (their mother), breaking her father's heart when she told them that she didn't need their money and she didn't want to continue her school - she's 20 y.o., because she could make her own money selling her photograph - not quiet a model because what she was modeling for I do not know and I'm worried that the easy money would lure her to something worse.
That's not how it works, this is common for every socialist/former socialist country. My mom's parents were extremely traditional and yet she still got a degree and this is common everywhere in eastern europe. So, her mother wasn't breaking any generational trauma or rules, she just did what everyone does in Vietnam. Education is important for money, not for women's emancipation according to traditional people.
@@nikolavideomaker The way Uyen described it, it seemed like her mom specifically was breaking the generational / cultural pattern of expecting women to just focus on housework / cooking. Not to mention, she's from a remote village in Vietnam. Your moms' culture and expectations isn't identical to Uyen's or her mom's.
@@nikolavideomaker In my country, women's emancipation happened long before my nation became an independent nation. It's in the earlier part of the 19th century. Like other SEA countries, Indonesia became an independent country at the end of WWII, in '45. It was never a communist/socialist country - even though there were 2 communist rebellions there in '48 and '65. In Uyen's story, she said that in education, Vietnam treats boys and girls equally, schools give them equal time and expectation. It's not about trauma, it's just the traditional thinking still being held in many asian/eastern culture. I would even venture that it is always the base of all human culture from pre-historic time. It's modern western countries like here in the US who go overboard turning it upside down inside out with the stupidity of transgenderism, non-binary, etc.
When you said that your boyfriend will be with you whether you want to have a child or not made me tear up! It just be reassuring to know that you have true freedom to decide for yourself, knowing that you'll still be cared for equally in either situation
That's a slightly unfair way to look at the relationship. If he really wanted children and said as much, he wouldn't be taking away her freedom to decide. People have different goals in life, he shouldn't feel pressured to not have a child because his partner doesn't want to, the same way she shouldn't be pressured to have one because her partner does.
I have profound gratitude for Vietnamese mothers-they are truly the unsung heroes of the world. Despite growing up in a traditional Vietnamese family, my parents never imposed their will on us. When I expressed my choice not to pursue higher education, they consistently supported and encouraged me. My mom, in particular, emphasized the importance of women being financially independent, discouraging a life confined to housework, which I found it was a motivation for me to keep on studying (tbh, it was somehow they persuaded me to go to university in a great way, lol)😂😂😂. She never pressured my sister and me to marry, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be their child.
One of my best friends came from Vietnam to Germany at the age of ten. Her family (mainly her mother) wanted to marry her away to a successful man and then go back to Vietnam to live the housewife-style life, and her boyfriend of that time had the same ideas. My friend had become so Germanised at that point though that she broke up with him, stayed in Germany and is now a very successful business woman (with a university degree in mathematics!).
Hi Uyen. I’m from India. While my immediate family (my parents) didn’t mind having daughters, my grandparents (paternal) certainly did. My mother’s parents were always very loving and caring. But, the gender stereotypes were still there. “You must learn to cook, or what will our in-laws say?” My little sister started learning how to cook at 8. Thankfully, our parents always wanted us to get educated. But to this day my mother does all the cooking and cleaning. My father cannot survive a single day without her. Now, I am married to a man of Indian heritage. I thought that would never end well. But here I am today, he cooks, he cleans, he takes care of me. I have chosen to be childfree and he has supported my choice since before we got married. My family is still a bit judgemental about me gaining weight, and my husband has always respected my body, and I have never once heard him say a single negative thing about my weight gain. In fact, if I don’t eat, he will yell at me about eating well. Trust me, having someone (a man) treat you as an equal, is precious. It is very important and makes you realise what you have been missing and craving all your life. I’m so happy for you! ❤❤❤
🥺😊 Errmmmrrd that's basically what I daydream of with my Indian wife. I don't even have a gf though, and I'm poor. I just want to supportive and enjoy our lives together. Alas my life is a short one, I've made enemies out of gangsters and slave masters, not because they're my rivals either. I got shot at barely a month ago too for context.
Even in the Utah in the USA I was the lucky, with very light skin but always bombarded with the idea being thin was a priority. Aunts, Uncles were always telling us (cousins, sisters (three)there are 4 of us) we needed to eat less. The media was ruthless in the 70s & 80s about being thin. I was a swimmer and water polo player and easily got muscular. My first boyfriend broke up with me because my biceps were bigger than his! He was an American football player and it hurt his ego. I have very big bones for a 5’3” woman. I was a 36-21-36” and had a very round bottom. I began to develop an eating disorder. When my mom broke thru to me I was dangerously thin I had only eaten air popped popcorn and no oil,salt or butter for almost 2 weeks. I dumped the boyfriend who thought I wasn’t thin enough. Your story is heartbreaking. But I have to say, “you’ve come a long way, baby!” Keep loving yourself, I see a beautiful Asian beauty with a tiny figure! Keep being you, cuz if you hadn’t noticed, we see you, your wit, your love and great things! We watch you because of your inner light. Every time you don’t like how you look, I would have killed to be you! Now I am very overweight as many Americans are and I am determined to succeed at my realistic goal weight, that my Russian Dr has suggested not that thin! I am going about 3-4 pounds a month. Slow and steady wins the race! Very sensible. Please know your audience, me included think you are beautiful and thin! We love your wit! Keep making us laugh and tell stories from Vietnam. I had a Vietnamese Chiropractor, I have a knack for finding people around me with a greater world experience than me and are top of their career. He tells me when he was little, very young the kids would dance and play without clothes!!! They were too young to notice or care😂! The world is fascinating, filled with horrors of change conflict, and war, fires, storms, border battles! I am barely sane seeing African, Mexican, Palestinians, Hawaiians, Tongan, Samoan, Aisian all are being exploited, or are losing land to white supremacy. I have nightmares. Yet I find I fight! Good night! Please tell us more! Show us pictures like we are friends!
It's heartbreaking the way the value of girls and boys are differentiated around the world. I have a daughter with so much energy, curiosity and a very strong will, and sometimes my heart hurts at the thought of how her spirit would be shamed and broken at so many places (including un my country) simply because she's a girl. Why can't we just love and support our children!
You do that. And don’t wish for the unrealistic. We all know growing up, her spirit would be shamed and broken many times, for many reasons, whether she’s a boy or not. Please pray that even if her heart was broken, it would heal soon and would beat stronger.
@@pennywang6461if we do not wish for, hope for, then work for a better future how will it ever come. Telling people they should just accept that things the way they currently are and only to pray (p.s. that's just a different word for wish) that they will heal from the harm done to them is counter productive for a better world.
The solution to that is to remark from early infancy and especially puberty to always matain that spirit, you are her mother and she thinks the world of you, your words are primarily the biggest source of identity she has
I can tell you are taller than most girls in your village because you are always hunched forward. My husband is very tall and he subconsciously did that well into adulthood and now he has neck and back problems. I hate that tall people feel anything but beautiful and proud to be tall. Stand tall, girl, you are GORGEOUS. And funny and smart to top it all off. You're such a pleasure to listen to/watch. Thanks for sharing.
I’m Vietnamese, but thanks to my very rebellious mom, I don’t have this Vietnamese mentality. My mom hated when her mom made her cooked and cleaned for men. I love my tan skin. When I visited a Vietnamese grocery store, a lady commented on how tanned I have gotten living in Hawaii. Smiling, I just told her that she was lucky my mom raised me to be polite and not curse her out. I put the groceries back.
As a white person, when someone tells me I'm tan I take it as a compliment, so my reaction would be to say thanks, haha. Funny how different cultures vary.
@@missfunkadillyI don't think they say it like tanned (rám nắng), but more like black (đen). By the way it's not racist to say black in VN, but can be disrespecful in cases.
Uyen , I am at the start of the video and am from India and can relate to everything you have said so far. The similarities always mind boggle me between Vietnam and India . I am dating a french man and living in a small town in France now and your story always makes me feel like someone is going through the same things as me. Thanks for sharing this
I am german myself and never really appreciated some of the things you’ve mentioned here. Thank you for making me more grateful of these and it’s an honor you live in our country :)
I grew up in the United States with an incredible mom who pushed me & my sisters to be educated & financially independent too. After starting menial jobs, she herself started college at 45 after my father walked out on us & left her, a housewife at the time, with no income. She is now retired comfortably. But what we grew up seeing was her example to never be totally dependent on a man. The success you feel when you accomplish things & provide for yourself is incredibly rewarding! Also, I am now older & never wanted to have children so I didn’t. And for me, it was the greatest decision ever. Children are definitely not for everyone & let me tell you, being childless is a great blessing too! I love your videos! Keep up the great work!
I am such a fan of you, Uyen! I am a 71W, raised as a US Navy brat in the 1950’s and 60’s. I lived in Hawaii as a small child, and also in a small Moroccan city. I was used to living in multiethnic communities where whites were minorities. My parents were raised on farms in the US during the Great Depression and WWII. They did not attend college. My father raised all us 4 kids to study and go to college. We all eventually got at least one degree. I dropped out of college in 1971 and married my high school boyfriend in 1971 at almost 20 yo. We both worked temporary jobs. Early on, after work I cooked a complicated dinner, while my husband sat and read the paper. It only took 15 minutes to eat, 60 minutes to cook, and he got up and went back out to the living room, leaving me to clean up the kitchen. I stood up and told him that I just spent an hour cooking, now it was his job to clean the kitchen. He looked startled, then nodded and uncomplainingly got up and did it. I sat and read the paper. Another time, he came over to me and told me the bathroom needed cleaning. I told him that the Ajax cleanser and sponge were under the sink. Again, he was taken aback, but turned around and cleaned the bathroom. He realized he was equally responsible for cleaning, although he had never lived away from his parents before. He later actually took on the cooking. I was happy to clean up after dinner (no planning needed). Thanks for your very thoughtful post today! I look forward to all your content! And I love the German bf as well.
I wish more men were like your husband, I was very surprised that he actually went ahead to do what you said without complaining and saw that it would be unfair to leave you with most of the housework. You have a good and responsible man, it should be the standard though!
Thank you for this video Uyen. Ì´m an Arab woman living in Germany and a lot of what you say is relatable. My brother was expected to reach very far in his career as a lawyer while my father wanted me to be an English teacher. I was feeling like I failed myself today until I watched your video. I don’t feel alone in the struggle now. So thank you 🤗
I live in Germany and I am biracial and when I read comments like yours I wished we would have "Girls Clubs" (and later of course "Womens Clubs"), where we could share our stories no matter where we come or came from (not meaning the country but more the mindset and everything) 🙏🏻
My mother (Austrian) can't cope with the fact that my brother of whom she expected so much from sits at home and plays computer while I work two jobs at law school and law firm. Needless to say that I have a lot of mental problems.
Raised by a traditional Asian family living in a metropolitan I feel like you are describing my childhood when you talk about your experience as a woman in Vietnam. The family gathering scene that you described was spot on. My mother always had to cook and clean for everyone, and the daughters (yes no son too) would have to help. Similar to your experience, my mother would always complain about how I couldn't be a good wife while telling me to study. In the end, I did my PhD in Germany and am still single at 30, and it felt liberating in Germany to be free from any societal pressures that we have to endure in Asia. Thank you for telling your story so nicely. Love your content :)
As a Taiwanese woman of similar age to you, married to an Australian guy, everything you said is spot on. My parents treated me well and didn't show preference for a son, but there are so many sexist comments and 'traditions' around that it disgusts me. Growing up, seeing women doing all the work while men just sit there reading the news, sipping tea... it infuriates me. Also, during puberty, I don't know why boys have the audacity to criticize girls on their looks and bodies, and would disregard someone just because 'she is fat and ugly'. Many of my female friends are told by their families that women shouldn't study too much, or else men won't want her as a wife, or that women are just bad at STEM subjects. Sometimes, it even comes from the teachers. Thinking about these things saddens me, even to this day. I am so happy that I am in Australia now, and people here are so much better. There are no disrespectful comments on appearances, no one gives you judgmental looks for what you wear, no random uncalled-for sexist jokes, and most importantly, my hubby and I share the housework equally as we both work. This should be normal, but I am extra grateful for it because I was indoctrinated with the misogynistic culture for so long. I hope one day Asian women can all realize how misogynistic the culture is, and that we deserve better. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Interesting wording here. Somehow they try to convince us white people that we have the misogynistic men full of white supremesy as well and racism. What i read here in the comments, including yours, shows the exact oposite. 😃
This is my story as well. Coming from a privileged Bangladeshi family, I never had to face discrimination because of my gender, but even to this I felt "lucky" when my husband equally shares our household chores. I don't want to feel lucky, I want to see this as normal. Seems like a long way to go.
This really touched me. I'm a german woman and can hardly relate to this kind of pressure, eventho I have a history of eating disorder, too. In Germany not everything is perfect either, but I'm so happy that you found your happiness here! ❤
Hi jessy, Its possible to see others perspectives and experience without minimizing or dismissing or feeling guilty about your own story. Life is complex and therefore try to contain this mentally and emotionally. Im turning 50 soon and still learning to be a container for the complex past present future of my life. Im learning that THE BEST EFFECTIVE WAY TO CHANGE AND LIVE MY NEW PATH IS BEING IN THE PRESENT. Training not to let my thoughts drag me too far to past pain or story..worry to much. Just try my best to be empty unless I am in an activity in the moment. Sending you love. And thanks for sharing. Im learning so much here too.
There are still many abuses towards women in the West, but the difference is that in the West have learned to be more subtle. When an abuse is subtle, it becomes more established in society and is difficult to eradicate
Uyen, do you see how engaged people are with your content? So many comments and then people comment and like each others comments. You are someone people connect with. You are one of my favorite parts of YT. Now when my 14 year old son opens his windows in winter I say "NO more lüften!" We laugh so much! You are special, Uyen (and German Boyfriend too).
As much as I delight in your zany, spontaneous skits with and without German boyfriend, this felt real and heart-to-heart, observant and philosophical, and I loved it! Thank you for your openness!
Have German fiancee start doing the dishes at your house with you when he visits. My dad started to do that at my mom's parents' house. Nothing changed but it modeled better behavior for the kids.
It’s interesting that the assumption was that he doesn’t already though. I live in Denmark and almost all men I know either do the dishes by themselves, or it’s half and half shared responsibility.
As a Korean woman currently living in Europe, I can also totally relate. Mom doing all family job for ancestors, Judging beauty & fashion standards... I feel so much free here
As a young girl who was grown up in Nepal, every part of your story is soo very much relatable to me . Regardless of the traditional norms of the society my parents made sure to educate all of their children and make us capable to have a strong career. Tears rolled down my face watching this video.
OMG as an Indonesian, I never heard about childfree life, growing up here, I didn't even know that even a choice! and I'm so glad I know this earlier in life, that I didn't ended up making a wrong decision.. Thank you for talking about this Uyen!
I relate to everything you said. I am a Southeast Asian Chinese and my late grandma was disappointed because I was a girl. She did, however, hope I'd become a doctor, just like any Asian parent or grandparent's expectations for their kids. Pretty ironic. Asian women are still expected to do most of the work especially during the big festivals. When it was my turn, I yelled at the guys in the family to help out haha. I was boiling with rage when I did the dishes, thinking to myself, why don't these useless men help out? What else can they do during family gatherings? Women literally put in double the effort by having to excel in their careers and also taking care of the house. My mom used to shame me by telling me "no boy would want to marry you" "how are you going to be a good wife?" It's so depressing.
Wow I never relate so much to anyone in the internet but this is really true.. Everytime there is a family gatherings the girls are the one who have to wash the dishes and also serve the family while the boys didn't do anything 😢
I'm half Filipina/Belgian, My Filipino mom tried to teach me how to cook, but I hated it! She literally told me, no one will want to marry me. Fast forward: my husband loves to cook and do grocery shopping, he vacuums better than me and loves gardening. I mop after him and wash the clothes... My friends and family call me lucky and spoiled...
Kudos to your mom for trying to shake off what she'd been taught as a child, so that you could have a better life. She was repeating the lessons her mother said, but inside she must not have truly believed them. I'm also really impressed with how well you speak English. Being trilingual is quite an accomplisment.
That was actually a compliment on how we live in Germany or Europe. And to be aware of it should let us all feel more happiness and gratitude! Thank you! Very touching.
I'm an American-born Vietnamese and grew up in a traditional Vietnamese family. It was... rough growing up in the US with the two cultures conflicting. I ended up rejecting a lot of the traditions my parents forced onto me and am now trying to learn to live with my happiness in mind.
You got this. Only you would know what is best for yourself. I don't grow up in America but I studied and live in America now. I rejected a lot of negative Vietnamese culture toward women and embrace only the best one of each culture. Cheer!
I'm sure that's incredibly difficult to deal with, so kudos to you for knowing what truly matters & makes you happy. It's honestly so infuriating how women are traditionally treated in so many cultures. All the best ❤️
Bless the moms that didn’t know how to make their lives different but still did whatever they could to make their daughters lives better. She didn’t know how to change her present but she knew she wanted more for your future and she pushed education. ❤
I’m Latina & I had a similar experience! Coincidentally my parents also really wanted a son and ended up with 4 daughters instead! In my culture, traditionally sons are valued more than daughters for a lot of the reasons you said; only boys can carry on the family name, sons are stronger and can earn more, and in my family’s situation my father wanted to pass down his vocational skills in carpentry to a boy. As a child I definitely experienced the jokes and insults about how unlucky my parents are and how there must be something wrong either medically or spiritually to cause them to have only daughters.
It's sad that some people nowadays don't know that the gender of a child is genetically determined! I'm the oldest daughter and I have 2 brothers. I have a dauther and a son, the middle brother has 2 dauthers and the youngest brother has 2 sons! 😂 Greetings from Slovenia!❤🙋♀️
I'm the second of 9 kids. Why? My dad insisted on having a son "to carry the family name." So, five girls. Then finally the glorious son, then he wanted another son. But there were two more daughters and the second son, who is the youngest. Isn't that nuts? Us daughters were throw aways and treated as such. Not to be seen or heard, we were expected to cook, clean, and tend to the younger siblings. My parents were so neglectful that all the stuff I hear a normal parent do, make breakfast, do laundry, supervise homework, was all alien to me. If I didn't take care of my needs, nobody would. As a consequence, Russian women are HELLA strong. And the. Men are lazy and entitled pricks (obviously not all, but those that buy into their own schtick of superiority).
There seems to be a misconception in many cultures: As soon as I explained to my brothers-in-law in Bangladesh that men are the weak gender and women are strong I got an emotional response. Actually medically speaking a man could NEVER survive the pains of labour. A man would turn mad. Male infants are more likely to die of sudden infant death, are more prone to hereditary diseases, colour blindness and are not as enduring as women. (For more references please read literature from Allan & Barbara Pease)
I’m Latina too but my family has never really done gender roles. I never even heard my mom talk about her brothers getting better treatment when she was growing up. They all did chores and got some education. For me, my parents never treated my brother differently. We both do chores around the house. This is actually kinda the first time about other Hispanic’s experience with gender roles. Since my family never implemented them, and I grew up in the U.S.
As an Iranian, I can relate to this. It is so annoying to me that western women keep saying feminism is not needed anymore and we want to be traditional. They don't even know what being traditional is truly like.
Hello, western woman here from Germany. 👋🏼 maybe it’s just the bubble I live in but in there..there is no woman I know who actually believes that. Usually we tend to think only about inequality in Germany which is obviously no comparison to most parts of the world. It might be right, that men and women appear equally in front of the law but every woman still experiences inequality at some point in her life even in Germany. Still woman earn less money for the same work, they still do most of the house course when living in marriage and there are still professions mostly man work in etc. The problem may no longer be the structural conditions of society - but the mindset. Germany is still at patriarchy and even Germany still needs feminism.I don’t want say that it is soo bad in Germany. What I mean: when western woman say feminism is no longer needed, don’t listen to them because that it not the reality for vietnamese women, korean woman, iranian women, European woman or most of any other women living on earth. Don let anyone tell you what you want or don’t want
I was active during the time of the fight for women's rights wh followed on the heels of the success of the civil rights movement. I've seen how negative both young men and women are about feminism. It's obvious that whatever they think they know is wrong and that they are at high risk of losing everything we gained for them w no respect for it at all. We try to tell them it was all about choice. Nobody suggested they throw their homes, husbands and kids under the bus to work at McDonald's or Walmart 60 hrs a wk for minimum wage. None of us could ever have imagined women would go in that direction. Until recently, most of us didn't know it was happening. We feel fear for them bc the ideas they have about their rights are unrealistic. And it's sad bc they've alienated their men whom, whether they believe it or not, are important to their lives and to society as a whole. They are going to have to work it out themselves as we are too old to do everything for them again. We did leave them myriads of books, articles, and films if they care to know how life really was before, during, and after the era. Now, we can only wish them the best. Be happy, live well, love deeply, enjoy your life, and strive to make the world a better place.❤
@@carat5955don't panic. What seems to be going on is a return to the first days of the women's movement when men felt they were losing their privileged status, and some women cried out against feminism in fear of losing their men. It may take awhile but when they realize all the literature left for them, and develop an interest, wh I believe they will, they will put things back on track, tweak the theory to accommodate their place in the global society, and hopefully, move forward to find a more comfortable place for themselves. At any rate, we all wish you the best.❤
Uyen, thank you! There is a big Vietnamese community in Czech republic and I always welcome new insides into Vietnamese culture. And also, it's SO refreshing to feel the respect in your partnership. I am about to cry a little :) Have a beautiful day and greetings from Prague.
You are wonderful Uyen! Despite your struggles you remain empathetic. And you bring joy and laughter to so many people. You should never have experienced body shaming or sexism but it is inspiring how candidly and empathically you talk about it. You bring good change to the world. 💚
I'm from the U.S. and my mom (raised in a very poor, uneducated part of the country) asked me if I really wanted to be an architect since that was a predominantly male profession. I was SO ANGRY with her for even asking that question to me and this was the late 1980's, not the 1950's. I'm so happy for you Uyen that you are seeing different cultures that support women's rights, but I'm sad that it took leaving your home country. You are a wonderful content creator on RUclips and the number of subscribers shows it. Keep going! We are all here to support your talent. Love from San Diego, California.
I taught physics and astronomy for a while at a university in Central Georgia. One of the best students in my physics course for "non-majors" (read, where the math is watered down) came into my office one day. She told me that she loved my course and that in middle school, math was her favorite subject. But she was told repeatedly that math was not for girls and did not continue with it. I heard that story more than once from young women. And we're talking about 21st century America here. It breaks my heart every time.
@@Off_the_clock_astrophysicistits so sad because then people will point out how there are hardly women in STEM, as if to say we are too stupid for it, but the reason there arent as many women in STEM is because girls are discouraged from pursuing those careers from a young age 😕 like the desire from girls IS there, it just isnt fostered so of course we feel discouraged and unwelcome
@@Off_the_clock_astrophysicistI just want to say that your voice give me an important effect. I'm a 15-year-old Vietnamese girl. I'm very good at language and literature but have some struggles with math and science. I have always doubted about whether being a girl is the reason why I'm not as smart as my peers (mostly boy). Girls around me just give up on being good at math and science day by day. Being fed by the comments "girl are not as smart as boy", I wonder a lot of time if it is true and nearly believe in that. People around me keep saying that because I'm a girl so I will never be able to good at science or better than boy. But I'm a competitive child, I don't accept that "truth". So I chose all science subjects in school to learn, just to prove that I can and have the ability as the same as boy. My friends told me "why did you choose that, it's very tough (I'm stupid)". I was prevented a lot. Not just comments, people also show the actions that makes me really confused (It's quite long to describe so if u curious I can tell in another comment). There's a math class in my school (it's like a class that they gather all the students who are excellent in math into one class) and it just has 10 girls compared to 25 boys. Ppl are very surprised because there were up to 10 girls in math class, that's a lot! My class, which is a literature class, has 34 girls and 1 boy. Learning science subjects is hard but I believe that I can prove to people around me "I'm not less intelligent than boy" Thank you for giving me hope in this lonly path😊, I have been given lots of belief and motivation on the English internet. It's hard to explain to another about this benefit of learning foreign languages right😅? I'm not so good at English so if I make mistakes please point it out 🙏
@@Aurbertha It's very good to challenge yourself and to take yourself out of your comfort zone. That's how you grow and become fearless in life. But I also want to say that there are many ways to shine, and you have one. My mother was not good at math at all. I think mainly because she was not taught math in elementary school and it's hard to recover after that. But she was an avid reader and wrote extremely well. She taught French, first as a foreign language un Zurich, and later in life in middle schools in France. She was one of few women of her generation who obtained university degrees, at the Sorbonne in Paris, no less. She could read in 4 languages and spoke 3. She wrote a book and was working on another one when she passed away last year. She often marveled at how she had brought into this world a daughter who obtained a Ph.D. in Astrophysics. She never thought much of all the stories she told me from her reading of history when I followed her around the house when I was little as she did housework, and of the many rich conversations she took the time to have with her little girl. And not once did I hear from her "that's not for girls". Instead it was "what do you need" and "don't look down, look up".
Well, to see the cultures that support women’s rights she could just move to some cities in Vietnam. I am saying this not to blame her but there are always domestic choices if she didn’t want to move to another country. Such cultures can exist anywhere in the rural areas in the world, where there are different mindsets.
Really it was a wonderful video. I’m sure many people watching can relate to what you are saying. I love how authentic you are. A beautiful person inside and out.
Im a senegalese who grew up in Italy, we have a strong senegalese community here and whenever we gather up, the women have to do everything while the men sit, eat and talk, I relate to many of the things you said, I'm so happy that you can live a life free from these kind of things while loving yourself and your roots, thank you for making these videos❤
I love how you said, your parents raised you the best they could. That is something we often forget while complaining about them: parents are also human beings who develope over the years and usually they try everything they could to give us a good start. It is so great to hear you saying, how your self-esteem had grown and how you feel more comfortable and like yourself now. You are an inspiration! 💚
Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not disrespecting other cultures. I'm British and never had a daughter. But if I had one - pretty, clearly highly intelligent, and fluent in 3 languages - I'd be as proud as Punch.
Your mom was wise to make sure you get education! She maybe couldn’t express her thoughts on girls’ education loudly, but the fact that she made everything in her power to let you study… ❤ bless loving parents
Also, can we all please appreciate: I think I’ve never been in a more wholesome comment section 😆 Thanks to everyone of you 🙏🏻🫶 And of course, thank you Uyen for spreading such kindness into this world ❤
I admire you more in this video. I can totally relate! I am a 53-yr old Filipino mom of a 22-yr old Filipino American girl. I learned so much from her everyday. Every time she reasons w/ me, she reminds me that she’s not disrespectful. Instead, she tells me, I sent her to school not to be timid & not to be just be submissive, but to learn how to fight for her rights! It’s not because it’s a part of a culture & tradition, & being done for generations, though wrong, is still right to continue! Christopher Hitchens sort of said, educate women & you will eliminate poverty…! Kudos to your mom for being such a strong woman, raising strong women, in spite of the odds!
Teach her to be submissive and pleasant or she'll tint her hair blue and never get an husband that takes care of her. American culture is doomed, no one wants to marry and it's the country with the most divorces in the globe.
I just got back from Vietnam, and I wanted to learn more about your culture, I didn't know how. Browsing through RUclips, I found your interesting channel, and wowww, I am in love. Thanks for sharing your personal journey!!
Uyen, I've been enjoying your channel for quite awhile. This video was enlightening and courageous in that you were so honest and candid! Many content creators are only about the image! Anyway, you are intelligent, honest, creative, appreciative, hardworking, beautiful, and so so funny! And definitely not fat!!! It is not an easy task to rise above one's birth circumstances. Much respect to you for that, and much love to you, German boyfriend, and your mom for emphasizing education as a way to a better life.❤❤
What she just described matches completely with my 18 years of being born and staying in India. And now that I am in America, I can see how much of a difference there is between east and west. ❤
I’m so grateful to have been born in Canada. I’m relatively safe, it was expected that I would be educated and be able to survive on our own if we had to, I was trained to run a house and behave like a lady but I was also trained to think and formulate informed opinions. I’m so very blessed. It’s not fair that every girl doesn’t get the chances I did.
Thank you for sharing your life experiences. You didn’t talk too much. I’m so glad you are happy with yourself at your age. ❤ You’re definitely not fat and you’re very beautiful. Your personality really shows through as well and you just seem to be so balanced. 😊
It makes me so sad to think mothers would be sad to have a daughter. I appreciate the video, and it's heartening to hear how things have gotten better in this way since moving to Germany. ❤️
Just a few decades ago it was still a “not so uncommon” thing in poor communities in East Asia for people to not register their daughters’ birth because they don’t want to pay for their education, and that’s still a better case than drowning babies in a river.
My grandmother always preferred sons over daughter but she is very loving to us so i asked why did she hate daughters so much, she said she didn't hate women but she felt scared of what her daughter would have to endure as a woman.
I have such a weird experience with it too. My grandma said that she prayed the penis off of all of her grandchildren then emphasizes that we need men to take care of us and that we're meant to support the home. So you wanted granddaughters to tell them that they're less than men?
Since seeing Uyens Videos (and some from other creators) I start thinking, if in the "only daughter families" the disappointment that is vocalised around then, while the upbringing is so different (focus on education), that it's kind a silent rebellion? They hear what everyone is saying but they fight for their daughters to have a different life and luckily with no "competing sons", they just do their thing by creating little "bombs" they throw in this society which still is stuck in the past...😅 For the sadness part, I think, a lot of times it's like snowleopards comment, they are sad and mad because the fear what is coming for their girls...
Ahh Uyen, this video made me cry and be so appreciative for women like you speaking up, changing the world, testing the norms. I really am hopeful things change for the next generation. And 100% agreed, while living in Vietnam I met the most incredible women (and a lottt of men just sitting drinking coffee all day), but I hope women don't always have to be so strong and can live a happier, easier life in future.
I was born in the US in 1962. My parents preferred their sons all day long. The son born before me died as a baby; I was meant to be his "replacement" but...I was a girl. I was told so often that "it doesn't make any difference" that I knew...it made a big difference to them. I learned that if your parents aren't proud of you because you're you, there's nothing you can do to make them so--no matter what "achievements" you have.
Learn to respect and love yourself. Edited : if someone no matter how close the relationship beliitles you because of gender, it exposes their lack of discernment and weakness.They are incapable of valuing people based on their nature. Give the power to yourself, it can be hard but is worth it.
Wise words thank you for this insight! My mom lose male baby and i was born after him. Mom hates me but loves my younger brother. And no matter what illegals he did. He never wrong in my parents opinion.
Her obvious charisma is something that can be squashed or overlooked in more patriarchal cultures. I'm so glad to watch her blossom in front of us. Evidence that human value is not gendered. I'm sure she is an excellent example for many younger women. Funny how different perspectives work, I'm sure many of us see an intelligent, funny, cute young woman with an exuberant personality who seems so confident.
This is the only yt video where I like to read the comments underneath. So many warm hearted people from all over the world sharing their feelings and thoughts here. I love your channel. You are a great personality.
I was in Vietnam last September. Easily one of the most beautiful countries naturally I have ever seen (and I'm from Greece), and I have to say that to me, Vietnamese women looked like heroes. I barely saw men working, but I saw women working 24/7. We visited Sapa's tribes and the women there were freakishly strong , lifting my boyfriend of 90 kgs to help him through the trekking. Much respect to Vietnamese women.
Your delivery, including your sensitivity with language, is impeccable. You're a great storyteller and your story leaves a lasting impact on the audience. As an Indonesian, your story is very relatable. Thank you for discussing this, Uyen!
My mom just died on Sunday. I'm watching your videos to get through this. I don't want to think about it right now. Thank you so much for your videos ❤
I related with your mom complaining about how lazy you are and who would marry you. I'm a black South African and I was raised by my grandmother and she'd would complain about the same things as your mom but would always encourage me to study. I'm a pharmacist now and her new favourite thing to tell people is that if they have a lazy daughter they must encourage them to study so they end up like me haha love her so much
Even as a white westerner male from Australia, living in Frankfurt for two years taught me a LOT about independance that I hadn't even considered growing up in Australia... Germany is actually a pretty tough country in some ways. Be you male or female, you're just expected to get shit done without much (or any) help. I still, to this day, absolutely cannot thank my German friends enough for reaching out to me from time to time to help me with certain things while integrating into living and working in Germany.
What kind of things for example? Your experience with friends helping you matches how I experienced Germans as well. My husband is German and he always helps out everyone, moving furniture, fixing things, etc. But they have to ask for help first.
What a nice comment!👍 Want a pro Tipp from a German? 😉 Offer to help, too. Especially when someone is moving into a new house or apartment. Don't wait 'til someone asks you. Sometimes it's difficult for us to ask for help because it's expected that we get shit done all by ourselves 🤷🏼♀️ Believe me, you will be welcomed with open arms 😉👍
This! Germans and Dutch seem to expect you to be independent and individualistic, is you want help, you can usually find some paid service that will come and help you. I must agree here. Not that you will shock people when asking for help but it's not very common.
Im korean who grew up near capital and recently move out from the country. And i can relate to that a lot. It made me think abouy how i was treated my entire life and how my mom got treated and my granma and my friends…. I knew you from you funny videos but this speaks to my heart… thanks a lot for sharing your experience and opening up
As a woman born and raised in urban China and now living in Canada, I relate a lot to what you said. I still struggle with poor body image to this day and am traumatized by all the fat shaming I experienced growing up. The anxiety of meeting my family every time I go back is real. Thanks for sharing and being your authentic self ❤
As an Armenian (West Asias/ East Europe), I can really relate to what you were telling about your childhood in Vietnam. I remember once going for a vacation to the lake. While the men were having fun,swimming, and eating. Women were not allowed to swim to not show any skin (even the little girl) and were either cooking, washing the dishes, or poaring drinks to the men.
+ another armenian woman here. I also saw many parallels to my growing up. Especially the part where women are expected to have two full-time jobs (a regular job and single-handedly doing caregiving + household) hit too close to home
As a Finnish woman in my 50s your story is relatable to my mothers, although we suffer from similar self-controlling and self-diminishing psychological phenomena. Change will come to Vietnam too. I'm happy it has come to you.
@@mrkslva4231We still live in a patriotic society (or at least in the shadows of it) even though Scandinavia and the northern countries get a lot of praise we still suffer from a lot of the same problems as many other places in the world. Bigotry, gender issues and class-ism isn't dead yet.
@@mrkslva4231 Oh, obviously. I was just saying that these things still live with us in our older generation. Nowadays in most families I know it's the women who know how to put up IKEA furniture and do basic carpentry and men are the ones doing the cooking and food shopping. That is, it's about expanding our existence to areas that we like the best regardless of our gender. When my brother in law went in for military retraining for a week, my 7-year-old nephew asked my sister/his Mom "Do you know how to cook?' evidently concerned he would starve if Dad was not home. Me and my sister went into wood carpentry classes for a few years, I did a lot of the renovation of their house and my brother in law is fixated on cooking excellent food (plus the typical sports and electric equipment things). Personally the best experience for me was helping Finnish-Tunisian family friends build plenty of large IKEA furniture, because the men in their circle had tried and could not. I was always called in to help and ended up building the furniture and teaching their daughter (and one time her girl friend) use the drill, read the instructions and build IKEA furniture. The mothers would look at their girls using the drill, reading the instructions and cope with a task that their husbands had not been able to do. It's exactly what Uyen said: it's the mind that's stopping it, not the ability. But things have changed a lot in the last 50 years all over the world. One of the basic things changing it is the need for women to work too.
Its really hard to move to a completely new country at the age of 24! You are a really brave and strong lady, hope you get everything you wish and work hard for
it really isnt, literally millions do this for generations already ... can we please stop pretending that there is something special in actions which millions of people do for ages already?!
@@diedampfbrasse98in my family is common, but despite on how much normalize it is, I still think it's very very brave! Especially when you have nice life in your home country
@@diedampfbrasse98 Just because people have done it before doesn't mean it's any less of a daunting thing to move to a whole new country with a different culture and language. Next time someone in your environment has a baby, are you going to remind them at every turn also that this isn't special; people have been having kids for generations? No birthday celebrations for you either, right? No wedding, no graduation party, no holidays. All done before for centuries. You're just being obtuse for no reason.
As a Filipina living abroad, you are correct when you say the beauty standards for SE Asian woman is to be as pale skinned and as small as possible. Normal topic of conversation is about how fat somebody is. My impression of Vietnamese women: don't mess with them. Vietnamese women are tough and hard working.
@@NinjaXryhothey're both rooted in being a display of wealth. In Europe having a tan shows you can afford to travel and longue in the sun, in Asia being pale means you're not out working in the sun all day. The term redneck comes from this too.
Agree, same thing here in Indonesia, the whiter the brighter the better. It has come to a level where I literally can not find any single non whitening skin care product in the market, and it is pretty much depressing as I just do not like my skin gets brighter because I love my original skin tone. The media has driven us all to think being white is everything, underneath all that guess it is simply the dangerous and racist side of skincare. Sooo sad really sad.
Oh Uyen, so much of what you say is similar around the world, for good and bad. I am 51, female and a tomboy (hope you understand what that is?). Anyway, I was always being told to be more feminine or criticised for not wearing makeup or whatever. Luckily I lived in a country and at a time where I had options. I wore men’s clothes, I did engineering at University and I chose not to have children. I am very comfortable with who I am. You are an inspiration for branching out of that world and not letting the negative aspects get you down (sometimes maybe). Anyway, well done on talking about this - somewhere there is a person (man, woman, other) who may see this and realise it is ok to just be yourself. Love yourself and good things come your way. Keep being the funny, sensitive, amazing person that you are ❤
Your story is quite interesting. How do you feel about todays openness towards gender changes? Do you think being a tomboy might've put you in the position to transition to male if you were raised as GenZ? Or do you think people know if they have body dismorphia as opposed to being a tomboy?
I’m a 33 year old divorced woman from Dominican immigrants and I can relate so much to this within our culture. Men are praised and cater to while women are expected to be good enough to get a man and keep them. I’ve had family members treat and make comments about me regarding my divorce. I was also overweight as a kid and I’m always reminded about it in some form as well as being pointed out when I “gain”. Thank you for sharing.
It's wild that even though my husband and I grew up in highly educated, liberal, American, upper-middle class families, some parts of your story still resonate with me. When our families get together, somehow or another my dad, father-in-law, and husband all drift to the living room to talk and drink, while my mom and mother-in-law hop to cooking and I'm stuck helping them. Even though my husband often cooks and helps at home, it's like once he's back with older men who weren't raised to help, he "reverts" to that standard of behavior. When eating our meal, if anyone asks for something not already on the table, it's my mom, MIL, or me who immediately jumps up to grab it, never the men. And when we're done eating, the women begin collecting the dishes, not the men. I feel frustrated and hopeless that men and society are still profiting from women's "invisible labor" in 2023, at least in America. I wonder if this is better in other countries?
There are definitely still pockets within Germany where old school attitudes persist regarding the cooking and housework. Though men like that are more mocked for their incompetence by society at this point, and you have to go pretty rural to find it among younger people.
Do you-as a liberal, upper class female-still expect the man to work harder at his career and earn more money for the family? Because, for all women p!ss and moan about how "oppressed" they are for occasionally doing a bit of cooking, they certainly appear to continue to choose partners on the basis of their earning capacity. A hugely outmoded mindset. Some "invisible" labour here and there vs. a lifetime of very real, visible and non-discretionary (ie compulsory) labour that a man has to do. I know who gets the better deal out of that scenario. The real issue is that men simply can't ever do enough for women. That's never going to change. Women feel a perfect entitlement to mens labour so the complaining never ends. Incidentally, most of the content creator's videos involve her boyfriend ministering to her in some way. Doing what she wants etc etc - usually surrounding food or activities. Most heterosexual relationships are like this. A man ministering to a woman and her myriad wants and needs. And it's taken for granted. A man can expect precisely zero appreciation for this endless emotional labour. If you honestly think privileged middle class women like you are "oppressed" in some way then that says more about your warped perspective on the world tbh. And shows a stunning capacity for adopting a victim mentality.
In Germany it is not uncommon for men to do either the cooking or dishes for larger family gatherings (though we do use dishwashers usually). But in the Grandparents generation was more like you discribed. Though, it was not expected of women to be a major breadwinner so there was at least some balance (not saying that this is a good deal).
@@leza4453 It's a great deal for the female by and large. The burden of performance weighs far heavier on the male. And always has. Women will still find time to complain about cooking though. My grandmother was expected to cook. But on the other hand my grandfather was expected to go down a coal mine. This was interrupted by a four year period where he emerged from the mine and was expected to be shot at by Japanese soldiers in the Pacific. While females didn't have great career options then, I'm quite sure most would have taken domestic chores over working down a mine and being short at. And as for modern, upper middle class women like Jenny...I literally don't know where to start. They are a lost cause of endless entitlement. Lol.
As a girl who grew up in Finland, all this sounds very weird to me. Here all people have the same rights not depending on gender, religion, or sexuality. It's weird to think how different things are in some other countries. I'm so greatfull that I got to grew up in a community, where everyone have the same opportunities in life. I'd love to see a world, where that is the norm everywhere.
I grew up in a less-developed place in China. In college I went to Finland as an exchange student, and it was the happiest year of my life! There's nobody there making casual comments about how I look, nobody telling me not to study engineering because I'm a woman, nobody make inappropriate sex jokes to me when I barely know them, nobody talking down on me! I even learned that getting married is a choice, not an absolute necessary part of life. I also remember the university has a lot of female professors and high-level executives. Back then it was also during the time when all goverment heads are women! Now I'm living in the Netherlands. It is also much better here than my experience back in China, but I still think that Finland is better in terms of gender equality! This might partially be because that I know more about the Netherlands than Finland at this point. Still, I'd like to move to Finland at some point again.
I have a theory for why the nordic countries are so equal. It's because when people settled here it was extremely hard to survive due to the long cold winters. Everyone was needed to make a living in this harsh climate and so everyone was valued.
Time to think about your privilege. Women that have grown up in Nordic countries have little experience with sexual harassment, enforced gender roles and coerced sex in relationships. 😂
Not to get too serious, but your perspective is so valuable. We in the west hear a lot about issues in less-developed countries (or less developed areas) but rarely from the people who actually come from these places, and can approach the subject with both honesty and nuance. I came to your channel for your humor, but I'm staying for everything I can learn.
One of the first things that drew me to your channel was how natural your appearance is. Especially as a content creator you look fabulous and confident. I also love your culture shock content. I grew up in the US with Korean immigrant parents so I lived that culture shock continuously every day. Also, love how sincere & authentic you are with great sense of humor. Brava.
I feel this is the reason why many women who come to "developed countries" from patriarchal places, feel liberated and free. While the men who come from the same places feel threatened because of all the "privileges" that they loose (which they thought is a god given thing and not a cultural difference). I come from Serbia, and my mindset is waaay better suitable for Germany 😄 I have two beautiful girls, and nobody told me I should have a son, nor do I feel the need to have one. I'm just happy for my girls growing up in prosperity, and hope they will have an even better life than me.
You understand it very well ❤ I'm from India and our society is very oppressive & exploitative to women...So many expectations from women only. Also, there is obsession for male child, which is difficult to understand 😂
Even in ‘developed’ countries women’s rights are more recent then people think. I live in Australia and feel women’s rights here are very good. Growing up I never felt I was less or couldn’t do things because I was a girl. I was born in the early 1980s and the most sexism I experienced was being told I couldn’t do certain sports in school because they were boy’s sports. However my mother couldn’t get a credit card without her husband co-signing it in the 1970 (despite having a job) and when they got a home loan the guy at the bank wouldn’t deal with her, only my dad. My grandmother lost her university offer at the end of world war 2 because all the places had to go to returning servicemen and in the late 1940s/early 1950s had to quit her job when she got married because married women didn’t work. Very grateful for the work women of their generations did to ensure I don’t have the fights for equality they went through.
@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke what are you talking about? I pay all the bills and am perfectly happy. When I was dating we took turns as we were both working and it is nice to treat your partner for dinner. Financial independence and the ability to function in society without having to ask permission from a man to do so is a good thing. The only people complaining about it are the few men sour that they don’t get to lord it over women anymore and scam artists who think that they would’ve wrapped said men around their fingers so the lack of rights wouldn’t bother them.
Thanks for making this video, Uyen. I’m a Taiwanese American woman and both of those cultures can be kind of crazy when it comes to gender equality. The Taiwanese part is similar to Vietnam - find a good husband, single older women are literally called “leftover girls.” The American part can also be insidious - there are still attitudes that women who choose an non traditional path are harmful to society. It is a constant process of unlearning and making a new path for ourselves. It feels so good to hear your story and know that all of us are doing it. Thanks for posting on this topic!
This video just made me cry. Thank you so much for your sharing. I am also Vietnamese and unlike you I am still staying in Vietnam. Things were even much worse for me even though I grew up in a city, my father was an artist and my mother was journalist, my parents are still very traditional, or even very misogynist and toxic. And it was even harder for me because since the day can started to be aware of the world around me, I strongly feel deep in my heart that I am, as a human, equal to anyone else. Luckily I am stubborn enough to try to push the boundaries, live by my own rules, create a little bubble of my own freedom. But it comes with the cost of being estranged from my own family, being judged and alienated by ones who should love and accept me, lots of scars in my heart to just be true to myself. And it still hurts me to think about how we women have no right to take care of our parents after life, how we are expected to belong to a family of strangers rather than our own. It brings me to tears, just the thought of it.
There are probably a lot of young girls (and not just young girls but also women of any age) seeing you and being inspired and seeing: "I can do this, I can do things on my own and be strong!" - and I think that's something very beautiful and important. Women wouldn't have gotten as far as they have in these last few hundred years without women like you doing their thing, making their own life!
As a Slavic girl, what you described growing up in a small village, I relate to it completely “you’re too loud and opinionated you’ll never find a husband” is what i heard ever since i can remember
Heck even Germans got that. I think the better part of western feminism broke that. The new one all of us have to figure out together now.
The implications that this statement holds too... "Shut up or he'll beat you up" how can ANYONE pretend that this is normal? I'm so happy that i live in the city, because even though my family is very patriarchal, and criticizes my choices, at least i still have them. I imagine dealing with that in a village is a living hell.
funny, I prefer a loud and opinionated woman.
Because that means that she's gonna tell me when I mess up, which is great because I have ASD so it's often hard to know exactly what people want.
Small Slavic town for me.
"You'll never find a husband because you need to prove every man you are smarter than them." - Guess what, I actually am smarter than most of them. And also gay 😀
@@SevenJetCSo you don't find a husband 😊 Sorry, stupid joke. I'm really happy for you.❤
I'm Czech, Bohemian, German And Slavic culture kinda mix here. I heard the same phrase growing up. Turns out I find a man who likes me for being smart. We have family and participate in home/parenting stuff equally. But yeah, when he wear torn t-shirt, I hear people(mostly woman) asking how I let him walk likes this. I respond he is adult and better at sewing than me, he is perfectly capable dealing with this. Funny world. Greetings!
I love that your mother, even though being traditional, made sure her daughters were educated and got their own careers. I bet she's very proud of you and yours sisters. Being a brazilian middle-class woman, I was raised to become financially independent and well-educated and I'm soo grateful for that. Of course we all struggle somehow because any society do have its own expectations towards women but we are getting better everyday.
oh nooo expectations,,, oh nooo
@@marvin2678 Being forced to give up on who you are and forced into a mold just because you are a woman should not be a thing in the 21st century, yes.
The circumstances of birth should not determine one's own future beyond their genetics and epigenetics influencing their abilities given equal access to resources necessary to succeed.
Shut up marvin
for boys as well but Learning to cook half a dozen dishes really well is critical for family health. Seems so many health issues just because people aren't eating well because feminism tells young women is oppression. I don't know his source but some health specialist said 20% of american teens now have fatty liver disease from too much lower quality food. PS 80% covid hospitalizations obese yet government lockdowns led to an 8% increase in childhood obesity. Highest rates of suicide are in construction industry and i bet its because they are basically running a marathon every day in a sauna and not getting proper nutrition leading body rapidly breaking down.
My grandmother did a similar thing for her daughters. She lived in a small german village, didn't had much education, married a poor farmer and had 7 children. The boys always had to help at the farm first, but the daughters wouldn't need to help before they finished their school work. She sad she regretted not been able to have higher education, so she wanted that for her kids especially the girls. One son took over the farm, but all other children got a university degree sooner or later.
I am from Philadelphia PA USA. My father left the hospital when realizing I was female. I was his 1st child. He scolded my mother in the delivery bed. The doctor took him to the hallway and grabbed him by the neck. My mother left him 12 weeks later and moved back with my grandparents and she worked. This mindset was EVERYWHERE... EVERY country. I am 48 years old. The change HUMANITY is experiencing due to the INTERNET and people sharing their stories...(like you, beautiful Uyen) is amazing and we are lucky to be alive now to see this change.
I experienced this in Germany Berlin..I am 43. God bless you
That was most certainly not the typical attitude in the US when you were born. That was your father's issue. I am older than you and by the time you were born, women had far more opportunities and worth.
@@retha1875Really? Americans are still hard core misogynists. Look around, it is in your face and in all women's lives. Stop lying.
@@retha1875 There are a bunch of videos on the internet TODAY, of unhappy men at their gender-reveal parties.
good for the doctor for dragging him out of the room. what a horrible thing to say to someone who's just given birth to your child.
One of the (many) reasons I enjoy Uyen's videos so much, is reading the comments afterwards. There are such a broad array of people from all over the world sharing their experiences and some really interesting discussions.
It's such a breath of fresh air :)
Greetings from New Zealand, where we're doing ok but still have a long way to go before we have true equality. Thanks for the reminder of how much it's worth striving for it and not to take what we have for granted.
It’s fascinating learning about others cultures. I am North American indigenous. My tribe is Choctaw. Our society is matriarchal. There are gender roles - men fought, and the chief made decisions during wartime. During peacetime, women were the decision makers. There’s no preferred sex, as both hold equal importance! Men and women teach children, and cook. Most activities are shared responsibilities
that is beautiful
That is amazing!
That's beautiful ❤️
Same in Finland. Finland was the first country in the world to make it legal for all women to vote AND hold office. Boys and girls are raised the same: everyone works on the farm, everyone cleans, everyone hunts. Education is extremely important and all Finnish children take English and other languages in school and most Finnish people are at the very least bilingual. They take care of their people with healthcare as well. Finland is voted the happiest country in the world OFTEN. We are a very peaceful and humble people. All these great things (I feel) arise from equality amongst the people.
@@PneumaNoose It was actually New Zealand that was the first country to give women the right to vote, not Finnland 😅
As an older Vietnamese woman, i wanna thank you for everything you shared in this video (including the disclaimer at the beginning). I grew up in a considerably progressive city of Vietnam, yet i have faced micro-aggression towards me as a woman from time to time. Sometimes it's exhausting to keep fighting back, but i made a promise to myself that i would never stop because i want our country to become a better place for my daughter in the future. Hence, im grateful for this video of yours. Ive been watching your channel for quite some time, but this is the first time i commented. Chị cảm ơn em Uyên! ❤
I really believe that women like you will make your country and the whole world a better place. Us women will save the world from destruction from exploitation and patriarchy in general. 💜
❤❤❤
@@henriettelinkshanderin1449yes we will.
Or how about all women in Vietnam stop the cycle of oppression by not reproducing and bringing more victims into this world?
@@henriettelinkshanderin1449 hahahahahaha sure..... men bad muuuuuh
As an Indian, I know that my barely educated mother ( just till her 10th grade) fought for her 2 daughters and made us Doctors.
My younger sibling is in the US now and working as a doctor.
My mother told my father that she won't have any more children and took all the abuse and taunts.
She used to be just like your mother, make us study whilst she would slog in the kitchen.
She even moved in with me, when I had a son, so that I would continue my job. She moved out of my house only when my son was big enough to go to school.
She prays for us.
She has given her life for us.
I think in the " third world countires" ( I don't like this term but I don't have any other umbrella term to describe our countries), women like our mothers are the strongest.
My husband and I have the deepest respect for my mummy and we will take care of her always. She is our biggest support and strength.
A big salute to your mother for raising you.
Women like your mother are amazing. They fight for and raise their daughters to be more than they could ever be. Your mom is a hero!
This touched my heart! My mum is a working lady .. inspite of all the office work she provided us me and my sister with a good upbringing, and my mom is the biggest role model for me. Every day she goes to office and evening she came back and cooked so delicious food for us and if i insist to help her she doesn't let me do those chores and asks me to study well. I love her so much and have a huge respect for her. I'm nothing without her. And I'm so blessed that my father also equally supportive. In my family there's no patriarchy exist. All credit goes to my father. Thank you god for blessed me with this family. ❤
Your mom is BadAss ❤
@@preranabora6904Even my family is different from usual Indian family.Only one thing is same no boyfriend before 25.
this made me cry. so much love for your mom she sounds like a strong woman
I am a 76-year-old woman who lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I feel totally blessed in finding you on RUclips. You have such deep wisdom about people and about yourself (and gbf!). I have experienced sexism and misogyny throughout my life. It was very clear that my mother preferred my brothers over my sister and I, and that hurt a deep hurt. But now I just feel sad for her. May you continue your success here at RUclips and wherever your creativity takes you. You are a blessing to me, and I'm sure, to many, many others around the world. Thank you! ❤
Are you Vietnamese American? Cultural ethnic heritage. I’m here in Minneapolis and did not experience such sexism and misogyny and definitely not from my mother who was a single mom with daughters and maybe due to Scandinavian/german descent). America is so that way. Minneapolis sooo very much that way with many diverse cultures , Somali, a growing Mexican and South American population and many Vietnamese and Hmong(St Paul).
I dated a Vietnamese girl in Melbourne for a while who was born and raised in a small village in Vietnam and moved to Australia at the age of 17 with her parents, and it shocked her so much that my apartment was so clean and tidy. She was convinced at first that my mother would visit and clean up after me and wash my clothes. It wasn't until she saw me doing all of this myself that she understood that western men are raised differently..haha - So yeah, when I visited her parents for the first time, they couldn't comprehend that I began washing dishes with my girlfriend and taking out the rubbish etc..lol
@@lillerousse3151 the dude is sharing his experience and you attack him for “wanting a tap on the shoulder”(sic)? Chill out.
You did good job by helping her👍
Because in Asia, it is not that common things. Usually boys don't do houseworks or help women to do it. They think like "Women have to do it")
you do it for yourself, of course, but I think a lot of men don’t realize how much more attractive they are when they can cook and clean and take care of themselves, haha. that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ever cook or clean for my partner though. the ideal is doing things for each other in the modern era when both partners work.
that's really sad to be honest:(
Sadly not all western men. A lot of Latin American men are still taught to not do anything and wait for a woman to fix their shit
I am a korean woman living in a rural area. A lot of the things you were talked about are relatable. In korea, women are expected to be submissive and obedient, never questioning the men. Other cultural aspects are also similar. Never being able to sit down and eat in peace, having to do all the housework and take care of the kids, always needing to be ready for the men's beck and call. All my life I was taught to cook and clean and raise babies by my mother and grandmother. I wanted out of this life so bad I studied really hard to get into university. My hardwork paid off when I got into SNU (the mit or harvard of korea). My dad and all the other males in the family wanted me to pursue a feminine profession, such as education or nursing. In the end, I chose civil engineering- one of the manly jobs. Now, I live in america where women are treated equally. At first it was very confusing for me, but eventually got used to it.
Edit: To clarify, this is not the norm in South Korea. As I have said, I lived in a very rural town with only around a 100 people. Even in the rural areas, social change is happening and people are making waves in gender equality. My case is very unique, so don't think badly of Korea.
Congratulations on your success! ❤
That is so amazing and I'm glad to hear all your hard work paid off! Congratulations! 🤗 I am happy you are in a better environment now, wish you all the best ❤
You are so cool 🎉! Congrats 😊😊
Women are not treated equally in the United States. I can understand why you might think that if you come from an even more misogynistic culture, but misogyny is still rampant in the USA...as it is in the majority of the world.
Congratulations ❤
I am a woman in Vietnam and I can confirm this. Even though I was born and grew up in the country's biggest city, the mindset of "men are more valuable than women" is still affecting many aspects of my everyday life, especially when it comes to family gatherings. I am glad that you have brought up this very personal story. It really gives hope to a young adult like me who is not aligned with social expectations about how a woman should be.
Man ARE more valuable. Sorry to tell you that but hey,that's life.
OK misogynist @ms-jl6dl
@@ms-jl6dl Bro don't say that, everyone is valuable
some men I know can't even take care of themselves by being to spoiled never learning how to cook wash or clean @@ms-jl6dl
@@ms-jl6dl”yes”, but your definition of “valuable” is incorrect. The reason you think men are more valuable is because patriarchal societies (aka most societies) place more values in men-favoring areas of work and ambitions.
Hello Uyen!! I'm a 15 year old living in Uzbekistan (in Tashkent which is a capital of the country) and i can relate to manyyyy things you said about your culture. Altought i live in the most modern part of my country my relatives were quite old-fashioned. We have really huge wedding and other activites when a lot of people are involved (usually between relatives), and men just sitting and eating and women taking care of the food and other things is soo relatible. My mom is quite similar to your mom, even thought my close relatives encourage women to study (especially my mom) and whenever they meet me they will ask "how is your studies?"," how are your grades at school?", the concept of "men are more important than women" has been a thing here too. And a lot of women outside of my city don't have the same kind of encouragement to study and make a succesful career, as often they will get married and have children by 25 (like 80% of uzbek women), so i'm really grateful for my family to support me. It is really unexpected and kind of upsetting to realize that women from all corners of the world can relate to your story. Best of everything and lots of love❤❤❤
Hi there! Your English is wonderful, so please tell your Mom that she is doing a great job and that you, her daughter, are going to exceed her expectations!
I'm a Russian woman and I'm much older than you, and I now live in the US.
Taken how good your level of English is, I strongly advise you to check out any student exchange opportunities available in Tashkent. You can check your local embassy websites. That's how I first went to the US to study, it was through something called FLEX program (organized by the US State Department). I know for a fact that it used to be available in Uzbekistan when I was young, and it might still be available.
It changed my life. I am living a much much better life than my parents ever did, and it's all thanks to studying English really well.
So you are on the right track girl!
Wishing you all the best!
@@katemangos1705 Hi!! Thank you so much for the compliments. And yes FLEX is still active in uzbekistan and one of my friends is flying to USA this year with this program. But unfortunately my parents, especially my dad is very strict and he doesn't want me to go outside of our country. Maybe after i finish uni i'll be able to travel on my own. Thanks for the offer and kind words anyway🥰🥰 i wish you all the best in usa (maybe one day i'll go there too)
Hello, everything the "West" offers you is a "golden" lie. You were warned, be a good, traditional woman or... find out that nobody wants you, your degree, your title, your money in old age.
Going through all the comments and seeing how many women, from all over the world, relate to Uyen's story is sobering. However, I think it's wonderfully inspirational to see all of these women coming together and finding community and appreciating the strong women in their cultures, while still wanting to move forward and encourage equality. We are stronger together. I love this comment section!
Same! I'm a woman but not very feminine, I love this comments section! :D
Not really, it's just culture...The men are treated much better because they are the ones who will support their family with having a job (Usually a dangerous non-OSHA regulated job) So I DO understand some of the points. The women are there to take care of the family/home. While the husband is taking care of the bills/family.
@@megamegaO Working and having the options in life to just get up and leave isn't given to women in patriarchial and misogynistic societies.
@@erenb.2806 your comment makes no sense...since this woman's RUclips exists. They can clearly move away if they'd like to
A lot of women have job too, actually nowadays lot of people need 2 incomes to love confortable so both wife and husband working some women earn good money too. And I guess that culturaly diferent but where I live I feel daugher take more care of their parents when older than son actually both do but I would say I see higher % of daugher that personal seen. But yes women work and I have even seen stay at home dad because the wife is earning more so that make more sense. If you give girls and boys same opportunities you get close outcome @@megamegaO
Dear Uyen, I'm a 29-year-old Turkish woman living in Belgium with a Dutch husband. I recognise SOOOOOO much of your story in mine! Vietnam, in terms of being a woman, sounds just like Turkey, except for the bleaching products;)
Sometimes my family from Turkey call while I'm sitting in the living room and my husband's in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes. They always feel so bad for him and have so much sympathy for the poor guy doing housework! They often encourage me or even try to shame me into going and helping him because otherwise he might get resentful (He absolutely wouldn't. We try to split the work fairly.) how my (extended) family treated me "as a woman" was one of the main reasons I came to The Netherlands to do my masters. No matter how smart or successful or morally principled I was, I was still criticisrd for gaining weight, not cooking enough, not cleaning enough. So I thought "That's it. I'm not marrying a Turkish guy. I'm not staying here and living with these standards." Also I hated that women were under risk of rape or sexual harassment in so many circumstances. The double standards were glaring. Still, of course, I love my family and my country. My family have also improved a lot since those years! They've become much less openly sexist😅 I think I played a role in that:) they also treat me with more respect now (extended family). I wonder how your family has "evolved" in responses to your changes?
❤❤❤ Love this! Thanks for sharing your experience.
Honestly, as a turkish girl living in germany i have had a similar experience and i've been so very much split between the expectations my turkish family has of me and the way I want to live my life.
I love my family and i don't want to disappoint them but it feels so crushing to act according to them everyday.
Does it get easier to live differently from the expectations of your family after time ?
Yey for your husband breaking some parts of your generational trauma
My heart is with you sister, from Iran. Women,life,freedom 🎉
🙂
Thanks sis for sharing your story! As a Vietnamese girl who was born and grew up in a rural area, I can say that you speak for all the “countryside” Vietnamese girls! My experience is exactly like yours! After my older sister is born, my family wanted a son so bad but ended up having me, a girl. They were disappointed and then they started dressing me as a boy. They bought me boy’s clothes, toys, and boy haircut. I was so jealous of other girls because they can wear cute dresses and have long hair tied with ribbon, meanwhile my hair was BALD because my parents chose to cut all of my hair. This kept going until I got into first grade of elementary school (around 6-7 years old) and I was bullied everyday by other students. I got tired of being asked “are you a boy or a girl?” by both teachers, students and others, because I have a girly name but an appearance of a boy. When my mom found out that I was being bullied at school (a group of boy tried to pull my hair and steal my hat because I was covering my short hair with a hat), she was in tears and stopped dressing me up like a boy. Until then I was able to dress like a girl and have girly hairstyles, fortunately. It is such a traumatizing childhood :(
I spent my elementary school and secondary school studying in my small village, and I swear many students around me are very uneducated. Because I have a body type that is different from most Vietnamese girls (my chest size is above average in Vietnam), I got a lot of body-shaming and verbal sexual harassment from them (both boys and girls would say unkind things about my body). This time, I also got a lot chubbier, and body shaming comments also came to me more often, and even my family shamed me, making me feel very unconfident. I also got catcalled by other guys whenever I went outside. Then I was very determined to move to a high school in the city and leave my village. And I felt better because in the big city, people are much more educated and I felt much safer.
For university, I decided to once again move out of the country to study abroad. Now that I have left Vietnam to live in the Netherlands, I feel so relieved and happy. Here nobody cares and they would not judge me for my body type, if I am a boy or a girl, etc. It is very common for everyone here to have different body shapes, so I feel very included here. Whenever I tell other people here that I am fat, they would say oh you are not fat at all, you are beautiful, which makes me very happy. I have been staying in the Netherlands for 2 years and I always have the determination to settle down here because coming back to Vietnam, especially to the place where I was born, is such a nightmare.
You are so strong! That is a lot for anyone to overcome, and look at you THRIVING! I hope you can stay where you are happiest! Best of luck to you and may your days bring you the same beauty you bring to the world
Your story is both inspirational and brave. It is wonderful to hear that you have two unique perspectives. Keep fighting for your dreams!
As a fellow Dutchie, I hope you will have a very good time here! It makes me happy you found peace in my country❤😊
reading this makes me so angry its not on kid that u are born a certain gender if anything its genetically fathers fault and the entitlement of parents to push what they want on their children is sickening. just want to say u are not alone, in having parents disappointed in u from birth.
i hear u on what u are saying and id like to say that mindset is not only in vietnam also in first world countries. i am glad on your behalf u feel safer and more acknowledged. i really appreciate you sharing for ppl like my self to understand better.
Enjoy your much better happy life!😊
I am french and I like your videos so much!! You are so natural, not trying to look perfect like other RUclips girls and that feels so good!! Thank you.
Yes get so tired of the "" perfect girls" and their hair and makeup and gee watch me dance I am so cute. Really tired of all the fake stuff. This is real and relatable.
exactly, she already knows and values her beauty... unlike others who try so hard with angles, excessive make up or lighting - who will never be satisfied with the natural features they have been given
This is going to sound so weird but, Uyen, I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being you and being proud of owning who you are, especially at such a young age. You are very strong and it’s inspiring to see you embrace your experiences ❤️
Thank you ☺
Yeh this is what I wanted to say as well, but I'd like to add that you(Uyen) are a nice and good person. It's based on your YT videos, but I can't imagine you being a bitch with the camera off ;)
❣️I love your positive messages! (especially about body weight)
@@hodelhophopp9386 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This ^^ thank you Uyen! I love how mature, unfiltered and graceful you are. I grew up in a second-tier Indian city and moved out of the country at 24, lived in Canada for 2 years, and now 2 years in Norway. So it's a bit relatable for me and I love your perspectives on it! Also I just saw the thumbnail and what a difference, never could recognize you haha. But to be honest, I love the present you more in the video, you are beautiful!! I never got into dressing up and all that as a kid, and still I just make myself presentable. I've always envied the fact that men aren't required to waste so much brain cycles on these things and still be perceived good looking, competent, etc.
As a young adult girl who lives in Vietnam, this video made me tear up because of how relatable it was to me. My mother, while being quite traditional, is still making sure that I get well-educated and have a good career in the future. She often says that the reason why she pays for my school fees is that I could get a high-paying job to buy her a large house but I know deep down all she wants is just for me to become financially independent and can take care of myself without depending on any people ^^.
You comment made me tear up too. I was born and raised in the Philippines but I can relate to your story.
Bless your mum and you :) good luck with your future endevours~
We are on the same boat..
It made me appreciate the USA. So many here like to call out, ‘oppressed,’ but they have no idea what it’s really like. We have a nice mix of chivalry and equality. Men immediately and often offer help, (less so with genZ), but respect me if I say I can handle it. I take on home projects and have my own tools, but my husband handle or takes the lead on larger projects. I can call him to collect the spiders and count on him to help me with whatever I need. On top of that, he does the dishes and makes dinner every day. He also helps keep the laundry rolling.
I do the deeper cleaning and take care of the kids. He is there and we switch off but it’s like an 80/20 split. The kids defer to me, and I take care of most bedtimes. (He does bedtime 1-2x every week, sometimes more or less depending on how I’m feeling). We both have days we don’t feel well and we help each other.
Without making this longer, I’ll just say that I do understand what you mean and when I’m with my dad’s family as he is not American it’s difficult because I’m expected to fulfill a certain role. I’ve seen it and while it’s not so bad, I definitely prefer American life. It’s a great balance.
Rooting for you girlie!! Greetings from Germany 🫶🏻🫶🏻
As an Arab woman, I absolutely understand and relate to most things you mentioned. Until this day, my mom thinks I'm "talking back" (and I'm 25!) when I tell her my brothers should be cleaning up after themselves!
The good thing about being a parent is you got to raise your child a bit differently.
@@jhalakmalhotra2029 why lol
@@jhalakmalhotra2029 Absolutely!
You can't expect muslim men to actually take responsibility for their surroundings. It's not how they are brought up.
@palipali4264 Yeah, I'm thinking propaganda here.
You are not ugly! You have such beautiful skin. I love it. I also appreciate the respect you have for your parents, especially your mother.
i am a kazakh woman and i relate so much it hurts. i was lucky enough to marry and move to first world country and it’s so different here. it still takes time and therapy to get used to being treated and feel like a proper human being.
When I was in college, I had a friend who's dad was Kazakh and mom was Russian....
They were so happy to have gotten into university in the US, but the need for therapy is real. I hope you are able to internalize that you are **enough** just the way you are!
I'm kyrgyz and i def agree
Omgg same❤️🩹
Go ahead and try tell your Kazakh man or family that you wanna be child free. I’m sure they’ll be very “open-minded” about it. ✨Көтіңді қыс, қызым✨дейді сізге
@@user12ek5 excuse me, but what about looking at it like this: her leaving for other places means there is more Kazakhstan for you ;) surely this is a win-win if you are happy where you are. People are allowed to be dissatisfied and move to change their situation if they do not thrive. For some that is a big move, for others a smaller move. But it is not a good look to call somebody you do not know 'a problem person' and imply that they would never find happiness because the fault rests with them. Surely, if you are *truly* happy with what you have, be happy, and then you should not have a need to find fault with others who are not happy the same way as you are.
Aww that'd proof that your mom loves you and didn't want you to end up the way she has. Even though she said those things we really wanted the best for you. I'm also very proud of you for learning to see yourself as the beautiful woman you are.
Definitely. This really touched my heart 💗
Thank you ☺
@@uyenninh I can't believe how much I relate to you. I come from a similar background with gender roles and being born in a poor country. I am marrying my bf soon in EU. I lived abroad before I met him because I did my best to get out of my home country. But I am at the happiest place right now. My mom is happy I don't suffer like her. But she also made me study and then complained about me not knowing how to clean etc LOL
Im so sad for women growing up thinking they are not worth as much. Its sounds like your mum actually knew you were though, kicking you out to study. That is love. What a good mum
Amen! It's sad how much some people devalue women, moms like hers are truly a treasure! :D
The sexism you described breaks my heart💔 you are beautiful, smart and funny, and I am happy that you found a man that treats you like an equal
I love how in this comment section, people, especially women from all over the world, share their experiences and support each other in standing up for themselves, loving themselves and feeling valuable. That we all declare war on these toxic and often racist beauty standards so that everyone can feel comfortable in their own skin. And that we fight for a society where women are not expected to live their lives revolving around taking care of men and children and basically being a servant and not a self-determined human being. It's such a shame that so many people can identify with the experiences that Uyen shared in the video - but it's so beautiful that we're all talking openly about these experiences and fighting for women to be able to live with real equality in the future. Uyen, I'm so happy that you found some peace and happiness here, you are a treasure!! Lots of love from a german 33-old :)
I agree this comment section is really touching. 34-year-old German here. 😊
I don't understand why so many men (and women) don't know that men determine the sex of the child.
Uyens mother totally wanted a different life for her daughters. She said what she was expected to say but her actions in insisting Uyen study spoke much louder. Uyen is making her mother prouder than any son would have done and by telling us how she has arrived at this point I like her even more than I thought I possibly could. She is the best and most beautiful inside and out and her fiance is a very happy man to have her in his life, no doubt she is as luck to have him too.😊
I agree. I too migrated to the US at age 27 from a small town in Central Java, Indonesia. Culturally speaking a lot of what this young lady experienced growing up are similar to mine. The skin as status, the size of one's body (especially for girls), how she should carry herself, the house chores, how she sits, eats or even open her mouth. My mother and grandmother always chastised us, the girls. But now living in the US I see the value of it and sometimes I regretted for not taking better attention and learning 'girly' skills like cooking and sewing which my mother excelled at and painting (not specific to girls) that my grandmother was brilliant at - to my surprise because all my childhood I always saw her cleaning, she's obsessed with cleanliness, mending clothes, going to the market to buy supplies for the small convenient store my family ran. On her 'breaks' she smoked and read newspaper & despite her aging eyesight she refused wearing glasses. Anyway, one day she came across her grandchildren water color kit and she just started drawing her favorite subject (which I learned there and then): birds. She painted a few drawings. That's all. I never saw her doing that after. Asian parents are very tough to their children and even tougher to their daughters because their children are sort of their 'report card' to the society. At least back then. Nowadays, with the advanced of technologies and internet, the western influence to Asia is so strong. I see one of my own nieces now being disrespectful to my sister (their mother), breaking her father's heart when she told them that she didn't need their money and she didn't want to continue her school - she's 20 y.o., because she could make her own money selling her photograph - not quiet a model because what she was modeling for I do not know and I'm worried that the easy money would lure her to something worse.
I hope she can see this comment!!
That's not how it works, this is common for every socialist/former socialist country. My mom's parents were extremely traditional and yet she still got a degree and this is common everywhere in eastern europe.
So, her mother wasn't breaking any generational trauma or rules, she just did what everyone does in Vietnam. Education is important for money, not for women's emancipation according to traditional people.
@@nikolavideomaker The way Uyen described it, it seemed like her mom specifically was breaking the generational / cultural pattern of expecting women to just focus on housework / cooking. Not to mention, she's from a remote village in Vietnam. Your moms' culture and expectations isn't identical to Uyen's or her mom's.
@@nikolavideomaker In my country, women's emancipation happened long before my nation became an independent nation. It's in the earlier part of the 19th century. Like other SEA countries, Indonesia became an independent country at the end of WWII, in '45. It was never a communist/socialist country - even though there were 2 communist rebellions there in '48 and '65. In Uyen's story, she said that in education, Vietnam treats boys and girls equally, schools give them equal time and expectation. It's not about trauma, it's just the traditional thinking still being held in many asian/eastern culture. I would even venture that it is always the base of all human culture from pre-historic time. It's modern western countries like here in the US who go overboard turning it upside down inside out with the stupidity of transgenderism, non-binary, etc.
When you said that your boyfriend will be with you whether you want to have a child or not made me tear up!
It just be reassuring to know that you have true freedom to decide for yourself, knowing that you'll still be cared for equally in either situation
Why do you even bother to marry if men are and are taught to be like that? Oh, maybe you are forced to marry.
That's a slightly unfair way to look at the relationship. If he really wanted children and said as much, he wouldn't be taking away her freedom to decide. People have different goals in life, he shouldn't feel pressured to not have a child because his partner doesn't want to, the same way she shouldn't be pressured to have one because her partner does.
No, it just means he's weak or that he doesn't want them in the first place. If they were a priority for him, he would've already dumped her lol
Its sad that most women dont have the choice..
@@franciscasilva8406he literally decided her happiness is more important to him than having kids. How is that unfair. Its his decision
I have profound gratitude for Vietnamese mothers-they are truly the unsung heroes of the world. Despite growing up in a traditional Vietnamese family, my parents never imposed their will on us. When I expressed my choice not to pursue higher education, they consistently supported and encouraged me. My mom, in particular, emphasized the importance of women being financially independent, discouraging a life confined to housework, which I found it was a motivation for me to keep on studying (tbh, it was somehow they persuaded me to go to university in a great way, lol)😂😂😂. She never pressured my sister and me to marry, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be their child.
One of my best friends came from Vietnam to Germany at the age of ten. Her family (mainly her mother) wanted to marry her away to a successful man and then go back to Vietnam to live the housewife-style life, and her boyfriend of that time had the same ideas.
My friend had become so Germanised at that point though that she broke up with him, stayed in Germany and is now a very successful business woman (with a university degree in mathematics!).
hell yeah, glad to snatch up cool women for my country lol
It's amazing what women are able to do once they realize they don't have to be quiet.
Amazing of and for her!
i am so proud of your friend, tell her that for me. so proud.
Thank you so much for describing your experience, I am Vietnamese/American, and it felt so nice to have a voice and feel heard
Hi Uyen. I’m from India. While my immediate family (my parents) didn’t mind having daughters, my grandparents (paternal) certainly did. My mother’s parents were always very loving and caring. But, the gender stereotypes were still there. “You must learn to cook, or what will our in-laws say?” My little sister started learning how to cook at 8. Thankfully, our parents always wanted us to get educated. But to this day my mother does all the cooking and cleaning. My father cannot survive a single day without her.
Now, I am married to a man of Indian heritage. I thought that would never end well. But here I am today, he cooks, he cleans, he takes care of me. I have chosen to be childfree and he has supported my choice since before we got married. My family is still a bit judgemental about me gaining weight, and my husband has always respected my body, and I have never once heard him say a single negative thing about my weight gain. In fact, if I don’t eat, he will yell at me about eating well.
Trust me, having someone (a man) treat you as an equal, is precious. It is very important and makes you realise what you have been missing and craving all your life. I’m so happy for you! ❤❤❤
Your husband sounds like a great guy. You are lucky
Damn that is a one in a million gem of a man! It’s sad that they’re so rare
🥺😊 Errmmmrrd that's basically what I daydream of with my Indian wife. I don't even have a gf though, and I'm poor. I just want to supportive and enjoy our lives together. Alas my life is a short one, I've made enemies out of gangsters and slave masters, not because they're my rivals either. I got shot at barely a month ago too for context.
Even in the Utah in the USA I was the lucky, with very light skin but always bombarded with the idea being thin was a priority. Aunts, Uncles were always telling us (cousins, sisters (three)there are 4 of us) we needed to eat less. The media was ruthless in the 70s & 80s about being thin. I was a swimmer and water polo player and easily got muscular. My first boyfriend broke up with me because my biceps were bigger than his! He was an American football player and it hurt his ego. I have very big bones for a 5’3” woman. I was a 36-21-36” and had a very round bottom. I began to develop an eating disorder. When my mom broke thru to me I was dangerously thin I had only eaten air popped popcorn and no oil,salt or butter for almost 2 weeks. I dumped the boyfriend who thought I wasn’t thin enough. Your story is heartbreaking. But I have to say, “you’ve come a long way, baby!” Keep loving yourself, I see a beautiful Asian beauty with a tiny figure! Keep being you, cuz if you hadn’t noticed, we see you, your wit, your love and great things! We watch you because of your inner light. Every time you don’t like how you look, I would have killed to be you! Now I am very overweight as many Americans are and I am determined to succeed at my realistic goal weight, that my Russian Dr has suggested not that thin! I am going about 3-4 pounds a month. Slow and steady wins the race! Very sensible. Please know your audience, me included think you are beautiful and thin! We love your wit! Keep making us laugh and tell stories from Vietnam. I had a Vietnamese Chiropractor, I have a knack for finding people around me with a greater world experience than me and are top of their career. He tells me when he was little, very young the kids would dance and play without clothes!!! They were too young to notice or care😂! The world is fascinating, filled with horrors of change conflict, and war, fires, storms, border battles! I am barely sane seeing African, Mexican, Palestinians, Hawaiians, Tongan, Samoan, Aisian all are being exploited, or are losing land to white supremacy. I have nightmares. Yet I find I fight! Good night! Please tell us more! Show us pictures like we are friends!
Your husband is secure and sensible
It's heartbreaking the way the value of girls and boys are differentiated around the world. I have a daughter with so much energy, curiosity and a very strong will, and sometimes my heart hurts at the thought of how her spirit would be shamed and broken at so many places (including un my country) simply because she's a girl. Why can't we just love and support our children!
You do that. And don’t wish for the unrealistic. We all know growing up, her spirit would be shamed and broken many times, for many reasons, whether she’s a boy or not. Please pray that even if her heart was broken, it would heal soon and would beat stronger.
The reason is patriarchal religions. Period. Religion has throttled all of humanity especially women.
@@pennywang6461if we do not wish for, hope for, then work for a better future how will it ever come. Telling people they should just accept that things the way they currently are and only to pray (p.s. that's just a different word for wish) that they will heal from the harm done to them is counter productive for a better world.
Yes but yet men are born of a woman!
The solution to that is to remark from early infancy and especially puberty to always matain that spirit, you are her mother and she thinks the world of you, your words are primarily the biggest source of identity she has
I can tell you are taller than most girls in your village because you are always hunched forward. My husband is very tall and he subconsciously did that well into adulthood and now he has neck and back problems. I hate that tall people feel anything but beautiful and proud to be tall. Stand tall, girl, you are GORGEOUS. And funny and smart to top it all off. You're such a pleasure to listen to/watch. Thanks for sharing.
I’m Vietnamese, but thanks to my very rebellious mom, I don’t have this Vietnamese mentality. My mom hated when her mom made her cooked and cleaned for men. I love my tan skin. When I visited a Vietnamese grocery store, a lady commented on how tanned I have gotten living in Hawaii. Smiling, I just told her that she was lucky my mom raised me to be polite and not curse her out. I put the groceries back.
As a white person, when someone tells me I'm tan I take it as a compliment, so my reaction would be to say thanks, haha. Funny how different cultures vary.
lol did you really say that 😂
@@missfunkadillyI don't think they say it like tanned (rám nắng), but more like black (đen). By the way it's not racist to say black in VN, but can be disrespecful in cases.
Three cheers for your mom.👏👌
The world needs more women like your mum ❤
Uyen , I am at the start of the video and am from India and can relate to everything you have said so far. The similarities always mind boggle me between Vietnam and India . I am dating a french man and living in a small town in France now and your story always makes me feel like someone is going through the same things as me. Thanks for sharing this
I am german myself and never really appreciated some of the things you’ve mentioned here. Thank you for making me more grateful of these and it’s an honor you live in our country :)
I grew up in the United States with an incredible mom who pushed me & my sisters to be educated & financially independent too. After starting menial jobs, she herself started college at 45 after my father walked out on us & left her, a housewife at the time, with no income. She is now retired comfortably. But what we grew up seeing was her example to never be totally dependent on a man. The success you feel when you accomplish things & provide for yourself is incredibly rewarding! Also, I am now older & never wanted to have children so I didn’t. And for me, it was the greatest decision ever. Children are definitely not for everyone & let me tell you, being childless is a great blessing too! I love your videos! Keep up the great work!
I am such a fan of you, Uyen! I am a 71W, raised as a US Navy brat in the 1950’s and 60’s. I lived in Hawaii as a small child, and also in a small Moroccan city. I was used to living in multiethnic communities where whites were minorities.
My parents were raised on farms in the US during the Great Depression and WWII. They did not attend college. My father raised all us 4 kids to study and go to college. We all eventually got at least one degree.
I dropped out of college in 1971 and married my high school boyfriend in 1971 at almost 20 yo. We both worked temporary jobs. Early on, after work I cooked a complicated dinner, while my husband sat and read the paper. It only took 15 minutes to eat, 60 minutes to cook, and he got up and went back out to the living room, leaving me to clean up the kitchen.
I stood up and told him that I just spent an hour cooking, now it was his job to clean the kitchen. He looked startled, then nodded and uncomplainingly got up and did it. I sat and read the paper.
Another time, he came over to me and told me the bathroom needed cleaning. I told him that the Ajax cleanser and sponge were under the sink. Again, he was taken aback, but turned around and cleaned the bathroom. He realized he was equally responsible for cleaning, although he had never lived away from his parents before. He later actually took on the cooking. I was happy to clean up after dinner (no planning needed).
Thanks for your very thoughtful post today! I look forward to all your content! And I love the German bf as well.
the good ending
I wish more men were like your husband, I was very surprised that he actually went ahead to do what you said without complaining and saw that it would be unfair to leave you with most of the housework. You have a good and responsible man, it should be the standard though!
Thank you for this video Uyen. Ì´m an Arab woman living in Germany and a lot of what you say is relatable. My brother was expected to reach very far in his career as a lawyer while my father wanted me to be an English teacher. I was feeling like I failed myself today until I watched your video. I don’t feel alone in the struggle now. So thank you 🤗
Don't think you are less. You are precious.
I live in Germany and I am biracial and when I read comments like yours I wished we would have "Girls Clubs" (and later of course "Womens Clubs"), where we could share our stories no matter where we come or came from (not meaning the country but more the mindset and everything) 🙏🏻
My mother (Austrian) can't cope with the fact that my brother of whom she expected so much from sits at home and plays computer while I work two jobs at law school and law firm. Needless to say that I have a lot of mental problems.
Raised by a traditional Asian family living in a metropolitan I feel like you are describing my childhood when you talk about your experience as a woman in Vietnam. The family gathering scene that you described was spot on. My mother always had to cook and clean for everyone, and the daughters (yes no son too) would have to help. Similar to your experience, my mother would always complain about how I couldn't be a good wife while telling me to study. In the end, I did my PhD in Germany and am still single at 30, and it felt liberating in Germany to be free from any societal pressures that we have to endure in Asia. Thank you for telling your story so nicely. Love your content :)
30 and still whoring around? You really won at life. You have to cook and do the dishes for one person less. Congratulations on dying alone!
When you talked about your feelings around kids I almost started to cry. That's so sweet and wonderful that you feel relieved about it now.
As a Taiwanese woman of similar age to you, married to an Australian guy, everything you said is spot on. My parents treated me well and didn't show preference for a son, but there are so many sexist comments and 'traditions' around that it disgusts me. Growing up, seeing women doing all the work while men just sit there reading the news, sipping tea... it infuriates me. Also, during puberty, I don't know why boys have the audacity to criticize girls on their looks and bodies, and would disregard someone just because 'she is fat and ugly'. Many of my female friends are told by their families that women shouldn't study too much, or else men won't want her as a wife, or that women are just bad at STEM subjects. Sometimes, it even comes from the teachers. Thinking about these things saddens me, even to this day. I am so happy that I am in Australia now, and people here are so much better. There are no disrespectful comments on appearances, no one gives you judgmental looks for what you wear, no random uncalled-for sexist jokes, and most importantly, my hubby and I share the housework equally as we both work. This should be normal, but I am extra grateful for it because I was indoctrinated with the misogynistic culture for so long. I hope one day Asian women can all realize how misogynistic the culture is, and that we deserve better. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
Interesting wording here. Somehow they try to convince us white people that we have the misogynistic men full of white supremesy as well and racism. What i read here in the comments, including yours, shows the exact oposite. 😃
我是大陆女生，我的感受和你一样，总有一些奇怪的人，他们仿佛生活在1900年，像你是一件物品一样对你评头论足。=(
Yes, can't agree more =(
men have other gendered roles to fullfill in your society
This is my story as well. Coming from a privileged Bangladeshi family, I never had to face discrimination because of my gender, but even to this I felt "lucky" when my husband equally shares our household chores. I don't want to feel lucky, I want to see this as normal. Seems like a long way to go.
This really touched me. I'm a german woman and can hardly relate to this kind of pressure, eventho I have a history of eating disorder, too. In Germany not everything is perfect either, but I'm so happy that you found your happiness here! ❤
Hi jessy, Its possible to see others perspectives and experience without minimizing or dismissing or feeling guilty about your own story. Life is complex and therefore try to contain this mentally and emotionally. Im turning 50 soon and still learning to be a container for the complex past present future of my life. Im learning that THE BEST EFFECTIVE WAY TO CHANGE AND LIVE MY NEW PATH IS BEING IN THE PRESENT. Training not to let my thoughts drag me too far to past pain or story..worry to much. Just try my best to be empty unless I am in an activity in the moment. Sending you love. And thanks for sharing. Im learning so much here too.
There are still many abuses towards women in the West, but the difference is that in the West have learned to be more subtle. When an abuse is subtle, it becomes more established in society and is difficult to eradicate
Uyen, do you see how engaged people are with your content? So many comments and then people comment and like each others comments. You are someone people connect with. You are one of my favorite parts of YT. Now when my 14 year old son opens his windows in winter I say "NO more lüften!" We laugh so much! You are special, Uyen (and German Boyfriend too).
Yes this is the most intelligent and supportive place on youtube.
Agreed ❤
As much as I delight in your zany, spontaneous skits with and without German boyfriend, this felt real and heart-to-heart, observant and philosophical, and I loved it!
Thank you for your openness!
Have German fiancee start doing the dishes at your house with you when he visits. My dad started to do that at my mom's parents' house. Nothing changed but it modeled better behavior for the kids.
Already 😊 well or at least we do it together 😉
It’s interesting that the assumption was that he doesn’t already though.
I live in Denmark and almost all men I know either do the dishes by themselves, or it’s half and half shared responsibility.
@@nathanlonghairThe question is if they let him.
He probably does the dishes at home but idk if they let him in Vietnam
@@Blindinglights25that’s actually a problem 😂
@@german.boyfriend I can confirm 😉
As a Korean woman currently living in Europe, I can also totally relate. Mom doing all family job for ancestors, Judging beauty & fashion standards... I feel so much free here
Your comment made me smile and I am proud of you ❤
I’m glad for you!
I am from Korea and lived in Europe before and I 1000000% second this.
Specially for the ancestors part!
The strength of your mother made me cry. What a wonderful person! God bless her.
As a young girl who was grown up in Nepal, every part of your story is soo very much relatable to me . Regardless of the traditional norms of the society my parents made sure to educate all of their children and make us capable to have a strong career. Tears rolled down my face watching this video.
OMG as an Indonesian, I never heard about childfree life, growing up here, I didn't even know that even a choice! and I'm so glad I know this earlier in life, that I didn't ended up making a wrong decision.. Thank you for talking about this Uyen!
I relate to everything you said. I am a Southeast Asian Chinese and my late grandma was disappointed because I was a girl. She did, however, hope I'd become a doctor, just like any Asian parent or grandparent's expectations for their kids. Pretty ironic.
Asian women are still expected to do most of the work especially during the big festivals. When it was my turn, I yelled at the guys in the family to help out haha. I was boiling with rage when I did the dishes, thinking to myself, why don't these useless men help out? What else can they do during family gatherings? Women literally put in double the effort by having to excel in their careers and also taking care of the house.
My mom used to shame me by telling me "no boy would want to marry you" "how are you going to be a good wife?"
It's so depressing.
Why would you want a man if you've seen how "helpful" they are in your culture.
@@RollerBaller The problem is they are an collective. If they are all the same it's hard to change this ofcourse.
Wow I never relate so much to anyone in the internet but this is really true.. Everytime there is a family gatherings the girls are the one who have to wash the dishes and also serve the family while the boys didn't do anything 😢
I'm half Filipina/Belgian,
My Filipino mom tried to teach me how to cook, but I hated it!
She literally told me, no one will want to marry me.
Fast forward: my husband loves to cook and do grocery shopping, he vacuums better than me and loves gardening. I mop after him and wash the clothes... My friends and family call me lucky and spoiled...
That is very sad to hear. I hope roles will get more equal in the future.
Kudos to your mom for trying to shake off what she'd been taught as a child, so that you could have a better life. She was repeating the lessons her mother said, but inside she must not have truly believed them. I'm also really impressed with how well you speak English. Being trilingual is quite an accomplisment.
That was actually a compliment on how we live in Germany or Europe. And to be aware of it should let us all feel more happiness and gratitude! Thank you! Very touching.
I'm an American-born Vietnamese and grew up in a traditional Vietnamese family. It was... rough growing up in the US with the two cultures conflicting. I ended up rejecting a lot of the traditions my parents forced onto me and am now trying to learn to live with my happiness in mind.
you go, girl 💪♀️
You got this. Only you would know what is best for yourself. I don't grow up in America but I studied and live in America now. I rejected a lot of negative Vietnamese culture toward women and embrace only the best one of each culture. Cheer!
I'm sure that's incredibly difficult to deal with, so kudos to you for knowing what truly matters & makes you happy. It's honestly so infuriating how women are traditionally treated in so many cultures. All the best ❤️
Bless the moms that didn’t know how to make their lives different but still did whatever they could to make their daughters lives better. She didn’t know how to change her present but she knew she wanted more for your future and she pushed education. ❤
“We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they have come.”
😭 Well said ❤
I’m Latina & I had a similar experience! Coincidentally my parents also really wanted a son and ended up with 4 daughters instead! In my culture, traditionally sons are valued more than daughters for a lot of the reasons you said; only boys can carry on the family name, sons are stronger and can earn more, and in my family’s situation my father wanted to pass down his vocational skills in carpentry to a boy. As a child I definitely experienced the jokes and insults about how unlucky my parents are and how there must be something wrong either medically or spiritually to cause them to have only daughters.
Lool same but I'm about to show them we didn't need a boy in the family to be successful
It's sad that some people nowadays don't know that the gender of a child is genetically determined! I'm the oldest daughter and I have 2 brothers. I have a dauther and a son, the middle brother has 2 dauthers and the youngest brother has 2 sons! 😂 Greetings from Slovenia!❤🙋♀️
I'm the second of 9 kids. Why? My dad insisted on having a son "to carry the family name."
So, five girls. Then finally the glorious son, then he wanted another son. But there were two more daughters and the second son, who is the youngest.
Isn't that nuts? Us daughters were throw aways and treated as such. Not to be seen or heard, we were expected to cook, clean, and tend to the younger siblings.
My parents were so neglectful that all the stuff I hear a normal parent do, make breakfast, do laundry, supervise homework, was all alien to me.
If I didn't take care of my needs, nobody would. As a consequence, Russian women are HELLA strong. And the. Men are lazy and entitled pricks (obviously not all, but those that buy into their own schtick of superiority).
There seems to be a misconception in many cultures:
As soon as I explained to my brothers-in-law in Bangladesh that men are the weak gender and women are strong I got an emotional response.
Actually medically speaking a man could NEVER survive the pains of labour. A man would turn mad.
Male infants are more likely to die of sudden infant death, are more prone to hereditary diseases, colour blindness and are not as enduring as women.
(For more references please read literature from Allan & Barbara Pease)
I’m Latina too but my family has never really done gender roles. I never even heard my mom talk about her brothers getting better treatment when she was growing up. They all did chores and got some education. For me, my parents never treated my brother differently. We both do chores around the house. This is actually kinda the first time about other Hispanic’s experience with gender roles. Since my family never implemented them, and I grew up in the U.S.
As an Iranian, I can relate to this. It is so annoying to me that western women keep saying feminism is not needed anymore and we want to be traditional. They don't even know what being traditional is truly like.
Exactly we in west live in luxury where we can choose. To live our life however we like
Hello, western woman here from Germany. 👋🏼 maybe it’s just the bubble I live in but in there..there is no woman I know who actually believes that. Usually we tend to think only about inequality in Germany which is obviously no comparison to most parts of the world. It might be right, that men and women appear equally in front of the law but every woman still experiences inequality at some point in her life even in Germany. Still woman earn less money for the same work, they still do most of the house course when living in marriage and there are still professions mostly man work in etc. The problem may no longer be the structural conditions of society - but the mindset. Germany is still at patriarchy and even Germany still needs feminism.I don’t want say that it is soo bad in Germany. What I mean: when western woman say feminism is no longer needed, don’t listen to them because that it not the reality for vietnamese women, korean woman, iranian women, European woman or most of any other women living on earth. Don let anyone tell you what you want or don’t want
It depends on the individual. I'm a western woman and there is no way I would say that feminism is not needed.
I was active during the time of the fight for women's rights
wh followed on the heels of the success of the civil rights movement.
I've seen how negative both young men and women are about feminism. It's obvious that whatever they think they know is wrong and that they are at high risk of losing everything we gained for them w no respect for it at all.
We try to tell them it was all about choice. Nobody suggested they throw their homes, husbands and kids under the bus to work at McDonald's or Walmart 60 hrs a wk for minimum wage. None of us could ever have imagined women would go in that direction. Until recently, most of us didn't know it was happening.
We feel fear for them bc the ideas they have about their rights are unrealistic. And it's sad bc they've alienated their men whom, whether they believe it or not, are important to their lives and to society as a whole.
They are going to have to work it out themselves as we are too old to do everything for them again. We did leave them myriads of books, articles, and films if they care to know how life really was before, during, and after the era.
Now, we can only wish them the best. Be happy, live well, love deeply, enjoy your life, and strive to make the world a better place.❤
@@carat5955don't panic. What seems to be going on is a return to the first days of the women's movement when men felt they were losing their privileged status, and some women cried out against feminism in fear of losing their men.
It may take awhile but when they realize all the literature left for them, and develop an interest, wh I believe they will, they will put things back on track, tweak the theory to accommodate their place in the global society, and hopefully, move forward to find a more comfortable place for themselves.
At any rate, we all wish you the best.❤
Uyen, thank you! There is a big Vietnamese community in Czech republic and I always welcome new insides into Vietnamese culture.
And also, it's SO refreshing to feel the respect in your partnership. I am about to cry a little :)
Have a beautiful day and greetings from Prague.
Lovely country
I love Prague so much, it's a one of the most beautiful cities in Europe!
You are wonderful Uyen! Despite your struggles you remain empathetic. And you bring joy and laughter to so many people. You should never have experienced body shaming or sexism but it is inspiring how candidly and empathically you talk about it. You bring good change to the world. 💚
thank you ☺
I'm from the U.S. and my mom (raised in a very poor, uneducated part of the country) asked me if I really wanted to be an architect since that was a predominantly male profession. I was SO ANGRY with her for even asking that question to me and this was the late 1980's, not the 1950's. I'm so happy for you Uyen that you are seeing different cultures that support women's rights, but I'm sad that it took leaving your home country. You are a wonderful content creator on RUclips and the number of subscribers shows it. Keep going! We are all here to support your talent. Love from San Diego, California.
I taught physics and astronomy for a while at a university in Central Georgia. One of the best students in my physics course for "non-majors" (read, where the math is watered down) came into my office one day. She told me that she loved my course and that in middle school, math was her favorite subject. But she was told repeatedly that math was not for girls and did not continue with it. I heard that story more than once from young women. And we're talking about 21st century America here. It breaks my heart every time.
@@Off_the_clock_astrophysicistits so sad because then people will point out how there are hardly women in STEM, as if to say we are too stupid for it, but the reason there arent as many women in STEM is because girls are discouraged from pursuing those careers from a young age 😕 like the desire from girls IS there, it just isnt fostered so of course we feel discouraged and unwelcome
@@Off_the_clock_astrophysicistI just want to say that your voice give me an important effect. I'm a 15-year-old Vietnamese girl. I'm very good at language and literature but have some struggles with math and science. I have always doubted about whether being a girl is the reason why I'm not as smart as my peers (mostly boy). Girls around me just give up on being good at math and science day by day. Being fed by the comments "girl are not as smart as boy", I wonder a lot of time if it is true and nearly believe in that. People around me keep saying that because I'm a girl so I will never be able to good at science or better than boy. But I'm a competitive child, I don't accept that "truth". So I chose all science subjects in school to learn, just to prove that I can and have the ability as the same as boy. My friends told me "why did you choose that, it's very tough (I'm stupid)". I was prevented a lot. Not just comments, people also show the actions that makes me really confused (It's quite long to describe so if u curious I can tell in another comment). There's a math class in my school (it's like a class that they gather all the students who are excellent in math into one class) and it just has 10 girls compared to 25 boys. Ppl are very surprised because there were up to 10 girls in math class, that's a lot! My class, which is a literature class, has 34 girls and 1 boy. Learning science subjects is hard but I believe that I can prove to people around me "I'm not less intelligent than boy"
Thank you for giving me hope in this lonly path😊, I have been given lots of belief and motivation on the English internet. It's hard to explain to another about this benefit of learning foreign languages right😅?
I'm not so good at English so if I make mistakes please point it out 🙏
@@Aurbertha It's very good to challenge yourself and to take yourself out of your comfort zone. That's how you grow and become fearless in life. But I also want to say that there are many ways to shine, and you have one. My mother was not good at math at all. I think mainly because she was not taught math in elementary school and it's hard to recover after that. But she was an avid reader and wrote extremely well. She taught French, first as a foreign language un Zurich, and later in life in middle schools in France. She was one of few women of her generation who obtained university degrees, at the Sorbonne in Paris, no less. She could read in 4 languages and spoke 3. She wrote a book and was working on another one when she passed away last year. She often marveled at how she had brought into this world a daughter who obtained a Ph.D. in Astrophysics. She never thought much of all the stories she told me from her reading of history when I followed her around the house when I was little as she did housework, and of the many rich conversations she took the time to have with her little girl. And not once did I hear from her "that's not for girls". Instead it was "what do you need" and "don't look down, look up".
Well, to see the cultures that support women’s rights she could just move to some cities in Vietnam. I am saying this not to blame her but there are always domestic choices if she didn’t want to move to another country.
Such cultures can exist anywhere in the rural areas in the world, where there are different mindsets.
Really it was a wonderful video. I’m sure many people watching can relate to what you are saying. I love how authentic you are. A beautiful person inside and out.
I love this woman so much. She makes all my days feel happier just knowing she's out there. What a ray of sunshine!
I feel similar. What a gem.
Absolutely ❤
Im a senegalese who grew up in Italy, we have a strong senegalese community here and whenever we gather up, the women have to do everything while the men sit, eat and talk, I relate to many of the things you said, I'm so happy that you can live a life free from these kind of things while loving yourself and your roots, thank you for making these videos❤
False, men in Italy still pay for women
@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke Did you READ her comment? Her nationality and community she lives in? So arrogant.
She's not talking about Italian men...@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke
@@Cosmic-Cat.
Yes , italy
@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke You seem to lack reading comprehension
I love how you said, your parents raised you the best they could. That is something we often forget while complaining about them: parents are also human beings who develope over the years and usually they try everything they could to give us a good start.
It is so great to hear you saying, how your self-esteem had grown and how you feel more comfortable and like yourself now. You are an inspiration! 💚
Please don't misunderstand me - I'm not disrespecting other cultures.
I'm British and never had a daughter.
But if I had one - pretty, clearly highly intelligent, and fluent in 3 languages - I'd be as proud as Punch.
Your mom was wise to make sure you get education!
She maybe couldn’t express her thoughts on girls’ education loudly, but the fact that she made everything in her power to let you study… ❤ bless loving parents
Also, can we all please appreciate: I think I’ve never been in a more wholesome comment section 😆 Thanks to everyone of you 🙏🏻🫶 And of course, thank you Uyen for spreading such kindness into this world ❤
Uyen is such a pure soul honestly ❤
I can call you a slur if that will make you feel more at home 🤣🤣
(joking obv)
I admire you more in this video. I can totally relate! I am a 53-yr old Filipino mom of a 22-yr old Filipino American girl. I learned so much from her everyday. Every time she reasons w/ me, she reminds me that she’s not disrespectful. Instead, she tells me, I sent her to school not to be timid & not to be just be submissive, but to learn how to fight for her rights!
It’s not because it’s a part of a culture & tradition, & being done for generations, though wrong, is still right to continue!
Christopher Hitchens sort of said, educate women & you will eliminate poverty…!
Kudos to your mom for being such a strong woman, raising strong women, in spite of the odds!
Teach her to be submissive and pleasant or she'll tint her hair blue and never get an husband that takes care of her. American culture is doomed, no one wants to marry and it's the country with the most divorces in the globe.
I just got back from Vietnam, and I wanted to learn more about your culture, I didn't know how. Browsing through RUclips, I found your interesting channel, and wowww, I am in love.
Thanks for sharing your personal journey!!
Uyen, I've been enjoying your channel for quite awhile. This video was enlightening and courageous in that you were so honest and candid! Many content creators are only about the image!
Anyway, you are intelligent, honest, creative, appreciative, hardworking, beautiful, and so so funny! And definitely not fat!!! It is not an easy task to rise above one's birth circumstances. Much respect to you for that, and much love to you, German boyfriend, and your mom for emphasizing education as a way to a better life.❤❤
Thank you very much ☺
As a Nepali woman, I could relate to so much of what you said!! and reading the comments made me realize how universal our problems are
Its sad and shocking
What she just described matches completely with my 18 years of being born and staying in India. And now that I am in America, I can see how much of a difference there is between east and west. ❤
Wow I'm from India too and didn't knew these things still persisted! Sorry for your experience :(
I’m so grateful to have been born in Canada. I’m relatively safe, it was expected that I would be educated and be able to survive on our own if we had to, I was trained to run a house and behave like a lady but I was also trained to think and formulate informed opinions. I’m so very blessed. It’s not fair that every girl doesn’t get the chances I did.
Thank you for sharing your life experiences. You didn’t talk too much. I’m so glad you are happy with yourself at your age. ❤ You’re definitely not fat and you’re very beautiful. Your personality really shows through as well and you just seem to be so balanced. 😊
It makes me so sad to think mothers would be sad to have a daughter. I appreciate the video, and it's heartening to hear how things have gotten better in this way since moving to Germany. ❤️
Just a few decades ago it was still a “not so uncommon” thing in poor communities in East Asia for people to not register their daughters’ birth because they don’t want to pay for their education, and that’s still a better case than drowning babies in a river.
@@Huhu0137:(
My grandmother always preferred sons over daughter but she is very loving to us so i asked why did she hate daughters so much, she said she didn't hate women but she felt scared of what her daughter would have to endure as a woman.
I have such a weird experience with it too. My grandma said that she prayed the penis off of all of her grandchildren then emphasizes that we need men to take care of us and that we're meant to support the home. So you wanted granddaughters to tell them that they're less than men?
Since seeing Uyens Videos (and some from other creators) I start thinking, if in the "only daughter families" the disappointment that is vocalised around then, while the upbringing is so different (focus on education), that it's kind a silent rebellion?
They hear what everyone is saying but they fight for their daughters to have a different life and luckily with no "competing sons", they just do their thing by creating little "bombs" they throw in this society which still is stuck in the past...😅
For the sadness part, I think, a lot of times it's like snowleopards comment, they are sad and mad because the fear what is coming for their girls...
Ahh Uyen, this video made me cry and be so appreciative for women like you speaking up, changing the world, testing the norms. I really am hopeful things change for the next generation. And 100% agreed, while living in Vietnam I met the most incredible women (and a lottt of men just sitting drinking coffee all day), but I hope women don't always have to be so strong and can live a happier, easier life in future.
I was born in the US in 1962. My parents preferred their sons all day long. The son born before me died as a baby; I was meant to be his "replacement" but...I was a girl. I was told so often that "it doesn't make any difference" that I knew...it made a big difference to them. I learned that if your parents aren't proud of you because you're you, there's nothing you can do to make them so--no matter what "achievements" you have.
Sending you Love 💜💜💜✨️
I am so sorry for you
Learn to respect and love yourself.
Edited : if someone no matter how close the relationship beliitles you because of gender, it exposes their lack of discernment and weakness.They are incapable of valuing people based on their nature.
Give the power to yourself, it can be hard but is worth it.
I feel this so much and I was born in 1992 in Germany.
Wise words thank you for this insight!
My mom lose male baby and i was born after him. Mom hates me but loves my younger brother. And no matter what illegals he did. He never wrong in my parents opinion.
Her obvious charisma is something that can be squashed or overlooked in more patriarchal cultures. I'm so glad to watch her blossom in front of us. Evidence that human value is not gendered. I'm sure she is an excellent example for many younger women. Funny how different perspectives work, I'm sure many of us see an intelligent, funny, cute young woman with an exuberant personality who seems so confident.
This is the only yt video where I like to read the comments underneath. So many warm hearted people from all over the world sharing their feelings and thoughts here. I love your channel. You are a great personality.
I was in Vietnam last September. Easily one of the most beautiful countries naturally I have ever seen (and I'm from Greece), and I have to say that to me, Vietnamese women looked like heroes. I barely saw men working, but I saw women working 24/7. We visited Sapa's tribes and the women there were freakishly strong , lifting my boyfriend of 90 kgs to help him through the trekking. Much respect to Vietnamese women.
Your delivery, including your sensitivity with language, is impeccable. You're a great storyteller and your story leaves a lasting impact on the audience. As an Indonesian, your story is very relatable. Thank you for discussing this, Uyen!
My mom just died on Sunday. I'm watching your videos to get through this. I don't want to think about it right now. Thank you so much for your videos ❤
My sincere condolences 🙏🏾
sending you love and prayers ❤
I related with your mom complaining about how lazy you are and who would marry you. I'm a black South African and I was raised by my grandmother and she'd would complain about the same things as your mom but would always encourage me to study. I'm a pharmacist now and her new favourite thing to tell people is that if they have a lazy daughter they must encourage them to study so they end up like me haha love her so much
Even as a white westerner male from Australia, living in Frankfurt for two years taught me a LOT about independance that I hadn't even considered growing up in Australia... Germany is actually a pretty tough country in some ways. Be you male or female, you're just expected to get shit done without much (or any) help. I still, to this day, absolutely cannot thank my German friends enough for reaching out to me from time to time to help me with certain things while integrating into living and working in Germany.
What kind of things for example? Your experience with friends helping you matches how I experienced Germans as well. My husband is German and he always helps out everyone, moving furniture, fixing things, etc. But they have to ask for help first.
What a nice comment!👍 Want a pro Tipp from a German? 😉
Offer to help, too. Especially when someone is moving into a new house or apartment. Don't wait 'til someone asks you. Sometimes it's difficult for us to ask for help because it's expected that we get shit done all by ourselves 🤷🏼♀️ Believe me, you will be welcomed with open arms 😉👍
On my map Australia is in the East. 😅
Yeah, as a German living in Oz, I can confirm that men are pretty blokeish here ;-)
This! Germans and Dutch seem to expect you to be independent and individualistic, is you want help, you can usually find some paid service that will come and help you. I must agree here. Not that you will shock people when asking for help but it's not very common.
Im korean who grew up near capital and recently move out from the country. And i can relate to that a lot. It made me think abouy how i was treated my entire life and how my mom got treated and my granma and my friends…. I knew you from you funny videos but this speaks to my heart… thanks a lot for sharing your experience and opening up
As a woman born and raised in urban China and now living in Canada, I relate a lot to what you said. I still struggle with poor body image to this day and am traumatized by all the fat shaming I experienced growing up. The anxiety of meeting my family every time I go back is real.
Thanks for sharing and being your authentic self ❤
As an Armenian (West Asias/ East Europe), I can really relate to what you were telling about your childhood in Vietnam.
I remember once going for a vacation to the lake. While the men were having fun,swimming, and eating. Women were not allowed to swim to not show any skin (even the little girl) and were either cooking, washing the dishes, or poaring drinks to the men.
I hope Armenia can join EU. It'll be fun ❤
I Think you meant women and not wemen
Oh God
+ another armenian woman here. I also saw many parallels to my growing up. Especially the part where women are expected to have two full-time jobs (a regular job and single-handedly doing caregiving + household) hit too close to home
@@EeeEee-bm5gx To become another Latvia or Romania? Armenia would be better with Russia and co that actually respect it.
As a Finnish woman in my 50s your story is relatable to my mothers, although we suffer from similar self-controlling and self-diminishing psychological phenomena. Change will come to Vietnam too. I'm happy it has come to you.
Finland is the last place people think when discussing these topics
@@mrkslva4231Nah, it's propaganda. Escandinavian countries have many problems too
@@mrkslva4231We still live in a patriotic society (or at least in the shadows of it) even though Scandinavia and the northern countries get a lot of praise we still suffer from a lot of the same problems as many other places in the world. Bigotry, gender issues and class-ism isn't dead yet.
@@mrkslva4231 Oh, obviously. I was just saying that these things still live with us in our older generation.
Nowadays in most families I know it's the women who know how to put up IKEA furniture and do basic carpentry and men are the ones doing the cooking and food shopping. That is, it's about expanding our existence to areas that we like the best regardless of our gender. When my brother in law went in for military retraining for a week, my 7-year-old nephew asked my sister/his Mom "Do you know how to cook?' evidently concerned he would starve if Dad was not home. Me and my sister went into wood carpentry classes for a few years, I did a lot of the renovation of their house and my brother in law is fixated on cooking excellent food (plus the typical sports and electric equipment things).
Personally the best experience for me was helping Finnish-Tunisian family friends build plenty of large IKEA furniture, because the men in their circle had tried and could not. I was always called in to help and ended up building the furniture and teaching their daughter (and one time her girl friend) use the drill, read the instructions and build IKEA furniture. The mothers would look at their girls using the drill, reading the instructions and cope with a task that their husbands had not been able to do.
It's exactly what Uyen said: it's the mind that's stopping it, not the ability. But things have changed a lot in the last 50 years all over the world. One of the basic things changing it is the need for women to work too.
Its really hard to move to a completely new country at the age of 24!
You are a really brave and strong lady, hope you get everything you wish and work hard for
it really isnt, literally millions do this for generations already ... can we please stop pretending that there is something special in actions which millions of people do for ages already?!
@@diedampfbrasse98in my family is common, but despite on how much normalize it is, I still think it's very very brave! Especially when you have nice life in your home country
I left the US for S. Europe when I was 21. It was a little frustrating at first, but 24 is young enough to adapt.
@@diedampfbrasse98 Just because people have done it before doesn't mean it's any less of a daunting thing to move to a whole new country with a different culture and language.
Next time someone in your environment has a baby, are you going to remind them at every turn also that this isn't special; people have been having kids for generations? No birthday celebrations for you either, right? No wedding, no graduation party, no holidays. All done before for centuries.
You're just being obtuse for no reason.
@@ShaCaronope.
You're defending nonsense.
I hope your family and everyone in your village acknowledge (and are proud of) what a strong and successful woman you have become!!!
As a Filipina living abroad, you are correct when you say the beauty standards for SE Asian woman is to be as pale skinned and as small as possible. Normal topic of conversation is about how fat somebody is. My impression of Vietnamese women: don't mess with them. Vietnamese women are tough and hard working.
I'm a fil-am on the west coast. It was a slight culture shock for my parents that people here were obsessed with tans LOL.
@@NinjaXryhothey're both rooted in being a display of wealth. In Europe having a tan shows you can afford to travel and longue in the sun, in Asia being pale means you're not out working in the sun all day. The term redneck comes from this too.
Many german men like me actually like the more tan skin of filipinas. I think You all are beautiful. Be proud about just who and how You are!
I have the impression that Filipina women are also really tough!
Agree, same thing here in Indonesia, the whiter the brighter the better. It has come to a level where I literally can not find any single non whitening skin care product in the market, and it is pretty much depressing as I just do not like my skin gets brighter because I love my original skin tone. The media has driven us all to think being white is everything, underneath all that guess it is simply the dangerous and racist side of skincare. Sooo sad really sad.
Wir freuen uns, dass du da bist. Du verdienst jeden Respekt und ein tolles, selbstbestimmtes Leben 😘💖
Based German
Oh Uyen, so much of what you say is similar around the world, for good and bad. I am 51, female and a tomboy (hope you understand what that is?). Anyway, I was always being told to be more feminine or criticised for not wearing makeup or whatever. Luckily I lived in a country and at a time where I had options. I wore men’s clothes, I did engineering at University and I chose not to have children. I am very comfortable with who I am. You are an inspiration for branching out of that world and not letting the negative aspects get you down (sometimes maybe). Anyway, well done on talking about this - somewhere there is a person (man, woman, other) who may see this and realise it is ok to just be yourself. Love yourself and good things come your way. Keep being the funny, sensitive, amazing person that you are ❤
Thank you very much! ☺ All the best for you too!
Your story is quite interesting.
How do you feel about todays openness towards gender changes? Do you think being a tomboy might've put you in the position to transition to male if you were raised as GenZ?
Or do you think people know if they have body dismorphia as opposed to being a tomboy?
@@itsnemosoul8398 I can only reply for me and say I always knew I was a girl and straight!!
I’m a 33 year old divorced woman from Dominican immigrants and I can relate so much to this within our culture. Men are praised and cater to while women are expected to be good enough to get a man and keep them. I’ve had family members treat and make comments about me regarding my divorce. I was also overweight as a kid and I’m always reminded about it in some form as well as being pointed out when I “gain”. Thank you for sharing.
It's wild that even though my husband and I grew up in highly educated, liberal, American, upper-middle class families, some parts of your story still resonate with me. When our families get together, somehow or another my dad, father-in-law, and husband all drift to the living room to talk and drink, while my mom and mother-in-law hop to cooking and I'm stuck helping them. Even though my husband often cooks and helps at home, it's like once he's back with older men who weren't raised to help, he "reverts" to that standard of behavior. When eating our meal, if anyone asks for something not already on the table, it's my mom, MIL, or me who immediately jumps up to grab it, never the men. And when we're done eating, the women begin collecting the dishes, not the men. I feel frustrated and hopeless that men and society are still profiting from women's "invisible labor" in 2023, at least in America. I wonder if this is better in other countries?
There are definitely still pockets within Germany where old school attitudes persist regarding the cooking and housework. Though men like that are more mocked for their incompetence by society at this point, and you have to go pretty rural to find it among younger people.
Same
Do you-as a liberal, upper class female-still expect the man to work harder at his career and earn more money for the family? Because, for all women p!ss and moan about how "oppressed" they are for occasionally doing a bit of cooking, they certainly appear to continue to choose partners on the basis of their earning capacity. A hugely outmoded mindset.
Some "invisible" labour here and there vs. a lifetime of very real, visible and non-discretionary (ie compulsory) labour that a man has to do. I know who gets the better deal out of that scenario.
The real issue is that men simply can't ever do enough for women. That's never going to change. Women feel a perfect entitlement to mens labour so the complaining never ends.
Incidentally, most of the content creator's videos involve her boyfriend ministering to her in some way. Doing what she wants etc etc - usually surrounding food or activities. Most heterosexual relationships are like this. A man ministering to a woman and her myriad wants and needs. And it's taken for granted. A man can expect precisely zero appreciation for this endless emotional labour.
If you honestly think privileged middle class women like you are "oppressed" in some way then that says more about your warped perspective on the world tbh. And shows a stunning capacity for adopting a victim mentality.
In Germany it is not uncommon for men to do either the cooking or dishes for larger family gatherings (though we do use dishwashers usually). But in the Grandparents generation was more like you discribed. Though, it was not expected of women to be a major breadwinner so there was at least some balance (not saying that this is a good deal).
@@leza4453 It's a great deal for the female by and large. The burden of performance weighs far heavier on the male. And always has.
Women will still find time to complain about cooking though.
My grandmother was expected to cook. But on the other hand my grandfather was expected to go down a coal mine. This was interrupted by a four year period where he emerged from the mine and was expected to be shot at by Japanese soldiers in the Pacific.
While females didn't have great career options then, I'm quite sure most would have taken domestic chores over working down a mine and being short at.
And as for modern, upper middle class women like Jenny...I literally don't know where to start. They are a lost cause of endless entitlement. Lol.
As a girl who grew up in Finland, all this sounds very weird to me. Here all people have the same rights not depending on gender, religion, or sexuality. It's weird to think how different things are in some other countries. I'm so greatfull that I got to grew up in a community, where everyone have the same opportunities in life. I'd love to see a world, where that is the norm everywhere.
I grew up in a less-developed place in China. In college I went to Finland as an exchange student, and it was the happiest year of my life! There's nobody there making casual comments about how I look, nobody telling me not to study engineering because I'm a woman, nobody make inappropriate sex jokes to me when I barely know them, nobody talking down on me! I even learned that getting married is a choice, not an absolute necessary part of life. I also remember the university has a lot of female professors and high-level executives. Back then it was also during the time when all goverment heads are women!
Now I'm living in the Netherlands. It is also much better here than my experience back in China, but I still think that Finland is better in terms of gender equality! This might partially be because that I know more about the Netherlands than Finland at this point. Still, I'd like to move to Finland at some point again.
Europeans are really privileged compared to rest of the world. We have so much freedom and rights other people can’t even dream having.
I have a theory for why the nordic countries are so equal. It's because when people settled here it was extremely hard to survive due to the long cold winters. Everyone was needed to make a living in this harsh climate and so everyone was valued.
Time to think about your privilege. Women that have grown up in Nordic countries have little experience with sexual harassment, enforced gender roles and coerced sex in relationships. 😂
Racism exists in Finland too. Open your eyes.
Not to get too serious, but your perspective is so valuable. We in the west hear a lot about issues in less-developed countries (or less developed areas) but rarely from the people who actually come from these places, and can approach the subject with both honesty and nuance. I came to your channel for your humor, but I'm staying for everything I can learn.
exactly this ☝
One of the first things that drew me to your channel was how natural your appearance is. Especially as a content creator you look fabulous and confident. I also love your culture shock content. I grew up in the US with Korean immigrant parents so I lived that culture shock continuously every day. Also, love how sincere & authentic you are with great sense of humor. Brava.
I feel this is the reason why many women who come to "developed countries" from patriarchal places, feel liberated and free. While the men who come from the same places feel threatened because of all the "privileges" that they loose (which they thought is a god given thing and not a cultural difference).
I come from Serbia, and my mindset is waaay better suitable for Germany 😄
I have two beautiful girls, and nobody told me I should have a son, nor do I feel the need to have one. I'm just happy for my girls growing up in prosperity, and hope they will have an even better life than me.
You understand it very well ❤
I'm from India and our society is very oppressive & exploitative to women...So many expectations from women only. Also, there is obsession for male child, which is difficult to understand 😂
Even in ‘developed’ countries women’s rights are more recent then people think. I live in Australia and feel women’s rights here are very good. Growing up I never felt I was less or couldn’t do things because I was a girl. I was born in the early 1980s and the most sexism I experienced was being told I couldn’t do certain sports in school because they were boy’s sports. However my mother couldn’t get a credit card without her husband co-signing it in the 1970 (despite having a job) and when they got a home loan the guy at the bank wouldn’t deal with her, only my dad. My grandmother lost her university offer at the end of world war 2 because all the places had to go to returning servicemen and in the late 1940s/early 1950s had to quit her job when she got married because married women didn’t work. Very grateful for the work women of their generations did to ensure I don’t have the fights for equality they went through.
@@jessicascoullar3737
Now women in Australia are crying because they have to pay half the bills in marriage😂😂
@@KhadidjaKhadouj-ur4ke what are you talking about? I pay all the bills and am perfectly happy. When I was dating we took turns as we were both working and it is nice to treat your partner for dinner. Financial independence and the ability to function in society without having to ask permission from a man to do so is a good thing. The only people complaining about it are the few men sour that they don’t get to lord it over women anymore and scam artists who think that they would’ve wrapped said men around their fingers so the lack of rights wouldn’t bother them.
@@jessicascoullar3737 Do you pay half the rent and half the electricity, water and food bills....
Thanks for making this video, Uyen. I’m a Taiwanese American woman and both of those cultures can be kind of crazy when it comes to gender equality. The Taiwanese part is similar to Vietnam - find a good husband, single older women are literally called “leftover girls.” The American part can also be insidious - there are still attitudes that women who choose an non traditional path are harmful to society.
It is a constant process of unlearning and making a new path for ourselves.
It feels so good to hear your story and know that all of us are doing it. Thanks for posting on this topic!
This video just made me cry. Thank you so much for your sharing. I am also Vietnamese and unlike you I am still staying in Vietnam. Things were even much worse for me even though I grew up in a city, my father was an artist and my mother was journalist, my parents are still very traditional, or even very misogynist and toxic. And it was even harder for me because since the day can started to be aware of the world around me, I strongly feel deep in my heart that I am, as a human, equal to anyone else. Luckily I am stubborn enough to try to push the boundaries, live by my own rules, create a little bubble of my own freedom. But it comes with the cost of being estranged from my own family, being judged and alienated by ones who should love and accept me, lots of scars in my heart to just be true to myself. And it still hurts me to think about how we women have no right to take care of our parents after life, how we are expected to belong to a family of strangers rather than our own. It brings me to tears, just the thought of it.
There are probably a lot of young girls (and not just young girls but also women of any age) seeing you and being inspired and seeing: "I can do this, I can do things on my own and be strong!" - and I think that's something very beautiful and important. Women wouldn't have gotten as far as they have in these last few hundred years without women like you doing their thing, making their own life!
Thank you for having the strength to share your story. This video gives a better understanding of the background to one my favorite RUclipsrs.